WEBVTT

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Welcome to Don't Scare the Newbies, a podcast

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where we talk kink, raw and unfiltered. I'm Carisel,

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a lifestyle submissive in a 24 -7 dynamic who

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likes their kink heavy, intense and scary. And

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I'm S, Carisel's dominant, who delivers all of

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the above. And today we're going to be continuing

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our two -part episode on rules and contracts.

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This one, part two, we're going to be focusing

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on all of the rules that I follow, which is quite

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lengthy. There are no rules! There are several

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rules. Many, many. Sweet. So I'll start us off

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talking about a little bit of a recap on what

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we talked about in the last episode. If you're

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binging, I am so sorry, but I do have to assume

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that some people are listening to this week to

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week. So I think it's important to get that out

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of the way and then we'll crack on with some

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new content. So rules, contracts, all of that,

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it forms the structure of our relationship, which

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is very much the foundation of what everything

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is built on. We talked a little bit about how

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it's really important to have some of that stuff

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formalized because with how complex DS relationships

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and any kind of power exchange can get, it can

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very easily become a bit unwieldy and a bit confusing

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and things can be forgotten. You know, some of

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the rules that I follow on a daily basis are

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things that we agreed in the first couple. couple

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of weeks that we were dating yeah and i mean

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i'm doing them every day so i'd be unlikely to

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have forgotten them but some things maybe don't

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come up as often particularly some of the structure

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of the contract might be for circumstances that

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we don't really deal with very often or haven't

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even dealt with yet and things like that if we

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didn't have them written down to refer back to

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we would forget as we talked about in the last

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episode even stuff that is written down occasionally

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slips out of focus there was that really nice

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little bit of protocol that's in the contract

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about if i'm unable to to complete an instruction

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or i'm able to do something that's I will kneel

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and apologise to you and leave it up to you what

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you want to do about that. And I have not been

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kneeling for that for many months. And given

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that we have a very big liking of that kind of

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protocol stuff, it was kind of surprising to

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find that again. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. We should

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be doing that, shouldn't we? So that kind of

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thing even happening with the formal structure

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that we have, it's very easy to see how things

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could slip out of focus if you didn't have that

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in place. And I think it's also... something

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that we reflected on it's actually a really nice

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way of capturing like a snapshot of the values

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of our relationship and the priorities for us

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yeah yeah and and well i don't know what to say

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other than to agree i like when you agree yeah

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it's always nice yeah those those fixed things

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that are that are the kind of the core of our

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dynamic that are important to us and provide

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that kind of framework around all of the rules

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and stuff that we have, which are sometimes a

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little bit more variable, a little bit more fluid.

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Yes. And that fluid stuff is the stuff we're

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going to be talking about in this episode. So

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the rules document actually includes a few other

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things as well as the rules. It includes the

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rules, but it also includes my limits. It includes

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punishment and how that works. And it includes

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protocol, which has a lot of overlap with the

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rules. Trying to define exactly what is a rule

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and what is a protocol would be a little bit

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tricky, especially as protocol breaches are also

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punishable, just as all of the rules are. But

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it's a distinction that we'll talk about a little

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more as we go. Yeah. And, you know, the rules

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that we're going to talk about today, the set

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of rules that we've got at the moment, aren't

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the ones that we started with. No. You know,

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we gradually added to them. over time um i can't

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remember how many pages it is now it's like four

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or five pages of rules or something like that

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which feels bonkers um that's a product of a

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lot of it's a product of a lot of work isn't

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it and a lot of building on on what was already

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there and thinking about new areas where you

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wanted to give up control or i wanted to take

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control or have a firmer um kind of approach

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to it and i think the you know the rules that

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we had in the early stage of our relationship

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where you know there's four or five of them wasn't

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there which was basically um make sure you eat

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a proper meal every day i think there might have

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been something in there about how making sure

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you have a shower Yeah, there was one around

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making sure I took my medication, around skin

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picking, which was a big problem. It's something

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I've always had a big problem with and had been

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particularly bad around that period of time after

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my last relationship ended, which also had a

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rule about skin picking. I had just started the

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bad habit stroke back up again because I could.

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It was not wise in hindsight, but good to get

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that back under control. But entirely reasonable,

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I suppose. You know, from your perspective, you

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had been in a really heavy... dynamic before

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that and you weren't anymore and it's almost

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like an act of rebellion i suppose to go actually

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i can i can so i will i think there's an element

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of that and there was also an element of however

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long i go without doing it it's not a habit that

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fully breaks for me i always have the urge and

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that's something that i managed through taking

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good care of my skin to try to avoid rough patches

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forming and things like that But it's not like

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you never stop getting sort of hangnails and

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rough bits of cuticle. And I always have the

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desire to pick them. So as soon as there were

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no consequences to doing it, other than my hands

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looking like shit, I got back on with it. Plus

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I'd have that little spot on the back of my neck

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at the time, which I'd turned into a crater and

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then into a giant callus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

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showed that to you and you were like, yeah, we're

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going to put a stop to that. I was like, no,

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no. And it had been there for ages, hadn't it?

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And it just wouldn't go away. And then as soon

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as I said... stop doing that you stop doing it

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yeah and miraculously as if by magic it healed

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and it went away yeah who would who would have

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thought who could have predicted yeah i think

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that where we started with those rules is is

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actually a really good place for a lot of people

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who are thinking about introducing rules into

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their dynamic or exploring that ds dynamic is

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um I don't think I can take full credit for what

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I'm about to say, but I have co -opted it as

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my own. So I'm going to take credit for it now.

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I support you. I have an approach to rules which

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kind of breaks them down into three broad, possibly

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overlapping areas, I suppose. The first one,

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first group, is rules that are about maintaining

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or improving the health and well -being of the

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submissive. So making sure that you eat properly,

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making sure that you take your medication, making

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sure that you are exercising, stuff like that.

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And I think that's a really nice, neat way to

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start with exploring rules because it requires

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the submissive to do something, but it's not

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necessarily something that is massively out of

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habit or it would have a direct benefit for them.

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And that's important to me personally because

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a big part of my dominance is about kind of taking

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care of you. The other one, the other types of

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rules that we'll talk about as we go through

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is the ones that reinforce the dynamic itself.

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Yeah. So protocol is a really big part of that.

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And then there's the third group, which is a

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little bit harder to define of just because I

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can. Yeah. It's about control for the sake of

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it. Me exerting control because that is an option

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to me. There's no real benefit other than control.

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Yeah. And that's much more of a one -way thing

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than the protocol because I think the protocol

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rules are kind of a two -way. That's what I was

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going to say is those two last categories definitely

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have some overlap. But the way that I differentiate

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between those is that the rules that are there

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to reinforce the dynamic, as you say, they create

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things for both of us to do, work for both of

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us to do, although the rules are only enforced

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on me. Protocol is something that you are actively

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engaged with. You're interacting with that, even

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if you aren't sort of having things that you

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have to do to avoid getting in trouble. you're

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still a participant where the rules that are

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about just because you can just about exerting

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your control you might not even witness me doing

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those things but you're still making me do it

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because you can yeah yeah yeah and as we go through

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you'll you'll kind of see there's no that's not

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how we've organized the rules but i think broadly

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speaking all of our rules kind of fall into one

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of those one of those categories with a little

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bit of overlap but i think that's a helpful way

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to think about how you frame a set of rules But

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it also gives you a way of building up as you

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go. So start with the stuff that is just about

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taking care of you and making sure that you're

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doing the things that you should be to be a reasonably

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well -functioning human being. Then focus on

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the dynamic and then just have fun with it. Yeah.

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Just because I can. Yeah, because I think we

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have maybe one or two little bits of protocol

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in the early days as well. But like you say,

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the main focus was on those well -being rules,

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especially because my routine had kind of gone

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to hell. um having because it wasn't that long

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after i'd gone through the breakup i was still

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kind of relearning how to be a person so it was

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things like that that you put in place to get

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me back to a good healthy starting point to start

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building a new dynamic but we put in a bit of

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protocol early on because that was something

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i had less experience with than you but was really

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interested in and it's something that's really

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important to you yeah we're like okay let's integrate

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that from the start so i think the starting point

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with rules it's good to to get a good foundation,

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but also start kind of almost setting an intention

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of where the dynamic is going to go. So if you

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know that you're aiming for something quite high

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protocol, starting with some protocol in there

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means that that's not coming out of nowhere when

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you do introduce it. Yeah. And I think the way

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that we develop the rules by gradually adding

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to them as well, it's very good for getting used

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to the rules, embedding them into habit, you

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know, not finding them unmanageable. But it's

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also really good for people who maybe aren't

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sure how far they want power exchange to go,

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where we were very clear from the start that

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I like. things to go into total power exchange

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or close to it you hadn't experienced that before

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but you were interested in in taking a dynamic

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further than you had previously and even if not

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reaching full total power exchange you definitely

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wanted to point in that direction yeah yeah you

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had a clear idea that some people really aren't

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sure how much they want to deal with it and so

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adding things gradually can allow you to figure

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out where a comfortable stopping point is yeah

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i think so i think so and i think that i think

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the really interesting thing for me about how

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we how we did that is that we you know we started

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off with that core set of rules and then kind

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of regularly talking about what we could add

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to it and it was almost like before we knew it

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without realizing we actually had an almost total

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power exchange the the number of rules the breadth

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of the rules the specificness of them you know

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we we fairly quickly i think got to a point felt

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to me quite quick anyway where it's like not

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really sure what other rules we could add at

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this point There aren't many areas of your life

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where I don't have some level of oversight or

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control. And I think we got there quicker than

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I thought, but it didn't feel rushed and it didn't

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feel overwhelming because we did it like a chunk

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at a time. Yeah, definitely. And it's not that

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I think there's a right pace, really. I think

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that's going to be different for everybody. There's

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maybe a few wrong paces, you know, going to total

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power exchange in a week. I'm not going to say

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absolutely no one should do it ever, but I would

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say it's very unlikely to lead to a healthy power

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exchange. But sort of any sort of reasonable

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time frame, people need to go at the pace that's

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comfortable for them. Yeah. It's helpful to have

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some discussions early on about where you see

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it heading, being open to that changing as well.

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like i said you weren't sure if total power exchange

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was where you wanted to end up and we figured

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it out on the way you really embraced that and

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leaned into it and yeah now probably consider

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that as a sort of an important thing to you as

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as it is to me yeah yeah i think so i think it's

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like i think i said in in the previous episode

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this is probably the first relationship i've

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been in where it felt like in its entirety kind

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of authentic yeah and and a big part of that

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is is is down to the way that we've set up a

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contract and all of the rules which is Which

00:11:52.019 --> 00:11:54.740
is amazing. Yes, it really is. As I also said

00:11:54.740 --> 00:11:57.039
last time, it's also partly because you are amazing

00:11:57.039 --> 00:12:00.620
and incredibly hot. You're also amazing and incredibly

00:12:00.620 --> 00:12:04.320
hot. But it's interesting, isn't it, that...

00:12:04.809 --> 00:12:06.990
I think both of us have had the experience. We've

00:12:06.990 --> 00:12:08.350
had it at different times because I'd experienced

00:12:08.350 --> 00:12:10.649
this kind of dynamic before. But the experience

00:12:10.649 --> 00:12:13.929
of not really knowing what you needed from a

00:12:13.929 --> 00:12:16.269
power exchange until you were like neck deep

00:12:16.269 --> 00:12:18.789
in it. I didn't even know I wanted power exchange

00:12:18.789 --> 00:12:22.029
until the first kinky relationship I had, which

00:12:22.029 --> 00:12:25.269
had a very sort of loose, very light dynamic.

00:12:25.450 --> 00:12:27.450
And I hadn't been looking for that. And we just

00:12:27.450 --> 00:12:30.019
sort of fell into it. But even just that little

00:12:30.019 --> 00:12:32.059
taste of it was enough that I was like, that's

00:12:32.059 --> 00:12:34.519
the missing piece. That's what all my relationships

00:12:34.519 --> 00:12:36.240
have been missing. I need to pull up that thread

00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:38.460
and see where it goes. And I remember in that

00:12:38.460 --> 00:12:40.519
relationship, it ended up falling apart. And

00:12:40.519 --> 00:12:42.440
we had a big sort of argument about how poorly

00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:44.240
negotiated the dynamic was among other things

00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:48.210
and the lack of clarity on it. And that person

00:12:48.210 --> 00:12:50.330
sort of said, like, I didn't realise you wanted

00:12:50.330 --> 00:12:53.269
more from this. Like, I don't want to micromanage

00:12:53.269 --> 00:12:54.929
someone. And I said to them, like, well, I don't

00:12:54.929 --> 00:12:56.730
really want to be micromanaged. I just, I want

00:12:56.730 --> 00:12:59.590
more than what we've got. And that relationship

00:12:59.590 --> 00:13:02.149
ended. And within six months of that, I was actively

00:13:02.149 --> 00:13:04.309
seeking being micromanaged. Which I genuinely

00:13:04.309 --> 00:13:06.960
hadn't just been saying that to sort of... people

00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:09.120
please or try to find compromise i genuinely

00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:10.960
when we were having that conversation was like

00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:13.000
well no obviously i don't want anything too intense

00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:14.879
i just i just need a little bit more than we've

00:13:14.879 --> 00:13:16.740
got because i had a little bit more i wanted

00:13:16.740 --> 00:13:18.340
a little bit more and i wanted a little bit more

00:13:18.340 --> 00:13:20.080
and before i knew it i was in a relationship

00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:22.620
where i was asking permission to you know feed

00:13:22.620 --> 00:13:25.080
myself and things like that and it was like actually

00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:27.500
yeah i do really thrive with a really high level

00:13:27.500 --> 00:13:30.019
of control yeah yeah I think there's something

00:13:30.019 --> 00:13:33.200
for you about structure in that, isn't there?

00:13:33.299 --> 00:13:35.320
And there's the structure that comes with that

00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:37.759
type of dynamic and the discipline that comes

00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:40.899
along with it. Yeah. And it's the same for, you

00:13:40.899 --> 00:13:43.659
know, a relationship that I had previously where

00:13:43.659 --> 00:13:46.279
almost all of our rules were about supporting

00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:49.440
them to successfully function as a human being.

00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:52.279
Yeah. You know, and that sounds, I don't mean

00:13:52.279 --> 00:13:54.700
that in a critical way. They recognised, like

00:13:54.700 --> 00:13:58.850
you do, that they needed that push. to make sure

00:13:58.850 --> 00:14:01.970
they were taking care of themselves so that they

00:14:01.970 --> 00:14:04.830
felt like a successful, functioning human being.

00:14:04.929 --> 00:14:07.110
And that's probably where a lot of my kind of

00:14:07.110 --> 00:14:09.549
caregiving type vibe comes from as well, because

00:14:09.549 --> 00:14:14.029
that was a really heavy element to that. Which

00:14:14.029 --> 00:14:15.809
I just find dead interesting, because I think

00:14:15.809 --> 00:14:17.909
I would really struggle with somebody micromanaging

00:14:17.909 --> 00:14:19.830
me. Like all good dominants, I think I would

00:14:19.830 --> 00:14:27.320
be a disgraceful brat. And would... school my

00:14:27.320 --> 00:14:32.360
dominant on malicious compliance. Because that

00:14:32.360 --> 00:14:35.799
doesn't appeal to me. But micromanaging someone

00:14:35.799 --> 00:14:39.539
and having that control over someone is... It's

00:14:39.539 --> 00:14:41.860
amazing. Or I'm the exact opposite, where I love

00:14:41.860 --> 00:14:44.419
having some really strong leadership and direction

00:14:44.419 --> 00:14:46.679
in my life and having someone who's making all

00:14:46.679 --> 00:14:48.299
those decisions for me. Like, give me a life

00:14:48.299 --> 00:14:49.720
where I don't have to make a single decision

00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:51.539
and I just have to follow the rules and do what

00:14:51.539 --> 00:14:54.039
I'm told. Perfect. If I was put in control of

00:14:54.039 --> 00:14:56.100
someone else's life, I would simply lie down

00:14:56.100 --> 00:15:00.110
and cry. I could not cope with that. The responsibility,

00:15:00.330 --> 00:15:03.169
the stress. I would overthink every little decision,

00:15:03.330 --> 00:15:06.029
even if it was things like, can I treat myself

00:15:06.029 --> 00:15:08.470
to a coffee this morning? I would, like, what

00:15:08.470 --> 00:15:10.889
if I make the wrong choice and it ruins their

00:15:10.889 --> 00:15:13.769
life? Yeah. And there is a little bit of that,

00:15:13.909 --> 00:15:17.009
I think, you know. So we have, don't want to

00:15:17.009 --> 00:15:19.450
give spoilers, but we have a rule about the way

00:15:19.450 --> 00:15:22.330
that you spend your money. Yeah. And on the one

00:15:22.330 --> 00:15:25.409
hand, the idea of saying no to you is really

00:15:25.409 --> 00:15:28.730
appealing. just to kind of as that kind of pull

00:15:28.730 --> 00:15:31.450
on the leash in like not not to be mean spirited

00:15:31.450 --> 00:15:33.330
about it but there is there is a part of me that

00:15:33.330 --> 00:15:36.629
goes yeah just to tug on the leash to remind

00:15:36.629 --> 00:15:41.370
them of their place or versus why would i deny

00:15:41.370 --> 00:15:47.490
them buying a book or buying a i was going to

00:15:47.490 --> 00:15:49.490
say buying a pal i do sometimes deny you buying

00:15:49.490 --> 00:15:52.899
a pal but not very often yeah you know so there

00:15:52.899 --> 00:15:55.200
is that kind of push and pull in my head about

00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.279
making the right decision yeah in that in that

00:15:58.279 --> 00:15:59.899
moment and i think the only reason you say no

00:15:59.899 --> 00:16:01.700
when i'm like can i can i go to build a bear

00:16:01.700 --> 00:16:04.759
is because we have so many yeah it's not money

00:16:04.759 --> 00:16:06.840
and it's not control it's purely like where would

00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:11.220
we put it yeah yeah yeah yeah and that is the

00:16:11.220 --> 00:16:13.139
only you know that is the only time i will ever

00:16:13.139 --> 00:16:16.450
say no is like if you've been on it if you've

00:16:16.450 --> 00:16:18.870
had a period because it seems to come in little

00:16:18.870 --> 00:16:20.870
clumps doesn't it you go a little while without

00:16:20.870 --> 00:16:22.570
seeing a pal that you like and then you'll see

00:16:22.570 --> 00:16:25.789
three in a week yeah because builder bear always

00:16:25.789 --> 00:16:27.950
released like five at once that's usually the

00:16:27.950 --> 00:16:33.370
problem in my life yeah yeah but but but i think

00:16:33.370 --> 00:16:35.029
that that concern you would have about making

00:16:35.029 --> 00:16:38.470
the wrong decisions is is an important one yeah

00:16:38.470 --> 00:16:40.710
i guess there's something about being consistent

00:16:40.710 --> 00:16:43.370
in the decisions that you are given control over

00:16:43.370 --> 00:16:46.779
and just being reasonable as well, because it's

00:16:46.779 --> 00:16:49.419
a really subtle way of thinking about it. The

00:16:49.419 --> 00:16:51.379
power doesn't come in the decision. The power

00:16:51.379 --> 00:16:54.320
comes in being given the decision to make. So

00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:56.059
I'm not saying that the decision doesn't matter,

00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:58.840
but that's not really where the power is. That's

00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:00.919
not really where the power exchange is in that

00:17:00.919 --> 00:17:03.639
transaction. It's the power. I've delegated it

00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:05.380
to you. Yeah, yeah. You're asking permission

00:17:05.380 --> 00:17:08.220
to do something which the vast majority of people

00:17:08.220 --> 00:17:11.200
in the world just do. Yeah. So that the outcome

00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:14.579
of it is less important, I think, anyway. So

00:17:14.579 --> 00:17:18.660
how does that feel? What's your perspective on

00:17:18.660 --> 00:17:22.079
that then? I agree. Yeah, I think there's definitely

00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.240
times when I ask you permission to do something

00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:27.400
mixed or just ask your opinion, even outside

00:17:27.400 --> 00:17:30.200
of the formal rules, because I do like to go

00:17:30.200 --> 00:17:32.539
to you for my decisions, even if it's not absolutely

00:17:32.539 --> 00:17:37.740
mandatory. It's that I do also trust you to make

00:17:37.740 --> 00:17:40.680
good decisions. You are a responsible person.

