Welcome to her comeback. I'm so glad you're back
with me. This is where 50 isn't your finish line.
It is your starting point. The starting point
of everything you want your life to be. The person
that you are meant to be. I'm your host, Michelle
Thompson, and we are proving that your best chapter
may just be the one you haven't written yet.
We'll continue each episode featuring honest
conversation with women who have stopped going
at it alone and have found their way to fulfillment,
joy, and purpose in their second act. You'll
hear about their struggles, their breakthroughs,
and the practical steps that they took to create
lives that they actually love. This podcast will
show you how other women have made their comeback
and how you can too. Welcome back. Good day,
everyone. Welcome to her comeback. This is Michelle
Thompson. I am so happy to have Raven Crawford
with me today all the way from San Diego, California
and Just in the little bit of time that I've
been talking to Randy, I just love her spirit
and energy. And she's just a real firehouse.
Randy, tell our audience a little bit more about
yourself. I would love to. And first of all,
thank you for having me today. This is going
to be really fun. I really appreciate you. Thank
you. Thanks for coming on. Absolutely. So I do.
I live in San Diego. I'm married and I have two
children, ages 23 and 25. And I used to be an
entrepreneur. I was the co -founder of a public
health care company for years. And when that
all ended, and that's a whole nother podcast,
Michelle, so we're not gonna talk about that
today, but when that all ended, I was a stay
-at -home mom for many years. And I always wanted
to keep my toe in something, because I just have
that, I do have that kind of energy. And so I
was a writer. I wrote for the local papers. I
always did stuff that revolved around moms and
parenting. But when my kids were old enough that
I could see the writing on the wall, one was
going to college, one was in high school, I was
like, okay, now I really need to do something
more than just writing a local column. And I
did take a chance on, my husband said, go find
something fun to do, find something fun. So I
found myself doing retail, which, first of all,
I've never been a shopper. So let's just start
with that. Worst shopper ever. But I always thought
it looked really fun. And I just wanted to get
myself back in the game, whatever that looked
like. And we'll get more into detail in this,
obviously, but that then led to me, again, being
around women, which our public health care company
was for women. My article was for women. Now
I'm working in retail with women. So my pattern
has always been women. And I found myself really
helping a lot of the young girls, quite frankly,
that I worked with. And everybody would talk
to me about coaching. And at the time, Michelle,
I always thought coaching sounded very clinical.
Oh, somebody needs a coach. And so you feel like
they're in kind of not like the white coat like
a doctor, but I know something that you don't.
And I know that I don't know anything. So I never
really took to it until COVID happened. And I
started to see a very different behavior from
a lot of people. And I thought I'm going to get
in this game because I think I know it and I
know people. I know menopausal women very well.
And through a series of events, I became certified
through Jay Shetty, because I love his philosophy.
I absolutely clung to it. It was exactly how
I was raised. And I put my whole heart and soul
into that and became a coach. And I thought I
would be coaching women that basically were in
their midlife transition. But a lot of these
women called me to coach their daughters. And
that was a big, fat pivot. But I started doing
that. But then I started giving talks at the
same time and one thing led to another. And now
what I do is I coach the young girls that are
basically high school or college age. And I work
with their moms at the same time because I believe
they go hand in hand and you can ask anything
you want from them. But that's really what I
do is I help a lot of these young women navigate
how to build confidence in today's very competitive
and performative environment. And I work with
their moms on really taking a step back and finding
who they are and living their lives instead of
trying to control everything in their daughter's
lives. Right. That sounds amazing. I'd like to
talk a little bit more about your own personal
journey. You mentioned in your story that you
were diagnosed with a panic disorder at just
six years old, even before it had a name. How
did growing up with these dizzy spells shape
the woman that you are today? So it's everything.
Because when I grew up and I was younger, I was
a tomboy, I was competitive, I did all this stuff.
But I always had these dizzy attacks that I could
never explain. And I always felt different. Something
was off in my brain, and it's like one of those,
if you know, you know. And if you don't, you
don't, right? I'm married to a husband with absolutely
zero mental health issues. So Annie has a great
sense of direction. Two things that I am completely
opposite on. So... But he now understands me.
