WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.179 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:17.280 I think it's safe to say that we all want a great 00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:19.940 marriage. I mean, deep, intimate connection, 00:00:20.219 --> 00:00:24.100 emotionally, physically, mentally. But you know 00:00:24.100 --> 00:00:27.399 something? It's hard. How do we experience that 00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:29.820 kind of marriage? That's today. Stay with me. 00:00:31.500 --> 00:00:34.100 Why do couples fight about money, schedules, 00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:36.640 and intimacy? Well, because they're two separate 00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:38.840 people living in the same house, both wanting 00:00:38.840 --> 00:00:42.000 their own way. The deepest connection isn't emotional 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:45.500 or physical, it's spiritual. Yet developing spiritual 00:00:45.500 --> 00:00:49.020 intimacy can feel awkward and threatening. Today 00:00:49.020 --> 00:00:51.859 on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram gets intensely 00:00:51.859 --> 00:00:54.840 practical. He knows this isn't easy, especially 00:00:54.840 --> 00:00:58.159 for men, but the payoff is worth it. When you 00:00:58.159 --> 00:01:00.560 connect spiritually, everything else in your 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:03.310 marriage gets stronger. Chip will show you simple, 00:01:03.409 --> 00:01:05.790 doable steps to begin building this foundation. 00:01:06.129 --> 00:01:09.269 No pressure, no performance, just practical ways 00:01:09.269 --> 00:01:11.849 to start. Well, here's Chip Ingram continuing 00:01:11.849 --> 00:01:14.950 his message, Cultivating Spiritual Intimacy. 00:01:16.030 --> 00:01:19.030 Let's jump into how to get really, really practical. 00:01:20.629 --> 00:01:24.370 Why build a marriage God's way? First, because 00:01:24.370 --> 00:01:27.170 He commanded it. And second, because it's for 00:01:27.170 --> 00:01:31.459 your benefit. And let me give you some very specific 00:01:31.459 --> 00:01:36.599 benefits of marriage, doing it God's way. These 00:01:36.599 --> 00:01:41.439 are so helpful. I listed them, and you'll notice 00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:43.159 there's a little asterisk, and at the bottom, 00:01:43.180 --> 00:01:45.219 Divorce Proof Your Marriage by Gary and Barbara 00:01:45.219 --> 00:01:52.079 Rosberg. And spiritual intimacy allows you to 00:01:52.079 --> 00:01:55.019 connect at the deepest level. I mean, we connect 00:01:55.019 --> 00:01:59.510 emotionally. We connect spiritually. But I will 00:01:59.510 --> 00:02:03.010 tell you the deepest possible connection will 00:02:03.010 --> 00:02:07.390 be a connection of your spirits in the presence 00:02:07.390 --> 00:02:12.330 of God that will build a bond that it like puts 00:02:12.330 --> 00:02:15.069 the emotions on steroids and the physical on 00:02:15.069 --> 00:02:20.189 steroids. Second is spiritual intimacy links 00:02:20.189 --> 00:02:22.789 you with God's purposes and plans for your life. 00:02:23.650 --> 00:02:26.310 Third, spiritual intimacy allows you to bless 00:02:26.310 --> 00:02:30.349 each other With God's love. That's what I've 00:02:30.349 --> 00:02:33.270 been talking a lot about. All I can tell you 00:02:33.270 --> 00:02:37.629 is we've overplayed. You know, I'm not going 00:02:37.629 --> 00:02:41.669 to go down my Hallmark story right now. But if 00:02:41.669 --> 00:02:45.509 I watch like 50 Hallmarks, I would think that 00:02:45.509 --> 00:02:50.129 all of love is about ooey -gooey emotions, starry 00:02:50.129 --> 00:02:53.189 -eyed meeting people, and kissing when it starts 00:02:53.189 --> 00:02:57.900 to snow. Based solely on physical attraction 00:02:57.900 --> 00:03:00.759 by, seems to be, very, very pretty people who 00:03:00.759 --> 00:03:03.379 live in really nice houses, who actually have 00:03:03.379 --> 00:03:07.139 a lot of time to do everything except work. And 00:03:07.139 --> 00:03:13.060 within the first seven minutes, I have no idea 00:03:13.060 --> 00:03:15.900 how it's going to end, except I think they're 00:03:15.900 --> 00:03:20.460 going to fall in love. And I don't mean that 00:03:20.460 --> 00:03:25.370 as crassly, but there's a diet of that. That 00:03:25.370 --> 00:03:28.069 has so permeated our culture. People actually 00:03:28.069 --> 00:03:31.810 believe love is romantic feelings. And we've 00:03:31.810 --> 00:03:34.750 developed such a narcissistic culture that you 00:03:34.750 --> 00:03:36.770 think when you're unhappy, something's wrong. 