WEBVTT 00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:04.559 This is the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, brought 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:07.719 to you by Living on the Edge. In this podcast, 00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:10.560 you'll hear Chip's teaching unedited and from 00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:14.000 beginning to end. Well, now here's Chip Ingram 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:16.920 with today's message titled, Forgiving, How to 00:00:16.920 --> 00:00:19.760 Restore Your Peace. As we get started, I'm going 00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:24.800 to ask you to answer a question, not out loud 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:29.579 for sure on this one. But I want you to think 00:00:29.579 --> 00:00:33.359 honestly and very deeply, what is something in 00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:37.759 your past or in your present that you're ashamed 00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:44.020 of? Something you'd rather no one know about 00:00:44.020 --> 00:00:47.539 or ever find out about, or at best, maybe the 00:00:47.539 --> 00:00:50.359 closest, most trusted friend in the world, but 00:00:50.359 --> 00:00:56.399 no one else. Something that would embarrass you 00:00:56.399 --> 00:01:01.509 if others found out about it. Something that 00:01:01.509 --> 00:01:04.849 if you thought someone, even your mate, might 00:01:04.849 --> 00:01:06.989 know this, that they would have a lesser opinion 00:01:06.989 --> 00:01:14.450 of you. We all have some things like that. And 00:01:14.450 --> 00:01:18.670 we spend an inordinate amount of energy kind 00:01:18.670 --> 00:01:22.049 of putting them in boxes and categorizing them 00:01:22.049 --> 00:01:26.480 and pushing them down and denying them. pretending 00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:28.859 they're not there. And then in certain times, 00:01:28.859 --> 00:01:31.579 in certain ways, boy, they come rushing back 00:01:31.579 --> 00:01:36.920 over us. It's called shame. Shame is a painful 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:40.299 feeling of humiliation or distress caused by 00:01:40.299 --> 00:01:44.819 the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior, 00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:49.060 or listen carefully, or regrettable, unfortunate 00:01:49.060 --> 00:01:57.849 situation or action. My father was In his 80s 00:01:57.849 --> 00:02:02.189 and still having nightmares from Guam and Iwo 00:02:02.189 --> 00:02:07.209 Jima. He talked about his closest brothers falling 00:02:07.209 --> 00:02:11.150 on his right and his left. He was 16 and a half 00:02:11.150 --> 00:02:14.590 when he went in. But he was an athlete and he 00:02:14.590 --> 00:02:18.590 was strong. Mom signed for him because that's 00:02:18.590 --> 00:02:23.009 what you do. You defend your country. So they 00:02:23.009 --> 00:02:26.229 gave him a .50 caliber machine gun. And on the 00:02:26.229 --> 00:02:29.449 islands at that season, it was better to die 00:02:29.449 --> 00:02:32.370 than to go home in shame. And he said, we would 00:02:32.370 --> 00:02:37.949 dig a trench, a big arc, 75, sometimes 100 yards. 00:02:38.770 --> 00:02:42.590 And the Japanese would rush us. And it was like 00:02:42.590 --> 00:02:45.789 I mowed grass all day. And I killed thousands 00:02:45.789 --> 00:02:47.810 and thousands and thousands and thousands of 00:02:47.810 --> 00:02:53.189 people. He got hit. It's the only reason he made 00:02:53.189 --> 00:02:57.139 it out. But he made it out and those he loved 00:02:57.139 --> 00:03:02.580 and those who had his back didn't. He lived with 00:03:02.580 --> 00:03:06.520 the guilt of a just war, but it can be a just 00:03:06.520 --> 00:03:08.740 war, but when you kill people and you're not 00:03:08.740 --> 00:03:11.680 made to kill people, it does something to you 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:15.300 that people don't understand. And when you have 00:03:15.300 --> 00:03:17.340 the guilt that why did I get to come home and 00:03:17.340 --> 00:03:19.800 others didn't, it does something to you that's 00:03:19.800 --> 00:03:25.310 hard to express. So he, Found he felt a little 00:03:25.310 --> 00:03:30.030 bit better by his numbing of choice. But he had 00:03:30.030 --> 00:03:34.330 unresolved angers. He had fears. He came to know 00:03:34.330 --> 00:03:39.889 Jesus Christ in his mid to late 50s. He began 00:03:39.889 --> 00:03:46.150 to renew his mind. But he never got those things 00:03:46.150 --> 00:03:50.050 out in the open. Never fully dealt with them. 00:03:50.990 --> 00:03:54.800 And lived with nightmares. until the last years 00:03:54.800 --> 00:04:00.139 that he died. He had a combination of guilt and 00:04:00.139 --> 00:04:05.680 shame and confusion. It's not a surprise that 00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:09.800 he didn't ever tell me or any of his children 00:04:09.800 --> 00:04:11.819 that he loved them. He couldn't verbalize it. 00:04:12.360 --> 00:04:14.900 He had a hard time expressing that. See, you 00:04:14.900 --> 00:04:17.339 can't give away something you don't have. Did 00:04:17.339 --> 00:04:19.680 he love me? Of course. Were there actions that 00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:22.519 he showed me? Yes. In fact, All of his desire 00:04:22.519 --> 00:04:24.420 to want me to be successful was him expressing 00:04:24.420 --> 00:04:27.620 love. But the way it got translated was no matter 00:04:27.620 --> 00:04:29.199 what I did, it just needed to be a little bit 00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:31.160 better. You know, four A's and a B. Let's work 00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:33.560 on the B. You went two for four? Hey, you know, 00:04:33.560 --> 00:04:37.660 inside pitch curveball, you can't step out. That's 00:04:37.660 --> 00:04:39.699 why you ground out. You know, so no matter what, 00:04:39.740 --> 00:04:46.670 it was always. But it was his wound. We have 00:04:46.670 --> 00:04:49.110 shame for three major reasons, according to the 00:04:49.110 --> 00:04:52.490 experts. One is a theological reason. We all 00:04:52.490 --> 00:04:55.610 have shame. The fall. Remember, after sin, what 00:04:55.610 --> 00:04:58.810 did Adam do? What did Adam and Eve do? They hid. 00:04:59.610 --> 00:05:02.410 And we've been all hiding ever since. You don't 00:05:02.410 --> 00:05:06.240 have to go to war to hide from your shame. When 00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:08.040 you're naked, and I don't mean just physically, 00:05:08.120 --> 00:05:11.040 I mean when you're naked and you see who you 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:13.800 really are or anyone else sees who you really 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:16.660 are, not what we portray, not how we act, not 00:05:16.660 --> 00:05:19.480 how we cover it, not our sophistication and all 00:05:19.480 --> 00:05:21.939 of our defense mechanisms, but the real you, 00:05:22.019 --> 00:05:23.920 the parts of you that you know are not right, 00:05:24.060 --> 00:05:28.000 you hide. But it gets worse because it's not 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:32.519 just shame that we inherit from the fall, but 00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:37.579 it's shame from things done to us. And isn't 00:05:37.579 --> 00:05:40.639 it a weird thing? Over and over and over, you 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:42.879 can tell kids forever that, oh, it's not your 00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:46.139 fault. Kids who go through divorce blame themselves. 00:05:47.939 --> 00:05:51.120 Women and children that are abused blame themselves. 00:05:52.759 --> 00:05:55.920 People that are rejected unfairly have shame. 00:05:56.939 --> 00:06:01.000 And then there's the third level of shame. It's 00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:06.290 things that we do. The affair. The addiction, 00:06:06.529 --> 00:06:11.329 the explosive anger, the cheating. When you're 00:06:11.329 --> 00:06:16.029 the abuser, crime, jail, prison, the abortion, 00:06:16.250 --> 00:06:20.550 the list can go on. Some of you have found yourselves 00:06:20.550 --> 00:06:23.310 in places and doing things that you hope no one, 00:06:23.389 --> 00:06:25.310 you can't stand to look at it, let alone the 00:06:25.310 --> 00:06:28.790 thought of anybody else. And so the response 00:06:28.790 --> 00:06:33.779 of this fundamental imprint on your soul that 00:06:33.779 --> 00:06:35.660 you don't measure up, that there's something 00:06:35.660 --> 00:06:38.060 wrong with you, that you're deficient, that you're 00:06:38.060 --> 00:06:40.779 flawed, that you're damaged, that you're unacceptable, 00:06:41.259 --> 00:06:43.980 that you're unlovable, that you're dirty, that 00:06:43.980 --> 00:06:46.399 you're rejected, that you're inferior, that you're 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:48.680 broken, and in times in your worst moment where 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:51.740 you feel like you're disgusting, there's about 00:06:51.740 --> 00:06:54.439 three natural responses. Response number one 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:59.379 is to hide. Response number two is to numb the 00:06:59.379 --> 00:07:05.670 pain. And it can be alcohol, porn, multiple partners, 00:07:05.910 --> 00:07:14.569 prescription drugs, work, ministry. And the other 00:07:14.569 --> 00:07:18.529 is to compensate. I'll prove to myself and to 00:07:18.529 --> 00:07:21.990 others somehow. And it can come out in workaholism 00:07:21.990 --> 00:07:25.149 or some way that you're going to prove and somehow 00:07:25.149 --> 00:07:28.470 balance the scales and do good for all the things 00:07:28.470 --> 00:07:34.100 that are hidden inside. It's interesting. Some 00:07:34.100 --> 00:07:38.620 of the questions, here's a question. Why do I 00:07:38.620 --> 00:07:42.019 clam up when things go wrong, sometimes for weeks, 00:07:42.220 --> 00:07:52.339 and ignore her and all the problems? Why? It's 00:07:52.339 --> 00:07:57.139 because of shame. Just bury it. You're frozen. 00:07:57.300 --> 00:08:00.699 You're paralyzed. And yet, here's what I want 00:08:00.699 --> 00:08:05.139 to tell you. It's one thing to be forgiven, and 00:08:05.139 --> 00:08:07.500 I think most of you, I pray all of you, have 00:08:07.500 --> 00:08:10.199 come to the point where whatever you've done 00:08:10.199 --> 00:08:13.079 and whatever you've recognized, you've come to 00:08:13.079 --> 00:08:15.839 a living God and said, I know I don't measure 00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:18.420 up. I want to trust fully in what Christ did 00:08:18.420 --> 00:08:20.660 on the cross for me, and he paid for my sin, 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:23.259 and I've received that free gift, and I've invited 00:08:23.259 --> 00:08:26.879 him into my life. But there's a difference between 00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:32.759 being forgiven and being restored. There's a 00:08:32.759 --> 00:08:35.019 lot of people who have been legally forgiven. 