WEBVTT 00:00:11.240 --> 00:00:13.960 One of the biggest challenges parents have today 00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:17.879 is how do we raise positive kids in such a negative 00:00:17.879 --> 00:00:20.420 world? Well, today we're going to help you learn 00:00:20.420 --> 00:00:23.739 how to become an effective parent in a defective 00:00:23.739 --> 00:00:29.140 world. Stay with me. Welcome to this weekend 00:00:29.140 --> 00:00:31.839 edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:34.780 The mission of this daily program is to intentionally 00:00:34.780 --> 00:00:37.280 disciple Christians through the insightful Bible 00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:40.090 teaching of Chip Ingram. And today we're revisiting 00:00:40.090 --> 00:00:42.789 another message from our current series, Uninvited 00:00:42.789 --> 00:00:45.450 Guests, recognizing and resisting the attacks 00:00:45.450 --> 00:00:48.170 on your family. Over the past several weeks, 00:00:48.390 --> 00:00:51.170 Chip has shared invaluable wisdom to help strengthen 00:00:51.170 --> 00:00:53.750 marriages. So if you've missed any of those helpful 00:00:53.750 --> 00:00:57.609 messages, visit livingontheedge .org or wherever 00:00:57.609 --> 00:01:00.570 you listen to podcasts. But a few days ago, he 00:01:00.570 --> 00:01:03.409 began focusing specifically on parenting. And 00:01:03.409 --> 00:01:05.870 whether you're just starting a family or navigating 00:01:05.870 --> 00:01:08.709 the challenging teen years, the remainder of 00:01:08.709 --> 00:01:11.530 our series is packed with practical tools and 00:01:11.530 --> 00:01:14.269 biblical guidelines for moms and dads. So let's 00:01:14.269 --> 00:01:16.870 dive in. Here's Chip now with his talk, How to 00:01:16.870 --> 00:01:20.930 Raise Positive Kids in a Negative World. Well, 00:01:20.969 --> 00:01:24.129 without a doubt, these are very, very difficult 00:01:24.129 --> 00:01:29.650 days to raise kids. There's a world that makes 00:01:29.650 --> 00:01:34.079 it very, very difficult. to be an effective parent 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:38.799 in a very defective world. Psalm 127 says, children 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.840 are a gift from the Lord. And then it goes on 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:45.859 to say that they're your great reward. My experience 00:01:45.859 --> 00:01:50.200 is the stewardship that you have of raising a 00:01:50.200 --> 00:01:54.599 child is the most sacred, important stewardship 00:01:54.599 --> 00:01:59.040 of your life. Your children will be your greatest 00:01:59.040 --> 00:02:03.620 challenge. They'll be your greatest joy. They'll 00:02:03.620 --> 00:02:07.099 be your greatest pain. And then through all the 00:02:07.099 --> 00:02:10.979 process, God's desires, they're your great reward. 00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:14.000 And I think one of the things I hear from parents, 00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:16.240 especially when things get a bit hard, is, well, 00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:18.939 you know, we had these issues when I was a kid, 00:02:18.979 --> 00:02:21.539 and we unconsciously think that the world that 00:02:21.539 --> 00:02:24.500 your kid is growing up in is a lot like your 00:02:24.500 --> 00:02:26.680 world. And let me tell you, it's completely different. 00:02:27.419 --> 00:02:30.240 The shift of morality in the last 10 years alone. 00:02:30.939 --> 00:02:33.500 The shift of disintegration in the family, the 00:02:33.500 --> 00:02:36.639 culture, the educational system, the world that 00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:39.139 they live in, the landscape underneath your kids 00:02:39.139 --> 00:02:42.580 is moving so rapidly, you really need to be on 00:02:42.580 --> 00:02:45.300 your A game and really understand God's plan 00:02:45.300 --> 00:02:48.139 and how to cooperate with it. Because your kids 00:02:48.139 --> 00:02:51.319 are living in a world that moves fast, is bombarding 00:02:51.319 --> 00:02:55.099 them, and is more evil than in the past. And 00:02:55.099 --> 00:02:57.219 so a parent's challenge is not to protect your 00:02:57.219 --> 00:02:59.979 kid and create some bubble that, you know, they 00:02:59.979 --> 00:03:02.800 can never get hurt, but your challenge is to 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:06.639 discover how to help your child navigate through 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:10.460 this world deeply anchored in God's love, understanding 00:03:10.460 --> 00:03:13.580 his or her purpose, and becoming a change agent 00:03:13.580 --> 00:03:15.960 in the world and discovering that God really 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:18.719 wants to use them to change the world, not necessarily 00:03:18.719 --> 00:03:22.169 be protected from it. As you look at Scripture, 00:03:22.389 --> 00:03:24.590 the world may be difficult, but it's always