Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
There are three questions everyone will ask and
answer in your lifetime. Number one, who am I?
Number two, where do I belong? And number three,
what am I supposed to do? Answering those questions
clearly and correctly will set the course for
your entire life. Today, we're going to learn
how to answer them well. Stay with me. Why do
most people spend their lives trying to be someone
else? Well, today on Living on the Edge, Chip
Ingram addresses the three fundamental questions
every human being asks. Who am I? Where do I
belong? What am I supposed to do? Using the story
of Adam and Eve's fall, Chip exposes three obstacles
that keep us from honest self -assessment, shame,
insecurity, and denial. But there's hope. God
offers a pathway to discover your authentic identity
and purpose. Well, here's Chip Ingram with today's
message, How to Come to Grips with the Real You.
Well, there's not a lot of things that psychologists
and theologians agree on 100%. But psychologists
and theologians all agree that from the time
we're very small, actually until the day we die,
we begin to consciously or unconsciously try
to ask and answer three questions. Question number
one, who am I? Question number two, where do
I belong? And question number three, what am
I supposed to do? I mean, these are the issues
about identity, about security and significance.
And we're on a journey. You know, you saw it.
It's about becoming a Romans 12 Christian or
true spirituality. And at the end of the day,
we can call it all kind of different things.
But Jesus made it very clear. Love the Lord your
God with all your heart, with all your soul,
with all your mind, with all your strength. And
love your neighbor. like yourself. And in Romans
chapter 12, it just gives us a snapshot of what
an authentic follower of Jesus looks like in
everyday life. And so in terms of loving God,
he says, how do you love God? What does God want
the most? He wants you and me, all that we are,
all that we have, surrendered to him. And then
realizing that it's a battle and the world system
wants to seduce our heart away from our Savior,
he wants us to be separate from the world's values.
Well, now we're going to move from verse 1 and
verse 2 to verse 3 through 8. And here what we're
going to learn is, how do you come to grips with
the real you? How do you look in the mirror,
not just physically, but in the mirror of your
soul, come to grips with who you really are,
and say, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
I matter. God has a plan for me. I'm not too
short. I'm not too tall. I have the right personality.
I have the right gifts. I don't need to be like
anyone else. Here's the fact of the matter. Most
people on all the earth spend the great majority
of their time and energy trying to be like someone
else or wishing they were someone else. And so
we dress like someone else. We act like someone
else. We have all these different models and
we spend all of our energy and time trying to
be a copy of something that's not nearly as attractive
as the one unique person. Out of the almost 7
billion people on this planet that have a unique
DNA that's yours. And you're made exactly like
you were made by the creator of all of life.
Because he's got a plan for you. And he's gifted
you. And he wants to do something great in you.
And then something significant through you. So
we're going to roll up our sleeves and we're
going to ask and answer the question. How do
you come to grips with the real you? So open
your teaching notes, if you will, and let's jump
into those three questions. Question number one,
who am I? What's our identity? You're always
asking this question. And by the way, for those
of you who are parents, so are your kids. The
second big question we're always asking are,
where do I belong? And this is about security.
Every person is made by the God of the universe
to need to belong, to need to understand who
you really are. And we go about it in some ways
sometimes that are very dysfunctional. In fact,
sometimes very dangerous. Third question we're
asking is, why am I here? What am I supposed
to do? I mean, it's fundamental. It's so fundamental
and so overwhelming, sometimes we blow past this
one. I mean, when's the last time you actually
stopped and said, why am I on this planet? What
is the meaning of life for me? A big part of
the whole midlife crisis. These people looking
in the rearview mirror and going, I've not only
not asked that question when I start thinking
about it very deeply, I don't like the answer.
Because I not only don't know, but I haven't
given much energy or time or track record to
what I think probably matters most. Now, before
you get too down on yourself, right? Because
honestly, those are big, aren't they? Those are
so big. Isn't it interesting the biggest issues
in life you can sort of shove down because they're
so hard to answer? It's like, well, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I mean, who here would say, who am I really
and where do I belong and what am I supposed
to do? Come on, Chip, would you get to something
serious? Right? There's no bigger questions than
that. And yet, the great majority of people have
not thought deeply or could give you good, clear
answers to that. But let me tell you why. Let
me explain why those are so hard to answer. Turn
in your notes to page two. Something happened.
Something happened to our first parents that
we've inherited from them that make these three
questions very hard to answer. It's why the world
has such a pull on us. It's why we settle for
lots of superficial answers to those things,
knowing down deep in our soul they don't really
satisfy. The passage is Genesis chapter three.
The context is the cosmic coup has occurred.
