Come in. Welcome. I'm E .G. Marshall. For most
of us, is there any more alluring form of minor
masochism than the good old -fashioned ghost
story? The icy fingers running shivering shocks
up and down the spine, playing that fascinating
dichotomy of, this might have been me, but, oh,
thank the Lord it wasn't. So this ghost story
begins with Joel and Jane Trent, early twenties,
married eight months, starting out in life with
a future unlimited, except the present unfortunate
necessity of counting every penny to make life
work and to live in some dignity and comfort.
And then, the fabulous break, or what seemed
the fabulous break. that marvelous ad in the
classified section of the Sunday Chronicle. Joel,
I found us a home. Are you listening? All ears.
Eminently desirable two bedrooms and bath for
the right couple. Fully furnished sublet for
at least two years. Please not before 10 a .m.
Sunday, H .S .M. Apollyon, 27, Southwest 62nd
Street. So? So what that's right off Central
Park it had cost a fortune I saved the best for
the last rent 200 a month one month security
There's got to be something wrong with it. Why
it's too cheap Does that mean we can't look at
it? No, we'll be there on the dot fighting the
line. What have we got to lose? And don't be
afraid of a crowd Yours is the only paper this
ad will appear in because it's you I want One
advantage of being a rather special printers
devil Our mystery drama the real printers devil
was written especially for the Mystery Theatre
by Ian Martin and stars Paul Hecht and Jada Rowland.
Could there be a more mundane, run -of -the -mill
beginning to a really haunting ghost story? than
two young people on the way early on a bright
Saturday morning to answer an ad for a sublet
furnished apartment. But such an apartment! From
their point of view, a steal at the price, at
the location, containing everything they ever
wanted, a long-term lease, a promise of heaven.
But from another point of view, oh, well, that,
as we shall see, is the hell of it. The rooms
will be small. So, how big are we? It'll be crawling
with cockroaches. My best friend's uncle's cousin
is an exterminator. It did say two bedrooms,
didn't it? That's what it said. The second one
is probably just a walk -in closet. So, I'll
build a fresh air duct to it. A crib doesn't
take all that much floor space. Hold it. What's
the matter? The baby didn't... No, the baby didn't
do anything. It's me. Oh, the way my tummy's
revolving, it's lucky there aren't three of us
here already instead of two. I'm scared. Of what?
Look, 62nd Street. This is the corner. Supposing
it really smells. Supposing the price was a misprint.
Supposing the John's out in the hall. Suppose
someone got there first and took it. No way,
no way. It isn't even 10 a .m. yet. Oh, never
mind. Let's get going. What was the number? 15?
17? Uh, 27. There it is, on the other side of
the street. Oh, it's an attractive building.
Yeah. Hey, there's a nice little garden around
the main door. And it looks so well kept up.
Oh, Joel, it just seems too good to be true.
Well, come on. Let's find his bell. Ah, here
it is. H .S .M. Apollyon. That's our fairy godfather.
Don't call him that. I don't care how gay he
is. The apartment's all I care about. Press the
bell. Okay. Be ready when he buzzes down. Yeah.
Oh. Why doesn't he answer? Maybe he's in that
john down the hall. Oh, you... Huh? Enter, my
love. Oh, I love the carpet. Bittersweet. I hope
nothing I said hurt his feelings. Well, the elevator's
waiting. Let's get it over with before I faint.
I have a few butterflies myself. Got the floor
number? Yeah. And we are off. Everything's so
clean and efficient, well taken care of. You
sure it wasn't East 62nd? No, look, here, 27
West. I hope it's not too high up. What floor
is it? Forget it, darling. Ask for later. Well,
here we are. I thought I heard... the lift my
Anglican background or I should say English elevator
I meant of course are you here to see the flat
apartment I mean naturally yeah yeah we are I'm
Joel Trent this is my wife Jane HSM Napoleon
here and won't you come in you know everyone
always thinks I must be retired Navy or something
HMS, you know. His Majesty's Ship, whatever.
