WEBVTT

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Welcome to Don't Scare the Newbies, a podcast

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where we talk kink, raw and unfiltered. I'm Carizel,

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a lifestyle submissive in a 24 -7 dynamic who

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likes their kink heavy, intense and scary. And

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I'm Ed, Carizel's dominant who knows how to deliver

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all of the above. And today we're going to be

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talking about interrogation play, specifically

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the interrogation scene that we did two days

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ago. We've completely disrupted our release schedule

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because we wanted to talk about this one right

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now. It was just that good. We have ways of making

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you talk. You did not though. No, no, I did not.

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Thanks for that. So we're just sneakily slotting

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this episode in, aren't we? Sneakily slotting.

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Yeah, it's either going to be episode five or

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six, depending on how quickly I edit. And then

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it's going to disrupt all references to on the

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last episode week that we have done forever.

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Yeah. But that's okay. And that's okay. We're

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okay with that. We like a bit of chaos. Yes,

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yes. Yes, we do. But yeah, I think there's a

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couple of reasons why we wanted to do it this

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way. First, people seem to be really interested

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in this. tiktok and my blog people are really

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curious about this scene and i think a lot of

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people in general interrogation play isn't something

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you see a lot of it's not something that's done

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a lot um so it's something that there's a lot

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of curiosity about and also we at the very least

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wanted to record this episode really soon after

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we did it while the experience is still fresh

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in our minds yes because i'm already finding

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that my memory of it was quite distorted so the

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sooner that we talk about it the uh the better

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the better yes and i think there is a little

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bit of kind of processing in it as well which

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is helpful like talking about stuff to nobody's

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surprise listening to this to nobody's surprise

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listening to this podcast communication and talking

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about stuff is really really important yes and

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i think there is also something in that as well

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about well if we're going to talk about it we

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might as well do it with microphones yeah and

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we've been talking about it a lot over the last

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couple of days but it's going to be really good

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for us to both have a proper conversation about

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what the fuck we just did yes what the hell just

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happened yeah um so the starting point of this

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was actually a good few months ago i think you

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looked up didn't you mates when was it that we

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bought the projectors because that's roughly

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when planning started uh beginning of july beginning

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of july it was when we ordered them yeah yeah

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so we've been planning this scene for about two

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and a half months and it started out very much

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as I can't remember what inspired it, but it

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was me that had the idea of using projectors

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to essentially turn a room into a wall of screens

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and use those as a kind of overwhelm over stimulation

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setup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't remember whether

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it started out as an interrogation or whether

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it was just an idea of just completely messing

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with you for a period of time. I think the very,

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very first thought of it that I had was just...

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just fuck with me like let's do some psychological

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torture and mix in some physical torture but

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very rapidly after having that idea because we

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previously talked about we want to do some interrogation

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play at some point that's something we wanted

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to learn and explore but okay so this is perfect

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If we're coming up with something that is actual

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genuine torture, let's use it for its intended

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purpose. And then we bounce those ideas around

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over that whole time because I know you certainly

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thought that potentially starting it without

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the interrogation element might be a kind of

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safer, gentler entry to it. Yeah, I think so.

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And I think that was more about whenever we've

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tried new things in the past, we've done it in

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that kind of deliberately experimental way. Like

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when we've done waterboarding, we just gave it

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a go. And we had a bit of a laugh about it and

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there wasn't really any kind of aim with it.

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So I think initially I kind of took that logical

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approach to it because I thought it was the safer

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way of testing it out. Which was completely smart

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and completely reasonable. I very much did the

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typical submissive thing of just hit me with

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your car in this case. lock me in there for 24

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hours pride me of food and water like do everything

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you can possibly think of to me make it as bad

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as possible and it's going to be interrogation

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and then a lot of the the planning over the last

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couple of months has been you trying to negotiate

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me down and me trying to negotiate you up until

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we found a spot in the middle that felt comfortable

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for both of us yeah yeah yeah um yes there was

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a little bit of that and one one example of that

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was we were talking about how to make the room

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dark Because, you know, I was like, oh, we could

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put a curtain over the window to block out the

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light from that. And I could do stuff with the

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door to block out the light from that. And you

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said, well, we could do it overnight. And you

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had sleep deprivation in with it. And I was like,

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maybe not. Maybe, maybe, maybe not the first

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time. Maybe not the first time. We do it at night.

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That's a good idea. Yeah. But let's not keep

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you up for. 24 hours. Yeah. And I'm not sure

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how we can practically plan that. So you get

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sleep. Yeah. I don't want you to be sleep deprived

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as well. Like the, the torture is slowly going

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insane. Yeah. You need like a little team of

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you or something to rotate. That's, that's one

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for future. Yeah. Yes. And there was definitely

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no, at least I certainly hope it wasn't ever

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coming across as pressure towards you. Like I

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expect this to be as bad as possible. It was

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kind of giving you that permission that I know

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is sometimes quite a scary thing to receive.

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for a sadist of like no if you want to fuck me

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up you can fuck me up yeah and we found sort

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of what felt like a comfortable amount of fucking

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me up yes and to be fair those negotiations were

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still going on right up until what like two three

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days before the scene yeah i was saying four

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hours you were saying two i was saying i want

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the interrogation element you were saying i'm

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not so sure about that yeah right at the point

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that we were buying the last sort of bits of

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equipment making those final adjustments to your

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list of activities things like that we were still

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in discussion around that yeah i think something

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that was really interesting was you you had the

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thought that you probably wanted to remove the

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interrogation aspect of it and just do it as

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torture because you thought that it would be

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safer to do that and give me a safe word for

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the scene yeah than to do it as an interrogation

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yeah where I had the same concerns about safety,

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but the opposite strategy for it were actually

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because I haven't had a safe word in about a

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year. And I think I would find it quite difficult

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to do at this point. Yeah. And I think I would

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drop harder from doing it because I would actually

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feel like I failed. And I know it's never a failure

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to safe word. It's not. But it's always something

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that's tended to trigger drop for me when I am

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in a relationship where a safe word is part of

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it. Using my safe word tends to hit me pretty

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hard. But if we set out for it to be an interrogation

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because that was a game, whether I win or lose,

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we've done it right. I haven't failed. I've lost

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a game, which one of us was always going to.

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So I think if I really had reached a breaking

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point where I couldn't handle it anymore, it

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would have been less difficult for me. to give

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up the information yeah and i could also do it

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staggered i could potentially buy myself a bit

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of a breather by giving you partial information

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which i didn't in the end but i had that option

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so that was why i thought that was better and

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more fun and more fun yeah yeah in retrospect

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you were right i think as soon as you said it

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i was like yeah no that makes sense um i can

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definitely see the logic of it so that's what

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we went for and as well i think part of the last

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minute negotiations that we were doing in the

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days leading up to it was because we'd done a

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scene last week that had some unexpected outcomes

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for us that hit you much, much harder than either

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of us would have ordinarily expected. Yeah. So

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I think there was a little bit of that in there

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as well about, okay, that's happened, we seem

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to have got past that, but how much of this interrogation

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scene is now a risk of that stuff resurfacing?

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Yeah, I think there's two things that wasn't

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there. There was one, we were worried that it

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might be too close to that. And I might still

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be a little bit fragile and needing to sort of

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take that into account in risk management. But

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also that we'd had a learning experience from

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our assumption that I am just resilient. I just

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bounce back from everything we do. And that was

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our first time experiencing me not really like

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I did bounce back, but it took me longer. So

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that made us probably a little bit more risk

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averse than we have been because of realizing

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like, like, oh, shit, that can happen. I didn't

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want to modify anything about what we were doing

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for the interrogation on that basis. I was comfortable

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with accepting the risk that, you know, if I

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drop, I drop. If something comes up with my mental

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health, I'll work through it. I have coping strategies

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for that. It's okay. But I was very conscious

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I didn't want to put you in a position. of feeling

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like you were overextending yourself beyond what

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was comfortable if you had that worry in your

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head about me yeah yeah that was going to put

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a lot of psychological strain on you which we

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we try to mitigate for as much as we can um so

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i was completely open to if you wanted to scale

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things down because of that yeah um like i pushed

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back on not wanting to do it as an interrogation

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because i genuinely felt an interrogation was

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a safer bet But I said, you know, aside from

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that, whatever length you feel comfortable with,

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anything you want to take off the list of activities,

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do it. And when it actually came down to it,

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the only thing you did was removed like one specific

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thing from the list of activities. And other

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than that, you kind of went into it as you'd

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originally intended to. And we settled on three

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hours for the time. Yeah, I think so. It's always

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difficult to tell. Did I unconsciously go a little

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bit easier than perhaps I might have done? I

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don't think I did. No, it certainly didn't feel

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easy. It'd be a bit terrifying. If that was me

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going easy. I guess if we do it again, we find

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out. We'll find out. We'll find out, yeah. So,

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yeah, I think you're right. We were negotiating

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about it up until, including on the day, you

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know, minor details because I spent a good chunk

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of Saturday doing the setup for it. Yeah. Some

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of those things kind of came up those last minutes,

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sort of. safety things last minute checks yeah

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and last minute ideas because you were obviously

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as you were setting it up you were testing all

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the tech that you were using yeah like oh it

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can do this because i specifically asked you

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about being left in the dark didn't i you didn't

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which we know is a thing that you do not like

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yeah yeah i'm quite quite scared of the dark

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and And I will get into this as we talk more

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about the scene, but it was never fully pitch

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black. There's a street light out the back of

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the house and we haven't invested in blackout

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curtains. We figured night time was good enough.

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And you didn't have the landing light off. So

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it was a little bit coming around the crack in

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the door, but it was dark enough to be unsettling.

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And he sat in with me like, can I do that? Yeah.

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It made me panic, but yeah. I had already thought

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about doing things in the dark. the reason for

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asking about it was making sure that it wasn't

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going to be something that was triggering yeah

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you were being sort of a little bit more cautious

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because of what happened yeah yeah yeah leaving

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him in the dark and fucking with the lights and

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stuff like that was already yeah was always on

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the list but it was just that yeah that extra

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last minute check but yeah it was a conversation

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over a long period of time more and more detail

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as we got closer to it and i had a firmer idea

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about what we were going to be doing yeah i quite

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enjoyed i mean Some of the reasons why we were

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doing some of the safety check -ins, some of

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the additional conversations that we had in the

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couple of days before, I would have preferred

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not to have had to have. Yeah. But we had them

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because we needed to. But it was a fun thing

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to think about and to plan and to get my evil

00:11:09.179 --> 00:11:14.759
torturer vibe going on. How can I destroy the

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pig? It was like a nice little couple's project

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as well. Yeah, yeah. both very involved in it

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there was a lot that you kept me in the dark

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about but um but the actual the concept the aim

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the general setup that was all very collaborative

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but then what you were left was what you were

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going to do with that setup that you had with

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that vibe that you had to work within with that

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environment that we're creating yeah how are

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you going to play in toy box and you yeah you

00:11:43.259 --> 00:11:46.879
came up with some shit yes i did yes i did um

00:11:47.690 --> 00:11:49.529
Should we talk about that? Yeah, let's give us

00:11:49.529 --> 00:11:51.889
an overview of all the horrors you inflicted.

00:11:51.889 --> 00:11:54.850
All the horrors. I'll just grab my notebook because

00:11:54.850 --> 00:12:00.309
I kept a diary of what we did. Never beating

00:12:00.309 --> 00:12:02.370
the sex nerd allegations. Never beating the sex

00:12:02.370 --> 00:12:05.090
nerd allegations. No, no, never. Nor would I

00:12:05.090 --> 00:12:09.809
want to. So we're not going to go through minute

00:12:09.809 --> 00:12:13.120
by minute of the whole interrogation. In today's

00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:15.259
episode, I think if people want a really detailed

00:12:15.259 --> 00:12:17.000
account of it, you've written an incredible blog

00:12:17.000 --> 00:12:21.940
post about that, available on carital .com. Thank

00:12:21.940 --> 00:12:24.799
you. And that one, in case you're listening to

00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:26.120
this in the far distant future when there are

00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:28.259
many blog posts to scroll through, the blog post

00:12:28.259 --> 00:12:30.820
is called Not Friends, Ain't That the Worst Thing

00:12:30.820 --> 00:12:32.559
You've Ever Heard? And the title will make sense

00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:34.799
when you read it. So the interrogation technically

00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:37.500
started Tuesday morning, I think, when you were

00:12:37.500 --> 00:12:40.120
given the window, a four -day window, in which

00:12:40.120 --> 00:12:42.620
to break a rule. Do it on one of the surveillance

00:12:42.620 --> 00:12:45.080
cameras we have in the house. And the object

00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:47.759
of the interrogation is for me to get evidence

00:12:47.759 --> 00:12:50.779
of the rule break. And if I get you to reveal

00:12:50.779 --> 00:12:52.879
that information to me, I punish you for it because

00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:54.820
you've broken the rule. Yep. And if you don't

00:12:54.820 --> 00:12:56.379
give me the information, you don't get punished

00:12:56.379 --> 00:12:58.179
for it. We started a little bit before seven

00:12:58.179 --> 00:13:00.019
o 'clock where I kind of suddenly started saying,

00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:02.539
you've been sketchy all day and been a bit weird

00:13:02.539 --> 00:13:07.399
and kind of being a bit of a dick about it. And

00:13:07.399 --> 00:13:12.659
then get you into the office upstairs, attach

00:13:12.659 --> 00:13:15.980
you to the chair and start berating you with.

00:13:16.409 --> 00:13:18.929
questions and telling you to tell me what rule

00:13:18.929 --> 00:13:20.970
you've broken what you've done yes stuff like

00:13:20.970 --> 00:13:23.370
that and where and when so you can write the

00:13:23.370 --> 00:13:25.309
evidence yeah so i could go and have a look on

00:13:25.309 --> 00:13:29.750
the videos yeah um so throughout the whole of

00:13:29.750 --> 00:13:32.490
the interrogation uh you were strapped to a chair

00:13:32.490 --> 00:13:36.029
in a more or less empty room there were various

00:13:36.029 --> 00:13:39.470
points where we had three projectors set up which

00:13:39.470 --> 00:13:42.289
were playing three different porn videos on a

00:13:42.289 --> 00:13:45.519
loop sort of really fast cupping audio the idea

00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:47.840
is to orient you with that there was also a lot

00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:50.639
that i was doing with noises through a speaker

00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:53.179
that we had set up using the camera that we had

00:13:53.179 --> 00:13:55.259
set up so that i could monitor you to also talk

00:13:55.259 --> 00:13:58.639
to you break you from afar because that camera's

00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:00.360
got a speaker in it so you can talk through and

00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:02.480
also a siren that you can set off yes which you

00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:06.379
did yep um and also um messing around with the

00:14:06.379 --> 00:14:08.279
lighting so either leaving you in complete darkness

00:14:08.279 --> 00:14:10.200
or because it's a smart bulb that we have in

00:14:10.200 --> 00:14:13.000
there using different colors flashing but alongside

00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:15.879
that there was a lot of physical stuff going

00:14:15.879 --> 00:14:18.879
on uh so i was punching you and slapping you

00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:21.559
and pinching you and hitting you with some of

00:14:21.559 --> 00:14:24.320
the worst of the impact things that we have yeah

00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:26.860
the really stingy thing you used a quartery pen

00:14:26.860 --> 00:14:29.899
i used a medical stapler on you at one point

00:14:29.899 --> 00:14:36.080
um there was waterboarding and bagging in there

00:14:36.839 --> 00:14:40.059
All the highlights. All the highlights. And then

00:14:40.059 --> 00:14:43.580
there was also a fair bit of kind of psychological

00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:46.299
stuff. At one point, I just ran up, banged on

00:14:46.299 --> 00:14:48.120
the door as loud as I could and then ran away

00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:52.419
again. Yeah. Just to make you jump. At one point,

00:14:52.419 --> 00:14:54.379
I ran in with a gas mask and I was yelling in

00:14:54.379 --> 00:14:56.679
your face. Different styles of questioning or

00:14:56.679 --> 00:14:58.519
different ways of asking you the questions, sometimes

00:14:58.519 --> 00:15:01.200
softly, sometimes berating you, sometimes in

00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:04.259
a really mean way. And then some more emotional

00:15:04.259 --> 00:15:09.009
sadism. type thing so i was um questioning your

00:15:09.009 --> 00:15:12.190
values and your worth i was talking about how

00:15:12.190 --> 00:15:14.429
you betrayed me and you clearly weren't the person

00:15:14.429 --> 00:15:16.529
that i had fallen in love with and how could

00:15:16.529 --> 00:15:19.730
you do this to us so a lot of those really kind

00:15:19.730 --> 00:15:21.870
of emotionally straight up dumped me halfway

00:15:21.870 --> 00:15:26.250
through yeah yeah i was getting to that that

00:15:26.250 --> 00:15:28.570
kind of real emotional manipulation and yeah

00:15:28.570 --> 00:15:32.679
and then i i said you know This is it for us

00:15:32.679 --> 00:15:34.840
if you don't tell me. We can't be in a relationship

00:15:34.840 --> 00:15:36.899
because I can't trust you. Why would you lie

00:15:36.899 --> 00:15:40.379
to me sort of thing? Yeah. And, you know, left

00:15:40.379 --> 00:15:42.039
the room saying something like, well, it was

00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:44.360
nice while it lasted. Yeah. And then just leaving

00:15:44.360 --> 00:15:50.580
him. Yeah. To do all of that. deal with that

00:15:50.580 --> 00:15:52.340
a bit I can't remember I forgot to put in the

00:15:52.340 --> 00:15:54.240
blog post as well is the part when you came in

00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:56.159
and started talking about how I was such a hypocrite

00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:57.860
for talking on my blog and on TikTok and stuff

00:15:57.860 --> 00:15:59.740
about people needing to communicate and accused

00:15:59.740 --> 00:16:02.679
me of being just bullshit for likes which was

00:16:02.679 --> 00:16:07.799
incredible yeah that's what we should have called

00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:14.460
our podcast bullshit for likes yeah Yeah. I'd

00:16:14.460 --> 00:16:15.759
forgotten about that, actually. I'd forgotten

00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:18.000
that it says that. I think it's probably a bit

00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:20.120
like you. There's probably a lot that I've forgotten,

00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:23.500
even though I've written it down. And then as

00:16:23.500 --> 00:16:25.559
we start talking about some of the highlights

00:16:25.559 --> 00:16:27.779
and most interesting parts for us, I'm sure we'll

00:16:27.779 --> 00:16:30.360
bring out some more specifics from the scene.

