WEBVTT 00:00:01.719 --> 00:00:05.519 Hey Welcome to another episode of play with your 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:10.619 dick. Not me What is this? I don't even know 00:00:10.619 --> 00:00:18.339 cuz we took a break episode 13 As much as I love 00:00:18.339 --> 00:00:23.399 doing the video podcast I'm just not gonna do 00:00:23.399 --> 00:00:27.739 that this week It's just been a lot going on 00:00:27.739 --> 00:00:36.600 so I apologize for uh the delay um but uh yeah 00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:39.140 there's just been a lot going on just having 00:00:39.140 --> 00:00:43.740 stupid fucking car issues um trying to figure 00:00:43.740 --> 00:00:46.619 that out we i don't know sounds like a transmission 00:00:46.619 --> 00:00:51.619 issue with my car um so i don't know what i'm 00:00:51.619 --> 00:00:56.719 gonna do right now so i'm just low place emotionally 00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:01.189 mentally I'm trying to remain optimistic and 00:01:01.189 --> 00:01:09.090 positive, but I don't know. My job is 45 minutes 00:01:09.090 --> 00:01:11.909 away, and even though the company I work for 00:01:11.909 --> 00:01:15.530 is awesome, I feel seen, heard, supported, and 00:01:15.530 --> 00:01:20.090 appreciated by them. I had to miss two days of 00:01:20.090 --> 00:01:25.189 work last week when my car lost power on my way 00:01:25.189 --> 00:01:27.430 to work. Luckily, I wasn't on the freeway yet. 00:01:27.629 --> 00:01:30.730 I was stuck in a spot in traffic where there's 00:01:30.730 --> 00:01:33.689 been lots of construction, so I was able to pull 00:01:33.689 --> 00:01:39.650 over to the gas station. But my husband Tiger 00:01:39.650 --> 00:01:42.670 tried to look at it that night, do a couple things, 00:01:42.790 --> 00:01:46.730 went for a test drive. It was fine. And then 00:01:46.730 --> 00:01:49.170 he tried to get it past 40 miles per hour and 00:01:49.170 --> 00:01:51.629 it just powered off and shut down on us again 00:01:51.629 --> 00:01:54.760 and all the error codes popped up. so you know 00:01:54.760 --> 00:01:58.540 we did try taking it to a mechanic that my husband's 00:01:58.540 --> 00:02:01.140 niece recommended and they were trying to say 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:07.500 70 or not 70 7 000 for a new transmission so 00:02:07.500 --> 00:02:10.960 we went and picked my car up because uh we ain't 00:02:10.960 --> 00:02:15.900 got that and so tiger called several places to 00:02:15.900 --> 00:02:18.860 get different quotes and nobody fucking answered 00:02:18.860 --> 00:02:22.250 their fucking phone uh well one person did So 00:02:22.250 --> 00:02:24.530 we're actually supposed to go meet with him today, 00:02:24.530 --> 00:02:27.669 but I don't know. Like I said, I'm not entirely 00:02:27.669 --> 00:02:30.330 optimistic on what we're going to do. I work 00:02:30.330 --> 00:02:37.050 45 minutes from where I live and anyone that 00:02:37.050 --> 00:02:42.770 lives in Tuala knows that there isn't like reliable, 00:02:43.030 --> 00:02:46.990 there's not a reliable bus system out here. Uber 00:02:46.990 --> 00:02:50.430 is not really a thing where we live because it's 00:02:50.430 --> 00:02:53.020 not the city. And everybody has a car, everybody 00:02:53.020 --> 00:02:59.199 drives. So it's just not a thing out here. I 00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:02.819 don't have family I can fall back on. I have 00:03:02.819 --> 00:03:09.379 a couple awesome friends. We're actually like 00:03:09.379 --> 00:03:12.479 a newer friendship. And this is kind of the topic 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:14.879 of this week's episode, I guess. It's kind of 00:03:14.879 --> 00:03:16.340 something I woke up thinking about at the end 00:03:16.340 --> 00:03:18.879 of the week, just observing people's behavior 00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:22.979 and stuff from afar. But this is a newer friendship. 00:03:24.680 --> 00:03:28.840 But her and her husband were so kind, so gracious 00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:32.039 enough to lend me their spare vehicle. So that's 00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:34.240 currently what I'm using right now. But because 00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:37.319 I am somebody that never likes to inconvenience 00:03:37.319 --> 00:03:40.039 anyone, even though they said that we could use 00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:43.610 it for as long as possible. I just am very uncomfortable 00:03:43.610 --> 00:03:46.210 with that. I don't like the idea of having to 00:03:46.210 --> 00:03:49.189 owe people money. I don't like the idea of borrowing 00:03:49.189 --> 00:03:51.669 money or borrowing things from people. It just 00:03:51.669 --> 00:03:54.530 makes me uncomfortable. I'm always worried about 00:03:54.530 --> 00:03:59.250 something going wrong. I wanted borrowing their 00:03:59.250 --> 00:04:02.009 vehicle to be an absolute last resort. you know 00:04:02.009 --> 00:04:04.169 because i don't want to take anybody's things 00:04:04.169 --> 00:04:07.490 from them even if they're like no please you 00:04:07.490 --> 00:04:09.449 know you can borrow it you know it's totally 00:04:09.449 --> 00:04:12.009 fine even if they're totally okay with it i just 00:04:12.009 --> 00:04:14.610 it always makes me uncomfortable i just i just 00:04:14.610 --> 00:04:17.350 at the end of the day i don't want to inconvenience 00:04:17.350 --> 00:04:21.269 anybody that's just me and so but in the meantime 00:04:21.269 --> 00:04:25.050 like this is the only option i have so but i'm 00:04:25.050 --> 00:04:28.790 very very appreciative to them and like i said 00:04:28.790 --> 00:04:33.129 i'm just trying to stay Positive I went and seen 00:04:33.129 --> 00:04:36.009 my therapist yesterday and one of her last questions 00:04:36.009 --> 00:04:40.149 to me before I left was um Despite you being 00:04:40.149 --> 00:04:42.449 really stressed out right now, you know, what 00:04:42.449 --> 00:04:44.870 is keeping you grounded and I said, I don't know 00:04:44.870 --> 00:04:50.649 I guess just Filling as if no matter what everything's 00:04:50.649 --> 00:04:55.610 gonna work out for its highest good highest purpose 00:04:55.610 --> 00:05:00.600 I love my job The thought has definitely entered 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:03.000 my mind that I may have to put my two weeks in 00:05:03.000 --> 00:05:06.319 if I can't continue getting to work. I don't 00:05:06.319 --> 00:05:10.540 do well not working. I get in a very depressive 00:05:10.540 --> 00:05:13.860 state. Not that I don't love being at home with 00:05:13.860 --> 00:05:18.459 my kids, I do, but I don't know if it's the Capricorn 00:05:18.459 --> 00:05:23.509 in me or what, but I love to work. need to have 00:05:23.509 --> 00:05:27.329 the balance you know I for whatever reason I 00:05:27.329 --> 00:05:31.430 tie my self -worth to working and having a job 00:05:31.430 --> 00:05:33.949 and that's actually something that I was gonna 00:05:33.949 --> 00:05:37.610 unpack in therapy next time because I don't want 00:05:37.610 --> 00:05:39.769 to be that person that every time I'm not working 00:05:39.769 --> 00:05:42.649 I'm depressed and difficult to be around and 00:05:42.649 --> 00:05:45.730 you know low energy and you know I don't want 00:05:45.730 --> 00:05:49.250 to be like that But I do. I do go to a depressive 00:05:49.250 --> 00:05:51.930 place and think that I'm worthless and not worth 00:05:51.930 --> 00:05:54.310 anything unless I'm working. And I don't know 00:05:54.310 --> 00:05:57.970 why I'm like that. I mean, I have an idea. I 00:05:57.970 --> 00:06:00.389 definitely didn't get my work ethic from my mother. 00:06:00.649 --> 00:06:02.870 I mean, she never worked. She enjoyed being a 00:06:02.870 --> 00:06:05.290 stay -at -home mom. I mean, maybe she would have 00:06:05.290 --> 00:06:06.730 been a little bit happier if she had worked. 