WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.179 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.259 --> 00:00:17.000 I got a question for you. When you talk to your 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:19.699 spouse, do you feel like you're on the same page? 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:22.760 Or is there a lot of miscommunication or unmet 00:00:22.760 --> 00:00:25.699 expectations? Are you frustrated that you feel 00:00:25.699 --> 00:00:27.920 like you're not being heard or really understood? 00:00:28.480 --> 00:00:31.100 Would you like to learn how to really communicate 00:00:31.100 --> 00:00:33.859 better with the one that you love? If so, stick 00:00:33.859 --> 00:00:38.240 around. What's the secret to communicating love 00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:41.479 to your spouse? It's not just about better techniques 00:00:41.479 --> 00:00:44.259 or learning to express yourself clearly. Today 00:00:44.259 --> 00:00:46.679 on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram reveals something 00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:49.840 deeper. Biblical communication is the transfer 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:52.740 of God's love through you to your mate in meaningful, 00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:56.320 supernatural ways. Think about that. Other than 00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:59.179 Jesus himself and the Holy Spirit, you are the 00:00:59.179 --> 00:01:01.799 primary agent of expressing God's love to your 00:01:01.799 --> 00:01:04.739 spouse. That's both sobering and empowering. 00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:07.799 But today, Chip is showing us biblical, concrete 00:01:07.799 --> 00:01:10.920 steps we can take to transform the way we communicate. 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:13.719 Well, here's Chip with today's message titled, 00:01:13.879 --> 00:01:16.640 Effectively Communicating God's Love to Your 00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:20.260 Mate. The greatest thing you can do for your 00:01:20.260 --> 00:01:24.739 marriage is draw closer and closer and closer 00:01:24.739 --> 00:01:29.239 and closer to walk with God. The only one that 00:01:29.239 --> 00:01:31.519 can ever satisfy the deepest needs of your heart 00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:35.409 in your life is Christ. The only way that you 00:01:35.409 --> 00:01:39.030 or I or anyone will be able to treat our mates 00:01:39.030 --> 00:01:41.370 in a way that will cultivate and develop them 00:01:41.370 --> 00:01:44.689 becoming who God wants them to become is when 00:01:44.689 --> 00:01:48.209 God gives that to us by the Holy Spirit, through 00:01:48.209 --> 00:01:50.810 the Lord Jesus, through his word and the community 00:01:50.810 --> 00:01:54.730 of God's people. And so it's super counterintuitive. 00:01:54.750 --> 00:01:58.069 We're all human. We just so want that other person 00:01:58.069 --> 00:02:00.640 to come through for us. And so what I want to 00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:03.859 do now is I want to talk about how to effectively 00:02:03.859 --> 00:02:07.079 communicate. And when I talk about communication, 00:02:07.500 --> 00:02:10.439 not so much in the classical, the meeting of 00:02:10.439 --> 00:02:12.500 meanings. That's, I think, a good definition 00:02:12.500 --> 00:02:16.719 of communication. It's the privilege of exchanging 00:02:16.719 --> 00:02:19.039 vulnerabilities in the words of Norm Wright. 00:02:19.259 --> 00:02:21.699 It's the process of sharing yourself verbally 00:02:21.699 --> 00:02:25.340 and non -verbally in such a way that the other 00:02:25.340 --> 00:02:28.219 person can both accept and understand what you're 00:02:28.219 --> 00:02:31.250 saying. What I want to do is I want to talk about 00:02:31.250 --> 00:02:38.650 how do you communicate God's love to the person 00:02:38.650 --> 00:02:42.550 he gave you. I want to encourage you that biblical 00:02:42.550 --> 00:02:46.969 communication is the transfer of God's love and 00:02:46.969 --> 00:02:49.789 underline each one of these words in meaningful, 00:02:49.889 --> 00:02:56.129 understandable, supernatural ways through you 00:02:56.129 --> 00:03:00.430 to your mate. It's kind of hard to grasp that 00:03:00.430 --> 00:03:03.310 other than the Lord Jesus himself, other than 00:03:03.310 --> 00:03:05.789 the Spirit of God living inside your spouse, 00:03:06.150 --> 00:03:10.569 the number one agent of expressing God's love 00:03:10.569 --> 00:03:15.750 to your mate is you. I mean, that's sobering. 