We do talk a lot, don't we? We do, yes, Mix.
Though some of our listeners seem to want more.
When I mentioned that there was a three -hour
version of the New Year episode, I felt very
much like Taylor Swift holding on to the ten
-minute version of All Too Well. It's the uncut
version. It's not good. There's a lot of toilet
breaks. You're going to release the sad girl
autumn version of the podcast episodes. Yeah.
Welcome to Don't Scare the Newbies, a podcast
where we talk kink, raw and unfiltered. I'm Carizal,
a lifestyle submissive in a 24 -7 dynamic who
likes their kink heavy, intense and scary. And
I'm S, Carizal's dominant who knows how to deliver
all of the above. And today we're going to be
talking about putting big things in small spaces.
All about size kink, big dicks, large insertions.
You can probably hear me grinning. It's going
to be a good one. It's going to be our biggest
episode yet. Huge, massive, chock. Full of stuff.
I feel quite nervous about this episode. Do you,
Mix? I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah. I
think for two reasons. One, it's about sex things.
And you do have a history of getting the giggles.
I do have a history of turning into a 13 -year
-old boy when we talk about sex. Particularly
resistant. See? It was sex. But also, you're
going to make me talk about penis size. Yes,
makes I am. And that's... That's never a fun
time for me. See, you've done this to yourself
because this started when I was outlining the
butt stuff episode, which is also where you got
the giggles over particularly resistant. Particularly
resistant. But I had never realised that you
would have some reluctance about talking about
the size of your penis on the podcast until I
saw the realisation hit you when I was talking
about some of the content for that episode. And
I was like, oh, this is funny. And if I'm going
to exploit my relationship for listeners. I'm
absolutely going to exploit your discomfort with
talking about how massive your dick is. Bullshit
for likes is what you're saying. No, it's just
giving the people what they want and people love
you getting flustered. Yeah, I get that. And
so do I in a relationship where you get to have
like fine -tuned control over my routine, my
emotions, my sexual responses, all of that. Couple
of hours, couple times a week we sit down on
the couch and I get to make you squirm. You get
to make me talk about stuff, yeah. You get to
torture me. Fine. Fine, I will allow it, I suppose.
So we agreed that this episode we're going to
be talking about penis size. We're also going
to be talking about large insertions and fisting
mix. Okay. And that is, I think, partly because
when I said let's do an episode purely discussing,
like, does penis size matter and talking about
that for an hour and a half, you said absolutely
the fuck not. No. I just don't think there's
an hour and a half content in that, to be fair.
But it is a range of things, isn't it? All of
that stuff is a range of things, which is about
putting things that are larger than the hole
inside a hole. Yeah. Essentially. Yeah. And the
various ways that you can fuck around with that.
Yeah, I think so, Mick. There's a lot of ways
that these things connect to each other, like
talking about size kinks, talking about what's
going on mentally for both of us with playing
with those kind of things. And I guess the kind
of mechanism of all of it is basically the same.
We're talking about some stretching here. Yes.
Well, why don't you tell us a little bit about...
size kinks generally then and what that all means
for you yeah because i think there's almost like
become this like reverse stigma around saying
that you really like size it's like for a long
time the stigma was around like people mocking
people for not having a big enough dick and things
like that which is really toxic and something
we'll get onto as as we talk i'm sure that none
of none of anyone's preference should ever be
about saying that other people's bodies aren't
good enough as they are. But then that sort of
flipped around of going, okay, we need to make
sure that people are being really inclusive and
really body positive and all this great stuff.
But then sometimes saying, I like really big
stuff. Yeah. Then starts to become almost seen
as problematic or like you're saying your preference
means everything else sucks. Yeah. But yeah,
I definitely would say that I have and I've always
had a bit of a size kink and that goes not just
for dick size, but just in general. I think I
like stuff that challenges the hole a little
bit. And slightly off topic, I suppose, but is
that just about challenging your hole? Because
size kink could also mean kind of size differential.
I really like that, but I'm five foot ten. not
particularly slim so i don't often get to feel
that someone is significantly bigger than me
i find size differences in general really hot
yeah but you're the first partner i've had who's
significantly taller than me and i like that
a lot that's awesome um but it's never been something
that would be like a deal breaker or even a turn
off in a relationship like i've dated people
who are my height and shorter and still had really
great relationships and really strong attraction
um but a lot of A lot of my fantasies center
around like being overpowered and overwhelmed
in some way. And size difference can definitely
be a way that that comes through. And I think
a lot of my size kink when it comes to things
that are inserted is about that as well. That
feeling of sort of being overwhelmed by it and
really intense sensations, both pleasure and
pain that can come with it. Yeah, because that's
always been a curious thing for me about it,
I suppose. I mean, I love doing it. I love being
the inserter. um but it must be quite painful
yeah i can't i can't envisage that it's not excruciatingly
painful sometimes it depends on what we're doing
and how we're doing it so i'm just speaking generally
about people who like big toys and things like
that it definitely doesn't have to be painful
there's ways of exploring that kind of thing
that isn't about pain at all and you can prevent
pain through sort of preparing for things properly
making sure like if you're doing vaginal insertions
making sure you're properly aroused because that
makes things looser and stretchier and wetter
yeah using lube if you're doing anal insertions
like doing anal training and working your way
up gradually all of this stuff you can prevent
pain but for me pain is often a desirable element
of it yeah but i wouldn't say excruciatingly
painful i think with this kind of stuff any hole
that you're putting something into if it's excruciatingly
painful regardless of whether you like that or
not it's probably a sign that you're doing some
damage that you might regret later yeah um the
goal is not to require a hospital trip afterwards
or stitches or yeah you know anything along those
lines it's what i like is sort of micro tearing
and bruising and like a kind of achy and slightly
stingy feeling not right like oh god something's
fucked up here yeah because that Even if I enjoy
the sensation of it, I'm going to have the worry
of what are the long -term consequences of this?
What's this doing to my body? Yeah. Am I going
to have to explain this to a nice hospital doctor?
For people who might not fully understand, including
me, micro -tearing. Micro -tearing are like tiny
little tears that are too small for you to see,
Mix. Right. So if you tear... any of the orifices
of your body big enough that you can see it yeah
something is not right and you're probably going
to need to seek medical treatment for that yeah
very small tears and abrasions that you can't
physically see and might not even noticeably
bleed right you will still feel something um
and you get this if you eat like um sort of spiky
or crunchy kind of food sometimes you'll feel
like your mouth's a little bit sore afterwards
that will quite often be micro tears right um
you get them from brushing your teeth as well
you'll sometimes hear people recommend as a way
of preventing sexually transmitted infections
to avoid any oral sex for a little while after
you brush your teeth because brushing your teeth
causes those micro micro abrasions in your mouth
as well right um so i mean oral sex can transmit
stis either way if you've got an open wound in
your mouth it's a lot more likely so waiting
for those tiny little tears to heal up right
will will make that less likely um so micro tearing
is a really normal thing that happens but when
you're doing it by stretching something bigger
than it's meant to go you'll probably feel it
a little bit more and it might leave a little
bit of discomfort afterwards but this stuff should
never be like agony it should only ever be discomfort
really is the most that you want to do when you're
stretching your holes i see i genuinely didn't
know about Micro tears. I thought it was, I wasn't
aware that that was a thing that happens as frequently
as it does. Yeah, mucous membranes are very,
very delicate and they do some wacky stuff. Right.
That's why you've got to take good care of them.
And you're not really supposed to ram a baseball
bat into them, generally speaking. No. I imagine
that, yeah, good bit of safety advice there.
Don't just randomly ram a baseball bat up yourself.
Do as I say, not as I do. Yes. Yeah. So there's
a masochistic element to this. Yeah. For you,
then. You like it when it hurts a little bit.
Yeah, definitely. But one thing I have learned
from you, though, is that there is a difference
for you between width and depth. Yes, definitely.
