WEBVTT

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Hey guys and welcome to the salt not sweetener

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podcast. I'm your host Danielle Townsend Now

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the quality of this episode I'm hoping Sounds

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a little bit better today. I finally Got a microphone

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guys. We're slowly stepping it up. We're investing

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into the podcast And I was waiting today on the

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Amazon truck to drop off, not the Amazon truck,

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it was from Amazon, but it was dropped off through

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UPS. And it was actually delivered a lot later

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than usual. And in it being delivered later,

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I'm not gonna lie, there was a little bit of

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frustration picking up because I kind of threw

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my plans through a loop. I planned to... I planned

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for it to already be delivered by the time I

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got home so that way I could plug it in because

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it's a Bluetooth so I could get a charge and

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everything like that and when I got home it was

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not delivered yet and so I went ahead and started

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doing my workout I started doing my exercises

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and it still wasn't delivered and ended up being

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delivered later in the day we got it charged

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and now we're moving forward but Yeah, there

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were some frustrated feelings that came out,

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because a wrench was kind of thrown into my plans.

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But I'm glad that the Lord allowed this delay

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to happen, because honestly, y 'all, I didn't

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know what to talk about in my podcast today.

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And this morning, I had a general idea, and when

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I was praying to the Lord, saying, Lord, please

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reveal to me what to talk about today. What should

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this podcast be about? It was actually kind of

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the opposite. What I was planning on talking

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about this morning this morning. I was I believe

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the direction we were going to be going in was

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just how Works outside of the Heavenly Father

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aren't gonna work and That was actually was kind

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of praying on to the Lord about this afternoon

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where I was like God I don't I don't want to

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have a podcast episode topic today that you don't

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want me to talk about like this podcast is I'm

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stewarding over this, but like I want to be the

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mouthpiece. So I want to make sure I'm talking

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about something that you want me to talk about,

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Lord. So please put it on my heart what I need

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to talk about today. And keep in mind, I had

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like some anger and frustration, frustrated emotions

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going on from that whole microphone delivery

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situation. And I started just trying to speak

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positively and praising the Lord. Because one

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thing I've learned, especially over the past

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year, is it's hard to be angry and frustrated

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when you're at the same time worshiping and praising

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the Heavenly Father. So when I'm angry and frustrated,

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I try to go into worship and I try to go into

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praise. And as soon as I started worshiping and

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saying, like, maybe the Lord wants me to talk

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about worship, the UPS truck pulled up. my microphone

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was delivered. And I really do believe that the

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Lord was leading me into an episode to discuss

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what He has done in my life. Bear with me, okay?

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Listen, continue to listen to this, y 'all. Because

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in, I believe it's 1 Peter, I believe it's chapter

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3, and the scripture has been finding me... a

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lot of places. It's one of the scriptures that

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seems to have been like everywhere it looked

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like it's been popping up where it is saying

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like be prepared to answer for the reason why

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you have hope and I have felt the Lord bring

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that to the forefront of my mind many times ever.

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Be prepared to tell people What God did for you

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like be prepared to tell people why you put your

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faith in the Heavenly Father Be prepared to tell

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people why you continue to believe in the Lord

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and The scripture that was coming to mind when

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I was worshiping as well was I believe it Psalms

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100 Where it says worship the Lord with gladness

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come before him with joyful songs Worship the

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Lord with gladness come before him with joyful

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songs and after I was thinking about that my

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mind got brought to Philippians and I believe

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it's Philippians chapter four where Paul is talking

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about how he has learned to be content in all

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times to praise the heavenly father when he is

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on the hills and praising the heavenly father

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when he is in the valleys that despite his circumstance

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despite what things look like continue to praise

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him and worship him and glorify him so today

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in this podcast episode i'm going to tell you

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guys why i put my faith in god and what god has

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done for me in my life um because i am someone

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y 'all i'm not gonna spend too much time on this

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we told we we've unpacked a lot of my past before

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on here but Although I was raised in the church,

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like I was raised going to church every Sunday,

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I was raised going to my CCD classes, I didn't

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have a love for God and I didn't have a relationship

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with Jesus and I wasn't grateful. Honestly, I

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was really angry at God and I felt like I was

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unjustly hurt and I had been through so much

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pain and I had been through so much suffering

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that I was like, how is God good? I honestly,

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I struggled seeing how God could be good. I didn't

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see him as an unconditional loving Heavenly Father.

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You know, I saw him as someone who if you take

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a wrong step, you're gonna go straight to hell.

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Like that was my view of God growing up. It wasn't

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a loving, forgiving relationship. I didn't have

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Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. You know,

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although I was baptized and all those things,

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I didn't truly put my faith in the Heavenly Father.

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So I don't believe that I was like truly at that

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time. Saved because I didn't have my faith in

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Jesus. I didn't truly understand what he did

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on the cross. You know, I wasn't repenting I

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wasn't any of that and I had been through a lot

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of things so I Had suffered a lot of mental emotional

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abuse throughout my life I had seen a lot of

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horrible things that you should never see, you

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know, I've witnessed a lot of things that like

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I really think a lot of people should never have

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to witness. I've seen a lot of violence. I've

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seen a lot of pain. I've seen a lot when it comes

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to addiction. I have had so much suffering where

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I had suicide attempts. I struggled so deeply

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with depression and anxiety. When I was in college,

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I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD.

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I wasn't sleeping. I was having panic attacks

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all the time. I really struggled in seeing how

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God was a good God and I would tell people that

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and I would play devil's advocate and I would

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oftentimes advocate against blind faith like

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putting all your faith in the Lord and you know,

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I turned to New Age spirituality and then it

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was when I was freshly 25 years old that Jesus

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Christ found me where I was and I gave my life

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to him and i know that there are so many people

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who are only seeing the pain and the suffering

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in their lives and they're like how is god good

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and although i'm not going to be able to unpack

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all of this for you um in this episode today

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i feel like unpacking why things happen and i

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do not have a reason for why every single bad

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thing happens i want to tell you all that right

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now i don't have a reason for why Some of the

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things happen to me happen to me. I don't have

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a reason why I was raised around addiction You

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know, I don't have a reason why I was allowed

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to be assaulted before I don't have a reason

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why Some of these things were allowed to happen

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to me I do I am able to look back and see at

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times what I was able to take from it and learn

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from it I I do see now look back and see how

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the devil was attacking me like i see how some

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of these things were spiritual warfare and i

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see how god used them for my good but i'll tell

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you all right now i cannot answer for every single

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reason why god allows things to happen i can

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tell you a little bit about why the devil does

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what he does and it's because he hates us he

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hates god's creation the devil lost his shot

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in heaven okay y 'all he blew it and he ain't

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repenting okay so what he wants to do is he wants

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to stop us from putting our faith in God the

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devil wants to stop us from having eternity with

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the heavenly father the devil knows he's going

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straight to hell so he's trying to drag us with

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him Okay, so I can tell you that the reason I

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know the reason why the devil spiritually attacks

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me and why he spiritually attacks you and why

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he spiritually attacks other people And it's

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to get us to put our faith outside of the Lord.

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It's get us weary It's to get us broken down

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at the end of the day. It is to create separation

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between us and the Heavenly Father It's to get

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us to fall into sin and not repent. It's to get

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us To break away from the Lord. It's to drag

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us to hell with him And I can say that God does

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allow things to happen because he knows he's

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going to be able to spin it and use it for a

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good if we humble ourselves before him. And we're

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receptive to what he's trying to do, what he's

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trying to show us. We've seen with the story

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of Joseph, he can flip anything around for your

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good. Okay. And I do need to point out that we

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live in a fallen world. The world that we live

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in right now, the devil is running rampant. Sin

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is running rampant demonic forces are running

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rampant We know from reading scripture that there

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is a battle of good and evil going on right now

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And it's going to happen until Jesus Christ returns

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again And God loves us so much that he has given

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every single one of us Free will and some people

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use their free will to make some pretty messy

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choices Okay, so I'm not here today to explain

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you why every bad thing has happened to you because

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I can't I honestly can't. But I can tell you

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that God can use these things for your good.

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And that honestly all was the thing that got

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me so against God for the longest time was I

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was always so focused on the negative and I was

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always blaming him for the negative. I was always

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like, well God, why didn't you just stop all

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of this? Why God? Why God? Because I couldn't

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personally understand and compartmentalize every

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single thing. I was holding on to anger and resentment

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and directing it at the Heavenly Father. Even

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though scripture says that his ways are not our

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ways his my his thoughts are above our thoughts

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We are not always going to be able to grasp and

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understand why God allows things to happen Or

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how God plans to use it or what domino effect

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is going to happen Why he's making us wait why

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he's telling us to go why he's doing this why

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he's doing that and That honestly stopped me

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for so long from putting my faith in the Lord

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is just the fact that I had a lack of understanding

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because I wanted to be filled in. I wanted to

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truly understand every single step he was taking,

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but that's not me. That's not trust. That's not

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surrender if I need to be able to justify every

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single thing God was doing. But I'm telling y

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'all, I just want to give y 'all a little bit

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of an explanation of what for so long held me

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back from putting my faith in the Lord. And honestly,

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I wasn't truly understanding scripture and I

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didn't truly understand God and I looked at him

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as transactional. and I had a belief that my

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good works should equate or my good intention

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should equate goodness in my life. So I'd be

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looking around like, well, God, I invested this

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time and this energy in these people and I was

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kind and I did this and I did that. Why'd I get

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screwed over here? Why'd I get hurt here? Why

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this happened to me? Why that happened to me?

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All I'm trying to do is please people and make

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people happy and do all of these things. And

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honestly, I was totally ignoring the wide open

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doors of sin that I had in my life. and we've

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talked about in here before what open doors do

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and open doors give the devil access to come

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in and run rampant in your life you know so it's

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good whatever open doors you have whatever access

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you're giving the enemy through sin in your life

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close those doors god will help you do that um

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but yeah i was blaming everything on god just

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to sum it up i was blaming everything on god

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And I had a lot of anger. I had a lot of upset

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and I had a lot of animosity directed at him.

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And it led me to rely on my own understanding

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and rely on my own control. And here is where

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we're going to start worshipping and praising.

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Okay, we need to get into that. I'm feeling convicted.

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Let's get into the worship. Let's get into the

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praise of what God has done in my life. So all

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of this anger, all of this animosity, all of

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this pain, all of this misunderstanding. again

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looking at God as a transactional God and one

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day kind of getting fed up with Even trying to

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do good because I'm like, what's the point of

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doing good? You know, honestly, I never went

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and like started trying to do bad But like there

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was a part of me that was like what what's the

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point of doing good? And you know now I do recognize

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that this isn't a transactional thing that my

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good works Don't equal goodness in my life Okay,

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that's not we're supposed to be doing good things

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simply because the Lord calls us to do it and

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my Understanding of good things is very different

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after reading scripture compared to what my mind

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Assumed good things were beforehand There are

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some things I assumed to be good and then I read

00:13:54.340 --> 00:13:56.399
scripture and I was like, oh no, that's actually

00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:00.259
people -pleasing No, that's actually that that's

00:14:00.259 --> 00:14:02.500
actually a sin this thing I was condoning or

00:14:02.500 --> 00:14:06.769
advocating for and it produces separation But

00:14:06.769 --> 00:14:09.889
why do I have faith in the Lord? After having

00:14:09.889 --> 00:14:14.129
all of that, how did I go from that to putting

00:14:14.129 --> 00:14:16.870
my faith in the Lord? Because when the Lord found

00:14:16.870 --> 00:14:21.090
me, I was a tarot card reader online, deep in

00:14:21.090 --> 00:14:23.629
New Age spirituality, living in my car in the

00:14:23.629 --> 00:14:25.950
middle of Southern California, like in the desert

00:14:25.950 --> 00:14:29.000
in Southern California. that this time in my

00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:31.740
life I felt like I had lost favor from the Lord

00:14:31.740 --> 00:14:34.120
Up until that point in my life things seemed

00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:36.080
to work out were things perfect No, but like

00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:38.460
I always end up finding a way or finding a solution

