WEBVTT 00:00:10.479 --> 00:00:13.500 Welcome to her comeback, transforming your life 00:00:13.500 --> 00:00:16.359 after 50. I'm your host, Michelle Thompson. If 00:00:16.359 --> 00:00:19.239 you've ever whispered to yourself, There has 00:00:19.239 --> 00:00:22.260 to be more than this. You are in the right place. 00:00:22.500 --> 00:00:25.059 This show is for women over 50 who have hit their 00:00:25.059 --> 00:00:27.440 breaking point and are finally ready to stop 00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.379 going at it alone. You've tried the self -help 00:00:30.379 --> 00:00:33.520 books, the vision boards, the positive thinking, 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:36.640 but you're still stuck. And here's what I know. 00:00:36.979 --> 00:00:40.500 You're not broken. You just need the right support. 00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:42.439 And that's exactly what you're going to find 00:00:42.439 --> 00:00:45.539 here. Each week, I'll sit down with incredible 00:00:45.539 --> 00:00:48.320 women who have transformed their lives. You'll 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:51.299 hear their real stories, the messy middle, the 00:00:51.299 --> 00:00:53.420 breakthrough moments, the practical steps that 00:00:53.420 --> 00:00:56.280 they took to create the lives that they love. 00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:00.100 Because your lowest limit, it can be your launching 00:01:00.100 --> 00:01:03.820 pad. So if you're done settling and ready for 00:01:03.820 --> 00:01:06.879 your comeback, stay with me. Let's discover how 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:09.739 other women have made it happen and how you can 00:01:09.739 --> 00:01:14.989 too. Are you ready? This is her comeback. Welcome 00:01:14.989 --> 00:01:18.430 to the show. I'm so glad to have as our guest 00:01:18.430 --> 00:01:21.989 today, Christina Nyles. Christina, welcome to 00:01:21.989 --> 00:01:24.489 the show. Thank you for joining us. Well, thank 00:01:24.489 --> 00:01:27.230 you for having me. This is a pleasure. If you 00:01:27.230 --> 00:01:29.930 would let's get started by just telling our audience 00:01:29.930 --> 00:01:34.989 a little bit more about yourself. I am a holistic 00:01:34.989 --> 00:01:39.349 health coach and mindfulness teacher at 14 years 00:01:39.349 --> 00:01:41.549 sober. So I've done a lot of work in the recovery 00:01:41.549 --> 00:01:45.349 space. I live in Naples, Florida, but did not 00:01:45.349 --> 00:01:47.450 grow up here. I actually grew up in New Jersey 00:01:47.450 --> 00:01:50.769 and since have lived, I went to graduate school 00:01:50.769 --> 00:01:53.609 in Boston. So I lived there for a few years, 00:01:53.650 --> 00:01:56.689 and then I moved out to Cleveland for a guy and 00:01:56.689 --> 00:01:59.810 worked there for five years. Then I landed here 00:01:59.810 --> 00:02:02.510 and it was a temporary stop, but I haven't left. 00:02:02.549 --> 00:02:07.400 So I've been here since 2004. Just published 00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:10.300 a best -selling book, myself love self -healing. 00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:13.659 And so right now in my life, I'm focusing on 00:02:13.659 --> 00:02:16.259 speaking on stages and writing more books. Thank 00:02:16.259 --> 00:02:19.099 you. Thank you. Now I understand with some of 00:02:19.099 --> 00:02:21.060 the work you've done, you spent quite a bit of 00:02:21.060 --> 00:02:24.599 time talking about finding innate happiness. 00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:29.199 When did you realize that happiness wasn't something 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:32.300 you had to chase, but it was really already inside 00:02:32.300 --> 00:02:35.729 you? When I wrote the book. Actually, so the 00:02:35.729 --> 00:02:38.530 book takes the reader on a journey from when 00:02:38.530 --> 00:02:41.569 I was really young and in writing the book I 00:02:41.569 --> 00:02:44.449 realized what I had found at these different 00:02:44.449 --> 00:02:46.939 pivotal. points of my life that I didn't realize 00:02:46.939 --> 00:02:50.439 at the time. But when I was writing about it, 00:02:50.439 --> 00:02:53.719 it was like, wow, we really do find happiness 00:02:53.719 --> 00:02:55.840 within it lives in our heart and our soul, not 00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:58.419 in our in our, you know, external environment. 