WEBVTT 00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:11.140 Welcome to her comeback. I'm so glad you're back 00:00:11.140 --> 00:00:14.339 with me. This is where 50 isn't your finish line. 00:00:14.460 --> 00:00:17.399 It is your starting point. The starting point 00:00:17.399 --> 00:00:20.140 of everything you want your life to be. The person 00:00:20.140 --> 00:00:23.410 that you are meant to be. I'm your host, Michelle 00:00:23.410 --> 00:00:27.070 Thompson, and we are proving that your best chapter 00:00:27.070 --> 00:00:30.370 may just be the one you haven't written yet. 00:00:31.109 --> 00:00:34.030 We'll continue each episode featuring honest 00:00:34.030 --> 00:00:36.770 conversation with women who have stopped going 00:00:36.770 --> 00:00:39.369 at it alone and have found their way to fulfillment, 00:00:39.810 --> 00:00:43.149 joy, and purpose in their second act. You'll 00:00:43.149 --> 00:00:45.729 hear about their struggles, their breakthroughs, 00:00:45.729 --> 00:00:48.770 and the practical steps that they took to create 00:00:48.770 --> 00:00:52.520 lives that they actually love. This podcast will 00:00:52.520 --> 00:00:55.140 show you how other women have made their comeback 00:00:55.140 --> 00:00:59.679 and how you can too. Welcome back. Good day, 00:00:59.820 --> 00:01:02.840 everyone. Welcome to her comeback. I'm your host, 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:06.180 Michelle Thompson, and I am so thrilled today 00:01:06.180 --> 00:01:10.319 to have Dr. Julie Maryman all the way from Texas 00:01:10.319 --> 00:01:13.700 joining us. Maryman is a counselor, educator, 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:17.439 licensed clinician, speaker, and author. With 00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:21.159 over two decades of experience helping high achieving 00:01:21.159 --> 00:01:25.379 women over 50 navigate burnout, compassion fatigue, 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:28.879 and nervous system depletion. She's the author 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:32.980 of In Pursuit of Soul Joy and has a book coming 00:01:32.980 --> 00:01:35.280 out this spring that we'll talk about. She also 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:38.799 hosts two podcasts, which are both Compassion 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:43.159 Fatigue Cure and Sexy After 50. So Julie, welcome 00:01:43.159 --> 00:01:45.480 to the podcast. I'm so glad to have you today. 00:01:45.739 --> 00:01:48.700 Thank you so much. I'm so honored to be here. 00:01:48.939 --> 00:01:51.239 Just so honored. Thank you. Well, let's kind 00:01:51.239 --> 00:01:53.579 of jump into it and learn a little bit more about 00:01:53.579 --> 00:01:57.260 you here. So you work with high achieving women 00:01:57.260 --> 00:02:00.739 who are still functioning, but barely. Were you 00:02:00.739 --> 00:02:04.480 ever one of those women yourself? Oh girl, I 00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:10.830 crashed and burned and burned again. Yes, my 00:02:10.830 --> 00:02:13.710 book in Pursuit of Souljoy is my journey back. 00:02:13.889 --> 00:02:18.090 Talk about how I crashed. What was your own turning 00:02:18.090 --> 00:02:22.110 point? These things, it's so subtle because we're 00:02:22.110 --> 00:02:24.990 over -functioning, we're bracing, we just push 00:02:24.990 --> 00:02:27.310 through. We're like, I can do this. Oh, I don't 00:02:27.310 --> 00:02:29.310 want to, but I'm going to. You just push and 00:02:29.310 --> 00:02:31.889 push and push. So it's so subtle as it hits, 00:02:32.229 --> 00:02:35.909 but I remember I was on stage speaking. It was 00:02:35.909 --> 00:02:38.610 an even a standing ovation. It had gone very 00:02:38.610 --> 00:02:42.689 well. I came off of stage and I was just all 00:02:42.689 --> 00:02:45.530 but in tears. I was so numb. I couldn't understand 00:02:45.530 --> 00:02:48.330 why I couldn't feel any of the things that were 00:02:48.330 --> 00:02:53.150 happening. And that was really the moment when 00:02:53.150 --> 00:02:56.469 I realized something wasn't right. I should be 00:02:56.469 --> 00:03:01.229 feeling. I should be being. I should Be in my 00:03:01.229 --> 00:03:04.849 skin and feel alive and I just felt dead. I just 00:03:04.849 --> 00:03:08.270 felt like a Just a walking head of competence. 00:03:08.349 --> 00:03:10.969 I wouldn't even attached to my body at that point 00:03:10.969 --> 00:03:15.150 Oh, wow. Yeah, I can identify with that So you 00:03:15.150 --> 00:03:17.629 say you didn't arrive at this work through just 00:03:17.629 --> 00:03:21.009 a trend or theory you arrived there through decades 00:03:21.009 --> 00:03:24.060 of watching what actually happens to women. And 00:03:24.060 --> 00:03:26.719 it sounds like from your own experience, who 00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:29.319 carry responsibility for living, what did you 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:33.280 keep seeing that nobody was talking about? These 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:39.780 women were so successful, so just over the top, 00:03:39.800 --> 00:03:42.020 unbelievable that they could accomplish the things 00:03:42.020 --> 00:03:44.680 they accomplish. They couldn't take a compliment. 00:03:45.900 --> 00:03:48.139 But they couldn't take a compliment. They were 00:03:48.139 --> 00:03:50.680 not feeling what they were doing. They felt like 00:03:50.680 --> 00:03:53.080 somehow something was wrong with them. They should 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:58.099 be doing more. And that seemed to be a pattern. 00:03:58.659 --> 00:04:03.050 And they were unhappy. Not, not with their husband, 00:04:03.210 --> 00:04:05.229 not with their children, maybe not even with 00:04:05.229 --> 00:04:08.009 their job, but they were just unhappy with the 00:04:08.009 --> 00:04:11.849 life, how it was rolling. So many demands, not 00:04:11.849 --> 00:04:14.849 being able to set boundaries, feeling like it 00:04:14.849 --> 00:04:16.649 all comes down to nervous system regulation. 00:04:16.810 --> 00:04:19.310 Truth be told, this is a very dysregulated, regulated 00:04:19.310 --> 00:04:22.269 nervous system. And that was something I really 00:04:22.269 --> 00:04:25.129 noticed when it came to let me set a boundary. 00:04:25.589 --> 00:04:27.879 Oh, Oh, I can't do that. If I set a boundary, 00:04:28.540 --> 00:04:31.279 the saber tooth tiger that's chasing me is going 00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:35.819 to eat me. That really seemed to be a pattern. 