I do like playing around with both, but I think
if something is really girthy and is stretching
me out, that feels really good. It can sometimes
hurt a little bit, like we talked about, not
excruciating, but uncomfortable. but it's always
in a way that feels good to me. And that also
really intensifies pleasure for me, even if you
do it the sort of more slow and gentle way, like
that feeling of stretching is a sensation I really
like. I don't particularly like the sensation
of getting my cervix battered. Right. And I know
some people do. Like a lot of people will listen
to that and just go, well, yeah, no one likes
that. I have definitely met people who length
is the thing for them. They like to have that
sort of like deep bruising feeling. For me, that's
usually too much. It puts me into more of a state
of panic and not like a sexy panic, like just
a full on, I feel like I'm being injured internally
panic, which I don't enjoy. I think if it's from
sex, like if it's sort of a position where I'm
getting fucked really deep and it's hitting the
cervix a little bit with a... real human flesh
penis that can feel good like it's just a little
bit of discomfort that i like but i've found
any toys that i've done that with just tend to
be a bit too hard and rigid and you don't because
the toy can't feel what it's doing yeah you don't
have that sort of fine ability to adjust that
someone using their penis as a battering ram
is going to notice if they're going too hard
um so it just tends to get a bit too intense
for me yeah so that's uh that's a bit of a tricky
area but stretching like as long as it's not
getting to the point where it's medically dangerous
i'll quite happily do that all day yeah Yes,
you would. Because I was going to say, I mean,
I am not about to brag about the size of my penis
or even that I am bashing your cervix when I
am fucking you. But I do like to hit it really
hard. Yeah. As hard as I can and as deep as I
can. Yeah. So I guess there is a greater risk
of that than stretching you. I mean, bear in
mind that the average vagina is about five inches
deep, even when aroused. Yeah. And I think I'm
actually probably built a little below average.
I am quite... quite tight and shallow um you
can do the maths to see whether your vagina is
not you as a person tight and shallow it's not
a little bit of self -criticism coming in there
yeah that's fair yeah but that like you say that
doesn't seem to bother you as much as like um
When I've done something similar with a man -made
dildo, a person -made dildo, that has a more
negative impact than... Yeah. Even a really hard
dick has got quite a lot of give in it. Yeah.
Like, it will sort of... When it runs into something,
it will slightly compress, where a piece of pretty
hard silicone will not. No. And even though you
say, like, you go really hard, and you do, there'll
still be a part of your brain that is holding
you back from injuring yourself, and that same
instinct is holding you back from injuring me.
True. Stupid instincts. Yeah, if you were a masochist
as well, I might be in real trouble. Good job
I'm not. Yeah. I do not want to damage my penis
on you. That's fair. I support this. I think
we obviously talked about there's an element
of masochism for me, but I think a part of it
for me as well feeds into sort of humiliation,
like tying into shame. Right. There's something
about... taking a big toy or a big dick or just
like being fucked really hard like all of that
kind of stuff that ties into feeling like enforcing
a form of sexual greed it's like just can't get
enough shoved in me that kind of attitude yeah
that is a really good way of playing with sort
of the shame around some of the sexual values
that i was raised with the very kind of conservative
idea of people who are raised as girls and become
women and follow this path in life are not supposed
to want too much sexually aren't supposed to
be too sexually motivated you're kind of there
to be passively receptive to what your husband
asks of you yeah um having the sexual agency
to go not only do i want and enjoy sex yeah but
i want it as big and hard Yeah. And, like, fulfilling
as possible. Like, I want to really, really feel
it and be feeling it for days afterwards. It's
that sort of proper sexual greed going on of
just can't get enough of this. Yeah. And then
that sort of brings up some of that old shame,
but in a way that I like to play with, not in
a I actually feel bad about this way. Yeah. In
a, like, I feel a little bit dirty. I feel a
little bit gross. I feel a little bit like a
sort of tainted, corrupted person for what I'm
doing. And that's really hot. I'm really big
on sort of playing with feelings of sexual shame
and corruption and being reminded of the way
that I have morally failed by being such a sexual
being. Like, it feels like a really good way
of reclaiming that to turn it into a weird sex
game. It's always good to turn trauma and negative
socialisation into a sex game. Absolutely, yeah.
Always a good fun. It's interesting because when
you first started talking about it as kind of
a humiliation thing, that's not where my head
went immediately. So what you talked about was
wanting big things inside you and stuff like
that. I guess there's a degradation element to
it as well, possibly about being able to take
something that big. Yeah. You know, you've got
such a sloppy hole, I can put my whole fist inside
it, sort of. angle to it yeah and that's definitely
something we play around with the the verbal
elements of what you do during those kind of
scenes which really adds something for me i think
there's a difference for me between the sort
of the inherent way that the act ties into historical
shame for me yeah and the way that we can choose
to add degradation or humiliation or other things
other forms of emotional sadomasochism into the
mix yeah the act itself has a little bit of a
humiliating feel to it but if you then say look
at your loose sloppy hole look at all this stuff
i can fit in there yeah that is an extra layer
on top little bonus yeah yeah that's true i guess
there is a bit of a difference between those
two things isn't it in terms of one is based
on real lived experience and the other you can
kind of say that whether it's true or not yeah
and it really isn't i mean i'm not saying that
in a defensive way like i kind of wish it was
a bit looser and sloppier sometimes so we could
fit more in it yeah i am inconveniently tight
yeah yeah yeah it's so frustrating but yeah it's
that kind of you can add in that more stereotypical
more what more more generic script of degrading
language on top of something which is actually
real and in your head yeah which is always fun
to to play it's like the cherry on the top isn't
it yeah and there have been times when you've
leaned into something more real with it by going
the other way and complaining about how useless
i am that i can't fit something that you're trying
to get in there yeah or like um verbally degrading
me for me having like a pain reaction to something
you're doing to me yeah you should be able to
handle this so like then you're going more into
the reality of actually like i am not anywhere
near loose and sloppy enough for my appetites
and making me feel like a failure because of
it which is very hot yeah yeah well happy to
oblige something that's always really interesting
for me with this that i've noticed about myself
is a lot of my interest in this stuff is really
about what we what we can shove in the front
not so much what we can shove in the back yeah
yeah that's a good point yeah um i don't know
if it's just me being realistic because yeah
because we're we're already like the way that
we do anal sex is already painful enough yeah
um and i think like being roughly painfully fucked
in the butt is great but I don't find anal training
particularly interesting to me like the idea
of just sort of gradually working up through
different sizes of butt plugs it's like if you
were really into it and you wanted me to do it
I would get off on the control of that yeah but
that process doesn't interest me in itself it
seems very almost like a medical process it's
like okay the butt needs to be bigger so we're
gonna work on it and I think if I wanted to put
anything bigger in my butt than I already do
I would have to do some pretty extensive training
to do it and it's just Can I be asked? No. Hey.
I thought you'd enjoy that. Yeah, I guess. It's
a really good point and you've stumped me a little
bit. Because we do do butt stuff. Yes. We did
a whole episode on it a little while ago. Particularly
resistant. but maybe you're right maybe i think
there's a little bit for me as well of of the
a greater risk of damage i suppose yeah the butt
can generally stretch bigger but when you damage
it it's more of a problem yeah it's not designed
to kind of recover as well from that sort of
thing yeah yeah um and to be fair i'm with you
i i the the idea of anal training is vaguely
hot in theory But the process of it doesn't really
excite me all that much. Yeah. I think some of
it as well, thinking about it, I'm not that big
on anal toys. Like, again, if I'm with someone
who wants to put a toy in my butt, that's fine.
Yeah. But I much prefer actual penetrative anal
sex. Yeah. Because a lot of what I get off on
from that is the sort of headspace I get into
of the other person using my body for their pleasure.
and it being a little bit degrading from that
perspective, and because I get less physical
pleasure from it, it feeling like a little bit
more one -sided. If the thing in my butt is a
toy, it's like, okay, so you're not getting sexual
pleasure from this, and I'm getting less than
I would normally. So, like, who's winning here?
Not really anybody. So, yeah, anal toys don't
massively interest me, so probably that's part
of it as well. Yeah, possibly. And it is surprising
when you say it, because you do like the... aftermath
of me fucking you in the butt. As in, like, your
whole feels different. Yeah, I like that. After
I fucked you in the butt. So that feeling of
being stretched, I suppose. That is really hot.
You really enjoy? But I think it's because it's
a combination of the feeling and knowing that
I got it in service to your sexual pleasure.
So that wouldn't be as satisfying if it had been
caused by a giant butt plug. Yeah. Who knows?
