James 1 reminds us to consider it all joy when
we endure trials. And we can all agree with that
in theory. But what happens when the rug gets
pulled out from under you? Not just a little
stress at work or having a few arguments with
your spouse. I'm talking about a fatal car crash,
a sudden heart attack, a mass shooter, a natural
disaster. What do you do when someone you love
is here one minute and gone the next? I'm Dave
Drewy, and this past week on Living on the Edge,
we shared the powerful testimony of a man who
experienced an unbelievable tragedy, yet he put
his faith in God and persevered through it. Our
Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is with me now to
give a bit more context for this weekend program.
Thanks, Dave. Every now and then, I hear a testimony
that so reveals God's power and God's love in
the midst of tragedy and impossible situations.
Shortly after COVID, there was a man who went
through one of the most devastating experiences
that I could have ever imagined. And there was
a little resource that we were helping people
with called The Art of Survival, and it ended
up going all around the world. But how it intersected
with this man and what happened from his life
is something that people need to hear. And I
don't want to take any more time, but if you
today are thinking, I've been through some rough
times, or I know someone going through a really
hard time, or you even look at some of the tragedies
and say, God, where are you and how do you come
through? You don't want to miss what you're going
to hear today. Great setup, Chip. And before
we get going, while Guy's story is incredibly
moving, it's only intended for mature audiences.
So if you have younger kids listening with you,
parental discretion is advised. Okay, here now
is part one of Guy's testimony from tragedy to
victory. My name's Guy. I'm 54 years old, and
I've been a Christian since a teenager. I was
very blessed to have been brought up in a Christian
household with two loving parents. I met Hazel
when I was 15, so we really were childhood sweethearts.
And we started dating for a number of years and
got married at the age of 21. I have two boys
and we moved to a little seaside town in the
southwest of England called Dawlish. And the
whole purpose of going there was to set up a
ministry called Pastor's Pad. And that was to
provide soul care and respite for people in ministry.
And we've been running that since 2011. and just
seen so many incredible miracles happen through
marriages saved, people set free from addiction,
people being able to take churches in new directions
that could really reach people for Jesus. And
as well as doing Pastor's Pad, I'm also heavily
involved in the local church. I've been in Christian
leadership for pretty much most of my adult life.
Let me tell you about Hazel, my wife, and our
marriage. Hazel was just the kindest person that
I think I'd ever met. People used to say that
she would light up the room, and that's what
I used to love about her. She had such a heart
for people. She cared so, so deeply. She had
this saying that she always wanted to leave people
better off than when she first met up with them.
That was her thing. She never liked to leave
a conversation or an interaction in a bad place.
And really, that whole heart is, I guess, why
I fell in love with her. Not just married, but
we've been best of friends. We've been soulmates.
We've been buddies. We've travelled a lot. We've
had so many blessed years. And like every marriage,
it has its ups and downs. But having that commonality
of being friends as well as mission partners
and as well as lovers is such a powerful combination.
My friends would describe her as just the warmest,
kindest person that you'd meet. When she entered
the room, you knew it, not from the noise she
was making, but just how her smile just drew
you in. She would always work the room. She would
walk around trying to find people who perhaps
weren't talking to somebody and she'd go along
and just ask them who they were and what their
story was. One of my favourite photographs of
Hazel is when we went on holiday last year and
it was over to Cornwall, which was her favourite
place, and she sat in this huge... sitting chair,
all snuggled up with a lovely scarf on. And that
was her. She just loved to feel snuggled and
cuddled with a cup of tea or coffee in her hands
and just talk to people. She was really, really
personable. We had so many years of blessing,
a lot of fun, a lot of laughter. But as every
family, you do have challenges. I think the first...
hardest challenge that we had was our youngest
son nearly died when he was eight weeks old to
an illness so we know what it's like to sit by
a hospital bed for a week to two weeks wondering
whether your child's going to make it through.
That certainly has a very focused effect on your
prayer life and certainly when you're in that
environment and there are other sick children
in beds nearby so that was a very tough period.
But the challenges really started when our eldest
was going through perhaps his mid -teenage years
and that was the point that we knew something
was desperately wrong. He started to withdraw
a lot. He was struggling with identity in various
different ways and chose to cope with that through
self -medication of drugs and alcohol. And this
was one of the hardest periods for us because
We just thought, what have we done as parents?
Why is this happening? Why is our eldest not
talking to us? Why is he not listening to the
advice that he's used to? And we realised something
was deeply, deeply troubling him. And then, a
few years later, when the problems with substance
abuse got worse, it became very clear that there
were underlying mental health issues. He was
diagnosed with autism, in fact, two types of
autism, Asperger's and BPD, which are really
complex forms of autism. They fight against each
other. And this really caused him a lot of distress.
He got to the point where he was very, very paranoid
about all sorts of things. And this paranoia
then started to lead to psychosis. We probably,
for the last five years, had extreme concerns
about his well -being. He had five suicide attempts,
multiple self -harm. A number of times he tripped
into psychosis and became extremely threatening.