00:06:06.949 --> 00:06:08.709 I don't know. I mean, she seemed like she was 00:06:08.709 --> 00:06:12.750 pretty fulfilled and felt whole. It was something 00:06:12.750 --> 00:06:15.170 that I lack when I'm not working. I don't feel 00:06:15.170 --> 00:06:19.579 fulfilled or whole. um i don't know i i like 00:06:19.579 --> 00:06:23.639 making my own money i like working i i like interacting 00:06:23.639 --> 00:06:25.579 with people every day i like making my own money 00:06:25.579 --> 00:06:28.060 i like being able to just buy things if i want 00:06:28.060 --> 00:06:31.139 it you know i'm not a woman that likes to rely 00:06:31.139 --> 00:06:34.040 on my husband's income i'm not and i never will 00:06:34.040 --> 00:06:39.170 be you know uh that's just me I'm not passing 00:06:39.170 --> 00:06:41.649 no judgment on anybody. There are some women 00:06:41.649 --> 00:06:43.589 that feel completely fulfilled being stay -at 00:06:43.589 --> 00:06:45.389 -home moms. There's some men that feel completely 00:06:45.389 --> 00:06:48.110 fulfilled being stay -at -home dads. Do you? 00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:52.230 You know? You're killing it. But it's just it's 00:06:52.230 --> 00:06:55.529 not for me. Like no judgment. It is absolutely 00:06:55.529 --> 00:06:58.069 a job to be at home taking care of kids all day. 00:06:58.209 --> 00:07:00.790 Absolutely. But unfortunately, the government 00:07:00.790 --> 00:07:04.069 doesn't pay us for it, you know? But yeah, for 00:07:04.069 --> 00:07:06.250 me personally, for my mental health, it suffers. 00:07:06.519 --> 00:07:10.740 if I'm at home, you know, and like I said, my 00:07:10.740 --> 00:07:13.019 mom never worked. She seemed like she was she 00:07:13.019 --> 00:07:16.459 was she was a good homemaker. She was. She kept 00:07:16.459 --> 00:07:21.680 us kids busy and entertained and stuff. By the 00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:23.519 time my stepmom came into the picture, I wasn't 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:25.319 looking to her for anything. I wasn't looking 00:07:25.319 --> 00:07:31.319 to her for womanly guidance or motherly, you 00:07:31.319 --> 00:07:33.990 know. when you're younger and you look up to 00:07:33.990 --> 00:07:35.970 your father, you know, the male figure in your 00:07:35.970 --> 00:07:39.290 life, the woman, the female figure in your life 00:07:39.290 --> 00:07:41.329 or, you know, motherly, you know what I mean? 00:07:41.569 --> 00:07:43.490 By the time my son came into the picture, I was 00:07:43.490 --> 00:07:46.009 like 14, so I wasn't looking at her for shit. 00:07:46.990 --> 00:07:50.569 Really, the only thing I learned from her was 00:07:50.569 --> 00:07:53.189 the labor of love when it comes to your spouse. 00:07:54.250 --> 00:07:55.550 That's really the only thing I can say I learned 00:07:55.550 --> 00:07:59.089 from her. But as far as like work ethic and shit, 00:07:59.209 --> 00:08:02.279 I wasn't looking at her for that. by then I wasn't 00:08:02.279 --> 00:08:05.519 paying attention like she works sometimes but 00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:11.240 you know she she was so inauthentic and she lied 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:14.339 a lot and she wasn't a genuine person so I learned 00:08:14.339 --> 00:08:16.459 pretty quickly to not really look to her for 00:08:16.459 --> 00:08:21.100 anything so uh but anyways but my dad my dad 00:08:21.100 --> 00:08:24.420 I do remember I mean when things were tough in 00:08:24.420 --> 00:08:27.839 our household like financial wise I will say 00:08:27.839 --> 00:08:31.000 I will give him that He never let on to it ever. 00:08:31.139 --> 00:08:32.860 If there were ever times that my grandmother 00:08:32.860 --> 00:08:35.559 or my aunt were supporting us financially, I 00:08:35.559 --> 00:08:38.919 never knew about it. When it came to hardships 00:08:38.919 --> 00:08:42.440 like that, I never knew what our financial situation 00:08:42.440 --> 00:08:46.139 was as a kid. My dad never shared that, or I'll 00:08:46.139 --> 00:08:49.100 say the man who raised me. I've removed those 00:08:49.100 --> 00:08:51.740 labels from those individuals. So the man who 00:08:51.740 --> 00:08:56.799 raised me never let on that. when he was struggling 00:08:56.799 --> 00:08:59.940 financially. I do remember there were times where 00:08:59.940 --> 00:09:03.960 he was unemployed because he was not nice to 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:06.059 be around. He was very difficult to be around. 00:09:06.340 --> 00:09:16.159 He was mean, rude. He would snap at you. I mean... 00:09:16.159 --> 00:09:18.080 May the force be with you if you woke him up, 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:20.340 you know? I mean, I was usually the one that 00:09:20.340 --> 00:09:23.570 got screamed at, but uh... And even though he 00:09:23.570 --> 00:09:25.370 was home every day, he was not giving you a ride 00:09:25.370 --> 00:09:27.990 to school. He wasn't picking you up. So I still 00:09:27.990 --> 00:09:29.970 had to rely on my friends for that. But mostly 00:09:29.970 --> 00:09:33.110 he was just an ornery fucking asshole when he 00:09:33.110 --> 00:09:35.669 wasn't working. So my guess is that's where I 00:09:35.669 --> 00:09:38.929 get it from. But I don't process it as orneriness. 00:09:39.070 --> 00:09:44.610 When I'm not working, I'm not scary to be around. 00:09:44.730 --> 00:09:47.350 My kids aren't terrified of me. I still get up 00:09:47.350 --> 00:09:49.269 and take them to school and pick them up. I still 00:09:49.269 --> 00:09:53.929 do things with them. You know, they're not walking 00:09:53.929 --> 00:09:56.610 on eggshells around me like I had to with the 00:09:56.610 --> 00:10:00.470 man that raised me. I'm just... I just kind of 00:10:00.470 --> 00:10:04.370 fold into myself and I'm quieter and I'm sad. 00:10:04.409 --> 00:10:08.889 And when I'm by myself, you know, I'm feeling... 00:10:08.889 --> 00:10:11.230 I'm not feeling whole. I'm not feeling fulfilled. 00:10:12.090 --> 00:10:15.549 So, but like I said, the only person growing 00:10:15.549 --> 00:10:17.929 up that I had to look to with any sort of work 00:10:17.929 --> 00:10:20.750 ethic and how they processed when they weren't 00:10:20.750 --> 00:10:23.759 working... was the man that raised me so I'm 00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:26.799 assuming I must have got it from him but you 00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:28.980 know something that can be unpacked and therapy 00:10:28.980 --> 00:10:32.200 but anyways um what I wanted to I don't know 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:35.519 it was oh I kind of woke up with it the end of 00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:41.220 the week um so I never started this podcast for 00:10:41.610 --> 00:10:45.029 You know to create a following or to go viral 00:10:45.029 --> 00:10:47.230 or anything like that, but let's be honest at 00:10:47.230 --> 00:10:48.809 the end of the day That's what everybody wants 00:10:48.809 --> 00:10:52.009 and then the day Everybody wants likes everybody 00:10:52.009 --> 00:10:55.090 wants follows everybody kind of hopes and Manifest 00:10:55.090 --> 00:10:58.129 is to go viral to eventually be able to monetize 00:10:58.129 --> 00:11:00.269 whatever they're doing and you're a fucking liar 00:11:00.269 --> 00:11:03.830 if you say you're not you know, I originally 00:11:03.830 --> 00:11:07.750 started this Because it had been something I'd 00:11:07.750 --> 00:11:11.350 wanted to do for years. I procrastinated it And 00:11:11.350 --> 00:11:14.330 then I was kind of thrust on, well, pulled by 00:11:14.330 --> 00:11:18.350 my hair, forced onto this spiritual journey, 00:11:18.610 --> 00:11:20.590 healing journey that I never asked to be on almost 00:11:20.590 --> 00:11:24.990 