00:03:16.949 --> 00:03:21.870 Our text is Colossians 3, verses 12 through 17, 00:03:22.129 --> 00:03:25.449 and it starts out with what we already possess. 00:03:25.569 --> 00:03:29.300 So as those who've been chosen of God, holy, 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:33.699 and beloved. Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, 00:03:33.960 --> 00:03:38.159 humility, gentleness, and patience. So putting 00:03:38.159 --> 00:03:40.939 on a heart of compassion, compassion is empathy 00:03:40.939 --> 00:03:45.139 to action versus being cynical. You talk about 00:03:45.139 --> 00:03:46.840 something that'll change your marriage more than 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:50.139 any technique or any skill, you start putting 00:03:50.139 --> 00:03:54.000 on a heart of compassion. Empathy is the first 00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:56.039 step to every great relation. It's beginning 00:03:56.039 --> 00:03:58.900 to look at life through their lens. The second, 00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:02.120 he says, put on a heart of kindness. Kindness 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:05.919 is whatever is helpful, beneficial versus being 00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:09.620 critical. To begin to see your mate and get up 00:04:09.620 --> 00:04:12.639 in the morning and say, what would a kind act 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:15.979 look like? What would uplift her day? What would 00:04:15.979 --> 00:04:19.420 make his day? What small thing could I do? What 00:04:19.420 --> 00:04:22.000 word of encouragement? What's something that's 00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:25.779 special to them? It's just being helpful. Third 00:04:25.779 --> 00:04:29.980 is humility. It means putting their needs first. 00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:35.259 It's the posture of a servant. Philippians 2, 00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:39.470 verses 5 -11 are the key passage. We're told, 00:04:39.589 --> 00:04:42.670 have this attitude in yourselves, which was also 00:04:42.670 --> 00:04:45.810 in Christ Jesus. Although he existed in the form 00:04:45.810 --> 00:04:48.709 of God, he didn't regard equality with God a 00:04:48.709 --> 00:04:51.230 thing to be grasped, but emptied himself. Literally, 00:04:51.350 --> 00:04:55.209 he veiled his attributes, taking the form of 00:04:55.209 --> 00:04:58.550 a bondservant and becoming obedient to the point 00:04:58.550 --> 00:05:01.790 of death. Even death on a shameful cross is the 00:05:01.790 --> 00:05:05.550 idea. Therefore, God highly exalted him, it goes 00:05:05.550 --> 00:05:09.399 on to say. Because of his humility, every knee 00:05:09.399 --> 00:05:11.839 will bow, every tongue will confess in heaven, 00:05:11.899 --> 00:05:15.240 on earth, and under the earth that Jesus Christ 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:20.439 is Lord. And his humility was he left the worship 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:25.279 of angels as the most supreme creator, sustainer, 00:05:25.279 --> 00:05:29.079 being who spoke the galaxies into existence and 00:05:29.079 --> 00:05:33.740 came born as a hopeless, vulnerable baby by himself. 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:38.379 And that he went through the rigors of humanity 00:05:38.379 --> 00:05:43.379 and rejection. He came to his own and those who 00:05:43.379 --> 00:05:50.500 were his own did not receive him. And why? It 00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:53.379 was for the joy set before him he endured the 00:05:53.379 --> 00:05:57.060 cross. In the omniscience of God looking down 00:05:57.060 --> 00:06:00.439 the tunnel of being outside and seeing all things 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:04.800 of time, he saw you. And he said, it is worth 00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:08.920 it to leave that glory, to take on human flesh, 00:06:09.139 --> 00:06:13.939 to live a perfect life, to die for you, unfairly, 00:06:13.939 --> 00:06:19.680 to be rejected, to be stripped naked, to feel 00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:21.759 the rejection of the Father when he took your 00:06:21.759 --> 00:06:27.660 sin and my sin. And he says, remember when he 00:06:27.660 --> 00:06:29.540 told the disciples, this is sort of missing in 00:06:29.540 --> 00:06:32.199 Christianity today. He didn't say, follow me 00:06:32.199 --> 00:06:33.839 and you'll feel good. Follow me and you'll be 00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:35.819 happy. Follow me and you'll be upwardly mobile. 