Only it isn't. It's HSM. Stands for something
quite different, I assure you. And besides, I'm
not one for water at all. Can't abide it. Well,
this is the vestibule, or the foyer, or perhaps
the hole, you'd call it. As you can see, it's
very much like any other of its kind. Oh, not
at all, Mr. Pollyon. It's... It's absolutely
fabulous. Oh, well not exactly but how nice of
you to say so One does do quite a bit of traveling
and some of the things you see particularly those
from the East are quite Well, I won't say fabulous
unique perhaps now that Chris for example Would
you believe that it has both perfume and poison?
forged into the steel of its blade And the sorceress
came. Well, that's real hair, you know, the handle.
Now, which would you like to do first? A cup
of tea and get acquainted and then do the flat
or the other way around? Oh, if you don't mind,
I'm just dying to see the apartment. I mean the
flat. Then off we go. Oh. Oh, no. And by the
by, before we do start, only because once before
I did have quite a disappointment after showing
a rather peculiar individual the apartment some
19 years ago, this man went all the way through
the apartment. He was some sort of a minister,
as I remember. And after deciding to take it,
he changed his mind when he learned the number
of the flat. You did notice it, didn't you? Joel
knows it. I don't. What is it, Joel? It's apartment
D. On the 13th floor. Oh. Well, that's just a
silly superstition, isn't it? Isn't it? Well,
now, shall we have a look about? Do you take
sugar with your tea, Mrs. Trent? One month, please.
But really... Mr. Trent, would you prefer something
stronger? No, no. Tea's just great. Two. Lumps,
I mean. How about milk, Mrs. Trent? No, thanks.
Neither of us. But really, Mr. Pollyon, this
is awfully kind of you, but we must be holding
you up. I'm sure there'll be loads of other people
in answer to your ad. Well, they're not here
yet, so we can enjoy our tea, eh? Besides, my
dear, I have a sneaking suspicion that... Oh,
your cup. Thank you. That not so many people
are going to turn up and answer to the ad. For
a dream apartment like this, I can't believe
that. I was surprised there wasn't a line a mile
long. Well, how nice both of you are. You know,
I've really taken quite a fancy to you. That's
very sweet of you. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot.
It's so difficult today to find young people
with all the good old -fashioned virtues. What
am I saying? It's been very difficult for generations.
So, for my purpose, you're quite ideal. I don't
quite understand. I thought I'd make myself quite
clear. You're just the people I want in my apartment.
That is, of course, if you're interested. And
if there's anything I can do to make it more
attractive to you... Attractive? Well, the whole
place is just a dream. It's the sort of place
Joel and I made up dreams about living in after
saving everything we could make for the next
10 or 20 years. And now to think that... At a
price we can afford, we can start living that
way right now. Oh, dear me. Now, I didn't mean
to upset you. She's only crying because she's
so happy, you see. You got to excuse her. It
says in the book that women in her condition
sort of... Uh -oh. Oh, Joel. I just slipped out,
Jane. Women in... We just thought we'd have trouble
finding something we could afford, and we wanted
to have plenty of time. Nat Gertrude's plays
in Mount Vernon just doesn't have room for all
of us now. Let alone... Why, you're going to
have a baby. Well, now isn't that nice? My congratulations.
It's a sort of a bonus in a way. You mean you
don't mind babies? Mind? I love them, just adore
them. You can't know how much extra pleasure
they afford me. Gee, that's great. What did you
mean, a sort of bonus? Oh, that. I had to think
of being able to use the crib and the baby bath
and all those things I once bought for a tenant
and his wife and baby who were unfortunately
lost in a plane crash on the very day they were
to move in. Oh, how awful. Yes, snatched away
from me at the last moment. Oh, I don't mean
that the way it sounds. You see, I've grown almost
as fond of them as I... Have a view. Now, we
must get down to business. I'll have the bed
taken out of the small bedroom and set up the
crib for you. And when could you move in? Why,
the sooner the better. At your convenience, of
course. Oh, if I told you my convenience, my
dears, I'm sure I would shock you. Try me. Well,
today. This minute, this afternoon. If at all
possible, not later than six o 'clock. You shocked
me. I know the ads had immediate occupancy, but
I wasn't quite expecting it. Let me explain.
