WEBVTT 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:20.579 Procter & Gamble brings you The Red Skelton Show, 00:00:20.760 --> 00:00:22.780 starring Red Skelton, Dave Rose and his orchestra, 00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:25.120 our singing stars, The Four Knights, Verna Felton, 00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:27.039 Lorraine Tuttle, Pat McGee, and in yours truly 00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:40.780 Rod O 'Connor. Yes, it's The Red Skelton Show, 00:00:40.820 --> 00:00:43.619 brought to you by Tide, Procter & Gamble's amazing 00:00:43.619 --> 00:00:50.140 new discovery for your whole family watch. Dirt's 00:00:50.140 --> 00:00:52.659 out, tide gets close, cleaner than any soap. 00:00:52.859 --> 00:00:55.920 Any soap? Yes, any soap. Tide gets close, cleaner 00:00:55.920 --> 00:01:23.400 than any soap. T -I -D -E. Tide. Ladies and gentlemen, 00:01:23.459 --> 00:01:25.879 how are you, O 'Connor? I'm fine, Red. How was 00:01:25.879 --> 00:01:27.980 your trip to Washington, D .C.? Oh, it was really 00:01:27.980 --> 00:01:29.920 swell. And I'd like to say here and now, it's 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:32.040 a wonderful feeling to go to Washington from 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:37.120 Hollywood without a subpoena in your hand. What 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:38.900 did you think of Washington, Red? Oh, it's really 00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:41.180 a great city. White gleaming buildings and the 00:01:41.180 --> 00:01:43.909 treasury department. Broad avenues and the treasury 00:01:43.909 --> 00:01:46.569 department and beautiful memorials and treasury 00:01:46.569 --> 00:01:50.209 department. Just a minute, you know, the treasury 00:01:50.209 --> 00:01:51.870 department seems to have made quite an impression 00:01:51.870 --> 00:01:56.269 on you. Annually, bub, annually. I took my uncle 00:01:56.269 --> 00:01:57.950 over to the Bureau of Engraving where they make 00:01:57.950 --> 00:01:59.549 money, and he looked at the machines, he says, 00:01:59.569 --> 00:02:01.390 look at the dirty crooks, they stole my idea. 00:02:05.969 --> 00:02:09.830 Well, shall we try some jokes now? Yeah. Brad, 00:02:09.909 --> 00:02:11.409 you went back to the nation's capital to attend 00:02:11.409 --> 00:02:13.289 the Variety Club's banquet honoring Secretary 00:02:13.289 --> 00:02:15.349 of State Marshall, didn't you? Yeah, I felt that 00:02:15.349 --> 00:02:17.210 the General Marshall and I have a lot in common. 00:02:17.289 --> 00:02:19.289 See, we're both in the same outfit together during 00:02:19.289 --> 00:02:22.289 the war. Of course, he was a five -star general 00:02:22.289 --> 00:02:26.610 and I was just a six -button private. I could 00:02:26.610 --> 00:02:28.110 have had a better rating, but they never came 00:02:28.110 --> 00:02:29.849 around the guardhouse to see the good work I 00:02:29.849 --> 00:02:33.930 was doing. Well, the Variety Club gave Secretary 00:02:33.930 --> 00:02:36.069 Marshall the humanitarian award for his services 00:02:36.069 --> 00:02:38.810 to mankind, didn't they? Tell me... What did 00:02:38.810 --> 00:02:41.110 they give you? Wait till I find my fi - here 00:02:41.110 --> 00:02:44.870 it is. Uh, what's that? What'd they give me? 00:02:44.889 --> 00:02:47.409 Yeah. The usual 24 hours, they get out of town. 00:02:48.530 --> 00:02:55.650 Hardly worth finding, was it? Well, where did 00:02:55.650 --> 00:02:57.370 you stay when you were back? I stayed at the 00:02:57.370 --> 00:03:03.270 Stagger - the Statler Hotel. From the looks of 00:03:03.270 --> 00:03:05.050 those holes, boy, I was right at the first - 00:03:07.980 --> 00:03:10.000 Classy place. Yeah, it's really high class. Did 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:12.060 you have a suite? No, I took my wife with me. 00:03:14.580 --> 00:03:16.819 Boy, the place was really loaded with politicians. 