00:06:36.120 --> 00:06:38.639 Follow me and everything will go out right. Follow 00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:41.160 me and all your desires will be fulfilled. He 00:06:41.160 --> 00:06:44.639 said, follow me, take up your cross, deny yourself, 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:48.620 and walk in the same manner that I walk. Because 00:06:48.620 --> 00:06:50.779 unless a grain of wheat fall into the earth and 00:06:50.779 --> 00:06:53.740 die, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:58.189 it brings forth much fruit. At the heart of my 00:06:58.189 --> 00:07:01.550 human marriage struggles is I need to die to 00:07:01.550 --> 00:07:06.069 myself. And I need to be co -resurrected and 00:07:06.069 --> 00:07:09.649 live with the perspective to put on a heart each 00:07:09.649 --> 00:07:12.329 and every day. The reason I go over this each 00:07:12.329 --> 00:07:14.670 and every day, I pray this each and every day, 00:07:14.709 --> 00:07:17.730 God, today, please, give me a heart of compassion, 00:07:17.990 --> 00:07:21.129 first for Teresa and then for everyone I meet. 00:07:21.189 --> 00:07:25.569 God, please, give me a heart of kindness. Help 00:07:25.569 --> 00:07:28.769 me to see through your eyes. I was yesterday 00:07:28.769 --> 00:07:31.189 just in between times and I went to a little 00:07:31.189 --> 00:07:33.829 coffee shop and I got a cup of coffee and there 00:07:33.829 --> 00:07:39.430 was a, let me just say this nicely, a very sad, 00:07:39.649 --> 00:07:42.550 unattractive woman who gave me my coffee and 00:07:42.550 --> 00:07:44.410 I asked her, how are you doing? And she looked 00:07:44.410 --> 00:07:48.310 at me with these sad eyes and said, okay. And 00:07:48.310 --> 00:07:50.750 she didn't have to say much more, but there's 00:07:50.750 --> 00:07:54.449 a man that, that gave me a checkbook and he put 00:07:54.449 --> 00:07:57.410 $5 ,000 in it. And he says, meet me in three 00:07:57.410 --> 00:08:00.209 months. And I have money, but I don't have a 00:08:00.209 --> 00:08:02.490 whole lot of time. I own this company and you're 00:08:02.490 --> 00:08:05.389 a pastor in this high need area. Whenever you 00:08:05.389 --> 00:08:07.069 find someone that can't pay their electricity, 00:08:07.290 --> 00:08:09.750 you find a girl that was gonna abort her baby, 00:08:09.889 --> 00:08:12.410 whatever you need to do, you just, just for me, 00:08:12.569 --> 00:08:16.009 you just pay for it. And so I found myself in 00:08:16.009 --> 00:08:19.189 these early years and at first it was like this 00:08:19.189 --> 00:08:22.180 huge responsibility. And then it was like, I 00:08:22.180 --> 00:08:23.980 kept this checkbook back in the days when people 00:08:23.980 --> 00:08:27.420 had checkbooks in my back pocket. And I mean, 00:08:27.459 --> 00:08:29.620 I'd be at a grocery store and here'd be a young 00:08:29.620 --> 00:08:31.540 mom. And I found out she was abandoned by her 00:08:31.540 --> 00:08:33.639 husband and three kids and they're crying. And, 00:08:33.659 --> 00:08:35.740 you know, she's putting groceries back because 00:08:35.740 --> 00:08:38.139 she can't afford it. And I was able to come by 00:08:38.139 --> 00:08:40.179 and say, no, I ended up walking around the grocery 00:08:40.179 --> 00:08:42.299 store and I heard her story and I paid for all 00:08:42.299 --> 00:08:43.899 of her groceries and I filled her car with gas. 00:08:44.279 --> 00:08:48.500 Who do you think left filled with joy? And I 00:08:48.500 --> 00:08:50.480 made that a habit. You know, in the early years, 00:08:50.600 --> 00:08:53.539 I couldn't do very much, so maybe $5 bills, and 00:08:53.539 --> 00:08:55.960 then as life got a little bit better, $20 bills, 00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:59.720 and, you know, as life even got a little bit 00:08:59.720 --> 00:09:02.159 better, when I travel, just certain times, I 00:09:02.159 --> 00:09:05.720 keep like $400 or $500 bills. And I just think, 00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:09.460 God, if there's someone, you know, the people, 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:11.259 I'm in airports a lot, you know those people 00:09:11.259 --> 00:09:16.659 that clean the restrooms in the airports? I walk 00:09:16.659 --> 00:09:20.340 in and I see a man who's, you know, 66, 68, 70 00:09:20.340 --> 00:09:23.659 years old, gray, bent over. And at this stage 00:09:23.659 --> 00:09:26.139 of his life, he's cleaning the trash cans in 00:09:26.139 --> 00:09:30.940 airports. And this isn't natural for me, but 00:09:30.940 --> 00:09:35.399 God, I want to see him. He's so valuable to you. 00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:38.080 Does anyone say that? I want him to know. And 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:40.519 I keep those $100 bills. And just only when God 00:09:40.519 --> 00:09:44.299 prompts me, say, excuse me, thank you so much 00:09:44.299 --> 00:09:46.730 for what you're doing here. Keeping this clean. 