I had a tenant, you see, a most interesting man,
a sort of a Billy Sunday, you might say. Fascinating
challenge. Challenge? Well, I shouldn't admit
it, but I feel I know you both so well, even
after the short acquaintance. Do you know, I've
traveled a great deal, and I've never been able
to resist the inordinately... evil things that
men have dreamed up as the centuries went rolling
by. The grimoires, the devices of the Inquisition,
our own New Englanders. Well... I bought all
sorts of quite horrible things. Pictures, instruments,
statues, charms, and so forth. I keep them all
hidden away in that big closet at the end of
the hall. Oh, that's the only thing that's off
limits, by the way. I keep it locked. Oh, that
would be perfectly all right. There's plenty
of other closet space. And you wouldn't be interested
in this awful stuff anyway. As I said, this man
was a minister, so I, um... I thought I'd really
give him a start. So, I replaced everything and
hung up all this perfectly awful stuff. Oh, quite
bone -chilling and terribly evil. But why? Well,
I wanted to see his reaction, so I thought I'd
scare him off. And naturally you did. Good gracious,
no, he loved it. Couldn't wait to move in. But
someone greater than us solved the problem. Unfortunately,
he was taken from us with a heart attack. Oh,
the poor man. Yes, actually, he never realized
how fortunate he was. Oh, but I didn't mean to
depress you. Let's get back to all the fun and
practical things. Now, I have some urgent business
in the Near East, and I've booked an overnight
plane for tonight, if I could possibly make that.
Joel, there's no reason why not, is there? You
have the money, and we'd have the time to run
up to Mount Vernon and back and get enough clothes
to settle in. Then we could bring the rest later.
Well, I guess it might be arranged. Oh, by the
way, what business are you in, Mr. Apollyon?
Oh, that's a little difficult to explain. Rather
like the import and export business. Oh, you
deal in objet d 'art? In a sense, yes, but perhaps
a better word would be subject. But to get back
to our business, if you have the rent and the
security with you, we'll exchange them for the
keys, sign the leases, give you a thorough briefing
on the entire apartment, and then I can be off
just as soon as you return. Oh, well, Mr. Oh,
forgive me, but at my age, I think I can take
the liberty to use your first name. I'm a rich
old man with no children and money is no object
to me. Now, if the rent is too high... $200 a
month for a two -bedroom apartment furnished
like a palace? Why, it... Hush, hush, hush, hush,
hush, hush. Now, it's all I want from the right
people. Besides, um... There is one little catch
to the whole thing. Oh dear, I hope it won't
prove too much of a problem. Catch? Yes, I'm
afraid so. Are you by any chance afraid of cats,
Jane? Cats? No, I love them. So does Joel. In
fact, we've been thinking of getting one. Oh,
well, now that is a relief. You have one. and
such a cat. Pure Abyssinian and the delight of
my life. He's the only reason I must always find
just the right tenants. Can we meet him? He might
not like us. Oh, have no fear about that. Smokey,
that's his name. Smokey, he loves everyone. Well,
where is he? I'm dying to see him. At the moment,
he's at Le Chasseron being attended with loving
care by Pierre and Christophe. So he will look
his very best for his new Conquest Conquest you
my dear. Oh, I promise you he will win your heart
and soul when you meet him on your return Well,
what do you think? Oh, darling, it's marvelous.
Just what we need. Yeah, and just what we can
afford. You won't have to go tiptoeing around
Aunt Gertrude's every night? We both won't have
to take a subway and a bus for 45 minutes to
get to work every day. We could even walk. Jane,
Jane, darling, the whole wide world's our oyster.
Don't you agree? Yes. Yeah, but something is
bothering you. Oh, I know it's silly. It's just
that... that 13. Couldn't it have been 12 or
14 or any other number? Now, you're not gonna
let something silly like that bother you. You
know how superstitious I am. I just have such
a funny feeling. Maybe it's the number made it
so cheap. Maybe we ought to be grateful. I sure
hope we're going to be. I guess we're in it now.