I mean, at the rate we acquire kinks, give it
six months. Yeah. We'll be back for an episode,
like, okay, our experience of severe and extreme
anal stretching. Anal training. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But right now, I don't think it's high on the
priorities list. No, not really. And a completely
different area, I suppose, but that idea of,
like, oral training as well. Yeah. Kind of training
someone to, like... be able to deep throat without
gagging yeah we did a little bit of it so that
you could throat fuck me without me vomiting
every time yeah but you didn't want to oral train
me too much because you still want the option
for me to vomit sometimes yeah yeah i think there's
a there's probably a sweet spot yeah isn't there
where yeah the best thing i got from the bit
of oral training we did is i can now brush my
teeth without throwing up which is great excellent
always good yeah There you go. I need to fuck
your throat on a regular basis so that you don't
vomit when you brush your teeth. For our listeners'
context, I suppose you have a particularly violent
approach to brushing your teeth. I do, and a
particularly violent gag reflex, so it's not
a good combination. So we've worked on the gag
reflex a little bit. But yeah, I am neurotic
about oral hygiene, which I personally think
is a great trait to have. I have met way too
many people who have... very laid -back approach
to oral hygiene. You could do with being a bit
more neurotic. Yeah, yeah. They should learn
some of my problems. But I brush my teeth a minimum
of twice a day, but usually more, for about five
minutes, finishing off with a good minute at
least, scrubbing my tongue all the way to the
back of my throat with the toothbrush, which
is probably a bit excessive. Yeah. I will acknowledge
that, but... I always have very good breath,
very clean teeth, very clean tongue. And I think
that's worth being a little bit insane for. Valid.
I feel like there might be cultural differences
here as well, where the British people listening
will be like, there's something seriously wrong
with you. And our American listeners will be
like, ah, yes, the normal. The normal thing to
do. To be fair, I don't know what Americans do.
I just know their teeth are excellent. Yeah.
Either way, they all... Probably use electric
toothbrushes. I'm terrified of those because
someone in my family got an electric toothbrush
and within six months her gums had receded so
badly that some of her teeth were on the verge
of falling out and the dentist told her to stop
using it. I think she was using it incorrectly,
but it has terrified me. It's put me off for
life. Right. Wow. Yeah. That doesn't sound like
a fun time. No. Anyway. And you're worried this
would be a short episode. I'm worried that we
wouldn't talk about it too much. Is there something
for you about being used as well when we do this
stuff, like being objectified? Definitely, yeah.
And it obviously, like with anything we do, it
depends on the headspace we're in and what we're
doing and how we're doing it. But I think feeling
like I am just a whole to use. managing the well
-being of that whole is not a top priority feels
really objectifying so if that's tied in with
other stuff where the language that's being used
in the way i'm being treated feels objectifying
that can really heighten it a lot yeah that makes
sense because it's not like we always do it in
that mean way yeah you know when especially when
we've done like the first time that we tried
the baseball bat first time that i tried to put
my whole hand inside you kind of thing Kind of
a more supportive, almost experimental way of
doing it rather than layering meanness and degradation
and humiliation on top of that because the whole
point was to see whether you could do it. Yeah.
And there's also been times where you've just
done sort of really big toys and things like
that because I was really horny and you were
giving me a nice treat. Yeah. Like when I'm ovulating
and I'm practically crawling the walls and I
haven't come in a thousand years. Which is usually
three days. thousand years um you'll sometimes
treat me to to some stretchy time because it's
really nice for me and i come really hard stretchy
time yeah that's fair that's true we do a whole
range of things that we do so that's a lot about
what my size kink is all about but as as always
we are very very compatible and you also seem
to enjoy putting big things in various places.
So what's that all about for you, Max? What's
going on in that lovely egg of yours? What's
that all about? I think this is one of those
where a decent sized element of it is because
you enjoy it. Yeah. It's one of those things
where if you had said to me, actually, no, I
don't want anything bigger than your penis anywhere
near my hole. Thank you very much. would have
been completely fine yeah um or even if you said
crikey that's a bit big go careful when you saw
my penis that would have been okay yeah and it
wouldn't have felt like i was kind of missing
out on anything i suppose um so part of it is
i i do these things because they get you off
and you enjoy the process of it and all of that
kind of stuff which i think is i think is okay
oh yeah i think it's a good thing For me, I think
there is very much an objectification thing of
it and kind of using you aspect to it. Because
a lot of the time, if I wanted to put something
in one of your holes, I could put my penis in
your hole. You can do that, yes. It's always
a good time when I do that. you heard it here
first putting the penis in the hole is a good
time groundbreaking so like using using big dildos
or even more kind of using things as dildos that
are not is really fun for me because it's that
kind of I'm not getting any direct pleasure out
of it I'm just causing you pain and discomfort
you know I'm just seeing what i can fit kind
of thing it's like a mad scientist experiment
and if you get if you experience pain or discomfort
or whatever along the way then so be it that's
your purpose so it's probably one of the one
of the rare kinks one of the rare things that
we talk about where for me it's not necessarily
about power it is it is a it's a little bit kind
of mad scientist a little bit kind of yeah just
treating you like an object and seeing what i
can fit in there kind of thing really appeals
yeah really appeals to me um and then if we kind
of layer on top of that the degradation of it
as well rather so less about your inter although
now you've said it that's a really interesting
thing so for me it's less about that kind of
humiliation of your own internal shame it's degrading
you because you can take whatever i'm putting
up there Yeah. And you shouldn't be able to take
a baseball bat. You shouldn't be able to take
my fist. I think that's probably what's behind
it for me more than anything else. Plus it is,
to be fair, it is quite hot seeing you take a
massive baseball bat. Yeah. We keep saying baseball
bat. It is like a slim bat. I don't know if it's
quite designed for baseball. It's quite a little
one. I think we've got, well, we've got the one.
With the spikes on it, which will not go in the
hole. No, the one with the spikes would not go
in the hole with or without the spikes. That
one's massive. Yeah. I think the other one is
probably around as bat. Probably around as bat,
yeah. Yeah, a little bit smaller, a little bit
thinner, but not much. No, it's still, it's still,
it feels a lot bigger than it looks when it's
being inserted. Yeah, yeah. And you've had bigger
stuff than that inside you. Yeah, I mean, I've
had your fist. Yeah, my fist inside you. That
took some work. Yeah. And the handle of Fluffy
the Club, one of our toys. Yes. That's pretty
big. Which is much bigger than the rounder's
bat slash baseball bat. I think it's similar.
We need to measure the girth of some of our toys.
But yeah, it is that sort of mad science thing.
Often, if we've been doing impact, you've got
a bag full of impact toys, and it's like, okay,
which of these have got a vaguely phallic handle?
Let's see where they go. Yeah, let's see if they
fit. though someone gave us a helpful tip the
first time you inserted fluffy the club into
me um to put a condom over fluffy yeah because
uh because pussy can strip the wax and varnish
off wooden toys yes poisonous pussy yeah and
we don't want to damage our our nice wooden toys
no so no i i as as i frequently say it feels
a little bit basic But there's just something
really hot about shoving weird things inside
you and seeing if you can stretch around them.
Yeah. I'm just excited we got an answer to that
question that wasn't just power. Power and control.
Yeah. Because it's often not. Yeah. It is one
of the things that we do that is probably less
about that, I would say. I think we layer that
on top of it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it depends
how we're playing. It can sometimes be part of
a really power imbalanced feeling scene. But
yeah, it's an interesting one because I don't
feel like it's massively about power as such
for me. Being overpowered. Yes, but there's a
subtle difference to that. It's not about like
a reminder of our roles a lot of the time. No.
It's about feeling like... ways of heightening
the intensity of sex making it feel a little
bit more violent a little bit more degrading
a little bit more just intense but not necessarily
massive about a power imbalance that can be part
of it but it's an optional part yeah i think
so it's probably one of the the things that we
do which is more specifically about your pleasure
as well yeah i would say because a lot of what
we do a lot of sexual stuff that we do we both
get pleasure from but the whole point is that
it's about mine yeah that kind of free use objectification
kind of thing with putting big things inside
you other than my penis you get off on that yeah
and i i'd like to say that's not it's hot but
i don't get kind of sexual pleasure from the
act if that makes sense yeah yeah no that makes
sense um so yeah it's it's more for your pleasure
than anything else and i'm always happy to do
that that's so nice because i'm so nice so nice
you say you how much you love giving me pleasure
and how you're always happy to do that as if
you don't delight in making me wait thousands
of years to be allowed to come days thousands
of years days it has been a few no it hasn't
been a few days it has it's been a thousand years
again three days thousand years sunday It was
a long time ago. We are recording on a Wednesday.
Which lines up really well with when it will
be released. Yeah, I could have just left that,
couldn't I? Yeah, me too. I'd have gone, my God.
Are they broadcasting live? Yes. Yes, we are.
Yes, we are. So I guess it's about that time
in the podcast about large things that we should
directly address the question. The question.
The question. Does penis size matter? Yes and
no mix is my answer to that. That's a very politician
answer. Yeah. So, I mean, it's really interesting.
