Hey guys and welcome to the salt not sweetener
podcast. I'm your host Danielle Townsend Now
the quality of this episode I'm hoping Sounds
a little bit better today. I finally Got a microphone
guys. We're slowly stepping it up. We're investing
into the podcast And I was waiting today on the
Amazon truck to drop off, not the Amazon truck,
it was from Amazon, but it was dropped off through
UPS. And it was actually delivered a lot later
than usual. And in it being delivered later,
I'm not gonna lie, there was a little bit of
frustration picking up because I kind of threw
my plans through a loop. I planned to... I planned
for it to already be delivered by the time I
got home so that way I could plug it in because
it's a Bluetooth so I could get a charge and
everything like that and when I got home it was
not delivered yet and so I went ahead and started
doing my workout I started doing my exercises
and it still wasn't delivered and ended up being
delivered later in the day we got it charged
and now we're moving forward but Yeah, there
were some frustrated feelings that came out,
because a wrench was kind of thrown into my plans.
But I'm glad that the Lord allowed this delay
to happen, because honestly, y 'all, I didn't
know what to talk about in my podcast today.
And this morning, I had a general idea, and when
I was praying to the Lord, saying, Lord, please
reveal to me what to talk about today. What should
this podcast be about? It was actually kind of
the opposite. What I was planning on talking
about this morning this morning. I was I believe
the direction we were going to be going in was
just how Works outside of the Heavenly Father
aren't gonna work and That was actually was kind
of praying on to the Lord about this afternoon
where I was like God I don't I don't want to
have a podcast episode topic today that you don't
want me to talk about like this podcast is I'm
stewarding over this, but like I want to be the
mouthpiece. So I want to make sure I'm talking
about something that you want me to talk about,
Lord. So please put it on my heart what I need
to talk about today. And keep in mind, I had
like some anger and frustration, frustrated emotions
going on from that whole microphone delivery
situation. And I started just trying to speak
positively and praising the Lord. Because one
thing I've learned, especially over the past
year, is it's hard to be angry and frustrated
when you're at the same time worshiping and praising
the Heavenly Father. So when I'm angry and frustrated,
I try to go into worship and I try to go into
praise. And as soon as I started worshiping and
saying, like, maybe the Lord wants me to talk
about worship, the UPS truck pulled up. my microphone
was delivered. And I really do believe that the
Lord was leading me into an episode to discuss
what He has done in my life. Bear with me, okay?
Listen, continue to listen to this, y 'all. Because
in, I believe it's 1 Peter, I believe it's chapter
3, and the scripture has been finding me... a
lot of places. It's one of the scriptures that
seems to have been like everywhere it looked
like it's been popping up where it is saying
like be prepared to answer for the reason why
you have hope and I have felt the Lord bring
that to the forefront of my mind many times ever.
Be prepared to tell people What God did for you
like be prepared to tell people why you put your
faith in the Heavenly Father Be prepared to tell
people why you continue to believe in the Lord
and The scripture that was coming to mind when
I was worshiping as well was I believe it Psalms
100 Where it says worship the Lord with gladness
come before him with joyful songs Worship the
Lord with gladness come before him with joyful
songs and after I was thinking about that my
mind got brought to Philippians and I believe
it's Philippians chapter four where Paul is talking
about how he has learned to be content in all
times to praise the heavenly father when he is
on the hills and praising the heavenly father
when he is in the valleys that despite his circumstance
despite what things look like continue to praise
him and worship him and glorify him so today
in this podcast episode i'm going to tell you
guys why i put my faith in god and what god has
done for me in my life um because i am someone
y 'all i'm not gonna spend too much time on this
we told we we've unpacked a lot of my past before
on here but Although I was raised in the church,
like I was raised going to church every Sunday,
I was raised going to my CCD classes, I didn't
have a love for God and I didn't have a relationship
with Jesus and I wasn't grateful. Honestly, I
was really angry at God and I felt like I was
unjustly hurt and I had been through so much
pain and I had been through so much suffering
that I was like, how is God good? I honestly,
I struggled seeing how God could be good. I didn't
see him as an unconditional loving Heavenly Father.
You know, I saw him as someone who if you take
a wrong step, you're gonna go straight to hell.
Like that was my view of God growing up. It wasn't
a loving, forgiving relationship. I didn't have
Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. You know,
although I was baptized and all those things,
I didn't truly put my faith in the Heavenly Father.
So I don't believe that I was like truly at that
time. Saved because I didn't have my faith in
Jesus. I didn't truly understand what he did
on the cross. You know, I wasn't repenting I
wasn't any of that and I had been through a lot
of things so I Had suffered a lot of mental emotional
abuse throughout my life I had seen a lot of
horrible things that you should never see, you
know, I've witnessed a lot of things that like
I really think a lot of people should never have
to witness. I've seen a lot of violence. I've
seen a lot of pain. I've seen a lot when it comes
to addiction. I have had so much suffering where
I had suicide attempts. I struggled so deeply
with depression and anxiety. When I was in college,
I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD.
I wasn't sleeping. I was having panic attacks
all the time. I really struggled in seeing how
God was a good God and I would tell people that
and I would play devil's advocate and I would
oftentimes advocate against blind faith like
putting all your faith in the Lord and you know,
I turned to New Age spirituality and then it
was when I was freshly 25 years old that Jesus
Christ found me where I was and I gave my life
to him and i know that there are so many people
who are only seeing the pain and the suffering
in their lives and they're like how is god good
and although i'm not going to be able to unpack
all of this for you um in this episode today
i feel like unpacking why things happen and i
do not have a reason for why every single bad
thing happens i want to tell you all that right
now i don't have a reason for why Some of the
things happen to me happen to me. I don't have
a reason why I was raised around addiction You
know, I don't have a reason why I was allowed
to be assaulted before I don't have a reason
why Some of these things were allowed to happen
to me I do I am able to look back and see at
times what I was able to take from it and learn
from it I I do see now look back and see how
the devil was attacking me like i see how some
of these things were spiritual warfare and i
see how god used them for my good but i'll tell
you all right now i cannot answer for every single
reason why god allows things to happen i can
tell you a little bit about why the devil does
what he does and it's because he hates us he
hates god's creation the devil lost his shot
in heaven okay y 'all he blew it and he ain't
repenting okay so what he wants to do is he wants
to stop us from putting our faith in God the
devil wants to stop us from having eternity with
the heavenly father the devil knows he's going
straight to hell so he's trying to drag us with
him Okay, so I can tell you that the reason I
know the reason why the devil spiritually attacks
me and why he spiritually attacks you and why
he spiritually attacks other people And it's
to get us to put our faith outside of the Lord.