So growing up, I just kind of, I had a lot of
trouble with this and there was a lot of stuff
that I really couldn't do. And I went to the
Mayo Clinic. I went everywhere around the country
and nobody could quote unquote diagnose me. They
just said that there are other people like you.
And that did not really help me because I was
so young. I didn't want to go meeting people
in their twenties and thirties and forties that
had issues. I did. No, thank you. I'm a child.
And it really wasn't Michelle until I was in
my twenties. And honestly, the internet came
out. Then I was on the internet, which was so
crazy, reading a story, and I called my dad.
And I'll never forget calling him and saying,
dad, oh my god, what I have is panic disorder.
That's what it is. And so there were no tools.
Right now, it's so fabulous, because you can
get on TikTok or Instagram or any of these sites.
And if you have any of these mental health issues,
they have all these doctors and coaches and therapists
that give you all these coping strategies. for
panic disorder and what to do when you start
to have a panic attack. But because we didn't
know what I was having was a quote unquote panic
attack, there was no coping skills. There was
no strategies. There was just medication. And
for a very brief time, I tried medication, but
at a very young age and I was very small, I'm
still pretty small, a medication just zombied
me out. And they were like, no, we're not gonna
medicate me. So it shaped me because I knew that
somehow, so I was very involved with psychology
and that was one of my minors. I was economic
psychology, all that. I wanted to do something
with people and with behavior. I knew I didn't
want to be a doctor that was way too much biology
for me, but I wanted to help people. Because
again, if you know, you know. And it's like,
how do you help somebody? And so to me, interestingly,
working with women and menopause and hormones
and all of that, It's just another area of behavior
that so many people do not understand. And that
was kind of my start in my first working life
was this company helping women. When everyone
was telling them, they're crazy. When I was involved
in women and menopause, again, it's not like
it was today or is today where it's openly talked
about. People know a lot more about hormones.
The decision on hormones and whether or not it
can impact you negatively has just been reversed
after 22 years. So there's a lot to talk about
there, but we don't have to. But my point being,
at the time, if you went into a doctor and said,
I'm having, I feel I'm crazy, I'm very emotional,
I'm yelling at my husband, blah, blah, blah.
The doctors were like, but it's a one size fits
all, get on this HRT and everything is going
to be fixed. And nobody knew what was wrong.
So all of these things have been a pattern in
my life to say it is not a one size fits all
approach for women, for hormones, for any of
it. We are all individuals and we are all going
through something. And surely there's got to
be a better way to help. And so for me, that's
how I ended up coaching because I'm going to
be a cheerleader through it. I'm not your doctor.
I'm not. I don't pretend to be, but I'm going
to help you understand what's going on and I'm
going to help you get through it. That's awesome.
Great. Now you describe living in a self -imposed
comfort zone for decades. And I know I talk about
this in my coaching too, getting out of that
comfort zone. So what was the moment at 50 that
made you realize Comfortable wasn't working.
Comfortable wasn't working because I didn't have
to do anything with my kids. I had already lived
my life, done my company. Now for the people
that are like, oh, that's nice of you that your
husband said go do something fun. Well, I had
contributed significantly my entire life. I've
never not worked. So now I was at a point in
my life where I didn't have to go do anything.
If I could say my kids are off now, one's in
college, one's about to go to college. Now I
can just start to play golf or whatever. Well,
I've never had any interest in that. People said,
do you want to go take a walk? No, I have no
interest in that. Do you want to go get lunch?
No, I have no interest in that. Maybe I'll go
get a cup of coffee with you, because I love
coffee. But that's asking your outfit. That's
none. Yeah. So I realized I just, I don't want
to just be sitting here at this part of my life
now doing nothing because my kids, and I was
never that mom that totally inserted myself.
in my kids' lives. Now, yes, they were my whole
life. I am absolutely going to be honest about
that. They had become the center of it when I
stopped working out of the office. But I was
never going to just sit back and be like, OK,
well, now I'll just kind of help them make their
dorm room beautiful, and help with this and that.