Like when we were first talking about this episode,
obviously this was my idea to do a whole episode
talking about this specific question. Yeah. And
you didn't think there was a whole episode in
it. I still think there potentially could have
been because there's so much to that. It's like
if we're talking about overall in general, like
for your sexual value as a human being, the size
of your penis doesn't matter. whether you've
got a penis or not doesn't matter like everyone
can be really great at sex and everyone's going
to be sexually compatible with someone yeah if
the question is does penis size matter to me
i tried for years and years and years to be like
no no of course not no it doesn't but actually
for how i like to fuck and for what i find attractive
and what i find arousing it does And it does
for a lot of people, but not always in the same
way. And that's why I don't think it matters
overall. So most people will have a kind of minimum
size where below that, it's just not going to
do what they want it to do. And a maximum size
where it's like, you're not getting that fucking
thing anywhere near me. And that range is so
different person to person. So mine probably
sits a little bit towards the top end of that
scale. But there is definitely dick that is too
big to take every day. like occasionally as a
treat maybe but i i don't want a partner with
11 inches yeah like i would i wouldn't be able
to fuck the way that i like to fuck if if you
were that size it would be like we're going slow
we're going carefully and then i'm taking a week
off to recover and that's not what i want in
my life i want to be able to have rough semi
-dry spontaneous sex yeah all the time yeah um
and for that I like something a little bit lower
down in the scale. Yeah. There was... Was it
on that god -awful show Too Hot to Handle where
there was a guy who referred to himself as having
boyfriend dick? Do you remember that, mate? Possibly.
Yeah. Where it's not too big and not too small.
And everyone was, like, roasting him for it.
But I was like, actually, no, like, that is 100
% a thing. Yeah, yeah. Like, if it is too big,
you're not going to want to be on it all the
time? No. That's hook -up dick. Yeah, yeah. No,
you're right. Because there's that TikTok. I
don't know if I say that TikTok as if everyone's
going to know it. Yeah, I watch like a thousand
TikToks a day. You're going to have to narrow
it down. There's a woman with a tape measure
and she unfurls 12 inches. And she's like, I
don't think people know what we're talking about
here. This is too much. And then she kind of
puts it down to like five inches. This is fine.
Six inches. This is great. Seven. Perfect. Probably
a little bit too big. 10 inches. Hospital. Yeah.
So it's like everyone probably or the majority
of people who receive penetrative sex are going
to have a little scale like that in their heads.
And the specific numbers are going to vary. So
for some people, they're like good might be three
inches and they're great is four. And that's
a bit much is five. Yeah. And then there's some
people where they're good is six and they're
great is seven and they're perfect is eight.
Yeah. Like everyone's going to have their own
preferences there. Yeah. And there are some people
where penetrative sex just isn't that important
to them, and then it might matter basically not
at all, unless they've got some sort of aesthetic
preferences around it. But if you like penetration,
if penetration's an important part of sex for
you, and if you enjoy that to happen with a real
-life human flesh penis, not store -bought, then
some element of size preference, I think, is
going to be inevitable for most people. but that
doesn't mean that someone with a really really
big or a really really small dick isn't going
to be fine someone who is like crazy about it
because because of those different preferences
is it something that like because you don't receive
penetration mix is it something that makes any
difference to you sort of like aesthetically
or from an attraction point of view if you were
the partner with a penis or are you just like
just happy to be there i'm just happy to be there
yeah to be honest with you um i mean i i haven't
I haven't been in a lot of relationships or kind
of hookups with people who have penises. So my
experience is more limited in that. But no, I
don't think there's any... I'm very much of the
view of it doesn't really matter what you've
got, it's how you use it. Yeah. That would be
the thing for me. There's this weird assumption,
isn't there, usually by people who own the penises.
that bigger is better yeah and if you've got
a big dick then that's all that really matters
i definitely feel like insecure men care way
more about dick size than even i do yeah and
it's it's an important part of sex for me but
like insecure men make it seem like it is the
end of the world if your dick isn't enormous
yeah and it really isn't yeah it's also not true
yeah you know we have on on this very here podcast
kind of talks about the average penis size is
like five and a bit inches yeah or something
like that so kind of like scientifically you
think about standard deviations most people are
somewhere between four and a bit and six and
a bit yeah because that's how that works and
half the people have less than five and a half
and yeah yeah yeah you know so this obsession
that we have with kind of massive porn style
dicks It's just... I've never understood it.
Yeah. Really. Do you have any preferences about
it when you're watching it in porn mix? Because
I know sometimes people with dicks have a preference
to see a big dick in porn, and that always interests
me, because a lot of the time it's straight men
getting really hung up on looking at men's dicks,
which I don't fully understand the reasoning
for. There seems to be this desire to identify
with the penis and therefore wanting it to be
really big, and I don't know if that's something
that you find. no not particularly not from an
aesthetic perspective yeah i suppose um because
i'm never looking at a penis going oh wouldn't
it be great to be penetrated by that penis that's
not how my brain works yeah um so i don't i i
wouldn't value porn that includes people with
big dicks over porn that includes people with
average size penises i suppose there is an element
there is an element though of the kind of porn
that i do enjoy is usually someone with a penis
being really mean with that penis to someone
else yeah so in that respect kind of the bigger
does sometimes have a benefit because the person
on the end of it is probably having less of a
good time yeah it's giving the appearance of
having less of a good time a consensually bad
time a consensually bad time we have a consensually
bad time in this household yeah so if i'm If
I'm watching porn of someone getting throat fucked,
then a bigger penis is always going to be more
fun to see. Yeah. Because it's more likely to
have the result that I like to see when someone
is being throat fucked. That's fair. You know?
A lot more drooly. A lot more emission from the
mouth. You do love an emission from the mouth.
I do. Perfect. Yes. But also I think it's most
porn features. people with penises that are outside
of the standard deviations we just talked about
so you are more likely to just see the you know
yeah i think that's a lot of it you you kind
of just expect to see a huge penis if you're
watching porn that has people with penises in
yeah yeah um so i think a lot of the time when
people see one that isn't it's more like unfamiliarity
it's like it's the little guy lost here how did
you get there buddy yeah it's not that they necessarily
have like if they were sort of isolated from
those influences would they have any issue seeing
a range of dick sizes in porn probably not but
it's yeah yeah as soon as you see something that
is very different from from the norm yeah it's
hard to get your head around that i think i think
anything that throws you off your nice little
comfortable routine with porn yeah can be very
disruptive for people sometimes yeah i guess
yeah that makes sense it's not something that
i've ever thought about really never really had
that thought process i was always curious about
it when i did sex work because there was a period
of time where i was making videos with with someone
who was like not like tiny but like probably
a little bit on the lower side of average and
like i i knew that some people would have preferences
to see a big dick that's fine i had other content
available um but people were like some of the
men who bought the clips were genuinely furious
right like really agitated that i was having
sex with someone with a smaller than average
dick right could not cope just blew their minds
really really upset them and ruined their day
and that level of reaction i don't understand
because like i definitely have a preference for
bigger but i don't have that reaction if i hook
up with someone and they drop their pants and
there's a couple inches less than i would like
to see we're still gonna have a good time we're
still gonna find good stuff to do it's just not
gonna like tick every compatibility box for me
yeah and for straight men who theoretically are
not interested in other men's genitals that much
they they really do care sometimes yeah there's
probably a level of expectation about that isn't
there about kind of like you say those stand
the standard script for porn yeah is especially
heterosexual appearing porn blonde hair big tits
shaved pussy on the one hand Muscly with a massive
cock on the other hand. Yeah. So if you don't
see that and you're expecting it, I guess there
might be that level of disappointment as well.
Yeah. And porn is a fantasy, isn't it? So if
you're kind of wanting to see a fantasy of what
sex looks like, then a stereotypical male fantasy
is probably Massive Dick. Yeah. I wish I had
a massive dick. Yeah, I was thinking there's
probably an element of wanting to project themselves
into the male performer. Yeah, yeah. And rather
than seeing a realistic version of themselves
who is average in every way, they want the fantasy
version of themselves. Yeah, yeah. Which I think
is the bit I have trouble getting my head around
because I'm not that way. I do sometimes want
to imagine myself as someone in the porn, but
I don't want to imagine myself as looking different
than I look. I'm putting myself in their shoes.
I'm not being them. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't
want my fantasy ruined by me pretending I'm much
hotter than I actually am. When I know what the
reality is, I would rather just stay in the reality
and have the fantasy as the person I am. Yeah.
