Hey guys and welcome back to the salt not sweetener
podcast. I'm your host Danielle Townsend This
is episode 25 and in today's episode. We are
gonna be talking about the singleness season
and I'm speaking to y 'all as someone who I am
still in a single season y 'all most of the time
when I listen two people talk about singleness
and talking about the singleness season they
are out of that and they are married they are
already married or engaged and they're more talking
about looking back on their singleness season
and how they moved out of their singleness season
and how God shifted them out because a lot of
us when we're listening to relationship testimonies
as single people we're like looking for signs
of is our person coming What do we need to do
to prepare for our person to come in? Oftentimes
we're listening to these with anticipation for
what's coming next in like moving out and moving
into a relationship and that's wonderful to hear
their testimonies. It's wonderful. I listen to
a lot of those testimonies, but today I am going
to share with y 'all about my experience in the
single season as someone who is still in their
single season because I've been in the single
season for a very long time y 'all. And... It
is crazy looking at the transformations that
God has made within me and in my life and in
my habits and like just how much my relationship
with Christ has grown in the singleness season.
So I'm going to be sharing with y 'all today
what the Lord has done in my life, what he has
taught me. And I hope that you can be able to
take things and reflect on your season as well.
I'm going to share with y 'all the temptations
that I have faced and how drastically in my dating
life, my love life looks. versus what it used
to look like. We're gonna unpack a lot here and
I pray that this blesses you and that this helps
you and that this is really revealing for you,
okay? So just to give y 'all a little bit of
background of where I'm at relationship -wise,
I'm single. I'm a single pringle. Y 'all, I'm
not married. I'm not dating anybody. I don't
have a boyfriend. There's no one that I'm in
a talking stage with right now or a situationship
right now. It's really just me and the Lord building
our relationship. And it's been that way for
a while now. I would say that the last serious
talking stage I had was 2023 was the last time
where I was like really talking to emotionally
invested in a person. The last date I went out
on was like January of this year. And that was
the first date in like well over a year I had
gone on. I really slowed down the last long -term
relationship I had y 'all this one has been a
very very long time I was like 17 years old it
lasted about close to two years it was while
I was in high school for about two years while
I was in high school I did have a boyfriend when
I was like 19 that was very short -lived and
in my college years it was a lot of situationships
where we would do everything that a boyfriend
and girlfriend would do. I would completely be,
like, emotionally invested. It would be, like,
basically a boyfriend and girlfriend without
a label. But the second it got to that label
point, the second it got to that serious point,
something would fall out. Either they would leave
me, I would leave them, something would happen.
Some of them I stayed friends with for a while,
after some of them I did not. But overall...
You know it was always right when it got to that
point of we were really close to like being boyfriend
girlfriend something would fall through Something
would fall off and now I look back at that and
say glory be to God because that person wasn't
my husband I was not their wife. Glory be to
God. It didn't get that far Because especially
you know once I was in that relationship. I was
loyal to a tee like I didn't want to So glory
be to God. I didn't get that far in right so
I've been in a complete no talking stage single
like that for over like two years now it's been
two years now and God has used that time to really
reveal things about myself to me to heal things
in me that I didn't know needed healed to develop
new habits and new things in me Now I just want
to give y 'all a little bit of background on
how unhealthy my dating life used to be So I
remember having my first like serious Boyfriend
meaning like we were actually dating hanging
outside of school like a legit boyfriend when
I was 14 I started dating a lot when I was 14
I remember having my first like in school boyfriend
when I was like fifth grade and of course sixth
grade those Branch out, but those were my first
serious relationships And I'll say I tended to
gravitate towards the older boys too. So I was
always dating boys older than me, never in my
grade. And I always tried to date boys that weren't
at my school. So that way if we broke up, I wouldn't
have to see them every day. That wasn't always
a thing, but I tried to be thoughtful with that.
Now I will say dating for me was... source of
fulfillment and a source of validation when it
shouldn't have been and the Lord has really revealed
that to me over the past couple years, you know,
I Grew up just having some examples of your value
is dependent on how much a man loves you How
much attention that you get I grew up seeing
people Seeking attention from men And I also
grew up seeing a lot of men withholding attention,
giving attention whenever they please. And I
had started to see love as more of a transactional
thing. And in all honesty, I wasn't getting the
emotional, number one, I wasn't getting the emotional
fulfillment from Jesus. And that's the source.
It's where I should have been going to. I wasn't
getting my joy, my love, my fulfillment, my...
who I am as a person from Jesus Christ and that
was the real root of the problem, right? But
I also wasn't getting that unconditional love
from people around me that I should have expected
to get that unconditional love from. So there
was a hunger and there was a yearning. Not to
mention, you know, I had some not so nice kids
about my age that definitely like to make me
feel like I wasn't pretty and like to make me
feel like I was annoying. Like weird like all
of these things so I was really used to like
getting invalidated so I started really seeking
that validation and When I I remember going in
middle school and all of a sudden some boys like
started paying attention to me And it felt really
good. It felt really nice Because you know if
someone said something mean to me saying well,
you're not pretty well You're not this I'd be
like well this person thinks I am so whatever
goodbye And you know, as I got older, I started
being friends with a couple more popular girls
who were used to getting more male attention.
And you know, so that also meant I kind of started
striving more for male attention, kind of staying
on equal playing field with my friends. And it
was like, I needed that validation. But also,
it was just normal in my friend group and my
circle. And it actually started to be looked
at as an achievement if you had Mail attention
if you have boys wanting to date you if you had
you know my it was a running joke especially
in high school that my friends would say is they
would say like I had a roster and I could always
call someone up and like There was the saying
that We laughed about a lot that my friends joked
about four years after whereas a freshman in
high school and And see this was the thing too
is because I was so used to putting myself first
and fulfilling myself and getting my feelings
validated. I really put other people's feelings
second and I was thinking more about what people
could provide for me and not what I could do
for them and definitely not how I could show
the love of Jesus to them. I wasn't taking care
of people's hearts correctly and that's what
trauma and pain and damage you know all of these
unforgiveness and all of these things. When you
are not healing that with the Lord, when you
are not seeking to be more Christ -like, and
you let that damage affect the way that you react
and the way that you treat other people, you're
gonna leave a wake of pain behind you. And I
remember, I was a freshman in high school, and
there was a boy that I had been dating for probably
like um... So like five or six months at this
time and in all honesty, I wasn't in love with
this boy But at this time in my life, I was going
out partying every night Like even on school
nights. I was just out partying every night on
the college campus in my town and this boy partied
every night, too and He ran in a circle Our circles
ran together. He was from another school and
our circles ran together So I saw him all the
time on all the nights out He had a lot of connections
and everything like that and we just meshed we
gravitate towards each other. So we just decided
to start dating and He was cheating on me a lot
And I was honestly like so out of it most of
the time. I really didn't hear I was just doing
my own thing and I thought it was a vibe to be
dating a much older boy and That you know, he
was like the social I was just satisfied with
the standing I had socially but it was a couple
nights before my Valentine's Day dance and I
found out undeniably he was cheating on me and
I got really sick of it and I remember I called
and I broke up with him and he started saying
something like good luck getting a date to the
dance so you're supposed to go to the dance and
it was a pride in me and an ego in me that was
like I'm not gonna be looking stupid that that
was always my headspace was this person's trying
to make me look stupid I'm not gonna be looking
stupid So when I hung up on the phone with him
There was a boy that I knew had the crush on
me for the longest time that I would hang out
with sometimes He was cool. He was fun, but I
never Cared for him deeply in that way. He was
too nice of a guy was what I used to say He was
a really nice guy and at the time I see it now
underlying that like I naturally avoided nice
guys because I didn't feel deserving of nice
guys. And I called him up and said, hey, my sweetheart's
dance is in like two days. Can you go with me?