In fact, my daughter just pointed out the other
day that I never went back and even moved her.
when she moved into college. Now she's living
in another city. I didn't even move her into
her apartment. I very much believe that my kids
need to do things on their own. So comfortable
could have been for me doing whatever I wanted.
And for me, it meant getting out of the house
and figuring out what the heck I'm going to do
with this part of my life. Good. Good for you.
So another thing you talk about is having that
experience with some internal adversity, your
brain working against you. I can certainly identify
with that as well. How do you feel that that
ultimately has become your greatest asset as
a life coach? Because I understand it. Because
I understand just this morning when I was texting
back and forth with a client, right? Because
she can't get out of her head about certain things.
And because I understand that so well, I know
how our brain can be wired to, and I'm not saying
I'm wired this way because we're all wired differently,
but I understand the ruminating. I understand
the spiraling. And so what I really help them
with is giving them tools to disrupt that pattern.
I love, and this was explained to me many, many,
many years ago, and now it's really become very,
very clear. If you look at our brain, right?
It's almost, I tell them, my clients, it's like
we have all these highways in our brains, right?
And the highway could just keep taking us back
to the same place. over and over and over again.
And the only way we're gonna stop going to that
place of negativity and find the better place
is when we consciously make decisions to create
that new highway. And until we can create that
new highway by asking ourselves certain questions,
noticing our behavior, disrupting our behavior,
we're never gonna be able to do that. And it's
really not that hard to do. But the irony is
that you get people, and they love to get in
this thought pattern and say, well, this always
happens to me. This is the story of my life.
And I'm like, well, yeah, if you keep telling
yourself that, then it is the story of your life.
And it's not going to change until you make the
change. And so so much of this coaching stuff
that we do sounds and is so corny, but it really,
really works. And that's what makes me so crazy.
Yes, we do have to have conversations with ourselves.
Yes, we do have to disrupt these. My brain was
working against me. And until I learned, for
me, to make that very specific, I was like, oh
my god, I'm going to live the rest of my life
in constant fear of having these panic attacks.
And it's miserable. If people have panic disorder,
it's miserable. It's scary. It's frightening.
Because the worst part is the fear of when is
the next panic attack going to happen. It's not.
of the actual panic attack, but it's like, what
if I'm giving a talk and I have a panic attack?
What if I'm on with a client and I have a panic
attack? What if I'm driving my car? And so what
you learn is tools so that if I live my life
in that fear, that is never gonna get better.
What I had to do is learn tools to stop that
pattern, stop living in that fear and start saying,
no, no, I own it. I own my behavior. Look at
a panic attack as it's just purely excitement.
It's the same emotion. It's the same thing. So
rather than being afraid of it, be excited about
it. I don't care. Give it a name. Talk to it.
Whatever you got to do. But that's how I learned
to take what was once a very huge negative in
my life when I was younger and up until really
my 20s and change it into something positive
and help my clients. There's a couple of comeback
moments you talk about in your experience. And
there was one that you mentioned coming into
anthropology with zero retail experience and
getting a job. I mean, that was pretty bold.
So what gave you the courage to just go do that?
Ignorance is bliss. I'm just going to say that.
You don't know, you don't know. And I'll be really
honest with you. The first day I walked in there
and every girl that works there is young. She's
beautiful. She has perfect eyesight. And I walk
in there, OK, and I'm feeling I don't know how
to dress. I'm blind as a bat. And they tell us,
it's really a funny story. And he's like, well,
then just don't go back. And I'll never forget
that. I was like, don't go back. Oh, no, no,
no. I'm going back. So I went. And here's what
I learned. And this is what I want everybody
to know, because it's so huge. Brings different
things to the table. What I bring is the ability.
to walk up to any person that walks into that
store and talk to them and make them smile and
get them comfortable. And before I knew it, I
was made a stylist because that is what I can
do. What I cannot do is work behind. So if I
had followed my very first experience, I would
have never gone back. But you got to give things
a chance and you got to just try it and see it
through before you just give up and quit. That's
awesome. I love that story. Another thing, and
you alluded to this a little bit earlier about
the pandemic, you said that that clearly became
a pivot point for you. So how did watching women
emerge from isolation, struggling, push you forward
in becoming a certified life coach? because people
are really, really terribly mean after COVID.
