Welcome to her comeback. I'm so glad you're back
with me. This is where 50 isn't your finish line.
It is your starting point. The starting point
of everything you want your life to be. The person
that you are meant to be. I'm your host, Michelle
Thompson, and we are proving that your best chapter
may just be the one you haven't written yet.
We'll continue each episode featuring honest
conversation with women who have stopped going
at it alone and have found their way to fulfillment,
joy, and purpose in their second act. You'll
hear about their struggles, their breakthroughs,
and the practical steps that they took to create
lives that they actually love. This podcast will
show you how other women have made their comeback
and how you can too. Welcome back. Good day,
everyone. Welcome to her comeback. I am your
host, Michelle Thompson. I am so happy to have
Belinda Paulson with me today. Belinda, welcome.
Thank you, Michelle. I'm glad to be here. Let's
introduce you to the audience. If you could just
tell us a little bit about yourself and what
you do, that would be great. Great. Well, Michelle,
I work as a social worker, a licensed clinical
social worker. I'm also a board certified oncology
social worker. I have many years in the field
of social work. I started working with children
and families, working with young parents who
had young children that had multiple concerns
and sometimes were involved in court, so the
children were very delayed. I worked in the area
of children exposed. to domestic violence, working
with women. who were victims of domestic violence
very early on into my career. And then I went
into kind of the healthcare setting, working
in a hospital as a social worker, covering ER,
a lot of trauma exposed work. So working with
domestic violence, working with children who've
also been abused or neglected, and women who
have been abused, it has been the very big part
of my work. Almost 10 years ago, I transitioned
into working in the area of oncology for psychosocial
supports, working with cancer patients and caregivers.
That came about from seeing individuals impacted
by cancer. in my life and really wanting to understand
how to best support patients and caregivers and
seeing also the impact that cancer was having
on lives. And so I transitioned into that space.
So between my work and also... privately the
issues surrounding families and how multiple
things impact them from different systems, whether
it's the health care system, court system, child
welfare, education, all of those systems and
how they impact us is really an area of interest
for me and I love that social work allows me
to do that. Wonderful, I always I admire the
work that you as a social worker do and have
experience and it just feels when I hear those
different settings and the people that you're
helping that feel so heavy that's hard to see
maybe some of those situations there just feels
like there has to be a special skill set to be
able to go in and just every day see that and
not feel discouraged or whatever. Do you have
thoughts on that? Like, how do you cope? Yeah.
And it's interesting because March is such a
great month because it's National Social Work
Month. That's always a question people ask how
the social workers get into this field and then
stay in this field. And then, of course, we have
this as Women's Month. So this is a great way
to end the most wonderful month, right? Absolutely.
So I would say that for the most part, When people
ask like, how does it not impact me or how do
I deal with seeing the things in and out? I think
of the fact that I'm here to help. And if I get
too involved in that way, if I enter this space,
if I don't enter the space differently, then
I won't be of help. And so I can really be empathetic
and use empathy, but there's a reason for it
to really try to understand and to be a help
to help folks look into their situation and come
up with some real solutions. One of the things.
effort is important, we can't always promise
outcomes and that things will be different, or
the way folks would like things to be, but we
can work on strategies, we can work on understanding,
and then what to do next. And so as a social
worker, empathy is important, but being overly
involved and sympathetic can wear. one out and
it can, what we call vicarious trauma, where
it's exposed time over time. Throughout my career,
I haven't really had experiences where I felt
like, oh, tremendously burnt out because one
of the things is being balanced. The things that
we ask people to practice, practicing them yourselves,
right? Being able to have outlets that are healthy,
also processing yourself as to what you just
experienced and giving yourself that space to
do it and then coming up with a strategy. And
that's really how I deal with it. If I'm listening
to really be able to serve, that's a different
place than listening to feel sorry and to engage
into all the things that are occurring. And then
that moves you differently in a different space.
That's an important distinction. Yeah. Yeah.