Will you go with me? And he, yep, I'll get a
tux. And the next day he left school early to
go get a tux and everything like that and popped
out with him at the dance and everything. And
my friends, I remember just four years later,
it'd be a running joke where it'd be like, I,
you know, I could pull a man out of thin air.
Like I could pull, like. I was never without
a man and they would always say like oh that
was such a bad move you literally broke up with
that guy and he said you won't get a date and
just to prove him wrong you got a date right
then and there and like that used to be a brag
I used to be proud of that and now I look back
and I'm like dang I never thought about how that
made him feel because we had a good time at that
dance but afterwards we kind of fell right off
again I never thought about like how does he
feel How did he feel? Like I know he was excited
to go to the dance with me and everything but
later on realizing that like I just brought him
to make this other dude to prove this other guy
wrong like and that's what pain and trauma and
like pride and ego and all of these things when
you are not healing them and you're not checking
them you're gonna cause damage to other people
When you have really bad trust issues and you
start questioning people's character and you
start doing all these things that are more of
a reflection on you than them There is a damage
that you're doing to those people and I pray
that that boy is I believe I Pray that he is
healed. I believe that he is doing wonderful
things with his life now so Glory be to God on
that But yeah y 'all like I I was picking people
that were mean to me I was picking people that
would cheat on me I was picking people that wanted
lustful things from me like I was not picking
people who were kind and were light and knew
Jesus Christ. And because I wasn't rooted in
Jesus Christ, I wasn't picking other people who
would lead me closer to Jesus Christ. I was deliberately
picking people who wanted to turn up, wanted
to do all these kinds of things. And then when
I was in college, I started seeking different.
I started seeking love. I started seeking romance.
But the thing was, was that I was constantly
mixing lust and love up. I want to say right
now like I am a strong advocate for abstinence
I have been absent for years now and I intend
to be absent until I'm married and I want to
make this very clear that you can today choose
to be absent even if you haven't chosen that
in the past You can today choose I am NOT going
to have physical intimacy Until I am married
you can choose that today Because I used to believe
that well since I already did it there's no point
Welp, I'm never gonna find anyone. Welp, and
those are all lies of the enemy. I see so many
times y 'all on social media where people are
in the comments section saying, well, you've
already done it, so there's no takesies back
seas. Like, there's no, tune that out, don't
listen to that. It's not about taking it back,
but it is about not continuing. Fornication,
sex before marriage is just as any other sin.
Once you recognize that it is wrong, you repent
and you don't go back. And I'll tell you right
now, if you need just someone to give you a reason
that you can see physically why you should not
fornicate before marriage, speaking from personal
experience, it clouds your mind. It clouds your
mind. When you are not doing that, and you're
just having one -on -one talking, getting to
know someone, you can really decide if you like
that person, if this person is your future husband
or wife, if this person has the qualities of
a God -fearing man or woman. Is this the person?
You're the most sober, okay? Is the best way
I can explain it. And when you start fornicking,
when you start having physical intimacy, It is
like a drunkenness. Things that you used to get
alarmed about, things that used to be red flags,
start to look more yellow. Things that you used
to dismiss immediately, you start to allow. Your
boundaries start shifting, whether or not you
want to admit it. I've seen it so many times
happen in my own life and in other people's lives
because now there's the other emotional investment
there. right? There's an over romanticizing things
or just an over emotionalizing things. And then
some people, it actually can be a trigger for
you where you start detaching really quickly
or dissociating. Some people go in the complete
opposite direction with that too. And that's
something a whole other healing conversation.
But overall, intimacy is like a drunkenness where
you're not seeing things clearly. you're not
making clear -minded decisions. If you need just
one like example that can be spelled because
I know people talk about soul ties and people
talk about all these other things and I'll say
another thing too is because sex outside of marriage
is a sin when you start doing that you are giving
open that's an open door and we've talked about
open doors in previous podcasts before that was
an open door for the devil to come in and start
messing with your mind to start running amok
in your life but slowly giving him some legal
access so i'm telling y 'all right now don't
do it until marriage until you are married to
that person and there are many other you know
safety things that come along with only having
sex inside of marriage but i'm just giving y
'all one that i have learned time and time again
and the unfortunate thing too is the more that
you do it the less meaningful it becomes The
more people you do it with, the less meaningful
it becomes. The more detached you may become,
the more emotionless you may become. So I just
want to drop that in right there. Abstinence
in your walk with Christ is very important. And
abstinence when it comes to finding your correct
life partner is very important. You know, I used
to say, well, that like really limits the dating
pool. If I'm only like looking for people who
are also waiting for marriage, and that's a good
thing. When you're seeking attention and validation,
that doesn't feel like a good thing. Because
remember, y 'all, for me, I used to thrive off
of attention I would get. I used to feel validation
based off of the plethora. I wanted a roster.
I wanted multiple people looking at me. So I
was literally at one point in my life in my early
college years. If I was talking to someone, I
wasn't getting attention from them all day, I
would just go seek out someone else on the roster
and get attention and validation from them. So
that would be a nightmare for me of limiting
the dating pool. I don't want to limit the dating
pool. So hearing that I would have to do something
like that, like only look at other people who
are waiting until marriage, very much limited
the dating pool, especially when I wasn't pursuing
a relationship with Christ, because the majority
of people I meet are waiting until marriage.
are also followers of Christ. I'm not saying
everybody is, other people have different convictions
for different reasons, because I did. But then
I found myself only running into Christians,
and at that time I was not a Christian, and I
did not want the Christian, like I didn't consider
myself a follower of Christ even though I was
raised Catholic. And I was like actually really
avoiding Christians because to me that felt like
they were just gonna judge me and all these kind
of things. I would be required to change. and
I didn't want to change so abstinence was really
hard for me to kind of work around which is why
I told you all I ended up falling in a couple
times once I decided to be abstinent I've been
absent for years now um but I did fall in for
a little bit of a time period I'm telling y 'all
today abstinence is very very very very important
and I'm always going to recommend that I'm not
going to applaud sex outside of marriage Fornication.
