What does it really mean to have peace? I mean,
is it just being calm and centered? Or is it
avoiding conflict and anxiety? What if it's much
more? What if it's contentment, wholeness, satisfaction?
That's the kind of peace God wants to give you.
Today, we're going to learn, even in tough relationships,
how you can experience it. Welcome to this weekend
edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
The mission of this daily program is to intentionally
disciple Christians through the insightful Bible
teaching of Chip Ingram. And a few days ago,
we began his popular series, I Choose Peace,
How to Quiet Your Heart in the Chaos of Life.
For the next week or so, Chip will take us on
a journey through Philippians chapter 4, revealing
God's incredible gift of peace. Discover how
we can have a biblical response even in times
of uncertainty, pain, anxiety, and conflict.
Today we're highlighting the first program in
this insightful series. So with that, get your
Bible and notes ready as we join Chip to kick
off this series with his talk in relational conflict.
The title of this series is called I Choose Peace
because peace is a gift and it's a choice and
you can have it if you've never had it. But here's
what I can also tell you as a follower of Jesus,
I experienced that peace and I've actually figured
out ways to quench it so I don't experience it.
I've learned how to worry. I've learned how to
be uptight. I've learned how to focus on the
future. I've learned to get in conflict with
other Christians, where that peace just dissipates.
With that said, you'll notice on your notes,
there's three approaches, or what I would say,
there's three sources of peace. And I mean this
by sources. When I say what I'm going to say,
don't think everything is terrible or wrong with
a couple of these things. There's some great
skills, but as a source. In other words, one
source in our day would be peace is within you.
You just need to discover it. It's inward. Key
words would be meditation, relaxation. You need
to center, okay? And that the peace is your harmony
with the cosmos, but where you need to look for
peace is within. The second source we are told
about peace is outward. Words like achieve, conquer,
control, perform. In other words, the peace is
out there. You need to accomplish this, conquer
that. You need to get into a good school, get
great grades, find the right person, get a great
job, live in a nice home, drive a nice car, achieve
certain things, have a certain amount of money.
And somehow, someday, as you do all those things
and you achieve and conquer and perform, then
your desires and your circumstances will align,
and then someday you'll have peace. That's the
Western way, the American way. The first is more
Eastern. Now, don't get me wrong. Are there some
good things we learn about maybe breathing to
take away stress or stretching? Or is there goals
that we learn from sort of achieving and growing?
But I'm talking about the source. A movie came
out and it told the story of the richest man
in the world at the time, J. Paul Getty. And
the story of the movie, I think it's called,
I didn't get to watch it, but I read the review.
It's called All the Money in the World. And in
1973, he was the richest person in the world.
He's bringing in about, oil business alone, 20
million a day. And the story goes on of a man
who's consumed with money. He had five divorces.
And it's interesting, near the end of his life,
I mean, if, If the outward could deliver, this
guy has everything. The end of his life, they
said, do you have any regrets? He said, I have
two. He was not on speaking terms with his children.
I would give all the money, think of that, all
the money away tomorrow for one good marriage
and personal peace in my heart. You can't buy
those, can you? But even as followers of Christ,
you cannot experience those. The third is the
upward. It's words like trust, depend, abide.
Words like faith and love and obey. See, the
peace of God isn't some ethereal something that
you can discover with alignment. It's not achieving
things. Peace is actually a person. Jesus said,
my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives,
but my peace I give to you. In other words, when
I turned, I didn't know this happened, from my
sin and I invited Christ to come into my life
and forgive me, he takes up residence and he
seals me by his spirit and the person of Jesus
in the person of the Holy Spirit lives in you
and there's a control and a goodness and a calm.
In fact, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy.
For those who don't know, love, joy. So as I'm
abiding, whether circumstances are up or down,
relationships good or bad, the stock market goes
north or south. There's a supernatural peace,
the Bible says, that transcends understanding,
that he'll keep you in perfect peace as your
mind is stayed on him because you trust him.
That's what we're talking about. When the world
or the dictionary defines peace, it's usually
the absence of things. Notice I put the definition
in your notes. It's the absence of disturbance
and hostility. It's free from internal and external
strife. In other words, we think peace is just,
it's calm. We're just kind of getting along.
There's no big thing out there or there's no
big conflict within here. The word peace and
the kind of peace we're going to learn about
and choose and enjoy is a peace that is not just
the external or just the internal. It's something
that God adds. The Hebrew word is shalom. And
we know it means peace. But the word shalom is
way, way bigger. There's four aspects of shalom.
First, it's the complete soundness or wholeness
of health. It's a piece of your mind, your body,
and your emotions. Second, it's harmony in relationships.
