Welcome to her comeback, Transforming Your Life
After 50. I'm your host, Michelle Thompson. If
you've ever whispered to yourself, there has
to be more than this. You are in the right place.
This show is for women over 50 who have hit their
breaking point and are finally ready to stop
going at it alone. You've tried the self -help
box, the vision boards, positive thinking, but
you're still stuck. And here's what I know. You're
not broken. You just need the right support.
And that's exactly what you're going to find
here. Each week, I'll sit down with incredible
women who have transformed their lives. You'll
hear their real stories, the messy middle, the
breakthrough moments, the practical steps that
they took to create the lives that they love.
Because your lowest limit, it can be your launching
pad. So if you're done settling and ready for
your comeback, Stay with me. Let's discover how
other women have made it happen and how you can
too. Are you ready? This is her comeback. Hey,
good day, everyone. I am so pleased and honored
to have with us Kim Dai. Kim Dai is here in Naples,
Florida. Kim, welcome to the show. Thank you
so much, Michelle. I appreciate being here. Thank
you. Well, tell our audience a little bit about
yourself. So I'm the Vice President of Advancement
here at David Lawrence Centers in Naples. We're
the largest behavioral health provider in Collier
County, the size of the state of Rhode Island.
So think mental health, substance use challenges,
or everyone from children all the way to seniors.
We're the provider of behavioral health. Also
an author on the side, mom of a very active 10
-year -old daughter, love to RV, have two dogs,
and everything in my life is about getting to
the yes. Great segue because that's exactly the
next question I had for you. So getting to the
yes. So I understand that is kind of your mantra
or your motto, overcoming whatever life throws
our way. Tell us about that. You know, it's just
about being positive. You know, different people
can call it different things. Since I was a little
girl, it seems like anything that was ever thrown
my way, I found a way to either spin it or move
it or position it into something that's a little
bit more positive. Enter the field of fundraising,
which is where I spend a lot of my time, right?
And we always look at trying to get people, projects,
initiatives move to a yes position. So I kind
of just combined that thought of positivity with
that word, yes. And frankly, Michelle, really
everything that goes on in our life, it's all
about getting to the yes of the moment. So whether
that's issues with a 10 -year -old daughter.
whether you're dealing with marital issues, I'm
a two -time cancer survivor and live with multiple
sclerosis, you might be dealing with health challenges,
work challenges, anything in life, I truly and
genuinely believe that there is a route and a
way to get you to overcome whatever it is by
getting to a yes that works for you or a yes
that matters in the moment. And maybe it's a
whole series of little yeses on the way to the
big yes. I love that. Oh, I love it. Well, I
know that you have quite an amazing story. So
maybe tell us a little bit about what your transformation
journey has looked like. We look at Maslow's
hierarchy of needs and that self -fulfillment,
that self -affirmation that's at the top of the
pyramid. I think I might be there or pretty darn
close, but it's been a long journey. I went through
one of my books is getting to the yes, thriving
with MS or multiple sclerosis. That was a tough
one to write because it really caused me to reflect
back on my life. Great childhood. You know, your
only child, upper middle class, probably the
only thing was I was in dreary, eerie Pennsylvania.
That's probably the only negative that was involved.
Didn't really have any major challenges, life
challenges to deal with. And then somehow between,
you know, my mid to late twenties to where I
am today, barreled through two different cancer
diagnoses. One that came literally three days
before my wedding. The MS diagnosis. came right
at my 10th wedding anniversary. Then a divorce
followed within a year. I don't really disparage
my former husband. You know, he didn't plan to
marry somebody that had such major health challenges
and issues and all that comes with that, right?
And then fast forward from there into other life
changes. Finding my way eventually here to Naples,
Florida. I always thought I would live by the
sea and I'm thrilled that my life has taken me
here. Managing that life with MS. Then adopting
my daughter, who would have been my step -granddaughter,
so my husband's granddaughter. She came to very
late in my life, in my late 40s, and we took
her in full -time when she was very, very young.