00:03:17.020 --> 00:03:18.979 You know, everybody talks politics in Washington, 00:03:19.180 --> 00:03:20.800 but they're only interested in what they've got 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:22.199 to sell. I said to one guy, what do you think 00:03:22.199 --> 00:03:24.180 the Taft -Hartley bill? He says, I think they 00:03:24.180 --> 00:03:29.740 should pay it. Did the people go for you back 00:03:29.740 --> 00:03:32.740 there? Yeah, with a club as usual. One cab driver 00:03:32.740 --> 00:03:34.479 asked me if I was a congressman. I says, no, 00:03:34.599 --> 00:03:39.620 a comedian. He says, oh, third party, huh? Is 00:03:39.620 --> 00:03:41.560 that any of the famous building? Oh yeah, yeah, 00:03:41.719 --> 00:03:43.719 I did. I visited the White House, but the man 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:45.960 of the house wasn't in. He wasn't? No, they said 00:03:45.960 --> 00:03:47.740 he was out trying to talk the landlords into 00:03:47.740 --> 00:03:52.280 re -luing his lease. You know, Dewey and Truman 00:03:52.280 --> 00:03:54.500 are traveling so close together, Truman got up 00:03:54.500 --> 00:04:04.409 this morning, had on Dewey's pajamas. I had lunch 00:04:04.409 --> 00:04:05.990 at the White House while I was in Washington. 00:04:06.310 --> 00:04:07.830 Really? Yeah, I had lunch there. Of course, I 00:04:07.830 --> 00:04:09.530 didn't get any butter. The chain on my knife 00:04:09.530 --> 00:04:13.810 was so short, I couldn't reach it. I saw Dewey 00:04:13.810 --> 00:04:15.710 at the White House and he was writing a postcard 00:04:15.710 --> 00:04:17.389 home to his wife and I peeked over his shoulder 00:04:17.389 --> 00:04:19.350 and it says, having a wonderful time. Wish I 00:04:19.350 --> 00:04:37.800 were here. How Tide gets clothes cleaner than 00:04:37.800 --> 00:04:41.079 any soap. Any soap? Yes, any soap. Now hold on 00:04:41.079 --> 00:04:43.639 there just a minute. That cake of soap I got 00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:46.899 for Christmas back in 1906 was still pretty powerful. 00:04:47.500 --> 00:04:49.399 But I hear that they got some mighty good new 00:04:49.399 --> 00:04:52.139 soaps and sudsers on the markets now. Did I? 00:04:52.139 --> 00:04:54.399 You're so right. Yeah. Let me tell you about 00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:58.220 Tide. Tide gets clothes cleaner than any of them. 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:01.620 Soap or sudsers, old or new, Procter and Gamble's 00:05:01.620 --> 00:05:03.939 Tide gets clothes cleaner than any washing product 00:05:03.939 --> 00:05:06.750 known. I mean gets all your clothes cleaner too. 00:05:07.110 --> 00:05:09.589 Your whole family wash top to bottom from linens 00:05:09.589 --> 00:05:12.209 and prints to work shirts and overalls. Tide 00:05:12.209 --> 00:05:15.089 not only leaves them free from dirt, Tide removes 00:05:15.089 --> 00:05:19.310 dingy soap film too. Think of it. All this amazing 00:05:19.310 --> 00:05:23.230 cleaning power, yet Tide is safe. Truly safe 00:05:23.230 --> 00:05:26.850 for all your washable colors. In fact, Tide spruces 00:05:26.850 --> 00:05:29.550 up gay checks and prints. Actually brightens 00:05:29.550 --> 00:05:32.509 those soap dull colors. And in hardest water, 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:35.139 Tide gets white things whiter than any other 00:05:35.139 --> 00:05:37.779 washing product known. Tide keeps them white 00:05:37.779 --> 00:05:42.139 too. Week in, week out. Never turns them yellow. 00:05:43.060 --> 00:05:46.620 No, wash day products are not all alike. Tide 00:05:46.620 --> 00:05:50.259 and tide alone gives you all this. The cleanest, 00:05:50.540 --> 00:05:53.240 brightest, whitest wash you ever hung on the 00:05:53.240 --> 00:06:00.379 line. Ladies and gentlemen, did you know that 00:06:00.379 --> 00:06:02.620 over 50 % of the doctors that switched to camels 00:06:02.620 --> 00:06:13.779 are now back to driving cars again? Ladies and 00:06:13.779 --> 00:06:16.220 gentlemen, the Four Knights are here now to sing 00:06:16.220 --> 00:06:30.079 Rambling Rose. Everyone knows she's a rambling 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:34.180 rose, she's a beauty growing wild. Birds in their 00:06:34.180 --> 00:06:36.920 nests seem to whistle their best for Mother Nature's 00:06:36.920 --> 00:06:40.459 favorite child. She's got the kind of affection 00:06:40.459 --> 00:06:44.620 that just winds around your heart. You'd better 00:06:44.620 --> 00:06:48.240 run for protection or she might upset your father. 