The Johnson Wax Program with Fibber McGee and
Molly. The makers of Johnson's wax products for
home and industry present Fibber McGee and Molly.
Histrionically helped by Bill Thompson, Gail
Gordon, Bea Benadert, Arthur Q. Bryan, Jimmy
Jordan, and the man with the stuff that polishes
your things, me, Harlow Wilcox. The scripts can
be blamed on Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, and the
music department is managed by the King's Men
and Billy Mills and his all -boy -but -one orchestra.
Millions of housewives know that Johnson's wax
is unbeatable for beautifying your floors. But
I have heard that in some homes, Johnson's wax
is used on the floors only. Well, what about
the rest of your home? Perhaps you have a table
you're especially proud of. Try waxing that,
too. You'll be delighted to see how much more
handsome it looks, how it glows with a smooth
satin machine, how the wax brings out the beautiful
natural grain. Notice how even the very first
protective coat of Johnson's wax on your radio
cabinet, your sideboard, your ornaments and picture
frames gives them a wonderful richness, a mellow
glow that adds immeasurably to their beauty.
You will find of course that these things grow
even lovelier with each wax application. They
become better and better protected too against
dirt, wear and spill things. So by all means
Johnson wax your floors for greater beauty and
protection, but also make the rest of your home
sparkling clean and beautiful. with Johnson's
wax, face liquid, or cream. It's all very well
for a man to laugh at the stuffed cuffs, the
draped shape, and the replete. But when he begins
to look like he dressed himself onto the war
relief clothing barrel at the firehouse It's
time something was said about it according to
Mrs. McGee Our favorite McGee and Molly! What's
the matter with the way I dress, Molly? Well,
frankly pet, it's that tired old suit Who made
it, George Pullman? What do you mean, George
Pullman? Looks like it had been slept in That
Blue Surge monstrosity has more bags in it than
the Grand Central Checkbox. The seat and elbow
is glared like an acre of broken bottles. When
the fabric is so thin it takes you ten minutes
to sit down. And it fits like it had been made
for a jockey and let out for Paul Whiteman. Oh,
it isn't so bad, Mommy. A Blue Surge suit always
lasts a long time because they pick up so much
lint. I've had as much wear out of the lint as
I have out of the suit. Well now you simply got
to buy a new one, McGee Oh, Molly, you know how
I hate to stay And that's why I called this tailor
He said he'd be over with some samples I still
say that this... Who? Who said who'd be over
with what samples? The tailor! He just opened
a new shop next to the bomb town and you need
a new suit right now Oh, for the love of... I'm
simply tired of walking around with a man whose
suit looks like the back wall of a headlight
And this Mr. Gusset Who? Mr. Gusset, the tailor
He said... Oh, I'll get that to him right now
Come in! Is this the residence of the McGee?
Oh, hello there, Miss McGee. Good day, Mr. Gussett.
McGee, this is Mr. Gussett. This is the husband
I was telling you about, Mr. Gussett. Now look
here, you two. I don't know what you've cooked
up between you, but if you think I'm gonna be
jacked into buying a new suit that I don't want
and don't need, buy George a - Amazing, that's
what it is. Amazing. What's amazing, Mr. Gussett?
The resemblance, Mrs. McGee. He has shoulders
exactly like Herbert Marshall. Oh, it's gonna
be a distinct pleasure to fit him. Flattery will
get you no place, bud. This whole thing is a
frame up and I won't be... Herbert Marshall is
taller than I am, ain't he? Yes, slightly, Mr.
McGee, but actual height is not important. It's
the bill that counts. You know, the athletic
type, the military posture, broad shoulders tapering
down to slim hips. Who we talking about now?
Had a guess, Mr. McGee. I'd say you'd been...
Well, a colonel, military intelligence? Ah ha
ha ha, that's kinda hush hush bud. Ah, but let's
see your samples, Gusset, old man. What have
you got? I'll tell you what. Suppose I look over
your entire wardrobe, Mr. McGee, and then I can
tell you better what you need. That's a good
idea, bud. Take a good look at it. Is it upstairs?
And no, no, it's right here. He's wearing it.
What? He never worried much about his clothes,
Mr. Gusset. Just as long as he can keep warm
in the winter and not get arrested in the summer,
he's convinced. Well then, I would suggest a
good tweed suit, Mrs. McGee. You could wear the
jacket with odd trousers for informal occasions.
