Welcome to Don't Scare the Newbies, a podcast
where we talk kink, raw and unfiltered. I'm Carizal,
a lifestyle submissive in a 24 -7 dynamic who
likes their kink heavy, intense and scary. And
I'm S, Carizal's dominant who knows how to deliver
all of the above. And today we're going to be
talking all about appearance control, especially
with elements of it that we tie into bimbofication,
which is something that we started exploring
at the beginning of this year. Yes. Yes. Yes.
I was looking at you expecting a funny little
one -liner like we usually get, but the tank
is empty today. No, no, I have one. Oh, you have
one? I have one. Come on, Barbie, let's go party.
Sorry. It's okay. So appearance control is a
really broad area of kink. I doubt we're going
to be able to touch on even a tenth of the potential
of it today. No, there is quite a lot to it.
This is definitely one of those episodes where
this is our take on it, our version of it. This
is not the extent of it by any stretch. Definitely.
I think as with anything we talk about, all we
can really talk about is stuff from our experience
or like at most we can draw on little bits and
pieces we know from the people around us. Kink
is such a... broad area in general and there's
so much space for exploration and doing things
your own way it's one of my favorite things about
it is you get to basically create a completely
bespoke relationship intimate life sex life All
of these things that are so kind of laid out
for you by society a lot of the time, you know,
you get into a heterosexual marriage and you
have two children and a dog and all of this stuff.
And it's like, you can have all those things
if you want, but here's a huge menu of other
shit that you can add to it if you'd like. Yeah,
cats, for example. Cats, for example, yes. But
I think appearance control especially, it's very
variable depending on what people are actually
aiming for with it. So we're going to talk quite
a lot about bimbofication because that's the
direction that we've gone in with it. But that's
not where appearance control has started for
us. We have experimented with other elements
of it in the past as well. Yeah, I think where
we're at now with it, especially when we get
on to talk about bimbofication, like you say,
is very different to where we started and also
quite different to... like my previous experience
of it as well and you know the i guess the clue
is in the name isn't it in in our um ds talk
power exchange type of dynamic um i have quite
a lot of control and and in theory have had quite
a lot of control over your appearance aspects
of your appearance um for a while yeah it definitely
wasn't in the sort of first batch of rules that
we introduced but We started exploring specifically
the bimbofication elements of it at the beginning
of this year, so January 2025. But I would say
it was probably about halfway through 2024, at
a rough guess, that we introduced some rules
around appearance. And those early rules, it
was that I would ask your input first about what
you wanted me to wear. So when I got up in the
morning, I would say, do you have any instructions
for what you want me to wear today, mix? And
back then, 99 % of the time, the answer was no,
wear what you want. But even just that, I find
is a really enjoyable element of control to have.
Even if you don't use it very much, it's knowing
that you can still add something to me. Yeah,
there's that kind of process of checking in,
isn't there, I suppose, with that, which gives
me a degree of control. It's always a bit surprising
to think back to that version of the rules. that
I didn't take advantage of that control as much
as I could. Yeah, I think I was sort of, there
was a part of me that was surprised that you
didn't take advantage of it more, but also there
wasn't a lot of particularly varied choices in
my clothes. Yeah, I think my style last year
was kind of like a hippie librarian. Lots of
big baggy jumpers. often crocheted by me um lots
of sort of baggy kind of hippie pants and long
skirts occasionally yeah um yeah because that's
something people quite often comment on the process
that we've gone over this year and and see it
as like almost like forced feminization adjacent
like you're changing my gender presentation but
the thing is i was 90 percent of what was in
my wardrobe was women's clothes they were just
like more comfy practical types of women's clothes
that don't sort of ping off the gender radar
quite as much as wearing a yeah yeah and it's
it's that it was because i really liked how you
look i am going to keep returning to this yeah
throughout this i thought you might with the
many disclaimers yeah yeah yeah um i really liked
that look that you had as well yeah it was it
was a it was a variation on like androgyny is
not quite the right word because of the way that
people think when they hear the word androgyny
yeah But you, yeah, it was that kind of combination
of a lot of the clothes that you were wearing
were actually designed for women. Yeah. But weren't
giving a really feminine presentation to it.
Yeah. I think a lot of the time when I shop for
clothes for myself, just going off my own tastes,
I tend to look for the stuff in the men's section
that looks like it could have been in the women's
section and the stuff in the women's section
that looks like it could have been in the men's
section. And I very much drift naturally towards
what I would call like chaotic androgyny. So
the stereotypical androgyny is like sort of grey,
beige, neutral colours, kind of quite featureless
plain clothes, lots of pants and blazers and
baggy tops that hide your shape. And it's always,
you know, the general perception of androgyny
is very much that it's a skinny white assigned
female at birth person's thing. yeah and i'm
white and assigned female at birth but i am i'm
not skinny um and androgyny can break out of
all of those categories and be its own thing
and i always preferred the version of androgyny
where it was instead of stripping away all the
features that can be gendered is include all
of the features that can be gendered in either
direction and let people figure out what to do
with the mess yeah yeah um yeah so yeah it's
it's it's almost the anti nothing against h &m
they do some very nice clothes But it's almost
the anti -HNM kind of unisex, androgynous vibe.
Yeah. Isn't it? Which just, I actually remember,
just to go completely off topic, I remember when
we were at Kendall Calling, we saw a little store,
didn't we, that was selling, but marketed as
androgynous clothes or unisex clothes. Yeah.
And it was just baggy t -shirts. Pastel -coloured
baggy t -shirts, yeah. That's not, that's not.
androgyny that's just they're just t -shirts
yeah so yeah like I think because my look was
It was a lot of stuff that was all kind of a
similar vibe. It maybe didn't give you a lot
to work with in terms of taking that control.
You couldn't sort of go, this is the image I
want to create today because whatever you pull
down my wardrobe, you're going to get more or
less the same. But I think part of it is it's
a lot easier to do appearance control when you
have a goal in mind of what you're trying to
create rather than just outfit picking. It's
trying to do something and it's obviously something
that we have now with you very much. creating
the bimbo look you have a lot of oversight over
the clothes that i buy and you have daily oversight
over what i wear and a lot of other things as
well that we'll talk about as we go on but but
that then gives you sort of a dressing up box
to play with with me to create the image that
you're going for and that was something that
with my previous experience of appearance control
as well in my last relationship was also a feature
we weren't doing bimbofication or anything else
that had a very sort of defined look to it but
my ex -partner had an aesthetic that she particularly
liked and thought suited me yeah and we we did
some again that sort of clothes shopping with
oversight to stock my wardrobe with the kind
of things that that fit that look yeah and then
i would dress in that way um so she wanted very
much a kind of like she's going to crucify me
for this because i don't know all the gen z language
for it but basically like a sort of old boy like
a little bit emo like emo guy style baggy hoodies
and kind of baggy pants and stuff when she was
dressing me I got stopped by the police more
times than I ever have in my life before including
when I was an actual drug addict because every
time they saw me smoking a cigarette in public
they assumed it was weed so she'd nailed the
look I looked like a little teenager reprobate
and I don't know what the words are either because
I'm infinitely older than you but i could yeah
i recognize the look and kind of looking at photos
of you from that time yeah i'm like yeah actually
she did quite a good job of nailing that particular
aesthetic yeah um nightmare though because i
was still getting regularly id'd buying like
alcohol or cigarettes back then i mean the clothes
she put me in i had no chance if i'd forgotten
my id like no one believed for a second that
i was an adult yeah yeah it was crazy I was skinnier
then and have quite a baby face. So dressing
me like that immediately takes another five years
off me that I really don't have going spare.
Teenage boy sometimes. Yeah. That's fair. I think
in my previous dynamic as well, it was a variation
on that. It wasn't necessarily kind of trying
to create a look, but actually I would pick outfits
every day. Yeah. I think the difference. and
I still find this a bit of a struggle today is
being able to narrow down options like on the
fly sort of thing what happened in my previous
relationship partly to make my life easier partly
because we were a lot of distance is that um
we had a bunch of photos of different outfits
and different tops and different bottles and
stuff like that and I would pick from those yeah
so I had this like reference library or um sometimes
um because obviously she was uh working as well
so i had to dress a particular way for work it
would be like would you want this outfit or this
outfit yeah kind of thing um i would make the
decision between the options that were presented
to me so it wasn't like complete control over
how she looked but it was still the final decision
and yeah making the final decision on it which
worked really well as well and i think that's
the cool thing about appearance control within
these kind of dynamics is there's all sorts of
stuff that you can do with it you know at one
end you can go full on the way that we have with
big modification right to actually just wear
that top yeah or even just a fit check yeah yes
because that's what we we did when on days when
you didn't give me any instructions on what to
wear I still had to then come and present to
you what I was wearing yeah for final approval
yeah and again more often than not you were just
like yeah that's fine But it's still, it was
that other little layer of power to it where
you could leave it up to me and then I could
have come out in an outfit and you'd gone, actually,
now I want you in a red top, not a blue top,
go change it. Yeah. So it gave you another little
option to pull on the reins if you wanted to.
