Welcome to her comeback, transforming your life
after 50. I'm your host, Michelle Thompson. If
you've ever whispered to yourself, There has
to be more than this. You are in the right place.
This show is for women over 50 who have hit their
breaking point and are finally ready to stop
going at it alone. You've tried the self -help
books, the vision boards, the positive thinking,
but you're still stuck. And here's what I know.
You're not broken. You just need the right support.
And that's exactly what you're going to find
here. Each week, I'll sit down with incredible
women who have transformed their lives. You'll
hear their real stories, the messy middle, the
breakthrough moments, the practical steps that
they took to create the lives that they love.
Because your lowest limit, it can be your launching
pad. So if you're done settling and ready for
your comeback, stay with me. Let's discover how
other women have made it happen and how you can
too. Are you ready? This is her comeback. Welcome
to the show. I'm so glad to have as our guest
today, Christina Nyles. Christina, welcome to
the show. Thank you for joining us. Well, thank
you for having me. This is a pleasure. If you
would let's get started by just telling our audience
a little bit more about yourself. I am a holistic
health coach and mindfulness teacher at 14 years
sober. So I've done a lot of work in the recovery
space. I live in Naples, Florida, but did not
grow up here. I actually grew up in New Jersey
and since have lived, I went to graduate school
in Boston. So I lived there for a few years,
and then I moved out to Cleveland for a guy and
worked there for five years. Then I landed here
and it was a temporary stop, but I haven't left.
So I've been here since 2004. Just published
a best -selling book, myself love self -healing.
And so right now in my life, I'm focusing on
speaking on stages and writing more books. Thank
you. Thank you. Now I understand with some of
the work you've done, you spent quite a bit of
time talking about finding innate happiness.
When did you realize that happiness wasn't something
you had to chase, but it was really already inside
you? When I wrote the book. Actually, so the
book takes the reader on a journey from when
I was really young and in writing the book I
realized what I had found at these different
pivotal. points of my life that I didn't realize
at the time. But when I was writing about it,
it was like, wow, we really do find happiness
within it lives in our heart and our soul, not
in our in our, you know, external environment.
And I really did. I was after reading the manuscript,
I was like, I really spent my whole life just
looking for this happiness and looking for the
sense of normalcy and inner peace. But I was
looking for it outside of myself the entire time.
And so because I was looking for that way to
self -soothe and to feel a certain way, I ended
up sabotaging myself in so many ways, my wellbeing,
my mental state, you know, first starting with
an eating disorder when I was a teenager, and
then morphing into alcoholism when I, like hardcore
alcoholism when I was in my 30s. And so... The
moment that when I write about it, the moment
that I realized that the happiness was within
me was interestingly enough when I was living
at a homeless shelter. I love the story because
it really is so powerful because most people
would think that would be the last place or the
least circumstances where you would find happiness.
But I had been in so much pain leading up to
that point. When I went to the homeless shelter,
it was, this was where I had my surrender to
my drinking. And this is where I decided to change
my life. And this was after 10 years of very
destructive drinking, I lost everything that
I had worked for everything that I had loved
so much. And I ended up with nothing and I had
no place to go. And so I had my bike, I did have
that. And so I found this inner peace, this presence
that this sober pause moment is what I love to
call it. It's a mindfulness moment. I found this
presence while I was riding my bike. My bike
is such an important part to my story because
this is where I found this powerful tool where
for the first time I noticed and was able to
appreciate my surroundings and just my life and
being alive and and feeling this vibrancy and
it was where I learned gratitude like I honestly
don't know before that I was so selfish in my
behaviors that I don't know if I ever really
was grateful for anything and so with having
nothing I was the happiest I had been in years
and this was the first time I realized I was
like I am so happy right now I can pretty much
do anything I want with my life because I don't
have anything. And I can't describe the feeling.
It was almost like this physical sensation that
lives within you. And I was like, oh my gosh,
like this is what I've been searching for for
all of these years. And it's not even from anything
that I have because I don't have anything. Wow,
what an incredible story. So for listeners out
there that believe happiness depends on your
circumstances. If I get that right job, if I
get that right guy, if I get that right lifestyle,
how do you make that shift? What are your thoughts?
Yeah, because you can't just tell somebody and
talk them into believing that this is true. It
really takes doing the inner work. It really
takes I use mindfulness. Mindfulness is at the
heart of all of my work. And it's where I learned
to breathe. It was where I learned to slow down.