Good idea, Gus. Have I got some odd trousers,
Molly? Odd is hardly the word, dear. Terrifying,
it'd be more accurate. Why, those green flannels
you wear to take out the ashes are... How about
this sample right here, Mr. McGee? This is a
genuine English tweed. I'd make it up in a single
-breasted patch pocketed style. Splendid utility
garment. We'll take that. Hey now, wait a minute,
wait a minute. I can make my own selections.
I ain't gonna be railroaded into something that
I... I understand that it's Mr. Herbert Marshall's
favorite material. But he's taller, you said.
He also said the height wasn't important, Molly.
It's the bill that counts. You heard him say
that. I'll take this one, bud. You don't think
Herbert Marshall will mind? I won't mention it
to him, Mr. McGee. Besides, I'm sure you and
he never attend the same... What? Now for the
measurements. Let's see, where is my tape measure
anyway, oh? oh yes here we are now let's see
chest 35 take a deep breath please mr mcgee chest
expanded hmm 35 very interesting waist 41 take
another deep breath please mr mcgee waist expanded
46 Deep breather, aren't you, Mr. McGee? Yeah,
yeah. I got low lungs. That's why I don't catch
cold when I leave my shirt collar open at the
front. Now then, let's see. Shoulders. Yep. Arms.
Trousers length. Well, that does it. Good. Now
then, would you like to make a deposit on this
suit, Mr. McGee? You want an honest answer? Yes.
No. How much will it be, Mr. Gutted? $110, Mrs.
McGee. My usual price is $150, but in as much
as you're my first customers in Whistler Bistro...
Now, just a darn minute, Bud. Did I hear you
say 110 bucks? You did. Seems a little high to
me. High? Why, for 110 bucks, I could buy me
a set of threads that would make Adolf Mons you
look like a bouncer at a barn dance. A hundred
and ten bucks, why, of all the... May I make
a suggestion, Mr. McGee? Certainly, Mr. Gussett.
Better make one quick, Bud, before I make one.
As you know, I'm new here in Whistler, Mr. McGee.
Yeah, and at these prices, you ain't gonna get
very old, too, either. Let the man talk, dearie.
Go on, Mr. Gussett. I was about to suggest that
should Mr. McGee, as my representative unannounced,
of course, send me, say, ten customers, well,
I shall be glad to make a suit for your charge.
What? If I send you ten customers for a suit,
you'll... It's a deal. Good. Shake. Right. Music.
You know what? Know what? I already got four
customers for new suits. Maury Needham, Jeff
Lewis, Mel Brorby, and Willie Connolly. Mm -hmm.
I didn't know you knew that many people with
$110. Well, I've been putting on quite a telephone
campaign. I got a sales clock worked up to get
some... Get out the breadcrumbs, McGee. Here
comes a pigeon. Watch me sell him a suit. Come
in. Oh, hello there, Dr. Gamble. Come right in.
Hello, my dear. And good afternoon, knuckle noodle.
Hi, I'm Edison Chess. What's new on the German
side of the world? Nothing startling, Beaver
knows. What's cooking in your dull little life?
Well, you know, I've just talked him into getting
a new suit, Doctor. No. Yes, sir. And if I may
make a suggestion to our kindly old family physician,
in at about time you shook yourself loose from
that bundle of burlap you're wearing, you look
like a delegate to the hobo's convention. I don't
know where that suit hides during the branding
season, but it sure ain't ever felt a hot iron.
Oh, I don't think the doctor looks so bad, McGee
Not that any man couldn't choose a new suit now
and then Well thanks, Molly But who is little
Jasbo Brummel to talk? He always looks like an
unmade bed in a 50 cent flop house That blue
surge of his shines like a good deed in a naughty
world Well I'm doing something about my appearance,
Ether Drum I'm getting a new suit But you'll
go on wearing that sideshow canvas of yours for
the next 18 years, I suppose. Frankly, Doctor,
I imagine you're so busy these days you haven't
much time to give to your parents, huh? I've
got just as much time as this little bloater,
my dear. And when I get a new suit, I won't get
one of his $18 walk upstairs and save $3 two
-pants affairs with a Daisy Air Rifle premium.
I'll go to a decent tailor and lay it on the
line for a quality product. Oh yeah, if you ever
had to shell out $110 for a suit, you couldn't
see the checkbook through your tears. Now, wait
a minute, jughead. Are you getting a $110 suit?
Yes, he is, Doctor. The tailor was just here
measuring him up. Guy by the name of Gusset,
next to the Bontan, Doc. Well, I'm going right
down there and order two suits. Anything you
can do, McGee, I can do better, quicker, oftener,
and at higher prices. See you later, Molly. Fine,
Doctor. Now remember the name Gusset next to
the Bontan. Yeah, and if you want extra pants,
Doc, mention my name and get a good seat. Ha!