You have shalom in your marriage, shalom with
your neighbors. You have shalom at work. You
have shalom with the body of Christ. Third, it's
success or progress with your purpose. In other
words, there's great peace in, I was made to
do this. I'm in line with the creator of what
he made me to do. And I have ups and downs, but
I'm doing it. And there's a peace. There's people
that spend their whole life wondering, should
I be in this job? Should we really live here?
Should I do that? There's no peace. And there's
the FOMO. There's always the fear of missing
out. So maybe I should be doing this. Oh, maybe
I should be doing this. Oh, maybe I should be
doing this. And you have this acid going around.
Peace may be the greatest thing God could ever
give you, and if you're a follower, you have
it. It's a choice. In fact, the shalom is victory
over your enemies. It's that God will protect
you. Jesus' last words on the last night, he
said to his disciples, peace I leave with you,
my peace I give you. I do not give as the world
gives. And then what a great line for us, the
world where it's at. Do not let your heart be
troubled. Don't be afraid. Let not your heart
be troubled. Don't look at anybody right now.
But can I just ask you to ask yourself, is your
heart troubled? I mean, for real. Are you afraid?
Do you find yourself watching the news or hearing
information or worried about your job or convinced
in your mind you're never going to get married
or convinced that the marriage you have is never
going to be any good or right? You understand
you can live your whole life with a supernatural
peace as a follower of Christ available and not
choose it. And so we're going to go through the
five things that rob us of our peace. In Philippians
chapter 4, and the first one is conflict in a
relationship. There's a question on the bottom
of the page. See, this could end up a seminar.
And you could be, oh, this is really interesting
information, and I took Psych 201, and there's
a lot of principles here, and oh, this is really
good. No, no, no, no, this isn't a seminar. Here's
the deal. Who in your relational network are
you at odds with? If you had to come up with
a person, a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister,
one of your kids, a roommate, a neighbor, a fellow
worker, if there's someone that you could just
whisper, oh God, because some of them, they're
so in the past and we push it down. You know,
it's a brother -in -law, it's an ex -mate, there's
issues. And what happens is you don't deal with
poison and hostility and lack of relationship
health. Bad stuff happens to your stomach and
your migraines and your soul. And we're going
to walk through a process that the Bible will
give about how to get peace when you have relational
conflict. So I want you to think about who would
you really like to have peace with? Who would
you like to say, as far as it depends on you,
I'm not saying that there's reconciliation and
everything's going to be wonderful, but as far
as it depends on you, who? Because I want you
to listen through the lens of that person. Now,
for some of you, it's your mate and they're not
here. And your first thought is, well, I wish
they were here because he really needs to hear
this or she really needs to hear this. Because
like me, 95 % of all my relational problems are
someone else's fault. Right? Honest, it's how
we think. So many of our relationships, if my
supervisor, if my boss, if one of my kids, if
my mom, if my dad, you know, if she or he would
just straighten up and get with the program,
we'd have a great relationship. I'm kind of the
person on the right, and they're totally messed
up. Now, we never say it quite like that. We
just feel it, and we have emotions and anger
and resentment. You're listening to Living on
the Edge. And you'll be back to continue our
series, I Choose Peace, in just a minute. But
let me quickly tell you that we are more than
a broadcast ministry. We're supporting pastors
globally, developing helpful resources, and sharing
the gospel with this next generation. So if you'd
like to join us in these efforts, become a monthly
partner by going to livingontheedge .org. Thanks
for your support. Well, here again is Chip. What
you have in Philippians chapter 4 in the context
is this. There's a man in prison named the Apostle
Paul. There's a church that he loves deeply.
He's been in prison there. A church grew. There's
a deep connection. God did amazing things. And
now there's some struggles in the church. Some
people at the end of chapter three are kind of
drifting away from the Lord. There's some conflict
we're going to find with people within the church.
And I mean, he loves them. I mean, he so loves
them. And he wanted to remind them there's hope
and there's persecution, even in the midst of
this world. And he reminded at the end of chapter
three that, you know what? Jesus really is coming
back. There is a heaven that's real. There's
a reality that the only sure hope in the world
that we live in is laying hold of. Our citizenship
really is in heaven. But we're to live out this
life dramatically different on earth. And so
he talked about that, and now he's going to say,
it's more than just your individual life kind
of walking faithfully with God. He says there's
a relationship problem. There's relational conflict,
and he's going to address it. In verse 1, what
I want you to listen for is his heart. Ask yourself,
is he mad? Is he angry? Is this God saying, get
with the program? Verse 1, therefore, my brothers
in whom I love. And I long for my joy and my
crown. That is how you should stand firm in the
Lord, dear friends. Would you circle the word
in your notes? Love, long for, joy, crown. And
would you put a box around stand firm? He's saying,
we have this hope. We have this peace. God so
loves us. He wants us to walk this out together.