It's a different way of listening. Yes. So what
drew you into this world? Was there a defining
moment that made you realize this is it? This
is my calling. You know, that's really interesting
because as growing up, I believe I was always
a social worker. I was I was always the kid that
had the front stoop in Brooklyn, New York and
you know, someone, people used to like to come
and sit and talk to me, kids, adults. And I was
always a really good listener. And so it's interesting
because now my friends and family were like,
you were just always a social worker. And I was
really good at problem solving. And I didn't
always necessarily tell people what to do. But
sometimes I would ask them a question and they
suddenly say, Oh, that's a good question. And
it would get them to start thinking, maybe I
need another strategy here. So yeah, I grew up,
my parents are immigrants, so they came to this
country and didn't always know the language.
And so as a young kid, sometimes I would have
to explain certain things and go to appointments
and listen and learned about resources and things
in my community to help other families. there
were a lot of elderly on my street and they,
I used to sit and help them out and talk to them.
Yeah. So I think I just was always natural for
me. Oh, that's awesome. In some of your work,
you also talk about being trauma informed. How
does this lens change the way you show up for
people? Yeah. It's always listening to hear how
people's experiences impact them. It's understanding
that there's multiple ways that someone can experience
a situation that can make it traumatic, right?
And understanding that that response may be or
how they're operating, right? So if you see someone
who may be hesitant to participate in a physical
activity, it may not be that they are, you know,
as some systems sometimes label them, not compliant
or resistance and not willing to change or all
of those type of negative things. There may be
genuine fears from experiences that are preventing
that or at least making them a approach the situation
the way that they are. So understanding that
and getting to understand how their experiences
might be shaping their view of the situation,
then one would one work with that, right? How
has this impacted you and how is that coming
into play now? And that's what really trauma
informed is understanding that without moving
too quickly and making judgments. Very good.
Now you have written, is your book ready now?
Yeah, my book is about to be published. Wonderful.
The topic is focusing on the topic of resilience.
And just as we're talking about trauma, and we're
talking about everyday resilience that we all
have, the book is really written for women. And
so it's great that we're talking about this during
International Women's Month. I'm very excited.
The book will be released shortly. And the next
week or so we have wonderful. The title is hot
stone woman. And it's hot stone woman strength
beyond your strong. If you think about it, how
many times have you heard you're so strong? Yes,
a lot. a lot right and and that's exactly what
does that exactly mean and what I go through
is really defining that but also some of the
ways that has impacted women of hearing this
through your lives and how we can actually take
that. Seeing right and then the strength beyond
your strong is Really talking about the real
thing that we're tapping into that inner strength
and where that comes from How do we tap into
it? How do we get through those times that are?
challenging but it also focuses on how we define
resilience and The importance of resilience is
that bounce back? which is great. But during
that period when we're called to go through it,
there's a capacity building moment, our ability
to manage through. That's where the strength
and strong balance is happening. Because there
are some things that we may not be able to. get
away from as much as they are challenges as much
as they are difficult they're just going to be
hard then it's okay how do we shift to building
what we need to get through this and then get
through it better get through it different and
be okay with that What do you want a woman who's
reading this to feel once she's read it, once
she closes that last page? What do you want that
woman to feel? I want them to say, I'm a hot
stone woman. I've gone through stuff. I'm going
to figure out how, when I'm going through these
things, not only that I'm just trying to survive
it, but how am I going to use this to bring meaning,
to tap into my purpose? to even elevate from
it. Thinking of not just everyone being okay
with saying I'm just strong, but that when they
see me, not only have I shown what I've gone
through, but I've shown how I can take that and
how I have made more meaning and how I have become
who I am. and who I want to be as opposed to
letting my circumstances define me. So important.
I love that. It was interesting. You and I, we
met on a cruise and we both discovered we were
writing books to encourage women. So I love that
connection that we have. So what do you think
it is about this moment in time that has so many?
women feeling called to share their stories because
it seems to come across a number of us out there
that are telling our stories our experience.
I think historically women have been again that
you're strong and you go through but you hear
other people's stories, but not necessarily that
you would share this sense of burden people and
so on. And I think we're at the space now where
we recognize there's just so much power in that
voice and that we're also having a generation
of where people connect. through social media.
I don't think it actually makes them connect.
I think actually what we do is just create the
lives that we see and we have these images and
we compare ourselves and there's all of that.
And so it looks like women are sharing stories,
but what is the story that you're really sharing?