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:39.399 Your sins are forgiven, but you live as a second 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:42.860 class citizen or you're numbing yourself or you 00:08:42.860 --> 00:08:45.860 have big walls between you and your mate and 00:08:45.860 --> 00:08:49.500 other people. There was just something about 00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:51.940 my dad that you could get so close and then it 00:08:51.940 --> 00:08:58.240 was just, that was it. Intimacy was just, couldn't 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:02.360 do it. That was probably my, mid to late 30s. 00:09:02.440 --> 00:09:05.139 I kept what longed for, the equivalent of my 00:09:05.139 --> 00:09:07.480 dad to put his arm around me. And I finally came 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:09.840 to the conclusion that something happened in 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:12.259 the war and he got a compound fracture and they 00:09:12.259 --> 00:09:15.480 put it in a cast. And that's what he had. He 00:09:15.480 --> 00:09:19.600 just couldn't do it. He was unable to literally 00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:23.580 give love because he never addressed that. And 00:09:23.580 --> 00:09:27.620 you know what? He never knew how. Can I tell 00:09:27.620 --> 00:09:30.299 you, this isn't something that's just modern. 00:09:32.639 --> 00:09:35.360 Or the shame of people that have been abused 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:37.460 or people that have abused others or all the 00:09:37.460 --> 00:09:43.179 rest. At the heart is a sense of betrayal where 00:09:43.179 --> 00:09:45.139 you have betrayed someone or you've betrayed 00:09:45.139 --> 00:09:48.100 your conscience or you've betrayed God. And it's 00:09:48.100 --> 00:09:50.519 not an accident that when you read John chapter 00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:54.940 21, Peter shortly, the day of the resurrection, 00:09:55.159 --> 00:10:00.259 Jesus did a quick one -on -one with him. And 00:10:00.259 --> 00:10:02.600 he walked in a room with Peter and the disciples 00:10:02.600 --> 00:10:06.080 there. And I'm sure he looked Peter in the eye. 00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:08.940 Yes, you betrayed me. You did it publicly. You 00:10:08.940 --> 00:10:11.279 were arrogant. And I think he got forgiveness, 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:16.340 but he didn't get restoration. He had this, oh, 00:10:16.419 --> 00:10:19.720 I understand this up here, but my life's a mess. 00:10:20.419 --> 00:10:22.519 I don't know what to do with my life. I don't 00:10:22.519 --> 00:10:23.960 think I've got anything going for me anymore. 00:10:24.220 --> 00:10:27.659 His shame was never dealt with. And then John, 00:10:28.360 --> 00:10:34.279 Chapter 21. Jesus sets up a unique situation 00:10:34.279 --> 00:10:40.840 to help Peter go from being simply forgiven to 00:10:40.840 --> 00:10:44.700 be restored. Because here's the thing. You can't 00:10:44.700 --> 00:10:48.080 forgive and connect with other people unless 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:51.960 you forgive and get restored yourself. So open 00:10:51.960 --> 00:10:56.200 your Bibles to John chapter 21. And as you do, 00:10:56.279 --> 00:11:03.200 let me give you the context. Jesus has appeared 00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:08.460 now twice officially to all the disciples. They 00:11:08.460 --> 00:11:11.799 were commanded to go wait for him in Galilee. 00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:15.240 Think about it. It's familiar. It's safe. It's 00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:18.100 the home to a number of the disciples. It's where 00:11:18.100 --> 00:11:20.539 many of them were called. It's where they were 00:11:20.539 --> 00:11:23.379 called into ministry to follow Jesus. Peter, 00:11:23.419 --> 00:11:25.779 like many of us, is not very good at waiting. 00:11:26.980 --> 00:11:29.940 We know from Luke 24 that he's had an encounter 00:11:29.940 --> 00:11:32.500 with Jesus, and I can't imagine Jesus not forgiving 00:11:32.500 --> 00:11:35.700 him in that moment. But he's still the leader 00:11:35.700 --> 00:11:38.399 because he decides that, you know what, I don't 00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:40.659 know what to do with my life, so this is what 00:11:40.659 --> 00:11:43.100 we all do. I'm going to default back to what 00:11:43.100 --> 00:11:46.940 I know. Under pressure, we all default back to 00:11:46.940 --> 00:11:48.960 where we're comfortable and what we know. So 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:51.980 he basically says, I'm going to go fishing. And 00:11:51.980 --> 00:11:54.159 the six other guys, well, if you're going, I 00:11:54.159 --> 00:11:57.779 guess we'll go with you. We pick up the story, 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:03.639 John 21. Afterward, Jesus appeared again to his 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:06.720 disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. That's Galilee. 