It's get us weary It's to get us broken down
at the end of the day. It is to create separation
between us and the Heavenly Father It's to get
us to fall into sin and not repent. It's to get
us To break away from the Lord. It's to drag
us to hell with him And I can say that God does
allow things to happen because he knows he's
going to be able to spin it and use it for a
good if we humble ourselves before him. And we're
receptive to what he's trying to do, what he's
trying to show us. We've seen with the story
of Joseph, he can flip anything around for your
good. Okay. And I do need to point out that we
live in a fallen world. The world that we live
in right now, the devil is running rampant. Sin
is running rampant demonic forces are running
rampant We know from reading scripture that there
is a battle of good and evil going on right now
And it's going to happen until Jesus Christ returns
again And God loves us so much that he has given
every single one of us Free will and some people
use their free will to make some pretty messy
choices Okay, so I'm not here today to explain
you why every bad thing has happened to you because
I can't I honestly can't. But I can tell you
that God can use these things for your good.
And that honestly all was the thing that got
me so against God for the longest time was I
was always so focused on the negative and I was
always blaming him for the negative. I was always
like, well God, why didn't you just stop all
of this? Why God? Why God? Because I couldn't
personally understand and compartmentalize every
single thing. I was holding on to anger and resentment
and directing it at the Heavenly Father. Even
though scripture says that his ways are not our
ways his my his thoughts are above our thoughts
We are not always going to be able to grasp and
understand why God allows things to happen Or
how God plans to use it or what domino effect
is going to happen Why he's making us wait why
he's telling us to go why he's doing this why
he's doing that and That honestly stopped me
for so long from putting my faith in the Lord
is just the fact that I had a lack of understanding
because I wanted to be filled in. I wanted to
truly understand every single step he was taking,
but that's not me. That's not trust. That's not
surrender if I need to be able to justify every
single thing God was doing. But I'm telling y
'all, I just want to give y 'all a little bit
of an explanation of what for so long held me
back from putting my faith in the Lord. And honestly,
I wasn't truly understanding scripture and I
didn't truly understand God and I looked at him
as transactional. and I had a belief that my
good works should equate or my good intention
should equate goodness in my life. So I'd be
looking around like, well, God, I invested this
time and this energy in these people and I was
kind and I did this and I did that. Why'd I get
screwed over here? Why'd I get hurt here? Why
this happened to me? Why that happened to me?
All I'm trying to do is please people and make
people happy and do all of these things. And
honestly, I was totally ignoring the wide open
doors of sin that I had in my life. and we've
talked about in here before what open doors do
and open doors give the devil access to come
in and run rampant in your life you know so it's
good whatever open doors you have whatever access
you're giving the enemy through sin in your life
close those doors god will help you do that um
but yeah i was blaming everything on god just
to sum it up i was blaming everything on god
And I had a lot of anger. I had a lot of upset
and I had a lot of animosity directed at him.
And it led me to rely on my own understanding
and rely on my own control. And here is where
we're going to start worshipping and praising.
Okay, we need to get into that. I'm feeling convicted.
Let's get into the worship. Let's get into the
praise of what God has done in my life. So all
of this anger, all of this animosity, all of
this pain, all of this misunderstanding. again
looking at God as a transactional God and one
day kind of getting fed up with Even trying to
do good because I'm like, what's the point of
doing good? You know, honestly, I never went
and like started trying to do bad But like there
was a part of me that was like what what's the
point of doing good? And you know now I do recognize
that this isn't a transactional thing that my
good works Don't equal goodness in my life Okay,
that's not we're supposed to be doing good things
simply because the Lord calls us to do it and
my Understanding of good things is very different
after reading scripture compared to what my mind
Assumed good things were beforehand There are
some things I assumed to be good and then I read
scripture and I was like, oh no, that's actually
people -pleasing No, that's actually that that's
actually a sin this thing I was condoning or
advocating for and it produces separation But
why do I have faith in the Lord? After having
all of that, how did I go from that to putting
my faith in the Lord? Because when the Lord found
me, I was a tarot card reader online, deep in
New Age spirituality, living in my car in the
middle of Southern California, like in the desert
in Southern California. that this time in my
life I felt like I had lost favor from the Lord
Up until that point in my life things seemed
to work out were things perfect No, but like
I always end up finding a way or finding a solution
or finding a thing and for the first time in
my life I seemed to like really hit an absolute
wall where my money was completely running out
the enemy the weapons forming against me appeared
to be prospering it really looked like the devil
was winning over my life it really looked like
evil was winning and wickedness was winning i
was consistently being spiritually attacked and
i had just ended up in a place where it looked
like every door in my life was closed and like
there was absolutely no hope and i had felt Different
convictions over the past couple years I had
started listening to and implementing and didn't
even recognize that those were convictions from
the Lord But there were different moral stances
like growing in me is the best way I could explain
it that started being implemented when I look
back I see that as conviction from the Holy Spirit
And I hit a point where I had gotten so tired
of being attacked and beaten down and feeling
like I was losing to the devil and I had gotten
so sick of where I was at with my life and so
displeased and so unhappy and so uncomfortable
that for the first time in my life I was open
at the same time to options that were not my
ways. and I had started picking up the Bible
because I wasn't able to like read my phone.
I wasn't able to scroll on my phone mindlessly
all day anymore because I had to be picky with
when I charged my phone and I had my old Bible
in the back of my car so I started reading it
and I was just filling my day with that and all
of a sudden I started praying. Y 'all know I
was raised Roman Catholic and I had a rosary
in my car that was my grandma's and those were
the only like recited prayers I knew so I started
just praying to our Father and praying the Rosary
and just praying the prayers I could remember.
And then slowly started doing my own individual
prayers to God and reflecting and writing down.