two years ago. And I was also feeling all this 00:11:24.990 --> 00:11:29.629 drive and motivation near the end of it, or when 00:11:29.629 --> 00:11:31.409 I guess got to the other side of it where it 00:11:31.409 --> 00:11:34.610 wasn't so rough anymore, where I found myself 00:11:34.610 --> 00:11:36.850 wanting to write again. I found myself wanting 00:11:36.850 --> 00:11:40.820 to pursue things that I used to love. and stop 00:11:40.820 --> 00:11:43.620 doing for whatever reason. I just had this newfound 00:11:43.620 --> 00:11:46.720 motivation drive and starting a podcast was one 00:11:46.720 --> 00:11:49.379 of those things and I was hoping that I could 00:11:49.379 --> 00:11:52.320 reach the right audience and help people and 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:54.700 what I had to say resonate with people or they 00:11:54.700 --> 00:11:58.080 were people that you know I could relate to me 00:11:58.080 --> 00:12:04.019 or I could relate to them. But anyways, so I 00:12:04.019 --> 00:12:09.850 was thinking about people in your life who it 00:12:09.850 --> 00:12:13.730 may not be easy to see in the beginning because 00:12:13.730 --> 00:12:18.889 you maybe haven't gotten there yet and just how 00:12:18.889 --> 00:12:23.610 when you're either at a very rough spot in your 00:12:23.610 --> 00:12:27.690 life or you've hit rock bottom or something huge 00:12:27.690 --> 00:12:32.009 has happened you tend to see or there's just 00:12:32.009 --> 00:12:35.110 been a big change you tend to see the true sides 00:12:35.110 --> 00:12:40.590 of certain people who you once thought yeah I 00:12:40.590 --> 00:12:45.649 guess that you would never see this hmm less 00:12:45.649 --> 00:12:50.590 I guess desirable side of them and sometimes 00:12:50.590 --> 00:12:53.210 there's people in your life and they check all 00:12:53.210 --> 00:12:56.769 your boxes, they fill your cup, they show it 00:12:56.769 --> 00:12:58.289 for you in all the ways you need them and you 00:12:58.289 --> 00:13:00.169 kind of can never imagine them not being in your 00:13:00.169 --> 00:13:02.289 life. I mean, I literally said a couple episodes 00:13:02.289 --> 00:13:04.210 back that I have everybody in my life that I 00:13:04.210 --> 00:13:06.250 need and I've curated my life just how I want 00:13:06.250 --> 00:13:10.590 it. And so it was just interesting that a few 00:13:10.590 --> 00:13:15.490 weeks later, there was just kind of this shift 00:13:15.490 --> 00:13:19.450 and this new found like level of understanding 00:13:19.450 --> 00:13:22.539 of no. There's a few people in my life that are 00:13:22.539 --> 00:13:25.720 starting to now feel temporary to me, you know, 00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:29.580 that are not temporary, but like their time in 00:13:29.580 --> 00:13:32.659 my life is probably coming to an end. Like they've 00:13:32.659 --> 00:13:36.240 served their purpose. They came into my life 00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:39.820 for a reason and they served their purpose and 00:13:39.820 --> 00:13:41.500 they filled my cup and they've been there for 00:13:41.500 --> 00:13:43.539 me and they've loved me and showed up for me, 00:13:43.539 --> 00:13:46.539 cared about me. And I've done all the same things 00:13:46.539 --> 00:13:53.620 for them. But, you know, you kind of see the 00:13:53.620 --> 00:13:58.940 true sides of people, like I said, when you've 00:13:58.940 --> 00:14:01.080 hit rock bottom, when there's been a massive 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:05.019 change, when something has happened. You know, 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:09.259 you kind of see... I wouldn't say people's true 00:14:09.259 --> 00:14:11.570 colors, I mean, I guess... that could be one 00:14:11.570 --> 00:14:15.190 way to put it but you know like when you're a 00:14:15.190 --> 00:14:17.649 kid and you have best friends and you couldn't 00:14:17.649 --> 00:14:20.049 imagine never not being friends with them and 00:14:20.049 --> 00:14:22.509 then high school ends and you guys kind of just 00:14:22.509 --> 00:14:25.049 go your own separate ways you know kind of like 00:14:25.049 --> 00:14:30.950 that and so you know uh paths collide and then 00:14:30.950 --> 00:14:32.950 for whatever reason you know they eventually 00:14:32.950 --> 00:14:36.769 you know start to go a different way you know 00:14:36.769 --> 00:14:41.159 no hard feelings You know, you wish those people 00:14:41.159 --> 00:14:43.360 well, but their time in your life has just come 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:53.440 to an end. Or is possibly coming to an end. So, 00:14:54.340 --> 00:14:56.100 you know, not that I'm saying that anybody in 00:14:56.100 --> 00:14:59.679 my life is receiving a pink slip and on their 00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:02.899 way out. I'm just saying that, like, I'm starting 00:15:02.899 --> 00:15:07.139 to notice how certain people are currently moving 00:15:07.139 --> 00:15:10.840 in my life. Especially with the things that I've 00:15:10.840 --> 00:15:14.000 been trying to accomplish and do and I know that 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:17.899 I'm not entirely the same person That I used 00:15:17.899 --> 00:15:21.039 to be and that I've changed and shifted a lot 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:23.100 and and that and that can happen too That's a 00:15:23.100 --> 00:15:25.559 natural thing that happens too. There could be 00:15:25.559 --> 00:15:28.679 a person that you once completely aligned with 00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:32.799 on opinions Values morals all that stuff the 00:15:32.799 --> 00:15:37.220 way you viewed the world and then you know There's 00:15:37.220 --> 00:15:40.500 a change in you or a change in them and things 00:15:40.500 --> 00:15:42.299 between you just don't completely align anymore 00:15:42.299 --> 00:15:44.799 Like there's nothing wrong with that But like 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:48.120 if you if you guys don't don't quite click right 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:50.220 together anymore and can't really find common 00:15:50.220 --> 00:15:53.279 ground anymore Like it might mean that your guys's 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:56.080 time has come to an end You know, it doesn't 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:59.500 have to end in a negative way or crash and burn 00:15:59.500 --> 00:16:01.480 You could just kind of be something where you 00:16:01.480 --> 00:16:03.240 both kind of realize that your time has come 00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:09.720 to an end But, you know, I am trying to, despite 00:16:09.720 --> 00:16:11.480 all the stress currently going on in my life, 00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:14.620 I am trying to create something. I am trying 00:16:14.620 --> 00:16:18.059 to do something with my podcast. And I've just 00:16:18.059 --> 00:16:23.559 kind of noticed the lack of support that I'm 00:16:23.559 --> 00:16:25.679 getting from people that I've known for years, 00:16:25.779 --> 00:16:28.779 have been close with for years, who I thought 00:16:28.779 --> 00:16:31.059 were always going to show up for me no matter 00:16:31.059 --> 00:16:34.679 what, support me no matter what. And I'm noticing, 00:16:34.679 --> 00:16:36.639 you know, for example, that I'm getting more 00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:39.059 support from people that are strangers or that 00:16:39.059 --> 00:16:42.600 I have a newer friendship with or people that 00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:45.240 I haven't seen or talked to in years and they're 00:16:45.240 --> 00:16:48.580 clapping for me louder than the people in my 00:16:48.580 --> 00:16:54.820 everyday life. Um, and you know, that's a jarring 00:16:54.820 --> 00:16:57.320 ex you know realization to come to especially 00:16:57.320 --> 00:16:59.320 when you see certain people and you don't see 00:16:59.320 --> 00:17:01.120 them ever leaving your life and then all of a 00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:04.539 sudden you're like okay i'm doing this thing 00:17:04.539 --> 00:17:10.769 i told you about it you know and so yeah It's 00:17:10.769 --> 00:17:12.910 something that, like, I remember hearing about 00:17:12.910 --> 00:17:15.269 this kind of stuff in interviews with, like, 00:17:15.309 --> 00:17:17.529 celebrities, you know, being like, oh, yeah, 00:17:17.589 --> 00:17:19.170 nobody believed in me. I said I was going to 00:17:19.170 --> 00:17:21.009 be a singer. I said I was going to be a rapper. 