00:12:07.019 --> 00:12:09.519 It happened in this way. Simon Peter, Thomas, 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:12.639 called Didymus, Nathaniel from Cana in Galilee, 00:12:12.759 --> 00:12:15.100 the sons of Zebedee, James and John, and two 00:12:15.100 --> 00:12:18.039 other disciples were together. I'm going to go 00:12:18.039 --> 00:12:19.720 out and fish, Simon Peter told them. And they 00:12:19.720 --> 00:12:22.120 said, we'll go with you. So they went out and 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:24.799 got into the boat, but that night they caught 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:28.340 nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on 00:12:28.340 --> 00:12:30.480 the shore, but the disciples did not realize 00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:33.940 that it was him. He called out to them, friends, 00:12:33.960 --> 00:12:36.820 have you any fish? Literally the word is lads 00:12:36.820 --> 00:12:40.960 or children. It's a term of affection by someone 00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:45.120 a bit older and a bit wiser. No, they answered. 00:12:45.299 --> 00:12:47.480 He said, throw your net on the right side of 00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:52.559 the boat and you will find nothing. When they 00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:54.899 did, they were unable to haul in the net because 00:12:54.899 --> 00:12:58.460 of the large number of fish. Then the disciple 00:12:58.460 --> 00:13:01.740 whom Jesus loved, John, said to Peter, It is 00:13:01.740 --> 00:13:04.340 the Lord. And as soon as Peter heard him say, 00:13:04.440 --> 00:13:06.539 It is the Lord, he wrapped his outer garment 00:13:06.539 --> 00:13:09.159 around him, for he had taken it off, and he jumped 00:13:09.159 --> 00:13:11.740 into the water. And the other disciples followed 00:13:11.740 --> 00:13:15.919 in the boat, pulling the full net of fish. For 00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:18.019 they were not far from the shore, about 100 yards. 00:13:18.379 --> 00:13:21.159 When they landed, they saw a fire of burning 00:13:21.159 --> 00:13:25.480 coals with fish on it and some bread. Jesus said 00:13:25.480 --> 00:13:27.500 to them, bring some of the fish that you've caught. 00:13:28.220 --> 00:13:30.899 Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net 00:13:30.899 --> 00:13:34.919 ashore. It was full of large fish, 153. But even 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:38.080 with so many, the net did not break. Jesus said 00:13:38.080 --> 00:13:41.820 to them, come, have breakfast. None of the disciples 00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:44.240 dared to ask him, who are you? For they knew 00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:47.179 it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, 00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:50.080 gave it to them, did the same with the fish. 00:13:50.460 --> 00:13:53.039 This is now the third time Jesus appeared to 00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:55.639 his disciples after he'd been raised from the 00:13:55.639 --> 00:14:02.200 dead. Now notice, first of all, Peter has gone 00:14:02.200 --> 00:14:05.120 back to where he's comfortable, dealing with 00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:09.279 life the only way he knows how. Jesus picks an 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:12.490 opportune time and he's going to have a conversation. 00:14:12.570 --> 00:14:15.090 Notice the conversation doesn't start with, hey, 00:14:15.149 --> 00:14:19.350 let's go deep right now. Does anybody remember 00:14:19.350 --> 00:14:22.590 when Peter was called, the experience that he 00:14:22.590 --> 00:14:25.990 had as a fisherman? Remember he's sitting out 00:14:25.990 --> 00:14:31.009 on that boat and Jesus used his boat to preach 00:14:31.009 --> 00:14:33.690 a message. And after he preaches the message, 00:14:34.230 --> 00:14:37.230 remember last time he had fished all night and 00:14:37.230 --> 00:14:39.580 got nothing? And it was a time when you shouldn't 00:14:39.580 --> 00:14:41.440 catch fish. And he said, just go out a little 00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:42.620 bit and lower your net. Do you remember what 00:14:42.620 --> 00:14:45.059 happened? It was overwhelmed, full with fish. 00:14:45.179 --> 00:14:47.679 You think this is lost on Peter? This is like, 00:14:47.759 --> 00:14:50.480 I've seen this movie before. This is when Jesus 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:53.039 called me to follow him. And then he pulled it. 00:14:53.080 --> 00:14:55.100 And then remember what he did? He left his nets 00:14:55.100 --> 00:14:59.299 and he followed him. Think it's an accident that 00:14:59.299 --> 00:15:05.039 he's saying, Peter, unless you go back and relive. 00:15:05.679 --> 00:15:08.360 part of the journey of when I called you and 00:15:08.360 --> 00:15:10.740 who you were, then you're not going to be able 00:15:10.740 --> 00:15:13.379 to reassess this new journey. So he does the 00:15:13.379 --> 00:15:16.419 same thing. What's the message there? Hey, I 00:15:16.419 --> 00:15:19.179 understand that Peter, and I understand the Peter 00:15:19.179 --> 00:15:22.240 who betrayed me. And by the way, he didn't just, 00:15:22.340 --> 00:15:26.039 this isn't a little betrayal. I mean, I think 00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:27.960 in our culture, we think sexual sin is the worst 00:15:27.960 --> 00:15:31.179 thing in the world. Betrayal is by far, far worse 00:15:31.179 --> 00:15:33.990 than sexual sin. In fact, at the heart of sexual 00:15:33.990 --> 00:15:36.470 sin, if you do it against your mate, it's not 00:15:36.470 --> 00:15:38.970 the act of sexuality. It's the betrayal, isn't 00:15:38.970 --> 00:15:41.549 it? It's the breaking of the covenant. It's the 00:15:41.549 --> 00:15:43.730 dissing of the person. It's