WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.339 There are tons of helpful books, podcasts, and 00:00:14.339 --> 00:00:16.960 resources out there to help strengthen your connection 00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:19.760 with your spouse. But what if I told you there's 00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:22.480 a single practice, one simple discipline that 00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:25.679 can absolutely transform your marriage? Interested? 00:00:25.800 --> 00:00:28.239 Well, stay with us as we identify this habit 00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:30.640 and help make it a priority in your relationship. 00:00:31.079 --> 00:00:33.060 I'm Dave Drury, and you're listening to this 00:00:33.060 --> 00:00:36.030 weekend edition of Living on the Edge. The mission 00:00:36.030 --> 00:00:38.549 of this daily program is to intentionally disciple 00:00:38.549 --> 00:00:40.670 Christians through the insightful Bible teaching 00:00:40.670 --> 00:00:43.210 of Chip Ingram. Today we're highlighting another 00:00:43.210 --> 00:00:46.270 message from our ongoing series, Uninvited Guests, 00:00:46.429 --> 00:00:48.890 recognizing and resisting the attacks on your 00:00:48.890 --> 00:00:51.689 family. In the first several programs of this 00:00:51.689 --> 00:00:54.869 new teaching, Chip exposed the harmful lies that 00:00:54.869 --> 00:00:57.289 are threatening many marriages and shared what 00:00:57.289 --> 00:01:00.049 you can do to safeguard your relationship. However, 00:01:00.170 --> 00:01:02.969 this past week he pivoted. and began unpacking 00:01:02.969 --> 00:01:05.109 the truths that are the building blocks of a 00:01:05.109 --> 00:01:07.730 God -honoring marriage. Well, Chip has a lot 00:01:07.730 --> 00:01:10.129 to get to, so grab your Bible and notes as we 00:01:10.129 --> 00:01:14.230 settle in for this insightful talk. One day, 00:01:14.269 --> 00:01:17.709 God had a great idea. And after he had made everything 00:01:17.709 --> 00:01:20.930 and made man, he said, I've got a great idea. 00:01:20.989 --> 00:01:23.750 It's not good for a human being to be alone. 00:01:24.310 --> 00:01:28.189 And so he made a sacred stewardship. He wanted 00:01:28.189 --> 00:01:32.099 us humans. made in his image to get to experience 00:01:32.099 --> 00:01:34.859 in some way what the Father, the Son, and the 00:01:34.859 --> 00:01:39.019 Holy Spirit experience all the time. Unity, oneness, 00:01:39.079 --> 00:01:43.260 a love for one another, no competition, a love 00:01:43.260 --> 00:01:46.579 that's pure, that's aligned. Jesus would say 00:01:46.579 --> 00:01:49.659 later that I'm the bridegroom and the church 00:01:49.659 --> 00:01:51.980 is the bride and marriage is going to be that 00:01:51.980 --> 00:01:54.930 picture. And what Satan has done is he's taken 00:01:54.930 --> 00:01:57.450 that sacred stewardship that we've been given 00:01:57.450 --> 00:02:00.650 and he wants to twist it and actually he wants 00:02:00.650 --> 00:02:03.670 to destroy it. And if he can't tear down our 00:02:03.670 --> 00:02:07.329 marriages, he tells us lies to pervert it. And 00:02:07.329 --> 00:02:09.909 the way he perverts them is try to get marriage 00:02:09.909 --> 00:02:13.050 or even family to be something that's about us, 00:02:13.129 --> 00:02:18.439 our needs, our happiness, our fulfillment. Marriage 00:02:18.439 --> 00:02:20.580 is a good idea, but you got the wrong person. 00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:22.360 You know, marriage might be really good, but 00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:25.099 this one is just too hard. That's not a normal 00:02:25.099 --> 00:02:28.060 challenge. That's a hopeless one. This person 00:02:28.060 --> 00:02:30.319 is never going to change. You know, you might 00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:32.740 as well give up. And if you've done any research 00:02:32.740 --> 00:02:36.719 in the last 20, 30, even 40 years, he's winning. 00:02:37.659 --> 00:02:40.020 Marriages are falling apart. Kids are growing 00:02:40.020 --> 00:02:43.259 up without moms and dads. Families are split. 00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:46.379 It's not modern family. It's just messed up families. 00:02:46.580 --> 00:02:49.240 People aren't loved. They're not connected. They 00:02:49.240 --> 00:02:52.759 are desperate for hope. And the ripples all through 00:02:52.759 --> 00:02:56.960 culture and society produce such pain. And God 00:02:56.960 --> 00:02:59.639 wants something better. And we, his children, 00:02:59.780 --> 00:03:02.939 followers of Jesus. Saved by his grace, filled 00:03:02.939 --> 00:03:06.000 with his spirit. He's called us to mirror in 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:09.740 this world the kind of relationships and to enjoy 00:03:09.740 --> 00:03:12.979 those relationships. And so the first portion 00:03:12.979 --> 00:03:15.360 of our time together, we've talked about how 00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:19.780 the lies that we have believed actually destroy 00:03:19.780 --> 00:03:23.180 the ones that we love. What I want to now do 00:03:23.180 --> 00:03:26.500 is I want to give you six building blocks. Building 00:03:26.500 --> 00:03:29.759 blocks that will build up your marriage. Lies 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:33.120 are what tear a marriage down. Truth is what 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:36.159 builds it up. I call them foundational truths. 