One of the biggest challenges parents have today
is how do we raise positive kids in such a negative
world? Well, today we're going to help you learn
how to become an effective parent in a defective
world. Stay with me. Welcome to this weekend
edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
The mission of this daily program is to intentionally
disciple Christians through the insightful Bible
teaching of Chip Ingram. And today we're revisiting
another message from our current series, Uninvited
Guests, recognizing and resisting the attacks
on your family. Over the past several weeks,
Chip has shared invaluable wisdom to help strengthen
marriages. So if you've missed any of those helpful
messages, visit livingontheedge .org or wherever
you listen to podcasts. But a few days ago, he
began focusing specifically on parenting. And
whether you're just starting a family or navigating
the challenging teen years, the remainder of
our series is packed with practical tools and
biblical guidelines for moms and dads. So let's
dive in. Here's Chip now with his talk, How to
Raise Positive Kids in a Negative World. Well,
without a doubt, these are very, very difficult
days to raise kids. There's a world that makes
it very, very difficult. to be an effective parent
in a very defective world. Psalm 127 says, children
are a gift from the Lord. And then it goes on
to say that they're your great reward. My experience
is the stewardship that you have of raising a
child is the most sacred, important stewardship
of your life. Your children will be your greatest
challenge. They'll be your greatest joy. They'll
be your greatest pain. And then through all the
process, God's desires, they're your great reward.
And I think one of the things I hear from parents,
especially when things get a bit hard, is, well,
you know, we had these issues when I was a kid,
and we unconsciously think that the world that
your kid is growing up in is a lot like your
world. And let me tell you, it's completely different.
The shift of morality in the last 10 years alone.
The shift of disintegration in the family, the
culture, the educational system, the world that
they live in, the landscape underneath your kids
is moving so rapidly, you really need to be on
your A game and really understand God's plan
and how to cooperate with it. Because your kids
are living in a world that moves fast, is bombarding
them, and is more evil than in the past. And
so a parent's challenge is not to protect your
kid and create some bubble that, you know, they
can never get hurt, but your challenge is to
discover how to help your child navigate through
this world deeply anchored in God's love, understanding
his or her purpose, and becoming a change agent
in the world and discovering that God really
wants to use them to change the world, not necessarily
be protected from it. As you look at Scripture,
the world may be difficult, but it's always been
difficult, at times much worse. And in one of
the most difficult periods of all human history,
God decided that he would use a teenager to bring
into this world Mary, 14, 15, maybe 16 years
old. In one of the most perverted cultures, Persia,
Daniel was a teenager and was at the heart of
changing the future of the world. David, as a
teenage boy, when all was going against Israel,
tackled a giant. And I could go on and on and
on. We have great hope. We have a great God.
He is greater. He is stronger. He's powerful.
But you and I have a job as a parent to equip
our kids to be those kind of kids. And so the
big question I think parents are asking, how
do you raise positive kids in a negative world?
I get four principles. that help you raise positive
kids in a negative world. Here's what you need
to understand. If I could just sort of have an
overarching, let's talk about parenting. These
are big, timeless principles. You apply these
if you have two -year -olds. You can apply these
if you have 22 -year -olds. You apply them differently,
by the way. Principle number one. Effective parenting
begins with positive, clear -cut objectives.
Positive. clear -cut objectives. In your notes,
I'd like you to make a little squiggly line with
an arrow and then draw a little circle with some
circles inside of it and make a target. See,
parenting begins with having a crystal clear
target. If you don't know what you're aiming
at, my father always told me, you'll hit it every
time. So what's the target? What's the goal?
What are you trying to do as you nurture, develop,
provide boundaries? In the life of your little
boy, your little girl, or not so little boy or
girl, what's the target? What are you trying
to accomplish? Ephesians 6, 4 gives us the answer,
and I love it in the Phillips translation. Notice
it says, fathers, negative command, don't overcorrect
your children or make it difficult for them to
obey the commandment. Positive command, bring
them up with Christian teaching and Christian
discipline. Notice it says, In parenting, dads,
you need to have a strong, influential role.
The number one correlation between about the
eight or ten worst things that are happening
in our culture are all related to either passive
or father absent homes. I don't understand it
all, but it's the way God designed it. So we
as men have to understand, you don't do it all,
but we've got to be actively involved. And then
it warns us that when we get actively involved,
we tend to overcorrect. We tend to come on a
little too strong. Positively, it says bring
them up with Christian teaching and Christian
discipline. Underline bring them up and then
put a box around Christian teaching and a box
around Christian discipline. The word bring them
up in the ancient Greek was the physical development
of a child. Classical Greek literature, you would
read this word. It would be the strength and
the physical development of a child. In later
Greek literature, it meant the total education
of a child, the moral, physical, relational,
spiritual development. What do you need to do
to nurture or bring them up or develop them?
