WEBVTT 00:00:11.470 --> 00:00:14.169 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.269 --> 00:00:16.210 You know, it's hard to believe that there are 00:00:16.210 --> 00:00:18.190 couples out there that have been married 30, 00:00:18.469 --> 00:00:23.170 40, 50 years, and it's super inspiring. And yet 00:00:23.170 --> 00:00:25.809 in our day, you have to scratch your head and 00:00:25.809 --> 00:00:29.530 say, what did they know? What did they do that 00:00:29.530 --> 00:00:33.109 kept their love alive? It's so easy to drift. 00:00:33.570 --> 00:00:36.429 If you would like to know the secret that they 00:00:36.429 --> 00:00:41.740 have, then stay with me. Sometimes keeping love 00:00:41.740 --> 00:00:45.159 alive feels impossible. Crisis hits, plans get 00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:47.740 canceled, but hard times don't mean something's 00:00:47.740 --> 00:00:49.780 wrong with your marriage. They mean you need 00:00:49.780 --> 00:00:53.179 specific skills to thrive. Today on Living on 00:00:53.179 --> 00:00:55.640 the Edge, Chip Ingram begins a powerful teaching 00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:58.460 on four essential skills every couple needs. 00:00:58.780 --> 00:01:02.210 And it all starts with spiritual intimacy. Before 00:01:02.210 --> 00:01:04.609 you can love your spouse well, you must first 00:01:04.609 --> 00:01:07.650 grasp who you've become in Christ. You can't 00:01:07.650 --> 00:01:10.609 give away what you don't possess. As Chip unpacks 00:01:10.609 --> 00:01:12.870 this truth, you'll discover why drawing near 00:01:12.870 --> 00:01:15.510 to God is the secret to drawing near to each 00:01:15.510 --> 00:01:17.930 other. Well, here's Chip Ingram with today's 00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:21.909 message, Cultivating Spiritual Intimacy. Sometimes 00:01:21.909 --> 00:01:28.709 it's harder to keep love alive than others. Sometimes 00:01:28.709 --> 00:01:30.969 you cope in a crisis. I don't know about you. 00:01:31.090 --> 00:01:33.230 I mean, I have been married 42 years. This was 00:01:33.230 --> 00:01:35.689 one of the hardest years of my marriage. You 00:01:35.689 --> 00:01:37.430 know, we had a number of things planned. They 00:01:37.430 --> 00:01:40.670 all got canceled. We had certain rhythms where 00:01:40.670 --> 00:01:42.569 we went and did certain things. They were all 00:01:42.569 --> 00:01:45.930 canceled. But there's all kind of times. Times 00:01:45.930 --> 00:01:48.590 when you have a health issue. Sometimes when 00:01:48.590 --> 00:01:52.969 you're separated or relocate. Sometimes financial 00:01:52.969 --> 00:01:56.219 stresses put a lot of pressure on you. And all 00:01:56.219 --> 00:02:00.319 I want to say is going through really challenging 00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:03.219 times doesn't mean there's something wrong with 00:02:03.219 --> 00:02:06.819 you or your marriage. And everything we're going 00:02:06.819 --> 00:02:10.960 to talk about is how do you move up toward God 00:02:10.960 --> 00:02:14.580 and closer to one another. And there's things 00:02:14.580 --> 00:02:17.379 you need to know, but there's also skills you 00:02:17.379 --> 00:02:19.819 need to develop. And what I want to talk about 00:02:19.819 --> 00:02:24.620 in our time is four skills that we need to develop. 00:02:25.370 --> 00:02:28.189 But before I do, remember I told you I was in 00:02:28.189 --> 00:02:32.710 Colossians a lot? As I prayed about what to share, 00:02:33.310 --> 00:02:36.650 I literally, I bet, I'm not going to exaggerate, 00:02:36.770 --> 00:02:40.330 but verses 12 through 17, I bet I've gone through 00:02:40.330 --> 00:02:43.110 that in my mind hundreds of times. I've said 00:02:43.110 --> 00:02:46.210 it out loud in the car. I've prayed it word by 00:02:46.210 --> 00:02:49.370 word, verse by verse. And what I realized was 00:02:49.370 --> 00:02:52.710 all the skills that I wanted to teach you, they 00:02:52.710 --> 00:02:55.900 all grow out of this one passage. So as those 00:02:55.900 --> 00:02:58.319 who've been chosen of God, holy and beloved, 00:02:58.520 --> 00:03:02.819 that's who you are, here's what you do. Put on 00:03:02.819 --> 00:03:06.979 a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, 00:03:07.099 --> 00:03:10.360 and patience. Bearing with one another and forgiving 00:03:10.360 --> 00:03:12.740 each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone. 00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:16.039 