Yeah. Yeah. And there's, you know, all different
ways that I've seen people doing it. If it's
just about doing it in scenes and stuff like
that, particular. Shush, cookie. No, you're not.
You're not in this episode. I will edit you out.
You can stay if you'll be quiet. You have to
be quiet. There's all sorts of variations that
you can do with it. So we were looking at like
day -to -day, like daily outfits. Yeah. And that's
what I was doing in my previous dynamics, what
you did in your previous relationship and what
we did at the start. But there's like scene -specific
things as well. It always sounds a bit kind of...
cliche I suppose but like picking out the underwear
that someone wears yep you know can be a subtle
way of doing it like if you do a job where you've
got to wear a certain outfit or a certain uniform
you know if you worked retail or hospitality
or something like that we couldn't do appearance
control in the way that we did no but I could
say wear that bra or wear that those that underwear
yeah and there would still be that level of control
But I suppose it's one of those areas which is
just there's loads of possibilities for it. It's
dead exciting. Yeah. Yeah, you've got a lot of
flexibility with it. Like you say, things that
can be very subtle like that, like what you had
with your last relationship where you were choosing
between two outfits sometimes. Yeah. That person
still had full control, really, of their image.
Yeah, yeah. But you were getting that specific
final say. With something like underwear, it's
not perceivable by anyone else at all. Yeah.
Generally. what underwear you're wearing for
bikini wax or something yeah um so that's something
that's just between the two of you and it's like
a little a little secret yes which can be really
hot not maybe though it is fun when you have
it as full on as we do because you get the reaction
of everybody else to it and i'm not saying It's
not like an exhibitionistic thing and it's not
involving people in the kink, but you get to
get the feedback from others that tells you that
the dynamic is changing you in a way, which I
really like. I like the fact that the relationship
that we have is having a significant impact on
how I'm perceived by the rest of the world. yeah
um and it's really cool like a lot of the time
the response i get to is people thinking i've
had like a massive glow up sometimes people questioning
if there's something a bit fucky going on with
my gender because it's a bit there um but generally
it's been like a really positive response to
it and it's like yeah my relationship made me
hotter that's pretty cool disclaimer number two
no it didn't the third party feedback appears
to be Yeah, OK, I will accept that. I will accept
that. Although somewhat frustratingly, people
seem to be struggling to gender you correctly.
People have always struggled to gender me correctly,
thanks. Right, that's fair, yeah. OK. Sometimes
the direction that they're typically getting
it wrong in moves from one to the other, but...
Yeah, yeah. It's generally wrong. Yeah. fair
but we shouldn't actually we shouldn't laugh
about that that is not okay but i can kind of
understand it i suppose yeah from a perspective
of people who don't know you and just see you
on the internet yeah they go if it looks like
a duck it's probably a woman we will be circling
back to some stuff about gender at some point
but first i thought seeing as we've talked a
little bit about bimbofication but in our typical
way of getting ahead of ourselves. We haven't
explained at all what that is. I thought I would
ask you to give us a little rundown of what bimbofication
is and why it appealed to you. Okay, this is
my own take on bimbofication. But actually, for
me, bimbofication is a pretty straightforward
idea. It is the process of turning someone into
a bimbo. And there are all kinds of ways that
you can define that. But for us, it is the process
of turning you into a very overly feminine sexual
object. Yes. From an appearance perspective.
Yes. Respecting your gender identity at all times.
But that's what it is for us. It's that kind
of, I wouldn't go so far as to say hyper -feminized,
but they're kind of, you know, slightly over
the top. kind of feminine presentation yeah and
the idea of turning you into a sexual object
that i own and control yes i think is how i would
how i would define it yes you look terrified
you think the bimbos are going to come for you
if you get this wrong yeah yeah i am because
there's all sorts of versions of it that's the
that's the really fascinating thing about it
you look at people who you know look at people
on felt like who identify as a bimbo people on
instagram tiktok or whatever who identify as
a as a bimbo and there's just such variety in
it and and you know some of it is about appearance
some of it is about attitude yeah you know there
was that whole movement a few years ago wasn't
there where kind of being a bimbo was was um
kind of reclaimed by people really taking care
of themselves and having a particular attitude
to life and really being empowered by that all
the positive messages around the barbie movie
i suppose yeah um because it can be very barbie
adjacent yeah definitely i think there's a there
were there are sort of different kind of physical
styles that you could associate with bimbofication
yeah and we had some discussion you were kind
of considering like the sort of goth bimbo look
yeah and i was like love that for other people
but i cannot pull off all that black wrong coloring
for it whether i'm pale or tan i don't suit i
don't suit that i'm not good at the makeup i
don't want black hair like if you ordered me
to do it i would do it but i would hootle and
fuss about it um yeah and i was very keen that
if we were going to do bimbofication we were
going to go down the sort of the kind of barbie
slash porn star slash little bit of drag in there
yeah lots of pink lots of makeup yeah just everything
everything to the maximum we kind of settled
on a almost yeah like that kind of slightly trashy
kind of bimbo aesthetic didn't we have yeah you
know like i said lots of the pink lots of tracksuits
lots of animal print yeah kind of kind of thing
you'd sit there smiling when you're talking it's
so much fun i love it i just i just feel like
i'm barbie every day it's great yeah yeah i think
the idea of it really appeals to me one is because
it's another level of control yeah within our
dynamic layer of autonomy that you are ceding
to me and and letting me kind of define that
but also the kind of the kind of the objectification
part of it for me is really hot you know it's
baked into our contract and our rules that your
your role is to make yourself a sexually attractive
object for me and that's just that that's just
really hot to me i really like that idea and
it ties in with free use and stuff like that
your purpose is as a source of sexual pleasure
yeah which is definitely the part of it that
appealed to me i think when you first suggested
it i was i was up for it because i will try anything
at least twice to make sure and like i like appearance
control i i really like appearance control and
i was very keen on anything that would encourage
you to lean into that more and use it a little
bit more so i figured like having a theme to
work to would be okay um but the bimbofication
had never been on my list of kinks to try it
had never been something that grabbed me and
i think to be honest what it was was a little
bit of someone needs to invent a word for like
the kink version of toxic masculinity like this
attitude that i have to look a certain way to
be kinky i have to act a certain way to be kinky
i have to prove how serious and dark my kink
is all the time yeah so kink should be like black
leather and chains and like crying in a dungeon
and just being like really like and i thought
some of our kink is very bad yeah um but i always
felt like sort of bimbofication dollification
a lot of the um like aesthetic that littles go
for and things like that i mean i i don't have
an interest in an age play anyway for for various
reasons but those aesthetics never seemed like
things i would want because i felt like it would
take some of my dark and serious edge player
vibe away from me yeah um and it was like that's
great for you guys but but but i am a serious
heavy player i can't be dabbling with that pink
pretty yeah and it's like actually i can dabble
with the pink pretty nonsense like i have a really
fun time with it and actually the kink has got
darker heavier and edgier since i've been doing
it so the two can join together but i think when
you're new to kink you sometimes feel like you've
kind of got to prove yourself and at least i
did i sort of absorbed this thing of like if
people think that i'm a newbie that doesn't know
what i'm talking about i need to prove i'm really
serious yeah yeah it's it's a weird kind of yeah
they did you're right the people need to invent
a new word for it the kink version of toxic masculinity
yeah because it's it's it it's that kind of one
true way sort of yeah vibe which i despise same
and i never i never applied that standard to
anybody else yeah but it was that sort of quite
unhealthy need to prove myself and be quite competitive
with how i did kink like i felt like everyone
was sort of analyzing my kinkiness and putting
me into a box and i needed to be constantly telling
them which box that should be yeah and actually
the boxes are not important and people will generally
move between a lot of them in their time doing
kink and yeah and there is no one true way no
there's a few true wrong ways but yeah but there's
a lot of true right ways yeah i think that i
think i think that's a really i think that's
a really good way to put it isn't it but yeah
it's interesting that you say it wasn't really
something that was on your radar because i it's
before i met you it wasn't either for me yeah
really i've done a little bit in the previous
relationship but really quite light sort of um
aspects of it so you know as we'll get on to
the i talk about the mental side of it kind of
regular edging and stuff like that and and kind
of playing dress up sometimes yeah but not really
kind of leaning into that quite extensive process
of transformation which bimbofication is about
which i think is a really interesting thing with
it it's not necessarily the outcome it is the
process yeah that is really interesting and exciting
for me yeah i think if you ever sort of get to
like the final version We'll probably then look
for something different. Yeah, Bimbo and Nirvana.