00:17:21.150 --> 00:17:23.690 I said I was going to be a basketball star, whatever. 00:17:23.910 --> 00:17:26.109 And I had people laugh at me. I had people that 00:17:26.109 --> 00:17:28.150 didn't believe in me. I had people who told me, 00:17:28.150 --> 00:17:30.210 like, don't quit your day job and stuff. And 00:17:30.210 --> 00:17:32.150 then they're kind of like, look at me now. And 00:17:32.150 --> 00:17:33.869 where are those people? Where are those people 00:17:33.869 --> 00:17:37.329 that put you down? And so I'm kind of I feel 00:17:37.329 --> 00:17:40.039 like I'm kind of starting to understand. You 00:17:40.039 --> 00:17:42.799 know what they meant by that, you know, even 00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:44.960 though I'm still starting out and still trying 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:50.180 to get this going like Everybody at some point 00:17:50.180 --> 00:17:53.119 had people that doubted them had people that 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:55.299 maybe laughed at them or maybe thought that their 00:17:55.299 --> 00:17:57.220 idea was ridiculous and they were never gonna 00:17:57.220 --> 00:18:00.380 get me where and Where are those people now? 00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:08.130 You know not You know what I'm saying like They're 00:18:08.130 --> 00:18:10.650 they're not in in those people's lives anymore. 00:18:10.849 --> 00:18:13.150 You know now now that they've made it now. They're 00:18:13.150 --> 00:18:15.190 successful Do you think they kept the doubters 00:18:15.190 --> 00:18:22.230 around no? You know So yeah, I just started feeling 00:18:22.230 --> 00:18:27.029 like I don't know honestly it reminded me of 00:18:27.029 --> 00:18:31.410 a time in my life a few years ago I was I had 00:18:31.410 --> 00:18:33.529 a couple friends. We were all kind of in the 00:18:33.529 --> 00:18:37.500 same stages of our life where I don't know, we 00:18:37.500 --> 00:18:41.539 were just dating fuckboys or we were having trouble 00:18:41.539 --> 00:18:44.859 in dating. So we all kind of just commiserated 00:18:44.859 --> 00:18:48.640 and these same women, you know, saw me cry. They 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:51.339 would bring me alcohol and junk food to cheer 00:18:51.339 --> 00:18:54.579 me up when another fuckboy had screwed me over. 00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:57.420 You know, like we had all been down in the dumps 00:18:57.420 --> 00:18:59.480 with each other, you know, wondering why, like 00:18:59.480 --> 00:19:02.460 we're good people. Why do we keep getting treated 00:19:02.460 --> 00:19:07.119 like shit? And then when I found when me and 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:10.839 my husband reconnected and got together uh 13 00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:14.960 years ago you know when you've had some bad ones 00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:18.519 you know what a good one looks like so you know 00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:22.740 uh tiger was like it for me you know like it 00:19:22.740 --> 00:19:25.220 was like oh that's why it never worked out with 00:19:25.220 --> 00:19:27.140 all these other guys because i was supposed to 00:19:27.140 --> 00:19:29.980 be with him and i got that realization rather 00:19:29.980 --> 00:19:33.420 quickly because of how amazing you know, Tiger 00:19:33.420 --> 00:19:35.460 treated me and how well he took care of me and 00:19:35.460 --> 00:19:37.619 how much how happy he made me and that hasn't 00:19:37.619 --> 00:19:40.779 changed 13 years later. He didn't love bomb me 00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:42.680 and pretend to be somebody he wasn't for six 00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:45.660 months or a year to trap me and then be like, 00:19:45.819 --> 00:19:47.759 haha, this is how I really am. I'm a fucking 00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:51.299 dickhead. No, he's the same exact person he was 00:19:51.299 --> 00:19:55.369 from day one. You know, do we argue? Do we have 00:19:55.369 --> 00:19:57.490 days where we don't necessarily like each other? 00:19:57.730 --> 00:20:00.509 Absolutely, but he's still authentically the 00:20:00.509 --> 00:20:02.789 same person He was when I met him there not met 00:20:02.789 --> 00:20:04.390 him but reconnected because we went to high school 00:20:04.390 --> 00:20:07.289 together But the same person that I started dating 00:20:07.289 --> 00:20:10.230 13 years ago, you know, he's always shown up 00:20:10.230 --> 00:20:13.630 for me. He's always been there for me but Back 00:20:13.630 --> 00:20:17.809 then when we first got together, you know I was 00:20:17.809 --> 00:20:21.430 understandably very happy. I had never known 00:20:21.430 --> 00:20:25.210 that kind of care and love and respect before 00:20:25.210 --> 00:20:29.069 from a guy and you know so of course I was doing 00:20:29.069 --> 00:20:31.710 what everybody does on social media talking about 00:20:31.710 --> 00:20:35.849 it and you know making little sappy posts about 00:20:35.849 --> 00:20:38.009 how happy I was and taking posts and pictures 00:20:38.009 --> 00:20:39.990 of him and I that's what everybody does in a 00:20:39.990 --> 00:20:43.029 new relationship you know and these same women 00:20:43.029 --> 00:20:46.140 that had commiserated with me earlier instead 00:20:46.140 --> 00:20:48.660 of them clapping for me and cheering for me and 00:20:48.660 --> 00:20:51.980 being excited that I found a good guy finally 00:20:51.980 --> 00:20:55.420 these same women who sat with me and cried and 00:20:55.420 --> 00:20:58.599 we all commiserated with you know our own little 00:20:58.599 --> 00:21:01.559 stories and experiences with fuckboys instead 00:21:01.559 --> 00:21:04.900 of you know so they seen me at my lowest and 00:21:04.900 --> 00:21:08.079 instead of them being happy for me they were 00:21:08.079 --> 00:21:11.539 all jealous and they were all pissed and they 00:21:11.539 --> 00:21:17.029 felt like why her you know And that was hurtful 00:21:17.029 --> 00:21:19.349 and that was also very eye opening for me. Like 00:21:19.349 --> 00:21:21.769 I literally had one of the women, like I don't 00:21:21.769 --> 00:21:23.509 talk to any of these women anymore. This was 00:21:23.509 --> 00:21:26.869 years ago. Like I said, they showed their true 00:21:26.869 --> 00:21:30.250 colors and I exed them out of my life. But one 00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:32.829 of them literally sent me a message on Facebook 00:21:32.829 --> 00:21:36.250 around this time years ago and was like, I owe 00:21:36.250 --> 00:21:39.490 you an apology. And I said, for what? And she 00:21:39.490 --> 00:21:41.910 said, I don't know, I just, you know, I've been 00:21:41.910 --> 00:21:44.650 seeing all these pictures of you and Tiger and 00:21:44.650 --> 00:21:47.009 you guys look so happy and I don't know, I just 00:21:47.009 --> 00:21:49.569 got jealous and started talking shit. And I realized 00:21:49.569 --> 00:21:52.049 that that wasn't okay and that wasn't me. And 00:21:52.049 --> 