So last session, you guys, uh, you know, got
to the city of water place that I have the notes
of somewhere. Uh, Volthara, the shark city. And
you, um, went and talked to the council. And
y 'all kind of got jumped, right, by Kalor, the
head of the Squid City. I don't know if I specified
that. And a group of his assassins. And you guys
defeated him, and you defeated his men. And that
is where we left last session. Did you guys level
up like you were supposed to? What level are
we supposed to be? Did any of you guys level
up? I don't know. It's been like two weeks. All
level seven. Are we supposed to be level seven?
Or eight? I don't know. One second, guys. I gotta
do something. All right. I'll say level seven.
Say level seven. Yeah, if you told us to level
up last session, we all would have leveled up.
I did. Or at least one of us would have. I did.
I personally asked for level up and you were
like, no. I did tell you to level up. Wait, I
have a foolproof stratagem. Stratagem? My seventh
level. Yeah, I haven't used any of my seventh
level abilities. Absolutely. We leveled up at
the end of last session. I've just been attacked
by... Yes, yes, because we had extra attack.
We were level five and then we leveled up to
level seven, I believe. We were level five? Yeah.
No, no, we leveled up to level 6 and then level
7. One each, I believe. Anyway, yeah, we leveled
up at the end of the last session. Yes, you guys
are level 7. So you guys are in the middle of
this big council room. It is quite beautiful.
The rest of the council members, so there are,
what, 4? 5? 4? 4? How many cities are there?
The rest of them are up there. There's 4. VM80
and then the other 3. Kalor is deceased on the
ground next to you. Yeah, the fifth is a dead
fucking body next to us. Yeah. What would you
guys like to do? We just took down the big bad
guys, right? Big bad guy and his little minions,
yeah. Tie him up. tie up his body? Wait, they're
dead? I thought we knocked them unconscious.
No, I cut my guy's head off. Oh. Yeah, like,
he exploded. I don't remember exactly how I flavored
it, but, like, I stabbed him and then he, like,
shot up in flames and exploded. Oh. He's like
ash. He's like a charred body on the ground right
now. Wait, oh. Yeah. That's nice. So I tie him
up. I put a head in a bag and then I take it
and I swing it and throw it against the wall.
I don't know what to do. As... While we're wrapping
up this fight, I want to look over the rest of
the committee. They're, like, free now, right?
Like, they're no... Were they tied up, or did
they just get, like, backed into a corner by,
like, the evil assassin guys? They were just,
like, backed into a corner, but after their boss
was, like, kind of killed, you know, by you guys,
you know, they kind of, like... They kind of
left. They ran like little babies. The committee?
The council. What a fucking pussies, dude. No,
no, not the council. No, the people, the assassins
who are backing them up. Oh, okay, okay, okay,
okay. All the council members are still there.
Okay. Then I guess we should talk to them. What
would you like to say? Like, I don't think I
should be the one taking the lead, but we should
probably, you know, right? Ivory and Mal, we're
fighting. We just killed a bunch of guys and
there's a crowd of people staring at us. We should,
what if you should probably say something? I
kick you. Currently figuring out technical difficulties.
I kick you and then I punch you. Fuck. And then
I kick you and then I kick you again and then
I punch you and then I punch you and they throw
you at a wall. All right. I got this. I kick
you up and I spin you around really, really hard
and you hit your head on a wall. Like a fan?
Like a fan. Or like someone spinning a phone
in circles and accidentally throwing it. Spinning
a phone in circles? Like one of the wired telephones?
No. What? I feel as if I'm confused. Ivor, you're
the bard. You need to take the lead here. One
second. One last thing before I do that. When
I was younger, I used to take my monster hide
-all, specifically Duke, and then I would wrap
yarn around their necks and I would knot it.
And then I would take a piece of scotch tape,
and I would tape the fuck out of it, the other
end of the string. I'd tape them to the ceiling
fan, and I'd turn on the fan, and I'd watch it
spin around the room. And then he flew off and
slid into the wall. See, now the internet knows
that you're a psychopath. On Monday, you'll have
had five videos of you on YouTube. This will
be the eighth. Uh... They will know that you're
a psychopath. Also, I always made sure that Duke
was butt -fucking -naked when I did it. Dude.
I would take off all his clothes. Dude. And I
would hang them like women do. Bro. And I would
shit on the bed. And it would sweat. And so it
slammed into the wall. But I'd never do it in
my room. I'd do it in my brother's room. And
I had like three Duke dolls. Monster High dolls.
That was the only one I had duplicates of. It
was all the same guy. Anyways. See, me and my
sister, we would flip our bikes upside down so
that it would be on its handlebar in the seat.
We would spin the pedal as fast as it could so
that the back tire was going super fast. And
we would grab Barbie dolls and we would grind
their heads against the back tire. and, like,
remove their faces so that we could see, like,
the black, like, their face would go completely
burnt. What's really worse, hanging them and
swinging them or burning their faces off? I don't
know. Mine are still intact. Are you taking lead?
Yes. After that whole conversation. Very normal.
So... Ivory wipes the probable blood off of her
face. Takes a step forward towards the council.
Are you guys... Are you guys okay? Viamidi looks
over at you. I can't remember the voice that
I gave him. So, you know, we are completely okay.
We're fine. That's great. Do you want us to remove
the bodies out of this room before we have a
conversation with what you want? Um, no. He claps
his hands, and then you see a group of just fish
flood the floor, and then the bodies are gone.
Holy shit! You're rich! That's insane. That's
like a rich person's thing. Anyway, that's whatever.
I have a proposition. What? So, we're aiming
to get rid of Mathis. If we help you, would you
be willing to help us? How would you say you
would go about doing so? Well, we're not with
the Rebellion at all, if that's what you're thinking.
I would say that... Wait a second. I thought
of something stupid as shit. I don't think it's
going to work, but I think it's funny. So, do
you know, like, the French and, like... What
is the French? So, there's this book. Really
famous. Is it like Narnia? It is! They publicly
hang the queen. So you want to kill the king.
I feel as if for his atrocities he should face
some sort of punishment. And he should be let
out of Monarchy. If that makes sense? I agree.
Whether he's punished by death? Oh. I believe
that he should be removed. Um, and, uh, these
two. Uh, you agree that the king should be executed?