Because otherwise, at some point, I'm going to
have to open my eyes and I'm not going to have
a 12 -inch dick anymore or whatever attribute
it is that I'm projecting onto. Like, I very
much fantasise as me, but I know that's not the
case for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess
it's there. It gets quite deep and psychological,
doesn't it? The purpose of consuming porn, I
suppose. And there is that kind of... For your
average person, and I don't mean that in a derogatory
way, seeing someone who is above average is a
way of fulfilling a fantasy, I suppose. I will
say, curiously, for me, there is a limit on size
beyond which it becomes less fun. Right. So take
what I said before as an example, kind of watching
someone getting fucked in the face, getting throat
fucked by a large penis. Always fun to see. But
if it is so big that the poor person on the receiving
end of it physically cannot get more than three
inches of it inside them because it is so ridiculously
large and girthy. then it becomes a little bit
pointless to me. It almost becomes like it should
be hentai at that point. Yeah. You know, because
that's a common feature in kind of a lot of hentai,
isn't it? Kind of outrageously large penises.
And tentacles and such things. And tentacles
and things. Like when it gets to that point,
it just becomes a little bit silly. Yeah, I can
see that. Because you're not really getting much
out of it. Yeah. So I like that kind of... sweet
spot i suppose in penis size where you can see
the whole thing disappearing into whichever hole
it's going into yeah um that's my sweet spot
too big enough to hurt but small enough to fit
yeah that's the episode yeah there it is i tend
to know it when i hear it i think a lot of the
the problem and why it becomes such a kind of
tricky topic to talk about sometimes is that
so much of like some people have a size preference
and some people prefer bigger has become this
sort of social phenomenon that just fucks everyone
over where we have phrases like big dick energy
yeah that's not a thing i have met some very
very confident and self -possessed people with
very small penises and i know some very anxious
dogs with massive ones oh yeah who i think you
know so it's like big dick energy is not a thing
um and like it being people sort of go to body
shaming thing um is to go oh well he's got a
small dick or like if you see a man being insecure
or misogynistic or just generally acting in a
a way that you look down on immediately going
he's behaving like that because he's got a small
dick and he's compensating it's like Or he just
is a dick. Yeah, yeah. Like, he can have 12 inches
and that doesn't make what he's saying any less
obnoxious. Yeah. It's become something that's
seen as like a value judgment and an indicator
of someone's worth, not even just their sexual
worth, like their worth as a human being. Yeah.
And that's really toxic and that's really fucked.
But I think because of that, we've sort of culturally
started to have this shift of like, okay, making
fun of people's penis size is not okay, which
it's not. No, no. So then it becomes a little
bit taboo to say, but... You do have to be so
tall to ride. Like, for me personally, or for
any individual personally, it's okay to have
preferences and standards for your compatibility
and how you like to have sex. Yeah. For me, sex
needs to feel a little bit painful, a little
bit degrading. I like the sensation of being
stretched and really full. And realistically
below a certain amount of inches, like, that's
not going to happen for me. Yeah. And there might
be still a lot of other great stuff we can do.
Yeah. I've been very, very lucky to have my relationship
with you and a previous relationship that had
a very high level of sexual compatibility. I'm
not likely to settle for partial compatibility
at this point in my life because I know that
I don't have to. Yeah. I think you make an excellent
point. It's like, it's a variation on, for me
anyway, it's a variation on all bodies are good
bodies. Yes. That is true. That's not up for
debate. But there's nothing wrong with saying,
but these are the types of bodies that I like.
Yeah. Both of those things can be true. Yeah.
You don't have to be attracted to all of the
body types in order to be a good person. Yeah.
You can acknowledge that there's nothing fundamentally
wrong with any of them. They are all beautiful
and wonderful in their own way. But these are
the types of bodies that I like to see naked.
Yeah. and that's okay yeah um and it's the same
with it's the same with penis sizes there's no
such thing as a bad penis size generally but
you like big ones i do and that's okay too yeah
and some people like small ones yeah and like
the massive three foot long tentacle dildos i
physically i do not know where they go no i i
would love to but i'm just not built like that
no congratulations to the people who are no I
do quite like seeing those really big, like,
insertion porn videos. Yeah. But it is more of
a morbid, slightly morbid fascination than anything
else. Like a magic trick. Yeah, because I'm like,
where the fuck is it going? Yeah. Like, that's
perforating your stomach at this point, surely.
yeah and like i know some of it is like i know
with anal insertions you can kind of wiggle things
around the bends basically so it's flexible dildo
it can go pretty deep yeah sometimes just the
girth of it it's like is your pelvis not in the
way yeah yeah yeah it's yeah it's it's nuts yeah
um there you go i don't think we've told this
story on the podcast before but now that i've
revealed that i am a shameless size queen yeah
i think it's time to tell a story about the early
days of our relationship because we were in a
relationship before i ever saw your penis yes
which is wild it makes me feel like i'm in like
the 1900s saying that it's very bridgerton of
us isn't it yeah I never, never looked upon it.
So the first few times we played together, we
did a lot of kinky stuff, but not a lot of sexual
stuff. And then there was one time before we
started dating where you did fuck my throat,
but I was blindfolded. So I got... I got a feel
for it, but I didn't get to thoroughly assess
it. So we got into a relationship without me
really having a clear idea of what size it was
and what it looked like. And because that is
quite an important factor for me, I was quite
nervous. And then after we'd been dating a couple
of weeks, your penis got on board with the relationship.
And I discovered that you are very blessed. Thanks.
Extremely blessed. Thank you. But I reveal to
you... Like I didn't tell you this for months
and months and months because it is quite embarrassing.
But I did eventually reveal to you that I had
been quite nervous about that because it felt
pretty big when it was in my mouth. But yeah,
as I've mentioned, my gag reflex is very sensitive.
Yeah, they generally do feel pretty big when
they're in my mouth. I was quite nervous about
it. And I admitted that to you and you said,
well, what would you have done if after you'd
fallen in love with me and we got into a relationship,
you found out it was it was small. Yeah, I would
have cried. And you judged me so hard. i did
yes but i think i think i want to clarify okay
in a gently mocking way i know just to be just
to be clear yeah and i think it speaks to how
much i was in love with you because i didn't
say oh i would have left or oh i would have immediately
told you to like go and get a giant sleeve to
put on it i would have cried because i was committed
and i was staying But I was disappointed. Oh,
yeah. So the lesson that our listeners should
take from this is that if penis size matters
to you, get it out as soon as possible. Yeah.
But it's like, because you don't even send dick
pics. No. Like, it pokes me. It took me a lot
longer than that to get a dick pic. It must have
been at least six months into the relationship
that I finally got a dick pic out of you. Yeah.
Because I'm a rare person who loves to receive
a dick pic. And do not send me them. That is
not a request. That is not an invitation. No,
not strangers. I like to receive a dick pic from
someone I either am having sex with or am seriously
considering having sex with. So if we're at the
sexting stage, if we're at the making plans for
hookup stage, if we are already seeing each other.
yes i want to see a dick if you are a random
stranger from the internet i do not want to see
it i have seen plenty it's not that special even
if it is big even if it's massive yeah if i want
to see a massive dick they are not hard to find
as we have mentioned they are the standard in
porn yes that is very true and also i live with
one you live with a massive dick wow You live
with a massive dick who's well endowed. Yeah,
I do. I think you're handling this episode really
well. I was expecting a lot more. It's just above
average. But no, you've embraced it and I love
that. Yeah, to be fair, I think you've behaved
fairly well as well because I was fully expecting.
So obviously we have an outline. Yes. We are
both looking at the outline as we speak. And
there is a section of the outline which says,
talk about S's giant cock. I did mostly put that
there to get a reaction from you, to be honest.
Yeah. I knew we'd talk about it, but I didn't
want the episode to just be me bullying you and
making you talk about your dick, fun as it is.
Yeah, because I was fully expecting you to ask
me, so S, what's it like? How does it feel to
have such a massive penis? I mean, now you've
brought it up. How does that feel, Miss? to be
fair it feels okay do you know i i think it's
a really interesting thing no i say interesting
a lot don't i i think your penis is really interesting
because i've thought about this right i have
thought about why am i the way i am about my
penis why can't i just accept that actually it
is a decent size And for someone who is in a
relationship with someone who likes size, that
is a good thing. So why don't I embrace that
and go, yeah, actually, my dick's pretty big.
Isn't that great? And I think it's because I've
paid attention to the feedback from people who
are on the receiving end of dick pics all the
time. Yeah. And I have paid attention to the
fact that penis size doesn't matter at a global
level. Yeah. So it's kind of almost kind of underplaying
it a little bit because I don't want to be that
arsehole who brags about the size of his dick.