And before you knew it, like I didn't even realize
it was what I was doing at the time, but I started
communicating with the Word again. Like I started
being open to Him and I started being open to
learning and understanding. And This was the
first thing that happened that I want to worship
and praise the Lord for work I identified it
as no one but God could have done this and this
time I was running out of money like I had no
money I had to choose like do I buy food today
like so I was not able to spend my money on anything
that was not food was not necessities and I was
going through nicotine withdrawals I had been
addicted to nicotine for about over a decade
And it had been days, it had been close to a
week, and I was having like, of just, I had a
vape that had been dead for like weeks, like
running out of juice and where I'd hit it a couple
times a day. So it was like, I wasn't able to
stop fully with the nicotine. I don't know how
to explain it. It was like I was... Not 100 %
cold turkey, I was hitting it like two or three
times a day for a little buzz, but just enough
to like temporarily stop the withdrawal and then
would go back into withdrawal. And I felt like
I had the worst flu of my life. Like it was the
absolute worst feeling. And I started crying
out to the Lord. I started crying out to God
saying, God, please deliver me. from these withdrawal
symptoms, deliver me from this addiction, Lord,
like take this away from me, I cannot do it without
you. And I had tried to quit nicotine so many
times before then up in my life, was never able
to go more than like a couple hours. And God
answered my prayer. That day, I remember it being
that day. All of a sudden I felt fine. It was
like all of my withdrawal symptoms were gone.
The mental temptation I had, to like pick up
like nicotine or anything like that like was
completely gone and I had noticed over that next
week all of a sudden I felt fine like I didn't
crave it and I knew because I had experienced
many many different times of withdrawing and
trying to do it on my own before then I knew
the difference of doing it alone versus doing
it with God because the withdrawal symptoms were
gone it wasn't i quit i was delivered guys i
would not have been able to stop nicotine if
it wasn't for god's hand over my life or be to
god so that was the first one is he broke the
chains of addiction off of me because it wasn't
just nicotine i knew that that was broken off
of me because the next couple weeks i was getting
hit with temptation after temptation of like
I would step outside my car and there would be
just like a pack of cigarettes just on the ground
like in front of me where like if I wanted to
I could just grab them and start smoking but
it wasn't I had a conviction it wasn't just the
need like the physical withdrawal was gone the
desire to participate in it was gone where I
looked at those things and said no I'm not going
to pick those up I don't want those that's a
temptation I'm not going to go for that And it
wasn't just nicotine the Lord broke the need
for Marijuana off me because being in California
it was legal there But in all honesty that had
been a coping mechanism for me since I was like
14 years old About an alcohol that had been the
way that I passed time that been the way that
I had peace I've been everything and I I had
like My little why would smoke weed out of and
everything like that on me and I felt the conviction
from the Lord to throw it away. The same night
that I felt conviction to throw away my tarot
cards even I hadn't been using them for a couple
of days up until then and I had felt the conviction
to completely throw them away and I remember
just praying to the Lord like saying Lord I feel
like you're calling me to let this go but this
is how I decompress this is how I de -stress
this is how I sleep this is how I relax I really
felt the Lord tell me you are never going to
need those again if you have me I will give you
something better like just trust give it up and
I will give you something better and that day
I threw those away I threw it all away because
keep in mind y 'all I didn't have the money to
replace these things at the time so if it was
gone it was gone I didn't know if I was ever
gonna have the money to replace these things
again that's what I was putting my faith in the
Lord for and the next day when I tell y 'all
that the most anxiety inducing anger frustrating
situation started happening to me all day all
day they would not stop where it felt like just
straight up spiritual attack from the enemy there's
this one guy that pulled into the parking lot
and started playing this song that was only like
a one minute long song that like i i'm just gonna
tell you it was like techno beat music with it
but the lyrics were demonic like he had this
on replay for hours full blast full blast was
playing it for hours sitting right down the road
from me in the parking lot and I couldn't roll
up my windows because it was super hot outside.
I had him down for air. I couldn't turn on the
radio because I was trying to save gas. I had
to sit there and listen to it for hours and then
he would stop and then he would play it again
and in the past that was something that I would
smoke to ignore it to decompress. I would also
in the past be pulling tarot cards to validate
myself where I had to be like is this spiritual
warfare? Is this guy like purposely trying to
annoy me? Is he trying to make me mad? And I
would like look to the cards to like, that was
how in deep I was with it, y 'all. I would look
to the cards to validate my feelings and tell
me like, yeah, you're right. That is what he's
trying to do. Or yeah, you're right. It is warfare.
This is how you handle it. And in that moment,
I had thrown those things away, but they had
not come and got, they cleared, I've shared this
testimony before. There were like 10 trash cans
in this parking lot, y 'all. And They came and
cleared out multiple times that day every single
trash can except the ones that had my tarot cards
and my marijuana stuff in it So all day I was
getting triggered and all day I had the option
to go back to the trash can and dig those things
out and go right back to my mess Go right back
to the thing that God told me to release And
I didn't and instead I started praying and I
started praying for that guy And that he knows
the Lord and I started praying for deliverance
and I started praying for peace that surpasses
all understanding I want to tell you all that
there was a piece that surpassed all understanding
that came to me in that situation where I knew
okay, God is with me and That was the next one
where God kept his eye He told me I was not going
to need those things again if I went to him and
when I went to him in prayer And when I consistently
sought him, he gave me a piece. I didn't need
those things and I didn't go back and pick them
up. And that's what I'm telling y 'all. It wasn't
my strength. It was God's. In the past, I had
tried to release all these things and I ended
up going back to them. And this was the first
time that I had a strength that I have never
had before in my life. And it was from God. Glory
be to God. It was him. It was not me. And those
were like the beginning. Okay, because it gets
even heavier. I had felt the Lord call me to
completely stop doing tarot card reading. And,
you know, reading scripture, I immediately saw
this is divination. This is a sin. Not only that,
but every time I do it for someone else, I'm
leaving other people away or astray. So I knew
it wasn't just a conviction. I was feeling there
was scripture to back it up, that what I was
doing was wrong. And God was telling me I need
to let it go. And it was hard for me because
I was like, Lord, how am I going to provide for
myself? How am I going to eat? How am I going
to drink? How am I going to pay for anything?