00:14:38.460 --> 00:14:40.519
or finding a thing and for the first time in

00:14:40.519 --> 00:14:43.299
my life I seemed to like really hit an absolute

00:14:43.299 --> 00:14:46.460
wall where my money was completely running out

00:14:46.460 --> 00:14:49.899
the enemy the weapons forming against me appeared

00:14:49.899 --> 00:14:51.580
to be prospering it really looked like the devil

00:14:51.580 --> 00:14:53.799
was winning over my life it really looked like

00:14:53.799 --> 00:14:56.279
evil was winning and wickedness was winning i

00:14:56.279 --> 00:15:00.519
was consistently being spiritually attacked and

00:15:00.519 --> 00:15:04.440
i had just ended up in a place where it looked

00:15:04.440 --> 00:15:06.639
like every door in my life was closed and like

00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:12.100
there was absolutely no hope and i had felt Different

00:15:12.100 --> 00:15:14.259
convictions over the past couple years I had

00:15:14.259 --> 00:15:16.580
started listening to and implementing and didn't

00:15:16.580 --> 00:15:18.419
even recognize that those were convictions from

00:15:18.419 --> 00:15:22.960
the Lord But there were different moral stances

00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:25.200
like growing in me is the best way I could explain

00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:27.419
it that started being implemented when I look

00:15:27.419 --> 00:15:30.600
back I see that as conviction from the Holy Spirit

00:15:30.600 --> 00:15:37.080
And I hit a point where I had gotten so tired

00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:41.009
of being attacked and beaten down and feeling

00:15:41.009 --> 00:15:43.429
like I was losing to the devil and I had gotten

00:15:43.429 --> 00:15:46.830
so sick of where I was at with my life and so

00:15:46.830 --> 00:15:49.289
displeased and so unhappy and so uncomfortable

00:15:49.289 --> 00:15:52.789
that for the first time in my life I was open

00:15:52.789 --> 00:15:57.110
at the same time to options that were not my

00:15:57.110 --> 00:16:01.970
ways. and I had started picking up the Bible

00:16:01.970 --> 00:16:04.250
because I wasn't able to like read my phone.

00:16:04.429 --> 00:16:07.009
I wasn't able to scroll on my phone mindlessly

00:16:07.009 --> 00:16:08.809
all day anymore because I had to be picky with

00:16:08.809 --> 00:16:11.370
when I charged my phone and I had my old Bible

00:16:11.370 --> 00:16:13.529
in the back of my car so I started reading it

00:16:13.529 --> 00:16:17.350
and I was just filling my day with that and all

00:16:17.350 --> 00:16:19.509
of a sudden I started praying. Y 'all know I

00:16:19.509 --> 00:16:21.870
was raised Roman Catholic and I had a rosary

00:16:21.870 --> 00:16:24.250
in my car that was my grandma's and those were

00:16:24.250 --> 00:16:27.590
the only like recited prayers I knew so I started

00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:30.539
just praying to our Father and praying the Rosary

00:16:30.539 --> 00:16:33.019
and just praying the prayers I could remember.

00:16:33.940 --> 00:16:37.179
And then slowly started doing my own individual

00:16:37.179 --> 00:16:40.379
prayers to God and reflecting and writing down.

00:16:40.460 --> 00:16:43.700
And before you knew it, like I didn't even realize

00:16:43.700 --> 00:16:45.539
it was what I was doing at the time, but I started

00:16:45.539 --> 00:16:48.740
communicating with the Word again. Like I started

00:16:48.740 --> 00:16:50.960
being open to Him and I started being open to

00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:58.820
learning and understanding. And This was the

00:16:58.820 --> 00:17:02.259
first thing that happened that I want to worship

00:17:02.259 --> 00:17:04.660
and praise the Lord for work I identified it

00:17:04.660 --> 00:17:07.420
as no one but God could have done this and this

00:17:07.420 --> 00:17:09.839
time I was running out of money like I had no

00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:13.200
money I had to choose like do I buy food today

00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:16.259
like so I was not able to spend my money on anything

00:17:16.259 --> 00:17:20.019
that was not food was not necessities and I was

00:17:20.019 --> 00:17:22.099
going through nicotine withdrawals I had been

00:17:22.099 --> 00:17:24.440
addicted to nicotine for about over a decade

00:17:25.259 --> 00:17:28.740
And it had been days, it had been close to a

00:17:28.740 --> 00:17:34.180
week, and I was having like, of just, I had a

00:17:34.180 --> 00:17:37.900
vape that had been dead for like weeks, like

00:17:37.900 --> 00:17:40.240
running out of juice and where I'd hit it a couple

00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:42.880
times a day. So it was like, I wasn't able to

00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:48.119
stop fully with the nicotine. I don't know how

00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:50.839
to explain it. It was like I was... Not 100 %

00:17:50.839 --> 00:17:52.799
cold turkey, I was hitting it like two or three

00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:56.619
times a day for a little buzz, but just enough

00:17:56.619 --> 00:17:59.559
to like temporarily stop the withdrawal and then

00:17:59.559 --> 00:18:01.099
would go back into withdrawal. And I felt like

00:18:01.099 --> 00:18:03.319
I had the worst flu of my life. Like it was the

00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:06.539
absolute worst feeling. And I started crying

00:18:06.539 --> 00:18:08.359
out to the Lord. I started crying out to God

00:18:08.359 --> 00:18:12.289
saying, God, please deliver me. from these withdrawal

00:18:12.289 --> 00:18:14.829
symptoms, deliver me from this addiction, Lord,

00:18:14.829 --> 00:18:17.269
like take this away from me, I cannot do it without

00:18:17.269 --> 00:18:20.349
you. And I had tried to quit nicotine so many

00:18:20.349 --> 00:18:23.130
times before then up in my life, was never able

00:18:23.130 --> 00:18:26.450
to go more than like a couple hours. And God

00:18:26.450 --> 00:18:30.869
answered my prayer. That day, I remember it being

00:18:30.869 --> 00:18:34.849
that day. All of a sudden I felt fine. It was

00:18:34.849 --> 00:18:38.250
like all of my withdrawal symptoms were gone.

00:18:38.349 --> 00:18:43.220
The mental temptation I had, to like pick up

00:18:43.220 --> 00:18:45.660
like nicotine or anything like that like was

00:18:45.660 --> 00:18:48.799
completely gone and I had noticed over that next

00:18:48.799 --> 00:18:51.400
week all of a sudden I felt fine like I didn't

00:18:51.400 --> 00:18:55.359
crave it and I knew because I had experienced

00:18:55.359 --> 00:18:58.859
many many different times of withdrawing and

00:18:58.859 --> 00:19:01.079
trying to do it on my own before then I knew

00:19:01.079 --> 00:19:03.420
the difference of doing it alone versus doing

00:19:03.420 --> 00:19:07.700
it with God because the withdrawal symptoms were

00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:11.420
gone it wasn't i quit i was delivered guys i

00:19:11.420 --> 00:19:13.799
would not have been able to stop nicotine if

00:19:13.799 --> 00:19:16.059
it wasn't for god's hand over my life or be to

00:19:16.059 --> 00:19:20.660
god so that was the first one is he broke the

00:19:20.660 --> 00:19:23.859
chains of addiction off of me because it wasn't

00:19:23.859 --> 00:19:27.240
just nicotine i knew that that was broken off

00:19:27.240 --> 00:19:28.920
of me because the next couple weeks i was getting

00:19:28.920 --> 00:19:31.799
hit with temptation after temptation of like

00:19:31.829 --> 00:19:33.890
I would step outside my car and there would be

00:19:33.890 --> 00:19:36.009
just like a pack of cigarettes just on the ground

00:19:36.009 --> 00:19:38.789
like in front of me where like if I wanted to

00:19:38.789 --> 00:19:42.029
I could just grab them and start smoking but

00:19:42.029 --> 00:19:45.670
it wasn't I had a conviction it wasn't just the

00:19:45.670 --> 00:19:48.150
need like the physical withdrawal was gone the

00:19:48.150 --> 00:19:50.710
desire to participate in it was gone where I

00:19:50.710 --> 00:19:52.190
looked at those things and said no I'm not going

00:19:52.190 --> 00:19:53.670
to pick those up I don't want those that's a

00:19:53.670 --> 00:19:56.799
temptation I'm not going to go for that And it

00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:59.539
wasn't just nicotine the Lord broke the need

00:19:59.539 --> 00:20:03.559
for Marijuana off me because being in California

00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:07.019
it was legal there But in all honesty that had

00:20:07.019 --> 00:20:09.019
been a coping mechanism for me since I was like

00:20:09.019 --> 00:20:13.200
14 years old About an alcohol that had been the

00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.859
way that I passed time that been the way that

00:20:14.859 --> 00:20:20.380
I had peace I've been everything and I I had

00:20:20.380 --> 00:20:26.880
like My little why would smoke weed out of and

00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:29.640
everything like that on me and I felt the conviction

00:20:29.640 --> 00:20:33.200
from the Lord to throw it away. The same night

00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:35.039
that I felt conviction to throw away my tarot

00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:37.859
cards even I hadn't been using them for a couple

00:20:37.859 --> 00:20:40.140
of days up until then and I had felt the conviction

00:20:40.140 --> 00:20:43.440
to completely throw them away and I remember

00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:45.480
just praying to the Lord like saying Lord I feel

00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:48.319
like you're calling me to let this go but this

00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:51.059
is how I decompress this is how I de -stress

00:20:51.059 --> 00:20:53.980
this is how I sleep this is how I relax I really

00:20:53.980 --> 00:20:55.900
felt the Lord tell me you are never going to

00:20:55.900 --> 00:20:58.740
need those again if you have me I will give you

00:20:58.740 --> 00:21:01.240
something better like just trust give it up and

00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:03.000
I will give you something better and that day

00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:07.700
I threw those away I threw it all away because

00:21:07.700 --> 00:21:09.500
keep in mind y 'all I didn't have the money to

00:21:09.500 --> 00:21:12.039
replace these things at the time so if it was

00:21:12.039 --> 00:21:13.660
gone it was gone I didn't know if I was ever

00:21:13.660 --> 00:21:15.099
gonna have the money to replace these things

00:21:15.099 --> 00:21:16.660
again that's what I was putting my faith in the

00:21:16.660 --> 00:21:21.059
Lord for and the next day when I tell y 'all

00:21:21.059 --> 00:21:26.039
that the most anxiety inducing anger frustrating

00:21:26.039 --> 00:21:30.440
situation started happening to me all day all

00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:32.819
day they would not stop where it felt like just

00:21:32.819 --> 00:21:34.660
straight up spiritual attack from the enemy there's

00:21:34.660 --> 00:21:36.839
this one guy that pulled into the parking lot

00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:40.880
and started playing this song that was only like

00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:44.539
a one minute long song that like i i'm just gonna

00:21:44.539 --> 00:21:47.140
tell you it was like techno beat music with it

00:21:47.140 --> 00:21:51.640
but the lyrics were demonic like he had this

00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:57.160
on replay for hours full blast full blast was

00:21:57.160 --> 00:22:00.519
playing it for hours sitting right down the road

00:22:00.519 --> 00:22:03.099
from me in the parking lot and I couldn't roll

00:22:03.099 --> 00:22:05.140
up my windows because it was super hot outside.

00:22:05.180 --> 00:22:08.299
I had him down for air. I couldn't turn on the

00:22:08.299 --> 00:22:10.160
radio because I was trying to save gas. I had

00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:14.079
to sit there and listen to it for hours and then

00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:17.160
he would stop and then he would play it again

00:22:17.160 --> 00:22:19.660
and in the past that was something that I would

00:22:19.660 --> 00:22:22.359
smoke to ignore it to decompress. I would also

00:22:22.359 --> 00:22:25.700
in the past be pulling tarot cards to validate

00:22:25.700 --> 00:22:28.119
myself where I had to be like is this spiritual

00:22:28.119 --> 00:22:30.730
warfare? Is this guy like purposely trying to

00:22:30.730 --> 00:22:32.569
annoy me? Is he trying to make me mad? And I

00:22:32.569 --> 00:22:34.450
would like look to the cards to like, that was

00:22:34.450 --> 00:22:36.569
how in deep I was with it, y 'all. I would look

00:22:36.569 --> 00:22:39.789
to the cards to validate my feelings and tell

00:22:39.789 --> 00:22:41.390
me like, yeah, you're right. That is what he's

00:22:41.390 --> 00:22:43.109
trying to do. Or yeah, you're right. It is warfare.