00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:39.620 And as you get these in your mind and in your 00:03:39.620 --> 00:03:42.460 heart, you can have a very different marriage 00:03:42.460 --> 00:03:45.400 than most people. In fact, you can have a very 00:03:45.400 --> 00:03:48.180 different and more wonderful marriage than even 00:03:48.180 --> 00:03:51.840 most Christians. Are you ready? Foundational 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:55.979 truth number one. In my own strength, I am incapable 00:03:55.979 --> 00:03:59.319 of being the husband or wife God calls me to 00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:02.900 be. Therefore, my first priority for a successful 00:04:02.900 --> 00:04:06.460 marriage is my own vibrant daily walk with God. 00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:10.840 By His Word and His Spirit in community with 00:04:10.840 --> 00:04:14.240 fellow believers, God will give me all I need 00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:18.740 to become a loving and godly husband or wife. 00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:21.480 You say, Chippewa, why is that so foundational? 00:04:22.410 --> 00:04:26.050 Until you accept everything we've talked about, 00:04:26.230 --> 00:04:30.269 you can't do it and I can't do it. In your strength, 00:04:30.310 --> 00:04:35.310 in my strength, we don't have the capacity. Think 00:04:35.310 --> 00:04:37.589 of what we've been called to do as a man. I'm 00:04:37.589 --> 00:04:41.189 supposed to not just put my wife first. I'm supposed 00:04:41.189 --> 00:04:44.110 to lay down my life physically, even die for 00:04:44.110 --> 00:04:47.290 her if necessary, and cherish her. Left to me, 00:04:47.329 --> 00:04:49.930 I want to think about Chip. Left to you, you 00:04:49.930 --> 00:04:52.199 want to think about you. Or think about this 00:04:52.199 --> 00:04:55.459 calling for women. You're actually going to trust 00:04:55.459 --> 00:04:59.120 and respect. And when push comes to shove, honor 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:02.519 your husband who's fallible, that makes mistakes. 00:05:02.699 --> 00:05:06.019 And you can't do that on your own. I tell this 00:05:06.019 --> 00:05:08.240 to couples all the time, especially young ones. 00:05:08.459 --> 00:05:11.459 You want to have a great marriage? I've put a 00:05:11.459 --> 00:05:13.800 little triangle on a piece of paper, and then 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:16.720 at the top, I put God. And then on the bottom 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:19.639 of one side, I put man, and then I put woman 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:22.000 on the other side. And then I take a line with 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:24.779 arrows at the bottom of that equilateral triangle 00:05:24.779 --> 00:05:27.720 to each other, and I put a little circle, and 00:05:27.720 --> 00:05:30.720 it's called oneness. The goal of marriage is 00:05:30.720 --> 00:05:34.360 oneness. Oneness of heart, oneness of mind, oneness 00:05:34.360 --> 00:05:37.259 of emotions, oneness of body, oneness of purpose 00:05:37.259 --> 00:05:42.170 is to be known fully. and yet be loved. That's 00:05:42.170 --> 00:05:45.209 God's desire. Now, with that little triangle, 00:05:45.389 --> 00:05:46.870 I have them put their fingers on the bottom. 00:05:47.029 --> 00:05:50.569 I say, now move your fingers halfway up. And 00:05:50.569 --> 00:05:52.129 I said, what's happened to your relationship 00:05:52.129 --> 00:05:54.470 with God? And they both look at each other and 00:05:54.470 --> 00:05:56.790 me. They say, well, it's a lot closer. I said, 00:05:56.829 --> 00:05:58.709 okay, move it all the way up within an eighth 00:05:58.709 --> 00:06:00.410 of an inch to the very top where it says God. 00:06:00.889 --> 00:06:02.569 I said, now what's happened to your relationship 00:06:02.569 --> 00:06:05.009 with each other? And they kind of smile. We're 00:06:05.009 --> 00:06:09.089 way closer to each other. If you want to have 00:06:09.089 --> 00:06:13.050 a great marriage. You can work hard and you can 00:06:13.050 --> 00:06:15.290 learn some hacks and some communication skills. 