Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
I got a question for you. When you talk to your
spouse, do you feel like you're on the same page?
Or is there a lot of miscommunication or unmet
expectations? Are you frustrated that you feel
like you're not being heard or really understood?
Would you like to learn how to really communicate
better with the one that you love? If so, stick
around. What's the secret to communicating love
to your spouse? It's not just about better techniques
or learning to express yourself clearly. Today
on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram reveals something
deeper. Biblical communication is the transfer
of God's love through you to your mate in meaningful,
supernatural ways. Think about that. Other than
Jesus himself and the Holy Spirit, you are the
primary agent of expressing God's love to your
spouse. That's both sobering and empowering.
But today, Chip is showing us biblical, concrete
steps we can take to transform the way we communicate.
Well, here's Chip with today's message titled,
Effectively Communicating God's Love to Your
Mate. The greatest thing you can do for your
marriage is draw closer and closer and closer
and closer to walk with God. The only one that
can ever satisfy the deepest needs of your heart
in your life is Christ. The only way that you
or I or anyone will be able to treat our mates
in a way that will cultivate and develop them
becoming who God wants them to become is when
God gives that to us by the Holy Spirit, through
the Lord Jesus, through his word and the community
of God's people. And so it's super counterintuitive.
We're all human. We just so want that other person
to come through for us. And so what I want to
do now is I want to talk about how to effectively
communicate. And when I talk about communication,
not so much in the classical, the meeting of
meanings. That's, I think, a good definition
of communication. It's the privilege of exchanging
vulnerabilities in the words of Norm Wright.
It's the process of sharing yourself verbally
and non -verbally in such a way that the other
person can both accept and understand what you're
saying. What I want to do is I want to talk about
how do you communicate God's love to the person
he gave you. I want to encourage you that biblical
communication is the transfer of God's love and
underline each one of these words in meaningful,
understandable, supernatural ways through you
to your mate. It's kind of hard to grasp that
other than the Lord Jesus himself, other than
the Spirit of God living inside your spouse,
the number one agent of expressing God's love
to your mate is you. I mean, that's sobering.
Our text is Colossians 3, verses 12 through 17,
and it starts out with what we already possess.
So as those who've been chosen of God, holy,
and beloved. Put on a heart of compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness, and patience. So putting
on a heart of compassion, compassion is empathy
to action versus being cynical. You talk about
something that'll change your marriage more than
any technique or any skill, you start putting
on a heart of compassion. Empathy is the first
step to every great relation. It's beginning
to look at life through their lens. The second,
he says, put on a heart of kindness. Kindness
is whatever is helpful, beneficial versus being
critical. To begin to see your mate and get up
in the morning and say, what would a kind act
look like? What would uplift her day? What would
make his day? What small thing could I do? What
word of encouragement? What's something that's
special to them? It's just being helpful. Third
is humility. It means putting their needs first.
It's the posture of a servant. Philippians 2,
verses 5 -11 are the key passage. We're told,
have this attitude in yourselves, which was also
in Christ Jesus. Although he existed in the form
of God, he didn't regard equality with God a
thing to be grasped, but emptied himself. Literally,
he veiled his attributes, taking the form of
a bondservant and becoming obedient to the point
of death. Even death on a shameful cross is the
idea. Therefore, God highly exalted him, it goes
on to say. Because of his humility, every knee
will bow, every tongue will confess in heaven,
on earth, and under the earth that Jesus Christ
is Lord. And his humility was he left the worship
of angels as the most supreme creator, sustainer,
being who spoke the galaxies into existence and
came born as a hopeless, vulnerable baby by himself.
And that he went through the rigors of humanity
and rejection. He came to his own and those who
were his own did not receive him. And why? It
was for the joy set before him he endured the
cross. In the omniscience of God looking down
the tunnel of being outside and seeing all things
of time, he saw you. And he said, it is worth
it to leave that glory, to take on human flesh,
to live a perfect life, to die for you, unfairly,
to be rejected, to be stripped naked, to feel
the rejection of the Father when he took your
sin and my sin. And he says, remember when he
told the disciples, this is sort of missing in
Christianity today. He didn't say, follow me
and you'll feel good. Follow me and you'll be
happy. Follow me and you'll be upwardly mobile.