This is my only source of income. And the Lord
had told me to put my faith in Him and allow
Him to provide for me. I really felt that through
prayer many times over. And it was that week
that there was a restaurant right next to me
that all of a sudden was having on their app
for like a full week. where you just play games
and every day you can win free food on the app.
And I started playing and I was winning free
burgers and everything like that. The Lord was
providing food for me through that way. There
was a restaurant also right down the road from
me that had a three month free trial of a drink
program where every hour I could go over and
get a drink. So my caffeine was taken care of
in my drinks. Every day I was walking over there.
Every hour on the hour I could walk Think it
was like less than like a hundred feet over across
the street and go get a pop go get a tea go get
a whatever I wanted Right. The Lord was providing
that for me in that way But then and this was
where it comes to walk by faith not by sight
the Lord took me through fast because all the
sudden This like I was still able to get those
drinks in those pop all the sudden the food was
drying up all of a sudden I wasn't able to buy
food anymore. All of a sudden. I wasn't getting
the food and I was looking around like Lord like
you want me like not to eat what's going on here
and I didn't fully grasp at the time because
it was my first time ever truly going through
a fast like that but the Lord was taking me through
a deliverance fast because y 'all in the tarot
card reading in the new age spirituality I opened
up the doors for a lot of demonic influences
um and my unforgiveness and my anger and my upset
and my history of lust and everything like that.
I opened the doors for so many demonic influences
that the Lord was taking me through a time of
fasting just to break some of these things off
of me and to deliver me from some of the influence
that these demonic forces had on me that I didn't
even realize they have at the time. So the Lord
started taking me through an intermittent fasting
and I remember the first time it was really hitting
took me through like four days of fasting and
then all the sudden on I believe it was yeah
the fourth day on that app that same restaurant
but like you could win free meals I won like
a free meal on the app again so I had that and
then it took me through another like three or
four days and then I won another meal and ate
it I was growing so weary and in this time I
felt like the Lord was making a lot of promises
to me of like I Will take care of you. I will
all these things and I remember it was a day
when my mental health was down Bad and I was
considering checking myself into a mental health
facility Because I started having so many doubts
and so many questions and I was like am I really
hearing from God are some of these things just
like strokes of luck like what like God said
these things, but I haven't seen these things
and like I have seen God move in my life and
all of a sudden all of this doubt, this fear
is overtaking me. You know, I now see that as
those were not, those were thoughts of doubt,
seeds of doubt being planted, trying to get me
not to put my faith in the Lord. I know now clearly
I've seen the devil, the enemy move that way
in my life and a lot of other people's lives
and now I clearly see that that was the spirit
of fear. And I know that that's not from the
Lord Doubt trying to be sowed but in that time
I start crying out to God and saying God if you're
ever gonna like Start showing up like now is
the time because I love you and I'm really starting
to believe in you But this is getting really
bad and like I can't continue this cycle like
please Bring me a miracle like feed me starting
off. I was like, I think if I ate I could probably
start thinking a little bit more clearly and
minutes later a Guy he comes up to my car really
nice man Who like hangs out around the area and
was like you look hungry. What do you want to
eat? And I was like, I don't know. He's like
I'll be right back Ten minutes later. He brings
me back a giant cheesesteak sandwich cinnamon
roll Really good food and feeds me and my belly
is full and I just start crying because I'm like
God heard me God heard me God heard exactly what
I needed and he saw me weary and I cried out
to him and it makes me think of scripture the
righteous cry out and the Lord hears them I cried
out to the Lord and he heard I sought the Lord
he heard and he answered and he delivered immediately
and It was, I've shared this testimony on here
before too, where the Lord started getting really
specific because it was days later where my phone
bill was running out. My phone was about to be
shut off because I couldn't pay the bill and
I hadn't ate again. I was really hungry and I
was running out of food for my cat and I was
crying out to the Lord. We're like, Lord, I know
I'm getting specific but these are the three
things I need. And later that day, the Lord works
on someone's heart. Someone comes up and approaches
me and says, hey, would you like to eat at this
restaurant across the street? I say, sure. I
eat across the street. I have a full belly. This
person starts telling me about their cat. They're
a truck driver traveling with their cat. And
I show them pictures of my cat. When we walk
back to my car, they're like, hey, hold on. I
got something for you. They go in their truck
and pull out all these big things of cat food.
My cat food is provided for. And then hours later,
Sleeping for the night and all the sudden I have
a knock on my window and I open it up and it's
that guy standing there with and he has an extra
phone extra device he has all these extra devices
and stuff for traveling and says he doesn't know
why like those put on his heart till it just
give me this phone it's paid for and just Have
a good life and walked away and that night I
received a phone paid for food and my cat food
and That was another moment of God Moving immediately
and y 'all God continued to work blessings miracles
like that in my life I've shared on here when
God told me he was gonna make away and You know,
I wake up that morning with like $10 to my name
give that $10 away and that night I end up with
like $300 to move back to Indiana There is a
random guy. I was just walking the parking lot
and he Stops and just hands me $20 and hands
me another 20 hands me another and all of a sudden
I have $60 like I I Have seen the Lord provide
for me and make ways when there appears to be
no way Okay, like I have seen it so much that
there is no denying That he is working and that
he is moving So like I want to start off there
that like for me there is absolutely no denying.
This is not luck this is not universe this is
not my own manifestation this is god this is
the heavenly father this was him moving and i
have seen what his strength can do when my own
strength cannot do it i have seen so i have hope
alone those things but I will tell you about
the internal changes in the internal shifts and
I want to worship the Lord because I want to
make it very clear y 'all if it wasn't for God
I would still be sitting in my car in California
in the desert or honestly I'd probably be dead
because I wouldn't have been able to provide
I wouldn't have made it out of that situation
if it wasn't for God no one but God I would still
be there If it wasn't for God, I would still
be addicted to nicotine. If it wasn't for God,
I would still be using substances to cope. If
it wasn't for God, I would not be here. He did
those things, not me. He did those things. I
did not. You know, I and I had to learn in that
time period to praise the Lord because to some
people they would think well God doesn't care
all he did was bring your cheese steak sandwich
and a cinnamon roll Why didn't he bring you a
hotel and bring you all these other things? It
wasn't time for that miracle God got me out of
there God worked that miracle in that timing
and he has shown me clearly why I wasn't ready
in that time yet because it took a leaps of faith
and god had to build a faith in me but he gave
me what i needed in that time to keep going he
knew exactly what i needed and that was what
i needed because when i tell y 'all that when
i had that cheesesteak sandwich i was just crying
tears because i was like god actually cares about
me like he heard and he cares and i'll tell you
that is One of the reasons why I put my faith
in the Heavenly Father is He has shown me unconditional
love in a world that did not show me unconditional
love. I did not understand unconditional love
until God. Until I truly gave my life to Jesus
and accepted God as my Heavenly Father. I had
spent my whole life knowing love as conditional.