00:04:36.600 --> 00:04:39.100 They weren't able, they felt selfish if they 00:04:39.100 --> 00:04:41.879 were going to do something for themselves and 00:04:41.879 --> 00:04:44.500 rest just kicked them into a state of guilt. 00:04:44.939 --> 00:04:47.079 I can't rest. What do you mean rest? Didn't even 00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:52.509 know how to rest. Forgetting that. even helpers, 00:04:52.610 --> 00:04:54.670 because a lot of the women I work with are counselors, 00:04:55.050 --> 00:04:59.750 doctors, nurses, educators, professional helpers. 00:05:00.189 --> 00:05:04.709 You forget how to receive because you're so busy 00:05:04.709 --> 00:05:09.290 giving and that, you know, everyone needs to 00:05:09.290 --> 00:05:12.519 take care of themselves. It's not selfish. Oh, 00:05:12.519 --> 00:05:15.439 absolutely. And I hear you. There's so many women 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:18.060 that struggle with that, you know, that it's 00:05:18.060 --> 00:05:19.500 just exactly what you said. It's like, oh, if 00:05:19.500 --> 00:05:22.240 I do that for me, I'm selfish. How do you get 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:25.639 beyond that mindset? Do you have thoughts on 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:29.180 that? Well, I do. It's not something we can think 00:05:29.180 --> 00:05:32.379 our way out of. And being a good cognitive behavioral 00:05:32.379 --> 00:05:35.480 therapist. Yeah. So I was like, think your way 00:05:35.480 --> 00:05:39.649 out of that, Mary. You cannot. It is, you've 00:05:39.649 --> 00:05:44.089 got to get embodied. You've got to feel what 00:05:44.089 --> 00:05:46.269 you need to feel. And that's what we try to do, 00:05:46.329 --> 00:05:48.149 girl. Let's think our way out of this. I got 00:05:48.149 --> 00:05:49.750 a good head on my shoulders. I'm going to think 00:05:49.750 --> 00:05:51.790 my way out of this. It's not going to work until 00:05:51.790 --> 00:05:55.509 you get embodied, feel what you need to feel. 00:05:56.029 --> 00:05:59.029 And then something magical happens. You start 00:05:59.029 --> 00:06:03.990 spontaneous joy. You feel alive. Somehow your 00:06:03.990 --> 00:06:06.870 skin fits better. I mean, it's just amazing. 00:06:07.539 --> 00:06:10.339 When you can allow yourself some of those things 00:06:10.339 --> 00:06:12.319 you're afraid of. And I think fear is a big fat 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:14.660 liar. Everything we need is on the other side 00:06:14.660 --> 00:06:19.399 of that often. Oh, I believe that as well. Oh, 00:06:19.459 --> 00:06:24.079 so true. So true. So most people picture when 00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:26.360 you say just the word burnout, they get like 00:06:26.360 --> 00:06:29.980 this dramatic collapse, but you have described 00:06:29.980 --> 00:06:33.220 it as showing up more. quietly as a flatness 00:06:33.220 --> 00:06:37.779 or a numbness or loss of desire. So walk us through 00:06:37.779 --> 00:06:40.500 the look and feel of it that you've seen with 00:06:40.500 --> 00:06:45.990 your clients. One thing that comes to mind, and 00:06:45.990 --> 00:06:48.430 these were interns, when you're trying to be 00:06:48.430 --> 00:06:50.910 a counselor, you have a graduate degree, then 00:06:50.910 --> 00:06:53.610 you have to be with a supervisor for 3 ,000 hours 00:06:53.610 --> 00:06:56.149 before you're fully licensed. So this was when 00:06:56.149 --> 00:06:59.110 burnout really came on my radar. I'd see these 00:06:59.110 --> 00:07:03.629 bubbly, vivacious interns coming in going, woohoo, 00:07:03.750 --> 00:07:07.500 let's do this. Maybe six months later, they come 00:07:07.500 --> 00:07:09.899 in and they're just dragging their bodies across 00:07:09.899 --> 00:07:15.500 the floor like Igor. They were burning out. They 00:07:15.500 --> 00:07:18.620 were not setting boundaries. They were not taking 00:07:18.620 --> 00:07:23.680 the time for themselves. It is a loss of self. 00:07:24.519 --> 00:07:27.199 You know, we become buried under our responsibilities. 00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:31.899 That woman, that luscious, wonderful woman that 00:07:31.899 --> 00:07:35.560 is within us becomes so buried. by responsibilities 00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:38.579 and over -functioning and wallowing our truth 00:07:38.579 --> 00:07:42.160 to keep the peace, which lands in our heart chakra. 00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:44.500 I do a lot of chakra psychology as a resentment, 00:07:44.500 --> 00:07:47.899 you know, and, and then that brings up shame 00:07:47.899 --> 00:07:50.699 because how dare we have that feeling. And I 00:07:50.699 --> 00:07:54.759 mean, it really lands in that law. If I had to 00:07:54.759 --> 00:07:57.040 say it in a word, it's you're that loss of self. 00:07:57.360 --> 00:08:00.509 We lose her. Yeah, I can definitely identify 00:08:00.509 --> 00:08:03.269 that. And that over -functioning, that I am an 00:08:03.269 --> 00:08:07.790 over -functioner, that is me. So you make an 00:08:07.790 --> 00:08:10.370 important distinction, though, that these aren't 00:08:10.370 --> 00:08:14.230 psychological failures, but they're physiological 00:08:14.230 --> 00:08:19.430 responses. So why does that reframe matter so 00:08:19.430 --> 00:08:22.689 much with women, do you think? Well, I think 00:08:22.689 --> 00:08:26.509 first and foremost, like I said, you can't think 00:08:26.509 --> 00:08:29.500 your way out of it. Shame. We've done something 00:08:29.500 --> 00:08:34.320 wrong. I'm weak. I'm broken. I know I'm 63. My 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:36.759 hormones are gone. You know, whatever it might 00:08:36.759 --> 00:08:39.840 be. We think we've done something wrong and then 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:42.679 we're ashamed to talk about it. So we're, we 00:08:42.679 --> 00:08:46.590 suffer in silence because if I've failed evidently, 00:08:46.610 --> 00:08:49.590 if I've got this, gosh, what's going on? And 00:08:49.590 --> 00:08:52.769 it's physiological. Our nervous system is not 00:08:52.769 --> 00:08:55.769 made to stay in survival state all the time. 00:08:56.009 --> 00:08:58.450 And when we're functioning, we brace our pelvic 00:08:58.450 --> 00:09:00.830 floor. It gets in