00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:02.560 And I really did. I was after reading the manuscript, 00:03:02.599 --> 00:03:05.479 I was like, I really spent my whole life just 00:03:05.479 --> 00:03:08.259 looking for this happiness and looking for the 00:03:08.259 --> 00:03:11.199 sense of normalcy and inner peace. But I was 00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:14.300 looking for it outside of myself the entire time. 00:03:14.379 --> 00:03:17.419 And so because I was looking for that way to 00:03:17.419 --> 00:03:21.500 self -soothe and to feel a certain way, I ended 00:03:21.500 --> 00:03:24.300 up sabotaging myself in so many ways, my wellbeing, 00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:27.560 my mental state, you know, first starting with 00:03:27.560 --> 00:03:30.460 an eating disorder when I was a teenager, and 00:03:30.460 --> 00:03:34.000 then morphing into alcoholism when I, like hardcore 00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:37.650 alcoholism when I was in my 30s. And so... The 00:03:37.650 --> 00:03:40.229 moment that when I write about it, the moment 00:03:40.229 --> 00:03:43.069 that I realized that the happiness was within 00:03:43.069 --> 00:03:45.990 me was interestingly enough when I was living 00:03:45.990 --> 00:03:50.830 at a homeless shelter. I love the story because 00:03:50.830 --> 00:03:53.550 it really is so powerful because most people 00:03:53.550 --> 00:03:57.810 would think that would be the last place or the 00:03:57.810 --> 00:04:00.289 least circumstances where you would find happiness. 00:04:00.770 --> 00:04:03.689 But I had been in so much pain leading up to 00:04:03.689 --> 00:04:06.789 that point. When I went to the homeless shelter, 00:04:07.090 --> 00:04:09.810 it was, this was where I had my surrender to 00:04:09.810 --> 00:04:12.669 my drinking. And this is where I decided to change 00:04:12.669 --> 00:04:17.470 my life. And this was after 10 years of very 00:04:17.470 --> 00:04:20.089 destructive drinking, I lost everything that 00:04:20.089 --> 00:04:21.750 I had worked for everything that I had loved 00:04:21.750 --> 00:04:24.370 so much. And I ended up with nothing and I had 00:04:24.370 --> 00:04:28.230 no place to go. And so I had my bike, I did have 00:04:28.230 --> 00:04:32.629 that. And so I found this inner peace, this presence 00:04:32.629 --> 00:04:36.019 that this sober pause moment is what I love to 00:04:36.019 --> 00:04:39.379 call it. It's a mindfulness moment. I found this 00:04:39.379 --> 00:04:42.300 presence while I was riding my bike. My bike 00:04:42.300 --> 00:04:44.600 is such an important part to my story because 00:04:44.600 --> 00:04:48.540 this is where I found this powerful tool where 00:04:48.540 --> 00:04:52.240 for the first time I noticed and was able to 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:56.660 appreciate my surroundings and just my life and 00:04:56.660 --> 00:05:00.980 being alive and and feeling this vibrancy and 00:05:00.980 --> 00:05:03.480 it was where I learned gratitude like I honestly 00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:06.220 don't know before that I was so selfish in my 00:05:06.220 --> 00:05:08.120 behaviors that I don't know if I ever really 00:05:08.120 --> 00:05:12.639 was grateful for anything and so with having 00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:17.060 nothing I was the happiest I had been in years 00:05:17.060 --> 00:05:18.899 and this was the first time I realized I was 00:05:18.899 --> 00:05:22.720 like I am so happy right now I can pretty much 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:24.420 do anything I want with my life because I don't 00:05:24.420 --> 00:05:28.660 have anything. And I can't describe the feeling. 00:05:28.680 --> 00:05:30.800 It was almost like this physical sensation that 00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:33.939 lives within you. And I was like, oh my gosh, 00:05:34.100 --> 00:05:36.199 like this is what I've been searching for for 00:05:36.199 --> 00:05:38.639 all of these years. And it's not even from anything 00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:41.959 that I have because I don't have anything. Wow, 00:05:42.100 --> 00:05:45.360 what an incredible story. So for listeners out 00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:48.040 there that believe happiness depends on your 00:05:48.040 --> 00:05:50.019 circumstances. If I get that right job, if I 00:05:50.019 --> 00:05:53.160 get that right guy, if I get that right lifestyle, 00:05:54.040 --> 00:05:57.660 how do you make that shift? What are your thoughts? 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:01.660 Yeah, because you can't just tell somebody and 00:06:01.660 --> 00:06:04.360 talk them into believing that this is true. It 00:06:04.360 --> 00:06:07.279 really takes doing the inner work. It really 00:06:07.279 --> 00:06:11.189 takes I use mindfulness. Mindfulness is at the 00:06:11.189 --> 00:06:16.149 heart of all of my work. And it's where I learned 00:06:16.149 --> 00:06:18.329 to breathe. It was where I learned to slow down. 00:06:18.350 --> 00:06:21.129 It was where I learned to pause. Where I learned 00:06:21.129 --> 00:06:24.069 to make better decisions in my life. Where I 00:06:24.069 --> 00:06:26.230 learned to respond to people instead of react 00:06:26.230 --> 00:06:29.750 to people. And so with this daily practice, it 00:06:29.750 --> 00:06:31.870 first started with more of a formal practice 00:06:31.870 --> 00:06:35.490 and meditation. But as I practiced it daily and 00:06:35.490 --> 00:06:39.040 did the reps, you just... slowly start to bring 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:41.540 that mindfulness and that awareness and that's 00:06:41.540 --> 00:06:45.259 slowing down into your daily life, like just 00:06:45.259 --> 00:06:47.980 into your way of, it becomes a way of being instead 00:06:47.980 --> 00:06:51.240 of like a thing that you're doing. And so the 00:06:51.240 --> 00:06:54.839 shift is, the shift is subtle. You know, it's 00:06:54.839 --> 00:06:57.420 not like I'm going to tell somebody to practice 00:06:57.420 --> 00:06:59.139 mindfulness meditation and you're going to see 00:06:59.139 --> 00:07:01.399 a shift like right then and there. It's something 00:07:01.399 --> 00:07:03.620 that you need to practice over time, but This 00:07:03.620 --> 00:07:06.459 is the inner work. This is where I cultivate 00:07:06.459 --> 00:07:09.720 awareness. And I don't know how else you would 00:07:09.720 --> 00:07:12.459 cultivate awareness without being mindful. So 00:07:12.459 --> 00:07:14.459 the mindfulness to me is extremely important. 