But actually, as we're talking, I'm trying to
remember. I can remember us having the conversation
with her. I can even remember where we were.
As long as the walk at Tynemouth along the beach.
Yeah, yeah. Because we were talking about it
in the car on the way to Tynemouth. When you
say Tynemouth, I say Tynemouth. I think that's
because you have not integrated quite as well
as a fake Geordie as I have. I think it's Tynemouth.
Do you think? I think so, Max. If we have any
listeners from the North East who are actually
from here, tell us who is right. Yeah, Tynemouth
or Tynemouth. Because down south it would be
Muth, Tynemouth in Devon, I think. Portsmouth.
Yes, but I think it's Muth here as well. I think
it's in the middle where they say mouth. Right.
I think. I think. Yeah. But then you've got Grangemouth,
and I don't know where Grangemouth is. That doesn't
help us if we don't know where it is. I think
that's on the west coast somewhere. It might
even be in Scotland. But that's not Grangemouth.
That's Grangemouth. So yes, northeast listeners,
tell us that I'm probably wrong. But anyway,
I can't actually remember how we started the
conversation in the car on the way to Tynemouth
slash Mouth. I'm 100 % sure you brought it up
because I remember having a moment of like, I
don't know if I'd be into that, but I will give
it a go. Yeah. But yeah, I'm not sure where it
came from. I suspect because you spend a lot
more time on Fat Life than me, reading things
and looking at things and browsing through, you'd
probably stumble across something that awoken
something in you. Awoken. Yeah. Yeah, probably.
But it was quite an interesting conversation
because it was, it was. mostly me saying this
is something that interests me but i don't want
to disrespect your gender yes or my appearance
you want to be very clear that it wasn't that
i was not hot enough and you wanted to fix it
yeah yeah definite which is not what it is about
no disclaimer number three but yeah it was it
was it was one of those conversations where i
genuinely didn't think that anything would come
of it i think i think i think you're probably
right i think i've probably just seen something
on set life and done a little bit of scooting
about as you do and was like yeah this is this
is an interesting idea um and then we just kind
of kept having that conversation and by the end
of the walk around time with flush mouth um we
were like yeah let's let's work out how we can
give it a go which is not how i expected that
conversation to finish which you probably should
have done because you know what i'm like if you
mention it three times in my presence true Like
the day you made a joke about Fyndon and now
we are trying to figure out how we can make Fyndon
work on my income. Yes. The answer may be that
we can't, but it's hard to think about. Yeah.
Well, I've even taken, you know, when you send
me grocery food shopping money or something like
that. Yeah. I've taken to replying to the text
message saying, good piggy. I know, it's really
hard. There you go. Maybe that's the extent of
it. Maybe that's as affordable as it is. pretending
like i'm training you or something yeah but yeah
i think i'm i'm a general purpose kinky person
apart from a few limits i can i can get into
most things pretty quick and a lot of what makes
kink hot to me is seeing how how you respond
to it as well so there's things that you're into
that i either hadn't had previous interest in
or that i was just kind of like yeah that's kind
of fun but it's not not top of my list i'm now
a lot more into because i like seeing I like
seeing that effect on you yeah I'm probably saying
the other way around as well where there'll be
things that you've got into through seeing how
much I get off on them definitely yeah yeah definitely
there's yeah some of the things that I've never
done before before I met you and and you know
driven by the fact that you're really into them
and I enjoy I enjoy doing them but also enjoy
that you you really get off on them as well yeah
which is cool um So having established that we
wanted to explore bimbification, we kind of went
for it with some gusto. As we tend to, yeah.
As we tend to. With very all or nothing. Yeah,
yeah. And introduced, I don't think we, the rules
that we've got now are much more detailed than
they were at the start, I think. But we still
made quite a lot of changes. Yeah, I'm trying
to remember because we have definitely, in some
cases, just clarified them a bit, but there's
some that have been fully added as we've gone
along. i think initially um obviously we kept
the rule we had about appearance control but
you made the decision that you were going to
start doing it more yeah um you added a rule
that i would wear makeup when instructed it wasn't
every day initially but it was when instructed
um that my hair would be styled in some way every
day Because I'd been in a bit of a bad habit
of sometimes letting my hair get really greasy
and messy and then shoving a hat on for two days
straight. Yeah. So you put a stop to that. And
there was a rule in there that I could only wear
one of a selection of approved bras. Yeah. So
no sort of sports bras unless I was sleeping
or doing sports. Like I could, the rest of the
time I had to be wearing a proper bra. Yeah.
And that may have been about, oh and tanning.
We started the tanning stuff then as well. Yeah.
And I got my first two mil of lip filler. Yeah.
That went into the rules as well from the beginning
that I would maintain filled lips and a tan.
Yeah. Yeah. And we went on our proper shopping
spree, didn't we? We did, yeah. A 10U shopping
spree. A 10U shopping spree. Yeah, it's a 10U
shopping spree. Because I'm on a budget. That's
why I'm not into Fyndon. But we bought loads.
We spent ages scrolling through 10U and we got
all sorts of things. We got loads of skimpy little
tops. I think you might have got some new bras
because we want push -up -y, gooby -type bras.
Yeah, I think I had one approved bra before we
started, which we used to call Nice Bra with
capital N, capital B. Yeah, Nice Bra. And if
I wanted sex, I would wear Nice Bra and wander
around the house in Nice Bra to get your attention.
It was very effective. It was. Almost as effective
as Big Hoodie No Pants. Big Hoodie No Pants is
a good one. Yeah. Big Hoodie No Pants is better
for winter. Quite cosy. But we bought all sorts.
So we got some bras, loads of little tops, tight
pants, like leggings and scrunched butt pants
and stuff like that, didn't we? Lots of variations
on leopard print and pink and stuff like that.
It was quite a lot of fun just shopping for it.
And I probably still do have a massive wish list
in my 10U. on my Actemu app of stuff that I've
seen before. And I do as well. I think we've
been sort of holding off on getting any more
because I'm also in the process of losing a little
bit of weight at the minute. There's no point
buying a load of clothes that probably won't
fit me in six months. But yeah, always excited
to restock the bimbo wardrobe. Yeah. I think
what's been most fun for me in that way that
once you get a kink, you just really fucking
go for it. is kind of how much it's escalated
from where we started yeah you know even in i
suppose we're 10 months in now aren't we we started
in january january ish it was it was the first
january mix right treated it like a new year's
resolution new year's resolution yeah yeah um
so it's like we've gone from wearing makeup when
instructed to having really detailed rules about
what is acceptable makeup in different circumstances
so really strict on makeup and and hair um really
strict on um not just maintaining a tan but taking
tanning injections to to boost it yep um putting
more filler into your lips doing a lip flip talking
about other kind of procedures yeah and because
we've got it that you can instruct me to get
any procedure yeah um and you haven't at this
point told me to do anything that i wouldn't
have wanted for myself yeah um and you haven't
I wouldn't say you've stopped me from doing anything
I would have wanted for myself, I think. No.
I think last time I got some stuff done to my
lips, you said if I wanted to do anything else
to my face, you wanted to hold off until we'd
kind of got used to that and the lips were fully
settled in and things like that. But you haven't
outright said you can't do that or that you have
to do that. But it's that option. Again, sometimes
some of the most fun that we have with rules
are with rules that you actually don't really
take advantage of, but it's just nice to have
them there. Yeah, I can if I want. yeah sort
of uh sort of thing yeah and i think the thing
about your suggestions that you've made about
other procedures for your face was i think mostly
because we weren't sure whether we were done
with your lips yeah if that makes sense we kind
of we started off with a couple of mil of filler
in your lips then you went back and added another
couple of mil no what another one i don't think
my lips would hold another uh and then you had
a lip flip yeah done which is Botox, I think.
It is, yes, Max. I love how you barely know what
I'm having injected in my face. You just had
me over the money to do it. It gave me permission.
Yeah, yeah. Then I come out with my lips bigger
and you're like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. But
some of those other things that you were talking
about, I think just wanted to make sure that
we were, we'd reached a level with that. Yeah.