the way of the bedroom life. 00:09:01.269 --> 00:09:04.970 We're bracing all the time. That vagus nerve 00:09:04.970 --> 00:09:08.960 is just like. this polyvagal system is completely 00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:11.740 out of whack. And we wonder why a bubble bath 00:09:11.740 --> 00:09:14.659 or a vacation doesn't make us feel better. We're 00:09:14.659 --> 00:09:17.000 still exhausted. What, because we've got to do 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:20.399 the nervous system work before when our nervous 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:24.299 system is completely activated that frontal cortex 00:09:24.299 --> 00:09:27.799 that we use to do those mind, you know, just 00:09:27.799 --> 00:09:31.639 meditate, do a mind or the mind apps. I'm not 00:09:31.639 --> 00:09:35.019 saying that right, but yeah. the apps that help 00:09:35.019 --> 00:09:37.899 us, you know, calm or whatever it might be. If 00:09:37.899 --> 00:09:40.039 our frontal cortex is not fully online, those 00:09:40.039 --> 00:09:42.440 aren't going to work until we get that nervous 00:09:42.440 --> 00:09:48.110 system regulated. and allow that cocktail of 00:09:48.110 --> 00:09:51.230 adrenaline and cortisol that we're living on, 00:09:51.909 --> 00:09:54.789 because that we're bracing and that nervous system 00:09:54.789 --> 00:09:56.990 is like, well, fine, she, we're in survival state. 00:09:57.210 --> 00:09:58.789 She sure doesn't want pleasure. That's coming 00:09:58.789 --> 00:10:03.590 offline. Digesting meals. Eh, we'll see. Because 00:10:03.590 --> 00:10:05.850 when your nervous system is activated, all those, 00:10:06.289 --> 00:10:09.409 anything that's going to get in the way of running 00:10:09.409 --> 00:10:12.200 from that saber tooth tiger is shut down. to 00:10:12.200 --> 00:10:15.580 survive and you know that served our forefathers 00:10:15.580 --> 00:10:17.980 who were dealing with the tooth tigers but they're 00:10:17.980 --> 00:10:21.120 in the zoo now we don't have to our body does 00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:24.919 not believe we're safe so it's it's not going 00:10:24.919 --> 00:10:28.000 to relax until we get that nervous system regulated 00:10:28.610 --> 00:10:30.490 and let our body know we're safe. And I don't 00:10:30.490 --> 00:10:32.269 mean like someone's going to hit us. I mean, 00:10:32.669 --> 00:10:34.590 oh my God, I'm going to miss a deadline. Oh my 00:10:34.590 --> 00:10:37.029 God. Did I forget to pick the kids up? Oh my 00:10:37.029 --> 00:10:41.029 God. I missed that appointment. Whatever. A dysregulated 00:10:41.029 --> 00:10:44.529 nervous system. is what is behind burnout. That 00:10:44.529 --> 00:10:47.889 is my theory. I'm sticking with it. That. Yes. 00:10:47.889 --> 00:10:50.789 Yes. And I understand that. It's like staying 00:10:50.789 --> 00:10:53.429 in a constant state of fight or flight. Like 00:10:53.429 --> 00:10:56.690 with everything, whatever it is in our life, 00:10:56.830 --> 00:11:00.169 we're constant fight or flight. Constant fight, 00:11:00.389 --> 00:11:03.190 flight, freeze or fawn. And a lot of us gals, 00:11:03.470 --> 00:11:08.929 fawn. People pleasing. Yeah. Yes. Like let me 00:11:08.929 --> 00:11:11.210 appease so you won't kick me out of the tribe 00:11:11.210 --> 00:11:14.940 because Once upon a time that happened. So, and 00:11:14.940 --> 00:11:16.820 that over -functioning will slip in when we're 00:11:16.820 --> 00:11:19.539 appeasing too. We know what someone needs before 00:11:19.539 --> 00:11:23.519 they know what they need. And that keeps our 00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:27.980 nervous system so activated. Pleasure is the 00:11:27.980 --> 00:11:30.679 first thing to go to. And because the body says, 00:11:30.860 --> 00:11:32.679 well, you, she don't need that. Our brain is 00:11:32.679 --> 00:11:34.860 very stingy with the energy. You don't need that. 00:11:34.919 --> 00:11:36.940 So I'm going to put on my, your energy here. 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:40.740 Yeah. Constantly, constantly. And all the hormones 00:11:40.740 --> 00:11:43.159 that don't, not the nice hormones, the, that 00:11:43.159 --> 00:11:46.419 stress cocktail of the adrenaline and cortisol, 00:11:47.100 --> 00:11:50.500 which, which slides over into our immunosuppression. 00:11:50.860 --> 00:11:53.000 You get more colds. You're the first one to get 00:11:53.000 --> 00:11:55.419 the flu. You have a constant sinus infection. 00:11:56.139 --> 00:12:00.200 Just. Yeah, let it. She's not good. Yeah. So 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:03.679 you mentioned also identity erosion as one of 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:07.720 the symptoms. So that phrase is striking. What 00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:11.080 do you mean by that and what's actually happening 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:14.259 underneath that? Yeah. And we've hit on a little 00:12:14.259 --> 00:12:17.779 bit. It's identity erosion is when we're so busy 00:12:17.779 --> 00:12:20.419 performing. And I don't mean like we're being 00:12:20.419 --> 00:12:22.639 fake. I mean, you know, I'm mom, so I've got 00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:25.480 to do these things. I'm obviously, I'm the Dean, 00:12:25.820 --> 00:12:27.919 which I do that for a while. So I've got to do 00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:30.620 these things. I'm a wife. I've got to do this. 00:12:30.659 --> 00:12:35.139 We're so busy doing and performing that we've 00:12:35.139 --> 00:12:38.019 lost sight of who we actually are. It erodes. 00:12:38.220 --> 00:12:40.580 It's that swallowing our truth to keep the peace. 00:12:40.860 --> 00:12:45.279 It's that, gosh, girl, it's, you're not embodied. 00:12:45.700 --> 00:12:49.379 You've lost sight of who you really are. Who 00:12:49.379 --> 00:12:52.759 am I if I'm not taking care of others? Who am 00:12:52.759 --> 00:12:57.700 I if I'm not? The first one to make sure Needs 00:12:57.700 --> 00:13:00.580 are met. Who am I if I'm not the friend that 00:13:00.580 --> 00:13:03.720 takes on everyone's responsibility? I mean we 00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:06.600 just lose sight of that beautiful being under 00:13:06.600 --> 00:13:10.840 all that Right. Yes, definitely. So let's talk 00:13:10.840 --> 00:13:13.820 a little bit more about the nervous system framework 00:13:13.820 --> 00:13:17.840 So you've said nervous system first so it For 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.299 someone that's not really familiar and doesn't 00:13:20.299 --> 00:13:22.460 really understand what we're saying here, what 00:13:22.460 --> 00:13:26.960 does that mean? And why does that work? So the 00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:29.879 polyvagal theory and you know, Steven for Dr. 