00:16:30.460 --> 00:16:32.779
But yeah, it was a brutal three hours. Well done.

00:16:32.980 --> 00:16:36.620
It was, yes. And you won. I won? You won. You

00:16:36.620 --> 00:16:39.200
didn't give over the information. No. It took

00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:41.299
me an hour and a half to say a single word. Yes,

00:16:41.299 --> 00:16:44.470
it did. which really threw me a little bit, because

00:16:44.470 --> 00:16:46.990
that was not what I was expecting. I was expecting

00:16:46.990 --> 00:16:48.669
you to be stubborn and belligerent, but I expected

00:16:48.669 --> 00:16:50.470
you to be verbally stubborn and belligerent,

00:16:50.470 --> 00:16:54.509
not just fucking silent. Yeah, and that was a

00:16:54.509 --> 00:16:56.549
decision I made pretty last minute on the day.

00:16:56.669 --> 00:16:58.590
It was mid -morning, and I was like, I have done

00:16:58.590 --> 00:17:01.289
no research, and I've signed myself up for three

00:17:01.289 --> 00:17:04.789
hours. interrogation and i know what mix is like

00:17:04.789 --> 00:17:06.730
like this is not going to be easy i should probably

00:17:06.730 --> 00:17:10.089
like google this i googled how to resist interrogation

00:17:10.089 --> 00:17:13.410
and torture and basically what i found was you

00:17:13.410 --> 00:17:16.349
cannot you cannot be unbreakable with torture

00:17:16.349 --> 00:17:17.910
anyone will break if they're tortured for long

00:17:17.910 --> 00:17:20.269
enough so all that was to find out was whether

00:17:20.269 --> 00:17:24.589
three hours was enough for me or not um but that

00:17:24.589 --> 00:17:26.650
generally like when people are taught techniques

00:17:26.650 --> 00:17:28.630
to resist interrogation a big focus on it is

00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:31.039
trying not to speak so either saying nothing

00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:32.799
or only giving sort of the information you've

00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:34.119
been authorized to give and then shutting the

00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:36.680
fuck up yeah um because if you're drawn into

00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:38.240
conversation that's how people can manipulate

00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:39.859
you you're not going to be smart enough to see

00:17:39.859 --> 00:17:41.779
every possible version of manipulation coming

00:17:41.779 --> 00:17:43.960
yeah so it's better to just not engage with the

00:17:43.960 --> 00:17:45.940
interrogator at all and so that's the approach

00:17:45.940 --> 00:17:47.680
that i took and i didn't warn you i was going

00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:50.900
to do that and i could see how aggravated you

00:17:50.900 --> 00:17:52.819
were when you realized that was my game yeah

00:17:52.819 --> 00:18:00.359
yeah i was really Because I had done a little

00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:03.140
bit of research as well. Yeah. And a couple of

00:18:03.140 --> 00:18:06.779
the things that had stood out for me was, I guess

00:18:06.779 --> 00:18:09.019
exactly what you say, kind of trying to develop

00:18:09.019 --> 00:18:11.039
some kind of rapport with the person, trying

00:18:11.039 --> 00:18:13.480
to get some conversation going. But also one

00:18:13.480 --> 00:18:16.460
interesting approach that I saw was asking rapid

00:18:16.460 --> 00:18:19.000
fire questions that require a very short answer.

00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:21.599
So almost getting you into the habit of either

00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:23.980
saying yes or no. Yeah. And then dropping the

00:18:23.980 --> 00:18:26.619
question. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that sounds

00:18:26.619 --> 00:18:28.660
like a really good idea. But it only works if

00:18:28.660 --> 00:18:32.799
you fucking speak. Yeah. Which you didn't. I

00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:36.779
did not. For, like I say, almost an hour and

00:18:36.779 --> 00:18:38.720
a half. And what were your first words to me?

00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:43.299
I can do this all day, miss. Well, it wasn't

00:18:43.299 --> 00:18:46.160
quite so jolly. No. And I don't think you said

00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:48.039
mix either. No, I was answering your question

00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:50.700
then, so I had to, miss. No, in the moment I

00:18:50.700 --> 00:18:53.460
just said, I can do this all day. And I don't

00:18:53.460 --> 00:18:55.299
think I said it in a jolly way at all. I think

00:18:55.299 --> 00:18:57.140
I struggled to get it out, but. You did not.

00:18:57.480 --> 00:19:01.279
You were not in a happy place when he said that,

00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:05.579
which is reasonable. Yeah. So that's a quick

00:19:05.579 --> 00:19:07.420
synopsis. But if you want to know the detail

00:19:07.420 --> 00:19:09.799
of it, head over to the blog. It's a really good,

00:19:09.940 --> 00:19:12.339
it's a really, really good piece. One of your

00:19:12.339 --> 00:19:14.960
best. Thank you. So I think one of the things

00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:17.039
I'm most interested in is how you managed to

00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:20.039
get through the three hours, how you managed

00:19:20.039 --> 00:19:23.200
to kind of stay anchored to that idea that you

00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:24.420
are going to be this stubborn and you're not

00:19:24.420 --> 00:19:25.619
going to sleep and you're not going to break.

00:19:25.859 --> 00:19:28.460
Yeah. It was important to keep myself out of

00:19:28.460 --> 00:19:30.440
my head because I'm prone to spiraling just about

00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:32.240
life in general. I get some negative feedback

00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:34.299
at work or someone's a bit short with me in a

00:19:34.299 --> 00:19:36.259
text and I'm in an anxiety loop. So if you're

00:19:36.259 --> 00:19:37.759
putting me through psychological torture, it's

00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:42.240
a given that's going to happen. So I, on my sort

00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.519
of like last minute strategy plan, I decided

00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:48.750
that I needed to find something that would. help

00:19:48.750 --> 00:19:50.950
stop me overthinking like occupy my brain with

00:19:50.950 --> 00:19:53.109
something simple and also something that would

00:19:53.109 --> 00:19:55.369
help pass time because time was the one thing

00:19:55.369 --> 00:19:57.809
that was going to fuck me up like i said everyone

00:19:57.809 --> 00:19:59.890
breaks under torture over a long enough period

00:19:59.890 --> 00:20:01.710
of time that period of time is different for

00:20:01.710 --> 00:20:03.210
every person it depends what's happening to you

00:20:03.210 --> 00:20:06.529
but everyone will break so i needed to alter

00:20:06.529 --> 00:20:08.589
my perception of time because i could not alter

00:20:08.589 --> 00:20:10.349
the reality of it so i thought about the things

00:20:10.349 --> 00:20:11.950
that help me pass time normally when i'm bored

00:20:11.950 --> 00:20:14.349
or stressed or whatever's going on and it's music

00:20:14.750 --> 00:20:16.849
listening to music i obviously didn't have the

00:20:16.849 --> 00:20:18.849
option to listen to music apart from the god

00:20:18.849 --> 00:20:20.589
awful industrial noise that you're playing through

00:20:20.589 --> 00:20:23.750
um but i can listen to music in my head and i

00:20:23.750 --> 00:20:27.490
can say i can't sing at all but i can i can make

00:20:27.490 --> 00:20:33.589
noises with my mouth so over that day i listen

00:20:33.589 --> 00:20:35.349
through stuff that i have positive associations

00:20:35.349 --> 00:20:38.289
with that is generally upbeat and that i know

00:20:38.289 --> 00:20:40.150
really well there's a lot of music that i can

00:20:40.150 --> 00:20:41.869
sing along to but if you don't start me off with

00:20:41.869 --> 00:20:44.019
the first line i can't yeah yeah So I needed

00:20:44.019 --> 00:20:46.259
songs that I wouldn't forget any of the lyrics,

00:20:46.299 --> 00:20:50.000
even under stress. And I settled on I'm Trying

00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:52.519
Not Friends by Maisie Peters and Cruel Summer

00:20:52.519 --> 00:20:54.940
by Taylor Swift. All my two songs going in. And

00:20:54.940 --> 00:20:57.019
my plan was anytime you weren't in the room,

00:20:57.160 --> 00:20:59.359
I would be singing on repeat. I would start with

00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:01.240
one of the songs, repeat it until I was sick

00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:04.559
of it and then switch to the other. And I would

00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:07.259
do that continuously. I would use that as a rough

00:21:07.259 --> 00:21:10.759
indicator of time to occupy my brain and to self

00:21:10.759 --> 00:21:14.269
-soothe. And that's what I did. Right. That's

00:21:14.269 --> 00:21:17.490
what I did the whole way through. And my intention

00:21:17.490 --> 00:21:19.710
was for you to never know that I was doing that.

00:21:19.769 --> 00:21:21.890
I knew you would see my lips moving. But I would

00:21:21.890 --> 00:21:23.750
make sure that I was at a low enough volume that

00:21:23.750 --> 00:21:25.349
it was covered by whatever sound was going on

00:21:25.349 --> 00:21:27.410
in the room. And that if you asked me what I

00:21:27.410 --> 00:21:29.930
was doing, I wouldn't tell you. For two reasons.

00:21:30.029 --> 00:21:31.650
One, I didn't want you to fuck with it. Like,

00:21:31.650 --> 00:21:33.049
if you'd figured out what I was doing, you could

00:21:33.049 --> 00:21:34.430
have potentially found out a way to make that

00:21:34.430 --> 00:21:38.109
harder for me to do. And secondly, because it

00:21:38.109 --> 00:21:41.779
gave me, like, a second layer to break. So if

00:21:41.779 --> 00:21:44.640
you were questioning me, hurting me, doing all

00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:45.920
the stuff you're doing to try and wear me down,

00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:47.720
and I felt like I just had to give you something,

00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:50.319
that was one more thing I could give you before

00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:53.440
we got to the real shit. I could be like, do

00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:55.500
you want to know a secret? Do you want to know

00:21:55.500 --> 00:21:57.140
how I've been coping with this so far? And I

00:21:57.140 --> 00:21:59.440
could distract you with that as my plan. And

00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:02.339
it never got to the point of us actually engaging

00:22:02.339 --> 00:22:04.299
in that. But it did come to a point, obviously,

00:22:04.299 --> 00:22:06.799
very close to the end of the scene, where I started

00:22:06.799 --> 00:22:08.609
doing it while you were in the room. because

00:22:08.609 --> 00:22:10.589
I needed to cope while you were in the room because

00:22:10.589 --> 00:22:12.549
it was getting pretty bad. Like at this point,

00:22:12.589 --> 00:22:14.769
I thought I still had about an hour left and

00:22:14.769 --> 00:22:16.650
actually we were into the last 10 minutes, which

00:22:16.650 --> 00:22:19.829
I didn't realise. But there was a lot going on.

00:22:19.890 --> 00:22:23.589
At this point, I'd got burns, staples in my thigh.

00:22:23.710 --> 00:22:26.210
You were beating me over the areas that you already

00:22:26.210 --> 00:22:28.970
severely fucked up. You were screaming in my

00:22:28.970 --> 00:22:31.990
face. You know, I was drenched in piss and water,

00:22:32.210 --> 00:22:34.470
shivering. You were caning my boobs. And I was

00:22:34.470 --> 00:22:37.769
like, I'm just going to start fully singing now.

00:22:38.170 --> 00:22:40.289
Yeah. And they can know that I'm doing that.

00:22:40.329 --> 00:22:42.609
That's fine because that's going to help me deal

00:22:42.609 --> 00:22:46.230
with it. Yeah. It's a really smart idea. It's

00:22:46.230 --> 00:22:49.130
a really clever way of grounding yourself in

00:22:49.130 --> 00:22:52.630
that really difficult situation. And I did know

00:22:52.630 --> 00:22:53.950
that you were doing something because I asked

00:22:53.950 --> 00:22:56.130
you about it. Yeah. Because I could hear you

00:22:56.130 --> 00:22:59.630
mumbling something because the little surveillance

00:22:59.630 --> 00:23:03.029
camera we've got has a microphone. Yeah. I could

00:23:03.029 --> 00:23:06.250
hear you mumbling away. Yeah. I was sat with

00:23:06.250 --> 00:23:09.369
the phone volume turned right up and the phone

00:23:09.369 --> 00:23:11.869
right next to my ear trying to work out what

00:23:11.869 --> 00:23:13.930
it was you were doing. Because I thought, if

00:23:13.930 --> 00:23:17.910
this fucker is mumbling the answers that I want,

00:23:18.109 --> 00:23:20.890
I swear to God, I will throw them out of the

00:23:20.890 --> 00:23:25.190
fucking window. It was nice. Not friends, somewhere

00:23:25.190 --> 00:23:27.190
in between, because you're awful and I miss you

00:23:27.190 --> 00:23:29.690
and I killed you in my dreams last night. That's

00:23:29.690 --> 00:23:34.859
what you're missing. But it's a really... So,

00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:37.660
yeah, it was obviously really effective because

00:23:37.660 --> 00:23:40.180
it clearly helped you. And it frustrated me.

00:23:40.420 --> 00:23:43.119
Yeah. Because you wouldn't talk to me. Nope.

00:23:43.599 --> 00:23:46.180
But you were quite happily mumbling away while

00:23:46.180 --> 00:23:48.680
I wasn't in the room. And then when you started

00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:50.599
singing when I was in the room, I realised that's

00:23:50.599 --> 00:23:53.059
what you had been doing previously. Yeah. But

00:23:53.059 --> 00:23:56.099
then I was like, oh, I'm getting somewhere. Finally,

00:23:56.160 --> 00:24:00.079
after two hours and 45 minutes, I'm getting somewhere

00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:03.700
because the pretense is slipping. yeah so i think

00:24:03.700 --> 00:24:05.500
that that that image that you were trying to

00:24:05.500 --> 00:24:07.619
give me of being stubborn and resilient and raw

00:24:07.619 --> 00:24:10.339
yeah was clearly starting to yeah all the way

00:24:10.339 --> 00:24:13.000
and you were getting somewhere yeah to be fair

00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:15.720
you were like you would you didn't get me there

00:24:15.720 --> 00:24:17.299
in three hours but i don't think i could have

00:24:17.299 --> 00:24:19.200
done another hour yeah you know i had it in my

00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:20.619
head at that point that was still an hour to

00:24:20.619 --> 00:24:24.089
go and i would not have made it good That makes

00:24:24.089 --> 00:24:26.750
me feel a little bit better. You did a good job.

00:24:26.869 --> 00:24:30.309
You were up against someone who is ridiculously

00:24:30.309 --> 00:24:33.869
stubborn and picked a good strategy and stuck

00:24:33.869 --> 00:24:36.069
to it pretty consistently. Yeah, it was a really

00:24:36.069 --> 00:24:39.049
good strategy. Got to give you props for that.

00:24:39.369 --> 00:24:41.190
So if anyone here is concerned they might get

00:24:41.190 --> 00:24:43.089
tortured at some point, I highly recommend Maisie

00:24:43.089 --> 00:24:46.309
Peters and Taylor Swift. Learning to song. Yeah.

00:24:46.849 --> 00:24:48.730
Mumbling to yourself. If it's going to be more

00:24:48.730 --> 00:24:50.049
than three hours, you might need more than two

00:24:50.049 --> 00:24:51.690
songs. I think I was starting to exhaust the

00:24:51.690 --> 00:24:54.470
effectiveness of them. yeah yeah but you said

00:24:54.470 --> 00:24:55.910
something interesting when we were talking about

00:24:55.910 --> 00:24:57.650
it afterwards about the point at which you swapped

00:24:57.650 --> 00:25:00.309
songs yeah so my original plan was to use one

00:25:00.309 --> 00:25:02.069
until it stopped feeling effective and then switch

00:25:02.069 --> 00:25:04.569
yeah um but i thought that that would come like

00:25:04.569 --> 00:25:05.849
it started getting boring or like my thoughts

00:25:05.849 --> 00:25:07.730
would start creeping in yeah point where i switched

00:25:07.730 --> 00:25:10.569
because i started with um i'm trying which is

00:25:10.569 --> 00:25:13.150
a breakup song and and the reason i picked that

00:25:13.150 --> 00:25:15.069
is because it's the song that gave me a sense

00:25:15.069 --> 00:25:17.430
of defiance and resilience during the the breakup

00:25:17.430 --> 00:25:19.230
that i went through a couple years ago yeah um

00:25:19.230 --> 00:25:21.150
as well as me knowing it really well i was like

00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:23.690
this is This is something that I know makes me

00:25:23.690 --> 00:25:26.509
feel strong. It lets me get some anger out in

00:25:26.509 --> 00:25:29.210
a way that's relatively healthy. But the point

00:25:29.210 --> 00:25:31.490
where I stopped using that during the interrogation

00:25:31.490 --> 00:25:33.450
was when you did the fake breakup. It's like,

00:25:33.470 --> 00:25:35.150
I am not going to be able to self -soothe with

00:25:35.150 --> 00:25:37.950
a breakup song after I've just been dumped. And

00:25:37.950 --> 00:25:40.630
I knew it wasn't real, but still, it was a lot.