00:21:54.289 so I wanted to apologize to you. And I'm like, 00:21:54.490 --> 00:21:57.829 wow. And that wasn't the first time. I had other 00:21:57.829 --> 00:22:00.410 friends, they didn't say, I need to give you 00:22:00.410 --> 00:22:03.089 apology for talking shit. They were more like, 00:22:03.309 --> 00:22:05.210 you're getting annoying or like, this is, you 00:22:05.210 --> 00:22:10.420 know, just comments. And it was like, wow. wow 00:22:10.420 --> 00:22:15.119 you are the same females that wiped my tears 00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:18.559 but now that I have a good guy and you guys are 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:22.000 still you know commiserating and still unhappy 00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:25.319 in your own relationships you guys can't be happy 00:22:25.319 --> 00:22:31.480 for me and so I had to assess my circle and walk 00:22:31.480 --> 00:22:35.140 away because that wasn't the type of energy that 00:22:35.140 --> 00:22:38.400 wasn't type of people I wanted around me at the 00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:42.279 time I mean I was 25 so still figuring life out 00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:49.599 I'm 37 still figuring it all out and you know 00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:52.660 it really it was really eye -opening for me it 00:22:52.660 --> 00:22:54.740 really hurt my feelings and it made me one it 00:22:54.740 --> 00:22:58.380 made me think like why don't I deserve something 00:22:58.380 --> 00:23:01.119 good why don't I deserve to be treated well why 00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:03.000 don't I deserve to have a good guy that loves 00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:06.190 me and treats me good you know and I had to get 00:23:06.190 --> 00:23:07.490 to a place where I was like you know what this 00:23:07.490 --> 00:23:10.269 has nothing to do with me this has nothing to 00:23:10.269 --> 00:23:12.670 do with me this is a them problem this isn't 00:23:12.670 --> 00:23:15.009 me this is not a reflection of me I haven't done 00:23:15.009 --> 00:23:18.230 anything wrong I I deserve to be loved correctly 00:23:18.230 --> 00:23:20.069 I deserve to be treated good I deserve to have 00:23:20.069 --> 00:23:22.950 people in my corner that clap for me even if 00:23:22.950 --> 00:23:27.670 what I'm doing oh my god even if what I'm doing 00:23:29.769 --> 00:23:32.869 Isn't their cup of tea so reverting back to my 00:23:32.869 --> 00:23:35.190 podcast for a minute. Even if what I'm doing 00:23:35.190 --> 00:23:38.029 is not their cup of tea You can still support 00:23:38.029 --> 00:23:42.549 me. You can still Follow me. You can still like 00:23:42.549 --> 00:23:45.910 my content, you know, because you could be doing 00:23:45.910 --> 00:23:48.380 something that it's not my cup of tea or not 00:23:48.380 --> 00:23:49.779 something that i would normally be interested 00:23:49.779 --> 00:23:52.259 in but because i love you and i care about you 00:23:52.259 --> 00:23:54.519 i'm going to support you i'm going to cheer i'm 00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:56.500 going to be in the front row clapping and going 00:23:56.500 --> 00:23:58.940 to all your stuff even if it's you know i'm going 00:23:58.940 --> 00:24:02.039 to you know promote your product, let people 00:24:02.039 --> 00:24:05.000 know about it, share it, tag it, whatever. If 00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:09.200 I'm a guest on whatever you're doing or promoting 00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:11.799 or in a marketing of whatever you're doing, I'm 00:24:11.799 --> 00:24:14.599 gonna advertise it on my social media so people 00:24:14.599 --> 00:24:16.839 can see it. I'm gonna get the name out there 00:24:16.839 --> 00:24:18.539 for you. I'm gonna get the word out there for 00:24:18.539 --> 00:24:22.579 you. And so when I don't get that same back, 00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:26.480 it's hurtful. It's hurtful. And it makes me think 00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:28.539 that I need to start reassessing the people in 00:24:28.539 --> 00:24:33.119 my life. um but going back to when i first got 00:24:33.119 --> 00:24:37.539 with tiger and having these women like make me 00:24:37.539 --> 00:24:40.779 feel horrible because i was blessed with a good 00:24:40.779 --> 00:24:44.660 guy and it wasn't even just my friends i also 00:24:44.660 --> 00:24:48.640 had family treating me that way i had a brother 00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:53.660 who was miserable because he couldn't uh find 00:24:53.660 --> 00:24:57.859 love which really If I'm being honest, my personal 00:24:57.859 --> 00:25:00.180 opinion is because he created negative karma 00:25:00.180 --> 00:25:04.559 for himself later or earlier in life when he 00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:08.380 was, you know, potentially breaking up a marriage 00:25:08.380 --> 00:25:13.259 by, you know, having extramarital affairs with 00:25:13.259 --> 00:25:18.940 a married woman. So, I mean... I can I can I 00:25:18.940 --> 00:25:20.940 can tell you exactly why you're miserable and 00:25:20.940 --> 00:25:23.220 can't find a fulfilling relationship and you're 00:25:23.220 --> 00:25:28.480 all alone because you were a Home wrecker into 00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:32.960 another family when we were growing up so I Didn't 00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:34.660 quite know what was going on then because I was 00:25:34.660 --> 00:25:36.839 just a kid, but I eventually grew up put the 00:25:36.839 --> 00:25:42.019 pieces together You know and so He didn't talk 00:25:42.019 --> 00:25:45.890 to me for three years because he was sick and 00:25:45.890 --> 00:25:48.170 tired of seeing my post on Facebook about how 00:25:48.170 --> 00:25:51.190 happy I was with Tiger and all that stuff because 00:25:51.190 --> 00:25:54.069 my family member literally told me because I 00:25:54.069 --> 00:25:55.990 said why isn't my brother speaking to me like 00:25:55.990 --> 00:25:58.230 we've always been close like he won't return 00:25:58.230 --> 00:26:00.250 my calls he won't answer my texts I tell him 00:26:00.250 --> 00:26:02.769 happy birthday he ignores me and she was just 00:26:02.769 --> 00:26:05.250 like my aunt was like don't worry about it like 00:26:05.250 --> 00:26:07.569 he's just upset and jealous because he keeps 00:26:07.569 --> 00:26:09.630 seeing your post of how happy you are and he 00:26:09.630 --> 00:26:12.970 doesn't have anybody and I'm just like wow. Be 00:26:12.970 --> 00:26:15.450 your own family. Sometimes it be your own family 00:26:15.450 --> 00:26:19.289 and I had Other siblings I had another brother 00:26:19.289 --> 00:26:21.789 and a sister who treated me the same way because 00:26:21.789 --> 00:26:24.130 their relationships weren't unfolding the way 00:26:24.130 --> 00:26:27.190 they wanted them to or they weren't finding their 00:26:27.190 --> 00:26:32.910 person So yeah, I've experienced a lot of that 00:26:32.910 --> 00:26:38.029 in my life where I'm just like why? Like what 00:26:38.029 --> 00:26:42.740 is wrong with me that I I can't that I'm not 00:26:42.740 --> 00:26:48.039 worth having people be happy for me or have people 00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:52.200 cheer for me. So like I said again, I had to 00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:55.180 reassess my circle at that time, distance myself 00:26:55.180 --> 00:26:58.000 from those unhappy miserable family members who 00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:00.920 couldn't be happy for me, and remove myself from 00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:03.640 that friendship group of girls who could not 00:27:03.640 --> 00:27:08.940 be happy for me. So yeah, you know. I don't think 00:27:08.940 --> 00:27:11.720 we're ever done learning. I don't think we ever 00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:13.940 quite have it all figured out, no matter how 00:27:13.940 --> 00:27:20.640 old we are. So yeah, I think I've just had this 00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:25.420 weird feeling that even for me... Mean I've had 00:27:25.420 --> 00:27:28.099 to do it a few times in my life where I've had 00:27:28.099 --> 00:27:31.279 to reassess my own circle and Decide if it's 00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:33.640 time for me to clean house if it's time for me 00:27:33.640 --> 00:27:36.519 to you know distance myself from some people 00:27:36.519 --> 00:27:41.420 or remove them or you know sit there and You 00:27:41.420 --> 00:27:44.019 know kind of figure out like if their time in 00:27:44.019 --> 00:27:46.440 my life has come to an end And it doesn't have 00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:50.000 to be seen as a bad thing You know it doesn't 00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:52.619 because I'm sure the same thing has happened. 