WEBVTT

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Hey Out Louders and welcome to another episode

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of Pammy Out Loud. I'm your host Pammy and I'm

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here today to talk to you about something that

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is deeply personal and very profound to me and

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that is my relationship with alcohol and my decision

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to quit drinking. I've had difficulty pressing

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the record button because not that it's hard

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for me to talk about this but because it's so

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important to me to get it right that I hesitate

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in starting the conversation. I will tell you

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this, this will be a conversation that will be

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ongoing throughout many episodes of my podcast

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because it'll be a running theme. And I say,

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not because I'm trying to convert anybody, but

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to share something that was very important and

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impactful for me and... brought up a lot of questions

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that I believe lots of women and men both have

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as they ponder their relationship with alcohol

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throughout the years. I stopped drinking in November

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of 2019. And let me tell you a little bit about

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the lead up to that. A lot of times people want

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to know what kind of drinker was I? And how did

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I come to the decision that I needed to quit

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drinking? So today, I'm going to introduce the

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topic with those answering those questions for

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you. Just know that I will have many other episodes

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woven throughout this podcast. And I hope that

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you will engage in the conversation with me.

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If you're curious, let me know what you're thinking

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about and what other things you'd like for me

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to talk out loud. What topics that I throw out

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to you that resonate. What issues that are you

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experiencing as we discuss this? So what happened

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for me, I was raised in a household where alcohol

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was not a big deal. In fact, my parents hardly

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drank. I think my dad had, he'd have a six pack

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of beer in the refrigerator all summer long and

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I think it was the same six pack. He would drink

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a beer maybe when he'd come in from the golf

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course on Sunday, maybe. and they also had that

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mysterious cabinet of liquor above the refrigerator

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with the big decanters and whatnot in them, you

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know, that were used when you were at parties.

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Maybe they'd have a party once a year where those

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fancy things came down, but it wasn't something

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that neither my mother nor my father really partook

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much in. So I didn't have that as an example

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or as a as an issue for myself growing up, went

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off to college, experimented with a lot of alcohol

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when I was in college, no more than I think most

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college kids probably do. And then when we got

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married, we started having babies pretty quick

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and alcohol was definitely not a part of our

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life at that point. We were busy raising children

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and they demanded our full attention. This was

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long before what we now experience as I think

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the mommy wine culture that you hear a lot of

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people talk about, but it really wasn't something

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that became an issue and more common in my life

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until, I don't know, maybe my 40s. And I, you

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know, what happened for me is, you know, I went

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from being, you know, as a weekend drinker to

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I'd come in the door from my job at school and

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I'd open a bottle of wine and have a glass and

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I don't, You know, it was, I had a lot of social

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drinking. I ran with, I think our friends were

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very, I don't want to say alcohol -centric, but

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you know, alcohol was a big part of how we gathered

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and partied and celebrated together. And it became

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very commonplace. For me, my alcohol progression,

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Can kind of continued as into my 40s as I was

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in my 40s and 50s and when my children were more

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Self -sufficient didn't need me to pick them

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up and do those things I'm I think alcohol became

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more of a priority for me in my life I never

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really thought a lot about it, but I will say

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it did frequently come to come up It was something

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that I would think about from time to time of

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yeah, I think I drink too much Now people will

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often ask me well how much did you drink? And

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I will tell you the answer to that question when

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I finally got around to stopping But I want to

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be really careful about how I don't like to answer

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that question right away Because I think it is

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one of those questions that when people ask you

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how much were you drinking? They are looking

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at it as a measuring stick or should I say a

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measuring cup? for their own alcohol consumption.

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I know this because I did it too, right? Oh,

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I'm not as bad as she is. I don't drink as much

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as he does. I only drink two glass, two margaritas,

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whatever, whatever the case is. When you ask

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somebody, well, how much were you drinking? It

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becomes this ability for you to be very dismissive

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of your own drinking. And that was certainly

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true for me. So, I will say though, I started

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to, I knew I was drinking too much and I didn't

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do anything about it. It was not something I

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just thought, yeah, you really ought to do something.

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And I never even did 30 day, you know, dry January.

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I just, I never did any of those things. I didn't

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try to do anything about it, but. But I did Google

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a lot. How much is too much for a five foot six,

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125 pound woman? How much is too much if you're

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58 years old? How much, I mean, I did all of

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those kind of Google searches. Am I an alcoholic?

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I'd sat there at the keyboard. Let me just tell

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you something. If you are Googling, am I an alcoholic?

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Do I have a problem with alcohol? Let me tell

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you, the answer is yes. Because people that don't

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have those problems are not Googling those things.