00:09:47.629 --> 00:09:51.049 The Lord Jesus told me that he knows what you're 00:09:51.049 --> 00:09:53.450 doing and he sees you and he cares about you. 00:09:53.590 --> 00:09:55.809 And I give him, I just fold it up so he can't 00:09:55.809 --> 00:09:59.950 see how much it is. And then I leave. You know 00:09:59.950 --> 00:10:04.289 who's changed the most? Me. It's not because 00:10:04.289 --> 00:10:07.809 I gave him $100. It's because it's in my pocket. 00:10:08.049 --> 00:10:12.190 I'm looking every day for someone that God wants 00:10:12.190 --> 00:10:14.889 to be kind to, that he wants me to be the conduit 00:10:14.889 --> 00:10:17.539 through. Do you understand what happened? New 00:10:17.539 --> 00:10:21.980 classes. You look differently. This is what he's 00:10:21.980 --> 00:10:25.740 saying. And if that happens out there, can you 00:10:25.740 --> 00:10:28.139 imagine what would happen if you said, Oh, Lord, 00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:30.639 what would it look like to be generous to my 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:33.220 husband today? What would it look like to be 00:10:33.220 --> 00:10:39.100 generous to my wife or one of my children? You're 00:10:39.100 --> 00:10:41.460 listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:10:41.480 --> 00:10:44.059 We'll continue with Chip's teaching in just a 00:10:44.059 --> 00:10:46.529 minute. The message you're hearing today is part 00:10:46.529 --> 00:10:49.389 of our series, Choosing Love. If you want to 00:10:49.389 --> 00:10:51.870 dig deeper into these powerful principles, the 00:10:51.870 --> 00:10:54.590 complete series is waiting for you online at 00:10:54.590 --> 00:10:57.950 livingontheedge .org. You'll discover additional 00:10:57.950 --> 00:11:01.210 teaching, downloadable resources, and study questions 00:11:01.210 --> 00:11:04.610 to help you apply these truths. Visit us online 00:11:04.610 --> 00:11:09.029 at livingontheedge .org. Now let's get back to 00:11:09.029 --> 00:11:12.210 the message. The next is gentleness. It's strength 00:11:12.210 --> 00:11:17.179 under control. especially your emotions. Matthew 00:11:17.179 --> 00:11:22.019 11, 28, Jesus, it's that great invitation. People 00:11:22.019 --> 00:11:26.639 were hassled and stressed out. You understand, 00:11:26.720 --> 00:11:30.740 when Jesus came, 80 % of the Roman world was 00:11:30.740 --> 00:11:36.240 slaves. Rome was just flat brutal. I mean, the 00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:40.940 majority of small children died. The rule of 00:11:40.940 --> 00:11:43.879 Rome was, When a child was born, it was brought 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:46.960 to his father. And if it was a girl, often, I 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:48.399 don't want a girl. And it would just be killed. 00:11:49.139 --> 00:11:53.700 It's in this harsh, just terrible environment. 00:11:55.639 --> 00:12:00.480 Jesus said, those of you that are weary, come 00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:05.100 to me. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. 00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:09.240 Here's our word. For I am gentle and lowly of 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:14.769 spirit. Take my yoke upon you. My burden is easy. 00:12:14.909 --> 00:12:17.769 My load is light. It's a picture, you know, of 00:12:17.769 --> 00:12:21.429 the oxen that have this yoke. And Jesus says, 00:12:21.509 --> 00:12:25.129 I'm on this side. I want you to come and let's 00:12:25.129 --> 00:12:28.309 do life together. This isn't a God whose arms 00:12:28.309 --> 00:12:30.990 are crossed and toe tapping and, you know, looking 00:12:30.990 --> 00:12:32.850 at your morality and why don't you go to church 00:12:32.850 --> 00:12:34.590 more? Why don't you read the Bible more? You 00:12:34.590 --> 00:12:36.169 know, why are you looking at pornography and 00:12:36.169 --> 00:12:37.950 why did you blow up one more time? Bad, bad, 00:12:37.970 --> 00:12:40.169 bad, bad, bad. This is God who says, aren't you 00:12:40.169 --> 00:12:44.850 tired of all of that? Come, let me walk with 00:12:44.850 --> 00:12:48.669 you. I'm gentle. The word was used in classical 00:12:48.669 --> 00:12:54.190 Greek of a wild, powerful stallion that had been 00:12:54.190 --> 00:12:58.899 tamed. In other words, it's extraordinary power 00:12:58.899 --> 00:13:03.320 under control. Jesus didn't stay on the cross 00:13:03.320 --> 00:13:06.019 because he had to. Jesus stayed on the cross 00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:10.259 because he was gentle. His power was under control. 