So it didn't start to. messed stuff up I suppose
yeah and to be fair I was glad of the waiting
period because I was thinking that some cheek
filler might suit me and then I talked to a friend
who'd had cheek filler and hated it and said
that it made her face really round yeah and I
was like maybe not then yeah yeah yeah because
I was thinking it would define my cheekbones
more but she said it actually made her face have
less definition so I'm a bit right because I'm
already quite hamster cheeked I don't want to
I don't want to risk that you've got lush cheeks
and we're having a conversation about your hair
at the moment aren't we yes an ongoing conversation
about what to do with your hair yeah and it's
funny because when we first started this you
were quite keen on bleaching it and i was like
no this is the longest that i've ever had My
hair, it's natural colour, completely virgin
hair. I don't want to colour it at all. I mean,
if you'd said you have to bleach it, I would
have done it. But I wanted to make it clear that
my feedback on it was that I was not happy. So
you said, OK, OK, no blonde hair, it's fine.
And then gradually over a few months, I sort
of started coming around to it. I was like, actually,
you know what? That would really top off this
look, especially with the tan. The colours I'm
wearing, I really like the idea of bleaching
my hair. And then it comes to you and you're
like, actually, I was thinking if you're up for
colouring, it may be going darker. It's like,
what? yes yeah as as we do i suppose um so that's
probably going to be a more collaborative effort
than it is yeah me saying go and do this party
because i just don't know what i'm talking about
um and and don't fully understand i i know a
good look when i see it yeah but i struggle with
the visioning it yeah you know what would you
look like with a particular style of hair kind
of kind of thing it's it's difficult for me to
get my head around so i need your input yeah
i'm thinking about a shag mix i'm always up for
a shag baby i thought you'd enjoy that no like
i think like something with some choppy layers
would probably be it A good way to go for the
cut, but God knows what I'm going to do with
the colour. By the time this episode comes out,
we'll have probably decided and people will be
listening to this being like, I know what you
did and it was great or it sucks. Who knows?
True. So it's kind of built over time. Quite
happy with where we're at at the moment. I suppose
the other thing you've done as well is kind of
with a bigger piercing in your nose. Yeah, I
don't think I was even wearing my septum ring
until this year. I've had it for years, but I'd
gone through a phase of not being that bothered
about putting anything in it. Yeah. And then
I got some septum rings and then you decided
that you like something big and chunky that you
can attach a leash to. Yeah. So we did that.
We did that. And I did that. You did. And it
was weighing you down a little bit. Yeah. Yeah,
you took me on a little pig walk. At camping,
not just at the local park. Yeah. At a specific
kink event. Yes. So, yeah, it's evolved well.
But I think it's always evolved at a pace that
felt manageable. Yeah. Because it was a lot of
changes to the rules initially. But it all became
routine very quickly. And then the little tweaks
we've made have just added a little bit extra
work here or there. Yeah. Things getting a little
bit stricter about body hair. Yeah. So initially
the only rule we had, and this was actually before
we started the bimbofication stuff, was that
you had a rule about how I styled my pubic hair.
Yeah. It was initially maintaining a strip and
then we went. all off. But with, as this year's
gone on, then we've added shaking my legs to
that, plucking my eyebrows. Yeah. I think that's
it. Yeah, that's everything. Still got hairy
armpits. Still got hairy armpits. That's good.
You a fan of the hairy armpits mix? Well, I've
never really had a strong opinion either way.
Yeah. I don't have that much hair there, to be
fair. No? I always wanted more. I always wanted
like proper like... dark thick armpit hair i
don't know yeah yeah but i don't have it that's
fair no i'm not one of these people that has
a strong opinion either way yeah and i think
that's probably true of other body hair as well
yeah because it wasn't it was never about you
being like i don't like this hair get rid of
it it was what can i take control over yeah yeah
yeah yeah it was it was imposing my will yeah
on on it it was a it was one of those because
i can kind of romance and i could have gone either
way with it If I'm being honest, it's never really
been a thing for me. Bodies are bodies. Yeah.
And I liked having hairy legs. I've always, pretty
much always. But it was you that suggested. It
was, yeah. It was. So yeah, I used to like my
hairy legs, but I just started feeling like they're
more wheeling into this aesthetic. There were
times where they looked like a clash of image
in a really good way, in a really hot way. It
was like... I like that sort of contrast between
little short skirt and hairy legs. But sometimes
some of the things I'm wearing, it's like, actually,
I just want this look to look like the look.
I don't want something to distract from the nice
dress I'm wearing, the nice heels I'm wearing.
I don't want to have to think about things like
fishnets looking like a hedgehog trapped in a
basket. I've got those leggings that we've got
with the slits in them. I don't want the little
bushes sprouting out of all the things. It's
like hairy legs are good, but hairy legs with
some of the clothes that I'm wearing now. Yeah.
I just was feeling like it made the look look
a little bit unfinished. Yeah, that's fair. The
pubic hair thing, like, has always been a preference
for me to at least trim it. I don't like the
feel of a full bush on me. So I was already shaving
it into a strip when I met you. You set some
rules around, like, how narrow the strip had
to be and how frequently it had to be maintained
and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And, like, the length
of it, because I used to like my landing strip
quite bushy. Yeah. Like, narrow but bushy. and
you put a stop to that you liked it a little
bit a little bit more groomed yeah and then I
think that you decided to take it all off because
I had that tiny little micro bikini the first
time we went to Cyprus that sat lower than my
pubic hairline and it just looked ridiculous
it was like my bikini had a wig so that was that
there was time for it to go yeah yeah I think
yeah I think so it's all about the aesthetics
yeah um So there's a lot of physical things that
we've done. And anyone who knows you will have
noticed that significant change in your appearance
over the last almost year. But there's a mental
aspect to, well, bimbofication generally. Yes.
But there are some kind of mental, psychological
aspects to what we do as well. Definitely, yeah.
I think there's a common perception of it. I
wouldn't necessarily say misconception, because
this can be true for some people, but a common
idea of bimbofication, the mental aspect of it,
is about being stupid. It's about turning off
big chunks of your brain and not really having
any thoughts. And some people really enjoy taking
it to that level. Probably not on a 24 -7 basis
for very many people. Sometimes you've got to
use your brain. It needs to be there. But for
me, for us, but how I started to really experience
like the bimbo headspace is it's not that I am
stupid. It's not that my ability to think and
make decisions and stuff isn't there. It's that
I am narrowing my focus down. There's a simplification
going on of what the purpose of my brain is in
that moment. And this isn't something that I'm
maintaining 24 -7 because I... we have a podcast
i have a tiktok i have a blog i have a job um
you know i need my brain to do lots of different
things yeah but when we're choosing to enhance
that headspace either during play or during sort
of certain parts of our day in our routine it's
about narrowing the focus of my brain down where
all i'm basically thinking about is you fucking
me and how i can be more useful to you yeah that
just very singular purpose yeah and a sort of
effect of that can be feeling a little bit stupid
or a little bit almost drunk off it um but it's
not that my intellect is shut down or or closed
off yeah it's just it's on hold for a minute
yeah i'm focused on what i'm supposed to be being
useful for yeah and i think that was that was
quite important to me when we were talking about
it in the in the in the early days i suppose
and and as it's developed is i really like the
way that your brain works yeah i like how smart
you are i like how creative you are um and didn't
want to do anything that was kind of there was
a risk of diminishing that yeah and i suppose
you know bimbofication as an idea that is i think
is about simplification as much as it is about
dumbing down but not diminishing your intelligence
as a result of that i think is quite important
yeah quite important for me definitely and it
can be quite a fine line there's definitely you
know things we do during play where we're involving
stuff that really intensifies our headspace there's
maybe a lot of overstimulation going on the things
like poppets like i could definitely end up in
a state where i'm like head empty no thoughts
yeah yeah absolutely nothing going on upstairs
which is great But it's very short bursts like
that. And most of the time, the sort of headspace
that I get into when I'm doing the stuff that
is part of the rules, you know, like getting
into my makeup, doing my hair, getting into the
outfits and stuff. It's a much lighter version
of that headspace where it's just like, I don't
need to burden myself with all of the big thoughts
right now. I'm just making myself useful in the
way that I've been instructed to. Yeah. And maybe
if I do it right, I'll get some dick. Yes. Yeah.