00:06:15.610 --> 00:06:18.290 You can learn to put up with some stuff. And 00:06:18.290 --> 00:06:20.310 I'm not saying you can't have a marriage that 00:06:20.310 --> 00:06:23.230 doesn't work. But if you want to have a rich, 00:06:23.329 --> 00:06:27.449 deep, intimate, other -centered, loving, Holy 00:06:27.449 --> 00:06:30.329 Spirit gushing through your marriage, the number 00:06:30.329 --> 00:06:33.209 one priority is walking with God. In fact, I'm 00:06:33.209 --> 00:06:36.529 commanded by God. to literally nurture and cherish 00:06:36.529 --> 00:06:40.069 my wife to help her become like Jesus. And that's 00:06:40.069 --> 00:06:42.889 her desire for me. And when you're married to 00:06:42.889 --> 00:06:45.610 someone who thinks more like Jesus, who loves 00:06:45.610 --> 00:06:47.730 more like Jesus, who forgives more like Jesus, 00:06:47.870 --> 00:06:50.129 who's kind more like Jesus, who forgives like 00:06:50.129 --> 00:06:52.470 Jesus, I got news for you. That relationship 00:06:52.470 --> 00:06:55.310 is going to go in some really good places. But 00:06:55.310 --> 00:07:00.050 we don't have that ability on our own. A great 00:07:00.050 --> 00:07:03.069 marriage just isn't about trying hard. God has 00:07:03.069 --> 00:07:06.379 to do something in you. Listen to this key passage, 00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:13.160 2 Peter 1, verses 3 and 4. His divine power has 00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:16.860 given us everything we need for a godly life. 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:21.360 Think of that. God has given us his divine power. 00:07:21.699 --> 00:07:24.360 If you know Jesus personally, if you've turned 00:07:24.360 --> 00:07:27.019 from your sin, received him by faith, by his 00:07:27.019 --> 00:07:30.220 divine power, we have been given everything we 00:07:30.220 --> 00:07:33.600 need for a godly life. Well, how? Through our 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:37.019 knowledge of him, speaking of Jesus, who called 00:07:37.019 --> 00:07:40.420 us by his own glory and goodness. So in other 00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:43.339 words, the more you get to know God the Father, 00:07:43.459 --> 00:07:45.459 God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, that's 00:07:45.459 --> 00:07:47.860 how you get power. And then he's going to give 00:07:47.860 --> 00:07:50.199 you the specifics of, well, how does that power 00:07:50.199 --> 00:07:53.279 work and how do you access it, if you will? Through 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:57.100 these, God's goodness and glory, he has given 00:07:57.100 --> 00:08:01.899 us very great and precious promises. Why? So 00:08:01.899 --> 00:08:05.319 that through them, these promises, you may participate 00:08:05.319 --> 00:08:08.939 in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption 00:08:08.939 --> 00:08:12.519 that is in the world caused by evil desires or 00:08:12.519 --> 00:08:16.980 lust. So everything you need to be a man of God, 00:08:17.060 --> 00:08:19.560 a woman of God, who's an other -centered, filled 00:08:19.560 --> 00:08:22.939 with God's Spirit, power to live this life, you 00:08:22.939 --> 00:08:26.620 have it in you. Paul would say in Galatians 2 00:08:26.620 --> 00:08:29.569 .20, I've been crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, 00:08:29.709 --> 00:08:32.529 I live that Christ lives within me. And this 00:08:32.529 --> 00:08:35.409 life that I now live, I live by faith in the 00:08:35.409 --> 00:08:38.190 son of God who loved me and gave himself for 00:08:38.190 --> 00:08:42.690 me. You know, a lot of people are in a car together 00:08:42.690 --> 00:08:45.690 and let's make the car the marriage and they 00:08:45.690 --> 00:08:48.570 can't figure out why it won't run well, but there's 00:08:48.570 --> 00:08:51.730 no gas. Can you imagine sitting in a car and 00:08:51.730 --> 00:08:53.909 arguing about how come we're not going anywhere? 00:08:54.029 --> 00:08:56.549 This is really making me crazy. There's no gas 00:08:56.549 --> 00:09:00.370 in the car. God has given us everything we need 00:09:00.370 --> 00:09:04.210 to be godly, but we have to access it. We access 00:09:04.210 --> 00:09:06.690 it when we take God's word. You'll know the truth. 00:09:06.710 --> 00:09:08.889 The truth will set you free. Men won't live by 00:09:08.889 --> 00:09:10.789 bread alone, but every word that proceeds out 00:09:10.789 --> 00:09:12.789 of the mouth of God. Until now, you've asked 00:09:12.789 --> 00:09:15.710 nothing in my name, Jesus said. Ask and you'll 00:09:15.710 --> 00:09:18.149 receive that your joy might be made full. If 00:09:18.149 --> 00:09:20.129 you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask 00:09:20.129 --> 00:09:23.299 whatever you wish. You have to abide in the vine. 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:26.379 You have to be connected to the power of God 00:09:26.379 --> 00:09:28.940 and the Holy Spirit. And there's three ways that 00:09:28.940 --> 00:09:31.779 we do that. At Living on the Edge, we use a little 00:09:31.779 --> 00:09:36.820 acronym called BIO, bio. It's first coming before 00:09:36.820 --> 00:09:40.019 God daily. And it might be 15 or 20 minutes. 