Absolutely. Mal? I was muted. Yeah. Um... So...
Uh, Kaylor, over here, um, was hurt. Uh... We
heard he was... staging a coup. That's what that
was supposed to be. The assassination. He wanted
to be the supreme leader. His goal was to take
over the ocean and destroy Mathis. Do you agree
that Mathis should be destroyed, or do you think
that the king should be destroyed? Where do you
stand in that situation? Wait, one second. Is
Mathis not the king? Am I remembering the lore
wrong? Mathis is the kingdom. It's everyone inside
the kingdom. Oh, I thought it was like the kingdom
of Mathis. Oh, my bad. It is the kingdom of Mathis,
but the king is not Mathis. Oh my god, my bad.
I was... It's like the kingdom of Britain. i
thought it was like i was thinking the guy named
the whole kingdom after himself i'm like can
we can we please can we please make that real
can i can i become the new king and name it the
kingdom of genesis the kingdom of generational
debt real real no we're going up we're going
up we're we've evolved to generational wealth
whoa And then we'll up the taxes as well, you
know, to signify the wealth. Yeah. And then you
eat cake while people outside start. And then
I get my head cut off. Sounds like the life.
Murdered. That's life, as Frank Sinatra had said.
That's how you live, love, and laugh. Love, love,
and laugh. Hey, you should, like, add lava people.
Lava people? Yeah, this is like a quick off -topic
thing, but I've been working on my Roll20 stuff
in the background, and there's a slot for subrace,
and I realized for Pyronar, the entire race is
called Pyronar, and the subrace is also called
Pyronar, and there's no other versions of fire
people. So you want fire versus fire and lava?
I think it should, you know how like water people
have like the, fuck, what are they called? The
people who are like water elementals? Yeah. Like
they're made out of water. There should be, The
people that are, like, fire -touched, sort of
like the sea elves. Yeah. It should just be a
copy of the water people, but with fire instead,
pretty much. And without Pelagoth. It should
just be, like, lava people instead. You don't
have to do it now. This is, like, not at all
a priority. I just think it'd be cool. Alright.
I want Water Girl and Fireboy. Other way around.
Oh, wait, no, you're talking about the game.
Never mind. I was thinking Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Never mind. My bad. I was thinking Cole Matthews,
dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I realized what you were...
I realized what you were saying. Anyways, so
where do you stand? Do you agree that Mathis
should be completely obliterated and taken over?
I... I think the king should just go. I don't
think the kingdom should be destroyed. The whole
entirety of it. There's people that are still
dead in it. I say that also the king should go.
I mean, a few of them are racist, but there's
still some people there. And did Genesis make
them believe that he is Thalassari? No, he did
not tell these people he was Dallasaur. He told
the people at the gates he was Dallasaur to get
in. Okay, okay. He's very selectively telling
people different stuff. Suit guy. Armored man.
Where do you stand? I know for a fact that a
lot of people who come from Mathis don't agree
with everything going on, or at least aren't
willing to put their lives on the line to uphold
those values. But, as with all wars, casualties
will happen, so... While I don't think the entirety
of Mathis should be wiped out, I'm not completely
against the idea if it happens to come to that.
It's getting late. I will get rooms arranged
for each of you. You will stay here. And in the
morning, we will summon you back. And we will
give you a quick mission. You will go. Do as
we ask. If you succeed, we will be willing to
work with you. If you fail, then no deal. Okay.
Is that okay with you guys? Yes, sir. The other
two? Don't we have a child to go pick up? That
wasn't... That... Do... Is it at the... Um...
Is it at the land orphanage? Um... In a kingdom
over, there's... I can get my men to bring them
here. Really? Yes. That'd be great. Thank you.
Thank you. Just tell me their names, and they
will go get to them. One second, I need to pull
up how to say this. It's Daria. Daria. The child
of the old dead concert. All right. He whispers
something into the guard next to him, into their
ear. The guard walks out. And next session, you
will get news back. So that's the end of the
session, guys. Yay! That is the end. 18 -minute
session. That is... No, but... So do you... Are
you guys willing to accept this mission? Or to
accept this deal? I guess I should say. You do
something for us, we will work with you. Willing.
But what is the mission? We will tell you more
tomorrow. Okay. I guess. Sure. I agree. Are Genesis
and Mal okay with that? Is Genesis okay with
that, I should say? Genesis just nods for now.
Genesis glares. He glares? Whoa. Wait, wait,
real talk. Does Genesis glare? No. Whoa. Unless
it's for a bit, then sure. Let me check something.
Passive perception 13. Okay. I'm going to say
Genesis feels something watching him. What? What?
You feel. What? Something. Anyways. Wait, so
I feel like a presence watching us? Watching
you. Watching me specifically? Yes. Can I roll
a quick, subtle Arcana check? Arcana? Yes. Yes.
I want to identify if this is some sort of spell.
Never mind the six. You rolled a six? I didn't.
That didn't pop up on my game log. Am I rolling
to myself? I don't think I should be. To me.
Never mind. It did. Send that roll. I'll be right
back. Give me five seconds. Okay. Well, well,
well. I'm the last one standing. I don't want
to talk to you. Pull up Roachacho? Okay. Yeah,
yeah. Okay, so he's going to roll. He's going
to roll to hit. Does... We haven't even rolled
initiative. Does a 28 hit? No. No? Okay. Oh,
wait. We have to roll initiative. You're right.
22. I'm going to roll... I don't... There's,
like, no chance to get higher than that. Eight.
Okay. Rook Chacho is gonna roll to hit. He rolls
an 11, so he... 27. Does a 27 hit your AC? It
does. Alright, and then he's gonna roll to hit
again, and he rolls a 20, which hits your AC.
He's gonna roll damage once. 18. He's gonna roll
damage again. 14. So take 20, 30 -something...
30 -something damage. 32. Okay. It's my turn.
Wait. And then for his bonus action, he is going
to... Rage. Because I keep forgetting about that.
Why did he rage beforehand? I don't remember.
I keep forgetting about it. Anyways, your turn.
I use command. His AC is 38. Just so you know.
Okay, well, my save is... 40 ,000, so... Oh,
okay. I don't think he can beat that. You're
right. And I command him to die. Oh. And what's
his... What is he rolling? Wisdom. What? Wisdom?