00:22:43.230 --> 00:22:45.569
This is how you handle it. And in that moment,

00:22:45.569 --> 00:22:49.029
I had thrown those things away, but they had

00:22:49.029 --> 00:22:51.289
not come and got, they cleared, I've shared this

00:22:51.289 --> 00:22:54.369
testimony before. There were like 10 trash cans

00:22:54.369 --> 00:22:58.599
in this parking lot, y 'all. And They came and

00:22:58.599 --> 00:23:01.079
cleared out multiple times that day every single

00:23:01.079 --> 00:23:03.619
trash can except the ones that had my tarot cards

00:23:03.619 --> 00:23:07.279
and my marijuana stuff in it So all day I was

00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:08.900
getting triggered and all day I had the option

00:23:08.900 --> 00:23:10.900
to go back to the trash can and dig those things

00:23:10.900 --> 00:23:13.839
out and go right back to my mess Go right back

00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:18.140
to the thing that God told me to release And

00:23:18.140 --> 00:23:22.000
I didn't and instead I started praying and I

00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:25.069
started praying for that guy And that he knows

00:23:25.069 --> 00:23:27.309
the Lord and I started praying for deliverance

00:23:27.309 --> 00:23:29.670
and I started praying for peace that surpasses

00:23:29.670 --> 00:23:31.710
all understanding I want to tell you all that

00:23:31.710 --> 00:23:34.210
there was a piece that surpassed all understanding

00:23:34.210 --> 00:23:37.150
that came to me in that situation where I knew

00:23:37.150 --> 00:23:40.930
okay, God is with me and That was the next one

00:23:40.930 --> 00:23:43.869
where God kept his eye He told me I was not going

00:23:43.869 --> 00:23:47.009
to need those things again if I went to him and

00:23:47.009 --> 00:23:50.279
when I went to him in prayer And when I consistently

00:23:50.279 --> 00:23:52.460
sought him, he gave me a piece. I didn't need

00:23:52.460 --> 00:23:54.299
those things and I didn't go back and pick them

00:23:54.299 --> 00:23:55.920
up. And that's what I'm telling y 'all. It wasn't

00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.259
my strength. It was God's. In the past, I had

00:23:58.259 --> 00:24:00.220
tried to release all these things and I ended

00:24:00.220 --> 00:24:03.819
up going back to them. And this was the first

00:24:03.819 --> 00:24:07.319
time that I had a strength that I have never

00:24:07.319 --> 00:24:11.819
had before in my life. And it was from God. Glory

00:24:11.819 --> 00:24:16.859
be to God. It was him. It was not me. And those

00:24:16.859 --> 00:24:20.109
were like the beginning. Okay, because it gets

00:24:20.109 --> 00:24:25.329
even heavier. I had felt the Lord call me to

00:24:25.329 --> 00:24:28.490
completely stop doing tarot card reading. And,

00:24:28.670 --> 00:24:30.509
you know, reading scripture, I immediately saw

00:24:30.509 --> 00:24:33.450
this is divination. This is a sin. Not only that,

00:24:33.450 --> 00:24:35.069
but every time I do it for someone else, I'm

00:24:35.069 --> 00:24:37.769
leaving other people away or astray. So I knew

00:24:37.769 --> 00:24:41.250
it wasn't just a conviction. I was feeling there

00:24:41.250 --> 00:24:43.829
was scripture to back it up, that what I was

00:24:43.829 --> 00:24:47.210
doing was wrong. And God was telling me I need

00:24:47.210 --> 00:24:49.839
to let it go. And it was hard for me because

00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:51.740
I was like, Lord, how am I going to provide for

00:24:51.740 --> 00:24:54.279
myself? How am I going to eat? How am I going

00:24:54.279 --> 00:24:55.819
to drink? How am I going to pay for anything?

00:24:55.819 --> 00:24:58.680
This is my only source of income. And the Lord

00:24:58.680 --> 00:25:01.140
had told me to put my faith in Him and allow

00:25:01.140 --> 00:25:03.420
Him to provide for me. I really felt that through

00:25:03.420 --> 00:25:11.099
prayer many times over. And it was that week

00:25:11.099 --> 00:25:13.799
that there was a restaurant right next to me

00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:16.539
that all of a sudden was having on their app

00:25:16.539 --> 00:25:20.210
for like a full week. where you just play games

00:25:20.210 --> 00:25:22.690
and every day you can win free food on the app.

00:25:23.710 --> 00:25:26.210
And I started playing and I was winning free

00:25:26.210 --> 00:25:28.250
burgers and everything like that. The Lord was

00:25:28.250 --> 00:25:30.509
providing food for me through that way. There

00:25:30.509 --> 00:25:32.789
was a restaurant also right down the road from

00:25:32.789 --> 00:25:37.349
me that had a three month free trial of a drink

00:25:37.349 --> 00:25:40.150
program where every hour I could go over and

00:25:40.150 --> 00:25:43.609
get a drink. So my caffeine was taken care of

00:25:43.609 --> 00:25:45.829
in my drinks. Every day I was walking over there.

00:25:45.829 --> 00:25:48.809
Every hour on the hour I could walk Think it

00:25:48.809 --> 00:25:51.049
was like less than like a hundred feet over across

00:25:51.049 --> 00:25:54.410
the street and go get a pop go get a tea go get

00:25:54.410 --> 00:25:58.849
a whatever I wanted Right. The Lord was providing

00:25:58.849 --> 00:26:02.750
that for me in that way But then and this was

00:26:02.750 --> 00:26:04.750
where it comes to walk by faith not by sight

00:26:04.750 --> 00:26:07.529
the Lord took me through fast because all the

00:26:07.529 --> 00:26:10.730
sudden This like I was still able to get those

00:26:10.730 --> 00:26:12.630
drinks in those pop all the sudden the food was

00:26:12.630 --> 00:26:15.710
drying up all of a sudden I wasn't able to buy

00:26:15.710 --> 00:26:17.730
food anymore. All of a sudden. I wasn't getting

00:26:18.039 --> 00:26:20.960
the food and I was looking around like Lord like

00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:23.960
you want me like not to eat what's going on here

00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:27.680
and I didn't fully grasp at the time because

00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:30.099
it was my first time ever truly going through

00:26:30.099 --> 00:26:33.440
a fast like that but the Lord was taking me through

00:26:33.440 --> 00:26:36.799
a deliverance fast because y 'all in the tarot

00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:38.660
card reading in the new age spirituality I opened

00:26:38.660 --> 00:26:41.160
up the doors for a lot of demonic influences

00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:45.319
um and my unforgiveness and my anger and my upset

00:26:45.319 --> 00:26:50.329
and my history of lust and everything like that.

00:26:50.329 --> 00:26:52.529
I opened the doors for so many demonic influences

00:26:52.529 --> 00:26:56.109
that the Lord was taking me through a time of

00:26:56.109 --> 00:26:58.430
fasting just to break some of these things off

00:26:58.430 --> 00:27:01.849
of me and to deliver me from some of the influence

00:27:01.849 --> 00:27:05.630
that these demonic forces had on me that I didn't

00:27:05.630 --> 00:27:09.529
even realize they have at the time. So the Lord

00:27:09.529 --> 00:27:11.529
started taking me through an intermittent fasting

00:27:11.529 --> 00:27:16.880
and I remember the first time it was really hitting

00:27:16.880 --> 00:27:20.220
took me through like four days of fasting and

00:27:20.220 --> 00:27:22.819
then all the sudden on I believe it was yeah

00:27:22.819 --> 00:27:26.240
the fourth day on that app that same restaurant

00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:28.039
but like you could win free meals I won like

00:27:28.039 --> 00:27:31.259
a free meal on the app again so I had that and

00:27:31.259 --> 00:27:33.420
then it took me through another like three or

00:27:33.420 --> 00:27:36.299
four days and then I won another meal and ate

00:27:36.299 --> 00:27:40.950
it I was growing so weary and in this time I

00:27:40.950 --> 00:27:43.109
felt like the Lord was making a lot of promises

00:27:43.109 --> 00:27:46.289
to me of like I Will take care of you. I will

00:27:46.289 --> 00:27:48.269
all these things and I remember it was a day

00:27:48.269 --> 00:27:52.589
when my mental health was down Bad and I was

00:27:52.589 --> 00:27:54.730
considering checking myself into a mental health

00:27:54.730 --> 00:27:57.589
facility Because I started having so many doubts

00:27:57.589 --> 00:27:59.990
and so many questions and I was like am I really

00:27:59.990 --> 00:28:02.349
hearing from God are some of these things just

00:28:02.349 --> 00:28:06.019
like strokes of luck like what like God said

00:28:06.019 --> 00:28:07.839
these things, but I haven't seen these things

00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:10.819
and like I have seen God move in my life and

00:28:10.819 --> 00:28:12.900
all of a sudden all of this doubt, this fear

00:28:12.900 --> 00:28:16.160
is overtaking me. You know, I now see that as

00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:19.579
those were not, those were thoughts of doubt,

00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:23.160
seeds of doubt being planted, trying to get me

00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:25.420
not to put my faith in the Lord. I know now clearly

00:28:25.420 --> 00:28:29.559
I've seen the devil, the enemy move that way

00:28:29.559 --> 00:28:31.279
in my life and a lot of other people's lives

00:28:31.279 --> 00:28:33.960
and now I clearly see that that was the spirit

00:28:33.960 --> 00:28:37.299
of fear. And I know that that's not from the

00:28:37.299 --> 00:28:40.779
Lord Doubt trying to be sowed but in that time

00:28:40.779 --> 00:28:42.960
I start crying out to God and saying God if you're

00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:46.539
ever gonna like Start showing up like now is

00:28:46.539 --> 00:28:50.759
the time because I love you and I'm really starting

00:28:50.759 --> 00:28:54.119
to believe in you But this is getting really

00:28:54.119 --> 00:28:57.539
bad and like I can't continue this cycle like

00:28:57.539 --> 00:29:01.170
please Bring me a miracle like feed me starting

00:29:01.170 --> 00:29:03.769
off. I was like, I think if I ate I could probably

00:29:03.769 --> 00:29:06.190
start thinking a little bit more clearly and

00:29:06.190 --> 00:29:10.089
minutes later a Guy he comes up to my car really

00:29:10.089 --> 00:29:13.849
nice man Who like hangs out around the area and

00:29:13.849 --> 00:29:15.609
was like you look hungry. What do you want to

00:29:15.609 --> 00:29:17.309
eat? And I was like, I don't know. He's like

00:29:17.309 --> 00:29:20.150
I'll be right back Ten minutes later. He brings

00:29:20.150 --> 00:29:23.410
me back a giant cheesesteak sandwich cinnamon

00:29:23.410 --> 00:29:28.380
roll Really good food and feeds me and my belly

00:29:28.380 --> 00:29:30.599
is full and I just start crying because I'm like

00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:34.220
God heard me God heard me God heard exactly what

00:29:34.220 --> 00:29:38.279
I needed and he saw me weary and I cried out

00:29:38.279 --> 00:29:40.059
to him and it makes me think of scripture the

00:29:40.059 --> 00:29:42.700
righteous cry out and the Lord hears them I cried

00:29:42.700 --> 00:29:45.420
out to the Lord and he heard I sought the Lord

00:29:45.420 --> 00:29:48.359
he heard and he answered and he delivered immediately

00:29:48.359 --> 00:29:54.339
and It was, I've shared this testimony on here

00:29:54.339 --> 00:29:56.339
before too, where the Lord started getting really

00:29:56.339 --> 00:29:59.460
specific because it was days later where my phone

00:29:59.460 --> 00:30:02.900
bill was running out. My phone was about to be

00:30:02.900 --> 00:30:05.359
shut off because I couldn't pay the bill and

00:30:05.359 --> 00:30:09.940
I hadn't ate again. I was really hungry and I

00:30:09.940 --> 00:30:12.579
was running out of food for my cat and I was

00:30:12.579 --> 00:30:14.839
crying out to the Lord. We're like, Lord, I know

00:30:14.839 --> 00:30:16.640
I'm getting specific but these are the three

00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:20.579
things I need. And later that day, the Lord works

00:30:20.579 --> 00:30:22.319
on someone's heart. Someone comes up and approaches

00:30:22.319 --> 00:30:23.859
me and says, hey, would you like to eat at this

00:30:23.859 --> 00:30:26.660
restaurant across the street? I say, sure. I

00:30:26.660 --> 00:30:29.079
eat across the street. I have a full belly. This

00:30:29.079 --> 00:30:30.819
person starts telling me about their cat. They're

00:30:30.819 --> 00:30:32.880
a truck driver traveling with their cat. And

00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:35.460
I show them pictures of my cat. When we walk

00:30:35.460 --> 00:30:37.720
back to my car, they're like, hey, hold on. I

00:30:37.720 --> 00:30:40.339
got something for you. They go in their truck

00:30:40.339 --> 00:30:42.599
and pull out all these big things of cat food.