00:06:48.540 --> 00:06:51.839 I hate to disclose that a rambling rose is gonna 00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:55.839 beat her, what a loop. I let her play, but she 00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:59.120 can't get away because I know just what to do. 00:06:59.459 --> 00:07:03.139 And anyone knows you can train a rose to be a 00:07:03.139 --> 00:07:06.279 clinging vine. So from this day hence could be 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:09.779 a picket fence around that rambling rose of mine. 00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:14.339 Round that rambling rose of mine. Oh, how they 00:07:14.339 --> 00:07:19.540 sigh when she passes by. She thrills them with 00:07:19.540 --> 00:07:27.470 a sweet perfume. Nobody's brush has painted her 00:07:27.470 --> 00:07:35.170 blood That's just a natural bloom Cause everyone 00:07:35.170 --> 00:07:41.089 knows she's a rambling rose She's a beauty and 00:07:41.089 --> 00:07:46.790 she's running wild Birds in their nests seem 00:07:46.790 --> 00:07:51.970 to whistle their best As for Mother Nature's 00:07:51.970 --> 00:07:58.730 favorite child I hate to disclose That my rambling 00:07:58.730 --> 00:08:06.370 rose is gonna meet Her Waterloo And from this 00:08:06.370 --> 00:08:28.220 day hence There'll be a great big you'll meet 00:08:28.220 --> 00:08:35.279 sooner or later. Have you ever met anyone who 00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:37.740 mistook you for somebody else? Well, old Clem 00:08:37.740 --> 00:08:40.279 Kadiddlehopper did once, and so will you sooner 00:08:40.279 --> 00:09:06.419 or later. She's a rambling rose. Boy, I really 00:09:06.419 --> 00:09:08.220 sing it when I get done with it. You can smell 00:09:08.220 --> 00:09:12.519 it, man. Well, sir, I just registered for the 00:09:12.519 --> 00:09:15.120 draft again. They didn't know how to classify 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:21.480 me either. Dead or alive. They said they're going 00:09:21.480 --> 00:09:23.720 to defer me because I'm a farmer. Of course, 00:09:23.879 --> 00:09:27.179 my corn crop wasn't too good this year. The ears 00:09:27.179 --> 00:09:31.990 were so bad they were wearing hearing aids. Well, 00:09:31.990 --> 00:09:33.909 I'll stop in the Daisy June's house and get a 00:09:33.909 --> 00:09:36.049 bite to eat. I wonder what she's gonna have for 00:09:36.049 --> 00:09:39.029 supper tonight. I hope it ain't hash. She's so 00:09:39.029 --> 00:09:45.269 impulsive, you know. Oh, here comes that same 00:09:45.269 --> 00:09:47.210 car again. Now, that guy's been following me 00:09:47.210 --> 00:09:49.809 for an hour. I hope I ain't in any trouble of 00:09:49.809 --> 00:09:52.049 any kind. Somebody told me that the dog catcher 00:09:52.049 --> 00:09:59.009 had a warrant for me. Well, if it ain't Lieutenant 00:09:59.009 --> 00:10:03.179 Muscle, remember me. I don't even remember me. 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:07.139 Stop playing dumb. I ain't playing dumb. I'm 00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:11.759 sincere about it. You remember the way you pushed 00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:14.879 us GIs around? Well, you ain't got those bars 00:10:14.879 --> 00:10:17.440 on your shoulders now. Here, let go of my Adam's 00:10:17.440 --> 00:10:21.590 apple. It ain't ripe enough to pick yet. I told 00:10:21.590 --> 00:10:23.470 you overseas that if I ever met you when you 00:10:23.470 --> 00:10:25.090 got out of the army, I was going to punch you 00:10:25.090 --> 00:10:27.230 in the nose. I've never seen you going to punch 00:10:27.230 --> 00:10:29.509 who in the nose. I'm going to punch you. Oh, 00:10:29.710 --> 00:10:34.149 you just try it once. You'll be surprised. You 00:10:34.149 --> 00:10:37.769 see, it was easier than you thought. Lieutenant, 00:10:38.029 --> 00:10:42.230 get up. Say, just a minute. What? Stand over 00:10:42.230 --> 00:10:44.269 here in the leg. You were doing all right when 00:10:44.269 --> 00:10:48.100 we were standing in the dark. Oh, look, I'm awfully 00:10:48.100 --> 00:10:50.539 sorry, fella, but from a distance, you look just 00:10:50.539 --> 00:10:52.820 like Lieutenant Muscle. No kidding. Yeah, did 00:10:52.820 --> 00:10:55.600 I hurt you? Oh, no, no. I tied this knot in my 00:10:55.600 --> 00:10:59.059 spine to remember something. Yeah, I'm sorry 00:10:59.059 --> 00:11:01.720 I punched you without thinking. Well, I'm not. 00:11:02.159 --> 00:11:03.539 If you'd have thought about it, you'd have done 00:11:03.539 --> 00:11:07.220 a better job. Now, please accept my apologies 00:11:07.220 --> 00:11:09.279 for mistaking you for Lieutenant Muscle. You 00:11:09.279 --> 00:11:11.139 mean to tell me that there's another guy in the 00:11:11.139 --> 00:11:13.830 world that looked yet like me? You look enough 00:11:13.830 --> 00:11:16.330 to like to be twins. Ooh, what a gruesome thought. 