That's fascinating to me, that it's almost that
process of doing your makeup and hair in the
morning. It almost sounds meditative. It is,
definitely, yeah. I think that's why it's ended
up having such a positive effect on my routine
and just my general well -being, which wasn't
expected. We just got into this because it was
another fun way for you to control me. But I
found, weirdly, bimbofication has, I think, made
me better at my job. because I've got a little
buffer in the morning where I can be a little
bit head empty yeah and I've got something that
happens between getting up and going to work
similar to the purpose the commute serves for
people yeah um where I'm in a really positive
headspace because the bimbo headspace is always
really positive and then I go and do my job and
make big serious decisions with financial implications
and I can do it because I've because I've had
a minute you know yeah yeah yeah I was going
to say I can relate to that I can relate to that
as a former commuter where you know back before
I learned to drive and had a car I would sit
on the bus for an hour and actually it's a really
nice way of weirdly really nice way of starting
and ending your day because I think you can have
a bit of a nap just stare into space and watch
the world go by on the bus or you can read a
book or you can kind of decompress from the shitty
day that you've had full of meetings kind of
thing so yeah I can see how yeah I'm going to
remind you of this conversation which we now
have recorded next time that you have to get
a bus somewhere and you're complaining about
it yeah yeah because you you throw a tantrum
now you have to get a bus for any reason yeah
end of the world yeah because I've been driving
my own car for over a decade Just play it back
to you. It's really nice. I'm going to sit and
watch the world go by. Yeah, yeah, it is. When
you've got no other choice. But I did, just to
go on a really random tangent, I did have that
period after I started, after I learned to drive
and started driving into work, of actually quite
missing it. Yeah. Because I wasn't, you know,
as a new driver, trying to drive into the centre
of Newcastle. every day. It's not a relaxing
experience. No, I've heard this. I have never
driven into Newcastle only being driven. I will
probably keep it that way even if I do learn
to drive. I would simply not go there. Yeah,
yeah. First time I drove home from working a
company hire car that people I used to work for
had a bunch of cars you could hire. You could
take them home for the night. First time I did
that after passing my test I got home and I cried.
Oh God. Driving out of Newcastle at rush hour
for the first time in your life, absolutely terrifying.
Oh, bless you. I cried when I got out of the
car because it was horrible. But anyway, but
there are some things that we do. Back to the
topic. Back to the topic, yes. There are some
things that we do, mostly during play, but sometimes
outside of play, to kind of enhance that bimbo
-y feeling. Yeah. So we've been a little bit
hit and miss about edging. Yeah, we call it daily
edging and it's really not. But it's quite frequent.
Yeah, fairly frequent edging. And when we do,
particularly when we do kind of sensory deprivation
stuff, I like to have really loud porn playing
in your ears. Yeah. So not the visuals of it,
just the soundtrack. So it's lots of sucking
and slurping and groaning and grunting and stuff.
Yeah. I like the squelchy noises. You like the
squelchy noises. But there's a couple as well
where it's kind of got almost like a bimbo mantra
vibe to it, like you are a bimbo, you are a fucked
-all bimbo, you are built for sex, that sort
of thing, kind of having that blasting in your
ears, which is a lot of the stuff we've used
in The Interrogation as well, which there is
a whole episode about that, go and listen to
it, it's really good. I love how actively you
promote all the content. You're like, here's
another good episode we did. Here's a blog post
that Carisel did. And I'm just vibing like, yeah.
Is that not what you're supposed to do? It absolutely
is. It's just you're so enthusiastic and I'm
so bad at it. I'm always like quite apologetic
with promoting anything I've made. It's like,
yeah, I made this. If you want to look at it,
you don't have to. But then you just hype up
everything. So I don't know. Go and look at this.
It's really good. Anyway, sorry, I don't know.
Carizal .com at Carizal on TikTok. So, yeah,
we do that in, you know, playing all the kind
of porn voices and stuff like that, especially
when we're doing sensory deprivation. Yeah. Kind
of thing, which I think is a really good way
to fuck with your head a little bit. Yeah. You
know, so you can't hear anything. But you have
a bimbo playlist as well. Yes, I have a bimbo
playlist of music that helps me get into the
headspace. For a good while at the beginning
of this, I was putting that on every single time
I was doing my makeup, when I was doing my hair,
when I was getting dressed. And I think I'd like
to start getting back into doing that, even if
it's just while I'm doing my makeup every day
and listening to like, I do my makeup pretty
quickly usually, so it'll be like three or four
songs, but it's still, it's a nice little routine
to be in. I think that little tether to it. Yeah.
And we've talked about that a little bit, haven't
we? Because, you know, we go through peaks and
drops with the edging. We quite like the idea
of, you know maybe not an interrogation style
but making you watch porn while being edged or
just because yeah and and being more conscious
about finding opportunities to get into that
mental space yeah because with a lot of these
things that we do we kind of start doing it and
we go hell for leather it becomes kind of normal
yeah and then we're not really sure necessarily
where to take it next and some of the things
that we do where we would take it next would
probably kill you so we don't but with this that
feels a little bit safer yeah yeah definitely
but i think some of it it's not that things drift
sort of out of us doing them it's that we start
noticing them as much because they're just part
of the furniture so like the edging we could
probably could be a bit more disciplined about
making sure that we fit it in um i could use
my playlist a little bit more but i think you
probably underestimate how often you knock me
into the bimbo headspace with the orgasm denial
that we've had since pretty much day one in the
relationship um if i'm horny and you keep me
in that state for a couple of days i start losing
chunks of my brain real quick um yeah yeah and
and there's a lot of things that we do during
play where the style of your degradation a lot
of the time has started to lean into that as
well and things that you figured out how to say
to activate that in me when my brain just kind
of starts shutting chunks off and i just start
feeling more and more kind of just floaty and
focused on on the moment and nicely head empty
yeah not exactly not stupid but definitely narrowed
down yeah yeah i think i yeah i've been trying
to be more objectifying i suppose yeah in it
which i know you enjoy um which is partly been
by partly for you leaning into free use a little
bit more um it took me a little while to get
my head around yeah i think you definitely did
a good job of hiding that you were still struggling
to get your head around free use because there
was a lot of free using going on yeah but i think
you've definitely got more aggressive with it
and more frequent with it yeah and Can I mention
you not being on meds anymore, Mix? Or do you
rather I didn't? yeah and i think your um your
free use behavior definitely had a big spike
that has continued to go up and stay up since
you came off your antidepressants a few months
ago yeah like i was trying to be really objective
with it and be like i will support you whatever
decision you make i whatever is best for your
mental health your overall well -being whatever
is the right decision for you i have no opinion
i'm just here to support you yeah but this this
unmedicated dick please let me keep getting this
unmedicated dick Terrible. Yeah. Terrible. I
understand. I mean, it was great before as well,
but I am definitely getting more quantity. Yeah.
Quality consistently... No, quality consistently
good. Quantity increasing with no increasing
quality. Well, it's very kind of you to say.
So there are some things that we do around the
kind of the mental side of it, which really worked
well for us and wanting to lean into that. But
there's a whole thing out there, isn't there?
We jokingly refer to kind of fake hypno porn
videos. But there's a whole industry around using
hypnosis as a way of inducing a bimbo -like trance.
yeah state and that's something i would be interested
in exploring but i think i wouldn't want to do
it with pre -recorded stuff someone else has
made where you don't really know the quality
of it or how effective it's going to be or how
safe it's going to be yeah um i think one of
the things that is sort of on our list to to
start looking into in the future probably a next
year job now is to start learning a little bit
more about hypno as a kink in general yeah and
we're lucky to know some people who are really
into it who made some suggestions to point us
in the right direction who we can bounce ideas
off yeah um I think if you get good at hypnotising
people, then there's a lot of potential there
for a lot of our kinks to be enhanced with hypno.
But I think bimbofication particularly, I think,
would go really nicely with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because that is quite an attractive idea to me.
Yeah. It's just being able to, you know, figuratively
snap my fingers and you just become this drooling,
cock -obsessed mess. And even bigger. drooling,
cock -obsessed mess than you currently are. I
was going to say, you don't know how to snap
your fingers. You just approach me. It just exists.