00:25:40.730 --> 00:25:42.759
So that's why I switched to Cruel Summer. um

00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:45.220
which i picked for almost entirely opposite reasons

00:25:45.220 --> 00:25:47.140
it's a really strong positive memory i associate

00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:49.619
with going to the eras tour with you it makes

00:25:49.619 --> 00:25:52.359
me remember like really happy times feeling really

00:25:52.359 --> 00:25:54.960
loved up feeling really like just this rush of

00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:57.079
positive emotion but i'm gonna need some of that

00:25:57.079 --> 00:25:59.640
you know can i bottle that and drink it that's

00:25:59.640 --> 00:26:01.539
what i need so i switched to cruel summer at

00:26:01.539 --> 00:26:03.039
that point and then by the end i was alternating

00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:04.859
back and forth between them again just to keep

00:26:04.859 --> 00:26:09.240
things fresh keep things yeah yeah i think it's

00:26:09.240 --> 00:26:11.160
a really it was it was just fascinating to me

00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:12.980
that that's that's you had to make that change

00:26:12.980 --> 00:26:15.720
because of what was happening yeah in the um

00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:19.200
in the scene yeah um which again really really

00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:22.180
smart okay i need to pause okay um because having

00:26:22.180 --> 00:26:24.660
taken my jumper off fucking freezing i am currently

00:26:24.660 --> 00:26:27.799
observing the sex nerd the anxious dog sugar

00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:30.920
uh putting their t -shirt on over their jumper

00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.440
so that they can attach their microphone to their

00:26:33.440 --> 00:26:35.779
t -shirt because that's easier but so they're

00:26:35.779 --> 00:26:37.799
not too cold sitting without their jumper which

00:26:37.799 --> 00:26:40.619
is very logical but also very strange and they

00:26:40.619 --> 00:26:42.160
can't argue with me because they have no microphone

00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:44.480
on right now it's fantastic cheeky little shit

00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:50.339
anyway What are we talking about? So as I was

00:26:50.339 --> 00:26:52.160
saying, apart from right near the end, I was

00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.819
using the music to cope with the negative space,

00:26:54.960 --> 00:26:56.180
the periods of time when you were out of the

00:26:56.180 --> 00:26:58.279
room. Though those weren't exactly downtime for

00:26:58.279 --> 00:26:59.779
me. There was a lot going on with the lights

00:26:59.779 --> 00:27:02.180
and the noises. It was at least a break from

00:27:02.180 --> 00:27:05.160
the relentless physical assaults. But those were

00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:06.940
the times where the fear grew up more. But that

00:27:06.940 --> 00:27:08.339
must have also been a really interesting time

00:27:08.339 --> 00:27:10.720
for you because while I was still very much in

00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:13.470
the scene. you were stepping away from that mix

00:27:13.470 --> 00:27:16.910
um and having to return to your plan and cope

00:27:16.910 --> 00:27:18.970
alone as well you were in isolation just as i

00:27:18.970 --> 00:27:21.589
was so how was how was all that for you mix um

00:27:21.589 --> 00:27:25.190
it was it wasn't in any way what i expected it

00:27:25.190 --> 00:27:27.529
to be and i think there's probably a couple probably

00:27:27.529 --> 00:27:31.089
lots of reasons for that um but i had this idea

00:27:31.089 --> 00:27:34.130
that i would periodically enter the room do some

00:27:34.130 --> 00:27:37.250
evil stuff to you and then i would leave and

00:27:37.250 --> 00:27:39.089
i would come back downstairs And I would play

00:27:39.089 --> 00:27:40.829
my silly little word game or something. So I

00:27:40.829 --> 00:27:42.589
thought, with the exception of the time that

00:27:42.589 --> 00:27:44.349
I'm in the room with you, probably going to be

00:27:44.349 --> 00:27:46.829
quite chill. But it wasn't like that at all.

00:27:47.250 --> 00:27:48.970
And I think I put quite a lot of thought and

00:27:48.970 --> 00:27:50.950
effort into what would happen when I wasn't in

00:27:50.950 --> 00:27:53.089
the room. So thinking about how to use light

00:27:53.089 --> 00:27:55.630
and dark and the flashing red and white lights,

00:27:55.730 --> 00:27:58.950
how to use the projections, how to use the speaker,

00:27:59.049 --> 00:28:02.210
how to use the microphone on the camera and stuff

00:28:02.210 --> 00:28:05.349
like that. So I could talk to you. I had a playlist

00:28:05.349 --> 00:28:13.019
of some truly. awful apparently music um we should

00:28:13.019 --> 00:28:14.920
probably not say who that was because they'd

00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:18.619
be so offended not my thing at all if you like

00:28:18.619 --> 00:28:20.740
it that's great and i can i'm being unfair i

00:28:20.740 --> 00:28:23.579
can see why some white people would like it but

00:28:23.579 --> 00:28:25.960
when it's being blasted at nearly full volume

00:28:25.960 --> 00:28:28.859
yeah it is not pleasant yeah it was sort of like

00:28:28.859 --> 00:28:31.759
harsh noise like yeah yeah so there was a lot

00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:33.259
of kind of messing around with that going on

00:28:33.259 --> 00:28:34.920
when i wasn't in the scene but also i kind of

00:28:34.920 --> 00:28:37.619
became acutely aware that I needed to make sure

00:28:37.619 --> 00:28:40.440
that you were okay. Yeah. As okay as you were

00:28:40.440 --> 00:28:43.859
ever going to be. So a lot of the time when I

00:28:43.859 --> 00:28:45.440
was kind of out of the room, I was actually just

00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:49.200
looking at the camera. Yeah. It was a really

00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:52.500
strange thing that I had the volume loud enough

00:28:52.500 --> 00:28:54.000
that I could have heard what was going on if

00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:55.859
something was going on. Yeah. But I couldn't

00:28:55.859 --> 00:28:58.420
stop watching it. I couldn't not be making sure

00:28:58.420 --> 00:29:01.140
that you were okay. Yeah. So there's quite a

00:29:01.140 --> 00:29:03.079
bit of time spent doing that, but also kind of

00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:05.910
setting up for the next bit. Yeah. Because going

00:29:05.910 --> 00:29:08.509
into it, I was a little bit worried that I didn't

00:29:08.509 --> 00:29:12.630
have a really detailed plan. I had a list of

00:29:12.630 --> 00:29:17.089
like 25, I think, different things that were

00:29:17.089 --> 00:29:20.069
on the table to do to you during the scene. But

00:29:20.069 --> 00:29:22.089
I hadn't timed it and I hadn't thought about,

00:29:22.190 --> 00:29:23.730
well, I'll do this bit first and then I'll do

00:29:23.730 --> 00:29:26.009
that bit second and I'll do that bit after that.

00:29:26.509 --> 00:29:29.490
So it was quite an emergent thing. Yeah. I knew

00:29:29.490 --> 00:29:31.690
how it was going to start. I knew I was going

00:29:31.690 --> 00:29:33.890
to... get you upstairs, question you for a bit,

00:29:34.009 --> 00:29:35.730
turn all the lights off and just leave you in

00:29:35.730 --> 00:29:38.309
the dark and then come back and do some of the

00:29:38.309 --> 00:29:40.269
stuff that you were probably more expecting me

00:29:40.269 --> 00:29:42.390
to do. So hitting you with some stuff, turn the

00:29:42.390 --> 00:29:44.970
projectors on. But I was kind of making it up

00:29:44.970 --> 00:29:48.970
as I went along. Beyond that, I was piecing it

00:29:48.970 --> 00:29:51.430
together on the fly. Yeah, I think we were both

00:29:51.430 --> 00:29:54.549
quite sort of reactive to each other. Yeah. With

00:29:54.549 --> 00:29:57.940
adapting. strategy so i obviously changed how

00:29:57.940 --> 00:30:00.700
i was using the music to cope based on what you

00:30:00.700 --> 00:30:03.740
did but also like the the point where i said

00:30:03.740 --> 00:30:06.480
i can do this all day was not that i broke and

00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:08.420
couldn't be quiet it was that i realized it was

00:30:08.420 --> 00:30:10.640
going to benefit me more psychologically to make

00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:12.400
a show of resistance at that point than to just

00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:14.819
stay quiet yeah i was starting to feel worn down

00:30:14.819 --> 00:30:16.480
and getting more and more kind of emotional and

00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:19.000
broken and tired i was like at this point staying

00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:21.380
quiet doesn't feel like what i want to do what

00:30:21.380 --> 00:30:23.079
i want to do in this moment is show them that

00:30:23.079 --> 00:30:25.700
i don't give a fuck Yeah. Even though I very

00:30:25.700 --> 00:30:28.819
much did. Yeah. So, yeah, I think there was a

00:30:28.819 --> 00:30:31.140
lot of that for you as well, of sort of what

00:30:31.140 --> 00:30:32.779
you were planning to do to me and what order

00:30:32.779 --> 00:30:34.480
and what intensity and how long for and things

00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:36.700
was very adaptable based on how I was reacting

00:30:36.700 --> 00:30:38.440
and what seemed to be working and what wasn't.

00:30:38.740 --> 00:30:42.559
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And seeing your reaction helped

00:30:42.559 --> 00:30:44.940
with that as well. So I was surprised by how

00:30:44.940 --> 00:30:47.200
much the flashing lights seemed to affect you.

00:30:47.400 --> 00:30:50.559
Yeah. They were flashing between quite a dark

00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:53.140
red and a really bright white. Yeah. Like as

00:30:53.140 --> 00:30:56.339
bright as it gets. And I kind of knew logically

00:30:56.339 --> 00:30:58.779
that that seems like a thing you would do if

00:30:58.779 --> 00:31:02.940
you were wanting to torture someone. But I was

00:31:02.940 --> 00:31:04.700
surprised by how much it seemed to affect you.

00:31:04.859 --> 00:31:06.920
It was very disorienting. Yeah, I think I was

00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:08.400
worse than being in the dark. Once I got used

00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:11.000
to being in the dark, I was coping with it. I

00:31:11.000 --> 00:31:12.980
could deal with that. The red and white flashing

00:31:12.980 --> 00:31:15.420
lights, it made my vision start to distort around

00:31:15.420 --> 00:31:17.279
things. I feel like the edges of things would

00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:18.819
sort of wibble. And when you came in, there was

00:31:18.819 --> 00:31:21.220
like halos around you and stuff. It was very

00:31:21.220 --> 00:31:24.769
unsettling. It was a good choice. So I started

00:31:24.769 --> 00:31:27.490
to use that a little bit more than I probably

00:31:27.490 --> 00:31:31.589
thought I might. And then, you know, what led

00:31:31.589 --> 00:31:35.769
up to the fake breakup, that happened over a

00:31:35.769 --> 00:31:39.849
couple of visits. Yeah. Two or three visits into

00:31:39.849 --> 00:31:41.829
the room. Yeah. I kind of talked about that sort

00:31:41.829 --> 00:31:44.630
of thing. And I could see, no matter how defiant

00:31:44.630 --> 00:31:46.349
you were being and no matter how stubborn you

00:31:46.349 --> 00:31:49.190
were being, I could see that that bothered you.

00:31:49.349 --> 00:31:53.089
Yeah. You know, I was like, all right. we'll

00:31:53.089 --> 00:31:56.730
pick away at that um because actually a fake

00:31:56.730 --> 00:31:59.670
breakup wasn't part of the plan yeah the emotional

00:31:59.670 --> 00:32:02.269
state is being a shit to you saying awful things

00:32:02.269 --> 00:32:04.609
to you undermining you and all of that kind of

00:32:04.609 --> 00:32:08.210
thing um but going as far as saying this is it

00:32:08.210 --> 00:32:11.430
for us wasn't part of the original plan yeah

00:32:11.430 --> 00:32:15.130
so being adaptive adaptable in that way i think

00:32:15.130 --> 00:32:20.490
um probably made it more effective yeah but meant

00:32:20.490 --> 00:32:23.710
it was quite draining and quite tiring to kind

00:32:23.710 --> 00:32:27.250
of be constantly thinking about what am I going

00:32:27.250 --> 00:32:28.890
to do next and then what am I going to do after

00:32:28.890 --> 00:32:30.849
that sort of thing, trying to plan it out as

00:32:30.849 --> 00:32:35.670
you go, was a lot more intense than I thought

00:32:35.670 --> 00:32:39.490
it would be. And looking back on it, I don't

00:32:39.490 --> 00:32:42.569
know why I thought it wouldn't be an intense

00:32:42.569 --> 00:32:45.710
thing to do, but I was very much in the idea,

00:32:45.809 --> 00:32:47.549
well, I'll be in there for 15 minutes and then

00:32:47.549 --> 00:32:49.390
I'll be here for 15 minutes playing on my phone,

00:32:49.450 --> 00:32:52.829
it's fine, you know. Yeah. I think that was probably

00:32:52.829 --> 00:32:55.109
a little bit naive. I think it's one of those

00:32:55.109 --> 00:32:56.329
things that was always hard to predict because

00:32:56.329 --> 00:32:57.890
I think we did talk about this sort of on the

00:32:57.890 --> 00:33:01.329
day of that neither of us were really sure what

00:33:01.329 --> 00:33:03.069
your time down here was going to be like, whether

00:33:03.069 --> 00:33:04.670
you would sort of be in that headspace the whole

00:33:04.670 --> 00:33:06.210
time or whether it would feel like a break from

00:33:06.210 --> 00:33:08.769
the scene for you. Yeah. And we found out. Yeah.

00:33:09.509 --> 00:33:11.769
It was definitely a break from the headspace.

00:33:11.930 --> 00:33:14.609
So I didn't come down kind of still in that evil

00:33:14.609 --> 00:33:17.130
interrogator role going, right, what can I do

00:33:17.130 --> 00:33:21.019
next? fuck this person up and yeah talk to me

00:33:21.019 --> 00:33:23.019
i was it was actually quite cold and calculating

00:33:23.019 --> 00:33:26.200
if i think about it and like just sitting and

00:33:26.200 --> 00:33:28.200
thinking okay so what's the next logical step

00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:30.119
yeah so a different version of the headspace

00:33:30.119 --> 00:33:32.299
whereas when i came into the room i was like

00:33:32.299 --> 00:33:34.700
full on in your face shouting at you kind of

00:33:34.700 --> 00:33:37.000
repeating the questions being all mean and dominant

00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:39.359
standing over you and getting into your space

00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:41.740
whereas as soon as i closed the door it was like

00:33:41.740 --> 00:33:46.519
right now i need to just be a normal person and

00:33:46.519 --> 00:33:49.539
think about what the next step in my unhinged

00:33:49.539 --> 00:33:52.339
plan is. So for me, it felt like quite a long

00:33:52.339 --> 00:33:54.279
three hours because there was always something

00:33:54.279 --> 00:33:58.660
going on. It seemed to really stretch out. You

00:33:58.660 --> 00:34:00.200
know, there were times when I kind of came out

00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:03.039
of the room and came back downstairs and checked

00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:04.720
the time. I was like, I was only in there for

00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:08.280
10 minutes. I did quite a lot in that 10 minutes,

00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:10.760
but that was only 10 minutes. A slightly strange

00:34:10.760 --> 00:34:13.650
perception of time. for me but for you it must

00:34:13.650 --> 00:34:16.349
have been wild yeah incredibly distorted we agreed

00:34:16.349 --> 00:34:19.110
going into it mix that you were not going to

00:34:19.110 --> 00:34:21.090
truthfully tell me how long i had to go at any

00:34:21.090 --> 00:34:24.449
point no um we also agreed that any level of

00:34:24.449 --> 00:34:26.110
deception from either of us was on the table

00:34:26.110 --> 00:34:29.070
um so i was i knew time was going to be very

00:34:29.070 --> 00:34:31.920
hard to keep track of and i obviously i had the

00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:33.280
technique I was trying to use with the music,

00:34:33.320 --> 00:34:34.820
but that was only helpful when you weren't in

00:34:34.820 --> 00:34:36.960
the room. And my perception of time when you

00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:38.760
were in the room was really screwy right from

00:34:38.760 --> 00:34:40.940
the start, because you would think that when

00:34:40.940 --> 00:34:42.800
really awful stuff is happening to you and you're

00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:44.559
being beaten and water -ported and all of this,

00:34:44.579 --> 00:34:46.340
you'd expect it to feel like it's forever, even

00:34:46.340 --> 00:34:47.300
though it's only a couple of minutes, but it

00:34:47.300 --> 00:34:49.280
was actually the opposite. There's been things

00:34:49.280 --> 00:34:51.139
that I've sort of looked back at the notes and

00:34:51.139 --> 00:34:52.880
looked back at the pictures that we pulled from

00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:55.119
the camera, where you were in the room for 15,

00:34:55.159 --> 00:34:57.960
20, even more than that, minutes at a time, that

00:34:57.960 --> 00:34:59.320
in my head, you were in there for two minutes.

00:34:59.849 --> 00:35:01.750
The waterboarding I thought was only about three

00:35:01.750 --> 00:35:03.929
pours in about two minutes, and it's 15 minutes

00:35:03.929 --> 00:35:07.250
of video footage. Stuff like that really threw

00:35:07.250 --> 00:35:09.349
my perception of time off. You obviously deliberately

00:35:09.349 --> 00:35:12.030
messed with that, so by not starting the projectors

00:35:12.030 --> 00:35:13.750
from the first minute of the scene, I couldn't

00:35:13.750 --> 00:35:15.969
use the videos really to time where I was at.

00:35:16.050 --> 00:35:17.670
I couldn't sort of go, well, that looks like

00:35:17.670 --> 00:35:19.869
it's a half -hour video, so six of them is three

00:35:19.869 --> 00:35:21.929
hours. You were turning them off at random points

00:35:21.929 --> 00:35:24.730
and putting them back on. Because you knew, didn't

00:35:24.730 --> 00:35:26.929
you? I knew you'd made an hour and a half of

00:35:26.929 --> 00:35:30.030
confirmation for each one, yeah. Each one looped

00:35:30.030 --> 00:35:33.789
fully. That was three hours. Yeah. And you also

00:35:33.789 --> 00:35:36.469
did come in and tell me that the time was completely

00:35:36.469 --> 00:35:38.269
different at one point. Yeah. I'd been keeping

00:35:38.269 --> 00:35:40.409
track that I had in my head. I'd done about 90

00:35:40.409 --> 00:35:42.190
minutes. And when I've looked at your notes and

00:35:42.190 --> 00:35:44.489
looked at the cameras afterwards, it was pretty

00:35:44.489 --> 00:35:47.449
much bang on. It was literally like halfway through.

00:35:47.570 --> 00:35:50.130
I thought I was halfway through. But you came

00:35:50.130 --> 00:35:52.289
into the room and were like, do you want to know

00:35:52.289 --> 00:35:54.269
how long it's been? And I was just trying not

00:35:54.269 --> 00:35:58.840
to show that I was like, yeah. Yeah. And you

00:35:58.840 --> 00:36:01.380
told me it'd been 45 minutes. And I knew that

00:36:01.380 --> 00:36:03.460
if the number was 45, you wouldn't be telling

00:36:03.460 --> 00:36:05.039
me it because that's one thing we'd agree. And

00:36:05.039 --> 00:36:06.880
I knew that we'd agreed you could lie about it.

00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:08.820
And I knew that I was pretty confident it was

00:36:08.820 --> 00:36:10.780
about an hour and a half, certainly well over

00:36:10.780 --> 00:36:13.380
an hour. But none of that mattered in the moment.

