WEBVTT 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:11.140 Welcome to her comeback. I'm so glad you're back 00:00:11.140 --> 00:00:14.339 with me. This is where 50 isn't your finish line. 00:00:14.460 --> 00:00:17.399 It is your starting point. The starting point 00:00:17.399 --> 00:00:20.140 of everything you want your life to be. The person 00:00:20.140 --> 00:00:23.410 that you are meant to be. I'm your host Michelle 00:00:23.410 --> 00:00:27.070 Thompson, and we are proving that your best chapter 00:00:27.070 --> 00:00:30.370 may just be the one you haven't written yet. 00:00:31.109 --> 00:00:34.030 We'll continue each episode featuring honest 00:00:34.030 --> 00:00:36.770 conversation with women who have stopped going 00:00:36.770 --> 00:00:39.369 at it alone and have found their way to fulfillment, 00:00:39.810 --> 00:00:43.149 joy, and purpose in their second act. You'll 00:00:43.149 --> 00:00:45.729 hear about their struggles, their breakthroughs, 00:00:45.729 --> 00:00:48.770 and the practical steps that they took to create 00:00:48.770 --> 00:00:52.520 lives that they actually love. This podcast will 00:00:52.520 --> 00:00:55.140 show you how other women have made their comeback 00:00:55.140 --> 00:00:59.659 and how you can too. Welcome back. Welcome to 00:00:59.659 --> 00:01:03.320 her come back. I am your host, Michelle Thompson. 00:01:03.320 --> 00:01:05.840 And I'm so glad that you're back with me again 00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:08.519 this week. I decided to do something a little 00:01:08.519 --> 00:01:12.480 different. We're about halfway through our episodes 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:16.420 with season two. And I decided that I wanted 00:01:16.420 --> 00:01:19.810 to share something with you. I have finished 00:01:19.810 --> 00:01:23.430 writing my book. Yay. I'm so excited. It's been 00:01:23.430 --> 00:01:26.629 such an amazing experience. And now I have still 00:01:26.629 --> 00:01:28.750 in front of me that publishing process. So there's 00:01:28.750 --> 00:01:30.450 a whole lot more to come on that and you'll be 00:01:30.450 --> 00:01:33.010 hearing more over the coming weeks. But I wanted 00:01:33.010 --> 00:01:37.569 to share with you a little excerpt and talk a 00:01:37.569 --> 00:01:39.290 little bit about something that I talk about 00:01:39.290 --> 00:01:42.609 in the book that I really have not talked about 00:01:42.609 --> 00:01:47.650 on the show up to this point. And in fact, I 00:01:47.650 --> 00:01:50.810 almost didn't have it at all in my book. The 00:01:50.810 --> 00:01:55.870 topic of spirituality was not at all something 00:01:55.870 --> 00:01:59.930 that I had included in my original book outline 00:01:59.930 --> 00:02:04.750 when I started. And I wanted to keep it that 00:02:04.750 --> 00:02:07.989 way because the, I guess my initial thoughts 00:02:07.989 --> 00:02:11.789 was that the minute you say spirituality or maybe 00:02:11.789 --> 00:02:17.479 even worse God, people lean in. One way or another 00:02:17.479 --> 00:02:21.340 or they're out the door So just before I go any 00:02:21.340 --> 00:02:23.960 further in this just let me say very clearly. 00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:27.120 I'm not here to preach This is not anything like 00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:29.199 that. I'm not here to convert or tell you what 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:32.979 to believe or suggest What path is right for 00:02:32.979 --> 00:02:35.960 you? I grew up a preacher's kid and trust me. 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:40.199 I had enough of that in my lifetime so What I 00:02:40.199 --> 00:02:43.080 am here to do is to share something that's just 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:45.539 deeply personal, something that if I'm being 00:02:45.539 --> 00:02:50.300 completely honest has been truly the greatest 00:02:50.300 --> 00:02:54.500 transformation in my life. And I think wherever 00:02:54.500 --> 00:02:57.879 you land on the spectrum of faith, religion, 00:02:58.300 --> 00:03:01.599 skepticism, or somewhere in between. There's 00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:04.180 something in this conversation for you because 00:03:04.180 --> 00:03:07.300 it's not really about god it's about the beliefs 00:03:07.300 --> 00:03:11.360 that we carry sometimes for decades that we're 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:15.460 really never hours to begin with it's about what 00:03:15.460 --> 00:03:19.580 happens when you finally give yourself permission 00:03:19.580 --> 00:03:24.460 to question them just take a breath stay open 00:03:24.460 --> 00:03:27.840 and let's just walk through some of this together. 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:32.650 So. And Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now, 00:03:32.770 --> 00:03:37.270 he speaks about how the use of the word God evokes 00:03:37.270 --> 00:03:41.250 such powerful emotion, ranging from great conviction 00:03:41.250 --> 00:03:44.349 to just a complete denial of such a presence. 00:03:45.349 --> 00:03:48.930 And the moment that the word is even uttered, 00:03:48.930 --> 00:03:52.689 there's often a mental image that's created of 00:03:52.689 --> 00:03:56.150 something or someone outside of you. And then 00:03:56.150 --> 00:04:00.150 it begs the question, How does this image help 00:04:00.150 --> 00:04:04.830 or hinder you in enabling your experience? And 00:04:04.830 --> 00:04:09.270 there's truly no word that can capture that we 00:04:09.270 --> 00:04:13.509 as finite beings cannot comprehend infinite. 