By the time the Apostle Paul uses this word,
he's basically saying, as a Christian parent,
your goal is to not overcorrect, but by contrast,
spiritually, morally, relationally, and physically,
help them become who God wants them to become.
And then he says you have two tools in your toolbox.
You have Christian teaching and Christian discipline.
We'll develop these further. Christian teaching
is what you say. It's what you teach. It's what
you instruct informally and formally. Christian
discipline is what you do. Other than modeling
the life, you only do two things with your kids.
You say certain things and you do certain things.
And so he says that's the target. I call this
the principle of focus. My biggest concern with
parents, and believe me, I have four grown kids.
We had many ups and downs. I came from an alcoholic
home. My wife came from an alcoholic home. So
all I'm going to tell you is I had no clue about
how to do what I'm going to tell you. But I passionately
dug in and asked God to show me. And the biggest
danger I always had was parenting out of fear.
I've lived in places that were really dangerous.
I lived in places that I just described. My kids
lived there. But God says parenting out of fear
doesn't work. You need to parent out of focus,
a clear target. So what's the target? I'd like
to challenge you to think about God's dream versus
what I'd call the human dream or the American
dream or our personal dream for our kids. God's
dream, you can write down Romans 8, 29. We often
quote verse... 28, especially when you're going
through hard times. For we know that God works
all things together for the good, for them that
love him, for those that are called according
to his purpose. The very next verse talks about
the process that he uses, and his goal is to
conform your sons and your daughters to the image
of Christ. In other words, God's dream, are you
ready? This is how simple. He wants your kids
to be like Jesus. He wants them to be Christ
-like. The Bible word that we don't use a lot,
he wants them to be holy. Not holy as in weird,
okay? Not holy as in they just don't know how
to relate to people. Holy as in set apart for
him, morally pure, understanding his love, counter
to the culture. That is the target for your child.
Now, human. And especially American culture,
the target is for your child to be successful
and happy. And this isn't just out there. This
is us. The culture, we are bombarded with, if
you really are a good parent, you want your kids
to be happy. So that's why you give them happy
meals, right? And they deserve a break today.
And if all their friends are getting to do something,
you don't want them to be left out because they
wouldn't be happy. You want them to be happy,
happy, happy, happy, happy. And so you don't
want to hurt their feelings. And you've been
bought and you've been sold a bill of goods that
says good parents make your kids happy. And the
way you understand happiness is not just emotional
happiness, but they'll be happy if they'll be
successful. And so if you have a three -year
-old that's not in a soccer league, you need
to get with the program. And, you know, they
need to learn piano and guitar. And you better
check out and see if ballet might be part of
what they should do. And then they're on this
team, and hopefully they'll make the traveling
team. And by sixth grade, you need to get an
SAT tutor. And they'll really be happy if they
get in a really good, I mean, not just a good
university, but a great university. And so if
you would take all the time and energy and money
that you spend helping your child be successful
in athletics and in sports and in school, And
all the money and time and energy you spend at
their moral and spiritual development, you tell
me in your own parenting journey, where does
the energy go? You're listening to Living on
the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll get back to
today's message in just a minute. But quickly,
throughout this series, Chip's emphasized the
fact that great marriages require a lot of work.
And that's where we come in. Keep listening after
this message to learn more about a helpful new
resource we've created that couples can use to
grow and strengthen their relationship. Stick
around to get all of the details. For now, here
again is Chip to continue our series, Uninvited
Guests. And here's what I can tell you. If your
child has a passionate love for God and they
become holy, and they become other -centered
and kind and disciplined and non -narcissistic
and care for people that other people don't care
for and be other -centered and have a passion
to love and walk with God, I will guarantee beyond
happiness, they'll have joy and they'll have
impact and they'll have purpose. Effective parenting
begins with the crystal clear target. Your job
as a parent, more than their success, more than
their happiness, is to help them be holy. And
that requires a lot of courage. It requires intentionality.
It requires a plan. And by the way, it's not
easy. And you'll not only be unpopular with unbelievers,
you'll be unpopular with a lot of Christians.
But there's a great reward, an amazing reward.