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:16.759 I just, that's where I start with everybody. 00:07:17.000 --> 00:07:20.620 It's where mindset shifts happen. You can shift 00:07:20.620 --> 00:07:23.319 your inner belief system. You're limiting beliefs 00:07:23.319 --> 00:07:25.759 into beliefs that are going to serve you in a 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:28.420 better way. It's to just get present with yourself. 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:30.300 I mean, I really just don't know how else someone 00:07:30.300 --> 00:07:33.759 would do it. So for someone say they haven't 00:07:33.759 --> 00:07:35.720 really practiced mindfulness, that they're just 00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:38.500 completely new in this space. What would be that 00:07:38.500 --> 00:07:41.920 simple step or few steps that could get them 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:46.350 started? literally it takes a minute. All they 00:07:46.350 --> 00:07:49.610 have to do is, and sometimes they can set a reminder 00:07:49.610 --> 00:07:51.290 for themselves, whoever is going to work for 00:07:51.290 --> 00:07:52.930 them. They could put a little string on their 00:07:52.930 --> 00:07:55.550 finger. They can tell Alexa to remind them. They 00:07:55.550 --> 00:07:58.269 can set an alarm on their phone if they really 00:07:58.269 --> 00:08:01.949 want to start getting into this and making it 00:08:01.949 --> 00:08:04.689 into a habit. It can take, they can start with 00:08:04.689 --> 00:08:07.069 a minute. Just sit down and start breathing. 00:08:07.470 --> 00:08:09.949 Just breathe. Okay. take deep breaths. I love 00:08:09.949 --> 00:08:12.629 the four box breath where you breathe in for 00:08:12.629 --> 00:08:14.790 four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe 00:08:14.790 --> 00:08:17.009 out for four seconds, and hold for four seconds. 00:08:17.589 --> 00:08:19.509 Another practice that I love to do, which is 00:08:19.509 --> 00:08:21.490 first thing in the morning, which anybody can 00:08:21.490 --> 00:08:23.870 do, it takes like seven minutes. You can make 00:08:23.870 --> 00:08:25.730 it 10 minutes or whatever, but five to seven 00:08:25.730 --> 00:08:30.170 minutes before you even look at your phone, turn 00:08:30.170 --> 00:08:32.789 on the TV, do any of that kind of stuff where 00:08:32.789 --> 00:08:35.590 there's now there's going to be stimulus. Get 00:08:35.590 --> 00:08:38.730 up out of bed, get a drink of water, splash some 00:08:38.730 --> 00:08:41.710 water on your face, and then just find a quiet 00:08:41.710 --> 00:08:46.629 place to sit. Take a few deep breaths, and then 00:08:46.629 --> 00:08:49.909 get into your heart center. Like literally put 00:08:49.909 --> 00:08:51.669 your hand over your heart, close your eyes, and 00:08:51.669 --> 00:08:53.990 just start to feel into your heart and think 00:08:53.990 --> 00:08:56.669 of something that you're grateful for. And notice 00:08:56.669 --> 00:08:59.149 if you feel a physical sensation. If you start 00:08:59.149 --> 00:09:02.590 to feel a physical sensation here, then you'll 00:09:02.590 --> 00:09:04.490 know that you're in that energy of gratitude. 00:09:04.610 --> 00:09:07.750 You can't be in an energy of gratitude and an 00:09:07.750 --> 00:09:11.009 energy of stress response or resentment or anger 00:09:11.009 --> 00:09:13.090 at the same time. So you want to get into that 00:09:13.090 --> 00:09:15.190 energy of gratitude. And then once you're in 00:09:15.190 --> 00:09:18.309 that energy, then you start to just take, set 00:09:18.309 --> 00:09:20.029 a timer on your phone. I set a timer on my phone 00:09:20.029 --> 00:09:22.649 for this. You just start to visualize that version 00:09:22.649 --> 00:09:25.950 of yourself that you want to step into. And you 00:09:25.950 --> 00:09:29.169 just do this visualization of yourself already 00:09:29.169 --> 00:09:32.860 there. And that's a great, easy practice. And 00:09:32.860 --> 00:09:34.659 it's fun. Like who doesn't like to fantasize? 