00:36:13.420 --> 00:36:14.960
In the moment, I was like, oh my God, it's only

00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:17.559
been 45 minutes. Oh my God, what if it's only

00:36:17.559 --> 00:36:19.800
been 45 minutes? What if it's even less than

00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:22.400
45 minutes? Big, full -on sobbing breakdown for

00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:24.199
what felt like forever while you were standing

00:36:24.199 --> 00:36:26.699
there laughing in my face. And that was the point

00:36:26.699 --> 00:36:28.440
where I was like, I need to get my shit together.

00:36:28.840 --> 00:36:31.659
Stop crying about this. And that was when I said

00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:34.300
I can do this all day. But yeah, it's only been

00:36:34.300 --> 00:36:38.960
45 minutes. All right. Fine. Back on. I'll do

00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.880
another three hours, four hours, whatever you

00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:45.469
want. And that was one point where my time perception

00:36:45.469 --> 00:36:48.570
got really, really screwy. The next one, though,

00:36:48.630 --> 00:36:51.389
was somewhere between there. Like after that,

00:36:51.469 --> 00:36:52.809
after I calmed down, I was like, no, I'm pretty

00:36:52.809 --> 00:36:54.670
sure I was right. It's an hour and a half. Yeah.

00:36:54.869 --> 00:36:56.650
Somewhere between there and the end of the scene,

00:36:56.769 --> 00:36:59.869
I lost a bunch of time because 10 minutes before

00:36:59.869 --> 00:37:01.949
the scene was over, I thought I had an hour left

00:37:01.949 --> 00:37:04.230
to go. I was like, I've worked this out from

00:37:04.230 --> 00:37:05.730
how many times I've gone through my songs, from

00:37:05.730 --> 00:37:07.090
how much time I think they've spent in the room,

00:37:07.130 --> 00:37:08.769
from where we're at in the videos, I think I'm

00:37:08.769 --> 00:37:12.010
two hours in and I've got an hour left. And I

00:37:12.010 --> 00:37:15.630
don't know how an hour and 20 minutes in my head

00:37:15.630 --> 00:37:17.469
became half an hour. So something was clearly

00:37:17.469 --> 00:37:19.449
going very wrong with my perception of reality

00:37:19.449 --> 00:37:22.070
there, which is not surprising considering some

00:37:22.070 --> 00:37:23.449
of the things that were going on in that hour

00:37:23.449 --> 00:37:25.030
and a half. Like that hour and a half is what

00:37:25.030 --> 00:37:27.909
included the waterboarding. Both times he poured

00:37:27.909 --> 00:37:32.309
piss all over my head. The boob caning, the burns,

00:37:32.449 --> 00:37:34.929
all really intense stuff happened in that second

00:37:34.929 --> 00:37:38.829
half. And I think that's why my ability to understand

00:37:38.829 --> 00:37:42.360
the concept of time. yeah to help and obviously

00:37:42.360 --> 00:37:44.619
that was deliberate yeah you know telling you

00:37:44.619 --> 00:37:46.280
you'd only been in there for 45 minutes just

00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:50.619
as it was starting to really ramp up was was

00:37:50.619 --> 00:37:54.219
absolutely the goal was to throw you off and

00:37:54.219 --> 00:37:58.639
and make you feel like you were only just starting

00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:03.519
which was fun i suppose an interesting variation

00:38:03.519 --> 00:38:04.920
on that would have been to tell you the truth

00:38:04.920 --> 00:38:08.489
yeah And kind of mess with your perception that

00:38:08.489 --> 00:38:10.349
way, because we agreed that I wouldn't give you

00:38:10.349 --> 00:38:13.289
safety time checks. Yeah. So that you knew where

00:38:13.289 --> 00:38:17.429
you were in the process. Yeah. But I guess that

00:38:17.429 --> 00:38:20.369
doesn't stop me just telling you. Yeah. Yeah,

00:38:20.409 --> 00:38:23.070
that would be a good trick. Just as another way

00:38:23.070 --> 00:38:25.989
of fucking with you. Yeah. The problem with that

00:38:25.989 --> 00:38:27.469
is, though, either you'd have had to do it quite

00:38:27.469 --> 00:38:29.570
early for it to be a short enough time to be

00:38:29.570 --> 00:38:32.050
alarming, or you'd have had to do it quite late,

00:38:32.050 --> 00:38:33.570
at which point it's just going to be reassuring.

00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:36.219
So early on, I would have probably had a pretty

00:38:36.219 --> 00:38:37.719
accurate estimate and it wouldn't have surprised

00:38:37.719 --> 00:38:40.000
me. Later on, I'd have been more likely to be

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:41.599
way off, but you'd have probably been actually

00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:43.480
making me feel better. True. Would have been

00:38:43.480 --> 00:38:44.960
a tricky one to get right. Tricky one to get

00:38:44.960 --> 00:38:46.900
right. So yeah, telling you you're only 45 minutes

00:38:46.900 --> 00:38:48.639
in, that's just a fun thing to do. And to watch

00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:51.360
you try and, again, you see it on your face of

00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:53.960
trying to work out whether what I said was true.

00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:56.639
Yeah. Trying to work out how you felt about it,

00:38:56.659 --> 00:38:58.900
if it was true. And then that kind of defiant,

00:38:58.900 --> 00:39:04.949
I could do this all day. Yeah. Yeah. It was interesting

00:39:04.949 --> 00:39:07.769
to watch that play out. I think the worst part

00:39:07.769 --> 00:39:10.110
of losing track of time for me was the end, the

00:39:10.110 --> 00:39:11.829
very end, because I got it in my head that I

00:39:11.829 --> 00:39:14.289
still had about an hour left. Yeah, yeah. When

00:39:14.289 --> 00:39:17.570
your phone alarm went off and I immediately thought

00:39:17.570 --> 00:39:19.309
they've set like a two minute alarm or something

00:39:19.309 --> 00:39:21.809
to set off here. Yeah. Fuck with me. So none

00:39:21.809 --> 00:39:24.829
of that. You were like, you've won. it's over

00:39:24.829 --> 00:39:26.630
you've done the three hours and i was like no

00:39:26.630 --> 00:39:28.849
yeah i've been fucking with the alarms so i do

00:39:28.849 --> 00:39:30.309
not trust you so you showed me the time on your

00:39:30.309 --> 00:39:32.070
phone and it was literally when you showed it

00:39:32.070 --> 00:39:33.750
to me it was 9 59 i think we must have started

00:39:33.750 --> 00:39:36.670
like just before seven it's 9 59 i saw it turn

00:39:36.670 --> 00:39:39.710
to 10 o 'clock yeah and i started like full -on

00:39:39.710 --> 00:39:41.869
like laughing like proper manic laughter like

00:39:41.869 --> 00:39:43.829
absolute insanity you could tell my brain was

00:39:43.829 --> 00:39:46.590
a bit frazzled And I had about 30 seconds of

00:39:46.590 --> 00:39:48.590
relief laughing like that. And then I suddenly

00:39:48.590 --> 00:39:50.530
thought, but they could have messed with their

00:39:50.530 --> 00:39:52.489
phone settings, changed the time zone that they're

00:39:52.489 --> 00:39:53.949
in, something like that. And I started accusing

00:39:53.949 --> 00:39:55.409
you. I was like, you're lying. I know you're

00:39:55.409 --> 00:39:58.030
lying. I became the interrogator. You were fucked

00:39:58.030 --> 00:40:00.550
with the time zone on your phone. And you were

00:40:00.550 --> 00:40:03.670
just there like, no, baby boy. Just rolling your

00:40:03.670 --> 00:40:05.610
eyes, turning off the projectors and putting

00:40:05.610 --> 00:40:08.349
the lights back on and unlocking all of my things.

00:40:08.389 --> 00:40:10.409
And I was sat there in my chair, proper side

00:40:10.409 --> 00:40:13.650
-eyeing. When's it coming? When's the horrible

00:40:13.650 --> 00:40:16.300
surprise coming? when are you going to start

00:40:16.300 --> 00:40:18.440
beating the shit out of me again because I did

00:40:18.440 --> 00:40:21.920
not believe you and it was like then you took

00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:23.519
a picture of me and I remember we'd agreed you

00:40:23.519 --> 00:40:24.780
were going to take a picture at the end so I

00:40:24.780 --> 00:40:27.320
was like maybe and then I got out of the room

00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:28.780
once I was out of the room I was like probably

00:40:28.780 --> 00:40:31.800
but I don't think it completely fully sunk in

00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:33.420
until I was in the shower to be honest I was

00:40:33.420 --> 00:40:34.760
like they wouldn't be letting me have a hot shower

00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:39.880
if it was going to continue which is yeah yeah

00:40:39.880 --> 00:40:43.849
that was that was so strange And it was like,

00:40:43.889 --> 00:40:46.010
it floored me for a minute. I was like, I don't

00:40:46.010 --> 00:40:48.050
know how to get, I don't know how to convince

00:40:48.050 --> 00:40:51.250
them. And I had that momentary panic of, my God,

00:40:51.329 --> 00:40:53.130
what have I done to them? You've broken the pig.

00:40:53.170 --> 00:40:57.230
Literally broken the pig. So all I could think

00:40:57.230 --> 00:41:00.050
to do was do the things that I said we would

00:41:00.050 --> 00:41:01.710
do, which is I said I would take a picture when

00:41:01.710 --> 00:41:03.510
you were done. I said I would unlock you from

00:41:03.510 --> 00:41:06.329
the top down. So I took your collar off. I took

00:41:06.329 --> 00:41:09.469
your cuffs off. I took the ankle restraints off.

00:41:09.630 --> 00:41:12.769
Yeah. And I gave you a hug. Yeah. i was like

00:41:12.769 --> 00:41:15.750
this is all i can do right now yeah i had no

00:41:15.750 --> 00:41:18.809
point in me repeatedly saying it's fine it's

00:41:18.809 --> 00:41:21.250
over you've won it's fine it's over because that's

00:41:21.250 --> 00:41:23.949
just going to play into the i am fucking with

00:41:23.949 --> 00:41:26.869
you yeah mentality yeah and i just needed a minute

00:41:26.869 --> 00:41:29.530
for it to sink in i'm all right now yeah but

00:41:29.530 --> 00:41:30.949
probably what didn't help and one of the one

00:41:30.949 --> 00:41:34.530
of the one of the daftest things that i did was

00:41:34.530 --> 00:41:36.869
right at the end because that last 20 minutes

00:41:36.869 --> 00:41:39.610
i was kind of trying to maintain that kind of

00:41:40.619 --> 00:41:44.019
and trying to question you more and more. Yeah.

00:41:44.199 --> 00:41:47.599
I can't remember exactly what I said, but I said

00:41:47.599 --> 00:41:50.179
something like, I've got no choice now. You've

00:41:50.179 --> 00:41:52.039
done this to yourself. You've got no choice.

00:41:52.179 --> 00:41:53.900
You're kind of going at you like that and saying

00:41:53.900 --> 00:41:56.820
you've fucked it now. Yeah. I'm stormed out of

00:41:56.820 --> 00:41:59.179
the room. Yeah. And the idea, what I was trying

00:41:59.179 --> 00:42:01.579
to create there was that kind of sense of, holy

00:42:01.579 --> 00:42:03.460
shit, they've done all of this stuff to me. What

00:42:03.460 --> 00:42:05.739
possibly could there be? Which works. That is

00:42:05.739 --> 00:42:09.039
worse than this. As soon as I got out of the

00:42:09.039 --> 00:42:10.719
room, I was like, why did I say that? There's

00:42:10.719 --> 00:42:13.840
two minutes left and I have no idea what to do.

00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:20.880
I didn't have anything that was worse than what

00:42:20.880 --> 00:42:23.280
I'd already done. Yeah. So what am I going to

00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:25.730
go back in and do? So I think I just came back

00:42:25.730 --> 00:42:27.469
in and hit you with the rubber strap again. Yeah,

00:42:27.510 --> 00:42:28.969
which was really unpleasant. Which was deeply

00:42:28.969 --> 00:42:31.050
unpleasant. And it didn't reduce the psychological

00:42:31.050 --> 00:42:32.789
effect at all because I just assumed that was

00:42:32.789 --> 00:42:34.730
you ramping up to do something else awful afterwards.

00:42:35.130 --> 00:42:37.489
And then your alarm went off, which is probably

00:42:37.489 --> 00:42:40.429
why I didn't believe it was over. Yeah, I can

00:42:40.429 --> 00:42:44.090
see why that would be. But that was like my weird

00:42:44.090 --> 00:42:48.230
Hail Mary sort of last couple of minutes. Maybe

00:42:48.230 --> 00:42:51.570
I'll get them to talk if I start to say threaten

00:42:51.570 --> 00:42:54.809
something even worse. But I had nothing at that

00:42:54.809 --> 00:42:57.469
point. I knew I'd lost. Yeah. What do I do now?

00:42:58.489 --> 00:43:00.570
The good 20 seconds standing in line and going,

00:43:00.690 --> 00:43:09.809
now what? So something that we've talked about

00:43:09.809 --> 00:43:11.849
a little bit over the last couple of days since

00:43:11.849 --> 00:43:14.489
the scene has been, some of it, that very lighthearted

00:43:14.489 --> 00:43:16.550
thing we do where I go, God, I couldn't do your

00:43:16.550 --> 00:43:18.230
job. I would have found that so stressful. And

00:43:18.230 --> 00:43:19.630
you being like, God, I couldn't take what you

00:43:19.630 --> 00:43:22.920
took. That's insane. That's so fucked up. But

00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:24.719
it opens up a more interesting conversation about

00:43:24.719 --> 00:43:27.139
the different impacts of taking a scene like

00:43:27.139 --> 00:43:30.099
that and doing a scene like that. Yeah. So how

00:43:30.099 --> 00:43:32.340
did that feel for you, Mix, in the moment and

00:43:32.340 --> 00:43:34.800
in the couple of days that's come since? I think

00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:36.500
in the moment it felt like any other scene we

00:43:36.500 --> 00:43:38.449
were doing in that I was enjoying it. Because

00:43:38.449 --> 00:43:42.730
I do enjoy being a sadist and really pushing

00:43:42.730 --> 00:43:44.969
at things with you and kind of forcing you into

00:43:44.969 --> 00:43:47.929
challenging situations, both physically and emotionally.

00:43:48.230 --> 00:43:51.489
That's what I really enjoy about kink. I think

00:43:51.489 --> 00:43:53.710
there were definitely some points during the

00:43:53.710 --> 00:43:56.269
interrogation where I struggled a little bit

00:43:56.269 --> 00:44:01.630
with it. Some of the physical stuff, I think,

00:44:01.630 --> 00:44:03.429
kind of took me by surprise a little bit. So

00:44:03.429 --> 00:44:05.349
like we did some boot caning and you have a particular

00:44:05.349 --> 00:44:07.719
thing about. your boobs you're quite really sensitive

00:44:07.719 --> 00:44:09.500
about them it's really challenging for you to

00:44:09.500 --> 00:44:13.679
have impact on your boobs and we'd agreed that

00:44:13.679 --> 00:44:15.340
that was one of the things I would do was to

00:44:15.340 --> 00:44:19.260
cane them with care to avoid the nipple which

00:44:19.260 --> 00:44:23.760
is a hard limit of yours but whenever we've done

00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:27.219
that before it's always been really positive

00:44:27.219 --> 00:44:30.380
quite light -hearted context to it and lots of

00:44:30.380 --> 00:44:32.519
praise yeah that thing is like you're sort of

00:44:32.519 --> 00:44:35.800
helping me overcome a barrier boobs are a soft

00:44:35.800 --> 00:44:37.260
limit for me like most people that i've played

00:44:37.260 --> 00:44:38.940
with are not allowed to touch my boobs at all

00:44:38.940 --> 00:44:40.780
it takes a really high level of trust for me

00:44:40.780 --> 00:44:42.340
to do that and you're the only person i've done

00:44:42.340 --> 00:44:44.880
boob impact with so every time we've done that

00:44:44.880 --> 00:44:46.900
it's been very much like i want to overcome this

00:44:46.900 --> 00:44:49.380
fear i have i want to get tougher at taking this

00:44:49.380 --> 00:44:51.940
and you supporting me through it yeah where in

00:44:51.940 --> 00:44:54.139
the context of the interrogation it was like

00:44:54.139 --> 00:44:56.360
i was having a terrible time and you were enjoying

00:44:56.360 --> 00:44:59.119
giving me a terrible time yeah yeah so after

00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:01.619
i did that i kind of came out thinking that was

00:45:01.619 --> 00:45:03.719
that was really a really intense thing for us

00:45:03.719 --> 00:45:07.860
to do any context but in that really mean negative

00:45:07.860 --> 00:45:10.940
context where i was forcing your head back and

00:45:10.940 --> 00:45:13.460
i was just doing it much harder than i've ever

00:45:13.460 --> 00:45:16.840
done before and not in any way responding positively

00:45:16.840 --> 00:45:19.519
when you tried to stop me from doing it yeah

00:45:19.519 --> 00:45:22.239
you leaned for you lean right forward and put

00:45:22.239 --> 00:45:24.900
moved your arms as best you could to shield yourself

00:45:24.900 --> 00:45:28.400
from it and instinctively i wanted to be like

00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:31.159
you're doing great you're it's okay but what

00:45:31.159 --> 00:45:33.670
i did instead was yank you back and do it even

00:45:33.670 --> 00:45:37.590
harder um so i kind of did have a bit of a moment

00:45:37.590 --> 00:45:39.590
when i came out of the room after that where

00:45:39.590 --> 00:45:42.150
it was quite challenging to to reckon with that

00:45:42.150 --> 00:45:45.429
yeah a little bit because i think aftercare is

00:45:45.429 --> 00:45:47.750
often as much like we get as much from providing

00:45:47.750 --> 00:45:51.170
aftercare to each other as we do from receiving

00:45:51.170 --> 00:45:53.230
it and although like those mid -scene sort of

00:45:53.230 --> 00:45:55.170
bits of praise and comfort wouldn't necessarily

00:45:55.170 --> 00:45:56.829
be classed as aftercare i think the same applies

00:45:56.829 --> 00:46:00.070
where sometimes you sort of reassure yourself

00:46:00.070 --> 00:46:02.349
that what you're doing is okay By making sure

00:46:02.349 --> 00:46:04.510
that I'm OK in the moment, by saying, you know,

00:46:04.510 --> 00:46:05.949
I'm so proud of you, you're doing such a good

00:46:05.949 --> 00:46:08.250
job taking that and seeing me respond positively

00:46:08.250 --> 00:46:10.510
to that. It kind of gives you permission to continue.