00:03:37.650 --> 00:03:41.129 You understand Jesus was unhappy a lot. Hebrews 00:03:41.129 --> 00:03:44.569 says in the course of his lifetime, he shed many 00:03:44.569 --> 00:03:50.449 tears. He hurt for people. He was lonely. He 00:03:50.449 --> 00:03:54.319 was rejected. He was tempted in every way, just 00:03:54.319 --> 00:03:57.139 like you and just like me. He was fully human, 00:03:57.379 --> 00:04:01.699 yet without sin. Part of life is down days, hard 00:04:01.699 --> 00:04:05.180 days, struggle days. For you've been called to 00:04:05.180 --> 00:04:07.659 this purpose since Christ also suffered for you. 00:04:08.360 --> 00:04:12.919 Who though he suffered, he didn't revile or pay 00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:15.479 back, but entrusted himself to a faithful creator. 00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:22.279 Suffering is, it's a part of life. We've lived 00:04:22.279 --> 00:04:25.819 in this last 30 to 40 years and it's creeped 00:04:25.819 --> 00:04:28.120 more and more into evangelical Christianity at 00:04:28.120 --> 00:04:31.220 all levels that somehow Jesus wants to make you 00:04:31.220 --> 00:04:33.819 self -fulfilled and happy and make everything 00:04:33.819 --> 00:04:37.459 go great. And when Jesus doesn't do that, you're 00:04:37.459 --> 00:04:41.500 disillusioned. When you demand from God promises 00:04:41.500 --> 00:04:44.639 he never made, you're worshiping a God that doesn't 00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:49.939 exist. His agenda is not to make you happy. He 00:04:49.939 --> 00:04:51.959 doesn't work all things together for your good 00:04:51.959 --> 00:04:54.100 to those that are called, to those that love 00:04:54.100 --> 00:04:56.160 him, so that you'll be self -fulfilled and happy. 00:04:57.300 --> 00:04:59.379 How many people, by the way, know Romans 8 .28? 00:04:59.639 --> 00:05:02.879 See, we interpret that verse as God works all 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:04.540 things together for the good, for those that 00:05:04.540 --> 00:05:06.800 are called according to his purpose. And the 00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:10.120 good that we define is my life works. I mean, 00:05:10.139 --> 00:05:13.579 hey, you say God's in control, I don't have a 00:05:13.579 --> 00:05:16.180 job, I've lost my house, and I don't have very 00:05:16.180 --> 00:05:18.279 much money, and my kid's got to drop out of school 00:05:18.279 --> 00:05:21.759 for a year. So is God in control? Of course he 00:05:21.759 --> 00:05:25.639 is. So when did God ever promise that so other 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:27.879 people can lose their house but not you, that 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:29.420 someone else can go out of business, that you 00:05:29.420 --> 00:05:31.839 don't go through hardship? Verse 29 doesn't say 00:05:31.839 --> 00:05:34.259 God's in control so your life works out great. 00:05:34.379 --> 00:05:38.079 It says, verse 29, to conform you to the image 00:05:38.079 --> 00:05:41.720 of his son. God's agenda is to make you like 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:47.019 Jesus. By the way, the challenges in your marriage, 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:50.240 God's number one issue probably with the person 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:52.540 that you're married to, it's like sandpaper against 00:05:52.540 --> 00:05:55.339 sandpaper. It's probably to make you more patient, 00:05:55.480 --> 00:05:59.019 more kind, more humble, more loving, more compassionate 00:05:59.019 --> 00:06:04.360 by living with them. Some of you think God gave 00:06:04.360 --> 00:06:09.839 you kids for you. God gave you kids to change 00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:14.939 you. Boy, you want to learn patience? It's like, 00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:18.040 oh God. May we just get through the diaper stage, 00:06:18.220 --> 00:06:21.120 right? Or can we just get through preteens? I 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:25.639 got a preteen that's like 35 right now. Right? 00:06:25.980 --> 00:06:28.480 And then it's like, oh, I thought it was bad 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:30.339 when they were two. This early adulthood, you 00:06:30.339 --> 00:06:33.620 know, 18 to 22, 23, they want all the response, 00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:35.779 all the authority, but no responsibility. This 00:06:35.779 --> 00:06:39.480 is just like when they were two. You know, I 00:06:39.480 --> 00:06:41.000 want to do whatever I want. Well, who's paying 00:06:41.000 --> 00:06:42.560 for the car and you live in the back bedroom? 