Jane, you and me just made the damnedest deal
in the world. If only Joel could know how prophetic
those words are. If only all of us were a little
less gullible. The devil might have a long hard
task that could even discourage him. And if only
he'd just take the people who are going his way.
Why is he driven to tempt and maneuver and triumph
by winning the others by artifice and indirection?
Is it because He was once an angel, and when
Lucifer fell, in his own shame, he must drag
the rest of the world into the pit with him?
I'll return in a moment with Act Two. Rocking
in her chair, the bright hook flashing as she
crocheted away at another rug. Aunt Gertrude
found it hard to share completely in Joel and
Jane's bubbling enthusiasm. Two reasons. One,
she knew how large a gaping hole they would leave
in her lonely life. And two, Aunt Gertrude was
a pragmatist. You say only 200 a month for that
apartment. Where shall I put my baseball spikes?
Oh, Lord, do we have to take those? What did
you say, Aunt Gertrude? Well, I just can't get
over the price. It's a giveaway. I know, but
we do have to take care of the cat. Oh, my, my,
such a chore. Open a can twice a day. Don't forget
the litter pan. Now, don't change the subject.
Tell me, what's wrong with the apartment, I wonder?
There's something fishy. Andy, you had Bob Anderson
go over the lease with a fine tooth comb. And
he's a real estate lawyer. Oh, I'm quite satisfied
with all the legal aspects. It's just... I don't
know, something else gives me a funny twinge
in the left shoulder blade. Used to be a kind
of storm warning. Now I guess it's just arthritis.
Don't worry about us, Andy. And don't... Please
don't have any doubts. Why have you been having
some of the lover Mike? Would you two Cassandra's
would you lay off here? We have the break of
a century and you're quite right Joel I I Guess
I'm getting so old that the milk of human kindness
is beginning to sour Now I I feel just like both
of you. It is just it's just too good to be true
and To be practical it does solve all our problems
There really isn't room for the three of us in
this tiny apartment of mine and when the baby
comes like the clowns climbing into the midget
car Yeah, well, I'm gonna miss not being part
of bringing up that baby though. Oh, you'll have
plenty of chance I'm going to leave that bed
in baby's room as well as the crib Besides there's
a huge couch in the living room. There's the
cab. Oh brother. We all pack. Yes Well, I guess
this is it. I'll take the heavy suitcase out
first. It's gonna seem strange with only one
instead of three. At least we're not changing
numbers. The cat makes three. He's pretty special.
He's an Abyssinian. What's that? Oh, they're
gorgeous. Looks like a Siamese with blue, blue
eyes and a lovely gray coat. Like the gray in...
Oh, in chinchilla. Only shorter. His name is
Smokey. Come on, Jane. He rustled the bustle.
A chariot's waiting. Oh, wait a minute. I need
the phone number. Jane, take a couple of the
shopping bags out, will you, honey, while I write
it down for Andy? Sure. Only, how did you get
the number? I forgot all about it. I took it
off the bedroom phone. Let me see. Three, one,
three. One, three, one, three. My that's a terrible
number, especially after apartment 13 D Jane.
He doesn't know it yet I want to break it to
her slowly you superstitious people I got a twinge
in my shoulder blade now like I was bit by a
horse No one dear come on grab the rest of this
gear before our impatient hacky runs out on us
Come on be right out. Oh Jane. I'm gonna miss
you. Oh me too. So will Joel What the heck? It's
not the last time we'll be seeing each other
Don't forget we're having dinner Thursday night
at the new digs. Oh, that reminds me, just in
case I forget the address, can I have your copy
of the newspaper? Yeah, well, oh no, I left it
downtown. Oh. Don't worry, I picked you up a
fresh copy. The ad is on page 37, column 5, a
first one in furnished apartments. Now look,
this really is goodbye. Let's go. I'll worry
about you. Promise me to call as soon as you're
settled. Oh, it might be almost midnight. I don't
mind. Come on. Now, that's the last call. It
sounds like the Trump of doom. Oh, goodbye, Donald.