Even my parents. In all honesty. I love them,
but you know when I when I did things that they
didn't like growing up I really felt like my
the love was revoked. I felt like the affection
was revoked. I felt like the the we care about
you was revoked There were times with friends
with romantic partners that the love was revoked
When I was a tarot card reader, I experienced
it firsthand I had people who would tune into
my lives every single day that oh my gosh We
love you. You're so wonderful. You're so amazing
You're so this and the second I started trying
to get out a tarot card reading the second I
started trying to shut down my live streams the
second I started like Nope, I'm not reading for
these people anymore. I'm not doing these things
anymore. The second they started crossing boundaries
and I was like, you cannot cross these boundaries
was the second they flipped. We built you. We
did this. We invested money in you. We did this.
We, which they were paying for services, but
like how quickly the flip happened where it was
like, they only love what I can do for them in
the moment. But the second I stopped doing that,
they turn on me. They don't like me. I had experienced
in my life so much conditional love That the
unconditional love from God was overwhelming
and enough to just make me cry or it was like
God I turned my back on you. I Said bad things
about you. I led other people away from you I
did all of these things and you're still willing
to find me at the lowest of the low When scripture
tells me that's the thing is scripture tells
us already what happens when you turn your back
on the Lord What happens when you don't listen
to him? I Was like even though I had been warned
God You are still willing to pull me out You
were still willing To redeem me and give me a
new light You are still like five minutes after
I send and I repent and you're telling me that
I'm your child and that you love me like God
has shown me unconditional love that no one else
has ever shown me He did that by sending his
only son to die on the cross To pay for our sins
to pay for my sins knowing that I'm going to
send throughout my life Whether I want to or
not I'm gonna eventually fall into something
So that's that's one thing that God did is he
Showed me unconditional love. Here's another
thing. He helped me forgive people that I didn't
think I was ever gonna be able to forgive There
were people that since a child I had been holding
anger and hatred in my heart towards them even
if I was like I wasn't going out of my way to
like talk bad about them or make their life crap
or anything like that I Would still have these
thoughts of like I hope they realize what they
did to me They're gonna get theirs. I hope they
reap what they sow. I hope this I hope that like
I was still having venomous thoughts towards
them There were some people that I had said it
doesn't matter if they got all their life together
and like all of these things I would never have
them in my life I would never forgive them or
I would never do this and I've shared this testimony
before the Lord reconciled me with someone who
I never had a good they they were a family member
that I was they were supposed to be one of the
people as closest within the world they were
supposed to be someone who loved me unconditionally
and I went about five years no contact with this
person and they had caused so much pain to me
growing up and in my adult life And I had made
the decision that like, you know, and I blamed
a lot of my trauma and a lot of my life circumstances
and a lot of decisions I had made for myself
of them. I attributed a lot of my problems in
life to them. And I believe them to be the source
and the cause. My perspective has definitely
shifted now, but I had multiple times said, I'll
never forgive this person. This person will never
be in my life. Like we're done. So it's done
and in the past year the Lord had really softened
my heart towards that person and Upon like finally
kind of just reconnecting with that person I
found out that that person gave their life to
Christ too and this person was pursuing holiness
and this person was trying to get right and I
have seen night and day changes in them and I
am this is now they're probably one of the people
I'm closest with I'm with them every day I love
them I live with them actually like they are
Amazing and I thank God dearly every day for
that relationship. You know, I go to church with
this person every day They are absolute is this
relationship is a gift from God that I never
expected to be able to have And I have told this
person time and time again No one but God could
have softened my heart towards them To give them
another chance because I had felt like I gave
them a million chances and every time I got stuff
on every time it was bad No one but God could
have softened my heart towards them Because I
wasn't putting my trust in this person I was
putting my trust in God when I felt like God
called me to reconnect with this person and You
know to start going to church with them and just
like to love on them and everything I had to
really put my trust in God like God is calling
me to this for a reason God is leading me down
this path for a reason I would make that clear.
I wasn't putting my trust in this person. I was
putting my trust in God and now Gosh, I can't
imagine my life without this connection. I couldn't
imagine my life without this person This this
family member. I love them so dearly I would
say that like no one but God could have humbled
them or put them on the path and they say that
all the time like they they give the credit and
the glory to the Lord and With me I was unforgiveness.