Yeah. I'm just like that. Yeah. But, like, really
kind of ramping that up and having it, again,
that level of control over it, I think it's a
really hot idea. Yeah. So, yeah, we'll put that
on the list. We'll make that one around 2026.
kink tensions yes excellent so are you leading
into this one i'm leading into this one i guess
i'm asking you next the problem that i'm having
though with recording this episode is the more
we talk about bimbofication my headspace is slipping
a bit i feel myself like twirling my hair yeah
and sort of like i'm i'm getting a bit stupid
yeah so yeah yeah talking intelligently about
bimbofication is a challenge for me because my
brain starts and i just start this might not
be our strongest episode then maybe not fortunately
you have a fully functioning brain so yes we'll
be fine um but yeah i was supposed to be asking
you a question to lead into the next section
and it's gone already which is oh no terrible
there we go um so one of the things you've mentioned
a couple of times uh your your sort of persistent
disclaimer is that none of this was about being
dissatisfied with my appearance wanting to fix
flaws in me or make me hotter yeah so talk me
through a little bit about that why first kind
of why is that really important for you to be
clear about mix but also what is it that this
is about for you more yeah um oh that's a really
big question i knew it was coming yeah i know
i got my brain capacity for that my brain and
everything i think it's it is important to keep
reminding you particularly and while we're talking
about this to to to all that it's important for
me to emphasize both when we're doing it kind
of talking about it or doing it or talking about
it on this podcast shall i start that bit again
probably mix yeah are you going into bimbo i
think so yeah what do i think what do i actually
think No thoughts had empty. No thoughts had
empty. Podcast is cancelled because we're both
stupid. Yeah, I have made several disclaimers
just in the recording of this episode. And whenever
we talk about changes to your appearance, whether
it's what you wear or what you do with your body,
I've always been really keen to emphasise that
it isn't coming from a place of dissatisfaction
with your body. or your appearance as it currently
is. Yeah. Because for me, it isn't about turning
you into a better thing, a better version of
you, because I wasn't attracted to and didn't
fall in love with a better version of you, a
potential future version of you. I was attracted
to and fell in love with the you that you were
when I met you, and that is still how I feel.
Bimbofication and appearance control for me.
is about control and objectification and actually
being given the permission to change you into
something which is still attractive to me and
have that level of control over you and treat
you like an object, properly treat you like an
object and like a possession, I think is the
key for me. And I think it would be really easy
for that to turn into something where you feel
like you're not good enough as you are. um and
i don't want that yeah you know there's a real
risk there of doing some psychological damage
if we're not really careful about if i'm not
really careful about how clear i am on that stuff
yeah and you are really clear about it not just
for the sake of the podcast recording in general
you are always really clear about that with me
um you sort of playfully but also quite seriously
tell me off if i refer to it as like me getting
hotter Or like fixing anything or anything. No,
no, that's not what this is. And when I say stuff
like that, I'm either joking or I'm talking about
other people's perspectives. You know, one of
the things that's been wild over the last 10
months is suddenly becoming visible to straight
men again, which I had not had to deal with.
I apologise for that. So by sort of conventional
standards, I think I am getting more attractive.
But I've never been concerned about being conventionally
attractive, so I don't really attach a lot of
value to that. It's just interesting. Yeah. And
that's good. That is a good and healthy way to
be. And when we were talking about it right at
the start, and we were talking about when we
say bimbo, what do we mean? As you mentioned
earlier, I'd kind of suggest it. I really like
the kind of the goth bimbo version of it, which
is in terms of outfits. similar sorts of styles
of you know tiny little tops tiny little skirts
tiny little shorts kind of kind of thing different
colors yeah you know and then you've got the
really pastel denbos and then you've got the
um um really bright pink leopard print kind of
aesthetic and um we talked about kind of tanning
and stuff like that none of that was was was
coming from a place of me saying this is the
ideal version of you that I want to create, a
better version of you that I want to create.
It's like, yeah, we've got loads of options.
Which one are we going to pick? Yeah. And let's
just explore that and see if it works. Yeah.
And that's been really enjoyable to go down that
bimbo aesthetic that we've gone for. Yeah. It's
just really hot and really enjoyable. And I remember
the conversation we had about tanning, where
we had a different perspective on tan lines.
Yes. You would prefer not to have tan lines.
I still do not like tan lines. You would still
prefer not to have tan lines. But I like how
that looks. I know you do. And I like how that
looks on you. And it plays into that slightly
trashy aesthetic. Yeah. It's a bit like we were
talking earlier about pubic hair and armpit hair
and stuff like that. Could have gone either way,
if I'm honest. Yeah. It's not that I dislike
having an all -over body tan. I'm like, no, I
want my bimbo pig. to have tan lines yes so it's
going to have tan lines yeah and that's hot and
i you have won me over a little bit of tan lines
mostly because i see how much you like them also
it's quite fun seeing seeing that my tan is developing
because i've always liked tanning i haven't always
done it consistently and in my last relationship
one of the appearance control rules we had was
i was not allowed to tan yeah it made me pale
um But when I've tanned in the past, I have always
gone for absolutely no tan lines. I would even
make sure that I was shifting my position in
different stages of the tanning in the sunbeds
to avoid like the crease under my butt and to
make sure that the insides of my legs were tanned
as much as the outsides. I was really, really
like probably a bit neurotic about making sure
my tan was properly even all over. But because
of that, I get a little bit of tan blindness
where I'll look at myself and go. I'm not dark
enough yet. Or I'm fading, I'm fading, I'm going
pale, I need to go for a sunbed now. But when
I've got tan lines, I can look at them and go,
actually, I am tan. I'm really tan. So yeah,
there's advantages. And I like it. It looks good.
You look amazing. And you looked amazing before.
And that's the point I will keep coming back
to. And I know I've been doing a joke on this
episode, kind of disclaimer number three. but
it's important but it's important to me yeah
and i think it's important for you as well i
yeah i think so definitely i think it's hard
to imagine how i would feel if you said that
you wanted to to make me hotter to you to kind
of fix the flaws or change me into a better version
of me because there's a part of me as a submissive
and as an emotional masochist who's like that's
really hot yeah but i also think it would probably
be something that would actually affect my self
-esteem It wouldn't just be a little bit of fun
mental suffering. I would feel not worthy of
the relationship, which isn't what I want. But
I like that this is about, it's about using elements
of appearance to kind of tell a story about what
my function is in the relationship. It's using
these things that are stereotypically seen as
making someone more of a sex object, making someone
be perceived as trashy. Even kind of moving,
it's almost moving away from... from the appearance
of a person these are all things that people
do to their appearance but it's moving into more
like a blow -up doll yeah like a caricature one
of the things we've both been really clear about
from the start is that we weren't wanting to
take away anything from my gender identity i'm
non -binary so although i'm now probably buying
a slightly higher proportion of my clothes from
the women's section than i did before i'm also
doing things with my makeup that are considered
to be things that women do things in my head
that women do things like that i've never approached
this and you've never approached this as trying
to either turn me into a woman make me present
as a woman take anything away from my gender
identity yeah because what we're doing is is
an exaggerated and caricatured version of some
elements of femininity that a lot of women don't
participate in and even the women who do participate
in are participating in a very different way.