Goodbye, Anna. We'll call you. Don't worry about
it. All right, it is. Oh, I'd better get that
address written down before I forget. Now, let's
see. Page 37. Column 5. Oh, furnished apartments.
Here we are. Oh, that's very strange. The ad
isn't in this paper. There's no add at all Well,
he didn't answer downstairs and we have to let
ourselves into the building maybe he's off getting
old smoky Well, then I guess we should just use
our keys and go right in. Well, that's what we
paid the rent for You want the honor? No, I'm
terrified to let go this bag with the eggs in
it You open the lock. Okay, here goes. I guess
we need the bottom one, too. Mr. Apollyon? You
try, you're louder. Mr. Apollyon? Oh, look. It
must be Smokey. Hey, Smokey boy. Oh, isn't he
cute? Rubbing himself against your leg just as
if he'd known you all your life. Where's Apollyon?
Hey, you don't suppose that he's look at smoky
He's backing off as if he was inviting you to
come in Look leave the rest of the gear here.
You dump that stuff in the kitchen while I look
through the rest of the house Joel Joel yeah,
Jane, what is it? There's a note on the refrigerator
door explaining everything. There's nothing to
worry about what happened Darling, you know the
oil shortage. They canceled the plane he was
to leave on because of too few reservations,
but offered him a seat on an earlier plane. Well,
that's a relief. What are you getting all head
up about? I don't know, Jane. I just had a kind
of nutty feeling. I don't know what to call it.
A death, I guess. I honestly thought I was going
to find that nice old man lying somewhere with
a heart attack or something. Yeah, I feel silly
enough as it is now smoke. He's laughing at me
not him It's explained on a very detailed note
on the fridge. It's smokies didn't in time. He's
hungry Look what he gets looks like raw flesh
Whatever it is you can see he loves it that cat
is losing its attraction for me. Oh, don't be
a goon Look how crazy you are for steak tartare.
Well, that's different. You give him some mouthwash
after he's through Where are you going? I'm going
to bring the rest of our stuff in. Great. Just
dump it in the bedroom. I'll sort it out later.
That was a wonderful dinner. Oh, ought to be.
Took long enough. What time is it? Gee, I don't
believe it. It's just midnight. Oh, it's been
a long, glorious, wonderful, relaxing... What's
that? I don't know. Joel, that was a shot. Don't
be silly. She walked out on him and shut the
door. She? Or someone. Didn't old HSM give us
a rundown on our neighbors? Let's see. According
to the bulletin he left on the fridge door, upstairs,
no problem, a very ancient hermit who winters
in Florida and seems to... Estivate in summer?
What's that mean? Advantages of a classical education.
If you sleep through the winter, you hibernate.
If you sleep through the summer, you estivate
from the Latin, estivari. Well, I thought the
Greeks always had a word for it. I'm pulling
your leg. I have the faintest idea what it is.
What's the poop on our other cliff dwellers?
Let's say A across the hall is a widow who just
left on a round -the -world cruise. B next door
is a couple of swingers who never seem to be
home at the same time. And next door are two
young kids he thinks we'll like who go to the
movies and theater a lot. Okay, I'll blame the
noise we heard on the swingers. Let's hope that's
their last contribution for tonight. Well, we're
forgetting the dishes tonight. Oh, good. We're
going to bed and pull the covers over our heads.
It mightn't be a bad idea. Okay, let's go. Well,
what are we standing here for you're not just
standing I have my arms around you and I'm loving
you and I'm wondering if maybe I was just the
most Trusting gullible dumb dumb in the world
and maybe you should fetch me a smart karate
chop to the left temple What are you talking
about my darling idiot? I'm just wishing your
darling idiot hadn't taken all our dough and
paid it out in cash for security and the first
month's rent How's the bed Like floating on air.
