Hello, hello everyone. Welcome to Speak Your
Chaos, your new favorite podcast where absolutely
anyone can submit their chaos to our Instagram
or to our email found in the description below.
Speak Your Chaos is all about speaking your truth,
your chaos, regardless of what it is. Or maybe
it's not yours. Maybe it's someone's chaos whom
you know. But once again, welcome to Speak Your
Chaos and thank you for tuning in. Alrighty,
let's go ahead and get started. Our first submission
of the day. I live with my girlfriend, and I've
always been more of a morning person. We usually
get up between 8 .30 and 9 .30 in the morning
on the weekends, but I've started realizing I
don't have a lot of time to myself or time to
do individual hobbies, and I've noticed that
it takes longer for me to get out of bed the
later I wake up. I thought it would be a good
idea to get a separate alarm. So I could go off
between 7 to 7 .30 just to give myself more time
in the morning to read, play video games, watch
an episode of TV, go for a run, do whatever it
is that I need to do. My girlfriend said it's
not fair because she might not be able to go
back to sleep. I mentioned that I set an earlier
alarm for work when I'm in the office and she
manages to always get herself back to sleep.
But she said that it's completely different.
I pointed out it's exactly the same. She said
we should be getting up at the exact same time,
but I asked why and she would not answer me.
She continued saying it's not fair for her to
have to wake up earlier, but I mentioned again
she's fine when I have to do it for work, so
it won't be any different here. She said again
I should just get up at the same time as her
and that I shouldn't be setting an early alarm.
Am I overreacting for setting an earlier alarm?
Alright, so here's my two cents on this. There
is a slight difference between the work mode
and going out mode or playing video games or
being up or whatever the case, right? When she
knows that you're at work and she knows that
you're not there, that your presence isn't there,
it's probably a lot easier for her to go back
to sleep. But when you're there, she knows you're
there. She knows that physically you are there.
She just wants to be with you. She wants to hang
out with you. She just wants to be around you.
i'm assuming is the reason why she struggles
to go back to sleep not only that but it sounds
like maybe she wants to partake in some of these
um things with you maybe she wants to play video
games with you or go on that run or do something
together in the morning but i understand where
she's coming from you know it can absolutely
be hard to go back to sleep knowing that your
person is there because you're there right so
all they want to do is spend that time with you
i don't think you're overreacting i don't think
she's overreacting but i do think it is a little
unfair for her to not you know allow you to set
an earlier alarm if you want to get up earlier
and you want to do what you want to do and get
your morning started i feel like you absolutely
have every single right to be able to do that
moving on My boyfriend and I have been together
for three and a half years. I feel like we are
at the age and the point in our relationship
where there is no reason we should not be living
together. We've been together for a long time,
and I feel like we're too grown for games. I'm
26, he's 30. We have discussed multiple times
of us getting a place together once both of our
leases end. I apologize, I cannot read today.
but I can't get him to fully commit and he's
constantly going back and forth on the topic.
Is it wrong of me to want to break up over that?
I have never lived with one of my significant
others before and I understand people move at
different paces, but I feel like him not wanting
to live together means he doesn't want to commit
to me or see our relationship progress to the
next level. At this point, I just feel like I'm
wasting my time. Am I supposed to wait around
for him? Is it selfish? of me to feel this way
i really am stuck i really want to be considerate
of his feelings but at the same time i also need
to do what's best for me all right here's my
opinion three and a half years right three and
a half years you've been together but he will
not commit to living together there has to be
there's a reason why right there's an underlying
reason why and you need to discover what that
is what is the reason what is happening What
is going on that he's not wanting to live together?
Is it an insecurity? Is it maybe something that
he does that he doesn't know if you're prepared
for might turn you off? Is it something that
maybe you do that he doesn't like? Have you slept
over at each other's houses for a few nights
and maybe he picked up on something or you picked
up on something or maybe a comment was mentioned
about something? So there has to be an underlying
reason. I would get to that reason. Try to figure
out exactly what's going on. Try to figure out
exactly what it is that's turning him off from
the idea of you two moving in together, right?