been 00:03:24.590 --> 00:03:28.310 difficult, at times much worse. And in one of 00:03:28.310 --> 00:03:30.129 the most difficult periods of all human history, 00:03:30.289 --> 00:03:34.669 God decided that he would use a teenager to bring 00:03:34.669 --> 00:03:38.930 into this world Mary, 14, 15, maybe 16 years 00:03:38.930 --> 00:03:42.449 old. In one of the most perverted cultures, Persia, 00:03:42.509 --> 00:03:45.870 Daniel was a teenager and was at the heart of 00:03:45.870 --> 00:03:50.129 changing the future of the world. David, as a 00:03:50.129 --> 00:03:53.590 teenage boy, when all was going against Israel, 00:03:53.770 --> 00:03:57.250 tackled a giant. And I could go on and on and 00:03:57.250 --> 00:04:00.129 on. We have great hope. We have a great God. 00:04:00.349 --> 00:04:03.229 He is greater. He is stronger. He's powerful. 00:04:03.430 --> 00:04:06.909 But you and I have a job as a parent to equip 00:04:06.909 --> 00:04:11.469 our kids to be those kind of kids. And so the 00:04:11.469 --> 00:04:13.469 big question I think parents are asking, how 00:04:13.469 --> 00:04:15.770 do you raise positive kids in a negative world? 00:04:16.110 --> 00:04:19.740 I get four principles. that help you raise positive 00:04:19.740 --> 00:04:21.740 kids in a negative world. Here's what you need 00:04:21.740 --> 00:04:23.959 to understand. If I could just sort of have an 00:04:23.959 --> 00:04:27.040 overarching, let's talk about parenting. These 00:04:27.040 --> 00:04:30.300 are big, timeless principles. You apply these 00:04:30.300 --> 00:04:32.019 if you have two -year -olds. You can apply these 00:04:32.019 --> 00:04:35.759 if you have 22 -year -olds. You apply them differently, 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:41.839 by the way. Principle number one. Effective parenting 00:04:41.839 --> 00:04:45.199 begins with positive, clear -cut objectives. 00:04:46.899 --> 00:04:49.870 Positive. clear -cut objectives. In your notes, 00:04:49.870 --> 00:04:51.449 I'd like you to make a little squiggly line with 00:04:51.449 --> 00:04:53.930 an arrow and then draw a little circle with some 00:04:53.930 --> 00:04:57.529 circles inside of it and make a target. See, 00:04:57.589 --> 00:04:59.850 parenting begins with having a crystal clear 00:04:59.850 --> 00:05:02.149 target. If you don't know what you're aiming 00:05:02.149 --> 00:05:04.550 at, my father always told me, you'll hit it every 00:05:04.550 --> 00:05:08.189 time. So what's the target? What's the goal? 00:05:08.370 --> 00:05:10.930 What are you trying to do as you nurture, develop, 00:05:11.170 --> 00:05:14.360 provide boundaries? In the life of your little 00:05:14.360 --> 00:05:16.360 boy, your little girl, or not so little boy or 00:05:16.360 --> 00:05:18.339 girl, what's the target? What are you trying 00:05:18.339 --> 00:05:22.180 to accomplish? Ephesians 6, 4 gives us the answer, 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:24.519 and I love it in the Phillips translation. Notice 00:05:24.519 --> 00:05:28.220 it says, fathers, negative command, don't overcorrect 00:05:28.220 --> 00:05:30.439 your children or make it difficult for them to 00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:33.480 obey the commandment. Positive command, bring 00:05:33.480 --> 00:05:36.360 them up with Christian teaching and Christian 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:42.050 discipline. Notice it says, In parenting, dads, 00:05:42.230 --> 00:05:44.889 you need to have a strong, influential role. 00:05:46.370 --> 00:05:48.470 The number one correlation between about the 00:05:48.470 --> 00:05:50.529 eight or ten worst things that are happening 00:05:50.529 --> 00:05:53.149 in our culture are all related to either passive 00:05:53.149 --> 00:05:56.870 or father absent homes. I don't understand it 00:05:56.870 --> 00:05:59.290 all, but it's the way God designed it. So we 00:05:59.290 --> 00:06:01.449 as men have to understand, you don't do it all, 00:06:01.490 --> 00:06:04.769 but we've got to be actively involved. And then 00:06:04.769 --> 00:06:07.269 it warns us that when we get actively involved, 00:06:07.470 --> 00:06:09.649 we tend to overcorrect. We tend to come on a 00:06:09.649 --> 00:06:12.889 little too strong. Positively, it says bring 00:06:12.889 --> 00:06:15.350 them up with Christian teaching and Christian 00:06:15.350 --> 00:06:17.589 discipline. Underline bring them up and then 00:06:17.589 --> 00:06:20.069 put a box around Christian teaching and a box 00:06:20.069 --> 00:06:22.970 around Christian discipline. The word bring them 00:06:22.970 --> 00:06:26.750 up in the ancient Greek was the physical development 00:06:26.750 --> 00:06:29.189 of a child. Classical Greek literature, you would 00:06:29.189 --> 00:06:31.410 read this word. It would be the strength and 00:06:31.410 --> 00:06:34.199 the physical development of a child. In later 00:06:34.199 --> 00:06:36.279 Greek literature, it meant the total education 00:06:36.279 --> 00:06:39.199 of a child, the moral, physical, relational, 00:06:39.459 --> 00:06:41.920 spiritual development. What do you need to do 00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:43.920 to nurture or bring them up or develop them? 