Adopted her at age three. She's 10 today. And
there in the midst, just right as the whole world
was shutting down in the times of COVID, then
diagnosed with cancer number two, a pretty serious
melanoma that sent my whole world in a different
spin. Now we're here today, several years later,
cancer -free, still thriving while living with
MS, sometimes better than doing the mom thing,
I think, and just making that change. And I think
it's, when you talk about... a transformation
of women after 50. I often think we have to go
through a lot before we really know who we are
to get out to the other side, right? This is
the maturing of us and not just by the circles
under our eyes, right, or the wrinkles, but just
the maturing of us as a whole. All of that led
me finally to starting to publish the books that
I've been carrying around in so many notebooks
over the course of a lifetime to guide folks
in the fundraising profession. Cause that's what
I do in my day job. And then hopefully trying
to guide others with some other life challenges.
I only write about stuff I know. So I write about
life with MS and getting to a yes. There'll be
books coming out related to, you know, raising
your grandchildren and grandparents are raising
their grandchildren and how you find a yes in
that. when your life's taken a big turn and really
focusing on things that I kind of can relate
to in my series of books. You talk about these
really devastating health challenges that you've
dealt with. How did you do it? What got you through
those really dark times when, you know, getting
bad news? Well, you know, the three days before
getting married, when you find out you have cancer,
and I mean, I was young then probably a little
more dramatic than I am now. You know, they wanted
me to cancel the wedding and go right in for
the surgeries and the biopsies. And I thought,
you know what, if I have cancer and something
awful is going to happen, I'm going on that cruise,
right? I'm going to make sure I'm married first
and whatever it is, we'll come back and in 10
days, we'll deal with it. And I think having
a plan, a strategy. removes some of that emotion
right and so when I was diagnosed with MS and
I write about this in the book I was actually
relieved because I was ill for a long time. I'm
talking years compared to like when you take
your car to the shop and you're driving it into
the mechanic and the whole way there it's rattling,
it's beeping, you swear the wheels are gonna
fall off the vehicle. You give it to the mechanic,
he does a test drive and he calls you and says,
Kim, there's nothing wrong with this, right?
And then you take the car, you pick it up, you're
halfway home and it all starts again. That's
what life with MS is like until you're diagnosed.
At some point, you just stop going to the mechanic
or stop going to the doctor to try to figure
it out. When I finally got the diagnosis, Michelle,
to me, it was like, thank God, now we can figure
out something to do. We can put the plan together.
We can strategize what life looks like. We figure
out our new normal. A child dropped on my doorstep,
you know, that wasn't a choice that I was making
at the time, so blessed and glad that I am her
mom today. But again, just putting those strategies
into place. And when melanoma hit and, you know,
we had just laid off everybody. I used to work
for Gulf Shore Playhouse. We laid off everybody
but eight of us. I literally just moved home
into my office. Autumn was home away from her
preschool. And now I'm trying to work, manage
a melanoma diagnosis. you know, what can you
do? There's Julia Roberts in Stepmom. There's
a great scene when she's coaching her stepdaughter.
They're sitting on the wall and her stepdaughter's
upset and she said, you have two choices. We
can either sit here and we can cry about it or
we can do something. And so I think if we choose
to do something, if you breathe through it, if
you put a strategy together, and then if you
refocus, you can find your path out on the other
side. And maybe your life's even a little bit
better than it was before. Once you find that,
yes, then you can figure it out. Oh, I love that.
I can really identify with what you're saying
there because I've had different challenging
situations in my life and you're presented with
information, you know, what are you going to
do? You know, make a plan, walk through it. You
know, I love that. That's some really great advice.
So you mentioned about being an adoptive mom
at this age. How did that come about? I mean,
what were the situations that said, you know,
I'm doing this? What happened? So I need to be
a little cautious there because there's other
people's stories in play, not just mine, right?
including my daughters. And the reason I haven't
written the book yet about grandparents raising
grandkids is I want her to have a role in that
because it's her story we're telling, right?
Her birth parents are my stepson and his former
girlfriend. They were teenagers when they had
Autumn and made Autumn, just not prepared to
take on that challenge. And then there's some
other mental health and substance use issues
in play. That kind of all then led me full circle
to work at David Lawrence Centers, where I do.