00:09:40.039 --> 00:09:43.200 It might be a half hour, but it's like my relationship 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:46.860 with God is more important than anything on my 00:09:46.860 --> 00:09:49.679 phone. Any work that I have, it's more important 00:09:49.679 --> 00:09:52.240 than any relationship. And so I'm going to make 00:09:52.240 --> 00:09:54.259 that a priority. It's the first thing I do every 00:09:54.259 --> 00:09:56.159 morning. I'm not saying you have to do it the 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.960 first thing, but all the research says, if you 00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:00.639 want to do it consistently, that's probably the 00:10:00.639 --> 00:10:03.500 best way. And if you read scripture, when anybody 00:10:03.500 --> 00:10:06.399 had to make a big decision, a great while before 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:09.519 dawn, Jesus rose. Abraham was going to offer 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:11.919 his son. It says he got up at a great early morning 00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:15.019 hour, saddled a donkey and put some wood on it. 00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:17.740 And he and Isaac went. Over and over and over. 00:10:18.179 --> 00:10:20.759 You want your marriage to change, you have to 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:23.659 change. You don't have the power to change, but 00:10:23.659 --> 00:10:27.600 God can change you. You're listening to Living 00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:30.379 on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And we'll get you 00:10:30.379 --> 00:10:32.980 back to today's message in just a minute. But 00:10:32.980 --> 00:10:35.120 quickly, it should be clear from this new series 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:37.539 how passionate we are about encouraging husbands 00:10:37.539 --> 00:10:40.919 and wives and empowering them to be God -honoring 00:10:40.919 --> 00:10:43.820 parents. And that's why we've also created a 00:10:43.820 --> 00:10:46.860 new engaging tool that couples can rely on every 00:10:46.860 --> 00:10:49.860 day to strengthen their relationship. Stick around 00:10:49.860 --> 00:10:52.179 after the teaching to learn how to get your hands 00:10:52.179 --> 00:10:55.019 on this resource. But for now, here again is 00:10:55.019 --> 00:10:58.539 Chip. So the bee is coming before God and getting 00:10:58.539 --> 00:11:01.539 to his word some regular systematic time with 00:11:01.539 --> 00:11:04.139 him each and every day. Second is as you read 00:11:04.139 --> 00:11:06.159 his word, you'll discover that you don't have 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:10.289 the power by yourself to obey it. All these verses, 00:11:10.389 --> 00:11:13.149 15 different times, it's love one another, honor 00:11:13.149 --> 00:11:16.429 one another, encourage one another. No one can 00:11:16.429 --> 00:11:18.690 live the Christian life alone. It's about in 00:11:18.690 --> 00:11:21.610 community. You need support. You need love. You 00:11:21.610 --> 00:11:23.730 need encouragement. You need mentorship. You 00:11:23.730 --> 00:11:26.490 need accountability. You're going to fail. You're 00:11:26.490 --> 00:11:28.389 going to mess up. You have to process. You have 00:11:28.389 --> 00:11:30.950 to work through your emotions. You have to work 00:11:30.950 --> 00:11:33.529 through forgiving and loving and learning. And 00:11:33.529 --> 00:11:36.190 then the O is being on mission. And that's not 00:11:36.190 --> 00:11:39.350 like getting a job at church. On mission is you 00:11:39.350 --> 00:11:42.289 wake up and realize I'm a servant of the living 00:11:42.289 --> 00:11:45.409 God. And it starts in my house. I wake up this 00:11:45.409 --> 00:11:48.110 morning. What are the needs, right? When someone 00:11:48.110 --> 00:11:50.370 serves you really well at a restaurant, your 00:11:50.370 --> 00:11:52.490 water's low. They fill out your water. Oh, excuse 00:11:52.490 --> 00:11:54.230 me. Would you like some more of that? They are 00:11:54.230 --> 00:11:57.409 sensitive. They observe. And so you wake up and 00:11:57.409 --> 00:11:59.370 you realize I'm going to serve my wife. Or if 00:11:59.370 --> 00:12:01.590 I have kids, I'm going to serve my kids. I'm 00:12:01.590 --> 00:12:04.230 going to set an example. And then you do that 00:12:04.230 --> 00:12:06.049 in your life at work. And you do that in the 00:12:06.049 --> 00:12:09.389 body of Christ. Before God, in community, on 00:12:09.389 --> 00:12:13.730 mission, as you do that and as you grow and become 00:12:13.730 --> 00:12:18.049 like Christ, you will be absolutely shocked. 