That's fair. And, you know, kind of maybe I have
taken to heart too much that you don't send dick
pics. kind of approach to life so you know there's
maybe a little bit of kind of over correction
in there which would surprise you know surprise
nobody who who knows me to be fair um the overthinking
got you again yeah but i've always been kind
of conscious of of that sort of thing and you
know nobody likes someone who brags about the
size of their penis because i'm not going to
yeah and not only am i not going to i'm going
to want to play it Plus you do hate anything
that could possibly be perceived as a compliment.
Plus I hate anything that could be possibly perceived
as a compliment. So even accepting that all penises
are good penises and penis size doesn't matter
on a global level and all of this. If you know
I like a big dick and I'm saying your dick's
big, that's a compliment and the alarm starts
going off. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I totally get
what you're saying. I think, like, yeah, there
is a stereotype in your head of the person who
goes around telling everyone they've got a big
dick and sending dick pics out. And it's not
the same as acknowledging, like, yeah, I know
how big it is. I've been told. And it's not the
same as sending a dick pic with consent. But
it's that worry about how it might land or the
overall impression you could give. Yeah. If you
start doing those things even in a different
context. Yeah. I get that. I think so. I think
so. And this is going to sound like a very controversial
opinion. And I am not in any way body shaming
anyone who has any type of penis. But I personally
don't find dick pics all that attractive. Oh,
I love a dick pic. I could talk about this all
day. There's a whole episode in this. Again,
not an invitation. Do not send me pictures of
your penis. From someone I'm attracted to. yeah
like there is just nothing hotter to me i know
i'm really quite uncommon with that but i i think
dicks are beautiful yeah and and it's not exclusive
to dicks like i like people's nudes and like
if i'm if i'm involved with someone who has a
vagina like i like pictures of that too yeah
i think a lot of i i hear a lot of women say
like why do men send us pictures of their dicks
we're not sending close -up like flaps open pussy
pics it's like You can send them to me as well.
I think genitals are great. I think they're really
hot. But there does seem to be that double standard,
doesn't there? Where it is more accepted to...
Not unsolicited, sent through FetLife DMs kind
of thing. But there is less criticism of flaps
out vagina pictures than there is of... penis
pictures yeah i think part of it is because of
the types of pictures they tend to be like yeah
generally you don't see as many extreme close
-ups of vaginas it's usually part of a like not
necessarily a full head to toe but like more
of the body and shot yeah tend to be shot a little
bit better tend to be a little bit more aware
of their background a little bit less of like
a toilet in the background or yeah your foot
with a broken toenail sticking half into the
shot and things like that you know yeah yeah
that doesn't happen as much and it's a bit of
a stereotype like This is sort of going off the
fact that most people taking pictures of their
own vagina are women who tend to be a little
bit more conscious of those things just because
of how they're raised. And that's not necessarily
always the case. Not for all women and not all
people with a vagina are women. And there are
some people with dicks who are taking absolute
fucking bangers of shots. Yeah. But I think there's
a part of that where generally the average dick
pic you've seen is not as good as the average
pussy picture you've seen. Yeah. Yeah. True.
But also I think it's probably because it's less
likely that you're going to receive a picture
of pussy without consent. And so that is immediately
off -putting if you're opening an unsolicited
DM and it's someone's dick, regardless of whether
it's, you know, only halfway hard, posed in front
of a toilet with a bit of fluff hanging off the
end of it. That just makes it worse. Yeah, I
get that. I get that. And like, obviously I am
a human person. um aroused by other humans so
i enjoy seeing naked people pictures of naked
people absolutely a well a well -made picture
of somebody with a penis and their penis is out
and hard i'm like yeah that's a good picture
that's a hot picture but the penises themselves
i i are aesthetically less pleasing to me yeah
i think that's quite common even for like For
a lot of people who are attracted to people with
penises, the penis is not the focus. Yeah. Where
I am violently attracted to penises. I think
they're really hot. Big, big fan of them. That's
valid. Totally valid. So there's a little bit
of that as well. And I guess there is the artistic
side of it as well. I'm just not that good at
taking pictures of myself. I tend to avoid it.
Well, a lot of the best pictures of your face
and body generally have been taken by me. I'm
very good at taking pictures of you, so I think
we've found the solution to your lack of dick
pics. Yeah, probably. Because a lot of ones I
get are blurry ones of you, like as you get out
of the shower and you haven't managed to get
away from my camera fast enough. Yeah, yeah.
So. We'll do some proper photo shoots. The famous
cryptid dick pic. Yes. No, have I just agreed
to let you take even more pictures of me? I think
you might have done, Mix, and it's on camera.
No, it's not. No, it's not. It's on microphone.
It's on microphone. It will be on camera. I had
camera on the brain. Yeah. Oh, God. Anyway, I'm
going to give you a break from talking about
your penis. Do you want to tell us about some
other... Large objects that you like to put inside
people mix? Yeah, anything that will fit, basically.
That's a good answer. But we've tried a few different
things, as well as my penis. We've tried dildos
of various sizes. We have a decent range of dildo
sizes and firmnesses and shapes as well. including
an inflatable one that I absolutely love to talk
to you with. Yes, because those, they're very
much designed for gradual sort of training to
stretch. So you pump it up a little bit and use
it a little bit and then pump it up a little
bit more. But your preferred technique is to
put it in at its minimum size and then rapidly
pump it up as big as it'll go, which is, even
for me, deeply unpleasant, but in a hot way.
It's proper genital torture, that, and I love
it. And I think that's definitely why I enjoy
it. Yeah. Because it is just about kind of very
much taps into that, treating you like an object
and causing you pain. Yeah. Kind of thing, very
visceral kind of response that it gets to that.
And I just love the noises that you make. Kind
of pump it up really quickly, just to the point
where it feels like, in my head, it feels like
you're about to burst or something. And then
letting it go, just like... on inflating it just
as quickly yeah so it shrinks back down really
really quickly as well yeah so i don't even get
a chance to get used to it before you go again
yeah so and like doing that in rapid succession
is is always a fun uh always a fun time yeah
um but we've used we've talked about the the
rounders bat slash baseball bat that we have
which is probably not much different to some
of the dildos that we have but solid because
it's wood yeah it's completely rigid and also
the end is obviously it's not It's not designed
to be inserted, so it's a completely flat end
going in. Yeah, yeah. So I really feel the stretch
a lot more from that because I don't have even
that sort of half a second between the tip going
in and the rest of it to adjust to the thickness.
It's just full on. Yeah. We do put a condom over
that as well to make sure that I don't get any
splinters because that could be quite unpleasant.
We've also used the handle of the... fluffy club
that we have, which was made by Ironic Crafts.
Yes. Wonderful maker that we see at BBB quite
frequently. Some incredible stuff that they make
with wood. Yeah. Fun to be hit with as well,
not just inserted. Yeah, like really big, chunky,
knobbled, square, heavy, wooden club, isn't it?
Yeah. But it's got a handle which is great for
fucking with as well. So again, put a condom
on that because it's a really nice it's a really
nice piece and we don't want it to take the varnish
off when we put it inside you yeah because i
think that one's waxed so that would probably
strip quite easily yeah that is a little bit
tapered but not very yeah it's still quite it's
quite bulbous on the end isn't it it's bigger
at the end than it is in there yeah like i think
it's at its widest point it's similar to the
bat but it's slightly easier to get in but not
very not very which is always fun Yeah. What
else have we used? I feel like we've got a rolling
pin. Yes. A couple of rolling pins. You've used
rolling pins, yes. Of various sizes and materials.
Yeah. What else is there? I think that's probably
all the non -standard stuff mix. Other than that,
it's just a range of normal toys of various sizes.
A wide array of dildos. Yeah. that we've used
I've used other things myself as well in the
past I've used various sort of things like shampoo
bottles like the go -to like you're in the shower
and halfway through the shower you decide you
need to be violently fucked and you just grab
whatever's nearby right so if you can find it
in a bathroom and it's phallic I've probably
used it but I did also once fuck myself with
a cucumber I just became overwhelmed with the
need to buy something to fuck myself with yeah
as soon as possible and was passing a supermarket
so that's what I went for bought a cucumber yeah
did you did was it a cucumber because some cucumbers
come plastic wrapped it did come plastic wrapped
mix yes did you take the plastic wrap off i did
yes mix because um the ends of a cucumber are
too tapered like it wouldn't go deep enough for
me to get to the really girthy bit yeah but if
you just snap it in half then it's a little bit
too like If you've not inserted anything else
beforehand, that's a little bit hard to get in.
Right. So I took the plastic wrap off, broke
it in half, and gnawed the end until it was a
little bit tapered. Good grief. You really were
desperate that day, weren't you? I was, yes,
Mix. Does this surprise you at all? Not at all.
