There are tons of helpful books, podcasts, and
resources out there to help strengthen your connection
with your spouse. But what if I told you there's
a single practice, one simple discipline that
can absolutely transform your marriage? Interested?
Well, stay with us as we identify this habit
and help make it a priority in your relationship.
I'm Dave Drury, and you're listening to this
weekend edition of Living on the Edge. The mission
of this daily program is to intentionally disciple
Christians through the insightful Bible teaching
of Chip Ingram. Today we're highlighting another
message from our ongoing series, Uninvited Guests,
recognizing and resisting the attacks on your
family. In the first several programs of this
new teaching, Chip exposed the harmful lies that
are threatening many marriages and shared what
you can do to safeguard your relationship. However,
this past week he pivoted. and began unpacking
the truths that are the building blocks of a
God -honoring marriage. Well, Chip has a lot
to get to, so grab your Bible and notes as we
settle in for this insightful talk. One day,
God had a great idea. And after he had made everything
and made man, he said, I've got a great idea.
It's not good for a human being to be alone.
And so he made a sacred stewardship. He wanted
us humans. made in his image to get to experience
in some way what the Father, the Son, and the
Holy Spirit experience all the time. Unity, oneness,
a love for one another, no competition, a love
that's pure, that's aligned. Jesus would say
later that I'm the bridegroom and the church
is the bride and marriage is going to be that
picture. And what Satan has done is he's taken
that sacred stewardship that we've been given
and he wants to twist it and actually he wants
to destroy it. And if he can't tear down our
marriages, he tells us lies to pervert it. And
the way he perverts them is try to get marriage
or even family to be something that's about us,
our needs, our happiness, our fulfillment. Marriage
is a good idea, but you got the wrong person.
You know, marriage might be really good, but
this one is just too hard. That's not a normal
challenge. That's a hopeless one. This person
is never going to change. You know, you might
as well give up. And if you've done any research
in the last 20, 30, even 40 years, he's winning.
Marriages are falling apart. Kids are growing
up without moms and dads. Families are split.
It's not modern family. It's just messed up families.
People aren't loved. They're not connected. They
are desperate for hope. And the ripples all through
culture and society produce such pain. And God
wants something better. And we, his children,
followers of Jesus. Saved by his grace, filled
with his spirit. He's called us to mirror in
this world the kind of relationships and to enjoy
those relationships. And so the first portion
of our time together, we've talked about how
the lies that we have believed actually destroy
the ones that we love. What I want to now do
is I want to give you six building blocks. Building
blocks that will build up your marriage. Lies
are what tear a marriage down. Truth is what
builds it up. I call them foundational truths.
And as you get these in your mind and in your
heart, you can have a very different marriage
than most people. In fact, you can have a very
different and more wonderful marriage than even
most Christians. Are you ready? Foundational
truth number one. In my own strength, I am incapable
of being the husband or wife God calls me to
be. Therefore, my first priority for a successful
marriage is my own vibrant daily walk with God.
By His Word and His Spirit in community with
fellow believers, God will give me all I need
to become a loving and godly husband or wife.
You say, Chippewa, why is that so foundational?
Until you accept everything we've talked about,
you can't do it and I can't do it. In your strength,
in my strength, we don't have the capacity. Think
of what we've been called to do as a man. I'm
supposed to not just put my wife first. I'm supposed
to lay down my life physically, even die for
her if necessary, and cherish her. Left to me,
I want to think about Chip. Left to you, you
want to think about you. Or think about this
calling for women. You're actually going to trust
and respect. And when push comes to shove, honor
your husband who's fallible, that makes mistakes.
And you can't do that on your own. I tell this
to couples all the time, especially young ones.
You want to have a great marriage? I've put a
little triangle on a piece of paper, and then
at the top, I put God. And then on the bottom
of one side, I put man, and then I put woman
on the other side. And then I take a line with
arrows at the bottom of that equilateral triangle
to each other, and I put a little circle, and
it's called oneness. The goal of marriage is
oneness. Oneness of heart, oneness of mind, oneness
of emotions, oneness of body, oneness of purpose
is to be known fully. and yet be loved. That's
God's desire. Now, with that little triangle,
I have them put their fingers on the bottom.
I say, now move your fingers halfway up. And
I said, what's happened to your relationship
with God? And they both look at each other and
me. They say, well, it's a lot closer. I said,
okay, move it all the way up within an eighth
of an inch to the very top where it says God.
I said, now what's happened to your relationship
with each other? And they kind of smile. We're
way closer to each other. If you want to have
a great marriage. You can work hard and you can
learn some hacks and some communication skills.
