What can turn a normal, rational, ordinarily
nice person into an out -of -control monster
destroying relationships, screaming at children,
spewing threats, and alienating lifelong friends?
Today, we'll discover the source of that devastating
power and how to control it. Stay with me. Welcome
to this weekend edition of Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram. The mission of this daily program
is to intentionally disciple Christians through
the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Well, this past week, we kicked off Chip's series,
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. In the next
few days, Chip will continue exploring the powerful
emotion of anger. identifying the factors that
trigger it, and how we should respond when those
feelings bubble to the surface. Well, today we're
revisiting the first program in our series, so
grab your Bible and go to James chapter 1 for
Chip's talk, Rage, Understanding the Monster
Within. What has the power to transform the tender
heart of a loving mother into a beast of fury
as I watched her sling her 18 -month -old baby?
into the front of a dryer and slam the little
one down in a chair? What has the power to turn
loving parents into neck -bulging, vein -popping,
screaming adults who say the same thing over
and over into the blank stares of their elementary
and teenage kids? What has the power to turn
good friends and passionate lovers into cold,
calculated, critical marriage co -existors? who
only do what's absolutely necessary to live under
the same roof? What has the power to turn a festive
holiday family gathering into a gut -twisting,
name -calling, take -sides, no -holes -barred
family feud that never gets resolved? And finally,
what has the power to take a cool, calm, collected,
long -time, conscientious worker into a gun -carrying,
floor... by floor, by floor, bullet sprang, murderer,
that no one ever dreamed was even upset as he
expressed the bottled up anger of losing his
job. What has that kind of power that turned
normal human beings who on most days are good
people to be around into people that shut down,
into people that leak anger, Into people that
explode it? And I would suggest that the first
word you want to write down in your notes, the
answer is our emotions. Our emotions. Designed
as a gift from God, there are times, places,
and circumstances that bring out emotions that
destroy. In fact, it was during a very difficult
time, first book of the New Testament, Jesus'
half -brother would address people who were going
through tremendous pressure. difficulty. They
were dispersed abroad. They believed in the Messiah.
As a result, many of them lost their homes. They
were cut out of the family business. They were
persecuted. And so James would say, after considering
it all joy, in chapter one, verse 19, my dear
brothers, take note of this. Everyone should
be quick to listen, slow to speak. and slow to
become angry. And then he gives us the purpose
clause. Why? For the anger of man does not bring
about the righteous life that God desires. That
single verse launched a series in my life called
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. The anger of
man, when I'm frustrated, when I'm wounded, when
there's an unmet need, when someone ticks me
off, when someone cuts in front of me in traffic,
when I don't have enough money, when God doesn't
come through, when my expectations aren't fulfilled,
emotions begin to bottle up and we get angry.
And we express it in very, very different ways
that we'll look at. And the great majority of
people don't even know they're angry. And we're
going to talk about... anger and how to deal
with it. We're going to talk about the shame
and the guilt and the other emotions that those
angry feelings that every human being has that
are normal, but they ruin relationships if you
don't identify what they are, how to deal with
them, and then how to turn that in a way where
God can work in your heart instead of us spewing
or stuffing or leaking out our anger in ways
that destroy our relationship with God and others.
Under pressure, we are all prone to blow a fuse
or burn the house down. This was written to people
under pressure. Some people are prone under pressure,
financial pressure, relational pressure, screaming
kids, you know, you've just done the floor and
now the dog goes over the floor. You just did
the laundry and now there's seven more piles.
You just gave your best shot at work and you
get laid off when someone who hasn't been there
very long gets to stay. You just give a big gift
by faith, and then you find out that 40 % of
your net income goes down the drain in about
three or four months, and you get angry. And
some people blow up, and some people, it's just
like have a short in the wiring. And you know
what? When there's a short in the wiring, you
can't even tell anything's wrong. It's just,
you know, you go out to dinner one night, and
you come back, and your house is in ashes. And
that's what anger does. Have you ever been angry
when you were unfairly treated or someone blamed
you or you were ignored or misunderstood or felt
insignificant or someone made fun of you or you
were given advice? You ever done something, someone
walks up and just tells you, this is how you
ought to do that, and you have this emotion inside
going, you know? You didn't feel safe? You were
given ultimatums? Does not all those things happen
to every single person in this room? My point
is, anger is not a good emotion or a bad emotion.
Let's get God's perspective. What exactly is
anger? Define it. Anger is neither good nor bad.