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:46.259 By the time the Apostle Paul uses this word, 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:49.319 he's basically saying, as a Christian parent, 00:06:49.480 --> 00:06:53.660 your goal is to not overcorrect, but by contrast, 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:58.000 spiritually, morally, relationally, and physically, 00:06:58.199 --> 00:07:02.980 help them become who God wants them to become. 00:07:03.579 --> 00:07:05.899 And then he says you have two tools in your toolbox. 00:07:06.339 --> 00:07:08.899 You have Christian teaching and Christian discipline. 00:07:09.220 --> 00:07:11.560 We'll develop these further. Christian teaching 00:07:11.560 --> 00:07:14.819 is what you say. It's what you teach. It's what 00:07:14.819 --> 00:07:17.759 you instruct informally and formally. Christian 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:21.759 discipline is what you do. Other than modeling 00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:23.899 the life, you only do two things with your kids. 00:07:23.939 --> 00:07:26.040 You say certain things and you do certain things. 00:07:26.300 --> 00:07:29.319 And so he says that's the target. I call this 00:07:29.319 --> 00:07:32.740 the principle of focus. My biggest concern with 00:07:32.740 --> 00:07:35.279 parents, and believe me, I have four grown kids. 00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:38.459 We had many ups and downs. I came from an alcoholic 00:07:38.459 --> 00:07:41.220 home. My wife came from an alcoholic home. So 00:07:41.220 --> 00:07:43.639 all I'm going to tell you is I had no clue about 00:07:43.639 --> 00:07:47.279 how to do what I'm going to tell you. But I passionately 00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:50.160 dug in and asked God to show me. And the biggest 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:52.240 danger I always had was parenting out of fear. 00:07:53.180 --> 00:07:55.279 I've lived in places that were really dangerous. 00:07:56.060 --> 00:07:58.920 I lived in places that I just described. My kids 00:07:58.920 --> 00:08:02.439 lived there. But God says parenting out of fear 00:08:02.439 --> 00:08:04.500 doesn't work. You need to parent out of focus, 00:08:04.620 --> 00:08:08.139 a clear target. So what's the target? I'd like 00:08:08.139 --> 00:08:10.399 to challenge you to think about God's dream versus 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:13.259 what I'd call the human dream or the American 00:08:13.259 --> 00:08:17.819 dream or our personal dream for our kids. God's 00:08:17.819 --> 00:08:22.759 dream, you can write down Romans 8, 29. We often 00:08:22.759 --> 00:08:25.319 quote verse... 28, especially when you're going 00:08:25.319 --> 00:08:27.339 through hard times. For we know that God works 00:08:27.339 --> 00:08:29.660 all things together for the good, for them that 00:08:29.660 --> 00:08:31.720 love him, for those that are called according 00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:34.960 to his purpose. The very next verse talks about 00:08:34.960 --> 00:08:38.159 the process that he uses, and his goal is to 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:41.279 conform your sons and your daughters to the image 00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:43.539 of Christ. In other words, God's dream, are you 00:08:43.539 --> 00:08:45.980 ready? This is how simple. He wants your kids 00:08:45.980 --> 00:08:48.940 to be like Jesus. He wants them to be Christ 00:08:48.940 --> 00:08:51.740 -like. The Bible word that we don't use a lot, 00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:55.440 he wants them to be holy. Not holy as in weird, 00:08:55.620 --> 00:08:58.759 okay? Not holy as in they just don't know how 00:08:58.759 --> 00:09:02.100 to relate to people. Holy as in set apart for 00:09:02.100 --> 00:09:06.879 him, morally pure, understanding his love, counter 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:11.120 to the culture. That is the target for your child. 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:15.710 Now, human. And especially American culture, 00:09:15.850 --> 00:09:18.649 the target is for your child to be successful 00:09:18.649 --> 00:09:23.110 and happy. And this isn't just out there. This 00:09:23.110 --> 00:09:27.990 is us. The culture, we are bombarded with, if 00:09:27.990 --> 00:09:30.129 you really are a good parent, you want your kids 00:09:30.129 --> 00:09:32.730 to be happy. So that's why you give them happy 00:09:32.730 --> 00:09:36.909 meals, right? And they deserve a break today. 