Just as the Lord forgave you, so also should 00:03:16.039 --> 00:03:20.219 you. And beyond all these things, put on love, 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:24.409 which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace 00:03:24.409 --> 00:03:27.550 of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed 00:03:27.550 --> 00:03:30.629 you were called into one body and command, be 00:03:30.629 --> 00:03:33.610 thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell 00:03:33.610 --> 00:03:36.189 within you with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing 00:03:36.189 --> 00:03:39.129 one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual 00:03:39.129 --> 00:03:42.069 songs, singing with thankfulness in your heart 00:03:42.069 --> 00:03:48.810 to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all 00:03:48.810 --> 00:03:51.870 in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks. 00:03:56.930 --> 00:04:01.409 Let me just give you a brief little outline. 00:04:03.650 --> 00:04:07.889 The first command is put on a heart. In other 00:04:07.889 --> 00:04:11.590 words, it's not just an activity. Put on a heart 00:04:11.590 --> 00:04:16.490 of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, 00:04:16.589 --> 00:04:20.170 and patience. And then notice the second command 00:04:20.170 --> 00:04:23.230 beyond all these. It's not just doing the things. 00:04:23.310 --> 00:04:28.649 Put on love. Unconditional. I'm for you. I give 00:04:28.649 --> 00:04:30.589 whether I get anything back or not, which is 00:04:30.589 --> 00:04:35.629 the perfect bond of unity. And the third command, 00:04:35.750 --> 00:04:37.949 it's interesting, and sometimes in the text it 00:04:37.949 --> 00:04:39.910 looks so small, it says be thankful. That's a 00:04:39.910 --> 00:04:42.629 separate command. In other words, be grateful. 00:04:43.930 --> 00:04:46.910 Focus on what you do have in your marriage. Focus 00:04:46.910 --> 00:04:49.490 what you do have in life. Thank God for what 00:04:49.490 --> 00:04:51.610 you do have rather than focus on what you don't 00:04:51.610 --> 00:04:55.889 have. And then he goes, let the peace of Christ 00:04:55.889 --> 00:04:58.509 rule in your hearts. Another command. We'll talk 00:04:58.509 --> 00:05:01.629 about what that means. Let the word of Christ 00:05:01.629 --> 00:05:04.509 richly dwell within you. Another command. And 00:05:04.509 --> 00:05:07.029 then whatever you do in word or deed, do all 00:05:07.029 --> 00:05:10.370 in the name of the Lord Jesus. So let's dig in. 00:05:10.490 --> 00:05:15.889 Skill number one. How do you develop Spiritual 00:05:15.889 --> 00:05:19.370 intimacy. Spiritual intimacy with Christ is cultivated 00:05:19.370 --> 00:05:25.490 by actively believing two things. Number one, 00:05:25.509 --> 00:05:30.649 whose we are. In other words, that you've chosen. 00:05:31.629 --> 00:05:34.930 Spiritual intimacy with Christ is cultivated 00:05:34.930 --> 00:05:40.410 by actively believing whose we are. You're his. 00:05:41.790 --> 00:05:46.300 The second thing. The second is who you've become, 00:05:46.500 --> 00:05:50.459 that you're holy. Chapter two, picking it up 00:05:50.459 --> 00:05:52.740 at verse nine. For in Christ, all the fullness 00:05:52.740 --> 00:05:55.579 of deity dwells in bodily form. That means all 00:05:55.579 --> 00:05:59.240 there is of God was in Jesus. And you have been 00:05:59.240 --> 00:06:02.439 given fullness in Christ, who is head over every 00:06:02.439 --> 00:06:06.579 power and authority. In him you were also circumcised 00:06:06.579 --> 00:06:09.600 in the putting off of your sinful nature. Not 00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:11.660 with the circumcision done with hands of men, 00:06:11.819 --> 00:06:17.420 but a circumcision done, By Christ. A circumcision 00:06:17.420 --> 00:06:20.040 of the heart. Having been buried with him in 00:06:20.040 --> 00:06:22.540 baptism. Raised with him through faith in the 00:06:22.540 --> 00:06:25.540 power of God. Who raised him from the dead. When 00:06:25.540 --> 00:06:28.500 you were dead in your sins. And in the uncircumcision 00:06:28.500 --> 00:06:33.019 of your sinful nature. God made you alive with 00:06:33.019 --> 00:06:36.740 Christ. He forgave all of our sins. Having canceled 00:06:36.740 --> 00:06:39.699 out the written code. with regulations that was 00:06:39.699 --> 00:06:42.459 against us and that stood opposed to us, he took 