So, opposite to what I thought, I thought people
would come back to the store and be very excited
to be back out in the world. You're back out
in the Wild West. Let's go. Let's party. Let's
shop. And I was sorely mistaken. People, they
forgot how to treat people. They were so rude
and so angry and so salty and... I mean, not
as much to me as to the younger girls. I mean,
I just remember it so vividly. We'd have to run
to the back for five minutes and just cry. And
this was, again, years ago. But I remember thinking,
how dare you? What? How dare you? How to treat
people. And then they would look at me and they
would be perfectly nice because they were like,
you're my age. And I would look at them like,
no, no, we're not doing that. That is not OK
with me. And so that's why. And again, remember.
My business was menopause for years and years
and years. So I understand the confluence of
your hormones, and your kids growing up, and
your aging parents, and the way we feel about
ourselves, and the way our husbands get better
with age. I understand all of that. Now mix that
in with coming back to the world after being
in your homes for some women months, for some
women a year, and you had really angry women,
and I was horrified. by their behavior. And that's
when I was like, I'm becoming a coach. And not
to school anybody at all. Just because, again,
when I'm at work, I love to make women feel good.
I love to make women laugh. And I just thought
to myself, they just need to figure out who they
are again. And I was very excited about hanging
my shingle and working with them. Because I'm
like, I'm your age. I get you. I really do. But
we got to change the narrative. And that's why
it was very surprising when I got calls. from
them to work with their daughters, because I'm
thinking you're the one that needs to help. I
mean, I don't know what your daughters are like,
but you look really nasty right now. And that
was really bizarre for me at the time. And it's
an interesting dynamic you talk about there.
So how do you balance coaching younger women,
whether they're teens or college students or
whatever? with women who are in mid -life? Is
their core struggle the same? Or how is that
different? How do you balance that? No, their
struggles are completely different. The mom will
always call me to work with her daughter. And
the mom has one theory about why her daughter
needs to work with a coach. And then I'll get
on, and I will never just take on a client until
she talks to me over Zoom and she, the girl wants
to work with me. And if she does, excellent.
And if she doesn't, excellent. You know what
I mean? There has to be chemistry. But the mom
has a completely different idea of why her daughter
wants to work with me. So then I start working
with her daughter and their struggles are usually,
they're all obviously different, but the same.
And they all generally revolve around, listen,
comparison. It's very, very hard, right? I mean,
these kids are dealing with so much with this
social media and this digital world. And while
that might sound cliche, that is just a fact.
But as I was telling this recently to somebody
that I was working with, who's my age, obviously,
women our age deal with this too, but they don't
want to admit it. It's not just young people
who deal with perfectionism and comparison because
of social media. However, when I work with a
woman that is, let's just say, in her 40s, 50s,
early 60s, generally speaking, it's about learning
to take a step back out of her daughter or her
kid's lives. and learning that this chapter is
now for her, that she is there to support her
daughter wholeheartedly, or her kids wholeheartedly,
but that she cannot possibly spend her entire
day micromanaging every choice that her child
makes, because they are going to do it differently
than we do it, and they are not an extension
of us. So really, with the younger generation,
it's about social media, and with the older generation,
it's about... we have to now start living our
lives. And it does not mean cut your kids off.
It just means give them some breathing room.
Why do you think that moms setting boundaries,
I think is what you're talking about here, making
that transition, having these boundaries from
being the parent to really coming in in a new
way, in a new role, why is that so emotionally
loaded for women? Because that's been our identity.
That is our identity. It is tied into being a
mom. I mean, look at moms today. They feel like
if their child is doing well, they walk around
like a proud peacock. They're the one that got
the D1 offer. They're the one that got their
kid into an Ivy League school. It's all because
of them. If their child is a screw up and the
mom sees the struggle, the mom will jump in and
try and fix it. And it's like, lady, you have
to take a step back and let them. So now is really
because the kid's coping skill is getting online
and scrolling. And that is not helping anybody.