00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:47.040 And who paid for college? I think I've said enough 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:56.220 to make the point. The benefits. Spiritual intimacy 00:06:56.220 --> 00:06:58.579 opens the door to the deepest levels of communication. 00:06:59.899 --> 00:07:04.939 When you are loved and chosen by God, you can 00:07:04.939 --> 00:07:09.319 be vulnerable at a level because you know God 00:07:09.319 --> 00:07:12.720 accepts and loves you. Part of our problems with 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:16.040 communication was We both had such warped views 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:20.000 of God and warped views of one another. We couldn't 00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:25.180 be honest. Until I begin to grasp that God accepts 00:07:25.180 --> 00:07:28.379 and loves me and that I'm secure, then you can 00:07:28.379 --> 00:07:31.839 risk. See, what happens is that the spiritual 00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:34.980 intimacy, the stronger that gets, it opens the 00:07:34.980 --> 00:07:38.220 door for every other area. Spiritual intimacy 00:07:38.220 --> 00:07:40.579 empowers your marriage to survive. Every couple 00:07:40.579 --> 00:07:43.459 encounters circumstances that feel overwhelming. 00:07:44.269 --> 00:07:46.610 The power of God is bigger than any situation 00:07:46.610 --> 00:07:50.730 you'll ever face and can able you to stand firm 00:07:50.730 --> 00:07:54.990 in the storms. Oh, I just have told so many couples, 00:07:55.170 --> 00:07:58.149 don't give up too soon. Don't give up too soon. 00:07:59.730 --> 00:08:02.689 Spiritual intimacy connects you to a supportive 00:08:02.689 --> 00:08:06.509 body of believers. One of the things, if you 00:08:06.509 --> 00:08:09.829 don't know it yet, is that You can't make it 00:08:09.829 --> 00:08:11.790 and you can't have a great marriage by yourself. 00:08:12.069 --> 00:08:15.009 You need other couples and you need some people 00:08:15.009 --> 00:08:19.269 that you can do life with, that can share. When 00:08:19.269 --> 00:08:21.170 you're spiritually connected, when you're a part 00:08:21.170 --> 00:08:23.750 of a local body, God has a group of people that 00:08:23.750 --> 00:08:26.370 when you're down, they can be up. You know, you 00:08:26.370 --> 00:08:28.810 do life together and you watch their kids and, 00:08:28.829 --> 00:08:31.350 you know, we never had any money. You know, you 00:08:31.350 --> 00:08:33.129 watch our kids and we'll watch your kids and 00:08:33.129 --> 00:08:36.620 we can get that little window to get away. Spiritual 00:08:36.620 --> 00:08:41.539 intimacy is powerful. How do you develop personal 00:08:41.539 --> 00:08:43.759 spiritual intimacy? I've given you a little Bible 00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:46.860 study. It's from Colossians. And I'm not going 00:08:46.860 --> 00:08:49.799 to go through all the verses. But let me just 00:08:49.799 --> 00:08:53.519 show you from the passage, from the book, how 00:08:53.519 --> 00:08:57.740 the Apostle Paul encourages that church and those 00:08:57.740 --> 00:09:02.139 people to develop spiritual intimacy. In verses 00:09:02.139 --> 00:09:07.019 1 through 9, he just asked for it. It's an amazing 00:09:07.019 --> 00:09:11.700 prayer. God, I want them to know you. And the 00:09:11.700 --> 00:09:14.700 word is a relational know you and your will to 00:09:14.700 --> 00:09:18.019 know specifically in a deep, authentic way. And 00:09:18.019 --> 00:09:20.299 then he says, beware of counterfeits. He talks 00:09:20.299 --> 00:09:22.940 about three different errors that people have 00:09:22.940 --> 00:09:26.379 in seeking to draw near to God. And then he says, 00:09:26.419 --> 00:09:29.259 you know, guard your thought life. The battle 00:09:29.259 --> 00:09:33.360 for your life is between your ears. 95 % of all 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:35.940 spiritual warfare is in your thinking. You have 00:09:35.940 --> 00:09:38.360 to learn to take every thought captive in obedience 00:09:38.360 --> 00:09:41.799 to Christ. And then you have to kill the spiritual 00:09:41.799 --> 00:09:44.940 competitors. We'll look at this a little bit 00:09:44.940 --> 00:09:47.659 later, so it's just an overview. But after he 00:09:47.659 --> 00:09:49.840 talks about this new life that you have, he says, 00:09:49.860 --> 00:09:52.340 consider the members of your earthly body to 00:09:52.340 --> 00:09:58.919 be dead to immorality and impurity. to evil desire, 00:09:59.139 --> 00:10:01.960 to lust, to greed, which amounts to idolatry. 