And how are you really helping? And how can we
as women continue to elevate other women, not
only just women who are in my generation, but
those who are to come, because I do believe that
things are hard these days, and I don't necessarily
feel that all the skill sets are being taught
the way that they were many years ago as to how
to manage through, how to not just cope, but
how to elevate from those experiences. And so
for me, that's where the stories need to come
in. We need more models out there. I think we
need folks to know that no one is claiming anything
to be easy. Right. but that there are strategies
and tools. And the more we share our stories
from that lens, and not necessarily all the rosy,
peachy images and messages that folks are always
willing to share, but that we show that there's
the grinding part, there's the bruising, the
knee getting, your hands will be dirty, there
will be tough times, there's work to be done.
to get you to be who you want to be and where
you want to be. And that's really where I think
stories are important, because there's just so
much out there in the world that are images of
things looking just, wow, I can get there because
this person looks a certain way and this is their
lives. They don't know everything that came behind
it. And they don't also, we don't, we also need
to share the skills that we've learned along
the way. Absolutely. There's a lot of great things
in what you shared there. And yeah, I think it's
that to me, what resonates is that authenticity
is yes, you've accomplished things and you've
showed what was hard about doing the things that
you've been able to do the things that you've.
came through and then, yeah, that messy middle
and knowing that it's okay. It's okay that the
things that you feel and experience, but just
keep going. Like you were saying, the strategies,
how to work through these different situations
is so important. Was there any particular spark
that brought on the writing of the book? I think
in our talking, you had shared that you've been
speaking and doing a number of different things
in your work, but what was the spark for the
book specifically? I started thinking about how
we think about resilience, how we think about
building one's capacity to endure, actually during
COVID. I saw folks struggle and I saw some individuals
take the opportunity and sought this as, okay,
these are challenges, but there's opportunity
here and I'm gonna find what those are and I'm
going to come out. different for it. The other
thing is seeing how during that time, seeing
the difference not only of how people responded,
but also seeing there was a situation where I
was watching something on the news and I saw
I saw the responses of everyone during this protest
and there was this and I started thinking about
it and I said, where's the strategy? There's
a lot of reaction to things and what's happening,
but where are the strategy? And I really realized
that the more and more I have seen. the way that
people are more reactive as opposed to really
thinking when there's trauma, when there's difficult
times, it's expected that there'll be some level
of that. But being able to really take that step
back and think about this was very traumatic
and this is something that's hard. So in my book,
I pick a character and it's not a Christian book,
but it's a It's a story in the Bible, it's about
a woman named Rizpa. This is where the hot stone
comes because her name actually translates to
hot stone. Has no value whatsoever. Like she's
not seen, she's a concubine and all this. But
she had some very traumatic things that occurred
to her. And her response became a way that changed
a whole community. And I started thinking about
all these women. So in my book, I do talk about
some of our modern day heroes of women. It was
based on just taking this story and seeing all
of these qualities. But I talk about different
women who have also contributed throughout history,
that they have all gone through traumatic experiences.
They have gone through difficult times. but they've
always tapped into a bigger purpose and more
meaning. What is this meaning? I can't necessarily
change or have control over certain circumstances.
But how can I look at my response and how can
I not only grow, but maybe have an impact into
a greater community, my family, my community,
which I live. And so many people are looking
for meaning. So many people are doing things
to try to find where they belong and what they
should do. This is the time for us to be able
to, as to you say, stories. There's lots of stories,
but how do we use that? How do we really use
those stories in a way that really help and translate
into very big, into action? And that's what I
hope to inspire women to see. Even in, I have
heroes that focused on some social justice issues
and why did that, why did they take what happened
to them? and say, now I'm going to speak out
about this issue. And sometimes we think we need
to do that on a big, large national scale. But
it can be in the everyday conversations. That's
true. I wanted to ask you, too, a little about
just your own kind of comeback of sorts. Is there
a moment in your journey where you had to dig
deep and come back from something? What does
that look like for you? I try to think of from
a perspective of, I think we all have some things
that have occurred in our lives and it gives
you time to reflect. And again, I think for me,
when I've had like setbacks or in things that
have occurred, I've always gone back to say,
okay, these were circumstances, some maybe not
of my control and some maybe were. But what is
it that I have a bigger vision for my life? And
as long as I can stay very clear on that vision,
that's where you can get always that's your kind
of your comeback, right? I'm working towards
this is the vision for my life. This is what
I see my life as and. Being able to clearly define
that setting boundaries, setting those limits
really means that there's less of the back and
forth of having to come up and come down and
come up and come down. And so I think for me
was learning that pretty early on. And that has
been really about what's my strategy. Have you
ever been in that place where. The vision you
thought that what you thought was your vision
or where you wanted to go, you had to go back
and rethink. It's like, oh, well, that thought
that was my vision, but that's not going to work.