The most loving being, the most generous being,
the giver of all life, the creator of the universe,
Yahweh God, has created mankind and told them
that all that I have and everything's available,
there's only one small limitation, don't eat
from that tree. And our parents, first by deception,
then by act of the will, it was a coup, it was
a rebellion. And sin entered the world. The theologians
call it the fall of man. And we pick up the story
and we find out what happened. And as we pick
up the story, you'll discover why for you and
me, it's really hard to answer those questions
well. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking
in the garden in the cool of the day. And the
man and his wife hid themselves from the presence
of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
It's the first time this has ever happened. They
ran to meet him. They lived in a perfect environment.
They were naked emotionally. They were naked
spiritually. They were naked physically. Some
theologians think there was radiation of light
that came out from them before the fall even.
There was absolute, complete intimacy with God,
intimacy and vulnerability with one another,
unconditional acceptance. Life was perfect. And
now they hear God coming, and for the first time,
they hide. Then the Lord God called to the man
and said to him, where are you? By the way, this
is not an informational question. This is diagnostic.
God knew where he was. He's going to ask a series
of questions to help Adam discover where he's
really at. Adam said, I heard the sound of you
in the garden. I was afraid because I was naked,
so I hid myself. If you've got a pen, will you
pull it out and circle afraid, naked, and hid?
That'll come back later. You're going to find
there's a relational pattern in that that you
have and I have and every human being has. And
God said, who told you that you were naked? Have
you eaten from the tree of which I've commanded
you not to eat? And so he's going to answer God.
And it's very interesting. If you happen to be
his wife, this is not a good moment. What you're
going to learn is you can't trust this guy. For
the first time ever, what you're going to learn
when the pressure comes, what he's going to do
instead of own his stuff and be a man, he's going
to be passive and he's going to blame you. And
so Eve is. probably standing there, knowing the
whole story, and she's going to hear her husband
say to God, the woman that you gave me to be
with me, she gave me from the tree and I ate
it. Translation, it's not my fault, it's her
fault, and by the way, you're the one who gave
her to me, so let's do the math. Not me, it's
her, it's your fault, really, God. And so God
moves on with the progression of diagnostic questions.
Then the Lord God said to the woman, What is
this that you have done? And the woman, being
a very quick study, says, the serpent deceived
me and I ate. In other words, it's not my fault
either. It's the serpent's fault. And who made
this garden? And who made serpents? And you know
what? All the problems in life are God's. Isn't
it interesting a lot hasn't changed? When there's
a tragedy, when there's a difficulty, when something
happens in the world, Isn't it interesting as
human beings, what I always hear is, how could
God let this happen? How come every single day,
how could God let me breathe? How could God give
me this? I mean, we don't like list every good
thing that he's ever done, but anything goes
wrong. Well, good boy, I'll tell you what, right?
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip
Ingram. We're halfway through today's message,
so don't go anywhere just yet. Today's insightful
lesson comes from our series called God's Dream
for Your Life. Want to dig deeper into these
truths? Well, the full series is ready for you
online at livingontheedge .org. You'll discover
extra teaching content, downloadable materials,
and discussion guides to take you further. Find
it all at livingontheedge .org. Well, now let's
rejoin Chip with today's message. Three obstacles
you'll see in this passage about why it's so
hard to come to grips with the real you. First
is fear rooted in shame. Notice he says, I was
afraid. Well, why? I was afraid because now for
the first time ever, Adam realizes he's naked.
And don't, of course, it's physical, but well,
well beyond. What he realizes is he's exposed.
What he realizes when he meets the eyes of someone
who sees absolutely perfect through everything,
he doesn't measure up. There's a self -consciousness
that has occurred. And can I tell you that this
is how we relate to God often, and this is how
we relate to one another, is that the primary
means of relating to other human beings and God
is fear, and it's rooted in shame. And so we
relate to one another in fear and spend an inordinate
amount of energy posing and image managing. And
since we're not sure who we really are, We want
to be liked by other people, so I call them personality
holograms. Because of your background and your
gifts and the part of the country you grew up
in and all these factors, somewhere along the
world you learned people in certain groups like
this, and so you learn to act like that. And
dress like that. And need to drive that. And
your kids need to go to this school. And you
have all these things that somehow, someway,
if all that is lined up, because you get affirmation
from that. You get approval from that. You're
admired by people. Here's the problem. What you
know is this hologram that you're projecting
of this person that has it kind of together and
is loving and is kind and is a good whatever.
You know down deep in your soul that really doesn't
represent all of you, let alone some, a lot of
the real you. And even when people love the hologram,
you don't get love because you know that's not
you. And that's why we find some of the people
that are most beautiful and the most successful,
and we find them doing things that we scratch
our head and say, how could someone that has
all the things we all long for kill themselves
or destroy their life with an addiction? It's
that discrepancy in their soul. It's fear rooted
in shame. Notice the second thing that happens
in this. Not only did they say I was afraid,
he says hiding rooted in insecurity. See, when
you're naked, you feel insecure. You feel inadequate.