00:06:42.459 --> 00:06:45.680 it all away, nailing it to the cross. And having 00:06:45.680 --> 00:06:49.680 disarmed, this is the spiritual powers and authorities, 00:06:50.100 --> 00:06:53.300 he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing 00:06:53.300 --> 00:07:00.560 over them by the cross. God looks at you this 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:03.939 day through the lens of the blood of his son. 00:07:04.139 --> 00:07:07.670 Not only you are precious and loved, but you 00:07:07.670 --> 00:07:11.410 are forgiven. You are clean. That is your position 00:07:11.410 --> 00:07:16.709 with him. Intimacy, it's believing that he wants 00:07:16.709 --> 00:07:20.370 you, that he loves you, that he's for you. It's 00:07:20.370 --> 00:07:22.529 not for someone else that when you draw near, 00:07:22.750 --> 00:07:27.110 he'll draw near to you. And in terms of marriage, 00:07:27.189 --> 00:07:29.610 here's what I want you to get. I said it earlier, 00:07:29.790 --> 00:07:34.480 you can't give away what you do not have. Until 00:07:34.480 --> 00:07:39.100 you see yourself the way God sees you and love 00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:43.899 your mate out of overflow, you will instead have 00:07:43.899 --> 00:07:47.759 loving acts to get your own needs met, to get 00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:52.439 what you want, and to benefit you. And when you 00:07:52.439 --> 00:07:56.180 don't get them, you get angry. And if you watch 00:07:56.180 --> 00:07:58.939 enough TV, you'll believe lies like there's someone 00:07:58.939 --> 00:08:03.209 better out there. Or that you ought to have no 00:08:03.209 --> 00:08:05.129 problems and this person ought to come through. 00:08:05.949 --> 00:08:08.689 And so you will love conditionally and your love 00:08:08.689 --> 00:08:11.189 will be fragile and it will only be horizontal 00:08:11.189 --> 00:08:14.209 and it will crack under pressure and you will 00:08:14.209 --> 00:08:17.370 probably live a very painful life to learn that 00:08:17.370 --> 00:08:19.850 there is no human being on the earth that can 00:08:19.850 --> 00:08:24.389 give you what you're looking for. Spiritual intimacy 00:08:24.389 --> 00:08:29.879 is... Cultivated with your mate by recognizing 00:08:29.879 --> 00:08:32.899 the supremacy of Christ's role and relationship 00:08:32.899 --> 00:08:37.179 in your marriage. He created all things. He sustains 00:08:37.179 --> 00:08:39.860 all things by the word of his power. All things 00:08:39.860 --> 00:08:42.340 were created by him and for him. And he's the 00:08:42.340 --> 00:08:44.200 head of the church. And he's the firstborn from 00:08:44.200 --> 00:08:46.639 the dead. And he has supremacy over everything. 00:08:47.230 --> 00:08:50.309 If you want to have intimacy in your relationship 00:08:50.309 --> 00:08:53.789 horizontally, he has to have the same place in 00:08:53.789 --> 00:08:56.470 your life and the same place in your marriage 00:08:56.470 --> 00:09:00.490 that he has in the universe. That means if he 00:09:00.490 --> 00:09:05.370 says, men, I want you to love your wife. Good 00:09:05.370 --> 00:09:08.309 days, bad days. What's love look like? Well, 00:09:08.330 --> 00:09:12.750 just ask Jesus. Well, what do you mean? He was 00:09:12.750 --> 00:09:14.870 willing to die for his bride. You need to be 00:09:14.870 --> 00:09:18.190 willing to die for her. And not just metaphorically. 00:09:20.149 --> 00:09:24.250 Well, put her needs ahead. Cherish her. Protect 00:09:24.250 --> 00:09:27.269 her. Provide for her. Live with her in an understanding 00:09:27.269 --> 00:09:33.570 way. You be Jesus to her. That's your call. Regardless 00:09:33.570 --> 00:09:36.370 of how she responds. Well, why should I do that? 00:09:36.490 --> 00:09:39.429 Because I'm God and I created it and I designed 00:09:39.429 --> 00:09:42.710 it and I told you to. How's that? No, we've got, 00:09:42.789 --> 00:09:47.679 we're in such air. The byproducts of marriage 00:09:47.679 --> 00:09:50.460 happen to be that you get to have children, you're 00:09:50.460 --> 00:09:53.720 not alone, you have good sex, if not great sex 00:09:53.720 --> 00:09:57.580 occasionally, and you have a life companion. 