00:30:42.940 --> 00:30:47.460
My cat food is provided for. And then hours later,

00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:50.180
Sleeping for the night and all the sudden I have

00:30:50.180 --> 00:30:52.400
a knock on my window and I open it up and it's

00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:55.259
that guy standing there with and he has an extra

00:30:55.259 --> 00:30:57.519
phone extra device he has all these extra devices

00:30:57.519 --> 00:30:59.579
and stuff for traveling and says he doesn't know

00:30:59.579 --> 00:31:02.380
why like those put on his heart till it just

00:31:02.380 --> 00:31:07.000
give me this phone it's paid for and just Have

00:31:07.000 --> 00:31:10.220
a good life and walked away and that night I

00:31:10.220 --> 00:31:14.420
received a phone paid for food and my cat food

00:31:14.420 --> 00:31:18.710
and That was another moment of God Moving immediately

00:31:18.710 --> 00:31:21.890
and y 'all God continued to work blessings miracles

00:31:21.890 --> 00:31:24.250
like that in my life I've shared on here when

00:31:24.250 --> 00:31:27.410
God told me he was gonna make away and You know,

00:31:27.410 --> 00:31:30.890
I wake up that morning with like $10 to my name

00:31:30.890 --> 00:31:33.390
give that $10 away and that night I end up with

00:31:33.390 --> 00:31:37.890
like $300 to move back to Indiana There is a

00:31:37.890 --> 00:31:39.690
random guy. I was just walking the parking lot

00:31:39.690 --> 00:31:43.220
and he Stops and just hands me $20 and hands

00:31:43.220 --> 00:31:45.220
me another 20 hands me another and all of a sudden

00:31:45.220 --> 00:31:49.660
I have $60 like I I Have seen the Lord provide

00:31:49.660 --> 00:31:53.019
for me and make ways when there appears to be

00:31:53.019 --> 00:31:57.559
no way Okay, like I have seen it so much that

00:31:57.559 --> 00:32:01.599
there is no denying That he is working and that

00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:03.920
he is moving So like I want to start off there

00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:06.759
that like for me there is absolutely no denying.

00:32:06.759 --> 00:32:11.259
This is not luck this is not universe this is

00:32:11.259 --> 00:32:16.359
not my own manifestation this is god this is

00:32:16.359 --> 00:32:19.980
the heavenly father this was him moving and i

00:32:19.980 --> 00:32:23.200
have seen what his strength can do when my own

00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:28.619
strength cannot do it i have seen so i have hope

00:32:28.619 --> 00:32:32.390
alone those things but I will tell you about

00:32:32.390 --> 00:32:35.190
the internal changes in the internal shifts and

00:32:35.190 --> 00:32:36.990
I want to worship the Lord because I want to

00:32:36.990 --> 00:32:39.269
make it very clear y 'all if it wasn't for God

00:32:39.269 --> 00:32:41.390
I would still be sitting in my car in California

00:32:41.390 --> 00:32:43.569
in the desert or honestly I'd probably be dead

00:32:43.569 --> 00:32:45.450
because I wouldn't have been able to provide

00:32:45.450 --> 00:32:47.950
I wouldn't have made it out of that situation

00:32:47.950 --> 00:32:52.089
if it wasn't for God no one but God I would still

00:32:52.089 --> 00:32:56.160
be there If it wasn't for God, I would still

00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:58.740
be addicted to nicotine. If it wasn't for God,

00:32:58.799 --> 00:33:02.740
I would still be using substances to cope. If

00:33:02.740 --> 00:33:07.440
it wasn't for God, I would not be here. He did

00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:11.880
those things, not me. He did those things. I

00:33:11.880 --> 00:33:17.140
did not. You know, I and I had to learn in that

00:33:17.140 --> 00:33:19.619
time period to praise the Lord because to some

00:33:19.619 --> 00:33:21.740
people they would think well God doesn't care

00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:23.759
all he did was bring your cheese steak sandwich

00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:25.960
and a cinnamon roll Why didn't he bring you a

00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:28.180
hotel and bring you all these other things? It

00:33:28.180 --> 00:33:32.400
wasn't time for that miracle God got me out of

00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:34.180
there God worked that miracle in that timing

00:33:34.180 --> 00:33:37.220
and he has shown me clearly why I wasn't ready

00:33:37.220 --> 00:33:39.140
in that time yet because it took a leaps of faith

00:33:39.289 --> 00:33:41.630
and god had to build a faith in me but he gave

00:33:41.630 --> 00:33:43.950
me what i needed in that time to keep going he

00:33:43.950 --> 00:33:46.829
knew exactly what i needed and that was what

00:33:46.829 --> 00:33:48.630
i needed because when i tell y 'all that when

00:33:48.630 --> 00:33:52.390
i had that cheesesteak sandwich i was just crying

00:33:52.390 --> 00:33:54.769
tears because i was like god actually cares about

00:33:54.769 --> 00:34:00.289
me like he heard and he cares and i'll tell you

00:34:00.289 --> 00:34:03.900
that is One of the reasons why I put my faith

00:34:03.900 --> 00:34:07.359
in the Heavenly Father is He has shown me unconditional

00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:10.019
love in a world that did not show me unconditional

00:34:10.019 --> 00:34:13.059
love. I did not understand unconditional love

00:34:13.059 --> 00:34:17.079
until God. Until I truly gave my life to Jesus

00:34:17.079 --> 00:34:21.440
and accepted God as my Heavenly Father. I had

00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:24.840
spent my whole life knowing love as conditional.

00:34:25.699 --> 00:34:31.480
Even my parents. In all honesty. I love them,

00:34:31.900 --> 00:34:34.440
but you know when I when I did things that they

00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:37.179
didn't like growing up I really felt like my

00:34:37.179 --> 00:34:39.739
the love was revoked. I felt like the affection

00:34:39.739 --> 00:34:43.119
was revoked. I felt like the the we care about

00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:48.920
you was revoked There were times with friends

00:34:48.920 --> 00:34:53.599
with romantic partners that the love was revoked

00:34:54.300 --> 00:34:56.980
When I was a tarot card reader, I experienced

00:34:56.980 --> 00:34:59.280
it firsthand I had people who would tune into

00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:01.719
my lives every single day that oh my gosh We

00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:04.699
love you. You're so wonderful. You're so amazing

00:35:04.699 --> 00:35:07.800
You're so this and the second I started trying

00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:09.900
to get out a tarot card reading the second I

00:35:09.900 --> 00:35:12.139
started trying to shut down my live streams the

00:35:12.139 --> 00:35:14.320
second I started like Nope, I'm not reading for

00:35:14.320 --> 00:35:16.099
these people anymore. I'm not doing these things

00:35:16.099 --> 00:35:18.300
anymore. The second they started crossing boundaries

00:35:18.300 --> 00:35:20.780
and I was like, you cannot cross these boundaries

00:35:20.780 --> 00:35:23.440
was the second they flipped. We built you. We

00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:26.019
did this. We invested money in you. We did this.

00:35:26.179 --> 00:35:29.840
We, which they were paying for services, but

00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:34.219
like how quickly the flip happened where it was

00:35:34.219 --> 00:35:36.139
like, they only love what I can do for them in

00:35:36.139 --> 00:35:37.920
the moment. But the second I stopped doing that,

00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:42.570
they turn on me. They don't like me. I had experienced

00:35:42.570 --> 00:35:49.170
in my life so much conditional love That the

00:35:49.170 --> 00:35:51.929
unconditional love from God was overwhelming

00:35:51.929 --> 00:35:54.690
and enough to just make me cry or it was like

00:35:54.690 --> 00:35:59.130
God I turned my back on you. I Said bad things

00:35:59.130 --> 00:36:02.690
about you. I led other people away from you I

00:36:02.690 --> 00:36:05.349
did all of these things and you're still willing

00:36:05.349 --> 00:36:09.429
to find me at the lowest of the low When scripture

00:36:09.429 --> 00:36:11.949
tells me that's the thing is scripture tells

00:36:11.949 --> 00:36:14.150
us already what happens when you turn your back

00:36:14.150 --> 00:36:16.730
on the Lord What happens when you don't listen

00:36:16.730 --> 00:36:20.730
to him? I Was like even though I had been warned

00:36:20.730 --> 00:36:26.449
God You are still willing to pull me out You

00:36:26.449 --> 00:36:31.570
were still willing To redeem me and give me a

00:36:31.570 --> 00:36:37.039
new light You are still like five minutes after

00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:40.099
I send and I repent and you're telling me that

00:36:40.099 --> 00:36:45.579
I'm your child and that you love me like God

00:36:45.579 --> 00:36:50.059
has shown me unconditional love that no one else

00:36:50.059 --> 00:36:52.940
has ever shown me He did that by sending his

00:36:52.940 --> 00:36:58.280
only son to die on the cross To pay for our sins

00:36:58.280 --> 00:37:01.500
to pay for my sins knowing that I'm going to

00:37:01.500 --> 00:37:04.239
send throughout my life Whether I want to or

00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:08.000
not I'm gonna eventually fall into something

00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:13.380
So that's that's one thing that God did is he

00:37:13.380 --> 00:37:16.039
Showed me unconditional love. Here's another

00:37:16.039 --> 00:37:17.920
thing. He helped me forgive people that I didn't

00:37:17.920 --> 00:37:20.699
think I was ever gonna be able to forgive There

00:37:20.699 --> 00:37:23.639
were people that since a child I had been holding

00:37:23.639 --> 00:37:26.840
anger and hatred in my heart towards them even

00:37:26.840 --> 00:37:29.159
if I was like I wasn't going out of my way to

00:37:29.159 --> 00:37:31.679
like talk bad about them or make their life crap

00:37:31.679 --> 00:37:34.619
or anything like that I Would still have these

00:37:34.619 --> 00:37:37.219
thoughts of like I hope they realize what they

00:37:37.219 --> 00:37:40.699
did to me They're gonna get theirs. I hope they

00:37:40.699 --> 00:37:43.239
reap what they sow. I hope this I hope that like

00:37:43.239 --> 00:37:45.940
I was still having venomous thoughts towards

00:37:45.940 --> 00:37:48.039
them There were some people that I had said it

00:37:48.039 --> 00:37:50.420
doesn't matter if they got all their life together

00:37:50.420 --> 00:37:53.869
and like all of these things I would never have

00:37:53.869 --> 00:37:56.110
them in my life I would never forgive them or

00:37:56.110 --> 00:38:00.590
I would never do this and I've shared this testimony

00:38:00.590 --> 00:38:03.869
before the Lord reconciled me with someone who

00:38:03.869 --> 00:38:07.269
I never had a good they they were a family member

00:38:07.269 --> 00:38:09.690
that I was they were supposed to be one of the

00:38:09.690 --> 00:38:11.369
people as closest within the world they were

00:38:11.369 --> 00:38:12.969
supposed to be someone who loved me unconditionally