Am I the reason? Okay, and I'm not judging I'm
speaking from experience as someone who went
through it But you should be happy to limit the
dating pool because the less people you have
coming in The lesser is to weed out and filter
out you can look and evaluate more closely You
know if you have a hundred guys hitting you up
before That's 100 different people you're having
to look at. But when you start only letting in
guys who are absent, now you're letting maybe
10 in the door. And it's a lot easier to take
a deeper look at those 10 than it is the 100.
Okay, and from those 10, there's a very good
chance that none of those may be the husband
right now, or the wife, okay? But it's easier
to look at that 10 than it is to like look at
that 100, okay? And one of the fruits of the
Spirit is self -control. And waiting until marriage
is a very good sign of self -control. And when
you're looking for a man of God, when you're
looking for a woman of God, you're looking for
the fruits of the Spirit. And self -control is
one of them. Me personally, that's something
I definitely look for in a partner and that's
one of the very Obviously someone who walks by
faith not by sight and someone who puts their
faith in the Lord and someone who can lead me
closer to Christ I Look for that. But yes, y
'all. I look for fruits of the spirit. I look
for self -control Can this person handle hearing?
No, how does this person react when they hear
the word? No, what actions do they go on to take?
Do they say, okay, screw you and walk away? Do
they continue to try to push the boundary? That
was my real big problem, y 'all. I used to entertain
people. I found that for a while I really ran
into a problem with when I was trying to be abstinent,
where I would run into men who would test that
boundary, where they would say, okay, okay, I
get it. And then 20 minutes later, are you sure?
An hour later, come on. you sure if they say
okay I get it yeah we'll wait but then they continue
to push that is not your husband baby I think
that I think that's where we're kind of transitioning
into this is something that the Lord revealed
to me in the single season was how to be discerning
of Because I used to before as biblically literate
y 'all before is really having a relationship
board You could tell me you're Christian and
quote a couple scripture verses or maybe do a
good act or two And I would believe you it was
really hard for me to discern especially decipher
like fruits of the spirit You know what what
is a false and what is legit? And we know that
like bad a bad tree cannot bear good fruit a
good tree can't bear bad fruit And when you really
discern and lock in You can decipher and I'll
tell you all that was one of the number one things
I used to run into was the boundary crosser and
the boundary pusher and I used to when I was
fresh on my relation walk with the Lord I'd be
thinking back to past partners and being like
was that you know what? Was I like just not saying
it right were they actually pushing boundaries?
The Lord allowed me to really go back through
and reflect on past connections of what I allowed
to continue when I should have just walked away
And he really revealed to me that I had a real
problem with boundaries. Like, I would set them,
but if I liked a person, I would allow those
boundaries to be pushed back. If I had feels
for them, if I felt like, oh, they're such a
good person, all these other areas, I would sometimes
overlook them pushing boundaries. And God really
had to reveal to me, like, I had to stop doing
that. I wasn't gonna, I wasn't gonna, definitely
not gonna exit the single season if I couldn't
even hold boundaries. Someone needs to hear this
today. Your man of God your woman of God is not
going to lead you to lust Okay, they're not gonna
lead you to fornication. They're not gonna lead
you to sex before marriage if you have set boundaries
They are not going to be that temptation for
you your husband your wife That is God sent is
not going to be doing that The Lord had to get
so for real with me of your husband is not going
to be trying to convince you to have sex before
marriage. Your husband is not going to be trying
to convince you to dress him modestly or say
why don't you wear something a little bit tighter?
Why don't you wear something that shows a little
bit more? Why don't you post pictures like this?
Why don't you send me a pic? Why don't you do
this? He is not going to be doing that. Now men
who want to masquerade as men of God are angels
of light. Okay, may, but my future man of God
won't. Whoever you are listening to, your future
man of God won't. Your future woman of God won't.
If you have a sobriety conviction and you live
your life sober, your future spouse is not going
to be trying to tempt you to drink and smoke
all the time. Trying to get you to go to all
these places where you're going to fall into
temptation. A person that loves you, Is a loyal
follower of Christ is not going to be constantly
leading you in a temptation Because as and I'm
speaking from a female perspective Because as
women we are supposed to be submitted to the
husband meaning the husband is supposed to be
the spiritual leader in the household Okay So
I have to be able to trust him to lead me closer
to God like if I was blindfolded I have to be
able to trust that He is going to be submitted
to the Lord and following the Lord and be able
to lead me where I need to go. That's not saying
I'm actually going to be putting on a blindfold
all the time, but I have to be able to trust.
So i'm not speaking so much from the men's perspective
because men do have a different situation. Okay,
they are the leaders Okay, they they are having
to be established in a bit more of a different
way The lord really opened my eyes and revealed
to me that as christians we are all covered in
the blood of jesus Jesus is our covering right?
But as women we have a little bit of double covering
because our husbands are also a covering our
husbands are also a protection Right, so we're
kind of double protected in that way. We have
the covering of Jesus, the blood of Jesus, spiritual
protection, our cleansing of our sins, but then
we also have our husband who right here in the
flesh in this board right here is also protecting
us. They're supposed to be covering us in prayer.
They're supposed to be doing things like that.
So our preparation, women, is going to be different
than men. We have to keep in mind that men are
not, they are being prepared not only to be submitting
themselves to the Lord, but they're also being
prepared to be spiritual leaders and to be coverings
for their wife and children. And yes, women,
we are praying for our future children. When
we are wives, yes, we cover our husbands in prayer.
We cover our children in prayer, but men, they
are our covering. Okay, they are our covering.
So we are being prepared a little bit differently
than they're being prepared. So I want to just
clarify that. What I'm speaking about today,
more of a woman preparation and men and they're
listening I will try I don't know your experience
firsthand so I'm gonna do my best to relatable
information on both sides but you will notice
that mine is a bit more of a woman perspective
okay so men if you're listening to this and you
want to hear about the female perspective keep
listening keep listening so I I had to the Lord
really had to instill in me Because I was someone
who was like very hyper independent. I went through
I don't need no man. I'll take care of myself.
I'll do this. I'll do that. And it was honestly
really hard for me to wrap my mind around the
idea of ever submitting in any way. And the Lord
has taken me through that single season preparing
me for that because I was a rebellious Person
I rebelled against the Lord. So of course, I
would have rebelled against the husband that
would say submit like submit to the spiritual
leadership 100 % y 'all So glory again glory
be to God. He didn't bring me my husband yet
cuz I'm telling you so many times glory be to
God He didn't cuz I would have screwed it up.
