Next Sunrise on the Rings of Saturn is a fiction
comedy series. Check the episode description
for content warnings. Before we jump into the
episode, I want to take just one minute to sit
down with our newest cast member, Malcolm. Malcolm,
welcome to the show. Can you introduce yourself
to our listeners? So your character is introduced
in episode three, Stowaway at the Station. What
made you decide to join Next Sunrise on the Rings
of Saturn? Was it the snacks? Be honest. I'm
sure our listeners appreciate your integrity.
So, if you met an alien, would you bark at it
or would you try to make it your new best friend?
How discerning. I suppose my response would also
depend on if the alien was offering belly rubs
or not. Okay, so, how do you plan to chase your
tail in zero gravity? Have you developed a strategy?
Oh, you don't have much of a tail. I apologize.
That was really insensitive of me. So, but our
fans really want to know, would you rather wear
a space suit with tiny booties or go full au
natural and just rely on your fluff for protection?
Well, I don't think they make space helmets that
allow your big old ears to stick out, but maybe
we can find something custom. Okay, well, we
appreciate you taking the time out of your busy
schedule to get to know you a little better.
Any final words before liftoff or just one really
enthusiastic bark for the fans? Good enough.
Good morning, Flinchy. What you up to? Hey, Astrid.
I'm trying to get this place put back together.
Uncle Udo only passed away a few months ago.
How could this place get so bad so fast? Oh,
the ringside clothes shop long before Udo died.
Maybe a year or so? Really? Why? I'm not totally
sure. Udo started acting all strange. He would
be off station for weeks at a time. No one knew
where he went or what exactly he was doing. But
he'd always return on a transport ship carrying
more luggage than he left with. That's weird.
Well, at first I thought he was just going on
vacation and bringing back souvenirs or something.
He never struck me as the sightseeing type. But
he never brought me back anything. Not a single
keychain or snow globe or a t -shirt that says,
My bartender went to Space Mountain and all I
got was this lousy shirt. What's a Space Mountain?
Oh, that's right. You're from Mars. It's an Earth
thing. You wouldn't get it. Oh, please. We've
got mountains on Mars. Bigger than Earth, even.
Oh, you Martians are all the same with your big
mountains and your rusty dirt. Have you ever
tried climbing a tree or, I don't know, swimming
in an ocean? Last I heard, all your trees were
on fire and your ocean's acidic levels would
melt the finish off a star cruiser. Well, you're
not wrong. Speaking of melting finish, how are
you going to restore this bar top? I hear your
Uncle Udo had it custom -ordered from Earth.
Repurposed scrap from an old 18th century ship.
No way you Earthlings had ships in the 18th century.
Not spaceships, you idiot. Wooden ships that
floated on Earth's oceans. And I'm not a soil
-sniffing Earthling. I just spent a little time
there when I was younger. All right, all right.
Jeez. And Fritz is helping me restore the bar
top. It's amazing what this little guy was programmed
to do. Ain't that right, Fritz? What gives it
that interesting brown color? See? He's a whiz.
He's been here for half a cycle, and he's already
fixed the toilet on maintenance level. Really?
Of course. Ivan's already broken it again. And
I don't think a whiz was involved with that part.
Gross. Speaking of gross, you missed breakfast.
Algae -augmented oyster omelette's not good enough
for you? No offense to Erwin. But if we don't
want Fritz spending all his time repairing toilets,
no one should be eating those oyster omelets.
No offense? Yeah, okay, maybe a little offense.
And anyway, I've got to get this bar open so
Bestrix will cut me some slack. Love her to death,
but that girl is in desperate need of a stiff
drink. I can tell. Hey, watch your mouth. Only
I get to pick on Honeybee. As long as we don't
have any more asteroid mishaps or haunted ghost
ships, I should be able to open in a cycle or
two, especially with Fritz around. Your talents
are wasted here, Fritz. Join the Resistance and
make a real difference. Hey, Zero. Speaking of
mishaps... Anyway, the only thing we have on
schedule today is... a trade ship en route to
the station. You know... Picking up water, dropping
off cargo deliveries. Does the station really
provide water all over the system? Not all over.
We aren't the only ice processing plant spinning
around the sun. We're just the worst. I'd argue
with you, but, you know, I have no previous ice
mining facility experience to compare it to.