00:04:13.789 --> 00:04:17.170 We may try to put God in a box, so to speak, 00:04:17.230 --> 00:04:20.529 something that we can contain, that we can define 00:04:20.529 --> 00:04:24.670 with form, but it's not possible. At least that's 00:04:24.670 --> 00:04:28.920 been my experience. I'll talk just a little bit 00:04:28.920 --> 00:04:32.959 about where I started in my journey here and 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:36.420 then just how far I've come along the way. As 00:04:36.420 --> 00:04:39.339 I mentioned, I was a preacher's kid and we were 00:04:39.339 --> 00:04:42.180 independent Baptists. Those Southern Baptists 00:04:42.180 --> 00:04:45.610 were a little bit too liberal for us. And I was 00:04:45.610 --> 00:04:48.509 in church services three times a week. I played 00:04:48.509 --> 00:04:52.550 the piano. I sang in ensembles. I did youth group 00:04:52.550 --> 00:04:56.610 activities, Sunday school. It was just being 00:04:56.610 --> 00:05:00.029 fully immersed in the church environment. And 00:05:00.029 --> 00:05:01.870 that's the way I grew up. And I rarely missed 00:05:01.870 --> 00:05:06.449 a service. There was a not in any way subtle 00:05:06.449 --> 00:05:09.009 expectation that if you were the preacher's kid, 00:05:09.050 --> 00:05:11.889 you had to be perfect. And if you weren't perfect, 00:05:12.269 --> 00:05:14.509 people love to tattle on preacher's kids too. 00:05:14.709 --> 00:05:18.189 You do something wrong and somehow always it 00:05:18.189 --> 00:05:20.790 got back to my father. So that kind of grew up 00:05:20.790 --> 00:05:24.360 in that around that type of stuff. In the church 00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:26.480 itself, there was always one thing that just 00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:28.660 rattled me to the core and that was just the 00:05:28.660 --> 00:05:32.680 hypocrisy. I just hated it. I felt like I've 00:05:32.680 --> 00:05:34.639 got to be perfect all the time and show up in 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:37.540 my Sunday best and other people come in here 00:05:37.540 --> 00:05:40.060 and they're just here for one, two hours tops 00:05:40.060 --> 00:05:42.120 and they go back to live in whatever life they 00:05:42.120 --> 00:05:44.680 had before they came in the doors. And sometimes 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:47.120 that looked like Sunday sermon and sometimes 00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:49.019 it didn't. And maybe I was a little bit jealous 00:05:49.019 --> 00:05:51.899 of that. I'd like to be able to be that way or 00:05:51.899 --> 00:05:55.509 have those options? And then there were church 00:05:55.509 --> 00:05:58.550 politics. Oh my goodness. Those showed up in 00:05:58.550 --> 00:06:02.149 so many forms. There was petty infighting over 00:06:02.149 --> 00:06:05.610 the color of the church carpet or the pew cushions, 00:06:05.970 --> 00:06:09.350 just gossip and personal agendas and divided 00:06:09.350 --> 00:06:12.550 interests and just a lack of trust and transparency. 00:06:12.730 --> 00:06:15.329 And then you can't forget about the Jimmy Swaggart's 00:06:15.329 --> 00:06:18.589 of the world that preached furiously about the 00:06:18.589 --> 00:06:21.889 sins of adultery and all the while falling prey 00:06:21.889 --> 00:06:26.779 to that. primal human instinct, just many, many 00:06:26.779 --> 00:06:29.600 situations over the years that I could describe. 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:32.839 And while I talk about some of these things in 00:06:32.839 --> 00:06:36.879 less than positive light, I must also acknowledge 00:06:36.879 --> 00:06:38.680 that there were some really good people in the 00:06:38.680 --> 00:06:41.160 church as well, sort of the earth type people. 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:44.699 They were kind, loving, faithful, supportive. 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:48.680 And it was because of people like them that my 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:51.259 dad, my father stayed in the ministry for 20 00:06:51.259 --> 00:06:55.220 years. But after he retired, it was after my 00:06:55.220 --> 00:06:57.339 senior year in high school and I was going off 00:06:57.339 --> 00:06:59.720 to college and I really had made a decision at 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:02.620 that point that it's pretty much done with church. 00:07:02.899 --> 00:07:06.339 I'd been there for 18 years of my life and I'd 00:07:06.339 --> 00:07:08.939 done my time. That's just not something that 00:07:08.939 --> 00:07:11.899 I was interested in doing anymore. And for me 00:07:11.899 --> 00:07:15.939 at the time, I saw church, God, spirituality, 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:19.360 religion, all of those words were like the same 00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:22.399 thing. There was no differentiation in those. 00:07:22.579 --> 00:07:25.300 And it was all fear -based. We were sinful. If 00:07:25.300 --> 00:07:27.519 we didn't do what we needed to do, go to hell. 00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:30.360 And it was just this fear -based. And then if 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:32.399 you wanted to be in God's will, you needed to 00:07:32.399 --> 00:07:35.439 surrender your life to God. And then that meant 00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:39.160 you had to be a preacher's wife or a missionary. 