00:09:37.409 --> 00:09:39.490 And if all their friends are getting to do something, 00:09:39.549 --> 00:09:41.169 you don't want them to be left out because they 00:09:41.169 --> 00:09:43.840 wouldn't be happy. You want them to be happy, 00:09:43.940 --> 00:09:46.940 happy, happy, happy, happy. And so you don't 00:09:46.940 --> 00:09:49.259 want to hurt their feelings. And you've been 00:09:49.259 --> 00:09:54.600 bought and you've been sold a bill of goods that 00:09:54.600 --> 00:10:00.200 says good parents make your kids happy. And the 00:10:00.200 --> 00:10:02.600 way you understand happiness is not just emotional 00:10:02.600 --> 00:10:04.879 happiness, but they'll be happy if they'll be 00:10:04.879 --> 00:10:07.720 successful. And so if you have a three -year 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:09.399 -old that's not in a soccer league, you need 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:12.809 to get with the program. And, you know, they 00:10:12.809 --> 00:10:15.669 need to learn piano and guitar. And you better 00:10:15.669 --> 00:10:17.429 check out and see if ballet might be part of 00:10:17.429 --> 00:10:19.250 what they should do. And then they're on this 00:10:19.250 --> 00:10:20.649 team, and hopefully they'll make the traveling 00:10:20.649 --> 00:10:22.429 team. And by sixth grade, you need to get an 00:10:22.429 --> 00:10:25.129 SAT tutor. And they'll really be happy if they 00:10:25.129 --> 00:10:27.789 get in a really good, I mean, not just a good 00:10:27.789 --> 00:10:31.070 university, but a great university. And so if 00:10:31.070 --> 00:10:33.769 you would take all the time and energy and money 00:10:33.769 --> 00:10:36.710 that you spend helping your child be successful 00:10:36.710 --> 00:10:42.100 in athletics and in sports and in school, And 00:10:42.100 --> 00:10:44.100 all the money and time and energy you spend at 00:10:44.100 --> 00:10:47.139 their moral and spiritual development, you tell 00:10:47.139 --> 00:10:49.519 me in your own parenting journey, where does 00:10:49.519 --> 00:10:53.220 the energy go? You're listening to Living on 00:10:53.220 --> 00:10:55.759 the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll get back to 00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:58.100 today's message in just a minute. But quickly, 00:10:58.220 --> 00:11:00.700 throughout this series, Chip's emphasized the 00:11:00.700 --> 00:11:03.840 fact that great marriages require a lot of work. 00:11:04.460 --> 00:11:06.659 And that's where we come in. Keep listening after 00:11:06.659 --> 00:11:09.039 this message to learn more about a helpful new 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:11.919 resource we've created that couples can use to 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:14.720 grow and strengthen their relationship. Stick 00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:17.600 around to get all of the details. For now, here 00:11:17.600 --> 00:11:20.580 again is Chip to continue our series, Uninvited 00:11:20.580 --> 00:11:24.120 Guests. And here's what I can tell you. If your 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:28.360 child has a passionate love for God and they 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:31.990 become holy, and they become other -centered 00:11:31.990 --> 00:11:35.149 and kind and disciplined and non -narcissistic 00:11:35.149 --> 00:11:37.649 and care for people that other people don't care 00:11:37.649 --> 00:11:40.870 for and be other -centered and have a passion 00:11:40.870 --> 00:11:43.629 to love and walk with God, I will guarantee beyond 00:11:43.629 --> 00:11:46.450 happiness, they'll have joy and they'll have 00:11:46.450 --> 00:11:49.710 impact and they'll have purpose. Effective parenting 00:11:49.710 --> 00:11:54.629 begins with the crystal clear target. Your job 00:11:54.629 --> 00:11:57.309 as a parent, more than their success, more than 00:11:57.309 --> 00:11:59.830 their happiness, is to help them be holy. And 00:11:59.830 --> 00:12:02.450 that requires a lot of courage. It requires intentionality. 00:12:02.549 --> 00:12:05.649 It requires a plan. And by the way, it's not 00:12:05.649 --> 00:12:08.450 easy. And you'll not only be unpopular with unbelievers, 00:12:08.529 --> 00:12:10.149 you'll be unpopular with a lot of Christians. 00:12:13.570 --> 00:12:17.110 But there's a great reward, an amazing reward. 00:12:20.220 --> 00:12:22.299 Second principle, effective parenting demands 00:12:22.299 --> 00:12:26.220 that we practice what we preach, that we practice 00:12:26.220 --> 00:12:29.340 what we preach. The Apostle Paul is writing to 00:12:29.340 --> 00:12:31.120 a church that's near and dear to him. They're 00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:33.519 Corinthians, but they are a group that's kind 00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:35.580 of hard. They have a lot of struggles. They have 00:12:35.580 --> 00:12:37.200 a lot of dysfunctions. They got a lot of baggage. 