00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:13.639 He didn't demand his rights for legions of angels 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:16.700 to come and say, this is unfair, this is wrong, 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:21.960 wipe him out. He goes, no, I am willing to withhold 00:13:21.960 --> 00:13:27.230 my rights and channel my power. for the benefit 00:13:27.230 --> 00:13:30.610 of others. It's the opposite of being harsh, 00:13:30.850 --> 00:13:35.830 demanding, arms crossed. Those looks that say 00:13:35.830 --> 00:13:39.049 to your mate, did you do that again? The look 00:13:39.049 --> 00:13:41.149 that says, don't you ever do anything right to 00:13:41.149 --> 00:13:45.429 one of your kids. It's gentle. It's approachable. 00:13:46.289 --> 00:13:48.649 Put on a heart of patience. It means to endure 00:13:48.649 --> 00:13:53.769 with a good attitude. 2 Peter 3 .9 says, you 00:13:53.769 --> 00:13:55.250 know, people, he was talking about, you know, 00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:57.779 He's coming back. And everyone goes, yeah, yeah, 00:13:57.820 --> 00:13:59.360 right. He's coming back. You've been saying that 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:01.500 for a long time. And Peter says, you don't understand. 00:14:02.279 --> 00:14:06.360 God is not slow as some think slow. For to him, 00:14:06.360 --> 00:14:09.080 a day in a thousand years is the same. He is 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:13.019 patient. Macro thumos. Can you hear the two words? 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:19.100 Macro thumos, heat. It's dispersed. He wants 00:14:19.100 --> 00:14:21.799 all to be saved, to all to come to repentance. 00:14:22.779 --> 00:14:27.490 It's putting up with. Enduring. One more time. 00:14:27.549 --> 00:14:30.830 One more time. I'm not going to give up. We're 00:14:30.830 --> 00:14:37.230 going to keep working at this. Jesus was patient 00:14:37.230 --> 00:14:41.809 with the disciples. Do you realize the only time, 00:14:41.909 --> 00:14:45.090 read all the gospels and then list all the things 00:14:45.090 --> 00:14:48.470 he criticizes them for. All the times he comes 00:14:48.470 --> 00:14:52.330 down on them, criticizes them. We get one clear 00:14:52.330 --> 00:14:58.659 time when Peter gets very self -focused in his 00:14:58.659 --> 00:15:01.840 agenda and his kingdom. I can't imagine Jesus 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:03.600 looking you right in the eyeballs and saying, 00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:07.940 get behind me, Satan. The only time he reproves 00:15:07.940 --> 00:15:16.200 them is, oh, you of little faith. Did you ever 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:18.379 wonder, so what does God really want from me? 00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:20.759 How do you become a good Christian? I mean, what's 00:15:20.759 --> 00:15:23.679 he really, really want? You ready for this? They 00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:26.860 ask him that in John 6. He said, this is the 00:15:26.860 --> 00:15:31.539 work of God that you believe in whom he has sent. 00:15:32.059 --> 00:15:34.539 You know, the greatest question you can ask yourself 00:15:34.539 --> 00:15:36.360 every single day, you might write this down. 00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:40.179 What does it look like to trust God in this situation? 