00:12:18.809 --> 00:12:22.850 You won't even see it. You'll be calmer. You'll 00:12:22.850 --> 00:12:25.230 be more loving. You'll forgive more quickly. 00:12:25.529 --> 00:12:29.570 You see, there's nothing that will make you a 00:12:29.570 --> 00:12:33.269 better marriage partner than being a better follower 00:12:33.269 --> 00:12:36.809 of Jesus. In your own strength, you can't do 00:12:36.809 --> 00:12:39.779 it. But God has given you and he's giving me 00:12:39.779 --> 00:12:43.200 everything we need to be the kind of man and 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:46.139 the kind of woman that shows up, that fulfills 00:12:46.139 --> 00:12:48.480 every command about being a man or a woman in 00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:51.639 Scripture. And when you do, the favor of God, 00:12:51.779 --> 00:12:55.519 the blessing of God, the joy of God, it'll fill 00:12:55.519 --> 00:12:58.539 your life. It's like he puts wind in your sails 00:12:58.539 --> 00:13:01.580 and wind in your relationship. And similar to 00:13:01.580 --> 00:13:05.039 it is foundational truth number two. This is 00:13:05.039 --> 00:13:07.840 a part of a big reminder about love, right? At 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:09.940 the end of the day, I want my wife to love me, 00:13:09.980 --> 00:13:13.639 right? I want to love God. I want people to love 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:16.879 me. I want to love people. And the challenge 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:20.220 with this is that over time, love gets translated 00:13:20.220 --> 00:13:23.940 into how I feel rather than what I actually do. 00:13:24.820 --> 00:13:30.080 The truth is this. I will choose to love my mate 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.700 by God's power. and grace in all circumstances. 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:37.279 Love is giving another person what they need 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:40.799 the most when they deserve it the least at great 00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:44.700 personal cost. Now, once you get your cards where 00:13:44.700 --> 00:13:46.879 the word choose is, I'm going to encourage you 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:50.740 to underline that. I will choose to love my mate 00:13:50.740 --> 00:13:55.299 by God's power and grace. See, we have been brainwashed 00:13:55.299 --> 00:13:58.190 to believe that you can't do things until you 00:13:58.190 --> 00:14:00.610 feel like it, until there's a moment of inspiration, 00:14:00.909 --> 00:14:04.110 until there's gushing emotions. In fact, the 00:14:04.110 --> 00:14:07.750 most loving thing Jesus ever did for all of us, 00:14:07.809 --> 00:14:11.269 are you ready? He didn't feel like it. Well, 00:14:11.309 --> 00:14:13.889 Chip, where do you get that? Well, just read 00:14:13.889 --> 00:14:15.809 toward the end of the book of John or any of 00:14:15.809 --> 00:14:19.049 the gospels where he's in the garden and he's 00:14:19.049 --> 00:14:20.889 wrestling with whether he's going to go to the 00:14:20.889 --> 00:14:24.039 cross, right? He knows he is going to take on 00:14:24.039 --> 00:14:26.419 the sins of all mankind. He knows the Father 00:14:26.419 --> 00:14:28.539 is going to turn away because he's absolutely 00:14:28.539 --> 00:14:31.720 holy. And in this one moment, there's going to 00:14:31.720 --> 00:14:35.000 be separation between the Godhead. And he knows 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:38.059 that he's going to be whipped. He knows all things 00:14:38.059 --> 00:14:41.259 he's going to go through. He didn't feel like 00:14:41.259 --> 00:14:45.360 going to the cross. He chose to go to the cross. 00:14:46.899 --> 00:14:49.639 God demonstrated his love for us in that while 00:14:49.639 --> 00:14:52.100 we were yet sinners. Christ died in our place. 00:14:52.879 --> 00:14:56.659 So the great act of love is he chooses to go 00:14:56.659 --> 00:15:00.340 to the cross. You may never love your mate more 00:15:00.340 --> 00:15:03.379 than when everything in you is, I don't want 00:15:03.379 --> 00:15:06.639 to help her. I don't want to forgive him. I don't 00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:09.080 want to be nice right now. And especially after 00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:11.700 what he did or after what she did and how I feel 00:15:11.700 --> 00:15:14.139 right now. And you know what you do? You say, 00:15:14.200 --> 00:15:17.460 I choose to love my mate because love is not 00:15:17.460 --> 00:15:21.220 a feeling. And here's how it works. I don't understand 00:15:21.220 --> 00:15:25.440 it all. But the moment you make a choice and 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:29.460 say, you know, I was very hurt by what you said. 00:15:29.500 --> 00:15:31.700 And I want you to know, I forgive you. And I 00:15:31.700 --> 