Welcome to Don't Scare the Newbies, a podcast
where we talk kink, raw and unfiltered. I'm Carizal,
a lifestyle submissive and a 24 -7 dynamic who
likes their kink heavy, intense and scary. And
I'm S. Carizal -Sominant, who knows how to deliver
all of the above. And today we are going to be
talking about period sex. Oh, bloody hell. When
you told me we were going to do an episode about
period sex, I was a little bit perplexed. You
often are, and I often end up being smart and
wise, and the episodes you think are bad ideas
are really good ones. I never said it was a bad
idea. Just a perplexing one. Just a perplexing
one. Well, partly because I thought, can we really
talk for an hour and a half about period sex?
I guess we'll find out. I mean, this morning
I think we talked for about an hour and a half
about why I love weeds in the garden and why
you don't, so we're good at waffling. True. But
I think there was also a part of me that kind
of pondered whether or not period sex was actually
a kink. Yeah. Because it's just sex. Yeah. And
I guess we'll get into why there is that potential
for it to be a kinky thing. But like people have
sex when they're on their period. And that is
just a thing that happens. Yeah. Rather than
it being a specific, oh yes, I enjoy. specifically
enjoy either sex when i am on my period or sex
with someone who is on their period yeah and
i think that's a big part of why it came to my
head as an idea for an episode because for me
it very much is a kink yeah it doesn't have to
be and the first time i had period sex it wasn't
motivated by a specific desire to have period
sex but it is something that has become a time
of the month that i weirdly look forward to even
though my period isn't always a great time true
stuff we do during it yeah it's really fun yeah
fun and hot yes I mean, you enjoy various periods
of your cycle, don't you? My whole cycle is...
I really like being in tune with my cycle and
I'm always worried about talking about this because
it's sort of like the female red pill is getting
really hung up on your cycle and acting like
it makes you into an entirely different person
and all of this sort of slightly gender, like,
bio -essentialist stuff that comes along with
it. There's a lot of baggage, but I... One of
the things I love about being sterilized and
not having to use hormonal contraception anymore
is I get to experience every phase of my cycle.
And there's a lot of really good stuff about
every phase of my cycle. I like my period. I
like the sexual perversions that we can engage
in because of my period. And I like it as a sort
of like a... A monthly reminder that my body
is working right. I have a fairly regular cycle
and I like that little bit of reassurance that
things are ticking along the way they're supposed
to. I really enjoy the follicular phase. I feel
like I'm a lot more motivated and it's my get
shit done period of time. Yeah. Ovulation, I
become the bane of your life. Yes, you do. Where
I am basically in heat. And I know that's not
the case for everyone who ovulates again. It's
that sort of stereotypical thing of like, oh
my God, everyone who ovulates just becomes like
a cat in heat. Not everyone, but definitely me.
Yes. And I suspect in that slightly urban myth
way that one of our cats is syncing with your...
cycle yeah before anyone comes for us cookie
has not been spayed because she was severely
underweight as a young cat and i couldn't get
her to keep any weight on and by the time she
started keeping a healthy amount of weight on
she was a senior cat and having had conversations
with the vet about this it's been weighed up
that her getting spayed may not be in her best
interests we are not irresponsible pet owners
and she is an indoor cat so she's not getting
pregnant yes A very good and important caveat
to make. She's a fragile little cat with a lot
of issues. Like, we're doing what we can. Cookie
has a lot of issues. Bless her. But it's not
like every four weeks that she will go into heat.
No. But it does seem to line up pretty well.
Quite often it does, yeah. So you've got me following
you around wearing tiny little shorts. Absolutely.
cock starved begging desperate yes and then just
as i settle down and go to sleep so you think
you can get some peace cookie starts roaming
the house the funniest thing about that was not
the sound it's the cookie was in the kitchen
and as soon as you started she ran in she's like
oh i'm being mocked yes what is occurring um
so yeah i really enjoy my ovulation i think there's
things you enjoy about it like denying me and
also making me come over and over and over again
which is a great time for everyone yes um but
then i quite like the luteal phase as well gets
a gets a bit of a bad rap does the luteal right
um and i'm definitely a little bit lower energy
during that time but if i actually have time
to write that's often when my best writing happens
i'm a bit more introspective and a bit more right
quiet um I haven't used it to its full advantage
the last few months because I've just been so
busy. I've had to kind of use the luteal like
I'm in the follicular. But when I can sync what
I'm doing to my cycle, I tend to experience life
in a better way. Right. That's really interesting.
Big fan of having a cycle. Yes. Good. I am pleased
about that. Okay, so we've established that there
is a reason why a kink podcast would talk about
period sex as opposed to just sex. But we've
also done a blood play episode. where I probably
did the joke before the music. Most likely, we'll
have to check if that's the case. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Yeah, and we did briefly touch on period
play in that episode, but I deliberately sort
of held quite a lot out of the outline because
I thought it deserved its own space. Right, and
why was that? I think because... For me, they
sit in distinctly different boxes. And I think
for a lot of people with one or both of those
kinks, they sit in distinctly different boxes
mix. A lot of what I get out of blood play, the
sort of, you know, spiky impact or sharps type
of kinks is there's a sort of destructive element
of it. It's intense masochism. It's feeling like
the boundaries of your body are being violated
in ways. It activates a lot of those sides of
my kinks. Where period play and period sex isn't.
isn't at all like no harm is being done at all
it's a very very natural process um so it's not
really it can have a little bit crossover with
masochism because of the way that my body sometimes
feels on my period but it's not intensely masochistic
um and it feels transgressive in a different
way where other elements of blood play it sort
of transgressive in the sense of doing things
that you shouldn't do to a person that society
i mean often in many cases quite rightly says
you shouldn't be doing to another person um things
that if you were doing them without consent would
be assault where period play is transgressive
in a way of this is seen as dirty this is seen
as shameful this is seen as something that men
want to know nothing about and should be kept
mysterious and private and secretive and all
of this baggage that gets attached to it and
so embracing it and getting a little bit messy
with it and sexualizing it is it's a different
kind of transgression but an equally hot one
yeah I think that's a really good point. I think
I would probably, I would agree with the difference
between the two. Yeah. It feels a little bit
different when we're doing spiky stuff, when
we're doing period stuff. Yeah. And I mean, they
pair really well together. If I'm just bleeding
out of every possible place I can be bleeding,
that's a winner. Bleeding like a stuck pig. Oh
my God. So I guess there's something we want
to do today about kind of talking about what
it is, but also... like maybe you know challenging
some of that kind of stigma around it and demystifying
it so that people understand more about i guess
why we enjoy it specifically um can't speak for
the rest of the population i suppose they might
have very different reasons for enjoying it or
not yeah and and like destigmatize as well i
think like definitely demystify and destigmatize
is both really important i think There will be
some people who just this and will never ever
appeal to them in a million years, like a lot
of things we talk about. But I don't think it's
something anyone should be like grossed out or
horrified by. And and we will go to some gross
places. We do go to some gross places. But the
actual act of having. sexual contact while on
your period is not gross it is not shameful it
doesn't have to be any of those things you can
make it part of those things if that's what turns
you on yeah but it is a really natural thing
it is for me anyway a time of my cycle where
i do have quite a high sex drive it's not as
high as when i'm ovulating but it's yeah it's
a time that feels really natural for me and i
think that's the case for a lot of people who
menstruate is that they have desires during that
time that may be similar to they are the rest
of the time or it might be different to how they
are the rest of the time And there is a lot of
shame put on them where they're encouraged not
to express that or they feel like they can't
express it with certain people. So hopefully
there's a little bit in here for everyone, kinky
or not kinky. Yes. And of course, it is completely
valid if you don't want to go anywhere near it
because you... feel like shit during your period
yeah absolutely your boundaries are your boundaries
and i think that goes both ways as well where
people who have periods sometimes just don't
want to do anything at all they just want to
curl up in bed hot water bottle loads of chocolate
and ride it out and there are some people who
will have partners who have periods who just
don't like it they they don't like seeing it
they don't like the smell they don't like the
textures and stuff and and that is valid to have
as boundaries as long as there's not shame attached
to it and being like that's disgusting and wrong
and gross how could you even ask me that yeah
Being able to communicate about your boundaries
as adults is a really important part of any,
I was going to say any sexual relationship, but
just any relationship. Any relationship, yes.