00:10:02.360 --> 00:10:04.059 You know, there's just, there's certain things 00:10:04.059 --> 00:10:06.379 that you gotta cut off the supply lines of people 00:10:06.379 --> 00:10:09.980 and of things that create desires that pull you 00:10:09.980 --> 00:10:14.179 away from God and away from your mate. And then 00:10:14.179 --> 00:10:17.240 you saturate your mind with God's word. Three 00:10:17.240 --> 00:10:19.600 different times in the verse, verses 12 through 00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:22.259 17, did you notice? I circled them in my text. 00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:24.720 Three different times you're told to be thankful. 00:10:25.450 --> 00:10:27.389 It's one of the most powerful things in your 00:10:27.389 --> 00:10:30.549 relationship. It's hard to be tempted by someone 00:10:30.549 --> 00:10:34.350 else to do something else when you're grateful 00:10:34.350 --> 00:10:36.610 for who you have. You're grateful for what you 00:10:36.610 --> 00:10:39.470 do have. And being thankful isn't a feeling. 00:10:39.570 --> 00:10:42.470 You actually say it. God, thank you. She's loyal. 00:10:42.990 --> 00:10:45.730 God, thank you. He's a provider. God, thank you. 00:10:47.129 --> 00:10:49.190 Thank you for little things. Before I went to 00:10:49.190 --> 00:10:51.649 bed last night, out of the blue, my wife's an 00:10:51.649 --> 00:10:53.950 introvert, so I sort of take most of the initiative, 00:10:54.090 --> 00:10:56.450 and I wish she would take a little bit more initiative, 00:10:56.509 --> 00:10:58.990 even after 42 years. And out of the blue, she 00:10:58.990 --> 00:11:01.090 called me in the middle of the day, and just 00:11:01.090 --> 00:11:03.090 before I was about ready to go to bed, I got 00:11:03.090 --> 00:11:05.370 this long text, and she called me. I was just 00:11:05.370 --> 00:11:06.809 thinking of you and wanted to hear how you were 00:11:06.809 --> 00:11:09.009 doing. Now, for some of you, that wouldn't be 00:11:09.009 --> 00:11:13.370 a big deal. But for my wife, and I just went, 00:11:13.370 --> 00:11:17.210 when I got to bed, God, thank you. You know, 00:11:17.250 --> 00:11:18.870 we've been away from each other about 12, 13 00:11:18.870 --> 00:11:23.850 days. I really miss her. I really love her. And 00:11:23.850 --> 00:11:27.690 I missed her. And just that the Lord would prompt 00:11:27.690 --> 00:11:31.710 her just to call. Well, you know what? When you 00:11:31.710 --> 00:11:37.269 thank God, it's hard to be resentful or bitter 00:11:37.269 --> 00:11:42.070 or unforgiving. You're listening to Living on 00:11:42.070 --> 00:11:44.529 the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll continue with 00:11:44.529 --> 00:11:47.179 Chip's teaching in just a minute. The message 00:11:47.179 --> 00:11:49.840 you're hearing today is part of our series, Choosing 00:11:49.840 --> 00:11:52.679 Love. If you want to dig deeper into these powerful 00:11:52.679 --> 00:11:55.200 principles, the complete series is waiting for 00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:59.519 you online at livingontheedge .org. You'll discover 00:11:59.519 --> 00:12:01.779 additional teaching, downloadable resources, 00:12:02.059 --> 00:12:04.940 and study questions to help you apply these truths. 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:10.120 Visit us online at livingontheedge .org. Now 00:12:10.120 --> 00:12:12.429 let's get back to the message. Well, let me give 00:12:12.429 --> 00:12:14.330 you some practical ways to remove the barriers 00:12:14.330 --> 00:12:17.529 and build some bridges. And perspective first, 00:12:17.830 --> 00:12:21.049 I think this is a super big challenge, especially 00:12:21.049 --> 00:12:23.809 for men. When I talk about spiritual intimacy, 00:12:24.129 --> 00:12:27.090 and this is a general rule, it may not be true, 00:12:27.269 --> 00:12:31.090 but most women are like, oh, yes, yes, yes. I 00:12:31.090 --> 00:12:34.480 hope he's listening. I want to, if we could just 00:12:34.480 --> 00:12:36.480 pray together, if he would just hold hands with 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:38.419 me, if he would just go to church with me. Oh, 00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:40.039 if we would just, maybe we could read the Bible 00:12:40.039 --> 00:12:41.639 or maybe we could read a book together. Oh, it'd 00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:45.440 be so great. And most guys are going, you