00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:02.299 But the major point of marriage is not so that 00:10:02.299 --> 00:10:05.779 you're happy or even fulfilled. The major point 00:10:05.779 --> 00:10:09.500 of marriage is it's a metaphor to declare Jesus 00:10:09.500 --> 00:10:13.320 and the church. Your marriage, your love, your 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:15.320 forgiveness, you're working through problems, 00:10:15.620 --> 00:10:19.899 you caring and loving and cherishing and respecting 00:10:19.899 --> 00:10:23.320 is to be the picture of Jesus and his bride. 00:10:24.799 --> 00:10:28.500 And the loudest, the loudest, the greatest picture 00:10:28.500 --> 00:10:31.580 that the world will ever see of Christians is 00:10:31.580 --> 00:10:34.879 marriages where they love one another. Well, 00:10:34.879 --> 00:10:37.740 it's easy to love one another. I mean, pagans 00:10:37.740 --> 00:10:39.519 can love one another when everything's great. 00:10:41.259 --> 00:10:45.580 The church, your job, my job, is to demonstrate 00:10:45.580 --> 00:10:49.120 as a man what Christ's love is like to the church. 00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:51.919 And as a woman, what's it like for a church to 00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:56.820 respond in love and respect and tender consideration 00:10:56.820 --> 00:11:04.220 and connection to Christ? You're listening to 00:11:04.220 --> 00:11:06.860 Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll continue 00:11:06.860 --> 00:11:09.809 with Chip's teaching in just a minute. The message 00:11:09.809 --> 00:11:12.470 you're hearing today is part of our series, Choosing 00:11:12.470 --> 00:11:15.330 Love. If you want to dig deeper into these powerful 00:11:15.330 --> 00:11:17.850 principles, the complete series is waiting for 00:11:17.850 --> 00:11:22.169 you online at livingontheedge .org. You'll discover 00:11:22.169 --> 00:11:24.409 additional teaching, downloadable resources, 00:11:24.710 --> 00:11:27.570 and study questions to help you apply these truths. 00:11:27.990 --> 00:11:32.750 Visit us online at livingontheedge .org. Now 00:11:32.750 --> 00:11:35.950 let's get back to the message. There's few things. 00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:39.000 that will make a bigger difference in the watching 00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:43.480 world than your marriage. If you want to have 00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:45.539 intimacy, it can't be like, God, I really want 00:11:45.539 --> 00:11:51.340 a great marriage. Okay, there's some really good 00:11:51.340 --> 00:11:53.500 verses here for my wife. Hon, you need to read 00:11:53.500 --> 00:11:59.200 these. Man, these are really good ones. I'm not 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:00.759 sure what all the submissive stuff is, but it 00:12:00.759 --> 00:12:05.750 sounds pretty darn good. You want to have a great 00:12:05.750 --> 00:12:12.110 marriage? I mean, can you imagine the designers 00:12:12.110 --> 00:12:15.169 and the engineers and the people that have put 00:12:15.169 --> 00:12:17.250 together the things that you all do all around 00:12:17.250 --> 00:12:20.350 the world? Can you just imagine going, you know, 00:12:20.389 --> 00:12:23.509 I just don't read manuals. I'm just going to 00:12:23.509 --> 00:12:26.809 do this any way I think is better. How would 00:12:26.809 --> 00:12:31.649 that work? The creator of the universe has made 00:12:31.649 --> 00:12:35.029 it clear. what he wants you to do and what it 00:12:35.029 --> 00:12:38.750 looks like. And he did it because he loves you. 00:12:38.809 --> 00:12:41.110 He did it because he's good. He did it because 00:12:41.110 --> 00:12:44.970 he cares. And yes, it's counterintuitive. And 00:12:44.970 --> 00:12:50.830 by the way, ready? It's hard. I had a guy come 00:12:50.830 --> 00:12:53.669 to me and, you know, he's a young guy in the 00:12:53.669 --> 00:12:57.490 Silicon Valley and has done real well financially. 00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:01.440 You know, we'd meet him and think, oh, you have 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:04.500 this beautiful wife and, you know, kids and a 00:13:04.500 --> 00:13:06.740 great job and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And 00:13:06.740 --> 00:13:09.159 we were playing nine holes of golf. And he goes, 00:13:09.259 --> 00:13:13.460 you know, I'm just, I just, something's really, 00:13:13.539 --> 00:13:15.799 really wrong. I said, what's that? He goes like 00:13:15.799 --> 00:13:17.840 this, man, I'm really trying hard to be a good 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.019 husband. It's just, it's just shouldn't be this 00:13:20.019 --> 00:13:22.340 hard. There's always something. I mean, there's 00:13:22.340 --> 00:13:26.740 always something, you know, and then he. I don't 00:13:26.740 --> 00:13:29.220 want to be too crass. We're good buddies. And 00:13:29.220 --> 00:13:31.840 by the way, he's now done, you know, like a 180. 