Yeah. And it's a 20 ,000? Yeah. Oh, he got a
20 ,036. Well, I was bluffing, and it was 30
,000. Oh. Right, so I commit him to die, okay?
Oh, he dies. Yes. You killed the big bad. Okay,
so let me level up, though. You level up to level
35. Yes! Yes! Yay! Are they back yet? Right.
I don't think any of them are. Do you want to
say anything to any of the guys, any of the council
members? Do you have any questions? I don't really.
I don't really have any questions. I'm just going
to, like, catch you off it, you know? No questions
at all? Not that I can think of right now. Okay.
Got a blanket on it. I just leveled to level
35. With a 6 Arcana check, you don't know. Yeah,
I assume. That's why I went AFK. Well, that's
not why I went AFK. That's why I let myself go
AFK instead of ignoring the thing I needed to
do. Mal. Are you... Do you accept the deal? You
guys go on mission, and if you succeed on mission...
I dropped my phone. If you succeed on mission,
you work with them, the council themselves. If
you fail, you don't. What? Good. Okay. Um, I
will send someone. Uh, actually, no. Uh... Near
this, escort them to their chambers. Uh, and
then he throws towards all of you. He gives you
all 300 Solaris. 300 gold. 300? Each. Yeah. Guys,
guys, this is so much better than working for
Mara. Guys, guys, I'm rich. And then Nuralis
walks down to you. Hello. Um, yeah, so... That's
not the voice I'm gonna give her. Um... Hi. I'm
Nearless. I am the head council member of Thaloris,
the jellyfish kingdom. Because you guys don't
know what that would be. Because you're kind
of stupid. I'm coughing. Give me a second. I'm
going to escort you guys to your rooms. So just
follow me. And she walks. And she's showing you
around the council building. She brings you down
a hallway, and she brings you by the exit. And
she points out the door and says, right out there,
there is a shop. So at any point, if you guys
want to go shopping to any markets, just feel
free to go. We already informed the guards about
who you are and about that you're going to be
staying here for a bit. At least for a day. So
they'll let you back in whenever. No matter if
you come back in a week, a year, whenever. As
long as you're working with us. We will welcome
you here with open arms. And we will allow you
to just stay. We'll, you know, all that good
stuff. But... Markets out there. There's so many
shops. So many shops. And down this hallway,
there is a cafeteria where all of the council
workers, members of the council, the janitors,
all the people, all the important people of the
city, cities, all of them, that meet here, all
of them eat here. Really good food. Really good
food. The best artificers. cook here. Like, we
hire them and pay them really good. So if any
of you guys want a job, hit us up. We're hiring.
And then, she walks past the cafeteria. Right
here, there's a hall. It's your guys' rooms.
And there are three doors. And each door has
One of your guys' names above them. You may not
have given your names, but they know. I don't
remember if you gave their names. Our names are...
How are they on the doors? Are they, like, carved
in? Are there, like, plates? Plaques. Plaques.
That's really concerning, because we just met
them, like, 30 minutes ago. How the fuck... We
have workers. They're efficient as fuck. They're
sick, dude. They're so cool. They're awesome.
Whoever created the concept for these guys is
such a fucking good guy. Cool guy. Whoever created
the concept for the Asian people, you should
love them. Yeah. You specifically should love
them. Well, I don't know who did that, but I
really like that person. Yeah. They did, like,
really, yeah. I love them. I might kiss them.
Whoa. Can I stop being, like, what, the third
wheel here? Fourth. Herb's my boyfriend. Anyways,
it is getting late, so I'm going to walk back
to my chambers. Yet again, if you guys want to
go shopping, you guys can. Be back by, I don't
know, tomorrow morning? I don't know. Yeah, like
six hours till then. Or whatever. I don't know.
I don't know time. Not even. I don't know. We're
just at an orphanage. I don't know. Time flies
when you're having fun, right? I did not have
time. I'm covered in blood. But, uh... It's everywhere.
Just do whatever you want. Make yourself at home.
And she walks away. So, um... Can I enter my
room? I want to inspect it. Okay, you walk into
your room. Um... It's like a room, and it has,
like, walls and a bed. It's like really... It's
like a hotel room. It's, like, really bland.
Does it have a floor? Yeah. And a ceiling. And
there's a lamp and a bedside table. Except the
lamp is like a torch. Is the lamp on the bedside
table? Or is it on the... He said a lamp and
a bedside table. It's like on... Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. And all the rooms are the same. So I'm
not going to go through and describe every single
one of them. Okay, leave my room. You leave your
room. There's... There's... There's a giant monster
in my room. I don't know what it's called. Oh,
all the rooms have a bathroom. Oh, that's awesome.
Why in your room? There's a giant creature in
my room. I don't remember what it's called. I'm
pretty sure you can make some really nice suitcases
out of them. What? Can I peek into the room?
Yeah. Is there a Tarrasque in your room? Oh my
god. Oh, I get it now. What? Tarrasque made suitcase.
So in the wasteland, my character got scanned
by a salesman claiming to sell Tarrasque. A briefcase
is made out of Tarrasque. And then I used it
to try and block acid rain and then I almost
died. Uh oh. So what do you guys want to do?
We can go shopping. We just got money. At least
five dollars worth. So there's at least five.
Am I here for that? I literally did not hear
what you said. I would be honest with you. What
did you say? Was I here for that? For getting
$5? What? You got $300, Solaris. We got $300.
Yeah. He's got $300, Solaris. Yeesh. Yeesh? Oh,
okay. Yep. Yeah. Because I'm cool like that.
If we combined our totals, that would be $900.
Well, I'm so glad to be by rich people. I've
never experienced this in my life. Just getting
300 cylinders. Usually I'd, like, have to commit,
like, manslaughter for this. What? I didn't.
Actually, I did. But I didn't. This is like getting...
This is your sign -on bonus. Can I buy underwater
hard drugs? Yeah, you can buy seaweed. 600 gold.
Yeah, I'd like to buy seaweed. Oh, as much seaweed
as I can buy with 600 gold. You don't have enough.
How much is one seaweed? One singular seaweed
is like 315. 315 what? No, I mean 615. 700. 800.