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That is one of the standard go -tos in our sober

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-minded community. It's like that is not something

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most people Google. If you have a problem and

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you say, am I drinking too much? You probably

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are. You are probably drinking too much. What

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caused me, I mean, I'm going to say I looked

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at my drinking for a long time without doing

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anything about it. And I had this belief system

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that you were either a drinker or you weren't.

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And if you weren't a drinker, it was because

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you were an alcoholic, you had a medical condition

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or you were pregnant, or you had some religious

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conviction about it. Either you had those things

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or you drank. And if you had one of those things,

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you really wanted to drink too. That's what I

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believe. I just believed everybody wanted to

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drink. I did not believe that there were people

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out there that enjoyed their life without alcohol.

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It was not my experience. And I thought this

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is something that everybody does or everybody

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wishes that they could do, right? So for me,

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I had thought about my drinking for a long time

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but I hadn't done anything about it and I also

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had this belief system that you were either an

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alcoholic and you went to AA or you went to rehab

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and you and you had to give it all up or You

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know, you were a quote normal drinker. I don't

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even know what a normal drinker is I'm just gonna

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say that what is a normal drinker and I think

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that normal yeah well I'm not I'm not even sure

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what a normal is I'm just gonna put that out

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there. So what happened for me though what was

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really the turning point was I'm trying to think

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maybe 20 this is probably 20 the summers 2018

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-2019 sometime in there I did a group diet and

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exercise program there's this wonderful book

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called Game On and it is a Team approach to getting

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healthy and what you do is you get on teams and

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there's all these different things that you do

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It's a 30 -day program and you have to drink

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a lot of water and you have to exercise and you

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have to get your sleep and you have to Work on

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a good habit and give up a bad habit. There's

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all these different components of it and you

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get points and you you have team pressure in

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order to do well with it. And it's a, it is really

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a great program. And I'll put the book in my

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show notes because I have played the game many

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times with many different people and I always

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get really good results with it. The, the food

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part of it is pretty easy to do. It's a whole

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food type approach. Um, but here's the, here's

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the kicker to it. And this is what really got

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to me. You can't drink alcohol for the 30 days.

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Now you can have cheat days. So that's a whole

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nother kind of thing to explain but you know

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The cheat days and one on the cheat cheat days.

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You could have as much alcohol as you wanted

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so what you find yourself doing or what I found

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myself doing is like I Could do everything related

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to the game on program. I was exercising. I was

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lifting weights I was doing all the stuff I was

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supposed to do And I was jellying for a glass

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of wine. I wanted my wine. And I was just so

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struck by the fact that I could not stop thinking

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about the alcohol. I didn't have any problems

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cutting calories or doing anything else. But

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I was annoyed at how much I wanted to drink.

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So Anyway, it was it was it was really striking

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to me and I and the thing that got to me was

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I did not want to be Controlled by any substance

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and I started to realize how much my thinking

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Was controlled by drinking and how I planned

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my life around it. I didn't really think that

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I did But you know, I would not I would not You

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know be things like I'd come in the door from

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school I'd open a bottle of wine and I'd be sitting

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there with my cabernet and if if Brian was coming

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home from the airport He would have to catch

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a uber or you know I was because I was so committed

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to my wine and it was so important to me or he

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would go out with some friends to live music

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he loves live music my husband loves him some

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live music and That's not really my huge scene.

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Big crowds and lots of music isn't my scene.

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So a lot of times I would pass, but I would say,

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oh, I'll drop you off at the venues, but don't

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count on me to pick you up because I want to

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go home and I want to drink my bottle of wine.

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And so it was becoming, what I realized is I

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had a real priority on being able to consume

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that alcohol to the point that I did when I was

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not drinking it, I was very, very aware of how

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annoyed I was. I mean, that's the only way I

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can put it. I was annoyed that I wasn't drinking.

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I felt left out. I felt like, you know, I was

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like, what should I do this week? If my, you

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know, I can't go to happy hour because I can't,

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couldn't possibly sit there and drink something

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else if they're drinking margaritas or whatever.

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I couldn't do that. And this really bothered

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me. So, My my habit like I said was to come in

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the door open a bottle of wine sit there in my

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end You know here here's the answer to your question.

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How much was I drinking? I was averaging a bottle

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a day I was caught I was a bottle a day Cabernet.

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That's what I said bottle a day bad girl That's

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what I said. So I that's what I was drinking

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and I know this because HEB sells the six packs

00:12:43.269 --> 00:12:47.340
for a discount six bottles you get a discount.

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And that was my week's worth. And, you know,

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I also supplemented, it wasn't always a bottle

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a day of wine because sometimes I'm around the

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lake and I'm drinking beer and I'm drinking margaritas

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and other things. So yeah, my drinking had gotten

00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:06.039
up there. And, you know, it was interesting.