Second principle, effective parenting demands
that we practice what we preach, that we practice
what we preach. The Apostle Paul is writing to
a church that's near and dear to him. They're
Corinthians, but they are a group that's kind
of hard. They have a lot of struggles. They have
a lot of dysfunctions. They got a lot of baggage.
and they have a lot of sort of super apostles
that are coming in and coming out and telling,
you ought to live this way, you ought to live
that way. And so he writes a very personal letter
to them talking about, look, I'm your spiritual
father, okay? There's a lot of people that will
tell you stuff. I'm your spiritual father, and
in the midst of all this confusion, I want you
to listen to me very, very carefully. And so
he writes as a father to spiritual children,
and I think there's a great application for us
as parents. It's 1 Corinthians 4, 14 to 16. He
says, I am not writing this to shame you, but
to warn you as my dear children. In other words,
this is from a warm heart. He's not down on them.
Even though you have 10 ,000 guardians in Christ,
you do not have many fathers. For in Christ Jesus,
I became your father through the gospel. In other
words, I care for you more than anyone else.
I was the conduit of God's grace that brought
spiritual birth. Now here's the application.
Therefore, I urge you to imitate me. And if you
would just put a little word, write the word
mimic, M -I -C above it. And you now know one
Greek word. That's the word, mimic, imitate.
He's saying, I want you to pray the way you saw
me pray. I want you to work the way you saw me
work. I want you to forgive people the way you
saw me forgive people. I want you to passionately
follow Christ the way you saw me do it. I want
you to use your money and your time and your
energy the way, just mimic me. Follow me as I
follow Christ. See, you can't impart what you
don't possess. The most important principle of
all parenting. You can almost mess up in every
area, but if you are what you want your kids
to become, here's the deal. They're going to
be, for better or worse, a lot like you. Jesus
stated it in Luke 640. A student, when he's fully
trained, will be just like his teacher. Here's
what you need to get, and for some of you, this
will be really, really helpful. The person that
God will hold responsible for what did your child
learn and what they receive is not the church,
not a Bible study leader, not a school. It's
you. And here's the research. My background was
in all the social sciences, and one of the great
heroes of research was a guy named Albert Bandura.
And all of his work was in the area of what he
called modeling. The number one and most powerful
socialization of a child, is modeling and that's
psychology speak for you talk like your mom and
dad you eat like your mom and dad your values
are like your mom and dad you'll be prejudiced
like your mom and dad you'll be passionate about
like your mom and dad your kids in your home
the environment of your home and your life is
the most powerful thing your kids even in their
teen years even in their young adulthood You
are the most powerful influencer. You have to
be what you want them to become. If you don't
get anything out of this whole series, see, when
I do that, I start thinking to myself, oh my,
that's scary. I mean, isn't it? I mean, if you
play it out, would I want my kids to forgive
people? the way I don't forgive people, what
I want my kids to drive a car the way I drive
my car, what I want my kids to have those white
lies on the phone, like tell them I'm not here
the way I have white lies on the phone, what
I want my kids to handle their priorities and
money the way I handle my priorities and money.
Here's the deal. They will. I came across an
ancient quote. It's anonymous. It says, let every
father remember that one day his son will follow
his example instead of his advice. Right? So
the principle of modeling, more really is caught
than taught. And so one of the things that has
motivated me as a parent, and I didn't know what
I was doing, but I got motivated. I had these
mental pictures, and this is a different picture
where I lined all my kids up on the couch when
they were small. And I basically heard myself
say, okay, I want you to drive exactly the way
you see me drive. I want you to spend time with
God and pray the way you see me spend time with
God. I want you to deal when people say bad things
about you. I want you to, are you ready? I want
you to respond the way you see me respond. And
all of a sudden, I just went through those areas,
and it was the greatest motivation to walk with
God and be a man of God. And by the way, just
before you get into... Oh, I've got to be perfect.
And if I'm not perfect, my kids are going to
turn out. Believe me, you're not perfect. They
already know that. You know what they need to
learn? They need to learn how to be authentic
and loving. And you know how they learn that?
Is when you're driving in a way that you realize,
oh my. When stuff comes out of your mouth that
you go, oh, that is not what I want to come out
of their mouth. You know what you do? You own
it. And I cannot tell you how many times, even
when they were small, I'd have to get down on
one knee and, you know, look one of my kids in
the eye and say, what you did was wrong. And
I love you, but I can't accept that behavior.
We don't do that here. But I love you. But how
daddy corrected you, the way his voice got loud,
and the anger that you could feel, I was wrong.
Will you forgive me? See, you know how your kids
learn to walk with God? It's not that you have
it all together. They see where you make great
progress and they see how you deal with it when
you fail so they understand how to receive forgiveness
and to own their stuff when they fail because
they will. there's a target that has to be crystal
clear. I want my kids to be holy like Christ.