And so you hide. Not only were you afraid, but
I hide the real me from you and you hide the
real you from others and from God. Isn't it amazing
when you don't feel like praying, especially
if you down deep feel, you know, sort of that
low grade guilt in your soul. Maybe it's not
like really big sins, but. sort of the little
ones start adding up, and you just don't feel
very motivated to pray. I don't know about you,
but what I realize is I don't want to go talk
to God right now because I know how this is going
to go. Right? He's going to cause me to be honest,
expose me for who I am, and I don't like that.
And so I play this game like, well, if I don't
really talk to him very deeply right now, he
doesn't really know. But don't you do that with
your mates, those of you that are married? Don't
you do it with your roommates? Don't you do that
with your best friends? Don't we play that game?
We have fear that's rooted in shame and then
we hide in our insecurity. And can I tell you
something? Here's a great little message to learn.
This is a freedom message for me. Everyone on
the earth is desperately insecure. And you cover
it one way. I cover it one way. Some people cover
it with, you know, what they've done and their
performance and their success and other people
with their story that they tell. But you know
what? It's called the fall. And you relate and
I relate by hiding. And we hide because we're
insecure. The third relational implication of
why it's so hard to answer these questions is
blaming rooted in denial. The man says it's the
woman. The woman says it's the serpent. But ultimately
they both, they blame God. Now here's, before
we go on, because we're going to talk about Romans
chapter 12, verses 3 through 8, is actually going
to help you discover. I mean, the tipping point
of discovering who you are, where you belong,
and what you're supposed to do. Verse 3 will
tell us in just a minute who you are. Verses
4 and 5 will say where you belong. And verses
6 through 8 will be the beginning of you getting
really clear on your role and what you're supposed
to do. But I want to tell you kind of a follow
-up story because it's one thing to say, okay,
everyone's desperately insecure. What do you
do with that? Must have been 10, 15 years later,
and I'm on this journey. In fact, on a three
-by -five card I wrote shortly after that, it's
just my desire cards to renew my mind. Lord,
I long to be more authentic in every relationship
by your power and your grace. And I was invited
to, I found out later, a very exclusive dinner.
It's called the National Religious Broadcasters.
And they had probably the top maybe 20 or 30
communicators in America with their wives. And
these people put on this dinner. And I had no
idea, you know, like we're on 10 stations or
I don't know. It was not like, I mean, it was
like Chuck Swindoll's on every station has written
25 or 30 books and he's sort of the voice of
America and still going strong. And so I come
to this dinner with my wife. It is like, it made
when I was intimidated before seem like, you
know, just baby steps. And so of all things,
there's, you know, they go around and they have
a little nameplate and, you know, and so I sit
down and the nameplate next to me is Chuck Swindoll.
and I'm going, oh, no, and so, you know, I have
time, and I'm sitting there, and I, you know,
for me, too, I'm from California, and, you know,
I got a tie on and a coat, and I'm totally uncomfortable
just in how I'm dressed, and, you know, it's
real fancy, and it's in real fancy place, and,
you know, he sits down, I sit down, and I'm sitting
there thinking, what am I going to do? Because,
I mean, I'm not thinking I'm insecure. I'm feeling
very insecure, and so I go through my mind about,
like, how should I do this? Maybe I'll take the
Hey, Chuck, how's it going, man? Nah, I don't
think that'll work. How about the real, excuse
me, Dr. Swindoll, how's the ministry going? Nah,
I don't think that'll work. I mean, literally,
you know, don't you all do this? Like, what am
I going to do in this situation? And I remembered
this. Everyone's desperately insecure. I can't
really believe he is, but I'm thinking the Bible's
true. So I just thought, I'm going to keep applying
what I've been learning. And I tapped him on
the shoulder. He turned, said, excuse me, Mr.
Swindoll, this is my first time here. And I just
have to tell you, I'm way over my head. This
is very intimidating. We're not on very many
stations. I don't not only know how to act, I
don't know how to do this whole broadcasting
thing. Could you give me a couple tips? And I'll
never forget, he pulled back his chair, put his
arm around me like this. We got back, Chip. Call
me Chuck. And for the next half hour, he began
to explain the journey. And then for the next
six or seven years, I went to that dinner. Chip,
come here. And he would kind of say, well, tell
me what's happening. And then he would coach
me. And why? I could have posed. I could have
said, do you understand? We were all on one station.
We're on seven stations now. What do you think?