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:31.899 Steven, poor Hays came out with this. I mean, 00:13:32.059 --> 00:13:35.419 it's it hadn't been around forever. It's Fairly 00:13:35.419 --> 00:13:38.460 new when it comes to theories, but he recognized 00:13:38.460 --> 00:13:41.600 that when our vagus nerve which runs from our 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:43.960 brain stem all the way down to our tippy toes 00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:46.279 and it goes perfectly with my chakra psychology 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:50.460 because those were all the chakras but when we 00:13:50.460 --> 00:13:53.419 get activated when we're not in a nice state 00:13:53.419 --> 00:13:58.120 of just feeling calm and embodied and just fully 00:13:58.120 --> 00:14:03.840 alive when we get upset and something Activates 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:07.700 our nervous system in a manner that has us kick 00:14:07.700 --> 00:14:09.720 into flight where we're going to run and get 00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:15.460 away from something or freeze where a lot of 00:14:15.460 --> 00:14:18.320 folks with big T trauma freeze is a big one for 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:23.200 them or there is the. fight, the fight where 00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:25.740 I'm going to, you know, my sister kind of kicks 00:14:25.740 --> 00:14:28.659 to that one, you know, it just depends. We all 00:14:28.659 --> 00:14:30.879 have one that we kick to, or the fawn, where 00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:33.019 I'm just going to appease, appease, appease. 00:14:33.059 --> 00:14:37.000 We have to, when we are activated in one of those, 00:14:37.700 --> 00:14:40.879 we're not in a state for social maintenance, 00:14:40.919 --> 00:14:43.960 if you will. We're not able to connect and be 00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:47.940 socially, yeah, connected with others. That those 00:14:47.940 --> 00:14:50.659 things it and it takes some work. You know, I'm 00:14:50.659 --> 00:14:52.159 not saying you have to see a therapist But it 00:14:52.159 --> 00:14:55.320 does take some work to really understand what's 00:14:55.320 --> 00:14:57.759 activating me. Oh my god I want to set this boundary, 00:14:57.779 --> 00:15:01.700 but I'm terrified to set this boundary and I 00:15:01.700 --> 00:15:04.940 don't understand what's happening When our when 00:15:04.940 --> 00:15:07.120 our nervous system is activated these things 00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:09.559 come up I did I just got back from Costa Rica 00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:12.960 with my kids my husband I took the kids And they're 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:15.360 in their 40s, grown kids. But I want to give 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.320 an example of what happened when I became very 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:22.539 activated. I am terrified of heights. Terrified 00:15:22.539 --> 00:15:26.759 of heights. I think I will die. And that's what 00:15:26.759 --> 00:15:30.000 happens when our vagus nerve gets dysregulated 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:34.639 or frozen or goes offline. So what are we going 00:15:34.639 --> 00:15:36.320 to do as a family? We're going to go ziplining 00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:41.679 above the jungles in Costa Rica. Beautiful. I'm 00:15:41.679 --> 00:15:43.940 beautiful, but I'm like, why don't we be left 00:15:43.940 --> 00:15:46.279 out? I'm going to go. So we're going to the first 00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:49.279 zip line, you know, up all these little bridges. 00:15:49.580 --> 00:15:51.100 I mean, girl, I was, I thought I was going to 00:15:51.100 --> 00:15:55.720 wipe my pants. I was, and my, so really I got 00:15:55.720 --> 00:15:59.419 so activated that fear of death was so real. 00:15:59.700 --> 00:16:01.740 I was about to throw up. I mean, that's what 00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:04.360 you're polyvagal. That's what you're, when you're 00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:06.080 activated, it might not be throw up for everyone, 00:16:06.100 --> 00:16:08.480 but for me, and I'm sorry, audience gross shell 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:12.799 out, but my oldest son, And my wife, two sons, 00:16:12.980 --> 00:16:15.440 both my sons came and they're like, mom, they 00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:18.679 were trying to help me get regulated, right? 00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:21.000 Breathe. My youngest one, he says, he's like, 00:16:21.019 --> 00:16:23.059 you don't have to go, it's okay. And my oldest 00:16:23.059 --> 00:16:25.320 son was like, you're so brave, you can do this, 00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:29.100 mom. And they looked me in the eyes and we were 00:16:29.100 --> 00:16:32.019 breathing together. And what happened, my very 00:16:32.019 --> 00:16:35.389 activated... nervous system that thought I was 00:16:35.389 --> 00:16:39.269 about to die my mirror neurons kicked in to their 00:16:39.269 --> 00:16:43.870 mirror neurons and I calmed down and I was able 00:16:43.870 --> 00:16:46.710 to breathe because rectangle breathing is really 00:16:46.710 --> 00:16:49.710 good with that and I was able to come back online 00:16:49.710 --> 00:16:53.450 fully and go okay I'll try this I quit shaking 00:16:53.450 --> 00:16:56.710 girl I'm shaking like a leaf but once my mirror 00:16:56.710 --> 00:17:01.000 neurons kicked back in Thanks to my sons, I was 00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:03.240 able to do that. And after the first one, I was 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:05.839 fine. But that's just an example of what happens 00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:09.859 