Like 10 ,000. 615. You want to show your own
drug cost? Your own drug pricing? We're witnessing
inflation in real time. It's like the stock market,
it fluctuates every time. Yeah, except it only
fluctuates upward by like 200 gold every single
second. Sometimes it goes down. Sure. It just
didn't. Well, has it ever been 10? Yeah. Right
now? No. Right now? No. What about now? Yep.
No. Oh. Damn it. I missed it. You missed your
chance. You missed your chance? God damn it.
Yeah, you gotta buy. You gotta buy, dude. Wait.
Okay, wait. Can I just go out and get sea drugs?
Because it's literally seaweed. There's seaweed
everywhere. No, that's seaweed. Not seaweed.
Oh. It's like a space between it. Okay, that
makes sense. Yeah, yeah. No, no. There's like
an apostrophe. Like Valthara. There's like Valthara
and there's Valthara. Why is your... Can it run?
I want to go shopping. I want to go to the stores
and get like... Coke. We should probably go shopping.
But before we go shopping, there is something
I want to do. Okay. What do you want to do? Nova.
E -Genesis. Nova. We're in the undersea. Correct.
I want to gather the others around. Because last
session, we split up while you guys adopted those
kids. And I learned a few things about how the
undersea works. And I'm here to share that knowledge
with you guys. I have something to say to you.
I'm legally or unlegally married to Malachi in
one technicality. There's one person in the undersea
that thinks that they're married. I need to go.
Our journey together so far has been incredible,
but I can't adventure with you guys anymore.
I need to leave forever. When did I marry you?
When we had to view it as a lie. So we're technically,
untechnically, on some sort of technicality married.
I'm sorry. I thought you were the aunt. I thought...
Did we say I was the aunt? I don't think we did.
I think I just told you to... I think I just
interrupted the conversation and said, yeah,
we're adopting a kid. Yeah, that is what happened.
Yeah, so they think we're married. I'm sorry,
dude. I know you're gay. And I know that... I'm
something. And I'm really sorry. But... I don't
think it's gonna work out. I need to get divorced
from you. I need to get divorced. I'm sorry.
I just can't take it anymore. There's... There's
blood all over you. You just look like you killed
a man or a couple. And I just don't think I want
that in a partner. I see. I see. Also, I don't
want to be with someone that's gay. Wow. so homophobic
I see I'm not being homophobic it's not like
you're gay and then you won't ever you're gay
and I won't I'm a rock and I don't think it's
gonna work out you're into women or you're into
men and I'm a rock it just it won't work I don't
think it's gonna work I just want to let you
guys know that Ivory's last name is also Slate,
and also Slate is the type of rock she's made
out of, and that's never been brought up. I just
want to let you guys know about it because I
think it's really funny every time I think about
it. Ivory Slate. Genesis' last name is Go -Gurt.
Holy shit. No, I was going to say Genesis' last
name is also the thing he's made out of, Flash.
His full name is Genesis Flash. Malachite's last
name is Spider, right? You are what you eat,
guys. You are what you eat. Man. If we are what
we eat, that hypothesis of you eating like 18
spiders every night would work out. No, Malachite's
man. Is the divorce bit over? I think Purple's
trying to explain to you how the council worked.
Sorry, I could have done that. Yeah, no, so you
know how different governments elect people in
different ways? In this place. Sorry, this is
not the voice that Genesis has. Different governments,
different ways, different places. elect officials
in different ways. This place, specifically,
elects their officials by how popular they are.
If you do enough stuff, if you can basically
advertise yourself as a sick -ass guy who can
take down giant monsters, you just become president.
It's kind of like a nerd system. Wait, so what
if the water version of Kylie Jenner comes on
here? Will that replace? She would be, depending
on what type of fish creature she was, she would
be the essentially council member of... Also,
Kylie Jenner is now canon because you said that.
Is she a catfish? Is she like Narnia? Yeah. Narnia
is also real. Like, it's not fake, it's real.
Oh, okay. All of this is in Narnia. Kylie Jenner,
the Spanish, the French, Spider -Man, Marvel.
Is she a catfish? Don't forget Jesus Christ.
Oh yeah, Jesus. All of the good stuff. All of
it's in Narnia right now. Continue, perp. It'd
be like a pocket dimension that every time I
bring up something unrelated or something stupid,
it appears. It's Narnia. It's Narnia, bro. Yeah,
that's all I had to say. If we get famous enough,
if we get popular enough, we could own this place.
I don't think we can because we're not fish,
but theoretically. Bro. I kill everyone that
doesn't like me. This is a great murder. I technically
make this the son of the council. I mean, they
are down a council member now. You did kill them.
Well, I'm here, I guess. I'm taking in the child,
so I mean, race me up a little. In the ranks.
Okay, I want to go shopping now. I'm going to
go walk to the shop. Does everyone go? Everyone
follow? Yeah. Okay, what shops are we looking
for? What is there? Like, any. Any. Whatever
shops you want. Not that one. So, you see, that's
a scam, because that's not here. You said, I
used to anyone I want, and that's what I want.
Oh, well. There's a cute magic shop nearby. I
wanna go there. You wanna go there? Yeah. They
sell, like, scrolls and stuff. Yeah. Okay, okay.
You walk in and you see it's completely empty
except for one singular scroll. Wait, just one?
Yeah. How is this a shop if it only sells one
thing? Well, it sold everything. Duh. So that
means that must be the worst thing in the room?
It's the spell Frost Breath. No. I don't know
what it's called. Cone of Cold? Cone of Cold.
No, it's not actually empty. So in this magic
shop, in said, I lost my link. Where's my link?
Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Oh, there it is.
Everything's gone. They have candles. They have
cloaks. They have orbs. They have staffs. They
have wands. They have amulets. They have bag
of holding. Is there a cloak of billowing? Cloak
of what? Billowing. Yes. Okay. Why? Why do you
want the cloak of billowing? because I bought
it 100 gold oh that's fucking expensive shit
other campaign it was like other campaign it
was like 15 I don't want it anymore they're like
not supposed to be that cheap it was like 2 gold
in my last campaign they're like magic stuff
is supposed to be like more it's a cloak that
billows dramatically it does nothing else but
below dramatically yeah if the wind hits it at
the right angle it does a little flourish and
that is all that the cloak does yeah 50 gold
gold for that they have an orb of time While
holding this orb, you can use an action to determine
whether it's morning, afternoon, evening, or
nighttime outside. You know what that would be
really good against? What? Mister. Why? He's
like a vampire. They have a portable hole. Portable
hole? Yep. What? Uh -huh. Do you have a portable
hoe? It's a fine black cloth, soft as silk, folded
up to the dimensions of a handkerchief. It unfolds
into a circular sheet, six feet in diameter.