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:36.720 Like that's, I've been fantasizing since I was 00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:39.059 a little kid, you know? And I didn't realize 00:09:39.059 --> 00:09:41.759 why, when I used to fantasize about I had a crush 00:09:41.759 --> 00:09:44.620 on a boy on vacation, I would go to bed at night 00:09:44.620 --> 00:09:47.460 and think about, you know, meeting the guy, kissing 00:09:47.460 --> 00:09:50.039 the guy. And for some reason I was, I would always 00:09:50.039 --> 00:09:52.019 end up meeting that guy on my vacation. How is 00:09:52.019 --> 00:09:53.700 this that I wish for these things and they keep 00:09:53.700 --> 00:09:56.159 coming true? It's just because I got into it 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:59.389 as if it was already true. That the whole thing 00:09:59.389 --> 00:10:02.570 of manifesting and the mindfulness to you have 00:10:02.570 --> 00:10:06.309 kind of come hand in hand with yeah, I mean The 00:10:06.309 --> 00:10:08.529 manifesting word so overused. I mean, it's like 00:10:08.529 --> 00:10:11.850 for me It's more about if you're having a hard 00:10:11.850 --> 00:10:14.850 time stepping into a version of yourself that 00:10:14.850 --> 00:10:18.769 you want to be Just visualize yourself is already 00:10:18.769 --> 00:10:22.029 there Close your eyes. It takes a couple minutes 00:10:22.029 --> 00:10:24.649 and just visualize something that you want. If 00:10:24.649 --> 00:10:26.490 you want to get that job, if you're looking for 00:10:26.490 --> 00:10:28.269 a new job, just sit down for five minutes and 00:10:28.269 --> 00:10:31.230 imagine yourself already working the job. This 00:10:31.230 --> 00:10:34.470 has worked for me for so many years that when 00:10:34.470 --> 00:10:36.549 I wanted something, I would just start acting 00:10:36.549 --> 00:10:41.480 the part. I really did this at the homeless shelter. 00:10:42.039 --> 00:10:44.440 I did this at the homeless shelter. I had this 00:10:44.440 --> 00:10:47.580 day on my bike where I had my spiritual awakening. 00:10:47.779 --> 00:10:52.200 I woke up and this was when I took a day was 00:10:52.200 --> 00:10:54.519 at the homeless shelter and I took my bike out. 00:10:54.649 --> 00:10:57.090 And I spent the whole, it was a Sunday. It was 00:10:57.090 --> 00:10:59.269 beautiful out. And I went up to the beach and 00:10:59.269 --> 00:11:01.149 I sat on the beach and I was like, this feels 00:11:01.149 --> 00:11:03.370 so good and normal. And I feel like I'm just 00:11:03.370 --> 00:11:05.649 like one of that, like everybody else here. I'm 00:11:05.649 --> 00:11:08.409 not this alcoholic living in a homeless shelter. 00:11:08.509 --> 00:11:10.750 I'm just another person on the beach. And I just 00:11:10.750 --> 00:11:12.769 felt so grateful. And then I continued to ride 00:11:12.769 --> 00:11:15.389 my bike. And as I continued to ride and have 00:11:15.389 --> 00:11:18.750 these thoughts, I started to envision myself 00:11:18.750 --> 00:11:21.809 doing all different kinds of things. I was like 00:11:21.809 --> 00:11:24.190 getting really excited at the idea of like, Well, 00:11:24.190 --> 00:11:26.129 I could do this and I could be this and I could 00:11:26.129 --> 00:11:29.250 do that. And so by the time I got back to the 00:11:29.250 --> 00:11:32.529 shelter, I had to get ready for my job there. 00:11:32.730 --> 00:11:35.409 It gave everybody a chore and mine was to serve 00:11:35.409 --> 00:11:39.669 dinner. So instead of wearing the schleppy clothes 00:11:39.669 --> 00:11:42.570 I was wearing all weekend, like literally like 00:11:42.570 --> 00:11:44.690 I'm in a homeless shelter. So I'm just gonna 00:11:44.690 --> 00:11:46.350 wear, who cares what I look like, right? I'm 00:11:46.350 --> 00:11:48.309 just gonna look like another homeless person. 00:11:49.029 --> 00:11:54.230 I took a shower. I put makeup on. I did my hair 00:11:54.230 --> 00:11:56.370 and I put something nice on and I walked into 00:11:56.370 --> 00:11:58.570 the kitchen and the staff was just like, Christina, 00:11:58.830 --> 00:12:01.210 is that you? Oh my gosh, you're actually really 00:12:01.210 --> 00:12:04.210 pretty. I was like, thanks. And I showed up that 00:12:04.210 --> 00:12:06.669 way every single day. I showed up in that kitchen, 00:12:07.429 --> 00:12:10.389 showered, like just stepping into that version 00:12:10.389 --> 00:12:13.090 of myself that I wanted to be because that life, 00:12:13.190 --> 00:12:16.529 that alcoholic life, that girl, I shut the door 00:12:16.529 --> 00:12:19.450 on it. I'm like, that's no longer, I am now her 00:12:19.450 --> 00:12:24.279 over here. So you have also in your work spent 00:12:24.279 --> 00:12:28.240 some time looking at turning self -sabotage into 00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:31.879 your superpower. And you teach that self -sabotage 00:12:31.879 --> 00:12:35.259 isn't just a habit, it's actually a signal. So 00:12:35.259 --> 00:12:39.419 how did you learn about this in your own patterns 00:12:39.419 --> 00:12:43.100 and change this into opportunities for yourself? 00:12:43.340 --> 00:12:45.759 I really think that I turned my alcoholism into 00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:47.779 a superpower because now I'm helping others. 00:12:47.940 --> 00:12:50.519 I had to get sober first, but like an example 00:12:50.519 --> 00:12:53.539 of that was I got sober. I realized one of the 00:12:53.539 --> 00:12:55.639 big things in the rooms of recovery is being 00:12:55.639 --> 00:12:58.139 of service. You know, that was new for me because 00:12:58.139 --> 00:13:00.220 I was selfish. I'm like serving others. Like, 00:13:00.259 --> 00:13:02.159 what do you mean? You know, just simple things 00:13:02.159 --> 00:13:05.620 like making coffee at a meeting or to going to 00:13:05.620 --> 00:13:07.860 speak and tell your story at the different rehabs. 