Deadlines, flight delays, traffic jams, crying
babies. What do all these have in common? Well,
for most of us, these situations cause stress.
And under stress, our emotions can go astray.
Today, we'll learn how God can help you stop
stress before it starts. Stay with me. Welcome
to this weekend edition of Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram. The mission of this daily program
is to intentionally disciple Christians through
the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Well, this past week we wrapped up our series,
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. For the past
several broadcasts, Chip's talked about anger,
where it comes from, how to control it, and the
ways we can use it for good. Today we're revisiting
Chip's talk where he made the connection between
our rage and frustrations and stress. So if you're
ready, here's Chip with his talk, Learning How
to Stop Stress Before It Starts. Ephesians 4
.26 says, It's the good summary of anger in Scripture.
Be angry. That's a command. Yet, do not sin.
Do not let the sun go down on your anger, lest
you give the devil a foothold or an opportunity.
So your anger quotient talks about the environment
that you're in. Certain environments raise the
possibility of anger. Certain perspectives that
you have either increase or decrease your relationship
with anger, and it's all tied into, no matter
what your environment or perspective, obeying
Ephesians 4 .26. I want you to circle the E,
if you will, and I want to talk about your environment.
I want to talk about the environment that can
allow you to be either more angry or the environment
that can cause you to be far less angry. And
I wanna read just a little section. My teammate,
I've never teamed up and done a book with someone
before. And it's been kind of fun to get a woman's
perspective and especially someone that's worked
with so many people. She's a practicing psychologist
and counselor. And she did this experiment, just
a couple of paragraphs. She said, one day I decided
to keep a mental log of all the times I felt
angry. I wanted to know how often I got angry
and what I got angry about and what triggered
the anger. I encourage you to try this too. The
results were surprising and quite humbling. I
was shocked at how often angry feelings came
to the surface. Prior to consciously counting
these episodes, I had mistakenly assumed that
anger was only an occasional visitor to my emotional
arsenal. I was wrong, very wrong. I had to be
honest about my feelings of anger, frustration,
and actual infuriation. I had felt either flits
or fits of anger at not being able to find my
favorite socks, running out of milk, the kids
taking too long to get ready, the slow driver
in front of me, the long wait at the pharmacy,
the store that was closed on Monday, having to
put gas in the car, the price of the gas in the
car, the long line in the slow service when I
got gas in the car, the kids leaving their clothes
on the floor again, the computer freezing on
me again, and I was only halfway through the
day. Though some of these feelings could describe
fleeting frustrations, when I was honest, far
too many of them were actual anger. Then came
another humbling lesson. I realized that most
of the day -to -day anger I experienced was all
about small, insignificant stuff that I face
all the time. When I stopped and looked at how
often I got angry and what I got angry about,
I had to admit that it happened too much and
too often. Then I took a further step. I asked,
what is it that contributes to the anger of my
day -to -day life? And the answer was surprisingly
simple. Stress. Stress. The relationship between
stress and anger in my life isn't unusual. The
more pressured, burned out, overwhelmed, or busy
that you become, the more your anger will lie
at the foot of your feet, ready to explode at
any moment. The key to lessening our anger is
our ability to minimize stress. Final line, the
more stress we're under, the more likely it is
that anger will make its appearance. Our goal
is to reduce stress. And so I want to just encourage
you in our time together, I'm going to be really,
really practical, not an outline. I'm not going
to go to all kind of different texts. I basically
want to give some practical wisdom about how
to reduce stress in your life. I am a type A
personality. I have been a workaholic. have been
characterized by being driven. And I've pastored
anything from a member church of about 35 people
where 34 of them are related. That produced a
lot of stress to six or 7 ,000 people coming
through the doors every six or seven days and
a very large staff and big budgets and being
totally overwhelmed. And so all I want to know
is I understand what it's like, and I just want
to walk through some very practical ways that
people far wiser than me and many things that
I've experienced that might help you. Number
one stress reducer is eliminate hurry. John Ortberg
went to teach at a large church in Chicago and
has since gone back to California. But when he
was ready to take that big step, And it was a
big, big, big church. And he was going to be
the teaching pastor with a team of guys. And
he met with Dallas Willard and he said, you know,
you're a wise man in the things of God. You've
written, you know, books on the spiritual disciplines.
What piece of advice could you give me as I take
my family into all this responsibility and all
this pressure and all that I'm going to face?
And he said, you know, I got my pen out and he
said, I'm just, I'm going to take lots of notes.
And this is Dallas Willard and he's going to,
and he just, he leaned back. And he looked at
me, he said, ruthlessly eliminate hurry from
your life. And I said, okay, yeah, okay, good.
