Hey Welcome to another episode of play with your
dick. Not me What is this? I don't even know
cuz we took a break episode 13 As much as I love
doing the video podcast I'm just not gonna do
that this week It's just been a lot going on
so I apologize for uh the delay um but uh yeah
there's just been a lot going on just having
stupid fucking car issues um trying to figure
that out we i don't know sounds like a transmission
issue with my car um so i don't know what i'm
gonna do right now so i'm just low place emotionally
mentally I'm trying to remain optimistic and
positive, but I don't know. My job is 45 minutes
away, and even though the company I work for
is awesome, I feel seen, heard, supported, and
appreciated by them. I had to miss two days of
work last week when my car lost power on my way
to work. Luckily, I wasn't on the freeway yet.
I was stuck in a spot in traffic where there's
been lots of construction, so I was able to pull
over to the gas station. But my husband Tiger
tried to look at it that night, do a couple things,
went for a test drive. It was fine. And then
he tried to get it past 40 miles per hour and
it just powered off and shut down on us again
and all the error codes popped up. so you know
we did try taking it to a mechanic that my husband's
niece recommended and they were trying to say
70 or not 70 7 000 for a new transmission so
we went and picked my car up because uh we ain't
got that and so tiger called several places to
get different quotes and nobody fucking answered
their fucking phone uh well one person did So
we're actually supposed to go meet with him today,
but I don't know. Like I said, I'm not entirely
optimistic on what we're going to do. I work
45 minutes from where I live and anyone that
lives in Tuala knows that there isn't like reliable,
there's not a reliable bus system out here. Uber
is not really a thing where we live because it's
not the city. And everybody has a car, everybody
drives. So it's just not a thing out here. I
don't have family I can fall back on. I have
a couple awesome friends. We're actually like
a newer friendship. And this is kind of the topic
of this week's episode, I guess. It's kind of
something I woke up thinking about at the end
of the week, just observing people's behavior
and stuff from afar. But this is a newer friendship.
But her and her husband were so kind, so gracious
enough to lend me their spare vehicle. So that's
currently what I'm using right now. But because
I am somebody that never likes to inconvenience
anyone, even though they said that we could use
it for as long as possible. I just am very uncomfortable
with that. I don't like the idea of having to
owe people money. I don't like the idea of borrowing
money or borrowing things from people. It just
makes me uncomfortable. I'm always worried about
something going wrong. I wanted borrowing their
vehicle to be an absolute last resort. you know
because i don't want to take anybody's things
from them even if they're like no please you
know you can borrow it you know it's totally
fine even if they're totally okay with it i just
it always makes me uncomfortable i just i just
at the end of the day i don't want to inconvenience
anybody that's just me and so but in the meantime
like this is the only option i have so but i'm
very very appreciative to them and like i said
i'm just trying to stay Positive I went and seen
my therapist yesterday and one of her last questions
to me before I left was um Despite you being
really stressed out right now, you know, what
is keeping you grounded and I said, I don't know
I guess just Filling as if no matter what everything's
gonna work out for its highest good highest purpose
I love my job The thought has definitely entered
my mind that I may have to put my two weeks in
if I can't continue getting to work. I don't
do well not working. I get in a very depressive
state. Not that I don't love being at home with
my kids, I do, but I don't know if it's the Capricorn
in me or what, but I love to work. need to have
the balance you know I for whatever reason I
tie my self -worth to working and having a job
and that's actually something that I was gonna
unpack in therapy next time because I don't want
to be that person that every time I'm not working
I'm depressed and difficult to be around and
you know low energy and you know I don't want
to be like that But I do. I do go to a depressive
place and think that I'm worthless and not worth
anything unless I'm working. And I don't know
why I'm like that. I mean, I have an idea. I
definitely didn't get my work ethic from my mother.
I mean, she never worked. She enjoyed being a
stay -at -home mom. I mean, maybe she would have
been a little bit happier if she had worked.
I don't know. I mean, she seemed like she was
pretty fulfilled and felt whole. It was something
that I lack when I'm not working. I don't feel
fulfilled or whole. um i don't know i i like
making my own money i like working i i like interacting
with people every day i like making my own money
i like being able to just buy things if i want
it you know i'm not a woman that likes to rely
on my husband's income i'm not and i never will
be you know uh that's just me I'm not passing
no judgment on anybody. There are some women
that feel completely fulfilled being stay -at
-home moms. There's some men that feel completely
fulfilled being stay -at -home dads. Do you?