00:15:41.580 --> 00:15:43.580 What does it look like to trust God with how 00:15:43.580 --> 00:15:46.220 he's acting right now? What's it look like to 00:15:46.220 --> 00:15:48.639 trust God with these finances? What's it look 00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:50.980 like to trust God with this deployment? What's 00:15:50.980 --> 00:15:53.240 it look like to trust God when the biopsy report 00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:57.259 comes back? Positive. What's it look like to 00:15:57.259 --> 00:15:59.519 trust God with the way we're child? What's it 00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:01.960 look like to trust God when you don't like where 00:16:01.960 --> 00:16:04.639 you live? What's it look like to trust God with 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:07.919 overcoming the infidelity of your mate? What's 00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:10.179 it look like to trust God with the infidelity 00:16:10.179 --> 00:16:16.559 that you had and the guilt that you share? See, 00:16:16.620 --> 00:16:18.899 you can be moral. You can go to church. You can 00:16:18.899 --> 00:16:22.759 read your Bible. Without faith, it's impossible 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:28.379 to please Him. Faith is nothing more or nothing 00:16:28.379 --> 00:16:31.519 less is believing in God's character and God's 00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:34.240 promises to the point of acting on them. Faith 00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:36.139 isn't some ooey -gooey feeling. Ooh, I think 00:16:36.139 --> 00:16:38.440 I got it. Think I got faith? I believe you. I 00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:41.320 believe you. Faith is a picture of a bridge. 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:45.000 And we think faith is this rickety bridge like 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:47.399 on one of those, you know, Indiana Jones movies 00:16:47.399 --> 00:16:50.299 and there's missing pieces and there's superheroes 00:16:50.299 --> 00:16:52.379 and, oh, we're going to make it. And they take 00:16:52.379 --> 00:16:54.379 two steps and they almost fall through and then 00:16:54.379 --> 00:16:55.960 they get to the other side and we think, oh, 00:16:56.139 --> 00:16:58.379 Indiana Jones Christians, they have such faith. 00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:05.529 That's not faith. This is faith biblically. steel, 00:17:05.529 --> 00:17:08.490 concrete's three feet thick. It's the object 00:17:08.490 --> 00:17:10.849 of your faith. God says this will hold me up. 00:17:11.710 --> 00:17:14.230 Let's walk across. That's why you don't need 00:17:14.230 --> 00:17:17.150 a lot of faith. Jesus said you need the faith 00:17:17.150 --> 00:17:19.589 of a mustard seed. It's the object of your faith. 00:17:20.250 --> 00:17:22.789 What if there is an all -powerful, all -knowing 00:17:22.789 --> 00:17:25.650 God who died, rose from the dead, who dwells 00:17:25.650 --> 00:17:27.750 inside of you, and the same power that raised 00:17:27.750 --> 00:17:31.089 him from the dead dwells inside of you? Apart 00:17:31.089 --> 00:17:33.230 from him, you can do nothing. But in Christ, 00:17:33.289 --> 00:17:36.490 you can do all things. And you just say, okay, 00:17:36.670 --> 00:17:40.809 I can forgive him. Okay, well, I guess we'll 00:17:40.809 --> 00:17:42.450 cut our budget. I don't know how we're going 00:17:42.450 --> 00:17:44.470 to make it financially, but we're going to keep 00:17:44.470 --> 00:17:47.849 moving forward. Okay? It's a wayward child. We 00:17:47.849 --> 00:17:50.549 can't control him. We're going to trust God. 00:17:51.049 --> 00:17:53.170 We're going to get good counseling. Here's the 00:17:53.170 --> 00:17:57.269 path. Lord, you love him more than we do. You 00:17:57.269 --> 00:18:04.259 love her more than we do. It's faith. Patience. 00:18:04.259 --> 00:18:06.680 I'm going to give you just a little tool. You 00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:09.759 can write it at the bottom of the page. I call 00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:13.440 this little tool, I know you really care when. 00:18:14.539 --> 00:18:16.619 Okay, just write that. I know you really care 00:18:16.619 --> 00:18:19.579 when. Because some of you are thinking, I want 00:18:19.579 --> 00:18:21.240 to be compassionate and I want to be gentle. 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:24.599 Okay, Chip, I really want to be all this, but 00:18:24.599 --> 00:18:27.890 I'm not sure what it would look like. I can't 00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:30.390 read her mind. I can't read his mind. Here's 00:18:30.390 --> 00:18:34.390 what you do. There's a little column. And, you 00:18:34.390 --> 00:18:40.109 know, if you're a husband, you write, I know 00:18:40.109 --> 00:18:42.289 you really care, speaking to your wife, when 00:18:42.289 --> 00:18:47.029 you, one, two, three. Just write the top three. 