You can learn to put up with some stuff. And
I'm not saying you can't have a marriage that
doesn't work. But if you want to have a rich,
deep, intimate, other -centered, loving, Holy
Spirit gushing through your marriage, the number
one priority is walking with God. In fact, I'm
commanded by God. to literally nurture and cherish
my wife to help her become like Jesus. And that's
her desire for me. And when you're married to
someone who thinks more like Jesus, who loves
more like Jesus, who forgives more like Jesus,
who's kind more like Jesus, who forgives like
Jesus, I got news for you. That relationship
is going to go in some really good places. But
we don't have that ability on our own. A great
marriage just isn't about trying hard. God has
to do something in you. Listen to this key passage,
2 Peter 1, verses 3 and 4. His divine power has
given us everything we need for a godly life.
Think of that. God has given us his divine power.
If you know Jesus personally, if you've turned
from your sin, received him by faith, by his
divine power, we have been given everything we
need for a godly life. Well, how? Through our
knowledge of him, speaking of Jesus, who called
us by his own glory and goodness. So in other
words, the more you get to know God the Father,
God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, that's
how you get power. And then he's going to give
you the specifics of, well, how does that power
work and how do you access it, if you will? Through
these, God's goodness and glory, he has given
us very great and precious promises. Why? So
that through them, these promises, you may participate
in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption
that is in the world caused by evil desires or
lust. So everything you need to be a man of God,
a woman of God, who's an other -centered, filled
with God's Spirit, power to live this life, you
have it in you. Paul would say in Galatians 2
.20, I've been crucified with Christ. Nevertheless,
I live that Christ lives within me. And this
life that I now live, I live by faith in the
son of God who loved me and gave himself for
me. You know, a lot of people are in a car together
and let's make the car the marriage and they
can't figure out why it won't run well, but there's
no gas. Can you imagine sitting in a car and
arguing about how come we're not going anywhere?
This is really making me crazy. There's no gas
in the car. God has given us everything we need
to be godly, but we have to access it. We access
it when we take God's word. You'll know the truth.
The truth will set you free. Men won't live by
bread alone, but every word that proceeds out
of the mouth of God. Until now, you've asked
nothing in my name, Jesus said. Ask and you'll
receive that your joy might be made full. If
you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask
whatever you wish. You have to abide in the vine.
You have to be connected to the power of God
and the Holy Spirit. And there's three ways that
we do that. At Living on the Edge, we use a little
acronym called BIO, bio. It's first coming before
God daily. And it might be 15 or 20 minutes.
It might be a half hour, but it's like my relationship
with God is more important than anything on my
phone. Any work that I have, it's more important
than any relationship. And so I'm going to make
that a priority. It's the first thing I do every
morning. I'm not saying you have to do it the
first thing, but all the research says, if you
want to do it consistently, that's probably the
best way. And if you read scripture, when anybody
had to make a big decision, a great while before
dawn, Jesus rose. Abraham was going to offer
his son. It says he got up at a great early morning
hour, saddled a donkey and put some wood on it.
And he and Isaac went. Over and over and over.
You want your marriage to change, you have to
change. You don't have the power to change, but
God can change you. You're listening to Living
on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And we'll get you
back to today's message in just a minute. But
quickly, it should be clear from this new series
how passionate we are about encouraging husbands
and wives and empowering them to be God -honoring
parents. And that's why we've also created a
new engaging tool that couples can rely on every
day to strengthen their relationship. Stick around
after the teaching to learn how to get your hands
on this resource. But for now, here again is
Chip. So the bee is coming before God and getting
to his word some regular systematic time with
him each and every day. Second is as you read
his word, you'll discover that you don't have
the power by yourself to obey it. All these verses,
15 different times, it's love one another, honor
one another, encourage one another. No one can
live the Christian life alone. It's about in
community. You need support. You need love. You
need encouragement. You need mentorship. You
need accountability. You're going to fail. You're
going to mess up. You have to process. You have
to work through your emotions. You have to work
through forgiving and loving and learning. And
then the O is being on mission. And that's not
like getting a job at church. On mission is you
wake up and realize I'm a servant of the living
God. And it starts in my house. I wake up this
morning. What are the needs, right? When someone
serves you really well at a restaurant, your
water's low. They fill out your water. Oh, excuse
me. Would you like some more of that? They are
sensitive. They observe. And so you wake up and
you realize I'm going to serve my wife. Or if
I have kids, I'm going to serve my kids. I'm
going to set an example. And then you do that
in your life at work. And you do that in the
body of Christ. Before God, in community, on
mission, as you do that and as you grow and become
like Christ, you will be absolutely shocked.