You know? You're killing it. But it's just it's
not for me. Like no judgment. It is absolutely
a job to be at home taking care of kids all day.
Absolutely. But unfortunately, the government
doesn't pay us for it, you know? But yeah, for
me personally, for my mental health, it suffers.
if I'm at home, you know, and like I said, my
mom never worked. She seemed like she was she
was she was a good homemaker. She was. She kept
us kids busy and entertained and stuff. By the
time my stepmom came into the picture, I wasn't
looking to her for anything. I wasn't looking
to her for womanly guidance or motherly, you
know. when you're younger and you look up to
your father, you know, the male figure in your
life, the woman, the female figure in your life
or, you know, motherly, you know what I mean?
By the time my son came into the picture, I was
like 14, so I wasn't looking at her for shit.
Really, the only thing I learned from her was
the labor of love when it comes to your spouse.
That's really the only thing I can say I learned
from her. But as far as like work ethic and shit,
I wasn't looking at her for that. by then I wasn't
paying attention like she works sometimes but
you know she she was so inauthentic and she lied
a lot and she wasn't a genuine person so I learned
pretty quickly to not really look to her for
anything so uh but anyways but my dad my dad
I do remember I mean when things were tough in
our household like financial wise I will say
I will give him that He never let on to it ever.
If there were ever times that my grandmother
or my aunt were supporting us financially, I
never knew about it. When it came to hardships
like that, I never knew what our financial situation
was as a kid. My dad never shared that, or I'll
say the man who raised me. I've removed those
labels from those individuals. So the man who
raised me never let on that. when he was struggling
financially. I do remember there were times where
he was unemployed because he was not nice to
be around. He was very difficult to be around.
He was mean, rude. He would snap at you. I mean...
May the force be with you if you woke him up,
you know? I mean, I was usually the one that
got screamed at, but uh... And even though he
was home every day, he was not giving you a ride
to school. He wasn't picking you up. So I still
had to rely on my friends for that. But mostly
he was just an ornery fucking asshole when he
wasn't working. So my guess is that's where I
get it from. But I don't process it as orneriness.
When I'm not working, I'm not scary to be around.
My kids aren't terrified of me. I still get up
and take them to school and pick them up. I still
do things with them. You know, they're not walking
on eggshells around me like I had to with the
man that raised me. I'm just... I just kind of
fold into myself and I'm quieter and I'm sad.
And when I'm by myself, you know, I'm feeling...
I'm not feeling whole. I'm not feeling fulfilled.
So, but like I said, the only person growing
up that I had to look to with any sort of work
ethic and how they processed when they weren't
working... was the man that raised me so I'm
assuming I must have got it from him but you
know something that can be unpacked and therapy
but anyways um what I wanted to I don't know
it was oh I kind of woke up with it the end of
the week um so I never started this podcast for
You know to create a following or to go viral
or anything like that, but let's be honest at
the end of the day That's what everybody wants
and then the day Everybody wants likes everybody
wants follows everybody kind of hopes and Manifest
is to go viral to eventually be able to monetize
whatever they're doing and you're a fucking liar
if you say you're not you know, I originally
started this Because it had been something I'd
wanted to do for years. I procrastinated it And
then I was kind of thrust on, well, pulled by
my hair, forced onto this spiritual journey,
healing journey that I never asked to be on almost
two years ago. And I was also feeling all this
drive and motivation near the end of it, or when
I guess got to the other side of it where it
wasn't so rough anymore, where I found myself
wanting to write again. I found myself wanting
to pursue things that I used to love. and stop
doing for whatever reason. I just had this newfound
motivation drive and starting a podcast was one
of those things and I was hoping that I could
reach the right audience and help people and
what I had to say resonate with people or they
were people that you know I could relate to me
or I could relate to them. But anyways, so I
was thinking about people in your life who it
may not be easy to see in the beginning because
you maybe haven't gotten there yet and just how
when you're either at a very rough spot in your
life or you've hit rock bottom or something huge
has happened you tend to see or there's just
been a big change you tend to see the true sides
of certain people who you once thought yeah I
guess that you would never see this hmm less
I guess desirable side of them and sometimes
there's people in your life and they check all
your boxes, they fill your cup, they show it
for you in all the ways you need them and you