00:07:39.300 --> 00:07:41.620 You got to go to Africa or some other far corner 00:07:41.620 --> 00:07:44.560 of the earth. That's how I interpreted all of 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:46.750 that. That may have not really been what was 00:07:46.750 --> 00:07:49.389 said, but that's what I heard. And so I interpreted 00:07:49.389 --> 00:07:54.269 that if I surrendered to God's will, then because 00:07:54.269 --> 00:07:56.189 I didn't want to do any of those things like 00:07:56.189 --> 00:07:58.350 preacher's wife and missionary, and I didn't 00:07:58.350 --> 00:08:00.670 want to do any of those things. So then God's 00:08:00.670 --> 00:08:02.329 will was going to be something I wouldn't like. 00:08:02.949 --> 00:08:06.269 And that's what I internalized. And that belief 00:08:06.269 --> 00:08:11.040 carried me for like, decades, believing that 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:13.319 whatever God wanted for my life and whatever 00:08:13.319 --> 00:08:16.000 God's will was for my life, I wasn't going to 00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:22.100 like it. There was a time when I was single mom, 00:08:22.180 --> 00:08:25.360 my kids were young, some really low points that 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:28.560 I had. I thought, okay, God must be punishing 00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:30.860 me, not going to church or not doing these things. 00:08:31.300 --> 00:08:35.419 So I started to feel like as bad things happened 00:08:35.419 --> 00:08:39.929 that this was punishment. And nothing really 00:08:39.929 --> 00:08:43.190 changed in terms of those beliefs until I got 00:08:43.190 --> 00:08:47.590 into the rooms of 12 step recovery and off the 00:08:47.590 --> 00:08:51.389 bat the there was the use of the word God and 00:08:51.389 --> 00:08:54.610 then in fact the very first group support meeting 00:08:54.610 --> 00:08:57.009 that I went to was actually held in a church 00:08:57.009 --> 00:08:59.840 and. Oh my goodness, I just thought, this is 00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:02.379 a deal breaker. This program is not going to 00:09:02.379 --> 00:09:04.980 work for me. I went back. This is when I was 00:09:04.980 --> 00:09:07.620 in a treatment facility and I wrote my therapist 00:09:07.620 --> 00:09:10.000 saying, this is just not going to work. I don't 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:12.679 do church. I don't do God. This, this program 00:09:12.679 --> 00:09:15.740 is not going to work for me. And so when we met 00:09:15.740 --> 00:09:18.279 and she kind of listened to my diatribe, she 00:09:18.279 --> 00:09:20.460 said, Michelle, you're in luck because there 00:09:20.460 --> 00:09:22.679 are actually some of these group meetings that 00:09:22.679 --> 00:09:24.740 are not in church. So you don't have to go to 00:09:24.740 --> 00:09:27.090 a church. And I was like, okay. Well, that's 00:09:27.090 --> 00:09:30.350 good news. And, and then she said, as far as 00:09:30.350 --> 00:09:35.509 God, you really can get your own concept of that. 00:09:35.570 --> 00:09:38.909 All you need to believe is that there is a higher 00:09:38.909 --> 00:09:43.429 power, a greater presence than you. And it's 00:09:43.429 --> 00:09:47.169 not you that there is something greater. She's 00:09:47.169 --> 00:09:49.850 like, that's really all you have to believe. 00:09:50.110 --> 00:09:54.210 I was like, okay, well, maybe I'm sure there 00:09:54.210 --> 00:09:57.799 is a greater spirit. out there. Um, I was willing 00:09:57.799 --> 00:10:01.419 to believe just enough that I, to keep me curious, 00:10:01.419 --> 00:10:03.399 I guess, just as like, okay, well, let me just 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:07.080 see where this all goes. And it was a, during 00:10:07.080 --> 00:10:10.340 the same period that I heard for the first time, 00:10:10.779 --> 00:10:14.580 a differentiation between religion and spirituality. 00:10:15.700 --> 00:10:17.539 Again, as I mentioned, I just always thought 00:10:17.539 --> 00:10:20.779 those were the same, but there's a native American 00:10:20.779 --> 00:10:26.230 author, Vine Deloria Jr. It's a theologian, historian, 00:10:26.669 --> 00:10:30.129 activist as well. And one of his famous quotes 00:10:30.129 --> 00:10:33.129 is, religion is for people who are afraid of 00:10:33.129 --> 00:10:36.549 going to hell. Spirituality is for those who've 00:10:36.549 --> 00:10:40.230 already been there. Provocative, right? And I 00:10:40.230 --> 00:10:44.370 understand what I interpret to be the thoughts 00:10:44.370 --> 00:10:48.279 behind it, that people that follow certain religious 00:10:48.279 --> 00:10:51.019 rules and rituals and doctrines that they do 00:10:51.019 --> 00:10:54.019 it primarily out of fear. And then there's others 00:10:54.019 --> 00:10:56.360 that have had their own personal sufferings, 00:10:56.700 --> 00:10:58.720 whether what some type of trauma or addiction 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:02.240 or just other types of losses. And they're not 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:06.039 really motivated to spirituality by fear of suffering 00:11:06.039 --> 00:11:09.919 because they've suffered so much already. And 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:15.179 that concept of just making a distinction between 00:11:15.179 --> 00:11:19.539 those. It really gave me a much broader perspective 00:11:19.539 --> 00:11:23.779 and it challenged me to ask why I believed what 00:11:23.779 --> 00:11:27.360 I believed and whether faith came from fear or 00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:32.840 from just a genuine inner searching. And over 00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:35.759 the next months, even into the next couple of 00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:39.009 years, I continued to maintain the belief that 00:11:39.009 --> 00:11:41.190 there's definitely a higher power. There is a 00:11:41.190 --> 00:11:44.029 power that's greater than me. And I could see 00:11:44.029 --> 00:11:47.629 that power working in other people's life. I 00:11:47.629 --> 00:11:50.990 hadn't yet connected it to me, but I could definitely 00:11:50.990 --> 00:11:54.289 agree that power was at work in other people's 00:11:54.289 --> 00:11:58.590 life. That worked for a while. And then as life 00:11:58.590 --> 00:12:02.230 went on, challenging times at home, life shows 00:12:02.230 --> 00:12:06.230 up. And I found that, okay, that concept of what 00:12:06.230 --> 00:12:08.840 I had thought about how it works for others. 