with our nervous system. We believe the thoughts 00:17:09.859 --> 00:17:11.839 that come out when we're terrified or whatever 00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:16.240 it might be and react to those. Those mirror 00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:19.640 neurons are always available to us, but we just 00:17:19.640 --> 00:17:22.680 have to have partners that understand how important 00:17:22.680 --> 00:17:26.049 that is because If in our mirror, mirror, neuron 00:17:26.049 --> 00:17:28.369 circuitry, if someone escalates, we're going 00:17:28.369 --> 00:17:30.589 to escalate with them. But if they come down, 00:17:31.309 --> 00:17:33.930 we're more likely to come down. So it's almost 00:17:33.930 --> 00:17:36.650 like modeling the behavior, right? Like you have 00:17:36.650 --> 00:17:39.190 someone there that's kind of modeling the behavior 00:17:39.190 --> 00:17:42.869 that you need or is okay. All right. Very interesting. 00:17:43.470 --> 00:17:46.650 Yeah, that's really interesting. So how does 00:17:46.650 --> 00:17:50.529 like decades of caregiving performance or an 00:17:50.529 --> 00:17:54.279 emotional labor literally reshape? a woman's 00:17:54.279 --> 00:17:56.640 nervous system? You know, what has the body had 00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:59.500 to learn to do? And then how do you unlearn? 00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:02.759 And why is that so hard to unlearn? Yeah, yeah. 00:18:03.299 --> 00:18:06.640 Well, after decades, two things are happening. 00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:09.960 We have been our nervous system has been so braced 00:18:09.960 --> 00:18:12.980 to just power through. That's why I'd say resilience 00:18:12.980 --> 00:18:17.529 is almost almost abusive. I mean, depending on 00:18:17.529 --> 00:18:19.569 how you use it, but when we're like, I'm resilient, 00:18:19.609 --> 00:18:22.529 I'm going to power through this. We're so braced 00:18:22.529 --> 00:18:25.210 for so long. Your nervous system has forgotten 00:18:25.210 --> 00:18:29.509 it. Like I said, it's frozen in the survival 00:18:29.509 --> 00:18:32.430 mode and pleasure is very hard to activate. It's 00:18:32.430 --> 00:18:34.809 very hard to get to. So after decades of this, 00:18:34.950 --> 00:18:38.269 it reshapes your body is like. This chick don't 00:18:38.269 --> 00:18:42.089 do pleasure. All she does is work and she is 00:18:42.089 --> 00:18:43.630 not going to relax. Let me just tell you, if 00:18:43.630 --> 00:18:45.710 you try to get her relaxed, she's going to go 00:18:45.710 --> 00:18:49.390 multitask, knit or well, knitting is not bad, 00:18:49.569 --> 00:18:52.089 but you know, clean house and mop and do her 00:18:52.089 --> 00:18:55.130 podcast. You're not just going to sit decades 00:18:55.130 --> 00:18:57.710 upon that. We're teaching ourself and it's neural 00:18:57.710 --> 00:19:01.680 pathways too. We have taught ourself that If 00:19:01.680 --> 00:19:04.559 you are not doing, you're not valuable. Your 00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:07.619 worth is only tied to your performance. So you're, 00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:10.420 you better get out there and perform and your 00:19:10.420 --> 00:19:12.940 nervous system is going to, I mean, it's like, 00:19:13.140 --> 00:19:15.759 okay, that's what we do. We perform and it's 00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:20.200 very hard. You've got that going. And then around 00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:25.339 50, 53. Your estrogen goes, I still a Vista baby. 00:19:26.140 --> 00:19:30.579 Menopause sets in. So your brain is like, but 00:19:30.579 --> 00:19:33.099 wait, you were the buffer that helped me do all 00:19:33.099 --> 00:19:38.599 these things and not kill people. We're going 00:19:38.599 --> 00:19:41.920 to miss you. So in our fifties, and I think it's 00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:44.640 a gift. I really do. It's a, we can have an awakening 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:48.559 where we're like, what in the hell is going on 00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:51.079 here? You wake up in your life and you look around 00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:55.829 and think, How'd I get here? But estrogen helped 00:19:55.829 --> 00:19:58.049 us get there. We love it. I'm not dissing it, 00:19:58.430 --> 00:20:01.190 but it helped us brace through some things and 00:20:01.190 --> 00:20:04.509 have tolerance for some things that we find no 00:20:04.509 --> 00:20:10.589 longer fit after 50, after 60, after 70. We want 00:20:10.589 --> 00:20:13.470 to learn how to re -regulate that nervous system 00:20:13.470 --> 00:20:17.930 and do things that feel good for us, not only 00:20:17.930 --> 00:20:20.980 in service. And I'm not saying we don't love 00:20:20.980 --> 00:20:23.900 others and we still show up and take, you know, 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:26.579 love the ones we love, but we've got to add ourself 00:20:26.579 --> 00:20:30.319 into that love. Yeah. And I think what you're 00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:34.859 going into with that is like a true like behavior 00:20:34.859 --> 00:20:38.680 change. Is that what you're saying or what? I 00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:42.240 know we said we don't start with motivation or 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:46.460 mindset. You know, why is that? Why am I? Why 00:20:46.460 --> 00:20:49.630 not? I guess is what I'm asking. Sure when our 00:20:49.630 --> 00:20:52.170 nervous system has been dysregulated for so long 00:20:52.170 --> 00:20:55.309 and we're stuck in that survival mode with until 00:20:55.309 --> 00:20:58.930 we can relax and allow that frontal cortex to 00:20:58.930 --> 00:21:01.750 come fully online Those things aren't going to 00:21:01.750 --> 00:21:03.809 be as valuable now. I'm not going to say massage. 