Follow me and everything will go out right. Follow
me and all your desires will be fulfilled. He
said, follow me, take up your cross, deny yourself,
and walk in the same manner that I walk. Because
unless a grain of wheat fall into the earth and
die, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies,
it brings forth much fruit. At the heart of my
human marriage struggles is I need to die to
myself. And I need to be co -resurrected and
live with the perspective to put on a heart each
and every day. The reason I go over this each
and every day, I pray this each and every day,
God, today, please, give me a heart of compassion,
first for Teresa and then for everyone I meet.
God, please, give me a heart of kindness. Help
me to see through your eyes. I was yesterday
just in between times and I went to a little
coffee shop and I got a cup of coffee and there
was a, let me just say this nicely, a very sad,
unattractive woman who gave me my coffee and
I asked her, how are you doing? And she looked
at me with these sad eyes and said, okay. And
she didn't have to say much more, but there's
a man that, that gave me a checkbook and he put
$5 ,000 in it. And he says, meet me in three
months. And I have money, but I don't have a
whole lot of time. I own this company and you're
a pastor in this high need area. Whenever you
find someone that can't pay their electricity,
you find a girl that was gonna abort her baby,
whatever you need to do, you just, just for me,
you just pay for it. And so I found myself in
these early years and at first it was like this
huge responsibility. And then it was like, I
kept this checkbook back in the days when people
had checkbooks in my back pocket. And I mean,
I'd be at a grocery store and here'd be a young
mom. And I found out she was abandoned by her
husband and three kids and they're crying. And,
you know, she's putting groceries back because
she can't afford it. And I was able to come by
and say, no, I ended up walking around the grocery
store and I heard her story and I paid for all
of her groceries and I filled her car with gas.
Who do you think left filled with joy? And I
made that a habit. You know, in the early years,
I couldn't do very much, so maybe $5 bills, and
then as life got a little bit better, $20 bills,
and, you know, as life even got a little bit
better, when I travel, just certain times, I
keep like $400 or $500 bills. And I just think,
God, if there's someone, you know, the people,
I'm in airports a lot, you know those people
that clean the restrooms in the airports? I walk
in and I see a man who's, you know, 66, 68, 70
years old, gray, bent over. And at this stage
of his life, he's cleaning the trash cans in
airports. And this isn't natural for me, but
God, I want to see him. He's so valuable to you.
Does anyone say that? I want him to know. And
I keep those $100 bills. And just only when God
prompts me, say, excuse me, thank you so much
for what you're doing here. Keeping this clean.
The Lord Jesus told me that he knows what you're
doing and he sees you and he cares about you.
And I give him, I just fold it up so he can't
see how much it is. And then I leave. You know
who's changed the most? Me. It's not because
I gave him $100. It's because it's in my pocket.
I'm looking every day for someone that God wants
to be kind to, that he wants me to be the conduit
through. Do you understand what happened? New
classes. You look differently. This is what he's
saying. And if that happens out there, can you
imagine what would happen if you said, Oh, Lord,
what would it look like to be generous to my
husband today? What would it look like to be
generous to my wife or one of my children? You're
listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
We'll continue with Chip's teaching in just a
minute. The message you're hearing today is part
of our series, Choosing Love. If you want to
dig deeper into these powerful principles, the
complete series is waiting for you online at
livingontheedge .org. You'll discover additional
teaching, downloadable resources, and study questions
to help you apply these truths. Visit us online
at livingontheedge .org. Now let's get back to
the message. The next is gentleness. It's strength
under control. especially your emotions. Matthew
11, 28, Jesus, it's that great invitation. People
were hassled and stressed out. You understand,
when Jesus came, 80 % of the Roman world was
slaves. Rome was just flat brutal. I mean, the
majority of small children died. The rule of
Rome was, When a child was born, it was brought
to his father. And if it was a girl, often, I
don't want a girl. And it would just be killed.
It's in this harsh, just terrible environment.
Jesus said, those of you that are weary, come
to me. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me.
Here's our word. For I am gentle and lowly of
spirit. Take my yoke upon you. My burden is easy.
My load is light. It's a picture, you know, of
the oxen that have this yoke. And Jesus says,
I'm on this side. I want you to come and let's
do life together. This isn't a God whose arms
are crossed and toe tapping and, you know, looking
at your morality and why don't you go to church
more? Why don't you read the Bible more? You
know, why are you looking at pornography and
why did you blow up one more time? Bad, bad,
bad, bad, bad. This is God who says, aren't you
tired of all of that? Come, let me walk with
you. I'm gentle. The word was used in classical
Greek of a wild, powerful stallion that had been
tamed. In other words, it's extraordinary power
under control. Jesus didn't stay on the cross
because he had to. Jesus stayed on the cross
because he was gentle. His power was under control.