00:38:12.969 --> 00:38:15.969
and I went about five years no contact with this

00:38:15.969 --> 00:38:18.630
person and they had caused so much pain to me

00:38:18.630 --> 00:38:22.630
growing up and in my adult life And I had made

00:38:22.630 --> 00:38:24.909
the decision that like, you know, and I blamed

00:38:24.909 --> 00:38:29.889
a lot of my trauma and a lot of my life circumstances

00:38:29.889 --> 00:38:31.869
and a lot of decisions I had made for myself

00:38:31.869 --> 00:38:35.230
of them. I attributed a lot of my problems in

00:38:35.230 --> 00:38:38.110
life to them. And I believe them to be the source

00:38:38.110 --> 00:38:42.230
and the cause. My perspective has definitely

00:38:42.230 --> 00:38:47.570
shifted now, but I had multiple times said, I'll

00:38:47.570 --> 00:38:49.409
never forgive this person. This person will never

00:38:49.409 --> 00:38:53.369
be in my life. Like we're done. So it's done

00:38:53.369 --> 00:38:57.829
and in the past year the Lord had really softened

00:38:57.829 --> 00:39:03.210
my heart towards that person and Upon like finally

00:39:03.210 --> 00:39:06.500
kind of just reconnecting with that person I

00:39:06.500 --> 00:39:08.659
found out that that person gave their life to

00:39:08.659 --> 00:39:11.119
Christ too and this person was pursuing holiness

00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:14.079
and this person was trying to get right and I

00:39:14.079 --> 00:39:17.260
have seen night and day changes in them and I

00:39:17.260 --> 00:39:19.659
am this is now they're probably one of the people

00:39:19.659 --> 00:39:23.219
I'm closest with I'm with them every day I love

00:39:23.219 --> 00:39:26.219
them I live with them actually like they are

00:39:27.019 --> 00:39:29.599
Amazing and I thank God dearly every day for

00:39:29.599 --> 00:39:31.440
that relationship. You know, I go to church with

00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:34.639
this person every day They are absolute is this

00:39:34.639 --> 00:39:36.800
relationship is a gift from God that I never

00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:40.360
expected to be able to have And I have told this

00:39:40.360 --> 00:39:42.719
person time and time again No one but God could

00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:45.519
have softened my heart towards them To give them

00:39:45.519 --> 00:39:47.840
another chance because I had felt like I gave

00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:50.059
them a million chances and every time I got stuff

00:39:50.059 --> 00:39:54.300
on every time it was bad No one but God could

00:39:54.300 --> 00:39:57.139
have softened my heart towards them Because I

00:39:57.139 --> 00:39:58.659
wasn't putting my trust in this person I was

00:39:58.659 --> 00:40:00.539
putting my trust in God when I felt like God

00:40:00.539 --> 00:40:04.000
called me to reconnect with this person and You

00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:05.920
know to start going to church with them and just

00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:08.639
like to love on them and everything I had to

00:40:08.639 --> 00:40:11.280
really put my trust in God like God is calling

00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:13.380
me to this for a reason God is leading me down

00:40:13.380 --> 00:40:14.920
this path for a reason I would make that clear.

00:40:14.920 --> 00:40:16.519
I wasn't putting my trust in this person. I was

00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:21.820
putting my trust in God and now Gosh, I can't

00:40:21.820 --> 00:40:24.679
imagine my life without this connection. I couldn't

00:40:24.679 --> 00:40:27.699
imagine my life without this person This this

00:40:27.699 --> 00:40:31.280
family member. I love them so dearly I would

00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:33.820
say that like no one but God could have humbled

00:40:33.820 --> 00:40:36.320
them or put them on the path and they say that

00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:38.500
all the time like they they give the credit and

00:40:38.500 --> 00:40:44.019
the glory to the Lord and With me I was unforgiveness.

00:40:44.119 --> 00:40:46.699
I was all of these things. Like I said, like

00:40:46.699 --> 00:40:50.480
God had to do an amazing work of me to get me

00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:52.260
to this point. So that's another thing is God

00:40:52.260 --> 00:40:55.019
restores relationships that I thought were beyond

00:40:55.019 --> 00:41:00.159
restoration. God redeemed things that I thought

00:41:00.159 --> 00:41:03.460
were beyond redemption. God moved in ways that

00:41:03.460 --> 00:41:07.639
no human being could move. And that's another

00:41:07.639 --> 00:41:09.960
reason why I put my faith in the Lord is I have

00:41:09.960 --> 00:41:12.679
seen him move on people's hearts. I have seen

00:41:12.679 --> 00:41:17.050
him night and day shift. people here's another

00:41:17.050 --> 00:41:20.070
one god cleared out unhealthy people from my

00:41:20.070 --> 00:41:22.110
life before i even surrendered my life to the

00:41:22.110 --> 00:41:26.230
lord it was years ago when you know i was still

00:41:26.230 --> 00:41:28.650
deep in new age spirituality that i felt an overwhelming

00:41:28.650 --> 00:41:30.909
conviction with the group of people i was surrounding

00:41:30.909 --> 00:41:33.289
myself with because i started feeling a real

00:41:33.289 --> 00:41:37.250
gossip conviction um and at the time i didn't

00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:39.420
fully understand scripture says the power of

00:41:39.420 --> 00:41:41.719
life and death lies in the tongue but at that

00:41:41.719 --> 00:41:43.880
time my understanding in new age spirituality

00:41:43.880 --> 00:41:46.320
was that i was speaking death over people when

00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:48.639
i was gossiping and just being negative in general

00:41:48.639 --> 00:41:52.619
and that wasn't good to do but i felt at the

00:41:52.619 --> 00:41:56.360
root of it a conviction around gossip and i felt

00:41:56.360 --> 00:41:59.119
a conviction around sobriety and this was my

00:41:59.119 --> 00:42:03.820
first time Trying to be sober. Okay, like I said,

00:42:04.139 --> 00:42:06.460
the only time it consistently happened was with

00:42:06.460 --> 00:42:13.099
the Lord and Sober from like marijuana and I

00:42:13.099 --> 00:42:17.760
realized that this group of people Any any time

00:42:17.760 --> 00:42:19.860
especially I'm around all we would end up doing

00:42:19.860 --> 00:42:22.699
was gossiping and smoking and like all of these

00:42:22.699 --> 00:42:28.360
things I really felt the Lord tell me like Can't

00:42:28.360 --> 00:42:31.559
you're not going to grow into who you're meant

00:42:31.559 --> 00:42:34.199
to be when you are still around this group of

00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:39.420
people And that that's the best way I can really

00:42:39.420 --> 00:42:42.800
word it and at that time I released those people

00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:46.820
and I couldn't fully understand why I had enough

00:42:46.820 --> 00:42:48.659
Evidence honestly because I knew these people

00:42:48.659 --> 00:42:50.260
were saying really mean things about me when

00:42:50.260 --> 00:42:52.659
I wasn't around Because they did it to each other

00:42:52.659 --> 00:42:55.300
all the time. I knew if they would they're constantly

00:42:55.719 --> 00:42:58.320
bad mouthing and talking all these bad things

00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:00.199
about each other to me. So I knew if they did

00:43:00.199 --> 00:43:02.159
it to me, they were doing it about me too. It

00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:04.539
wasn't really hard to put it together. I knew

00:43:04.539 --> 00:43:09.059
these people for a long time. And you know, I

00:43:09.059 --> 00:43:10.699
had really accepted it was like, I don't really

00:43:10.699 --> 00:43:13.219
want to be around people all the time that say

00:43:13.219 --> 00:43:15.139
mean things, even if they do nice things for

00:43:15.139 --> 00:43:18.079
me occasionally. Even if like to my face, they're

00:43:18.079 --> 00:43:20.199
nice. If they're saying all these things about

00:43:20.199 --> 00:43:22.280
me behind my back, do I really want to be friends

00:43:22.280 --> 00:43:28.059
with these people? And You know, I end up letting

00:43:28.059 --> 00:43:31.280
those people go and when I gave my life to Christ

00:43:31.280 --> 00:43:34.460
years later down the road There were some people

00:43:34.460 --> 00:43:36.900
that the Lord really called me to release with

00:43:36.900 --> 00:43:39.920
love continue to pray for them But to not consistently

00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:42.340
have myself around and he really showed me the

00:43:42.340 --> 00:43:47.199
scripture in Corinthians Bad morals corrupts

00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:51.719
good company or bad company corrupts good morals

00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:55.579
meaning like you can have these boundaries you

00:43:55.579 --> 00:43:57.880
can have these good morals god can be instilling

00:43:57.880 --> 00:44:00.579
these things in you but if every day you're around

00:44:00.579 --> 00:44:03.039
bad company people who don't have the same morals

00:44:03.039 --> 00:44:06.719
or who don't keep those same things it's gonna

00:44:06.719 --> 00:44:09.539
get corrupted and it's gonna get watered down

00:44:09.539 --> 00:44:12.760
and it's gonna get corroded and i could see throughout

00:44:12.760 --> 00:44:15.780
my past when i would try making shifts and changes

00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:19.099
how my company would really affect how much i

00:44:19.099 --> 00:44:21.980
actually stood on those things and even if I

00:44:21.980 --> 00:44:23.719
did stand on some of those things some of them

00:44:23.719 --> 00:44:26.840
would start to be watered down because it was

00:44:26.840 --> 00:44:28.880
really hard for me to decipher because a couple

00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:33.099
of people in the old friend group like again

00:44:33.099 --> 00:44:36.780
I pray for these people I love them but they

00:44:36.780 --> 00:44:38.639
called themselves Christians but they weren't

00:44:38.639 --> 00:44:42.320
living the Christian lifestyle you know like

00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:44.539
it wasn't a full -on denying flesh I could see

00:44:44.539 --> 00:44:46.320
some areas where they were trying to deny it

00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:48.340
but overall the company that they were keeping

00:44:49.019 --> 00:44:51.500
They were consistently watering down what they

00:44:51.500 --> 00:44:55.320
were supposed to be standing on and I now see

00:44:55.320 --> 00:44:58.599
that that would have been me So that's another

00:44:58.599 --> 00:45:00.800
thing that I credit the Lord to is there have

00:45:00.800 --> 00:45:03.699
been times y 'all when I Would be unsure about

00:45:03.699 --> 00:45:05.059
people and I would start praying to God saying

00:45:05.059 --> 00:45:06.960
God if they're not for me remove them and all

00:45:06.960 --> 00:45:08.400
of a sudden I would never hear from that person

00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:12.619
again like they would be ghost completely gone

00:45:12.619 --> 00:45:16.239
or All of a sudden there would be a little like

00:45:16.239 --> 00:45:20.480
a little hey, I don't I don't even want to say

00:45:20.480 --> 00:45:22.159
fallout because there really haven't been many

00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:25.659
crazy fallouts since but things would be revealed

00:45:25.659 --> 00:45:30.119
and Distance would grow I Have that is one of

00:45:30.119 --> 00:45:33.019
the prayers that I see the Lord answer the quickest

00:45:33.019 --> 00:45:36.239
is not if they're not for me remove them But

00:45:36.239 --> 00:45:38.219
remember y 'all it is our responsibility if God

00:45:38.219 --> 00:45:40.480
starts removing to allow him to remove it not

00:45:40.480 --> 00:45:43.440
to fight it and not to try to hold on To let

00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:47.789
go And that's another thing is I have seen God

00:45:47.789 --> 00:45:51.969
clear out people. And I have seen multiple times

00:45:51.969 --> 00:45:54.130
later on where I find out something was happening

00:45:54.130 --> 00:45:57.230
or something was going on. It's like, woo, glory

00:45:57.230 --> 00:46:03.210
be to God. It wasn't allowed to continue. Here's

00:46:03.210 --> 00:46:08.210
another one. Here's another thing of why I put

00:46:08.210 --> 00:46:11.510
my faith in the Lord. God gives me rest. in the

00:46:11.510 --> 00:46:14.349
middle of storms as someone with a history of

00:46:14.349 --> 00:46:20.969
anxiety and panic attacks um and control issues

00:46:20.969 --> 00:46:24.610
throughout my life the way i viewed things was

00:46:24.610 --> 00:46:27.550
like if i want it done right i have to do it

00:46:27.550 --> 00:46:29.409
if i want it taken care of i just have to do

00:46:29.409 --> 00:46:31.269
it and anytime something would happen i would

00:46:31.269 --> 00:46:33.610
somehow take it on as my responsibility or my

00:46:33.610 --> 00:46:36.630
problem you know even when i was resting i was

00:46:36.630 --> 00:46:40.030
stressing And in new age spirituality, that doesn't

00:46:40.030 --> 00:46:41.869
help very much because you start getting fed

00:46:41.869 --> 00:46:44.030
the ideas of you're your own creator and you

00:46:44.030 --> 00:46:45.969
manifest your reality So if you don't like it,

00:46:45.969 --> 00:46:47.570
you're not doing good enough. You don't like

00:46:47.570 --> 00:46:52.889
it do better la da da da da Which that first

00:46:52.889 --> 00:46:55.150
for a control person it's a dream because you're

00:46:55.150 --> 00:46:57.050
like, oh I can create whatever I want to I can

00:46:57.050 --> 00:47:00.570
do whatever I want to and then when That isn't

00:47:00.570 --> 00:47:03.230
how it works because that isn't how it works

00:47:03.230 --> 00:47:06.710
Okay, we are not the creators of our own reality

00:47:07.440 --> 00:47:12.119
You start to feel this overwhelming weight of

00:47:12.119 --> 00:47:14.659
am I not doing it correctly? Am I not doing enough?