00:11:17.409 --> 00:11:19.690 No hard feelings, eh, buddy? I ain't got no feelings 00:11:19.690 --> 00:11:22.429 at all, now. Hey, can I drop you off someplace? 00:11:22.450 --> 00:11:25.129 No, no, my girl's house is right here. I'm... 00:11:25.129 --> 00:11:26.889 Better hurry, I'll be late for supper. Okay. 00:11:27.169 --> 00:11:33.570 Of all the experiences I've had... Howdy, Clam! 00:11:33.769 --> 00:11:35.610 Well, dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee 00:11:35.610 --> 00:11:35.730 -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee 00:11:35.730 --> 00:11:37.110 -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee 00:11:37.110 --> 00:11:38.970 -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee 00:11:38.970 --> 00:11:42.629 -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee -dee 00:11:42.629 --> 00:11:44.620 -dee -de Of course, he had his fist out at the 00:11:44.620 --> 00:11:47.720 time. Won't you come in? Well, thank you. Don't 00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:50.840 mind me. Well, wait till I open the screen door. 00:11:51.919 --> 00:11:55.320 I'm sorry. I didn't notice the screen. I thought 00:11:55.320 --> 00:11:57.620 those specks in front of my eyes were turning 00:11:57.620 --> 00:12:02.419 to squares. Why have you just in time to help 00:12:02.419 --> 00:12:06.039 me with the supper dishes? Dishes? You mean you've 00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:10.950 already eaten? No, no, I never expected a cat's 00:12:10.950 --> 00:12:13.929 after me like this, a catastrophe like this. 00:12:17.289 --> 00:12:20.470 You eatin'? Didn't you eat, Clam? Are you accusing 00:12:20.470 --> 00:12:23.850 me of doing something behind your back? Oh, I'm 00:12:23.850 --> 00:12:26.289 sorry, Clam. Oh, it's alright. Are you hungry? 00:12:26.429 --> 00:12:29.529 No, I ain't hungry. Your stomach growlin'? That 00:12:29.529 --> 00:12:34.289 wasn't thunder you heard. Look, if you'll help 00:12:34.289 --> 00:12:36.190 me with the dishes, I'll fix you a bite to eat. 00:12:36.370 --> 00:12:39.120 Okay, okay. Throw a little tide in there, that'll 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:43.519 do. I'll wash, and you dry. Why should I dry? 00:12:43.580 --> 00:12:48.320 I ain't even wet. Oh, blam. Why must you act 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:51.379 like an imbecile? Because I refuse to put on 00:12:51.379 --> 00:12:56.220 airs. Oh. Here, take this towel to dry the dishes 00:12:56.220 --> 00:12:57.899 with. I'm pretty good at drying dishes. Watch 00:12:57.899 --> 00:13:00.100 me, I'll dry three of them at a time. Now watch 00:13:00.100 --> 00:13:03.019 this. Stop showing off. You can't dry three dishes 00:13:03.019 --> 00:13:05.820 at a time. You're liable to break one. Oh, poofity 00:13:05.820 --> 00:13:10.029 poof. I've been drying dishes all my life. I 00:13:10.029 --> 00:13:16.610 never broke one. Until now. Oh, Clam. I bought 00:13:16.610 --> 00:13:19.570 those dishes to have when I got married. It was 00:13:19.570 --> 00:13:22.929 a service for sex. Marrying someone with kids? 00:13:37.930 --> 00:13:39.730 Somebody's walking around out there, a prowler. 