00:13:07.940 --> 00:13:10.899 I chose to go into the county jail. for five 00:13:10.899 --> 00:13:14.080 years and I went in by myself like initially 00:13:14.080 --> 00:13:16.240 I went in with other people but eventually I 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:18.500 went in by myself and old Christina would have 00:13:18.500 --> 00:13:21.139 been really scared to do that to go in and like 00:13:21.139 --> 00:13:23.159 have like a whole classroom of like inmates. 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:26.320 I mean I've been to jail so you know I was one 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:27.820 of the things that I wanted to do I was like 00:13:27.820 --> 00:13:29.580 if I ever get sober I'm coming back here and 00:13:29.580 --> 00:13:31.440 telling my story and I'm gonna help these people 00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:33.539 because there were a lot of addicts alcoholics 00:13:33.539 --> 00:13:36.779 in there and I was grateful for the opportunity 00:13:36.779 --> 00:13:40.309 to be able to share my story with them and to 00:13:40.309 --> 00:13:43.830 the transformation that I even saw in them when 00:13:43.830 --> 00:13:49.090 I showed up month after month to just share and 00:13:49.090 --> 00:13:52.169 give them the opportunity to share was they were 00:13:52.169 --> 00:13:54.210 probably helping me more than I was helping them. 00:13:54.809 --> 00:13:57.049 That was a superpower to me. That was like, wow, 00:13:57.149 --> 00:14:00.490 what a gift. That's just an example of, you know, 00:14:00.549 --> 00:14:03.120 I really think that Number one, you have to get 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:05.039 to the other side of your sabotage. You have 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:07.419 to quit the habit. You have to find a healthier 00:14:07.419 --> 00:14:09.659 habit to replace it with. And that takes work. 00:14:09.700 --> 00:14:11.720 And I would say work with a therapist, work with 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:14.740 a coach, however you need to do it. But once 00:14:14.740 --> 00:14:17.200 you're given that gift of being free from that 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:20.039 sabotage, how can you pay it forward? And how 00:14:20.039 --> 00:14:22.620 can you teach other people how to do what you 00:14:22.620 --> 00:14:24.639 did and have the transformation that you did 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:27.509 as well? Are there any other suggestions you 00:14:27.509 --> 00:14:30.570 would have for someone trying to create a space 00:14:30.570 --> 00:14:33.710 where, okay, I'm going to stop the pattern of 00:14:33.710 --> 00:14:36.330 the self -sabotage? Is there something that they 00:14:36.330 --> 00:14:39.289 could do when they catch themselves in that space? 00:14:39.409 --> 00:14:41.129 In this space where they feel like they're going 00:14:41.129 --> 00:14:43.610 to impulsively reach for the coping mechanism? 00:14:44.049 --> 00:14:48.169 Yes, exactly. Too many people try to go through 00:14:48.169 --> 00:14:51.360 this journey by themselves. So isolation is a 00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:53.879 big one with self -sabotage. So I would definitely 00:14:53.879 --> 00:14:57.080 recommend if that's their pattern, if they're 00:14:57.080 --> 00:14:59.559 finding it really hard to keep themselves from 00:14:59.559 --> 00:15:03.039 that sabotaging behavior is to reach out to somebody, 00:15:03.059 --> 00:15:05.919 you know, even if it's just a friend or getting 00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:09.100 out of the house and getting yourself busy and 00:15:09.100 --> 00:15:11.679 being proactive and looking for communities to 00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:14.000 join and fellowship communities to join. It just 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:16.759 depends on what the sabotaging behavior is, but 00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:20.840 you know, In sabotage, the isolation is really 00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:22.799 familiar and comfortable. And a lot of times 00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:24.759 the sabotage is something that we want to keep 00:15:24.759 --> 00:15:27.159 secret. We're afraid to make ourselves vulnerable. 00:15:27.820 --> 00:15:32.840 But vulnerability is the key to breakthroughs. 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:36.120 I mean, vulnerability is where we start to... 00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:39.440 garner our strength. And I found that in the 00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:41.799 rooms of AA, that's where I got sober, you know, 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:44.179 I was the first place where I made myself vulnerable. 