00:12:38.319 --> 00:12:41.120 and they have a lot of sort of super apostles 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:43.580 that are coming in and coming out and telling, 00:12:43.740 --> 00:12:45.120 you ought to live this way, you ought to live 00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:47.440 that way. And so he writes a very personal letter 00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:50.379 to them talking about, look, I'm your spiritual 00:12:50.379 --> 00:12:52.120 father, okay? There's a lot of people that will 00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:54.740 tell you stuff. I'm your spiritual father, and 00:12:54.740 --> 00:12:57.299 in the midst of all this confusion, I want you 00:12:57.299 --> 00:12:59.700 to listen to me very, very carefully. And so 00:12:59.700 --> 00:13:01.899 he writes as a father to spiritual children, 00:13:01.980 --> 00:13:03.960 and I think there's a great application for us 00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:07.820 as parents. It's 1 Corinthians 4, 14 to 16. He 00:13:07.820 --> 00:13:11.700 says, I am not writing this to shame you, but 00:13:11.700 --> 00:13:13.639 to warn you as my dear children. In other words, 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:15.539 this is from a warm heart. He's not down on them. 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:18.440 Even though you have 10 ,000 guardians in Christ, 00:13:18.700 --> 00:13:22.620 you do not have many fathers. For in Christ Jesus, 00:13:22.820 --> 00:13:26.669 I became your father through the gospel. In other 00:13:26.669 --> 00:13:29.450 words, I care for you more than anyone else. 00:13:29.610 --> 00:13:32.330 I was the conduit of God's grace that brought 00:13:32.330 --> 00:13:34.690 spiritual birth. Now here's the application. 00:13:36.490 --> 00:13:41.909 Therefore, I urge you to imitate me. And if you 00:13:41.909 --> 00:13:44.129 would just put a little word, write the word 00:13:44.129 --> 00:13:48.710 mimic, M -I -C above it. And you now know one 00:13:48.710 --> 00:13:52.490 Greek word. That's the word, mimic, imitate. 00:13:53.669 --> 00:13:55.509 He's saying, I want you to pray the way you saw 00:13:55.509 --> 00:13:57.750 me pray. I want you to work the way you saw me 00:13:57.750 --> 00:13:59.350 work. I want you to forgive people the way you 00:13:59.350 --> 00:14:01.389 saw me forgive people. I want you to passionately 00:14:01.389 --> 00:14:03.269 follow Christ the way you saw me do it. I want 00:14:03.269 --> 00:14:04.870 you to use your money and your time and your 00:14:04.870 --> 00:14:07.710 energy the way, just mimic me. Follow me as I 00:14:07.710 --> 00:14:11.730 follow Christ. See, you can't impart what you 00:14:11.730 --> 00:14:16.970 don't possess. The most important principle of 00:14:16.970 --> 00:14:20.269 all parenting. You can almost mess up in every 00:14:20.269 --> 00:14:23.549 area, but if you are what you want your kids 00:14:23.549 --> 00:14:26.590 to become, here's the deal. They're going to 00:14:26.590 --> 00:14:31.230 be, for better or worse, a lot like you. Jesus 00:14:31.230 --> 00:14:34.889 stated it in Luke 640. A student, when he's fully 00:14:34.889 --> 00:14:40.830 trained, will be just like his teacher. Here's 00:14:40.830 --> 00:14:42.370 what you need to get, and for some of you, this 00:14:42.370 --> 00:14:47.320 will be really, really helpful. The person that 00:14:47.320 --> 00:14:50.019 God will hold responsible for what did your child 00:14:50.019 --> 00:14:53.220 learn and what they receive is not the church, 00:14:53.340 --> 00:14:56.559 not a Bible study leader, not a school. It's 00:14:56.559 --> 00:14:59.779 you. And here's the research. My background was 00:14:59.779 --> 00:15:02.919 in all the social sciences, and one of the great 00:15:02.919 --> 00:15:06.000 heroes of research was a guy named Albert Bandura. 00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:09.139 And all of his work was in the area of what he 00:15:09.139 --> 00:15:13.360 called modeling. The number one and most powerful 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:18.740 socialization of a child, is modeling and that's 00:15:18.740 --> 00:15:22.299 psychology speak for you talk like your mom and 00:15:22.299 --> 00:15:25.240 dad you eat like your mom and dad your values 00:15:25.240 --> 00:15:27.080 are like your mom and dad you'll be prejudiced 00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:28.779 like your mom and dad you'll be passionate about 00:15:28.779 --> 00:15:31.679 like your mom and dad your kids in your home 00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:35.139 the environment of your home and your life is 00:15:35.139 --> 00:15:37.740 the most powerful thing your kids even in their 00:15:37.740 --> 00:15:41.299 teen years even in their young adulthood You 00:15:41.299 --> 00:15:44.519 are the most powerful influencer. You have to 00:15:44.519 --> 00:15:48.120 be what you want them to become. If you don't 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:52.120 get anything out of this whole series, see, when 00:15:52.120 --> 00:15:55.259 I do that, I start thinking to myself, oh my, 00:15:55.440 --> 00:15:58.600 that's scary. I mean, isn't it? I mean, if you 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:01.639 play it out, would I want my kids to forgive 00:16:01.639 --> 00:16:04.480 people? the way I don't forgive people, what 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:06.500 I want my kids to drive a car the way I drive 00:16:06.500 --> 00:16:09.639 my car, what I want my kids to have those white 00:16:09.639 --> 00:16:11.639 lies on the phone, like tell them I'm not here 00:16:11.639 --> 00:16:13.879 the way I have white lies on the phone, what 00:16:13.879 --> 00:16:16.779 I want my kids to handle their priorities and 00:16:16.779 --> 00:16:18.639 money the way I handle my priorities and money. 