00:13:06.440 --> 00:13:10.679
So here I am. I'm very aware that I am jonesing

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for these drinks. And about that time, I'm coming

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in the door every day, I'm opening up my cabernet,

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I sit on the couch and I'm sucking it down. And

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one night, and I will never forget this, I would

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typically start drinking my wine when I got in

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the door. And then after dinner, I'm sitting

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on the couch, usually dozing off, it's 8 .30

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or 9 o 'clock, because you just don't have a

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lot of energy when you're drinking a bottle of

00:13:38.539 --> 00:13:42.870
red wine every night. And I would doze off, usually

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would be watching something and then I'd wake

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up 30 or 45 minutes later and decide it was time

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to go to bed. And so I was getting up and I was

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tidying up the room and folding up the blanket

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and all that kind of stuff. And I walked into

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the kitchen, turned off the TV, walked into the

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kitchen and I noticed that the bottle was sitting

00:14:01.450 --> 00:14:05.320
there on the counter and it's had maybe... I

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don't know, an inch and a half, inch, inch and

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a half of red wine still in the bottle, right?

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And I thought, oh, that can't go to waste. I

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poured it in a glass and I practically shot it.

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I practically shot it. And all of the sudden

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I thought, holy shit, that is screwed up, right?

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I have literally been asleep on the couch for

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45 minutes. I am on my way to the bedroom. I

00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:37.740
am on my way to brush my teeth and go to bed.

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And instead of putting a cork on it or heaven

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forbid just dumping it down the kitchen sink,

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I had to guzzle it like it was water at a marathon

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race. It got my attention. It got my attention.

00:14:58.019 --> 00:15:00.299
So all of these things are happening at about

00:15:00.299 --> 00:15:03.899
the same time, right? I've had this game on experience

00:15:03.899 --> 00:15:07.409
where I've had this Real revelation that I'm

00:15:07.409 --> 00:15:10.990
Jones in for alcohol. I have this moment of watching

00:15:10.990 --> 00:15:14.809
television where I go holy smokes You know, what

00:15:14.809 --> 00:15:19.110
is this that I I I you know, I'm now I'm now

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Officially committed to drinking a bottle a day

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like I can't go to bed without it And it was

00:15:25.330 --> 00:15:29.250
messed up. It was just messed up so that it all

00:15:29.250 --> 00:15:31.870
happened and I have my journal from you know,

00:15:31.870 --> 00:15:35.399
I'm I'm a journaler and I actually have my journal

00:15:35.399 --> 00:15:37.820
journal from that time in my life and things

00:15:37.820 --> 00:15:40.779
that I was thinking about and working on and

00:15:40.779 --> 00:15:43.659
a book that I was reading and and there's some

00:15:43.659 --> 00:15:47.940
really interesting notes in there about how this

00:15:47.940 --> 00:15:51.879
all kind of coalesced into this moment but one

00:15:51.879 --> 00:15:55.419
night I'm sitting on the couch drinking my cabernet

00:15:55.419 --> 00:15:59.830
and I'm on my laptop scrolling through my Facebook

00:15:59.830 --> 00:16:04.490
feed and all of the sudden in pops this message

00:16:04.490 --> 00:16:09.710
from sober sis and this beautiful woman about

00:16:09.710 --> 00:16:12.450
my age young I don't know how old she was she's

00:16:12.450 --> 00:16:14.129
actually younger than me I think everybody's

00:16:14.129 --> 00:16:17.350
my age unless they're way younger than me but

00:16:17.350 --> 00:16:22.110
she she pops up and she says hey sis do you want

00:16:22.110 --> 00:16:25.299
to change your relationship with alcohol If you

00:16:25.299 --> 00:16:27.480
do, and she starts talking and I'm sitting there

00:16:27.480 --> 00:16:30.879
thinking, yes, I believe I do. And you know,

00:16:30.879 --> 00:16:35.019
she was offering this online program for $99,

00:16:35.860 --> 00:16:38.620
21 days, change your relationship with alcohol.

00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:44.279
And I had, as I had my glass in my hand and my

00:16:44.279 --> 00:16:47.279
credit card in my other hand and my laptop in

00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:51.559
my lap, I entered, I paid my $99 and signed up.