I wasn't ready. I Would have screwed it up and
someone that's listening to this you need to
hear today, too I know you might think that you
you're all healed and you're all good to go But
if God hasn't brought it yet, it's still being
prepared. Maybe you would have screwed it up.
Maybe they would have screwed it up. I don't
know. But you don't have it yet because it's
not the moment yet and that is okay. But getting
back to where we were at, yeah, the Lord really
revealed to me like I had to start being discerning
number one of what does a man of God even look
like? Because for the longest time in my life,
I could not discern what a man or a woman of
God was. I went based off of kind of appearances
and my own understanding, and I'm telling y 'all
that these things shifted through a daily relationship
with the Lord, consistent relationship, praying
to Jesus Christ, listening to his guidance and
instruction, denial of self, and I'll get into
that in just a minute, denial of self. Reading
scripture and heck even listening to some other
people's testimonies who have been through a
similar season because the more I read scripture
and the more I received unconditional love from
Jesus the more I recognized that the love I was
receiving before wasn't the love of Jesus and
it wasn't an unconditional love and it was actually
lust. When you're able to experience the love
of Jesus you're able better to identify what
does not feel like the love of Jesus and what
isn't the love of Jesus. Okay, it's hard for
you to discern when you've never experienced
And once I experienced that I was able to look
and be like, ah, yeah See, they they only wanted
to date me or they only gave me love or they
only gave me attention when I was doing these
things Or these things and these things weren't
even Christ's like and this person was asking
me to do this This person was only calling me
up when this would happen or this person was
only doing this So yeah, the Lord has had to
take me through a time of how to discern whether
or not someone is a man or woman of God. And
I want to make this very clear that I'm not saying
that because we are human and we do make mistakes.
Sometimes we say something stupid. Sometimes
we do something more like, ah, probably shouldn't
have done that. I'm not saying that a man or
woman of God is perfect. But the fruits do speak
and we need to be paying attention to the fruits.
What fruits are being consistently produced?
Now, when I said denial of self, Y 'all, I am
single. But I'm gonna say this right now. And
I'm not saying this from a prideful place or
an ego place. I don't have to be. And what I
mean by that is I've had lots of opportunities
to not be single. But each of those was also
opportunities to go outside the will of God and
to settle. To settle for things that I know God
isn't calling me to. to invest my time in relationships
and connections that God has made it clear are
not for me. I am single right now because I am
obeying the Lord. I very very frequently especially
recently it seems to have like turned the dial
for some reason attention -wise has seemed to
turn up. I've been getting a lot more attention
recently like just when I go to church groups
or like different places I've been going, um,
male attention that I'm not really seeking but
has somehow found me, where I'm saying that I
have had opportunities to start situationships.
I have had opportunities to start talking to
sages. I have had opportunities to go out on
dates. There are a couple of, if I entertained
it further, I probably would have had an opportunity
to like date or even further. When you are submitting
to the Lord not everything that presents itself
to you is a God opportunity and I used to think
well since it's presenting itself to me it must
be from God like if God didn't want me to take
it why would he allow it to be presented to me
and We see that Satan offers things to we see
how he tried to do it Jesus and when he was in
the wilderness for 40 days Satan will try to
offer you things to just because you're able
to do it doesn't mean you should do it and I
have had many different opportunities to entertain
people that I could tell immediately off the
bat weren't my husband, weren't men of God, weren't
what God had spoken to me about. And I could
immediately tell that these were not people sent
from God. But I had to make the conscious decision,
do I send them away with love? Do I close that
door? Or am I bored? or insecure in my singleness
or wanting attention or just wanting to be married
and entertain that. Do I start ignoring what
I know God has said and trying to like morph
these things in my brain to make it permissible?
And there have been some times too when I have
gotten sent people that look very similar to
what I believed I was waiting on. I can think
of two different instances. In the past year
where there have been people who I've met and
like It feels like really divinely aligned ways
really God ordained ways And when I'm meeting
them at first, they seem they seem like real
men of God like really good Okay, like oh, okay
and like my attention is caught and then when
I start praying to God God if they're not for
me remove them God if I'm not seeing something
reveal it because you know I feel like I'm being
pushed to pursue this person and I know that
you have told me before that this person is going
to be pursuing like I'm not meant to pursue my
husband in that way so like although some of
these things look like you brought them and they
look like a man of God some of these other things
are going against what I believe you have spoken
to me personally and then the Lord starts to
reveal more things every time. For example, and
I just, I definitely want to protect the privacy
of one of these people, there were a lot of things
that were really attractive to me, but then there
were a lot of things that I started being like...
God, this person, I feel more like I'm leading
them spiritually than they're leading me. Like,
my husband's supposed to be able to lead me and
walk by faith, but this person, the things that
they're saying sounds one way, but all the steps
I see them taking and actions, it looks like
there's a lot of backsliding here. And it looks
like they're giving in to a lot of temptation
and giving in to a lot of fear and giving in
to a lot of these things. I would not feel safe
with this person leading me, Lord. And very quickly
the Lord had revealed to me moreover that was
not my person. But it was up to me to listen
to God in that situation. That one was really,
that one was hard because that person looked
very close and similar to what I believed was
my God, my one day spouse, my man of God. But
I had to release that person. There's another
one that they kept making comeback returns where
it started feeling very divine, very divine.
But there were things that they participated
in that I had strict convictions not to participate
in. And I was praying to God where I was like,
God, a lot of these things, this person seems
to be given into lust. They follow a lot of lustful
accounts. I see them commenting lustful things.
I have a sobriety conviction. This person, I
definitely don't see them being sober. This just
feels like temptation and trigger central. And
the Lord very quickly revealed to me, yeah, that's
not your person. And see, in that instance, I
had to let them go. I could have, with both these
people, held on and saw what happened. But I
also know I would be outside the will of God
and I would be ignoring what He was telling me
and revealing to me. And that that wasn't the
promise that He had for me. So in my single season
y 'all I have had to learn how to discern what
is not from God and what's not for me and To
also release and I've had to learn how to deny
myself. There have been a couple times Over the
past year where and I for a long time stayed
off of dating apps But I couldn't explain it
but like there are a couple times where I felt
led to get on dating apps like after a long time
of praying and I felt led to grounding up so
I believe sometimes that God will allow us to
go into situations just to see how much that
we have grown and see how much that we have learned
not so much because we're supposed to find our
spouse or find something in that situation but
just to reveal more things about ourselves you
know and I was talking about the book of Jonah
the other day Jonah going and going to Nineveh
and telling them God's going to destroy them
and then God ends up sparing them because they
repent and he's all salty and saying, well, what
was the point of doing it anyway? You know, I
knew you were going to spare him. And that was
more revealing of Jonah's heart. And these dating
apps really revealed something to me. Every time
I was on those dating apps, I never stayed on
for more than maybe four days. I found myself
every time deleting them because I did not like
the attention I was getting. And it seems like
every time more each time it increased, I would
get on the dating apps that like I was getting.