I was all of these things. Like I said, like
God had to do an amazing work of me to get me
to this point. So that's another thing is God
restores relationships that I thought were beyond
restoration. God redeemed things that I thought
were beyond redemption. God moved in ways that
no human being could move. And that's another
reason why I put my faith in the Lord is I have
seen him move on people's hearts. I have seen
him night and day shift. people here's another
one god cleared out unhealthy people from my
life before i even surrendered my life to the
lord it was years ago when you know i was still
deep in new age spirituality that i felt an overwhelming
conviction with the group of people i was surrounding
myself with because i started feeling a real
gossip conviction um and at the time i didn't
fully understand scripture says the power of
life and death lies in the tongue but at that
time my understanding in new age spirituality
was that i was speaking death over people when
i was gossiping and just being negative in general
and that wasn't good to do but i felt at the
root of it a conviction around gossip and i felt
a conviction around sobriety and this was my
first time Trying to be sober. Okay, like I said,
the only time it consistently happened was with
the Lord and Sober from like marijuana and I
realized that this group of people Any any time
especially I'm around all we would end up doing
was gossiping and smoking and like all of these
things I really felt the Lord tell me like Can't
you're not going to grow into who you're meant
to be when you are still around this group of
people And that that's the best way I can really
word it and at that time I released those people
and I couldn't fully understand why I had enough
Evidence honestly because I knew these people
were saying really mean things about me when
I wasn't around Because they did it to each other
all the time. I knew if they would they're constantly
bad mouthing and talking all these bad things
about each other to me. So I knew if they did
it to me, they were doing it about me too. It
wasn't really hard to put it together. I knew
these people for a long time. And you know, I
had really accepted it was like, I don't really
want to be around people all the time that say
mean things, even if they do nice things for
me occasionally. Even if like to my face, they're
nice. If they're saying all these things about
me behind my back, do I really want to be friends
with these people? And You know, I end up letting
those people go and when I gave my life to Christ
years later down the road There were some people
that the Lord really called me to release with
love continue to pray for them But to not consistently
have myself around and he really showed me the
scripture in Corinthians Bad morals corrupts
good company or bad company corrupts good morals
meaning like you can have these boundaries you
can have these good morals god can be instilling
these things in you but if every day you're around
bad company people who don't have the same morals
or who don't keep those same things it's gonna
get corrupted and it's gonna get watered down
and it's gonna get corroded and i could see throughout
my past when i would try making shifts and changes
how my company would really affect how much i
actually stood on those things and even if I
did stand on some of those things some of them
would start to be watered down because it was
really hard for me to decipher because a couple
of people in the old friend group like again
I pray for these people I love them but they
called themselves Christians but they weren't
living the Christian lifestyle you know like
it wasn't a full -on denying flesh I could see
some areas where they were trying to deny it
but overall the company that they were keeping
They were consistently watering down what they
were supposed to be standing on and I now see
that that would have been me So that's another
thing that I credit the Lord to is there have
been times y 'all when I Would be unsure about
people and I would start praying to God saying
God if they're not for me remove them and all
of a sudden I would never hear from that person
again like they would be ghost completely gone
or All of a sudden there would be a little like
a little hey, I don't I don't even want to say
fallout because there really haven't been many
crazy fallouts since but things would be revealed
and Distance would grow I Have that is one of
the prayers that I see the Lord answer the quickest
is not if they're not for me remove them But
remember y 'all it is our responsibility if God
starts removing to allow him to remove it not
to fight it and not to try to hold on To let
go And that's another thing is I have seen God
clear out people. And I have seen multiple times
later on where I find out something was happening
or something was going on. It's like, woo, glory
be to God. It wasn't allowed to continue. Here's
another one. Here's another thing of why I put
my faith in the Lord. God gives me rest. in the
middle of storms as someone with a history of
anxiety and panic attacks um and control issues
throughout my life the way i viewed things was
like if i want it done right i have to do it
if i want it taken care of i just have to do
it and anytime something would happen i would
somehow take it on as my responsibility or my
problem you know even when i was resting i was
stressing And in new age spirituality, that doesn't
help very much because you start getting fed
the ideas of you're your own creator and you
manifest your reality So if you don't like it,
you're not doing good enough. You don't like
it do better la da da da da Which that first
for a control person it's a dream because you're
like, oh I can create whatever I want to I can
do whatever I want to and then when That isn't
how it works because that isn't how it works
Okay, we are not the creators of our own reality
You start to feel this overwhelming weight of
am I not doing it correctly? Am I not doing enough?
Am I not doing all this? And it becomes your
worst nightmare. And I talk about, I have talked
about to people so many times that that is probably
one of the most monumental things I feel like
has come from my relationship with the Lord is
the peace and the rest I have. When I am hit
with problems that I don't have a solution for,
that I don't know what to do, either way, I try
to take everything to God. Use God as your steering
wheel, not your spare tire. Even if you use prayer
as your steering wheel, not your spare tire,
go to God in prayer. Have him steer you on what
to do not do what you want to do and pray about
it later Okay, even when you have the resources
to take care of something yourself go to God
first and ask him Am I supposed to be moving
this way should I move differently because sometimes
even when you have the ability to go he'll tell
you to stop So it's important to check with him
first Okay, I need to make this very clear whether
or not you have the ability to do something does
not mean it's God's will that you do it Because
the devil presents you with temptations all the
time to you the devil presents you with I'm doing
air quotes opportunities all the time, too I
have many testimonies of Opportunities presenting
themselves to me that are clear sins that clearly
go against the will of the Lord That clearly
would have been backsliding or back movement
So you've got to use your discernment. You've
got to take things to the Lord Okay, someone
needs to hear today. Pray to the Lord to strengthen
your discernment. Okay But I have seen God give
me rest in times when I just like naturally should
not have rest There is a time when I was having
like really really bad car trouble and I did
not have the money to fix it yet and I was crying
to God when my God what am I supposed to do and
I really felt like he told me to wait and I waited
and then there was a day when it got really bad
and I was like God, I don't think I can wait
anymore and I prayed about it and I felt I I
was led to call a place I call that place They
end up getting me in that day Because someone
they told me come right in that day. I get it
fixed for like half the price The the right person
was there that looked in and gave me all the
discounts and it turns out that they were packed
that entire week That was the day where someone
called at that time and canceled their appointment.
So they were just hanging out with nothing to
do and like Sometimes God will tell you to wait
Even when it doesn't make sense and that was
a time when in the past I would have stressed
I would have been looking like do I take out
the loan? Do I do this? Like do I do that? And
that week when God told me to wait I was waiting
But the stress that I would normally have was
lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't there anymore
that stress was gone the Lord gave me a peace
that surpassed all understanding like when there
are problems that arise when there are things
that come at me and I know that my own strength
is not good enough I know that my brain power
is not good enough in the past I would run myself
ragged and now I'm like I give it to God and
I see a peace and I see things work out for the
good Here's another one. I used to feel like
justice would never happen. I would try to secure
justice for myself, especially when I was younger
y 'all I used to run my mouth all the time and
I would try to expose what other people were
doing and I would try to spill the tea and I
would try to do all those things and I really
felt the Lord tell me that then that you know,
once I started really surrendering to him he
used to tell me that vengeance is his and give
it to him and trust that he will expose things
and just that he will work things out, you know,
don't go out of my way to do it. and I was forgiving
people and giving them to the Lord and I have
seen time and time again and His timing not in
mine people's true colors be exposed Years later
down the road. Why is that were believed all
the sudden the truth comes out? People falling
on their own swords people falling into their
own pits When I have truly given it to God and
stopped trying to rush the process or stop trying
to secure justice for myself, I have seen justice
be delivered. I'm telling y 'all today that I
believe in the Lord and I have hope and faith
in the Lord because I have seen him work in supernatural
ways. Not just in bringing in blessings not just
in answering my prayers in these miraculous ways
but in the works that he has done in me and then
the people around me that are not humanly possible
and are inconceivable and unbelievable You know,
it makes me feel it makes me think of if you
guys have seen that movie a walk to remember
Late 90s where in the girl the star and the show
she's talking about her faith and she says it's
like the wind Like she can't see God but she
knows he's there and like that's one of the best
ways I can explain it with just the feeling of
peace and the feeling of security and that feeling
of knowing. I want to share with y 'all just
a little bit of a scriptural story and this is
the story of Hannah and Panina. I believe this
is for Samuel and I was telling someone the story
the other day where Hannah, she loved, she was
married to her husband and all she wanted was
to have kids. but the Lord had closed her womb
for a time. She was barren at this time and you
know back in that time period that was like a
woman's top like purpose was to have kids like
reproduce and take care of them and if you couldn't
have kids what were you worth to a lot of people?