Then look a little happier. I'm just remembering
I forgot to call Aunt Gertrude. Well, you can't
call her now. It's after one o 'clock. Hey, where
are my pajamas? In the old beat -up case on top.
Toilet stuff, too. Oh, but before you do that,
could you do me a favor? Sure. I forgot my calcium
pill. It's with all the vitamins in the kitchen.
Okay, I'll be right back. Oh, Lord. Please don't
let me have made a terrible mistake. I loved
this apartment so at first, but now... Joel?
Who? Who's that? No. Please. Oh, Smokey. Oh,
what a start you gave me jumping on a bed like
that. Oh, you're mad at me. Why are you looking
at me like that? Did I forget to say good night?
What is it? You want me to come somewhere? Oh,
maybe I should have given you some milk. All
right. We'll take care of it. No, the kitchen's
that way. Nup. Where is it you want to go? Joel,
come here. I'll be right there. What is it, honey?
It's Smokey. Look at him. He came and got me
and led me here. And he seems desperate to get
into this closet. Well, that's the one Apollyon
has all his little ghoulish treasures tucked
away in. We couldn't open it anyway. It's locked.
Try it, just in case. There may be something
of Smoky's that got locked in there by accident.
Okay, here goes. Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, how terrible.
How terrible. And vicious. And unspeakable. And
vile. Oh, no wonder that man. Oh, Joe, close
it up. Oh, just shut away that horror. Oh, for
God's sake, take me to bed and help me forget
I ever saw it. Okay, honey, what about smoking?
Whatever it was, he found it and ran. Close that
door up. Shut it. I wish I could think I'll ever
be able to shut it out of my mind. No wonder
I thought this was all too good to be true. Too
good to be true? Better to interpolate and make
it read, too true to be good. Poor Jane and Joel.
But how were such simple, ordinary people to
know the language of black magic, or that H .S
.M. Wapolyon is only a synonym for the more familiar
and deadly spirit we usually call the devil?
I'll be back shortly with Act 3. A short and
classic definition of tragedy is the downfall
of a noble person whose character is flawed by
a single weakness which causes him to break a
moral law which leads to his destruction. But
how much more tragic is the destruction of the
innocent, particularly when they happen to cross
the path of someone who makes their disaster
equally inevitable. Which brings us back to Joel
and Jane Trent Jane? Yes, darling. You stopped
shaking. You think you can sleep now? I'm sorry.
I was so so childish before I Think it's because
I'm carrying one. Oh you are childish. I'm just
the same. I got the willies, too I guess it's
just because it's all so strange to us. I think
so, too Let's get a good night's sleep like everyone
else's Good Lord, what was that? I don't know.
It's from upstairs. It must be the old man. What's
happened to him? I don't know. Just pay it no
attention. Pay it no attention? No one could
sleep with that noise going on. I'm gonna go
up and tell him to stop. No, please, don't do
that. Please don't go up there. Why not? Are
you gonna be ill? No, it's that, up there. You
mean our noisy neighbor. I'm scared, John. Yeah.
I've had about all I can take, and that noise
is really driving me up the wall. Yeah, me too.
I know what I'll do. I'll call the superintendent.
Got his number on the sheet? No. Wouldn't you
know it's the one thing he left off? It's just
his apartment number, 1A. Oh, yeah. Look, I'll
take a run down in the elevator and get him to
come back up and see what's going on up there.
Will you be all right alone? Yes. No. Oh, Joel,
I don't know what's the matter with me. I'm not
usually like this. I don't know what's got into
me. I do. What? My son in there. Oh, you male
chauvinist. Just because she's carrying a baby
doesn't mean a woman has to act like one. I'm
sorry. I know, honey. Look, I'll tell you what.
I'll just take the elevator up there and I'll
find out what's going on myself. Oh, no, you
don't. You don't know what you'd be getting into.
Go get the super. His name is Bill Josephs, 1A.
All right. Okay. I gotta stop that somehow. Oh,
well, here's your protector standing guard by
the door. Go on in, Smokey. Keep Mrs. Trent company.