It is a charged, morally neutral, emotional response
of protective preservation. When you're angry,
It's a not good or bad, it is a God -given, emotionally
charged response designed to protect someone
or something. Let me give you a couple examples
of how anger can be very, very positive. It can
be a healthy emotional response that motivates
us to correct attitudes, behaviors, or injustices
that we perceive to be wrong. Listen to the apostle
Paul. He says, in your anger, do not sin. Do
not let the sun go down on your anger and do
not give the devil a foothold. It's a good translation.
If you look at that in the original text, it's
very interesting. First of all, it's an imperative.
It's a command. And the word order goes something
like this. Be angry. Command. In other words,
you get angry. Don't sin. Don't let the sun go
down on your anger. Many of us have been taught
that anytime you're angry, you've done something
wrong. The Bible commands you to be angry. I'll
make the case that many of us are not nearly
angry enough at all at the things that we ought
to be angry about. When we get angry, amazing
positive things happen. Many, many years ago,
Therese and I were starting out. We had small
kids. We had laundry, but we couldn't afford
a washer and a dryer. And so I was at the laundromat.
You know, you shove quarters in those things.
It never gets dry. I think it's a satanic cult
that makes these dryers someplace. And so, you
know, I'm sitting there, and I said, you, honey,
you go home. I'll do it. And so I'm sitting,
you know, and you know how laundromats are sometimes,
like very unattractive, dirty, linoleum floor.
And so I'm there trying to get these things dried,
and a lady comes in, and she's got about an 18
-month -old, and she looks pretty unkept, a little
bit rough, and like in a bad mood. A series of
events occurred and a little kid just went around
to look at something. And she went ballistic,
went over, grabbed that kid's hand and literally
slammed it into the dryer. And then took him
and then started screaming. And I got up. I was
a pastor of this small church in Texas at the
time. And I came this close to hitting a lady
in the mouth and not feeling guilty at all. I
mean, I got up, I got in her face. I said, man,
let me tell you something. You touched that child
again, so help me God. And I'm a pastor. I will
knock your lights out. And, you know, I'm not
sure that was the right thing to do, but it seemed
like the right thing at the time. And, you know,
and then, you know, what are you going to do?
And, you know, sometimes things happen and they
bother you. I couldn't get over this one. Couldn't
sleep that night. Next day, I just, I couldn't
get over it. I thought, and then it was, well,
I need to do something. Where's that kid and
what's going on? And then I just realized and
did some research. And so I went down to the...
You know, I go to a government building, they
send me here to send me here to send me here
to send me here. So I end up in the child welfare
department. And I find out in our town, it's
a really big problem. And they don't have enough
foster parents. And we got all kind of kids that
just because of sort of where we were and how
it was, really bad situation. And I said, well,
what's anybody doing about it? Well, we have
a committee. I mean, this is a town of 4 ,000.
Things are not running real well. Can you just
kind of picture what the committees are like?
All right, Bob, let's bring this meeting to order.
Okay, Ethel, you know, and a lot of kids, you
know. I mean, it was unbelievable. So I go to
a meeting, and, you know, this is so classic.
So I went to my first child welfare board meeting
thinking, one, what's going on here? I find out
the extent of the problem, and I left the chairman.
That was weird. It was kind of like, well, what
about this? What about this? What about that?
Well, you don't know. Are you interested? Yeah.
So literally, one by one, I... I purposefully
found some committed Christians and we filled
that board because I got mad. I couldn't sleep
at night with the images of that little kid and
I wondered how many little kids are like that.
And I got so angry, I couldn't sleep and the
stomach acid in my gut. And I thought, I gotta
do something. I gotta do something. I don't know
what. And what I can tell you is because I got
angry. We ended up partnering with all the churches
in that little community. And we took turns every
Sunday talking about what size clothes we need,
what families, how many kids. And each church
took a turn. And then we began to take care of
these kids. And then we raised some money, put
some things together, and we built a home from
the child welfare board. And we put it right
next to that government building. And we created
a safe. place for those kids, because one guy
saw a little kid slammed into a dryer and got
mad. Anger's not a bad thing. You're listening
to Living on the Edge, and Chip will be back
in just a minute to finish today's talk. But
quickly, I want to remind you that this program
is only possible because of the generosity of
listeners like you. So if you'd like to support
us, go to livingontheedge .org. That's livingontheedge
.org. Thanks for doing whatever God leads you
to do. Well, let's rejoin Chip now for the remainder
of his message. Jesus got angry at the money
changers and he did something. Moses got angry
when he saw the people sin and he did something.
David got angry and he said, what in the world's
going on? Who is that big uncircumcised giant
talking about my God that way? And he got angry
and he did something. I want to suggest to you,
anger can be a very positive emotion. What makes
you angry? When's the last time you got so ticked
off about injustice or something wrong that you
said, you know what, I'm going to do something
about it? See, but if you unconsciously believe
that when you're angry, oh, that must be like
sin, you will undermine the very emotion God
gave you for him to move you to do something
significant. We were in Chicago at a pastor's
conference and we were talking about overcoming
emotions that destroy and talking about the book.