Yeah. And you've mentioned this too, that the
whole thing with online and the whole online
culture, what did you think is the most damaging
belief that you see women carry because of what
they see online? What are you asking for that?
What is the most damaging belief for a 20 -year
-old? Well, for better, from the mom's perspective
and from the daughter's. So that would be the
same thing. And that would be that they're not
enough. Nobody ever feels like they're enough.
They're not good enough. They're not doing enough.
They don't have the right clothes. They're not
with the right friend group. They're not at the
right school. They don't have the right makeup.
The not being enough is the core central theme
around social media. And I really believe that
this impacts not just our kids. The reason it's
so important to arrest this problem while our
kids are young is because their brains are still
developing. And so there they are online. scrolling,
scrolling, scrolling, trying to get their values
from strangers, from influencers, from people
that don't even matter. And I'm not putting the
influencers down. You do you. That's great for
you. But that doesn't mean it's going to work
for some kid who doesn't even care about name
brands or certain things. But that's how they're
being raised. And so you take a mom. A mom has
told me that she struggles greatly with Pinterest.
Now, Pinterest has never been a thing for someone
my age. But I guess younger moms? are really
into it. And so they feel like if they don't
have the Pinterest perfect birthday party or
the Pinterest perfect home or set up or dishes
or whatever it is that they're not enough. They're
not doing enough. They're not good enough. And
so it's that I'm not enough culture with social
media. Wow. Yeah, I think that's very insightful.
And I think there's so many of us even just looking
at my own experience trying to for whatever reason,
thinking those things algorithm feeds off of
not just the things that we like, but how long
our eyes are viewing that. So if we're looking
at a video for more than two seconds, seven seconds,
10 seconds, 30 seconds, the algorithm picks up,
oh, she's interested in that. So if we're looking
at something that makes us feel yucky about ourselves,
oh, we can't take our eyes off of it. It's gonna
keep feeding us that same content. And that's
where we get into this loop of doom and gloom.
Let me just say this. I mean, it's gotten so...
I'm so grateful. that my kids are 23 and 25 because
you have kids today that will never know anything
except the digital world. That's all they know.
So we can't blame them. But as their parent,
we can be their parent now that we know better.
We know. I mean, I've known. I'm sure you've
known for years and years and years. Obviously,
right? Obviously social media is bad for all
of us and for our mental health. However, now
we have so many statistics to back this up. What
more do parents need? to tell them, listen, fine,
give your kid the phone, iPad, whatever, but
you've got to put restrictions on it. That's
your job as a parent. And I can be interesting.
If you are on a cell phone a lot, at the end
of each week you get this report. It just buzzes
on your phone. I think there's a lot of denial
about how much all of us spend on our phones.
So I think the first thing is taking ownership
and accountability for how much we are on it,
setting limits for how long we're going to be
on it, and then when we do... Start to spiral
and when we do start to compare ourselves to
our friends Helping myself today or my or is
that feeding the good that I want today? Am I
bettering myself today by that? Because I think
the answer we know it's gonna be no and then
we're gonna have to ask ourselves What do I want
to do today? That's gonna make me just a little
bit better And the minute we make that mind shift,
that mindset shift, is the minute that we disrupt
that junk of going down that rabbit hole and
we start to say, okay, yeah, no, that's not helping
me. Now, for me, I'll give you an example. I
told you before we started this talk, I have
to build a platform, so I'm on social media a
lot. I'm trying to learn it, understand it, post
a lot. And I don't enjoy it though, and it's
funny because sometimes I get caught in the loop
at night before bed, I'm looking at animals.
Right now, I'm looking at the story, the seven
dogs that saved themselves. And I cannot get
enough of that story. I'm obsessed with it. And
I'll be on there for 20 minutes. And I'm like,
oh, wait. This isn't helping me build my platform.
This isn't helping me build my business. This
is now too much for my brain. And then I notice
it, and I just get off my phone right away. So
you've got to be very cognizant and aware, right?