He didn't demand his rights for legions of angels
to come and say, this is unfair, this is wrong,
wipe him out. He goes, no, I am willing to withhold
my rights and channel my power. for the benefit
of others. It's the opposite of being harsh,
demanding, arms crossed. Those looks that say
to your mate, did you do that again? The look
that says, don't you ever do anything right to
one of your kids. It's gentle. It's approachable.
Put on a heart of patience. It means to endure
with a good attitude. 2 Peter 3 .9 says, you
know, people, he was talking about, you know,
He's coming back. And everyone goes, yeah, yeah,
right. He's coming back. You've been saying that
for a long time. And Peter says, you don't understand.
God is not slow as some think slow. For to him,
a day in a thousand years is the same. He is
patient. Macro thumos. Can you hear the two words?
Macro thumos, heat. It's dispersed. He wants
all to be saved, to all to come to repentance.
It's putting up with. Enduring. One more time.
One more time. I'm not going to give up. We're
going to keep working at this. Jesus was patient
with the disciples. Do you realize the only time,
read all the gospels and then list all the things
he criticizes them for. All the times he comes
down on them, criticizes them. We get one clear
time when Peter gets very self -focused in his
agenda and his kingdom. I can't imagine Jesus
looking you right in the eyeballs and saying,
get behind me, Satan. The only time he reproves
them is, oh, you of little faith. Did you ever
wonder, so what does God really want from me?
How do you become a good Christian? I mean, what's
he really, really want? You ready for this? They
ask him that in John 6. He said, this is the
work of God that you believe in whom he has sent.
You know, the greatest question you can ask yourself
every single day, you might write this down.
What does it look like to trust God in this situation?
What does it look like to trust God with how
he's acting right now? What's it look like to
trust God with these finances? What's it look
like to trust God with this deployment? What's
it look like to trust God when the biopsy report
comes back? Positive. What's it look like to
trust God with the way we're child? What's it
look like to trust God when you don't like where
you live? What's it look like to trust God with
overcoming the infidelity of your mate? What's
it look like to trust God with the infidelity
that you had and the guilt that you share? See,
you can be moral. You can go to church. You can
read your Bible. Without faith, it's impossible
to please Him. Faith is nothing more or nothing
less is believing in God's character and God's
promises to the point of acting on them. Faith
isn't some ooey -gooey feeling. Ooh, I think
I got it. Think I got faith? I believe you. I
believe you. Faith is a picture of a bridge.
And we think faith is this rickety bridge like
on one of those, you know, Indiana Jones movies
and there's missing pieces and there's superheroes
and, oh, we're going to make it. And they take
two steps and they almost fall through and then
they get to the other side and we think, oh,
Indiana Jones Christians, they have such faith.
That's not faith. This is faith biblically. steel,
concrete's three feet thick. It's the object
of your faith. God says this will hold me up.
Let's walk across. That's why you don't need
a lot of faith. Jesus said you need the faith
of a mustard seed. It's the object of your faith.
What if there is an all -powerful, all -knowing
God who died, rose from the dead, who dwells
inside of you, and the same power that raised
him from the dead dwells inside of you? Apart
from him, you can do nothing. But in Christ,
you can do all things. And you just say, okay,
I can forgive him. Okay, well, I guess we'll
cut our budget. I don't know how we're going
to make it financially, but we're going to keep
moving forward. Okay? It's a wayward child. We
can't control him. We're going to trust God.
We're going to get good counseling. Here's the
path. Lord, you love him more than we do. You
love her more than we do. It's faith. Patience.
I'm going to give you just a little tool. You
can write it at the bottom of the page. I call
this little tool, I know you really care when.
Okay, just write that. I know you really care
when. Because some of you are thinking, I want
to be compassionate and I want to be gentle.
Okay, Chip, I really want to be all this, but
I'm not sure what it would look like. I can't
read her mind. I can't read his mind. Here's
what you do. There's a little column. And, you
know, if you're a husband, you write, I know
you really care, speaking to your wife, when
you, one, two, three. Just write the top three.