00:16:51.860 --> 00:16:55.450
Now it was a program. and it's and it'll all

00:16:55.450 --> 00:16:57.230
of this will be in my show notes and you'll hear

00:16:57.230 --> 00:17:01.049
me talk about sober sis a lot but it was a program

00:17:01.049 --> 00:17:04.269
that starts on the first of each month so i sign

00:17:04.269 --> 00:17:06.630
up and it's several weeks before the first of

00:17:06.630 --> 00:17:08.529
each month i mean before the first of the month

00:17:08.529 --> 00:17:14.920
so this is october of 2019 now my Take on I'm

00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:17.160
gonna start this on November 1st. That's when

00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:20.039
the program starts, right? So I'm gonna start

00:17:20.039 --> 00:17:23.180
this on November 1st so I've got three weeks

00:17:23.180 --> 00:17:25.619
or two and a half weeks whatever it was and I

00:17:25.619 --> 00:17:31.880
thought I better drink up and I act like I'm

00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:36.019
going on a diet and been and I'm binging on gallons

00:17:36.019 --> 00:17:39.420
of ice cream right like I Decide that not only

00:17:39.420 --> 00:17:42.609
am I gonna drink I need to hit it hard Right?

00:17:44.029 --> 00:17:47.230
It sounds so ridiculous, but this is really what

00:17:47.230 --> 00:17:51.630
I was doing. So a few days before the first of

00:17:51.630 --> 00:17:53.769
the month, when the program is going to start,

00:17:54.309 --> 00:17:57.869
I go to happy hour with a couple of my girlfriends

00:17:57.869 --> 00:18:00.890
that I were co -workers with and we are sitting

00:18:00.890 --> 00:18:04.950
there and I'm drinking and I get really emotional

00:18:04.950 --> 00:18:08.029
and I start crying and I'm over sharing about

00:18:08.029 --> 00:18:13.250
my issues of the moment and I got home from that

00:18:13.250 --> 00:18:15.490
and I drove home from that. That's another thing.

00:18:16.069 --> 00:18:20.609
I'm embarrassed to say that I drove way too many

00:18:20.609 --> 00:18:23.269
times when I'm sure I was over the limit, right?

00:18:23.470 --> 00:18:26.470
When you are, it doesn't really take that much

00:18:26.470 --> 00:18:31.549
to be over the limit. I'm sure there are times

00:18:31.549 --> 00:18:33.789
when I didn't even feel like I was and I was

00:18:33.789 --> 00:18:36.470
over the limit. You know what I mean? But I drove

00:18:36.470 --> 00:18:39.589
home that night and I just thought, this is bullshit.

00:18:40.170 --> 00:18:43.869
What am I doing? And I need to stop right now.

00:18:44.150 --> 00:18:49.890
I need to stop right now. That was October 27th,

00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:54.450
or 26th, 2019. And that was the last time I drank

00:18:54.450 --> 00:18:59.630
alcohol. I've had sips since then. I want to

00:18:59.630 --> 00:19:04.609
be perfectly transparent about my journey. But

00:19:04.609 --> 00:19:07.869
that was the last time I poured myself a drink.

00:19:10.220 --> 00:19:13.920
On November 1st, I started the Sobersist program,

00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:17.460
which is an email -based program, but it also

00:19:17.460 --> 00:19:22.019
puts you in community with other women online

00:19:22.019 --> 00:19:25.500
through an app called Marco Polo, which is kind

00:19:25.500 --> 00:19:30.299
of like a voice texting video. It's voice texting

00:19:30.299 --> 00:19:33.519
video app. So you can be in a group, much like

00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:36.460
you can be in a message group, a text message

00:19:36.460 --> 00:19:39.599
group with people. So it allowed people to come

00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:43.079
together and have conversations with each other

00:19:43.079 --> 00:19:47.299
without, you know, whatever time zone you were

00:19:47.299 --> 00:19:49.160
in, it didn't really matter. So you could watch

00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:52.599
somebody's post, you know, when you got up in

00:19:52.599 --> 00:19:55.420
the morning, even if they made it in, you know,

00:19:55.579 --> 00:19:58.420
a different time zone, different time. You could

00:19:58.420 --> 00:20:01.240
read it much like a text message, I'd say. So

00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:04.799
anyway, you would do this in this online community

00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:07.819
and then you'd get these emails. I started to

00:20:07.819 --> 00:20:11.140
learn about my drinking. I started to learn about

00:20:11.140 --> 00:20:15.720
alcohol I started to read quit lit books for

00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:18.579
those of you that are not in the sober community

00:20:18.579 --> 00:20:24.579
quit lit is the genre of Books that are dedicated

00:20:24.579 --> 00:20:27.680
to stopping alcohol and your relationship with

00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.160
alcohol and all that good stuff so I started

00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:32.460
putting my hands on all things quit lit reading

00:20:32.460 --> 00:20:38.359
lots of things and learning Also, at the time,

00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:40.480
Sobersist had a Facebook group. They now have

00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:44.619
a dedicated website to it. But at the time, we

00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:48.759
were on Facebook, and people were sharing their

00:20:48.759 --> 00:20:51.480
experiences. And what would happen is people

00:20:51.480 --> 00:20:54.720
would say, I was seeing all this conversation

00:20:54.720 --> 00:20:57.799
about completely giving up alcohol. And I thought,

00:20:58.850 --> 00:21:01.529
I'm not doing that. I am not giving up alcohol.