Any contact with another human, treat them well.
It's one of the things that we keep coming back
to time and time and time and time again, isn't
it? To the point that it gets a little boring.
Communication. Communication. Yes. So now we've
just talked about how great and natural and normal
period sex is. Yeah. I thought I would ask you
about... your previous views on it because when
we first got together you you weren't keen mix
no and i think that's because i had been trained
not to do that yeah it wasn't that i thought
you period nasty getaway i didn't have those
kind of negative feelings about it personally
um it's like it's that happens to people with
that plumbing there's nothing wrong with that
but The vast majority of my previous partners
were not people who were receptive to sex when
they were on their period. And I just kind of
accepted that. I mean, OK, that's something that
we don't do. I think some of that was them feeling
like it was a little bit gross. So it's not something
that you do. And sometimes it was because they
have quite bad experiences when they're having
their period. So they don't really feel like
having sex. It can feel like, even for me, it
can feel like the time when I'm not at my sexiest,
even though I find the period itself quite sexy.
I can be bloated. I can be a bit greasy and smelly.
You know, not saying I don't shower, but, you
know, I get smelly faster. My body hair grows
faster. So if you're shaving, then you suddenly
end up being really stubbly, like a little werewolf.
So I can totally empathize with, for some people,
they just, even if they don't feel particularly
grotty in themselves, they feel like they're
not going to look their best. And that can be
a big barrier for sex. Yeah. Yeah. And that might
have been a part of it as well. So I kind of
got that in my head of, OK, well, that's just
something you don't do. Yeah. So I'd never really
done it. I'd never asked anyone to do it because
I had been, like I say, kind of trained, feels
like a really strong word having said it, but
like socialised, I suppose. Yeah. That that was
just something that you didn't do. So it never
really came up. So I think when you brought it
up, when we first got... I think my reaction
was, well, that's just not something that you
do. I leave you alone when you're on your period.
And I guess there was an element of, because
that will feel bad and gross for you. Yeah. I
don't want to invade your space at that time.
Looking at it from your perspective rather than
looking at it from my perspective of going, ew,
that's nasty down there kind of thing. It wasn't
really something that fazed me particularly.
Yeah. I think there was probably something in
how I communicated as well, where I'd sort of
been like, we can do stuff on my period if you
like. And you're like, no, no, no, thank you.
And I understood from your reaction that that
was a no, no, no, thank you, because I don't
want to do it. That's, that icks me out. And
you were taking my offer of doing stuff on my
period as me trying to accommodate you and be
like. oh i'm not going to be in a sexy mood yeah
i guess i'll let you kind of thing and so you
were refusing out of politeness and then i didn't
want to push your boundaries so i left it alone
yeah much as we talk about being great at communicating
we are not perfect i was just gonna say we literally
not two minutes ago said how important communication
is and people tell us how good they think our
communication is and yet here we are But that
exactly is the point. Like however good at communicating
you are, however good at communicating you think
you are, miscommunications happen. And this was
really early in our relationship and we figured
it out. Yeah. I think my misgivings about it
were more out of respect for you than anything
else because I was just so used to not doing
that. And I think you're right. I think there
was that little bit of, no, are they just trying
to... come across as really open -minded and
be sexy and go oh yes you can do whatever you
want anytime kind of thing which is the vibe
of our relationship yeah anyway but at that time
we were still getting to know each other so i
kind of had that thing in my head of is that
really what they want to do or are they doing
that kind of acquiescent thing yeah but we got
through it we definitely did yeah um the thing
that was interesting to me i mean completely
understanding that desire to be respectful of
partners boundaries and comfort and things like
that but you have a massive blood kink yeah so
i'm surprised that not that you were so respectful
but you didn't ever sort of approach it from
those terms of maybe because you like blood so
much actively looking for people who would be
cool with period stuff is a an outlet for that
yeah i think that's a really good point i've
not really thought about that Before, I think
because I put it so firmly in the, no, you leave
them alone when they're doing that. So I think
that was an element, that is an element of it.
But also, like we said before, it's a different
thing. Getting blood out of you by hitting you
with stuff is a different activity. And it scratches
different bits of my kinky brain. So I treated
them as separate things. And because of all the
other stuff didn't kind of make that connection.
Like you say, actually, probably would have been
a really good idea. for five year ago me to go
actually yes i need to find people who are into
this but because i had been so well trained by
my previous partners to leave them alone when
they're on their period it didn't enter my head
that other people might be really really into
it yeah and like it's like deliberately extracting
blood from people with spiky impact toys is a
sadistic thing rather than a degrading thing
yeah which is the box that i put the stuff we
do around period sex into yeah Not because period
sex is inherently degrading, but because we fucking
love degradation and we found a way to make it
work. Yeah. Yeah. We found a way to make it degrading.
Yeah. Which is always fun. Yeah. So what was
it that opened you up to trying it, Mix? I think
having the conversation with you, where we miscommunicated
with each other and then understood each other.
Do you remember how we started communicating
about it, Mix? I actually don't. No. It was when
we watched Salt Burn, Mix. oh was it yes so for
anyone who hasn't seen it there is a scene in
salt burn where uh the main character goes down
on a woman who is very very heavily on her period
right yes there is yes yes gets it all over his
face all over his hands she's wearing i think
like a white nightgown it gets absolutely everywhere
yeah and we were watching it and i was just sitting
there like sweating and i was like oh my god
that's so hot and you sort of like swiveled your
head like an owl and were like wait you're actually
into period stuff i was like yeah fair and then
you understood me and then i understood you and
i was like okay well let's give it a go because
i think it's like a lot of things that you say
to me that's i hadn't remembered that specific
exchange but That is quite a common experience
for us, isn't it? Is we will see something or
hear something or kind of casually drop something
into conversation and then you will just turn
into a feral menace about it. Yeah. And I will
kind of go, well, that's fucked up. Let's do
it. Or sometimes that's fucked up. I'm not doing
that to you. Yes, there are some things. It's
often tooth removal scenes in movies. Yeah. And
to be fair, I don't think I would want to do
it. like i've i've experienced having a tooth
out i've experienced tooth pain and stuff i don't
actually like it it's one that's very much as
a fantasy for me but scenes in movies where someone
has either like a dental scene or like a torture
scene where someone gets their teeth pulled out
that really gets me going and every time i'm
like oh my god that's hot you're like i'm not
doing it i'm not a dentist i'm not doing it and
i'm like yes yeah or like the time we watched
audition yes That was another one where you were
vibrating next to me going, oh, yes. No. No,
I am not doing that to you. Nothing that happens
in this movie can be replicated. No. We're not
doing it. No, we're not doing it. Very limited
opportunities to repeat that activity. So I think,
yeah, so I think what changed was you kind of
changed my view on it. And realizing that it
was something that you were actively into rather
than just accepting as a thing that might happen.
And then like a lot of things that we did. OK,
well, let's give that a go. If we don't like
it, we won't do it again. If we do like it, we'll
add it to the ever increasing list of things
that we're into. Yeah. And I was really impressed
that you, as someone who had never done any kind
of period stuff before, as soon as you were like,
yeah, let's give it a go. The first thing you
did was went down on me while I was on my period.
Yeah. Which was brave. I wasn't expecting that.
Well, I guess this is the thing, isn't it? Is
it brave? Because it's not gross. It's not. It's
a really weird thing for me. Because I can imagine
people listening to this podcast and kind of
me explaining why I've never done it before.