I'll be right back. That ghastly racket up there
doesn't turn you a hair, Smokey. Then you're
male cats, I suppose. That makes us totally different
breeds. Yeah, Jane, it's just me. Would you believe
it? That damn elevator's out of order. I rang
and rang. It just stays in the first floor. That
damn racket's still going on. Yep. Only one that
doesn't bother is Old Smokey here. Joel, are
there fire stairs? Yeah, but I'm not going down
any 13 flights just to find a locked door. All
the doors, even ours, have a safety lock on them.
What are we going to do? First off, I'm going
upstairs to tell Barnacle Bill or whatever his
name is. Uh, it's Nemo. Oh, like Captain Nemo
in 20 ,000 Leagues Under the Sea? I guess. Okay,
I'm gonna tell Nemo to up anchor and get out
of range. Joel, don't get into any fights. With
a guy old enough to be my great -grandfather?
Joel? Yeah, it's okay. It's me, Jane. Half a
sec. Joel? Yeah, I'm right here. What did he
say when you got him to open the door? What was
he doing? I... I don't know. He didn't open the
door. Why? Look, I... I don't know how to tell
you this, Jane. Well, just tell me anyway, but
tell me. What is it? Well, I took some newspaper
with me to wedge a door so I wouldn't get trapped.
I fixed hours. Then when I got to the top of
the stairs... Was a different kind of door. What
do you mean different? Well, it was you know,
one of those heavy steel fire doors with a big
heavy strap bars you slide home but why would
14 have a different kind of door from ours because
Well, look Jane darling, maybe I just try to
try to skip the well you better not or I don't
know what might happen to Well, all right. All
right. Take it easy. Just hang on because I'm
gonna have to give you a real rocker Let me have
it. It's a different kind of door, because there
isn't any 14th floor at all, or 15th, or 20.
All that's over us is the roof. Are you all right
now, dear? What's that you've been giving me?
Oh, Brandy, I had a good jolt myself. The sound,
it's still there. That's right. What causes it?
Something... loose up there on the roof? No,
I searched it thoroughly. It's not coming from
the roof. Then where? The neighbors? I checked
that out. Whatever other lies Mr. Pollyon told
us, there isn't anyone in any of the apartments
on this floor. I've done everything but break
down the doors to make sure. Then what are we
going to do? I can't take this all night, Joe.
Nobody could. I am going to call the police.
I don't know what we've gotten ourselves into,
but we are now getting out. Oh, I'm afraid it's
a little too late for that, Mr. Trent. Apollyon,
where the devil are you? Sitting right in front
of you, in his other form. Smokey. I should have
known from the beginning, from his eyes. Shine
a strong light in a cat's eyes, and what happens?
the pupil closes up into a long narrow slit but
in a human being it closes into a tight round
dark circle like mr. smokey look as the lamp
shines in his eyes yes very observant jane i
should have been more careful but since the illusion
serves no function anymore i might as well resume
my father christmas guys Normally, I wouldn't
have had to return to it except for you. Why
not? Oh, people act in so many strange degrees.
Some just go to sleep no matter how strange the
noise is. Some trap themselves between floors.
Some very hysterical ones try to leap from roof
to roof. Some break through the neighbors' doors
and meet quite unexpected deaths since there's
nothing but space beyond them. And some sit awake
all night not realizing that morning... Will
never come again and some are a little troublesome
But none escape well, it wouldn't be very good
for my reputation would it Who are you Jane you
tease me about my classical education a little
good. It served me a Polly on of course a synonym
for the devil and the HSM His satanic majesty,
I presume? We all have our little conceits. Well,
this time, maybe we can take that conceit down
a peg or two. Not with the phone. It's not connected.
As a matter of fact, it doesn't really exist.
Listen. Now what? Well, if you will forgive the
devil quoting scripture, or to be more exact,
the book of common prayer. As it was in the beginning,
is now and ever shall be. You'd kill us? Oh,
my dear, as attractive as they are, I have no
interest in your corporeal presence. The soul
is all I'm after. Well, you won't get ours without
a fight. There was no pain, my dear. You'd kill
him. But you won't get me. Jane, it's too late.