That was their mindset and Hannah was just devastated
that she couldn't have kids because her husband
went and married a second woman, Penina. Panina
had a ton of kids and Panina made Hannah feel
like crap about herself and about her situation
Revenant in her face that she had kids and every
year they would all go to the temple together
to make sacrifices to make offerings and one
year they go and Panina is just given her the
business and Hannah is upset and her husband
is not being any type of comfort to her the words
he's saying are not comforting and she runs into
the temple and she is just fervently Laying it
all out to God and so fervent that there is a
prophet and there who believes her to be drunk
and he's like girl How long are you gonna be
drunk for? Like why are you coming in here drunk?
I'm paraphrasing guys And she was like, I'm not
drunk I'm just so overcome with emotion and she
kind of explains just how she's just pouring
it out and the prophet says You know what? May
God grant your petition may may he answer your
prayer And she stood up and she left that temple
in like a lightened mood. She wasn't distraught
anymore. She wasn't distressed anymore. There
was a peace she had that surpassed all understanding.
She knew that she had given it to God and God
was working on it. She didn't know exactly what
the answer was going to look like or what the
outcome would be, but she knew that God was now
working on it and it was in his hands and that
was all she needed to have peace. You know Hannah
Panina wasn't taken out of the situation And
I miss kids weren't taken out of the situation
Hannah wasn't pregnant Hannah wasn't removed
nothing had physically changed but she knew she
had the faith and the knowing that God was taking
care of it and That is the best way y 'all that
I can describe the feeling that God gives me
when I hand things to him there's a rest and
there's a peace even if the storm hasn't finished
even if the problems haven't cleared up yet solely
because I know that he's working on it and I'm
telling y 'all today that none of these things
are my own works none of these things are my
own control when I put my faith in the Lord does
he guide my steps yes does he tell me hey pray
this prayer talk to this person apply for this
thing sometimes But it's God that goes ahead
of me. It's God that instructs me It's not me
and I that that is what this podcast today y
'all i'm just taking time to worship him and
praise him By talking about what he has done
in my life And giving him all the glory and giving
him all the credit. That is what this podcast
is for y 'all To plant these seeds and to tell
y 'all about the goodness of God and he can do
that in your life, too And y 'all I'm telling
you he's doing all of this for me after a lifetime
Yes, I grew up going to church, but don't forget
y 'all that the entire time when I was little
and young When I was going to church I was willfully
sinning when I was 14 years old receiving communion
the night before I was smoking and partying When
I was 15 when I was 16, I was fornicating I was
living a life in sin And I'm also telling y 'all
that doing that opened up doors to the devil.
I wasn't taking my relationship with God seriously
I was angry at the Heavenly Father. I was not
Doing I was not being a good Christian. Honestly
y 'all like I was not trying to live a life pleasing
to the Lord I was being a hypocrite of what I
was doing So yeah, I was in the church, but I
was not living a life pleasing to the Lord My
heart wasn't being worked on like I wasn't being
changed. I wasn't open. I wasn't humble So I
was in the Lord's house and Calling myself a
follower While doing the complete opposite with
my life, which I'm sure probably frustrated God
and saddened him and Then I get older and I completely
leave the church Turn to the world 100 % and
then after that I go into New Age spirituality
where I'm a tarot card reader And I'm leading
other people away. I'm leading other people astray
I'm doing the works of the devil without even
realizing that I'm doing the works of the devil
I've shared in my last podcast. I actually kind
of felt like when I was in like a Meditation
where I had really turned my back on the Lord
Did all of these things and he still when I was
in my lowest place Found me when I had a humble
heart and it started with me seeking him Because
when I look back y 'all when I was in that low
place and I had nothing else to do what I do
I picked up my Bible and in reading scripture
and getting in the word I slowly started trying
to pray and started opening myself up and that
is when I really connected with the Heavenly
Father and I started repenting. The Lord was
softening my heart and working on my heart and
he was knocking at me to start reading my Bible.
I had to listen to that. He was knocking at me
to start praying but I had to listen to that.
That's what I'm telling y 'all about how he guides
the steps. Because I had other books in my car.
I had the Hunger Games books. I had all these
other books I could have been reading those but
it was the Bible I was writing And that was not
me that was God I'm telling y 'all today that
like God can do crazy work with a humble heart
And that I'm telling y 'all that that was it
was the combination of Seeking him and at that
time I had hit my lowest where I was like, I
know that my own works are not gonna get me out
of this They got me to this point. It's time
try doing it another way. It's time to turn to
the Lord So that humble heart and that seeking
him and I didn't even realize I was seeking him.
I was just bored I wanted to read something.
So I picked up the Bible But even after all of
my history even after all of those things I did
God still believed I was worthy to pull out of
that situation I was in to pull me out of that
pit to give me now you know I have a good job
I have income I have fulfilling connections I
have a great church I have a great community
I have a platform that the Lord so graciously
allows me to speak on all of these things with
my past and with my history so I'm telling y
'all It doesn't matter what your past is or what
your history is. That's the unconditional love
of the Heavenly Father. He will do it for you
with a humble heart. It looks different for each
person. But He can restore you and redeem you.