00:13:40.169 --> 00:13:44.389 Hey, what are you doing? Hey, who are you? Who 00:13:44.389 --> 00:13:47.090 are you? You're going to tell me who you are, 00:13:47.129 --> 00:13:50.610 am I going to have to run from a light? Say, 00:13:50.750 --> 00:13:54.990 would you tell me where 521 Keys Avenue is? Lieutenant 00:13:54.990 --> 00:13:57.470 Mussel. Here. I've been looking for you. Now 00:13:57.470 --> 00:14:00.230 it's me, remember me? How can I ever forget you? 00:14:00.230 --> 00:14:04.470 Here, you know, let go of my ear, will you? Now, 00:14:04.629 --> 00:14:07.320 ooh, look what you've done. to my ear. I look 00:14:07.320 --> 00:14:10.559 like a lopsided bloodhound now. This is for being 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:15.000 so nasty to the boys in our outfit! Look, old 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:17.600 man, I'm Clem Kadiddlehopper. You just beat up 00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:21.500 on me a while ago, remember? Oh, of course, yeah. 00:14:21.600 --> 00:14:25.100 I'm sorry. I never can remember faces. No wonder 00:14:25.100 --> 00:14:31.399 you keep going around changing a little. I'm 00:14:31.399 --> 00:14:34.080 sorry, Clem, but you look so much like Lieutenant 00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:37.259 Muscle. Every time I see you, I think of how 00:14:37.259 --> 00:14:41.659 he treated our outfit. Well, I just got carried 00:14:41.659 --> 00:14:43.740 away. Well, take it easy or I'm going to be the 00:14:43.740 --> 00:14:47.710 one that's carried away. I can't keep beating 00:14:47.710 --> 00:14:50.490 you up. Here, wear my Dewey button. I'll pin 00:14:50.490 --> 00:14:53.909 it on my shirt. I ain't wearing one. Then I'll 00:14:53.909 --> 00:14:56.610 know the next time I see you. You said you were 00:14:56.610 --> 00:14:59.149 looking for 521 Keys Avenue? Yeah, that's right. 00:14:59.269 --> 00:15:01.529 Well, this is the house right here. But you better 00:15:01.529 --> 00:15:03.750 go around to the front door. Around here, if 00:15:03.750 --> 00:15:05.490 you come to a back door, they shoot and then 00:15:05.490 --> 00:15:07.809 ask questions. Of course, they don't get many 00:15:07.809 --> 00:15:11.070 answers, but that's okay. Okay, I'll go around 00:15:11.070 --> 00:15:13.470 to the front door. Graham, what's keeping you? 00:15:13.570 --> 00:15:15.690 I was just talking to a man out here. What was 00:15:15.690 --> 00:15:20.210 he doing? There he is now. I told him to go around 00:15:20.210 --> 00:15:24.289 the front and let him in. Howdy, Doody. Pardon 00:15:24.289 --> 00:15:27.269 me. Could you tell me where... Lieutenant Muscle! 00:15:27.269 --> 00:15:32.190 Here! I told you I'd look you up! Get up, you 00:15:32.190 --> 00:15:37.870 rat! Get up! Look, you eager beaver, you! That's 00:15:37.870 --> 00:15:41.950 a new kind of a beaver, Eddie. I'm Klim Kadidlhopper. 00:15:42.009 --> 00:15:44.230 Look, I'm wearing the Dewey button, see? I'm 00:15:44.230 --> 00:15:46.889 sorry. Politics ain't gonna help you. Now take 00:15:46.889 --> 00:15:53.980 that! For what? A manslaughter charge. Good thing 00:15:53.980 --> 00:15:56.639 I don't lose my temper easily. Here, you big 00:15:56.639 --> 00:15:59.320 bully, what are you trying to do? Not play him 00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:01.620 silly? If you are, you're wasting your time. 00:16:03.320 --> 00:16:05.879 Get up on your feet, Lieutenant Muscle. He ain't 00:16:05.879 --> 00:16:09.539 Lieutenant Muscle. Muscle died over a year ago. 00:16:10.059 --> 00:16:14.340 Muscle's dead? Well, that explains the resemblance. 00:16:17.740 --> 00:16:22.440 You see, Lieutenant Muscle's dead. Yep. Gee, 00:16:22.620 --> 00:16:26.179 I'm sure sorry to hear that. He was the nicest 00:16:26.179 --> 00:16:30.179 guy I ever knew. With him gone, life won't be 00:16:30.179 --> 00:16:33.539 worth living. It'll help me out a little. Gee, 00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:37.299 poor Lieutenant Muscle. Well, I'll be seeing 00:16:37.299 --> 00:16:41.159 you around. I'll never in all my life. Oh, my 00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:44.899 poor... I'll fix you something to eat. No, never 00:16:44.899 --> 00:16:47.039 mind. I couldn't chew it with my teeth scattered 00:16:47.039 --> 00:16:50.879 all over the rug. I'm going. You're going home? 00:16:51.080 --> 00:16:52.840 No, I'm going over to The Undertaker's and get 00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:57.159 an appraisal. I'll see you later. Aren't you 00:16:57.159 --> 00:17:00.580 gonna chaos me? Look, haven't I taken enough 00:17:00.580 --> 00:17:17.390 punishment already? playing puppet serenade. 