WEBVTT

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Hey, this is Old Pastor Jim with the Semi -Seminary

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and a gospel transmission coming through the

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barbed wire fence of midnight for the ones too

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tired to pretend, too broke to tithe, and too

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stubborn to quit believing altogether. Tonight,

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we ain't preaching at you. We're all sitting

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together with a song. It's not a hymn, but you

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know what? It might be holier than most. It's

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an outlaw's gospel. And the question at the heart

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of it all, what if your first prayer don't sound

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like our Father, but more like, you don't owe

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me nothing, Lord, and I don't owe nothing to

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you. Is that still a prayer? Stick around. We're

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about to find out. This is Tom Ames Prayer, and

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Grace is listening. Even now. I'll see you on

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the other side. So, it's late, the coffee's half

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warm, and the only light in the room is flickering

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to the static of an old radio dial. If you're

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still up, still listening, then maybe this story's

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for you. Tonight, we're sitting with a ballad

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that ain't afraid of the dark, a song that wanders

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right up to the gallows and whispers grace through

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grit. We're talking about Tom Ames' prayer. But

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don't let the title fool you. This is no tidy

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bedtime prayer. This is a showdown with the Almighty

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from a man who's never said grace in his life.

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And the real question that we're wrestling with

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tonight, what counts as prayer? And when do we

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really start praying? And before we get too pious,

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let's remember, there's another man in scripture

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who prayed like this, a father, with nothing

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left but a desperate plea. In Matthew chapter

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17, or Mark 9, depending on which lens you're

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holding, a man brings his convulsing boy to Jesus

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and says, Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief.

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No flourish, no formula, just a raw, shaky cry

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from the edge of hope. And you know what? Tom's

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prayer ain't far from that. It's doubt and belief

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sitting side by side in the dirt, both hoping

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God still listens. So let's take a look at it.

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Verse 1. Everyone at Nacogdoches knew Tom Ames

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would come to some bad end. Well, the sheriff

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caught him stealing chickens and such by the

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time that he was 10. Tom's whole life gets summed

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up in a small town obituary before he's even

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old enough to vote. He's a kid with a reputation

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branded early. And when you are seen as trouble,

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you often become what folks expect. Theologically,

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this is original sin through the... Lens of rule

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sociology. He didn't have a shot and the world

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told him so. In fact, it echoes Nathanel's cynicism

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in John 1 and 46. Can anything good come from

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Nazareth? The answer then was Jesus. The answer

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now, maybe grace. Second verse. And one day,

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his daddy took a $10 bill and he tucked it in

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his hand. He said, I can tell you're headed for

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trouble, son, and your mama wouldn't understand.

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This isn't an intervention. It's resignation.

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His daddy ain't evil. He's just out of hope.

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Ten bucks and a goodbye handed off like a benediction

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in reverse. That's $10 worth of currency as surrender.

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Symbolically, it almost feels like Judas Silver,

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except this one's not for betrayal. But it's

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the price of giving up on someone you love. So

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he took that money in his brother's old bay and

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he left without a word of thanks. Fell in with

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a crowd in some border town. Took to robbing

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banks. Tom doesn't go off in a blaze of drama.

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He just leaves quietly. Like most folks who disappear,

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he does so slowly and with good reason. What

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follows is what follows when someone's told their

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life doesn't count. He found the people who said

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he did, even if it was just for what he could

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steal. This is sociology as theology, which is

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just a fancy way of saying sometimes folks ain't

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sinning, they're surviving. When the only folks

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who'll take you in are outside the law, then

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running without law starts to feel more like

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family than felons. Now, it doesn't excuse it,

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but it sure helps explain it. And that kind of

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grace, that understands the why before the what.

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And you know what? That's gospel. Verse four,

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outside the law, your luck will run out fast

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till he's trapped in an Abilene with all but

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four shells spent. This is Tom's reckoning. This

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is his Gethsemane. No backup, no tricks left.