Sitting there going, bullshit. You just think
it's gross and you don't want to say it because
people will criticise you for it. And it's like,
well, yes, they would. And they would be right
if that was my perspective. But as a thing, we
make it gross. We make it. shameful and degrading
because that's just the kind of people that we
are but it's not something that i've ever thought
of in that way it is just a thing that happens
it's another it's just another substance that
comes out of that hole that could also be the
episode you know bodies do weird shit man yeah
and that's one of them and that's an awesome
attitude to have but i still think for a beginner
going down on me on my period was a brave first
thing to do okay yeah i can i can accept that
that is probably not where most people would
start yeah with that because until you actually
tried it you wouldn't have known whether you
found it gross and uncomfortable for you no um
and so most people would probably think the first
way they would like to experience that substance
in a sexual context to figure out whether they're
cool with it or not might be you know on their
dick three feet away from their face yeah no
that's fair right up there right there yeah i
think yeah i yeah i will accept that that's that's
a fair point i suppose um In for a penny, in
for a pound, I suppose. If I'm going to do it,
why not? Yeah. Well, it was awesome. Good. I
am pleased. It was awesome. I very much enjoyed
that and very much enjoyed all of the things
that we've done about it since. Amazing. Well,
what about you then? You are an avid period sex
enjoyer. I am. Has that always been the case?
Or what's your experience with it been? It hasn't
always been a kink, but it has always been very
normal for me, Mick. So I actually was on my
period when I lost my virginity. Right. I don't
think I'd ever told you that. No. Yeah. Wow.
It wasn't planned that way, but someone I was
dating when I was a teenager, we talked about
wanting to have sex, but obviously as teenagers,
our time of being left alone. with both living
with parents, was limited. We were kind of looking
for our window. And the window opened when I
was on my period and we weren't going to let
that stop us. Fair. And it's funny, you know,
people are always like, there's kind of the myth
that everyone bleeds the first time they have
sex. I was definitely not going to bleed the
first time I had sex because I had been doing
some stuff on my own. But I got the full bloody
experience. I had been doing some stuff. I had
been treating myself roughly. So just out of
interest then, how did that person respond? Because
putting myself in the position of a teenage boy,
I can imagine teenage me being a little bit more
squicked out by it. Yeah, I mean, this was quite
a long time ago, so I don't remember if he had
any kind of reservations about it, but I think...
On the one hand, yes, teenage boys not generally
the most chill about periods. On the other hand,
teenage boys really looking for somewhere to
put their dick as soon as possible. True. And
I think that overrode any concerns there. Right.
Like, definitely didn't seem to put either of
us off. No. So, positive experience? Yeah. Excellent.
Very good. And was that the moment that it became
a preference or a kink for you or did that come
later? I think that came later, but I think that
probably set up a positive association for it,
Mix, where it was that's just a thing that can
be part of sex. And my first time, like most
people's first time, it wasn't, you know, all
fireworks going off and 18 orgasms or anything
like it was. It was not the best sex I've ever
had, but it wasn't a bad first experience either.
I feel like we both had a pretty good time so
that. That started things off on a good footing
for me for period stuff. And then, I mean, when
I was from 19 through to 24, I was a sex worker
and I used to use methods to like conceal that
I was on my period, but I had to work when I
was on my period. You can't. you can't be a self
-employed person who works three weeks out of
four that's not how that works no um so presenting
myself as sexy acting in a sexual way having
sex while on my period always just felt like
quite a normal natural thing to me yeah um i
didn't attach a lot of the baggage to it that
often people do and you know people who have
periods themselves if they've never had period
sex probably blow it up in their heads to be
a lot more messy than it's actually going to
be um when i was doing sex work i used to use
like small insertable sponges which stop your
period from getting all over the place right
but also don't feel like you've got something
in the way like it's rare that people are able
to tell there's anything there and that's really
common for full service sex workers right if
anyone is listening to this who pays for sex
and is like no one would ever work on their period
who I go to see I promise you that they do unless
they're on some kind of contraception that stops
it because no one's working three weeks out of
four that's really interesting because I had
assumed well I suppose I was interested by the
specific thing you said which was I had ways
of concealing the fact that I was on my period.
Yeah. Which suggested you weren't taking hormonal
contraception because some of those can stop.
periods yeah sometimes when i was a sex worker
there were periods of time where i was on hormonal
contraception but back then doctors were really
pushing hard that you had to take your placebo
week or you had to take the break week and actually
have a period there was a big idea at the time
that it was unhealthy to stop your period which
is completely unscientific because the periods
the periods in inverted commas that you have
when you're on hormonal contraception are not
periods it's a withdrawal bleed so there's no
medical benefit to having them right but When
I was on hormonal contraception back then, I
used to still have a monthly bleed. Right. But
I didn't even know you could get little sponges.
Yeah. That you could put up there and sop it
all up. You can get little sponges that are specifically
designed for it and that are body safe and that
are recommended and are more comfortable to wear.
Right. But you can also cut up dish sponges,
which I will admit was sometimes what I did.
I was a budget sex worker, okay? I wasn't buying
the good shit every month. That's fair. i'm just
i'm just thinking about that well the active
because they're not soft the dish sponges are
not you insert them wet or lubed mix yeah yeah
yeah fascinating yeah oh there you go anyway
i have distracted us no it's a good diversion
i think to be fair it's well within the topic
of period sex because if you want to have sex
while on your period but you don't like the mess
that is a good solution you don't have to be
a pro to do it um like i said i would I would
encourage people to look up the proper sort of
equipment for it rather than using dish sponges.
But it's really easy to do. I would suggest before
using them, if you haven't either used a cup
or used a tampon with the string like broken
off or cut off, like practice doing that kind
of thing first, because obviously you have to
fish them out without like a string, which takes
a little bit of practice. Right. I suppose a
cup would be an alternative. A cup probably would
end up with a bigger mess mix because if the
dick like rams into the cup and knocks it, it's
going to dump its contents. That's true. Oh,
the things you have to think about. And like
sponges, they won't completely do the job if
you're really heavy. um they're best on light
days and i used to generally take really heavy
days off but even if you know if you're not trying
to actually hide the fact that you're on your
period from someone um but you don't want a lot
of mess then using a sponge on a heavy day will
reduce that by quite a lot yeah that's fair although
it was something i was already comfortable with
during sex it wasn't something that i was actively
kind of planning for or looking forward to it
had always been a case of like try to conceal
or at least at least like minimize mess you know
put a towel down kind of thing um and then with
kink because i very quickly got very drawn into
the degradation humiliation aspects of kink and
the thing that i get the most from kink is stuff
i've talked about a whole bunch of times on the
podcast the feeling of being really raw and real
and authentic and messy um kink is a place to
have permission to get ugly and cry and snot
everywhere and throw up and piss myself and all
of this like periods meshed really well into
all of that again i'm gonna keep banging on about
it not because periods are gross but because
of the freedom of letting yourself feel gross
in all of those different ways like periods can
be a yeah a tool to get there um and even like
sort of beyond beyond gross more about living
in my body as a human body all of that really
messy human stuff that happens during play that
you can kind of mask and put on this really like
presentable front to the world the rest of the
time it feels so freeing to let all of that out
and just be an animal yeah periods fit really
well with that so it started to link into other
kinks in my head and activate a bunch of stuff
yeah That makes sense. Sorry, I started smiling
at you. The people listening will not have noticed
this. No, but I did. I was like, what did I say
that was funny? But I started smiling at you
and then you looked at me very, very confused.