00:46:10.730 --> 00:46:13.570
And so without that, you were just just watching

00:46:13.570 --> 00:46:16.190
me with a cane and just having to kind of deal

00:46:16.190 --> 00:46:17.789
with that on your own without the interaction.

00:46:18.150 --> 00:46:20.269
Yeah, yeah. And there was one moment towards

00:46:20.269 --> 00:46:22.909
the end where I was going at you with the cane

00:46:22.909 --> 00:46:26.309
again. You were leaning forward and I hit you

00:46:26.309 --> 00:46:28.309
with it and then you move and then I hit you

00:46:28.309 --> 00:46:30.679
again. And it was like, working on the assumption

00:46:30.679 --> 00:46:32.239
you were going to stay in the position you were

00:46:32.239 --> 00:46:34.039
in, so the two hits would have hit in the same

00:46:34.039 --> 00:46:38.059
place. But because you moved ever so slightly

00:46:38.059 --> 00:46:41.400
back, the cane landed much closer to your nipple

00:46:41.400 --> 00:46:43.760
than I would ever have intended. And again, I

00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:47.519
had to fight really, really hard to not say,

00:46:47.579 --> 00:46:49.639
shit, I'm sorry, are you okay? Which is what

00:46:49.639 --> 00:46:51.760
I would do. But in that moment, I couldn't because

00:46:51.760 --> 00:46:53.300
it would have broken the spell of the scene.

00:46:53.420 --> 00:46:55.420
So again, I was just one of those moments where

00:46:55.420 --> 00:46:59.909
I was like, shit, that's... That's fucked up.

00:47:00.090 --> 00:47:01.530
You responded really well to that though, because

00:47:01.530 --> 00:47:04.289
I saw that you did respond. So you didn't hit

00:47:04.289 --> 00:47:05.889
my nipple, but you were very close. And I freaked

00:47:05.889 --> 00:47:09.230
out. Like I was just, just crying and rocking

00:47:09.230 --> 00:47:12.369
and like flinching away from you and just awful.

00:47:12.829 --> 00:47:15.489
And I noticed that you didn't continue doing

00:47:15.489 --> 00:47:18.010
anything to me until I'd got through that. Like

00:47:18.010 --> 00:47:20.710
I just needed a minute to just be upset about

00:47:20.710 --> 00:47:23.030
what you'd done. So yeah, that was like, you

00:47:23.030 --> 00:47:25.349
responded to it without responding to it in the

00:47:25.349 --> 00:47:27.969
way that we normally would. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:31.639
And that was, I find that really, that was quite

00:47:31.639 --> 00:47:34.619
tricky to maintain. So it's finding ways to do

00:47:34.619 --> 00:47:36.860
that without breaking character and breaking

00:47:36.860 --> 00:47:39.599
the scenes. But yeah, so other than the unhinged

00:47:39.599 --> 00:47:41.460
whipping, where I knew I wasn't going to stop

00:47:41.460 --> 00:47:43.340
no matter what, that's not something we've ever

00:47:43.340 --> 00:47:46.480
really done before, even though we're in a no

00:47:46.480 --> 00:47:49.539
safe word, CNC, total power exchange type dynamic.

00:47:50.019 --> 00:47:53.199
If something doesn't go quite right, then I will

00:47:53.199 --> 00:47:56.090
stop and I will check. Yeah. So not doing that

00:47:56.090 --> 00:47:59.110
was quite a thing to get past. And I think the

00:47:59.110 --> 00:48:01.570
other thing that I really did struggle with was

00:48:01.570 --> 00:48:03.650
the stuff about our relationship. And I took

00:48:03.650 --> 00:48:05.969
that a lot further than I planned to, because

00:48:05.969 --> 00:48:07.809
I was always going to say something about betrayal

00:48:07.809 --> 00:48:09.989
of trust and communication and all that. But

00:48:09.989 --> 00:48:13.110
that reaction to the way that it affected you

00:48:13.110 --> 00:48:15.630
meant that I pushed that a lot further. I think

00:48:15.630 --> 00:48:18.570
I surprised myself a little bit. I was so impressed

00:48:18.570 --> 00:48:20.510
by that. Like, I was horribly upset in the moment,

00:48:20.530 --> 00:48:21.989
but there was still that part of me that was

00:48:21.989 --> 00:48:26.179
like... like go mix this is brutal this is stuff

00:48:26.179 --> 00:48:28.420
i know you find really hard to play with and

00:48:28.420 --> 00:48:30.599
really going for it was an incredible performance

00:48:30.599 --> 00:48:34.400
yeah it wasn't a performance well that's worrying

00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:39.440
did i for real what sorry perhaps i should clarify

00:48:39.440 --> 00:48:43.820
um obviously everything i said was a performance

00:48:43.820 --> 00:48:48.139
yes but i wasn't trying to act upset yeah when

00:48:48.139 --> 00:48:50.380
i was doing i was getting upset yeah when i was

00:48:50.380 --> 00:48:53.750
saying it And kind of when I left the room, kind

00:48:53.750 --> 00:48:55.989
of saying it was nice while it lasted. That wasn't

00:48:55.989 --> 00:48:58.130
acting. I was like, that's a really fucking awful

00:48:58.130 --> 00:49:02.030
thing to say. And so, yeah, it was it was really

00:49:02.030 --> 00:49:03.630
hard coming out of the room at that point. And

00:49:03.630 --> 00:49:07.690
I was like, the fuck have you just done? You

00:49:07.690 --> 00:49:10.769
know, I always had to force myself to go right

00:49:10.769 --> 00:49:14.409
now is not the time. Now is not the time to be

00:49:14.409 --> 00:49:16.190
upset. You have to pull yourself together. You

00:49:16.190 --> 00:49:18.260
have to get your shit together. and just get

00:49:18.260 --> 00:49:19.880
on with the next bit. I was having much the same

00:49:19.880 --> 00:49:21.940
conversation with myself inside the room. Yeah,

00:49:21.960 --> 00:49:24.039
it's like, no, get my shit together because it's

00:49:24.039 --> 00:49:25.719
going to get worse. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm sure

00:49:25.719 --> 00:49:27.599
that was the point where you brought in the waterboarding

00:49:27.599 --> 00:49:29.519
kit and put it on the shelf in front of me. Yeah.

00:49:29.599 --> 00:49:31.480
So I could sit and stress about it. So I was

00:49:31.480 --> 00:49:33.219
like, right, I can't start crying about our relationship

00:49:33.219 --> 00:49:36.099
right now. I'm about to get waterboarded. Yeah,

00:49:36.219 --> 00:49:41.260
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that was really,

00:49:41.320 --> 00:49:42.960
really difficult. I was able to kind of pull

00:49:42.960 --> 00:49:46.280
myself together to be able to do it. And I think

00:49:46.280 --> 00:49:49.119
that it's made me think a lot over the last couple

00:49:49.119 --> 00:49:51.820
of days about that kind of jokey stereotypical

00:49:51.820 --> 00:49:54.659
view we have that behind every dominant is some

00:49:54.659 --> 00:49:58.119
absolutely unhinged, feral, submissive saying,

00:49:58.280 --> 00:50:04.880
hit me with your car sort of thing. And the perception

00:50:04.880 --> 00:50:08.500
of that being about the dominant kind of reining

00:50:08.500 --> 00:50:11.780
in the submissive for safety reasons and for

00:50:11.780 --> 00:50:15.519
legal reasons. but actually there is a version

00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:17.760
of that that is no actually i don't want to do

00:50:17.760 --> 00:50:20.960
that yeah as dominant yeah that is not a thing

00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:24.800
that i want to do to you or say to you or whatever

00:50:24.800 --> 00:50:26.920
so i think there's a especially around emotional

00:50:26.920 --> 00:50:30.340
sadism around who actually has it harder in that

00:50:30.340 --> 00:50:32.860
scenario and you probably could probably apply

00:50:32.860 --> 00:50:35.760
it to physical sadism as well about that kind

00:50:35.760 --> 00:50:38.000
of how much pain do i want to inflict on you

00:50:38.000 --> 00:50:41.170
how much pain do you want to receive but i feel

00:50:41.170 --> 00:50:43.949
like that's easier to balance yeah i think probably

00:50:43.949 --> 00:50:46.230
for most people it's probably fair to say that

00:50:46.230 --> 00:50:48.409
with physical pain it's easier to dish it out

00:50:48.409 --> 00:50:50.429
than it is to take it yeah with some variation

00:50:50.429 --> 00:50:52.570
every different sensitivities and stuff you've

00:50:52.570 --> 00:50:54.389
got a really hardcore masochist with a really

00:50:54.389 --> 00:50:56.710
new sadist then that might flip but generally

00:50:56.710 --> 00:50:58.070
that's going to be the balance where i think

00:50:58.070 --> 00:51:00.210
you're right with emotional sadism you have the

00:51:00.210 --> 00:51:02.639
harder job yeah and you always almost always

00:51:02.639 --> 00:51:04.440
have the stronger reaction to it than me afterwards

00:51:04.440 --> 00:51:07.099
where you can really hurt my feelings you can

00:51:07.099 --> 00:51:09.119
even poke at trauma you can do stuff that sends

00:51:09.119 --> 00:51:10.980
me into a panic all of this stuff and then the

00:51:10.980 --> 00:51:13.159
scene's over and 99 % of the time I'm like that

00:51:13.159 --> 00:51:15.980
was hot you want to go again where you know in

00:51:15.980 --> 00:51:18.340
the moment you're like yeah I upset the pig oh

00:51:18.340 --> 00:51:20.059
yes they're crying and then afterwards you're

00:51:20.059 --> 00:51:23.239
like oh my god what have I done yeah it seems

00:51:23.239 --> 00:51:25.579
to generally hit you a lot harder when we do

00:51:25.579 --> 00:51:27.260
that stuff and you need more aftercare than I

00:51:27.260 --> 00:51:29.940
tend to yeah Yeah, and I never want to be one

00:51:29.940 --> 00:51:31.679
of these people who kind of seriously talk about

00:51:31.679 --> 00:51:34.739
pity the poor doms kind of thing. I absolutely

00:51:34.739 --> 00:51:38.360
recognise that a lot of the stuff that a lot

00:51:38.360 --> 00:51:41.400
of submissives take is way beyond what I would

00:51:41.400 --> 00:51:44.440
want to do. You know, I could not do your job.

00:51:45.559 --> 00:51:49.780
But I also couldn't do yours. No. And that's

00:51:49.780 --> 00:51:51.719
fair. That's probably why we work quite so well

00:51:51.719 --> 00:51:54.719
as we do. But I think that bit of this really

00:51:54.719 --> 00:51:56.659
brought home to me going, actually, this is really

00:51:56.659 --> 00:51:59.880
fucking hard. Yeah. And you have to be really

00:51:59.880 --> 00:52:02.579
comfortable with the reality at the moment, but

00:52:02.579 --> 00:52:05.320
also the bit that comes afterwards. Yeah. And

00:52:05.320 --> 00:52:07.019
I think that the way that I solved that in the

00:52:07.019 --> 00:52:08.639
moment is that I just cracked on with the next

00:52:08.639 --> 00:52:11.679
bit. Yeah. I didn't allow myself to kind of sit

00:52:11.679 --> 00:52:13.320
and reflect because I probably wouldn't have

00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:14.679
been able to come back in the room if I had,

00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:17.000
if I'm being honest. I mean, I hope you'd have

00:52:17.000 --> 00:52:20.579
at least unlocked me. I mean, yes. Yes. I wouldn't

00:52:20.579 --> 00:52:22.019
have been able to come back in the room as the

00:52:22.019 --> 00:52:29.940
torturer if I had. Just run into the woods and

00:52:29.940 --> 00:52:34.179
never return. Yeah, just go for a walk. It's

00:52:34.179 --> 00:52:38.679
fine. But there wasn't that opportunity for aftercare

00:52:38.679 --> 00:52:41.320
in that moment because the job wasn't done. So

00:52:41.320 --> 00:52:44.059
the scene wasn't finished. What I wanted to ask

00:52:44.059 --> 00:52:46.599
is, given all that you've talked about with how

00:52:46.599 --> 00:52:48.280
heavy parts of that were for you and times where

00:52:48.280 --> 00:52:49.800
you just had to kind of power through it, was

00:52:49.800 --> 00:52:52.139
it an enjoyable scene for you, Mix? Was it a

00:52:52.139 --> 00:52:54.699
good time? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it was.

00:52:54.860 --> 00:52:57.519
It was a bit of a roller coaster. Yeah. But it

00:52:57.519 --> 00:52:59.860
was really, yeah, I really enjoyed it. And I

00:52:59.860 --> 00:53:03.280
think that the two parts to it for me came together

00:53:03.280 --> 00:53:05.460
quite nicely and kind of offered a little bit

00:53:05.460 --> 00:53:07.079
of that balance and that little bit of respite,

00:53:07.079 --> 00:53:09.619
I suppose, from the cruelty of it. But I really

00:53:09.619 --> 00:53:12.300
enjoyed doing all of the stuff in the room. Yeah.

00:53:12.380 --> 00:53:14.480
I had a really good time doing and saying all

00:53:14.480 --> 00:53:16.619
of those things because it was an opportunity

00:53:16.619 --> 00:53:22.670
that just to go a bit nuts. yeah we did you did

00:53:22.670 --> 00:53:25.510
basically everything yeah basically everything

00:53:25.510 --> 00:53:28.210
that that we do but in the most intense unpleasant

00:53:28.210 --> 00:53:31.469
and combined way as possible it was yeah it was

00:53:31.469 --> 00:53:33.989
incredible yeah um i wanted to ask you that for

00:53:33.989 --> 00:53:35.789
two reasons first i wanted to check that you

00:53:35.789 --> 00:53:36.989
definitely have had a good time because i had

00:53:36.989 --> 00:53:39.369
an amazing time but also because when we're talking

00:53:39.369 --> 00:53:41.510
about this scene i'm almost seeing masochism

00:53:41.510 --> 00:53:45.250
in you which is fascinating right because you

00:53:45.250 --> 00:53:47.789
are talking about how you nearly made yourself

00:53:47.789 --> 00:53:49.730
cry during the fake breakup like you're coming

00:53:49.730 --> 00:53:51.309
out of the room and thinking oh god what have

00:53:51.309 --> 00:53:53.309
i just done yeah you're having to sort of power

00:53:53.309 --> 00:53:56.329
through your own suffering to continue the scene

00:53:56.329 --> 00:53:57.690
and i say did you have a good time you're like

00:53:57.690 --> 00:54:02.250
yeah it was great fellow massacres i know that

00:54:02.250 --> 00:54:08.469
feeling yeah oh yeah i think so yeah i think

00:54:08.469 --> 00:54:12.829
that makes sense I'm not sure I would describe

00:54:12.829 --> 00:54:15.030
it quite as masochism, but I completely understand

00:54:15.030 --> 00:54:16.929
what you're saying. I think there is something

00:54:16.929 --> 00:54:19.690
about reveling in the very worst of yourself.

00:54:20.030 --> 00:54:22.349
Yeah. You know, giving yourself permission to

00:54:22.349 --> 00:54:27.409
just be awful. So I think there's something enjoyable

00:54:27.409 --> 00:54:30.250
about that in there. I'm playing with some really

00:54:30.250 --> 00:54:33.809
dark ideas in that as well. The whole setup of,

00:54:33.949 --> 00:54:40.480
you know, using torture techniques. on you being

00:54:40.480 --> 00:54:45.280
physically and mentally cruel to you um is just

00:54:45.280 --> 00:54:49.000
enjoyable and and you know quite intoxicating

00:54:49.000 --> 00:54:52.280
in that way but the other half of it was really

00:54:52.280 --> 00:54:54.539
fun as well you know when i wasn't in the room

00:54:54.539 --> 00:54:56.440
sitting down here on the couch fucking about

00:54:56.440 --> 00:54:58.440
with the lights and messing about with the playlist

00:54:58.440 --> 00:55:01.019
and and all of that kind of stuff berating you

00:55:01.019 --> 00:55:03.820
through the from my perspective was a little

00:55:03.820 --> 00:55:07.329
bit goofy Yeah. And there was that sex nerd part

00:55:07.329 --> 00:55:09.170
of it as well, going, right, so what's the next

00:55:09.170 --> 00:55:11.849
thing I'm going to do to move the plot along?

00:55:12.130 --> 00:55:14.090
Very much approaching it as a game. Yeah. Yeah.

00:55:14.210 --> 00:55:16.630
So overall, it was really enjoyable. There were

00:55:16.630 --> 00:55:18.610
a couple of those moments that were quite difficult,

00:55:18.690 --> 00:55:20.710
but I was able to pull myself around because

00:55:20.710 --> 00:55:24.050
I wanted to do the thing. Yeah. I wanted to win.