00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:35.779 But it was like, you know, this and this and 00:13:35.779 --> 00:13:37.539 this and this. And I'm thinking, would you grow 00:13:37.539 --> 00:13:40.259 up? Those are such, you know, nickel and dime 00:13:40.259 --> 00:13:43.720 stuff. And so finally, he actually played in 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:45.700 the arena football, was an excellent athlete. 00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:48.039 And so I just asked him, I said, excuse me, can 00:13:48.039 --> 00:13:50.559 I ask you a question? I said, did you ever do 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:53.000 two days growing up? In football. Oh, yeah, yeah, 00:13:53.059 --> 00:13:55.580 yeah. Or what about in college? You know, all 00:13:55.580 --> 00:13:57.720 -American, all that kind of stuff. Did you like 00:13:57.720 --> 00:14:00.220 hit the weight room and nutrition? Oh, man, it 00:14:00.220 --> 00:14:02.100 was like your life. This is what we did. And 00:14:02.100 --> 00:14:04.600 when you played pro ball, what was that like? 00:14:05.299 --> 00:14:08.220 Oh, man. I said, so what you're telling me is 00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:10.600 to be a star and be a football player, it's really 00:14:10.600 --> 00:14:13.399 hard. You get hit. You get up early. You lift 00:14:13.399 --> 00:14:15.820 weights. You eat. You go to sleep. And you focus 00:14:15.820 --> 00:14:17.639 your whole life. But your wife's not worth that? 00:14:18.740 --> 00:14:21.549 Really? Who told you it's supposed to be easy? 00:14:21.929 --> 00:14:24.330 In fact, here's the deal. I'm convinced, this 00:14:24.330 --> 00:14:26.509 is Chip Ingram, not the Bible, so put this in 00:14:26.509 --> 00:14:28.850 your notes, asterisk, Ingram thinks this, don't 00:14:28.850 --> 00:14:32.230 know if it's really true. No, I'm serious. I 00:14:32.230 --> 00:14:33.850 have a lot of Chip Ingram when I try to keep 00:14:33.850 --> 00:14:37.250 to the Bible, but this is one of mine. I'm convinced 00:14:37.250 --> 00:14:40.629 that God actually has created marriage in such 00:14:40.629 --> 00:14:45.090 a way that it really doesn't work. I mean, two 00:14:45.090 --> 00:14:49.200 people with different personalities that are 00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:51.399 both selfish and both sinners, it really doesn't 00:14:51.399 --> 00:14:55.580 work unless you follow the design and you get 00:14:55.580 --> 00:14:58.100 to where he gives you unconditional love and 00:14:58.100 --> 00:15:00.299 you can put the other person first and do all 00:15:00.299 --> 00:15:02.779 the super counterintuitive stuff. Everything 00:15:02.779 --> 00:15:04.960 that has made our marriage really, really good 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:09.600 is like, this is crazy. I'm the man. I should 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:11.659 get up and make coffee in the morning. I should 00:15:11.659 --> 00:15:14.559 bring it to her. I should affirm her. I should 00:15:14.559 --> 00:15:19.139 do this. What about me? And every time I keep 00:15:19.139 --> 00:15:22.059 little by little learning what it means to cherish 00:15:22.059 --> 00:15:25.679 her and serve her and help her discover her gifts 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:29.039 and understand in ways that they still don't 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:32.279 make sense to me how she thinks. You know what? 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:35.200 I don't have to understand it. But I've learned 00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:40.159 to not fix it and just listen. And the more you 00:15:40.159 --> 00:15:44.559 become like Jesus, the easier you are to live 00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:48.269 with. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine being 00:15:48.269 --> 00:15:51.889 married to someone who's very kind? Can you imagine 00:15:51.889 --> 00:15:53.809 being married to someone who's humble, that just 00:15:53.809 --> 00:15:56.649 on a regular basis, just not acts humble, but 00:15:56.649 --> 00:15:59.470 just actually puts your needs ahead of theirs? 