00:12:09.460 --> 00:12:12.659 It's not working for me anymore. It had never 00:12:12.659 --> 00:12:17.159 become personal and I could no longer keep that 00:12:17.159 --> 00:12:20.919 god of my understanding or god of my misunderstanding. 00:12:21.159 --> 00:12:24.899 I couldn't keep it at arm's length anymore. I 00:12:24.899 --> 00:12:29.600 had to take on something more meaningful. My 00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:33.500 mentor Took me back in some steps in the program 00:12:33.500 --> 00:12:37.000 where we talk about defining the qualities of 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:40.179 our higher power and she's okay. Let's just your 00:12:40.179 --> 00:12:44.460 higher power healing is your higher power punishing 00:12:44.460 --> 00:12:50.120 or forgiving loving or mean Judgmental or accepting 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:53.740 all of those types of things and then she's reinforced 00:12:53.740 --> 00:12:56.940 that the decision was mine to make the choice 00:12:56.940 --> 00:13:01.059 was mine to make I just needed to connect with, 00:13:01.259 --> 00:13:03.200 make that connection with something that was 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:10.720 personal to me. And this kind of started me on 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:14.980 a new path again, continuing to open my perspective 00:13:14.980 --> 00:13:20.039 to possibilities of how that, how I can maintain 00:13:20.039 --> 00:13:22.879 a relationship with that God of my understanding. 00:13:23.610 --> 00:13:27.730 And i started giving more consideration to all 00:13:27.730 --> 00:13:29.889 of the many blessings and the good things that 00:13:29.889 --> 00:13:33.029 i had i could clearly see at this point there's 00:13:33.029 --> 00:13:35.970 many gifts many blessings and i'm just grateful 00:13:35.970 --> 00:13:38.330 for the good things that i have and i could look 00:13:38.330 --> 00:13:42.629 and say no didn't. A loving power have a hand 00:13:42.629 --> 00:13:46.710 in all those things to it i really began to hold 00:13:46.710 --> 00:13:50.759 on to that. And I still would go back and forth 00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:54.440 over the next couple of years. And I give God 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:57.379 the credit for the good stuff. But when things 00:13:57.379 --> 00:14:02.679 went wrong, my initial response was still just 00:14:02.679 --> 00:14:06.019 to blame God. And then I'd get mad at God. And 00:14:06.019 --> 00:14:08.500 I would try to talk myself down from that position 00:14:08.500 --> 00:14:13.500 to see other perspectives that just I wasn't 00:14:13.500 --> 00:14:18.539 seeing. And then I'd ask others who Have these 00:14:18.539 --> 00:14:20.919 beliefs. How do you not get mad at God? How are 00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:23.379 you not angry that this happened to you? This 00:14:23.379 --> 00:14:27.460 was really bad and All of them pretty much said 00:14:27.460 --> 00:14:29.840 the same thing They just said that they have 00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:32.740 their own track record where that they've seen 00:14:32.740 --> 00:14:36.659 for themselves over the years that when those 00:14:36.659 --> 00:14:41.019 bad things did happen Somehow it worked out. 00:14:41.019 --> 00:14:43.820 Okay, there was something good that came of it. 00:14:43.840 --> 00:14:46.350 And then sometimes that things got The things 00:14:46.350 --> 00:14:48.629 that worked out for the better that were much 00:14:48.629 --> 00:14:50.870 more than they ever could have imagined. And 00:14:50.870 --> 00:14:53.250 that was fascinating to me. I was fascinated 00:14:53.250 --> 00:14:56.409 by that. But I still would just question. I was 00:14:56.409 --> 00:14:59.049 like, well, if God is all powerful, omnipotent, 00:14:59.110 --> 00:15:01.809 yet bad things happen, how is it not his fault? 00:15:01.970 --> 00:15:05.049 Didn't he allow it? I still just struggled with 00:15:05.049 --> 00:15:10.250 that. And also I held on to that belief I mentioned 00:15:10.250 --> 00:15:13.549 a few minutes ago, that underlying belief that 00:15:13.549 --> 00:15:15.429 whatever God's will was for my life, I wasn't 00:15:15.429 --> 00:15:20.059 going to like it. So I'm continuing. is best 00:15:20.059 --> 00:15:23.139 I can to run my life in the direction that I 00:15:23.139 --> 00:15:25.919 feel like I should be running it fueled on my 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:28.899 own self -sufficiency. And how is any single 00:15:28.899 --> 00:15:31.159 mom out there, how are you anything but self 00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:33.879 -sufficient, like for your own well -being, the 00:15:33.879 --> 00:15:37.000 well -being of your children. It depends on it. 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:41.460 Your life depends on it. I am the most self -sufficient, 00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:44.700 motivated, running the show, single mom out there. 