Yeah. What we're doing feels a little bit more
like drag. Yeah. Definitely very strongly objectification
in the quite literal sense of not just look at
me and objectify me, but no, make me into an
object. Make me into a fuck doll. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. And I think that was probably, thinking
back to that conversation at Time Mouth slash
Muth, I think that was probably the element of
that conversation that kind of... sealed it for
me because i was very concerned about you are
really very and rightly proud of your gender
identity and how you have worked really hard
to figure that stuff out and arrive at a place
where you're comfortable which is amazing and
i didn't want to do anything that would undo
that yeah so i was really worried about that
kind of feminizing you in a way that would kind
of cause you discomfort or dysphoria yeah but
actually it was you explained it to me exactly
like that it's like a performance it's like drag
yeah and if we think about it like that then
that kind of changes it changes our relationship
to it yeah I think um it was a really helpful
thing that you you how you explained that to
me yeah I think in a lot of ways it's actually
been really helpful for me as well where I think
it's it's basically impossible to pass as non
-binary right however heterogeneous you are people
are sort of raised from birth to put everyone
so either the male box or the female box and
they look at you and they try to figure it out
from the clues they can see and then and then
they guess and sometimes they're they're somewhat
close to right sometimes they're not um so I
haven't ever really been perceived as the gender
I am and early in my transition i really wanted
to be perceived as the gender i am and if i couldn't
be perceived as non -binary i figured like being
perceived as male would be it felt better because
at least it was a different place than where
i'd started yeah um so i tried really really
hard to pass as male got really really distressed
if people were reading me as female i tied up
a lot of my self -worth in other people's perception
of my gender and a few years into it i kind of
hit this sort of the fuck it moment thought like
i have no control over how other people perceive
me and the you know even trans people who pass
really reliably will sometimes just get clocked
over something fucking stupid because different
people pick up on different things yeah um and
also not all cis people even pass like my sister
is a cisgender woman she is also six foot two
i think um and she has has been misgendered as
male many many times in her life purely because
of her height yeah so like if I tie up all of
my gender identity and my value as a human and
my sense of like love for myself in whether other
people are reading my gender correctly and getting
my pronouns right I am just setting myself up
for failure so I started to really just kind
of wear what I want do what I wanted basically
yeah yeah um but I don't think I fully disconnected
myself my brain from this idea that identity
and presentation need to be aligned in some way
like even if no one's reading it right I still
have to be telling it right this idea that I
need to be presenting as non -binary so at least
the people in the know will know and things like
that and it's still treating my gender as something
I'm doing for other people's benefit in that
headspace getting into bimbofication and starting
to present a lot more what most people will read
as feminine has actually allowed me to fully
disconnect gender identity and presentation from
each other and feel more secure in my identity
than i have ever before right because i'm no
longer doing it for anyone else at all like it's
literally not perceivable to most people um every
time i post a tiktok video now one of the suggested
searches is carizal detransition because everyone
assumes that's what i've done um and it's like
you know what they can think that yeah because
i'm the one who lives in my head and i know exactly
what my gender is um like it's pretty freeing
to not be doing it for anyone else's benefit
anymore yeah yeah it's pretty cool yeah I think
it's one of the things that you've said to me
a few times before is um I can I can never get
it right I will misquote you but essentially
other people's idea of your gender is none of
my business yeah but you know when you hear something
when someone says something to you and you're
like I need to write that down I need to embroider
it or cross stitch it or crochet it on everything
I own as a reminder that actually nobody else's
opinion matters yeah i think that's um and it's
really it's really nice to hear that that's the
stuff we've done for kinky reasons has has affirmed
that for you yeah um it's because that was genuinely
something that i really worried about well when
we started doing this stuff i had no idea to
be honest how i was gonna feel like when we had
that conversation i i thought i could predict
like if we go in this direction it's going to
feel comfortable if we go in this direction it
might not so i i the sort of image i kind of
gave you of what might not be comfortable for
me was if we went down the more sort of naturally
feminine route so like yeah a bit mascara clear
lip gloss um like nice sort of floaty floral
summer dress and examples yeah not the vibe though
i do have now a floaty floral summer dress pair
of sandals and sometimes i'm in a hurry with
my makeup it pretty much does look like mascara
lip gloss and now it's fine because we started
with the sort of hyper feminine over the top
bright colors really exaggerated stuff i can
now do a toned down version of that and it still
feels comfortable but i think if that's where
we'd started that would have been tricky for
me yeah yeah yeah but i wasn't really sure how
it was going to feel until we tried it those
were my best guesses um and it's turned out better
than i could have expected yeah yeah and i can
see why that would be different because that
that you know cute floral dress, bit of mascara,
lip gloss kind of thing. That would feel more
like turning you into a cis woman than it would
be turning you into a bimbo sex doll. Yeah. But
no, I'm really pleased at that, that it's turned
out the way that it has for you. There hasn't
ever been, I don't think, any of those moments
of, oh, we're getting this wrong, is it? causing
psychic damage yeah no it's always felt very
comfortable i think the the only sort of element
of that has been is you needing a bit of reassurance
that that wasn't happening in the early days
so you needing to check in a lot for your own
sanity to make sure that i was doing okay and
i wasn't sort of like repressing feelings of
dysphoria or discomfort to please you yeah so
you asked quite a lot and you um when it came
to like the first time i shaved my legs i suggested
it and you didn't want to make it a rule until
i'd done it and lived with it for a few days
you were like no if you shave your legs and you
think i actually know this is making me unhappy
i don't feel like myself without my hairy legs
i'm not gonna make you keep them yeah but you
did warn me it's like once you start doing this
and you commit to doing it i will expect you
to maintain it you can't be getting around with
velcro lace yeah yeah yeah which is fair which
which is fair um but also it's just how our rules
work yeah isn't it it's it's that's no different
from any other the other rule that we might add
to the dozens and dozens of them that we have
is we try something out and if it doesn't work
we don't keep doing it but if you if it's in
the rule you do it yeah because it's in the rules
yeah which i think is just a sensible way of
doing it definitely so like you said there was
some potential risks when it came to feeling
sort of comfortable and affirmed in my gender
identity. Another area of risk that we negotiated
for quite a long time was stuff around body image
and particularly around weight because we wanted
to include some elements of like body control
and body sculpting in what we do. Do you want
to tell me a little bit about your approach with
that mix? Yeah, this was another one of those
areas where I was kind of doing my usual thing
of thinking at a million miles an hour and worrying
that I might just destroy you as a person because
of the unreasonable demands that I was making
on you. and really conscious of not wanting to
do anything, that would diminish your sense of
self -worth and your opinion of yourself. Yeah.
But what we had talked about in defining the
bimbo journey for us is that you would work to
achieve a certain body type. Yeah. So big butt,
narrow waist, boobs. Yeah. Sort of. Boobs just
as they are because we have no control. Boobs
just as they are. Yeah. because i wasn't about
to make you get implants and probably couldn't
afford them they're quite expensive i think yeah
because the deal is we split all of the bimbo
costs yeah yeah not at the moment but we'd agreed
that that would be the direction that we were
going i really like your butt so i wanted your
butt to be juicy and um and then accentuating
that with it with a slightly narrower waist and
that led us to a um i guess kind of firming up
of the rules around diet and exercise um you
know we we've negotiated our way to a um a daily
calorie intake that you have to work within you've
got a certain amount of exercising that you need
to do and certain types of exercise to achieve
what we've agreed we're going to go for yeah
and i think one of the things that i was really
clear i have always been really clear about throughout
that this whole time is that there isn't a time
limit on that for for achieving that those changes
in your body yeah um because i know how how that
works you know unless you're gonna be really
really strict and really really hard on yourself
it is actually quite difficult to do that stuff
quickly yeah especially because it's not just
weight loss it's i'll need to to achieve that
goal i'll need to lose some fat and then gain
some muscle and then probably lose some fat again
and kind of go through that cycle a few times
yeah to build the shape yeah and i have a chronic
illness i'm not as young as i was and i have
a very busy life so that isn't something that
i can necessarily just just do the way i maybe
could have done 10 years ago yeah um but we're
both enjoying the process of it and i'm getting
generally fitter and healthier as a result as
well which is always a win yeah yeah i think
it's been it's had positive impact and it's moving
in the right kind of direction it's been interesting
sometimes where like you will go and weigh yourself
and you'll feel you'll you'll you'll be a little
bit disappointed in the yeah in the in the number
on the scale not being quite as low as you would
like it to be yeah and it's a weird one because
i've got better body image than i've had for
forever basically um it's not ever that i look
at my body and feel like my body is bad the way
it is i don't have a lot of insecurity around
around my weight or anything but if i've set
myself a goal to achieve something and i'm not
achieving it yeah that hits me a lot harder so
it's not that there's a particular number on
the scale that i'm aiming for or a particular
amount of weight that i think i should be losing
each week but if i weigh myself and i haven't
lost any or i've barely lost any yeah it feels
like like i should be doing a better job yeah
not that the body is bad it's that the work i've
done is bad yeah um so i think that's why it's
sometimes a little bit more challenging um but
also like weight fluctuations happen uh sometimes
i make the mistake of weighing myself right after
we had a massive takeaway the night before yeah
um you know these things happen yeah but i'm
definitely stronger generally fitter yeah sort
of sleeping better things like that than than
i was and i think the body changes will continue
to come it's just i am old and sick and it takes
time yeah yes yeah and it's it's it's that difference
for me about the outcome of the process yeah
i think part of what's really enjoyable about
the bimbofication stuff that we do is that it's
about the process and not necessarily just about
the outcome so if it takes a while to get to
um that point where you're happy that you've
achieved what you need to achieve in the rules
if that takes a while that's fine from my perspective
yeah because it isn't about wanting a slimmer
wasted version of carizal it's it's about having
a bimbo A good thing to have. A good thing to
have. Everybody should have one. I think, you
know, life is massively improved by having a
bimbo pig in your life. Yes. You can keep one
in your house. You can keep one. I do keep one
in my house. Yes. I do. Every time we go to a
zoo, I like to point out all the animals that
I think you can keep in your house and you dispute
most of them. Because you can't. I think, apart
from the really big animals, I think most animals
could be kept in your house. Because I think
it could be done. They would physically fit in
our house. That is not in dispute for some of
the animals. But we couldn't keep them in our
house. They would destroy it. Maybe you can train
them, can teach them to learn. I can't even train
the cat to lie down on my chest when we're in
bed. That's true. You are having some difficulty.
Cookie is very stupid, though. But no, a bimbo
pig is a creature you can keep in your house.