You've seen how I get. Not even slightly. I'm
quite surprised you've never used anything like
a cucumber or other random food products on me,
to be fair. You do like to put random things
in me, so... You make a very good point. You
make a very good point, perhaps I should fix
that. Yes. Various vegetables. Which seems really
obvious when you say it out loud, isn't it? Because
it's one of those things which is weirdly...
It's one of those things which, to my slightly
warped perception, I suppose, is surprisingly
mainstream. Yeah. Like, food is part of sex,
and putting food inside you, putting things that
are food. inside you yeah like surprisingly mainstream
i feel like we are sort of the kind of kinky
that have kind of skipped past a lot of the light
end of kink just yeah because we already knew
a lot of what we wanted i think maybe you less
so because you've done a lot of sort of more
kind of what would be considered like mainstream
kink before we got together and i corrupted you
um but you still i think always had the tendency
to like hit really hard and yeah and play quite
hard yeah and i think sort of skipping past the
kind of more sensual more mainstream food play
will be an element of that same as how neither
of us have got into wax just got straight into
burning me with cigarettes yeah without true
without anything in the middle we don't do a
lot of kind of sensory kink or sensual kink we
do a lot of yeah quite extreme and intense kink
so that's maybe why why we skipped the cucumbers
and went for the rounders back true So you said
bottles and things that you found in the bathroom.
What about beer bottles and things like that?
I don't think... I'm trying to think now. Wine
bottles. No, I don't think I ever have. I don't
think I have used those mix. I'm always a little
bit wary of glass. I think it's smart to be a
little bit wary of glass. And with all of this
stuff, I think it's worth a little bit of a safety
mention. If you're using something inside your
body that isn't designed to go inside your body,
there is always some level of risk with that.
And the risk varies a little bit depending on
what it is and what you're doing with it. But
anything wooden, there's a splinter risk and
an infection risk because it's an organic material
and it's porous. If you are using glass, there's
obviously a risk of it cracking or... chipping
or god forbid shattering um if you are using
foods there's infection risks from that like
none of that stuff is is ever going to be sterile
or able to be really even thoroughly cleaned
yeah um putting a condom over things is always
a good idea if it's not designed to go in a body
but that isn't going to eliminate all risk like
we use condoms to reduce the risk of splinters
from the bat but it's a condom is designed to
stop sperm not splinters so if it's splintered
badly there is still a risk there it's about
deciding like what's an acceptable level of risk
for you yeah um so i've used solid glass toys
and i have this was deeply unwise i did once
fuck myself with like one of those really large
test tubes again just because i was horny and
it wasn't it was within reach um but i wouldn't
do that again because afterwards i realized that
was really high risk that yeah very easily broken
it's quite thin yeah glass isn't it not wise
um but i think that's why i've generally avoided
yeah glass bottles and things yeah that makes
sense that seems smart and wise to be to be careful
and yeah you're right all of this stuff is you
know sounds a bit silly doesn't it you kind of
talk about putting big things inside you but
actually if it's not designed to go inside you
then there is always going to be a a risk of
it yeah and there's never like a need to use
those non -standard things whatever size you're
into you can find it in toys toys get made everywhere
from like the size of your little finger up to
the kind of size where you look at it and go
surely that can't fit inside a human body that's
not possible yeah um anything that you want you
can get in a toy but there's something for me
about the kind of the the slightly dirty feeling
of using something that isn't supposed to be
for that and i think tying into that sort of
that sexual greed i talked about earlier and
those moments in my life where i've been so horny
i've just got to fuck myself with something that's
within reach yeah like tapping into that like
just so horny you're stupid because of it and
you'll fuck anything yeah yeah is really hot
to play with um so i think that's why i like
some of the improvised toys but it's not these
are not body safe options no this is this is
also rack Yes. Yeah. And we've talked about the
monster dildos and tentacle dildos and stuff
like that. But we haven't got any of them. We've
seen them when we've been out and about at markets
and things like that and kind of looked at them
and gone, hmm, yeah. but then never purchased
them yeah i think it's always been we tend to
spot them at the end of the market when we've
already overspent i think that's been the problem
it's something we're working our way around to
we'll get there eventually i like a tentacle
dildo i've used them in the past yeah um i don't
like the ones that look like animal dicks that
just yicks me out a little bit like the horse
ones and the dog ones and stuff no judgment people
like what they like a dildo is not an animal
you're not doing it any harm by using it if you
like the shape and you like the way that feels
crack on but yeah for me i just wouldn't be able
to get the animal out of my head while i was
using it i think and that would give me the ick
yeah um but tentacles even though that's also
a part of an animal i think because i more associate
it with like fantasy porn and monsters than i
do an octopus yeah yeah that feels a little different
to me and they just feel really interesting like
yeah textures and stuff they're a lot of fun
knobbly and yeah knobbly and stuff gives you
an experience you really aren't going to get
from a human penis so no which i imagine is the
appeal of the the sort of the like wolf and horse
dicks for a lot of people it's not necessarily
about the animal it might be for some people
who knows but i think for a lot of people it's
just about getting a very different physical
sensation than you're going to get from a human
penis yeah because they're quite different shapes
yeah because with some of them you get like the
bulbous bit at the base don't you which is like
you push it in so far and then you get that kind
of pop is it yeah like the the appeal of the
sort of the like dog or wolf style ones is because
it's got the knot yeah which is very different
and then with the the horse ones it's obviously
got like they've got a weird almost like kind
of almost like a triangle head like a very flattened
kind of triangle head so it's really blunt going
in yeah um so people tend to to like that like
a bit like an elephant's trunk don't they they
do flat at the end it's the kind of thing that
is fun to see there is you know there's a few
people on fetlife who will post themselves absolutely
railing themselves using a fucking machine and
enormous like like you say like horse cocks or
wolf cock kind of things and it's great to watch
slightly morbidly fascinating because it's like
where is that going inside you where are your
body where are your organs while this is happening
but also how is this not shattering your pelvis
yeah um but it's yeah i think it's more that
kind of you would i i would get the same enjoyment
out of a massive penis shaped dildo doing the
same sort of thing yeah i think you know yeah
it's it's not really the shape of it that's that's
important to me but i am fascinated to see i
am really interested to see if we do get like
tentacle dildos like how big they could go i
suppose because you start off with one that will
be challenging but achievable and actually does
that change over time yeah you know how big can
we how wide can we stretch you out but they're
expensive they are if you want a good one yeah
expensive aren't they no doubt you can get them
off amazon but no tiktok shop tiktok do not buy
a tentacle dildo off tiktok shop no Or Amazon,
to be fair. No. No, even if something is labelled
as silicone, there's a lot of different grades
of silicone and getting from an actual reputable
sex toy maker, you're more likely going to be
getting the right grade that's going to be safe
for your body. It doesn't mean that everyone
who's selling sex toys who says they're reputable
actually is using the right stuff, but if you're
paying quite a bit for a silicone dildo from
a company that has a good reputation and a lot
of good reviews, it's more likely to be the right
stuff. Yes. But it's not just all about when
we put large things inside you. It's not just
a case of spreading your legs and going at it,
is it? There are things that we do to make it
easier to get the large things inside you. Especially
if it's the first time with something bigger
than I've handled before. Yes. I mean, the obvious
one is lots of lube. Yes. A good amount of lube
to begin with. And then wipe it off and then
ram it inside you. yeah um but also like giving
you orgasm seems to help as well kind of doing
it after you've had an orgasm yeah definitely
yeah the more aroused you are the more stretchy
the vagina gets yeah so having an orgasm or getting
very close to one is a good way to prepare for
that kind of thing um like i think a lot of people
just assume that when it's because when you're
aroused you're wet but actually regardless of
how wet or not wet you are because you can use
lube to fix that yeah it actually changes how
the tissue behaves like it becomes a lot more
sort of flexible and soft yeah um so getting
really really turned on will Make everything
go like a little bit wider and a little bit deeper
and stretch a lot easier. So it can be really
helpful and reduce the risk of like a bad tearing
or bad discomfort, bad pain. Yeah. Plus it's
great because it means I get to come. Yeah, which
is always a bonus for you. Yeah. Always a fun
time. Sometimes we will use poppers as well.
We have a gas mask, which is always fun. So I
put the gas mask on you and we've got a little
contraption that you put on the side of it, which
means I can use a little squeezy pump to give
you a hit of the poppers. Yeah. They are vasodilators.