You won't even see it. You'll be calmer. You'll
be more loving. You'll forgive more quickly.
You see, there's nothing that will make you a
better marriage partner than being a better follower
of Jesus. In your own strength, you can't do
it. But God has given you and he's giving me
everything we need to be the kind of man and
the kind of woman that shows up, that fulfills
every command about being a man or a woman in
Scripture. And when you do, the favor of God,
the blessing of God, the joy of God, it'll fill
your life. It's like he puts wind in your sails
and wind in your relationship. And similar to
it is foundational truth number two. This is
a part of a big reminder about love, right? At
the end of the day, I want my wife to love me,
right? I want to love God. I want people to love
me. I want to love people. And the challenge
with this is that over time, love gets translated
into how I feel rather than what I actually do.
The truth is this. I will choose to love my mate
by God's power. and grace in all circumstances.
Love is giving another person what they need
the most when they deserve it the least at great
personal cost. Now, once you get your cards where
the word choose is, I'm going to encourage you
to underline that. I will choose to love my mate
by God's power and grace. See, we have been brainwashed
to believe that you can't do things until you
feel like it, until there's a moment of inspiration,
until there's gushing emotions. In fact, the
most loving thing Jesus ever did for all of us,
are you ready? He didn't feel like it. Well,
Chip, where do you get that? Well, just read
toward the end of the book of John or any of
the gospels where he's in the garden and he's
wrestling with whether he's going to go to the
cross, right? He knows he is going to take on
the sins of all mankind. He knows the Father
is going to turn away because he's absolutely
holy. And in this one moment, there's going to
be separation between the Godhead. And he knows
that he's going to be whipped. He knows all things
he's going to go through. He didn't feel like
going to the cross. He chose to go to the cross.
God demonstrated his love for us in that while
we were yet sinners. Christ died in our place.
So the great act of love is he chooses to go
to the cross. You may never love your mate more
than when everything in you is, I don't want
to help her. I don't want to forgive him. I don't
want to be nice right now. And especially after
what he did or after what she did and how I feel
right now. And you know what you do? You say,
I choose to love my mate because love is not
a feeling. And here's how it works. I don't understand
it all. But the moment you make a choice and
say, you know, I was very hurt by what you said.
And I want you to know, I forgive you. And I
mean it. When despite what they've done, you
go and make a cup of coffee and bring it into
the other room and you set it down and there's
been a problem. And in your mind, it's about
90 % his or 90 % hers and about 10 % you. And
you say, Why don't we sit down and talk for a
few minutes? I think we're out of sorts with
one another, and I really love you. Because everything
in you was, it was his fault, or it was her fault.
When they come and apologize, then we'll get
this thing right. Love is giving another person
what they need the most. Forgiveness, kindness,
understanding, patience, when they deserve it
the least, at great personal cost. The passage
that I read that is challenging and encouraging
all at the same time is 1 Corinthians 13. This
was never meant just to be on a plaque somewhere
or to be read at a wedding. When I read this,
it says, hey Chip, you know this gift, this stewardship,
this woman, Teresa, I have given to you that
is more precious than rubies and diamonds and
other than your salvation, it's the greatest
gift I'm ever going to give you. Jesus said,
if you love me, obey my commands. Well, what's
love? Love is patient. Love is kind. It doesn't
envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It
doesn't dishonor others. Oh, this is hard, especially
in my marriage. It is not self -seeking. It is
not easily angered. You might want to circle
this on your card. It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil. It rejoices with
the truth. It always protects. It always trusts.
It always hopes. It always perseveres. Love never
fails. And here's what I love. You can say to
me, my mate doesn't even want to try. That's
okay. I mean, I wish he or she would. But guess
what? You can say, the number one thing I can
do to have a great marriage is to come before
God daily. I probably need to get in a men's
group or I need to get in a women's group. I'm
going to do life in community. I'm not going
to go alone anymore. I'm not going to sit around
with my friends at coffee shops or on the phone
or Zooming and talking about, he did that again,
he did that again. You will find a group of friends
that will tell you, you shouldn't put up with
that. I didn't. I got my old man out of here.
