The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike.
The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny
with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester,
Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. And
now, ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack
Benny's house in Beverly Hills. It's morning
and Rochester is preparing the bath for his boss.
Well, that's enough water. When Mr. Benny takes
a bath, he wants everything just right. I better
check. Bath mat, bath towel, bath salt, soap,
rubber duck, celluloid boat, and life preserver.
Better tie the life preserver to the faucet.
Last time the plug came out, Mr. Benny had to
fight his way upstream like a savage. Trouble
that man goes through to take a bath. I'm glad
he don't do it often. He showers most of the
time. Well, I guess that's... Good morning, Rochester.
Good morning, boss. Your bath is ready. Well,
I'm in a hurry this morning, so I'll just take
a shower. But boss, the tub is all ready. I don't
care. I'm going to take a shower. The bath mat,
the towels. I'm gonna take a shower. The bath
sauce, the soap? I'm gonna take a shower. The
rubber duck, the celluloid boat, the life was
under? Well... You gonna take a bath? No, give
me the rubber duck. I'll hold it in the shower.
In Rochester, next time, don't blow the duck
up so high. The way its eyes pop out, it looks
like Eddie Cantor. I'll fix that. No, you better
put the air back in. Now it's so wrinkled, it
looks like Fred Allen. Never mind, I'll blow
it up myself. You better hurry with your shower,
Professor LeBlanc. Your violin teacher's waiting
in the library. Oh yes, I have to take my violin
lesson today. Well, Rochester, you go downstairs
and get the house cleaned up. Okay. Get the house
cleaned up. Every day the same thing. dusting,
washing, cleaning, scrubbing. If I could have
guessed who Mrs. Hush was, I'd have... No, I'd
only had more things to dust. And I was so sure
it was Lena Horne. Well, I better go in the kitchen
now. Oh my goodness, what's that? Mr. Benny!
Mr. Benny! Mr. Benny! Mr. Benny, what happened?
I broke my rubber duck. See? Shall I take it
down and have it vulcanized? No, let's wait and
see what Christmas brings. Now Rochester, tell
Professor LeBlanc I'll be right down. No, no,
Mr. Bene, please tune up the violin. I will make
the A on the piano. No, no, no, you are flat.
Pull the string up a little tighter. Okay. Tighter.
Tighter. Oh, darn it, the string broke. Good,
that's one down and three to go. Well, you better
put a new string on, Professor, while I open
the window. It's kind of hot in here. There.
Hey, Stevie, kick it to me! And then I'll...
Look, there's Mr. Benny in the window! Hello,
Mr. Benny! Oh, hello, Joey! Hello, Stevie! Hello,
Mr. Benny! Say, Mr. Benny, some of us kids are
gonna play football. Can you come out and play
with us? Aw, gee, I can't, Joey. I gotta take
my violin lesson. Well, maybe a little later.
Okay, we'll wait for you. Mr. Benee, you better
close the window. It will be quieter. Okay. Here's
your violin. We will start with the piece I gave
you last time. What was it again? The glow worm.
Oh, yes, Mr. The glow worm. It is very pretty.
Commence. Okay. Mr. Benee. Mr. Benee, it is such
a small worm. Do not kill it. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll take it again. Mr. Benee, what are the plink
plinks? I'm stepping over the worm. Mr. Benee.
Leave the jokes to the comedians. Yes, sir. Perhaps
we better limber up a little more with the exercises.
As you wish. Nero played while Rome was burning
right now for a match I'm yearning. No, Monsieur
Bene, you are sounding worse than ever. But Professor,
I've been practicing two hours every day. How
can you stand it? What? Now look, that is enough
of the exercises. Let us go back to the lesson.
This time, get the tempo right. We will use the
metronome. Okay. Tick tock, tick tock. Michel
Benet, what is that? Eastern Columbia, Broadway
at night. And what is that? Follies Burlesse,
Main Street at 6. The third girl from the end
with the red hair, oh la la. Professor, Professor
LeBlanc. Excuse me, I hope you will not say anything
to my wife. Your wife, why? She's the third girl
from the other end. Oh, she's the one with the,
oh, your wife. Well, anyway, Professor, let's
get on with the lesson. I want to go out and
play football. Oui, oui, commence. Mr. Benny.
Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny, please. The
lesson, she is older. Will you please pay me
my money now and don't keep me waiting like always.
Oh, yes. Yes, Professor. I'll go down my vault
and get it. Oh, excuse me. There's the door.
The money for the lesson, please. I'll be right
back. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. Come
on in. Say, Dennis, didn't I see you at the Notre
Dame USC football game yesterday? Yeah, I was
there. Well, I had an awful time getting my tickets.
How'd you get yours? From my cousin. He plays
for Notre Dame. Notre Dame? Oh, of course. Certainly.
You're Irish. What's your cousin's name? Kazakowski.
Kazakowski? His real name is McNulty. What? He
changed it to get on the team. Well, anyway,
there was a lot of excitement and I thought Notre
Dame played great. So did UCLA. Dennis, UCLA
didn't play yesterday. USC sent for them in the
third quarter. Dennis, what are you talking?
Mr. Benny, please. I am waiting for my money.
Oh, yes, yes, Professor. I'll go in my vault
and get it. Well, I'll run along, Mr. Benny.
I got to go to the recording studio and make
a record. A record? You know, Dennis... I made
a whole album of records, a lot of comedy with
my cash, and a couple of violin solos. You did?
Yeah. You know, you can get them in any music
store. Is there anything else you want to advertise
before I leave? No, no, no. That's all. Well,
I got to run along. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. So long,
Dennis. Oh, by the way, kid, is your mother going
to have a Christmas tree? Yeah, but this year
she's going to buy it from somebody else. Well,
if she changes her mind, I'll be at Sunset in
Fairfax. Okay. Goodbye. Gee, I better start a
week earlier this Christmas. I had to burn ten
of them last year, huh? Mr. Bene, you haven't
paid me for your lesson. Oh yes, yes, Professor.
How thoughtless of me. I'll go into my vault
and get your money. See, I wonder who keeps it
further underground, me or Fort Knox? I must
ask him someday when I'm there to collect the
rent. What's the password? The British are coming.
Oh, it's you, Mr. Benny. Yes, yes. We've had
that password a long time now, haven't we? Yes,
ever since that night you hung the lantern in
the old North Church. Oh, yes. By the way, Mr.
Benny, did that fellow on horseback ever make
it? Why? I had two dollars on him. Excuse me
a minute, Ed. I'm gonna open the vault. How much
money are you putting in? Oh, nothing. I'm taking
some out. Oh, sickness in the family? No, no,
everything's all right. Well, I'm gonna open
the vault now. Shall I take a sleeping pill?
No, no. No, no, Ed. You can watch. It's all right.
See, the combination is right to 45, left to
60. Back to 15 and left to 110. There. Why be
half safe? Now let's see One one violin lesson
a dollar and fifty cents There it is. Well, see
you later, Ed. All right. Oh, by the way, Mr.
Benny, I meant to ask you, how are things on
the outside? Oh, it's December. Winter is nearly
here. And the leaves are falling. Say, that must
be exciting. No, no, no, Ed. People are wearing
clothes now. Oh. Well, goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye,
Ed. Here you are, Professor, a dollar and a half.
Here's your dollar, and here's a... Oh, darn
it, it was so dark down there, I got the wrong
coin. Professor, have you got change for a Spanish
doubloon? No. No, no, please, Mr. Benny, go back
to the vault and get me the other 50 cents. Okay,
okay, I'll do it right now. Mr. Benny? Excuse
me a minute, I want to answer the phone. Sacre
bleu. Hello? Ms. Livingston calling Jack Benny.
Oh, good. This is Jack Benny. Hello, Mary? Just
a minute. I'll have to ring her back. All right,
I'll wait. Gee, I'm sure glad that Mary's calling.
Oh, Don, there's someone at the door. Come in!
Oh, hello, Don. I'll be with you in a minute.
Jack, I've got the quartet here. We're in an
awful hurry. Well, Don, you'll have to wait until
I get a phone call. Will you hold the line, Mr.
Benny? Yes, yes, I'm waiting. Should I need my
50 cents? Just a minute, Professor. Jack, as
long as you're holding the line, I want you to
hear the number the sportsmen have prepared.