00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:07.240 Thank you, Dave Rose. And now here's a question 00:20:07.240 --> 00:20:09.759 for the ladies. Are you washing dishes in hard 00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:13.700 water? If your answer is yes, my answer is tide. 00:20:14.180 --> 00:20:18.079 If your answer is no, mine is still tide. Because 00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:21.079 in hard water or soft, Procter & Gamble's Amazing 00:20:21.079 --> 00:20:24.480 Tide washes dishes cleaner than any soap in the 00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:27.180 world. Tide cuts grease better than any soap, 00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:31.079 too. And just think of this. Tide leaves no scum 00:20:31.079 --> 00:20:34.019 in the dish water. No greasy ring round the pan. 00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:37.519 And never, never a cloudy film on dishes or glasses. 00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:40.799 They rinse and dry clear and sparkling, whether 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:44.640 you wipe them or not. And suds, tide gives oceans 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:47.680 of them. They come fast and they come to stay. 00:20:48.420 --> 00:20:52.359 In hardest water, tide suds last and last. And 00:20:52.359 --> 00:20:55.720 yes, they're definitely easy on hands. Say, if 00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:58.140 all these things sound like miracles, well, they 00:20:58.140 --> 00:21:01.839 are. And they happen in hardest water. Try tide. 00:21:01.980 --> 00:21:09.619 and they'll happen in your dish pan. A page from 00:21:09.619 --> 00:21:13.880 the Mean Little Kids Diary. Have you ever gone 00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:16.200 shopping in a department store and look around 00:21:16.200 --> 00:21:18.539 and see somebody else's kid getting into everything? 00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:21.940 The Mean Little Kids, no exception, and the department 00:21:21.940 --> 00:21:33.380 store are never the same. I hope you're holding 00:21:33.380 --> 00:21:36.180 on to Junior. No, I'm not. I thought you had 00:21:36.180 --> 00:21:39.180 him. He's gone! Oh, Mother will never find him 00:21:39.180 --> 00:21:41.799 among all these people. Should we call for help? 00:21:42.039 --> 00:21:47.819 Yes. These people are going to need it. Oh, there 00:21:47.819 --> 00:21:52.180 he is. Junior! Yes, kiddo? Come here to me now, 00:21:52.279 --> 00:21:54.680 this instant. Okay, now don't you hit me. If 00:21:54.680 --> 00:21:57.200 you hit me, boy, I'll tell Pop that I was twins. 00:21:57.539 --> 00:21:59.579 And you'll never be able to explain what you 00:21:59.579 --> 00:22:06.250 did with the other one. explain you. Well. You 00:22:06.250 --> 00:22:08.069 shouldn't wander away in this crowd, Junior. 00:22:08.069 --> 00:22:11.410 You couldn't say. Listen, you might get lost, 00:22:11.549 --> 00:22:13.930 and how would we ever find you? You mean you 00:22:13.930 --> 00:22:16.589 would try? Certainly. Boy, some people don't 00:22:16.589 --> 00:22:19.630 know when they wear a suit. No, Mother, we better 00:22:19.630 --> 00:22:21.609 get on with our shopping. Hey, will you buy me 00:22:21.609 --> 00:22:24.329 a cowboy suit? No, I won't buy you a cowboy suit. 00:22:24.390 --> 00:22:27.890 Well, you don't have to get nasty about it. Come 00:22:27.890 --> 00:22:31.190 on, Junior, come on. Okay. Now, be careful going 00:22:31.190 --> 00:22:33.809 through the revolving doors. You might get your 00:22:33.809 --> 00:22:37.829 head caught and jam it. Yes. Well, you know, 00:22:37.849 --> 00:22:39.910 people wouldn't be able to get into the store. 00:22:40.009 --> 00:22:41.990 Right. That's a question I'd never seen. Hey, 00:22:41.990 --> 00:22:44.509 how'd this door work, huh? Well, you just step 00:22:44.509 --> 00:22:46.789 into one of those little places and push. Okay. 00:22:49.410 --> 00:22:52.089 Well, that's funny. This door looks the same 00:22:52.089 --> 00:22:54.650 on the inside as it does on the outside. Oh, 00:22:54.650 --> 00:22:56.289 Junior, you're not supposed to go all the way 00:22:56.289 --> 00:23:00.269 around. Oh. Come on, I'll show you. Okay. Boy, 00:23:00.329 --> 00:23:02.130 this is fun. I'd like to get that spinning real 00:23:02.130 --> 00:23:07.150 fast. Why do you trip people up and down? What's 00:23:07.150 --> 00:23:08.650 the matter with you? What's the matter? Why are 00:23:08.650 --> 00:23:10.150 you acting so strangely, Junior? What are you 00:23:10.150 --> 00:23:13.250 staring at? Look, people standing still yet they're 00:23:13.250 --> 00:23:16.509 going upstairs. Maybe I've caught grandpa's sickness. 