And a guy called in, he goes, well, you know,
I don't know what to do with my emotions. And
basically he tells the story and he says, well,
you know, my wife's having an affair and I found
out about it and I'm angry. And his assumption
was, that's a bad thing. And he said, I confronted
her and she won't break off the relationship
and I just don't know what to do. What do I do
with these emotions? I'm really upset and I know
they can't be pleasing God. I said, dude, you
ought to be really angry. I mean, really mad.
And you ought to set some clear boundaries and
you ought to confront the situation. And since
you both go to church and you both claim to be
Christians, you need to get your church involved
and your anger ought to have these kind of set
of principles and rules to help her learn to
repent. Doesn't mean you don't love her. But
he was playing a game where she kept doing whatever.
And, you know, I guess I'm the bad guy because
I'm angry because my wife is unfaithful to me.
Give me a break. That's not only bad theology.
That's not helping her. However, anger is not
only a positive emotion, but it can be, if unchecked,
it can have amazing negative consequences and
pitfalls. It can be an unhealthy and destructive
emotional response to protect us from real or
perceived hurt, frustration, or personal attack.
You go through and you listen to the smartest
man who's ever lived, the wisest man who's ever
lived, and he talks about the issue of anger.
Proverbs 19 .19. A hot -tempered man must pay
the penalty. If you rescue him, you will have
to do it again. When people learn to deal with
their anger in unhealthy ways, it becomes a pattern.
It becomes ingrained. Notice what he says in
Proverbs 22, 24. Do not make friends with a hot
-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily
angered. Not only does it become a pattern in
their life, but you catch it. It's contagious.
My dad had a very big anger problem. I will tell
you what, kids learn how to deal with their anger
by watching their moms, their dads, their coaches,
and significant others. Third, notice Proverbs
29, 22, an angry man stirs up dissension and
a hot -tempered one commits many sins. Anger
splits apart great relationships, great marriages.
Great friendships, great churches, great ministries,
and great workplaces. Angry people stir up dissension.
And then notice the last line. A hot -tempered
one commits many sin. When I'm angry, out of
control. When you're angry, out of control. And
when I say out of control, I don't mean you're
necessarily spewing it out. You may be pushing
it all down. Some of the angriest people in the
world You can't see. It's like an iceberg. 90
% of it is under the water. It's during those
times we do some of the most foolish, foolish
things that cause some of the direst consequences
in our entire life. I put a list of questions
to consider, okay? Just kind of lean back and
listen on this one. Have you ever done something
you wished you hadn't when you're angry? Anybody?
Yeah. Have you ever said something you wish you
could take back when you're angry? Ooh, yeah,
yeah. Have you ever made a bad decision when
you're angry? A decision that you look back and
you say, potentially. I mean, just potentially.
That is the dumbest thing I've ever, ever done.
But in anger, you know, it's like, hey, you can
take this job and shove it. I don't care. Then
you go home, tell your wife or your husband.
What happened? I quit my job today. I'm not getting
treated like that anymore. Great. So how are
we going to pay the bills? I don't know. So you
got another job? No, I don't have another job.
What were you thinking? Well, I just got tired
of the way he's treating me. Okay. See, we do
really silly, really unwise, say painful, hurtful
things. Have you ever ruined a friendship, a
marriage, a family relationship, or a ministry
relationship because of anger? Have you ever
seen a person hurt because of someone's anger,
physically, emotionally, or psychologically?
My point I'm trying to make is without exception,
we all struggle with angry feelings at times,
and those angry feelings have done more than
their share of damage in our relationships with
other people. And if you're like me, you nodded
that you have done some really stupid, foolish,
painful things. When you're angry, here's what
I wanna tell you. Tonight, we just wanna get
on the same page, and there's hope. Let me give
you a little overview of where we're gonna go
and what we're gonna do, and there is hope to
deal. We're gonna help you understand your anger
from God's perspective. We're gonna help you
discover how you tend to express your anger.
We're gonna help you know when it's healthy.
when it's unhealthy. We're gonna help you discover
what is God's purpose for anger, the positive
and how to deal with the negative. We're gonna
learn some very specific techniques to learn
to share your anger in a healthy way that gets
the issue on the table without attacking the
person. For some of you, you're gonna realize
you've been angry a long, long time and the depression
that you've experienced for maybe months or years
is really an anger issue. For some of you, like
I just talked to a guy recently, he's exploded
in remorse, exploded in remorse. He could never
figure out what was going on and why. And so
what happened is he's got all these relationships
where people keep their distance. Because what
anger does, it works. When you explode and spew
on people, you're not a safe person to be around.