Don. It'll fit beautifully if you ever do a Western
play. Well, wait till I'm through on the phone.
Mary is calling me. It'll only take a minute.
I'm ringing, Miss Livingston. Good, good. I knew
you'd want to hear it. Don, I wasn't talking
to you. Anyway, if you want me to hear the quartet,
make it fast. Mary will be on the phone any minute
now. Okay, hit it, boys! He always sings raggy
music to the cattle as he swings Back and forward
in the saddle on a horse, a pretty good horse
That is synchromaticated and is such a funny
meter To the roar of his repeatin', see him smile
He's been smokin' Lucky Strike for quite a while,
that's the one he likes He will never roll his
own again, for what is the use when he can send
For good ol' Lucky's, good ol' Lucky's, good
ol' Lucky's Strike Mary, I can't hear you. What?
Boys, I'm trying to talk. Shut up, will you?
Mr. Vinnie, it's my 50 cents, please. I'll give
it to you later. Hello? Hello, Mary? Boy! Mary?
Boy! Hello? Boys, Mr. Vinnie is talking. Wait
a minute. Hello? Wait a minute. Mary! Wait a
minute! Mary, I can't hear you! Darn it, she
must've hung up. Well, I'll call her later. Now
look, Don, did you have to go out? Mr. Benny.
What? They went out. Oh, gee, and I wanted to
tell them something. My 50 cents, please. In
a minute, Professor. Oh, Don! Don! Well, I guess
they've gone. Gee, they got away so fast. Say,
Mr. Benny, we're still waiting for you to play
football with us. Yeah, come on. Well, I can't
yet. Okay, I'll tell you. I'll do what I have
to do later. Come on, Stevie. Well, we better
choose up sides first. Well, how can we? There
are five of us. Yeah, and that won't come out
even. Now, let's see. Two and a five. Yeah, it
won't come out even. Well, look at me. Since
I'm the biggest, I'll take Joey on my side, and
we'll play the three of you. Now, come on. Let's
do it. Hey, Jackson. Hey, Jackson. Huh? Oh, Phil.
Come on out here a minute. Okay. Here, fellas.
Here's the ball. I'll be right back. Say, Phil,
that's the most gorgeous new car I've ever seen
in my life. Yeah, I just picked it up and I wanted
to show it to you. I'm giving it to Alice for
a birthday present. Oh, when is Alice's birthday?
January the 3rd. January? You're a month early.
No, I'm a year late. Well, with a present like
that, I'm sure Alice will forgive you. It certainly
is the nicest looking car I've ever seen. Yeah,
come here, Jackson. Come over here just a second,
look. Hey, read this. Let's see. To Alice Faye
from her handsome, ever loving, curly headed,
joy boy, Phil Harris. Ain't that beautiful? Yes,
but you should have written it on a birthday
card, not painted it on the door. That's terrible.
What's wrong with writing it on the door? Well,
Phil, everybody sees it there. So what? I ain't
ashamed of Alice. Phil, is this a 47 model or
a 48? I don't know, but it's the latest style.
Look at them fender skirts. They're two inches
longer. Yeah, General Motors sure gave it that
new look. Boy, I can't wait to see the expression
on Alice's face when I give her this car for
a present. Oh, is it a surprise? Well, I wanted
it to be, but they already sent her the bill.
Well, so long, Jackson. I gotta beat it home.
So long, Phil. I hope Alice likes the car. Hey,
Mr. Benny, we're still waiting for you. Oh, boys,
come out over here. I want you to meet somebody.
Hey, boys, this is Phil Harris. Hello, Mr. Harris.
Hello, Mr. Harris. Hiya, fellas. Say, Mr. Harris,
you're married to Alice Fay, aren't you? Yes,
sir. She sure is beautiful. Yes, sir. Say, Mr.
Harris. Yeah? If you ever get tired of her, let
me know. Oh, Joey. Joey, how can you say a thing
like that? Yeah, Joey, me and Alice are a happy
married couple. We got two beautiful little daughters.
Well, if you ever get tired of them, let us know.