I want a portable hoe. I want a portable hoe.
It costs... I'll say 200, Solaris. Haggle. Haggle?
Haggle. How much? You said 200. I did. What does
he do again? I'm going to tell you who this fine
shopkeeper is. He's a man. His name is Eiffel.
Hi there. Um, my name is, uh, I feel, um, uh,
like the tower. Um, what can I get for you guys
today? I think that's the first time someone
besides us has mentioned Narnia. Listen, I feel.
Yeah. I have my eyes on that portable hole you
have. You're not going to be a weirdo, are you?
What? You're not going to be a weirdo, are you?
A widow of what? What? The whole? No, I'm gonna
end the world. Listen, Ivo. We're on our way
to fight the Mathis Empire. Yeah? So I was just
wondering if maybe there's any chance you could
give me a discount. Uh, like, how much you asking
for? Like, the shop's like to help with my dying
kid. Like... I'm thinking an even 150. 150? Um...
Yeah. How about... You buy something else, and
I'll give this to you for 150. Actually, you
buy something else, I'll give you this for 100.
W. Okay, is there a, uh, backup holding? Yeah.
Because I need storage space. How much would
that be? 50. 50? Okay, then I will buy both of
them for 150 total. Alrighty. I need to search
up something real quick. Okay. I'm going to take
the portable hole. Yeah. And I'm going to put
the bag of holding into it. God damn it. A plater
portal is going to open to the astral plane.
And I'm going to step through it. We're going
to become space pirates for the rest of the campaign.
It doesn't work. The astral plane doesn't exist
in Elyria. Fuck! Fuck! Fine, then I guess just
a black hole opens and we all die. No, I'm not.
Oh, no. You actually see into the future. You
see your death. Fully is, by the way, if you
guys ever get a portable hold at a back of holding
in, like, another campaign, you fully can just,
like, open a portal to the astral plane. I'm
not joking. That's like written in the rules.
If you put... Yeah. Anyway. I want to go to space.
Yeah. Space doesn't exist in Elarion. Because
of lore. Okay. Is there a moon? There is. There's
two moons. Do you have a sun? Yes. Are there
stars? Yeah. I think you're scaring me, then.
If you read the Bible that I wrote, you would
understand why there's all those, though. I have
a Bible. Well... The Starlight Tavern Bible is
just like when we didn't understand space, so
we just came up with, like, gods must push the
moon across the... except, like, the Bible is
actually just that. I think you're cramping my
style here. Um, so, uh, in the center of this
room, there is a scroll, uh, with, uh, cone of
cold on it. Uh, and it's discounted. 200 gold.
What was it? Cone of cold. Please spell that.
C -O -N -E -O -F C -O -L -D Also, on said discount
table, there is... What is it called? There's
a necklace. And it looks to resemble a raven.
And it's selling for 25 gold. I want it. You're
not gonna... You don't wanna know what it is?
What is it? Um... Roll Arcana. Okay. I'm gonna
fulfill myself. I get a natural 29. Shit. With
a 17, it's cursed in a cool way. Um... In a cool
way? It lets you summon a raven. And it lets
you transform into a raven. But after you put
it on, you'll never be able to take it off. Ever.
Wait, is it shiny? Yes. I don't want it. You
want it? I don't want it. Oh, I forgot. Yeah.
It's cool, though. It's cool though. Also, there
is a... There's a piece of paper on the table.
It's just a piece of paper. There's nothing special
about it. I don't really think I want anything,
I'm gonna be honest. Kill all magic users 2025.
Oh, okay. Any other shop that you guys would
like to go to? Or, Mal, is there anything that
you want to get here? What's your ring inventory
like? A ring inventory? Um, well, what you looking
for? I'll tell you if we got it. A ring of protection?
Um... We don't have that. We have a ring of swimming,
but that one's a bit cursed. There's a shop somewhere,
I don't really know where it is, that just sells
jewelry, if you can find them. Oh. Thank you.
Yeah. Anything else that you want? I want to
sell my backpack and a sword of mine. Your entire
backpack? Yeah. There's nothing inside of it.
How much does a backpack sell for? It sells for
like two gold. Usually two Solaris. Alright,
and then what sword? Regular longsword. Alright.
How much does the sword tell for? Usually it
is... Well, I'm an idiot. Give me a second. It's
15. 15? Yeah. I'll say... You could sell all
that for... He'll buy the backpack from you for
five gold personally, because he needs a backpack.
He'll buy the sword from you for ten. I'm assuming
that it's the used one. Yeah, I use it a little
bit. But it also is, like, flavor -wise, it's,
like, the sword I started with. Like, it's the
sword with the swirls and shit, and it's, like,
super polished and cool. But I'll sell it for
$10. Well, are you gonna, like, keep the flavoring
of the sword for the next sword? Yeah. He'll
buy it from me for $10. So you get 15 total.
Alright, what sword do you want to go to next?
Magic item. Not like wizard stuff, but like magic
sword and stuff like that. Alright. Like Arbor
and Blacksmith, but mystical. Alright. So you
want to go to a Blacksmith? Yeah. Alright. Let's
see. Does this person tell? No, they do not.
Alright. So you get to tool a blacksmith. Is
there anything specifically that you're looking
for? Greatsword. A greatsword? Yeah. Alright.
Let me, let me, let me. Alright. You see, in
this collection, you see a man. He's not an ocean
creature, so you don't know how he's down here.
He's just a guy. A human guy. Oh, hi. He looks
at you. Welcome to my shop. You see a whole load
of greatswords on one wall. I immediately walk
over to them, don't even look at him, and just
start looking at all the different swords on
the wall. He has a flametongue greatsword, which
is a magic weapon. that you can use a bonus action
to cause flames to light up from it and it lights
up an area around and you can use the 2d6 and
then also 2d6 fire damage it is if i uh if i
got this sword could i like augment it huh augment
what do you mean yeah So, like, if I got this
sword, could I augment it to also do, like, ice
damage and poison damage and, like, thunder damage
and, like, lightning damage all at once, all
at the same time, and then call it, like, Breeze's
Elemental Greatsword or something, and then I
just, like, hit people really fucking hard? Um,
he has a, he has another sword, uh, which is
the Frost, Frost Brand Greatsword, which is,
uh... They take an extra 1d6 cold, and you have
resistance to fire damage when you hold it. And
in freezing temperatures, it glows up a 10 -foot
radius in dim light. And you can extinguish flames
with it. And then he also has just a greatsword
plus 2. And then he has a greatsword of lifestealing.