00:17:41.019 --> 00:17:44.329
You have a lot of wisdom. the the choices that

00:17:44.329 --> 00:17:46.210
you make in your life are good and you you have

00:17:46.210 --> 00:17:47.769
a quality of life that reflects that you've made

00:17:47.769 --> 00:17:50.150
a lot of good choices so i do value your input

00:17:50.150 --> 00:17:54.329
on that but i've also been in positions where

00:17:54.329 --> 00:17:58.170
i was asking a dominant things where we had probably

00:17:58.170 --> 00:18:00.190
equal kind of life experience or knowledge on

00:18:00.190 --> 00:18:01.730
something or potentially even i might have known

00:18:01.730 --> 00:18:05.410
a little bit more and it still feels good to

00:18:05.410 --> 00:18:08.609
have that that power in someone else's hands

00:18:09.630 --> 00:18:11.609
Because I think a good dominant will always take

00:18:11.609 --> 00:18:15.650
into account my knowledge and my insight into

00:18:15.650 --> 00:18:18.910
a situation. But what's good for me is partly

00:18:18.910 --> 00:18:22.690
the transfer of authority in that feels really

00:18:22.690 --> 00:18:24.430
good to me to hand that over to you, both in

00:18:24.430 --> 00:18:26.230
terms of that feeling really freeing to me from

00:18:26.230 --> 00:18:28.430
having my head less tied up in agonising over

00:18:28.430 --> 00:18:30.809
my own decisions. Partly because it's hot for

00:18:30.809 --> 00:18:32.609
you to have that level of control over me, like

00:18:32.609 --> 00:18:34.769
the sort of slight dehumanisation of not even

00:18:34.769 --> 00:18:37.529
having... I have full access to my money, but

00:18:37.529 --> 00:18:39.230
I don't have full control over what I do with

00:18:39.230 --> 00:18:40.839
it. It's not like you're taking it off me, but

00:18:40.839 --> 00:18:42.299
you can decide whether or not I'm allowed to

00:18:42.299 --> 00:18:45.599
spend it on non -essentials. The other things

00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:47.019
that we'll talk about as we go through, like

00:18:47.019 --> 00:18:49.000
things around asking permission to use the toilet

00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:50.859
and needing to wait to be invited onto the furniture.

00:18:51.059 --> 00:18:53.740
It's not that you're not going to allow me to

00:18:53.740 --> 00:18:55.759
do things that I need to do as part of my day

00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:58.519
-to -day life. It's the handing over of control

00:18:58.519 --> 00:19:00.539
where... Well, I don't have that anymore and

00:19:00.539 --> 00:19:02.720
you do, but I feel really exciting. I think there's

00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:05.519
an element of it for me of feeling, feeling like

00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:07.720
it keeps us closer, like it keeps you more involved,

00:19:07.819 --> 00:19:09.660
like even these really mundane things that in

00:19:09.660 --> 00:19:11.920
a vanilla relationship, you would take no interest

00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:13.900
in how many times in a day I sit on the couch

00:19:13.900 --> 00:19:17.119
or go to the toilet. But because I have to come

00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:19.819
to you for those decisions, it creates more of

00:19:19.819 --> 00:19:21.619
a tether between your life and mine, which I

00:19:21.619 --> 00:19:24.380
really like. Yeah, I think that's really fair.

00:19:24.750 --> 00:19:27.230
You know, sometimes our entire day's worth of

00:19:27.230 --> 00:19:30.109
exchange on WhatsApp is, can I go to the toilet?

00:19:30.289 --> 00:19:32.250
Can I buy a book? Here's what I had for lunch.

00:19:32.430 --> 00:19:37.609
Yeah. If we didn't live together, I imagine we

00:19:37.609 --> 00:19:39.509
would text about some other things too. But that's

00:19:39.509 --> 00:19:41.049
when you're upstairs and I'm downstairs and I

00:19:41.049 --> 00:19:42.910
don't want to yell over the music. Yeah, yeah.

00:19:43.109 --> 00:19:45.690
That's what you get from me. Yeah. And it is,

00:19:45.710 --> 00:19:48.710
you know, it's a bit, if you scroll back to our

00:19:48.710 --> 00:19:50.960
history, it looks a bit silly. But it's also

00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:54.059
really nice. Again, it's that little tug on the

00:19:54.059 --> 00:19:57.619
leash. Yeah. Five or six times a day there is

00:19:57.619 --> 00:20:00.440
that small reminder, that small moment of our

00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:03.180
dynamic at play, which is really good to have

00:20:03.180 --> 00:20:06.119
that so present in our daily life when I'm upstairs

00:20:06.119 --> 00:20:08.460
doing my silly little tasks on my laptop to get

00:20:08.460 --> 00:20:12.299
that reminder. Yeah. It's really good. To the

00:20:12.299 --> 00:20:14.559
point that you were making earlier on about overthinking

00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:16.859
decisions, I think on the assumption that the

00:20:16.859 --> 00:20:19.140
person who is making the decision is not just

00:20:19.140 --> 00:20:22.589
an arsehole, That actually that probably isn't

00:20:22.589 --> 00:20:25.509
a wrong decision. Yeah. I think the reason I

00:20:25.509 --> 00:20:27.369
would overthink it is because I don't like having

00:20:27.369 --> 00:20:30.269
the decisions even for me. Yeah, yeah. So part

00:20:30.269 --> 00:20:32.250
of what I like about our dynamic is that I don't

00:20:32.250 --> 00:20:34.309
end up overthinking my decisions because I'm

00:20:34.309 --> 00:20:36.150
handing them over to you. Like you say, most

00:20:36.150 --> 00:20:37.970
of them are not, they are not life or death decisions.

00:20:38.130 --> 00:20:39.369
They are not things that are going to have a

00:20:39.369 --> 00:20:42.650
major impact on my life or our lives or anyone's

00:20:42.650 --> 00:20:45.250
life. But if I was left with them, I mean, I

00:20:45.250 --> 00:20:46.450
wouldn't struggle with the decision on whether

00:20:46.450 --> 00:20:48.589
or not to go to the toilet. That's an easy one.

00:20:48.789 --> 00:20:51.390
But things like, what i spend my money on how

00:20:51.390 --> 00:20:54.609
much i exercise you know what i wear in the morning

00:20:54.609 --> 00:20:57.190
yeah yeah having those taken off me frees up

00:20:57.190 --> 00:20:59.009
a lot of space in my brain that would be just

00:20:59.009 --> 00:21:01.890
making noise otherwise yeah that's fair it also

00:21:01.890 --> 00:21:04.569
stops me being impulsive with money particularly

00:21:04.569 --> 00:21:07.970
um because although it's very rare that you say

00:21:07.970 --> 00:21:10.130
no to me buying anything the point where i ask

00:21:10.130 --> 00:21:12.049
you if i can buy it is not the start of that

00:21:12.049 --> 00:21:13.910
process the start of the process is when i see

00:21:13.910 --> 00:21:16.240
the thing yeah and then i think do i want it

00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:18.539
or not yes yeah have i got the money to get it

00:21:18.539 --> 00:21:21.500
yes do i still want it yes then i go to you yeah

00:21:21.500 --> 00:21:24.920
without that the process would go i see the thing

00:21:24.920 --> 00:21:29.619
do i want it yes i click purchase before i thought

00:21:29.619 --> 00:21:31.859
about affordability but i think about affordability

00:21:31.859 --> 00:21:33.420
before i come to you because i know that's a

00:21:33.420 --> 00:21:35.869
follow -up question you sometimes have Do you

00:21:35.869 --> 00:21:37.329
have that money in your weekly budget? Do you

00:21:37.329 --> 00:21:38.690
have that money in your savings? Do you have

00:21:38.690 --> 00:21:40.150
that available on credit? And are the payments

00:21:40.150 --> 00:21:42.029
going to be affordable? And which of those are

00:21:42.029 --> 00:21:44.549
you using? So I have that thought before I come

00:21:44.549 --> 00:21:46.490
to you. And sometimes when I have that thought,

00:21:46.549 --> 00:21:48.450
I go, no, this is not reasonably affordable.

00:21:49.069 --> 00:21:51.049
Don't be stupid. And I don't even ask the question.

00:21:51.410 --> 00:21:54.049
Yeah, right. I hadn't really thought about it

00:21:54.049 --> 00:21:56.109
that way. Because you're right, that rule is

00:21:56.109 --> 00:21:58.309
you have to ask me to spend money that isn't

00:21:58.309 --> 00:22:02.670
on essentials. And you have to know. where it's

00:22:02.670 --> 00:22:03.890
going to be paid from. Is it going to come out

00:22:03.890 --> 00:22:05.369
of weekly budget? Is it coming out of savings

00:22:05.369 --> 00:22:09.450
that you're putting on credit? And the majority

00:22:09.450 --> 00:22:11.410
of the time, I don't ask for that information

00:22:11.410 --> 00:22:16.190
because it's relatively trivial amounts of money.

00:22:16.349 --> 00:22:18.029
But if it's big purchases, you do tend to ask

00:22:18.029 --> 00:22:19.430
the follow -up question, and I know that you

00:22:19.430 --> 00:22:21.509
always might, so I make sure I've got an answer

00:22:21.509 --> 00:22:23.730
prepared for that. But it's interesting to hear

00:22:23.730 --> 00:22:25.690
that kind of change in your thought process.

00:22:26.089 --> 00:22:28.470
Yeah. Because of having that rule in place, you

00:22:28.470 --> 00:22:31.069
don't just immediately see something and then

00:22:31.069 --> 00:22:32.869
ask if you can buy it. Actually, you go through

00:22:32.869 --> 00:22:35.170
a process yourself. Yeah. And decide whether

00:22:35.170 --> 00:22:37.609
or not it's worth asking. Yeah. Which I think

00:22:37.609 --> 00:22:42.150
is... That's amazing, actually. Like, that feels

00:22:42.150 --> 00:22:45.529
quite a difference. Yeah. In behaviour. And I

00:22:45.529 --> 00:22:48.910
can see it in my financial situation. I can see

00:22:48.910 --> 00:22:51.829
the difference. And in the amount of stuff cluttering

00:22:51.829 --> 00:22:53.869
the house. Because I don't buy stuff unless I

00:22:53.869 --> 00:22:55.849
really want it. Because I don't even bring the

00:22:55.849 --> 00:22:58.109
question to you until I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, that's

00:22:58.109 --> 00:23:03.269
fair. I didn't realise. I hadn't fully appreciated

00:23:03.269 --> 00:23:06.509
that. And that is sometimes quite quick. That

00:23:06.509 --> 00:23:08.349
still might only take you 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah,

00:23:08.349 --> 00:23:09.910
yeah. But I'm still going through it in my head.

00:23:10.089 --> 00:23:13.710
Yeah, yeah. No, I have experienced how quickly

00:23:13.710 --> 00:23:17.410
it can happen. When you're standing in a shop

00:23:17.410 --> 00:23:20.069
and you reach out for a pal and then you get

00:23:20.069 --> 00:23:25.720
this look on your face. He's speaking to me.

00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:30.519
Sometimes I make the error, once you touch one

00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:34.319
and they tell you their name, then unfortunately

00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:37.940
you do have to buy them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes.

00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:40.559
Including when they fall off a charity shop shelf

00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:43.500
and bonk you on the head. In my defence, that

00:23:43.500 --> 00:23:48.599
is what happened. There was this dog stuffy in

00:23:48.599 --> 00:23:51.630
a charity shop who I obviously now own. He was

00:23:51.630 --> 00:23:54.329
only two pounds, I think. And his name is Friendship.

00:23:54.529 --> 00:23:56.690
Yeah. Because he attacked me physically with

00:23:56.690 --> 00:23:58.470
his friendship. I feel like we've got a little

00:23:58.470 --> 00:24:01.269
off track. We can get back on track. That's okay.

00:24:01.630 --> 00:24:03.509
I think there's a lot of misconceptions around

00:24:03.509 --> 00:24:06.470
just the existence of rules in a relationship.

00:24:06.589 --> 00:24:09.680
I think... firstly people often see it as something

00:24:09.680 --> 00:24:11.859
imposed from the dominant to the submissive the

00:24:11.859 --> 00:24:14.460
sort of 50 shades cliche of the dominant turning

00:24:14.460 --> 00:24:17.000
up with a whole like massive contract and just

00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:18.680
slapping it down in front of the sub that's not

00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:20.920
how it generally works and definitely not how

00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:23.180
it should work it's a big big red flag of the

00:24:23.180 --> 00:24:25.380
dominant attempts to just impose a load of rules

00:24:25.380 --> 00:24:28.690
without any communication Yeah, and you do kind

00:24:28.690 --> 00:24:31.170
of hear people experiencing that, somebody coming

00:24:31.170 --> 00:24:34.450
along with almost like a prepackaged dynamic.

00:24:34.849 --> 00:24:37.150
Yeah. These are the things you must do in order

00:24:37.150 --> 00:24:40.230
to be my submissive. Sign up to it or you're

00:24:40.230 --> 00:24:43.009
a bad submissive. All of that sort of cliché

00:24:43.009 --> 00:24:46.369
nonsense that people think is how human beings

00:24:46.369 --> 00:24:53.630
behave. doesn't feel like that makes for particularly

00:24:53.630 --> 00:24:56.869
effective dynamics or effective rules yeah because

00:24:56.869 --> 00:24:59.650
they're not co -created definitely and i think

00:24:59.650 --> 00:25:01.029
there's definitely a difference between that

00:25:01.029 --> 00:25:03.289
and coming into negotiations saying these are

00:25:03.289 --> 00:25:05.109
things that are really important to me in a dynamic

00:25:05.109 --> 00:25:07.490
yeah that if you don't want these things we're

00:25:07.490 --> 00:25:09.769
probably not compatible that's a completely different

00:25:09.769 --> 00:25:11.829
conversation it's completely reasonable to say

00:25:11.829 --> 00:25:14.809
like that i as a dominant need a submissive to

00:25:14.809 --> 00:25:17.589
be comfortable with rules on on these areas yeah

00:25:17.589 --> 00:25:20.309
and then that's your starting point to personalise

00:25:20.309 --> 00:25:22.250
that to the two of you with your non -negotiables

00:25:22.250 --> 00:25:24.329
included. There's a difference between that and

00:25:24.329 --> 00:25:27.390
just being like, my word is law. This is what

00:25:27.390 --> 00:25:29.069
we're going to do. And I think it's typically

00:25:29.069 --> 00:25:31.589
people with not a lot of experience who attempt

00:25:31.589 --> 00:25:33.029
to do that, where they've either picked it up

00:25:33.029 --> 00:25:34.529
from something they've seen in a movie or something

00:25:34.529 --> 00:25:37.009
they've read online, or they just, their ego

00:25:37.009 --> 00:25:40.170
needs to come down a couple of pages. Yeah. And

00:25:40.170 --> 00:25:44.410
I think a lot of the time they would not be particularly

00:25:44.410 --> 00:25:50.039
successful in that attempt. No. but from what

00:25:50.039 --> 00:25:52.140
i've seen of that when you see the kind of rules

00:25:52.140 --> 00:25:55.019
that are being imposed they are they are typically

00:25:55.019 --> 00:25:58.539
in the because i can category i'm not really

00:25:58.539 --> 00:26:01.160
thinking about the submissive as an entire person

00:26:01.160 --> 00:26:03.980
no seems like never wear panties around me yeah

00:26:03.980 --> 00:26:06.700
yeah which in itself not a bad rule yeah but

00:26:06.700 --> 00:26:10.160
but if it's all like that you can see there's

00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:12.599
not a lot of depth to it yeah yeah and i and

00:26:12.599 --> 00:26:14.259
i guess that's why where it gets really tricky

00:26:14.259 --> 00:26:16.079
doesn't isn't it if you're if you're getting

00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:18.259
into a relationship with the dominance kind of

00:26:18.259 --> 00:26:21.700
understanding that nuance yeah of it's okay to

00:26:21.700 --> 00:26:23.660
say like you said it's okay to say these are

00:26:23.660 --> 00:26:25.700
the things that are really important to me so

00:26:25.700 --> 00:26:27.299
it's really important that we have rules around

00:26:27.299 --> 00:26:30.519
them versus this is the one true way of doing

00:26:30.519 --> 00:26:33.140
dominance and submission and if you're not doing

00:26:33.140 --> 00:26:34.920
it this way you're not doing it right sort of

00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:38.849
thing it's It can be quite tricky. Yeah. Because

00:26:38.849 --> 00:26:40.250
like you say, there's nothing necessarily wrong

00:26:40.250 --> 00:26:43.670
with the rules themselves. It's the delivery

00:26:43.670 --> 00:26:47.049
of it. Yeah. I think a healthy dynamic will always

00:26:47.049 --> 00:26:49.190
have some level of sub -input. And how much that

00:26:49.190 --> 00:26:51.089
is, is very much down to the preference of people

00:26:51.089 --> 00:26:53.329
in it. And there are some submissives who want

00:26:53.329 --> 00:26:55.150
to hand over a lot of the decisions there as

00:26:55.150 --> 00:26:56.950
well. And basically say, come up with some rules

00:26:56.950 --> 00:26:58.470
and I'll follow them. I think as long as they

00:26:58.470 --> 00:27:02.390
are demonstrating agency in that and still setting...

00:27:02.730 --> 00:27:05.210
clear limits and willing to give feedback if

00:27:05.210 --> 00:27:07.849
things do feel wrong. It's okay for a dynamic

00:27:07.849 --> 00:27:09.990
to be much more dominant -led. And it's also

00:27:09.990 --> 00:27:12.150
okay for a dynamic to be more submissive -led.