00:21:03.869 --> 00:21:05.809 You can be great. Take a bubble bath That's fine, 00:21:05.809 --> 00:21:09.049 but you're gonna it's not going to be the absolute 00:21:09.049 --> 00:21:12.730 reset that you're needing We need to really reset 00:21:12.730 --> 00:21:15.809 that nervous system really teach her that she 00:21:15.809 --> 00:21:19.190 can rely. I mean A lot of times my clients, I 00:21:19.190 --> 00:21:22.170 have them do this. and drop their shoulders, 00:21:22.230 --> 00:21:23.930 and they're like, oh my God, I didn't even know 00:21:23.930 --> 00:21:27.130 I was bracing my shoulders up. We walk around 00:21:27.130 --> 00:21:30.950 like this and don't even realize it. I do. Yeah, 00:21:30.970 --> 00:21:33.569 definitely. I do. And I was like, just when you 00:21:33.569 --> 00:21:35.750 said that, I was just like, oh, I had my shoulders 00:21:35.750 --> 00:21:37.730 up just then, and I didn't even know it. It's 00:21:37.730 --> 00:21:40.769 like, oh, boy. We do that. It really goes to 00:21:40.769 --> 00:21:42.789 neuroscience, too. We've got all kinds of neural 00:21:42.789 --> 00:21:46.170 pathways that we have beat into, you know, I've 00:21:46.170 --> 00:21:49.470 got to do this. I've got to do this. So it's, 00:21:49.490 --> 00:21:51.289 you know, we've got to get our nervous system 00:21:51.289 --> 00:21:54.910 regulated so we can build some new neural pathways 00:21:54.910 --> 00:21:57.690 to bring on some behaviors and things that we 00:21:57.690 --> 00:22:00.890 that feel so good and so yummy to us in the you 00:22:00.890 --> 00:22:04.930 know in this next chapter and it takes 67 days 00:22:04.930 --> 00:22:07.910 to to rebuild a neural pathway and have others 00:22:07.910 --> 00:22:11.089 dissipate so we have to have lots of love for 00:22:11.089 --> 00:22:14.769 ourself self -compassion I'm real big on Mark 00:22:14.769 --> 00:22:17.589 White's narrative therapy. I use that a lot for 00:22:17.589 --> 00:22:20.369 my clients. I use a lot for me where we have 00:22:20.369 --> 00:22:22.869 to catch the narrative of our story, what we're 00:22:22.869 --> 00:22:26.690 telling ourself that's having us continue to 00:22:26.690 --> 00:22:30.049 kick into that dysregulated nervous system and 00:22:30.049 --> 00:22:32.829 rewrite that narrative so that it just feels. 00:22:33.259 --> 00:22:38.880 smoother, more silky, and better to ourself. 00:22:39.380 --> 00:22:42.920 It's not one thing, it's several things we need 00:22:42.920 --> 00:22:45.819 to do to ourself, but ultimately we want to thaw 00:22:45.819 --> 00:22:48.779 out that nervous system so we can come back online 00:22:48.779 --> 00:22:53.220 and be really available to really be fully present 00:22:53.220 --> 00:22:56.240 in our life. Well, I spend a lot of time with 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:59.759 my clients, my patients, learning, helping them. 00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:04.220 Quit being that floating head of competence and 00:23:04.220 --> 00:23:07.619 get re -embodied. What happens when we're so 00:23:07.619 --> 00:23:10.880 dysregulated, it impacts our relationship with 00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:14.180 ourself, our relationship with others, and just 00:23:14.180 --> 00:23:20.700 what we believe we deserve, if you will. How 00:23:20.700 --> 00:23:23.579 does the person, I mean, is it just kind of a 00:23:23.579 --> 00:23:26.519 trial and error, like finding things that calm 00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:29.420 me? Like, cause I talk to women that they have 00:23:29.420 --> 00:23:31.500 like, I don't know how to calm down. I don't 00:23:31.500 --> 00:23:34.180 know, you know, just like breathing techniques, 00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:39.180 I guess. Number one, finding what helps, you 00:23:39.180 --> 00:23:41.500 know, help what's calming, what helps bring us 00:23:41.500 --> 00:23:44.160 down, so to speak. And then once we do that, 00:23:44.339 --> 00:23:46.380 how do we know we've arrived? How do we know 00:23:46.380 --> 00:23:50.019 that we've gotten to that space of regulation? 00:23:51.220 --> 00:23:52.920 That's a great question. You're absolutely right. 00:23:53.000 --> 00:23:55.900 We're all so different. And if we have big T 00:23:55.900 --> 00:23:59.279 trauma, that's going to impact how well we're 00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:01.359 able to come back online as opposed to I think 00:24:01.359 --> 00:24:03.259 we all have little T trauma. I mean, if you're 00:24:03.259 --> 00:24:05.180 survived childhood, there's a little T in there. 00:24:05.579 --> 00:24:09.640 But yes, I like to give my women. Actual physical 00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:11.680 things to do. I don't want to hurt your ears, 00:24:11.819 --> 00:24:15.359 but breathing where you kind of vibrate your 00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:17.839 throat Activates that vagus nerve to kind of 00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:20.279 help calm down and like when I was in the tree 00:24:20.279 --> 00:24:25.140 the other day you better bet I was Beyond the 00:24:25.140 --> 00:24:28.279 mirror neurons But that's very important some 00:24:28.279 --> 00:24:31.500 tapping is can help very much. We have some nerve 00:24:31.500 --> 00:24:35.099 ends, especially around our collarbones breathing 00:24:35.099 --> 00:24:38.500 and tapping can kind of help That feels pretty 00:24:38.500 --> 00:24:41.779 good. Okay, I can calm that thought down. Okay, 00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:45.660 that's a good thing. Visualizations can be very 00:24:45.660 --> 00:24:49.019 helpful. There's like just had a glass shower 00:24:49.019 --> 00:24:52.000 put in a glass shower wall where emotions come 00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:54.819 at us so we're present with the person but those 00:24:54.819 --> 00:24:57.339 real heavy emotions stick on that glass wall 00:24:57.339 --> 00:25:01.000 and don't impact us that can be very very helpful 00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:03.460 because our brain when we're attending to and 00:25:03.460 --> 00:25:06.220 really connected with someone our brain does 00:25:06.220 --> 00:25:08.920 not know their trauma is not our trauma and your 00:25:08.920 --> 00:25:12.180 body is going to react to that so having some 00:25:12.180 --> 00:25:15.619 things that help you not Get there is a good 00:25:15.619 --> 00:25:20.259 thing. The rectangle breathing, well, it's four 00:25:20.259 --> 00:25:24.900 in, hold for four, exhale for six. The exhale 00:25:24.900 --> 00:25:27.759 needs to be longer to really get that vagus nerve 00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:30.259 to kind of calm down. I know I've got a horse 00:25:30.259 --> 00:25:33.740 out in my pasture, Rex, he's so good. He shakes, 