00:23:18.710 --> 00:23:20.950 Does Alcoholics Anonymous has a kindergarten 00:23:20.950 --> 00:23:26.450 class? No, dear. That's an escalator. A what? 00:23:27.730 --> 00:23:30.349 Escalator. No, an escalator. I want to know now. 00:23:30.410 --> 00:23:37.289 What is it? Oh no, I'm afraid, I'm afraid. Well 00:23:37.289 --> 00:23:41.750 here, I lift you on. Now stand still. Oh boy, 00:23:41.990 --> 00:23:44.910 ain't there something. Stairs that walk. Boy, 00:23:44.950 --> 00:23:46.750 we ought to have one of these in the house. It 00:23:46.750 --> 00:23:49.390 would save you and mummy a lot of trouble carrying 00:23:49.390 --> 00:23:51.250 gramps upstairs at three o 'clock in the morning. 00:23:52.289 --> 00:23:55.170 Junior, are you insinuating that your grandfather 00:23:55.170 --> 00:23:58.450 drinks to excess? Oh no, no, no. He drinks to 00:23:58.450 --> 00:24:03.779 get blado. of people on their thing. I sure like 00:24:03.779 --> 00:24:07.200 to nail their shoes to the steps, boy. Boy, they 00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:08.680 want to get up at the end, they couldn't get 00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:10.440 up, and they would go right through that little 00:24:10.440 --> 00:24:16.440 crack. Oh, what an imagination. Well, we're almost 00:24:16.440 --> 00:24:19.759 at the top. I'll be careful, Junior. OK. Now, 00:24:20.279 --> 00:24:22.200 wasn't that fun? Now I don't care much for it, 00:24:22.339 --> 00:24:24.740 no. Mother, I'm going over to the shoe department. 00:24:25.039 --> 00:24:27.160 Will you watch, Junior? Yes, dear. Hey, Namor, 00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:29.279 is you going to give me some money to buy Mommy 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:31.579 a present? Well, what do you want to buy her? 00:24:31.720 --> 00:24:33.500 Well, I don't know. How about some toy soldiers 00:24:33.500 --> 00:24:36.279 and a pair of skates and a... and a feet ball 00:24:36.279 --> 00:24:38.099 or something? I thought it was too good to be 00:24:38.099 --> 00:24:40.240 true. You're just thinking of yourself. Oh, what 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:42.680 did you suggest I could get her? Give her something 00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:48.000 she can use. Oh. A hairbrush. Oh, no! No, I'm 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:51.609 not buying my own booby trap, kiddo. I'm stuck. 00:24:51.789 --> 00:24:53.769 I just don't know what to get her. She has so 00:24:53.769 --> 00:24:57.549 much, you know. Oh, Junior. A kookalookas she's 00:24:57.549 --> 00:25:02.390 got in her. Junior, look. They're having a fall 00:25:02.390 --> 00:25:05.109 dress sale. Fall dresses, huh? That must be those 00:25:05.109 --> 00:25:07.089 dresses without the shoulder straps on them. 00:25:07.910 --> 00:25:09.849 You know what holds them up? A city ordinance. 00:25:12.390 --> 00:25:15.269 Well, she just walked away and left me here all 00:25:15.269 --> 00:25:19.769 alone with a new world to conquer all... Boy, 00:25:19.890 --> 00:25:21.829 I think I'll just pick up something. Oh, that's 00:25:21.829 --> 00:25:24.269 a silly thing to say. Look where I is in the 00:25:24.269 --> 00:25:29.029 piano department. Ooh, the toy department. Oh, 00:25:29.210 --> 00:25:32.269 where's old Red Whisperface? Where he at? Not 00:25:32.269 --> 00:25:34.990 here yet, huh? I think I'll just stop for a second. 00:25:35.089 --> 00:25:38.130 Ooh, look at the little rubber balls. Just what 00:25:38.130 --> 00:25:40.849 I need, boy. I think I'll take one of them home 00:25:40.849 --> 00:25:43.190 and try it. And if I decide that I want it, I'll 00:25:43.190 --> 00:25:47.799 come back and open a charge account. My mommy. 00:25:47.940 --> 00:25:50.380 Hey mommy! Over here! Yes? Where's your grandmother? 00:25:50.539 --> 00:25:51.880 I thought she was watching you. Well, she's only 00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:53.819 got two eyes, kiddo. She's only got two eyes. 00:25:54.440 --> 00:25:56.160 Well, where is she? She's over there. Come on. 00:25:56.299 --> 00:25:57.779 Oh, well now, come on. Let's go. Yeah, just hurry. 