breaking the bond. 00:15:43.909 --> 00:15:46.269 And it's not like Peter was just like, oh, you 00:15:46.269 --> 00:15:48.169 know, I kind of don't know him. By the third 00:15:48.169 --> 00:15:50.750 time, you know, the text is a little light. It's 00:15:50.750 --> 00:15:53.669 blankety, blank, blank. I don't know that blank, 00:15:53.769 --> 00:15:57.090 blank. That's what he said. He's cussing. He's 00:15:57.090 --> 00:16:00.870 denying. I don't know him at all. And then Jesus 00:16:00.870 --> 00:16:05.440 looks over. Remember, this is the guy in front 00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:07.759 of his buddies. Hey, they all might desert you, 00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:12.340 not me. Peter, I tell you, and Jesus predicted 00:16:12.340 --> 00:16:15.580 it. I'm better, I'm stronger. I got your back, 00:16:15.720 --> 00:16:18.299 Jesus. If I have to die, I'll die. I mean, he 00:16:18.299 --> 00:16:21.320 had, right? It's one thing to betray someone. 00:16:21.500 --> 00:16:24.379 It's a lot worse when you've been the one to 00:16:24.379 --> 00:16:27.279 puff your chest out and say, everyone else might 00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:29.820 betray you, but not me. And then you're the one 00:16:29.820 --> 00:16:32.980 that goes down. Then do you remember where he 00:16:32.980 --> 00:16:39.120 was when he betrayed Jesus? Remember, the text 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:44.259 says there was a, not just a fire, but a special 00:16:44.259 --> 00:16:48.919 kind of fire. Notice the text talks about the 00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:53.879 coals again. You know, when he was warming his 00:16:53.879 --> 00:16:56.100 hands and that little servant girl asked him, 00:16:56.179 --> 00:16:59.870 can you imagine? You know, some of us have done 00:16:59.870 --> 00:17:02.250 some things we're not proud of. And, you know, 00:17:02.289 --> 00:17:04.430 you can almost smell where you were and you can 00:17:04.430 --> 00:17:06.369 remember certain things. There's an imprint, 00:17:06.450 --> 00:17:08.769 like a little movie that's in your mind. And 00:17:08.769 --> 00:17:13.430 Jesus is recreating. He's forcing him to go back 00:17:13.430 --> 00:17:18.890 and face and engage where he'd been before, where 00:17:18.890 --> 00:17:25.670 the pain was. Except instead of betrayal, what's 00:17:25.670 --> 00:17:30.039 he doing? Come and have breakfast. I'm for you. 00:17:31.299 --> 00:17:34.200 All the fear, all the arms crossed, all the sense 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:36.619 of shame, you don't measure up, you're a loser, 00:17:36.759 --> 00:17:39.000 how could you betray me? It's not that, it's 00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:45.980 let's eat some fish. It's conversation. And do 00:17:45.980 --> 00:17:48.180 you remember, he did it in front of people, right? 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:52.740 He boasted in front of the disciples. Do you 00:17:52.740 --> 00:17:56.019 understand what he's recreating here? You know, 00:17:56.039 --> 00:17:58.819 now psychologists and people who do work with 00:17:58.819 --> 00:18:01.720 PTSD and all this, they talk about the painful, 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:07.680 dramatic necessity of going back through part 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:10.480 of what you've been through and experiencing 00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:13.339 the grace of God in the reliving of some of those 00:18:13.339 --> 00:18:17.480 moments. And long before they were experts or 00:18:17.480 --> 00:18:20.720 psychologists, Jesus is walking him back through 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:24.220 the very journey, but this time it's with grace. 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:30.809 This time it's with, I understand. This time, 00:18:30.829 --> 00:18:36.809 yes, you're fallen. Yes, you betrayed me. And 00:18:36.809 --> 00:18:43.410 yes, I love you. And it doesn't define you. But 00:18:43.410 --> 00:18:46.630 he doesn't stop there. Because it's not enough 00:18:46.630 --> 00:18:49.430 to relive the experience. Psychologists can do 00:18:49.430 --> 00:18:52.789 that with us. Only God can do what happens next. 00:18:53.309 --> 00:18:56.910 When they finished eating, notice, It's a special 00:18:56.910 --> 00:19:00.470 time. It's a special place. It's recreated. Can 00:19:00.470 --> 00:19:03.609 you imagine? Some of you don't have to imagine, 00:19:03.809 --> 00:19:07.250 but can you imagine what's going on in Peter's 00:19:07.250 --> 00:19:11.210 mind? I mean, he's reliving his calling. He's 00:19:11.210 --> 00:19:14.630 reliving his betrayal. He's being treated in 00:19:14.630 --> 00:19:20.410 a way that just is, it just, it's so foreign. 00:19:20.450 --> 00:19:23.029 It's so unnatural. It's so what he doesn't deserve. 00:19:23.780 --> 00:19:27.460 He's experiencing love and communication. And 00:19:27.460 --> 00:19:30.160 then when they finished eating, Jesus said to 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:33.759 Peter, Simon, son of John, do you truly love 00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:36.980 me more than these? Yes, Lord, he said, you know 00:19:36.980 --> 00:19:41.740 I love you. Feed my lambs. Again, Jesus said, 00:19:41.799 --> 00:19:43.740 Simon, son of John, do you truly love me? And 00:19:43.740 --> 00:19:45.660 he answered, yes, Lord, you know I love you. 00:19:46.579 --> 00:19:49.099 And Jesus said, you know, take care of my sheep. 