20 30 people messaging me and like where it was
hard to even make like a basic connection or
remember someone's name or get to know them because
I was busy trying to message 20 other people
back and it just felt very Non -genuine and I
remember like praying to the Lord was like God.
I don't like this plethora of attention That's
crazy because I used to love it in the past dating
apps were my favorite thing when I was freshly
18, 19, 20, 21, because of the plethora of attention.
If I wasn't hearing from one, I could just go
on the other. That actually used to be an ideal
thing for me. And now... Going into that environment
going into that situation that one time my life
was ideal now It's like a nightmare because I'm
like God I can't weave through these people and
I can already tell just based off of a couple
a couple Sentences exchanged that these aren't
this isn't my man of God. This isn't my man of
God And I still like I'm getting overwhelmed
with people that aren't from you. It feels like
a distraction It feels unnecessary Like I'm just
gonna wait on you to align it. I don't think
my husband's on dating apps I don't think I'm
going to meet my person seeking Him out like
this. This feels like pursuing and seeking and
instead I'm going to seek first the Kingdom of
Heaven. And that was a really revealing moment
for me where I was like, wow, God has definitely
worked a lot in me. And I can definitely tell
that my fulfillment comes from Christ now because
of the fact that I'm rejecting this and saying,
I don't want this. And that was a form of self
-denial, too, right? Because in the past, I would
have A -ed up that attention. Now I'm like, I'm
denying myself that plethora of attention. And
that's how I also realized that there was a real
loyalty being breathed into me for whoever my
future husband was. Whereas, like, I don't want
anyone's attention but him. I don't know him.
I don't know who he is. But he's the only attention
I want. I don't want any other attention. I don't
want any other male gaze. I don't care to be
validated or complimented by anyone. That's all
I'm seeking for. That's all I'm wanting. Like
one person, not all of these others, but just
one. And that's how I realized that was a real
growth moment. And y 'all, that was one of the
big temptations I was faced with, was having
the opportunity to date these people, but knowing
that God told me no. And it was like, what do
you do? Do you date them anyway? Or do you accept
God's no? And the Lord started revealing to me
through this time period There were a couple
different instances where I was sitting down
I was making a list of what I look for and a
husband like what what am I looking for in a
husband? And I noticed the more that I progressed
in my relationship with the Lord The list started
shifting and changing And it started to be a
lot more Christ -centered and Christ -focused.
Like I remember writing down before I gave my
life to Christ, this was like well over a year
before, and some of the things I had listed was
like, has a good job and has, you know, has a
good job and he's this tall and he's like this
with his family and he has this and he has that.
And I didn't feel like those were lustful things
because in my mind, lust was only sexual. but
I want to know if there's a better word for this
right now lust is the word that's come to mind
but the Lord revealed to me that those things
I was desiring in a partner weren't the main
things I was looking for weren't Christ -centered
they were fleshly they were worldly desires and
although they might not have been lustful in
the sexual attempts they definitely weren't loving
and they weren't Christ -like love desires and
they weren't desires that fed the spirit they
were desires fed the flesh and you know or be
running down like someone who's sarcastic but
funny and like all these different things and
they enjoy going out to these places and they
have this kind of hobby and they have that kind
of hobby and then once I started giving my life
to the Lord I noticed some of things started
shifting where it started turning into they love
Jesus and they walk by faith and they all these
things and I started noticing that every time
I encountered a counterfeit meaning someone who
looked very close to my man of God but there
were some things that were off Those were learning
moments for me because I started to when I started
when I was looking for what is missing in this
person What is the thing that isn't sitting right
with me? I was able to see that is what I'm seeking
and a husband that they don't have For example
walking by faith. I never thought to put that
But now that's one of the things I look for the
most does this person put their full faith in
the Lord? Or are they putting their faith in
themselves because you can't have that one foot
one foot out The Lord has been working in me
for years of walking by faith not by sight, of
trusting that He is Lord and that His will be
done. And if He calls me to do something, do
it, deny the fear. God didn't give you the spirit
of fear. So when I ran into a man that had a
lot of these other attributes, I noticed them
consistently giving into fear. consistently listening
to the fear, giving into the temptation, like
not taking the leaps of faith that God was calling
him to take, I started recognizing, ah, that's
something I really seek in a partner, someone
who will take the leaps of faith, someone who
will walk by faith, because I'm called to do
that. And I've been working on that for years
in my relationship with the Lord. So like I said,
I have to be whoever is leading me one day. I
have to be able to be, if I had to be blindfolded
in that moment, trust that they will take those
leaps and obey God for me. Like we will make
it to that place. Like that and me following
him, he's going to be following God. And that
one person very much kind of contradicted that
while I was taking these leaps of faith and moving
my faith, this person was more just going to
step where they could see and plan ahead. so
I knew later to write down my list of someone
who walks by faith not by sight and I started
noticing how much might be in the last time I
did it my list was like all godly things of course
I was asking God someone I'm physically attracted
to but I stopped having physical requirements
I stopped putting this kind of height and this
kind of eye color and this kind of thing like
I just I those things really started being removed
Instead of asking for a man like saying God I
want a man with this kind of job or this kind
of thing just a man that can provide a Provider
and that that's what we've got a provider Someone
who's generous someone who's caring someone who's
loving but not putting all these physical general
because Generous and a Christlike way looks a
lot different than an award the way And like
I said, my list, I didn't think my list was bad
years ago. It didn't seem really lustful. But
when I look back now, it's like those aren't
the things that are gonna lead me closer to the
Lord. Those aren't the things that are gonna
cultivate my relationship with Christ. This single
season, y 'all, has caused me to reflect. I used
to be one of those people that I blamed everybody
out. Well, we didn't work out because this guy
had this kind of problem. and he did this for
me especially in my early 20s like in my late
teens 18 19 in my early 20s everyone else was
the problem he did this he did that he did i
i was never the problem and once the past couple
years i've really focused in on my relationship
with the lord i was able to see how many times
i what now i'm not saying that i that i was the
sole cause i'm not saying they were the sole
cause But I'm seeing now a lot of the problems
I carried that I was not willing to acknowledge
back then. And I also see now how a lot of things
I carried caused me to pick people that were
going to treat me poorly and were not gonna be
what I was looking for in a person. And that
those things needed to be healed and those things
needed to be worked on. I was really reflecting
last night, y 'all, on just how... How much of
a change God has done in my life in the past
couple years when they came to social media I
used to be someone who I posted everything I
was doing on social media constantly That's because
I wanted people to think that my life looked
like so much fun and all I want to be like Danielle
I want to have her life. I love that kind of
attention. But also anytime I posted something
I would get male attention too. It was like a
double win and I was reflecting last night where
it was like dang, I keep compared to like what
I used to do, like I'll share my testimonies