00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:56.079 I've been that place in other people's lives 00:27:56.079 --> 00:27:58.900 where I was in their life for a season. I served 00:27:58.900 --> 00:28:02.180 my purpose and they didn't need me anymore. You 00:28:02.180 --> 00:28:05.279 know, like our lives just didn't align anymore. 00:28:05.700 --> 00:28:09.519 Our paths, you know, had, you know, we're no 00:28:09.519 --> 00:28:13.680 longer running parallel to each other and it 00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:15.880 was time for me to go my way and them to go their 00:28:15.880 --> 00:28:18.500 way. And that's okay. That's okay because not 00:28:18.500 --> 00:28:21.880 everybody is meant to stay, you know. They're 00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:23.940 they're meant to serve whatever purpose like 00:28:23.940 --> 00:28:25.980 like they that at the moment they enter your 00:28:25.980 --> 00:28:29.420 life. It's for a profound reason. Either to get 00:28:29.420 --> 00:28:32.259 you to the next level in your life, either to 00:28:32.259 --> 00:28:34.619 be there for a form of comfort when you're going 00:28:34.619 --> 00:28:38.220 through a rough time, either to just learn some 00:28:38.220 --> 00:28:42.900 lessons from and vice versa. And, you know, none 00:28:42.900 --> 00:28:44.420 of that can be a bad thing. It doesn't have to 00:28:44.420 --> 00:28:46.599 be looked as a bad thing. And it also doesn't 00:28:46.599 --> 00:28:48.920 mean it's over. You know, it could just mean 00:28:48.920 --> 00:28:53.549 that there's A bookmark in your story with that 00:28:53.549 --> 00:28:56.109 person, you know, a bookmark is being placed 00:28:56.109 --> 00:28:59.230 and but the book's not the story is not done 00:28:59.230 --> 00:29:03.690 being written, you know You both just need to 00:29:03.690 --> 00:29:07.630 go your own separate ways learn some other lessons 00:29:07.630 --> 00:29:10.829 figure some other stuff out elevate in other 00:29:10.829 --> 00:29:14.789 areas of your life and when you're if your life 00:29:14.789 --> 00:29:19.369 is if your lives are meant to You know intertwine 00:29:19.369 --> 00:29:23.970 again, you will if not then it's probably because 00:29:23.970 --> 00:29:26.309 that person served their purpose and you served 00:29:26.309 --> 00:29:28.809 your purpose in their life and that's okay it 00:29:28.809 --> 00:29:31.309 doesn't have to be a bad thing you know like 00:29:31.309 --> 00:29:34.670 what is it like if you love something let it 00:29:34.670 --> 00:29:36.690 go if it comes back like that's how you know 00:29:36.690 --> 00:29:39.349 or whatever or it's meant to stay I think I think 00:29:39.349 --> 00:29:43.069 that can apply with friends too you know And 00:29:43.069 --> 00:29:45.549 it doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing. And 00:29:45.549 --> 00:29:47.410 distance doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing. 00:29:47.509 --> 00:29:49.869 You can still love them, wish them well, cheer 00:29:49.869 --> 00:29:52.470 them on from afar, but you guys just are no longer 00:29:52.470 --> 00:29:55.210 a part of each other's everyday life. I'm like, 00:29:55.250 --> 00:29:58.069 that's okay. None of this has to be seen as a 00:29:58.069 --> 00:30:00.190 bad thing. It doesn't have to be seen as a negative. 00:30:01.049 --> 00:30:04.549 But for me personally, I'm also under a lot of 00:30:04.549 --> 00:30:09.130 stress right now. My job is hanging in the balance, 00:30:09.369 --> 00:30:12.390 and it's all... You know Determined on whether 00:30:12.390 --> 00:30:14.269 I'm gonna have a vehicle to continue getting 00:30:14.269 --> 00:30:17.609 there so I'm also under a high level of stress 00:30:17.609 --> 00:30:21.690 right now and You know mentally and emotionally 00:30:21.690 --> 00:30:25.049 and everything just in a weird place, you know, 00:30:25.369 --> 00:30:30.549 so I mean my hindsight You know it could just 00:30:30.549 --> 00:30:33.569 be like I'm seeing things, you know more clearly 00:30:33.569 --> 00:30:37.609 in all other aspects of my life or Because I'm 00:30:37.609 --> 00:30:40.589 so stressed. I'm being hypersensitive you know 00:30:40.589 --> 00:30:43.049 because like I said and like I've stated in past 00:30:43.049 --> 00:30:46.109 episodes people are busy people have a whole 00:30:46.109 --> 00:30:48.849 fucking life they have their own shit that they're 00:30:48.849 --> 00:30:51.549 they're going through they're dealing with um 00:30:51.549 --> 00:30:53.769 and so I also keep that in mind and make sure 00:30:53.769 --> 00:30:58.990 I give everybody grace but at the same time I 00:30:58.990 --> 00:31:00.910 also feel like sometimes I give people way too 00:31:00.910 --> 00:31:06.490 much grace you know but um irregardless irregardless 00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:09.720 One big lesson that I've learned is that no matter 00:31:09.720 --> 00:31:14.740 what, God, even if I'm holding on tightly to 00:31:14.740 --> 00:31:17.039 somebody, even if I'm holding on tightly to a 00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:21.000 situation, to a job, to a relationship, to a 00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:23.140 friendship, it doesn't matter what it is, if 00:31:23.140 --> 00:31:25.960 God has decided that that thing or that person 00:31:25.960 --> 00:31:28.619 or that job or that living situation or that 00:31:28.619 --> 00:31:33.079 relationship or that friendship, if he, if God, 00:31:33.180 --> 00:31:35.359 divine, universe, source, whatever you want to 00:31:35.359 --> 00:31:41.420 call it, he she they whatever when the universe 00:31:41.420 --> 00:31:47.099 decides that something is done in your life it'll 00:31:47.099 --> 00:31:52.599 take it it'll take it um so for me i'm kind of 00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:54.319 like i don't really got to do anything i don't 00:31:54.319 --> 00:31:56.819 have to have a conversation with anybody i don't 00:31:56.819 --> 00:31:59.660 even have to actively start to distance if you 00:31:59.660 --> 00:32:03.400 know um if i don't want to the end of the day 00:32:03.400 --> 00:32:06.769 god will remove who he feels has served their 00:32:06.769 --> 00:32:08.269 purpose in my life. You know what I'm saying? 