Oh, yeah, worldwide. Well, that's pretty good,
you know. But do you understand what happens
when you take off your mask and you're just real
and you're honest with where you're really at?
Do you know what it is? You know who's coming
out? The most attractive person on the planet
that God made, the real you. Now look in your
notes because here's what I want. I want to take
you on a journey to the beginning points of discovering
who you really are, where you really belong,
and then what you're supposed to do. God's answer
to the dysfunctional pattern of hiding and shame
and fear and denial is this. Who are you, verse
3, for by the grace of God given to me, I say
to everyone among you, do not think of yourself
more highly than you ought to think, but rather
think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance
with the measure of faith God has given you.
If you have that pen, pull it out, underline
the word think. Then when you get to then you
ought, underline the word ought. but rather think,
underline the word think, and then underline
sober judgment. So you have think, ought, think,
and sober judgment. You underlined ought because
in the original language it's how you ought to
think, but as they translated it for just a smoother
reading, they omitted that word. The same root
word, think, think, think, and sober judgment
is all the same root word. The word sober judgment
gives us the best idea. It's don't think of yourself
like someone who's drunk. When a person's drunk,
what do they do? There's an external influence
that gets inside of them that cause them to look
at life in a way that's not accurate. So he says,
don't be drunk by the world system. Don't be
drunk by what people think. Don't be drunk by
what your family tells you. You need to have
a sober self -assessment. You need to think accurately
about yourself. That's the first command. You
need to come to the point where physically, relationally,
spiritually, emotionally, your soul, you can
look in the actual mirror and say, I'm fearfully
and wonderfully made. And come to the point where
these are my strengths, these are my weaknesses,
God -given, this is how he's given me, but where
you think accurately about yourself. Notice,
don't think too highly of yourself. Don't think
too lowly of yourself, but to think of a sober
or accurate judgment. And then this little phrase,
notice it says, according to the measure of faith
that God's given you. Newell, in his commentary
on Romans, really puts it well. He says faith
in this situation is not a subjective faith.
In other words, it's not faith in Christ, it's
the faith. He says it's a standard by which we're
to evaluate ourselves. This objective faith is
the biblical view of ourself. It's who you are
in Christ. It's how God has gifted you. It's
understanding his plan for you. It's like the
first three chapters of Ephesians. It's you need
to see yourself as loved, adopted, sealed by
the Spirit. You have a purpose. You're his workmanship.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
Chip has more to share in just a moment. But
remember, if you missed any part of today's lesson
or just want to revisit what you've heard, you
can always find these lessons online at livingontheedge
.org. Throughout this series, God's Dream for
Your Life, we've explored surrender, mind renewal,
and authentic identity. These aren't abstract
concepts. They're practical truths that change
how you live every single day. For more than
30 years, Living on the Edge has helped believers
stop pretending and start living authentically.
Not through superficial self -help, but through
deep biblical teaching that addresses who you
really are in Christ. Right now, people across
the country are breaking free from the exhausting
cycle of performance and image management. They're
discovering they don't need to be anyone else.
God made them exactly as He intended. This freedom
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P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia 30024. You can
also call us at 888 -333 -6003. Well, now here's
Chip. As we wrap up today's program, I'd like
you to maybe take just a minute and ponder what
you've heard. When I talked about The Strong
and the Weak, the book, and how I learned I was
desperately insecure, and I think I probably
had a little too much fun teaching this because
I was really intimidated by really powerful,
wealthy people. And then I got to where when
I saw them posing and powering up, I kind of
had this little funny thing going inside like,
wow, that dude is really insecure just like me.
But it freed me up. And there's some of you that
are in workplaces or even family relationships
or dealing with life in such a way. And you have
this picture that you're the only one that has
these fears. You're the only one that's insecure.
Or you think weakness or insecurity is something
that is just unique to you and there's something
wrong with you. Instead of, there's something
wrong with the human race. And because of the
fall, we have been hiding. Because of the fall,
we do have shame. And I want you to know, number
one, Christ is the answer. But I've had the opportunity
to take I cannot tell you how many groups of
people through this small group study. And one
of the things that just blows my mind, especially
with the 20 and 30 -year -olds, is when we get
to a sober self -assessment and people have this
aha moment that I don't have to pose, I don't
have to pretend that the most attractive person
in all the world is the person God made me. It
is a freedom. It is so liberating. This needs
to sink from your head to your heart because
you know what? You can get freed up and have
a lot more fun in life and just might be a lot
more useful to God. I'm Dave Drewy and we'll
see you again next time when we continue our
study on God's dream for your life. Don't miss
it next time here on Living on the Edge. Today's
program is produced and sponsored by Living on
the Edge.