know 00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:49.080 something? I know what I'm doing at work. When 00:12:49.080 --> 00:12:51.720 it comes to this spiritual stuff and leading 00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:55.100 a family and being spiritual, I'm not only not 00:12:55.100 --> 00:12:57.340 confident, I'm not competent. I really don't 00:12:57.340 --> 00:13:00.320 know what I'm doing. And I'm not sure I want 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:03.100 to admit that it's very threatening. And I know 00:13:03.100 --> 00:13:06.559 you really want to do some stuff. And this is 00:13:06.559 --> 00:13:11.039 just out of my territory. I mean, I'm a pastor. 00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:14.200 And after I got married, and I knew the Bible 00:13:14.200 --> 00:13:17.659 quite well before I got married, I was intimidated 00:13:17.659 --> 00:13:20.279 by developing spiritual intimacy with my wife. 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:25.259 And so, ladies, one thing I'd say is, let him 00:13:25.259 --> 00:13:28.080 take some baby steps. And guys, what I want to 00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:32.899 say is, it really is not rocket science. And 00:13:32.899 --> 00:13:34.480 we're going to learn some steps that you can 00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:39.779 take. And by way of motivation, you have to think 00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:43.480 really hard about this. You know that triangle 00:13:43.480 --> 00:13:46.159 where there's the spiritual, emotional, the soul, 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:49.720 and the physical? Okay. Would you be shocked 00:13:49.720 --> 00:13:53.700 if there's a relationship between those? And 00:13:53.700 --> 00:13:55.700 by the way, there's a very significant relationship 00:13:55.700 --> 00:13:59.870 between the bottom one. women in general, not 00:13:59.870 --> 00:14:02.090 always, I'm not trying to make, you know, but 00:14:02.090 --> 00:14:04.850 they're nurture and more relational. I mean, 00:14:04.870 --> 00:14:07.870 they love to talk and to sit and can we just 00:14:07.870 --> 00:14:09.809 take a walk? And what do you want to do? Just 00:14:09.809 --> 00:14:15.929 be together. Okay. We're together. Now what do 00:14:15.929 --> 00:14:19.289 you want to do? I'm really enjoying this time 00:14:19.289 --> 00:14:26.889 with you, Chip. Great. Now what do you want to 00:14:26.889 --> 00:14:32.850 do? Right? And there's this amazing thing that 00:14:32.850 --> 00:14:37.509 when your hearts and spirits connect, some of 00:14:37.509 --> 00:14:39.370 us men tend to be a little bit more on the activator 00:14:39.370 --> 00:14:44.009 side. And we want to do things together or we 00:14:44.009 --> 00:14:49.129 experience God's love physically a lot. Not that 00:14:49.129 --> 00:14:51.450 sex is all there is, but there's few things that 00:14:51.450 --> 00:14:55.049 makes a man feel more affirmed, more valued than 00:14:55.049 --> 00:14:58.309 when his wife wants to make love with him. Guys, 00:14:58.370 --> 00:15:00.149 what you need to understand is that when a woman 00:15:00.149 --> 00:15:02.730 doesn't feel cherished, when she doesn't feel 00:15:02.730 --> 00:15:05.730 connected spiritually, and when she doesn't feel 00:15:05.730 --> 00:15:09.649 like there's this emotional bond, it's just sex. 00:15:10.370 --> 00:15:16.370 And she feels used. She wants to make love. But 00:15:16.370 --> 00:15:21.210 it grows out of the relationship. And so many 00:15:21.210 --> 00:15:23.789 couples are, he does that, and you do this, and 00:15:23.789 --> 00:15:27.860 then, you know. You fight about frequency, you 00:15:27.860 --> 00:15:29.860 fight about money, you fight about in -laws, 00:15:30.059 --> 00:15:31.620 you fight about schedules, and you fight about 00:15:31.620 --> 00:15:35.039 where the money goes. And all those things are, 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:36.799 you know why? Because you're two separate people 00:15:36.799 --> 00:15:39.779 in the same house. And I'm just going to be blunt. 00:15:39.940 --> 00:15:41.799 It doesn't mean you're bad people, but you are 00:15:41.799 --> 00:15:46.320 selfish. Because everyone is. And some of you 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:49.159 are more stylistically selfish, more sophisticated 00:15:49.159 --> 00:15:52.700 selfish, but down deep, you want your way. And 00:15:52.700 --> 00:15:54.559 when you get your way, you're a happy camper. 