You can go five if you want. But, I mean, give
her a break. Just write, I feel loved when you,
and just write the top three things that when
she does them, you feel loved. ladies, you write,
here's the top three things. You can go four
or five. I feel most loved when you, and just
write him. And then just exchange lists. So we've
made this whole thing about it has to be so spontaneous
and if he could read my mind or if she would
only know. I did this with my wife. We were struggling.
The counselor gave us this tool. Everything I
give you, I got out of counseling. So, but it's
like, okay, here's the top thing. When you take
out the trash, when you help with this, when
you help with the kid's homework, I'm thinking,
what in the world's this got to do with love?
And finally I said, it doesn't matter what I
think. If this makes her feel loved, guess what?
I love her. Guess what? I made a vow. Guess what?
I'm committed to her. So she made a list and
I just decided I'm going to do at least one of
those things every day. If nothing else, at least,
you know. Every day, she is going to get loved
by me with some compassion and gentleness and
vice versa. Try it. You're hearing Living on
the Edge with Chip Ingram, teaching us how to
put on hearts of compassion, kindness, and gentleness
in our marriages. Chip will be back with final
thoughts in just a moment. As you think about
communicating God's love to your spouse, I want
to tell you about Chip's newest book that perfectly
complements what we're learning. It's called
I Choose Love. Here's the powerful truth this
book unveils. Love isn't just something that
happens to you. It's something you can choose.
Chip shows us that agape love, the kind God has
for us, isn't built on feelings or romantic notions.
It's characterized by sacrifice, putting others'
interests first. If you want real, actionable
strategies to see love transform your life, this
book is for you. Get your copy of I Choose Love
by going online to livingontheedge .org. You
know, every day, Living on the Edge reaches people
with biblical teaching that strengthens marriages
and families. Couples on the brink are finding
hope. Husbands and wives are learning to truly
connect. And friend, this ministry exists because
partners like you make it possible. When you
give to Living on the Edge, you're investing
in marriages, families, and the next generation.
Would you join us? To give, visit livingontheedge
.org or mail your gift to Living on the Edge,
P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia, 30024. You
can also call us at 888 -333 -6003. And be sure
to subscribe to the Living on the Edge podcast
featuring uncut sermons through the Chip Ingram
Sermon Podcast, available on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, and wherever you listen. Well, now here's
Chip with some final thoughts. Before we go any
farther in this program, I want to talk to those
of you who, when you were hearing the words of
Jesus, come unto me, all of you that are stressed
out. that are working hard, that are overwhelmed,
whose life's not working, your marriage isn't
working, you have anxiety, you have fear, you
wonder about the future, come, come, and I will
give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. And you
may have been listening because you wanted to
grow in your marriage, but what he's saying is,
Let me love you first. Receive my life forgiveness
so that you have the resources and the ability
to love your mate in an unconditional way. And
if you don't know Jesus personally, if he's not
a part of your everyday, of your waking moments,
of a personal relationship with him, his offer
to you is come. Come as you are. You don't need
to clean up your life first. You don't need to
try and get everything right. You need to come
and admit, I'm not perfect. And he says, Jesus
paid the price on the cross. And his gift to
you is his righteousness and his forgiveness.
So that when God looks at you, when you receive
him, you have a perfect score because it's not
what you have done. It's his forgiveness in your
place, his blood shed for you, and his resurrection
that has saved you. And it's a gift. But he says
it is by faith. that you receive this gift. And
let me encourage you in this moment to lift the
empty hands of faith and say, Lord Jesus, you
said come, and I'm coming. I confess to you that
I've sinned. I need you desperately. I believe
you died in my place. I believe you rose from
the dead. I'm asking you, come into my life.
Save me. Make me your son. Make me your daughter.
And if you just prayed with me, could I encourage
you, call or text the greatest Christian you
know and say, I just prayed to receive Christ.
I asked Jesus to come into my life. I'm not sure
what it all means, but I know I need help. You
know, the hardest thing to do in my whole married
life is to give my wife what she needs when I
don't think she deserves it. And it wasn't until
my walk with Jesus Christ grew. that I could
begin to love her the way he loves me. And that's
my dream for you, and that's God's dream for
you. And that's the basis and the heart of a
great marriage. How often do you and your spouse
have deep heart -to -heart conversations? Well,
I'm Dave Drewy, inviting you to discover how
to communicate God's love more effectively next
time on Living on the Edge. Today's program is
produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.