And in this instance, we stepped in to provide
Autumn with what she needed in what we thought
was a temporary situation that then just became
her permanent life and adopted her at age three
and pretty much never looked back since, trying
to find the best route for... Her family and
we're not alone. I mean there are millions four
or five millions of grandparents that are either
Temporarily caring for their grandchildren or
they're raising them and have adopted them as
their own kids Our society is in a tough place
these days, right? And I often look at those
who have children very young And I remember when
Autumn first came to us and I went to work and
one of my employees pulled me in her office and
shut the door. And she said, we had to sit down
and talk. And I said, why? And she said, because
you have Cheerios in your hair and two different
shoes on your feet. And I thought, you know,
it's really a lot to try to balance a baby and
with a full -time job. And I was in my forties.
And that day I just took a moment and I thought,
you know, how do we expect young kids to raise?
their own children, you know, when they're they're
still children themselves. And how do we expect
others who might have challenges that are a little
bit more significant than our own to do that?
Right. So honored and blessed to have been able
to step in and to raise on them. And what's interesting
is I often talk about how I have seven grandkids
and a child and I've never birthed a baby and
it makes for great cocktail party talk, people
trying to figure that out. Two different marriages,
lots of step kids and lots of step grandbabies,
but I've never had my own child. And when we
look at how God works and some people think it's
the universe, but I think it's God. I think all
of those challenges with fertility, all of the
health issues that I faced, all led up to the
day at 40 -some years old when I was asked, will
you be a full -time mom? If I had a slew of my
own kids, I don't know. Maybe I would have said,
no, I've already been there, done that. There's
no capacity for that. Instead, I said, sure.
I've wanted to be a mom my whole life. It was
a gift for me as much, I think, as it was a gift
for Autumn. Oh, and what a beautiful gift to
have you to be that support and that loving hand
to be there for her. That's really awesome. And
how your journey here has really come full circle
with your work, you know, from your things that
have happened in your personal journey and then
your work that you're doing at the DLC. Personal
transformations had some, you know, amazing impacts,
it seems, in your life. I think we've all had
transformations, right? This one sounds pretty
dramatic, like almost like Lifetime movie -ish.
but we've all had all of our own transformations.
If we just take a moment to think how far we've
come as older women, we've all transformed. Let's
talk a little bit more about the formal launch
of Getting to the Yes and the first three books
in your series. So why did you launch the series?
Where did just the inspiration to get to become
an author, where did that come from? I think
ever since I was a little girl, I knew I'd be
an author. I used to joke, if I had a dollar
for every person that says, oh, Kim, you should
write a book about that, I wouldn't need to fundraise
for the causes that I work for anymore. The first
three books in the fundraising series of Getting
to the Yes start to tackle, you know, the basics
of fundraising. So, you know, a guide for the
fundraising professional, everything a new person
to the field might need to get started. Very
few of us really go to school to learn to be
fundraisers. We kind of stumble and fall into
the role. So it's a great guide. The second is
about building compelling campaigns. And I've
been very fortunate to craft and lead some pretty
significant campaigns in my career from, you
know, a hundred million dollar campaign that
we're in the midst of here at David Lawrence
Centers. I raised about 65 million with the team
at Gulf Shore Playhouse for the New Baker Theater
here in town and on and on back in history. But
there's a very specific way that you fundraise
related to campaigns that's different from other
aspects of fundraising. So I wanted to put a
guide together to help folks because a lot of
fundraisers haven't initiated or launched a campaign
and seen it through its end. The third book,
in the series so far, and there will be 12 when
they're all said and done. The third is about
overcoming that fear. It's tough to ask people
for money. And the majority of people say, why
the heck do you do this? And no matter what we
do, I think that you have to have a little bit
of nervousness or I don't know that you're really
bought into whatever it is that you're doing.
But overcoming fear is important in the field.
And I see it so often, especially with brand
new fundraisers, they're timid, they're shy,
they're afraid to ask for things. And so the
third book is really designed around that. There
are short books, shorter books. You're not going
to get a 400 -page book. I think the longest
is maybe 120 pages. They're about 50, 60, 70
pages each. And they're really designed to read
them and then go do something with them. So to
learn something and then to go try out the technique
to employ what you learn versus just being educated
on a subject. Great. Fantastic. In your experience,
what's the biggest barrier to getting to Yes
to Yes that's in fundraising, sales, relationships,
or just even life in general? I think you got
to figure out what the no's are, right? You have
to know what the no is. And maybe it's a barrier.