And a great sword plus one. Do you want any of
those? How much is thee? I'm just trying to decide
which of these I like the most. Right now it's
between the greatsword plus two and the flametongue
greatsword. The plus two and the flametongue,
you said? Yeah. How much are each? Both are blue.
The greatsword plus two and the flametongue.
Let me pull up there. Thanks. Because plus two
is just better than plus one. Like, stealing
only works on a nat 20, so I don't think that's
incredibly worth it. And the frost brand gives
me resistance to fire, and I already have resistance
to fire. And I don't think the 1d6 gold is worth
it. I'll say that the flametongue... I'll say...
225? In the plus two, I'll say 200 flat. But
you can haggle. Actually, I'll say 325 and 300.
325 and 300? Yeah. The greatsword plus two would
probably be better because I'd be able to hit
a lot easier, but the flametongue greatsword
matches my vibe. So how much is the flametongue
greatsword again? 325. Okay. Do you want to haggle?
Yeah. All right. Now, the flametongue greatsword,
eh? You like it hot, eh? What? I leave. Don't
talk to me ever again. That'll be a 325. I place
my basic greatsword on the counter in front of
him. And I say, Oh, you're giving me your sword.
How about we trade? And I give you and I pull
out a small pouch of gold. I'm going to place
it on the table. You give me that greatsword.
And you also give me 200 gold. Okay. Then we
have a deal. Genuinely insane steel. Insane steel.
My greatsword is worth like 50. Okay. His personality
written down is... Idiot. Dumb. Ivory and Mal,
do either of you guys want anything from this
blacksmith? I want a dagger. Dagger? What kind?
Yeah. Magical? Not magical? Do you want a list
of the daggers that they have? Yes. Oh, alright.
Let me pull up the list. I want the best one.
The best one? Give me the best one. Ever. Oh.
Ever. My name is Bernadette. I'm actually going
to give you a list. They have a flametongue dagger.
They have a dagger of venom, a plus two dagger,
and then a nine lives stealer dagger. What the
fuck is a nine lives? You gain a plus two bonus
to attack rolls and damage rolls made with this
magic weapon. Life -stealing. The weapon has
1d8 plus 1 charges. When you attack a creature
that has fewer than 100 HP with this weapon and
rolls a 20 on the d20, the attack roll the creature
must succeed on dc15 con saving or be slain instantly
as the sword tears its life force from its body.
Constructs and undead succeed on the save automatically.
The weapon loses 1 charge if the creature is
slain. When the weapon has no charges remaining,
it loses this property. Basically, you have nine
charges where if you crit someone, you can basically
cast Power Word Kill. It's really strong. I think
it's purple. Yep. So it's going to be really
expensive. I have five gold. You have 500, but
it would be all 500, if not 600. You'd probably
have to haggle. I have... You should be able
to haggle to at least afford it, but whether
it would cost all of your money is like the...
What do the other ones do? Flametongue dagger.
You can also do 2d6 fire damage as well as the
other damage. Dagger venom, 2d10 poison damage
as well as the 1d4. Plus 2 dagger. It's just
a plus 2 dagger. Those are all blue. The nine
live stealer is the strongest. It is a plus three
dagger with the property. I think. No, it's a
plus two dagger with the property. I think. But
if you crit, it's like, you know. Yeah. Do I
get to choose if I use the, like, automatically
kill someone or whatever it was? But is it just,
like, automatic? I'll let... I agree, letting
you know. But I'll let you choose. No, you choose.
You choose. I'm pretty sure. But Juno, this is
the strongest dagger. Without, like, the packs
that Jaden has and, like, the different add -ons,
this is the strongest dagger in the game. So
you should absolutely go for it, in my opinion.
Okay. I want to buy that. Oh, the Night Live
Steeler Dagger. Oh, you like breaking hearts,
eh? That'll be 600 gold. I mean, Solaris. God
dang it, I'm stupid. And he hits his head on
the table. That'll be 550. Did you just lower
the price? That's because you fucked up. 550
Solaris. Do I have less? Can I do less? Let's
go. How much you asking? Can I have 500? Why?
Because I want it. I'm not getting anything out
of this deal. Well, listen. Okay, tell me what
am I getting here? I was... You're getting my
strongest dagger that I only have one of, and
I'm getting nothing. What? No, you're still getting
gold. Well, yeah, but I'm getting less gold than
what this weapon is worth. My parents didn't
show up at my own birth. My parents didn't show
up to my own birth. Okay, but I don't care, right?
It's like the... You should. Roll a deception
check. I'm like nine years old. Roll a deception
check. Yeah, he rolled a 17 without any modifiers.
So, you didn't deceive him. Yeah, I don't care.
I'm not getting anything here. So, rather you
buy for 550 or you, you know, at least trade
in something or offer something. Well, I have
a... I also have a dagger. Her name is Vanessa.
You're gonna... That dagger's, like, worth nothing.
Yeah, but, like, her name's Vanessa and she's
very precious to me. You know what? You know
what? How much money do you have? I have... 500.
Give me literally all of it and I'll give you
the dagger. I'll give you 500. Give me 500 and...
Uh... The 500 and... He looks at Genesis. You.
You help out. Give Ted gold. Ted gold. Ted gold
from you. What the fuck? Why are you forcing
him to be funny? What? I mean, if you can't afford
it, you're a friend. You're a friend here. Get
help. No? Wait, I have a longsword in my inventory.
Do you also want a longsword? Oh, you could have...
I'll take the longsword. You give me the longsword
and I'll sell this to you for 500 easily. Yeah.
I didn't use some of that from the beginning.
Well, I didn't think you'd want to... Well, I
didn't think you'd trust that I have a longsword.
I love longswords. Longswords are my favorite.