It was where I learned to pause. Where I learned
to make better decisions in my life. Where I
learned to respond to people instead of react
to people. And so with this daily practice, it
first started with more of a formal practice
and meditation. But as I practiced it daily and
did the reps, you just... slowly start to bring
that mindfulness and that awareness and that's
slowing down into your daily life, like just
into your way of, it becomes a way of being instead
of like a thing that you're doing. And so the
shift is, the shift is subtle. You know, it's
not like I'm going to tell somebody to practice
mindfulness meditation and you're going to see
a shift like right then and there. It's something
that you need to practice over time, but This
is the inner work. This is where I cultivate
awareness. And I don't know how else you would
cultivate awareness without being mindful. So
the mindfulness to me is extremely important.
I just, that's where I start with everybody.
It's where mindset shifts happen. You can shift
your inner belief system. You're limiting beliefs
into beliefs that are going to serve you in a
better way. It's to just get present with yourself.
I mean, I really just don't know how else someone
would do it. So for someone say they haven't
really practiced mindfulness, that they're just
completely new in this space. What would be that
simple step or few steps that could get them
started? literally it takes a minute. All they
have to do is, and sometimes they can set a reminder
for themselves, whoever is going to work for
them. They could put a little string on their
finger. They can tell Alexa to remind them. They
can set an alarm on their phone if they really
want to start getting into this and making it
into a habit. It can take, they can start with
a minute. Just sit down and start breathing.
Just breathe. Okay. take deep breaths. I love
the four box breath where you breathe in for
four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe
out for four seconds, and hold for four seconds.
Another practice that I love to do, which is
first thing in the morning, which anybody can
do, it takes like seven minutes. You can make
it 10 minutes or whatever, but five to seven
minutes before you even look at your phone, turn
on the TV, do any of that kind of stuff where
there's now there's going to be stimulus. Get
up out of bed, get a drink of water, splash some
water on your face, and then just find a quiet
place to sit. Take a few deep breaths, and then
get into your heart center. Like literally put
your hand over your heart, close your eyes, and
just start to feel into your heart and think
of something that you're grateful for. And notice
if you feel a physical sensation. If you start
to feel a physical sensation here, then you'll
know that you're in that energy of gratitude.
You can't be in an energy of gratitude and an
energy of stress response or resentment or anger
at the same time. So you want to get into that
energy of gratitude. And then once you're in
that energy, then you start to just take, set
a timer on your phone. I set a timer on my phone
for this. You just start to visualize that version
of yourself that you want to step into. And you
just do this visualization of yourself already
there. And that's a great, easy practice. And
it's fun. Like who doesn't like to fantasize?
Like that's, I've been fantasizing since I was
a little kid, you know? And I didn't realize
why, when I used to fantasize about I had a crush
on a boy on vacation, I would go to bed at night
and think about, you know, meeting the guy, kissing
the guy. And for some reason I was, I would always
end up meeting that guy on my vacation. How is
this that I wish for these things and they keep
coming true? It's just because I got into it
as if it was already true. That the whole thing
of manifesting and the mindfulness to you have
kind of come hand in hand with yeah, I mean The
manifesting word so overused. I mean, it's like
for me It's more about if you're having a hard
time stepping into a version of yourself that
you want to be Just visualize yourself is already
there Close your eyes. It takes a couple minutes
and just visualize something that you want. If
you want to get that job, if you're looking for
a new job, just sit down for five minutes and
imagine yourself already working the job. This
has worked for me for so many years that when
I wanted something, I would just start acting
the part. I really did this at the homeless shelter.
I did this at the homeless shelter. I had this
day on my bike where I had my spiritual awakening.
I woke up and this was when I took a day was
at the homeless shelter and I took my bike out.
And I spent the whole, it was a Sunday. It was
beautiful out. And I went up to the beach and
I sat on the beach and I was like, this feels
so good and normal. And I feel like I'm just
like one of that, like everybody else here. I'm
not this alcoholic living in a homeless shelter.
I'm just another person on the beach. And I just
felt so grateful. And then I continued to ride
my bike. And as I continued to ride and have
these thoughts, I started to envision myself
doing all different kinds of things. I was like
getting really excited at the idea of like, Well,
I could do this and I could be this and I could
do that. And so by the time I got back to the
shelter, I had to get ready for my job there.
It gave everybody a chore and mine was to serve
dinner. So instead of wearing the schleppy clothes
I was wearing all weekend, like literally like
I'm in a homeless shelter. So I'm just gonna
wear, who cares what I look like, right? I'm
just gonna look like another homeless person.
I took a shower. I put makeup on. I did my hair
and I put something nice on and I walked into
the kitchen and the staff was just like, Christina,
is that you? Oh my gosh, you're actually really
pretty. I was like, thanks. And I showed up that
way every single day. I showed up in that kitchen,
showered, like just stepping into that version
of myself that I wanted to be because that life,
that alcoholic life, that girl, I shut the door
on it. I'm like, that's no longer, I am now her
over here. So you have also in your work spent
some time looking at turning self -sabotage into
your superpower. And you teach that self -sabotage
isn't just a habit, it's actually a signal. So
how did you learn about this in your own patterns
and change this into opportunities for yourself?