00:47:14.820 --> 00:47:16.539
Am I not doing all this? And it becomes your

00:47:16.539 --> 00:47:22.519
worst nightmare. And I talk about, I have talked

00:47:22.519 --> 00:47:25.820
about to people so many times that that is probably

00:47:25.820 --> 00:47:29.059
one of the most monumental things I feel like

00:47:29.059 --> 00:47:31.139
has come from my relationship with the Lord is

00:47:31.139 --> 00:47:34.079
the peace and the rest I have. When I am hit

00:47:34.079 --> 00:47:37.900
with problems that I don't have a solution for,

00:47:38.219 --> 00:47:41.579
that I don't know what to do, either way, I try

00:47:41.579 --> 00:47:44.460
to take everything to God. Use God as your steering

00:47:44.460 --> 00:47:46.599
wheel, not your spare tire. Even if you use prayer

00:47:46.599 --> 00:47:48.179
as your steering wheel, not your spare tire,

00:47:48.300 --> 00:47:51.730
go to God in prayer. Have him steer you on what

00:47:51.730 --> 00:47:54.329
to do not do what you want to do and pray about

00:47:54.329 --> 00:47:57.170
it later Okay, even when you have the resources

00:47:57.170 --> 00:47:59.530
to take care of something yourself go to God

00:47:59.530 --> 00:48:02.090
first and ask him Am I supposed to be moving

00:48:02.090 --> 00:48:04.010
this way should I move differently because sometimes

00:48:04.010 --> 00:48:06.030
even when you have the ability to go he'll tell

00:48:06.030 --> 00:48:09.570
you to stop So it's important to check with him

00:48:09.570 --> 00:48:13.190
first Okay, I need to make this very clear whether

00:48:13.190 --> 00:48:15.510
or not you have the ability to do something does

00:48:15.510 --> 00:48:18.329
not mean it's God's will that you do it Because

00:48:18.329 --> 00:48:20.489
the devil presents you with temptations all the

00:48:20.489 --> 00:48:22.369
time to you the devil presents you with I'm doing

00:48:22.369 --> 00:48:25.250
air quotes opportunities all the time, too I

00:48:25.250 --> 00:48:28.389
have many testimonies of Opportunities presenting

00:48:28.389 --> 00:48:31.730
themselves to me that are clear sins that clearly

00:48:31.730 --> 00:48:34.309
go against the will of the Lord That clearly

00:48:34.309 --> 00:48:36.269
would have been backsliding or back movement

00:48:36.269 --> 00:48:39.730
So you've got to use your discernment. You've

00:48:39.730 --> 00:48:42.369
got to take things to the Lord Okay, someone

00:48:42.369 --> 00:48:44.010
needs to hear today. Pray to the Lord to strengthen

00:48:44.010 --> 00:48:49.679
your discernment. Okay But I have seen God give

00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:52.719
me rest in times when I just like naturally should

00:48:52.719 --> 00:48:55.119
not have rest There is a time when I was having

00:48:55.119 --> 00:48:57.460
like really really bad car trouble and I did

00:48:57.460 --> 00:49:00.579
not have the money to fix it yet and I was crying

00:49:00.579 --> 00:49:02.960
to God when my God what am I supposed to do and

00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:06.400
I really felt like he told me to wait and I waited

00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:08.460
and then there was a day when it got really bad

00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:10.039
and I was like God, I don't think I can wait

00:49:10.039 --> 00:49:15.539
anymore and I prayed about it and I felt I I

00:49:15.539 --> 00:49:19.159
was led to call a place I call that place They

00:49:19.159 --> 00:49:22.000
end up getting me in that day Because someone

00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:24.760
they told me come right in that day. I get it

00:49:24.760 --> 00:49:28.739
fixed for like half the price The the right person

00:49:28.739 --> 00:49:30.719
was there that looked in and gave me all the

00:49:30.719 --> 00:49:32.480
discounts and it turns out that they were packed

00:49:32.480 --> 00:49:34.820
that entire week That was the day where someone

00:49:34.820 --> 00:49:37.239
called at that time and canceled their appointment.

00:49:37.260 --> 00:49:38.880
So they were just hanging out with nothing to

00:49:38.880 --> 00:49:44.280
do and like Sometimes God will tell you to wait

00:49:44.280 --> 00:49:46.579
Even when it doesn't make sense and that was

00:49:46.579 --> 00:49:48.280
a time when in the past I would have stressed

00:49:48.280 --> 00:49:49.739
I would have been looking like do I take out

00:49:49.739 --> 00:49:52.980
the loan? Do I do this? Like do I do that? And

00:49:52.980 --> 00:49:57.480
that week when God told me to wait I was waiting

00:49:57.480 --> 00:50:01.579
But the stress that I would normally have was

00:50:01.579 --> 00:50:04.039
lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't there anymore

00:50:04.039 --> 00:50:08.219
that stress was gone the Lord gave me a peace

00:50:08.219 --> 00:50:10.840
that surpassed all understanding like when there

00:50:10.840 --> 00:50:12.980
are problems that arise when there are things

00:50:12.980 --> 00:50:15.739
that come at me and I know that my own strength

00:50:15.739 --> 00:50:19.139
is not good enough I know that my brain power

00:50:19.139 --> 00:50:21.760
is not good enough in the past I would run myself

00:50:21.760 --> 00:50:25.019
ragged and now I'm like I give it to God and

00:50:25.019 --> 00:50:29.739
I see a peace and I see things work out for the

00:50:29.739 --> 00:50:35.150
good Here's another one. I used to feel like

00:50:35.150 --> 00:50:37.690
justice would never happen. I would try to secure

00:50:37.690 --> 00:50:39.989
justice for myself, especially when I was younger

00:50:39.989 --> 00:50:41.889
y 'all I used to run my mouth all the time and

00:50:41.889 --> 00:50:43.650
I would try to expose what other people were

00:50:43.650 --> 00:50:45.269
doing and I would try to spill the tea and I

00:50:45.269 --> 00:50:47.809
would try to do all those things and I really

00:50:47.809 --> 00:50:49.349
felt the Lord tell me that then that you know,

00:50:49.449 --> 00:50:51.429
once I started really surrendering to him he

00:50:51.429 --> 00:50:53.409
used to tell me that vengeance is his and give

00:50:53.409 --> 00:50:55.710
it to him and trust that he will expose things

00:50:55.710 --> 00:50:58.389
and just that he will work things out, you know,

00:50:58.389 --> 00:51:03.460
don't go out of my way to do it. and I was forgiving

00:51:03.460 --> 00:51:06.039
people and giving them to the Lord and I have

00:51:06.039 --> 00:51:09.440
seen time and time again and His timing not in

00:51:09.440 --> 00:51:13.000
mine people's true colors be exposed Years later

00:51:13.000 --> 00:51:15.639
down the road. Why is that were believed all

00:51:15.639 --> 00:51:19.519
the sudden the truth comes out? People falling

00:51:19.519 --> 00:51:22.059
on their own swords people falling into their

00:51:22.059 --> 00:51:25.519
own pits When I have truly given it to God and

00:51:25.519 --> 00:51:27.500
stopped trying to rush the process or stop trying

00:51:27.500 --> 00:51:29.960
to secure justice for myself, I have seen justice

00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:33.300
be delivered. I'm telling y 'all today that I

00:51:33.300 --> 00:51:35.619
believe in the Lord and I have hope and faith

00:51:35.619 --> 00:51:38.699
in the Lord because I have seen him work in supernatural

00:51:38.699 --> 00:51:43.170
ways. Not just in bringing in blessings not just

00:51:43.170 --> 00:51:46.230
in answering my prayers in these miraculous ways

00:51:46.230 --> 00:51:48.949
but in the works that he has done in me and then

00:51:48.949 --> 00:51:51.750
the people around me that are not humanly possible

00:51:51.750 --> 00:51:57.289
and are inconceivable and unbelievable You know,

00:51:57.369 --> 00:51:59.929
it makes me feel it makes me think of if you

00:51:59.929 --> 00:52:02.369
guys have seen that movie a walk to remember

00:52:02.369 --> 00:52:05.690
Late 90s where in the girl the star and the show

00:52:05.690 --> 00:52:07.670
she's talking about her faith and she says it's

00:52:07.670 --> 00:52:11.130
like the wind Like she can't see God but she

00:52:11.130 --> 00:52:14.829
knows he's there and like that's one of the best

00:52:14.829 --> 00:52:17.690
ways I can explain it with just the feeling of

00:52:17.690 --> 00:52:20.809
peace and the feeling of security and that feeling

00:52:20.809 --> 00:52:22.789
of knowing. I want to share with y 'all just

00:52:22.789 --> 00:52:25.329
a little bit of a scriptural story and this is

00:52:25.329 --> 00:52:28.110
the story of Hannah and Panina. I believe this

00:52:28.110 --> 00:52:30.690
is for Samuel and I was telling someone the story

00:52:30.690 --> 00:52:34.170
the other day where Hannah, she loved, she was

00:52:34.170 --> 00:52:37.530
married to her husband and all she wanted was

00:52:37.530 --> 00:52:40.300
to have kids. but the Lord had closed her womb

00:52:40.300 --> 00:52:43.059
for a time. She was barren at this time and you

00:52:43.059 --> 00:52:45.480
know back in that time period that was like a

00:52:45.480 --> 00:52:49.119
woman's top like purpose was to have kids like

00:52:49.119 --> 00:52:51.619
reproduce and take care of them and if you couldn't

00:52:51.619 --> 00:52:54.360
have kids what were you worth to a lot of people?

00:52:54.980 --> 00:52:58.940
That was their mindset and Hannah was just devastated

00:52:58.940 --> 00:53:01.139
that she couldn't have kids because her husband

00:53:01.139 --> 00:53:03.780
went and married a second woman, Penina. Panina

00:53:03.780 --> 00:53:06.900
had a ton of kids and Panina made Hannah feel

00:53:06.900 --> 00:53:09.440
like crap about herself and about her situation

00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:12.340
Revenant in her face that she had kids and every

00:53:12.340 --> 00:53:13.960
year they would all go to the temple together

00:53:13.960 --> 00:53:17.360
to make sacrifices to make offerings and one

00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:21.099
year they go and Panina is just given her the

00:53:21.099 --> 00:53:23.940
business and Hannah is upset and her husband

00:53:23.940 --> 00:53:26.099
is not being any type of comfort to her the words

00:53:26.099 --> 00:53:29.079
he's saying are not comforting and she runs into

00:53:29.079 --> 00:53:32.599
the temple and she is just fervently Laying it

00:53:32.599 --> 00:53:36.599
all out to God and so fervent that there is a

00:53:36.599 --> 00:53:39.139
prophet and there who believes her to be drunk

00:53:39.139 --> 00:53:42.039
and he's like girl How long are you gonna be

00:53:42.039 --> 00:53:43.780
drunk for? Like why are you coming in here drunk?