They are, yes, Mick. So it causes a lot of your
muscles to relax as well. Yeah. Everything just
kind of goes a bit slack. So poppers are really
good. No, Miller, you can't be doing that. You
can't be snuffling the microphone because it
will pick it up. so yeah poppers are really good
like i think the thing that people generally
associate poppers with is anal stretching and
anal sex because that really does relax your
butt and help help get things in but a lot of
the time with with vaginal stretching as well
you will have it's normal however much you want
to do it to have a little bit of a fear response
when you see something really big coming it's
like jesus fucking christ that's not gonna fit
and you naturally tense up and kind of clench
your pelvic floor yeah and it's quite hard to
consciously unclench that that's something that
i i've worked on sort of getting myself to do
because if i tense up i'm more likely to cause
myself an injury and not be able to do it for
a while which sucks yeah but poppers can really
give you a good shortcut around that and relax
things and they tend to make me a bit hornier
and as we said being horny also helps with the
relaxing and stretching so yeah poppers are good
hurrah But I guess it's worth kind of pointing
out at this point, there are risks to taking
poppers. It is a chemical that you are inhaling.
So do your research, understand what you're doing
and don't take our word for it. Yeah. It's probably
a smart thing to say at that point. Yeah, definitely.
I think we've talked about poppers a few times
on the podcast and like with literally anything
we talk about, I would not encourage anyone to
listen to this podcast and then go, right, I'm
just going to go do that and not research anything
else. However much we talk about safety and negotiation
and consent and all of that good, important stuff.
I don't think there's been a single episode we've
done where I'd go, yeah, that's a complete how
-to guide with nothing missing from it. We're
here to share our experiences, talk about what
we like and potentially give people some ideas
to jump off and try things themselves. After
doing all of the other learning that goes on
with that. All the other reading and stuff. Yes.
Yes. Considering how much time we have spent
putting some pretty big items inside me. Yeah.
Including your penis. Including my penis, yes.
It took us ages to get to the point where you
could fist me. Yeah. It did. I think that was
only about six months ago, maybe, that we managed
that for the first time. Yeah, it's curious,
isn't it? How that seems to have been the harder
thing. I mean, you do not have small hands. No,
that is true. Like, you have both long and girthy
hands. Big, wide knuckles. Because I have been
fisted before, but admittedly not by the majority
of partners. Like, most people that I've been
with wouldn't have been able to fist me. There's
a couple of people I've been with who had very
small hands, like similar sized hands to me.
Yeah. And that was doable with them. Yeah, yeah.
It's not been something that's ever felt achievable
for me with partners with big hands. And because
you are six foot five, your hands are big. Are
in proportion. Very proportional. Yeah. To the
rest of me. Yes. Yeah. And you also tend to have
quite long nails, which I really like. Yeah.
But I think that makes it more challenging as
well. Yeah. A little bit spiky. Yeah. And the
spiky isn't necessarily a problem. Like the spiky
I like, like one of the reasons I like your nails
really long. We really are revealing like. how
much i like my holes damaged tonight yeah um
but i really like when you finger me with sharp
nails yeah like i'm really into that a little
bit of tearing again like those small not particularly
dangerous tears really adds a bit of spice the
problem you have when you're fisting me is that
if you go in fingertips first which you have
to like this sort of stereotypical image people
have a fisting of just clenching your fist and
ramming it in there yeah unless someone's really
really loosened up like you're not gonna be able
to do that you're always gonna have to go in
fingertips first yeah but then once you're in
you struggle to sort of curl your fingers in
to kind of form the fist or yeah or to adjust
your position at all because it it's not just
about your nails catching me it's about it hurting
you if your nails catch at that point it's gonna
snag them yeah um so your nails make it a bit
more difficult but A lot of it is just, like,
I've got quite a narrow pelvis. Like, when you
try to get your fist into me, we've had to do
quite a lot of trial and error with positioning
and angles and stuff so you don't actually get
stuck on my bones. It's not just a stretching
issue at that point. It's like, actually, is
that physically going to go in? And I didn't
think it would for a long time. Yeah, yeah. No,
you're right. But we got there. Perseverance,
wasn't it, for a while. But I think there's,
like, a technique to it as well. Because, like
you say, it's not a case of, right, make a fist.
punch your way in sort of thing you know that
might be possible for some people that might
be possible for people who've been doing really
big insertions for ages and ages yeah and and
have a differently shaped anatomy to you um but
for us it's about kind of it's adding fingers
at a time yeah kind of thing starting off with
two adding another one adding another one adding
the thumb and then kind of going in that way
yeah and being quite like gentle with it weirdly
For trying to put a fist inside you. Yeah. But,
like, not hammering away at it. No, you've never,
like, violently fisted me because it's intense
enough. You don't need to. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's that kind of constant steady pressure.
Yeah. Of, like, easing my way in kind of thing.
But it's great. It was great. First time we managed
to do it. And I get more or less my whole hand.
in there it's amazing yeah it felt like such
an achievement for me yeah maybe not what most
people consider an achievement not something
you like ring your parents up and go i finally
achieved my dream for that but it was a big deal
for me because i've always loved the idea of
that but it's been so rare that it's been something
that i'm even remotely capable of with a partner
and i never expected it to be possible for someone
with hands like yours yeah um and we worked at
that and worked at that and worked at that for
ages yeah um alongside all the other stuff that
we do and figured it out. I don't know if it
was that I got a little bit more stretchy or
if it was that we were just doing a bit of trial
and error with angles or a little bit of both.
Yeah. But now it seems to be something you can
pretty reliably do. Like some days I can take
it easier than others, but now we generally know
we can do it. I think the first time that we
managed to get fully in was probably when we
were doing a lot of the other things that we
talked about as well. So like you were really
turned on. using poppers um i can't remember
if you'd had an orgasm possibly i think so if
i'm remembering it right it was the first time
that you fucked me with the rounders bat while
going down on me yeah so not only an orgasm but
like that is that is always the strongest orgasm
i have yeah the combination of a really large
item yeah and oral is just fucking perfect yeah
um it's like when i come from that it's like
a fucking exorcism like my my brain leaves my
body and flies around the room so after that
you can do pretty much anything to me yeah yeah
so it's like that kind of confluence of things
coming together which kind of really worked out
yeah and now it seems to be something that we
can do fairly fairly reliably which is always
fun I always like to see it. And it doesn't need
to come along with the usual sort of meanness
and degradation and stuff like that that is a
feature of a lot of the stuff that we do. It
doesn't need that. It's its own process, I suppose.
We're kind of doing it in that kind of really
supportive, kind of non -mean kind of way. It's
like, okay, so now make it mean. Yeah. Yeah,
I think I'm ready for that. Now make it sadistic.
Yeah. That sort of thing. With the vampire gloves
on. Oh, God. I am joking. Please don't do that.
Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I'm going to get
banned. People complain, well, they said it on
Don't Scare the Newbies. They said it would be
fine. Yeah, let's not do that. No. that's one
of those things that's hot as a fantasy but in
reality hospital yes i have a lot of those don't
i know it yeah don't i know it well there was
a smutty book i was reading a while ago where
there was a character who had loads of barbs
implanted in his penis and i was chatting to
you about it being like you should get that and
you were like no for both our sakes absolutely
not no no no no That's ridiculous. Ridiculous.
I think we might be done. I think we might. It's
just for you to wrap up however you like, as
I've helpfully written in the outline. Yes, I
do love it when you say. wrap up however you
like well i think it's just you know we've been
co -hosting this podcast together long enough
now and i understand the division of labor is
i outline and edit and you set up the microphones
because my hands are too weak to deal with the
microphone stands um but i think as as we go
on it's good to give you a little bit of agency
and ownership over our shared creative project
and to leave these random blank spots in the
outline where you suddenly have to think of things
when there's a microphone i think it's part of
your your growth and your journey Drive my journey.
Do you know what? I have decided, because on
the day that we are recording this is the day
that the episode that we recorded with Tom and
Kay from Insert Here Kink was released. Yes.
And we had a conversation in that episode about
the slightly cheesy word journey. Yes. And Kay
referred to their journey. as an escapade yes
and i think that's the word that we should use
my gender escapade my kink escapade i'm on board
with this i will forget though because i'd slip
back into journey so easily sounds so much better
than journey yeah so shout out to k for that
genius idea yes um and there you go that's how
we're wrapping up the episode today it's you're
not going to say anything about shoving things
in holes for the wrap -up mix you're just abandoning
the topic completely We have talked about several
ways of shoving things in holes, which is always
a fun thing to do. I would encourage people to
do their appropriate level of research and risk
assessment. Yes. And if they want to give it
a go, because it's a good time. An excellent
piece of advice. Thanks. Thank you. See you next
time. Bye. That's what you get for making me
come up with my own wrap up. That's a good wrap
up. See you next time.