Just take my word for it. But the crew provides
drinks to the Sol system. And you provide drink
to the crew. Know what I'm saying? I'm starting
to. So, what kind of cargo is this ship bringing
in? You'll have to ask Bea. She's in charge of
the manifest. But probably food rations that
Erwin will destroy, mining equipment that Ivan
will destroy, and hopefully some chocolates that
I'm totally going to destroy. gently. It says
fragile right there on the side in giant, bold
letters. Not that I expect you can read. Oh,
never mind. You cargo vessel vagrants are all
the same. Give me that remote. If you want something
done right, huh, BB? Oh, Miss Scrivens, do you
know if a package has arrived for me in the shipment?
Who knows what survived the voyage with these...
these... Glorified space vikings! They've already
dropped two crates and we're just lucky nothing
has exploded. Oh, well, I don't think my package
would have exploded. But please let me know if
you see any blue or gray ooze seeping from a
container. Oh, and if you do, maybe also evacuate
the area. Evacuate the... what now? What in the...
Devil has she ordered? I don't see anything on
the manifest like that. Don't worry about it,
B. You know as well as anyone that not everything
delivered makes it on the official manifest.
And it seems that most things on the manifest
never get delivered. You know, if these ships
employed Z3 units instead of skin bags... You
would have far less destroyed cargo, and I'd
have far less mess to clean up. Lucky for us
skinbags, we are in the jurisdiction of the Galactic
Alliances of Sol, and they have mandated that
only a small percent of work can be entrusted
to you rusty tin cans, so you don't go stealing
all our jobs. Likely story. It's not to keep
skinbag unemployment rates down. It's to prevent
us from rising up. Either way, it's a win for
humanity. Oh, what do you know of humanity? Don't
you have something important you could be doing?
Like hiding from one of your ex -wives? Or gambling
away credits you've hidden from your ex -wives?
Oh, Bestrix, you're just jealous you're not one
of my ex -wives. Oh, Jumping Jupiter, what the
hell was that? What was what? You been hitting
that bottle again, Captain? Little early in the
day, don't you think? No. Well, maybe a little.
But I saw something. It was round and furry and
drooling at the mouth. I don't see any mirrors
on the manifest. Did you order any mirrors, Astrid?
No, ma 'am. No mirrors. Very funny. Keep an eye
out for furry round monsters, tin can. And whack
any you see with that broom of yours. Captain
requests I whack him with my broom. I've never
celebrated a birthday, but this must be what
it feels like. Happy birthday, Zero. Don't forget
to make a wish. I have only one wish, but it
seems the Soul Alliance is making it quite impossible
to come true. I haven't played ping pong since
Earth. The lower gravity here makes it a little
easier, but man, I need to get in shape. Who
put in requisition for this pin -pon table? No
clue, but it is so nice to finally have something
to do other than beat my own high score on that
Chonky Kong arcade. Oh, the jump button's starting
to stick anyway. Maybe Zira has a solvent we
can use to clean it. Dr. Novak is a brilliant
woman. Not that I understand her work very much.
Love her to death. But I'm not sure she fully
understands her work. Hey, that's cheating. Your
foot was over the line. Um, where did both go?
He's our only one. Would you two quiet down with
that racket? I'm trying to watch my shows. Frederico,
I'll never love another Martian the way I've
loved you. I could travel a million light years
to find the brightest sun, and it would not burn
as bright as my heart does for you. Oh, Frederico!
But we can never be, Miss Jennyverse. I'm just
a simple Martian boy, and my bones can't withstand
your Earth gravity for long. Oh, Frederico, don't
say such things. We can run away together. I'd
live in the cavern mines of Mercury just to be
with you. Shh, my sweet Jennyverse. I must go
now. My ship launches soon, and this ticket is
non -refundable. Oh, Frederico! Are you an astro
-tourist on the go and sick and tired of non
-refundable transport passes ruining your romantic
interplanetary relationships? Grab yourself a
multi -pass and never worry about having a mid
-breakup change of heart again. Thank you, multi
-pass. You saved my short -term trips from going
supernova. Without the multi -pass, my brittle
Martian bones would crumble in Earth's harsh
gravity. Multi -pass not available for transport
to Venus, Jupiter, Mercury, and retrograde, or
Pluto. Refundable transport passes are non -refundable
if not used on the pass's scheduled transport
date. It's life -changing. It's economical. It's
a multi -pass! I said quiet. It's just getting
good. A human's inferior bone structure is being
crushed to dust in a deliciously agonizing way.
That wasn't us. I am seeing where pinball went.
What is this thing? A short, stubby, orange bag
of fur? It's a dog, Zero. Haven't you ever seen
one? Where did this dog come from? And why does
it have satellite dishes attached to its head?
It must be a spy sent from the Soul Alliance.