kind of can never imagine them not being in your
life. I mean, I literally said a couple episodes
back that I have everybody in my life that I
need and I've curated my life just how I want
it. And so it was just interesting that a few
weeks later, there was just kind of this shift
and this new found like level of understanding
of no. There's a few people in my life that are
starting to now feel temporary to me, you know,
that are not temporary, but like their time in
my life is probably coming to an end. Like they've
served their purpose. They came into my life
for a reason and they served their purpose and
they filled my cup and they've been there for
me and they've loved me and showed up for me,
cared about me. And I've done all the same things
for them. But, you know, you kind of see the
true sides of people, like I said, when you've
hit rock bottom, when there's been a massive
change, when something has happened. You know,
you kind of see... I wouldn't say people's true
colors, I mean, I guess... that could be one
way to put it but you know like when you're a
kid and you have best friends and you couldn't
imagine never not being friends with them and
then high school ends and you guys kind of just
go your own separate ways you know kind of like
that and so you know uh paths collide and then
for whatever reason you know they eventually
you know start to go a different way you know
no hard feelings You know, you wish those people
well, but their time in your life has just come
to an end. Or is possibly coming to an end. So,
you know, not that I'm saying that anybody in
my life is receiving a pink slip and on their
way out. I'm just saying that, like, I'm starting
to notice how certain people are currently moving
in my life. Especially with the things that I've
been trying to accomplish and do and I know that
I'm not entirely the same person That I used
to be and that I've changed and shifted a lot
and and that and that can happen too That's a
natural thing that happens too. There could be
a person that you once completely aligned with
on opinions Values morals all that stuff the
way you viewed the world and then you know There's
a change in you or a change in them and things
between you just don't completely align anymore
Like there's nothing wrong with that But like
if you if you guys don't don't quite click right
together anymore and can't really find common
ground anymore Like it might mean that your guys's
time has come to an end You know, it doesn't
have to end in a negative way or crash and burn
You could just kind of be something where you
both kind of realize that your time has come
to an end But, you know, I am trying to, despite
all the stress currently going on in my life,
I am trying to create something. I am trying
to do something with my podcast. And I've just
kind of noticed the lack of support that I'm
getting from people that I've known for years,
have been close with for years, who I thought
were always going to show up for me no matter
what, support me no matter what. And I'm noticing,
you know, for example, that I'm getting more
support from people that are strangers or that
I have a newer friendship with or people that
I haven't seen or talked to in years and they're
clapping for me louder than the people in my
everyday life. Um, and you know, that's a jarring
ex you know realization to come to especially
when you see certain people and you don't see
them ever leaving your life and then all of a
sudden you're like okay i'm doing this thing
i told you about it you know and so yeah It's
something that, like, I remember hearing about
this kind of stuff in interviews with, like,
celebrities, you know, being like, oh, yeah,
nobody believed in me. I said I was going to
be a singer. I said I was going to be a rapper.
I said I was going to be a basketball star, whatever.
And I had people laugh at me. I had people that
didn't believe in me. I had people who told me,
like, don't quit your day job and stuff. And
then they're kind of like, look at me now. And
where are those people? Where are those people
that put you down? And so I'm kind of I feel
like I'm kind of starting to understand. You
know what they meant by that, you know, even
though I'm still starting out and still trying
to get this going like Everybody at some point
had people that doubted them had people that
maybe laughed at them or maybe thought that their
idea was ridiculous and they were never gonna
get me where and Where are those people now?
You know not You know what I'm saying like They're
they're not in in those people's lives anymore.
You know now now that they've made it now. They're
successful Do you think they kept the doubters
around no? You know So yeah, I just started feeling
like I don't know honestly it reminded me of
a time in my life a few years ago I was I had
a couple friends. We were all kind of in the
same stages of our life where I don't know, we
were just dating fuckboys or we were having trouble
in dating. So we all kind of just commiserated
and these same women, you know, saw me cry. They
would bring me alcohol and junk food to cheer
me up when another fuckboy had screwed me over.