00:15:59.549 --> 00:16:03.129 Or someone that bears with you that, you know, 00:16:03.250 --> 00:16:05.529 the underwear is still on the floor, the toothpaste 00:16:05.529 --> 00:16:07.830 is still like that, you still interrupt me when 00:16:07.830 --> 00:16:12.909 we're with other people, and I love you. I mean, 00:16:12.970 --> 00:16:18.259 it's an amazing thing. And that's the core of 00:16:18.259 --> 00:16:23.360 building intimacy. Let's jump into how to get 00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:27.519 really, really practical. Why build a marriage 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:31.419 God's way? First, because He commanded it. And 00:16:31.419 --> 00:16:35.200 second, because it's for your benefit. And let 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:39.659 me give you some very specific benefits of marriage. 00:16:40.419 --> 00:16:44.769 Doing it God's way. These are so... So helpful. 00:16:44.789 --> 00:16:47.269 I listed them, and you'll notice there's a little 00:16:47.269 --> 00:16:49.289 asterisk, and at the bottom, Divorce Proof Your 00:16:49.289 --> 00:16:55.929 Marriage by Gary and Barbara Rosberg. And spiritual 00:16:55.929 --> 00:16:58.350 intimacy allows you to connect at the deepest 00:16:58.350 --> 00:17:02.129 level. I mean, we connect emotionally. We connect 00:17:02.129 --> 00:17:05.670 spiritually. But I will tell you, the deepest 00:17:05.670 --> 00:17:10.170 possible connection will be a connection of your 00:17:10.170 --> 00:17:14.700 spirits in the presence of God. that will build 00:17:14.700 --> 00:17:18.880 a bond that it like puts the emotions on steroids 00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:23.839 and the physical on steroids. Spiritual intimacy, 00:17:23.980 --> 00:17:26.960 as you draw closer to God, and as you begin, 00:17:27.160 --> 00:17:29.400 and we'll talk about how, and by the way, I'm 00:17:29.400 --> 00:17:31.660 going to tell you a little bit later, it's really 00:17:31.660 --> 00:17:34.519 a challenge to develop spiritual intimacy. It's 00:17:34.519 --> 00:17:36.440 a lot easier to develop physical intimacy or 00:17:36.440 --> 00:17:40.700 even emotional intimacy. Second is spiritual 00:17:40.700 --> 00:17:43.480 intimacy links you with God's purposes and plans 00:17:43.480 --> 00:17:46.759 for your life. He says, I know the plans that 00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:49.940 I have for you, Jeremiah, right? 29, 11. They're 00:17:49.940 --> 00:17:52.440 plans for good, not for evil, for your welfare, 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:55.900 to give you a hope and a future. When you connect 00:17:55.900 --> 00:18:02.400 you with God and her or him with God, then it 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:06.440 aligns you to know his voice and his plans and 00:18:06.440 --> 00:18:09.049 his direction for your life. Third, spiritual 00:18:09.049 --> 00:18:12.170 intimacy allows you to bless each other with 00:18:12.170 --> 00:18:15.349 God's love. That's what I've been talking a lot 00:18:15.349 --> 00:18:20.890 about. All I can tell you is we've overplayed. 00:18:21.089 --> 00:18:24.269 I'm not going to go down my Hallmark story right 00:18:24.269 --> 00:18:29.109 now, but if I watched like 50 Hallmarks, I would 00:18:29.109 --> 00:18:32.579 think that all of love is about... ooey -gooey 00:18:32.579 --> 00:18:36.579 emotions, starry -eyed, meeting people, and kissing 00:18:36.579 --> 00:18:41.359 when it starts to snow. Based solely on physical 00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:44.200 attraction by, seems to be, very, very pretty 00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:47.140 people who live in really nice houses, who actually 00:18:47.140 --> 00:18:49.700 have a lot of time to do everything except work, 00:18:49.759 --> 00:18:55.000 because they, I mean, and within the first seven 00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:57.920 minutes, I have no idea how it's going to end, 00:18:57.960 --> 00:19:00.339 except I think they're going to fall in love. 00:19:01.900 --> 00:19:04.380 And 10 minutes before it's over, it doesn't look 00:19:04.380 --> 00:19:06.200 like it's going to work. And oh, yes, it does. 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:12.940 And I don't mean that as crassly, but there's 00:19:12.940 --> 00:19:17.000 a diet of that that is so permeated our culture. 