00:27:12.210 --> 00:27:14.049
Like my last dynamic, I would say almost all

00:27:14.049 --> 00:27:15.809
of the rules we had with ideas that I'd come

00:27:15.809 --> 00:27:17.890
up with. Because in that dynamic, she was more

00:27:17.890 --> 00:27:20.029
experienced and I was very, very new to kink

00:27:20.029 --> 00:27:23.269
when we got together. She wanted to make sure

00:27:23.269 --> 00:27:25.069
that it was going at my pace and that she wasn't

00:27:25.069 --> 00:27:26.890
pushing me too hard. So she left a lot of those

00:27:26.890 --> 00:27:29.029
decisions up to me to introduce things when I

00:27:29.029 --> 00:27:31.779
felt ready. So that was a dynamic where the actual

00:27:31.779 --> 00:27:34.140
structure of it was very submissive led. But

00:27:34.140 --> 00:27:36.759
then my life was very much dominant. She was

00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:39.279
the one in control, but I was the one deciding

00:27:39.279 --> 00:27:41.279
how much control and when, what that looked like.

00:27:41.460 --> 00:27:44.480
And then with us, I feel like it's probably quite

00:27:44.480 --> 00:27:47.539
close to 50 -50 with I come up with ideas, you

00:27:47.539 --> 00:27:49.680
come up with ideas, we collaborate together and

00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:53.200
create it. in a very sort of balanced way. And

00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:55.779
I don't think any of those are wrong as long

00:27:55.779 --> 00:27:58.319
as everyone is fully sort of mentally engaged

00:27:58.319 --> 00:27:59.980
with the process and is happy with how it's going.

00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:03.220
Yeah, I think so. I think for us, I think it

00:28:03.220 --> 00:28:05.660
was probably slightly tipped the other way in

00:28:05.660 --> 00:28:10.559
that things were going at my pace. Yeah. Whereas

00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:12.299
in your previous dynamic, things were going at

00:28:12.299 --> 00:28:13.940
your pace because that was how you had agreed

00:28:13.940 --> 00:28:18.200
it with your partner at the time. Because we

00:28:18.200 --> 00:28:20.519
were getting into areas that I didn't have a

00:28:20.519 --> 00:28:23.119
lot of experience of and wasn't clear about how

00:28:23.119 --> 00:28:26.579
I felt about some aspects of control. We were

00:28:26.579 --> 00:28:29.319
like, OK, we'll do these things and we'll set

00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:32.559
a rule that is a fairly light version of something

00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:34.839
that we're keen to explore. Yeah. And then kind

00:28:34.839 --> 00:28:37.819
of progress from there. Yeah. So it felt a little,

00:28:37.819 --> 00:28:39.500
although you're right, it was kind of completely

00:28:39.500 --> 00:28:42.680
collaborative and kind of working together and

00:28:42.680 --> 00:28:45.039
agreeing them together. I think that those early

00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:48.099
sets of rules would have been firmer. and more

00:28:48.099 --> 00:28:52.140
detailed if they've been led by you yeah i think

00:28:52.140 --> 00:28:54.180
the pace was very much led by you because at

00:28:54.180 --> 00:28:56.519
that stage i had a lot more experience of heavy

00:28:56.519 --> 00:28:58.500
power dynamics than you did that was for the

00:28:58.500 --> 00:29:00.420
exact same reasons that the previous dynamic

00:29:00.420 --> 00:29:02.920
the pace had been led by me as the most experienced

00:29:02.920 --> 00:29:05.200
partner with you being the less experienced partner

00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:08.619
is then led by you but in terms of the content

00:29:08.619 --> 00:29:11.539
of the rules that that's where i feel like it

00:29:11.539 --> 00:29:15.500
was quite close to 50 50 Yeah. Where almost everything

00:29:15.500 --> 00:29:17.940
that we had in the early days was something that

00:29:17.940 --> 00:29:19.660
we sort of cooked up between us standing smoking

00:29:19.660 --> 00:29:21.839
in the kitchen door the way that we did. Yeah,

00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:26.220
yeah, yeah. And even now, I think when new rules

00:29:26.220 --> 00:29:28.759
are added, it seems to fall pretty equally between

00:29:28.759 --> 00:29:31.339
us who comes up with the new ideas. Yeah. It

00:29:31.339 --> 00:29:33.240
was quite funny in the early days. I remember

00:29:33.240 --> 00:29:35.160
everything we talked about, I would sort of suggest

00:29:35.160 --> 00:29:38.160
something and you clearly had the same idea in

00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:40.259
your head, but scaled way down. Yeah. And we

00:29:40.259 --> 00:29:42.509
could sit somewhere in between them. Yeah. So

00:29:42.509 --> 00:29:44.950
like free use was one where I pitched the idea.

00:29:45.069 --> 00:29:46.630
I was like, do you want to introduce free use?

00:29:46.869 --> 00:29:48.730
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds awesome. So how

00:29:48.730 --> 00:29:49.970
are you going to signal when you're up for it?

00:29:50.029 --> 00:29:51.609
Are you going to wear a certain color of bracelet

00:29:51.609 --> 00:29:53.490
or we could do like a fridge magnet? And I was

00:29:53.490 --> 00:29:57.910
like, yeah, yeah. Sweetie, no. Free use. Free

00:29:57.910 --> 00:30:01.329
use means free use. Yeah. When I'm unconscious,

00:30:01.630 --> 00:30:04.329
when I'm drunk, when I'm on my period, when I've

00:30:04.329 --> 00:30:09.869
got the flu. Free use. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're

00:30:09.869 --> 00:30:13.089
right. We did. Yeah, we did. did have that conversation

00:30:13.089 --> 00:30:15.089
i think partly that was my lack of experience

00:30:15.089 --> 00:30:18.670
in in like genuinely genuine free use yeah but

00:30:18.670 --> 00:30:20.869
also kind of my exposure to people's thoughts

00:30:20.869 --> 00:30:23.170
about that in the stuff that i had read and learned

00:30:23.170 --> 00:30:25.269
online was one of the ways that you make that

00:30:25.269 --> 00:30:26.789
manageable is you have a little thing on the

00:30:26.789 --> 00:30:28.869
fridge yeah and that's a really good way of doing

00:30:28.869 --> 00:30:30.769
it for a lot of people but but it's not the way

00:30:30.769 --> 00:30:32.589
that i not not the way that you want yeah yeah

00:30:32.589 --> 00:30:35.299
i like for you to sometimes be uncomfortable

00:30:35.299 --> 00:30:37.359
and unpleasant like having that potential in

00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:39.579
it is important to me and in the early days we

00:30:39.579 --> 00:30:41.779
we still we had a safe word with that and things

00:30:41.779 --> 00:30:43.339
like that so there was still ways that it was

00:30:43.339 --> 00:30:47.019
different to how we do it now yeah um but yeah

00:30:47.019 --> 00:30:48.720
we there was a lot of conversations like that

00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:51.039
where i was like full -on extreme and you were

00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:53.480
like no please and baby and then we got to the

00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:55.119
halfway point between the two and that was what

00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:58.440
we set as the rule which is dead funny to think

00:30:58.440 --> 00:31:02.500
about because you had like but close to two decades

00:31:02.500 --> 00:31:05.579
on me in terms of chronological experience yeah

00:31:05.579 --> 00:31:08.240
yeah but i had gone off the fucking deep end

00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:11.240
from from the first day so i i'd caught up to

00:31:11.240 --> 00:31:13.319
you in terms of actual experience quite fast

00:31:13.319 --> 00:31:15.759
yeah i think so and i you know there was some

00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:18.079
there are there are some gaps in in during that

00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:20.160
time of course where i wasn't doing very much

00:31:20.160 --> 00:31:22.319
and i think you know kind of you you compare

00:31:22.319 --> 00:31:24.240
yourself to the people around you and compare

00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:27.420
yourself to what you see in in your environment

00:31:27.420 --> 00:31:29.680
this is not specifically related to rules but

00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:32.039
i used to think oh i hit pretty hard i'm quite

00:31:32.039 --> 00:31:35.740
i'm quite I'm brutal with the way that I do impact.

00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:39.700
And I think I always was capable of hitting people

00:31:39.700 --> 00:31:44.160
pretty hard. But I have never hit anybody as

00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:48.980
hard as I've hit you. Ever. The beatings that

00:31:48.980 --> 00:31:51.220
I have given you far outweigh anything I've ever

00:31:51.220 --> 00:31:55.920
done to anyone before. Because this relationship

00:31:55.920 --> 00:31:58.339
with you have allowed me to push that a little

00:31:58.339 --> 00:32:00.240
bit. I used to think I was hitting people as

00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:04.299
hard as I could. Absolutely no. And I know what

00:32:04.299 --> 00:32:08.420
as hard as you could is. As it turns out, you

00:32:08.420 --> 00:32:10.900
know. And I think there's that little bit, there's

00:32:10.900 --> 00:32:13.519
always that little bit in my head, it's as hard

00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:16.519
as you can and as hard as you should. Yeah. And

00:32:16.519 --> 00:32:18.960
I think I was as hard as you should. Yeah. And

00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.299
this relationship and you have allowed me to

00:32:21.299 --> 00:32:27.700
go, but how hard? How hard can I? And it's a

00:32:27.700 --> 00:32:29.299
similar sort of thing with the rules. It's kind

00:32:29.299 --> 00:32:31.140
of existing in a point where this feels quite

00:32:31.140 --> 00:32:33.559
heavy and then discovering there's a whole bunch

00:32:33.559 --> 00:32:36.279
of stuff beyond that. Yeah. So it's like, okay,

00:32:36.420 --> 00:32:38.579
so how far can I push this? How much control

00:32:38.579 --> 00:32:41.099
can I take in both senses of the word? Yeah.

00:32:41.180 --> 00:32:43.440
Like how much control can I be given and how

00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:46.119
much control can I cope with? Yeah. It has been

00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:49.000
a really fascinating thing to kind of discover.

00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:51.440
It's been fascinating to experience from my side

00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:53.680
as well because there was a little bit of a...

00:32:54.170 --> 00:32:56.609
Not risk in terms of safety, but risk in terms

00:32:56.609 --> 00:32:59.049
of what if this doesn't work for me when we got

00:32:59.049 --> 00:33:01.750
together? Because I had experienced full on total

00:33:01.750 --> 00:33:04.930
power exchange and you were definitely not experienced

00:33:04.930 --> 00:33:07.410
with that and you were cautiously open to it.

00:33:07.470 --> 00:33:10.329
But it was very cautiously. There was always

00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:12.650
a risk that we would start down this road and

00:33:12.650 --> 00:33:14.809
get six months into a year into it and find out

00:33:14.809 --> 00:33:17.849
that we just weren't compatible. Yeah. That what

00:33:17.849 --> 00:33:19.730
I needed was heavier than what you could give.

00:33:19.849 --> 00:33:21.710
Yeah. And the only way we could find that out

00:33:21.710 --> 00:33:24.539
was was to start exploring it together. And for

00:33:24.539 --> 00:33:28.640
me to be prepared to reduce some of the control

00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:30.819
that I was maybe looking for to meet you and

00:33:30.819 --> 00:33:32.539
for you to start experimenting with taking a

00:33:32.539 --> 00:33:34.500
little bit more control to try to meet me and

00:33:34.500 --> 00:33:36.640
to see where we ended up was a good place. And

00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:38.240
I was relatively confident that would happen

00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:40.700
because we just had that connection instantly.

00:33:41.279 --> 00:33:45.019
I was just like, even without even scratching

00:33:45.019 --> 00:33:46.779
the surface of the stuff that both of us are

00:33:46.779 --> 00:33:48.980
into, I just feel like a really core compatibility

00:33:48.980 --> 00:33:51.799
with this person and a real sense of trust and

00:33:51.799 --> 00:33:55.920
closeness and safety. from the first hookup that

00:33:55.920 --> 00:33:57.640
I didn't even understand where it was coming

00:33:57.640 --> 00:34:01.759
from. I just knew I was good here. So it didn't

00:34:01.759 --> 00:34:04.700
feel like a huge gamble, but it was there in

00:34:04.700 --> 00:34:07.140
my head. It might end up with one of us either

00:34:07.140 --> 00:34:09.960
needing to compromise a lot or it not working

00:34:09.960 --> 00:34:12.840
if we don't find ourselves on the same level.

00:34:13.019 --> 00:34:15.960
And we did. Relatively quickly, we did. So it

00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:18.119
was a risk that paid off. Yeah, of course it

00:34:18.119 --> 00:34:20.800
was. And I think that's very much a two -way

00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:25.570
thing as well. you know kind of having my own

00:34:25.570 --> 00:34:28.530
version of of those worries you know you describing

00:34:28.530 --> 00:34:30.630
the kind of dynamic that you'd had before and

00:34:30.630 --> 00:34:32.510
being really open that that is the kind of thing

00:34:32.510 --> 00:34:34.949
that you you you enjoy and that you you really

00:34:34.949 --> 00:34:39.349
look for in a relationship let me go shit yeah

00:34:39.349 --> 00:34:46.710
that's a lot isn't it um but i think setting

00:34:46.710 --> 00:34:50.010
off on that journey setting off on our journey

00:34:50.010 --> 00:34:53.010
and exploring all of that For me, there was also

00:34:53.010 --> 00:34:55.769
that kind of level of feeling safe to try it.

00:34:55.889 --> 00:35:01.570
Yeah, yeah. It feels safe to give it a go and

00:35:01.570 --> 00:35:04.730
know that you'll be kind of supported and supportive

00:35:04.730 --> 00:35:09.130
through that process and open and all of that

00:35:09.130 --> 00:35:10.949
kind of stuff. I think you're right. I think

00:35:10.949 --> 00:35:14.969
there was just something, wasn't there? That

00:35:14.969 --> 00:35:17.449
indefinable thing of, this is going to be all

00:35:17.449 --> 00:35:21.289
right, actually. Yeah. It might be a bit tricky

00:35:21.289 --> 00:35:24.130
exploring some of the stuff that we do now, but

00:35:24.130 --> 00:35:27.130
we'll be all right. Yeah. You know? And I think

00:35:27.130 --> 00:35:29.309
that's really helpful. If you find that, it's

00:35:29.309 --> 00:35:31.889
really, really special. Yeah. I don't think we

00:35:31.889 --> 00:35:33.389
can instruct people on how to find that because

00:35:33.389 --> 00:35:36.349
I still don't know how that works. I just met

00:35:36.349 --> 00:35:39.190
you and just knew. Tinder. Tinder of all the

00:35:39.190 --> 00:35:40.610
fucking places. Everybody should be on Tinder.

00:35:41.010 --> 00:35:45.929
No one should be on Tinder. Swipe right. Swipe

00:35:45.929 --> 00:35:49.949
left. Which way is it? Swipe left for two years.

00:35:50.429 --> 00:35:52.949
And then eventually you find the one good person.

00:35:56.909 --> 00:35:59.429
It's the law of probability. If you do it enough.

00:35:59.989 --> 00:36:02.849
Yeah. It always cracks me up that we met on Tinder.

00:36:02.989 --> 00:36:07.150
Of all the fucking places. I know. I know. Yep.

00:36:07.469 --> 00:36:09.110
I used to tell people that we met on Fields.

00:36:09.710 --> 00:36:11.710
Yeah. It's less embarrassing. It's embarrassing.

00:36:12.110 --> 00:36:14.190
I think one of the things that people probably

00:36:14.190 --> 00:36:17.170
think about the rules is, crikey, that's a lot.

00:36:17.610 --> 00:36:20.570
how do you how does that not become really confusing

00:36:20.570 --> 00:36:23.530
and really overwhelming to follow and i suppose

00:36:23.530 --> 00:36:24.909
that's something that's probably more important

00:36:24.909 --> 00:36:26.710
to you because you're the one following all of

00:36:26.710 --> 00:36:28.929
the rules yeah you have to still know them so

00:36:28.929 --> 00:36:31.769
yeah yeah i'm not doing them but yeah but it's

00:36:31.769 --> 00:36:34.230
definitely there's there's more work for me and

00:36:34.230 --> 00:36:38.070
more specifics to remember for sure I think the

00:36:38.070 --> 00:36:39.929
way that I try to explain this to people, and

00:36:39.929 --> 00:36:42.369
it still probably is going to sound like a lot

00:36:42.369 --> 00:36:45.050
when we get into them, but we all live by rules.

00:36:45.269 --> 00:36:46.949
And a lot of the time we don't even think about

00:36:46.949 --> 00:36:48.530
that. You've got, when you're a kid, you've got

00:36:48.530 --> 00:36:50.949
the rules that come from your parents, your family.

00:36:51.030 --> 00:36:52.690
You've got rules that you follow at school. Then

00:36:52.690 --> 00:36:54.269
you grow up and you've got rules that you follow

00:36:54.269 --> 00:36:56.130
in the workplace. There's the law that you follow,

00:36:56.369 --> 00:36:59.550
general sort of social rules as well. I'm not

00:36:59.550 --> 00:37:01.840
talking about like... being socially acceptable

00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:04.360
being normal necessarily because i'm all for

00:37:04.360 --> 00:37:06.139
being a little bit of a weirdo but there are

00:37:06.139 --> 00:37:08.679
rules of society that are not laws but that we

00:37:08.679 --> 00:37:10.699
still all follow so things like queuing up not

00:37:10.699 --> 00:37:12.019
pushing in front of the people in front of you

00:37:12.019 --> 00:37:15.059
in a shop saying please and thank you um like

00:37:15.059 --> 00:37:17.059
you know someone says hi how are you doing today

00:37:17.059 --> 00:37:18.679
not screaming fuck off in their face it might

00:37:18.679 --> 00:37:21.119
not technically be illegal but it is frowned

00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:24.519
upon so we all have like literally thousands

00:37:24.519 --> 00:37:26.300
of rules that we're following without thinking

00:37:26.300 --> 00:37:28.119
about it all of these things that you hold in

00:37:28.119 --> 00:37:30.110
your head and you're not ever sort of sitting

00:37:30.110 --> 00:37:31.530
thinking like oh god how am i going to remember

00:37:31.530 --> 00:37:32.849
all these how am i going to manage to follow

00:37:32.849 --> 00:37:34.269
all these because you've been doing it since

00:37:34.269 --> 00:37:36.730
birth you've been conditioned to it they become

00:37:36.730 --> 00:37:38.690
normalized they just become the things that you

00:37:38.690 --> 00:37:40.530
do without even really thinking about why you

00:37:40.530 --> 00:37:43.530
do it um and when people break those rules they're

00:37:43.530 --> 00:37:45.510
generally very consciously aware of it it's not

00:37:45.510 --> 00:37:47.650
like oh i just didn't know that's that's a lot

00:37:47.650 --> 00:37:49.429
less common and it's the same with these rules

00:37:49.429 --> 00:37:52.190
what the difference is is that a lot of the things

00:37:52.190 --> 00:37:55.070
that most people would box under sort of self

00:37:55.070 --> 00:37:58.309
-discipline or routine or habit or personal preference

00:37:58.309 --> 00:38:02.269
i am outsourcing to you yeah um so as we get

00:38:02.269 --> 00:38:04.210
into the rules you'll probably start to see where

00:38:04.210 --> 00:38:06.409
where those can be boxed off into different areas

00:38:06.409 --> 00:38:08.269
things like the self -care stuff we talked around

00:38:08.269 --> 00:38:11.170
about making sure i wash eat sleep yeah that

00:38:11.170 --> 00:38:13.449
comes into things that most people do under self

00:38:13.449 --> 00:38:15.070
-discipline when it comes into things like the

00:38:15.070 --> 00:38:17.289
appearance rules it's like oh that's a lot of

00:38:17.289 --> 00:38:19.539
rules but there are a lot of people who are doing

00:38:19.539 --> 00:38:21.000
all of those things just for themselves on a

00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:23.300
daily basis, and that's habit, that's self -care,

00:38:23.300 --> 00:38:25.119
and that's routine, and that's potentially sometimes

00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:27.280
driven by insecurity, but whatever the source

00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:29.460
of it is, they are self -imposed rules. I am

00:38:29.460 --> 00:38:32.840
just handing those over to you. So the amount

00:38:32.840 --> 00:38:35.219
of rules that I live by probably isn't that much

00:38:35.219 --> 00:38:36.880
more than most people do. Some of those just

00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:39.500
for fun, you can control because you can ones,

00:38:39.639 --> 00:38:41.619
are going to be very different, but compared

00:38:41.619 --> 00:38:43.840
to the, you know, most people are following a

00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:45.480
thousand rules in a day, and I'm following a

00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:48.300
thousand and five. it's not a big difference

00:38:48.300 --> 00:38:51.480
yeah what's different is that the authority figure

00:38:51.480 --> 00:38:53.619
who has the ability to impose consequences on

00:38:53.619 --> 00:38:56.000
me for those is not the government my employer

00:38:56.000 --> 00:38:59.019
society as a whole it is my partner which breaks

00:38:59.019 --> 00:39:01.500
a lot of those well -established social rules

00:39:01.500 --> 00:39:02.960
because your partner's not supposed to be able

00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:05.539
to do that yeah but we've decided to uh to do

00:39:05.539 --> 00:39:08.119
things our own way to do that yeah yeah yeah

00:39:08.119 --> 00:39:10.719
honestly yeah it's really interesting that when

00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:13.230
you Think about it that way. There isn't actually

00:39:13.230 --> 00:39:16.190
a lot in those rules that would feel out of place

00:39:16.190 --> 00:39:19.150
if you just asked anybody to write down their

00:39:19.150 --> 00:39:23.570
rules, their routines. There are some in there

00:39:23.570 --> 00:39:26.690
that are very specific to our dynamic and a lot

00:39:26.690 --> 00:39:29.010
of the protocol type stuff. Maybe not. But you

00:39:29.010 --> 00:39:31.949
are bang on correct about things like appearance.