You know, like we had all been down in the dumps
with each other, you know, wondering why, like
we're good people. Why do we keep getting treated
like shit? And then when I found when me and
my husband reconnected and got together uh 13
years ago you know when you've had some bad ones
you know what a good one looks like so you know
uh tiger was like it for me you know like it
was like oh that's why it never worked out with
all these other guys because i was supposed to
be with him and i got that realization rather
quickly because of how amazing you know, Tiger
treated me and how well he took care of me and
how much how happy he made me and that hasn't
changed 13 years later. He didn't love bomb me
and pretend to be somebody he wasn't for six
months or a year to trap me and then be like,
haha, this is how I really am. I'm a fucking
dickhead. No, he's the same exact person he was
from day one. You know, do we argue? Do we have
days where we don't necessarily like each other?
Absolutely, but he's still authentically the
same person He was when I met him there not met
him but reconnected because we went to high school
together But the same person that I started dating
13 years ago, you know, he's always shown up
for me. He's always been there for me but Back
then when we first got together, you know I was
understandably very happy. I had never known
that kind of care and love and respect before
from a guy and you know so of course I was doing
what everybody does on social media talking about
it and you know making little sappy posts about
how happy I was and taking posts and pictures
of him and I that's what everybody does in a
new relationship you know and these same women
that had commiserated with me earlier instead
of them clapping for me and cheering for me and
being excited that I found a good guy finally
these same women who sat with me and cried and
we all commiserated with you know our own little
stories and experiences with fuckboys instead
of you know so they seen me at my lowest and
instead of them being happy for me they were
all jealous and they were all pissed and they
felt like why her you know And that was hurtful
and that was also very eye opening for me. Like
I literally had one of the women, like I don't
talk to any of these women anymore. This was
years ago. Like I said, they showed their true
colors and I exed them out of my life. But one
of them literally sent me a message on Facebook
around this time years ago and was like, I owe
you an apology. And I said, for what? And she
said, I don't know, I just, you know, I've been
seeing all these pictures of you and Tiger and
you guys look so happy and I don't know, I just
got jealous and started talking shit. And I realized
that that wasn't okay and that wasn't me. And
so I wanted to apologize to you. And I'm like,
wow. And that wasn't the first time. I had other
friends, they didn't say, I need to give you
apology for talking shit. They were more like,
you're getting annoying or like, this is, you
know, just comments. And it was like, wow. wow
you are the same females that wiped my tears
but now that I have a good guy and you guys are
still you know commiserating and still unhappy
in your own relationships you guys can't be happy
for me and so I had to assess my circle and walk
away because that wasn't the type of energy that
wasn't type of people I wanted around me at the
time I mean I was 25 so still figuring life out
I'm 37 still figuring it all out and you know
it really it was really eye -opening for me it
really hurt my feelings and it made me one it
made me think like why don't I deserve something
good why don't I deserve to be treated well why
don't I deserve to have a good guy that loves
me and treats me good you know and I had to get
to a place where I was like you know what this
has nothing to do with me this has nothing to
do with me this is a them problem this isn't
me this is not a reflection of me I haven't done
anything wrong I I deserve to be loved correctly
I deserve to be treated good I deserve to have
people in my corner that clap for me even if
what I'm doing oh my god even if what I'm doing
Isn't their cup of tea so reverting back to my
podcast for a minute. Even if what I'm doing
is not their cup of tea You can still support
me. You can still Follow me. You can still like
my content, you know, because you could be doing
something that it's not my cup of tea or not
something that i would normally be interested
in but because i love you and i care about you
i'm going to support you i'm going to cheer i'm
going to be in the front row clapping and going
to all your stuff even if it's you know i'm going
to you know promote your product, let people
know about it, share it, tag it, whatever. If
I'm a guest on whatever you're doing or promoting
or in a marketing of whatever you're doing, I'm
gonna advertise it on my social media so people
can see it. I'm gonna get the name out there