00:21:01.569 --> 00:21:04.390
I just want to change my relationship with alcohol.

00:21:04.549 --> 00:21:07.769
I am not interested in completely quitting. My

00:21:07.769 --> 00:21:09.470
thought process was I'm going to go through this

00:21:09.470 --> 00:21:12.329
21 days, I'm going to do a little reset, and

00:21:12.329 --> 00:21:16.109
then I'll return to some form of moderation down

00:21:16.109 --> 00:21:18.930
the line. And all of a sudden I'm hearing people

00:21:18.930 --> 00:21:22.849
talk about quitting permanently. Permanently.

00:21:22.990 --> 00:21:27.299
And I thought bait and switch. That's what I

00:21:27.299 --> 00:21:31.799
thought that this is not what I want But I was

00:21:31.799 --> 00:21:34.839
already into it and I'm already experiencing

00:21:34.839 --> 00:21:41.539
the changes in my thinking and Ultimately the

00:21:41.539 --> 00:21:47.160
choices that I was gonna make so anyway, I This

00:21:47.160 --> 00:21:50.980
program was life -changing for me. It was the

00:21:50.980 --> 00:21:55.809
best $99 that I ever have spent it has Changed

00:21:55.809 --> 00:22:00.269
me in profound ways and giving me the tools to

00:22:00.269 --> 00:22:03.890
live my life alcohol -free in a way that I am

00:22:03.890 --> 00:22:09.890
deeply proud of and What removing alcohol does

00:22:09.890 --> 00:22:12.190
unless I does for me, I think it does for everybody

00:22:12.190 --> 00:22:19.130
it Reveals the work that you need to do it reveals

00:22:19.130 --> 00:22:23.119
the work you need to do So if that is ongoing

00:22:23.119 --> 00:22:26.720
right that is an ongoing journey that never ever

00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:31.220
stops It's very exciting. It's very painful.

00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:36.740
It's very Enlightening and enriching and life

00:22:36.740 --> 00:22:39.960
-enhancing. That's all I can say I will tell

00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:43.839
you that quitting drinking for me Has been the

00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:45.759
single most important thing that I have done

00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:49.119
in my life as an adult for my mental health,

00:22:49.460 --> 00:22:52.440
physical health, emotional health, and the main

00:22:52.440 --> 00:22:55.779
reason I feel that way is I like myself now,

00:22:56.380 --> 00:23:00.619
and I didn't before. I didn't even realize how

00:23:00.619 --> 00:23:03.819
much I didn't until I got clear of all this.

00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:08.599
I want to tell y 'all that it's, and this is

00:23:08.599 --> 00:23:11.960
really important, I am not here to tell anybody

00:23:11.960 --> 00:23:15.779
else what to do. I am here to tell you what I

00:23:15.779 --> 00:23:18.900
did and what my experience was and to hopefully,

00:23:18.900 --> 00:23:21.119
I will share with you some people that I have

00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:25.119
met along the way that have inspired and encouraged

00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:29.380
me and lifted me up in ways that I can never

00:23:29.380 --> 00:23:33.319
repay them. For each person, it is a deeply personal

00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:36.079
choice, right? And well, you remember when I

00:23:36.079 --> 00:23:38.819
said at the beginning, it's like, I'm not here

00:23:38.819 --> 00:23:42.160
to tell anybody else what to do. And it's funny

00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:46.299
because people will come up to me and say, you

00:23:46.299 --> 00:23:49.279
must think I drink too much. I've had that said

00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:52.740
to me. I've had friends. I've had people that

00:23:52.740 --> 00:23:54.779
ask me questions about it and say, oh, well,

00:23:54.819 --> 00:23:57.079
you must think I drink too much. And I'm going

00:23:57.079 --> 00:24:01.500
to tell you this. I don't give any thought to

00:24:01.500 --> 00:24:03.579
that or very, very little. I don't want to say

00:24:03.579 --> 00:24:06.759
I never think about it. But I really don't because

00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:11.069
I'm not here to change anybody else. I do want