00:15:54.679 --> 00:15:58.519 And when you don't, you're not. And God wants 00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:02.480 to reverse that. And that means you getting close 00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:06.360 to him. And so here's some very practical ways 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:09.600 to do that. And we'll wrap it up. One, there's 00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:12.600 no one right way to develop spiritual intimacy 00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:17.480 with your mate. Two, as a general rule, women 00:16:17.480 --> 00:16:23.240 find it a bit more easy. But there's, I'll talk 00:16:23.240 --> 00:16:25.659 about in terms of how to kind of build that spiritual 00:16:25.659 --> 00:16:29.820 intimacy. There's no getting around praying together. 00:16:30.519 --> 00:16:32.759 I mean, literally, I've had guys start where 00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:34.580 we're going to pray silently together and hold 00:16:34.580 --> 00:16:37.799 hands and then start with a few words. I don't 00:16:37.799 --> 00:16:39.019 know. I didn't grow up as a Christian. It was 00:16:39.019 --> 00:16:41.059 two years before I prayed out loud and it was 00:16:41.059 --> 00:16:45.259 like, what do you do? What do you say? Worshiping 00:16:45.259 --> 00:16:48.440 together. A lot of people are, oh, we'll watch 00:16:48.440 --> 00:16:51.220 it later. We can watch the service as a man. 00:16:51.659 --> 00:16:53.799 No, no, let's sit down. Let's watch the service. 00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:56.120 Let's talk about what it meant. Where did God 00:16:56.120 --> 00:17:01.860 speak to you? Share what you're learning. I would 00:17:01.860 --> 00:17:04.000 love to say I have a friend, very godly friend. 00:17:04.059 --> 00:17:06.259 He's 10 years older. Someday I want to be like 00:17:06.259 --> 00:17:10.420 him. He's a missionary. In Zimbabwe and just 00:17:10.420 --> 00:17:13.099 godly, godly, godly man. And I happen to know 00:17:13.099 --> 00:17:14.740 he and his wife get up every morning. They read 00:17:14.740 --> 00:17:16.720 the Bible together. They read a proverb together 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:18.559 and they pray together and read a portion of 00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:20.599 a book. Teresa and I tried that for about the 00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:23.500 first week and almost killed our marriage. We 00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:26.420 need separate time. And then we come together 00:17:26.420 --> 00:17:29.720 and talk about where God's speaking to us. You 00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:31.619 know, usually around the table. We usually sit 00:17:31.619 --> 00:17:34.200 at least 15, 20 minutes every day. Just have 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:36.619 a cup of coffee and just. Connect. What's going 00:17:36.619 --> 00:17:38.900 on? Either really, really early in the morning 00:17:38.900 --> 00:17:42.099 or at a meal or two. And, you know, it's weird. 00:17:42.220 --> 00:17:45.559 In our house, she's funny. She prays like crazy. 00:17:45.700 --> 00:17:48.099 But as we go to bed, like I want us both to pray 00:17:48.099 --> 00:17:50.660 out loud. She doesn't want to pray out loud at 00:17:50.660 --> 00:17:54.019 night. It bugged me for about 20 years. I'm a 00:17:54.019 --> 00:17:56.819 pastor. We're supposed to pray together and out 00:17:56.819 --> 00:18:00.279 loud. Chip, you pray. I'm here. I'm really. I 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:02.720 mean, she prays like crazy and we pray together 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:06.509 other times. But to me, it's like. Are you getting 00:18:06.509 --> 00:18:11.890 my point? There's not a right way. As a couple, 00:18:12.029 --> 00:18:15.349 how do you connect? Of course, you've got to 00:18:15.349 --> 00:18:17.490 be in the scriptures somehow. Individually, you've 00:18:17.490 --> 00:18:19.849 got to share. You have to be upward. You've got 00:18:19.849 --> 00:18:22.910 to pray. You've got to be a part of a worshiping 00:18:22.910 --> 00:18:27.390 community. What I've learned is take baby steps. 