McGee, your name wouldn't be good for credit
for a hot rock in Death Valley. It'll be interesting
to see the reaction. So long, now. Hot dog, that's
five customers. Five more and I get a suit free.
No, it's... Six McGee. Dr. Gamble says he's getting
two suits. Oh, wonderful. Six down and four to
go. Now let me see. Who else could I talk to?
Well, there's no use talking to Mr. Wilcox. Huh?
He's got enough clothes now to take the heart
out of Schaffner and Marx. And he's just the
guy to sell a new suit to. Yeah. A dude like
him won't be able to resist the... Come in. Come
on in, kids. Oh, hi, old timer. Hello, Mr. Blazingame.
You look like you'd had a chill. You're shaking
like a loose fender. Where have you been? Hey!
She says, where have you... Under the river,
kids! In a diver's helmet! Under the river? Yep!
Believe me, it's colder in a witch's broom handle
down there! What were you looking for under the
river? Lose your dentures off the bridge or something?
Hey! He said - Nope! Nope! Just writing a letter
to my mother, kids! She lives back in Turkey,
around Indiana, and I - Now wait a minute, wait
a minute. That don't make sense, old -timer.
Diving into the river to write a letter. Why
don't it, Johnny? I got one of them pens for
Christmas that writes underwater. Thought I'd
try it out! He could have written a much longer
letter, too. They don't have to be refilled for
two years. Say, did you do any deep sea diving
while you were in the sea bees, Mr. Oldtimer?
Hey! Did you do any? Lots of it! Lots of it,
kid! Spent so much time under the water, I got
gills on my neck! Gills on your neck? Yep, gills.
He was our skipper. Old Lieutenant Commander
Gill. He was on my neck all the time for spending
so much time under the water. What do you want
to spend so much time down there for, he says.
And I says, Well, sir? I says... I've been playing
cribbage with a mermaid and just won a couple
of fins. Well, sir, he laughs fit to bust and
slaps me in the brig on bread and water for insub
- for insub - but he says I was impudent. Hey,
you want to buy a swell suit of civvies? Hey!
Good work, kid! Gusset, next to the bomb town.
110 bucks. Tell him I sent ya. Okay! After the
way these calls fit, it'll be nice to get a miner's
suit on again. A miner's suit? Yep! One with
a little slack in the pants! Well, there's seven,
McGee. You only need three more. I got Wilcox
checked off. I can talk Wilcox into one. Flattery.
Flattery'll do it. I'll butter him like a pre
-war waffle. Then if I can get Latrivia and Wimple,
I'm all set. I got a suit. You better you better
make it mrs. Wimple. She wears the trousers in
that family Hello No, Mr. Wilcox, do come in.
Hi, Junior. I had a feeling you'd drop in sometime
today. That's like having a hunch that Easter
will come on a Sunday. Did you want to see me
about something, pal? Yeah, how you fix pursuits?
See, I'm glad you asked me that. I've noticed
you were looking pretty seedy lately, but I didn't
want to say anything. Come over sometime and
pick out a couple, pal. They can easily be cut
down to fix you. Oh! No, no, Mr. Wilcox. He didn't
mean for himself. He didn't? Certainly not. I
want to know if you need any. That's a silly
question. Yours wouldn't fit me. Oh, I... Look,
Mr. Wilcox. Nobody's talking about giving anybody
any old clothes. McGee wants to know if you're
thinking of buying any new suits. Yeah. Well,
I'll tell you how it is, Molly. I'm always buying
new clothes. Partly because I like them, and
partly because I think it's a good business to
dress well. Yeah, well, the reason I ask... You
see, when I go into people's homes and offices
as a representative of Johnson's Wax... I want
especially to appear like I have a quality product
to offer, which I have. Yes, but we were - You
see, one of the finest homes in America used
Johnson's wax on their floors and furniture and
woodwork, window sills and luggage and a hundred
other things. Well, it just doesn't behoove me
to dress like an itinerant peddler. Yeah, but
what that got to do with... See whiz pal, Johnson's
Wax is known the world over as the answer to
protective housekeeping. A wax surface is a surface
protected against dampness and dust and wear.