00:24:11.069 --> 00:24:13.809
to tell you this. The most important thing for

00:24:13.809 --> 00:24:17.809
me is I want to be a voice out there. And when

00:24:17.809 --> 00:24:21.170
I talk about speaking out loud, this is why it's

00:24:21.170 --> 00:24:24.410
meaningful and important to me. Because when

00:24:24.410 --> 00:24:26.730
I have done it, and it's scary to talk about

00:24:26.730 --> 00:24:28.750
out loud that you're not a drinker. You want

00:24:28.750 --> 00:24:32.849
to know what's funny? When I first quit drinking

00:24:32.849 --> 00:24:35.450
alcohol, I didn't want to tell anybody I was

00:24:35.450 --> 00:24:37.849
doing it for a couple of reasons. One, it was

00:24:37.849 --> 00:24:42.009
because I was afraid that If I told them that

00:24:42.009 --> 00:24:44.490
I was, you know, if I told them and they're like,

00:24:44.490 --> 00:24:46.190
oh, well, she's drinking. Like I was afraid I

00:24:46.190 --> 00:24:47.630
was going to fail. I didn't even tell Brian that

00:24:47.630 --> 00:24:50.089
I was doing it when I, the 21 day thing. I did

00:24:50.089 --> 00:24:52.869
not even tell my own husband because I was afraid

00:24:52.869 --> 00:24:55.170
of it. What if I couldn't do it? What would that

00:24:55.170 --> 00:24:59.869
say about me? Right? Well, you know, it's interesting,

00:24:59.869 --> 00:25:03.950
but what's happened is as I started, you know,

00:25:04.009 --> 00:25:06.880
when I quit drinking, I didn't tell anybody.

00:25:06.940 --> 00:25:09.200
And then I was afraid that if I told people I

00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:11.960
quit drinking, they would think I was an alcoholic.

00:25:13.140 --> 00:25:17.119
Now, the irony in that is I never worried if

00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:19.519
they thought I was an alcoholic when I was drinking.

00:25:20.579 --> 00:25:23.420
But suddenly I'm worried about it. Suddenly I'm

00:25:23.420 --> 00:25:24.980
worried about they're going to think I'm an alcoholic

00:25:24.980 --> 00:25:27.480
because I don't drink alcohol anymore. And what

00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:30.140
does that mean? What would they think about that?

00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:31.940
But there's a, you know, I was talking about

00:25:31.940 --> 00:25:35.019
the quit lit genre and there is a author by the

00:25:35.019 --> 00:25:38.119
name of Laura McCowan. And she has written a

00:25:38.119 --> 00:25:40.099
book called We Are the Luckiest, and then she

00:25:40.099 --> 00:25:42.539
has since started an online community called

00:25:42.539 --> 00:25:45.880
The Luckiest Club. But in her book, We Are the

00:25:45.880 --> 00:25:49.460
Luckiest, she talks about what it means when

00:25:49.460 --> 00:25:53.720
you quit drinking and how other people react

00:25:53.720 --> 00:25:57.119
to that, right? And I have seen this firsthand,

00:25:57.259 --> 00:25:59.500
so I wanted to read to you because her words

00:25:59.500 --> 00:26:02.690
just... really say it in such a beautiful way

00:26:02.690 --> 00:26:08.950
of what it means, right? So, when you, a newly

00:26:08.950 --> 00:26:12.769
sober person, walk into a room or sit at a dinner

00:26:12.769 --> 00:26:16.109
table, you are not just carrying in your own

00:26:16.109 --> 00:26:19.970
story. You are shining lots of little mirrors

00:26:19.970 --> 00:26:24.809
onto other people's stories too. Sometimes this

00:26:24.809 --> 00:26:29.250
causes a fleeting blip. A tiny disturbance felt

00:26:29.250 --> 00:26:34.950
mostly by you and sometimes it sends shockwaves.

00:26:36.630 --> 00:26:39.970
I think that's so beautiful and it is so true

00:26:39.970 --> 00:26:44.490
because like the measuring stick of, well, how

00:26:44.490 --> 00:26:46.789
much are you drinking? They're comparing themselves

00:26:46.789 --> 00:26:49.470
to you. They are looking at you and they're seeing

00:26:49.470 --> 00:26:53.990
themselves in the reflection in the glass, right?

00:26:54.450 --> 00:26:58.700
This topic is so important to me. Because when

00:26:58.700 --> 00:27:02.359
I now when I have gone from not wanting to talk

00:27:02.359 --> 00:27:06.220
about it To I do share on my Instagram feed things

00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:12.079
about living my life without alcohol quotes positivity

00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:15.039
messages those are things that I want to share

00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:19.140
and when one person reaches out to me and says