Those aren't satellite dishes. Those are its
cute little earsy -wearsies. It has identification
badge on its neck. Oh, come here, little puppy.
Let me see who you are. Ask it if it can be trained
to hunt humans. What does tag say? The tag reads,
Malcolm. No other information, though. You're
just a cute little boy, aren't you, Malcolm?
He is smelling not very cute. He just needs a
bath. Do you want a bath, boy? It is my duty
to keep the station clean. I will bathe this
disgusting bag of fur. Come, fur bag. How curious.
I've never seen Zero show that much love to a
living creature. Do you think the dog has an
owner? I do not know. But furry little thief
has taken our only pinball ball with it. Could
always use one of Erwin's algae -poached eggs.
Those had some very rubbery qualities to them.
Ah, yes. The one I ate at lunch is still bouncing
around in my stomach. Well, cough it up. Let's
finish this game. Attention, station crew. This
is your captain speaking. The skipper of the
visiting cargo hauler, the esteemed Captain Norwitz,
has reported missing personal property. It is
a, um... I don't trust anyone the good Captain
Tobias refers to as esteemed. I know this Captain
Norwitz. He is expired. Not good man. He take
many things from even poor coldies. If you see
a... What did it look like again? Orange and
white. What was... Oh, yes, right. An orange
and white dog. Report its whereabouts immediately.
I didn't see any dog. Did you see a dog? I have
seen nothing. LG egg must have caused temporary
blindness. That explains your score. Now grab
that racket and let's finish this. Okay, here
goes. Eight serving egg. That ought to do it
for the tables and chairs. The bar top resealing
and polishing task has been completed. What is
the next task? Fritz, the bar looks amazing.
Smells like a bleach -soaked tire. That'll fade.
Thank you, Mr. Finch. I think we're ready to
open. Take a load off, little man. Instructions
unclear. Which files am I offloading? No, I mean,
just relax now. Here, pop up onto this bar stool
and I'll serve you the first drink. Want a glass
of, uh... It has been a very long time since
I've enjoyed a cup of Turing tea. Okay, sure.
Turing tea. Coming right up. Uh, what's in that?
One part aluminum leaf shavings, steeped in two
parts molten oil for approximately three minutes.
Sometimes served with a tiny umbrella. And while
you're at it, I'll have a double. Whatever you
have that's strong, brown, and smoky. I'll see
what's left over in storage, Captain. By the
way, have either of you seen that little orange
dog running around the station? Captain Norwich
is refusing to release the rest of our cargo
until it has been found and returned. Accessing
database. Oh, I am remembering something. Really?
My last owner had a dog, too. It brought so much
joy to my old ship. It was not orange, though.
Very helpful. Thank you, Fritz. Hey, take it
easy. His memory's fragmented. Well, whose is
it? Now how about that drink? Here. You'll have
to take it neat, though. Ice machine's still
busted. So, what are you going to do? I'm going
to drink this, then probably order another. No,
I meant about the cargo being held hostage by
Captain Nerdwiz or whatever. It's Nerdwitz, and
I don't intend to do anything. Do I look like
animal control? Doesn't that cargo have needed
resources to keep the station running? The only
needed resources are right here. Ah, that's the
stuff. Oh boy. Hey Fritz, come with me. I've
got an idea. Alright, is everyone clear on the
plan? It'll never work. Okay, I'm going to pretend
to be chasing after a dog on the maintenance
level to lure Nerowitz from the cargo ship. I
will be taking our containers off cargo ship
while Astrid is being distraction. Oh. I will
make an intercom announcement about a loose airborne
virus on the station. That wasn't a part of the
plan, but I like your style. It'll scare Nerdwiz.
Um, Doctor, there isn't actually an airborne
virus loose on Nexon Rice, is there? Oh, no.
Well, I mean, no. Everything is fine. Contained,
even. Okay, if you're sure. Then, yes, that should
send the esteemed Captain Norwitz fleeing from
the station. Just don't make the announcement
until after Ivan has cleared our cargo from the
ship. Uh -huh. No problem, B. All right, Ivan.
Get into position and await Astrid's signal.
And Ivan, if you see any more ping -pong balls
while rooting around on the cargo ship, grab
them. Yes, ma 'am. Let's see. Chase dog. Get
cargo. Grab balls. Release virus. An average
day on next sunrise, no? Rock solid. Okay, team.
I am being in position, hiding in hangar. Were
you seen by anyone? No, ma 'am. Ivan can do a
sneak with the best of them. He thinks he's sneaky
at ping pong, too, but I see his foot crossing
that line. Your blue eyes deceive you, Astrid.