I should just explain for your benefit. Thank
you. That when you said kind of like be like
an animal, it reminded me of the kinky camping
last year where you were roaming around with
no clothes on in the rain shouting. we are animals
yes yeah i remember i'm an animal yes yes uh
which was a very nice memory so it made me smile
that's and that's why i was smiling at you not
because you would tell anything ridiculous often
when you smile like that i have just said something
ridiculous that is true yeah that is true so
is that what it does for you then does it lean
into that kind of degrading gross kind of thing
or is there other other things that it does for
you it's it's a bunch of things mix yeah i think
a lot of the time particularly with how we tend
to play and how we tend to have sex degradation
is almost always an element of it um or humiliation
specifically um when it comes to sort of bodily
fluids that kind of being a bit messy um really
is very very freeing um i think as well mix it's
it does link into blood kink for me like i said
they do sit in separate boxes to an extent but
with some overlap i visually like blood i like
seeing my blood on you and sometimes that happens
because you've hit me with something spiky and
it's splattered all over your face and sometimes
that happens because you fucked me on period
day two and you come out and your cock is just
completely red yeah and those are those are visually
pleasant experiences for me experiences yes And
also sometimes when I hit you with spiky things,
and then we fuck. Yes. You enjoy that. Very much.
You particularly seem to enjoy when that happens.
Very much, yes, Mix. Well, that's all very interesting,
but should we have a bit of a socio -political
discourse? Oh, always, Mix. Yeah, as part of
our kinky podcast. We'll make a change from people
on TikTok calling me a terrible feminist and
talk about it on a slightly more elevated level.
Let's put a pin in that and come back to it because
I'm fascinated. We've said already there is a
bit of a stigma around period sex and periods
generally. None of that is true. They are not
gross. They are not bad. All of that. All of
that stuff. But it is interesting to think about
where that comes from. and whether that really
is just it's a little bit it feels a little bit
icky and whether it is actually a little bit
of misogyny and patriarchy doing what it does
i think that's definitely a strong element of
a mix i don't think it's necessarily the only
one like bodies are a bit gross the things that
bodies do are a bit gross a lot of people find
various fluids a little bit icky um i mean i
know when i first started having sex i didn't
I didn't want to have anyone come in my mouth
for years and years and years. I wouldn't entertain
that because I found that gross. And there's
a lot less stigma around that. But I think a
certain amount of bodies is just a thing that
people sometimes have. But how strong the reactions
are to periods and how strong that ick reaction
tends to be and how taboo it is to talk about
when roughly half the population will experience
them for at least a period of time in their life.
Period. Hey. Hey. You know, it's it's disproportionate
to what it is compared to how people react to
bodies generally. And I think that is heavily
driven by misogyny. Something I remember a lot
when I was I would have probably been in year
seven. So like age 12 ish, I think we had one
of the various sort of. sex and puberty education
related classes that we had and i mean i don't
know why they did this it was deranged they gave
everyone a tampon to look at including including
like the boys yeah um and then we went out onto
our break and all the boys were unwrapping the
tampons and throwing them each other as you do
as you do um and like the way that they were
reacting to having a completely clean unused
tampon thrown at them yeah it was as if you were
just like shit on them it was like the most horrifying
thing to be touched by a tampon yeah um like
and these are you know kids these are kids it's
immaturity is a big element of that and i think
probably a lot of the girls there was some silly
giggling and things in these kind of classes
but yeah that level of repulsion to a unused
hygiene product really just showed like the attitudes
that they were being raised with and being taught
and enforcing each other and going completely
unchallenged you know the teachers weren't happy
about the wet because it was raining wet tampons
all over the schoolyard yeah but they didn't
challenge the attitude behind it just the actual
act of throwing them around that was the only
thing they saw as a problem yeah um so it was
very much from a young age like this message
that was being given to all of us as kids was
the body that people who are assigned female
at birth have is dirty and disgusting and shameful
and embarrassing to talk about and you can either
laugh at that or be repulsed by it and those
are your options and that attitude sticks with
people and so of course boys raised like that
are going to find periods gross and girls raised
like that anyone raised like that is going to
think of their periods as gross and dirty and
something to conceal yeah and it's so taboo to
talk about like like in the workplace no one
would think anything of saying i've got a headache
and i'm struggling to focus a little bit today
because i've got a headache yeah or even i've
got a bad stomach you know you wouldn't get too
graphic about it but say i've got a bad stomach
i might have to you know dip out this meeting
to go to the toilet no one would think that was
inappropriate go into any workplace and say like
i've got really a bad period pain today it will
raise eyebrows and depending on how conservative
your workplace is you might even get in trouble
for that yeah the attitudes to it are completely
different i don't think there's that could be
anything but misogyny to have such a different
standard for it it was really interesting in
my workplace a couple of years ago there were
some sessions being run about raising menopause
awareness um which i think a lot of workplaces
have been doing over the last few years it's
really good to talk about how perimenopause and
menopause can really affect people at work how
those symptoms can really affect sort of their
ability to do their jobs at times they might
need additional support or some adjustments put
in place um or just a little bit of understanding
if they're having a rough time with it and the
reaction from men that i saw not all of them
not even most of them i don't think but certain
men of being quite hostile to even having the
information shared of when these sessions were
of like don't want to hear about that why is
this being talked about and you wouldn't have
that reaction to any other health condition even
a condition that's seen as gender specific yeah
that doesn't seem to be that kind of like oh
oh why do i have to hear about that no that's
just fucking weird yeah like this is one of those
things that i just can't wrap my head around
with it I understand the argument that people
who are socialised as men are more likely to
be a little bit kind of grossed out by periods
because of the messages that they receive and
partly because of either the way that they are
educated or the way that they're not educated
about periods and therefore might be a little
bit less informed. But I just cannot wrap my
head around the concept that you would carry
that with you as a full -grown ass man. yeah
it's just bizarre to me there's so many things
where people who are socialized as men are given
a pass for things like that or and this is a
conversation we have sometimes about kind of
what what constitutes the bare minimum like if
you have a partner who has a period and you choose
to either react like a dick when they have a
period or not at least learn what products they
use and what where they are in the shop yeah
stuff like that absolutely fucking nuts to me
Yeah. I have definitely known quite a lot of
women whose male partners won't buy tampons in
the shop for them or pads or anything like that.
Won't be seen going into the shop to pick them
up. Yeah. Because they're embarrassed. And it's
like, why would you be embarrassed if you're
going to buy tampons? It suggests that there
is a, in most cases, a woman in your life who
likes and trusts you enough to ask you to get
some kind of personal care item for her. Yeah.
That's not an embarrassing thing. No, no. It's
not. I get unreasonably mad about stuff like
that. It's like, what are we doing? What are
we even doing if that's where we're at as a society?
Yeah. I just can't wrap my head around it. And
then that results in anyone who does learn or
at the very least retains the information they
are given about what products they use and where
they are in the shop and being willing to go
and get them and all of that kind of thing. It's
treated like it's some special thing. Yeah. And
I'm like, on the one hand, I recognize that it
is because that is not people's common experience.
But actually, we shouldn't be rewarding that.
Yeah. Actually, that's the standard. That's the
level. That's the bare minimum. Anyone else who's
not doing that is shit. You know? Yeah. And we've
had that conversation about, not about period
products, but about other aspects of our relationship.
You've said to me, this is a really good thing
about you, or this is a really good thing that
you do, and I really appreciate it. And I will
sit there genuinely perplexed by it. well yeah
what the fuck else am i gonna do like that's
what you do in a relationship i find it really
hard to give men any grace on stuff like this
i get that and i think i would come back to the
thing i always say to you in those situations
which is just because it should be the bare minimum
it often isn't it often isn't the standard that
people are holding themselves to so i i don't
think anyone should like demand praise and recognition
for doing things that you're right should be
standard but i also don't think there's any harm
in if you feel moved to showing some gratitude
to someone who is doing something that you maybe
haven't experienced before i think that's that's
nice in a relationship to recognize when someone
is treating you better than you may have experienced
in the past even if that shouldn't have been
the case it still is yeah and i've never sort
of made a big big thing of the fact that you're
willing to go buy tampons for me because i haven't
had that experience like my previous partners
that's as far as i can remember always been something
people were pretty chill with but i think if
i'd had a whole string of disappointing relationships
with people who wouldn't touch a box of tampons
because they'd feel contaminated by them yeah
and then you'd be like oh yeah i'll pop to the
co -op and get you a box of tampons i would have
been like oh my god that's really cool thank
you because yeah yeah because that would be different
to my experience Yeah. I'm still grateful when
you go and get me a box of tampons. I certainly
don't want to be traipsing all the way to the
corner shop if I suddenly come on and I'm cramping.