00:32:08.849 --> 00:32:12.529 And he will remove me from situations and people 00:32:12.529 --> 00:32:14.789 and places that I no longer need to be a part 00:32:14.789 --> 00:32:18.430 of anymore. I have a hard time with this. I've 00:32:18.430 --> 00:32:21.890 learned to relinquish control and learn that 00:32:21.890 --> 00:32:25.509 we control nothing. The idea that we have control 00:32:25.509 --> 00:32:30.730 of anything is an illusion. So I understand that. 00:32:30.809 --> 00:32:34.250 Jobs change people leave you stop talking to 00:32:34.250 --> 00:32:37.470 people all of that stuff And there's a purpose 00:32:37.470 --> 00:32:40.250 for it God is not going to explain the purpose 00:32:40.250 --> 00:32:42.589 to you and that's something that I struggle greatly 00:32:42.589 --> 00:32:45.650 with because I'm like, you know what I Wouldn't 00:32:45.650 --> 00:32:47.990 go through the period of being angry sad and 00:32:47.990 --> 00:32:51.009 upset and crying and shit and being like why 00:32:51.009 --> 00:32:52.910 did you take that from me? Why did you take that 00:32:52.910 --> 00:32:55.730 person from me? Why did you take that job from 00:32:55.730 --> 00:33:01.220 me? Whatever from me? And every time I've ever 00:33:01.220 --> 00:33:04.559 had that question, eventually, weeks later, months 00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:08.119 later, years later, decades later, you know, 00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:11.500 the reason does become clear why God shifted, 00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:17.240 moved, removed, whatever in my life. It has always 00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:22.819 become clear eventually. But my issue is, why 00:33:22.819 --> 00:33:25.740 can't you just tell me? Why can't you just be 00:33:25.740 --> 00:33:30.369 like, okay, I know you love this job. But I'm 00:33:30.369 --> 00:33:34.829 taking it and this is why I I don't know. I just 00:33:34.829 --> 00:33:39.150 feel like I would handle it better Like I'm removing 00:33:39.150 --> 00:33:41.509 I know you love this person I know that you think 00:33:41.509 --> 00:33:43.809 so highly of them and they make you so happy 00:33:43.809 --> 00:33:46.089 and they're awesome But I'm removing them from 00:33:46.089 --> 00:33:51.630 your life. It's time and here's why You know 00:33:51.630 --> 00:33:54.990 But he doesn't do that. The universe doesn't 00:33:54.990 --> 00:33:57.349 do that. And so that's the frustrating thing 00:33:57.349 --> 00:34:00.539 for me I'm learning to let go, I'm learning to 00:34:00.539 --> 00:34:04.599 accept that people will be removed, people will 00:34:04.599 --> 00:34:09.579 leave, jobs will be taken or jobs will be left 00:34:09.579 --> 00:34:14.840 and all of that. Situations will change. I have 00:34:14.840 --> 00:34:17.239 a very hard time. I really hold on to things 00:34:17.239 --> 00:34:21.840 and I hate change. I fucking hate change. Hate 00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:24.360 it. And that's something that I've really had 00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:30.119 to work on. But yeah. But I have learned that 00:34:30.119 --> 00:34:33.460 no matter what he takes changes shift is shifts 00:34:33.460 --> 00:34:37.840 removes pulls me out of That there is a bigger 00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:40.619 reason for it and it's always been revealed always 00:34:40.619 --> 00:34:43.619 been revealed not when I want it to be but it's 00:34:43.619 --> 00:34:46.840 always been revealed and So the thing that I 00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:48.820 am struggling with right now is that I do love 00:34:48.820 --> 00:34:52.039 my job I do I do love my nine -to -five job that 00:34:52.039 --> 00:34:55.699 I go to Monday through Friday. I do love it And 00:34:55.699 --> 00:34:57.860 so it would really suck to have to leave. It 00:34:57.860 --> 00:35:00.239 really would. It really fucking would. But the 00:35:00.239 --> 00:35:01.840 thing that I'm trying to keep in perspective 00:35:01.840 --> 00:35:05.179 is, if it really does come to that, it's because 00:35:05.179 --> 00:35:08.239 the divine universe, source, whatever you want 00:35:08.239 --> 00:35:10.460 to call it, has something bigger in store for 00:35:10.460 --> 00:35:14.619 me. I don't know what it is, but there will be 00:35:14.619 --> 00:35:17.019 a reason. And the reason will eventually in time 00:35:17.019 --> 00:35:21.579 be revealed, you know? So. But uh, no shade to 00:35:21.579 --> 00:35:23.969 anybody. not talking about anyone in particular, 00:35:24.130 --> 00:35:25.730 not talking shit about anybody in particular. 00:35:26.809 --> 00:35:29.090 Um, but yeah, I just like, I just, I don't know. 00:35:29.309 --> 00:35:32.710 I'm very intuitive. I read energies like crazy, 00:35:32.989 --> 00:35:36.070 especially since being awakened and having my 00:35:36.070 --> 00:35:38.710 whole spiritual awakening and all that, whatever. 00:35:39.710 --> 00:35:43.610 Um, I don't know, spirituals, psychic abilities, 00:35:43.829 --> 00:35:47.309 whatever that I developed as a child that scared 00:35:47.309 --> 00:35:50.409 the living fuck out of me. So I suppressed them. 00:35:52.850 --> 00:35:55.250 Whatever abilities that I suppressed most of 00:35:55.250 --> 00:35:58.789 my life, they've become more clear and more to 00:35:58.789 --> 00:36:02.869 the forefront now that I've accepted and have 00:36:02.869 --> 00:36:05.130 gone through my journey and have awakened and 00:36:05.130 --> 00:36:08.210 everything. And so energies are just so much 00:36:08.210 --> 00:36:11.949 louder and so much clearer for me. And so, yeah. 00:36:12.110 --> 00:36:14.250 Just I think it's important for everybody to 00:36:14.250 --> 00:36:17.070 just kind of watch how people move in your life 00:36:17.070 --> 00:36:19.650 How they move when you're at rock bottom how 00:36:19.650 --> 00:36:21.949 they move when something amazing happens for 00:36:21.949 --> 00:36:24.449 you how they move when you go hey I have this 00:36:24.449 --> 00:36:27.230 awesome idea that I want to do and I'm excited 00:36:27.230 --> 00:36:29.570 about it and you're promoting it and you're doing 00:36:29.570 --> 00:36:32.550 it and You know pay attention to how they treat 00:36:32.550 --> 00:36:34.550 you and how they show up or don't show up for 00:36:34.550 --> 00:36:37.429 you How they become silent or don't become silent 00:36:37.429 --> 00:36:39.530 or how they cheer for you or how they don't? 00:36:40.539 --> 00:36:42.880 If you get into a new relationship and you're 00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:45.440 fucking happy and this person treats you amazing 00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:47.760 Pay attention to the people in your life and 00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:50.219 how they move around you and how they're suddenly 00:36:50.219 --> 00:36:53.780 treating you when you have something good And 00:36:53.780 --> 00:36:56.659 honestly like like I said before Reassess your 00:36:56.659 --> 00:36:58.860 fucking circle because if you don't have people 00:36:58.860 --> 00:37:01.360 around you that aren't cheering for you that 00:37:01.360 --> 00:37:04.579 aren't your biggest fucking cheerleaders Then 00:37:04.579 --> 00:37:07.849 you need to go You need to remove yourself away 00:37:07.849 --> 00:37:09.829 from them or you need to remove them from your 00:37:09.829 --> 00:37:12.809 circle like fuck them I'm sorry with fuck them. 00:37:12.969 --> 00:37:14.929 You may have loved them a lot They may have shown 00:37:14.929 --> 00:37:17.670 up for you in all other ways in the past But 00:37:17.670 --> 00:37:20.730 if you've had a big change in your life or different 00:37:20.730 --> 00:37:23.030 shift, whatever you're doing something different 00:37:23.030 --> 00:37:25.110 You've started your own business You're in a 00:37:25.110 --> 00:37:28.150 new happy relationship if these people cannot 00:37:28.150 --> 00:37:30.309 show up for you in the way that you need them 00:37:30.309 --> 00:37:33.190 to If they can't clap if they can't cheer if 00:37:33.190 --> 00:37:35.900 they can't support if they can't like fall share 00:37:35.900 --> 00:37:42.059 whatever fuck them cut them loose cut them loose 00:37:42.059 --> 00:37:44.659 because you know what that shit hurts because 00:37:44.659 --> 00:37:47.300 if you hang