I really think that I turned my alcoholism into
a superpower because now I'm helping others.
I had to get sober first, but like an example
of that was I got sober. I realized one of the
big things in the rooms of recovery is being
of service. You know, that was new for me because
I was selfish. I'm like serving others. Like,
what do you mean? You know, just simple things
like making coffee at a meeting or to going to
speak and tell your story at the different rehabs.
I chose to go into the county jail. for five
years and I went in by myself like initially
I went in with other people but eventually I
went in by myself and old Christina would have
been really scared to do that to go in and like
have like a whole classroom of like inmates.
I mean I've been to jail so you know I was one
of the things that I wanted to do I was like
if I ever get sober I'm coming back here and
telling my story and I'm gonna help these people
because there were a lot of addicts alcoholics
in there and I was grateful for the opportunity
to be able to share my story with them and to
the transformation that I even saw in them when
I showed up month after month to just share and
give them the opportunity to share was they were
probably helping me more than I was helping them.
That was a superpower to me. That was like, wow,
what a gift. That's just an example of, you know,
I really think that Number one, you have to get
to the other side of your sabotage. You have
to quit the habit. You have to find a healthier
habit to replace it with. And that takes work.
And I would say work with a therapist, work with
a coach, however you need to do it. But once
you're given that gift of being free from that
sabotage, how can you pay it forward? And how
can you teach other people how to do what you
did and have the transformation that you did
as well? Are there any other suggestions you
would have for someone trying to create a space
where, okay, I'm going to stop the pattern of
the self -sabotage? Is there something that they
could do when they catch themselves in that space?
In this space where they feel like they're going
to impulsively reach for the coping mechanism?
Yes, exactly. Too many people try to go through
this journey by themselves. So isolation is a
big one with self -sabotage. So I would definitely
recommend if that's their pattern, if they're
finding it really hard to keep themselves from
that sabotaging behavior is to reach out to somebody,
you know, even if it's just a friend or getting
out of the house and getting yourself busy and
being proactive and looking for communities to
join and fellowship communities to join. It just
depends on what the sabotaging behavior is, but
you know, In sabotage, the isolation is really
familiar and comfortable. And a lot of times
the sabotage is something that we want to keep
secret. We're afraid to make ourselves vulnerable.
But vulnerability is the key to breakthroughs.
I mean, vulnerability is where we start to...
garner our strength. And I found that in the
rooms of AA, that's where I got sober, you know,
I was the first place where I made myself vulnerable.
I tried to do it on my own. And I just kept sabotaging
over and over again, I would have these like
the last year and a half of my drinking, it was
horrible. I mean, I had the DTs, I had like,
and no, I was living with my mom at the time
and she didn't know how dangerous DTs were, but
it was so like sheltered and hidden. And I refused
to go to meetings. I knew that the meetings were
where I needed to go. AA was where I needed to
go, but I refused to do it until it was just
like, this is the only answer right now. And
so trying to work through if the, you know, the
sabotage is really, destroying your life in certain
ways, then I would just say like get into connection
somehow, like just take the first step. Okay,
very good. That's great. You're like myself,
you're in a new chapter in our 50s. So as you
look into this chapter, what does it look like
for you? You have new goals and dreams and what
are the things that you are transforming in your
life today? So I am focused on staying in connection
because for two years I have been writing a book
and doing online coaching and I'm like scratching
at the walls. I don't think this is how I want
to live every, you know, I'm single, I live by
my, I love being single, I've never been married,
53 years old, cat mom, no kids. um so I need
connection and I need women in my life and I
know like you and I share in a group here in
Naples and that's where I met you and it's been
it's just every time I put myself out there this
is something I never would have done in the past
like I was always so afraid of people or like
I was convinced that I was like afraid of people
you know and then I had that 10 -year experience
in retail and that broke me out of my shell.
And I was like, I'm not scared of people. Like,
what was I talking about? But still putting yourself
out there and showing up where you don't know
anybody can be scary. But the more that I do
it, the easier it gets and it empowers me. So
staying in connection and just always meeting
amazing women who are high achieving and just
share values and interests like I do. But then
from a career perspective, Like I said, I'd been
coaching the last two years, but realized that
that wasn't really lighting me up so much. Like
when I was getting up in the morning and thinking
about my day, I was like, starting to feel that
I'm not getting joy out of this anymore. Like
I need to do this in a different way or show
up in a different way. And so I've rethought
the whole thing. I went to Greece on this amazing
retreat and got a lot of downloads there, came
back. sort of lived up to what I said I was gonna
do. And that's like, I kept getting the nudges
from the universe that said, you're not exactly
shifting the way that you said you wanted to.