00:53:44.099 --> 00:53:47.480
I'm paraphrasing guys And she was like, I'm not

00:53:47.480 --> 00:53:50.860
drunk I'm just so overcome with emotion and she

00:53:50.860 --> 00:53:53.800
kind of explains just how she's just pouring

00:53:53.800 --> 00:53:56.679
it out and the prophet says You know what? May

00:53:56.679 --> 00:53:59.860
God grant your petition may may he answer your

00:53:59.860 --> 00:54:03.840
prayer And she stood up and she left that temple

00:54:03.840 --> 00:54:07.820
in like a lightened mood. She wasn't distraught

00:54:07.820 --> 00:54:10.840
anymore. She wasn't distressed anymore. There

00:54:10.840 --> 00:54:13.300
was a peace she had that surpassed all understanding.

00:54:14.760 --> 00:54:17.900
She knew that she had given it to God and God

00:54:17.900 --> 00:54:20.000
was working on it. She didn't know exactly what

00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:21.679
the answer was going to look like or what the

00:54:21.679 --> 00:54:24.659
outcome would be, but she knew that God was now

00:54:24.659 --> 00:54:26.760
working on it and it was in his hands and that

00:54:26.760 --> 00:54:31.730
was all she needed to have peace. You know Hannah

00:54:31.730 --> 00:54:35.989
Panina wasn't taken out of the situation And

00:54:35.989 --> 00:54:37.690
I miss kids weren't taken out of the situation

00:54:37.690 --> 00:54:40.889
Hannah wasn't pregnant Hannah wasn't removed

00:54:40.889 --> 00:54:44.210
nothing had physically changed but she knew she

00:54:44.210 --> 00:54:47.570
had the faith and the knowing that God was taking

00:54:47.570 --> 00:54:50.469
care of it and That is the best way y 'all that

00:54:50.469 --> 00:54:52.710
I can describe the feeling that God gives me

00:54:54.219 --> 00:54:56.880
when I hand things to him there's a rest and

00:54:56.880 --> 00:54:59.019
there's a peace even if the storm hasn't finished

00:54:59.019 --> 00:55:01.639
even if the problems haven't cleared up yet solely

00:55:01.639 --> 00:55:04.420
because I know that he's working on it and I'm

00:55:04.420 --> 00:55:05.940
telling y 'all today that none of these things

00:55:05.940 --> 00:55:08.599
are my own works none of these things are my

00:55:08.599 --> 00:55:10.960
own control when I put my faith in the Lord does

00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:15.739
he guide my steps yes does he tell me hey pray

00:55:15.739 --> 00:55:19.679
this prayer talk to this person apply for this

00:55:19.679 --> 00:55:23.460
thing sometimes But it's God that goes ahead

00:55:23.460 --> 00:55:27.980
of me. It's God that instructs me It's not me

00:55:27.980 --> 00:55:30.940
and I that that is what this podcast today y

00:55:30.940 --> 00:55:34.219
'all i'm just taking time to worship him and

00:55:34.219 --> 00:55:37.440
praise him By talking about what he has done

00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:40.340
in my life And giving him all the glory and giving

00:55:40.340 --> 00:55:42.179
him all the credit. That is what this podcast

00:55:42.179 --> 00:55:45.239
is for y 'all To plant these seeds and to tell

00:55:45.239 --> 00:55:47.960
y 'all about the goodness of God and he can do

00:55:47.960 --> 00:55:49.860
that in your life, too And y 'all I'm telling

00:55:49.860 --> 00:55:52.980
you he's doing all of this for me after a lifetime

00:55:52.980 --> 00:55:57.619
Yes, I grew up going to church, but don't forget

00:55:57.619 --> 00:56:00.000
y 'all that the entire time when I was little

00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:03.980
and young When I was going to church I was willfully

00:56:03.980 --> 00:56:06.780
sinning when I was 14 years old receiving communion

00:56:06.780 --> 00:56:10.119
the night before I was smoking and partying When

00:56:10.119 --> 00:56:13.500
I was 15 when I was 16, I was fornicating I was

00:56:13.500 --> 00:56:17.860
living a life in sin And I'm also telling y 'all

00:56:17.860 --> 00:56:19.980
that doing that opened up doors to the devil.

00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:22.760
I wasn't taking my relationship with God seriously

00:56:22.760 --> 00:56:26.239
I was angry at the Heavenly Father. I was not

00:56:26.239 --> 00:56:30.119
Doing I was not being a good Christian. Honestly

00:56:30.119 --> 00:56:32.179
y 'all like I was not trying to live a life pleasing

00:56:32.179 --> 00:56:34.500
to the Lord I was being a hypocrite of what I

00:56:34.500 --> 00:56:38.380
was doing So yeah, I was in the church, but I

00:56:38.380 --> 00:56:40.420
was not living a life pleasing to the Lord My

00:56:40.420 --> 00:56:42.599
heart wasn't being worked on like I wasn't being

00:56:42.599 --> 00:56:48.699
changed. I wasn't open. I wasn't humble So I

00:56:48.699 --> 00:56:52.860
was in the Lord's house and Calling myself a

00:56:52.860 --> 00:56:56.440
follower While doing the complete opposite with

00:56:56.440 --> 00:56:59.380
my life, which I'm sure probably frustrated God

00:56:59.380 --> 00:57:03.619
and saddened him and Then I get older and I completely

00:57:03.619 --> 00:57:08.579
leave the church Turn to the world 100 % and

00:57:08.579 --> 00:57:10.960
then after that I go into New Age spirituality

00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:12.820
where I'm a tarot card reader And I'm leading

00:57:12.820 --> 00:57:15.659
other people away. I'm leading other people astray

00:57:15.659 --> 00:57:19.300
I'm doing the works of the devil without even

00:57:19.300 --> 00:57:21.820
realizing that I'm doing the works of the devil

00:57:21.820 --> 00:57:26.199
I've shared in my last podcast. I actually kind

00:57:26.199 --> 00:57:30.400
of felt like when I was in like a Meditation

00:57:30.400 --> 00:57:32.659
where I had really turned my back on the Lord

00:57:33.070 --> 00:57:37.050
Did all of these things and he still when I was

00:57:37.050 --> 00:57:40.889
in my lowest place Found me when I had a humble

00:57:40.889 --> 00:57:45.610
heart and it started with me seeking him Because

00:57:45.610 --> 00:57:47.650
when I look back y 'all when I was in that low

00:57:47.650 --> 00:57:50.010
place and I had nothing else to do what I do

00:57:50.010 --> 00:57:52.769
I picked up my Bible and in reading scripture

00:57:52.769 --> 00:57:55.989
and getting in the word I slowly started trying

00:57:55.989 --> 00:57:59.849
to pray and started opening myself up and that

00:57:59.849 --> 00:58:02.809
is when I really connected with the Heavenly

00:58:02.809 --> 00:58:09.110
Father and I started repenting. The Lord was

00:58:09.110 --> 00:58:11.110
softening my heart and working on my heart and

00:58:11.110 --> 00:58:13.570
he was knocking at me to start reading my Bible.

00:58:13.650 --> 00:58:16.750
I had to listen to that. He was knocking at me

00:58:16.750 --> 00:58:19.329
to start praying but I had to listen to that.

00:58:19.510 --> 00:58:21.309
That's what I'm telling y 'all about how he guides

00:58:21.309 --> 00:58:25.559
the steps. Because I had other books in my car.

00:58:25.559 --> 00:58:27.420
I had the Hunger Games books. I had all these

00:58:27.420 --> 00:58:29.420
other books I could have been reading those but

00:58:29.420 --> 00:58:33.380
it was the Bible I was writing And that was not

00:58:33.380 --> 00:58:39.960
me that was God I'm telling y 'all today that

00:58:39.960 --> 00:58:45.800
like God can do crazy work with a humble heart

00:58:45.800 --> 00:58:51.099
And that I'm telling y 'all that that was it

00:58:51.099 --> 00:58:54.489
was the combination of Seeking him and at that

00:58:54.489 --> 00:58:57.010
time I had hit my lowest where I was like, I

00:58:57.010 --> 00:58:59.090
know that my own works are not gonna get me out

00:58:59.090 --> 00:59:01.909
of this They got me to this point. It's time

00:59:01.909 --> 00:59:03.809
try doing it another way. It's time to turn to

00:59:03.809 --> 00:59:06.650
the Lord So that humble heart and that seeking

00:59:06.650 --> 00:59:08.929
him and I didn't even realize I was seeking him.

00:59:08.929 --> 00:59:12.289
I was just bored I wanted to read something.

00:59:12.510 --> 00:59:17.309
So I picked up the Bible But even after all of

00:59:17.309 --> 00:59:19.949
my history even after all of those things I did

00:59:19.949 --> 00:59:24.199
God still believed I was worthy to pull out of

00:59:24.199 --> 00:59:27.719
that situation I was in to pull me out of that

00:59:27.719 --> 00:59:31.559
pit to give me now you know I have a good job

00:59:31.559 --> 00:59:36.880
I have income I have fulfilling connections I

00:59:36.880 --> 00:59:39.099
have a great church I have a great community

00:59:39.099 --> 00:59:42.679
I have a platform that the Lord so graciously

00:59:42.679 --> 00:59:48.059
allows me to speak on all of these things with

00:59:48.059 --> 00:59:51.460
my past and with my history so I'm telling y

00:59:51.460 --> 00:59:54.110
'all It doesn't matter what your past is or what

00:59:54.110 --> 00:59:56.369
your history is. That's the unconditional love

00:59:56.369 --> 00:59:58.949
of the Heavenly Father. He will do it for you

00:59:58.949 --> 01:00:02.230
with a humble heart. It looks different for each

01:00:02.230 --> 01:00:08.690
person. But He can restore you and redeem you.

01:00:10.590 --> 01:00:14.929
None of this was me. This was all God. And this

01:00:14.929 --> 01:00:20.000
is why I speak. So fervently this is why like

01:00:20.000 --> 01:00:23.480
I feel such a weight of I try to be very thoughtful

01:00:23.480 --> 01:00:26.199
with it with my tick -tock Especially like with

01:00:26.199 --> 01:00:29.099
my tick -tock in here with this platform like

01:00:29.099 --> 01:00:32.059
you will rarely catch me posting anything that

01:00:32.059 --> 01:00:37.199
isn't related to scripture or a testimony Like

01:00:37.199 --> 01:00:39.900
I try to everything I put on social media to

01:00:39.900 --> 01:00:42.119
glorify God because I believe it to be a blessing

01:00:42.119 --> 01:00:44.360
that I'm even allowed to be on social media Because

01:00:44.360 --> 01:00:49.750
honestly, I don't deserve a platform after using

01:00:49.750 --> 01:00:52.090
my platform to like turn people away from the

01:00:52.090 --> 01:00:53.989
Lord when I was a tarot card reader, I don't

01:00:53.989 --> 01:00:56.809
deserve a platform. It is a blessing that God

01:00:56.809 --> 01:01:00.150
is allowing me to have a platform. It is a blessing

01:01:00.150 --> 01:01:02.550
that he has called me to have a podcast. It is

01:01:02.550 --> 01:01:06.110
a blessing that he ever allows me to be a mouthpiece.

01:01:10.690 --> 01:01:14.369
The reason why I feel such a weight with that

01:01:14.369 --> 01:01:17.780
is because of the fear but the love I have of

01:01:17.780 --> 01:01:25.900
the Lord. The reason why I am constantly telling

01:01:25.900 --> 01:01:28.460
people the testimonies about what he did in my

01:01:28.460 --> 01:01:30.179
life, how he did it for me and how he'll do it

01:01:30.179 --> 01:01:34.139
for you, the reason why I refuse to bury my past

01:01:34.139 --> 01:01:36.900
of who I was before, the reason why I am constantly

01:01:36.900 --> 01:01:38.739
telling people God did this in my life and God

01:01:38.739 --> 01:01:41.480
did this for me is because that is my job as

01:01:41.480 --> 01:01:45.539
a Christian. I recognize that now. That I am

01:01:45.539 --> 01:01:47.860
called, just like all my other brothers and sisters

01:01:47.860 --> 01:01:51.800
in Christ, to make disciples. To plant seeds.