on to them knowing that you would 00:37:47.300 --> 00:37:50.619 never do them that way knowing that if they came 00:37:50.619 --> 00:37:54.559 up with any idea even if even if it wasn't your 00:37:54.559 --> 00:37:57.000 cup of tea even if you couldn't quite see the 00:37:57.000 --> 00:37:59.579 vision but you're like fuck it I'm still gonna 00:37:59.579 --> 00:38:01.360 show up for you I'm still gonna cheer for you 00:38:01.360 --> 00:38:03.719 I'm still gonna support this what do you need 00:38:03.719 --> 00:38:07.599 from me If you know that you're gonna show it 00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:09.199 for everybody in your life, that you're gonna 00:38:09.199 --> 00:38:10.920 cheer for them, that you're gonna be happy for 00:38:10.920 --> 00:38:13.599 them, even if your life is not currently where 00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:15.780 you would like it to be right now, even if life 00:38:15.780 --> 00:38:18.440 fucking sucks for you, even if you ain't got 00:38:18.440 --> 00:38:23.619 a car, ain't got a job, ain't got a spouse, you 00:38:23.619 --> 00:38:26.440 know, aren't where you want to be in your career, 00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:30.519 ain't married, don't have kids, what, if you're 00:38:30.519 --> 00:38:34.139 at rock bottom, whatever your situation is. But 00:38:34.139 --> 00:38:37.760 you're still cheering for your friends and cheering 00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:41.159 for your family And then they can't do the same 00:38:41.159 --> 00:38:43.280 for you when you're in a better situation Or 00:38:43.280 --> 00:38:45.860 when you have an idea or whatever the hell then 00:38:45.860 --> 00:38:47.980 you don't need those people in their life because 00:38:47.980 --> 00:38:50.360 for me personally i'm that person i'm that person 00:38:50.360 --> 00:38:52.500 where it doesn't matter what i'm going through 00:38:52.500 --> 00:38:55.980 it doesn't matter if i'm sad mad angry unhappy 00:38:55.980 --> 00:38:59.019 if i ain't got a man wherever i've been in my 00:38:59.019 --> 00:39:01.559 life over the years i have still always shown 00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:04.460 up for other people and i have in i have done 00:39:04.460 --> 00:39:08.619 my best to fill the cups for other people, even 00:39:08.619 --> 00:39:11.420 if what's happening in their life is not happening 00:39:11.420 --> 00:39:14.199 for me currently. I am still gonna cheer. I'm 00:39:14.199 --> 00:39:17.159 still gonna support. I'm still going to share, 00:39:17.239 --> 00:39:20.780 follow, like, whatever for other people. And 00:39:20.780 --> 00:39:28.820 so it's very, uh, I guess telling. Eye -opening. 00:39:29.219 --> 00:39:31.920 When I know what kind of person I am, what kind 00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:35.440 of friend I am, and I don't get the same back. 00:39:35.670 --> 00:39:38.869 And this all goes back to who the fuck is filling 00:39:38.869 --> 00:39:41.849 your cup? Who the fuck is filling your cup? Because 00:39:41.849 --> 00:39:43.690 if you're out here filling everybody else's cups 00:39:43.690 --> 00:39:46.250 and nobody's filling up yours, again, you might 00:39:46.250 --> 00:39:47.989 need to reassess your circle. You might need 00:39:47.989 --> 00:39:51.170 to reassess your fucking circle. Because me, 00:39:51.250 --> 00:39:56.050 currently, I am noticing strangers, new friendships, 00:39:56.650 --> 00:40:00.070 and people I haven't reconnected with in years. 00:40:00.489 --> 00:40:03.050 And then we just started Connecting recently 00:40:03.050 --> 00:40:05.750 because we met up to go to a concert together 00:40:05.750 --> 00:40:10.530 or whatever. I'm noticing again strangers new 00:40:10.530 --> 00:40:14.050 people that I've just become friends with and 00:40:14.050 --> 00:40:17.050 People that I haven't talked to in years, but 00:40:17.050 --> 00:40:20.349 we've recently reconnected I'm seeing those people 00:40:20.349 --> 00:40:23.250 clapping and showing up for me and cheering me 00:40:23.250 --> 00:40:26.269 on and supporting what I'm doing More than everyday 00:40:26.269 --> 00:40:28.510 people in my life who I thought would show up 00:40:28.510 --> 00:40:33.210 for me so I will have to do my own assessing 00:40:33.210 --> 00:40:36.730 of my own circle. You know, but like I said, 00:40:36.989 --> 00:40:39.530 I really don't have to do anything. God will 00:40:39.530 --> 00:40:42.989 remove who he feels he needs to remove. He will 00:40:42.989 --> 00:40:47.030 make clear of, look, I know you love this person, 00:40:47.250 --> 00:40:49.309 you guys got along great, you connected, you 00:40:49.309 --> 00:40:52.630 vibed. but uh your time in each other's life 00:40:52.630 --> 00:40:55.210 is coming to an end or it's coming to a pause 00:40:55.210 --> 00:40:57.590 whatever the situation may be and that's okay 00:40:57.590 --> 00:40:59.510 like i said it doesn't have to be a bad thing 00:40:59.510 --> 00:41:01.630 you can wish those people well you can still 00:41:01.630 --> 00:41:03.449 love them from afar and you can still cheer them 00:41:03.449 --> 00:41:08.309 on from afar you know so but uh yeah but it's 00:41:08.309 --> 00:41:10.429 just i think it's a good thing to keep in mind 00:41:10.429 --> 00:41:12.269 for everybody pay attention to how people are 00:41:12.269 --> 00:41:15.349 moving around you pay attention No matter what 00:41:15.349 --> 00:41:17.550 you've got going on in your life, pay attention 00:41:17.550 --> 00:41:19.949 to how people are moving around you and how they 00:41:19.949 --> 00:41:22.130 are showing up for you. Are they cheering? Are 00:41:22.130 --> 00:41:25.110 they not? Are they supporting you? Are they not? 00:41:25.409 --> 00:41:27.869 Do they appear happy for you or are they not? 00:41:28.969 --> 00:41:34.590 You know? It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's 00:41:34.590 --> 00:41:36.730 essential. It's essential. Then in the day, it's 00:41:36.730 --> 00:41:38.429 essential. It's all about your mental health 00:41:38.429 --> 00:41:41.110 and your peace at the end of the day. And if 00:41:41.110 --> 00:41:45.300 people are... Bringing you burden more than the 00:41:45.300 --> 00:41:47.739 bringing you peace again. You should be assessing 00:41:47.739 --> 00:41:52.559 your circle so You know just some lessons that 00:41:52.559 --> 00:41:56.420 I've learned in my 37 years of life But I am 00:41:56.420 --> 00:41:59.920 going to end it here My boss has been blowing 00:41:59.920 --> 00:42:04.760 up my phone. So I'm actually taking my mental 00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:07.340 health day today So I'm not even at work, but 00:42:07.340 --> 00:42:10.739 I need to see what she was messaging me So I'm 00:42:10.739 --> 00:42:15.110 going to cut it here and we need to go uh see 00:42:15.110 --> 00:42:19.489 about my phone so or my phone my car so we need 00:42:19.489 --> 00:42:22.610 to go see this mechanic about my car so wish 00:42:22.610 --> 00:42:25.110 us luck there but uh thanks for tuning in to 00:42:25.110 --> 00:42:27.570 another episode of play with your dick not me 00:42:27.570 --> 00:42:30.670 i can't promise that the other one will be the 00:42:30.670 --> 00:42:32.730 next one after this one will be right out because 00:42:32.730 --> 00:42:35.570 i'm really just playing it by ear by how i feel 00:42:35.570 --> 00:42:38.269 mentally and emotionally but uh thanks for listening 00:42:38.269 --> 00:42:40.409 and i hope that everybody has a good weekend 00:42:40.409 --> 00:42:45.199 and as i always say be Fucking kind be kind. 00:42:45.199 --> 00:42:46.860 You don't know what people are going through. 00:42:46.940 --> 00:42:52.119 You don't Smile compliment But just be fucking 00:42:52.119 --> 00:42:55.139 kind to everybody. You have no idea. Just be 00:42:55.139 --> 00:42:58.059 kind. That's it. So catch you guys in the next 00:42:58.059 --> 00:42:58.780 one. Bye