And this was really, really concerning. We didn't
really know what to do. We reached out many,
many times for help and we didn't feel that that
was coming through the normal channels. It was
at that point that he got sectioned and was put
in a secure hospital. He was then released. We
were really concerned about the nature of that
release. Anyway, he was put into temporary accommodation,
which really was pretty horrendous. Hazel would
visit him frequently to help with meals and cleaning
and then we managed to find him a flat where
at least he could be safe and have a space that
he could feel was secure for himself. It was
three weeks later and our youngest son graduated
from university and we enjoyed, we celebrated
that. And then as we were coming home from the
graduation, we got a phone call from our eldest
son saying that he really needed help cleaning
the flat. So Hazel, being the person that she
was, said that she would go and do that. I had
some work to do for a big church meeting coming
up and I dropped her off at the flat and went
off to a cafe for a few hours. At pick -up time,
I came to find her, to pick her up. and put in
a phone call, but there was no answer. I got
outside the flat, I knocked on the door, there
was no answer. I knocked again, still nothing.
At this point, I didn't necessarily think there
was a problem, but I tried ringing Hazel's phone,
I tried ringing my eldest son's phone, and there
was nothing. I started to bang on the door, a
lot louder, shouting up to be let in. And then
I got a text from my eldest son saying to call
the police. At this point, my mind was just all
over the place. I shouted up for him to open
the door, and he didn't. I then started to bang
on the door very hard. He sent another text.
saying, Dad, call the police. So I did. And then
whilst I was on the phone to the police, explaining
the history, he sent me a text saying he'd killed
her. At that point, I totally lost it. I was
kicking the door as hard as I could, screaming
in the middle of the street to be let in. The
police came. They took me in the police car to
a police station and I was video interviewed
for an hour and a half. And then after that,
they told me that she was dead. I then rang.
My family and my best friend came and picked
me up. And I got driven back home. And then I
had the horrendous task of having to tell Hazel's
parents what had happened. That's the hardest
thing I've ever had to do. I think as a father
and as a husband, you have such competing thoughts
going on. I mean, none of this is normal. I felt
sick and numb. You go through denial, this can't
be happening. You feel like, from a husband point
of view, you've just got this huge hole just
literally that's been ripped out of you. A sadness
and pain like I'd never experienced. In terms
of me being a father, how am I supposed to feel?
The person who was my soulmate has been killed
by the person I promised to unconditionally love.
It's an absolute mind bend. Absolute mind bend.
I think when people go through extreme trauma,
they naturally rise up. They've got to get stuck
in and get the job done. I went into that mode
where I was... funeral organizer to family counselor
to support for my youngest son they've got all
these things going on and what you're not doing
is dealing with your own grief you're kind of
putting it off because you know you've got the
most difficult few weeks coming up you've just
got to get through it you've got to do the best
that you can you've got to do the best by hazel
but If I'm being really honest with it, in the
early days, after all of that was done, I completely
zoned out and withdrew. Some days I would literally
curl up in a ball in front of the fire and just
want to go to sleep and not wake up. I would
wake up frequently in the night with panic attacks,
just like you're suffocating. Just that sense
of loss and grief is just so unimaginable. I
had two bouts of PTSD, which were really terrifying.
And it was at that point I knew I needed help.
I think the hardest thing as a husband waking
up and just seeing an empty side of the bed.
Within the first week or so, there was no...
doubt that the thing had happened because of
the things I'd seen and experienced and just
that level of trauma. But you wake up and that
was the loneliest time, first thing, just to
see an empty bed, see her photographed by the
bed, just that sense of just complete loneliness
and loss. For months I used to play worship tunes,
just hours on end I'd have my air pods in and
I'd use that to get to sleep and that would really
really help me I listened to a lot of Brandon
Lake Gratitude was the anthem song choosing to
raise that hallelujah you know when you've literally
got nothing nothing fit for a king all you can
do is sing from your heart and just raise your
hands raise that hallelujah and for me That was
probably the biggest song on my playlist that
was just going back and back and back because
the only way I could deal with this was just
to remember the good times that we'd had and
that was the attitude that I chose to put on.
One of thankfulness for who Hazel was and for
the incredible times that we'd had with each
other and just recognising that Jesus is there.
he gets it he gets the pain and the best thing
i could do was just literally lift that up to
him every time and this fits in really with some
of the art of survival stuff you know that was
just an incredible tool for me quite a short
book quite a thin book really accessible simple
practical and as soon as i started reading it
i knew i needed to really press into this book
and sometimes I would read just a page. Sometimes
I would just read a couple of lines and just
sit in the wisdom that was there. And other times
I'd read just a whole chapter. I typed up notes
on my phone, so I had it all the time with me.
And it was genuinely my field manual. At times
when I needed to press into it a little more
than a few minutes, like for an hour or so, it
became my boot camp. I would run through some
of the drills that are in that book. When we
get into aspects of that, A being about attitude,
that was huge for me because every day getting
up was a battle. And I thought to myself, I have
a choice here. I can't change what's happened.