And it represents fine hospitality too. That
film of Johnson's Wax is the largest welcome
mat in the world. Yes, we know but... That's
why I always like to look my best. You judge
a home by its appearance and you judge a man
by his appearance. That's why I'm always buying
you clothes. If you think you've nailed down
your paycheck for this week, Waxie, may I say
a word? Just why, please do. Ah, look, Mr. Wilcox,
there's a new tailor in town, a Mr. Gusset, next
door to the Bontown. Makes wonderful men's suits
for $110. And you're a wonderful man. You go
in there and mention my name, Junior, and you'll
get treated right. How about it? Just opened
up, did he? Just this week. Right next to the
Bontown, eh? Right next door. Gusset's the name.
You gonna go see him? Bet I am, pal. Be there
in half an hour. Any suits do you think you'll
buy, Mr. Wilcox? Oh, I don't need any suits,
but he'll need some Johnson's wax for that new
shop of his. Thanks for the gift, Val. Well,
ring up one, no sale, McGee. Oh, I think Wilcox
will buy one. He's an actor at heart, and when
he smells a bolt of flannel, it'll look like
smoke to a firehose. And did I say that right?
Yeah. Did you hear about him wiring Hollywood?
No, about what? He wanted to try out for that
new picture, the robe. Yeah? He thought it was
going to be called the wardrobe and wanted the
title roll. Oh. Yeah, but they said that... Come
in. Well, for goodness sakes, if it isn't Mrs.
Carstairs. Hello, Millicent. How do you do, my
dear? Good day, Mr. McGee. Hi, Carsey. I understand
you had the flu. You feel better now? Yes, thank
you. My household has had quite a siege of it,
you know. First Marie, my upstairs maid, had
it, and then Mr. Carstairs, and then I. Well,
it's hard to keep germs on one floor of a house,
Millicent. Yes. Oh, Mr. Carstairs. Who took care
of you, Millicent? Dr. Gamble? Oh, yes. He's
a splendid physician. He treated my husband for
a horse, Charlie. You mean Charlie horse? No.
A horse Charlie Adams gave him that had the heave.
Wait a minute, who was sick? Your husband, the
horse, or Charlie Adams? I was, of the whole
thing! Speaking of heaves, were you awfully sick
with the flu, Millie? Oh, indeed I was, Mr. McGee
The first day Mr. Costes took my temperature,
I knew I was ill Oh, what did it read, Millie,
since? Three degrees above freezing Three degrees
above freezing? Yes Mr. Costes took my temperature,
but he had to walk down to Kramer's drugstore
to have the thermometer read Well, I must be
going today The Kingsman and old rockin chair
got me Let me here grab him at the flyers round
my rocking chair. My dear old Aunt Harriet, I
know that way up in heaven she be. Oh, send me
down, sweet chariot, for the end of my trouble
I see. Oh, rocking chair gets it. I do believe
that Judgment Day is here. from this cabin, can't
go nowhere. Just set me here to gravin' at the
flies around my rockin' chair. My dear, I'm Harriet.
In heaven she be. Send me down, sweet chariot.
Good for the end of my trouble, the end of my
trouble, I say. Well, how many more suits do
you have to sell before you get one free for
yourself, dearie? Well, let me look at my list.
There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, eight and a half. Eight and a half? Yeah.
Mortoops only wanted a pair of pants. So if I
can find one, who's that man or woman? Man. Bring
him in quick. Come in. Oh, good day, Mayor Latrivia.
Good day, Mrs. McGee. Hello, McGee. Hi, Latrivia.
You're just the guy I wanted to see. If it's
about our date to go bowling tonight, McGee,
I can't make it. I just dropped by to tell you.
Pressure of business, Mr. Mayor? Oh, you might
call it that, Mrs. McGee. I am attending a Boy
Scout meeting at the Eastside High School tonight.
Oh. trying for your merit badge and ballot box
stuffing material? McGee, it doesn't matter a
jot nor a tittle to me what you think of my political
activities, but I resent any inference that the
Boy Scout movement tolerates anything unethical.
I consider the Scout movement one of the greatest
forces for good citizenship in the world today.
And on this, their 36th anniversary, I think
they're entitled to the respect and goodwill
of everyone as boys who will grow into our leaders
of tomorrow. Oh, well McGee was just kidding,
Mr. Mayor. Sure, sure. Great bunch of kids, little
trivia. You gonna make a speech to them tonight?
Well, I'm giving them a little demonstration
of the things I learned in the Coast Guard, McGee.
Such as what, Mr. Mayor? Well, for instance,
not tying. Not tying what? Just not tying. Well
then, what's the use of going at all if you're
not tying anything? But I am tying anything.
Eh, something. What? Knots! Oh! Please, Mr. Meade.