No, no. I mean, in our context, and to be fair,
in previous relationships as well, it would be
fucking weird because I'm the one who does the
shopping. Yeah. You know, I go to the supermarket
and I do the grocery shopping. So, of course,
I'm going to pass by the feminine hygiene products
aisle and pick them up when you need them because
anything else would be ridiculous. Yeah. I think
I get more concerned about when I buy stuff like
that is making sure I get the right shampoo and
conditioner. Yeah, you always double check you're
buying the right shampoo and conditioner. All
of that kind of stuff. That stuff is more of
a challenge for me, not because I don't want
to buy it, but because I want to make sure I'm
buying the right thing. Because you're a bald
baddie and you have limited understanding of
hair care. Yeah, yeah. You know, I don't really
need separate shampoo in my current state, you
know. Yeah. And I think for me, at least, like
period products are more straightforward. I like
a non -applicator tampon and I generally need
some little ones and some big ones through the
week. And that's it. Where hair care, I have
brand loyalty and I have a whole routine and
I have a lot of things I do. And sometimes I
change that without telling you. And so you need
to know what I'm currently on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And don't get me wrong. When I go to buy, when
tampons are on the list, I am very careful. And
I make sure that I am looking at the right ones.
So I'm not getting the ones with the tube. Yeah.
I'm getting the ones that don't have the tube.
And then I will double check the list to make
sure that if you've specified the number of drops
on the box, that I'm picking up the right ones.
I'm very careful about that because I'm terrified
of buying the wrong thing and suddenly being
perceived as one of those people who don't care.
I probably spend more time than I need to in
the feminine hygiene products. aisle because
i am examining the boxes closely yeah to make
sure i buy the right ones a bit of an aside but
i hate the the term feminine hygiene even like
i know you're using it in the sort of like i
can't believe it's called that way as well but
like it's not even just because i'm non -binary
and it's like there's nothing feminine about
this this is just a thing that bodies do um even
if everyone who had periods was a woman it's
like why are we using such a euphemistic term
for it Yeah. Why do we have to call it feminine
hygiene? Feminine hygiene to me is like a nice
like glittery body wash. Yeah. Just call it period
products. Yeah. Call it menstrual products. Even
if you must call it menstrual hygiene. But I
don't love... It is, you know, stopping your
blood getting all over your pants is a hygiene
issue. You obviously don't want to be going around
with blood dripping down your legs. Like that
would be unhygienic. But... I think because there's
so much perception of periods as dirty. There's
so much of the stigma around it is it's dirty.
It's gross. It stinks. It's awful. Like all these
ideas. I think getting away from hygiene language
would would just put a little bit of a dent in
that, even though it's technically correct. I
don't love it. Yeah. But yeah, menstrual hygiene
would would still be better than feminine hygiene.
It feels like it feels like I said, it's euphemistic
because they don't want to use the word period.
They don't want to use the word menstruation.
Yeah. Can you talk about those perceptions of
it being dirty and smelly and all of that kind
of stuff? I think one of the things I was surprised
by when we started doing period things is that
actually it's not. Yeah. Especially people who
don't have periods, I suspect, have a bit of
a perception that if you are anywhere in the
region, that it is going to have a stink to it
and there's going to be loads of blood. Yeah,
they think it's just like blasting out of us
like a hose. Yeah, yeah. Open your legs and just
blast you in the face. It's not quite like that.
And it's not. That's definitely not been my experience
with you. Yeah. It's not. I guess it's why I
was surprised when you said it was brave that
I went down on you the first time we did anything.
Which I suppose in hindsight, maybe it was because
you go into it with a bit of an uninformed expectation,
I suppose. But it wasn't any of those things.
Yeah. It wasn't particularly smelly. There wasn't
loads of it. And even when I put my penis in
you, at the end, there's a little bit of blood
on there, but it's not like it's soaked in it.
And some people are heavier than me, and it varies
for us depending on where I'm at. Day two tends
to be... If we want it to be messy, that's the
day to go for. And I don't have super light periods,
but I don't have super heavy periods either.
There's definitely people where mess would be
more of a consideration. But I would imagine,
unless you're with someone who's got some pretty
serious medical stuff going on, it's never going
to be as messy as you would expect it to be based
on how people talk about it. No. Because for
most people, their period for the entire few
days or a week that they're on, the amount of
blood you lose could be measured in a few teaspoons.
It's not. It feels like a lot when you're having
to soak it up tampon by tampon or pad by pad.
But it's not actually, you know, if you're bleeding
into a jar, it would be a lot less than you would
think. Yeah. So it's not coming out fast. Yeah.
And I remember being really surprised when you
told me that. Yeah. That it's measured in teaspoons
and not cups. Yeah. Because you can get the cups,
can't you? And again, it's just a simple word
association. Okay, so if you're putting something
which is described as a cup inside you, there
must be quite a bit of it. They are quite little.
I've never actually seen one, so I don't know.
No, I've seen them, but I haven't ever used one.
Right. I've been tampon loyal since I was a teenager.
Yeah. I just find them really convenient and
easy, and I know some people really don't get
on with them, find insertion difficult, find
removal difficult. I never have. I've always
found them really easy to use, so I've never
felt the urge to switch to anything else. yeah
i think my worry with a cup is similar to when
we talked about like why i wouldn't recommend
having sex with a cup in for most people because
it'll if it tips it goes everywhere the idea
of doing the emptying of it it's like if you
fuck that up you're going to be dumping like
like you say not cups and cups of blood but more
liquid blood than there would be on a tampon
yeah like all over your hands all over the bathroom
floor i worry about fucking that up and i'm probably
imagining it's harder than it is but like i said
because tampons work so well for me i've never
felt the need to try anything else yeah i started
on pads when i was a really young teenager because
i got my periods really young they started when
i was 13 um so i think they they always discourage
young girls from using tampons because they're
like oh it'll hurt and it'll be difficult and
all of this so i started on pads because that's
what everyone said i should do and then at a
certain point i was like i don't like sitting
in this all day yeah don't love that and i think
that's that's probably where the perception of
it being smelly comes from is like once the blood's
out of your body if it then sits for a while
it's not like a stink it's not like super strong
generally but you will when you go to change
a pad it it doesn't smell great because you've
been sat in it for a while and if you've got
a bin where you're putting your tampons in your
pads when you open that after a few days it's
like oh oh yeah but that's the same as anything
like once it's out of your body and it's got
bacteria growing on it and stuff obviously it's
not going to smell great but Your actual period
as it's happening is nothing like that. Yeah.
Yeah. I have suddenly become fascinated by how
the cups work. And like you say, how you get
them in, how you get them to stay where they
need to, and then how you get them out. Like
that process is suddenly fascinating. I do not
know enough to tell you, Mix, because I've never
done it. No, and that's fair. No, I wasn't expecting
you to answer. I was just... Somebody comment.
Explain it to me on Spotify comments. So yeah,
somebody explain. the mechanics of that to me
but i can imagine it's the same sort of thing
it's like an inverse female condom i suppose
yes which again as a complete aside endlessly
fascinated by the mechanics of those they just
seem like they would be really difficult i've
also never used one of those mix so yeah when
i was a sex worker i had some as an option right
people had wanted to use those instead of normal
condoms like i provided them as an option but
no one ever took me up on it right Did you ever
have somebody approaching you specifically to
have sex with you on your period when you were
a sex worker? No mix. Surprisingly, I did not.