So I love you and I care for you. And what I'm
about to say, I'm not down on anyone. But when
you don't experience corporately or individually
the peace that God has already granted, it breaks
my heart as sort of the spirit. And it says the
way you stand firm is you know where you're going
and you have this hope. And now he's going to
have a request or literally a plea of two ladies
that are not getting along. I plead with you,
Euodia, and I plead with you, Syntyche, to agree
with each other in the Lord. Circle the word
to agree. It's a very interesting Greek word.
It means to be of the same mind, to think the
same thoughts. What we know we're going to learn
is both these are really good women. This isn't
a good person and a bad person. That's what we
know from this context. It's not a moral issue.
It's not a doctrinal issue. But we have two powerhouse
people in this local church who've been greatly
used of God and something's happened that they
are not getting along. And when key people in
a small group, key people in a house called a
mom or a dad, two roommates, whatever it is,
when you don't get along with someone, what's
it do? It affects other people. So he has a plea
in verse 3. He says, yes, and I ask you, loyal
yoke fellow, help these women. Would you circle
the word help? Sometimes in relational conflict,
no matter what you do, it doesn't get better.
You need help. And then who are these women?
These women who have contended at my side in
the cause of the gospel along with Clement and
the rest of my fellow workers and whose names
are in the book of life. We learn two things
about these women. One, they've contended. I
mean, he's saying, I mean, my right hand, my
left hand, these are women that prayed and fasted
and gave and we were in the midst of persecution
and that little church got birthed and man, I
love them both and they're great people. There's
no bad person here. In fact, I'm absolutely certain
their names are written in the book of life.
So, but they can't get along. The phrase here,
loyal yoke fellow is actually a proper name,
susages. But since no one can pronounce it, including
me, many translators take the meaning of the
name, which is a loyal yoke fellow. And the word
literally means someone that, you know, can take
like two oxen and have them. be in harmony, and
walk together. And what he's saying is, hey,
we've got a problem. We've got a problem in our
small group. We've got a problem in our church.
We've got a problem in our family. These people
are at each other. They have resentment. They
have hurt. It's affecting the church. I'm asking
someone competent, can you sit down with them,
probably someone with a gift of exhortation and
a wise counselor, and can you help them? And
then in verse four, he gives a command concerning
the relational focus. Because when there's conflict,
what do you do? Who do you think about all the
time? You think about this person, right? You're
driving in your car and you have anger fantasies.
You know, she did that. She did that. You replay
it in your mind. She said that. He did that.
I can't believe that. You know, he thinks as
a supervisor, he couldn't code worth a, you know,
and then he said that about me. That's unbelievable.
And, you know, what's she thinking? I mean. Her
in -laws, every time they come, she's depressed
for three weeks afterwards. It's not a good idea.
You know, gosh, yeah, right, okay, I bring up
one more time, we don't have sex as often as
I would like, and, you know, she blows up, and
have I hit enough people yet? Is this real stuff?
This is real stuff. It's how life works. And
so what you do is you get fixated. And you might
have 90 % of your relationship with this person
is good, but man, once you get fixated on this,
then you know what? They go from being a disagreement
to a bad person. You demonize them. You know
that kind of, you know that supervisor? I remember
10 years ago, he made another mistake. I think
this whole company's in trouble because of that
guy, and he's my boss, right? She said that,
you know, she grew up that way. I remember, and
all of a sudden, You take all the dots of your
relational hurt and you rearrange them and they're
the bad person and you're like me. It's 5 % our
fault, 95 % their fault. And then you harden
your heart. And so here's the command. It's a
command, by the way. Rejoice in the Lord. And
again, I'll say rejoice. You know what he's saying?
Get vertical. Get off of them and the problem.
He's saying this one not only to the two ladies,
but to the whole church. Because when there's
a fight, what do we do? I'm on Euodia's side.
I'm on Synecdoche's side. In a family, even the
kids. Mom, dad, mom. Gosh, well, I guess, you
know, right? In a small group at work. Because
the one thing we don't do is we often don't obey
Scripture, and we have a problem with the person.
What we do is we find two or three people that
usually agree with us. And just go to a coffee
shop sometime and act like you have earphones
on. And just listen to everybody. Just listen
to everybody. It's really fun, to tell you the
truth. And 80 % of the conversations, well, I
don't know what he's thinking. You know, he plays
golf three times a week, and he expects me to
take care of the kids, and blah, blah, blah.
You know, my supervisor, I think he's on drugs,
you know. Right? People are talking about someone
else. And what's it do? Gasoline on the fire.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
and you've been listening to part one of Chip's
message in relational conflict from our series,
I Choose Peace. Chip will be back shortly to
share some helpful application for us to think
about. What's weighing on your mind right now?