None of this was me. This was all God. And this
is why I speak. So fervently this is why like
I feel such a weight of I try to be very thoughtful
with it with my tick -tock Especially like with
my tick -tock in here with this platform like
you will rarely catch me posting anything that
isn't related to scripture or a testimony Like
I try to everything I put on social media to
glorify God because I believe it to be a blessing
that I'm even allowed to be on social media Because
honestly, I don't deserve a platform after using
my platform to like turn people away from the
Lord when I was a tarot card reader, I don't
deserve a platform. It is a blessing that God
is allowing me to have a platform. It is a blessing
that he has called me to have a podcast. It is
a blessing that he ever allows me to be a mouthpiece.
The reason why I feel such a weight with that
is because of the fear but the love I have of
the Lord. The reason why I am constantly telling
people the testimonies about what he did in my
life, how he did it for me and how he'll do it
for you, the reason why I refuse to bury my past
of who I was before, the reason why I am constantly
telling people God did this in my life and God
did this for me is because that is my job as
a Christian. I recognize that now. That I am
called, just like all my other brothers and sisters
in Christ, to make disciples. To plant seeds.
It's not just the pastor's job, y 'all. It's
our job. And one of the most powerful ways we
can do that is telling people about how God worked
in our lives. What Jesus did for us. And when
I was still in my car waiting on Jesus to work
these miracles in my life, I am telling y 'all
that I felt the Lord tell me that Do not bury
these testimonies. These testimonies are going
to help people. Like these testimonies are why
you are being lifted out of this to glorify the
Heavenly Father. God didn't pull me out of any
of those things because I was worthy or deserving
of it. He pulled me out of those things so that
way I may bring other people closer to him through
my life situation. I am simply a vessel for the
Lord to bring other people closer to him. I am
simply here to steward. And I never had that
kind of surrender in my life. And that is why
I talk the way I do now. That is why I am the
way I am on social media. Like, y 'all, it's
because if it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have
any of this. And I recognize the responsibility
that I carry with all of this. so this is why
I have my faith in the Lord and this is what
he's done for me and he can do it for you too
and it doesn't matter what warfare I get hit
with it doesn't matter what people say it doesn't
matter what the devil tries to do I know what
God has done in my life and like This is where
it gets really heavy talking about this because
I used to y 'all I used to eye roll and be like
Christians just want to be martyrs Why do Christians
always think about being martyrs? Like I used
to think Christians had the most victim complex
and everything and then now when I'm reading
the Bible and I see how many people died Speaking
the truth and where Jesus literally warns us
in the Beatitudes that you are gonna be mocked
you are gonna be persecuted on his behalf Like
I'm recognizing like oh, no, that's not a victim
complex. Like this is literally a thing you are
dying to your flesh every day and There are constant
attacks. There is persecution y 'all almost all
of Jesus's disciples were murdered were boiled
were beheaded Were all of these things And I
used to say like I would people die on behalf
of the Lord like if when when I would when I
was younger and I would hear stories of like
People being killed for confessing to be Christians.
I have this very vague memory when I was younger
about like there were videos Like terrorist videos
where there are people who are beheaded and people
who would like shot and killed When they would
confess they were Christian and I would always
think like why would they do that? Why why wouldn't
they like? just hide it so they could save their
lives and I Get it now Because like I have had
so many opportunities and obviously I have not
been in that kind of a tight Situation tight
spot glory be to God if I've had so many times
where I've been put in situations To deny Christ
Where I have gotten? Literally kicked out of
the places a place I was living at because i
had the option either do what god calls me to
do or do what this person wants me to do and
i had to do what god calls me to do even if that
meant and god brought me up a place immediately
i didn't have to i wasn't lacking for nothing
i've had so many situations where it's like i'm
backed into a corner where it's like deny god
turn your back on god and when you have this
fear of the lord and a love of the lord i don't
know how to explain it other than like that's
not an option like And I and I don't want to
be a Peter I want to make that very clear because
Peter said the same thing of like I will never
deny you Lord and then went on to deny him so
I'm not making the bold claim that oh I'll never
deny him or I'll never turn my back on him, but
I'm saying that like Because I don't want to
get in that Egotistical or prideful space to
say like I am above reproach like I'm above that
I'm above that ever happening I'm gonna humble
myself right here in that moment saying I'm not
saying I'm above that. But this is the first
time, you know, growing up in the church, I never
had that conviction. And now it's like, it's
a truth that I have to stand by. And I can't
deny it no matter how badly circumstances around
me may want me to deny it. And I've never felt
that way before. And that was another way that
I really knew that God was working in my heart.
is because I had never felt that way before.
And I pray that I always have that conviction.
I pray that no matter what someone says or someone
does, whatever the warfare is, that I stand firm
in what the Lord has called me to do and who
the Lord has called me to be. You know, there's
so many times y 'all that I think of Stephen
in the New Testament, who was stoned. To death
and he was standing on business and you know
his final words when he was being stoned was
he was saying behold I see the heavens opening
like I see The stoning of Stephen always makes
me it's a mixed bag of emotions But overall I
just wanted to use this podcast to worship and
to give you some hope if you're looking for faith
like if you're if you're looking for like God
to move in your life, and you just need to hear
some testimonies for inspiration. I pray that
this inspired you. If you're an atheist or an
agnostic, you're someone who's having a hard
time believing the Lord, I hope it's planted
a seed. I hope whoever you are listening to this,
this helped you in the ways that it was meant
to help you, that God is guiding it in your life,
and I just want to take a moment to thank God
for the opportunity to even talk about this on
this podcast today, for the opportunity to even
have a podcast, for the opportunity to even be
speaking, because without God I would not have
this microphone, without God I would not have
this podcast, without God I wouldn't be here
talking to you guys today, without God I wouldn't
have these testimonies, I would just have a lot
of sad stories and probably be where I still
was, like, glory be to God. It was never me,
it was all Him. So I pray that this episode blesses
you and I do hope that you subscribe and you
come back and you listen to the next episode
of the Salt Not Sweetener podcast. I'm your host,
Danielle Townsend. Thank you so much for listening.
Share this podcast. With anyone who you know
enjoys podcasts, with anyone that the Lord is
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help it to reach the ears of people who need
to hear it. God bless.