And you can come back in tears and tell them
how sorry you are. And they keep giving you another
chance and another chance. I've met people that
everyone looks up to with such esteem, and they've
got this little window of unresolved anger, and
it's a besetting sin, and they don't understand
why, and they don't understand how to change.
We're going to walk through a journey together
where the truth will set you free if you're willing
to be really open and really hear God's voice.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
And you've been listening to part one of Chip's
message, Rage, Understanding the Monster Within,
from our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy.
Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful
application for us to think about. Have you ever
been told you have an anger problem? Has your
temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship?
Are the frustrations of daily life weighing you
down? Well, let's be honest. Everyone struggles
to control this powerful emotion at times. In
this series, Chip reveals the common ways anger
manifests and shares practical biblical solutions
to rein it in before it destroys you and your
most treasured relationships. Don't miss How
to Be, as Jesus said, angry without sinning.
Well, Chip's back in studio with me now. And
Chip, this past week, you began focusing on anger
and how destructive it can be. Well, take a minute,
if you wouldn't, share why you think this is
such an important topic and what our listeners
can learn from this series. Well, Dave, I actually
taught this series a number of years ago, and
later it became a book. And it's been greatly
used with people that are going through very,
very challenging times. And the reason I wanted
to re -air this right now, Dave, is anger is
at an all -time high. And whether that's that
deep burning resentment or whether it's what
you see people posting or the anger inside of
families or in churches or workplaces, I mean,
we live in a world that is so polarized, and
anger is one of the most destructive emotions.
But it doesn't have to be that way. By the way,
what people are going to learn in this series
is that we all have anger issues. Dave, we tend
to think it's those people that blow up. They
really have anger issues. People are going to
learn that some of us stuff our anger. Others,
we leak our anger. And that we can actually learn
that anger is like the sort of the light on the
dashboard of your car. When you find yourself
feeling and getting angry, God actually wants
you to say, oh, there's something underneath
the hood that I need to address. And that I can
tell you that anger can become your best friend.
We're going to learn how to resolve anger. We're
going to learn how to take some of those explosive
times or those things that happening inside that
make people depressed and flip them around and
learn to deal with anger God's way. I don't know
there's a time in my entire adult life where
I see people need to learn to deal with these
emotions that can destroy like right now. So
I cannot wait to share this with our listeners.
Thanks, Chip. Well, I hope you'll join us for
the rest of this series. And to help you get
the absolute most out of Chip's teaching, let
me encourage you to get his message notes. Now,
they include his outline, the verses he references,
and some key fill -ins to help you remember what
you hear. Download them under the Broadcasts
tab at livingontheedge .org. App listeners, tap
Fill in Notes. Well, with that, here's Chip to
share a few final thoughts for us to think about.
As we close today's program, I finished it asking
a number of diagnostic questions pretty rapidly.
And this whole series really unearthed some issues
that a lot of us think, well, I don't have any
anger issues. But let me review, okay? Just kind
of lean back a little bit. Have you ever done
something when you were angry that you wished
you hadn't done? I mean, that kind of gets most
all of us, doesn't it? Or let me ask you this.
Have you ever made a bad decision when you're
angry? Or have you ever seen a friendship or
a marriage, a family relationship, or maybe something
in ministry literally fall apart? because of
anger. And sometimes it doesn't mean you blew
up. Sometimes you got angry and you stuffed something
inside and you didn't call it anger, but you
just knew, I don't want to be around them anymore.
And you pulled away or they pulled away. Here's
what I've got to tell you. If we're going to
make some real progress here, go to livingontheedge
.org and just go to where the message notes are.
This is the first part of overcoming emotions
that destroy. Read those questions over and maybe
with a friend or with a mate, just Read them
over out loud over a cup of coffee in the next
couple of days and say, so what do you think?
You think there's any anger issues in our lives?
And I will tell you, I think God will begin to
reveal some things that will really help you.
As we close, I want to thank each of you who
makes this program possible through your generous
giving. 100 % of your gifts go directly to the
ministry to help Christians live like Christians.
Now, if you found this teaching helpful but aren't
yet on the team, consider doing that today. Sending
a gift is easy. Go to livingontheedge .org or
call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 -6003
or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners
tap donate. And let me thank you in advance for
doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. You've
been listening to a selected program that we
wanted to share from this past week. To hear
more from Chip's series, Overcoming Emotions
That Destroy, go to livingontheedge .org or wherever
you listen to podcasts. Until next time, I'm
Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening to this
weekend edition of Living on the Edge.