00:27:19.140 --> 00:27:22.940
Hey me, too Hey, can you tell me how you did

00:27:22.940 --> 00:27:26.559
it? Hey, I've been thinking these same thoughts

00:27:28.069 --> 00:27:32.410
That makes all of the what will people think

00:27:32.410 --> 00:27:38.869
of me? go by the wayside because I know that

00:27:38.869 --> 00:27:43.490
when I speak out loud and Somebody hears my voice

00:27:43.490 --> 00:27:47.369
and it helps them come to what ever decision

00:27:47.369 --> 00:27:52.470
that they feel they need to come to That's that's

00:27:52.470 --> 00:27:55.349
what I'm supposed to be doing and that's what

00:27:55.349 --> 00:28:01.069
this podcast I believe is is why I'm here. I

00:28:01.069 --> 00:28:04.849
want to hopefully inspire people to look at their

00:28:04.849 --> 00:28:09.430
lives in different ways and shapes and from different

00:28:09.430 --> 00:28:12.730
angles. And I'm not, I'm not again telling you

00:28:12.730 --> 00:28:14.990
to quit drinking alcohol because maybe for you

00:28:14.990 --> 00:28:18.470
that's not the issue. We all have our thing as

00:28:18.470 --> 00:28:21.609
Laura McCowen says. We know what our thing is,

00:28:21.670 --> 00:28:25.150
my thing is, my thing is alcohol. It's funny,

00:28:25.250 --> 00:28:28.250
you know, when I quit drinking, my oldest son

00:28:28.250 --> 00:28:33.029
said to me, Mom, were you an alcoholic? And I

00:28:33.029 --> 00:28:34.809
was caught a little off guard and I thought,

00:28:35.190 --> 00:28:38.809
I don't know, maybe I was. You know, we're a

00:28:38.809 --> 00:28:42.910
society that likes to put labels on things and

00:28:42.910 --> 00:28:47.289
we want to say, oh, she's an alcoholic. She needs

00:28:47.289 --> 00:28:51.099
to quit drinking. She's a problem drinker. You

00:28:51.099 --> 00:28:53.920
know, she had a she had a rock -bottom moment,

00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:56.339
you know, I didn't have a rock -bottom moment

00:28:56.339 --> 00:29:00.160
In fact, I used to say I wish my hangovers were

00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:01.839
it had been a little worse and maybe I would

00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:04.200
have done something sooner about it I didn't

00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:07.160
really have bad hangovers. I operated with a

00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:09.200
low -grade headache all the time, which I just

00:29:09.200 --> 00:29:12.539
attributed to poor sleeping never connected that

00:29:12.539 --> 00:29:16.579
the poor sleeping and the Alcohol all part and

00:29:16.579 --> 00:29:19.859
parcel of the same thing But that's a topic for

00:29:19.859 --> 00:29:24.359
another show, you know when we quit drinking

00:29:24.359 --> 00:29:31.200
You have to start feeling things right a lot

00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:34.900
of us numb a lot of us numb We don't want to

00:29:34.900 --> 00:29:37.640
feel things. We don't want we don't want to have

00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:42.440
those thoughts and the anxiety and and the darkness

00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:49.759
and the sadness and So, you know what? I do want

00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:52.480
to share this with you is what Brene Brown says

00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:56.779
about it, which is you cannot selectively numb

00:29:56.779 --> 00:30:02.019
feelings. You cannot selectively numb feelings.

00:30:02.779 --> 00:30:05.759
You can't just numb the bad ones. You are numbing

00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:09.019
the good ones. You don't know you are. You think

00:30:09.019 --> 00:30:12.140
you're enhancing them, but you don't even realize

00:30:12.140 --> 00:30:16.259
what feelings you're numbing by the alcohol that

00:30:16.259 --> 00:30:20.019
you're taking in. There are so many things that

00:30:20.019 --> 00:30:22.099
I want to talk to you about this and that we

00:30:22.099 --> 00:30:24.519
will share with you over the coming weeks and

00:30:24.519 --> 00:30:29.279
months But I do want to end with this, you know

00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:34.339
the interesting question to ask yourself It's

00:30:34.339 --> 00:30:39.420
not am I bad enough? Is it bad enough for me

00:30:39.420 --> 00:30:46.059
to quit? The question is is my life good enough

00:30:46.059 --> 00:30:53.859
not to Is my life good enough not to? Life on

00:30:53.859 --> 00:30:58.640
this side of alcohol is richer and brighter and

00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:01.680
more vibrant than I ever thought it could be.

00:31:01.980 --> 00:31:06.200
It's not perfect. And you know, and I'm not gonna

00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:10.319
lie, my favorite saying, there are things about

00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:13.539
alcohol that I do miss. It wasn't all bad for

00:31:13.539 --> 00:31:18.299
me, right? I was the kind of drinker who You

00:31:18.299 --> 00:31:22.140
know, whatever mood I was in it was amplified

00:31:22.140 --> 00:31:25.339
by the alcohol So if I was in a good mood, I

00:31:25.339 --> 00:31:29.980
was fun Pam and fun Pam could be Really fun.