00:39:32.349 --> 00:39:34.989
Actually, there are an awful lot of people who

00:39:34.989 --> 00:39:37.409
do that stuff every single day just because it

00:39:37.409 --> 00:39:39.610
makes them feel good or because society tells

00:39:39.610 --> 00:39:42.960
them to. Yeah. there's a level of specificity

00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:44.800
to it, I suppose, which might be a little bit

00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:47.480
different. So I need to think of more rules so

00:39:47.480 --> 00:39:50.639
that I do overburden you. Yeah, I don't think

00:39:50.639 --> 00:39:56.000
that's the aim. And the overburdening is a really

00:39:56.000 --> 00:39:57.860
interesting one as well, because I do genuinely

00:39:57.860 --> 00:40:00.079
worry about that. Or I did, I worry about it

00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:03.320
less now because I've got used to it. But when

00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:04.820
we're talking about the contract, there's an

00:40:04.820 --> 00:40:07.940
element of domestic service to your submission.

00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:10.420
And that does feel like a lot to put on one person.

00:40:10.880 --> 00:40:15.500
Because I have zero stuff to do, which is like

00:40:15.500 --> 00:40:19.619
the dream. Not for me. For a lot of people. For

00:40:19.619 --> 00:40:21.840
a lot of people. Would be like the dream. But

00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:25.219
that means you're doing it all. I definitely

00:40:25.219 --> 00:40:28.340
was worried at the start about the amount of

00:40:28.340 --> 00:40:30.800
stuff that you have to do in a day. So less about

00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:33.219
the rules and having to remember all of the rules.

00:40:33.300 --> 00:40:36.239
It's just the tasks. Yeah. That come with it.

00:40:36.380 --> 00:40:38.320
But when you lived on your own, you did all those

00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:40.820
house tasks yourself. Yeah, true. I know I'm

00:40:40.820 --> 00:40:42.599
doing two people's house tasks, but it's not,

00:40:42.619 --> 00:40:45.400
it doesn't double it. Yeah, that's fair. Though

00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:47.539
you didn't often cook from scratch. I very rarely

00:40:47.539 --> 00:40:50.099
cooked from scratch. There were no herbs or spices.

00:40:50.900 --> 00:40:57.619
There were zero. That's not true. That is a flat

00:40:57.619 --> 00:41:00.400
out lie. There was mixed herbs. There was mixed

00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:05.650
herbs. And there was salt. Yeah. And that was

00:41:05.650 --> 00:41:08.269
it. And there was no cheese and there was no

00:41:08.269 --> 00:41:11.869
condiments. I still am very confused about what

00:41:11.869 --> 00:41:14.989
you actually used to eat. It concerns me greatly.

00:41:15.829 --> 00:41:21.630
It wasn't great. It wasn't great. And I think

00:41:21.630 --> 00:41:26.510
part of that, slightly in my defence, part of

00:41:26.510 --> 00:41:29.150
that was the state of my brain at that time.

00:41:29.269 --> 00:41:32.760
Because I can cook and I did cook. Yes. You have

00:41:32.760 --> 00:41:34.340
cooked for me when we were first dating, to be

00:41:34.340 --> 00:41:37.300
fair. You're a good cook. So I think part of

00:41:37.300 --> 00:41:40.199
that was the time in my life that you met me.

00:41:40.340 --> 00:41:42.900
Yeah, that's understandable. That's fair. But

00:41:42.900 --> 00:41:44.960
I do remember you being absolutely dismayed at

00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:49.119
the lack of sauces. Yes. No ketchup, no mustard,

00:41:49.199 --> 00:41:50.860
no brown sauce. I can take or leave the brown

00:41:50.860 --> 00:41:52.840
sauce, but no mayonnaise. No mayonnaise. And

00:41:52.840 --> 00:41:55.460
no cheese. I get anxious when we're down to the

00:41:55.460 --> 00:41:57.320
last bag of cheese. I start getting twitchy.

00:41:57.880 --> 00:41:59.440
We should probably talk about some rules anyway

00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:01.380
before we get too sucked into my love of cheese.

00:42:01.559 --> 00:42:04.480
Yes, a little cheese fiend, a little cheese pervert.

00:42:05.099 --> 00:42:07.760
That's me. Yes, we probably should talk about

00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:09.460
some of the rules. The first section that we've

00:42:09.460 --> 00:42:13.659
got is about our protocol. So this, for me, would

00:42:13.659 --> 00:42:16.980
very much fit into these are rules about the

00:42:16.980 --> 00:42:20.480
dynamic. Yes. Rather than anything else. And

00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:22.840
there's a whole bunch of them. And this is where

00:42:22.840 --> 00:42:24.880
I think kind of people, when people say kind

00:42:24.880 --> 00:42:28.179
of, how do you... how do you keep all of that

00:42:28.179 --> 00:42:30.719
stuff in your head so you know there's like 16

00:42:30.719 --> 00:42:33.780
rules just on just on just on protocol which

00:42:33.780 --> 00:42:37.000
is wild when you think about it but this is something

00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:39.019
that was really really important to me i really

00:42:39.019 --> 00:42:42.440
like this kind of those regular reminders of

00:42:42.440 --> 00:42:44.559
the dynamic and that positioning that it gives

00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:48.019
you so the protocol includes um what you call

00:42:48.019 --> 00:42:51.929
me so you call me mix In almost all situations,

00:42:52.010 --> 00:42:55.429
apart from where social situations might not

00:42:55.429 --> 00:42:57.269
be appropriate, we might agree that you don't

00:42:57.269 --> 00:42:59.349
do that. But generally speaking, you will. Yeah,

00:42:59.349 --> 00:43:00.670
most don't do it. It's only if you're wanting

00:43:00.670 --> 00:43:03.130
to be really discreet. So sort of around your

00:43:03.130 --> 00:43:07.670
family, we tend to limit that. Yes. Yeah. And

00:43:07.670 --> 00:43:09.710
then when we're in kinked spaces, you will refer

00:43:09.710 --> 00:43:12.409
to me as Mix, whether you're talking to me or

00:43:12.409 --> 00:43:15.449
talking to someone else. Yes. But in different

00:43:15.449 --> 00:43:18.230
social situations, you can use my given name.

00:43:18.570 --> 00:43:22.989
yes my legal name um that carries over into the

00:43:22.989 --> 00:43:25.150
way that you write about me as well so you capitalize

00:43:25.150 --> 00:43:27.170
pronouns when you're referring to me and use

00:43:27.170 --> 00:43:29.070
lowercase pronouns when you're referring to yourself

00:43:29.070 --> 00:43:31.570
and we both do that with differing levels of

00:43:31.570 --> 00:43:34.070
success yeah i'm really consistent with it because

00:43:34.070 --> 00:43:36.670
it's punishable if i don't do it where you have

00:43:36.670 --> 00:43:40.409
no consequences so you yeah yeah yeah yeah um

00:43:40.409 --> 00:43:43.710
but there's a lot of behavior stuff in this protocol

00:43:43.710 --> 00:43:48.050
as well so things like um If we're not apart,

00:43:48.170 --> 00:43:50.130
you have to text me when you wake up and when

00:43:50.130 --> 00:43:52.289
you go to bed. If we're not together. If we're

00:43:52.289 --> 00:43:56.090
not... Like, when we're not together, you have

00:43:56.090 --> 00:43:58.190
to text me when you wake up and before you go

00:43:58.190 --> 00:44:02.409
to bed. You walk on the inside of the pavement.

00:44:02.969 --> 00:44:06.650
When we're out together, you open doors for me.

00:44:06.989 --> 00:44:09.909
Again, sometimes I forget. I sometimes have to

00:44:09.909 --> 00:44:12.250
scurry ahead of you to get it. Instinct to kind

00:44:12.250 --> 00:44:15.090
of reach for the door if I'm getting there. first

00:44:15.090 --> 00:44:17.530
i really like the one around i roll in like cigarettes

00:44:17.530 --> 00:44:19.849
for you as well that's a really nice little one

00:44:19.849 --> 00:44:21.670
that i do it does make me laugh with the one

00:44:21.670 --> 00:44:24.510
with the doors because when we were first negotiating

00:44:24.510 --> 00:44:26.530
our early protocol this was one that came up

00:44:26.530 --> 00:44:28.489
fairly early for us i don't think it was quite

00:44:28.489 --> 00:44:30.510
in the first batch of rules but very early on

00:44:30.510 --> 00:44:32.650
we were talking about having a protocol around

00:44:32.650 --> 00:44:34.650
opening doors and you'd actually suggested you

00:44:34.650 --> 00:44:37.090
opening doors for me because we had different

00:44:37.090 --> 00:44:40.250
experience of of what a ds relationship look

00:44:40.250 --> 00:44:42.150
like you were coming at it from that sort of

00:44:42.150 --> 00:44:44.530
caregiver perspective of a big part of the dominance

00:44:44.530 --> 00:44:46.710
role is to take care of the submissive which

00:44:46.710 --> 00:44:48.349
has definitely come through into our dynamic

00:44:48.349 --> 00:44:50.289
really strongly in other areas but because i

00:44:50.289 --> 00:44:52.210
was coming from a background of it being very

00:44:52.210 --> 00:44:54.289
much about service and being useful and being

00:44:54.289 --> 00:44:57.090
subservient and showing a lower position my view

00:44:57.090 --> 00:44:58.469
was that i should be the one opening doors for

00:44:58.469 --> 00:45:00.590
you because that's what my version of submission

00:45:00.590 --> 00:45:03.360
looked like you were like i'll be open -minded

00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:05.340
to trying it your way in yeah yeah and you like

00:45:05.340 --> 00:45:07.420
it apart from when i have to scurry to catch

00:45:07.420 --> 00:45:09.219
up to it so yeah which is a really good example

00:45:09.219 --> 00:45:11.280
isn't it of kind of a collaborative approach

00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:14.079
to it of actually those are two opposite opinions

00:45:14.079 --> 00:45:16.940
we have to you know we have to compromise somewhere

00:45:16.940 --> 00:45:19.079
and actually it was more important to you from

00:45:19.079 --> 00:45:21.480
a service perspective than it was to me as a

00:45:21.480 --> 00:45:24.860
caregiving thing yeah we'll give it a batch i

00:45:24.860 --> 00:45:26.480
think it's also a really good example of how

00:45:27.159 --> 00:45:29.400
So many things are seen as like a dominant act

00:45:29.400 --> 00:45:31.619
or a submissive act. But actually, it's about

00:45:31.619 --> 00:45:33.900
the intention behind it. And most things can

00:45:33.900 --> 00:45:35.820
be either dominant or submissive, depending on

00:45:35.820 --> 00:45:37.320
the meaning that you attach to it. And that was

00:45:37.320 --> 00:45:39.280
one where neither of us were wrong. They were

00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:41.519
just different styles of dominance. Yeah, no,

00:45:41.639 --> 00:45:43.239
I think you're right. And it's such a weird thing,

00:45:43.320 --> 00:45:45.579
isn't it? That idea that certain acts are dominant

00:45:45.579 --> 00:45:47.840
ones and certain acts are submissive ones. It's

00:45:47.840 --> 00:45:51.239
such a strange. Yeah. Such a strange approach

00:45:51.239 --> 00:45:53.679
to it. completely outside of the rules but like

00:45:53.679 --> 00:45:56.059
going down on someone giving all to someone is

00:45:56.059 --> 00:45:57.820
that a dominant or a submissive act it's like

00:45:57.820 --> 00:46:02.039
depends how you do it yeah and it's funny like

00:46:02.039 --> 00:46:03.980
we talked about in the episode on sex both of

00:46:03.980 --> 00:46:06.239
us have sometimes struggled with enjoying receiving

00:46:06.239 --> 00:46:08.860
oral yeah because in my head receiving oral means

00:46:08.860 --> 00:46:10.500
that i'm in a dominant position i don't like

00:46:10.500 --> 00:46:12.559
it and in your head receiving oral means you're

00:46:12.559 --> 00:46:14.599
in a submissive position you don't like it yeah

00:46:14.599 --> 00:46:16.940
yeah yeah so those hang -ups we have about what

00:46:16.940 --> 00:46:19.199
a dominant or submissive act is can also really

00:46:19.199 --> 00:46:22.179
fuck up your sex life yeah it's wild isn't it

00:46:22.179 --> 00:46:24.920
so sort of that protocol uh that we have in the

00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:27.550
rules are that you share your location At all

00:46:27.550 --> 00:46:29.550
times. There's a really cool app that you can

00:46:29.550 --> 00:46:32.349
use, which allows you to track your location.

00:46:32.710 --> 00:46:34.570
I think you've already mentioned it. You don't

00:46:34.570 --> 00:46:37.429
use furniture unless you are specifically given

00:46:37.429 --> 00:46:40.429
permission to do that. You ask to go to the toilet.

00:46:40.630 --> 00:46:43.650
And we have rules around how we deal with that

00:46:43.650 --> 00:46:46.389
if we're not together, if you're out or if I'm

00:46:46.389 --> 00:46:50.050
out. You can ask for blanket permission. If we

00:46:50.050 --> 00:46:51.510
don't agree that, you have to wait a certain

00:46:51.510 --> 00:46:53.550
amount of time. Yes, I text, wait for a response,

00:46:53.590 --> 00:46:54.909
if I don't get one in five minutes, that's a

00:46:54.909 --> 00:46:59.409
yes. And then I think what I would predict would

00:46:59.409 --> 00:47:02.449
be your favourite bit of protocol is daily worship.

00:47:02.710 --> 00:47:05.269
Yes, that is absolutely my favourite bit. Yeah.

00:47:05.309 --> 00:47:08.170
So every day you kneel for worship before you

00:47:08.170 --> 00:47:10.190
get into bed. Every day before we go to bed,

00:47:10.269 --> 00:47:13.730
you get on your knees and you provide worship.

00:47:13.849 --> 00:47:17.210
And that might be to my feet, to my balls or

00:47:17.210 --> 00:47:21.110
to my armpits. Yes. Depending on how I'm feeling

00:47:21.110 --> 00:47:23.690
that day. By and large, at night, it's feet.

00:47:23.989 --> 00:47:25.869
It usually at least starts with the feet, and

00:47:25.869 --> 00:47:28.489
then sometimes I also get to worship other places.

00:47:28.769 --> 00:47:32.170
Yes. Yes. Which you very much enjoy. I do, yeah.

00:47:32.530 --> 00:47:35.630
I don't know which my favourite is. I really

00:47:35.630 --> 00:47:38.130
don't. No. Whichever's the sweatiest, honestly.

00:47:43.030 --> 00:47:46.050
Bye. There'll be people listening to this up

00:47:46.050 --> 00:47:48.570
here. And there'll be people listening to this

00:47:48.570 --> 00:47:52.329
going, what? What? And you are all valid. But

00:47:52.329 --> 00:47:58.289
I am a sweat pervert. Yeah. Yeah, you are. You're

00:47:58.289 --> 00:48:02.929
my little sweat pervert. So those are nice ways

00:48:02.929 --> 00:48:07.909
of kind of reinforcing that power difference.