I think it's barriers. I think it's objections.
You have to get through the smoke screens, right?
So you have to first, I talk about it like you're
peeling an onion. You got to figure out what
all those little no's are to get to the yes.
You have to honor the small yeses along the way.
So if you want to, I don't know, you want to
take a cruise, you want to go on a vacation,
and your spouse is saying no, right, maybe literally,
or kind of just quietly beating around the bush
and coming up with all the reasons not to talk
about it, you kind of have to explore what it
is. Is it that they don't want to be on a ship?
Is it that they can't give up a week? Is it that
it's too expensive? Is it that cruises aren't
their thing, right? So you have to get, remove
all those barriers, remove all of those objections.
And truly, I believe if you get rid of every
single no along the way, there's only one word
that's left and that word is yes. So I think
that's the big aha moment. And if you're in fundraising,
it's figuring out the donor's interests, their
passions, figuring out what's holding them back.
Is it really no or is it not today or it's not
the right cause or not the right organization
peeling that back? If you're raising a child
and they're having behavior issues really diving
into what's causing that peeling that onion back.
When you look at health challenges like cancer
or MS, it's really getting educated on the subject.
figuring out how it's going to impact you, putting
those plans in place, learning to advocate for
yourself, and then starting to look in the mirror
and seeing what life is going to look like now.
For example, very fair skinned redhead, almost
died from melanoma, and I love going to the beach
and I love boating. So what's my new world look
like? I don't sit inside all day, but I wear
long sleeve rash guards, and I wear big hats,
and I constantly use sunscreen. going to see
me out in the sun probably between 12 and 2,
right? But that doesn't mean that I live all
boarded up and hidden away. I just had to find
my new way to the yes. And I got some really
great new clothes out of the whole thing as well.
So there's little bonuses to every single thing
that happens. That's awesome. I want to talk
a little bit more about, as you were saying,
getting to the yes means that you may go through
quite a few nos. As a woman, how do you not take
it personal, not see it as rejection, have that
confidence to keep going back at it? What is
it that's that motivating force that keeps you
going? what other choice do we have, right? And
it's tough not to take anything, not personally,
right? If you have a big heart, if you're that
type of person. So I think more on the personal
relationship side, I would struggle with that
a little bit more. In business, it is really
just working towards that goal and believing
in yourself and believing in what having that
strength and that courage to continue to push
on. When you're talking about health, You really
don't have a choice, right? I mean, I suppose
you do. You could, you know, be downtrodden.
You could be despairing. How many times have
you heard when somebody's diagnosed with cancer,
they say, you know, you got to stay upbeat because
that is part of what the recovery is. So you
have to just dig deep and try to find that. I
think I call people who help us out are fire
keepers, and I talk about that in one of the
books. You have to surround yourself with those
people who can See the yes, maybe when you can't,
because I don't always have all the answers.
Certainly don't in my marriage, I can tell you
that and half the time with my child, right?
So I have to surround myself with people I can
trust, that I can run scenarios with, that I
can talk things through with and work out those
emotions to have that level head to try to sort
it out in the end. Having that connection and
supporters is so important, right? that can be
there with you to provide that encouragement.
Great, so which part of the book series will
spark the most aha moments for our audience and
why do you think that it resonates so strongly?
I think that, and the books are on different
topics, right? But I think that the aha moment
is that yes is always possible and the positive
is always possible. I think that's really important.
And it seems like such a simple thing. And if
folks read the book and they just take a moment
and breathe through it and look at what's being
written, I think the aha moment is if you put
all the yeah, buts aside. And what I mean by
that is yeah, Kim, that's a great idea. but I've
had cancer four times, you only had it two. Or
yeah, Kim, that's a great idea, but I'm stage
four and you are stage two. Or yeah, Kim, that's
a great idea, but it's a lot harder to raise
money for my cause than the cause that you're
working at. If we can eliminate those yeah, buts
and really just consistently focus on the positive,
that is the aha moment in any one of the books
that are in the series. For fun, it's not part
of the Getting to the Yes series. I wrote a book
about RVing because that's what we do in our
free time. And boy, you want to talk about having
to find a lot of yeses there from fixing things
to negotiating with your spouse where you're
going to go to getting them to back up a 44 -foot
rig. A whole bunch of things have to take place.