And then one night in a Yen class with my legs
up the wall, I gave myself permission to make
the shift. And so I'm just putting my heart and
soul into honing my speaking craft and continuing
to write, shifting platforms to like, less on
Facebook and things like that. And I'm building
a community over on Substack and just kind of
like a really good refresh and not literally
living online. It doesn't mean that I won't launch
things online because I love teaching mindfulness
and I love having. you know, mindfulness series.
I do in -person workshops. I do them online,
but I just don't want everything to be online.
So I don't know. We'll see. I'm just trusting
the process and I'm just going to enjoy the journey.
This morning I went so I have a part -time job
that's fun. I'm like I'm going to look for another
part -time job that's fun because I can, I have
time to make some extra money. That's always
fun, right? It's not, it's not something that
I'm desperate for need. I don't desperately need
it, but it's something I want to do. It gets
me out of the house. I went for an interview
actually right before our chat this morning and
they stood me up. So I was like, you know, anybody
that knows me knows that I talk a lot about time.
It's one of my four transformative principles
that I talk about in the book too. And I have
a, I have a signature time management. system
that I teach people. So for me, time is my friend.
It's one of my greatest assets. And I don't like
wasting time because I lost 10 years of it to
my drinking. So I made, I have a whole new relationship
with time today. So that this morning I was like,
okay. And so I got home and I was like, you know
what? I have extra time now to meditate. sit
on my meditation pillow and get into the energy
so I could show up here the way that I wanted
to. I don't really hold on to stuff, but I was
just kind of like, well, I didn't really need
that to happen this morning. But just another
example of like where I can use my mindfulness
practice. I was like, well, I've got this time.
So I'm going to be grateful for that instead
of. like pissed off that these people stood me
up, you know. Yeah, exactly. And you can always
kind of take that back and say, okay, maybe that
was the universe's way of just kind of redirecting
my attention, you know, maybe a lot of people
would have just like, that would have just sent
them reeling, like, just like, you know, natural
reaction for people is to just get pissed off
by something. And then it sits with them all
day, right? And they yes, then they with this
extra time that they just got. this recycled
time, they spend it worrying on things or being
angry or resentful when you could be doing doing
mindfulness. You could be being present in your
life and just taking a breather. Like you just
gained, I gained an hour this morning. So what
do I have to be angry about? And through that
mindfulness, it's also the letting go too, right?
Letting go, okay, it didn't go the way I thought
this morning. I'm gonna let it go and just be
present in what is. That's beautiful. So your
book, we talked about that a little bit, but
you're going through a relaunch, right? Always
relaunching. Like I'm just I'll always be relaunching
and the thing is like so September is National
Recovery Month and a lot of my recovery story
is threaded throughout the book I don't just
talk about my alcoholic recovery story also talk
about the eating disorder perfectionism codependency
all of that a lot of self -sabotage in the book,
but My alcoholism was really the biggest battle.
So I wanted to do something I wanted to do something
for National Recovery Month. And so I'm just,
I'm doing an in -person workshop here at Naples
on Sunday, where I'm actually teaching. It's
like a mindfulness 101, really. It's because
what I've found is that the women that I have
worked with, they want something that's just
so, they want something that's so simple. They're
not even asking for a lot, but they just want
to feel happy. They want inner peace. They want
to feel happy, but they just don't know how to
do it. They don't know, but they just need some
tools. And so because this is my favorite tool,
I'm just going to teach a workshop on Monday.
We're going to go through some three basic mindfulness
practices and I'm going to leave them with a
20 page workbook that they can use at home on
their own so that they can start to develop their
own routine. That's awesome. And if anyone in
our audience wants to contact you, they want
to talk to you about your workshop or any of
the things that you're doing, what's the best
way for them to get in touch with you? I mean,
they can email me. My email is a little long,
though. It's christina at selfhealingessentials
.com, or I'm on Instagram at Christina Niles,
just my name. And Facebook, same thing, just
my name. My company is Self Healing Essentials
LLC. So my website is just that. It's just selfhealingessentials
.com. Wonderful. That's great. Christina, I really
appreciate your time this morning. I think it
has been so helpful for you to share with us
your journey and all of the wonderful things
you're doing to help others on their journey
with mindfulness and findings, peace and happiness.
Thank you for your time. And I wish you all the
best with your relaunch of your book and all
the success in your endeavors. Well, thank you
so much for having me. This was fun. I enjoyed
it. Thank you so much for spending time with
me today. I am truly grateful that you chose
to listen in and I hope that this conversation
sparked something meaningful for you. Please
take a moment to subscribe, leave a review. It
helps other women to find us who need to hear
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