00:48:08.110 --> 00:48:10.409
Yeah. That authority difference. And I like that

00:48:10.409 --> 00:48:12.750
our protocol, it is really, really pervasive

00:48:12.750 --> 00:48:14.710
into every area of life. If you look at these,

00:48:14.750 --> 00:48:16.070
the stuff that's covering first thing in the

00:48:16.070 --> 00:48:18.300
morning. like we're not together sending you

00:48:18.300 --> 00:48:19.920
a text message if you tell me to make you your

00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:22.079
coffee in the morning making it the stuff the

00:48:22.079 --> 00:48:24.239
last thing at night with the worship the stuff

00:48:24.239 --> 00:48:26.400
that is governing every aspect of just day -to

00:48:26.400 --> 00:48:29.559
-day life like like asking permission to go to

00:48:29.559 --> 00:48:31.579
the toilet and waiting to be invited to use the

00:48:31.579 --> 00:48:33.940
furniture there's there's no day in my life that

00:48:33.940 --> 00:48:35.460
i'm going to get through without needing to do

00:48:35.460 --> 00:48:38.539
those things yeah so this means that like we

00:48:38.539 --> 00:48:41.969
are switched on and doing the dynamic multiple

00:48:41.969 --> 00:48:44.809
times a day every single day without fail yeah

00:48:44.809 --> 00:48:47.070
i really like that it keeps it really really

00:48:47.070 --> 00:48:50.170
current yeah i agree so the next section of our

00:48:50.170 --> 00:48:52.510
rules is about appearance and we touched on this

00:48:52.510 --> 00:48:54.849
a little bit before a lot of this is things that

00:48:54.849 --> 00:48:56.670
people will just do for themselves out of personal

00:48:56.670 --> 00:48:59.590
preference or a desire to be accepted of various

00:48:59.590 --> 00:49:02.889
reasons so none of it ever feels like a burden

00:49:02.889 --> 00:49:05.070
to me in fact i've actually found this really

00:49:05.070 --> 00:49:08.070
beneficial to me having a better routine and

00:49:08.070 --> 00:49:11.519
not I wouldn't necessarily class spending time

00:49:11.519 --> 00:49:13.340
on my appearance as self -care. I'm not a big

00:49:13.340 --> 00:49:14.880
fan of it when people talk about things like

00:49:14.880 --> 00:49:16.559
doing their makeup and their skincare routine

00:49:16.559 --> 00:49:20.039
as self -care because I think you can sometimes

00:49:20.039 --> 00:49:22.539
pull focus away from things that you really need

00:49:22.539 --> 00:49:25.039
to do to take care of yourself. But I do think

00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:27.619
having time in the day where your focus is on

00:49:27.619 --> 00:49:30.659
you is good and can help you to slow down. I

00:49:30.659 --> 00:49:33.000
consider my morning makeup time to be like my

00:49:33.000 --> 00:49:34.800
morning commute because I work from home and

00:49:34.800 --> 00:49:37.050
it gives me that decompression between... Between

00:49:37.050 --> 00:49:40.150
work and life, I find these rules have benefited

00:49:40.150 --> 00:49:42.190
me in ways that I didn't expect to. Because these

00:49:42.190 --> 00:49:45.010
definitely fell more into the sort of crossover

00:49:45.010 --> 00:49:48.630
between rules that are to reinforce the dynamic

00:49:48.630 --> 00:49:50.469
and rules that are just because you can. Yeah.

00:49:50.710 --> 00:49:53.989
Making me look like your ideal sex object isn't

00:49:53.989 --> 00:49:56.369
just because you can. Yeah. But it's also ended

00:49:56.369 --> 00:49:58.389
up meaning that I take a little bit more time

00:49:58.389 --> 00:50:00.869
to do things that feel nice for myself. Yeah.

00:50:01.210 --> 00:50:03.349
in my routine yeah that's really that's that's

00:50:03.349 --> 00:50:05.230
a really positive i'd say slightly surprising

00:50:05.230 --> 00:50:07.550
very positive outcome especially given that a

00:50:07.550 --> 00:50:10.949
lot a lot of these rules kind of really came

00:50:10.949 --> 00:50:13.489
in when we started exploring bimbofication yeah

00:50:13.489 --> 00:50:16.409
kind of at the beginning of this year yeah you

00:50:16.409 --> 00:50:18.809
know i i think i can't even remember what rules

00:50:18.809 --> 00:50:21.449
we had around appearance we had a an outfit check

00:50:21.449 --> 00:50:24.010
mix and that was about it I had to ask you if

00:50:24.010 --> 00:50:25.289
you had any instructions on what I was going

00:50:25.289 --> 00:50:27.869
to wear. And either you would then instruct me

00:50:27.869 --> 00:50:29.989
or you would say no. I would dress myself and

00:50:29.989 --> 00:50:31.650
then you would check what I was wearing and make

00:50:31.650 --> 00:50:33.449
sure you were happy with it. And that was it.

00:50:33.570 --> 00:50:35.110
It was quite rare that you told me what to wear

00:50:35.110 --> 00:50:39.030
before we started the bimbofication. And then

00:50:39.030 --> 00:50:40.829
it's become something you've been a lot more

00:50:40.829 --> 00:50:42.670
actively involved in and we've expanded them

00:50:42.670 --> 00:50:44.849
a lot. So these rules, as well as still having

00:50:44.849 --> 00:50:47.670
the rule around the outfit, there's now a little

00:50:47.670 --> 00:50:49.329
bit more detail to that where if you don't give

00:50:49.329 --> 00:50:51.650
me specific instructions, it needs to fit within

00:50:51.650 --> 00:50:53.969
the goal of bimbofication. So it needs to be

00:50:53.969 --> 00:50:55.909
something quite revealing or tight. It needs

00:50:55.909 --> 00:50:58.090
to be something that fits that aesthetic. We

00:50:58.090 --> 00:51:01.190
also now have rules around that I have to wear

00:51:01.190 --> 00:51:04.909
either no bra or an approved bra. So unless I'm

00:51:04.909 --> 00:51:08.090
doing sports or sleeping. i i get uncomfy if

00:51:08.090 --> 00:51:09.570
i sleep without a bra so i sleep in a sports

00:51:09.570 --> 00:51:12.010
bra um sports bras would not be acceptable for

00:51:12.010 --> 00:51:13.769
most days it's like push -up bra or something

00:51:13.769 --> 00:51:17.150
like halter neck and lacy the ones yeah yeah

00:51:17.150 --> 00:51:20.730
yeah um we also this is one that we had before

00:51:20.730 --> 00:51:22.869
bimbofication that i do have to wear proper clothes

00:51:22.869 --> 00:51:25.429
every day i can't work in my pajamas yeah um

00:51:25.429 --> 00:51:27.869
i could ask for an exception to that if i'm like

00:51:27.869 --> 00:51:30.610
sick or really tired but generally i have to

00:51:30.610 --> 00:51:33.030
wear actual clothing every day and that's that's

00:51:33.030 --> 00:51:35.389
something that we've retained yeah And also,

00:51:35.429 --> 00:51:37.769
I've also just spotted my favourite, one of my

00:51:37.769 --> 00:51:39.949
favourite Lee Glees phrases, which people remember

00:51:39.949 --> 00:51:41.989
from the last episode, for the avoidance of doubt,

00:51:42.230 --> 00:51:44.690
proper clothes does not include comfies. Yes.

00:51:44.809 --> 00:51:46.909
So that would be like pyjamas and sort of slobbing

00:51:46.909 --> 00:51:49.949
around, kind of. yeah that kind of stuff i really

00:51:49.949 --> 00:51:53.869
like uh 2 .7 that i will ensure my hair is presentable

00:51:53.869 --> 00:51:56.349
at all times style my hair every day will not

00:51:56.349 --> 00:51:58.130
allow my hair to remain greasy for more than

00:51:58.130 --> 00:52:00.409
24 hours and may not use a hat to cover up my

00:52:00.409 --> 00:52:03.050
hair without permission yes um because my old

00:52:03.050 --> 00:52:06.070
trick before that rule was in there was i wasn't

00:52:06.070 --> 00:52:07.250
like leaving my hair to the point it was like

00:52:07.250 --> 00:52:09.190
disgusting and smelly but i have got really oily

00:52:09.190 --> 00:52:12.670
hair and my sort of day three hair rather than

00:52:12.670 --> 00:52:14.090
doing anything about the fact that it looked

00:52:14.090 --> 00:52:16.150
like shit i would just shove a hat on it yeah

00:52:16.150 --> 00:52:19.829
no that's fine um where now on the day where

00:52:19.829 --> 00:52:22.570
it's kind of on the way out i will do like a

00:52:22.570 --> 00:52:24.550
proper like an updo or something like kind of

00:52:24.550 --> 00:52:26.969
messy but messy on purpose bun yeah there's no

00:52:26.969 --> 00:52:28.389
more of this just shoving it under a hat and

00:52:28.389 --> 00:52:30.829
ignoring it because that was a terrible habit

00:52:30.829 --> 00:52:33.849
yeah yeah and it used to stop me doing like stuff

00:52:33.849 --> 00:52:35.510
for tiktok i would be like i can't film today

00:52:35.510 --> 00:52:37.329
because my hair looks like shit and now now i

00:52:37.329 --> 00:52:39.769
have no excuse yeah that's not what i thought

00:52:39.769 --> 00:52:41.429
you were going to say about i thought you were

00:52:41.429 --> 00:52:42.989
going to gently rip me for the fact that actually

00:52:42.989 --> 00:52:44.610
i can't always tell when your hair is greasy

00:52:44.610 --> 00:52:47.559
that You have done well to remind me of that

00:52:47.559 --> 00:52:49.639
because I think you can now because I started

00:52:49.639 --> 00:52:51.300
pointing it out to you and explaining it to you.

00:52:51.539 --> 00:52:54.519
But before we had this rule, I commented, there

00:52:54.519 --> 00:52:56.019
was a few times where I was like, oh God, my

00:52:56.019 --> 00:52:57.179
hair looks terrible today. I'm going to have

00:52:57.179 --> 00:52:59.059
to put the hat on and we'll do something with

00:52:59.059 --> 00:53:01.559
it before we go out. And you'll be like, what's

00:53:01.559 --> 00:53:03.179
wrong with it? And I was like, it's literally,

00:53:03.260 --> 00:53:05.579
it's so greasy. It looks wet. It looks like I

00:53:05.579 --> 00:53:09.280
buttered my head. Peering at it like, just looks

00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:14.119
like hair to me. Yeah. So the rest of these rules,

00:53:14.159 --> 00:53:15.679
we've got some rules around me keeping my nails

00:53:15.679 --> 00:53:17.920
painted at all times. So I have to repair chips

00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:20.820
and repaint my nails every two weeks. We've got

00:53:20.820 --> 00:53:23.219
one of the very, very original rules from way

00:53:23.219 --> 00:53:26.239
back in the day of not picking my skin. And we

00:53:26.239 --> 00:53:29.199
have quite extensive and specific rules on makeup

00:53:29.199 --> 00:53:31.639
where not only do I have to wear makeup every

00:53:31.639 --> 00:53:34.320
day, unless I've been given an exemption because

00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:36.760
I'm not well, things like that. So yeah, makeup

00:53:36.760 --> 00:53:39.500
every day. And we've also got it listed what

00:53:39.500 --> 00:53:41.840
that needs to include. So if I'm staying in the

00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:44.659
house, it's concealer, bronzer, eyeshadow, eyeliner,

00:53:44.940 --> 00:53:47.960
mascara and brow pencil. And then if I'm going

00:53:47.960 --> 00:53:49.420
out, I'm not necessarily if I'm just popping

00:53:49.420 --> 00:53:51.440
to the corner shop, but if we're going properly

00:53:51.440 --> 00:53:54.099
out, I also need to have done something on my

00:53:54.099 --> 00:53:55.900
lips. I need to have done contour. I need to

00:53:55.900 --> 00:53:58.239
have done blusher as well. So this and a couple

00:53:58.239 --> 00:54:00.320
of other rules about that are related to that

00:54:00.320 --> 00:54:03.599
bimbo aesthetic are very specific about this

00:54:03.599 --> 00:54:06.710
is the type of makeup that you will wear. Which

00:54:06.710 --> 00:54:09.409
I think very much leans into that bimbofication,

00:54:09.429 --> 00:54:12.050
but also this is just me exerting control. Yeah,

00:54:12.190 --> 00:54:15.989
it's very strict. Yeah. Yeah. The rest of these

00:54:15.989 --> 00:54:19.269
rules also cover maintaining grooming of body

00:54:19.269 --> 00:54:21.670
and facial hair. So eyebrows need to be shaped.

00:54:22.349 --> 00:54:23.849
You don't actually have any rules about the rest

00:54:23.849 --> 00:54:25.570
of my facial hair. I've tended to start trimming

00:54:25.570 --> 00:54:27.110
it since I started wearing makeup because trying

00:54:27.110 --> 00:54:29.510
to smear foundation into a beard is a bad and

00:54:29.510 --> 00:54:32.750
unenjoyable time. But yeah, rules about my eyebrows.

00:54:32.929 --> 00:54:35.630
I'm shaving my legs and pubic hair. Maintaining

00:54:35.630 --> 00:54:38.269
a tan at all times using sunbeds and tanning

00:54:38.269 --> 00:54:40.650
injections do not come for me. I know it is really

00:54:40.650 --> 00:54:43.030
unhealthy, but I would have done that by myself

00:54:43.030 --> 00:54:45.210
if unsupervised anyway. And we both enjoy that.

00:54:45.369 --> 00:54:47.670
Yeah. And maintaining tan lines, which is something

00:54:47.670 --> 00:54:50.210
that I'd specifically. yeah to include we thought

00:54:50.210 --> 00:54:55.889
you on that you did you did um but again it's

00:54:55.889 --> 00:54:57.269
one of those things where we kind of talk about

00:54:57.269 --> 00:54:59.730
it and go actually i you know you i'm not gonna

00:54:59.730 --> 00:55:02.030
i can't speak for you i suppose but i think given

00:55:02.030 --> 00:55:04.909
the aim of this is to turn you in kind of embrace

00:55:04.909 --> 00:55:07.190
that kind of trash bimbo aesthetic and turn you

00:55:07.190 --> 00:55:08.829
into something that is sexually appealing to

00:55:08.829 --> 00:55:12.130
me yeah i find tan lines really hot yeah i don't

00:55:12.130 --> 00:55:16.260
know why but i do yeah so And yeah, it was interesting

00:55:16.260 --> 00:55:19.320
because that's definitely, it's not my preference

00:55:19.320 --> 00:55:20.940
aesthetically. When I've tanned in the past,

00:55:20.980 --> 00:55:23.139
I've always gone on sunbeds fully naked. And

00:55:23.139 --> 00:55:25.000
if I was tanning on holiday and stuff, I would

00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:27.639
kind of move my bikini around as much as I could

00:55:27.639 --> 00:55:30.000
to minimize tan lines. I personally would not

00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:32.380
choose to have them, but I don't hate it. And

00:55:32.380 --> 00:55:34.500
I actually really like, I like it because you

00:55:34.500 --> 00:55:38.820
like it. I feel a real sense of pride in achieving

00:55:38.820 --> 00:55:41.679
things because you want me to achieve them. And

00:55:41.679 --> 00:55:43.980
then seeing the result when I show you. Your

00:55:43.980 --> 00:55:47.059
eyes pop out on stalks. Yeah, yeah. So yeah,

00:55:47.119 --> 00:55:49.739
if I was tanning just for myself, I would definitely

00:55:49.739 --> 00:55:52.480
not be containing tan lines. But I'm not mad

00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:55.159
about it. I don't mind that I lost that one.

00:55:55.340 --> 00:55:57.500
Happy to compromise. And then we've got probably

00:55:57.500 --> 00:56:00.119
my two favourites is maintaining lip fillers

00:56:00.119 --> 00:56:05.440
and a lip flip at all times. Yep. And... um that

00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:08.920
you will submit to any permanent or semi -permanent

00:56:08.920 --> 00:56:11.719
changes to appearance that i decide yeah you

00:56:11.719 --> 00:56:14.219
can have opinions on it you can suggest different

00:56:14.219 --> 00:56:17.280
thing but that's that's down to me and that covers

00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:19.239
everything doesn't it about what you do with

00:56:19.239 --> 00:56:22.199
your hair tattoos piercings procedures and modifications

00:56:22.199 --> 00:56:25.219
all of that kind of stuff is is is a i don't

00:56:25.219 --> 00:56:27.940
know just having that level of control because

00:56:27.940 --> 00:56:30.420
you have agreed to give me that control i really

00:56:30.420 --> 00:56:34.860
like that that is a yeah well in there I really

00:56:34.860 --> 00:56:37.059
like that too. I think that also is another one

00:56:37.059 --> 00:56:38.539
that sort of ended up being helpful for me in

00:56:38.539 --> 00:56:40.840
unexpected ways is I have a history of being

00:56:40.840 --> 00:56:43.320
really impulsive with my appearance and like

00:56:43.320 --> 00:56:45.400
really impulsive, like drastically changing my

00:56:45.400 --> 00:56:47.679
hair colour within an hour of making the decision,

00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:50.440
shaving my head on impulse. And that's something

00:56:50.440 --> 00:56:52.219
I've worked on de -escalating quite a lot over

00:56:52.219 --> 00:56:54.000
the last few years anyway, because it was a lot

00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:56.519
of around stuff that was going on with my mental

00:56:56.519 --> 00:56:58.400
health at the time. I have managed to cut that

00:56:58.400 --> 00:57:01.260
down a lot. Yeah. But having someone that I have

00:57:01.260 --> 00:57:03.039
to ask before I do those kind of things means

00:57:03.039 --> 00:57:04.849
that it's just... off the table it's like okay

00:57:04.849 --> 00:57:06.449
we don't have that coping mechanism right now

00:57:06.449 --> 00:57:08.289
so now we're gonna have to feel our feelings

00:57:08.289 --> 00:57:13.150
and be grown up about it it's good oh oh feeling

00:57:13.150 --> 00:57:19.929
of feelings oh um okay so the next section is

00:57:19.929 --> 00:57:21.769
around diet and exercise and i'll be honest i

00:57:21.769 --> 00:57:23.469
think this is probably the section of the rules

00:57:23.469 --> 00:57:25.670
that i have struggled the most with in kind of

00:57:25.670 --> 00:57:27.739
getting the balance right for this so this is

00:57:27.739 --> 00:57:30.119
very much in that kind of maintaining health

00:57:30.119 --> 00:57:33.019
and well -being type of area but also some of

00:57:33.019 --> 00:57:35.440
it is straying into kind of control for its own

00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:37.320
sake because some of it is related to kind of

00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:39.260
the bimbofication process that we've been going

00:57:39.260 --> 00:57:42.059
through since the new year so some of the ones

00:57:42.059 --> 00:57:46.880
um that have been uh in place for a while are

00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:49.239
around you know you have to really have to eat

00:57:49.239 --> 00:57:52.539
at least one proper meal each day and you know

00:57:52.539 --> 00:57:55.780
a specific nod to snacks sweet treats coffee

00:57:55.780 --> 00:57:58.059
and monster not counting as a proper meal yeah

00:57:58.059 --> 00:57:59.679
because that was a real problem when we first

00:57:59.679 --> 00:58:01.619
got to get there breakfast was typically a can

00:58:01.619 --> 00:58:04.099
of monster and a couple of cigarettes yeah you're

00:58:04.099 --> 00:58:05.579
like send me a picture of your breakfast and

00:58:05.579 --> 00:58:09.219
it's that and you were like no yeah and then

00:58:09.219 --> 00:58:11.739
another rule that's been around um for a while

00:58:11.739 --> 00:58:14.480
is you asking permission to order food or drink

00:58:14.480 --> 00:58:16.840
at all times and that's changed a little bit

00:58:16.840 --> 00:58:20.300
over Over time, I think the original rules was

00:58:20.300 --> 00:58:22.099
that you would ask permission and I would order

00:58:22.099 --> 00:58:25.239
for you. Yes. So that's changed a little bit.