00:19:49.730 --> 00:19:52.150 The third time he said to him, Simon, son of 00:19:52.150 --> 00:19:54.769 John, do you love me? And Peter was hurt because 00:19:54.769 --> 00:19:58.069 he asked him a third time, do you love me? And 00:19:58.069 --> 00:20:00.769 he said, Lord, you know all things. You know 00:20:00.769 --> 00:20:04.069 that I love you. And Jesus said, feed my sheep. 00:20:04.970 --> 00:20:06.890 And then he goes on to tell him, I tell you the 00:20:06.890 --> 00:20:08.410 truth, that when you were younger, you dressed 00:20:08.410 --> 00:20:11.009 yourself, you went where you wanted, but when 00:20:11.009 --> 00:20:12.890 you were old, you will stretch out your hands 00:20:12.890 --> 00:20:15.470 and someone else will dress you and lead you 00:20:15.470 --> 00:20:18.450 where you do not want to go. And Jesus said this 00:20:18.450 --> 00:20:20.309 to indicate the kind of death in which Peter 00:20:20.309 --> 00:20:24.450 would glorify God. Then don't miss the next line. 00:20:25.430 --> 00:20:29.769 Then he said to him, follow me. Remember the 00:20:29.769 --> 00:20:33.369 last time he said, follow me? Peter, you're back 00:20:33.369 --> 00:20:36.190 on the team. Peter, you're not just forgiven. 00:20:36.309 --> 00:20:39.269 I have a purpose for you. You can't wallow in 00:20:39.269 --> 00:20:42.380 your betrayal. You just can't live with the nightmares. 00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:45.119 You can't make a little compartment and somehow 00:20:45.119 --> 00:20:47.200 go back to fishing and just try and be a nice 00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:50.079 person. I called you. You messed up. This was 00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:52.559 traumatic. It was difficult. We're going to relive 00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:54.579 it. We're going to go back in the past. And then 00:20:54.579 --> 00:20:57.960 how many times did he deny him? How many questions 00:20:57.960 --> 00:21:03.240 does he get? I mean, you think it's accidental? 00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:06.880 Now, scholars will tell you, and many of you 00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:10.400 probably heard messages, it's interesting. The 00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:12.859 first two times he says, do you agape me? Do 00:21:12.859 --> 00:21:16.400 you agape me? Unconditional, I mean, full court 00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:20.559 press, love me unconditionally. And Peter answers, 00:21:20.940 --> 00:21:24.660 you know the facts. I love you. Do you love me? 00:21:24.680 --> 00:21:27.259 And you know, the way you claim to be agape? 00:21:28.099 --> 00:21:31.400 Peter answers, you know the facts. And finally, 00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:36.940 Jesus changes it. Do you phileo me? Do you love 00:21:36.940 --> 00:21:39.940 me like family? You know, when you love like 00:21:39.940 --> 00:21:44.160 family, you mess up in families, don't you? Families 00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:46.720 are where it's safe to mess up. Families are 00:21:46.720 --> 00:21:50.539 where we accept that one another are human. He 00:21:50.539 --> 00:21:53.619 says, do you love me like a brother? And like 00:21:53.619 --> 00:21:57.259 brothers and sisters and families, we're going 00:21:57.259 --> 00:21:59.319 to give it our best shot, and there's going to 00:21:59.319 --> 00:22:01.640 be times where we let one another down. But when 00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:03.779 we do as families, you come and you own your 00:22:03.779 --> 00:22:06.660 stuff, and you say, I'm so sorry, and it's not 00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:10.829 an end to it. And Peter, interestingly, changes. 00:22:10.930 --> 00:22:16.069 And he says, you know, Gnosko, you know by way 00:22:16.069 --> 00:22:21.049 of experience. You look into my heart. You know 00:22:21.049 --> 00:22:24.670 my journey. And he said, he started first with, 00:22:24.750 --> 00:22:27.430 well, feed my lambs. There's a little responsibility 00:22:27.430 --> 00:22:29.710 you could take. I want you to be, are you ready? 00:22:29.829 --> 00:22:32.710 I want you to be tender with, what's a lamb? 00:22:32.910 --> 00:22:37.920 It's vulnerable. Peter, I want you, you know, 00:22:37.940 --> 00:22:41.420 remember Peter is, you know, he's the, hey, everyone 00:22:41.420 --> 00:22:44.140 else will, but I'm, remember, I'll walk out on 00:22:44.140 --> 00:22:47.599 the water. I mean, this is the fiery type A, 00:22:47.779 --> 00:22:53.279 I can make it happen. And he's broken. And so 00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:56.420 his first assignment is, I want you, because 00:22:56.420 --> 00:23:00.380 of what you've now experienced, I want you to 00:23:00.380 --> 00:23:03.859 be vulnerable and tender with people that are 00:23:03.859 --> 00:23:10.160 vulnerable, lambs. I want you to feed them. Second 00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:12.359 time, I want you to take care of my sheep. It's 00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:18.559 leadership. I want you to be responsible. And 00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:22.859 then finally, I want you to feed my sheep. I 00:23:22.859 --> 00:23:25.539 want you to be the kind of leader that I called 00:23:25.539 --> 00:23:28.339 you in the very beginning and that these six 00:23:28.339 --> 00:23:30.960 men that are around this fire are looking you 00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:33.420 to be. And I want you