Right. And it wasn't something I advertised because
I didn't want to sort of draw attention to the
fact that sometimes I would be on. But I would
have 100 % if someone had requested it, I would
have done it. But no, no one ever did. Is there
another aspect to the patriarchal misogynistic
nonsense that there is around periods of, as
I explained earlier on, my kind of... conditioning
with partners was that when they're on the period
you leave them alone yeah and that was a total
leave them alone do not pester them uh for sex
while they are on their period um and that isn't
necessarily always the case for everybody who
has a period yeah i think there is a very sort
of persistent cultural attitude that women on
their periods should make themselves available
to service male partners with oral or anal sex
while neglecting their own pleasure which i think
is is quite nasty and it's sort of its realities
and its its implications for how women are viewed
in those kind of relationships yeah i suppose
just a question about language there um i don't
think i have consistently got it right but and
both of us have been trying to talk about people
who have periods yeah but you were specifically
talking about women who have periods yeah i think
this is something that does predominantly affect
women i think it can obviously it can affect
trans people who are assigned female at birth
like before they transition and while they are
in what are like on to outward appearances heterosexual
relationships but the attitude is about the availability
of women's bodies and i think that is something
that certainly in my experiences and the experiences
a lot of trans people i've spoken to you can
kind of transition out of um in the same way
that trans men can experience misdirected misogyny
but not misogyny yeah it is it is a specifically
misogynistic attitude about what women's purpose
is so i think it's important to recognize that
it is it is something that disproportionately
affects women yeah that's fair It can be tricky
to get right. It's a fine balance because I think
inclusive language is really important. I think
particularly around menstrual stuff like menstrual
products and talking about period symptoms and
things like that, like trans people can often
be left out of the equation and it can be really
unfair. But at the same time, a lot of the really
negative attitudes toward periods and towards
people who have periods are motivated by misogyny
and the way that that hits trans people who have
periods and the way that that hits women. are
going to be a little bit different and there
are elements of being trans that not in any way
that being trans is is a privileged position
to be in but where misogyny can sometimes sting
less because you know it's not really for you
yeah um there can be a certain amount of like
mental freedom in that even if the things you're
experiencing are similar um so i'm not at all
saying that no trans person will have experienced
the kind of attitude that i'm talking about but
it is something that is aimed at women it is
directed at women it is motivated by devaluing
of women um which is why i wanted to recognize
it in that way yeah that makes perfect sense
i'm glad i asked i think On a very sort of surface
level, what it can appear to be about is if you're
in a relationship, like both people generally
are going to want to have sex pretty regularly.
They enjoy things. And if one person is not up
to having sex in the way that they generally
do and the other person still wants to, and if
both people are on board with it, finding a workaround
to the area of the body that they mutually have
agreed they don't want to use isn't a bad thing.
Like if you don't enjoy... having vaginal penetration
when you're on your period your partner doesn't
like the mess doesn't feel comfortable with it
whatever and you both mutually agree like okay
so while i'm on i'm gonna give you loads of blowjobs
and we're both gonna have a great time with that
that's hot to us awesome but the attitude that
that's something that women should just do or
that anybody should just do to kind of keep a
man happy yeah it's really toxic like sex isn't
an entitlement even when within a relationship
i'm saying that as someone in a you know total
power exchange free use relationship where for
you sex is an entitlement yes but that's because
we've heavily negotiated it because i get off
on that just as much as you do i like the oh
god when's it gonna happen yeah knowing vibe
like that's super hot because it's consensual
if that's not something people have actually
asked for in their relationship to be treated
as a dispenser of sex to be used as a sexual
object they should never be treated that way
yeah um and that's very much what it is it's
very sort of objectifying very much treating
women as a body for use not as a whole person
and like i said neglecting their pleasure as
well like if you're going to do sexual stuff
while while someone's on their period the default
should be everyone's going to get off here yeah
yeah which means that someone has to put on their
big boy pants and touch the bleeding vagina.
Yeah, you're right. And some people can get off
from having anal sex. That is not something that
never happens, but I'm going to assume it's relatively
rare. Yeah, yeah. Particularly, you know, if
someone's having a period, I'm going to assume
they generally don't have a prostate. And if
you don't have a prostate, it's very hard to
come just from anal. It does happen. There are
a few people it happens for. And if that's the
case, crack on. But also, just... To add to that,
if people think that fucking their partner in
the arse while they're on their period is going
to avoid mess, I would encourage you to learn
about period poops. It's not the time. No, no,
no. And that is one of the warnings that you
will give me. Yeah. Because of the nature of
our relationship and the free use element of
our relationship, we have agreed that you will
inform me when there are potential issues with
any of your holes. Yeah. So I can make an informed
decision about what I do. And generally when
I'm on my period, I would heavily caution against
anal. At least spontaneous anal, because it's
not a great time for me. And it would be a not
great time for you if you went in there. No.
But I suppose that's kind of where we've taken
it a little bit, haven't we? Because a part of
our dynamic is kind of subverting those misogynistic
kind of tropes. Yeah. And kind of turning them
into something which is fun and hot for us. Yeah.
Not buying into the misogynistic trope as a general
rule, but kind of turning it on its head and
kind of subverting that for our own kinky reason.
Yeah, absolutely. I think having conscious engagement
with misogynistic ideas and using them in a way
where two or more people are treated as absolute
equals with equal needs, equal... desires equal
rights to be heard and seen and treated the way
they want to be treated is subversive even if
what you're doing on a surface level is replicating
the misogynistic attitudes because when people
sort of ask like how kink can be feminist or
how kink in the way that i do kink can be feminist
because they see me very much as a woman they
see me as someone who is perceived as female
regardless of identity um submitting to someone
who is generally read as a man the the sort of
idea is that we're just defaulting to socially
conditioned roles but nothing pisses off conservative
men more than women getting to cum and getting
their sexual needs met and being happy and having
a voice in relationships like yeah even if we
replicate everything we've talked about this
before when we we've talked about gender even
if we replicate every element of a sort of trad
wife dynamic the fact that we are doing it because
i get off on it and i've been involved in every
stage of the negotiation asked for everything
that happens and have the ability to shape what
our relationship looks like even that just in
itself is already subverting the expectations
of that yeah there is a difference between submission
and subjugation And it's a really important one.
So I think when we play with the concept of a
period being gross or with me being unclean in
some way when I'm on my period and we lean into
that and we heighten it and we use it as part
of humiliation and we do all of this stuff, it's
got such different connotations to a teenage
boy chucking a tampon at another teenage boy
on the playground because we don't believe it
and because we don't believe it. We are engaging
in it as equals and we are engaging in it because
both of us get off on it. But the thing that's
relevant for this is because I get off on it.
And so instead of a period being seen as dirty
and gross and that being something that takes
away from women or anyone who menstruates ability
to talk about their own bodies, to experience
sexual pleasure at any time in their cycle that
they choose, to have partners that understand
what's going on with their body and fully support
it without stigma and judgment and getting the
ick. because we're engaging in it in a way where
all of that stuff is cleared out of the way from
an actual basis of real equality where although
we don't have equal roles we have equal value
and input into the relationship we are turning
a lot of that stuff on its head yeah while also
replicating it because it's hot yeah which takes
us right back to the pin that we put in you being
called a bad feminist yeah um sometimes the teenage
radfems find me mix oh no and it It is just part
of life. They're there on the internet. And I
try not to get mad about it because, although
I never... I never aligned myself with radical
feminism because I think it was being talked
about a little bit less when I was around that
age. I did very much buy into a lot of ideas
that kinks were bad and kinks were about misogyny
and kinks were about people replicating real
world harms and just perpetuating them further
and was particularly judgmental and shamey towards
people that had rape fantasies and engaged in
CNC and things like that because I wanted to.
make it unacceptable for anyone to post say or
do anything that tempted me to do the same because
i was having those fantasies i was having those
desires i remember being really angry about people
who would put rape scenes into movies and tv
shows because they were turning me on and i was
trying not to be turned on by that okay um yes
and i know quite a lot of other kinky people
who've had those kind of fantasies and desires
who have behaved in similar ways or had similar
attitudes so i'm not saying every young woman
who appears in my comment section telling me
that i'm a bad person because of the things that
i do and that i've been brainwashed by patriarchy
to want the things that i want i'm not saying
all of them are in that place yeah but i know
a fair few of them are i know for an absolute
fact give it 10 years and a lot of those people
hopefully will have made peace with themselves
and be a lot happier yeah some of them will be
still living in shame and that's really sad and
that's why i do what i do because i am not going
to engage with turf and swerve arguments I'm
not going to engage with sex negative feminism
because I don't think it's productive and a lot
of the time these attitudes are reinforced by
these toxic debates but I am going to put the
information out there and at some point for some
people it might hit and they might find themselves
happy and healed the way I am yeah yeah and that's
what I was thinking it was kind of what I was
thinking when you were when you were talking
there was kind of those let's say the teenage
radfems is like okay come back in 10 years and
let's talk yeah and just in case i imagine a
lot of our um listeners are informed but turf
is trans exclusionary Radical feminism and Swerve
is sex worker exclusionary radical feminism.