00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:47.840 One day, I just hit a wall with everything. I 00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:51.450 had just... had it with everyone everything in 00:15:51.450 --> 00:15:54.750 my life all i was doing to try to make the best 00:15:54.750 --> 00:15:58.210 of the situation and things were just not going 00:15:58.210 --> 00:16:00.409 according to plan they just weren't working out 00:16:00.409 --> 00:16:02.450 and i even it's like questions like well maybe 00:16:02.450 --> 00:16:04.690 this recovery group something going to that's 00:16:04.690 --> 00:16:06.570 just isn't working i would just question the 00:16:06.570 --> 00:16:09.230 whole thing maybe these spiritual principles 00:16:09.230 --> 00:16:13.019 just aren't going to work after all And then 00:16:13.019 --> 00:16:15.679 I went and had a conversation with my mentor 00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:18.639 at the time and she said, well, perhaps Michelle, 00:16:19.100 --> 00:16:22.259 you need to do some more time in your meditation 00:16:22.259 --> 00:16:25.279 practice. She noted that I didn't seem to be 00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:28.899 getting the benefits from practicing mindfulness 00:16:28.899 --> 00:16:33.600 and getting quiet and being open to the guidance 00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:37.340 of a higher presence in my life. No. And that 00:16:37.340 --> 00:16:39.899 was no real shocker because i didn't have a meditation 00:16:39.899 --> 00:16:43.080 practice to get those benefits from so that was 00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:46.299 that was pretty clear there. And the thing with 00:16:46.299 --> 00:16:49.960 this particular person when i met her years earlier 00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:54.480 she had gone on a meditation retreat it was for 00:16:54.480 --> 00:16:57.559 ten days and during the time you could not speak 00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:00.059 you could not talk to the people around you. 00:17:00.759 --> 00:17:04.339 And it consisted of these 10 days of sitting 00:17:04.339 --> 00:17:07.359 in meditation, like more than 12 hours a day. 00:17:07.579 --> 00:17:10.480 You'd get breaks for like meals and a bathroom, 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:14.380 that kind of stuff. But it was long days of meditation 00:17:14.380 --> 00:17:16.619 and there were no cell phones. There's no contact 00:17:16.619 --> 00:17:19.140 with the outside world. I mean, can you imagine? 00:17:19.539 --> 00:17:23.160 Yeah. When I met her and she went through that 00:17:23.160 --> 00:17:24.940 whole experience, I was like, Oh, I'll never 00:17:24.940 --> 00:17:30.519 do that. Well, this is now about four years later. 00:17:31.539 --> 00:17:35.920 I'm asking her about that very same retreat and. 00:17:36.089 --> 00:17:39.809 I was so disgusted with my life and I thought 00:17:39.809 --> 00:17:43.869 that, okay, maybe going away for this meditation 00:17:43.869 --> 00:17:47.450 retreat is a good idea for me. I've been going 00:17:47.450 --> 00:17:50.750 at this thing on my own. I've had enough. I felt 00:17:50.750 --> 00:17:53.769 like that old Calgon commercial in the Calgon, 00:17:53.990 --> 00:17:57.289 take me away. That I was having one of those 00:17:57.289 --> 00:18:03.079 moments. So I went, but. The meditation retreat 00:18:03.079 --> 00:18:05.259 was nothing like the Calgon commercial. Let me 00:18:05.259 --> 00:18:08.339 tell you, once again, I kind of managed to get 00:18:08.339 --> 00:18:10.619 myself into something. I had no idea what I was 00:18:10.619 --> 00:18:12.779 really getting myself into. I have a way of doing 00:18:12.779 --> 00:18:16.700 that. And the first couple of days were actually 00:18:16.700 --> 00:18:20.579 okay. I actually did feel some relief from just 00:18:20.579 --> 00:18:22.640 being quiet for a couple of days and clearing 00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:25.799 that headspace that I'd been in. But then it 00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:29.140 got exponentially harder. Oh my goodness, the 00:18:29.140 --> 00:18:31.599 more I sat with myself, the more things would 00:18:31.599 --> 00:18:34.880 come up. And as things come up, it was part of 00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:38.259 the practice that you practice releasing those 00:18:38.259 --> 00:18:41.160 things and practicing equanimity within your 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:43.559 body and the different sensations that you would 00:18:43.559 --> 00:18:46.740 feel and acknowledge things rising and passing 00:18:46.740 --> 00:18:49.200 away that kind of impermanence of rising and 00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:52.160 passing away. So there's a real methodology to 00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:56.250 all of it, if you will. Well, By the eighth day, 00:18:56.809 --> 00:18:59.150 we were no longer in group meditation. We had 00:18:59.150 --> 00:19:02.029 been up in a group up to that point. But on the 00:19:02.029 --> 00:19:05.849 eighth day, we went to the individual cells in 00:19:05.849 --> 00:19:09.089 the pagoda. There's like these small closets 00:19:09.089 --> 00:19:12.269 where you would go and sit and then you'd practice 00:19:12.269 --> 00:19:15.109 your meditation alone. Like you're in solitary 00:19:15.109 --> 00:19:17.049 confinement. They are practicing your meditation 00:19:17.049 --> 00:19:23.329 alone. And something happened that day. I had 00:19:23.329 --> 00:19:28.410 this powerful, just overwhelming sense, a profound 00:19:28.410 --> 00:19:32.650 realization that I can no longer go at my life 00:19:32.650 --> 00:19:37.190 alone. I have got to have spiritual help. I need 00:19:37.190 --> 00:19:42.930 a loving, healing spirit to guide me and to help 00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:47.450 me through. for whatever life brought my way 00:19:47.450 --> 00:19:50.109 and I just kind of said the prayer like that 00:19:50.109 --> 00:19:52.990 asking that higher presence just please stay 00:19:52.990 --> 00:19:55.329 with me no matter what I don't want to ever be 00:19:55.329 --> 00:20:01.170 alone please stay with me