00:15:35.279 mean it. When despite what they've done, you 00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:38.240 go and make a cup of coffee and bring it into 00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:41.519 the other room and you set it down and there's 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:43.700 been a problem. And in your mind, it's about 00:15:43.700 --> 00:15:48.220 90 % his or 90 % hers and about 10 % you. And 00:15:48.220 --> 00:15:50.139 you say, Why don't we sit down and talk for a 00:15:50.139 --> 00:15:52.379 few minutes? I think we're out of sorts with 00:15:52.379 --> 00:15:55.779 one another, and I really love you. Because everything 00:15:55.779 --> 00:15:58.360 in you was, it was his fault, or it was her fault. 00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:00.360 When they come and apologize, then we'll get 00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:04.100 this thing right. Love is giving another person 00:16:04.100 --> 00:16:08.379 what they need the most. Forgiveness, kindness, 00:16:08.700 --> 00:16:12.220 understanding, patience, when they deserve it 00:16:12.220 --> 00:16:17.919 the least, at great personal cost. The passage 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:20.759 that I read that is challenging and encouraging 00:16:20.759 --> 00:16:24.080 all at the same time is 1 Corinthians 13. This 00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:26.600 was never meant just to be on a plaque somewhere 00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:30.340 or to be read at a wedding. When I read this, 00:16:30.460 --> 00:16:34.059 it says, hey Chip, you know this gift, this stewardship, 00:16:34.220 --> 00:16:37.980 this woman, Teresa, I have given to you that 00:16:37.980 --> 00:16:40.059 is more precious than rubies and diamonds and 00:16:40.059 --> 00:16:42.379 other than your salvation, it's the greatest 00:16:42.379 --> 00:16:45.360 gift I'm ever going to give you. Jesus said, 00:16:45.399 --> 00:16:48.409 if you love me, obey my commands. Well, what's 00:16:48.409 --> 00:16:54.129 love? Love is patient. Love is kind. It doesn't 00:16:54.129 --> 00:17:00.169 envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It 00:17:00.169 --> 00:17:04.390 doesn't dishonor others. Oh, this is hard, especially 00:17:04.390 --> 00:17:08.130 in my marriage. It is not self -seeking. It is 00:17:08.130 --> 00:17:11.789 not easily angered. You might want to circle 00:17:11.789 --> 00:17:15.410 this on your card. It keeps no record of wrongs. 00:17:16.650 --> 00:17:21.269 Love does not delight in evil. It rejoices with 00:17:21.269 --> 00:17:27.549 the truth. It always protects. It always trusts. 00:17:28.710 --> 00:17:36.529 It always hopes. It always perseveres. Love never 00:17:36.529 --> 00:17:43.230 fails. And here's what I love. You can say to 00:17:43.230 --> 00:17:46.210 me, my mate doesn't even want to try. That's 00:17:46.210 --> 00:17:50.509 okay. I mean, I wish he or she would. But guess 00:17:50.509 --> 00:17:54.210 what? You can say, the number one thing I can 00:17:54.210 --> 00:17:56.349 do to have a great marriage is to come before 00:17:56.349 --> 00:17:58.990 God daily. I probably need to get in a men's 00:17:58.990 --> 00:18:01.640 group or I need to get in a women's group. I'm 00:18:01.640 --> 00:18:03.240 going to do life in community. I'm not going 00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:05.220 to go alone anymore. I'm not going to sit around 00:18:05.220 --> 00:18:07.880 with my friends at coffee shops or on the phone 00:18:07.880 --> 00:18:10.279 or Zooming and talking about, he did that again, 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:12.940 he did that again. You will find a group of friends 00:18:12.940 --> 00:18:14.940 that will tell you, you shouldn't put up with 00:18:14.940 --> 00:18:17.359 that. I didn't. I got my old man out of here. 00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:19.559 And you know what? This single life is great 00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:22.259 again. The enemy will bring all kind of people 00:18:22.259 --> 00:18:24.740 into your life to tell you things. Here's an 00:18:24.740 --> 00:18:27.180 easy exit. Don't worry about that. Don't put 00:18:27.180 --> 00:18:31.390 up with that anymore. And God is saying, Draw 00:18:31.390 --> 00:18:35.529 near to me and I'll draw near to you. Don't focus 00:18:35.529 --> 00:18:40.009 on what he or she is or is not doing. You cleanse 00:18:40.009 --> 00:18:43.869 your hands. You purify your hearts. You come 00:18:43.869 --> 00:18:46.710 to me. You humble yourself. You come with a broken 00:18:46.710 --> 00:18:49.670 heart and you read my word and you cry out to 00:18:49.670 --> 00:18:52.549 me and you ask me, what do you want to do in 00:18:52.549 --> 00:18:56.930 me? And God will show up. He's longing. The Lord 00:18:56.930 --> 00:18:59.670 is near to the brokenhearted. He saves