to follow me with your 00:23:33.420 --> 00:23:36.539 head up. Because you're not only forgiven, you're 00:23:36.539 --> 00:23:44.539 restored. And that broken betrayer had to relive 00:23:44.539 --> 00:23:50.400 his moment, the worst moment of his life. But 00:23:50.400 --> 00:23:55.500 he received both truth and grace. And it brought 00:23:55.500 --> 00:23:59.839 healing inside. And that's what some of you need. 00:24:02.279 --> 00:24:08.400 Because if you don't, that wall, you get so used 00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:11.500 to it, but your wife or your husband, they feel 00:24:11.500 --> 00:24:15.619 it. They're like, they keep trying to knock on 00:24:15.619 --> 00:24:18.140 the outside and get in and get in and get in. 00:24:18.339 --> 00:24:21.140 And you're almost oblivious. You won't let them 00:24:21.140 --> 00:24:24.279 in. And you won't let them in because maybe you've 00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:26.619 accepted God's forgiveness, but you just feel 00:24:26.619 --> 00:24:29.099 like this imprint, this shame, this picture, 00:24:29.220 --> 00:24:32.039 this experience, it defines you. It doesn't. 00:24:32.099 --> 00:24:34.460 You've got to go back through that, and you've 00:24:34.460 --> 00:24:38.579 got to do it in the presence of Jesus. Notice 00:24:38.579 --> 00:24:43.920 in your notes the principles. Three principles 00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:50.079 flow out of this passage for us. The first one 00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:56.700 is Jesus meets us where we are. And the unspoken 00:24:56.700 --> 00:25:02.059 lie is somehow if you can be or do or have something 00:25:02.059 --> 00:25:04.700 different, then God will accept you somehow, 00:25:04.819 --> 00:25:07.680 some way. I don't know where you're at. I don't 00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:09.759 know how broken, how much denial. I don't know 00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:11.960 how numb. I don't know how you're compensating. 00:25:13.279 --> 00:25:17.519 But Jesus says, I want to meet you today just 00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:21.480 right where you're at. Second thing that comes 00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:24.380 out of this passage is he gently demands that 00:25:24.380 --> 00:25:31.240 we face the truth about ourselves. Did you notice? 00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:34.400 I mean, he was as gentle and he had a meal and 00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:38.000 he reminded him. But did you notice? It wasn't 00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:41.019 words of condemnation. They were questions of 00:25:41.019 --> 00:25:45.839 discovery. Do you love me? I mean, you said you 00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:49.829 did before, right? Do you love me? He kept asking 00:25:49.829 --> 00:25:53.509 questions, so Peter had to go from denial to 00:25:53.509 --> 00:26:00.349 well to yes to, you know what, I'm going to own 00:26:00.349 --> 00:26:08.049 this happened in my life. And he faced it. I 00:26:08.049 --> 00:26:11.069 had a conversation last night with a person that 00:26:11.069 --> 00:26:14.430 has walled off in his words. He goes, I don't 00:26:14.430 --> 00:26:17.650 feel anything. I'm numb, and he told me. about 00:26:17.650 --> 00:26:22.690 his life and why, and I just said, I can completely 00:26:22.690 --> 00:26:28.809 understand why you're numb. The wife just feels 00:26:28.809 --> 00:26:32.970 like she's just, I mean, huge wall, can't get 00:26:32.970 --> 00:26:37.130 in. But I told him, because I could tell he was 00:26:37.130 --> 00:26:38.609 stuck, and I didn't know what to say. I said, 00:26:38.630 --> 00:26:41.150 you know what? You need to keep going to that 00:26:41.150 --> 00:26:43.789 counselor, but you need to invite your wife in. 00:26:44.589 --> 00:26:48.289 I would never want her to hear any of the kind 00:26:48.289 --> 00:26:51.809 of things that I saw or I went through. And I 00:26:51.809 --> 00:26:55.190 said, you know, maybe I'll let her decide that. 00:26:56.289 --> 00:26:58.150 But you know what she's feeling? She's feeling 00:26:58.150 --> 00:27:02.710 like she can't get in your life. And maybe you 00:27:02.710 --> 00:27:05.930 say, I'm going to invite you to go to the counselor, 00:27:06.009 --> 00:27:08.109 but I'm going to share some things that are pretty 00:27:08.109 --> 00:27:12.109 graphic. They're the source of my nightmares. 00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:15.160 They're the source of my guilt. They're the source 00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:20.099 of my shame. And you can leave any time, but 00:27:20.099 --> 00:27:23.519 I don't want to continue to try and work this 00:27:23.519 --> 00:27:28.599 out just by myself. And I ask him, I call it 00:27:28.599 --> 00:27:32.460 the Dr. Phil question, because he had lots of 00:27:32.460 --> 00:27:34.460 good reasons why he wouldn't want to share those 00:27:34.460 --> 00:27:37.039 things, just like my dad had lots of good reasons 00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:39.759 why he rarely, if ever, except for twice, shared 00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:42.170 those things. And I just ask him, well, how's 00:27:42.170 --> 00:27:46.190 that working for you? How's that working for 00:27:46.190 --> 00:27:50.750 you? How's that working for your marriage? How's 00:27:50.750 --> 00:27:54.450 that working for your wife? Now, please, I'm 00:27:54.450 --> 00:27:57.890 not trying to say by any sense of authority other 00:27:57.890 --> 00:28:00.670 than what I can tell you after pastoring people 00:28:00.670 --> 00:28:05.890 for about 35 years is that if you stay numb, 00:28:06.150 --> 00:28:12.119 if you keep compensating for it, Or if you keep 00:28:12.119 --> 00:28:16.380 denying and blaming, your soul is going to die 00:28:16.380 --> 00:28:19.059 and you will ruin every relationship that matters. 