00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:24.080 Here's the deal. They will. I came across an 00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:26.779 ancient quote. It's anonymous. It says, let every 00:16:26.779 --> 00:16:29.500 father remember that one day his son will follow 00:16:29.500 --> 00:16:36.110 his example instead of his advice. Right? So 00:16:36.110 --> 00:16:39.289 the principle of modeling, more really is caught 00:16:39.289 --> 00:16:42.230 than taught. And so one of the things that has 00:16:42.230 --> 00:16:44.570 motivated me as a parent, and I didn't know what 00:16:44.570 --> 00:16:47.870 I was doing, but I got motivated. I had these 00:16:47.870 --> 00:16:50.230 mental pictures, and this is a different picture 00:16:50.230 --> 00:16:52.309 where I lined all my kids up on the couch when 00:16:52.309 --> 00:16:55.059 they were small. And I basically heard myself 00:16:55.059 --> 00:16:57.980 say, okay, I want you to drive exactly the way 00:16:57.980 --> 00:17:00.679 you see me drive. I want you to spend time with 00:17:00.679 --> 00:17:02.940 God and pray the way you see me spend time with 00:17:02.940 --> 00:17:06.359 God. I want you to deal when people say bad things 00:17:06.359 --> 00:17:08.660 about you. I want you to, are you ready? I want 00:17:08.660 --> 00:17:11.460 you to respond the way you see me respond. And 00:17:11.460 --> 00:17:13.160 all of a sudden, I just went through those areas, 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.319 and it was the greatest motivation to walk with 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:18.980 God and be a man of God. And by the way, just 00:17:18.980 --> 00:17:21.680 before you get into... Oh, I've got to be perfect. 00:17:21.779 --> 00:17:23.440 And if I'm not perfect, my kids are going to 00:17:23.440 --> 00:17:25.579 turn out. Believe me, you're not perfect. They 00:17:25.579 --> 00:17:28.099 already know that. You know what they need to 00:17:28.099 --> 00:17:30.119 learn? They need to learn how to be authentic 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:32.720 and loving. And you know how they learn that? 00:17:33.140 --> 00:17:35.480 Is when you're driving in a way that you realize, 00:17:35.660 --> 00:17:38.539 oh my. When stuff comes out of your mouth that 00:17:38.539 --> 00:17:40.240 you go, oh, that is not what I want to come out 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:43.859 of their mouth. You know what you do? You own 00:17:43.859 --> 00:17:47.960 it. And I cannot tell you how many times, even 00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:49.500 when they were small, I'd have to get down on 00:17:49.500 --> 00:17:52.099 one knee and, you know, look one of my kids in 00:17:52.099 --> 00:17:56.140 the eye and say, what you did was wrong. And 00:17:56.140 --> 00:17:59.960 I love you, but I can't accept that behavior. 00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:04.579 We don't do that here. But I love you. But how 00:18:04.579 --> 00:18:08.000 daddy corrected you, the way his voice got loud, 00:18:08.180 --> 00:18:12.200 and the anger that you could feel, I was wrong. 00:18:12.339 --> 00:18:17.119 Will you forgive me? See, you know how your kids 00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:19.460 learn to walk with God? It's not that you have 00:18:19.460 --> 00:18:22.819 it all together. They see where you make great 00:18:22.819 --> 00:18:25.779 progress and they see how you deal with it when 00:18:25.779 --> 00:18:29.140 you fail so they understand how to receive forgiveness 00:18:29.140 --> 00:18:31.740 and to own their stuff when they fail because 00:18:31.740 --> 00:18:35.950 they will. there's a target that has to be crystal 00:18:35.950 --> 00:18:38.869 clear. I want my kids to be holy like Christ. 