00:55:25.989 --> 00:55:29.750
But also I wanted to see you win as well. yeah

00:55:29.750 --> 00:55:31.590
if i'm being honest then that's a really sounds

00:55:31.590 --> 00:55:34.230
a bit weird no i know i know you're really divided

00:55:34.230 --> 00:55:37.170
on that there's no bad outcome yeah to me from

00:55:37.170 --> 00:55:39.329
this because either we did we did it for a couple

00:55:39.329 --> 00:55:42.210
of hours and i got the answer out of you or we

00:55:42.210 --> 00:55:45.809
did it for three hours and you won yeah but i

00:55:45.809 --> 00:55:48.309
got it to do it for three hours yeah yeah it

00:55:48.309 --> 00:55:50.409
was like a win -win for you definitely yeah i

00:55:50.409 --> 00:55:53.670
i wanted to win oh yeah 100 % wanted to win i

00:55:53.670 --> 00:55:54.949
would have been so impressed with you if you

00:55:54.949 --> 00:55:57.190
managed to get it out of me but i still i wanted

00:55:57.190 --> 00:55:59.920
to win and i didn't want to cut short no so i

00:55:59.920 --> 00:56:01.460
was very pleased but i think the stuff we've

00:56:01.460 --> 00:56:03.059
been talking about there brings up a really important

00:56:03.059 --> 00:56:05.519
point about how everyone's consent is really

00:56:05.519 --> 00:56:07.219
important in this and that was a big part of

00:56:07.219 --> 00:56:08.880
what we negotiated and something we talked about

00:56:08.880 --> 00:56:11.300
is that you could call it at any time as well

00:56:11.300 --> 00:56:13.539
even if i didn't break and you were just like

00:56:13.539 --> 00:56:15.239
you know an hour and two hours in 10 minutes

00:56:15.239 --> 00:56:16.920
in whatever it was like actually this is not

00:56:16.920 --> 00:56:20.019
for me i'm not enjoying it it's too much you

00:56:20.019 --> 00:56:22.420
have the right to to just stop it yeah and that

00:56:22.719 --> 00:56:25.239
you know that consent always goes both ways much

00:56:25.239 --> 00:56:27.579
as we play around you know consensual non -consent

00:56:27.579 --> 00:56:29.940
we modify consent we opt in and out of things

00:56:29.940 --> 00:56:31.639
like safe words all of these things that we can

00:56:31.639 --> 00:56:34.099
choose the foundation of it has got to be everyone

00:56:34.099 --> 00:56:36.280
involved has consented to being involved and

00:56:36.280 --> 00:56:37.860
has agreed to whatever modifications you make

00:56:37.860 --> 00:56:40.699
to that consent and yeah and you had that right

00:56:40.699 --> 00:56:42.519
throughout and i'm glad that you didn't need

00:56:42.519 --> 00:56:44.440
to do that but i would never have been mad about

00:56:44.440 --> 00:56:47.059
it if you had yeah and i think that goes back

00:56:47.059 --> 00:56:48.880
to the conversation we had in the in a couple

00:56:48.880 --> 00:56:53.659
of days before about you know me wanting to have

00:56:53.659 --> 00:56:56.179
my proposal for how we deal with your consent

00:56:56.179 --> 00:56:58.880
in that moment and and what you were saying which

00:56:58.880 --> 00:57:02.199
was no my consent is to give you my safe word

00:57:02.199 --> 00:57:04.480
is to give you the information yeah that's my

00:57:04.480 --> 00:57:06.380
that's my out and you could have done that at

00:57:06.380 --> 00:57:08.599
any time yeah and nobody would have been mad

00:57:08.599 --> 00:57:11.039
at you i would have quoted a little bit of course

00:57:11.039 --> 00:57:16.039
um but nobody would have been mad about that

00:57:17.319 --> 00:57:19.719
Whereas my safe word, I suppose, is more explicit

00:57:19.719 --> 00:57:22.500
in that, more traditional, I suppose. I can just

00:57:22.500 --> 00:57:24.920
say, no, I'm not doing this anymore. The issue

00:57:24.920 --> 00:57:25.980
you would have had is I wouldn't have believed

00:57:25.980 --> 00:57:28.920
you, of course. That's been discovered. You'd

00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:30.480
have had to get me out of the room before I actually

00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:32.940
realised. So maybe a learning for next time is

00:57:32.940 --> 00:57:35.340
maybe we give you a safe word. Yeah, give me

00:57:35.340 --> 00:57:38.280
an actual safe word. yeah yeah yes that is a

00:57:38.280 --> 00:57:40.239
good point so obviously given that it was really

00:57:40.239 --> 00:57:42.159
intense for both of us physically mentally in

00:57:42.159 --> 00:57:44.039
all the ways aftercare was a really big focus

00:57:44.039 --> 00:57:46.599
and i think for a scene of that length and intensity

00:57:46.599 --> 00:57:48.800
the aftercare is always going to be quite proportionate

00:57:48.800 --> 00:57:51.340
to that yeah um so i think it's fair to say that

00:57:51.340 --> 00:57:53.099
yesterday was basically i mean we had a couple

00:57:53.099 --> 00:57:54.699
of hours after the scene to wind down but also

00:57:54.699 --> 00:57:57.059
all of yesterday was just an aftercare day yeah

00:57:57.059 --> 00:57:59.380
yeah as soon as you had accepted that it was

00:57:59.380 --> 00:58:01.719
over you went and had a you went and had a shower

00:58:01.719 --> 00:58:05.679
because you had blood and piss on you yeah um

00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:08.139
did wonders for your hair i know my hair has

00:58:08.139 --> 00:58:11.639
gone so shiny but you had a shower we got cuddly

00:58:11.639 --> 00:58:15.139
on the bed and um ordered some food yeah so this

00:58:15.139 --> 00:58:17.079
was after 10 o 'clock that we got some food got

00:58:17.079 --> 00:58:20.559
a kebab which was yes exactly what i needed kebab

00:58:20.559 --> 00:58:22.880
and cigarettes in bed i was spoiled like we do

00:58:22.880 --> 00:58:24.860
not usually eat or smoke in the bed but i think

00:58:24.860 --> 00:58:28.079
i'd earned it yes yeah yeah yeah we do sometimes

00:58:28.079 --> 00:58:30.320
smoke don't we after an intense scene but very

00:58:30.320 --> 00:58:33.340
rarely do we eat um in bed because of my own

00:58:33.800 --> 00:58:38.239
uh neuroses about food in the bed i keep trying

00:58:38.239 --> 00:58:40.019
to explain to you how nice it is to eat in the

00:58:40.019 --> 00:58:42.679
bed and then stash your takeaway like leftovers

00:58:42.679 --> 00:58:45.619
under the bed or even under your pillow and then

00:58:45.619 --> 00:58:47.519
wake up in the night and it's just there and

00:58:47.519 --> 00:58:49.340
you can just eat greasy meat with your hands

00:58:49.340 --> 00:58:51.980
and then wipe on the sheets it's so good disgusting

00:58:51.980 --> 00:58:58.670
disgusting you're a filthy filthy animal So we

00:58:58.670 --> 00:59:01.090
timed it deliberately so that we knew we would

00:59:01.090 --> 00:59:03.230
have some time immediately afterwards to be able

00:59:03.230 --> 00:59:05.309
to decompress, but then we didn't have any plans

00:59:05.309 --> 00:59:09.869
on Sunday. Yeah. So we could do whatever we needed

00:59:09.869 --> 00:59:12.630
to do as we realised what we needed to do, because

00:59:12.630 --> 00:59:14.130
I think there was a bit of an unknown about that.

00:59:14.309 --> 00:59:16.510
Definitely, yeah. Really? The longest scene we've

00:59:16.510 --> 00:59:18.190
ever done, aside from anything else, I would

00:59:18.190 --> 00:59:21.130
say probably the most intense, but just it being

00:59:21.130 --> 00:59:22.969
so long and so late was always going to have

00:59:22.969 --> 00:59:25.969
an impact. Yeah, yeah. And you were on top of

00:59:25.969 --> 00:59:29.340
the world. Yeah. like you you seem to bounce

00:59:29.340 --> 00:59:32.619
back really quickly from it yeah yeah like as

00:59:32.619 --> 00:59:34.820
soon as i sort of had that shower to reset and

00:59:34.820 --> 00:59:37.260
accepted that the scene was done i was just like

00:59:37.260 --> 00:59:39.860
on a high because i won yeah i think that was

00:59:39.860 --> 00:59:41.420
a big part of it i think i might have come down

00:59:41.420 --> 00:59:43.380
a little bit harder if i hadn't won but yeah

00:59:43.380 --> 00:59:44.940
but either way it would have still probably felt

00:59:44.940 --> 00:59:47.300
pretty awesome for doing however much i did but

00:59:47.300 --> 00:59:50.780
yeah i felt amazing i was quite chatty wanted

00:59:50.780 --> 00:59:52.860
to immediately start planning the next interrogation

00:59:52.860 --> 00:59:57.059
you're like no Not just yet, till out. Wanted

00:59:57.059 --> 00:59:58.840
to talk a lot about the scene. It was really

00:59:58.840 --> 01:00:01.500
quite sort of bubbly, both like the night of

01:00:01.500 --> 01:00:05.000
and the next day. I was physically very tired

01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:07.460
though. And I've gotten more tired over time.

01:00:07.539 --> 01:00:09.980
So obviously I'm day two now. And I've been fighting

01:00:09.980 --> 01:00:12.699
to be at work and stuff. But I've done no exercise

01:00:12.699 --> 01:00:14.860
today. I've done kind of minimal housework. I'm

01:00:14.860 --> 01:00:18.019
quite achy all over. My boobs are killing still.

01:00:18.239 --> 01:00:20.460
Like if I lie on my side, oh yeah, you really

01:00:20.460 --> 01:00:23.599
went for it. And like my legs are like just.

01:00:24.119 --> 01:00:26.579
achy and exhausted and it's well worth it well

01:00:26.579 --> 01:00:28.360
worth it i'm still in a really good place mentally

01:00:28.360 --> 01:00:30.960
like really good mood yeah it's like it's taken

01:00:30.960 --> 01:00:33.280
me a good while for it to like fully hit me i

01:00:33.280 --> 01:00:35.079
think yeah and it was sort of the opposite way

01:00:35.079 --> 01:00:36.739
around for you wasn't it made sure it got easier

01:00:36.739 --> 01:00:38.800
over time and it was quite rough mentally yeah

01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:41.559
i think so i think so i think in the in the immediate

01:00:41.559 --> 01:00:45.440
aftermath aftermath that's a strong word for

01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:47.820
it isn't it i think it's valid i think it's earned

01:00:47.820 --> 01:00:50.639
valid yeah yeah Like immediately afterwards,

01:00:50.840 --> 01:00:52.820
I had clearly been holding quite a lot of tension

01:00:52.820 --> 01:00:55.300
in my body throughout the three hours because

01:00:55.300 --> 01:00:57.460
I was on the go. So when it was finished, you

01:00:57.460 --> 01:01:00.760
could kind of feel that tension in my body and

01:01:00.760 --> 01:01:03.139
go, OK, it's done. But then immediately, like

01:01:03.139 --> 01:01:05.639
a bit of a crash from it, kind of quite tight.

01:01:05.739 --> 01:01:10.059
I think as people would in any kind of situation

01:01:10.059 --> 01:01:12.820
where they felt like they've been on for a period

01:01:12.820 --> 01:01:14.539
of time, as soon as it's over, it's like the

01:01:14.539 --> 01:01:17.000
adrenaline drains out of your body. And you're

01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:19.599
like, right, now is the time for sleep. Yeah.

01:01:20.860 --> 01:01:23.900
And I don't think I slept great overnight. I

01:01:23.900 --> 01:01:26.239
think it took me a while to fall asleep and then

01:01:26.239 --> 01:01:30.000
wasn't asleep for particularly long. I woke up

01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:32.619
quite early on Sunday and felt quite flat. Yeah.

01:01:33.420 --> 01:01:37.039
I think, like not actively sad or anything necessarily,

01:01:37.139 --> 01:01:39.300
but yeah, I felt a little bit flat and a little

01:01:39.300 --> 01:01:41.340
bit listless, I suppose. Some of it was physical.

01:01:41.460 --> 01:01:44.219
I was still physically quite tired. Yeah. But

01:01:44.219 --> 01:01:49.340
also I think kind of having some of that. guilt

01:01:49.340 --> 01:01:53.619
i don't know guilt is the right word for it like

01:01:53.619 --> 01:01:56.079
that as has happened to me before when we've

01:01:56.079 --> 01:01:59.880
done like psychological stuff that kind of feeling

01:01:59.880 --> 01:02:04.199
of what have i done what have i said you don't

01:02:04.199 --> 01:02:06.139
do or say those things to someone that you care

01:02:06.139 --> 01:02:07.800
about so i think there was probably a little

01:02:07.800 --> 01:02:10.940
bit of that where i was focusing in on the where

01:02:10.940 --> 01:02:13.639
the relationship the fake breakup stuff and the

01:02:13.639 --> 01:02:15.840
things i said about you you know i couldn't remember

01:02:15.840 --> 01:02:17.900
genuinely don't remember saying but it's just

01:02:17.900 --> 01:02:20.719
bullshit for like but that is such an awful thing

01:02:20.719 --> 01:02:26.219
to say someone who is a content creator you know

01:02:26.219 --> 01:02:28.639
but i think because it was it was really intense

01:02:28.639 --> 01:02:31.360
and there was those those particular elements

01:02:31.360 --> 01:02:33.119
to it that we've talked about i felt a little

01:02:33.119 --> 01:02:34.960
bit like i'm not really sure whether i want to

01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:38.079
do that again yeah is that my limit on those

01:02:38.079 --> 01:02:41.800
things yeah Because it's been dead interesting

01:02:41.800 --> 01:02:44.400
the time that we've been together. My limit on

01:02:44.400 --> 01:02:48.840
quite a lot of things has pushed further out.

01:02:49.019 --> 01:02:51.539
I have corrupted you most severely. You have

01:02:51.539 --> 01:02:55.639
corrupted me most severely, yes. And not just

01:02:55.639 --> 01:02:58.099
on emotional, like sadism and psychological stuff

01:02:58.099 --> 01:03:00.659
as well. You definitely have on that. There are

01:03:00.659 --> 01:03:02.420
things that I am doing to you now that a few

01:03:02.420 --> 01:03:04.360
months ago would have been absolutely off the

01:03:04.360 --> 01:03:07.119
table. Yeah. Not even a question. But the physical

01:03:07.119 --> 01:03:10.360
impact stuff that we do and like the level of

01:03:10.360 --> 01:03:13.639
control and see and stuff like that. I think

01:03:13.639 --> 01:03:18.500
my limits. I wouldn't necessarily say my limits

01:03:18.500 --> 01:03:20.260
have been pushed out. I have discovered that

01:03:20.260 --> 01:03:22.420
my limits are further out than I thought. Yeah.

01:03:22.860 --> 01:03:25.039
I think it's probably the way that I would describe

01:03:25.039 --> 01:03:29.239
it. But the interrogation was so intense for

01:03:29.239 --> 01:03:31.880
a lot of reasons. I was left on Sunday kind of

01:03:31.880 --> 01:03:34.480
thinking, I'm not really sure. I'm not really

01:03:34.480 --> 01:03:37.360
sure whether I'd want to do that again. Partly

01:03:37.360 --> 01:03:39.880
because what we did was really, really intense.

01:03:39.960 --> 01:03:44.699
But actually, in order for it to be effective

01:03:44.699 --> 01:03:47.500
in the future, the question is, what else would

01:03:47.500 --> 01:03:50.360
I have to do? Yes. Do you know what I mean? Like

01:03:50.360 --> 01:03:52.099
you said yourself, if we'd done it for another

01:03:52.099 --> 01:03:55.139
hour, you probably would have broken. Yeah. I'm

01:03:55.139 --> 01:03:56.579
not sure I could have done it for another hour.

01:03:56.719 --> 01:03:59.400
Yeah. I guess you could change some of the stuff

01:03:59.400 --> 01:04:01.019
that we've done, leave you in the room for longer

01:04:01.019 --> 01:04:03.579
and things like that. But there wasn't a lot

01:04:03.579 --> 01:04:05.440
else that I could do, which would have been more

01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:08.059
intense than what I had already done. So what

01:04:08.059 --> 01:04:09.780
would it take? But probably a couple of years

01:04:09.780 --> 01:04:11.280
ago, there were things that we were doing. So

01:04:11.280 --> 01:04:12.800
we were like, yeah, that's the most intense.

01:04:12.880 --> 01:04:14.639
Where are we going to do it? this is where we've

01:04:14.639 --> 01:04:16.320
come to true who knows how are you feeling about

01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:17.719
that now makes kind of yesterday you're saying

01:04:17.719 --> 01:04:19.239
you're very unsure about whether you wanted to

01:04:19.239 --> 01:04:21.079
do it again while also throwing out multiple

01:04:21.079 --> 01:04:23.179
ideas for what you could do next time we do it

01:04:23.179 --> 01:04:25.639
so where's that sort of settled for you today

01:04:25.639 --> 01:04:28.480
mix or is it still processing i think it's probably

01:04:28.480 --> 01:04:32.739
still a little bit up in the air yeah i think

01:04:32.739 --> 01:04:34.940
the fact that i am pondering how to make it worse

01:04:37.579 --> 01:04:41.000
um is probably a positive probably a positive

01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:43.920
like well not even make it worse actually it's

01:04:43.920 --> 01:04:45.900
how do i make it more effective because i don't

01:04:45.900 --> 01:04:48.139
necessarily think we would have to get more intense

01:04:48.139 --> 01:04:51.579
or more extreme in the level of violent i suppose

01:04:51.579 --> 01:04:55.119
no but there are there are definitely things

01:04:55.119 --> 01:04:57.659
that i learned during the process of doing it

01:04:57.659 --> 01:05:02.300
that i could apply in the future to make it feel

01:05:02.300 --> 01:05:05.400
more intense for you yeah um i think one of the

01:05:05.400 --> 01:05:07.659
things that you said was at one point i played

01:05:07.659 --> 01:05:10.159
a high pitch noise and for your information that

01:05:10.159 --> 01:05:13.079
apparently is a is a is a frequency that repels

01:05:13.079 --> 01:05:16.300
squirrels incredible it also repelled me quite

01:05:16.300 --> 01:05:20.420
thoroughly i did not enjoy it um one of the things

01:05:20.420 --> 01:05:21.920
that you'd said was that i could have done that

01:05:21.920 --> 01:05:24.760
for longer yeah and actually yeah i could and

01:05:24.760 --> 01:05:26.780
that's that's maybe how you make a longer scene

01:05:26.780 --> 01:05:28.960
out of it is by doing those things for longer

01:05:28.960 --> 01:05:30.800
periods of time that's what i was thinking is

01:05:30.800 --> 01:05:33.320
if we do this again to make it more intense for

01:05:33.320 --> 01:05:35.420
me and either the same or a lesser intensity

01:05:35.420 --> 01:05:37.400
for you is extend the length of it, but make

01:05:37.400 --> 01:05:39.139
use of more of that negative space. So literally

01:05:39.139 --> 01:05:41.280
stick me in the room for a couple of hours with

01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:43.820
that squirrel repellent noise going and the light

01:05:43.820 --> 01:05:45.699
flashing on and off and go take a nap. Yeah,

01:05:45.699 --> 01:05:47.719
yeah. Like, I mean, maybe not a nap because you

01:05:47.719 --> 01:05:50.079
need to be able to be aware if I'm wanting to

01:05:50.079 --> 01:05:53.380
tap out. Yeah, yeah. But you can chill. You can

01:05:53.380 --> 01:05:55.679
just, you know, have me on it on a screen, play

01:05:55.679 --> 01:05:58.059
a game, read a book, do whatever. Just keep an

01:05:58.059 --> 01:06:00.400
ear out for me shouting, I want to give up. Yeah.