and what goth has done in my life. But when it
comes to my day to day play by play, no one has
any idea. Which is so out of the norm for me,
especially growing up with social media. And
I, you know, I used to have a decent, I had a
pretty pop and Instagram page when I was in middle
school, high school, my early college years,
and I'd shut that down like, Cancel all that
out and have like a very small account now that
I keep a lot of things to myself And I realize
now it's like people don't know where I'm what
I'm doing on a Friday or Saturday night They
don't know who my friends are They don't know
What I do for fun. They don't know where I'm
at like none of my life that I used to so frequently
post and publish anyone knows about now but I
used to go to events and do things that I didn't
even want to do solely for the sake of it looking
like I had a fun life like there were bars I
would go to there were parties there were concerts
that I knew I shouldn't have been going to going
with groups of people I knew I shouldn't have
been going with when I was younger but I did
it so that way because I knew other people would
look at it and be like I wish I could have gone
she looks like she's having so much fun I was
I had my friends were quantity not quality because
I felt like that was more the fun thing is having
a plethora of friends and also the more people
you had in your contact list more people you
could go out with more opportunities to leave
home like I said y 'all my my trauma and my projection
and my pains caused me to put other people's
feelings second in mine first and that was something
that God had to work on me so heavily in because
when you when you are married one day it's not
you first it's not you first god has really shown
me that what marriage should be is you working
on your relationship with christ independently
that person is working on their relationship
with christ independently you both are seeking
first the kingdom of heaven you both are focused
on your relationships with christ and starting
to be more christ like christ should always be
your top relationship your top priority your
spouse should never ever ever your kids no one
should be above God no one should be above Jesus
your parents. No one should be above. He is the
source Okay, you cannot do without him. He is
first When we when we are in heaven one day,
we're not gonna have spouses like we like we
do now We're gonna be married to the Lord He
is first in this life and he is first in the
eternal life him first when both parties are
fixed on the Lord they are where they you know
you are locked in after that when you when you
are a marriage is when you are coming together
and you are both still pursuing the kingdom of
heaven but you're pursuing it together now you're
helping each other get there you're doing work
to further the kingdom of heaven together you
should always both be going in the direction
of the Heavenly Father marriage is when you guys
come together later on and do it together right
I hope I explained that well. That was a little
bit wordy. But the Lord really had to reveal
that to me that my personal goal should be seeking
first the kingdom of heaven, my relationship
with Christ. And whoever I marry one day, that
should be their main goal too. And that should
be their goal before they meet me. They should
already be seeking that first. This was one that
God had to really drill into me is he's not sending
me to play build a man. He's not sending me to
find a man and reveal Christ to him and build
him up and do all of these kinds of things. Because
that was a problem I had before is maybe I can
fix them. Maybe I can heal them. Maybe I can
do this He's revealed to me time and time again,
he is not calling me to be unequally yoked Yes,
I should be being a light and like doing my kind
of plant seeds and lead other people closer to
Christ, but my life partner That is not what
God is sending me into I know that for a fact
that's not what God is sending me into I'm not
being sent to play build a man I'm playing build
a bear here and That really that closed a lot
of doors on people I was looking at in the past,
you know, but That helped me to really focus
in on who I should be pursuing but who I should
be open to letting pursue me I want to reword
that because that was one thing I think I dropped
in the podcast a little bit ago But I didn't
focus too much on the Lord really revealed to
me that I am NOT supposed to be pursuing I am
supposed to be being pursued Now that is not
saying that I am NOT supposed to Because I had
a real problem in the past y 'all was seeking
out things myself Getting on dating apps and
like as a woman again y 'all I'm talking from
a female perspective from a woman's perspective
And I have heard many other women who are now
married share the same share very similar where
God has Revealed and spoken a similar thing to
them that the husband will pursue them They are
not pursuing the husband Meaning they're not
going out and like approaching all these men
of bars They're not going out and seeking them
all out on dating apps and seeking them on social
media or anything like that The Lord has time
and time again brought me to the story of Ruth
and Boaz and we see Ruth, she is setting her
mind on things, but she's, she's saying her mind,
we always talk about seek first the kingdom of
heaven and it's right and his righteousness and
trustfully things are going to be added onto
you. She had the opportunity to go back to her
old home and to her false gods, but she chose
to stay with her mother -in -law and to seek
first the kingdom of heaven, to be a follower
of the heavenly father of the Lord. And she was
just doing what she was being led to do and at
that time that was gleaning in the fields and
just picking up what was falling afterwards and
just trying to basically provide. She wasn't
going out seeking a man, she wasn't doing any
of that, but in following God's voice and doing
what she was called to do, he placed her in front
of Boaz. He placed her, her listening to God's
voice and God's call placed her in the area in
the position she needed to be in. Boaz had a
sparked interest and he started asking about
her. He started doing all the you know speaking
to people saying like hey don't leave her alone
leave her be and he even was telling her like
get water from here you know glean in this field.
Listening to God's voice placed her where she
needed to be to be noticed by him and he started
the pursuit by taking care of her. Now I want
to make this very clear that God will still call
us to take actions I've talked about this many
many times again faith without works is dead
Okay So trusting God to align you where you need
to be trust that listening to God's voice He
is also going to tell you when you need to move
and when you need to take action And we do see
that eventually After Boaz had started the pursuit
and showed his interest, then later on Ruth's
mother -in -law guided her to lay at his feet.
And in doing that, when she obeyed and did that,
the door was opened for the conversation of marriage.
The Lord has really revealed to me time and time
again that women of God, we are not pursuing
and seeking and Finding the husband we're not
supposed to be constantly trying to position
ourselves and trying to grasp at him and trying
to pursue him Trust that the Lord is going to
lead him to pursue us But you also have to be
willing to obey when the Lord is calling you
to take acts of faith when the Lord is telling
you to show mutual interest, show common interest,
things like that. And that was one that was kind
of hard for me to understand of what is pursuing
and what is, and that's one that you just have
to pray to the Lord for him to reveal it to you
personally. So when I was talking earlier about
how I feel the Lord revealed to me that I'm not
supposed to be pursuing a man, that is what I'm
referring to. That I am not supposed to be trying
to get on all these dating apps I'm not supposed
to be trying to go out to bars Trying to go out
to all these social settings trying to scroll
through media social media trying to post stuff
hoping that someone will see it Just trying to
do all of these things instead focus on what
God is calling me to do and Trust that he will
guide me to the right place Trust me that he
will put me in the right field But listening
to him will put me where I need to be So that
was what I was referring to when I was talking
about pursuing earlier and men who are listening
to this Because I'm not a pursuer God has not
really revealed to me a lot about the pursuit
So I don't have a lot of advice for you there.