00:25:33.880 --> 00:25:36.700 have you? I'm sure you've seen it with your animals, 00:25:37.099 --> 00:25:38.940 how animals shake when they get upset or they 00:25:38.940 --> 00:25:41.609 get up and they shake. We're designed to do that 00:25:41.609 --> 00:25:45.769 too. So getting up and shaking. If you're feeling, 00:25:45.769 --> 00:25:48.609 I'm feeling a little bit tense. Oh, that's anger 00:25:48.609 --> 00:25:51.009 coming up. Let me shake. I know it sounds silly, 00:25:51.329 --> 00:25:54.369 but it's very helpful to be grounded. The most 00:25:54.369 --> 00:25:57.190 important tool I could share with you is a full 00:25:57.190 --> 00:26:01.190 body scan. Big deep breath, approach it with 00:26:01.190 --> 00:26:04.309 curiosity and love. I just want to notice physical 00:26:04.309 --> 00:26:08.220 sensations in my body. So from your top of your 00:26:08.220 --> 00:26:11.700 head, eyes, throat, chest, tummy, all the way 00:26:11.700 --> 00:26:15.180 down to your toes, approaching that with curiosity 00:26:15.180 --> 00:26:18.859 and just seeing what your body has to tell you. 00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:22.299 Girl, that is so powerful. And so many, I cannot 00:26:22.299 --> 00:26:25.380 tell you, Michelle, how often I really have to 00:26:25.380 --> 00:26:27.039 work with ladies to get them trained to even 00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:29.400 go into their body. I don't want to feel that. 00:26:29.599 --> 00:26:35.539 Yes. Yeah. But you know, I get it. Yeah. Just 00:26:35.539 --> 00:26:38.319 little things. to kind of start on that pathway. 00:26:38.900 --> 00:26:42.640 Walk outside, go on a walk without a phone. We 00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:46.880 multitask so much. Technology really does not 00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:49.500 help us in this space, you know, because it just 00:26:49.500 --> 00:26:52.299 can, it keeps everything coming at us all the 00:26:52.299 --> 00:26:55.180 time, you know, activated, absolutely activated 00:26:55.180 --> 00:26:57.819 all the time. Yeah. Sit with your cat on your 00:26:57.819 --> 00:27:04.720 lap. Yes. Animals are great. And there's a lot 00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:07.990 of, you know, therapeutic Yeah. Tools out there 00:27:07.990 --> 00:27:10.109 that with animals and you know, the whole thing 00:27:10.109 --> 00:27:12.569 of just holding an animal in your lap, how that 00:27:12.569 --> 00:27:17.930 just helps with calming. And I researched that 00:27:17.930 --> 00:27:19.630 animal. I mean, if you like a lab scientist and 00:27:19.630 --> 00:27:21.930 go, what are they doing? They take such, I'm 00:27:21.930 --> 00:27:23.630 pointing to my cat. They take such good care 00:27:23.630 --> 00:27:27.109 of themselves. They stretch, they lick. She'll 00:27:27.109 --> 00:27:29.009 give me the finger and walk off if she does not 00:27:29.009 --> 00:27:32.130 want anything to do with it. Yeah. My cat will 00:27:32.130 --> 00:27:37.640 too. Oh, that's great. So. What is one thing 00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:40.980 a woman can do this week, not a wellness trend, 00:27:41.299 --> 00:27:44.559 but something grounded in your nervous system 00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:47.400 framework that they can do to begin? I know you 00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:49.559 went through a list of things there. If there's 00:27:49.559 --> 00:27:51.680 one thing that you do this week, what would that 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:54.619 be? Well, it's here in Texas. It's getting a 00:27:54.619 --> 00:27:58.180 little warmer. Grounding is so important. And 00:27:58.180 --> 00:27:59.819 the reason I said getting a little warmer, I 00:27:59.819 --> 00:28:02.759 would say take your shoes off. Mm -hmm and go 00:28:02.759 --> 00:28:06.019 stand on some grass somewhere and we our body 00:28:06.019 --> 00:28:10.039 needs that we are wired for that and Just kind 00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:12.180 of rub your feet back and forth in the grass 00:28:12.180 --> 00:28:15.859 Take a big deep breath gets vitamin D vitamin 00:28:15.859 --> 00:28:20.720 D regulates our emotions help we need The sunshine 00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:22.779 just and I'm not talking for 15 minutes five 00:28:22.779 --> 00:28:26.440 minutes between something. I don't know phone 00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:30.160 call whatever walk outside and ground yourself 00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:34.460 on some grass. I love that. There's a lot of 00:28:34.460 --> 00:28:36.279 research behind that too. I'm not smart enough 00:28:36.279 --> 00:28:39.140 to spout it right this moment, but I know there's 00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:41.900 a lot of research behind why that's so important. 00:28:42.980 --> 00:28:46.539 Awesome. Thank you for that. So of everything 00:28:46.539 --> 00:28:49.000 that we've been talking about here, if there's 00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:51.759 one thing that what would you want most want 00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:54.980 our listeners to take away from the work that 00:28:54.980 --> 00:28:59.440 you're doing? Yeah. Souljoy is there for you. 00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:04.119 We just have to quit asking permission. It's 00:29:04.119 --> 00:29:08.500 there. So go ride a roller coaster. You will 00:29:08.500 --> 00:29:12.660 feel alive. Yes. Let's talk about your upcoming 00:29:12.660 --> 00:29:16.819 book. So talking about desire and intimacy. And 00:29:16.819 --> 00:29:18.940 I love your title. Are we going to have sex or 00:29:18.940 --> 00:29:22.890 what? Tell us about your new book. Oh, I am so 00:29:22.890 --> 00:29:25.269 excited for this new book. It's all about nervous 00:29:25.269 --> 00:29:27.930 system regulation. Really for us gals over 50 00:29:27.930 --> 00:29:33.829 how to feel alive and just reignite desire and 00:29:33.829 --> 00:29:38.069 really approach these this next chapter with 00:29:38.069 --> 00:29:41.930 vibrancy. So there's a lot of nervous system 00:29:41.930 --> 00:29:45.910 regulation tips talking about if our body is 00:29:45.910 --> 00:29:48.069 not broken just because we're over 50 does not 00:29:48.069 --> 00:29:51.250 mean we can't have a fabulous sex life. Fabulous. 