So, no, he said, that's it. Ruthlessly eliminate
hurry from your life. Speed and godliness are
incompatible. Speed and peace are incompatible.
Hurry and loving others is incompatible. Hearing
God's voice and hurry are incompatible. Ruthlessly
eliminate hurry from your life. And I heard that
at a time when our church was going through some
significant growth, a capital campaign, a building
campaign. Someone mistakenly took a couple of
the messages and stuck them on a local radio
station and then some other station, put it on
some other station, and that started down the
road. And to say that I was under pressure and
living a hurried life would be an understatement.
And I think there's times in our life where God
will give us a message. that is so for us that
the entire trajectory of our future can be changed
if we'll just obey that one word for us in that
moment. And I remember thinking to myself, and
then Ortberg is a tremendous teacher. If you've
never read any of his books, I just highly recommend
him. And so I remember deciding I'm going to
ruthlessly eliminate hurry from my life. I mean,
I was the guy, you know, the plane door. It's
leaving. One more person's getting on. Ingram
gets on. Okay, sits down. Briefcase. Got to do
some work. You know, I mean, doing this, you
know, getting to a meeting one minute just before
it starts because you can't be late, but got
to do five things just before you get there.
Multitasking all the time, you know, talking
on the phone, answering email on the computer,
and three other things if I could. And he gave
some practical ways to do it. And so I went into
training. I literally went into training. I took
some of the suggestions. Number one, for two
years, I drove in the right -hand lane of the
freeway. I mean, it was just, I'm just going
to drive in the right -hand lane. I'm not going
to be in a hurry. I'm not going to count how
many cars go by in the toll lane. If I get in
this lane right here, I think, let's see, one,
two, three, four, the yellow car got in with
me, and oh, man, I should have picked that line.
You know what that tells you about your mindset?
You must be really, really important. You must
be so important that you have to get wherever
you're going that matters so much more than everybody
else. What I realized, my hurry was rooted in
arrogance. and what he called grandiosity. My
being overextended was rooted in my grandiosity.
For all the right reasons, doing really pretty
significant things for God, I had come to believe
unconsciously, it wasn't willfully, that I'd
become indispensable. I had to be everywhere
and do everything, and I had to hurry, and the
more of it I could do, the more God would be
pleased. You're listening to Living on the Edge,
and before we continue today's program, let me
ask you, Is anger devastating your relationships
with your family, spouse, or coworkers? Join
us after Chip's message to learn more about our
valuable small group resource for this series.
Stick around to discover how to confront this
powerful emotion and harness it for good. But
for now, here again is Chip to continue today's
message. I also went into the discipline of when
I went to the grocery line of going to the longest
line instead of the shortest one. It's painful.
But then I just, hey, how you doing? Good. So
you shop here often? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.
You? No, I just come. You know, my wife sends
me for stuff, and I pick up what I can remember.
It's usually the wrong brand or something. So
do you live around here? And you know what happened?
I started relating to people again. Have you
ever just opened your phone and just thought,
I wonder who haven't I talked to lately? Not
for no reason. Bob, Tampa. Probably get a voicemail.
That's okay. Hey, Bob. Beep. This is Chip. You
know what? I'm sitting in the airport in Dallas,
and I just want to remind you God loves you,
Bob. And you remember two years ago when we had
that little meeting? You came to my mind today.
I love you. You are a friend like few I've ever
had. And I hope you're doing well today. God
bless you. And I just started doing some spontaneous,
non -urgent, non -having -to -get -it -done,
eliminating hurry from my life. Now, do I have
some regression now and then? You bet. But for
a period of time, I just got that I -gotta -get
-there attitude out of me. And it made a huge
difference. See, we can talk about anger and
the A, B, C, D, and it's a secondary emotion,
but your AQ... Your anger quotient will be determined
by your E, environment, plus your P, perspective,
times your willingness to obey, Ephesians 4 .26.
So eliminate hurry. Second is downsize your expectations.
Most of us try to do too much too soon, and we
feel overwhelmed, and it puts us under pressure.
And because our expectations are so high and
we're under pressure, then anger bubbles out.
Most dramatic experience ever. And this is not
sort of my biography, but I just want to tell
you how life really works. I think sometimes
people get up and they come to a place like this.
And so people think you're way smarter than you
are, way more holy than you are. And all of us
are exactly the same, ordinary people with regular
ups and downs. And in seminary, I had a conviction
that my wife should be home with our kids. And
that was a really important conviction because
that meant I needed to support us and go to school
full time, which was really hard. And so I would
get up at about 4 .30 in the morning and study
Greek until 7, catch a carpool, and then the
carpool, I'd go to work, it's called at work,
went to seminary from 7 until about 4 .30, and
I would either read or be in class 100 % of the
time, come home, play with the kids, eat dinner,
go to work at 6 .30, get home at 11, do it again.