It could be nothing. It could be absolutely nothing.
Maybe he's just not ready. Maybe he's just an
extremely slow burner. But I will say, you are
26. You've been together three and a half years,
right? So roughly, since you were 22, 23 -ish,
you've been together. you know pretty much your
your young adulthood you've been together um
i will say that i would give it another few months
in my opinion because it has been so long you
don't just want to throw it away i would give
it another few months try to figure out what's
going on try to figure out the real reason maybe
he's lived with someone in the past and he doesn't
want to commit to that again because of what
happened last time right try to figure out what's
going on if you really can't figure it out or
if you he really won't commit to moving in together
i do agree that you should probably end it just
because if he won't commit to something like
moving in together then there's a lot of things
in the future that he's not going to want to
commit to so in my opinion give it another few
months and then if anything just call it off
all right now i have a fairly long one here so
uh bear with me my boyfriend 36 and i 28 we only
see each other on the weekends on saturday i
packed myself and left using the last train of
the night to get to him We went for dinner and
as soon as we got home, he noticed that he left
an expensive new smartwatch he bought before
at the restaurant. He immediately began to lose
his absolute mind. I'm used to him being angry
over small things, but I've never seen anything
at this scale. He started blaming me, pointing
the finger at me, saying that it's my fault that
he left his watch there and I'm used to that.
He always blames me for everything. He said I
distracted him with my blabbering and I wasn't
attentive enough and whatever. And that's why
he forgot the watch. Okay, first of all, why
the fuck did he take off the watch to begin with?
He began screaming and throwing stuff and slamming
doors. And finally, he punched a brick wall a
few times to the point where his hand and knuckles
started severely bleeding. After that, he decided
to go back to the restaurant. And he expected
me to come with him. I declined. I told him I'm
going home. And that's what I did. I went to
the train station and I went back home. On my
way there, he texted me that he thought he broke
his hand, which made me feel bad, and so I called
him. I told him if he sees the issue with his
behavior, I will come back. He didn't. He thought
his tantrum was completely justified. So I took
the last train. I told him if he sees what's
wrong with his behavior, losing it over a fucking
watch, I will be there for him and support him.
I haven't heard from him in two days. What's
killing me... Is that he told me on the phone
that he feels like I left him completely alone.
He feels alone now because of me. And yes, I
did leave him alone. But I wanted to show him
that this kind of behavior makes you lonely.
I grew up in an abusive household. I swore to
myself to never end up with a partner of anger
issues. My boyfriend told me he would never hurt
me. But that level of aggression he showed me
over something small like that. i miss him and
i want to be there for him and i want to help
him first i thought i was definitely in the right
because i'm not saying of someone who's throwing
things but then i read that apparently a lot
of people are doing that and punching walls and
whatnot maybe i'm too sensitive i don't know
if i'm overreacting because of trauma i also
read that these people normally stop after they
hurt themselves the first time which he apparently
did i don't know what to do should i reach out
to him or what should i do girl run fucking run
listen you are 28 he is 36 he is old enough to
know right from wrong you need to get the fuck
out right now i understand trauma i've been through
trauma i understand fully understand trauma here's
the thing though right because of the fact that
you grew up with it because of the fact that
you're so used to it because of the fact that
you grew up at some point thinking that that
was okay behavior That's what you're unfortunately
attracted to now. That's what you gravitate towards.
You need to get the fuck out of that relationship.
What he's doing is not okay. The way he's reacting
over a watch, not okay. Because tomorrow it's
going to be something bigger. The next day it's
going to be something bigger. That brick wall
is going to end up being your face. You need
to get the fuck out. You need to stay away. If
you're using a train to get to each other, there's
enough of a distance where you're okay to start
over. I do not think you're being too sensitive.
I think you need to get the fuck out. I think
you need to protect yourself, save yourself.