00:25:57.819 --> 00:25:59.420 Wait a minute. Now, what have you got under your 00:25:59.420 --> 00:26:01.980 coat? Don't ask silly questions. Let's get out 00:26:01.980 --> 00:26:06.500 of here! Now, let me see that. It's a ball. Junior, 00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:08.920 where did you get it? Never mind. Let's get going. 00:26:09.059 --> 00:26:15.539 I'm loaded down with hot goods. You're asking 00:26:15.539 --> 00:26:18.420 silly questions. The reform school is beckoning 00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:21.400 me. Come on! Junior, come back here. I want to 00:26:21.400 --> 00:26:23.400 know, where did you get this ball? What's going 00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:25.900 on here? Shh! Not too loud. Junior, you didn't 00:26:25.900 --> 00:26:28.259 take that rubber ball? Yes, he did, Mother! Well, 00:26:28.259 --> 00:26:30.240 why don't you both yell a little louder? Maybe 00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:33.559 the store detective ain't hurt you yet! Junior, 00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:35.480 now you march right over and put it back. No, 00:26:35.480 --> 00:26:37.180 no, don't make me put it back. Don't make me 00:26:37.180 --> 00:26:42.220 put it back. He got me fingerprints on it. If 00:26:42.220 --> 00:26:46.579 they catch me, it's up the river. Go up there 00:26:46.579 --> 00:26:55.480 with Pop. Oh, I don't know what to do with you. 00:26:55.599 --> 00:27:01.500 And you wanted twins. If he were twins, I'd pick 00:27:01.500 --> 00:27:03.200 one of them up and knock the other one down with 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:07.380 him. Junior, you put that back. No, no, no. I 00:27:07.380 --> 00:27:09.200 want it. I want it. I want it. Oh, wait until 00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:11.619 I get you home. Don't take it away from me, please. 00:27:11.619 --> 00:27:15.039 Don't take it away from me. I want a ball. I 00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:32.779 want a ball. I'll hold my breath till I die. 00:27:33.480 --> 00:27:38.140 Junior, stop that! Junior! I'm the Thorwalker. 00:27:38.519 --> 00:27:40.339 What seems to be the trouble with this little 00:27:40.339 --> 00:27:45.980 purple -faced boy? Oh, it's my little boy. He's 00:27:45.980 --> 00:27:47.940 holding his breath because I won't buy him that 00:27:47.940 --> 00:27:50.720 ball. Well, for heaven's sake, buy him one! No! 00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:53.339 I don't want him spoiled. If I blow up, I'll 00:27:53.339 --> 00:27:57.410 be really... We can't have anything like this 00:27:57.410 --> 00:28:01.150 in our store. He might die. Oh, no, no, no, no. 00:28:01.230 --> 00:28:03.869 Now what's the matter? What he said, he scared 00:28:03.869 --> 00:28:07.849 me. He scared me. Oh, don't cry, darling. That's 00:28:07.849 --> 00:28:11.029 not you, man. I'd kick you in the shins, I would. 00:28:11.529 --> 00:28:14.109 I didn't have my good shoes on, I'd kick you. 00:28:15.269 --> 00:28:21.269 Poor baby. Don't cry now, darling. Oh, he's sorry. 00:28:21.869 --> 00:28:25.089 Here, how much is the ball? I knew I'd get one. 00:28:28.750 --> 00:28:32.190 The ball is 50 cents. All right sir, there you 00:28:32.190 --> 00:28:36.130 are. Here Junior, here's a nice beautiful red 00:28:36.130 --> 00:28:41.450 ball. Oh no, I don't want it. You're not gonna 00:28:41.450 --> 00:28:57.299 spoil me, kiddo. Thanks for being with us tonight, 00:28:57.319 --> 00:28:58.940 and we hope you liked our program well enough 00:28:58.940 --> 00:29:01.460 to be with us next week. So until next Friday, 00:29:01.700 --> 00:29:03.680 this is Red Skelton saying goodbye now, and thanks 00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:05.779 for listening, and thanks for buying more and 00:29:05.779 --> 00:29:10.660 more of that wash day miracle, Tide. Tide's in, 00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:14.160 dirt's out, Tide gets clothes cleaner than any 00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:24.640 soap, T -I -D -E, Tide. This is NBC, the national 00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:33.289 broadcasting company. company.