for you. I'm gonna get the word out there for
you. And so when I don't get that same back,
it's hurtful. It's hurtful. And it makes me think
that I need to start reassessing the people in
my life. um but going back to when i first got
with tiger and having these women like make me
feel horrible because i was blessed with a good
guy and it wasn't even just my friends i also
had family treating me that way i had a brother
who was miserable because he couldn't uh find
love which really If I'm being honest, my personal
opinion is because he created negative karma
for himself later or earlier in life when he
was, you know, potentially breaking up a marriage
by, you know, having extramarital affairs with
a married woman. So, I mean... I can I can I
can tell you exactly why you're miserable and
can't find a fulfilling relationship and you're
all alone because you were a Home wrecker into
another family when we were growing up so I Didn't
quite know what was going on then because I was
just a kid, but I eventually grew up put the
pieces together You know and so He didn't talk
to me for three years because he was sick and
tired of seeing my post on Facebook about how
happy I was with Tiger and all that stuff because
my family member literally told me because I
said why isn't my brother speaking to me like
we've always been close like he won't return
my calls he won't answer my texts I tell him
happy birthday he ignores me and she was just
like my aunt was like don't worry about it like
he's just upset and jealous because he keeps
seeing your post of how happy you are and he
doesn't have anybody and I'm just like wow. Be
your own family. Sometimes it be your own family
and I had Other siblings I had another brother
and a sister who treated me the same way because
their relationships weren't unfolding the way
they wanted them to or they weren't finding their
person So yeah, I've experienced a lot of that
in my life where I'm just like why? Like what
is wrong with me that I I can't that I'm not
worth having people be happy for me or have people
cheer for me. So like I said again, I had to
reassess my circle at that time, distance myself
from those unhappy miserable family members who
couldn't be happy for me, and remove myself from
that friendship group of girls who could not
be happy for me. So yeah, you know. I don't think
we're ever done learning. I don't think we ever
quite have it all figured out, no matter how
old we are. So yeah, I think I've just had this
weird feeling that even for me... Mean I've had
to do it a few times in my life where I've had
to reassess my own circle and Decide if it's
time for me to clean house if it's time for me
to you know distance myself from some people
or remove them or you know sit there and You
know kind of figure out like if their time in
my life has come to an end And it doesn't have
to be seen as a bad thing You know it doesn't
because I'm sure the same thing has happened.
I've been that place in other people's lives
where I was in their life for a season. I served
my purpose and they didn't need me anymore. You
know, like our lives just didn't align anymore.
Our paths, you know, had, you know, we're no
longer running parallel to each other and it
was time for me to go my way and them to go their
way. And that's okay. That's okay because not
everybody is meant to stay, you know. They're
they're meant to serve whatever purpose like
like they that at the moment they enter your
life. It's for a profound reason. Either to get
you to the next level in your life, either to
be there for a form of comfort when you're going
through a rough time, either to just learn some
lessons from and vice versa. And, you know, none
of that can be a bad thing. It doesn't have to
be looked as a bad thing. And it also doesn't
mean it's over. You know, it could just mean
that there's A bookmark in your story with that
person, you know, a bookmark is being placed
and but the book's not the story is not done
being written, you know You both just need to
go your own separate ways learn some other lessons
figure some other stuff out elevate in other
areas of your life and when you're if your life
is if your lives are meant to You know intertwine
again, you will if not then it's probably because
that person served their purpose and you served
your purpose in their life and that's okay it
doesn't have to be a bad thing you know like
what is it like if you love something let it
go if it comes back like that's how you know
or whatever or it's meant to stay I think I think
that can apply with friends too you know And
it doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing. And
distance doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing.
You can still love them, wish them well, cheer
them on from afar, but you guys just are no longer
a part of each other's everyday life. I'm like,
that's okay. None of this has to be seen as a
bad thing. It doesn't have to be seen as a negative.