And you know what? This single life is great
again. The enemy will bring all kind of people
into your life to tell you things. Here's an
easy exit. Don't worry about that. Don't put
up with that anymore. And God is saying, Draw
near to me and I'll draw near to you. Don't focus
on what he or she is or is not doing. You cleanse
your hands. You purify your hearts. You come
to me. You humble yourself. You come with a broken
heart and you read my word and you cry out to
me and you ask me, what do you want to do in
me? And God will show up. He's longing. The Lord
is near to the brokenhearted. He saves those
who are crushed in spirit. He's just longing
for ordinary people that are broken and hurting
and mad and at times betrayed and in messes and
just to say, oh God, help. Now you're in a position
to receive grace. And then as you do, you choose
to love your mate. Do they deserve it? Of course
not. But by the way, neither do you. But you
choose. Someone has to take the first step. Someone
has to break the cycle. We can't just keep waiting
for when they do that, then I'll do this. Well,
if they forgive me, then I'll forgive them. This
is not a transaction. You didn't stand before
God and say, we now make this contract. And this
contract before God and these witnesses is if
they live up to every part of their contract,
then I'll live up to mine. But if they don't,
I won't. That's how a lot of people are living.
And that's how a lot of you Christians are living.
Stop it. Did you hear me right? Stop it. You
made a covenant. The word comes from the word
to cut or to bleed. You came before God and you
made an oath before the living God and he's for
you. And your marriage isn't just about you.
You have a testimony and people are watching.
Do you have the kind of marriage that your kids
growing up in your house would say, wow, my parents
didn't have it all together, but boy, they loved
each other. Oh, I remember they went through
a real rough patch, but something happened and
my dad started living differently and he treated
my mom in such a very, very different way. I
saw my mom after all that she'd been through
and God got a hold of their life. Marriage is
good. It's possible. I want that for me someday.
You know what the research is telling us about
why people are marrying later? They're afraid
to get married. And many of the reasons that
our young people don't walk with God is they
have seen it didn't seem to work for my mom and
dad. Sending kids to Sunday school or youth group
or a Christian college is no substitute for the
living, abiding power of Jesus working in you
and through you. And here's the deal. It is never
too late. Foundation number one, seek first God
and his kingdom. Foundation number two, choose
to love. whether you feel like it or not. You're
listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
And the message you just heard, putting God first
in your marriage, is from our series, Uninvited
Guests, recognizing and resisting the attacks
on your family. Does your marriage feel stagnant
or disconnected? Or maybe your relationship is
teetering on the brink of divorce. If you and
your spouse are desperate for a spark or some
much -needed hope, join us for the next handful
of programs. Chip walks through the foundational
building blocks of a vibrant, God -honoring marriage.
Discover how these profound truths from Scripture
can strengthen your connection to your spouse
and deepen your relationship with your Heavenly
Father. So if you've missed any part of this
meaningful teaching, catch up at livingontheedge
.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well,
I'm joined in studio now by Chip. And Chip, you
know, back in your basketball playing days, you
dedicated a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to
earn a college scholarship. You couldn't just
say you wanted to be better. You had to work
at it. And that same principle applies to our
marriages too, right? Dave, you're spot on with
that analogy. And even my own marriage, there's
been times where we weren't working very hard
on our relationship. Work is busy, and then pretty
soon the kids have all these activities. And
you talk about better communication and resolving
conflict and putting each other first, and all
that begins to fade away. What I realized was
I needed a tool. I mean, when I wanted to be
a better basketball player, I had dribbling drills.
I had passing drills. I had very specific things
that I did each and every day for hours with
that clear -cut goal in mind. And what we've
developed at Living on the Edge is a practical
tool. It's called The Marriage That Works Truth
Cards to help regular couples begin to work at
their marriage as they take those cards and review
a few each and every day. And as you do that,
what I can tell you, because I've done this with
literally hundreds and hundreds of couples, your
mind changes about your marriage. Your desires
change. A great marriage is possible for all
of us as we follow God's design. And that's the
goal of these cards. We want to help couples
really go to work in a good way to have a deep
and great marriage that will disciple them and
their children. So, Dave, take a minute now,
if you will, and share with people how they can
get these cards. Sure, Chip. It's actually really
simple. Throughout this entire series, for anyone
who chooses to become a monthly partner with
Living on the Edge, we'll send you these new
Marriage That Works truth cards as our way of
saying thanks. So please pray about supporting
us. Your gifts have an eternal impact as we fight
for marriages and families everywhere. To learn
how to become a monthly partner, visit livingontheedge
.org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888
-333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App
listeners, tap donate. You've been listening
to a selected program that we wanted to share
from this past week. To hear more from Chip Seery's
uninvited guests, recognizing and resisting the
attacks on your family, go to livingontheedge
.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until
next time, I'm Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening
to this weekend edition of Living on the Edge.