00:18:28.450 --> 00:18:32.049 Take baby steps. Most of life changes are just 00:18:32.049 --> 00:18:34.650 the first incremental domino. That's the key. 00:18:35.259 --> 00:18:39.200 And to do something small consistently. And it'll 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:45.460 grow. Pray for your mate. And let me encourage 00:18:45.460 --> 00:18:48.579 you, don't pressure your mate. And don't judge 00:18:48.579 --> 00:18:52.339 your mate. Don't assume where they're at with 00:18:52.339 --> 00:18:55.839 the Lord. Obviously, there's some fruit or lack 00:18:55.839 --> 00:19:02.009 of it. But it's not very motivating. As one wife 00:19:02.009 --> 00:19:04.910 told me, you know, I set the Bible out and I 00:19:04.910 --> 00:19:06.470 put it right in the passage that I thought would 00:19:06.470 --> 00:19:08.990 help him the most. I couldn't figure out why 00:19:08.990 --> 00:19:11.029 he doesn't want to read the Bible. I said, honey, 00:19:11.109 --> 00:19:15.089 let me tell you why. He wants a wife, not a mother. 00:19:16.529 --> 00:19:18.349 And no one wants to be told what they ought to 00:19:18.349 --> 00:19:24.069 do. And, you know, I'm trying to be really kind 00:19:24.069 --> 00:19:27.630 to you guys. Part of it is, just shut up and 00:19:27.630 --> 00:19:32.910 step up. Do what feels very unnatural. Just look 00:19:32.910 --> 00:19:36.609 at your wife, grab her hand. If you have a watch, 00:19:36.710 --> 00:19:38.609 set it for five minutes. You'll never go longer. 00:19:39.250 --> 00:19:42.329 We're going to pray together. You start and I'll 00:19:42.329 --> 00:19:46.210 finish and hope she goes four. But I'm serious. 00:19:46.349 --> 00:19:48.730 At some point in time, right? You know, it's 00:19:48.730 --> 00:19:50.509 like getting in shape. You know, someday, some 00:19:50.509 --> 00:19:52.049 way I'm going to start. You know what? Someday 00:19:52.049 --> 00:19:56.109 you just start. You grab her hand. You're the 00:19:56.109 --> 00:20:00.539 man. grab her hand. I don't feel comfortable. 00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:03.380 This feels awkward. I don't know exactly what 00:20:03.380 --> 00:20:05.539 I'm doing. Just get that out in the open if that's 00:20:05.539 --> 00:20:10.200 where you're at. By the way, if you got some 00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:13.900 tension and stuff going, just why don't we hold 00:20:13.900 --> 00:20:15.960 hands for two or three minutes and pray silently. 00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:19.440 And just if anything comes to our mind that any 00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:21.359 resentment or bitterness, just privately, well, 00:20:21.420 --> 00:20:26.619 let's, why don't we spend a minute? Ask God to 00:20:26.619 --> 00:20:29.880 help us forgive each other the way he's forgiven 00:20:29.880 --> 00:20:35.079 us. I'm just telling you, you take a step toward 00:20:35.079 --> 00:20:41.640 God and he will run to meet you. This is Living 00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:44.380 on the Edge with Chip Ingram and some practical 00:20:44.380 --> 00:20:46.640 teaching about taking those first steps toward 00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:49.799 spiritual intimacy. Chip will return shortly 00:20:49.799 --> 00:20:52.759 with some final thoughts. Want to revisit today's 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:54.940 teaching or pass it along? Well, you'll find 00:20:54.940 --> 00:20:59.000 it online at livingontheedge .org. If today's 00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:01.440 message challenged you about connecting spiritually 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.559 with your spouse, you need Chip's book, I Choose 00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:07.339 Love. Love isn't something that just happens 00:21:07.339 --> 00:21:10.079 to you. It's a daily choice. And here's what 00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:13.079 Chip shows in this book. Agape love, God's kind 00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:15.700 of love, isn't built on feelings or romance. 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:19.319 It's built on commitment and action. This love 00:21:19.319 --> 00:21:22.569 gives sacrificially. It serves joyfully. It puts 00:21:22.569 --> 00:21:25.910 others first consistently. If you're tired of 00:21:25.910 --> 00:21:28.470 waiting for feelings to change and ready to start 00:21:28.470 --> 00:21:30.930 choosing love intentionally, this book is your 00:21:30.930 --> 00:21:34.049 guide. Get your copy of I Choose Love by going 00:21:34.049 --> 00:21:38.269 online to livingontheedge .org. Whether it's 00:21:38.269 --> 00:21:40.369 a commuter listening on the way to work or a 00:21:40.369 --> 00:21:42.890 family learning to apply biblical truth at home, 00:21:43.009 --> 00:21:45.970 lives are being discipled every day through Living 00:21:45.970 --> 00:21:48.420 on the Edge. And it happens because partners 00:21:48.420 --> 00:21:51.160 like