those 00:18:59.670 --> 00:19:02.690 who are crushed in spirit. He's just longing 00:19:02.690 --> 00:19:05.210 for ordinary people that are broken and hurting 00:19:05.210 --> 00:19:08.710 and mad and at times betrayed and in messes and 00:19:08.710 --> 00:19:14.630 just to say, oh God, help. Now you're in a position 00:19:14.630 --> 00:19:19.890 to receive grace. And then as you do, you choose 00:19:19.890 --> 00:19:24.460 to love your mate. Do they deserve it? Of course 00:19:24.460 --> 00:19:28.440 not. But by the way, neither do you. But you 00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:31.920 choose. Someone has to take the first step. Someone 00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:34.859 has to break the cycle. We can't just keep waiting 00:19:34.859 --> 00:19:37.359 for when they do that, then I'll do this. Well, 00:19:37.420 --> 00:19:39.700 if they forgive me, then I'll forgive them. This 00:19:39.700 --> 00:19:42.799 is not a transaction. You didn't stand before 00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:46.099 God and say, we now make this contract. And this 00:19:46.099 --> 00:19:48.660 contract before God and these witnesses is if 00:19:48.660 --> 00:19:50.339 they live up to every part of their contract, 00:19:50.460 --> 00:19:52.299 then I'll live up to mine. But if they don't, 00:19:52.299 --> 00:19:54.220 I won't. That's how a lot of people are living. 00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:56.420 And that's how a lot of you Christians are living. 00:19:57.180 --> 00:20:01.779 Stop it. Did you hear me right? Stop it. You 00:20:01.779 --> 00:20:04.519 made a covenant. The word comes from the word 00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:08.819 to cut or to bleed. You came before God and you 00:20:08.819 --> 00:20:12.319 made an oath before the living God and he's for 00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:14.819 you. And your marriage isn't just about you. 00:20:14.900 --> 00:20:17.980 You have a testimony and people are watching. 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:21.099 Do you have the kind of marriage that your kids 00:20:21.099 --> 00:20:24.980 growing up in your house would say, wow, my parents 00:20:24.980 --> 00:20:26.799 didn't have it all together, but boy, they loved 00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:28.549 each other. Oh, I remember they went through 00:20:28.549 --> 00:20:30.869 a real rough patch, but something happened and 00:20:30.869 --> 00:20:33.329 my dad started living differently and he treated 00:20:33.329 --> 00:20:36.250 my mom in such a very, very different way. I 00:20:36.250 --> 00:20:38.210 saw my mom after all that she'd been through 00:20:38.210 --> 00:20:41.309 and God got a hold of their life. Marriage is 00:20:41.309 --> 00:20:43.950 good. It's possible. I want that for me someday. 00:20:44.690 --> 00:20:46.750 You know what the research is telling us about 00:20:46.750 --> 00:20:49.470 why people are marrying later? They're afraid 00:20:49.470 --> 00:20:52.200 to get married. And many of the reasons that 00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:55.059 our young people don't walk with God is they 00:20:55.059 --> 00:20:57.599 have seen it didn't seem to work for my mom and 00:20:57.599 --> 00:21:00.680 dad. Sending kids to Sunday school or youth group 00:21:00.680 --> 00:21:03.700 or a Christian college is no substitute for the 00:21:03.700 --> 00:21:07.339 living, abiding power of Jesus working in you 00:21:07.339 --> 00:21:10.539 and through you. And here's the deal. It is never 00:21:10.539 --> 00:21:15.200 too late. Foundation number one, seek first God 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:18.460 and his kingdom. Foundation number two, choose 00:21:18.460 --> 00:21:24.829 to love. whether you feel like it or not. You're 00:21:24.829 --> 00:21:27.829 listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:21:27.950 --> 00:21:30.890 And the message you just heard, putting God first 00:21:30.890 --> 00:21:33.809 in your marriage, is from our series, Uninvited 00:21:33.809 --> 00:21:36.789 Guests, recognizing and resisting the attacks 00:21:36.789 --> 00:21:39.910 on your family. Does your marriage feel stagnant 00:21:39.910 --> 00:21:42.509 or disconnected? Or maybe your relationship is 00:21:42.509 --> 00:21:45.359 teetering on the brink of divorce. If you and 00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:48.079 your spouse are desperate for a spark or some 00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:50.660 much -needed hope, join us for the next handful 00:21:50.660 --> 00:21:53.400 of programs. Chip walks through the foundational 00:21:53.400 --> 00:21:56.339 building blocks of a vibrant, God -honoring marriage. 