Yeah, of course, man. Of course. In fact, actually,
yeah. Fine, fine. 480. You know what? Oh. Oh,
shit. Thanks. Well, I just want to let you know,
um, I need my longsword. Uh, one second. I need
my longsword, Ben. So I need you to take very
good care of Ben, because Ben was very important
to me. Alrighty. I'll take good care of Ben.
Did you add the dagger to your inventory? Yeah,
I'm looking up right now. Alright. Mal, do you
want anything? How's your shield collection?
Shield collection? I mean, we have some pretty
good shields if I do say so myself. Do you want
a magical shield or just a normal shield? What
do you have? I have an arrow -catching shield.
By that I mean it's a shield that's caught several
arrows after I shot it. I have a shield that...
A shield plus two. And a shield plus one. Oh,
we have an animated shield. That one's really
annoying. I hate that thing. On discount. For
how much? You know what? $2 .25. 220. 230. 225.
225. I had him 225 gold. That seems like a steal.
Hand you the animated shield. In the minute that
it's put into your hand, you can tell that it's
more animated than most animated shields. In
fact, you start hearing its voice in your head.
Yay, another talking companions I have gotten
over this entire campaign. My D &D history. My
name is Jim. I've had... Hi, Jim. Oh, you and
me are going to be snow best buddies. This is
my second talking shield, by the way. My first
one was perp. Speaking of me, it's me, the shield
of bravery. Shut up. Oh, God, I hate it. Anyways,
any other shops that you would like to go to,
guys? I'm Brooke. I don't really... I don't really...
Is there a... I want that jeweler. I want that
jeweler. That jeweler? Right across the street.
Right across the street. Like... Yeah. Do you
want to go to the jeweler? Yes, but before...
I want to turn to... I don't even know what...
The blacksmith. I don't even... Did we get his
name? That was... No. Okay. Well, I'm going to
turn to the blacksmith and go, I actually have
a few things I want to sell. You want to sell
stuff to little old me? Alrighty. I hand him
another shield. I hand him a shield. And you're
never going to believe it, but I hand him a shield
of plus one. So you give him a normal shield
and then a shield plus one? Yes. He'll hand you...
30 gold. This money system makes no sense. It
doesn't need to. 40. That shield plus one took
a long time to get. Uh... 40. Okay. He hands
you 40 gold. 40 more gold. I got that shield
for 20 bucks. 80? 70. He hands you the 40 and
the 30. Oh. Okay. Thank you. And then he faints
as you guys walk out. Oh no. Quick, someone do
CPR. Like fallen collapses to the ground? He's
dying. Quick. Do I get a guard? That guy's passed
the fuck out in there. Quick. Someone help him.
He's dying. Quick. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. He stands
back up and starts talking to himself. What the
fuck? What is this guy's dealer? It's me, Clambert.
I can't remember his voice still. Oh, my God.
That's actually pretty accurate, though. Anyways,
do you go to the jeweler? Yes. Okay. I don't
go in. I crawl there. Okay. You walk in. Hello.
It's me, the jeweler. I'm going to run through
all the rings that they have. Ring of Evasion,
Ring of Feather Falling, Ring of Protection,
Ring of Psychic Resistance, Ring of the Ram,
Ring of X -Ray Vision, Ring of Shooting Stars,
Ring of Telekinesis, Ring of Invisibility, Ring
of Three Wishes, Ring of Free Action, Ring of
Cold Resistance, and Ring of Water Walking. What
do you want to buy? You know, that Ring of Protection.
Where is that? Ring of protection? You want to
buy a ring of protection? Yeah. It's right by
the door all the way away from the counter. So
you're right next to it. Do you want to buy it?
As soon as you said right by the door and right
by the counter, my immediate mind went to steal.
steal this thing. But at the same time, my stealth
is, my sleight of hand is somewhat at a disadvantage.
You gotta think of this as the moral dilemma
that I'm putting you through. I also don't want
this city to be like, oh, they're stealers. There's
a paper and it says that it is worth 60 gold.
Oh. Solaris. Solaris. Oh. I would steal this,
but my sleight of hand is kind of horrible. I
would. I would. I want you to know, but right
now I'm paying 60 gold. I walk up to the counter.
Hello! That'll be 60 gold. You didn't... Okay.
I handed him 60 gold. What? You're just gonna...
Give me the... The 60 gold? I bet you knew I
was okay. Ring of protection. The one by the
door. Yeah, but, like, everyone, like, usually
people who come in are like, uh, I'll do 50.
And then I'll go, okay, I'll give you 50. And
it's just like, I price it, take it for 40, and
then he walks away. wow what a deal didn't even
just talk to him didn't even try to haggle yay
yay yippee I guess I get my ringer protection
I guess we're leaving guys uh what do you guys
want to do now I have no money. Should we go
back to the council building? Question mark?
I don't know if they have money if they want
to buy anything, but I feel like you guys know
I'm broke. Mal? I'm currently looking through
stuff I might want to buy. I mean, there will
always be time. Okay. I want to buy... Where
at? Potion. Potion shop? Okay. Okay. What? Hello.
Welcome to my alchemist shop. My name is Gerald.
Don't laugh at that. I need a potion of healing.
I want to look at your current price as an aside.
We have a potion of healing for 30. No, 25. Basic
potion of healing for 25? Yeah, basic potion
of healing. All right. Not only does 2d4 plus
2, potion of healing greater does 4d4 plus 4.
Greater potion would be 80. How much for a superior?
Superior? Freaking 300. 200. For one? 200, yeah.
How much for greater? Greater? 80. That's a range
of 6 to 12, you think? That's a rage. That heals
you anywhere from 6 to 12 hit points, and it's
80 each. I'm never buying healing potions. I'm
sorry. The healing rules, if you use the healing
potion as the action, you get the full... Yeah,
but I'm never going to use it as an action, because
I'm going to be using my action to hit stuff
and then use bonus action to heal. So it's just
not worth it. Why are there so many genesis's?
I didn't even... Huh? I just looked at the map.
There are so many Genesis's. Stop! Stop! You
fucking dick! At least, at least, at least have
regular Genesis. Because, like, your Genesis
is squished. I fixed him. Okay. And I gave him
a little cool token border. Don't fucking, don't
fucking green gas me. Don't green goblin me.