and it truly it was 00:20:01.170 --> 00:20:05.069 another transformation there so not only after 00:20:05.069 --> 00:20:07.890 completing that retreat from that point on meditation 00:20:07.890 --> 00:20:11.670 truly became a regular recurrence in my routine 00:20:11.670 --> 00:20:17.619 but I also have a new understanding of that divine 00:20:17.619 --> 00:20:21.779 presence in my life and i knew it was a spiritual 00:20:21.779 --> 00:20:25.779 relationship that i wanted and needed in my life. 00:20:26.900 --> 00:20:29.920 So as the years followed that i continue to improve 00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:34.240 approach life using the spiritual framework spiritual 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:40.119 principles but now really. having that individual 00:20:40.119 --> 00:20:43.400 relationship with a spiritual presence. And when 00:20:43.400 --> 00:20:47.720 my plans didn't work, I kind of yield to Spirit's 00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:50.440 plan, acknowledging that there's a better way. 00:20:50.859 --> 00:20:54.539 I just need to trust and have faith that in what's 00:20:54.539 --> 00:20:58.849 to come, that it's okay. And what happened is, 00:20:59.130 --> 00:21:03.089 as I strengthened that relationship and my own 00:21:03.089 --> 00:21:06.690 spirituality strengthened, I began to see my 00:21:06.690 --> 00:21:09.529 own track record. I think I had my own track 00:21:09.529 --> 00:21:12.490 record all along, but I couldn't see it. Now 00:21:12.490 --> 00:21:15.809 I really began to see it. Like, oh my goodness, 00:21:15.930 --> 00:21:18.369 now I can look at those things that happened 00:21:18.369 --> 00:21:22.549 then and they were... Awful and what somehow 00:21:22.549 --> 00:21:25.230 it worked out and maybe there's a few of them 00:21:25.230 --> 00:21:27.789 that I can say oh how it worked out was actually 00:21:27.789 --> 00:21:29.650 a gift that was the best thing that could have 00:21:29.650 --> 00:21:32.890 happened to me. And so I saw that there and I 00:21:32.890 --> 00:21:36.210 knew it and I could see that my higher power 00:21:36.210 --> 00:21:39.049 had never left me my higher power had always 00:21:39.049 --> 00:21:42.509 been there and through the ups and downs of everything. 00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:47.680 Cory Ten Boom, she's non -Jewish and she's a 00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:52.140 Dutch woman from the 1940s. She was arrested 00:21:52.140 --> 00:21:57.759 by the Nazis with her family for hiding Jewish 00:21:57.759 --> 00:22:00.880 people, Jewish families in her home during the 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:04.380 Holocaust. She was imprisoned and eventually 00:22:04.380 --> 00:22:07.339 she was in the Ravensburg concentration camp. 00:22:07.579 --> 00:22:11.279 And during this time, through it all, the extreme 00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:14.539 cruelty and torture. She never lost her faith 00:22:14.539 --> 00:22:18.359 in God, and she believed that God was there with 00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:22.160 her in the midst of the persecution. And one 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:25.259 of her famous quotes, she says that there is 00:22:25.259 --> 00:22:29.440 no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper 00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:34.299 still. So despite the loss of her father and 00:22:34.299 --> 00:22:37.400 her sister in those camps, in those death camps, 00:22:37.779 --> 00:22:40.460 upon the release, she made it out alive. She 00:22:40.460 --> 00:22:44.000 continued her spiritual walk. She continued practicing 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:46.420 love and forgiveness and helping others heal. 00:22:46.839 --> 00:22:49.519 Just a really amazing lady. And then there's 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:55.119 another lady, Dr. Edith Ager. She is a renowned 00:22:55.119 --> 00:22:59.099 psychologist and survivor of Auschwitz. She wrote 00:22:59.099 --> 00:23:03.339 a heartfelt inspirational memoir, The Choice, 00:23:03.759 --> 00:23:07.059 Embrace the Possible. And it's about surviving 00:23:07.059 --> 00:23:11.079 trauma rising above and choosing to create the 00:23:11.079 --> 00:23:16.259 life you want. While in captivity, Dr. Ager acknowledged 00:23:16.259 --> 00:23:19.740 there were those who, like her own sister, had 00:23:19.740 --> 00:23:22.680 lost her faith. They said, how could God let 00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:25.910 this happen? And she understood what they meant. 00:23:26.069 --> 00:23:28.150 She understood where they were coming from. But 00:23:28.150 --> 00:23:32.470 from her perspective, she never found it difficult 00:23:32.470 --> 00:23:35.849 to believe that it wasn't God who was killing 00:23:35.849 --> 00:23:40.250 them. God didn't run the death camps. People 00:23:40.250 --> 00:23:45.430 did. She pictured God being like a dancing child 00:23:45.430 --> 00:23:49.250 that's lively, innocent, curious. And if she 00:23:49.250 --> 00:23:53.140 wanted to be close to God now, she must be as 00:23:53.140 --> 00:23:56.980 well. So she wondered if there was anyone who 00:23:56.980 --> 00:23:59.420 knew that she was there. She wondered if her 00:23:59.420 --> 00:24:02.579 parents could see her. She wondered if anybody 00:24:02.579 --> 00:24:07.240 else knew what was going on there. She wondered. 