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Just a man, a pistol in the sky. Grace shows

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up more clearly in alleys like these when the

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hustle fails and all that's left is a whisper

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of a prayer. And then he realized praying was

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the only thing he hadn't ever tried. Well, he

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wasn't quite sure he knew how, but he looked

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up to the sky. It ain't polished. It ain't pretty.

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But you know what? It is prayer. And I'll tell

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you what, there's a story that we find in scripture

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in Matthew chapter 17. You can go look this up

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when we're done. The father of the epileptic

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child, again, that's Matthew 17, if you wanted

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to write it down. The father says, I believe,

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help me in my unbelief. Tom's version, I ain't

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never prayed before, but. Sometimes the most

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sacred prayers come from those who never learned

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the rules of prayer. So let's look at his prayer.

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You don't owe me nothing, Lord. And as far as

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I know, I don't owe nothing to you. Hey, this

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is honest. This is real. It's not pious, but

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it's holy. And he said, I've always thought that

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praying is the same as begging, Lord. And I don't

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take no charity. Pride and pain sit across the

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table like two old drinking buddies who don't

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talk much anymore, but neither is willing to

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leave first. He's not rejecting God. He's confessing

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that grace scares him. Why? Because grace means

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surrender. And surrender means someone else loving

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you. And you letting them. But right now, Lord,

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with my back to the wall, hey, that's the moment.

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That's the altar call. And it ain't something

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that happens just around white steeple chapels.

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You know what? Sometimes it happens in dusty

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alleys in Abilene. Then Tom remembers nearly

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getting hung in Fort Smith. Judge Parker's sentence

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wasn't just legal. It was spiritual. And the

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preacher who came to save him left too soon.

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This is what happens when we preach at people

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instead of with them. He took the preacher hostage

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with a homemade blade to his throat, but what

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he really wanted was to cut the feeling of being

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abandoned by every promise of hope he's ever

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had in his life. Finally, he says, I've had some

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help from you, Lord. And the devil himself, well,

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it's been strictly touch and go. Now that's theology.

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Real theology. Because most of us, we live right

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there. In the tension between light and shadow

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trying to survive the day. Who in the hell am

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I talking to? There ain't no one here but me,

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Tom says. And yet, he prayed. And maybe that's

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the whole gospel. The grace still listens when

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you don't even know if anyone's on the other

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end of the line. Now let me say this plain, just

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in case no one's ever told you. Your prayer doesn't

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have to be perfect. It doesn't have to sound

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like something that's in the book of Psalms.

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It can be unfinished, ungrammatically correct,

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unchurchy. In fact, let me tell you something,

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friend. The more broken it is, the more heaven

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leans in. And you don't have to get cleaned up

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before you speak. You can stammer. You can whisper.

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You can yell. You know what? You can even cuss.

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Because God ain't delicate. He can handle your

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grief, your rage, your crack theology because

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he loves you enough to take it. And sometimes

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the holiest thing we can say is, I don't know

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what I'm doing, but at least I'm still here.

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And God in his mercy still calls that prayer.

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So don't wait till your faith is polished. Speak

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while it's still trembling because grace listens

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better than we speak. It doesn't need to be fancy.

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It just needs to be true. So, may you speak,

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even if it sounds more like spit than scripture.

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May you pray, even if you ain't sure it's counting.

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And may you find that when all your shells are

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spent, there is still a whisper of grace waiting

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in the silence. Now look, I want this to be clear.

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You might not have your theology all sorted out.

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You might not even believe prayer works. But

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if you've ever muttered something to the sky

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with your back to the wall and no shells left

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in the chamber, congratulations. You've prayed.

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Just like Tom. Just like that father in Matthew

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whose faith cracked open in the shape of a question.

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God ain't waiting on polished words. He's listening

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for honest ones. And I reckon grace has better

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ears than doctrine ever did. So speak, even if

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your voice trembles. Say it, even if you're not

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sure who's listening, because mercy shows up

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in alleys, in ballrooms, in outlaw ballads, and

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tonight, maybe even in you. This has been the

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Semi -Seminarian. May your next prayer be raw.

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May your next breath be grace. May the static

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still carry the gospel your way. I'll see you

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next time.