Yes, yeah, I would recommend it to anybody. But
that kind of... that element of the appearance
control where it is it is talking about physical
changes to your body and not just the cosmetic
stuff about kind of lip filler and tanning and
things like that which are things that are done
to your body that diet and exercise related stuff
is really tricky to i think it's really tricky
to navigate and maybe it's just me overthinking
it in that way that i do but there is a lot of
that sort of diet and exercise related stuff
so changing body shape is can be a really tricky
thing to navigate and and I probably provide
more reassurance about it and check in more than
I need to but that's important to me that's how
I feel psychologically safe in doing the stuff
yeah that stuff that's fair and part of the safety
approach we took to that as well was the amount
of input you asked for from me on that, because
I have done a lot of fitness stuff in the past,
especially when I was younger and healthier,
I was really into a lot of fitness. I've lost
a significant amount of weight before a few times.
So I know what works for my body, what's healthy
for me, what's achievable and things like that.
So you have never said, I want your weight to
be this number. You've never said, I want the
calorie intake that you have to be this number.
I want you to do this type of exercise for this
amount of time on these days in the week. None
of that. Because I know nothing about it. that
stuff yeah so what you've done is said if this
is the goal what do you think you should be doing
to achieve it and i've said this this and this
and you've gone okay that's the rule yeah tell
me if you think the goal needs to be changed
if it's not working or if something is is not
feeling right we'll adjust it yeah but i i essentially
set what it is and you enforce it yeah yeah yeah
in the same way that we just talked about with
shaving your legs it's like if it's a rule it's
a rule yeah but what the rule is is i guess within
your purview because you're the expert on that
stuff i would be i would be lost trying to come
up with a diet and exercise plan that would achieve
that yeah um i think that works my role is enforcer
yeah which you struggle with because if it's
midway through the week and i'm supposed to be
following my diet plan yeah i'm having a thought
yeah thought is pizza yes you will generally
say yes because you want pizza yeah and that
might be why my progress hasn't been quite as
fast as it could have been it's easy to be like
oh i'm 35 and i've got a chronic illness it's
like yeah but i do like a cheeky midweek kebab
yeah that could be a factor it could be a factor
in it as well yeah yeah yeah i like that That's
OK. You know, with a rule like that, with a thing
like that, I think that has to be OK. There is
a risk that it turns into something that is a
bit more toxic, I suppose. I don't know if it's
even necessary. I mean, I can understand your
concern about like saying no to any food feels
feels bad. But I don't think that would necessarily
be an issue. I think it's more that it would
make you probably more miserable than me. If
I say we have a takeaway and you say no, I'm
going to be like, oh, OK, I guess I'll go cook.
Where you're only going to be thinking about
pizzas and kebabs all night. Yeah, true. Yeah,
there is an element of that as well. It's just
that I know you're a pushover. Right. Fine. Oh,
no, I've fucked myself now. You can deal with
that if I'm a pushover. Oh, no. The rules allow
you for one non -tracking day a week. Choose
wisely. Oh, no. so we've talked about quite a
lot of aspects of appearance control and bimbofication
and i think it's been dead interesting but something
i wanted to ask you before we wrap up is how
do you pick my outfits in the morning mix is
it completely random or is there a strategy oh
it's completely random yeah there is there is
no science behind it um and i think a lot of
the time it is whatever comes into my head first
if i'm being honest yeah i think what i what
I have been saying for several many months uh
that I need to do is to have a route through
your drawers and the wardrobes and remind myself
of all the stuff that we bought because we bought
an absolute fuck ton of stuff yeah and I think
there is some of it that you wear much more frequently
than others yeah and that's partly because that's
what I pick yeah you always almost always you'll
go for either scrunch butt leggings yep or some
of those, like, sort of stretchy, slightly flared
pants. Those are your two go -tos. Yeah. The
bottoms. And then tops. You'll either just say,
and a little top. Yeah. Or you'll pick, it's
quite often the yellow top that says Ferrell
on it. Yeah, yeah. I really like it. Yeah, it's
a good top. Yeah, yeah. Or the white bimbo one.
Yeah. Yeah, the bimbo doll one in the back. Yeah,
yeah. Or if you leave it up to me, I tend to
put myself in shorts a bit more often, I think.
yeah um but now that we're getting into the colder
weather i am i'm leaning more towards a longer
pant yeah yeah um yeah and i'll often go fair
i've got these like vest tops with the the poppers
that unpop basically all the way to the bottom
of my boobs they're one of my ones that i go
to a lot because they're a little bit loose over
my tummy so if i'm wearing lower cut pants i
don't have the trouble zone going yeah yeah um
Because that's sometimes the downside of the
outfits you pick for me. You'll put me in low
-waisted jeans and a crop top. I have had to
explain to you the trouble zone. Yes, you have.
It's like, if you want me in a crop top, I need
a high waist. Yeah, yeah. We do not display the
trouble zone. No. And that's valid. But no, then.
There's no science to it, really. And I think
that's something I can get back. I recognise
that I need to... kind of get a little bit better
at knowing what's in in your wardrobe um but
also remembering you know the the assumption
is often the assumption that i make when i think
about what is a good outfit for this bimbo pig
today is something skinny or something skimpy
on the top and the bottom yeah and actually what
you've one of the things that you reminded me
or tried to teach me early on in the process
is actually it doesn't need to be like that like
you've got a couple of really nice pairs of um
um like the one one green pair and one pink pair
of like cargo style pants yeah it's like those
with a really little top is still giving bimbo
yeah or like a banky jumper with tiny little
shorts yeah you if you pick one slutty item of
clothing and one modest item of clothing often
the impact is more yeah and it's it's stuff like
that but um because I am a simple creature who
basically wears jeans and t -shirt every single
day of their life, isn't something that sticks
all that easily in my head. I think there might
be more science to it if I was more organised
about it and did it the night before as well,
because quite often our routine is that we wake
up, I take the chain off your ankle and you say,
can I go to the toilet mix? Yes. What would you
like me to wear today? makes and it's like 7
30 in the morning yeah i haven't had coffee and
probably haven't even peed yet it is too early
that's a really good idea we should start do
it we'll do it the night before yeah we'll start
from tonight we'll do it yeah so then i could
have a look through and maybe make some more
scientific choices so i just make it out yeah
i wish there was a system oh yes this is the
vibe that we're going for What clothes can I
remember? That's fair. And one of the weird side
effects of you using appearance control more
is that I used to steal your clothes a lot more
often than I get away with now. Yeah. You had
to raid your jeans, your jumpers, your t -shirts
all the time. And now, sometimes, to be fair,
you do sometimes put me in your jeans because
you own skinny jeans and I do not. Yeah. I get
the same size. So me in a pair of your skinny
jeans is a good look. Yeah. Like all aging Generation
X people, I own skinny jeans. Yeah. and I like
skinny jeans and I would own skinny jeans but
I at the time that I met you had recently gained
some weight and none of my skinny jeans fit anymore
so I got rid of them and before I could replace
them you invited me to move in with you and now
I have access to a wardrobe with about 10 pairs
of skinny jeans in that all happen to be in my
size yeah why would why would I buy them why
would you bother it's just over consumption and
wastefulness honestly I think I should be recognized
for Yeah, yeah. My contributions to the planet.
Offsetting my Temu purchases slightly. Yeah,
yeah. Wearing someone else's jeans. It's your
carbon offset. Yeah. Stealing my jeans. It's
interesting that you talk about stealing my clothes
because you have unwittingly revealed my entire
motivation for introducing bimbofication in the
first place. I just wanted you to stop wearing
my clothes. It hasn't worked though because I
have stolen one of your little cropped vests
and put it in my drawer. Have you? Yes, mix.
Oh, the little black and white stripey one. Yeah,
mix. Yeah, yeah. Because every time you tell
me to wear a little top and I wear that one,
you're like, oh, yes. You're like, why have you
stolen my clothes again? And then you're like,
but it's hot though. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah,
yeah. And to be fair, I did that whenever you
wore my jeans as well. Yeah. I would walk into
the kitchen and you'd be wearing my jeans and
I'd go, why are you stealing all of my clothes?
And then you would just turn around and I would
see your butt. And I'd be like, as you were.
See, sometimes it's nice to give me choices.
Yeah, yeah. But not too often. Not too often.
No. But that little vest is one of many items
of clothes that I have purchased and never felt
brave enough to wear. So somebody should wear
it. Well, now you've told me that, I'm going
to bully you into wearing it. We should do an
opposite week where I pick all your outfits.
Dear me. Big hoodie, no pants. For office day.
And on that bombshell... Goodbye. Goodbye. See
you next time.