01:01:51.860 --> 01:01:54.780
It's not just the pastor's job, y 'all. It's

01:01:54.780 --> 01:01:57.599
our job. And one of the most powerful ways we

01:01:57.599 --> 01:02:00.179
can do that is telling people about how God worked

01:02:00.179 --> 01:02:04.480
in our lives. What Jesus did for us. And when

01:02:04.480 --> 01:02:08.039
I was still in my car waiting on Jesus to work

01:02:08.039 --> 01:02:10.619
these miracles in my life, I am telling y 'all

01:02:10.619 --> 01:02:13.920
that I felt the Lord tell me that Do not bury

01:02:13.920 --> 01:02:16.940
these testimonies. These testimonies are going

01:02:16.940 --> 01:02:19.699
to help people. Like these testimonies are why

01:02:19.699 --> 01:02:21.800
you are being lifted out of this to glorify the

01:02:21.800 --> 01:02:24.380
Heavenly Father. God didn't pull me out of any

01:02:24.380 --> 01:02:26.679
of those things because I was worthy or deserving

01:02:26.679 --> 01:02:30.039
of it. He pulled me out of those things so that

01:02:30.039 --> 01:02:33.579
way I may bring other people closer to him through

01:02:33.579 --> 01:02:39.280
my life situation. I am simply a vessel for the

01:02:39.280 --> 01:02:45.309
Lord to bring other people closer to him. I am

01:02:45.309 --> 01:02:49.789
simply here to steward. And I never had that

01:02:49.789 --> 01:02:52.289
kind of surrender in my life. And that is why

01:02:52.289 --> 01:02:58.130
I talk the way I do now. That is why I am the

01:02:58.130 --> 01:03:04.429
way I am on social media. Like, y 'all, it's

01:03:04.429 --> 01:03:07.150
because if it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have

01:03:07.150 --> 01:03:10.630
any of this. And I recognize the responsibility

01:03:10.630 --> 01:03:21.050
that I carry with all of this. so this is why

01:03:21.050 --> 01:03:24.329
I have my faith in the Lord and this is what

01:03:24.329 --> 01:03:28.829
he's done for me and he can do it for you too

01:03:28.829 --> 01:03:33.889
and it doesn't matter what warfare I get hit

01:03:33.889 --> 01:03:39.110
with it doesn't matter what people say it doesn't

01:03:39.110 --> 01:03:43.170
matter what the devil tries to do I know what

01:03:43.170 --> 01:03:48.730
God has done in my life and like This is where

01:03:48.730 --> 01:03:51.469
it gets really heavy talking about this because

01:03:51.469 --> 01:03:53.789
I used to y 'all I used to eye roll and be like

01:03:53.789 --> 01:03:56.210
Christians just want to be martyrs Why do Christians

01:03:56.210 --> 01:03:59.090
always think about being martyrs? Like I used

01:03:59.090 --> 01:04:01.369
to think Christians had the most victim complex

01:04:01.369 --> 01:04:03.570
and everything and then now when I'm reading

01:04:03.570 --> 01:04:07.989
the Bible and I see how many people died Speaking

01:04:07.989 --> 01:04:10.530
the truth and where Jesus literally warns us

01:04:10.530 --> 01:04:12.829
in the Beatitudes that you are gonna be mocked

01:04:12.829 --> 01:04:19.380
you are gonna be persecuted on his behalf Like

01:04:19.380 --> 01:04:21.619
I'm recognizing like oh, no, that's not a victim

01:04:21.619 --> 01:04:23.739
complex. Like this is literally a thing you are

01:04:23.739 --> 01:04:27.239
dying to your flesh every day and There are constant

01:04:27.239 --> 01:04:29.539
attacks. There is persecution y 'all almost all

01:04:29.539 --> 01:04:33.099
of Jesus's disciples were murdered were boiled

01:04:33.099 --> 01:04:39.780
were beheaded Were all of these things And I

01:04:39.780 --> 01:04:42.900
used to say like I would people die on behalf

01:04:42.900 --> 01:04:45.539
of the Lord like if when when I would when I

01:04:45.539 --> 01:04:47.980
was younger and I would hear stories of like

01:04:48.349 --> 01:04:51.289
People being killed for confessing to be Christians.

01:04:51.630 --> 01:04:54.250
I have this very vague memory when I was younger

01:04:54.250 --> 01:04:57.650
about like there were videos Like terrorist videos

01:04:57.650 --> 01:04:59.389
where there are people who are beheaded and people

01:04:59.389 --> 01:05:01.610
who would like shot and killed When they would

01:05:01.610 --> 01:05:03.730
confess they were Christian and I would always

01:05:03.730 --> 01:05:06.110
think like why would they do that? Why why wouldn't

01:05:06.110 --> 01:05:09.210
they like? just hide it so they could save their

01:05:09.210 --> 01:05:14.769
lives and I Get it now Because like I have had

01:05:14.769 --> 01:05:17.710
so many opportunities and obviously I have not

01:05:17.710 --> 01:05:21.610
been in that kind of a tight Situation tight

01:05:21.610 --> 01:05:25.329
spot glory be to God if I've had so many times

01:05:25.329 --> 01:05:29.690
where I've been put in situations To deny Christ

01:05:29.690 --> 01:05:33.989
Where I have gotten? Literally kicked out of

01:05:33.989 --> 01:05:36.789
the places a place I was living at because i

01:05:36.789 --> 01:05:39.150
had the option either do what god calls me to

01:05:39.150 --> 01:05:40.869
do or do what this person wants me to do and

01:05:40.869 --> 01:05:43.090
i had to do what god calls me to do even if that

01:05:43.090 --> 01:05:45.829
meant and god brought me up a place immediately

01:05:45.829 --> 01:05:48.210
i didn't have to i wasn't lacking for nothing

01:05:48.210 --> 01:05:50.630
i've had so many situations where it's like i'm

01:05:50.630 --> 01:05:52.889
backed into a corner where it's like deny god

01:05:52.889 --> 01:05:57.489
turn your back on god and when you have this

01:05:57.489 --> 01:06:00.570
fear of the lord and a love of the lord i don't

01:06:00.570 --> 01:06:02.230
know how to explain it other than like that's

01:06:02.230 --> 01:06:08.579
not an option like And I and I don't want to

01:06:08.579 --> 01:06:11.420
be a Peter I want to make that very clear because

01:06:11.420 --> 01:06:13.940
Peter said the same thing of like I will never

01:06:13.940 --> 01:06:16.760
deny you Lord and then went on to deny him so

01:06:16.760 --> 01:06:19.579
I'm not making the bold claim that oh I'll never

01:06:19.579 --> 01:06:22.219
deny him or I'll never turn my back on him, but

01:06:22.219 --> 01:06:26.300
I'm saying that like Because I don't want to

01:06:26.300 --> 01:06:29.719
get in that Egotistical or prideful space to

01:06:29.719 --> 01:06:33.059
say like I am above reproach like I'm above that

01:06:33.059 --> 01:06:37.340
I'm above that ever happening I'm gonna humble

01:06:37.340 --> 01:06:39.239
myself right here in that moment saying I'm not

01:06:39.239 --> 01:06:42.300
saying I'm above that. But this is the first

01:06:42.300 --> 01:06:45.659
time, you know, growing up in the church, I never

01:06:45.659 --> 01:06:48.219
had that conviction. And now it's like, it's

01:06:48.219 --> 01:06:52.440
a truth that I have to stand by. And I can't

01:06:52.440 --> 01:06:56.380
deny it no matter how badly circumstances around

01:06:56.380 --> 01:06:59.119
me may want me to deny it. And I've never felt

01:06:59.119 --> 01:07:01.739
that way before. And that was another way that

01:07:01.739 --> 01:07:03.920
I really knew that God was working in my heart.

01:07:04.119 --> 01:07:06.920
is because I had never felt that way before.

01:07:09.000 --> 01:07:11.800
And I pray that I always have that conviction.

01:07:12.619 --> 01:07:15.920
I pray that no matter what someone says or someone

01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:19.179
does, whatever the warfare is, that I stand firm

01:07:19.179 --> 01:07:21.219
in what the Lord has called me to do and who

01:07:21.219 --> 01:07:24.219
the Lord has called me to be. You know, there's

01:07:24.219 --> 01:07:27.380
so many times y 'all that I think of Stephen

01:07:27.380 --> 01:07:31.500
in the New Testament, who was stoned. To death

01:07:31.500 --> 01:07:34.820
and he was standing on business and you know

01:07:34.820 --> 01:07:37.619
his final words when he was being stoned was

01:07:37.619 --> 01:07:39.980
he was saying behold I see the heavens opening

01:07:39.980 --> 01:07:45.679
like I see The stoning of Stephen always makes

01:07:45.679 --> 01:07:52.159
me it's a mixed bag of emotions But overall I

01:07:52.159 --> 01:07:54.179
just wanted to use this podcast to worship and

01:07:54.179 --> 01:07:57.059
to give you some hope if you're looking for faith

01:07:57.059 --> 01:08:00.030
like if you're if you're looking for like God

01:08:00.030 --> 01:08:02.010
to move in your life, and you just need to hear

01:08:02.010 --> 01:08:04.190
some testimonies for inspiration. I pray that

01:08:04.190 --> 01:08:09.809
this inspired you. If you're an atheist or an

01:08:09.809 --> 01:08:12.210
agnostic, you're someone who's having a hard

01:08:12.210 --> 01:08:14.230
time believing the Lord, I hope it's planted

01:08:14.230 --> 01:08:18.689
a seed. I hope whoever you are listening to this,

01:08:18.689 --> 01:08:23.149
this helped you in the ways that it was meant

01:08:23.149 --> 01:08:27.010
to help you, that God is guiding it in your life,

01:08:27.010 --> 01:08:29.420
and I just want to take a moment to thank God

01:08:29.420 --> 01:08:31.899
for the opportunity to even talk about this on

01:08:31.899 --> 01:08:34.060
this podcast today, for the opportunity to even

01:08:34.060 --> 01:08:36.779
have a podcast, for the opportunity to even be

01:08:36.779 --> 01:08:38.420
speaking, because without God I would not have

01:08:38.420 --> 01:08:40.119
this microphone, without God I would not have

01:08:40.119 --> 01:08:42.300
this podcast, without God I wouldn't be here

01:08:42.300 --> 01:08:43.960
talking to you guys today, without God I wouldn't

01:08:43.960 --> 01:08:45.539
have these testimonies, I would just have a lot

01:08:45.539 --> 01:08:48.260
of sad stories and probably be where I still

01:08:48.260 --> 01:08:52.119
was, like, glory be to God. It was never me,

01:08:52.159 --> 01:08:57.770
it was all Him. So I pray that this episode blesses

01:08:57.770 --> 01:09:02.689
you and I do hope that you subscribe and you

01:09:02.689 --> 01:09:05.310
come back and you listen to the next episode

01:09:05.310 --> 01:09:12.409
of the Salt Not Sweetener podcast. I'm your host,

01:09:13.449 --> 01:09:17.029
Danielle Townsend. Thank you so much for listening.

01:09:17.489 --> 01:09:21.189
Share this podcast. With anyone who you know

01:09:21.189 --> 01:09:24.010
enjoys podcasts, with anyone that the Lord is

01:09:24.010 --> 01:09:26.470
putting it on your heart to share with, reshare

01:09:26.470 --> 01:09:29.130
this on your social media. I'm not advertising

01:09:29.130 --> 01:09:32.729
a lot, so help me get the podcast out there and

01:09:32.729 --> 01:09:35.590
help it to reach the ears of people who need

01:09:35.590 --> 01:09:38.510
to hear it. God bless.