00:24:08.500 --> 00:24:11.759 She wondered. She convinced herself that her 00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:15.880 worst transgression would be to relinquish that 00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:21.869 curiosity. So certainly, for most of us, our 00:24:21.869 --> 00:24:25.450 circumstances in life are nowhere near the suffering 00:24:25.450 --> 00:24:30.470 of these horrific camps, but the same principles 00:24:30.470 --> 00:24:34.329 apply. Dr. Ager said she wanted people to hear 00:24:34.329 --> 00:24:37.309 her story and to think, what if she can do it? 00:24:37.569 --> 00:24:42.480 I can too. In her clinical experience and practice, 00:24:42.599 --> 00:24:45.660 she dedicated her life to helping others transcend 00:24:45.660 --> 00:24:48.319 their life circumstances. She wrote about taking 00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:52.759 risks, making choices, embracing fears so that 00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:56.559 we're not imprisoned by them. And she also talked 00:24:56.559 --> 00:25:00.319 about how the greatest prison walls are not made 00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:03.940 of concrete or steel or any other man -made materials, 00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:08.880 but rather they're the construct of ones on mine. 00:25:09.609 --> 00:25:13.470 She believed that as long as we courageously 00:25:13.470 --> 00:25:17.289 took action, walked through fear, that we would 00:25:17.289 --> 00:25:20.190 discover possibilities we never knew existed. 00:25:21.809 --> 00:25:26.329 So today, I don't blame or get angry at God when 00:25:26.329 --> 00:25:30.630 bad things happen. I know today that I too have 00:25:30.630 --> 00:25:34.720 a choice. Through the most recent spiritually 00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:37.859 challenging times that I've been in starting 00:25:37.859 --> 00:25:40.519 a new business and all the uncertainty and fears 00:25:40.519 --> 00:25:44.660 that are involved in that I've learned that when 00:25:44.660 --> 00:25:49.480 my plans not working I Need to let go and just 00:25:49.480 --> 00:25:53.579 trust that greater plan that's in play I do my 00:25:53.579 --> 00:25:56.839 best to remain willing and open to what the universe 00:25:56.839 --> 00:26:00.579 brings my way. And as long as I'm doing my part 00:26:00.579 --> 00:26:03.619 and the best that I can do, I'm just going to 00:26:03.619 --> 00:26:07.480 trust the outcome to my higher power. And it's 00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:11.339 a daily spiritual practice for me, daily humility, 00:26:11.799 --> 00:26:16.180 ego deflation and acceptance that I do not, nor 00:26:16.180 --> 00:26:21.009 could I possibly have all the answers. And while 00:26:21.009 --> 00:26:25.450 I can only see the stitches of the pattern that's 00:26:25.450 --> 00:26:29.490 right in front of me today, I believe my Creator 00:26:29.490 --> 00:26:32.789 can see the whole tapestry and how it all comes 00:26:32.789 --> 00:26:35.910 together. And outcomes are often out of my hands. 00:26:35.970 --> 00:26:39.329 My role is to continue to show up and do my best 00:26:39.329 --> 00:26:41.390 and trust that God's going to do for me the things 00:26:41.390 --> 00:26:46.390 that I can't do for myself. And if the results 00:26:46.390 --> 00:26:50.140 that I get today are not what I want, I can still 00:26:50.140 --> 00:26:52.579 trust that things are happening as they should 00:26:52.579 --> 00:26:57.039 and continue to ask spirit for guidance and direction. 00:26:57.920 --> 00:27:00.240 Ultimately, things will work out and they may 00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:04.140 not look at all what I imagined, but that's okay. 00:27:04.640 --> 00:27:08.319 Far too often I sell myself short of what's possible. 00:27:09.079 --> 00:27:14.140 I know that in letting go, there's opportunities 00:27:14.140 --> 00:27:19.900 for doors to open to even greater things. And 00:27:19.900 --> 00:27:23.460 this can be really hard work for a self -sufficient 00:27:23.460 --> 00:27:29.099 control freak, right? Believe me, I spent years 00:27:29.099 --> 00:27:33.920 in pain and problems of my own making because 00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:37.799 I refuse to accept and practice these simple 00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:41.019 principles. There's a Zen proverb that says, 00:27:41.259 --> 00:27:45.180 let go or be dragged. I can identify with that 00:27:45.180 --> 00:27:48.799 because it's been in my clinging. Whether it's 00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:51.880 an attachment, a resentment, or just a resistance 00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:55.359 to what is, it is those things that have caused 00:27:55.359 --> 00:28:01.319 my pain and suffering. It is through redefining 00:28:01.319 --> 00:28:04.420 my relationship with the divine that my life 00:28:04.420 --> 00:28:08.599 today is immensely better than it ever has been. 00:28:08.900 --> 00:28:11.940 And it doesn't make life easier. It just makes 00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:15.640 it deeper and more meaningful. And I no longer 00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:19.240 look to the future with Fear and uncertainty 00:28:19.240 --> 00:28:22.140 those days everybody has bad days But most days 00:28:22.140 --> 00:28:26.680 I don't and I face each day just for today with 00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:29.859 courage and I ask my higher power to take away 00:28:29.859 --> 00:28:33.740 those fears and to relieve me of the need to 00:28:33.740 --> 00:28:38.220 know for my outcomes and just help me do what's 00:28:38.220 --> 00:28:42.039 in front of me and Those are the only things 00:28:42.039 --> 00:28:44.259 that are in my controllers. Just what's in front 00:28:44.259 --> 00:28:47.230 of me today and just trust that things will work 00:28:47.230 --> 00:28:51.470 out. So I practiced a daily meditation, a prayer, 00:28:51.690 --> 00:28:54.589 I read spiritual readings, I journal my thoughts 00:28:54.589 --> 00:28:58.069 and reflections. Journally gives me clarity and 00:28:58.069 --> 00:29:00.069 it gets everything that's kind of wadded up in 00:29:00.069 --> 00:29:04.049 my head onto paper and helps me organize it so 00:29:04.049 --> 00:29:07.190 that I can understand it and kind of grasp what's 00:29:07.190 --> 00:29:10.819 going on there. So it's really important practices 00:29:10.819 --> 00:29:13.880 for me. And so I don't live today with these 00:29:13.880 --> 00:29:16.259 gripping outcomes or bracing for disappointment. 