00:19:17.099 --> 00:19:20.220 People actually believe love is romantic feelings. 00:19:21.339 --> 00:19:23.759 And we've developed such a narcissistic culture 00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:26.720 that you think when you're unhappy, something's 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:31.500 wrong. You understand, Jesus was unhappy a lot. 00:19:31.819 --> 00:19:34.859 Hebrews says in the course of his lifetime, he 00:19:34.859 --> 00:19:40.839 shed many tears. He hurt for people. He was lonely. 00:19:41.099 --> 00:19:45.240 He was rejected. He was tempted in every way, 00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:48.000 just like you and just like me. He was fully 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:54.119 human, yet without sin. Part of life is down 00:19:54.119 --> 00:19:59.109 days, hard days, struggle days. For you've been 00:19:59.109 --> 00:20:01.650 called to this purpose since Christ also suffered 00:20:01.650 --> 00:20:08.430 for you. Who though he suffered, he didn't revile 00:20:08.430 --> 00:20:10.930 or pay back, but entrusted himself to a faithful 00:20:10.930 --> 00:20:18.630 creator. Suffering is a part of life. We've lived 00:20:18.630 --> 00:20:22.150 in this last... 30 to 40 years, and it's creeped 00:20:22.150 --> 00:20:24.410 more and more into evangelical Christianity at 00:20:24.410 --> 00:20:27.490 all levels that somehow Jesus wants to make you 00:20:27.490 --> 00:20:30.089 self -fulfilled and happy and make everything 00:20:30.089 --> 00:20:33.670 go great. And when Jesus doesn't do that, you're 00:20:33.670 --> 00:20:37.690 disillusioned. When you demand from God promises 00:20:37.690 --> 00:20:40.809 he never made, you're worshiping a God that doesn't 00:20:40.809 --> 00:20:47.470 exist. His agenda is not to make you happy. He 00:20:47.470 --> 00:20:49.450 doesn't work all things together for your good 00:20:49.450 --> 00:20:51.569 to those that are called, to those that love 00:20:51.569 --> 00:20:53.609 Him, so that you'll be self -fulfilled and happy. 00:20:56.289 --> 00:20:58.970 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip 00:20:58.970 --> 00:21:01.789 Ingram, and he'll be back in a minute. But first, 00:21:01.869 --> 00:21:03.990 let me tell you about Chip's newest resource 00:21:03.990 --> 00:21:06.730 that connects perfectly with this teaching. It's 00:21:06.730 --> 00:21:09.950 his latest book titled, I Choose Love. Here's 00:21:09.950 --> 00:21:12.509 what makes this book so timely. We've been told 00:21:12.509 --> 00:21:15.490 love is something that happens to us, that magical 00:21:15.490 --> 00:21:18.589 feeling we can't control. But Chip reveals a 00:21:18.589 --> 00:21:21.589 revolutionary truth. Love is something you choose. 00:21:21.690 --> 00:21:25.190 Real love, agape love, isn't built on romantic 00:21:25.190 --> 00:21:28.069 feelings or emotional highs. It's characterized 00:21:28.069 --> 00:21:32.279 by sacrifice and action. In I Choose Love, Chip 00:21:32.279 --> 00:21:34.440 shows you how to experience the kind of love 00:21:34.440 --> 00:21:37.559 that never fails. You'll discover practical ways 00:21:37.559 --> 00:21:40.039 to move beyond the Hollywood version of romance 00:21:40.039 --> 00:21:43.160 into the deep, satisfying connection God designed. 00:21:43.720 --> 00:21:47.559 Order I Choose Love online at livingontheedge 00:21:47.559 --> 00:21:51.059 .org. Right now, marriages across the country 00:21:51.059 --> 00:21:53.180 are being rebuilt through the biblical teaching 00:21:53.180 --> 00:21:56.000 of Living on the Edge, couples who felt hopeless 00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:58.660 are finding direction. Well, this happens because 00:21:58.660 --> 00:22:00.920 friends like you partner with this ministry. 00:22:01.140 --> 00:22:03.720 Your support reaches people right when they need 00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:06.140 it most. Would you consider joining us today? 