00:18:39.089 --> 00:18:42.250 My energy, my plan, my intentionality. I mean, 00:18:42.250 --> 00:18:44.069 some of you have plans for their academics, don't 00:18:44.069 --> 00:18:45.869 you? I mean, if their sophomore year, we haven't 00:18:45.869 --> 00:18:47.690 visited any colleges yet, or you want them to 00:18:47.690 --> 00:18:49.490 be a good athlete, my lens, you know, we don't 00:18:49.490 --> 00:18:51.089 have a personal coach yet and a strength trainer 00:18:51.089 --> 00:18:53.390 and nutrition drinks and lifting weights and, 00:18:53.410 --> 00:18:55.289 right? And because they got to make the traveling 00:18:55.289 --> 00:18:58.619 team, they got to have a scholarship. I mean, 00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:00.779 you have a plan, and many of you, your whole 00:19:00.779 --> 00:19:03.599 life revolves around either academics or sports 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.700 or music. Well, if all you want to do is produce 00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:11.079 athletes or musicians, great, or people that 00:19:11.079 --> 00:19:13.960 get in good schools. But what does it profit 00:19:13.960 --> 00:19:17.700 a child if he gains the whole world and forfeits 00:19:17.700 --> 00:19:24.450 his or her soul? They become successful spiritual 00:19:24.450 --> 00:19:27.490 washouts with parents whose hearts are broken, 00:19:27.630 --> 00:19:30.250 who don't have relationship, who question and 00:19:30.250 --> 00:19:33.690 wonder what in the world went wrong. Principle 00:19:33.690 --> 00:19:37.269 number three, the target is clear, the teacher 00:19:37.269 --> 00:19:40.809 is you, but all learning happens in an environment. 00:19:41.069 --> 00:19:43.509 Principle number three is effective parents build 00:19:43.509 --> 00:19:46.910 relationships that bond. You want to have super 00:19:46.910 --> 00:19:49.650 glue between your heart and the heart of your 00:19:49.650 --> 00:19:53.039 child. You're going to go through difficult times. 00:19:53.220 --> 00:19:55.299 The world is going to bombard them. They're going 00:19:55.299 --> 00:19:57.000 to have peer influence. There's going to be all 00:19:57.000 --> 00:19:59.140 kind of technology. They're going to be bullied. 00:19:59.240 --> 00:20:01.019 They're going to be afraid. They're going to 00:20:01.019 --> 00:20:02.740 have different personalities. You can have one 00:20:02.740 --> 00:20:04.460 that's compliant and you can sort of look at 00:20:04.460 --> 00:20:06.200 them like that. And they say, oh, yes, whatever 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:07.779 you say, mom or dad. And you're going to have 00:20:07.779 --> 00:20:10.000 one that it doesn't matter what you say. You 00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:12.380 ground them for 35 years, whatever. And they 00:20:12.380 --> 00:20:16.079 just look at you. Is that all you got? And you're 00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:19.329 going to have difficulty. So what you want to 00:20:19.329 --> 00:20:21.529 do is you want to build, and by the way, it's 00:20:21.529 --> 00:20:24.609 never, ever, ever, ever too late, but it's most, 00:20:24.730 --> 00:20:26.470 most, most effective when you start as early 00:20:26.470 --> 00:20:28.730 as possible. You want to build relationships 00:20:28.730 --> 00:20:31.410 with your kids that bond your heart to their 00:20:31.410 --> 00:20:33.650 heart because what you want them to do is not 00:20:33.650 --> 00:20:36.289 want to disappoint you because they know you 00:20:36.289 --> 00:20:39.710 love them and they love you instead of some set 00:20:39.710 --> 00:20:42.410 of rigid rules and performance orientation that 00:20:42.410 --> 00:20:46.779 they need to measure up. The Apostle Paul gives 00:20:46.779 --> 00:20:49.019 us a picture of these kind of relationships as 00:20:49.019 --> 00:20:51.359 he talks to a church and literally from Scripture 00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:53.720 tells us this is how mothers love and this is 00:20:53.720 --> 00:20:56.880 how fathers love. 1 Thessalonians 2, he says, 00:20:56.960 --> 00:20:59.480 but we were gentle among you, how? Like a mother, 00:20:59.619 --> 00:21:02.559 circle the word mother, caring for her little 00:21:02.559 --> 00:21:04.960 children. We loved you so much that we're delighted 00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:07.319 to share with you not only the gospel of God, 00:21:07.480 --> 00:21:11.720 but our own lives as well. Why? Because you had 00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:15.539 become so dear to us. He's saying, we loved you. 00:21:15.619 --> 00:21:18.400 And this is how a child needs a mother's love. 00:21:18.500 --> 00:21:20.759 There's a tenderness. There's a nurturing. There's 00:21:20.759 --> 00:21:22.880 a commitment. There's a pouring out your life 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:30.559 that builds relationships that bond. This is 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:33.099 Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And you've 00:21:33.099 --> 00:21:34.859 been listening to part one of Chip's message, 00:21:35.019 --> 00:21:37.660 How to Raise Positive Kids in a Negative World 00:21:37.660 --> 00:21:40.980 from our series, Uninvited Guests. Chip will 00:21:40.980 --> 00:21:43.119 be back shortly to share some helpful application 00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:46.259 for us to think about. We've all heard it said 00:21:46.259 --> 00:21:48.519 that raising kids isn't for the faint of heart. 