That's right, Mix. And not all radical feminists
are exclusive of trans people and all sex workers,
but a significant majority are. And the same
sort of gender essentialist arguments and fear
of sexuality and particularly fear of female
sexuality and policing of female sexuality is
consistent throughout radical feminism, which
is why it's not something that I'm prepared to
engage with. I think you can be incredibly proudly,
loudly. angrily feminist without drifting into
essentially a gender war yeah and that's not
something i i am not being drafted to the gender
wars i am just going to continue having great
sex cool up for that i feel like we have said
a lot that periods and period sex are not gross
or dirty or disgusting no they are not but but
Would you like to tell us a little bit about
how they can be mixed? How we make them gross
and dirty and disgusting. Yeah, mix. I think
there's a few things we do, and it is all in
that degradation, humiliation kind of space.
I think one of my favourite things to do is to
roughly pull the tampon out of you and then shove
it in your mouth. That is fun. We should do more
of that. Yes. I think there's been... Maybe a
couple of times where I have tried to keep your
mouth shut while doing that so you've got no
respite from it, or at least hold you in a way
that you can't do anything about it. Yeah. Although,
important safety tip, as we learned on one occasion.
actually is sensible to hold on to the string
it really is if you're on your back yes yes mix
i was going to mention that if anyone i imagine
a lot of people are going to hear that and go
absolutely the fuck no i'm not doing no thank
you but for the the small number of people who
are the same kind of pervert as me who are like
god that's hot um yeah keep the string out of
your mouth held between your teeth and for maximum
safety have your partner hang on to it if you're
keeping the tampon in there for any period of
time they are designed to go smoothly and easily
into quite a small hole which your throat also
is yes so a very important safety tip but that's
fun and i really enjoy the process of that kind
of being really rough with you and kind of pulling
it pulling it out of you it's not like a gently
tug the string to get it out i kind of like starting
a lawnmower dig in there and pull it out And
then just the look on your face. Yeah. Like when
it goes in there, because like we keep saying,
it's not gross, but I can't imagine it tastes
all that good. No, it doesn't taste great, Mix.
No. No, I quite like the taste of blood, but
periods definitely, there's more than just blood
going on there. Sort of biologically, it's...
There's mucus and things that it's shedding.
And just texturally quite unpleasant as well.
Like wet, dense cotton wool. Because the taste
actually fades pretty quickly when I'm holding
a tampon in my mouth. The taste goes really fast.
I don't know if it's just that I get used to
it or I've kind of... sucked the flavor you know
like a chewing gum when it stops tasting minty
yeah um but texturally it stays horrible and
i think just the the taboo nature of it because
yeah because we are all brought up thinking of
periods is really gross however much you kind
of deconstruct that there's still going to be
a bit of like oh get that away from my face um
which makes it deeply humiliating and unpleasant
yeah i think the worst part of that for me and
it really set my teeth on edge when you were
talking was that biting down on the cotton wool
yeah or i bite the string not i'm not going to
be chewing on the cotton wool no avoid it yeah
like that contact with your with your teeth yeah
it's literally making my teeth go on edge are
you someone who's icked out by cotton wool mix
yeah you you would not want to be in my position
then no no and it's not even about the taste
it's not even about that the blood of it is that
just it's a textural thing yeah that horrible
horrible um i really enjoy like generally um
even sort of before we kind of ramped up to doing
stuff like that um the way that since we started
doing period stuff the way that you would either
yank my tampon out or you would order me to go
take it out like take it out i'm gonna fuck you
that in itself is just such a small interaction
yeah but just quite Quite humiliating in itself
of something that we're so conditioned to think
of as being like this really private thing and
keep sort of a mystery from your partner and
things like that. Yeah. You involving yourself
in that way of being like, I want you to take
that out right now. Yeah. Just immediately in
itself a little bit transgressive in a hot way.
Yeah. And it is, yeah, it's a really fun sprinkling
on the kind of the free use sort of thing, isn't
it? It's a variation on... um something we've
mentioned before where i will occasionally say
spread your legs because i need to masturbate
yeah it's that kind of don't really care about
you you are just a hole to fuck yeah which we
very much enjoy very much enjoy um there's a
little bit of humiliation with it as well although
i feel like i haven't done loads of humiliating
you around the the mess of it a little bit though
mix and you quite often even if it's just like
you say the sprinkling sometimes at the beginning
you'll um talk like what you see you you can't
even i can't remember stuff you say what you
see you like your hole's a disgusting mess something
like that yeah yeah yeah true true and then you
find use for me then then i find a use for you
yeah yeah or i say that while i'm actively yeah
finding a use for you Something we haven't done
for a while, but that I really liked and would
like more of is where you have fingered me while
I'm on my period and then slapped me across the
face. Yes. Yeah. I would like to request more
of it. Yeah, that's fair. We can do that. Excellent.
Because I was trying to think the last time I
used it in that way. I knew that I had face or
something. Yeah, we have to time that well, because
like I said, I don't have super heavy periods.
If we're not... kind of day two maybe early day
three at the outside if you do that there's not
really going to be much mess there might be a
little bit kind of under your nails but it's
not going to get on me if you do that but if
i'm reasonably heavy yeah especially if we've
sort of taken my tampon out and then done some
other stuff to let it kind of let it kind of
build up in there yeah um take my tampon out
make me come and then do then do that stuff like
they'll generally be a bit more because orgasms
like speed up the flow a bit yeah um But yeah,
we have to time it well and we have to sort of
be specifically aiming for it to be messier.
For people who have really heavy periods, they
could probably just do that all week and it'd
be fantastic. But yeah, I'm not built that way.
No, because yours are usually four -ish days,
aren't they? Yeah. One or two days where it's
heaviest. Yeah. Sometimes they're even like they'll
sometimes stop after three days apart from some
very light spotting. Four is typical. Five is
a long one. Yeah. And it's only really day two
and sometimes day three that it's anything you
could consider heavy. yeah and then there's also
just the simple effect of of fucking you like
you you you enjoy a good cervix bashing i really
do mix yeah when you're when you're getting fucked
um and you have reported to me that it is more
intense when you are on your period yeah like
i don't get usually i about one period in six
i'll get really bad period pain but usually it's
just very mild cramping but my cervix is very
tender and i feel like it sits lower i have no
idea if that's scientifically accurate but it
always feels like it's easier for you to hit
when i'm on um and i'm usually a little bit sort
of bloated and generally sore um and and just
kind of my pain threshold is lower when i'm on
my period as well so that intensifies it yeah
so deep penetration when i'm on my period is
physically very very uncomfortable but that is
a thing that i like yes so it's a good time you
enjoy that yeah very much i suppose that's something
as well isn't it if we do because you're right
your pain tolerance is a little bit lower when
you're on your period so if we do impacty type
stuff it's slightly different definitely yeah
always more intense um and you've punched me
in the stomach when i've been on my period before
as well which is incredibly mean yes it is yes
it is in a way that i very much like yes so yeah
making use of the The sort of pain and discomfort
of it is how it ties into masochism. Briefly
touched on that at the start. You know, most
of the time, if I'm wanting masochistic blood
play, I'm looking elsewhere for it. You know,
like the spiky impact, the sharps. But that's
where the crossover can be for me with period
play and period sex is, okay, make it really
uncomfortable. Yeah. Lean into the fact that
probably what my body is asking for is to be
tucked up in a blanket with a hot water bottle
right now. Yeah. And you're going to do the opposite.