So I was under lots of pressure. And where I
went to school, they wanted three years of Greek
and two years of Hebrew. And it wasn't always
that it was so hard, but it was just so much
to do. And I remember a guy that became a great
mentor and a friend for the last 25 years was
Howard Hendricks, and actually went to school
to be around him. And I'll never forget one day,
he had a group of us together, and we were kind
of whining about our lives and demands. And he
has this funny, you know the problem, don't you?
No, prof, what's the problem? The problem is
you guys don't get enough C's. What do you mean?
You don't get enough C's. He had this funny way
of, you know, always doing like this with his
nose. And C's, what do you mean? Yeah, you're
a bunch of smart guys here. You came from schools
where you're smart guys, and you think getting
A's is where it's at. I got news for you guys.
God doesn't care whether you get A's. Secondly,
no one's going to look at your resume whether
you got A's or not. You're competitive, driven,
carnal guys. Get some Cs, love your wives, have
some fun, you know? And so I was involved in
ministry and I was involved in working. And it
was like someone just took the expectations and
said, and I wasn't probably near as smart as
a lot of guys, but I was always like, I always
was one of those students that could figure out
what was gonna be on the test. So I always got
really good grades. I'm just kind of street smart,
but I'm not like super academic. And I said,
okay, this is a great class, a zillion hours,
I've got to read all these books, I'm supposed
to have all these, let's see, 2 ,000 words memorized
and all this, and that's worth 10 % of my grade.
And when I get out, a computer has all those
words somewhere. So, okay, 10%, that gets me
from 100 to a 90. I'm not going to do that. And
then this other thing, you're supposed to read
this, this, this, and that. But I want to learn
to do the exegetical work, this, this, this.
That's what will help me be the man God wants
me to be. I'm not doing that. That's only 5%.
And so I started to go the last couple years,
and I would go to a professor and say, I just
want you to know I'm not sloughing off. It's
not that I don't care about you. It's not that
I don't think what you're doing is important.
It's that all these words are in a book. When
you do the little quizzes on the vocabulary,
I won't do well. I'm not even going to try. I'm
starting your class with a B, okay? And I just
bought myself seven hours a week, and it'll probably
make me a better dad, a way better husband. And
I just went through my classes. Now, you know
what? As crazy as prof was, even after doing
that, most all of us, we just got Bs and As anyway.
But it was just that, what? Who is putting the
invisible gun to your head that says your house
has to be absolutely spotless all the time? Who's
putting the invisible gun to your head that says
you always have to return every call the same
day or that this new thing, beep, beep, beep,
an email comes, oh, oh my gosh, I gotta return
the, I mean, who made these rules? I didn't get
that, it's been seven minutes and they haven't
returned my email yet. Why, if I'm doing something
over here that's the will of God, how does someone
electronically shoot something through a satellite
that says it's now the most important thing in
my life? Where do we start doing that? If I didn't
know better, that would be stupid. That would
just be stupid. And then we get so overwhelmed.
I've done this. Have you ever done this? You
know, like you get sort of those, they're not
quite spam. You know, they're like from Harry
and David's and different people. You order some
stuff now and then. Or Delta Airlines is telling
me, you know, new fares. Have you ever felt like
you're so overwhelmed that you want to feel like
you've accomplished something? And I sit at my
computer, delete that one. Delete that. Have
you ever done that? You know, like the day is
going so overwhelmed. And I feel like I've done
it. Harry and David, that one's gone. Delta Airlines,
that's gone. Those three advertisements gone.
Boy, do I feel good about myself. Is this nuts?
Anyway, three, learn to say no. I was privileged
to get some mentoring from Chuck Swindoll. And
as the radio was growing every year, they'd have
this dinner and we'd get a chance. And somehow
I got to sit next to him. And every year for
about seven or eight years, he literally took
me for about a half hour, put his arm around
me and basically gave me that, now, young man,
here's what you need to remember. And it was
amazing. And so I remember one year he said,
one of the greatest things you'll ever have to
learn, learn to say no kindly, artfully, and
with excellence. And he said, it will save you
so much. I mean, people need to know you would
love to, but the answer is no. And I thought,
wow, you know, that is, you know, I didn't really
understand what he meant. And then there was
a certain book that I thought would be really
important. And, you know, we were friends. And
so I... I called him or wrote him and asked him
if he would endorse the book. And I got the nicest,
most excellent, kindest letter. I mean, I felt
like when I got done reading that letter, I was
next to Cynthia, maybe the second or third most
important person in Chuck Swindoll's life. Wow.