And just the minute we notice it, we have to
stop it. So yeah. Is this helping me? And if
not, what can I do to be helping me? That's good
advice there. So for the women that are listening,
we've talked about some of the things in your
comeback. What do you want women listening today
to walk away with to believe about what's possible
with their comeback? First of all, that anything
at any age is possible without a doubt. I don't
care how old you are. I don't care if you've
never done it before. You have to go for it.
And the next thing I want them to come away with
is... You don't have to know what the end goal
is. Me taking a retail job, I didn't go into
that saying, my lifelong dream has been retail,
and I just never knew it. I just knew that I
always saw it in the movies and I always thought
it was fun, so I tried it. So if you're just
doing something, if you're motion, if you're
in motion, it's better than not being in motion.
It's better than doing nothing. So it doesn't
matter if what you try is the end game. It doesn't
matter if you try and you fail. Because guess
what? We have one life to live. And if we're
not gonna take the chance, nobody else is gonna
do that for us. So that's what we have to do.
And the last thing I'm gonna say is, I know it
is so hard to let our kids make choices when
we know that those choices are the worst. And
we know that they're probably gonna fall down.
Do everything you can, unless they're gonna hurt
themselves or harm themselves. Let them experience
the consequences of their actions so that they
learn from them. And then you're pulling yourself
back and you're giving yourself time to now experience
and try things for yourself so that you can be
growing while your kid is growing. Great. Now,
I love that. Very good stuff. Tell us about your
book. So, one thing I love is playing pickleball.
If that's gonna give you a curve, I picked it
up a couple years ago and I became obsessed with
it. And I've always wanted to write a book about
parenting and how to take a step back. but I
never write another me too, it's like blah blah
blah dude no one's gonna listen to that no one
cares but when I started playing pickleball I
realized that there are so many similarities
in what I learned on the court and how I think
that we should be parenting that I have written
this book called the pickleball parenting playbook
where I they're all very so I write very self
-deprecating stories because I make a lot of
mistakes but I use concepts in pickleball communication
how important it is to communicate with your
kids. Dinking, which is all about patience. Position,
overpower. It's not about overpowering them,
but it's about hitting the right ball in the
right spot. It doesn't matter the size of the
opponent. So I've written this book and right
now I am in the process of getting this book
out there and it's gonna probably be a little
while, but yeah, I hope that when it comes out
that parents will really just find it an enjoyable,
non -judgmental way. to look at how to get some
tools in a fun narrative about how we can start
living more our lives and have better, more trusting
and better communication with our kids. Parenting
can actually be fun. It doesn't just all have
to be checking boxes and going through the motions
and all the problems that we're having. Oh, terrific.
That sounds really good. Well, I will look forward
to reading that. And maybe you can come back
and talk some more about it when it's out there
for people to pick up. That'd be great. I would
love that. I would love that. How, if people
that are listening today, they want to reach
out to you, to connect to you, what's the best
way for them to do that? I'm so easy. I have
a website at randycroffordcoaching .com and it's
Randy with an I, and then I'm on TikTok and Instagram
at randycroffordcoaching. And so if they wanted
to connect with me and went to my website, they
could click home accountally and set up a 30
minute free zoom call and DM me on any social
medias. And I am here. Wonderful. Thank you so
much, Randy. I'm so glad that our paths crossed
and we were able to have some conversation here.
And I look forward to just keeping in touch.
And I wish you continued success, everything
that you're doing. Thank you. And thank you so
much for having me. I think this was really fun.
Thanks a lot. Thanks so much for joining me today
on Her Comeback. I hope this conversation inspired
you to keep moving forward no matter where you
are in your own journey. If you love this episode,
I'd be so grateful if you would subscribe to
the show on my YouTube channel at Michelle Thompson
-LifeCoaching. Go there for more encouragement,
insights, and just real talk about making a comeback
happen. hit that subscribe button so you never
miss new content. You can also visit hercomebackpodcast
.com for notes, resources, connect with me, connect
with other women and our amazing community who
are rewriting their stories. Remember, your setback
isn't your final chapter. It's just the setup
for your greatest comeback yet. I'll see you
next time. I cross my legs up in my tongue.