But for me personally, I'm also under a lot of
stress right now. My job is hanging in the balance,
and it's all... You know Determined on whether
I'm gonna have a vehicle to continue getting
there so I'm also under a high level of stress
right now and You know mentally and emotionally
and everything just in a weird place, you know,
so I mean my hindsight You know it could just
be like I'm seeing things, you know more clearly
in all other aspects of my life or Because I'm
so stressed. I'm being hypersensitive you know
because like I said and like I've stated in past
episodes people are busy people have a whole
fucking life they have their own shit that they're
they're going through they're dealing with um
and so I also keep that in mind and make sure
I give everybody grace but at the same time I
also feel like sometimes I give people way too
much grace you know but um irregardless irregardless
One big lesson that I've learned is that no matter
what, God, even if I'm holding on tightly to
somebody, even if I'm holding on tightly to a
situation, to a job, to a relationship, to a
friendship, it doesn't matter what it is, if
God has decided that that thing or that person
or that job or that living situation or that
relationship or that friendship, if he, if God,
divine, universe, source, whatever you want to
call it, he she they whatever when the universe
decides that something is done in your life it'll
take it it'll take it um so for me i'm kind of
like i don't really got to do anything i don't
have to have a conversation with anybody i don't
even have to actively start to distance if you
know um if i don't want to the end of the day
god will remove who he feels has served their
purpose in my life. You know what I'm saying?
And he will remove me from situations and people
and places that I no longer need to be a part
of anymore. I have a hard time with this. I've
learned to relinquish control and learn that
we control nothing. The idea that we have control
of anything is an illusion. So I understand that.
Jobs change people leave you stop talking to
people all of that stuff And there's a purpose
for it God is not going to explain the purpose
to you and that's something that I struggle greatly
with because I'm like, you know what I Wouldn't
go through the period of being angry sad and
upset and crying and shit and being like why
did you take that from me? Why did you take that
person from me? Why did you take that job from
me? Whatever from me? And every time I've ever
had that question, eventually, weeks later, months
later, years later, decades later, you know,
the reason does become clear why God shifted,
moved, removed, whatever in my life. It has always
become clear eventually. But my issue is, why
can't you just tell me? Why can't you just be
like, okay, I know you love this job. But I'm
taking it and this is why I I don't know. I just
feel like I would handle it better Like I'm removing
I know you love this person I know that you think
so highly of them and they make you so happy
and they're awesome But I'm removing them from
your life. It's time and here's why You know
But he doesn't do that. The universe doesn't
do that. And so that's the frustrating thing
for me I'm learning to let go, I'm learning to
accept that people will be removed, people will
leave, jobs will be taken or jobs will be left
and all of that. Situations will change. I have
a very hard time. I really hold on to things
and I hate change. I fucking hate change. Hate
it. And that's something that I've really had
to work on. But yeah. But I have learned that
no matter what he takes changes shift is shifts
removes pulls me out of That there is a bigger
reason for it and it's always been revealed always
been revealed not when I want it to be but it's
always been revealed and So the thing that I
am struggling with right now is that I do love
my job I do I do love my nine -to -five job that
I go to Monday through Friday. I do love it And
so it would really suck to have to leave. It
really would. It really fucking would. But the
thing that I'm trying to keep in perspective
is, if it really does come to that, it's because
the divine universe, source, whatever you want
to call it, has something bigger in store for
me. I don't know what it is, but there will be
a reason. And the reason will eventually in time
be revealed, you know? So. But uh, no shade to
anybody. not talking about anyone in particular,
not talking shit about anybody in particular.
Um, but yeah, I just like, I just, I don't know.
I'm very intuitive. I read energies like crazy,
especially since being awakened and having my
whole spiritual awakening and all that, whatever.
Um, I don't know, spirituals, psychic abilities,
whatever that I developed as a child that scared
the living fuck out of me. So I suppressed them.
Whatever abilities that I suppressed most of
my life, they've become more clear and more to
the forefront now that I've accepted and have
gone through my journey and have awakened and
everything. And so energies are just so much
louder and so much clearer for me. And so, yeah.
Just I think it's important for everybody to
just kind of watch how people move in your life
How they move when you're at rock bottom how
they move when something amazing happens for
you how they move when you go hey I have this
awesome idea that I want to do and I'm excited
about it and you're promoting it and you're doing
it and You know pay attention to how they treat
you and how they show up or don't show up for
you How they become silent or don't become silent
or how they cheer for you or how they don't?
If you get into a new relationship and you're
fucking happy and this person treats you amazing
Pay attention to the people in your life and
how they move around you and how they're suddenly
treating you when you have something good And
honestly like like I said before Reassess your
fucking circle because if you don't have people
around you that aren't cheering for you that
aren't your biggest fucking cheerleaders Then
you need to go You need to remove yourself away
from them or you need to remove them from your
circle like fuck them I'm sorry with fuck them.