00:15:44.580 --> 00:15:48.220 I tried to do it on my own. And I just kept sabotaging 00:15:48.220 --> 00:15:51.539 over and over again, I would have these like 00:15:51.539 --> 00:15:53.580 the last year and a half of my drinking, it was 00:15:53.580 --> 00:15:56.559 horrible. I mean, I had the DTs, I had like, 00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:58.639 and no, I was living with my mom at the time 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:01.379 and she didn't know how dangerous DTs were, but 00:16:01.379 --> 00:16:04.899 it was so like sheltered and hidden. And I refused 00:16:04.899 --> 00:16:07.100 to go to meetings. I knew that the meetings were 00:16:07.100 --> 00:16:09.240 where I needed to go. AA was where I needed to 00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:11.980 go, but I refused to do it until it was just 00:16:11.980 --> 00:16:14.700 like, this is the only answer right now. And 00:16:14.700 --> 00:16:18.120 so trying to work through if the, you know, the 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:21.740 sabotage is really, destroying your life in certain 00:16:21.740 --> 00:16:25.460 ways, then I would just say like get into connection 00:16:25.460 --> 00:16:28.200 somehow, like just take the first step. Okay, 00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:31.159 very good. That's great. You're like myself, 00:16:31.159 --> 00:16:34.500 you're in a new chapter in our 50s. So as you 00:16:34.500 --> 00:16:37.360 look into this chapter, what does it look like 00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:41.159 for you? You have new goals and dreams and what 00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:44.279 are the things that you are transforming in your 00:16:44.279 --> 00:16:50.899 life today? So I am focused on staying in connection 00:16:50.899 --> 00:16:53.820 because for two years I have been writing a book 00:16:53.820 --> 00:16:57.899 and doing online coaching and I'm like scratching 00:16:57.899 --> 00:17:01.340 at the walls. I don't think this is how I want 00:17:01.340 --> 00:17:03.500 to live every, you know, I'm single, I live by 00:17:03.500 --> 00:17:05.940 my, I love being single, I've never been married, 00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:12.920 53 years old, cat mom, no kids. um so I need 00:17:12.920 --> 00:17:15.759 connection and I need women in my life and I 00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:18.299 know like you and I share in a group here in 00:17:18.299 --> 00:17:20.519 Naples and that's where I met you and it's been 00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:23.880 it's just every time I put myself out there this 00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:25.720 is something I never would have done in the past 00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:28.380 like I was always so afraid of people or like 00:17:28.380 --> 00:17:30.740 I was convinced that I was like afraid of people 00:17:30.740 --> 00:17:34.250 you know and then I had that 10 -year experience 00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:36.990 in retail and that broke me out of my shell. 00:17:37.089 --> 00:17:38.569 And I was like, I'm not scared of people. Like, 00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:41.349 what was I talking about? But still putting yourself 00:17:41.349 --> 00:17:43.150 out there and showing up where you don't know 00:17:43.150 --> 00:17:46.589 anybody can be scary. But the more that I do 00:17:46.589 --> 00:17:51.210 it, the easier it gets and it empowers me. So 00:17:51.210 --> 00:17:53.369 staying in connection and just always meeting 00:17:53.369 --> 00:17:56.950 amazing women who are high achieving and just 00:17:56.950 --> 00:17:59.769 share values and interests like I do. But then 00:17:59.769 --> 00:18:02.890 from a career perspective, Like I said, I'd been 00:18:02.890 --> 00:18:05.910 coaching the last two years, but realized that 00:18:05.910 --> 00:18:08.529 that wasn't really lighting me up so much. Like 00:18:08.529 --> 00:18:10.250 when I was getting up in the morning and thinking 00:18:10.250 --> 00:18:14.650 about my day, I was like, starting to feel that 00:18:14.650 --> 00:18:17.509 I'm not getting joy out of this anymore. Like 00:18:17.509 --> 00:18:19.690 I need to do this in a different way or show 00:18:19.690 --> 00:18:22.549 up in a different way. And so I've rethought 00:18:22.549 --> 00:18:25.029 the whole thing. I went to Greece on this amazing 00:18:25.029 --> 00:18:28.809 retreat and got a lot of downloads there, came 00:18:28.809 --> 00:18:32.480 back. sort of lived up to what I said I was gonna 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:34.559 do. And that's like, I kept getting the nudges 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.759 from the universe that said, you're not exactly 00:18:36.759 --> 00:18:38.859 shifting the way that you said you wanted to. 00:18:39.180 --> 00:18:41.339 And then one night in a Yen class with my legs 00:18:41.339 --> 00:18:44.019 up the wall, I gave myself permission to make 00:18:44.019 --> 00:18:47.339 the shift. And so I'm just putting my heart and 00:18:47.339 --> 00:18:52.779 soul into honing my speaking craft and continuing 00:18:52.779 --> 00:18:57.500 to write, shifting platforms to like, less on 00:18:57.500 --> 00:18:59.339 Facebook and things like that. And I'm building 00:18:59.339 --> 00:19:02.779 a community over on Substack and just kind of 00:19:02.779 --> 00:19:06.819 like a really good refresh and not literally 00:19:06.819 --> 00:19:09.140 living online. It doesn't mean that I won't launch 00:19:09.140 --> 00:19:11.759 things online because I love teaching mindfulness 00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:16.309 and I love having. you know, mindfulness series. 