00:21:56.619 --> 00:21:59.319 Discover how these profound truths from Scripture 00:21:59.319 --> 00:22:01.779 can strengthen your connection to your spouse 00:22:01.779 --> 00:22:04.000 and deepen your relationship with your Heavenly 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:06.500 Father. So if you've missed any part of this 00:22:06.500 --> 00:22:09.180 meaningful teaching, catch up at livingontheedge 00:22:09.180 --> 00:22:13.900 .org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well, 00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:16.259 I'm joined in studio now by Chip. And Chip, you 00:22:16.259 --> 00:22:18.599 know, back in your basketball playing days, you 00:22:18.599 --> 00:22:21.059 dedicated a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to 00:22:21.059 --> 00:22:23.880 earn a college scholarship. You couldn't just 00:22:23.880 --> 00:22:26.380 say you wanted to be better. You had to work 00:22:26.380 --> 00:22:28.880 at it. And that same principle applies to our 00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:31.980 marriages too, right? Dave, you're spot on with 00:22:31.980 --> 00:22:34.460 that analogy. And even my own marriage, there's 00:22:34.460 --> 00:22:37.119 been times where we weren't working very hard 00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:40.460 on our relationship. Work is busy, and then pretty 00:22:40.460 --> 00:22:43.160 soon the kids have all these activities. And 00:22:43.160 --> 00:22:45.839 you talk about better communication and resolving 00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:48.779 conflict and putting each other first, and all 00:22:48.779 --> 00:22:51.980 that begins to fade away. What I realized was 00:22:51.980 --> 00:22:54.960 I needed a tool. I mean, when I wanted to be 00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:57.559 a better basketball player, I had dribbling drills. 00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:01.000 I had passing drills. I had very specific things 00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:03.960 that I did each and every day for hours with 00:23:03.960 --> 00:23:06.700 that clear -cut goal in mind. And what we've 00:23:06.700 --> 00:23:09.039 developed at Living on the Edge is a practical 00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:11.819 tool. It's called The Marriage That Works Truth 00:23:11.819 --> 00:23:15.599 Cards to help regular couples begin to work at 00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:18.440 their marriage as they take those cards and review 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:21.619 a few each and every day. And as you do that, 00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:24.019 what I can tell you, because I've done this with 00:23:24.019 --> 00:23:27.220 literally hundreds and hundreds of couples, your 00:23:27.220 --> 00:23:30.099 mind changes about your marriage. Your desires 00:23:30.099 --> 00:23:33.579 change. A great marriage is possible for all 00:23:33.579 --> 00:23:36.119 of us as we follow God's design. And that's the 00:23:36.119 --> 00:23:38.599 goal of these cards. We want to help couples 00:23:38.599 --> 00:23:42.500 really go to work in a good way to have a deep 00:23:42.500 --> 00:23:45.359 and great marriage that will disciple them and 00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:47.440 their children. So, Dave, take a minute now, 00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:49.519 if you will, and share with people how they can 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:52.250 get these cards. Sure, Chip. It's actually really 00:23:52.250 --> 00:23:55.049 simple. Throughout this entire series, for anyone 00:23:55.049 --> 00:23:57.369 who chooses to become a monthly partner with 00:23:57.369 --> 00:23:59.609 Living on the Edge, we'll send you these new 00:23:59.609 --> 00:24:02.529 Marriage That Works truth cards as our way of 00:24:02.529 --> 00:24:05.089 saying thanks. So please pray about supporting 00:24:05.089 --> 00:24:08.089 us. Your gifts have an eternal impact as we fight 00:24:08.089 --> 00:24:11.009 for marriages and families everywhere. To learn 00:24:11.009 --> 00:24:13.910 how to become a monthly partner, visit livingontheedge 00:24:13.910 --> 00:24:20.210 .org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 00:24:20.210 --> 00:24:26.809 -333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App 00:24:26.809 --> 00:24:29.259 listeners, tap donate. You've been listening 00:24:29.259 --> 00:24:31.500 to a selected program that we wanted to share 00:24:31.500 --> 00:24:34.539 from this past week. To hear more from Chip Seery's 00:24:34.539 --> 00:24:37.539 uninvited guests, recognizing and resisting the 00:24:37.539 --> 00:24:40.259 attacks on your family, go to livingontheedge 00:24:40.259 --> 00:24:43.819 .org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until 00:24:43.819 --> 00:24:46.480 next time, I'm Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening 00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:49.240 to this weekend edition of Living on the Edge.