But what I can do is I can choose the attitude
that I go into this day with and that I end this
day with. And that was just incredibly helpful
for me. And the days when I had no words, then
the attitude I chose was one of gratitude and
thanks. When I really didn't feel like getting
out of bed, the attitude that I chose was that
I am going to get out of bed and I'm going to
go for a walk and I'm going to enjoy the beautiful
countryside that's here. There's this incredible
but simple expression from Chip about saying
that there are victims and there are survivors
and the victims ask the why questions. I knew.
I had no possible positive outcome about asking
a why question about what had happened. It didn't
help to go into the land of should have, could
have, would have, because there aren't answers.
And so focusing on these what questions, literally
saying, number one, what is in my control right
now? I might feel like there's a lot spiralling
out of control, but right now, what is in my
control? Number two, what have I got to do to
get through the next day? And sometimes that
was broken down to the next hour, and sometimes
that was broken down to the next minute. It was
literally that. And the third question, really
important, was what hope do you have for the
future? And I knew that whilst I couldn't understand
why this had happened to me and my family, was
that through my faith, I know God's got this.
I know that there's a future, that there's a
purpose that sits out there. I can't explain
it now, but I know it's definitely out there.
We know from James chapter 1 that when you go
through hardships, if you persevere, that endurance
leads to maturity. It seems like such a contradiction
that you can see joy through such hardships.
But as what I've learned and from this teaching
is the joy is the outcome. It's an outworking.
And it says in verse 12 that you get the crown
of life. So we're looking at the end goal. So
my joy is in that crown of life that when I go
to meet. God in heaven, he can say, well done,
good and faithful servant. I have run that race.
I have got through that. It was incredibly hard,
but I did endure. My faith lasted out and here
I am. For me, that joy is knowing the fact that
I am a child of God and that I am going to be
back with Hazel at some point and I'm going to
spend eternity with her and with Jesus. So keeping
my eye on the third what question. is absolutely
critical. And this is one thing as Christians,
we're so easily going to church, singing these
songs about mountaintop experiences, about valley
experiences, about putting it all on the altar,
all of that stuff. But when it comes to it, how
much is just words or stuff that goes in your
head? I either trust God or I don't. I either
trust that he loves me, I either trust that he's
got a future for me and a purpose for me according
to his purposes because I love him, or I don't.
God didn't cause this. God didn't make this happen.
But it did happen. For some mysterious way, this
happened. I will never understand it. But it
is my desire. my dream to be able to help others
off the back of this experience, to be able to
minister to them through their grief and to be
able to wing Kingdom Souls for Christ. I've had
so many moments when I've been on my knees saying,
Lord, how do I get through this situation? How
do I plan and do a funeral? How do I ID my wife's
body in the mortuary? How do I go into a courtroom
where my eldest son is going to get sentenced
potentially off the back of my own testimony?
How am I going to go into the flat where my wife
was killed and gather up all the possessions?
How am I going to deal with that? And so from
the results point of view, asking for wisdom
in those situations from the Lord is just so
critical. And the thing about James chapter 1,
is asking and then not doubting and being resolute
about what you think God is asking you to do
and just getting on and doing it, not questioning
him. We either trust our creator God, who made
this incredible planet, but yet cares for us,
or we don't. And keeping our eyes fixed upwards
is sometimes the hardest thing to do, but the
most essential. There's a really incredible...
sentence in one of the chapters in this book
where chip says is my hope determined by the
size of my problems or the certainty of god's
promises wow that's a real leveler in terms of
helping you pray through these things and really
helping to focus on god's goodness and god's
kindness god never wastes anything He's going
to use this in some mighty way. He already has
been. And so for me, seeing God's perspective
on this, it's really, really helped me steer
through. And another song that I listen to a
lot, a Cody Kahn song, Christ be magnified from
the altar of my life. And I feel as though my
life has been put on an altar, the situations
I've had to go through. But I know God's been
there. I know he's been there right by my side
all the way through this. So having that theology,
that real belief in who God is and how much he
cares and loves for me and for my sons. You know,
God loves my son. I love my son. And if I can
see that mercy and grace and kindness that God...
overlays on me, how much more have I got to do
so for my son in this circumstance? This is Chip
Ingram, and wow, I don't know about you, but
at the lowest, lowest moments, we either turn
far away from God or we turn to Him in the depth
of our brokenness. And he shows up like never
before. As he walked through that story, Guy's
perspective, choose to consider it all joy. The
Art of Survival, it's a tiny little book on James
Wan that I think it's a message for our day in
the midst of such pain. Whether it's a flood
or whether it's fire or whether it's the loss
of a mate, it's a lifeline of hope that God gave
to the very first Christians. And in our next
broadcast, Guy is going to talk about what happened
next. You don't want to miss it. Thanks, Jim.
And thank you all for listening. We pray Guy's
powerful testimony has encouraged you and reminded
you that even on our darkest day, God is with
us and we can trust him. I hope you'll check
out the moving end to Guy's story. You've been
listening to a selected program that we wanted
to share from this past week. So until next time,
I'm Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening to
this weekend edition of Living on the Edge.