You're addressing a lady, La Trivia. Thank you,
dearie. Well, I said nothing that would offend
a lady, Meade. I merely stated that I was giving
a demonstration of knot tying. You mean you're
not giving a demonstration of tying? Yes. No!
Don't be silly. Look, in the Coast Guard, I learned
a great deal about tying knots. Square knots,
bowlands, berries, hitches, sheep shanks, turks
heads, monkey fists, grannies. Who's? Grannies.
My gosh, was she in the Coast Guard too? I used
to think that'd be a pretty hard life for an
old lady. I was speaking of a granny knot. Oh,
yeah, I see. Knot was your mother's maiden name.
It was not. That's what she said, it was not.
I mean it was not, not. Who's there? Uh, Arthur
Arthur who? Arthur, any more routines like this
coming up? If so, include me out! Oh, you forgot
to ask him about getting fitted for a new suit,
didn't you? The only fit he was ready for was
to be tied Now I can get another couple of customers
someplace. Hand me that phone. I'll resume my
campaign. Here. Thanks. Hello, operator. Give
me a whistle, Mr. 7654, the love of Mike. Is
that you, Mert? How's every little thing, Mert?
Fizzy. What's that, Mert? He did? Oh, gee, I'm
sorry, Mert. Cut his tail right off, huh? Oh,
how awful. Her dog, McGee? No, no, her uncle.
He was telling her a story over the phone and
got disconnected. What's the name, Ernst? Okay,
connect me. Hello, is this Eddie? This is River
McGee, Eddie. Look, I got a great idea if you
need a new suit, Eddie. There's a new tailor...
Okay. Okay, Bert. You just go in and tell Gus
that I sent you. Don't mention it, Bert. Goodbye.
Oh boy, am I tired. This is my arm ache. I must
have made 40 calls. But I done it, Molly. I done
it. I got ten guys to buy new suits. Well, that's
fine, dearie. Yeah. But why are you sitting around
in your bathrobe? Oh, I sent my old suit to the
relief collection. It was looking so shabby,
I hated even to talk to people over the phone
in it. I got nothing to do for a couple of days
anyway, and by that time I'll have my new suit.
Oh, will he deliver it? Oh my gosh, he better
after me sending him all that business, spending
all that time. I'll call him up and see. I'll
do it, McGee. You've been on the phone all afternoon.
You just sit down and relax. Yeah, I am tired.
Thanks. Hello, operator. Whistle Vista 1247,
please. Yeah, that's a number. Hello, Mr. Gusset.
Mrs. McGee speaking. Ah, he's there. Mr. McGee
wants to know how soon his suit will be ready.
Yeah. Yeah? Huh? What? Oh, that's all right,
Mr. Gusset. He was glad to do it. He said to
thank you for sending him all those customers,
dear. When did he say mine would be ready? When
did you say Mr. McGee's suit would be ready,
Mr. Gusset? March 1st. March 1st? Yes, he said
you'd send him so much business, he was terribly
busy. Oh. And naturally, the paying customers
come first. Yeah, well, I guess that's reasonable
too. March 1st, eh? Yes. 1947. What? Oh boy,
oh boy, a whole year. Now I can finish Anthony
Adverse. I'll bet you can think of many products
you insist on using just because they are superior.
Johnson's glow coat, for example. More women
use glow coat on their kitchen linoleum floors
than any other self -polishing wax. They agree
that its extra toughness guards linoleum better
against wear, dirt, and spill things. so that
its bright colors and attractive patterns stay
new looking longer. If you've never tried this
most popular of all wax floor polishes, you'll
find Glow Coat astonishingly easy to use. There's
no rubbing or buffing at all. Just spread it
around on the floor, let it dry, and your work
is done. Glow Coat shines as it dries. In only
20 minutes, your floors are ready to use and
amazingly clean and sparkling, never streaked
or uneven. For greater floor beauty and greater
floor protection, be sure to ask for Glow Coat.
Johnson Self -Polishing Glow Coat. Did you hear
a call for an ambulance? Oh, yeah, I did, Bud.
Take me down to Gussett's tailor shop, will you?
Next door to the bond town. What is this, Mickey?
Why the ambulance? Well, all I got to wear is
a bathrobe. I'd look kind of funny on the streetcar.
I thought you said somebody was going to the
hospital. Somebody is. A guy by the name of Gussett.
I'll see you later, Molly. Good night. Good night.
This is Harlow Wilcox, speaking for the makers
of Johnson's Watch Products for Home and Industry,
inviting you all to be with us again next Tuesday
night. Good night. This is NBC, the national
broadcasting company. Oh