I think that right now, you know, he's not hurting
you physically, but emotionally, mentally, he
is hurting you. And what are you going to do
in the future if you two have kids and they fuck
with his watch or they fuck with his console
or his computer or his car or something? What
is he going to do? So what are you going to do,
right? What are you going to do when next time
it's your children that you have together? What
are you going to do when next time it's something
else, it's something worse, it's something that
matters to him a little bit more? I would cut
your losses, to be completely honest. All right,
moving on to the next one. I was a junior bridesmaid
at my cousin's wedding last month. Most of the
side of the family is white, and while we keep
things polite, I've never felt truly part of
the group. On the big day, there's this tradition
where the bridesmaid helped the brides put on
the family necklace. A pretty important moment.
When it was my turn the bride's mom suddenly
stepped in saying actually we want to keep this
as family only moment. Keep in mind we're cousins.
No further explanation and I noticed a couple
of people glanced at me almost like waiting to
see if I would get upset but I didn't. Now there
were a few things that were off. My dress was
a cheaper fabric. The color was slightly different
almost like I was an afterthought. One of the
bridesmaid bridesmaids told me they probably
just saved the best for the real bridesmaids
and then she started laughing later i overheard
a comment from one of the friends can't blame
them for wanting to keep things pure followed
by a chuckle another bridesmaid whispered guess
some traditions aren't meant for everyone i tried
to shrug it off but it felt like being reminded
i wasn't really welcome like i was a guest in
someone else's world when i told my mom she said
sometimes people don't realize how much their
words or actions can hurt even if they think
they're just joking i get that but it's those
things i don't want to call my family racist
and if it was just a thoughtless or ignorant
thought but i can't stop feeling excluded and
small am i overreacting for getting upset absolutely
not your family's fucking racist call it what
it fucking is their family's racist their fucking
friends are racist here's my thing right it's
finally your turn you are the only african -american
there from what you've said right or at least
at least in the the bridesmaids right your turn
for the necklace all of a sudden it's not okay
no absolutely not fuck your family fuck their
friends can't blame them for wanting to keep
things pure no fuck that lady too whoever the
fuck said that fuck her too All right. My friend
has oral herpes but never told me and has asked
me to share, try my drinks in the past. I let
her not knowing. Now I'm annoyed and a little
paranoid. I know it's pretty unlikely I'll contract
it this way, but it's not impossible. I don't
think she had active herpes when she asked to
share things, but I don't remember. It's possible
she did, and I just didn't notice it before.
I'm irritated that someone who knows she has
oral herpes her entire life, she's had it since
childhood, would ask to share drinks. with people
knowing this if i had known she had it i wouldn't
let her take steps for my drink or share them
i'm irritated because i thought people had enough
common sense to not to not ask to share drinks
if they know they have herpes or at least tell
you so you can make an informed choice about
whether you want to take that risk lesson learned
i would never allow anyone to take a sip from
my drink or share a drink again but i'm feeling
very annoyed and slightly paranoid about this
so i think you are justified right i mean i get
it if someone that i know has herpes and they
wanted to share my drink and they never informed
me that they had herpes and then i found out
later i would be like yo wait a fucking minute
especially me like i have kids i can't fucking
be risking that shit not only that but you don't
want your life or your persona or whatever you
want to get affected or changed just because
of someone else's choices so i feel like in my
personal opinion you are absolutely fucking justified
All right, on to the next. I traveled out of
state to attend a week -long company event. On
the first day, we're standing up to make our
introduction. The colleague who had a few coughing
fits announces during her intro that she just
recovered from pneumonia. Sure enough, by day
three, I am sick with cold, chills, body aches,
headaches, sore throat, watery eyes. Another
colleague gets a runny nose, sneezing fits. My
VP notices my and the other colleague's sickness
and graciously excuses us from the rest of the
event. We spent the rest of the weekend in our
hotel room. I still can't fly home because now
I'm hacking up a lung and can't expose a plane
full of people to this. I'm mad because I think
she could have stayed home. Even if she was almost
fully recovered, I'm mad because she was able
to stay until the final day and I had to miss
out on the most important parts of the meeting.