00:29:16.700 --> 00:29:20.160 I live willing, willing to trust, willing to 00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:24.059 let go of control, willing to believe that even 00:29:24.059 --> 00:29:27.559 when I can't see the whole tapestry, there is 00:29:27.559 --> 00:29:30.279 a loving presence that's weaving the threads 00:29:30.279 --> 00:29:34.559 that I don't yet understand. And at this stage 00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:37.849 of my life, I I don't need the certainty. What 00:29:37.849 --> 00:29:42.569 I know I need is connection. And in choosing 00:29:42.569 --> 00:29:46.089 faith, I've discovered something I've been searching 00:29:46.089 --> 00:29:49.950 for all along, and that's that I was never walking 00:29:49.950 --> 00:29:52.809 alone. And I'm going to continue to walk forward, 00:29:53.210 --> 00:29:57.970 guided, supported, and open. And I invite you 00:29:57.970 --> 00:30:02.490 to do the same. Redefine the divine for you, 00:30:02.730 --> 00:30:07.160 for yourself. Release what no longer search you 00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:10.480 build a relationship with a higher being that 00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:14.500 strengthens you not scares you Step into the 00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:18.420 second half of your life anchored in faith not 00:30:18.420 --> 00:30:23.000 fear There's a life that's waiting for you that 00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:26.759 requires nothing less I have a few questions 00:30:26.759 --> 00:30:29.880 that I just want to close with and you can think 00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:33.599 about these in the coming weeks and see where 00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:37.220 you fall with some of these questions in terms 00:30:37.220 --> 00:30:41.019 of re -examining your old beliefs what's a long 00:30:41.019 --> 00:30:44.839 -held spiritual or religious belief that shaped 00:30:44.839 --> 00:30:49.779 your life which ones might be worth re -examining 00:30:49.779 --> 00:30:56.339 have they held you back and then in terms of 00:30:56.339 --> 00:31:00.900 religious religion versus spirituality how would 00:31:00.900 --> 00:31:04.480 you define the difference between the two. Where 00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:11.720 do you land on that spectrum? What is your concept 00:31:11.720 --> 00:31:16.539 of a higher power? If you give yourself the freedom 00:31:16.539 --> 00:31:19.960 and the permission to define your higher power 00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:25.359 on your terms, what qualities does it have? Has 00:31:25.359 --> 00:31:31.400 that concept changed over time? And then how 00:31:31.400 --> 00:31:35.740 are you doing in surrendering control? I talked 00:31:35.740 --> 00:31:38.720 about my struggles with it. Can you relate to 00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:42.200 that tension between self -reliance and surrender? 00:31:43.740 --> 00:31:47.299 Is there an area in your life right now where 00:31:47.299 --> 00:31:52.839 letting go might open new doors? And then what 00:31:52.839 --> 00:31:57.000 about your own personal track record? Can you 00:31:57.000 --> 00:31:59.779 look back at a difficult chapter in your life 00:31:59.779 --> 00:32:03.049 and See how it may have worked out differently, 00:32:03.369 --> 00:32:07.269 maybe better than you expected at the time that 00:32:07.269 --> 00:32:11.450 there was something good that came from it. Think 00:32:11.450 --> 00:32:15.349 about those things. Thank you so much for joining 00:32:15.349 --> 00:32:18.849 me today. And I'm glad that we were able to talk 00:32:18.849 --> 00:32:21.470 about a topic that we usually don't talk about. 00:32:21.529 --> 00:32:24.630 And thank you for being willing just to be open 00:32:24.630 --> 00:32:28.930 and think about these things with me. I so look 00:32:28.930 --> 00:32:32.950 forward to seeing you again next week with another 00:32:32.950 --> 00:32:37.609 podcast episode. Until then, this is her comeback. 00:32:38.069 --> 00:32:41.549 I hope this conversation inspired you to keep 00:32:41.549 --> 00:32:44.289 moving forward no matter where you are in your 00:32:44.289 --> 00:32:47.529 own journey. If you love this episode, I'd be 00:32:47.529 --> 00:32:50.690 so grateful if you would subscribe to the show 00:32:50.690 --> 00:32:54.930 on my YouTube channel, Michelle Thompson dash 00:32:54.930 --> 00:32:57.859 life coaching. Go there for more encouragement, 00:32:58.339 --> 00:33:01.140 insights, and just real talk about making a comeback 00:33:01.140 --> 00:33:03.940 happen. Hit that subscribe button so you never 00:33:03.940 --> 00:33:08.220 miss new content. You can also visit hercomebackpodcast 00:33:08.220 --> 00:33:12.460 .com for notes, resources, connect with me, connect 00:33:12.460 --> 00:33:15.440 with other women in our amazing community who 00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:18.779 are rewriting their stories. Remember, your setback 00:33:18.779 --> 00:33:22.079 isn't your final chapter. It's just the setup 00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:24.859 for your greatest comeback yet. I'll see you 00:33:24.859 --> 00:33:26.119 next time. Until then.