No. I mean, it was just like, Chip, I appreciate
you so much and what you've done. And if I glance
this, this is going to have a great impact. I'm
so excited. In our times together and, you know,
our board and the priorities, they've just limited
what I can do. I would love to do it, but I just
can't. Learn to say no kindly. Don't take stuff
on in church. Don't let guilt drive you to get
your schedule because under stress, when you're
doing stuff you don't feel really called to do,
you get resentment and you're going to have more
anger. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
And you've been listening to part one of Chip's
message, Learning How to Stop Stress Before It
Starts, from our series, Overcoming Emotions
That Destroy. Chip will be back shortly to share
some helpful application for us to think about.
You know, anger has always been seen as a wrong,
unhealthy feeling. But what if I told you that
this emotion is a signal of a deeper problem
we need to be aware of? And if channeled correctly,
anger could actually be used for good. Well,
in this 10 -part series, Chip uncovered the root
of anger in our lives and explained how we can
turn our most intense frustrations into a valuable
asset. We pray that through this teaching, you
learned more about this powerful emotion and
how to have control over it. Let me encourage
you to go back and revisit any part of this series
by going to livingontheedge .org or wherever
you listen to podcasts. Well, our Bible teacher,
Chip Ingram, is back in studio with a quick word.
Thanks so much, Dave. There are few things that
will impact your life, your family, your marriage,
all your relationships, what happens at work,
than how you handle your emotions. More specifically,
the emotion of anger or the guilt, the shame,
the devastation, all the things that surround
anger when it's not properly understood or properly
responded to. And so all I can say is that I
don't know where you can invest your time in
the next few months, but let me encourage you
that overcoming emotions that destroy you and
your relationships would be a great place to
really invest. Let me just help you think this
through. For some of you, you've been thinking,
we need to launch a Bible study or the next small
group series for our small group at church or
for our men or women's group or our Sunday school
class. We ought to get this. Be thinking outside
the box. This isn't just for you. God wants to
use you as an ambassador. Imagine the people
in your network, if they understood anger, begin
to use it for good instead of evil. The good
that would happen in your homes, your churches,
and your community. Act today. Thanks, Chip.
Well, to get your hands on this valuable resource,
visit livingontheedge .org. Dig into this study
with a group of friends and uncover how anger
may be impacting you and what you can do to harness
it to grow spiritually, emotionally, and relationally.
Get your hands on the overcoming emotions that
destroy small group today by going to livingontheedge
.org or by calling 888 -333 -6003. App listeners
tap special offers. With that, here again is
Chip. As we close today's program, there's one
very simple question that I need to ask you.
In fact, you need to ask yourself, which of the
three things that create stress in your life
do you need to address? I talked about ruthlessly
eliminate hurry, downsize your expectations,
learn to say no. So which one of those, if I
just, we're sitting together and over a cup of
coffee, and I said, okay, which one of those
for you would it be? What would you say? I will
tell you, first and foremost, you will see your
life change if you ruthlessly eliminate hurry
from your life. Of all the things, especially
if you're a type A personality, high pressure
job. And the other one was that hit me was downsizing
expectations. If you're perfectionistic and you
want to do things really well, you keep pushing
and you put all this pressure on yourself thinking,
you know, it's like got to be an A plus all the
time. And just a couple weeks ago, I was speaking
at a place and they wanted all these notes and
they wanted them, you know, a week or two in
advance. And I was in the middle of teaching
a series. And I remember feeling all this pressure
and stress. And then just as I prayed, God said,
so do you have to have notes every time you preach?
And I remember thinking, well, gosh, Paul didn't
have PowerPoint. He did okay, you know. And so
I just told my assistant, would you just let
him know that, you know, I'll have some notes
because they were done, but, you know, I'm just
not going to have any PowerPoint. And it was
like the whole world got lighter and better.
What do you need just to say it's okay to let
something go? You don't have to do everything
perfect every time and see if that stress doesn't
come down and with it the anger. God bless you.
Give it a try. Thanks, Chip. As we wrap up this
program, Living on the Edge depends on listeners
like you to help us continue encouraging Christians
to live like Christians. So would you consider
becoming a monthly partner to help others benefit
from this ministry? You can set up a recurring
donation at livingontheedge .org or by calling
us at 888 - That's 888 -333 -6003 or visit livingontheedge
.org. App listeners tap donate. And thanks for
doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. You've
been listening to a selected program that we
wanted to share from this past week. To hear
more from Chip's series, Overcoming Emotions
That Destroy, go to livingontheedge .org or wherever
you listen to podcasts. Until next time, I'm
Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening to this
weekend edition of Living on the Edge.