01:06:00.480 --> 01:06:03.320
And it'll probably give you a bit more of a break

01:06:03.320 --> 01:06:05.199
in it and make it easier for you. So I think

01:06:05.199 --> 01:06:07.760
probably if we do it again, which I unsurprisingly

01:06:07.760 --> 01:06:11.480
would do again next week. Yeah. That's what we

01:06:11.480 --> 01:06:13.980
do is we think about ways that we either maintain

01:06:13.980 --> 01:06:16.059
or reduce the intensity for you, depending on

01:06:16.059 --> 01:06:17.920
sort of where your head settles over the next

01:06:17.920 --> 01:06:20.280
few days. Yeah. Yeah. See if we can get you a

01:06:20.280 --> 01:06:22.619
win. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to win one of them.

01:06:24.219 --> 01:06:26.260
Which is the other slightly daunting part of

01:06:26.260 --> 01:06:29.170
it is what would it take? I know you say you

01:06:29.170 --> 01:06:30.769
probably wouldn't have lasted another hour, but

01:06:30.769 --> 01:06:34.150
I'm not 100 % convinced by that. It's impossible

01:06:34.150 --> 01:06:36.389
to know for sure. I was feeling like I couldn't

01:06:36.389 --> 01:06:39.289
take another hour, but I was also feeling like

01:06:39.289 --> 01:06:40.889
I couldn't take another hour at the first point

01:06:40.889 --> 01:06:42.469
where you poured piss over my head and left me

01:06:42.469 --> 01:06:45.849
freezing cold and soaking wet. I was like, this

01:06:45.849 --> 01:06:48.030
is going to be me done. I'm not going to be able

01:06:48.030 --> 01:06:49.969
to cope with sitting here wet for the rest of

01:06:49.969 --> 01:06:52.010
this scene. And I did, because you then waterboarded

01:06:52.010 --> 01:06:54.989
me. I was drenched for the rest of it. I think.

01:06:57.260 --> 01:06:58.920
It would have depended a lot on what you did

01:06:58.920 --> 01:07:00.559
with that hour. I can definitely think of things

01:07:00.559 --> 01:07:02.679
you could have done that would have got you a

01:07:02.679 --> 01:07:04.880
win, but I am not inclined to tell you them.

01:07:05.219 --> 01:07:11.880
No. No. Which is rude. Rude. So, yeah, I think

01:07:11.880 --> 01:07:13.960
I'm probably still working out where I am with

01:07:13.960 --> 01:07:17.139
doing it again. I will probably end up in a point

01:07:17.139 --> 01:07:18.840
where I go, yeah, let's do it again, but it's

01:07:18.840 --> 01:07:20.699
not something that I would want to do regularly.

01:07:21.159 --> 01:07:23.130
No, that's fair. that's how i feel about the

01:07:23.130 --> 01:07:24.869
unhinged whipping as well it's like i'm so glad

01:07:24.869 --> 01:07:26.929
i did it i would be open to doing it again but

01:07:26.929 --> 01:07:28.630
if you hit me that hard every time you hit me

01:07:28.630 --> 01:07:30.949
i would not have a good time i would not want

01:07:30.949 --> 01:07:33.750
to do that so it's and i think partly because

01:07:33.750 --> 01:07:35.909
it requires a level of planning that we don't

01:07:35.909 --> 01:07:39.030
usually do for a scene so i think yeah if we

01:07:39.030 --> 01:07:41.610
do do it again it would be kind of a fairly infrequent

01:07:41.610 --> 01:07:45.409
thing yeah um special occasions do with like

01:07:45.409 --> 01:07:48.829
anniversaries yeah yeah what did you do for christmas

01:07:48.829 --> 01:07:52.849
wow do some kind of christmas themed one oh no

01:07:52.849 --> 01:07:55.750
relentlessly playing christmas music to me yeah

01:07:55.750 --> 01:07:59.230
yeah oh god i shouldn't have said that yeah i

01:07:59.230 --> 01:08:01.150
mean we've already even you know we talked about

01:08:01.150 --> 01:08:02.849
different things i could do with the video and

01:08:02.849 --> 01:08:04.909
stuff like that because of where it started as

01:08:04.909 --> 01:08:06.949
being a little bit kind of you know more focused

01:08:06.949 --> 01:08:09.650
on sensory overload we used paul for the for

01:08:09.650 --> 01:08:13.010
the thing yeah on the projectors but you'd suggested

01:08:13.010 --> 01:08:15.900
mobile game ads that would have driven me insane

01:08:15.900 --> 01:08:18.720
yeah you came up with um spider videos or like

01:08:18.720 --> 01:08:22.100
trypophobia stuff yeah yeah yeah so you know

01:08:22.100 --> 01:08:24.340
slightly more involved so already kind of thinking

01:08:24.340 --> 01:08:26.079
about oh yeah i could i could do it differently

01:08:26.489 --> 01:08:28.689
in future yeah i think there's ways to use elements

01:08:28.689 --> 01:08:30.670
of it for play that's a lot less like involved

01:08:30.670 --> 01:08:32.829
and intense as well so we'd already talked about

01:08:32.829 --> 01:08:34.170
potentially doing some stuff where you leave

01:08:34.170 --> 01:08:35.989
me like restrained in the dark and monitor me

01:08:35.989 --> 01:08:38.550
through one of the cctv cameras that's an element

01:08:38.550 --> 01:08:40.229
of what we did in the scene on saturday that

01:08:40.229 --> 01:08:42.689
you could pull out and combine with other things

01:08:42.689 --> 01:08:45.630
doing a sort of shorter and quite not it wouldn't

01:08:45.630 --> 01:08:47.550
be light for me that's quite intimidating but

01:08:47.550 --> 01:08:50.989
a lighter way yeah um things like putting me

01:08:50.989 --> 01:08:52.869
in the room with the lights going using a projector

01:08:52.869 --> 01:08:55.520
to to show me stuff that you want to show me

01:08:55.520 --> 01:08:57.380
for whatever reason. There's elements of that

01:08:57.380 --> 01:08:58.979
that we can pull into whatever scene. And if

01:08:58.979 --> 01:09:00.579
we do interrogation again, it's possible we'll

01:09:00.579 --> 01:09:02.359
do it in a completely different style and from

01:09:02.359 --> 01:09:04.180
a completely different angle. I think because

01:09:04.180 --> 01:09:05.420
there's always going to be something that's quite

01:09:05.420 --> 01:09:08.060
big and long -term to plan, there is no limit

01:09:08.060 --> 01:09:10.560
to how creative we can get for it. Yeah, I think

01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:12.199
you're right. I think there are definitely elements

01:09:12.199 --> 01:09:15.619
of that that you could just take out and use.

01:09:15.819 --> 01:09:19.600
I think, weirdly, one of my favourite parts of

01:09:19.600 --> 01:09:24.369
it was using the vampire paddle. in the dark

01:09:24.369 --> 01:09:29.869
yeah that was terrifying um but yeah that's exactly

01:09:29.869 --> 01:09:34.489
why it was one of my favorite parts um and that

01:09:34.489 --> 01:09:36.189
was kind of a spur of the moment thing i knew

01:09:36.189 --> 01:09:37.850
i was going to use a vampire paddle on you i

01:09:37.850 --> 01:09:39.869
knew i was going to use darkness but it was one

01:09:39.869 --> 01:09:41.409
of those things where i think when i go well

01:09:41.409 --> 01:09:43.510
actually how do you how do you take something

01:09:43.510 --> 01:09:45.890
that actually you really enjoy because you really

01:09:45.890 --> 01:09:48.270
like bloody and spiky things and you like bloody

01:09:48.270 --> 01:09:50.829
impact yeah how do you take something that you

01:09:50.829 --> 01:09:53.960
enjoy and make it more intense or make it less

01:09:53.960 --> 01:09:55.819
enjoyable. I mean, already you've moved it to

01:09:55.819 --> 01:09:57.640
the front of my thighs, which I fucking hate

01:09:57.640 --> 01:10:01.699
at the best times. There is that. um but not

01:10:01.699 --> 01:10:04.140
giving you a way of seeing what was happening

01:10:04.140 --> 01:10:06.180
yeah or seeing the effect that it was having

01:10:06.180 --> 01:10:08.159
on you that's what it was because i was picturing

01:10:08.159 --> 01:10:09.880
because i know obviously every hit breaks the

01:10:09.880 --> 01:10:11.680
skin with one of those yeah and because you kept

01:10:11.680 --> 01:10:13.520
hitting the same spot over and over again yeah

01:10:13.520 --> 01:10:15.699
in my head it was like you're going to turn the

01:10:15.699 --> 01:10:17.180
light on and there's going to be a section of

01:10:17.180 --> 01:10:19.380
my leg that is just mint and it wasn't like the

01:10:19.380 --> 01:10:21.659
tiny little punches it wasn't probably as many

01:10:21.659 --> 01:10:23.920
times as it felt like yeah it's just because

01:10:23.920 --> 01:10:26.319
it was in the dark it was so scary yeah and then

01:10:26.319 --> 01:10:28.020
when the light did come on it was like yeah there's

01:10:28.020 --> 01:10:30.460
blood but it's just you know a bunch of little

01:10:30.460 --> 01:10:32.500
punches same as normal it's it's not that big

01:10:32.500 --> 01:10:34.500
of a deal but it made it a lot scarier in the

01:10:34.500 --> 01:10:36.819
moment yeah i never like spiky impact down the

01:10:36.819 --> 01:10:38.520
fronts of my thighs i don't like any impact down

01:10:38.520 --> 01:10:39.899
the front of my thighs front of my thighs is

01:10:39.899 --> 01:10:42.000
awful and i realized very quickly that it was

01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:44.819
a horrible bonus of the scene that because i

01:10:44.819 --> 01:10:47.300
was restrained to a chair sitting every time

01:10:47.300 --> 01:10:48.899
he hit me it was front of the thighs and boobs

01:10:48.899 --> 01:10:51.420
like none of the areas i like to be hit no back

01:10:51.420 --> 01:10:53.890
butt and back to the thighs were all ruled out

01:10:53.890 --> 01:10:58.850
i was like oh god yeah so it's little bits like

01:10:58.850 --> 01:11:01.010
that yeah but you think yeah actually there's

01:11:01.010 --> 01:11:03.789
something there's something fun to play with

01:11:03.789 --> 01:11:07.210
yeah there and and as difficult for both of us

01:11:07.210 --> 01:11:10.130
the boob caning was again that's opened up kind

01:11:10.130 --> 01:11:12.850
of okay so maybe we can do that in a different

01:11:12.850 --> 01:11:15.329
way when we do it yeah and you know because the

01:11:15.329 --> 01:11:18.850
whole idea of doing boob impact was because you

01:11:18.850 --> 01:11:21.739
wanted you wanted to challenge yourself and kind

01:11:21.739 --> 01:11:25.199
of challenge the level of trust that we had I

01:11:25.199 --> 01:11:27.840
suppose yeah challenge in a positive way the

01:11:27.840 --> 01:11:29.640
level of trust that we had actually having done

01:11:29.640 --> 01:11:31.699
it in that context yeah okay so let's take that

01:11:31.699 --> 01:11:35.800
and be mean about it next time we go yeah I'm

01:11:35.800 --> 01:11:37.460
up for that I think doing a different style of

01:11:37.460 --> 01:11:39.300
waterboarding as well was definitely one that

01:11:39.300 --> 01:11:42.399
I would like to like is a strong word I would

01:11:42.399 --> 01:11:45.979
be interested in exploring in in that way because

01:11:45.979 --> 01:11:48.000
when we've done waterboarding before it's always

01:11:48.000 --> 01:11:50.260
been very much like i am just me you are just

01:11:50.260 --> 01:11:52.869
you in between you're checking in i'm having

01:11:52.869 --> 01:11:55.270
a giggle i'm super horny about it like it's a

01:11:55.270 --> 01:11:57.350
good time and this was the only time that we've

01:11:57.350 --> 01:11:59.470
done waterboarding combined with any level of

01:11:59.470 --> 01:12:02.729
psychological play or role play at all um obviously

01:12:02.729 --> 01:12:04.789
in this context it was an interrogation where

01:12:04.789 --> 01:12:05.989
you're trying to get the information out of me

01:12:05.989 --> 01:12:07.569
which which is exactly what you would expect

01:12:07.569 --> 01:12:09.930
to pair with waterboarding doing like sort of

01:12:09.930 --> 01:12:11.550
like either a mini interrogation that's just

01:12:11.550 --> 01:12:13.750
waterboarding or waterboarding with some level

01:12:13.750 --> 01:12:15.630
of like degradation or other psychological play

01:12:16.039 --> 01:12:18.319
yeah yeah seems like a thread to pick out because

01:12:18.319 --> 01:12:21.119
that was so much more unpleasant so much more

01:12:21.119 --> 01:12:24.300
intense yeah yeah really frightening so yeah

01:12:24.300 --> 01:12:26.119
i think that's that's definitely something that

01:12:26.119 --> 01:12:28.340
could be fun to explore i hope we don't stop

01:12:28.340 --> 01:12:30.319
doing horny waterboarding because i like that

01:12:30.319 --> 01:12:34.470
yeah But there's no reason. There's no just keep

01:12:34.470 --> 01:12:37.189
pushing outwards, is there? No. You can mess

01:12:37.189 --> 01:12:38.869
about with it and play about with it however

01:12:38.869 --> 01:12:41.670
you like. I think one of the really fun things

01:12:41.670 --> 01:12:44.229
about the whole scene was it was an opportunity

01:12:44.229 --> 01:12:46.930
to take some risks with some things. Yeah. Not

01:12:46.930 --> 01:12:50.329
in an uncontrolled, unaware kind of way, but

01:12:50.329 --> 01:12:53.210
pushing at the things that we've done in the

01:12:53.210 --> 01:12:55.890
past. So we've talked about boob impact, doing

01:12:55.890 --> 01:12:58.789
it in that menacing way, hitting you harder with

01:12:58.789 --> 01:13:04.020
it than I have. doing the waterboarding the way

01:13:04.020 --> 01:13:05.880
that we did it with the longer paws and different

01:13:05.880 --> 01:13:08.340
types of paws actively not being supported forcing

01:13:08.340 --> 01:13:10.979
your head into place and threatening you with

01:13:10.979 --> 01:13:13.180
it and they gave an opportunity to push those

01:13:13.180 --> 01:13:15.619
things a little bit further and take some controlled

01:13:15.619 --> 01:13:18.300
risks yeah with some of the things that we've

01:13:18.300 --> 01:13:24.020
been doing for a while um which i think is a

01:13:24.020 --> 01:13:26.460
really positive yeah i think because because

01:13:26.460 --> 01:13:28.939
the aim of the scene from your perspective was

01:13:28.939 --> 01:13:31.500
to break me Instead of your goal sort of going

01:13:31.500 --> 01:13:33.420
into a scene of being like, let's keep this at

01:13:33.420 --> 01:13:36.460
a level that we're both happy in. It was actually

01:13:36.460 --> 01:13:38.539
like, yeah, you don't want to go like zero to

01:13:38.539 --> 01:13:40.340
100 in the first five minutes and do something

01:13:40.340 --> 01:13:42.199
fucking awful. I'm like, I can't take it anymore

01:13:42.199 --> 01:13:45.060
and the scene's over. Yeah. But you did want

01:13:45.060 --> 01:13:47.039
to try to get me past my limit at some point.

01:13:47.159 --> 01:13:50.960
Yeah. Without actually breaking any of my agreed

01:13:50.960 --> 01:13:53.760
hard limits within the scope of things that I

01:13:53.760 --> 01:13:56.560
had agreed to. Yeah. How far can you push them?