00:19:16.450 --> 00:19:18.930 I do in -person workshops. I do them online, 00:19:19.009 --> 00:19:21.410 but I just don't want everything to be online. 00:19:22.250 --> 00:19:24.569 So I don't know. We'll see. I'm just trusting 00:19:24.569 --> 00:19:28.309 the process and I'm just going to enjoy the journey. 00:19:29.430 --> 00:19:32.549 This morning I went so I have a part -time job 00:19:32.549 --> 00:19:35.049 that's fun. I'm like I'm going to look for another 00:19:35.049 --> 00:19:37.779 part -time job that's fun because I can, I have 00:19:37.779 --> 00:19:39.940 time to make some extra money. That's always 00:19:39.940 --> 00:19:42.059 fun, right? It's not, it's not something that 00:19:42.059 --> 00:19:45.700 I'm desperate for need. I don't desperately need 00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:47.460 it, but it's something I want to do. It gets 00:19:47.460 --> 00:19:49.720 me out of the house. I went for an interview 00:19:49.720 --> 00:19:51.700 actually right before our chat this morning and 00:19:51.700 --> 00:19:56.640 they stood me up. So I was like, you know, anybody 00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:59.500 that knows me knows that I talk a lot about time. 00:19:59.720 --> 00:20:01.859 It's one of my four transformative principles 00:20:01.859 --> 00:20:04.579 that I talk about in the book too. And I have 00:20:04.579 --> 00:20:06.730 a, I have a signature time management. system 00:20:06.730 --> 00:20:11.170 that I teach people. So for me, time is my friend. 00:20:11.349 --> 00:20:15.529 It's one of my greatest assets. And I don't like 00:20:15.529 --> 00:20:17.970 wasting time because I lost 10 years of it to 00:20:17.970 --> 00:20:20.829 my drinking. So I made, I have a whole new relationship 00:20:20.829 --> 00:20:23.450 with time today. So that this morning I was like, 00:20:23.650 --> 00:20:26.789 okay. And so I got home and I was like, you know 00:20:26.789 --> 00:20:31.160 what? I have extra time now to meditate. sit 00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:33.940 on my meditation pillow and get into the energy 00:20:33.940 --> 00:20:36.420 so I could show up here the way that I wanted 00:20:36.420 --> 00:20:38.599 to. I don't really hold on to stuff, but I was 00:20:38.599 --> 00:20:39.900 just kind of like, well, I didn't really need 00:20:39.900 --> 00:20:42.400 that to happen this morning. But just another 00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:44.579 example of like where I can use my mindfulness 00:20:44.579 --> 00:20:46.559 practice. I was like, well, I've got this time. 00:20:46.859 --> 00:20:49.180 So I'm going to be grateful for that instead 00:20:49.180 --> 00:20:52.359 of. like pissed off that these people stood me 00:20:52.359 --> 00:20:55.460 up, you know. Yeah, exactly. And you can always 00:20:55.460 --> 00:20:57.200 kind of take that back and say, okay, maybe that 00:20:57.200 --> 00:20:59.980 was the universe's way of just kind of redirecting 00:20:59.980 --> 00:21:03.240 my attention, you know, maybe a lot of people 00:21:03.240 --> 00:21:05.220 would have just like, that would have just sent 00:21:05.220 --> 00:21:08.579 them reeling, like, just like, you know, natural 00:21:08.579 --> 00:21:11.000 reaction for people is to just get pissed off 00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:12.759 by something. And then it sits with them all 00:21:12.759 --> 00:21:15.779 day, right? And they yes, then they with this 00:21:15.779 --> 00:21:18.940 extra time that they just got. this recycled 00:21:18.940 --> 00:21:22.619 time, they spend it worrying on things or being 00:21:22.619 --> 00:21:25.839 angry or resentful when you could be doing doing 00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:28.680 mindfulness. You could be being present in your 00:21:28.680 --> 00:21:31.359 life and just taking a breather. Like you just 00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:34.480 gained, I gained an hour this morning. So what 00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.420 do I have to be angry about? And through that 00:21:37.420 --> 00:21:41.079 mindfulness, it's also the letting go too, right? 00:21:41.220 --> 00:21:44.480 Letting go, okay, it didn't go the way I thought 00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:46.960 this morning. I'm gonna let it go and just be 00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:51.980 present in what is. That's beautiful. So your 00:21:51.980 --> 00:21:54.160 book, we talked about that a little bit, but 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:57.460 you're going through a relaunch, right? Always 00:21:57.460 --> 00:22:01.200 relaunching. Like I'm just I'll always be relaunching 00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:03.680 and the thing is like so September is National 00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:05.960 Recovery Month and a lot of my recovery story 00:22:05.960 --> 00:22:08.099 is threaded throughout the book I don't just 00:22:08.099 --> 00:22:10.880 talk about my alcoholic recovery story also talk 00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:14.119 about the eating disorder perfectionism codependency 00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:17.240 all of that a lot of self -sabotage in the book, 00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:20.500 but My alcoholism was really the biggest battle. 