No. I'm not going to do that. Well, I will also
do that if that's what you need. But in this
moment, the hot water bottle is not an option.
I suppose you could have the hot water bottle
if you really needed it. While you're bashing
my cervix. Yeah, yeah. Being sort of on top of
me sloshing around. I think another element of
how we sort of tie period sex into kink for us
is... sort of specific to my experience of having
a little bit of dysphoria related to periods,
like gender dysphoria. I don't have anywhere
near as much now, but when I first came out as
non -binary, and for a period of time before
I came out as non -binary, it was part of the
process of figuring it out, I found my periods
very, very difficult. because of seeing it as
a female thing, as a part of female biology.
And that would trigger some dysphoria for me.
And I had an experience that I think quite a
lot of trans people have, that is sometimes difficult
to explain without sounding like transition is
a bad time or a negative experience for people.
But sometimes for people... physical dysphoria
can get worse for a period of time after you
come out and when you're early in your medical
transition because it can sometimes draw more
attention to the things that you've been kind
of suppressing your feelings about you've been
sort of squishing the bad feelings down and thinking
you know i'm just not going to think about that
and then you finally say right i'm non -binary
or i'm a trans man or i'm a trans woman um And
I am going to change how my body looks. And I'm
going to change the clothes that I wear. And
maybe I'm going to get hormones. Maybe I'm going
to get surgery and all of this. And in a few
years, I will look like the person I've always
been meant to be. But oh my God, right now I'm
like this. And it can really raise those feelings
of distress. And I experienced that really strongly.
The first year after I came out as non -binary,
my dysphoria was the worst it has ever been before
or since. And then that flipped and I've ended
up happier than I've ever been since. you know
since figuring that out it was just a period
of transition so my dysphoria around my periods
was intense then and i really struggled to cope
with like talking about it dealing with it during
that period of time i definitely wouldn't have
wanted to have sex while i was on my period it
was the only real time of my life where that
was an issue but before that periods have been
distressing they didn't stop me having sex but
they i did feel gross while i was on i did feel
uncomfortable with it i did like just find it
sort of a bit icky to deal with and then have
started to kind of come out the other side of
that through addressing my transness and getting
comfortable with who i was like things sort of
went back to below that level which was really
nice but choosing to poke at those buttons through
play can be really fun You know, one of the things
that I like is emotional masochism. So things
that get me into my difficult feelings and make
me stew in them for a bit is really fun. Yeah.
So sort of making me hyper aware of my period
during sex rather than letting it just be there
in the background kind of pokes at those buttons
a little bit. But then through that, it's also
desensitized me to it to the point where now
probably I am the most comfortable with my period
I've ever been. Yeah. Is because now we've done
that so much that the sting has come out of it,
which I guess is a shame for kink, but good for
life. Yeah, true. And the good thing with where
I'm at now with physical gender dysphoria is
that it is so low level that it really doesn't
affect me on a day to day basis, which makes
it a lot safer to play with. Like that wouldn't
have been an area that I could have played with
the first year after I came out as non -binary
because it was at times like life threateningly
bad, you know, or I wanted to harm myself because
of it. It was a really difficult time. And probably
six months to a year before I came out as non
-binary, similar. I wasn't really aware of what
it was, but I knew that a lot of... things that
i did or things that i experienced that i had
put in the female box in my head were just unbearably
difficult yeah like i was still doing sex work
at the time and having to wear like makeup and
lingerie was highly distressing and i didn't
fully know why until i figured it out where now
i'm in makeup every day and lingerie most days
and i love it but now i know that i'm consciously
doing those things as a non -binary person instead
of putting on my woman suit to go and do my woman
job which is how i was seeing it at the time
yeah um that was that was really hard and i had
you know the first couple of years of my transition
i was very kind of hyper masculine even though
i already identified as non -binary not as a
trans man i was pretty much living as a trans
man because i just needed some space and some
distance from all of the things i thought of
as for women yeah to let myself have permission
to not be that and not have to try to be that
and then as i got more and more comfortable with
myself it was like okay but i like wearing pink
i like glitter i like makeup you know i've had
long phases since then where i haven't worn makeup
more out of laziness than anything else um but
I didn't have to ban myself from it anymore.
It could be something that I dipped into and
dipped out of whenever I felt like it. Yeah.
You know, opened up all of the gender boxes instead
of putting myself into another one. But I think
the first couple of years, it was important to
my sanity to have a different box to hide in
for a while. So I wasn't feeling trapped by the
things that I had been raised that I was supposed
to do. Get as far away from it as possible. Yeah.
Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. I might
say. gives me ideas although i fear it might
not be that effective now because you are using
all of the boxes you are simply too well adjusted
for that now it is the tricky thing with emotional
masochism in general is like i am quite bomb
proof um like there isn't a lot that actually
phases me i've been through so much and done
so much healing like i am ridiculously resilient
and that's fun because it means we don't have
to worry too much about my safety we still have
to be cautious of it we still have to be responsible
but we don't have to be overly concerned about
accidentally like breaking my brain because it's
very hard to do yeah but also if i actually want
to end up like crying until i think i'm going
to throw up that's not that easy to achieve no
No, I have to get quite creative, which is a
fun challenge to have. It is. Yeah. One of the
things I love about kink is it does. It is a
creative process. We talked a little bit at the
start about one of the things that's hot about
blood players as being an act of destruction.
But everything we do is very much an act of creation
as well. Yeah. We are creating a completely bespoke
relationship. We are creating scenes. We are
creating different versions of ourselves to inhabit.
And I find that just keeps my mind so alive all
the time. It's really fun. Yes, it is. So to
sum up then, periods are not gross or disgusting
or nasty. There is a significant section of the
population who could do better on their attitudes
towards periods. But there are a lot of fun ways
that you can make periods feel gross and disgusting
and nasty. Oh, yes. And also you can have really
great sex while you're on your period that doesn't
have to be any of those things. No. Like we've
talked quite a lot about the stuff that we like.
Because it's our podcast and we do what we want.
Yes. But to be fair, there are times where we're
just both horny. Or you're horny. Or I'm horny.
And we have sex. Yeah. While I'm on my period.
And the period just happens to be there. And
we have a great time. Yes. Throw down a towel
and go at it. Yeah. Or not. Or not. We don't,
do we? Not generally no mix. But I think when
it comes time for our mattress to be collected
and taken away by the bin men. When we're getting
our new one. Yeah. We may want to put an old
sheet on it. So that they don't see. True. Oh,
God, I hadn't even thought about that. Oh, no.
Because we're getting a new mattress. We're getting
a new mattress. That is the exciting news of
the week. Yeah, yeah. Because I have the spine
of a 90 -year -old and I need a special mattress
now. Yes. Although we did just spend a small
fortune on a mattress. But the same day that
we bought a really expensive mattress, you spent
£12 .50 on a weird -looking cushion. which seems
to have solved your back problem yeah i basically
got that because i got a bunch of new filler
in my face and i wasn't supposed to put any pressure
on my cheeks or my jawline while it was setting
yeah um so i got one of those like claw shaped
pillows that sort of clutch your head so you
can side sleep without your face touching anything
they're marketed as anti -aging pillows the idea
is that like you're not smooshing lines into
your face while you sleep i couldn't give a fuck
about how old i look but i needed to not smoosh
my face for filler reasons so i got one um and
it has Yeah, like got rid of 90 % of my back
pain. But I think the new mattress will get rid
of the remaining 10%. And that's worth a thousand
pounds, maybe. I guess we'll find out. And on
that note, should we have some tea? Or yes mix.
Yes. Okay, let's go do that. Bye. Bye. See you
next time.