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:51.460 Every parent can attest that it can be deeply 00:21:51.460 --> 00:21:54.420 encouraging and life -giving one moment and want 00:21:54.420 --> 00:21:57.299 to pull out your hair frustrating the next. And 00:21:57.299 --> 00:21:59.740 those emotional ups and downs don't include the 00:21:59.740 --> 00:22:02.299 external challenges and pressures that kids, 00:22:02.339 --> 00:22:05.460 moms, and dads face every day. So over the next 00:22:05.460 --> 00:22:07.579 handful of messages, Chip will highlight biblical 00:22:07.579 --> 00:22:09.920 principles to help navigate the complexities 00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:13.079 of raising kids in today's world. Don't miss 00:22:13.079 --> 00:22:15.740 the insightful wisdom from God's Word, along 00:22:15.740 --> 00:22:18.579 with practical advice from a seasoned dad to 00:22:18.579 --> 00:22:21.599 guide you along your parenting journey. If you've 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:25.039 missed any part of this series, catch up at livingontheedge 00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:29.509 .org. or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well, 00:22:29.549 --> 00:22:31.410 our Bible teacher Chip Ingram is here in studio 00:22:31.410 --> 00:22:33.970 to share something with all of you. Thanks, Dave. 00:22:34.430 --> 00:22:37.549 Have you ever tossed a rock in a pond and watched 00:22:37.549 --> 00:22:40.349 the ripples travel across the water? Well, the 00:22:40.349 --> 00:22:43.190 same principle applies to committing to be a 00:22:43.190 --> 00:22:46.329 God -honoring family. When a couple loves God 00:22:46.329 --> 00:22:49.730 and are loyal to one another, you have the ability 00:22:49.730 --> 00:22:53.150 to create a godly home and raise godly kids and 00:22:53.150 --> 00:22:56.299 grandkids. and it ripples for generation after 00:22:56.299 --> 00:23:00.039 generation. Strengthening families is our passion, 00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:02.579 and I want you to know you are playing a vital 00:23:02.579 --> 00:23:04.900 role in making that happen at Living on the Edge. 00:23:05.059 --> 00:23:08.299 When you support us financially, you're investing 00:23:08.299 --> 00:23:12.619 in our work to establish a legacy of Christ -centered 00:23:12.619 --> 00:23:15.559 families. You know, we can blame lots of other 00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:17.980 people, and we can talk about the media or education. 00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:21.559 I've got news for you. The research is crystal 00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:25.440 clear. it begins with the family. Your support 00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.880 financially at Living on the Edge will help us 00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:32.259 build families that raise kids and grandkids 00:23:32.259 --> 00:23:35.200 that walk with God. And right now during this 00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:38.119 series, those of you who choose to become monthly 00:23:38.119 --> 00:23:40.460 partners will receive the Marriage That Works 00:23:40.460 --> 00:23:43.619 truth cards as our way of saying thanks. Pray 00:23:43.619 --> 00:23:46.059 about partnering with us and then follow God's 00:23:46.059 --> 00:23:48.869 lead. Great challenge, Chip. And please know 00:23:48.869 --> 00:23:51.789 how much we appreciate your sacrifice. Your regular 00:23:51.789 --> 00:23:54.809 support allows us to plan our next steps as a 00:23:54.809 --> 00:23:57.730 ministry and be ready to walk through doors that 00:23:57.730 --> 00:24:00.829 God opens for us. And as Chip said during this 00:24:00.829 --> 00:24:03.369 entire series, if you become a monthly financial 00:24:03.369 --> 00:24:06.089 partner of Living on the Edge, we'll send you 00:24:06.089 --> 00:24:08.470 our newest resource, the Marriage That Works 00:24:08.470 --> 00:24:11.529 Truth Cards, as our thank you. Learn more by 00:24:11.529 --> 00:24:15.069 going to livingontheedge .org or by calling 888 00:24:15.069 --> 00:24:22.849 -333 -6003. Again, that's 888 -333 -6003 or visit 00:24:22.849 --> 00:24:27.369 livingontheedge .org. App listeners, tap donate. 00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:30.299 You've been listening to a selected program that 00:24:30.299 --> 00:24:33.059 we wanted to share from this past week. To hear 00:24:33.059 --> 00:24:36.099 more from Chip's series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing 00:24:36.099 --> 00:24:38.920 and resisting the attacks on your family, go 00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:42.259 to livingontheedge .org or wherever you listen 00:24:42.259 --> 00:24:45.359 to podcasts. Until next time, I'm Dave Drewy 00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:47.640 saying thanks for listening to this weekend edition 00:24:47.640 --> 00:24:49.259 of Living on the Edge.