00:58:25.260 --> 00:58:27.380
You still have to ask permission, but if we're

00:58:27.380 --> 00:58:30.300
together, you order for yourself. Yeah, that's

00:58:30.300 --> 00:58:31.699
because you found it stressful having to always

00:58:31.699 --> 00:58:35.159
talk to all the people. Yeah, there's that social

00:58:35.159 --> 00:58:39.019
awkwardness of that. Some of the bits that I

00:58:39.019 --> 00:58:40.960
think it took me a while to get my head around

00:58:40.960 --> 00:58:45.500
was around diet as opposed to eating. Yeah. um

00:58:45.500 --> 00:58:49.059
so one of our goals in the bimbofication is for

00:58:49.059 --> 00:58:50.900
you to get to the point where you're able to

00:58:50.900 --> 00:58:53.199
maintain a relatively slim waist a visually appealing

00:58:53.199 --> 00:58:56.260
round butt but also carrying increasing your

00:58:56.260 --> 00:58:58.420
overall kind of fitness and strength yeah like

00:58:58.420 --> 00:59:00.500
the goal is not skinny the goal is curvy and

00:59:00.500 --> 00:59:03.840
fit yeah and for me to get to that point i need

00:59:03.840 --> 00:59:05.800
to i need to shed a few pounds before i start

00:59:05.800 --> 00:59:08.619
putting some muscle on yeah um so at the moment

00:59:08.619 --> 00:59:11.619
i am working on very very slowly because my metabolism

00:59:11.619 --> 00:59:13.739
is not what it was in my 20s losing a little

00:59:13.739 --> 00:59:16.139
bit of weight yeah and we we agreed i wanted

00:59:16.139 --> 00:59:19.099
some help with with discipline around that which

00:59:19.099 --> 00:59:21.619
i think the driving force of it and also we we

00:59:21.619 --> 00:59:23.739
are always looking for elements of control that

00:59:23.739 --> 00:59:26.019
i can give you but you were very clear you never

00:59:26.019 --> 00:59:28.079
wanted to say that there were certain foods i

00:59:28.079 --> 00:59:30.500
was not allowed to eat or impose a calorie goal

00:59:30.500 --> 00:59:34.159
on me yeah um so the way that we've sort of navigated

00:59:34.159 --> 00:59:38.079
that is that I am required to set realistic and

00:59:38.079 --> 00:59:41.000
appropriate calorie goals and exercise goals,

00:59:41.159 --> 00:59:44.639
which you sort of sign off on, essentially, and

00:59:44.639 --> 00:59:47.019
enforce. You don't make any of those decisions

00:59:47.019 --> 00:59:49.860
for me, partly because it's my body and I have

00:59:49.860 --> 00:59:51.340
to live in it and I have to figure out what's

00:59:51.340 --> 00:59:53.360
going to feel comfortable and achievable, but

00:59:53.360 --> 00:59:56.219
also because I have a lot of background knowledge

00:59:56.219 --> 00:59:59.280
on this. I have a higher level of knowledge on

00:59:59.280 --> 01:00:00.940
this stuff than you, so it wouldn't make sense

01:00:00.940 --> 01:00:02.739
for you to just take those decisions off me and

01:00:02.739 --> 01:00:05.369
go, I'm imposing. what i think you should do

01:00:05.369 --> 01:00:08.869
so this is how we've navigated it where i still

01:00:08.869 --> 01:00:11.309
have a lot of control in those areas but you

01:00:11.309 --> 01:00:13.630
have authority yeah it's a slightly different

01:00:13.630 --> 01:00:15.889
focus of the rule isn't it it's not about me

01:00:15.889 --> 01:00:19.730
saying it's not about me dictating what you should

01:00:19.730 --> 01:00:22.010
be doing actually i'm holding you accountable

01:00:22.010 --> 01:00:25.110
yeah for it and similarly with your exercise

01:00:25.110 --> 01:00:27.289
so the rule is you've got to do at least enough

01:00:27.289 --> 01:00:29.469
exercise on five days a week to close the ring

01:00:29.469 --> 01:00:32.539
on your fitness tracker yeah And you set what

01:00:32.539 --> 01:00:34.840
those targets are as long as they don't come

01:00:34.840 --> 01:00:36.880
but fall below the minimum. So my role isn't

01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:39.780
about saying, don't eat that exercise like this.

01:00:39.920 --> 01:00:42.159
It's do follow the diet, follow the exercise

01:00:42.159 --> 01:00:43.780
goal that you've set for yourself. And if you

01:00:43.780 --> 01:00:45.559
don't, you're in trouble. And I think it's important

01:00:45.559 --> 01:00:47.579
to mention as well, though, we have agreed this

01:00:47.579 --> 01:00:50.079
rule around sort of the aesthetic that we're

01:00:50.079 --> 01:00:52.260
aiming for my body. That is completely open -ended

01:00:52.260 --> 01:00:55.079
in terms of time frame. You haven't said, I want

01:00:55.079 --> 01:00:56.840
you to reach a certain weight. You've never put

01:00:56.840 --> 01:00:58.440
a number on that and said that you never will,

01:00:58.559 --> 01:01:03.329
which I think is good. um and and that the the

01:01:03.329 --> 01:01:06.190
point is the journey of me getting there we are

01:01:06.190 --> 01:01:08.489
both enjoying that process so there's no reason

01:01:08.489 --> 01:01:10.869
to rush it you know you've always been very clear

01:01:10.869 --> 01:01:13.090
that it wasn't ever any level of dissatisfaction

01:01:13.090 --> 01:01:14.949
with my body or an expectation that i should

01:01:14.949 --> 01:01:17.130
be making a drastic overnight physical transformation

01:01:17.130 --> 01:01:19.949
yeah it's about the enjoyment of controlling

01:01:19.949 --> 01:01:23.570
where i'm headed sculpting me to fit this idea

01:01:23.570 --> 01:01:25.769
that you have in your head. It's not about not

01:01:25.769 --> 01:01:27.530
being happy with where I'm at now, which I think

01:01:27.530 --> 01:01:29.789
is important for approaching appearance control.

01:01:29.889 --> 01:01:31.610
If that's something people want to explore, I

01:01:31.610 --> 01:01:33.289
think it's very important to be careful that

01:01:33.289 --> 01:01:36.889
it doesn't create the impression of sort of dissatisfaction

01:01:36.889 --> 01:01:40.030
or disappointment or shame around someone's body.

01:01:40.110 --> 01:01:41.789
We've got pictures all over the house of the

01:01:41.789 --> 01:01:44.170
way I looked pre -bimbofication and you were

01:01:44.170 --> 01:01:46.190
hands all over me, couldn't get enough of me

01:01:46.190 --> 01:01:48.289
at the time. So you've never made me feel like

01:01:48.289 --> 01:01:52.440
it's about fixing a problem? No. It's about taking

01:01:52.440 --> 01:01:55.300
control and pushing into some extreme places,

01:01:55.480 --> 01:01:57.800
which I like. Yeah, I think so. And you are always

01:01:57.800 --> 01:02:00.260
appealing to me, no matter how you look. It's

01:02:00.260 --> 01:02:01.860
about that control. It's about that process.

01:02:02.159 --> 01:02:03.840
The next section is a little bit of a short one,

01:02:03.960 --> 01:02:05.880
general health and well -being. This has got

01:02:05.880 --> 01:02:08.530
another of the... way back original rules from

01:02:08.530 --> 01:02:09.969
when we first started i will take my medication

01:02:09.969 --> 01:02:12.829
every day and keep you updated when i'm due to

01:02:12.829 --> 01:02:16.110
reorder my meds um so currently i take hiprex

01:02:16.110 --> 01:02:18.170
every day which is for a chronic bladder condition

01:02:18.170 --> 01:02:20.489
that i have and i also take a fiber supplement

01:02:20.489 --> 01:02:23.110
um because i like to do spontaneous butt stuff

01:02:23.110 --> 01:02:26.909
but at various times in our relationship there

01:02:26.909 --> 01:02:29.449
have been other supplements i was taking i was

01:02:29.449 --> 01:02:31.409
on the pill for a while before i got sterilized

01:02:31.409 --> 01:02:33.670
like there's some whatever medication and supplements

01:02:33.670 --> 01:02:36.849
i'm on this this means i need to take them um

01:02:36.849 --> 01:02:39.170
you don't make decisions for me on what medications

01:02:39.170 --> 01:02:41.730
or supplements i'm taking but unless i make the

01:02:41.730 --> 01:02:43.630
decision to come off it i need to take it every

01:02:43.630 --> 01:02:47.190
day yeah yeah uh which is very helpful for me

01:02:47.190 --> 01:02:49.869
because i do i do struggle to remember and this

01:02:49.869 --> 01:02:51.510
is probably one of the more common ones that

01:02:51.510 --> 01:02:54.050
i get in trouble for yeah yeah um but i'm getting

01:02:54.050 --> 01:02:56.030
a lot better with it you're doing a good job

01:02:56.840 --> 01:02:59.280
we have the rule that i don't smoke more than

01:02:59.280 --> 01:03:02.480
currently 105 cigarettes per week not 90 per

01:03:02.480 --> 01:03:05.039
week which this rule was for about six months

01:03:05.039 --> 01:03:07.739
because we couldn't do maths um in both cases

01:03:07.739 --> 01:03:10.500
it was meant to be an average of 15 a day but

01:03:10.500 --> 01:03:12.960
but we'd added it up completely incorrectly yes

01:03:12.960 --> 01:03:15.440
we had yeah that was kindly pointed out by someone

01:03:15.440 --> 01:03:18.679
on tiktok yeah um and shamed us both for our

01:03:18.679 --> 01:03:20.480
lack of mathematical ability and there's a really

01:03:20.480 --> 01:03:23.639
nice one in here as well that it's not an enforceable

01:03:23.639 --> 01:03:25.219
rule in the sense that i'll not be punished if

01:03:25.219 --> 01:03:27.179
i don't follow it that i need to make sure to

01:03:27.179 --> 01:03:29.360
make time for my hobbies and it's completely

01:03:29.360 --> 01:03:31.480
up to me what those are but i have a tendency

01:03:31.480 --> 01:03:33.840
because i'm someone who likes to stay busy there

01:03:33.840 --> 01:03:36.099
is a tendency for my life to get full up of stuff

01:03:36.099 --> 01:03:39.699
so i work i will be doing a lot of the housework,

01:03:39.719 --> 01:03:42.099
lots of cooking, lots of cleaning. Obviously,

01:03:42.159 --> 01:03:45.239
I do my TikTok and all of that can end up filling

01:03:45.239 --> 01:03:47.119
up my day to the point where I haven't just chilled

01:03:47.119 --> 01:03:51.460
out. So this is a requirement to make sure I

01:03:51.460 --> 01:03:53.679
do allocate some time to fun stuff. A lot of

01:03:53.679 --> 01:03:55.340
the time at the minute, that is reading absolutely

01:03:55.340 --> 01:03:58.719
disgusting smoke. And I am certainly making time

01:03:58.719 --> 01:04:02.260
for it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that might be a relatively

01:04:02.260 --> 01:04:04.860
recent addition. I don't think that was in there

01:04:04.860 --> 01:04:06.880
in the original set of rules, was it? Definitely.

01:04:06.980 --> 01:04:08.539
I think it's probably been there for the best

01:04:08.539 --> 01:04:11.119
part of a year now. Right, right. But that rule

01:04:11.119 --> 01:04:14.760
is around making best efforts, isn't it? To engage

01:04:14.760 --> 01:04:17.099
with your hobbies. And you won't be punished

01:04:17.099 --> 01:04:20.659
if you don't. But now and then I will check in.

01:04:20.840 --> 01:04:24.260
Yeah. like i said you are reading a lot of smut

01:04:24.260 --> 01:04:25.920
at the moment so i know that you are taking time

01:04:25.920 --> 01:04:28.619
to to do things that you enjoy yeah and you can

01:04:28.619 --> 01:04:30.139
monitor that easily because every two or three

01:04:30.139 --> 01:04:32.300
days you get a text from me going can i buy a

01:04:32.300 --> 01:04:35.280
book yeah yeah yeah so that leads nicely actually

01:04:35.280 --> 01:04:37.400
on to the next set of rules which are around

01:04:37.400 --> 01:04:40.000
finances so fairly straightforward rules you

01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:42.360
are expected to set a budget that cover your

01:04:42.360 --> 01:04:45.530
essential spending so food bills tobacco stuff

01:04:45.530 --> 01:04:47.690
like that that predictable stuff that you have

01:04:47.690 --> 01:04:49.690
to pay for technically don't have to pay for

01:04:49.690 --> 01:04:52.750
tobacco but we do we do we consider it an essential

01:04:52.750 --> 01:04:57.210
essential um you have to let me know if you lend

01:04:57.210 --> 01:04:59.949
money to any of your friends i don't have a say

01:04:59.949 --> 01:05:01.449
in that you just let me know that that's what

01:05:01.449 --> 01:05:04.550
is what is happening uh but you do have to ask

01:05:04.550 --> 01:05:06.690
permission for any non -essential purchases and

01:05:06.690 --> 01:05:08.789
as i think we've already talked about when you

01:05:08.789 --> 01:05:11.239
make that request you have to be clear about

01:05:11.239 --> 01:05:13.420
where it's going to be funded from yeah and is

01:05:13.420 --> 01:05:15.420
that affordable i really like all of that as

01:05:15.420 --> 01:05:18.019
we talked about before it helps to reduce impulsive

01:05:18.019 --> 01:05:20.880
spending for me um around lending money to friends

01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:22.659
it's particularly good because yeah you don't

01:05:22.659 --> 01:05:24.360
have any actual control over that you didn't

01:05:24.360 --> 01:05:26.840
want to ever have that be a decision that you

01:05:26.840 --> 01:05:30.750
took away from me but it helps me to be more

01:05:30.750 --> 01:05:32.570
conscious of it and make sure i'm not overextending

01:05:32.570 --> 01:05:34.269
myself which is something that has sometimes

01:05:34.269 --> 01:05:36.650
been a problem in the past if i struggle to say

01:05:36.650 --> 01:05:38.730
no to people struggle to see someone stuck in

01:05:38.730 --> 01:05:41.230
a tight spot so now because i know that i have

01:05:41.230 --> 01:05:44.289
to tell someone what i've done it does make me

01:05:44.289 --> 01:05:46.230
just sort of think like is this is this a good

01:05:46.230 --> 01:05:49.570
idea is this actually affordable yeah yeah um

01:05:49.570 --> 01:05:51.650
so it's really good for me it teaches me a lot

01:05:51.650 --> 01:05:54.170
more kind of financial literacy i think yeah

01:05:54.170 --> 01:05:56.309
having those rules in place without feeling like

01:05:56.309 --> 01:05:59.059
i don't have my own money which i think is an

01:05:59.059 --> 01:06:01.619
important it that we could do probably several

01:06:01.619 --> 01:06:04.639
episodes on the ethics of finances in kink when

01:06:04.639 --> 01:06:06.460
you get into things like fin dom and stuff which

01:06:06.460 --> 01:06:10.400
is more than a passing curiosity for but there

01:06:10.400 --> 01:06:12.500
are potential pitfalls to it and it needs to

01:06:12.500 --> 01:06:14.500
be approached carefully yeah but having that

01:06:14.500 --> 01:06:17.360
quite light and very responsible financial control

01:06:17.360 --> 01:06:19.619
in a way that benefits me but also emphasizes

01:06:19.619 --> 01:06:21.500
the power difference between us yeah it's really

01:06:21.500 --> 01:06:24.139
good yeah This section is around household tasks.

01:06:24.360 --> 01:06:26.199
And this is something that we talked about quite

01:06:26.199 --> 01:06:27.800
a lot in the last episode because it's referenced

01:06:27.800 --> 01:06:30.300
in the contract as well. But domestic service

01:06:30.300 --> 01:06:33.139
is something that I really value having as a

01:06:33.139 --> 01:06:36.780
really core part of a dynamic. To me, the most

01:06:36.780 --> 01:06:40.239
beautiful expression of a power exchange relationship

01:06:40.239 --> 01:06:42.679
is the dominant getting to relax and enjoy their

01:06:42.679 --> 01:06:44.860
life and do nothing while the submitter does

01:06:44.860 --> 01:06:47.820
everything. Like, I just love that. That makes

01:06:47.820 --> 01:06:52.630
me feel like I'm doing a really good job. And

01:06:52.630 --> 01:06:55.829
I'm really pleased for several reasons. Really

01:06:55.829 --> 01:06:58.469
pleased that that makes you happy. But also it

01:06:58.469 --> 01:07:02.269
just makes my life easy. Yeah. I am really privileged

01:07:02.269 --> 01:07:06.929
to have such an easy life because I have you

01:07:06.929 --> 01:07:09.550
who really enjoys that kind of domestic service

01:07:09.550 --> 01:07:12.780
kind of thing. So the rules sort of break down

01:07:12.780 --> 01:07:14.940
exactly what's expected of me here. To a large

01:07:14.940 --> 01:07:16.960
extent, if there's anything in the rules that

01:07:16.960 --> 01:07:19.900
references like do housework, I will just do

01:07:19.900 --> 01:07:21.699
it. I will do it to the highest standard I physically

01:07:21.699 --> 01:07:23.840
can. But it's good for both of us to have some

01:07:23.840 --> 01:07:25.619
clarity about kind of at least what the minimum

01:07:25.619 --> 01:07:28.739
expectation is. So it does make it clear in there

01:07:28.739 --> 01:07:30.579
I can request help if needed. That would mainly

01:07:30.579 --> 01:07:33.219
come up if I'm sick or if there's been a lot

01:07:33.219 --> 01:07:35.280
going on and we've sort of slid a few jobs back

01:07:35.280 --> 01:07:36.980
a bit and things have mounted up. But it is very

01:07:36.980 --> 01:07:41.320
rare that I would do that. I do general tidy

01:07:41.320 --> 01:07:44.800
up of the whole house, either as requested or

01:07:44.800 --> 01:07:47.179
just when I see that things are getting bad.

01:07:47.300 --> 01:07:49.320
With laundry, again, it's as required or when

01:07:49.320 --> 01:07:51.880
instructed. So that one is one that creeps up

01:07:51.880 --> 01:07:53.440
on me a little bit. So you will usually point

01:07:53.440 --> 01:07:55.400
out, like, laundry basket's getting a bit full,

01:07:55.480 --> 01:07:59.599
you might want to do that. So I make a meal plan

01:07:59.599 --> 01:08:02.119
each week and then make the shopping list for

01:08:02.119 --> 01:08:04.280
that. You tend to be the one that goes to the

01:08:04.280 --> 01:08:05.940
shops because you're the one who has the car.

01:08:06.179 --> 01:08:09.119
But I plan what's going to be on there. I'll

01:08:09.119 --> 01:08:12.360
ask your input on that, obviously. See if you've

01:08:12.360 --> 01:08:13.800
got any requests on what I cook. But a lot of

01:08:13.800 --> 01:08:15.900
times you do leave that up to me because it makes

01:08:15.900 --> 01:08:17.960
your life easier. Yeah, yeah. But also everything

01:08:17.960 --> 01:08:20.579
that you cook is really nice. So it's generally

01:08:20.579 --> 01:08:22.699
happy with whatever you plan because you're a

01:08:22.699 --> 01:08:25.619
really good cook. Thank you. I then obviously

01:08:25.619 --> 01:08:28.720
cook. I cook pretty much every day. We usually

01:08:28.720 --> 01:08:31.899
get takeaway once a week. But most days I'll

01:08:31.899 --> 01:08:33.859
be either sticking something in slow cooker before

01:08:33.859 --> 01:08:37.079
work or cooking when I finish work. And I keep

01:08:37.079 --> 01:08:39.100
on top of the stuff that's needed around the

01:08:39.100 --> 01:08:40.899
cats. So checking the litter trays and cleaning

01:08:40.899 --> 01:08:42.819
them when needed. Feeding the cats, though you

01:08:42.819 --> 01:08:45.159
do often decide to help with that, often tied

01:08:45.159 --> 01:08:48.000
up with making our tea. I think, not to out myself

01:08:48.000 --> 01:08:50.319
as a cat parent, that part of the rule about

01:08:50.319 --> 01:08:53.680
feeding the cats is a little bit of a hangover.