00:22:06.380 --> 00:22:09.920 Visit livingontheedge .org to give or mail your 00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:13.599 support to Living on the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, 00:22:13.740 --> 00:22:18.299 Atlanta, Georgia 30024. You can also call us 00:22:18.299 --> 00:22:23.430 at 888 -333 -6003. And don't forget to subscribe 00:22:23.430 --> 00:22:26.150 to the Living on the Edge podcast for full -length 00:22:26.150 --> 00:22:28.750 sermons now available through the Chip Ingram 00:22:28.750 --> 00:22:31.650 Sermon Podcast, available wherever you listen 00:22:31.650 --> 00:22:35.230 to podcasts. Well, now here's Chip. I just want 00:22:35.230 --> 00:22:38.230 to remind you that keeping marital love alive 00:22:38.230 --> 00:22:40.769 in your relationship, it starts with finding, 00:22:41.089 --> 00:22:44.630 protecting, and cultivating spiritual intimacy. 00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:48.119 Now, I just want to pause for just a second because 00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:50.759 I've done this enough. And when I taught this 00:22:50.759 --> 00:22:53.740 there at the Billy Graham Center, I mean, all 00:22:53.740 --> 00:22:56.119 the wives are leaning forward going, yes, yes, 00:22:56.259 --> 00:22:58.619 yes, yes. Spiritual intimacy with my husband 00:22:58.619 --> 00:23:00.920 and all the guys are leaning back and a couple 00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:02.900 of them are kind of crossing their arms going, 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:05.140 hey, buddy, I don't know what you're talking 00:23:05.140 --> 00:23:07.380 about here. I know I'm not good at that. And 00:23:07.380 --> 00:23:10.000 I know my wife is way better than that. Just 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:12.579 relax. OK, we're going to walk through this together. 00:23:13.309 --> 00:23:16.329 But I really want you to know that some things 00:23:16.329 --> 00:23:18.890 don't come naturally and some things are very 00:23:18.890 --> 00:23:22.029 threatening. And of all the things I think that 00:23:22.029 --> 00:23:24.210 are threatening in a marriage, and especially 00:23:24.210 --> 00:23:27.849 for a man, is this idea of spiritual leadership, 00:23:28.089 --> 00:23:31.269 spiritual intimacy. I want you to know that if 00:23:31.269 --> 00:23:34.910 you can take some baby steps and practice some 00:23:34.910 --> 00:23:37.839 things that I'm going to share with you. it will 00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:42.140 begin to resolve so many other areas. And you 00:23:42.140 --> 00:23:44.819 get on the same page with God, then pretty soon 00:23:44.819 --> 00:23:46.759 you're on the same page with your kids and your 00:23:46.759 --> 00:23:50.759 finances. And I remember Charles Spurgeon wrote, 00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:55.059 I am certain that I never did grow in grace one 00:23:55.059 --> 00:23:58.559 half so much anywhere as when I was in the bed 00:23:58.559 --> 00:24:01.099 of pain. And so what I want you to know is... 00:24:01.259 --> 00:24:03.660 We're going to have struggles. They're normal. 00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:07.559 Marriage is hard. It requires hard work. Those 00:24:07.559 --> 00:24:09.480 of you that have heard me over the years know 00:24:09.480 --> 00:24:12.079 I've shared pretty honestly about some really 00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:15.880 painful, difficult times in almost every area 00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:18.700 of our marriage. And I share those because I 00:24:18.700 --> 00:24:21.299 think people really miss out because they think, 00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:23.559 oh, it's not going well, or I fell out of love, 00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:25.799 or this is so hard. Maybe this isn't the right 00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:28.880 person. Those are lies. You're just experiencing 00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.420 the normal challenge. challenges of marriage. 00:24:31.660 --> 00:24:34.599 And what we want to do is give you some skills 00:24:34.599 --> 00:24:37.720 that by the grace of God, your marriage can grow 00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:41.319 into exactly what God wants it to be and what 00:24:41.319 --> 00:24:43.519 you long for. So stick around with us on this 00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:46.779 one. I'm Dave Drewy. Join us as Chip Ingram shares 00:24:46.779 --> 00:24:49.640 practical insights on deepening love in marriage 00:24:49.640 --> 00:24:55.839 next time on Living on the Edge. Today's program 00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:58.619 is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.