You may have loved them a lot They may have shown
up for you in all other ways in the past But
if you've had a big change in your life or different
shift, whatever you're doing something different
You've started your own business You're in a
new happy relationship if these people cannot
show up for you in the way that you need them
to If they can't clap if they can't cheer if
they can't support if they can't like fall share
whatever fuck them cut them loose cut them loose
because you know what that shit hurts because
if you hang on to them knowing that you would
never do them that way knowing that if they came
up with any idea even if even if it wasn't your
cup of tea even if you couldn't quite see the
vision but you're like fuck it I'm still gonna
show up for you I'm still gonna cheer for you
I'm still gonna support this what do you need
from me If you know that you're gonna show it
for everybody in your life, that you're gonna
cheer for them, that you're gonna be happy for
them, even if your life is not currently where
you would like it to be right now, even if life
fucking sucks for you, even if you ain't got
a car, ain't got a job, ain't got a spouse, you
know, aren't where you want to be in your career,
ain't married, don't have kids, what, if you're
at rock bottom, whatever your situation is. But
you're still cheering for your friends and cheering
for your family And then they can't do the same
for you when you're in a better situation Or
when you have an idea or whatever the hell then
you don't need those people in their life because
for me personally i'm that person i'm that person
where it doesn't matter what i'm going through
it doesn't matter if i'm sad mad angry unhappy
if i ain't got a man wherever i've been in my
life over the years i have still always shown
up for other people and i have in i have done
my best to fill the cups for other people, even
if what's happening in their life is not happening
for me currently. I am still gonna cheer. I'm
still gonna support. I'm still going to share,
follow, like, whatever for other people. And
so it's very, uh, I guess telling. Eye -opening.
When I know what kind of person I am, what kind
of friend I am, and I don't get the same back.
And this all goes back to who the fuck is filling
your cup? Who the fuck is filling your cup? Because
if you're out here filling everybody else's cups
and nobody's filling up yours, again, you might
need to reassess your circle. You might need
to reassess your fucking circle. Because me,
currently, I am noticing strangers, new friendships,
and people I haven't reconnected with in years.
And then we just started Connecting recently
because we met up to go to a concert together
or whatever. I'm noticing again strangers new
people that I've just become friends with and
People that I haven't talked to in years, but
we've recently reconnected I'm seeing those people
clapping and showing up for me and cheering me
on and supporting what I'm doing More than everyday
people in my life who I thought would show up
for me so I will have to do my own assessing
of my own circle. You know, but like I said,
I really don't have to do anything. God will
remove who he feels he needs to remove. He will
make clear of, look, I know you love this person,
you guys got along great, you connected, you
vibed. but uh your time in each other's life
is coming to an end or it's coming to a pause
whatever the situation may be and that's okay
like i said it doesn't have to be a bad thing
you can wish those people well you can still
love them from afar and you can still cheer them
on from afar you know so but uh yeah but it's
just i think it's a good thing to keep in mind
for everybody pay attention to how people are
moving around you pay attention No matter what
you've got going on in your life, pay attention
to how people are moving around you and how they
are showing up for you. Are they cheering? Are
they not? Are they supporting you? Are they not?
Do they appear happy for you or are they not?
You know? It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's
essential. It's essential. Then in the day, it's
essential. It's all about your mental health
and your peace at the end of the day. And if
people are... Bringing you burden more than the
bringing you peace again. You should be assessing
your circle so You know just some lessons that
I've learned in my 37 years of life But I am
going to end it here My boss has been blowing
up my phone. So I'm actually taking my mental
health day today So I'm not even at work, but
I need to see what she was messaging me So I'm
going to cut it here and we need to go uh see
about my phone so or my phone my car so we need
to go see this mechanic about my car so wish
us luck there but uh thanks for tuning in to
another episode of play with your dick not me
i can't promise that the other one will be the
next one after this one will be right out because
i'm really just playing it by ear by how i feel
mentally and emotionally but uh thanks for listening
and i hope that everybody has a good weekend
and as i always say be Fucking kind be kind.
You don't know what people are going through.
You don't Smile compliment But just be fucking
kind to everybody. You have no idea. Just be
kind. That's it. So catch you guys in the next
one. Bye