00:18:47.109 --> 00:18:49.890 You can go five if you want. But, I mean, give 00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:53.369 her a break. Just write, I feel loved when you, 00:18:53.470 --> 00:18:55.349 and just write the top three things that when 00:18:55.349 --> 00:18:59.599 she does them, you feel loved. ladies, you write, 00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:01.660 here's the top three things. You can go four 00:19:01.660 --> 00:19:06.140 or five. I feel most loved when you, and just 00:19:06.140 --> 00:19:11.700 write him. And then just exchange lists. So we've 00:19:11.700 --> 00:19:14.980 made this whole thing about it has to be so spontaneous 00:19:14.980 --> 00:19:17.759 and if he could read my mind or if she would 00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:21.220 only know. I did this with my wife. We were struggling. 00:19:22.500 --> 00:19:25.440 The counselor gave us this tool. Everything I 00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:28.490 give you, I got out of counseling. So, but it's 00:19:28.490 --> 00:19:31.950 like, okay, here's the top thing. When you take 00:19:31.950 --> 00:19:33.630 out the trash, when you help with this, when 00:19:33.630 --> 00:19:35.009 you help with the kid's homework, I'm thinking, 00:19:35.049 --> 00:19:37.210 what in the world's this got to do with love? 00:19:37.329 --> 00:19:39.190 And finally I said, it doesn't matter what I 00:19:39.190 --> 00:19:42.470 think. If this makes her feel loved, guess what? 00:19:42.509 --> 00:19:45.490 I love her. Guess what? I made a vow. Guess what? 00:19:45.529 --> 00:19:48.289 I'm committed to her. So she made a list and 00:19:48.289 --> 00:19:50.329 I just decided I'm going to do at least one of 00:19:50.329 --> 00:19:53.309 those things every day. If nothing else, at least, 00:19:53.329 --> 00:19:56.980 you know. Every day, she is going to get loved 00:19:56.980 --> 00:19:59.980 by me with some compassion and gentleness and 00:19:59.980 --> 00:20:07.119 vice versa. Try it. You're hearing Living on 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:09.740 the Edge with Chip Ingram, teaching us how to 00:20:09.740 --> 00:20:12.559 put on hearts of compassion, kindness, and gentleness 00:20:12.559 --> 00:20:15.519 in our marriages. Chip will be back with final 00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:18.000 thoughts in just a moment. As you think about 00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:20.339 communicating God's love to your spouse, I want 00:20:20.339 --> 00:20:22.519 to tell you about Chip's newest book that perfectly 00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:24.359 complements what we're learning. It's called 00:20:24.359 --> 00:20:27.940 I Choose Love. Here's the powerful truth this 00:20:27.940 --> 00:20:30.420 book unveils. Love isn't just something that 00:20:30.420 --> 00:20:32.559 happens to you. It's something you can choose. 00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:36.180 Chip shows us that agape love, the kind God has 00:20:36.180 --> 00:20:39.079 for us, isn't built on feelings or romantic notions. 00:20:39.400 --> 00:20:42.619 It's characterized by sacrifice, putting others' 00:20:42.740 --> 00:20:46.019 interests first. If you want real, actionable 00:20:46.019 --> 00:20:49.380 strategies to see love transform your life, this 00:20:49.380 --> 00:20:52.480 book is for you. Get your copy of I Choose Love 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:57.039 by going online to livingontheedge .org. You 00:20:57.039 --> 00:20:59.119 know, every day, Living on the Edge reaches people 00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:01.359 with biblical teaching that strengthens marriages 00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:04.299 and families. Couples on the brink are finding 00:21:04.299 --> 00:21:07.220 hope. Husbands and wives are learning to truly 00:21:07.220 --> 00:21:10.460 connect. And friend, this ministry exists because 00:21:10.460 --> 00:21:13.380 partners like you make it possible. When you 00:21:13.380 --> 00:21:15.539 give to Living on the Edge, you're investing 00:21:15.539 --> 00:21:18.339 in marriages, families, and the next generation. 