Financial uncertainty? A tense relationship?
Or is it just the grind of everyday life? Whatever
it is that's robbing you of your peace, let me
tell you there's an antidote. Through this practical
study in Philippians chapter 4, Chip will teach
us how to access the peace of God, which can
restore, calm, and encourage your soul, no matter
what may be happening around you. You're not
going to want to miss a single program of this
series. Well, Chip's joined me in studio now.
And Chip, today you began the final leg of your
study through the book of Philippians, focusing
in on chapter four. So take a minute, if you
would, and share why this teaching is so relevant
and really needed right now. Well, Dave, it almost
goes without saying, you think of what's happening
culturally in America, and whether that's racial
issues or political issues. Right. If you just
think of the financial pressure that people are
living in and all the changes that have occurred,
if there is one thing I think people are desperate
for is peace. Peace in their heart, peace in
their marriage, peace at work, peace in the government.
And we try lots of things when we don't have
peace to either medicate it or avoid it or do
something to bring us some level of calm. And
this series is going to talk about four or five
specific things that challenge our peace. Things
like relationships, difficult circumstances,
worry, etc. I am so excited that we can open
God's Word and know this is how you choose peace.
Jesus said, my peace I give to you. It's a gift.
It's something that we can choose. It's something
that we can access regardless of the circumstance,
the relationship, or the problems in your life.
I think this is a series that's really going
to help you. That's right, Chip. And to help
all of you get the most out of this teaching,
download Chip's message notes. They include his
outline, the scripture he references, and key
fill -ins to help you remember what you hear.
Get them by going to the broadcasts tab at livingontheedge
.org, app listeners tap fill -in notes. We'll
hear again as Chip to share a few final thoughts.
As we close today's program, I can't help but
believe that many of you have had a person come
to your mind. You know, I've talked about relational
conflict. And, you know, for some of you, it's
your marriage. For some, it's a roommate. For
others, it's one of your kids or especially maybe
one of your grown kids. For other people, it's
like, gosh, that person at work or, you know,
if you've been next to this neighbor or your
person in the apartment complex, there's so many
opportunities that even as I brought up all these
issues about relational conflict that can pop
into your mind. And then there's one that I think
really gets us as Christians. It's that person
in your Bible study or the person you see at
church or even one of those Sunday school classes,
and you feel so bad and so guilty about it, and
it just makes you so frustrated because... Christians
are supposed to get along. I mean, you have this
unconscious belief or expectation that they're
a Christian. Why don't they act like one? And
then you feel guilty about some of the thoughts
and feelings and attitudes and bitterness and
resentment. And I think this passage is really
helpful. Because what if? Now, don't get me wrong.
There's Christians that do really mean bad, terrible
things. I'm with you. I am one of those Christians
that I actually have done some of those things
on bad days when Chip is in control instead of
the Holy Spirit. But all conflict isn't because
someone's bad. I love this passage where the
Apostle Paul introduces these two women. He describes
them both really as women who love God, serving
the church, really care. And yet they have bad
chemistry. They have bad personalities. They
look at things differently. I'm mindful of that
passage where the Apostle Paul and Barnabas have
such a sharp conflict that they have to part
ways. And as you read it carefully, I don't think
there's a bad or wrong person. Paul's thinking
of his responsibility, the big picture, the mission.
Barnabas is gifted differently. He's thinking
about the concerns for an individual. John Mark,
someone needs to help him. Both those things
are true. Here's what I want to tell you. What
if instead of blaming this person, having resentment,
you had some specific ways, a very specific game
plan to bring about resolution to this conflict?
Part of it might be something that happens in
you. Part of it might be something that you could
think a bit differently. And part of it could
be what you actually do with this other person.
In our next broadcast, I'm going to give you
five specific ways to resolve conflict. They're
biblical, they're effective, and they actually
work. Until then, I want you to just pray for
that person. I want you to pray that God will
bless him, God will encourage him, and I want
you to pray, God, if there's anything that you
want to show me, show me. And as you own your
stuff, I guarantee God's going to work. That's
a great challenge, Chip. Thanks. As we close,
I want to thank each of you who makes this program
possible through your generous giving. 100 %
of your gifts go directly to the ministry to
help Christians live like Christians. Now, if
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listeners, tap Donate. And let me thank you in
advance for doing whatever the Lord leads you
to do. You've been listening to a selected program
that we wanted to share from this past week.
To hear more from Chip's series, I Choose Peace,
go to livingontheedge .org or the Chip Ingram
app. Until next time, I'm Dave Drewy saying thanks
for listening to this weekend edition of Living
on the Edge.