01:13:57.920 --> 01:14:00.880
and because my goal was to resist what you're

01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:03.100
doing to me no matter what i was a lot more willing

01:14:03.100 --> 01:14:05.199
to endure things where normally i would maybe

01:14:05.199 --> 01:14:07.739
have some feedback for you yeah um and that there

01:14:07.739 --> 01:14:09.779
goes both of us what we're capable of and it's

01:14:09.779 --> 01:14:11.800
like okay so now we've established we can do

01:14:11.800 --> 01:14:15.520
it yeah let's fucking do it yeah yeah yeah so

01:14:15.520 --> 01:14:17.000
the bit that we talked about earlier on with

01:14:17.000 --> 01:14:19.220
the getting close to your nipple with the boob

01:14:19.220 --> 01:14:20.859
impact i suppose is an example of that where

01:14:20.859 --> 01:14:23.800
actually in any other context i would either

01:14:23.800 --> 01:14:25.970
i would have stopped Or you would have provided

01:14:25.970 --> 01:14:31.770
some feedback. Or probably both. Yeah. But yeah,

01:14:31.869 --> 01:14:33.890
it gave us the space to play around with that

01:14:33.890 --> 01:14:35.689
and push it. So I think in that respect, it was

01:14:35.689 --> 01:14:37.090
a really, really positive thing because it shows

01:14:37.090 --> 01:14:40.930
you what we're both capable of. Yeah. In a way

01:14:40.930 --> 01:14:43.449
that we'd maybe not realised before. Yeah. But

01:14:43.449 --> 01:14:44.970
what you just said about the whole scene being

01:14:44.970 --> 01:14:48.189
like a battle for us, I suppose, does raise an

01:14:48.189 --> 01:14:50.270
interesting point, doesn't it? Because our kink

01:14:50.270 --> 01:14:54.609
is not usually adversarial. definitely and it's

01:14:54.609 --> 01:14:57.130
something that very rarely comes up but when

01:14:57.130 --> 01:14:59.130
it does it's a really interesting change of pace

01:14:59.130 --> 01:15:02.130
for me because i'm usually very very obedient

01:15:02.130 --> 01:15:04.590
very very submissive like i'm not even bratty

01:15:04.590 --> 01:15:07.409
a little bit cheeky sometimes but actual bratting

01:15:07.409 --> 01:15:09.750
isn't something that appeals to me and it's i

01:15:09.750 --> 01:15:11.289
think a couple of people have asked me this on

01:15:11.289 --> 01:15:12.930
tiktok while i've been posting about this it's

01:15:12.930 --> 01:15:14.729
like how do you go from that headspace to where

01:15:14.729 --> 01:15:17.800
we were yeah and for me there's definitely i

01:15:17.800 --> 01:15:20.260
need to be given permission to be difficult i

01:15:20.260 --> 01:15:22.760
can't just do it but because we pre -negotiated

01:15:22.760 --> 01:15:24.840
this and that was the point like that is what

01:15:24.840 --> 01:15:26.840
made the scene good for you as well is you yeah

01:15:26.840 --> 01:15:29.720
you want to win but you didn't want to you didn't

01:15:29.720 --> 01:15:31.119
want to just answer the question the first time

01:15:31.119 --> 01:15:34.420
you asked it yeah um So that sort of gave me

01:15:34.420 --> 01:15:37.359
permission to play with that and play with sort

01:15:37.359 --> 01:15:39.939
of mischief and play with mischief more so before

01:15:39.939 --> 01:15:41.439
the scene when I was actually doing the rule

01:15:41.439 --> 01:15:45.500
break. But like then being difficult, being stubborn,

01:15:45.579 --> 01:15:49.270
being angry. anger is a feeling that does come

01:15:49.270 --> 01:15:50.850
up for me during play sometimes like if you're

01:15:50.850 --> 01:15:52.449
hitting me with something really unpleasant i'm

01:15:52.449 --> 01:15:54.789
clearly struggling and having a bad time and

01:15:54.789 --> 01:15:56.369
trying to get away from you and you keep doing

01:15:56.369 --> 01:15:58.010
it there's a little voice in my head going what

01:15:58.010 --> 01:16:00.810
the fuck is wrong with you like can't you see

01:16:00.810 --> 01:16:03.649
i'm having a shit time like just chill out for

01:16:03.649 --> 01:16:07.369
a minute come on yeah um but i never voiced that

01:16:07.369 --> 01:16:09.449
that's never part of my reaction and it's like

01:16:09.449 --> 01:16:10.909
it's in conflict with the rest of me because

01:16:10.909 --> 01:16:12.390
there's a part of me that is like can you hit

01:16:12.390 --> 01:16:13.930
me really hard and ignore it when i struggle

01:16:13.930 --> 01:16:16.079
and cry and then the other half that is like

01:16:16.079 --> 01:16:18.880
but why are you doing it why are you being so

01:16:18.880 --> 01:16:23.060
mean yeah um but there's certain things that

01:16:23.060 --> 01:16:24.979
we've done like some like a handful of really

01:16:24.979 --> 01:16:26.979
intense scenes where it goes a little bit beyond

01:16:26.979 --> 01:16:29.560
that and it goes into actually in this moment

01:16:29.560 --> 01:16:32.539
you are my enemy yeah yeah uh the unhinged whipping

01:16:32.539 --> 01:16:35.760
was one of those where it was just relentless

01:16:35.760 --> 01:16:37.539
and there was nothing i could do or say to stop

01:16:37.539 --> 01:16:41.539
you And I was just fucking angry and miserable.

01:16:41.720 --> 01:16:43.880
Like, why? And it's exactly what I wanted. I

01:16:43.880 --> 01:16:46.439
wanted to feel that. But in the moment, I was

01:16:46.439 --> 01:16:49.960
really displeased. And then the interrogation

01:16:49.960 --> 01:16:51.399
has probably been a couple of other times that

01:16:51.399 --> 01:16:53.840
have sort of bordered on that as well. And that's

01:16:53.840 --> 01:16:56.399
not where I want every scene we did to be in,

01:16:56.439 --> 01:16:58.039
because I love being submissive to you. I love

01:16:58.039 --> 01:16:59.640
feeling really loved up and intimate and close

01:16:59.640 --> 01:17:01.220
with you when we play, even when it's stuff that's,

01:17:01.279 --> 01:17:04.479
you know, disgusting. It's often very lovey.

01:17:04.829 --> 01:17:07.310
yeah um i wouldn't want to lose that but every

01:17:07.310 --> 01:17:08.869
now and again just going into that really dark

01:17:08.869 --> 01:17:11.470
place of like you just be the worst version of

01:17:11.470 --> 01:17:15.149
you you can be and i will just be really unhappy

01:17:15.149 --> 01:17:17.710
about it and have an awful time and let's see

01:17:17.710 --> 01:17:20.350
what comes in that space because it's an interesting

01:17:20.350 --> 01:17:23.390
place to play in yeah and i think it always whenever

01:17:23.390 --> 01:17:25.029
we've done something like that it makes me feel

01:17:25.029 --> 01:17:26.850
like i understand you more and i know you more

01:17:26.850 --> 01:17:28.890
i'm closer to you yeah like that's really special

01:17:29.260 --> 01:17:31.579
Yeah, no, I would agree with that. I think it

01:17:31.579 --> 01:17:34.800
is. You learn so much more about each other when

01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:36.899
we do something that's new and different and

01:17:36.899 --> 01:17:39.500
a different perspective on how we normally do

01:17:39.500 --> 01:17:42.420
it. It's interesting, I suppose, because it is

01:17:42.420 --> 01:17:44.840
different from... There's different flavours

01:17:44.840 --> 01:17:47.399
of adversarial kink, I suppose. There is the

01:17:47.399 --> 01:17:49.539
kind of the... There is the bratty version of

01:17:49.539 --> 01:17:52.079
it where you can kind of have that kind of bouncing

01:17:52.079 --> 01:17:54.699
off each other and, you know, in that really

01:17:54.699 --> 01:17:58.149
playful kind of way. That sort of make me. Yeah,

01:17:58.289 --> 01:18:00.329
whereas the kind of adversarial kick that we

01:18:00.329 --> 01:18:03.109
were doing on Saturday was deliberately, deliberately

01:18:03.109 --> 01:18:06.909
angry, I suppose, wasn't it? It wasn't fun and

01:18:06.909 --> 01:18:09.430
having a laugh. Actually, in that moment, we

01:18:09.430 --> 01:18:15.329
were battling. Yeah. You know, which is not something

01:18:15.329 --> 01:18:17.649
I've ever really experienced before. Yeah. It

01:18:17.649 --> 01:18:20.449
was fun to try that. But it was also really hard

01:18:20.449 --> 01:18:22.710
sometimes just to keep a straight face. Yeah,

01:18:22.750 --> 01:18:25.720
and I saw the odd crack. Yeah. I saw them. And

01:18:25.720 --> 01:18:28.800
it started right at the beginning. The preamble

01:18:28.800 --> 01:18:33.199
to the interrogation was we were sitting on the

01:18:33.199 --> 01:18:34.880
couch and I suddenly just started saying, why

01:18:34.880 --> 01:18:36.619
are you being so sketchy? Why are you hiding

01:18:36.619 --> 01:18:38.420
your phone? You've been really weird all day.

01:18:38.539 --> 01:18:41.319
Are you keeping secrets from me? And that just

01:18:41.319 --> 01:18:44.020
felt a little bit cheesy. Yeah. If I'm honest,

01:18:44.279 --> 01:18:47.380
like almost because we don't do role play. No.

01:18:48.000 --> 01:18:49.960
Typically. Which is an alarming thing to say

01:18:49.960 --> 01:18:53.079
when we do interrogations and rape play and stuff

01:18:53.079 --> 01:18:55.069
like that. It's not that everything we do is

01:18:55.069 --> 01:18:58.229
real. It's that we're not playing like characters.

01:18:58.329 --> 01:19:00.989
We're playing exaggerated versions of ourselves.

01:19:01.149 --> 01:19:02.909
We're adding and removing traits. We're not,

01:19:02.909 --> 01:19:05.729
you know, like my name's John and I'm the plumber.

01:19:06.010 --> 01:19:08.489
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it felt a little bit like

01:19:08.489 --> 01:19:10.489
that. Yeah. You know, that kind of, you know,

01:19:10.510 --> 01:19:12.609
there is nothing wrong with taking on a role

01:19:12.609 --> 01:19:17.149
play persona, sort of, you know, nurse and patient

01:19:17.149 --> 01:19:19.470
or whatever kind of thing that people do. There's

01:19:19.470 --> 01:19:22.590
nothing wrong with that at all. but I've always

01:19:22.590 --> 01:19:24.869
really struggled with it. Me too. Feeling a bit

01:19:24.869 --> 01:19:26.989
silly. Yeah, I just can't get into it because

01:19:26.989 --> 01:19:29.229
I feel self -conscious. Yeah, yeah. But even

01:19:29.229 --> 01:19:31.310
during the interrogation, there were times where

01:19:31.310 --> 01:19:33.729
I was like, I'm really struggling to maintain

01:19:33.729 --> 01:19:36.470
my persona. So the moment where you said I could

01:19:36.470 --> 01:19:40.529
do this all day, I kind of stood up and part

01:19:40.529 --> 01:19:43.069
of it was because I was so surprised that you'd

01:19:43.069 --> 01:19:45.949
said anything to me at all. But also I was like,

01:19:46.109 --> 01:19:52.199
okay, get you. I saw like your face for a second.

01:19:52.220 --> 01:19:54.340
It was like a little bit amused, a little bit

01:19:54.340 --> 01:19:56.800
proud and impressed. And then I saw you catch

01:19:56.800 --> 01:19:59.539
yourself like, no, no, I need to respond to this

01:19:59.539 --> 01:20:01.760
appropriately. And you started like mocking me

01:20:01.760 --> 01:20:03.239
and taking the piss and being like, oh, you think

01:20:03.239 --> 01:20:05.739
you're so brave, do you? It's like, you could

01:20:05.739 --> 01:20:09.140
tell it really got you. And I think right at

01:20:09.140 --> 01:20:10.500
the beginning as well, when you realised I was

01:20:10.500 --> 01:20:12.340
just going to not speak, like you got me into

01:20:12.340 --> 01:20:14.479
the room and started asking me questions and

01:20:14.479 --> 01:20:16.119
then tried asking me something that wasn't the

01:20:16.119 --> 01:20:18.239
information. Yeah, yeah. And I saw you twig on

01:20:18.239 --> 01:20:20.199
like. that's the strategy they're going with.

01:20:20.340 --> 01:20:24.899
And I saw you kind of go like, oh, fuck. I found

01:20:24.899 --> 01:20:30.340
a solution to finding it difficult to improv

01:20:30.340 --> 01:20:33.800
dialogue. I am not going to say any. And again,

01:20:33.920 --> 01:20:37.539
there was, A, I think, yeah, and there was two

01:20:37.539 --> 01:20:40.659
things there. One is, well, that completely fucks

01:20:40.659 --> 01:20:43.460
my plan. But also, again, there was just that

01:20:43.460 --> 01:20:46.340
moment of feeling a little bit silly. Yeah. kind

01:20:46.340 --> 01:20:48.159
of shouting questions at you and not getting

01:20:48.159 --> 01:20:52.020
any response back, kind of really close eye contact

01:20:52.020 --> 01:20:55.039
with you and having to keep a straight face all

01:20:55.039 --> 01:20:58.359
the time and be mean when I'm looking at you.

01:20:59.340 --> 01:21:02.979
When normally, if I'm getting that close into

01:21:02.979 --> 01:21:04.960
your face, I'm giving you a little kiss. Yeah.

01:21:05.899 --> 01:21:07.539
Sticking my tongue out or something silly like

01:21:07.539 --> 01:21:09.520
that. I considered giving you a little kiss at

01:21:09.520 --> 01:21:11.079
one point just to see if it would throw you off.

01:21:11.199 --> 01:21:13.180
Yeah. You were really in my face and I was like,

01:21:13.220 --> 01:21:16.579
I could totally just... But I thought you might

01:21:16.579 --> 01:21:19.500
kill me, so I didn't. I would have slapped the

01:21:19.500 --> 01:21:22.779
shit out of you. Yeah. No doubt. So, yeah, it

01:21:22.779 --> 01:21:26.539
was just a weird little thing of having to stain

01:21:26.539 --> 01:21:28.739
the character. I had a random point where I nearly

01:21:28.739 --> 01:21:30.260
cracked up that I haven't told you about, actually.

01:21:30.340 --> 01:21:31.899
So, you know, obviously one of my songs that

01:21:31.899 --> 01:21:33.699
I was playing in my head on repeat and singing

01:21:33.699 --> 01:21:37.069
to myself was I'm Trining. the first line of

01:21:37.069 --> 01:21:39.850
that is london 2020 boy and a girl broke up yeah

01:21:39.850 --> 01:21:41.510
it's too apparent so i had that stuck in my head

01:21:41.510 --> 01:21:43.310
because i kept coming back to it and there was

01:21:43.310 --> 01:21:45.029
one point where you were repeatedly asking me

01:21:45.029 --> 01:21:47.909
specifically where and when did you do it you're

01:21:47.909 --> 01:21:49.989
shouting my face where and when where and when

01:21:49.989 --> 01:21:52.069
did you break the rule and i just popped my head

01:21:52.069 --> 01:21:55.970
say london 2020 i could totally say it they will

01:21:55.970 --> 01:21:59.229
have no clue why they will have no idea why i've

01:21:59.229 --> 01:22:03.369
just said that and my whole face And then I didn't

01:22:03.369 --> 01:22:05.689
do it because I was like, no. No, because this

01:22:05.689 --> 01:22:06.930
was still the point where I wasn't speaking.

01:22:07.109 --> 01:22:08.310
And I was like, that's not going to be the first

01:22:08.310 --> 01:22:15.010
words I say in this scene. Fair. Yeah, I would

01:22:15.010 --> 01:22:17.489
have just been completely confused by that. I

01:22:17.489 --> 01:22:21.029
wouldn't have known what you were doing. It wasn't

01:22:21.029 --> 01:22:22.949
until I was reading your blog earlier on that

01:22:22.949 --> 01:22:24.529
I realised that the song that you were using

01:22:24.529 --> 01:22:26.029
was a song that you were using. And actually,

01:22:26.069 --> 01:22:28.289
I really like that song. It's a really good...

01:22:28.289 --> 01:22:34.760
Oh, it's that one! Yeah. Yeah, because I never

01:22:34.760 --> 01:22:36.840
sung that, like, audibly. Yeah, yeah. I just

01:22:36.840 --> 01:22:38.439
muttered it. The only one you heard me singing,

01:22:38.539 --> 01:22:42.340
well, yelling, was Cruel Summer. Yeah. Which

01:22:42.340 --> 01:22:45.279
I decided to shout in your face while you were

01:22:45.279 --> 01:22:49.260
hitting me. Yes. I had a great time. I did not

01:22:49.260 --> 01:22:51.439
have a great time. I was suffering very severely

01:22:51.439 --> 01:22:55.819
at that point, but... Which is your version of

01:22:55.819 --> 01:22:58.640
having a great time. It is, it's true. Which

01:22:58.640 --> 01:23:01.340
is why I'm raring to go again, like... it's so

01:23:01.340 --> 01:23:03.260
hard to explain to people masochism in the sort

01:23:03.260 --> 01:23:06.039
of like stereotypical like sexual sense of like

01:23:06.039 --> 01:23:08.439
oh like if you spank me i get turned on you can

01:23:08.439 --> 01:23:10.380
explain to people even if they don't get turned

01:23:10.380 --> 01:23:12.279
on by being spanked they're like okay yeah i

01:23:12.279 --> 01:23:14.659
can understand that in theory but trying to explain

01:23:14.659 --> 01:23:17.060
to people that i hated every second of all three

01:23:17.060 --> 01:23:19.739
hours of it yeah yeah i had a terrible time i

01:23:19.739 --> 01:23:23.220
was cold i was achy i was terrified for my life

01:23:23.220 --> 01:23:26.979
like and it was the best thing i've ever done

01:23:26.979 --> 01:23:30.960
i'm gonna go again I can't explain that. No.

01:23:32.220 --> 01:23:34.680
I'm not bad with words, but I don't have them

01:23:34.680 --> 01:23:36.680
for that one. You're on your own trying to make

01:23:36.680 --> 01:23:41.020
sense of that. Yeah. And some of the pictures

01:23:41.020 --> 01:23:44.020
as well that we got from the camera of it are

01:23:44.020 --> 01:23:48.819
just, you are clearly having the worst time.

01:23:49.460 --> 01:23:52.859
Yeah. Really, really quite upset by the whole

01:23:52.859 --> 01:23:58.329
thing. And now you're like, yeah. Next weekend.

01:23:58.569 --> 01:24:02.250
Yeah. Do it again. Seven hours. 24 hours. Yeah.

01:24:02.590 --> 01:24:08.069
No, God, not 24 hours. I would simply die. And

01:24:08.069 --> 01:24:11.010
this is important because we respect the top's

01:24:11.010 --> 01:24:13.710
limits. Yes, we do. Yes, very, very important

01:24:13.710 --> 01:24:15.750
to remember that the top's have limits as well.

01:24:16.090 --> 01:24:18.470
I am very much a hit -me -with -your -car submissive,

01:24:18.470 --> 01:24:21.109
though. Just hit me with your car! Yeah, yeah,

01:24:21.149 --> 01:24:23.850
I know. And I always will be. That's why I love

01:24:23.850 --> 01:24:29.840
you. Until you hit me with your car. Yeah, I

01:24:29.840 --> 01:24:31.380
don't actually want you to hit me with your car.

01:24:31.500 --> 01:24:33.819
I just want you to tie me up crying and naked

01:24:33.819 --> 01:24:36.539
in the boot and drive me to a secondary location.

01:24:41.460 --> 01:24:43.619
So maybe that's our next big scene. Maybe that's

01:24:43.619 --> 01:24:46.439
like, yeah, kidnapping. Hell yeah. Yeah, fair

01:24:46.439 --> 01:24:48.619
enough. That's where we go from this. Yeah. There

01:24:48.619 --> 01:24:50.479
you go. You heard it here first. But I think

01:24:50.479 --> 01:24:53.100
that's everything that we have to share about

01:24:53.100 --> 01:24:55.590
the interrogation. It was a lot of fun. And thank

01:24:55.590 --> 01:24:57.670
you for everyone who has followed along for this

01:24:57.670 --> 01:25:00.710
absolutely wild ride. Out of all the kinky shit

01:25:00.710 --> 01:25:02.210
that we've done, this seems to be the one that

01:25:02.210 --> 01:25:03.750
people on social media are the most fascinated

01:25:03.750 --> 01:25:06.710
by. And rightfully so. It was very cool. It was

01:25:06.710 --> 01:25:08.310
a very cool thing for us to do. We are very cool.

01:25:08.670 --> 01:25:36.470
We are. Very, very cool. See you next time.