00:31:30.279 --> 00:31:33.299
It could also be over -the -top in a lot, right?

00:31:34.119 --> 00:31:36.220
you know when times that I thought I was super

00:31:36.220 --> 00:31:38.140
fun that other people found a little annoying

00:31:38.140 --> 00:31:42.700
and by the same token if I was a little bit down

00:31:42.700 --> 00:31:50.420
or angry upset moody It amplified that. It led

00:31:50.420 --> 00:31:54.259
me down a path of sadness. It led me down a path

00:31:54.259 --> 00:32:01.900
of anger. It allowed me to unfilter text messages

00:32:01.900 --> 00:32:05.339
to people and things that, from my own children

00:32:05.339 --> 00:32:09.059
to friends, that I said things and shared things

00:32:09.059 --> 00:32:12.339
that I deeply wish that I hadn't because that

00:32:12.339 --> 00:32:15.559
filter was off. There's a reason we have a filter.

00:32:16.579 --> 00:32:21.740
It's important. It's important. But it wasn't

00:32:21.740 --> 00:32:24.660
all bad. It was a lot of good things. And I didn't

00:32:24.660 --> 00:32:29.519
have a rock bottom moment. I had lots of little

00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:32.339
bumps in the road. Lots of little bumps in the

00:32:32.339 --> 00:32:35.380
road. The other thing that's really funny is

00:32:35.380 --> 00:32:38.319
you start to think when you clean out the alcohol

00:32:38.319 --> 00:32:41.400
from your life, you start to realize the lies

00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:44.769
that you've told yourself, right? I would say,

00:32:45.029 --> 00:32:48.029
oh, it didn't really cause me any problems. Well,

00:32:48.029 --> 00:32:52.869
I didn't have major marital problems or major

00:32:52.869 --> 00:32:57.490
work problems, all those catastrophic things,

00:32:57.849 --> 00:33:00.109
the so -called rock bottom moments. That did

00:33:00.109 --> 00:33:04.089
not happen for me. When you get the alcohol out,

00:33:04.250 --> 00:33:07.970
it's almost like you start having these... repressed

00:33:07.970 --> 00:33:11.150
memories come back to you, where you remember

00:33:11.150 --> 00:33:14.950
things that you said or that you did or that

00:33:14.950 --> 00:33:19.789
happened, which were fueled by alcohol, that

00:33:19.789 --> 00:33:26.170
you now go, ugh, yeah, you feel embarrassed,

00:33:26.329 --> 00:33:31.210
you feel shame, you feel pain. It just do. And

00:33:31.210 --> 00:33:33.369
it's so funny. I'll share some of those with

00:33:33.369 --> 00:33:37.500
you in the coming episodes. Some of those moments

00:33:37.500 --> 00:33:40.339
that made me go yeah, you know what you told

00:33:40.339 --> 00:33:43.519
yourself you weren't that bad But you did some

00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:47.559
damage along the way sister you damaged some

00:33:47.559 --> 00:33:50.380
Relationships you hurt some people's feelings

00:33:50.380 --> 00:33:55.220
you Were not there for people in the way you

00:33:55.220 --> 00:33:59.400
wanted to be and so I want to end with this thought

00:33:59.400 --> 00:34:04.119
to Whether you drink a bottle of beer a day or

00:34:04.119 --> 00:34:07.640
a bottle of whiskey a day It does not matter.

00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:12.119
If alcohol is keeping you from showing up in

00:34:12.119 --> 00:34:15.599
your life the way you want to show up for the

00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:19.860
people who you want to show up for, it merits

00:34:19.860 --> 00:34:26.159
taking a look at. I love you all. I wish you

00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:31.159
a beautiful day. Please keep thinking about this

00:34:31.159 --> 00:34:35.219
issue. Talk about it out loud. What are your

00:34:35.219 --> 00:34:38.960
questions? What are your concerns? If you want

00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:41.699
to reach out to me privately, you can email me

00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:46.480
at pamioutloud at gmail .com. You can also go

00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:48.960
to the Facebook page and engage in the conversation

00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:52.179
with others. I want that to be a judgment -free

00:34:52.179 --> 00:34:55.739
zone. I want it to be a positive place, safe

00:34:55.739 --> 00:34:58.760
place for people to have these conversations

00:34:58.760 --> 00:35:03.039
and ask the questions that matter to you. Have

00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:05.860
a beautiful week everybody and keep living your

00:35:05.860 --> 00:35:09.880
life out loud Because we all know Gritting your

00:35:09.880 --> 00:35:14.300
teeth gives you TMJ. Bye. Bye everybody