01:08:55.210 --> 01:08:57.310
So when you first moved in, you brought two cats

01:08:57.310 --> 01:08:59.449
with you into a house where previously there

01:08:59.449 --> 01:09:02.229
were none. Yes. Actually, I can remember somebody

01:09:02.229 --> 01:09:04.510
asking me at the time when I told them that,

01:09:04.550 --> 01:09:06.630
they said, are you a cat person? And I said,

01:09:06.649 --> 01:09:09.909
no, but I'm a cariesal person. So they come with

01:09:09.909 --> 01:09:13.229
cats. Yes. But it was very much of that kind

01:09:13.229 --> 01:09:16.350
of attitude of, well, they're your cats. Yeah.

01:09:16.430 --> 01:09:21.149
So you need to take care of them. Which I think

01:09:21.149 --> 01:09:22.810
is where that, particularly around feeding them.

01:09:23.069 --> 01:09:25.470
came from. I dislike dealing with the litter

01:09:25.470 --> 01:09:27.649
trays. That's that one. It's no one's favourite

01:09:27.649 --> 01:09:33.810
job. I try to avoid that where I can. But now

01:09:33.810 --> 01:09:35.449
we're in the weird situation where one of the

01:09:35.449 --> 01:09:37.789
cats is yours and one of the cats is ours. Yes.

01:09:38.510 --> 01:09:40.529
Because unfortunately one of the cats you came

01:09:40.529 --> 01:09:42.989
with was very, very old and got sick and is no

01:09:42.989 --> 01:09:46.069
longer with us. But the new cat is ours. Yeah.

01:09:48.190 --> 01:09:50.529
I am now officially a cat parent. You are officially

01:09:50.529 --> 01:09:52.289
a cat parent. I'm no longer a cat step parent.

01:09:52.750 --> 01:09:55.130
You are. I mean, you are very much a cat parent

01:09:55.130 --> 01:10:00.390
already. Like Pounce, the one who's no longer

01:10:00.390 --> 01:10:02.590
with us, like Pounce had absolutely decided that

01:10:02.590 --> 01:10:04.609
you were his favourite person. Yeah. Which was

01:10:04.609 --> 01:10:06.829
very disrespectful because I rescued him from

01:10:06.829 --> 01:10:11.970
sleeping in 2016 and within a day of moving in

01:10:11.970 --> 01:10:13.390
here. In fact, before we even moved in, when

01:10:13.390 --> 01:10:15.130
you came to pick him up from the flat, he was

01:10:15.130 --> 01:10:17.479
like, no. That person. That person is my person.

01:10:17.619 --> 01:10:20.979
Yeah. Really. Yeah. Cookie does not have a favourite

01:10:20.979 --> 01:10:23.319
person. Cookie likes whoever is feeding her at

01:10:23.319 --> 01:10:27.279
that particular second. Mm -hmm. And Millie is

01:10:27.279 --> 01:10:30.140
both of us. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't think she

01:10:30.140 --> 01:10:31.479
has much of a preference either, I don't think.

01:10:31.479 --> 01:10:34.739
No, she sits on who she wants to sit on and she

01:10:34.739 --> 01:10:36.720
will not accept any substitute. When she decides

01:10:36.720 --> 01:10:38.500
she's sitting on you, she will not be moved.

01:10:38.579 --> 01:10:39.979
When she wants to sit on me, she will not be

01:10:39.979 --> 01:10:42.319
moved. Yeah. It's very clear about what she wants,

01:10:42.439 --> 01:10:45.619
which is good. um the last section of actual

01:10:45.619 --> 01:10:48.060
rules is just other which don't naturally fit

01:10:48.060 --> 01:10:49.880
into other sections so there's one about that

01:10:49.880 --> 01:10:53.140
you have to post a minimum number of tiktoks

01:10:53.140 --> 01:10:54.880
every week so that you kind of keep engagement

01:10:54.880 --> 01:10:56.819
up with your other parts of your social media

01:10:56.819 --> 01:11:02.539
empire um that you are um developing um at carizal

01:11:02.539 --> 01:11:06.000
on tiktok carizal .com for an amazing blog thank

01:11:06.000 --> 01:11:10.880
you so much um but then there are also a couple

01:11:10.880 --> 01:11:13.079
of rules in there that just are just there because

01:11:13.079 --> 01:11:16.079
i can't very purely just to exercise control

01:11:16.079 --> 01:11:19.140
over you uh so you aren't allowed to have orgasms

01:11:19.140 --> 01:11:22.760
independently of me yes um so i either need to

01:11:22.760 --> 01:11:24.920
do it or give you permission to do it and one

01:11:24.920 --> 01:11:27.319
that we haven't really done as much of as we

01:11:27.319 --> 01:11:30.630
keep saying that we should But you are required

01:11:30.630 --> 01:11:33.390
to edge yourself whenever, however, for and for

01:11:33.390 --> 01:11:37.250
as long as you are instructed to. Yeah. It always

01:11:37.250 --> 01:11:39.149
comes up at reviews because it's something that

01:11:39.149 --> 01:11:41.729
you really enjoy that element of control. And

01:11:41.729 --> 01:11:45.329
I fucking hate it. I know that when I do eventually

01:11:45.329 --> 01:11:47.550
get permission to come after a period of edging,

01:11:47.609 --> 01:11:51.250
I have a good time. So I'm on board for it. And

01:11:51.250 --> 01:11:52.710
then I think we just haven't really set aside

01:11:52.710 --> 01:11:54.649
the time to... We've done some sort of single

01:11:54.649 --> 01:11:57.529
days. And maybe I think there's been a few times

01:11:57.529 --> 01:11:59.409
where you've done it in a couple of days. Yeah,

01:11:59.430 --> 01:12:01.430
yeah. But we haven't done a kind of consistent,

01:12:01.529 --> 01:12:04.670
like, make it really difficult for me edging

01:12:04.670 --> 01:12:07.649
sesh, which we probably need to do. Yes. Yes,

01:12:07.689 --> 01:12:11.390
I think so. We'll get there when we get there.

01:12:11.430 --> 01:12:14.189
We have a lot of kinks. I think the longer people

01:12:14.189 --> 01:12:15.590
listen to this, the more they're going to realise

01:12:15.590 --> 01:12:17.989
we are very general purpose perverts who are

01:12:17.989 --> 01:12:20.390
into pretty much everything. It's hard to get

01:12:20.390 --> 01:12:23.159
around all of it. No. yeah you know we've now

01:12:23.159 --> 01:12:25.000
finished the actual rules but there are some

01:12:25.000 --> 01:12:27.159
other things in this document too because just

01:12:27.159 --> 01:12:28.859
as the rules are things that can get reviewed

01:12:28.859 --> 01:12:30.479
and changed quite frequently compared to the

01:12:30.479 --> 01:12:32.800
contract there are other elements of our dynamic

01:12:32.800 --> 01:12:35.560
that are a little bit too flexible and movable

01:12:35.560 --> 01:12:37.260
to really want to embed them into the contract

01:12:37.260 --> 01:12:39.380
at least at this stage and one of those is around

01:12:39.380 --> 01:12:41.760
punishment and enforcement of the rules Although

01:12:41.760 --> 01:12:43.600
the contract does talk about how every rule break

01:12:43.600 --> 01:12:45.500
will be met with a punishment, the punishments

01:12:45.500 --> 01:12:47.779
themselves aren't in the contract because sometimes

01:12:47.779 --> 01:12:49.779
a punishment becomes less effective over time

01:12:49.779 --> 01:12:51.979
and so we retire it. Sometimes we think of a

01:12:51.979 --> 01:12:54.399
new punishment that we're going to include. And

01:12:54.399 --> 01:12:56.659
I do think it's generally important in power

01:12:56.659 --> 01:12:59.020
exchange relationships to actually negotiate

01:12:59.020 --> 01:13:00.819
and agree on what the punishments are rather

01:13:00.819 --> 01:13:02.600
than the dominant just sort of... plucking one

01:13:02.600 --> 01:13:04.500
out of thin air when something happens because

01:13:04.500 --> 01:13:06.680
it can sometimes be quite hard to gauge whether

01:13:06.680 --> 01:13:08.899
a punishment is way too harsh or whether a punishment

01:13:08.899 --> 01:13:10.680
is actually going to feel like play and be very

01:13:10.680 --> 01:13:14.659
ineffective. So a while ago we were talking about

01:13:14.659 --> 01:13:16.479
trying to think of some new punishments and you'd

01:13:16.479 --> 01:13:18.920
suggested making me spend either a minute in

01:13:18.920 --> 01:13:20.960
the attic or a minute in the garden shed because

01:13:20.960 --> 01:13:23.220
I'm really severely arachnophobic. Yeah. And

01:13:23.220 --> 01:13:26.239
I explained to you that goes well beyond an effective

01:13:26.239 --> 01:13:28.020
deterrent to bad behaviour to the point where

01:13:28.020 --> 01:13:30.420
I'd probably be properly traumatised by it. Yeah,

01:13:30.439 --> 01:13:34.100
yeah. It would be very disproportionate to pretty

01:13:34.100 --> 01:13:35.880
much any rule break I could do, so we agreed

01:13:35.880 --> 01:13:38.340
not to include that one. Where on the flip side

01:13:38.340 --> 01:13:40.600
of that, one of our early punishments was that

01:13:40.600 --> 01:13:42.630
I would be banned from using furniture. completely

01:13:42.630 --> 01:13:44.569
for a period of time and when we weren't living

01:13:44.569 --> 01:13:49.750
together that was somewhat effective um But it's

01:13:49.750 --> 01:13:51.170
still like there was a little bit of me that

01:13:51.170 --> 01:13:52.909
got a bit of a kick out of the degradation of

01:13:52.909 --> 01:13:55.010
being made to be on the floor. And once I moved

01:13:55.010 --> 01:13:56.930
in here, we found that it just didn't work at

01:13:56.930 --> 01:13:58.529
all because you were miserable that I wasn't

01:13:58.529 --> 01:14:01.010
in the bedroom. Where I was just like having

01:14:01.010 --> 01:14:03.010
a great time being like, yes, you are so superior

01:14:03.010 --> 01:14:05.569
to me on the furniture. And here am I lying on

01:14:05.569 --> 01:14:09.590
the floor. It's just a blanket. It was just play.

01:14:09.949 --> 01:14:12.649
So that isn't going to work as a bad behavior.

01:14:12.729 --> 01:14:15.289
And it was a punishment for me. Yeah. Because

01:14:15.289 --> 01:14:20.710
I was in bed on my own. Yeah. So just terrible.

01:14:21.649 --> 01:14:23.109
Because I think there's always a lot of confusion

01:14:23.109 --> 01:14:25.810
that punishment is not the same thing as like,

01:14:25.890 --> 01:14:29.489
it's called funishment. And it's more if you

01:14:29.489 --> 01:14:31.590
are watching porn and someone's like, oh, punish

01:14:31.590 --> 01:14:34.210
me. The concept of punishment is like a sexy

01:14:34.210 --> 01:14:36.859
punishment. Yeah. And that's a different thing.

01:14:36.920 --> 01:14:38.239
And that's something we play around with a little

01:14:38.239 --> 01:14:40.699
bit. I'll be a little bit cheeky and you'll whack

01:14:40.699 --> 01:14:42.939
me with something. Yeah, yeah. That's fun. But

01:14:42.939 --> 01:14:44.800
when we talk about punishment as it's actually

01:14:44.800 --> 01:14:47.739
written down in our rules, this is about actually

01:14:47.739 --> 01:14:50.239
correcting bad behaviour. So it's not supposed

01:14:50.239 --> 01:14:52.020
to be fun for me and it's not even supposed to

01:14:52.020 --> 01:14:55.960
be fun for you. No. It's purely about a consequence

01:14:55.960 --> 01:14:58.380
to something that I've done to change behaviour.

01:14:58.800 --> 01:15:02.210
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you are a notoriously difficult

01:15:02.210 --> 01:15:05.029
person to punish. I am. I'm a very general purpose

01:15:05.029 --> 01:15:07.130
masochist. If I'm suffering, I am enjoying it.

01:15:07.289 --> 01:15:11.069
Yeah, yeah. So the punishments that we've settled

01:15:11.069 --> 01:15:14.350
on are in that space where it's not fully enjoyable,

01:15:14.510 --> 01:15:16.689
so neither of us are thinking of it as play,

01:15:16.850 --> 01:15:19.149
but aren't so unpleasant that they would have

01:15:19.149 --> 01:15:21.949
a long -term negative effect on you. The punishments

01:15:21.949 --> 01:15:26.529
that we've settled on so far are that you won't

01:15:26.529 --> 01:15:29.020
be able to listen to music. for a set period

01:15:29.020 --> 01:15:31.159
so listening to music is really important and

01:15:31.159 --> 01:15:34.880
you do a lot of it um or having no social media

01:15:34.880 --> 01:15:37.279
for a set period so and that's usually for a

01:15:37.279 --> 01:15:39.220
day yeah you know when we've done i think we've

01:15:39.220 --> 01:15:42.060
done that a few times so far And it's been like

01:15:42.060 --> 01:15:43.840
from the moment you wake up to the moment you

01:15:43.840 --> 01:15:45.739
go to bed. That's the period that you're not

01:15:45.739 --> 01:15:48.939
allowed. One that we haven't done yet is a reduction

01:15:48.939 --> 01:15:51.180
in your weekly cigarette allowance by up to 20.

01:15:51.399 --> 01:15:53.739
No, we did that when it was a lot less bad. It

01:15:53.739 --> 01:15:55.500
was a reduction in daily cigarette allowance

01:15:55.500 --> 01:15:59.319
by up to five back in the day. And that, even

01:15:59.319 --> 01:16:02.020
though it was more out of a day, because it was

01:16:02.020 --> 01:16:05.319
only for a day, it was more manageable. The one

01:16:05.319 --> 01:16:08.319
that we probably use most often is eating a set

01:16:08.319 --> 01:16:10.819
number of ice cubes. And so far we've kind of

01:16:10.819 --> 01:16:13.319
done what, you know, one rule break equals one

01:16:13.319 --> 01:16:18.060
ice cube. Yeah. Which I think a lot of people

01:16:18.060 --> 01:16:19.479
probably listening to this go, that's not so

01:16:19.479 --> 01:16:21.899
bad. But actually for you, it's a real, it is

01:16:21.899 --> 01:16:24.399
a real issue. Yeah. I've got very, very sensitive

01:16:24.399 --> 01:16:26.579
teeth and a couple of slightly loose teeth as

01:16:26.579 --> 01:16:29.640
well. Yeah. So chewing up an ice cube is agonizingly

01:16:29.640 --> 01:16:32.300
painful. Yeah. Like on a par with the most painful

01:16:32.300 --> 01:16:34.720
things I've done is play. but in a way that is

01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:37.520
really unpleasant and not enjoyable. And because

01:16:37.520 --> 01:16:39.939
of who I am as a person, I'm generally a little

01:16:39.939 --> 01:16:43.159
bit turned on afterwards because the masochism

01:16:43.159 --> 01:16:46.079
does not quit. But I don't enjoy any part of

01:16:46.079 --> 01:16:48.039
the process of it happening and I actively want

01:16:48.039 --> 01:16:49.920
to avoid it and I dread it every time I have

01:16:49.920 --> 01:16:52.119
to do one. So it's still effective as a punishment.

01:16:53.760 --> 01:16:55.420
I'm not sure there is any type of pain where

01:16:55.420 --> 01:16:57.720
I won't get a little bit horny in response. Unfortunately,

01:16:57.840 --> 01:17:00.779
that's just how I am. Yeah, it's just how you're

01:17:00.779 --> 01:17:03.140
wired, isn't it? Yeah. And one that I think we've

01:17:03.140 --> 01:17:06.420
done once or twice is maintaining a position

01:17:06.420 --> 01:17:10.300
with no speaking or access to your phone for

01:17:10.300 --> 01:17:12.039
a set period of time. So a number of minutes

01:17:12.039 --> 01:17:14.960
rather than an entire day, like with social media

01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:18.390
and music. Yeah. But you even managed to kind

01:17:18.390 --> 01:17:20.270
of beat that one a little bit. We were debating

01:17:20.270 --> 01:17:22.470
retiring that, yeah. Yeah, because you managed

01:17:22.470 --> 01:17:24.329
to, whenever we've done it, you've basically

01:17:24.329 --> 01:17:27.130
meditated. Yeah, because I was prepared that

01:17:27.130 --> 01:17:30.130
it was going to be quite tough. I started like

01:17:30.130 --> 01:17:32.569
counting the seconds as a way of coping and accidentally

01:17:32.569 --> 01:17:34.729
sort of knocked myself into a meditative trance

01:17:34.729 --> 01:17:37.550
and had a really nice time. Yeah. So we probably

01:17:37.550 --> 01:17:38.869
need to either switch that to something like

01:17:38.869 --> 01:17:41.850
a stress position or retire it. Yeah. So those

01:17:41.850 --> 01:17:45.770
are the punishments that we use. Something that's...

01:17:47.360 --> 01:17:49.779
probably not relatively recent now but it wasn't

01:17:49.779 --> 01:17:52.039
like this at the start is where you are you wait

01:17:52.039 --> 01:17:54.340
where you are punished for every rule break i

01:17:54.340 --> 01:17:56.539
think at the start it was like for every five

01:17:56.539 --> 01:17:59.479
we had a strike system early on yeah to get me

01:17:59.479 --> 01:18:03.199
to adapt to the rules yeah um and then once once

01:18:03.199 --> 01:18:05.260
we've been together about a month and i was in

01:18:05.260 --> 01:18:07.979
good routines again and i was used to following

01:18:07.979 --> 01:18:09.890
the rules was when you got rid of the strike

01:18:09.890 --> 01:18:12.430
system and it was every single one. Because in

01:18:12.430 --> 01:18:14.390
the early days, particularly protocol, I found

01:18:14.390 --> 01:18:16.609
it took me a good while to embed that as a habit

01:18:16.609 --> 01:18:18.130
because I hadn't experienced protocol before.

01:18:18.550 --> 01:18:21.170
So I would sometimes hit my five strikes in a

01:18:21.170 --> 01:18:24.289
day or two, protocol breaches. So it was really

01:18:24.289 --> 01:18:26.229
helpful then to not be getting punished absolutely

01:18:26.229 --> 01:18:28.909
relentlessly, but still have consequences to

01:18:28.909 --> 01:18:32.590
that so that I learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

01:18:32.590 --> 01:18:35.210
I do still have the option to not punish you.