Having incurred the expense of medications, door
dashing for deliveries, and losing weekends with
my family. Am I justified for feeling this way?
Absolutely. absolutely now i'm not gonna say
that you can fully blame your colleague because
you are at a company event there's dozens maybe
hundreds of people there if she just recovered
from pneumonia then there's a chance she's no
longer contagious you know i wouldn't fully fully
blame her But I will absolutely say that it could
partially be her fault. So I fully understand
why you are upset, and I do feel like it is justified.
I, 20 female, made the stupid choice to get engaged
to my now ex -fiancee, 19 male, at a fairly young
age. We were dating since I was 17, he was 16,
we got engaged when I was 19, and he was 18.
We moved very fast, I'm aware of that. We cut
off the engagement and broke up November of 2024.
We remained friends. Recently, we started talking
about our relationship again and I was thrilled.
Then he told me the entire time him and I were
talking, he had already had a girlfriend. I was
devastated and I got mad to the point where I
stopped talking to him and I almost blocked him.
I ended up messaging the so -called girlfriend.
She told me that they were not dating and never
dated. He barely even talked to her. So I confronted
him and he said he did it to rage bait me and
to make me jealous. We ended up having a big
argument and now I have him blocked. maybe he's
just immature but i'm not sure if i overreacted
no he's immature as fuck listen you saw the red
flags once you cut off the engagement once you
realize that you move too quick clearly very
clearly he's very immature fuck that move on
on to the next all righty let's see i've talked
to this girl for about a month and a half we've
been on five dates we started to get to the place
of introducing each other's family here's what
she texted me after our date today also i just
wanted to say i don't mind calling on next saturday
if you want me to but i can't do that all the
time also you're welcome to come to my party
the following weekend i just don't want you to
feel obligated obligated I replied to it, well,
that's really nice of you to say. I wouldn't
want you to miss work, but next Saturday I can
definitely make sure you're home on time for
work while we also have our time together. I'm
more than happy to come support you at your grad
party, but we can talk more about it over the
weekend. For context, she's having her college
grad party in two weeks. Her parents suggested
me coming to it. I would definitely be down.
But I haven't met her parents yet and I would
like to do it prior to the grad party. I need
a perspective from another person. When she said
she can call out of work but I can't do it all
the time, was that her way of saying she wants
to take the day off to spend with me? I tried
to be polite about it and I would never ask her
to take time off for me. Alright. So two things.
Yes, she absolutely wants to spend time with
you. She's just making you aware that she's not
going to be able to always do it, but she definitely
wants to do it, right? She definitely wants to
spend that quality time with you. Just again,
be aware. It's not going to be an every week
thing, but she wants that time with you. She's
inviting you to her grad party. Although her
parents are going to be there, that is a big
deal. She clearly is somewhat serious about you
and definitely likes you. And I do get you wanting
to meet the parents prior. I'm the same way.
Before I meet your family all together, I would
want to meet them separately just to get a feel
about how things are going to be, not be thrown
to the wolves. So I understand your perspective.
I think her head's in a good place. Your head's
in a good place. I would talk about it and just
find a middle ground that you are both absolutely
comfortable with. All righty, y 'all. Well, that'll
wrap it up for today's episode. That was definitely
an eventful one. Thank you for being here. Thank
you for tuning in. Speaker Chaos is everywhere
you currently listen to your podcast. We never
truly know what submissions will be sent in.
It could be anything from love. to exes, sometimes
even an affair that's going on. At times, it
could be your very strange roommate, something
happening with your best friend, with your mother.
We're never really sure. And there are times
where we get submissions that are so questionable
that we're honestly not sure if we should speak
on it. But we normally do anyway. Again, you
never truly know. So feel free to join us next
week and find out what's to come.