Oh, hello, Terry. Well, who's this boy? Oh, he's
a new kid that moved into the neighborhood. Terry,
this is Mr. Jack Benny and Mr. Phil Harris. Hi.
Hello, Terry. You know, Terry, Mr. Benny was
all -American fullback when he played football
for Yale. Yale? And Terry, during the war, he
once shot down 46 Jab -Zero planes in one day.
Gee whiz. Hey, Jackson, did you cry? And Mr.
Benny was the first man to swim the English Channel.
Oh, I was lucky. The tide was with me. Say, Mr.
Benny, tell Terry about the time you beat Notre
Dame in the Rose Bowl. Oh, it was nothing really.
You see, there were 10 seconds left to play in
the game. We were behind seven to six. I got
the ball behind our own goal line and started
down the sideline. I twisted, squirmed, stiffened
my arm way down the field. Then I saw standing
between me and the goal, Notre Dame's famous
five horsemen. Realizing - Mr. Benny, don't you
mean the four horsemen? Five, they were making
it tough for me. Realizing that they might be
hard to get through, I stopped and drop kicked
a field goal from the 50 yard line, which won
the game for us nine to seven. The shoe I wore
that day is now in the Smithsonian Institute.
What an honor! Gosh! Gee whiz. Wow. Well, fellas,
you go back and warm up a little and I'll join
you soon, huh? Okay, let's go, gang. Hey, Jackson.
What? Come here. Huh? You dog! I was just, look
up in the air. Is it a bird? Is it a bullet?
Is it a plane? No, it's Super Benny! There's
no harm in mine. Oh, never mind. See you later.
So long, Phil. So long, Lou Jack. Lou Jack, who's
he? Must be the drummer in Phil's band. All right,
boys. Up on your feet. Show a little pep. Now
let's get the game started. Yeah, let's - Now,
let's see. Joey's on my side. We'll play the
three of you. Stevie, you kick off and we'll
receive. Okay! Here goes! I got it, Mr. Benny!
I got it! Attaboy, I'll run interference for
you. Keep behind me, Joey. Keep behind me. Keep
behind me. I'm 10 feet ahead of you! Oh, well
then... Whoops, tough luck. They got you, Joey.
Okay, it's our ball. First down 10 yards to go.
Now, let's go in a huddle, Joey. Yes, sir. Now
look, you be center, pass me the ball, and I'll
take it around left end. Okay, let's go! Signals.
38. 38. 38. Hey! Here I come, kids! Around left
end. Better not get my... He must have hit his
head. What'll we do? What'll we do? Just let
him lay there a second. He'll come around all
right. No, no, waiter. Give me the check. This
party's on me. Let's kill him in the house, boys.
It's worse than I thought. Stay him right down
here on the bed, boys. Okay. Well, fellas, I
think we better get going. Gee, I sure hope Mr.
Benny will be all right. Yeah, he's a swell guy.
Don't worry, boys. I'll go down the hall with
you. I want to get him a cold towel. Oh. Oh,
what happened? Where am I? Huh? Oh, I'm in my
bed. Wait a minute. Who's this in bed with me?
Mr. Binney, please pay me my 50 cents. Oh, it's
your professor. Good night. Good night. Ladies
and gentlemen, here is a final message from our
government. As cold weather nears, the food situation
in Western Europe grows steadily worse. Widespread
crop failures in that area of Europe bring its
people closer and closer to actual starvation.
In order to protect our own freedom, prosperity,
and peace, all Americans are urged to back the
president's food conservation program. Remember,
save wheat, save meat, save the peace. Thank
you. We'll be back in just a moment. But first...
Hello, Mr. Billy's residence. Star of stage,
screen, radio and the Rose Bowl. Oh, hello, Miss
Livingston. Oh, he's in bed. No, it's not serious.
He just sprained his ankle playing football.
Huh? Yeah, I guess the phone will reach over
his bed. Boss, it's Miss Livingston. Oh, hello,
Mary. How are you? Well, I'm all right. It's
just a little sprain. Are you gonna be on the
show next week? Good. Well, I'll be all right.
Thanks for calling. Goodbye. Boss, what are you
whispering about? Shh, the professor's asleep.
Good night, Rochester. Good night. This is NBC,
the national broadcasting company.