01:18:35.310 --> 01:18:38.399
You know, we talked about... how how important

01:18:38.399 --> 01:18:41.560
it is that you receive that discipline so that

01:18:41.560 --> 01:18:45.640
it remains important for both of us but shit

01:18:45.640 --> 01:18:47.979
happens and you know particularly if you're poorly

01:18:47.979 --> 01:18:51.720
or uh really tired i guess i know i'm gonna let

01:18:51.720 --> 01:18:53.420
you off with that yeah but we still keep track

01:18:53.420 --> 01:18:55.659
of it yeah Definitely so that we're still aware

01:18:55.659 --> 01:18:57.920
of any kind of patterns that are forming. I think

01:18:57.920 --> 01:18:59.260
it's really important to mention as well when

01:18:59.260 --> 01:19:00.819
it comes to punishment that it's something that's

01:19:00.819 --> 01:19:03.180
very important to me and something that's become

01:19:03.180 --> 01:19:05.640
important to us and our dynamic. It's not an

01:19:05.640 --> 01:19:07.399
essential part of these kind of dynamics. You

01:19:07.399 --> 01:19:09.239
can have rules, even really, really strict rules,

01:19:09.380 --> 01:19:11.199
and a really, really heavy dynamic that doesn't

01:19:11.199 --> 01:19:13.199
involve punishment. For some people it just isn't

01:19:13.199 --> 01:19:16.300
the most effective way. Some dynamics will be

01:19:16.300 --> 01:19:18.840
based more around reward. Sometimes it is just

01:19:18.840 --> 01:19:20.399
about following the rules for the sake of wanting

01:19:20.399 --> 01:19:23.729
to follow the rules. I think because of elements

01:19:23.729 --> 01:19:26.329
of my lack of self -discipline, elements of having

01:19:26.329 --> 01:19:29.250
a very sort of very unclear boundaries growing

01:19:29.250 --> 01:19:31.989
up and feeling like there was not any sort of

01:19:31.989 --> 01:19:33.649
form of consistent or predictable discipline,

01:19:33.810 --> 01:19:36.510
it scratches my brain in a really good way to

01:19:36.510 --> 01:19:38.329
have a very predictable, if you do this thing,

01:19:38.449 --> 01:19:39.989
this will be the result. If you do this thing,

01:19:40.029 --> 01:19:42.850
this will be the result. It feels very psychologically

01:19:42.850 --> 01:19:45.729
safe for me. It's not like a weighted blanket

01:19:45.729 --> 01:19:48.699
of discipline. um so it's something that i really

01:19:48.699 --> 01:19:50.760
crave and i really want and i've really encouraged

01:19:50.760 --> 01:19:53.600
you to be quite strict with where different submissives

01:19:53.600 --> 01:19:55.439
will have different needs regarding that and

01:19:55.439 --> 01:19:57.579
might want either a more relaxed approach where

01:19:57.579 --> 01:19:59.300
where they do get let off a bit more often or

01:19:59.300 --> 01:20:00.760
might just want a dynamic without punishment

01:20:00.760 --> 01:20:04.039
at all and that's fine too yeah yeah yeah and

01:20:04.039 --> 01:20:06.680
that's really valid so much the previous relationship

01:20:06.680 --> 01:20:09.579
i was in where we had rules it was a reward based

01:20:09.579 --> 01:20:12.560
yeah one so actually you got a tick in the box

01:20:12.560 --> 01:20:15.510
every time you did the thing every day yeah And

01:20:15.510 --> 01:20:18.109
so it was that kind of positive reinforcement

01:20:18.109 --> 01:20:20.909
approach to it, which was more effective than

01:20:20.909 --> 01:20:24.890
a negative reinforcement approach. And then the

01:20:24.890 --> 01:20:27.590
last section in our rules and protocol is around

01:20:27.590 --> 01:20:31.810
limits. And a bit like punishments, these are

01:20:31.810 --> 01:20:33.569
deliberately put into the rules and protocol

01:20:33.569 --> 01:20:35.210
and not into the contract because they might

01:20:35.210 --> 01:20:38.090
change over time. So this section sets out...

01:20:38.220 --> 01:20:41.079
caries hard limits and their soft limits so you

01:20:41.079 --> 01:20:43.520
know hard limits in include things like any contact

01:20:43.520 --> 01:20:46.720
with nipples and both of us have a have a limit

01:20:46.720 --> 01:20:48.920
around kind of age play and not because we're

01:20:48.920 --> 01:20:50.819
making any judgment on that as a type of play

01:20:50.819 --> 01:20:52.680
and the thing that people engage in is just not

01:20:52.680 --> 01:20:55.760
something that we enjoy yeah um so we don't we

01:20:55.760 --> 01:20:59.840
don't do it um and and uh things that you know

01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:02.279
related to fingernails and toenails is is something

01:21:02.279 --> 01:21:05.770
that you uh really struggle with yeah that might

01:21:05.770 --> 01:21:07.250
confuse people so i should clarify obviously

01:21:07.250 --> 01:21:08.890
we have rules about me painting my finger and

01:21:08.890 --> 01:21:10.829
toenails which is absolutely fine but when i

01:21:10.829 --> 01:21:12.869
say my hard limit for play is anything to do

01:21:12.869 --> 01:21:14.270
with finger and toenails that means i don't want

01:21:14.270 --> 01:21:16.050
them to hit i don't want them yanked out i don't

01:21:16.050 --> 01:21:17.810
want things jabbed underneath them i don't want

01:21:17.810 --> 01:21:20.569
pain to happen to them yeah that's a good clarification

01:21:20.569 --> 01:21:23.029
yeah because we know what that means but i feel

01:21:23.029 --> 01:21:24.430
like someone could be listening and be like but

01:21:24.430 --> 01:21:26.170
you have rules related to finger and toenails

01:21:26.170 --> 01:21:33.439
and say yeah but not needles And then we have

01:21:33.439 --> 01:21:35.899
a couple of limits about where other people are

01:21:35.899 --> 01:21:37.829
involved. Yeah. There's certain types of play

01:21:37.829 --> 01:21:40.069
where I need quite a high level of trust. So

01:21:40.069 --> 01:21:42.130
I have a real thing about nipples. Nipples are

01:21:42.130 --> 01:21:45.689
a hard limit with anybody ever. But any other

01:21:45.689 --> 01:21:48.329
play close to my nipples, so involving my boobs,

01:21:48.449 --> 01:21:50.189
involving my chest, there needs to be a high

01:21:50.189 --> 01:21:51.810
level of trust there because I need to know that

01:21:51.810 --> 01:21:53.390
the person's not going to forget and go for the

01:21:53.390 --> 01:21:56.130
nipples. I need to feel safe and certain that

01:21:56.130 --> 01:21:58.090
that's not going to happen. And also because

01:21:58.090 --> 01:22:01.149
of lingering bits of dysphoria around my chest

01:22:01.149 --> 01:22:04.050
and just being a very sensitive area, I need

01:22:04.050 --> 01:22:05.750
to know that people aren't going to be too rough.

01:22:06.199 --> 01:22:07.439
and aren't going to do things that are going

01:22:07.439 --> 01:22:10.439
to be too far for me. So we've ramped up play

01:22:10.439 --> 01:22:12.960
around my chest quite gradually over time, where

01:22:12.960 --> 01:22:14.479
it started with me just being comfortable with

01:22:14.479 --> 01:22:17.420
you touching and then kind of squeezing and then

01:22:17.420 --> 01:22:19.539
moving up some impact on my boobs, which was

01:22:19.539 --> 01:22:21.920
a massive challenge for me to do, but I wanted

01:22:21.920 --> 01:22:24.239
to push myself. Yeah, yeah. And I was really

01:22:24.239 --> 01:22:27.779
proud of you. Thank you. It was amazing to see

01:22:27.779 --> 01:22:30.859
you feel comfortable to do that. And you've taken

01:22:30.859 --> 01:22:34.460
a fair caning. Yeah. Your boobs. Yeah. Which

01:22:34.460 --> 01:22:37.359
is just amazing to see. I always have to cover

01:22:37.359 --> 01:22:39.159
my nipples with my hands just for my own peace

01:22:39.159 --> 01:22:41.020
of mind if I'm getting caned on the boobs. And

01:22:41.020 --> 01:22:43.100
then if you do miss, I get wrapped across the

01:22:43.100 --> 01:22:45.380
knuckles, which is fucking horrible, but much

01:22:45.380 --> 01:22:49.899
better than getting hit. But yeah, I'm really

01:22:49.899 --> 01:22:51.560
proud of myself for pushing myself in that way,

01:22:51.619 --> 01:22:54.000
but that's not something, if we were playing

01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:56.039
with somebody else, I would not want someone

01:22:56.039 --> 01:22:57.800
that I didn't know super, super well to do that.

01:22:57.939 --> 01:22:59.420
And I think it's maybe something that's better

01:22:59.420 --> 01:23:01.420
in a dynamic with me because the level of additional

01:23:01.420 --> 01:23:04.640
trust that comes with submission is what makes

01:23:04.640 --> 01:23:08.659
that feel comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. That makes

01:23:08.659 --> 01:23:11.319
a lot of sense. That's why these limits are in

01:23:11.319 --> 01:23:13.979
the rules and protocol as the living part of

01:23:13.979 --> 01:23:16.039
our dynamic because these things can shift and

01:23:16.039 --> 01:23:18.140
change over time and we don't really want to

01:23:18.140 --> 01:23:19.720
have to be updating the contract on a regular

01:23:19.720 --> 01:23:23.420
basis. So that's our rules and our protocol.

01:23:23.439 --> 01:23:26.619
Quite a lot from where we started with our little

01:23:26.619 --> 01:23:29.239
keep note. Definitely, yeah. Highball 6 will

01:23:29.239 --> 01:23:34.600
have many more rules on it. But it doesn't feel...

01:23:35.140 --> 01:23:37.939
It's easy for me to say, I guess, because it

01:23:37.939 --> 01:23:40.399
requires me to do very little, relatively little.

01:23:41.539 --> 01:23:44.800
But it doesn't feel kind of overwhelming. How

01:23:44.800 --> 01:23:47.140
does it feel to kind of live under that level

01:23:47.140 --> 01:23:49.640
of expectation? Yeah, it feels really good mix.

01:23:50.140 --> 01:23:53.180
Like it's it never feels like too much because

01:23:53.180 --> 01:23:55.859
we've added probably the most rules we ever added

01:23:55.859 --> 01:23:58.300
at once is when we started exploring bimbofication.

01:23:58.340 --> 01:24:00.220
We really beefed up the appearance rules section.

01:24:00.380 --> 01:24:03.220
But even then, it was probably five or six new

01:24:03.220 --> 01:24:06.430
things, if that. Yeah. Generally, if we're adding

01:24:06.430 --> 01:24:08.369
to the rules, it's one or two at a time. And

01:24:08.369 --> 01:24:11.069
then I'll have a month or more to get used to

01:24:11.069 --> 01:24:13.090
that before we add anything else. A lot of this

01:24:13.090 --> 01:24:16.069
stuff is stuff that in an ideal world I would

01:24:16.069 --> 01:24:18.069
just do for myself anyway. It might look a little

01:24:18.069 --> 01:24:20.529
bit different. You know, the routine that I'm

01:24:20.529 --> 01:24:22.109
in with the housework might be different if I

01:24:22.109 --> 01:24:23.869
lived alone. The things I do for my appearance

01:24:23.869 --> 01:24:25.729
might be different if I was the one making the

01:24:25.729 --> 01:24:29.229
decisions on what the goal was. But in a perfect

01:24:29.229 --> 01:24:31.930
world, I would want to have a good routine where

01:24:31.930 --> 01:24:34.199
I stay busy. and do a lot of stuff to take care

01:24:34.199 --> 01:24:36.319
of myself and my environment and any people around

01:24:36.319 --> 01:24:39.340
me. What this does is it formalises it, introduces

01:24:39.340 --> 01:24:42.100
an imbalance of power to it, and includes some

01:24:42.100 --> 01:24:44.039
stuff that is just fun and just keeps our lives

01:24:44.039 --> 01:24:46.819
a little bit more spicy. That stuff that you

01:24:46.819 --> 01:24:48.640
do just for the sake of control, just because

01:24:48.640 --> 01:24:51.250
you can. Is often the stuff that I find the most

01:24:51.250 --> 01:24:53.649
exciting to do because it's hot to me as well

01:24:53.649 --> 01:24:56.270
to be controlled by you in that way. And then

01:24:56.270 --> 01:24:58.430
the stuff that's more about, you know, putting

01:24:58.430 --> 01:25:00.890
energy into the relationship, putting care into

01:25:00.890 --> 01:25:02.569
the environment that we both live in, taking

01:25:02.569 --> 01:25:05.590
care of you, taking care of me. All of that stuff

01:25:05.590 --> 01:25:08.729
is stuff that benefits me too and benefits our

01:25:08.729 --> 01:25:13.000
relationship. so it makes me really happy i like

01:25:13.000 --> 01:25:15.279
it and as we talked about before like these rules

01:25:15.279 --> 01:25:17.359
have been very collaborative between both of

01:25:17.359 --> 01:25:19.119
us where there's probably about an equal mix

01:25:19.119 --> 01:25:20.640
of things that i've suggested and things that

01:25:20.640 --> 01:25:22.779
you've suggested and and stuff that we've just

01:25:22.779 --> 01:25:25.399
kind of come to by bouncing off each other um

01:25:25.399 --> 01:25:27.880
i really like it i'm really proud of it as as

01:25:27.880 --> 01:25:31.199
a creation of us and our many and very kinks

01:25:31.199 --> 01:25:33.760
yeah this is what we've distilled it into yeah

01:25:33.760 --> 01:25:35.920
i think that i think that's been the nice thing

01:25:35.920 --> 01:25:37.979
about doing these this episode and the last one

01:25:37.979 --> 01:25:41.439
is it's kind of It feels like when you're just

01:25:41.439 --> 01:25:42.920
living your day -to -day life and you're doing

01:25:42.920 --> 01:25:44.500
all of these things and you're following all

01:25:44.500 --> 01:25:46.180
of the rules and I'm enforcing them and we're

01:25:46.180 --> 01:25:48.760
working within that contract framework as part

01:25:48.760 --> 01:25:50.819
of iDynamic. It's just what you're doing and

01:25:50.819 --> 01:25:52.579
you kind of get used to it and you go, well,

01:25:52.600 --> 01:25:54.619
this is just how life is. Yeah. Isn't it? You're

01:25:54.619 --> 01:25:56.960
just bumbling along doing all of this stuff.

01:25:57.039 --> 01:26:00.960
It doesn't look like, from the outside, it doesn't

01:26:00.960 --> 01:26:03.640
look like your average relationship, but it's

01:26:03.640 --> 01:26:07.079
ours. Yeah. But it's been really nice to just

01:26:07.079 --> 01:26:09.920
kind of look at it and go, yeah. We made that.

01:26:10.000 --> 01:26:13.000
We did that. We do that. We created that together.

01:26:13.079 --> 01:26:14.920
And it's something that is really meaningful

01:26:14.920 --> 01:26:17.939
to us and we get a lot of enjoyment from. I think

01:26:17.939 --> 01:26:19.380
for me as well, it's a different perspective

01:26:19.380 --> 01:26:20.899
on a similar sort of thing. We have a really

01:26:20.899 --> 01:26:23.039
nice environment to live in because of the rules

01:26:23.039 --> 01:26:25.399
that we have and the effort that you put in.

01:26:25.500 --> 01:26:28.420
We have a really strong dynamic because of all

01:26:28.420 --> 01:26:31.300
of the protocol that we've got and the thinking

01:26:31.300 --> 01:26:33.859
and the detail that went into the contract framework.

01:26:34.100 --> 01:26:36.579
It feels really nice for that to be our life.

01:26:36.880 --> 01:26:40.939
Yeah, it does. I'm constantly intrigued at the

01:26:40.939 --> 01:26:42.939
moment about where we could go next with it.

01:26:42.979 --> 01:26:44.439
And we don't necessarily have to go anywhere

01:26:44.439 --> 01:26:47.479
with it, but it is difficult to think of areas

01:26:47.479 --> 01:26:50.399
where we could introduce new rules. It is, yeah.

01:26:51.039 --> 01:26:54.880
Where else would we go? What part of your life

01:26:54.880 --> 01:26:59.199
are we not touching? I think we could be doing

01:26:59.199 --> 01:27:02.020
more with the surveillance cameras next. I think

01:27:02.020 --> 01:27:04.079
that's the next thing for us. Yeah. It's really

01:27:04.079 --> 01:27:08.750
leaning into the no privacy. Yeah. We have cameras

01:27:08.750 --> 01:27:10.689
around the house. We currently have one in the

01:27:10.689 --> 01:27:13.050
bedroom, one in the living room. And what we've

01:27:13.050 --> 01:27:15.789
mainly used those for is for me to go back and

01:27:15.789 --> 01:27:17.770
watch us having sex after the fact and go, that

01:27:17.770 --> 01:27:20.810
was hot. But I feel like there's some real potential

01:27:20.810 --> 01:27:24.729
there for me to have no privacy. Yeah. Apart

01:27:24.729 --> 01:27:26.890
from obviously when I'm working and things where

01:27:26.890 --> 01:27:28.930
I have to, where other people are in the house,

01:27:28.970 --> 01:27:32.210
but as much as we can. But yeah, maybe that is

01:27:32.210 --> 01:27:35.109
the direction of leaning into that kind of, you

01:27:35.109 --> 01:27:41.630
don't get any privacy. Yeah. Sort of thing. But

01:27:41.630 --> 01:27:44.090
yeah, it's just interesting to reflect on whether

01:27:44.090 --> 01:27:46.489
or not this is that we've reached the level.

01:27:46.789 --> 01:27:50.109
Yeah. Or whether there is more we could do. I'm

01:27:50.109 --> 01:27:51.850
sure we'll think aside. I'm sure we'll think

01:27:51.850 --> 01:27:55.569
about it. We are both disgusting people. So we

01:27:55.569 --> 01:28:00.649
will figure it out. We are lovely people. We

01:28:00.649 --> 01:28:04.029
are lovely people who do disgusting things. I

01:28:04.029 --> 01:28:07.130
agree with that. It's what my sticky note up

01:28:07.130 --> 01:28:10.109
says on my work monitor says. It's true. Liking

01:28:10.109 --> 01:28:11.930
awful things does not make me an awful person.

01:28:12.270 --> 01:28:18.409
It's true. It also says that... What else does

01:28:18.409 --> 01:28:21.210
it say? It says that your love language is slapping

01:28:21.210 --> 01:28:25.229
me and starving me. That's it, yes. Which I like.

01:28:26.569 --> 01:28:28.550
That is the love language I most like to receive.

01:28:43.560 --> 01:28:45.319
Thanks for listening to this week's episode of

01:28:45.319 --> 01:28:47.600
Don't Scare the Newbies. You can support us on

01:28:47.600 --> 01:28:49.880
Patreon for bonus content and head to carisel

01:28:49.880 --> 01:28:52.420
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01:28:52.420 --> 01:28:54.880
that you can follow me. See you next time.