The contract is made. The elevator. The elevator.
No, don't step in there, the car is... Now why
didn't she wait for me to tell her the car was
still on the first floor? Poor crushed little
sparrow. But what matter? The bodies live and
die in the blink of time's eyelid. The soul is
what lives forever. No time to waste philosophizing.
Tomorrow is another equally busy day. A quick
general clean -up, and then the ad must be sneaked
into that one right paper so the Smithers will
get it. I wonder what the New York Chronicle
would have to say if they knew that they had
a real printer's devil. Yeah? Look, my name is
Gertrude Conway. and my niece and her husband
are renting Mr. Apollyon's apartment. Now, I've
been trying to call them ever since last night,
and I have now not only been informed by the
telephone company that there is no such number...
but that there could be no such number. Also,
Jane, my niece, she promised to call me if I
didn't call her, and even if she thought last
night was too late, she would have called this
morning. You see, she's going to have a baby.
Well, then, maybe she went to a hospital. In
the middle of her second trimester? Huh? The
baby is less than five months old. Oh. Still
it doesn't matter. Anyway, I've checked with
all the hospitals and she has not been admitted
I'm worried something may have happened. I want
you pleased to take me up to the apartment with
the keys. Oh What apartment mr. H SM appallion
who sublet it to them lady? We ain't got no mr.
Appallion honored or whatever his name is in
this building. Certainly you have this is 27
Southwest 62nd Street, isn't it? Sure. That's
right. Oh very well It's apartment 13 -D. 13
-D? That's right. That solves the whole problem.
Oh, good. There ain't no apartment 13 -D in this
building. What? Point of fact, lady, there ain't
no 13th floor. You know, like most New York buildings.
We go from 12 to 14 and then right off up to
30. Are you sure? Look, I've been running this
building for 22 years. Oh, my God. I have this
terrible feeling there's something awfully wrong.
Nothing unusual happened around this building
last night or in the neighborhood. No, no. Quiet
as a church, ma 'am. Not even a muggin'. And
believe me, I get all the word when Officer Strauss
drops in for his morning coffee. But too healthy
young people can't just disappear into thin air.
Uh, what was the floor, George? Uh, 18. Good
thing we ain't either of us superstitious, huh?
Yeah. Not a dish rent. Look out for the catch,
huh? Don't worry. You just trust me. Ah -ha!
I thought I heard the lift. My Anglican background,
I should really say English, actually. Elevator,
I meant, of course. Are you here to see the flat?
Uh, apartment, I mean? Uh, yeah. I'm George Smithers,
and this is my wife, Violet. Ah, H .S. Amapalian
here. Everyone always thinks I'm Navy, but I'm
not. It isn't H .M .S., you see. H .S .M. stands
for something quite different. Oh, yeah. Well,
do come along in. I'm sure you're dying to see
the apartment, and I... I can promise you...
I won't disappoint you. Two more sacrificial
lambs to the slaughter. Their doom, of course,
is sealed. But, as Mr. Joseph says, so many people
disappear in a big city every day. Not quite
in this way, of course. But I suppose you can
never be too careful. The sad trouble is that,
as Elizabeth Barrett Browning said, the devil
is most devilish when respectable. I'll be back
shortly. Caveat emptor, the Latin phrase which
says, let the buyer beware. This is true of all
advertisements, of course, and the tighter the
economy gets, the more the buyer should beware.
But we wouldn't want to suggest you need fear
the kind of ad we have featured tonight. In the
beginning we promised you a spine -tingling ghost
story, which featured the two phrases, too good
to be true, and too true to be good. As a good
night, we'd just like to suggest it was all in
fun. And even if it wasn't true, We hope you
found it good. Our cast included Jada Rowland,
Paul Hecht, Ian Martin, and Bryna Rayburn. The
entire production was under the direction of
Hyman Brown. This is E .G. Marshall inviting
you to return to our mystery theater for another
adventure in the macabre. Until next time, pleasant
dreams.