00:29:51.549 --> 00:29:55.269 Desire come up and there's lots. I mean there's 00:29:55.269 --> 00:29:57.309 oh my gosh. I think there's 50 chapters in that 00:29:57.309 --> 00:30:00.910 book I wanted to be sure I hit all kinds of things 00:30:00.910 --> 00:30:04.990 hormones how to get yourself if the bedroom is 00:30:04.990 --> 00:30:08.289 suffering how to techniques and things you can 00:30:08.289 --> 00:30:12.210 do to Enjoy the bedroom again even scripts. I've 00:30:12.210 --> 00:30:14.329 done a lot of marriage counseling over the 30 00:30:14.329 --> 00:30:17.609 years. I've been doing there I was always surprised 00:30:17.609 --> 00:30:20.200 with So many couples don't even talk to each 00:30:20.200 --> 00:30:23.259 other about sex. They don't even have words to 00:30:23.259 --> 00:30:26.700 have those conversations. Communication is an 00:30:26.700 --> 00:30:30.299 aphrodisiac. We must be communicating. So I've 00:30:30.299 --> 00:30:33.519 included scripts in the book to help people get 00:30:33.519 --> 00:30:35.460 started. And here is something that's so fun. 00:30:35.960 --> 00:30:40.170 Our nervous system. It gets bored with repetition. 00:30:40.450 --> 00:30:42.029 So if you've been like, I've been married 35 00:30:42.029 --> 00:30:43.589 years. If it's like, we're going to do this, 00:30:43.630 --> 00:30:45.170 I'm going to do that. We're going to do that. 00:30:45.230 --> 00:30:48.450 And you're nervous, checks out and goes boring. 00:30:48.970 --> 00:30:51.869 We got to spice things up a little bit to wake 00:30:51.869 --> 00:30:53.769 it back up and get things online. So I'll give 00:30:53.769 --> 00:30:57.509 you tips for that. Oh, wonderful. That sounds 00:30:57.509 --> 00:31:00.490 great. Yeah. I definitely will check that out. 00:31:00.950 --> 00:31:05.089 Is there any belief about women and aging that 00:31:05.089 --> 00:31:10.609 you'd love to see disappear forever? Yes. That 00:31:10.609 --> 00:31:13.170 at 63, I'm going to look the same as I did at 00:31:13.170 --> 00:31:15.690 20 and somehow something's wrong with me. Embrace 00:31:15.690 --> 00:31:19.660 aging. It's a beautiful thing. I love my gray 00:31:19.660 --> 00:31:23.099 hair, you know. Yeah. And speaking of hair, that's 00:31:23.099 --> 00:31:26.720 definitely as we age, our hair changes a lot. 00:31:26.859 --> 00:31:29.420 I don't know. I have had so many like texture 00:31:29.420 --> 00:31:31.759 changes. And then when menopause started for 00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:34.259 me, like I was losing my hair and then fortunately 00:31:34.259 --> 00:31:37.640 I got it back. And you know, the hair is a big 00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:42.220 deal as we age. It is. And also I have a lot 00:31:42.220 --> 00:31:45.279 of chin hairs that I didn't. Yeah, for sure. 00:31:45.980 --> 00:31:49.440 But you know, I think it's I just wish we women 00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:53.900 would embrace every age as a journey. I mean, 00:31:53.900 --> 00:31:57.059 this is fun. It's fun to, I'm the most comfortable 00:31:57.059 --> 00:31:59.259 with myself than I've ever been, which could 00:31:59.259 --> 00:32:04.019 be dangerous. Good for you. That's great. I love 00:32:04.019 --> 00:32:11.180 that. Yeah. So for people to find you, for the 00:32:11.180 --> 00:32:13.319 listeners to find you today, where your books, 00:32:13.420 --> 00:32:16.279 podcasts, best way to just reach out to you. 00:32:16.299 --> 00:32:18.950 What is that? That is my website. I also have 00:32:18.950 --> 00:32:21.589 some freebies or a couple of fun things on there 00:32:21.589 --> 00:32:28.309 if they go and look. It's www .juliemarymanphd 00:32:28.309 --> 00:32:31.829 .com and the books are on there. My web, my podcast, 00:32:32.029 --> 00:32:35.769 everything's on there. Wonderful. Wonderful. 00:32:35.950 --> 00:32:38.089 Julie, you have just been a delight. I love your 00:32:38.089 --> 00:32:40.970 energy and I just love the work you're doing. 00:32:41.150 --> 00:32:45.069 And I think that it's just so needed. You know, 00:32:45.089 --> 00:32:46.910 I see it, the things we've talked about here. 00:32:47.069 --> 00:32:50.210 I see it in other women. I see it in myself, 00:32:50.210 --> 00:32:54.470 you know, and it's just, yeah, just practicing 00:32:54.470 --> 00:32:57.769 that self love, you know, letting myself know 00:32:57.769 --> 00:33:00.549 it's not selfish to take care of myself, you 00:33:00.549 --> 00:33:03.250 know, and that Like you just, you said it, giving 00:33:03.250 --> 00:33:07.730 myself permission. Yeah. It's necessary. It's 00:33:07.730 --> 00:33:10.329 necessary. We show up better when we do that 00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:14.450 for ourselves. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you again. 00:33:14.490 --> 00:33:17.309 And I just wish you continued success in your 00:33:17.309 --> 00:33:19.930 business and good luck with you launch your new 00:33:19.930 --> 00:33:24.009 book. I just wish you all the best. You as well. 00:33:24.210 --> 00:33:27.069 Ditto right back at you. Thank you so much. All 00:33:27.069 --> 00:33:30.039 right. Thank you. Thanks so much for joining 00:33:30.039 --> 00:33:33.140 me today on Her Comeback. I hope this conversation 00:33:33.140 --> 00:33:36.779 inspired you to keep moving forward no matter 00:33:36.779 --> 00:33:39.539 where you are in your own journey. If you love 00:33:39.539 --> 00:33:42.599 this episode, I'd be so grateful if you would 00:33:42.599 --> 00:33:46.640 subscribe to the show on my YouTube channel at 00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:50.420 Michelle Thompson -LifeCoaching. Go there for 00:33:50.420 --> 00:33:53.700 more encouragement, insights, and just real talk 00:33:53.700 --> 00:33:56.640 about making a comeback happen. Hit that subscribe 00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:59.619 button so you never miss new content. You can 00:33:59.619 --> 00:34:03.400 also visit HerComebackPodcast .com for notes, 00:34:03.740 --> 00:34:06.640 resources, connect with me, connect with other 00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:09.719 women in our amazing community who are rewriting 00:34:09.719 --> 00:34:12.980 their stories. Remember, your setback isn't your 00:34:12.980 --> 00:34:16.760 final chapter. It's just the setup for your greatest 00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:19.809 comeback yet. I'll see you next time. Until then.