I would recommend that you pray for an understanding
and Pray that the Lord leads you maybe to a testimony
to something where someone else has some insight
I would recommend that you get insight on that
from a man because the way that I view pursuing
may be a bit different, okay? But yeah, so that
was another thing that the Lord revealed to me.
There was also an impatience, right? I had impatience
where it was like I was very quick to emotionally
invest myself and the Lord had to reveal to me
That doesn't have to be done in one day. The
second I would start thinking, oh my gosh, is
this person my husband? I started getting ready
to immediately emotionally invest in them. And
sometimes we can get so caught up in obeying
the Lord that we put our emotions and our feelings
to the wayside. And I do have a testimony on
that. There was a situation I mentioned earlier
with a person who didn't really walk by faith.
And the Lord revealed this to me at that time.
I believed immediately because of the way that
we started communicating. And the way that we
met each other that this was a god -aligned thing
and I immediately jumped to oh, this is probably
my husband Instead of really praying for it to
be revealed to me looking for the signs and like
just taking a look at the fruit I started emotionally
investing myself as if this was gonna be my husband
and I didn't really stop to think How do I feel
about this person? Do I like some of these qualities?
Do I like some of these things? And when I started
feeling those feelings and they were coming up,
I actually started pushing those feelings aside,
saying, well, yeah, I feel that way. But if it's
God's will, it's God's will. I was invalidating
my own feelings. And I was also ignoring my discernment.
And I was ignoring that God was trying to kind
of warn me, hey, you don't feel right about these
things because these things aren't right. I was
in a space where I was so focused on obeying
God and not going out of his will because I really
love God and he has brought me some amazing blessings
and I didn't want to throw away a gift from God
and I view a spouse, a partner, as a gift from
God and one that I don't want to hurt them. I
don't want to throw them away whenever they come
and I was very focused on um self -denial at
that time and being like well maybe i'm just
being judgmental and um you know the i can't
expect this person to be perfect and maybe i'm
just expecting perfection and i I'm believing
that this is who God sent me and God I don't
want to be ungrateful and I don't want to throw
it away and maybe you're just building a Testimony
in us and like maybe I just need to stick around
a little bit longer and I extended It was overall
like a total couple weeks before fully cut communication
with this person. It didn't last too long It
wasn't more than like two weeks. I don't think
but it was like a couple days in that I'd always
started feeling that way and I realized I was
putting my emotions to the wayside out of fear
of disobeying God and I didn't stop to think
that like God cares about my feelings and I if
this is my spouse I'd be a little bit more sure
about them I would be a little bit more sure
about them than I felt and glory be to God He
revealed to me and gave me the strength to walk
away and Detach but yeah that that was another
thing This the Lord had to show me is how I was
very quick to you know in the past I used to
put myself first and all of that and I kind of
jumped to the opposite side of the spectrum where
I was very quick to put myself Last and put what
I believed to be obeying God first so much that
I wasn't listening to God and I wasn't listening
to the determined and I won't dive too much into
this, but he showed me that there is actually
a little bit of a misunderstanding and a skewed
belief that I was still holding onto. When I
was in New Age spirituality, there was a big
idea of soulmates and twin flames. And the idea
behind that, and I'm stating right now, I want
to be very clear, I do not believe in this and
this is not biblical. Soulmates are not biblical.
Twin flames are not biblical. That is not a spirit
-filled ideal. Okay, the idea of soulmates actually
comes from I believe it was Greek mythology in
which there was one soul that was split into
two and they were wondering the earth looking
for their other half was the idea behind the
soulmates and the idea behind twin flames was
something similar where it was supposed to be
like kind of two halves of a person where you
only have one of them A lot of people in the
New Age believed that there were multiple soulmates
but there was only one twin flame and that if
you met your twin flame, your life would go to
crap. It was a weird kind of ideal where it was
like you're a mirror of each other and you reveal
things to each other and you're basically the
same person so you're constantly hurting each
other and getting each other angry and all these
kind of things. When I look back now, it was
just a way to validate toxic relationships and
encourage a toxic relationship, an un -Christ
-like relationship. Because we know in Scripture
that your man or woman of God is not going to
treat you in a lot of the toxic consistent ways
that these ideals validate. And when I look back
now, it was like, dang, there was a lot of treatment
and a lot of things I was accepting because I
believe that these people were some kind of divinely
brought. The Lord had to release me of the idea
that there's only one person out there for me.
Now, do I believe that God knows who is gonna
be very good for us and places us in their pathway
and then their sight? Yes, 100%. But I don't
believe that there's only one person on this
earth that you are meant for and your life is
gonna go to total crap and if you miss that person
then you're just never gonna get married ever
again. I do also believe that God doesn't give
us things before he knows that we are ready for
them. If he knows that we're not ready and he
doesn't want it to be Wasted or there's not a
lesson to take out us. He's not gonna release
it to us yet So I trust in God's timing But I
realized that the reason why I was holding on
to that person very tightly was I was still having
some residing New Age spiritual ideas of like
well This is the only this is my person and like
is this the only person I'm ever gonna have so
I just have to deal with it and like work through
it and That was a real kind of trauma release,
and the Lord really took me through a season
of reminding me that those aren't biblical ideals.
I didn't get those ideals through reading the
Bible. I got those ideals in my spirituality,
and if I read God's Word, it actually contradicts
those things. Now, I am not gonna act like I
understand how God works and how God moves in
relationships and how He places a person, what
happens with that. I'm not gonna act like I know
all about that. I do not. But I will say that
it's not just you have one person and the soulmate
ideal. And that it's not gonna be a person that
treats you like crap. Okay? Someone needs to
hear that today. Take a deep breath. And if right
now you're focused on someone who is not showing
man or God, man or woman of God attributes, someone
who is being hurtful, someone who is being tempting,
someone who is leading you further away from
Christ than they are leading you towards Christ,
it's time to pray to the Lord. And it's time
to evaluate if that relationship, if that person,
if that connection came from God. And if it has
not, what next step do you need to take? Because
I'm gonna tell y 'all from personal experience
that continuing to hold on and continuing to
keep the door open isn't the answer. I had that
problem. That was something the Lord has been
working on me with in my single season two. is
closing the door and not feeling guilt. I used
to feel so guilty rejecting someone or closing
the door where sometimes like I wouldn't tell
them how I was really feeling or I would say,
yeah, we can still be friends. We can still leave
the door open. And I would later on see why that
door can't be left open. Now, I want to be very
thoughtful with the way that I word this, but
the Lord had to really reveal this to me too.
that leaving open doors to your previous partners
and your previous relationships can really damage
or harm your future relationship. And sometimes
God will ask you to close those doors and shut
those down first. You know, just to give you
an example of what I have seen happen before.
someone has you know messy if you have a relationship
from your past where that person was a little
bit jealous or maybe that person did some toxic
things that person might still have feelings
for you that person whatever whatever happens
okay and you get into a new relationship that's
a good relationship it's a healthy relationship
but there's drama that starts coming up from
that person from the past. That person from the
past starts texting, starts saying, I want you
back, starts all of these things. Or maybe they
start stalking the other person. Maybe they start
trying to sprinkle some deception, sprinkling
some things because that door is still open,
because they're still able to call and text them,
because they're still able to show up to their
house, because they're still in their hangout
circle, because they're still in their main group.