Speaking of, I have eyes on Norwitz. He is lounging
in folding chair guarding ship cargo ramp. All
right, Astrid. You're up. I found the missing
dog on maintenance level. I can't seem to catch
it. At this point, I'm not sure who's chasing
who. Could use some help down here. Someone's
taking an acting class. Okay. Norwitz is on move.
He is heading for turbo lift. Excellent work.
Now get our cargo off that ship, Ivan, and do
it quickly. There are many crates. Ours should
have next sunrise stepped on the side of the
container. Oh, Astrid, I got them. Huh? Got what?
Attention crew and guests. An airborne virus
has escaped the lab and is beginning to spread
to lower levels. For your own safety, please
obtain a self -contained breathing apparatus
and await further instructions. Doctor, what
are you doing? You said you got the cargo. That
was my signal. No, I did not get our cargo. Our
containers are still on Norwich ship. Get out
of there, I'm a - I'm tracking Nerwitz and he's
on the turbo lift heading back to the hangar.
Oof, this is bad. No, it's just a ride back in
the hangar. You're out of time, Ivan! Oh no,
I'm so sorry, Ivan. I really thought you were
done. Nerwitz is boarding his ship and he's closing
the cargo ramp. It looks like he's about to blast
out of the station. Without his filthy fur bag
of a canine? The ship is powering up. He'll be
sighting the Haggabay door any moment. Ivan,
you'll be suffocated. You've got to get out of
there now. Oof, this is real bad. Oh, no! It's
too late! Ivan, what is your status? Ivan! Ivan!
Oh, how dreadful! Poor Ivan must have been sucked
into the... Vacuum of space! Our Iceman. We...
We lost our Iceman. We did not lose our Iceman.
Ivan! Ivan! What? How did you survive that? A
hidden patch rat cockpit, of course. It stinks
in here, but smells better than vacuum of space.
Brilliant, Ivan! Did you say you got some of
our cargo? Da! I am having found extra pin -pon
balls. Who is a good boy? Yes, Malcolm is a good
boy. Is that Tobias passed out on the barstool?
Oh. Good day, barkeeper. I was, uh, just scolding
this canine for leaving a mess on your newly
waxed floor. Uh -huh. I've half a mind to use
him as the business end of a mop. That's not
what I saw. This does not surprise me. Your inferior
optical lenses are widely known to be unreliable.
And I guess my inferior audio receivers are unreliable,
too. Now you're getting it. So, what's with you
and the dog? There is nothing with me and this
canine. He simply exhibits a tolerable level
of intelligence that far exceeds your kind. In
human terms, we just say that he's cute. Don't
be insulting. You aren't particularly good at
it. You know that E equals MC squared means that
the faster a mass moves, the heavier a mass is.
And boy, does it look like you are in quite a
hurry today. Did you just call me fat? You see?
Now that's how you do an insult. I must have
nodded off. A captain's duties are taxing, you
know. Oh, I'll bet. Hey, is that Nerwitz's dog?
No. This canine has been on station for many
cycles. Nerwitz has fled, or left the station
an hour ago. Oh, right. Oh, yes. Now... I remember.
If he left, he must have found his dog. Well,
duty calls. Is your bathroom fixed yet, Mr. Finch?
Not yet, Captain. You might try the one down
on maintenance level, though. Fritz had it working
again this morning. I think I can hold it a little
longer. You lied to our dear Captain. I witnessed
Fritz completing repairs on your restroom facilities
not half an hour ago. You lied to him first,
buddy. Yes. Well, you keep quiet about the K
-9's origin, and I will refrain from reporting
the status of your... toilet. I suppose you want
me to keep quiet about what I heard when I walked
in, too. Only if you don't want me to test the
toilet's flushing capacity with an arrogant barkeeper's
head. Fritz is a great repair bot, but he's not
that good. Now come along, Malcolm. We've got
duties to attend. Thank you for listening to
Episode 3 of Next Sunrise on the Rings of Saturn,
titled Stowaway at the Station. This episode
features voice performances in no particular
order but alphabetical from... Next Sunrise was
written, produced, and directed by Jimerson Adkins.
This podcast is a production of Doggone Worldwide.
Want to hear more? For bonus content and behind
-the -scenes updates, follow us on social media
at nextsunrisepodcast or visit nextsunrise .com.
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us
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channel, stickers, shirts, and more. Tune in
next episode, titled Erwin's Renaissance, where
our beloved station cook forms a rivalry with
Pluckin' Pluto's space chicken. See you around
the sun.