I gotta rework it. Have you been in that kind
of situation too? I, I don't know if it's so
much that maybe strategy has shifted more than
I would say in itself in itself. Right? So there's
like. that big over mission and what is my purpose
and feeling connected to that. And then there's,
okay, this is the vision I have for this. Now,
I may have the vision and the strategy may need
to shift. But if I am very clear that the vision
is very much in line, very rarely would I shift
that. Now, are we talking about shifting strategy,
yes. Sometimes you have to adjust the way you
thought we would get here is not gonna work for
whatever reason. But again, your vision is like
if you have a vision of writing a book, right,
then that's like the outcome. Well, that's taking
a strategy, being intentional, and it's also
working through some of your barriers. And I
had those doubts and those fears and those concerns.
Those are all there. but working through them,
working through your strategy, and then also
not being attached to the full outcome of it.
So if my purpose is that a woman picks up this
book and feels that, yeah, I can do the hard
things, even when it feels challenging, I can
step back, come up with a strategy, get the supports
and resources, figure this out. Where do I need
to grow for this to be able to happen and then
move forward to doing that? It may just be one
woman in this whole world, but that was my purpose.
And that's what it is. And do we get so logged
into more of this outcome, right? These numbers,
right? Those kind of metric type things. And
that's what a lot of social media does to us
too. Or am I really looking for a bigger purpose?
Yeah. And that's going to really change how you
experience this. Yeah, I definitely I get that.
And just thinking about my own. life and have
like with career and different pivots from the
corporate job to having my own business. And,
but I like what you were saying about my own
personal vision and my own purpose. And I did
have to change strategies and what that looked
like and coming into alignment with the true
direction where I need to be. So I like how you
phrase that. If there's one thing you'd want
every woman today listening to know about her
own strength, what would you say? The only person
that can define that is you. Sometimes you may
feel overwhelmed. take a look at what you need
to strengthen capacity and where there is an
opportunity for some things to change and where
it really isn't an opportunity, then it's a different
strategy. So what are we really in? And really
being able to take a look at that. I've seen
people suffer through experiences, and that's
really because of where their focus is. And their
focuses are usually in areas that there's just
not an area they can control, and the way that
they're thinking about it. And that is where
life can feel very heavy and challenging. So
we can celebrate our strength. and how strong
we are. But we can also acknowledge that it takes
strategy and part of that is support and part
of that is personal growth and what I need to
be able to build my capacity to move through
these through life as challenges present themselves.
How can any of our listeners today get in touch
with you if they want to connect with you and
buy your book? What's the best way for people
to connect with you? There's info at RISPA group
.org and then there's my email at Pauluson lcsw
at Gmail. Okay. Will your book be on Amazon or
other platforms? It will be on Amazon. Okay,
great. And I could also gladly send you information
when it's the release and I would love it if
you could share. Absolutely. I would love to
do that. Wonderful. I really appreciate your
time today, Belinda. It was just, it was awesome
just hearing more about the work that you've
done and your space and resilience and the number
of people that you've touched and continue to
from day to day and then even more so with your
new book. So really love, love what you're doing.
So thank you for your time. Oh, thank you. Thank
you for having me and I look forward to even
hearing about your book as well. Thank you so
much. All the success to you and we'll have to
keep in touch. Absolutely. Thanks so much for
joining me today on Her Comeback. I hope this
conversation inspired you to keep moving forward
no matter where you are in your own journey.
If you love this episode, I'd be so grateful
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rewriting their stories. Remember, your setback
isn't your final chapter. It's just the setup
for your greatest comeback yet. I'll see you
next time. Until then. My legs up in my tongue