My energy, my plan, my intentionality. I mean,
some of you have plans for their academics, don't
you? I mean, if their sophomore year, we haven't
visited any colleges yet, or you want them to
be a good athlete, my lens, you know, we don't
have a personal coach yet and a strength trainer
and nutrition drinks and lifting weights and,
right? And because they got to make the traveling
team, they got to have a scholarship. I mean,
you have a plan, and many of you, your whole
life revolves around either academics or sports
or music. Well, if all you want to do is produce
athletes or musicians, great, or people that
get in good schools. But what does it profit
a child if he gains the whole world and forfeits
his or her soul? They become successful spiritual
washouts with parents whose hearts are broken,
who don't have relationship, who question and
wonder what in the world went wrong. Principle
number three, the target is clear, the teacher
is you, but all learning happens in an environment.
Principle number three is effective parents build
relationships that bond. You want to have super
glue between your heart and the heart of your
child. You're going to go through difficult times.
The world is going to bombard them. They're going
to have peer influence. There's going to be all
kind of technology. They're going to be bullied.
They're going to be afraid. They're going to
have different personalities. You can have one
that's compliant and you can sort of look at
them like that. And they say, oh, yes, whatever
you say, mom or dad. And you're going to have
one that it doesn't matter what you say. You
ground them for 35 years, whatever. And they
just look at you. Is that all you got? And you're
going to have difficulty. So what you want to
do is you want to build, and by the way, it's
never, ever, ever, ever too late, but it's most,
most, most effective when you start as early
as possible. You want to build relationships
with your kids that bond your heart to their
heart because what you want them to do is not
want to disappoint you because they know you
love them and they love you instead of some set
of rigid rules and performance orientation that
they need to measure up. The Apostle Paul gives
us a picture of these kind of relationships as
he talks to a church and literally from Scripture
tells us this is how mothers love and this is
how fathers love. 1 Thessalonians 2, he says,
but we were gentle among you, how? Like a mother,
circle the word mother, caring for her little
children. We loved you so much that we're delighted
to share with you not only the gospel of God,
but our own lives as well. Why? Because you had
become so dear to us. He's saying, we loved you.
And this is how a child needs a mother's love.
There's a tenderness. There's a nurturing. There's
a commitment. There's a pouring out your life
that builds relationships that bond. This is
Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And you've
been listening to part one of Chip's message,
How to Raise Positive Kids in a Negative World
from our series, Uninvited Guests. Chip will
be back shortly to share some helpful application
for us to think about. We've all heard it said
that raising kids isn't for the faint of heart.
Every parent can attest that it can be deeply
encouraging and life -giving one moment and want
to pull out your hair frustrating the next. And
those emotional ups and downs don't include the
external challenges and pressures that kids,
moms, and dads face every day. So over the next
handful of messages, Chip will highlight biblical
principles to help navigate the complexities
of raising kids in today's world. Don't miss
the insightful wisdom from God's Word, along
with practical advice from a seasoned dad to
guide you along your parenting journey. If you've
missed any part of this series, catch up at livingontheedge
.org. or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well,
our Bible teacher Chip Ingram is here in studio
to share something with all of you. Thanks, Dave.
Have you ever tossed a rock in a pond and watched
the ripples travel across the water? Well, the
same principle applies to committing to be a
God -honoring family. When a couple loves God
and are loyal to one another, you have the ability
to create a godly home and raise godly kids and
grandkids. and it ripples for generation after
generation. Strengthening families is our passion,
and I want you to know you are playing a vital
role in making that happen at Living on the Edge.
When you support us financially, you're investing
in our work to establish a legacy of Christ -centered
families. You know, we can blame lots of other
people, and we can talk about the media or education.
I've got news for you. The research is crystal
clear. it begins with the family. Your support
financially at Living on the Edge will help us
build families that raise kids and grandkids
that walk with God. And right now during this
series, those of you who choose to become monthly
partners will receive the Marriage That Works
truth cards as our way of saying thanks. Pray
about partnering with us and then follow God's
lead. Great challenge, Chip. And please know
how much we appreciate your sacrifice. Your regular
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ministry and be ready to walk through doors that
God opens for us. And as Chip said during this
entire series, if you become a monthly financial
partner of Living on the Edge, we'll send you
our newest resource, the Marriage That Works
Truth Cards, as our thank you. Learn more by
going to livingontheedge .org or by calling 888
-333 -6003. Again, that's 888 -333 -6003 or visit
livingontheedge .org. App listeners, tap donate.
You've been listening to a selected program that
we wanted to share from this past week. To hear
more from Chip's series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing
and resisting the attacks on your family, go
to livingontheedge .org or wherever you listen
to podcasts. Until next time, I'm Dave Drewy
saying thanks for listening to this weekend edition
of Living on the Edge.