you invest in this mission. Your giving 00:21:51.160 --> 00:21:53.640 goes straight to the spiritual growth of people 00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:56.480 all across the globe. Today, would you consider 00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:59.900 supporting this work? Visit livingontheedge .org 00:21:59.900 --> 00:22:03.140 to give, or write to Living on the Edge, P .O. 00:22:03.140 --> 00:22:08.519 Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia, 30024. You can also 00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:14.259 call us at 888 -333 -6003. Well, now here's Chip. 00:22:14.619 --> 00:22:17.420 Keeping marital love alive in your relationship, 00:22:17.619 --> 00:22:21.220 it starts with finding and cultivating spiritual 00:22:21.220 --> 00:22:26.819 intimacy. The majority of Christians are so pulled 00:22:26.819 --> 00:22:30.349 in so many different directions. a great majority 00:22:30.349 --> 00:22:34.490 don't spend personal time with God. So they're 00:22:34.490 --> 00:22:37.809 not in the Bible regularly, or they feel guilty 00:22:37.809 --> 00:22:39.849 about their relationship with God, and they feel 00:22:39.849 --> 00:22:42.690 guilty about maybe not praying together as a 00:22:42.690 --> 00:22:46.170 couple. And so what I've realized is taking baby 00:22:46.170 --> 00:22:49.549 steps, at the very end I talked about just even 00:22:49.549 --> 00:22:53.009 holding hands and praying silently. That may 00:22:53.009 --> 00:22:55.890 not sound like much, but what that communicates, 00:22:55.890 --> 00:22:58.809 especially to a woman, is that my husband, he 00:22:58.809 --> 00:23:02.329 cares. He's taking steps. And it's hard to be 00:23:02.329 --> 00:23:05.369 vulnerable. It's hard to be vulnerable for everyone. 00:23:05.589 --> 00:23:09.230 But in areas where we either feel incompetent 00:23:09.230 --> 00:23:13.390 or guilty or awkward or some people are very 00:23:13.390 --> 00:23:17.150 private people. You know, I think we sometimes 00:23:17.150 --> 00:23:21.089 have these pictures of couples that, oh, you 00:23:21.089 --> 00:23:23.089 know, if they all really love God, they get up 00:23:23.089 --> 00:23:25.069 and read the Bible together every morning and 00:23:25.069 --> 00:23:28.049 hold hands and pray for a half hour and probably 00:23:28.049 --> 00:23:30.109 get on their knees together and pray before they 00:23:30.109 --> 00:23:34.460 go to bed. And then we all fall so short. I think 00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:38.539 couples have to discover a way and a rhythm for 00:23:38.539 --> 00:23:42.000 where they're at and take some baby steps. Therese 00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:44.059 and I, for example, when we first got married, 00:23:44.099 --> 00:23:46.440 tried to do our devotions together. It was a 00:23:46.440 --> 00:23:49.950 disaster. She's an introvert. I'm an extrovert. 00:23:50.069 --> 00:23:53.049 She felt like I had all this training and that 00:23:53.049 --> 00:23:56.490 I was analyzing her comments. And it was just 00:23:56.490 --> 00:23:58.349 like, you know, like three weeks in, it was, 00:23:58.349 --> 00:24:00.730 let's forget this, okay? I'm going to go spend 00:24:00.730 --> 00:24:04.069 time with God. You go spend time with God. And 00:24:04.069 --> 00:24:07.150 why don't we grab a cup of coffee and just relationally 00:24:07.150 --> 00:24:10.829 kind of share what's going on. And every couple 00:24:10.829 --> 00:24:13.910 has to figure this out. Here's what I know. Everyone 00:24:13.910 --> 00:24:17.299 can take a baby step. And here's my challenge. 00:24:17.579 --> 00:24:22.079 Do something. Take a step in your own walk with 00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:26.400 God and take a baby step with your mate. As small 00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:29.299 as it might be praying silently or praying out 00:24:29.299 --> 00:24:31.880 loud or praying around the table before the meal 00:24:31.880 --> 00:24:36.359 or reading just a proverb a day, start somewhere 00:24:36.359 --> 00:24:39.339 to allow God to become more and more the center 00:24:39.339 --> 00:24:42.119 of your marriage. And you will see him work powerfully. 00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:45.180 What's the secret to communicating God's love 00:24:45.180 --> 00:24:47.619 to your spouse? Well, I'm Dave Drury, inviting 00:24:47.619 --> 00:24:50.720 you to discover practical answers next time on 00:24:50.720 --> 00:24:56.440 Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced 00:24:56.440 --> 00:24:58.619 and sponsored by Living on the Edge.