00:22:20.619 --> 00:22:25.109 So I wanted to do something I wanted to do something 00:22:25.109 --> 00:22:27.490 for National Recovery Month. And so I'm just, 00:22:27.750 --> 00:22:29.670 I'm doing an in -person workshop here at Naples 00:22:29.670 --> 00:22:32.690 on Sunday, where I'm actually teaching. It's 00:22:32.690 --> 00:22:35.069 like a mindfulness 101, really. It's because 00:22:35.069 --> 00:22:37.690 what I've found is that the women that I have 00:22:37.690 --> 00:22:41.089 worked with, they want something that's just 00:22:41.089 --> 00:22:42.910 so, they want something that's so simple. They're 00:22:42.910 --> 00:22:44.970 not even asking for a lot, but they just want 00:22:44.970 --> 00:22:47.990 to feel happy. They want inner peace. They want 00:22:47.990 --> 00:22:50.670 to feel happy, but they just don't know how to 00:22:50.670 --> 00:22:53.700 do it. They don't know, but they just need some 00:22:53.700 --> 00:22:56.559 tools. And so because this is my favorite tool, 00:22:56.900 --> 00:22:59.099 I'm just going to teach a workshop on Monday. 00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:01.059 We're going to go through some three basic mindfulness 00:23:01.059 --> 00:23:02.720 practices and I'm going to leave them with a 00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:06.519 20 page workbook that they can use at home on 00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:08.579 their own so that they can start to develop their 00:23:08.579 --> 00:23:12.880 own routine. That's awesome. And if anyone in 00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:14.759 our audience wants to contact you, they want 00:23:14.759 --> 00:23:16.599 to talk to you about your workshop or any of 00:23:16.599 --> 00:23:18.440 the things that you're doing, what's the best 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:20.930 way for them to get in touch with you? I mean, 00:23:20.970 --> 00:23:23.450 they can email me. My email is a little long, 00:23:23.609 --> 00:23:26.170 though. It's christina at selfhealingessentials 00:23:26.170 --> 00:23:30.869 .com, or I'm on Instagram at Christina Niles, 00:23:31.029 --> 00:23:33.769 just my name. And Facebook, same thing, just 00:23:33.769 --> 00:23:38.450 my name. My company is Self Healing Essentials 00:23:38.450 --> 00:23:42.710 LLC. So my website is just that. It's just selfhealingessentials 00:23:42.710 --> 00:23:46.599 .com. Wonderful. That's great. Christina, I really 00:23:46.599 --> 00:23:48.619 appreciate your time this morning. I think it 00:23:48.619 --> 00:23:51.160 has been so helpful for you to share with us 00:23:51.160 --> 00:23:53.819 your journey and all of the wonderful things 00:23:53.819 --> 00:23:57.059 you're doing to help others on their journey 00:23:57.059 --> 00:23:59.920 with mindfulness and findings, peace and happiness. 00:23:59.920 --> 00:24:02.059 Thank you for your time. And I wish you all the 00:24:02.059 --> 00:24:04.359 best with your relaunch of your book and all 00:24:04.359 --> 00:24:07.660 the success in your endeavors. Well, thank you 00:24:07.660 --> 00:24:09.640 so much for having me. This was fun. I enjoyed 00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:12.779 it. Thank you so much for spending time with 00:24:12.779 --> 00:24:15.619 me today. I am truly grateful that you chose 00:24:15.619 --> 00:24:18.140 to listen in and I hope that this conversation 00:24:18.140 --> 00:24:20.819 sparked something meaningful for you. Please 00:24:20.819 --> 00:24:23.680 take a moment to subscribe, leave a review. It 00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:25.920 helps other women to find us who need to hear 00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:29.059 these stories too. And if you know someone who 00:24:29.059 --> 00:24:31.759 is ready for their own comeback, share this episode 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:34.480 with them. I'd love to connect with you beyond 00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:38.759 the podcast. Visit me at hercomebackpodcast .com. 00:24:38.839 --> 00:24:42.880 That's HerComebackPodcast .com to learn more 00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.480 about how we can work together. I have a gift 00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:49.599 for you. Get your free copy today of five powerful 00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:53.400 shifts to reclaim your life. Remember, your comeback 00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:56.220 story is waiting to be written. The question 00:24:56.220 --> 00:24:59.619 isn't, can I transform my life? The question 00:24:59.619 --> 00:25:02.299 is, are you ready? Let's go.