But even in those moments, following that same
principle, as simple as it is, That is what the
big aha is. I think we tend to overthink things.
Sometimes I really do. Like we're looking for
the deeper meaning. And all it really is, is
you put, I'm not very talented at many things.
All I know how to do is plan and strategize.
So you put a strategy together. You put a plan
together. You prepare for the unexpected things.
And then you just keep peeling that onion as
every one of those barriers and smoke screens
come up. And you will get to your yes. It might
not always be what you think it's going to be.
I don't think you would have asked me years ago
if at 40 something I would have adopted a child.
I would have laughed at you and ran away, right?
But as my onion continued to unpeel and unpeel,
the world just presented to me that this is what
was meant at the time. There was no other other
word at all in that instance, but an absolute
yes. Love that. So, so beautiful. I love your
tenacity. That's what I hear when your story
is just you're tenacious and you just keep at
it. You know, someone asked me, well, like, what's
your backup plan? Well, you get back up and do
it again. My backup plan is to get back up and
you're saying just keep up and keep at it. Keep
doing it. And that's really great stuff. Last
question I have for you. My audience is women
out there that want to transform their lives
after 50. So is there a getting to the yes book
for our audience that may be coming? How did
you know that? Yes, sometimes very bad pun. Yes,
there is in 2026. Yes, I will release it. The
title hasn't been completely finalized yet, but
I can assure you it's about empowerment and finding
that, you know, I can sit here and tell you it's
super easy to get to the yes. And there are some
things in life that I've really struggled. And
I think still to this day, I'm still peeling
that onion a bit struggled to really get to that
empowerment. I'm a people pleaser. I think some
people might even label codependent in some of
my situations. I've had some struggles to get
to truly feeling empowered. You see tenacity
and in business, I'm spot on, but that journey.
to really feel, I'm 57 years old, to feel that
I'm empowered and that my life has actually just
begun, Michelle. I mean, this really feels like
instead of looking at demise and retirement,
I'm looking at an encore career in 10 years.
I feel younger than I have when I was back in
my 30s and 40s, and it came through this path
to empowerment. So when this book comes out,
I don't think that it's going to have as much
tips and tricks and tactical things. that along
the way, but more of the personal journey hopefully
is a bit of inspiration for folks, women especially,
who would need that. So 2026. Oh yay, I'll be
there when it's released. Tell us about your
books. They are available on Amazon. Can you
tell us where we can find your material? Sure,
Amazon, Barnes and Noble, soon to be on Apple
Books and a variety of other places. And you
can also get them right at gettingtotheyes .org.
There's a shop right there. And you can have
actually the prices are a little bit better if
you do it that way too. Wonderful. And just a
final note about your involvement with Hope for
Collier. How can we find some more information
on that initiative? So here in Naples, we're
unfortunately in the worst substance use and
mental health crisis that our county has ever
seen. You know, when I think about a lot of statistics,
and I know we were at an event together and you
heard me say this, the number two cause of death
of children my daughter's age, and she's 10,
is death by suicide, which is just frightening.
You can't hardly wrap your mind around that.
That's what I'm doing my work in right now is
really trying to raise funds and build teams
and make connections and partnerships as we put
together all of the solutions that we can to
combat this. It's a huge initiative. It's a $160
million public -private partnership. building
new buildings, creating new programs and services.
davidlaurencenters .org is the website where
folks can learn more about what we do. And if
anyone would like to get involved in being part
of the solution, they can reach out directly
to me and you can find me on the website there
too. Thank you so much, Kim. You have just provided
a wealth of information, and I love your story
and everything that you've been able to share
with our audience today. Really appreciate your
time, and I wish you continued success in all
of the things that you're working on, both personal
and professional. Thank you so much, Coach Michelle.
I wish you the same as well. Thank you so much
for spending time with me today. I am truly grateful
that you chose to listen in and I hope that this
conversation sparked something meaningful for
you. Please take a moment to subscribe, leave
a review. It helps other women to find us who
need to hear these stories too. And if you know
someone who is ready for their own comeback,
share this episode with them. I'd love to connect
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your comeback story is waiting to be written.
The question isn't, can I transform my life?
The question is, are you ready? Let's go. Legs
up in my tongue