I have seen Open doors to the past really damage
healthy relationships, healthy friendships, healthy
connections. So if the Lord is calling you today
to close a door, even if he's not spelling out
for you every single reason why, you need to
start trusting him. When he asks you to leave
something behind to close something, close that
door and leave it behind. There's an old honesty.
When God blesses you with your man or woman of
God with your husband your wife What is that
person from the past supposed to be providing
for you? Anyway, why do you want to be in connection
with them? Why do you want that door open with
them? I Had to reflect on that one. What is the
reasoning why? My am I leaving that door open
because I'm a people pleaser Am I leaving that
door open because I'm trying to avoid drama?
I'm trying to avoid conflict when we know that
as a follower of Christ, naturally, there's conflict
that's gonna find us. The world hates us for
a reason. Our ways are not the world's ways.
When we follow Christ, when we're trying to live
life Christ -like, Jesus warned us a million
times over, it seems, in the Bible. Blessed are
you when you're persecuted and mocked on His
behalf that there is gonna be persecution, there's
gonna be mockery, there's gonna be... False accusations.
There's going to be all of these different things
that come up when we're doing things in Jesus
way Yeah, I had to be so for real with myself
of like why am I leaving that door open? Is it
for attention? Is it just in case this new connection
doesn't work out? You can run back to the past
because that's also not walking by faith Be so
for real with yourself. Be so for real with yourself.
I'm speaking from experience. This isn't a judgmental
call Be so for real with yourself right now.
Why is that door open? Why are you struggling
closing that door? Are you doubting God's voice?
Are you unsure if you've heard from Him? Have
you prayed that prayer? God, if they're not for
me, remove them. God, if they're not for me,
reveal it to me. I'm telling y 'all, sometimes
God's answer with the removal prayer, there have
been sometimes when I pray, remove them and He
removes them. And there's other times when He
has revealed something to me and counted on me
to un -add them. to remove them. Sometimes he
won't remove them, but he'll reveal them and
let you make the move. And these are just a couple
things that I've picked up in my single season,
glory be to God. And like I said, if I hadn't,
if I had gotten handed my husband and not have
learned these things yet, I would have bumbled
the ball so badly. So badly and the fact that
he's not here with me yet means God probably
has something else that he's revealing cooking
working And I want to speak that in your life
today, too But God's not done with you yet Trust
in what he's doing So trust in what he's doing
trust that if he still has you in the season.
There's something he can do with this season
He's doing it for you. He's doing it for your
spouse Don't get so bored and annoyed in the
season and be so focused on getting out of the
season that you miss out on what God is doing
in this season. Sometimes we extend our seasons
by being so focused on what comes after that
we're not doing the work for why God has us in
the season. There was one season I was stuck
in for when I look back a very much longer time
than needed. then I needed to be in because I
was so focused on trying to find ways out of
that season and Okay, what do I just have to
do to get out of the season? When is the season
gonna end and fantasizing about what my life
will be like when I'm out of that season? And
it was finally when I locked him with the Lord
and he showed me I'm trying to I'm trying to
show I'm trying to reveal this to you and I'm
trying to get you to Adjust this habit and to
close this door and to do this thing and when
I finally did those things What do you know?
I start walking into my next season Trust that
God has you here for a reason and there's something
that can be done. There's something that you
can see Okay, don't be angry Because if you were
supposed to be married right now, you would be
married right now If God if it was like in his
if it was his plan for you have to be in this
position right now There would be some more coaxing
going on. You can trust that if God needed you
there, you would be there. So the fact that He
is allowing you to be here, there's something
to be grown. There's something to be shifted.
There's something to be revealed. And I pray
that this episode has helped you. Like I said,
I wasn't expecting on talking about single season
until I was out of a single season. I'm actually
very thoughtful y 'all. I don't talk a lot about
relationships on social media. I don't talk a
lot about relationships on the podcast. Honestly,
I didn't feel like I was the most qualified person
to talk about it because I'm not married. I'm
not out of the single season. There's some wonderful
podcasters I love to watch that I've heard them
say that they don't take relationship advice
from someone who's not married. I totally get
that I totally get that because of when I look
for relationship advice I look for people who
are married to that where it's tried and true
obviously work that relationship advice I will
say that I have let that discourage me a little
bit of like Yep, this isn't a space I'm supposed
to be speaking on or speaking from I'll speak
on it when I'm out of the season And I really
believe that God has been showing me that like
he's calling me to speak on it while I am still
in the season Because my perspective right now
is gonna be I'm sure different than the perspective
one day when I'm married. And again, this is
not advice today, y 'all, of how to get married,
of how to be in a relationship, of how to get
out of your single season. That is not what this
is centered on. This is about what I have personally
learned in the single season in hopes that maybe
if you're caught in a rut right now and you're
trying to figure out what is God trying to show
me. How was single season supposed to be helping
me? Like, what can I get out of this single season?
I hope that you hearing my testimony today is
helping you. So again, this isn't about getting
out of the single season. This isn't about, like,
getting into a marriage or relationship advice.
This is really about reflecting on the season
that you're in, the season of singleness. And
I do feel that's more where I have been being
led to speak on today. And I really hope that
this episode has helped you and has just really
opened your mind and maybe shifted your perspective
a bit and maybe it's helped you connect a couple
thoughts that God has been trying to reveal to
you. I pray that he has spoken through me to
you today. Now I do ask y 'all hit subscribe.
Subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening
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YouTube, and I do ask that y 'all share this
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upload it on Facebook, reshare it on TikTok,
like wherever you can, but that is how this podcast
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right now, okay? So you sharing this is genuinely
helpful. Now, I do hope that you tune in for
the next episode. Who knows what it's gonna be
about? Only God knows, but I'm sure it'll be
a good one. Thank you so much for listening.
This was Salt Knot Sweetener. I'm your host Danielle
Townsend. Have a blessed day.