Don't call me gender studies. Anyways. Yeah,
I'm just gonna have it with the others. I'm done
shopping. Okay, Mal? I don't think I'm here to
buy anything. Alright, so do you guys want to
go back to the council building? No, I want to
go outside and punch an orphan. There are no
orphans outside. They're all in the orphanage.
Why, man? Why? Someone freeze him. So do you
guys want to go back to the council building,
though? Is that the plan? Yes. I think so. Alright.
So you guys head back to the council building.
Do you guys want to do anything there or do you
guys want to just sleep? If you guys want to
have a talk. I don't care. Mal, Genesis? Please.
I would even... I've done everything I wanted
to. Alright, then... Everyone, long rest as you
guys enter your chambers in sleep. And then,
in the morning, you wake up to being summoned
down. Very, very aggressively woken up. You're
summoned down to the council room by Viamidi.
Do you all head down immediately? Yeah. Yeah.
Genesis? Yeah. Yeah, don't see why not. Alright,
you guys head down. And you see... All of the
council members are there. And actually, I actually
forgot that two of the people are dead. Oh, yeah.
That did happen. I can't remember which other
one was dead. I can't remember which one was
the one who you guys fought and which one was
the one who was the father of the other guy.
So, like, you know. K -Lord could have been the...
Kayler could have been the guy of the father
of the guy. But I don't remember. So, you know.
Um... But... The Amity looks at you all. So,
um... The mission for you all. Do you all want
to know what it is? Yes. Do you... Do any of
you know... Who... Do any of you guys know who
the Seven are? The creators. The... Yeah, do
you know who the Seven are? Yeah, so we know
who God is. I assume. Do you know who the Tidemaker
is? Tell it. Fucking Dalet. Yeah, I'm familiar.
We have found an ancient power belonging to Dalet
that has been locked away in an ancient temple
and we figured out that if we can access the
temple, if we can get in, It is the temple of
Ronstad. Ronstad, his mule, and Thalet himself.
If we can get in, we will be able to harness
the power. And that will give us a much larger
advantage against the people of Mathis and the
soldiers and the king himself. Especially with
the theories going around. The rumors. that the
king is being influenced by a sort of demonic
entity uh no clue if it's true but we've heard
rumors um and we were wondering if you guys would
like to venture out to this temple and retrieve
uh this Power. And use it. Against Mathis. With
us. Yeah. I mean. I don't know. I'm going to
ban you from... No, no, no. We're not starting
this. We're not starting this. We're not starting
this. We're not starting this. I'm going to kill
you all. I'm going to TPK. Stop. Stop. Can I,
um... Just make... I want to do this because
I think it's really funny. Um... Herb, I understand
you just got a fucking megaphone thing, but you
see Mal just fucking create one. Out of magic.
Out of thin air. Okay. Well, it was pretty cheap,
but, uh, fuck you for not doing that earlier.
Also, I'm gonna create a black hole. Um, well,
womp womp. Are you guys willing to go on this
adventure? It's not too late to say no. Mel?
Yeah. Alright. The temple is just swim. Just
swim up, and you'll find it. It's pretty simple.
Well, actually, in fact, no. I'll get someone
to go with you. But there comes a question in
this campaign. Do you guys wish to do the temple
part next session, or do you guys wish to continue?
I personally don't care. Whatever you guys want
to do. Is the temple the initiative? Yes. How
long do you think it'd take? Because they have
Wasteland at like 4 .30 and I don't know how
long this would take because we had a session
in Wasteland where it was like four straight
hours of fucking Initiative. Wasteland at 4 .30?
Yeah, Wasteland at 4 .30. Like, two hours. Well,
it'd be done by 4 .30 because I work at 5. Okay,
I don't care. What do you guys want to do? Genesis.
Okay. The rest of this session, there is a puzzle.
There is the encounter with the map. And, you
know, fun stuff. We can rather continue or we
can do that next week. And this session could
just be the market. Do you wish to continue,
perp? I need a yes or no. What I'm trying to
hit at is don't ask me. I'm not going to be responsible
for the choice we make. So, do you guys, so,
Ivory and Juno and Oz? Because Market took an
hour and a half alone. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's
the reason I'm asking. um i say y 'all want to
have a heavier session tomorrow or next or tomorrow
next week uh if you want i don't care i have
raw um i just did not expect the market to take
An hour and a half. The puzzle's gonna take so
long. Puzzle's gonna take so long, I'm gonna
be completely honest with you. It's not that
long of a puzzle. It's not bad. Okay, thank god.
I'm not good at puzzles. Like, making them. I
wouldn't be able to tell you that. Like, they're
really easy when I make them. Oh, he messaged
me. So, end session now. Also, who's been griefing
the fucking Roll20? That's exactly what I just
checked earlier. Stop, you fucking pussy. You
know. What? Okay. You're deleting it all. I mean,
it's really easy to delete. I don't... I don't
know. Also, you kind of can tell because if you
click on it, you can't edit it. Yep, it's like
really easy to delete. Where did Purp's character
go? I went into the void to avoid ivory touching
me inappropriately. Okay. Okay. Why are you like
this? Are you guys okay with that? I wasn't even
touching you, bro. I've been having Malachi shoot
the fuck out of you. Yeah. Where did you put...
Ivory? Where's Ivory gone? Was Ivory not there?
I did not do anything. Ivory died. Bruh. Okay.
Let me put her back. I'm back! Okay. So. I guess
this will be the end of this session. Meaning,
next week's session will be big, big fun. Big
fun. And not at all painful physically. And I'm
not going to hit my players, because why would
I do that? Don't listen to them if they tell
you I do. Of course. I don't like this. Right?
Right, guys? Yeah, you don't hit us. No, why
would I? No, don't do that to me. Oh, why would
I? Um, but, uh, hope you guys enjoyed session.
Uh, very, very, very, very, uh, no, very not
story session. Unlike typically. Pretty boring.
In fact, yeah. Pretty boring. But next session.
Worst session ever. Very skippable session, in
fact. Very skippable. Very skippity? Very skippity
session. I hope you all enjoyed it. This is the
end of session 8. of ashes beneath the ground.
This should be session eight, or I'm wrong counting
-wise. I don't know. I don't know numbers. Thank
you for watching. Next session, encounter, puzzle,
story, fun. Thank you for watching. Say goodbye,
my friends. Oz. No.