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:22.180 Would you join us? To give, visit livingontheedge 00:21:22.180 --> 00:21:25.619 .org or mail your gift to Living on the Edge, 00:21:25.660 --> 00:21:31.160 P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia, 30024. You 00:21:31.160 --> 00:21:36.519 can also call us at 888 -333 -6003. And be sure 00:21:36.519 --> 00:21:38.440 to subscribe to the Living on the Edge podcast 00:21:38.440 --> 00:21:41.640 featuring uncut sermons through the Chip Ingram 00:21:41.640 --> 00:21:45.039 Sermon Podcast, available on Apple Podcasts, 00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:48.480 Spotify, and wherever you listen. Well, now here's 00:21:48.480 --> 00:21:51.359 Chip with some final thoughts. Before we go any 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:54.599 farther in this program, I want to talk to those 00:21:54.599 --> 00:21:57.920 of you who, when you were hearing the words of 00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:02.579 Jesus, come unto me, all of you that are stressed 00:22:02.579 --> 00:22:05.720 out. that are working hard, that are overwhelmed, 00:22:05.980 --> 00:22:09.119 whose life's not working, your marriage isn't 00:22:09.119 --> 00:22:12.599 working, you have anxiety, you have fear, you 00:22:12.599 --> 00:22:17.180 wonder about the future, come, come, and I will 00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:21.400 give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. And you 00:22:21.400 --> 00:22:23.519 may have been listening because you wanted to 00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:26.740 grow in your marriage, but what he's saying is, 00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:33.619 Let me love you first. Receive my life forgiveness 00:22:33.619 --> 00:22:38.220 so that you have the resources and the ability 00:22:38.220 --> 00:22:42.940 to love your mate in an unconditional way. And 00:22:42.940 --> 00:22:46.299 if you don't know Jesus personally, if he's not 00:22:46.299 --> 00:22:49.279 a part of your everyday, of your waking moments, 00:22:49.339 --> 00:22:53.400 of a personal relationship with him, his offer 00:22:53.400 --> 00:22:57.490 to you is come. Come as you are. You don't need 00:22:57.490 --> 00:22:59.470 to clean up your life first. You don't need to 00:22:59.470 --> 00:23:02.150 try and get everything right. You need to come 00:23:02.150 --> 00:23:06.910 and admit, I'm not perfect. And he says, Jesus 00:23:06.910 --> 00:23:11.789 paid the price on the cross. And his gift to 00:23:11.789 --> 00:23:14.769 you is his righteousness and his forgiveness. 00:23:15.190 --> 00:23:18.009 So that when God looks at you, when you receive 00:23:18.009 --> 00:23:21.849 him, you have a perfect score because it's not 00:23:21.849 --> 00:23:24.609 what you have done. It's his forgiveness in your 00:23:24.609 --> 00:23:28.529 place, his blood shed for you, and his resurrection 00:23:28.529 --> 00:23:33.410 that has saved you. And it's a gift. But he says 00:23:33.410 --> 00:23:38.250 it is by faith. that you receive this gift. And 00:23:38.250 --> 00:23:40.750 let me encourage you in this moment to lift the 00:23:40.750 --> 00:23:43.789 empty hands of faith and say, Lord Jesus, you 00:23:43.789 --> 00:23:47.789 said come, and I'm coming. I confess to you that 00:23:47.789 --> 00:23:51.089 I've sinned. I need you desperately. I believe 00:23:51.089 --> 00:23:54.089 you died in my place. I believe you rose from 00:23:54.089 --> 00:23:56.890 the dead. I'm asking you, come into my life. 00:23:57.309 --> 00:24:00.970 Save me. Make me your son. Make me your daughter. 00:24:01.740 --> 00:24:03.980 And if you just prayed with me, could I encourage 00:24:03.980 --> 00:24:07.140 you, call or text the greatest Christian you 00:24:07.140 --> 00:24:09.779 know and say, I just prayed to receive Christ. 00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:13.759 I asked Jesus to come into my life. I'm not sure 00:24:13.759 --> 00:24:16.740 what it all means, but I know I need help. You 00:24:16.740 --> 00:24:19.599 know, the hardest thing to do in my whole married 00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:23.240 life is to give my wife what she needs when I 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:25.960 don't think she deserves it. And it wasn't until 00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:29.930 my walk with Jesus Christ grew. that I could 00:24:29.930 --> 00:24:34.150 begin to love her the way he loves me. And that's 00:24:34.150 --> 00:24:36.509 my dream for you, and that's God's dream for 00:24:36.509 --> 00:24:39.369 you. And that's the basis and the heart of a 00:24:39.369 --> 00:24:42.210 great marriage. How often do you and your spouse 00:24:42.210 --> 00:24:45.289 have deep heart -to -heart conversations? Well, 00:24:45.289 --> 00:24:47.190 I'm Dave Drewy, inviting you to discover how 00:24:47.190 --> 00:24:50.029 to communicate God's love more effectively next 00:24:50.029 --> 00:24:56.170 time on Living on the Edge. Today's program is 00:24:56.170 --> 00:24:58.630 produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.