00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:23.940 So as painful and as ugly and as difficult as 00:28:23.940 --> 00:28:30.099 it is to engage and allow God to help you see 00:28:30.099 --> 00:28:34.880 both the truth but in the context of grace, that's 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:40.769 where healing's gonna come. This man, changed 00:28:40.769 --> 00:28:45.329 the course of all history. And he sinned more 00:28:45.329 --> 00:28:49.329 greatly against our God than anyone. Because 00:28:49.329 --> 00:28:53.549 part of the culpability of sin is the amount 00:28:53.549 --> 00:28:56.089 of truth and the knowledge that you have. No 00:28:56.089 --> 00:28:59.190 one saw more miracles than Peter. No one had 00:28:59.190 --> 00:29:02.269 more private conversations. No one saw more people 00:29:02.269 --> 00:29:04.650 raised from the dead. No one saw the amount of 00:29:04.650 --> 00:29:07.410 transfiguration. He betrayed, but he betrayed 00:29:07.410 --> 00:29:11.079 and he had a level of knowledge. The most horrendous 00:29:11.079 --> 00:29:14.539 sin against the Son of Man was committed by Peter, 00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:21.200 save possibly Judas. And God made him live it 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:25.559 again and not only forgive him, but restore him. 00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:30.559 And then in that brokenness, I'm guessing conversations 00:29:30.559 --> 00:29:33.500 that you'd have with Peter when you were struggling 00:29:33.500 --> 00:29:36.240 with something after this event and for the next 00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:38.579 several decades, I bet he was a pretty tender 00:29:38.579 --> 00:29:41.819 guy. I bet he was a pretty understanding guy. 00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:45.680 I bet he was a pretty compassionate guy. I bet 00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:49.599 he was a way, way more humble guy. And I'm imagining 00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:52.859 there was a church that was built around his 00:29:52.859 --> 00:29:56.119 vision and passion to the Jews like Paul was 00:29:56.119 --> 00:29:58.559 to the Gentiles that changed the course of the 00:29:58.559 --> 00:30:03.279 world because he didn't just get forgiven. He 00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:10.930 got restored. The third principle that comes 00:30:10.930 --> 00:30:16.470 out of this is that he affirms, Jesus affirms 00:30:16.470 --> 00:30:19.609 our value and our worthiness by commissioning 00:30:19.609 --> 00:30:23.670 us to service. It's one thing to hear words. 00:30:23.730 --> 00:30:28.609 It's, I want to use you. He wants to use you. 00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:32.779 your horrendous difficulty, experience, betrayal, 00:30:33.220 --> 00:30:36.460 sin, a lie that you committed, a crime that no 00:30:36.460 --> 00:30:38.880 one knows about. I always wish sometimes, especially 00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:41.019 in church, when people, you know, they look so 00:30:41.019 --> 00:30:43.480 cleaned up on the outside, you know? And I get 00:30:43.480 --> 00:30:45.180 to know them all through the week and I would 00:30:45.180 --> 00:30:47.519 just love like their top five sins without their 00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:50.640 names, like have this huge board behind me and 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:53.240 like, and all of our sins go up in multi -colors. 00:30:55.059 --> 00:31:00.000 Wouldn't that be cool? And then maybe have, you 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:02.960 know how they do those visuals where maybe like 00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:05.700 red would come over and it would be the blood 00:31:05.700 --> 00:31:08.660 of Christ and the cross would emerge and it would 00:31:08.660 --> 00:31:11.400 just go down through and cover them. And then 00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:13.140 we would look at each other and say, I guess 00:31:13.140 --> 00:31:16.539 we don't have to pretend anymore. I guess we 00:31:16.539 --> 00:31:19.779 can just be ourselves. I guess we're all now 00:31:19.779 --> 00:31:24.529 saints, children of God. forgiven with wounds 00:31:24.529 --> 00:31:27.990 and scars and pain and difficulty and brokenness? 00:31:29.009 --> 00:31:33.569 And what if God actually causes his power to 00:31:33.569 --> 00:31:36.190 be perfected out of our brokenness and out of 00:31:36.190 --> 00:31:39.670 our hurt and out of our failure? Because that's 00:31:39.670 --> 00:31:42.750 where he takes us and puts us on the mantle of 00:31:42.750 --> 00:31:48.630 his grace. Practical implications, and this gets 00:31:48.630 --> 00:31:52.410 to your marriage. is that you can't forgive your 00:31:52.410 --> 00:31:55.490 mate until you've received both forgiveness and 00:31:55.490 --> 00:31:59.430 restoration. There's something I don't know about 00:31:59.430 --> 00:32:02.289 the human psyche. When you got unresolved issues 00:32:02.289 --> 00:32:07.609 in you, when it's, you know, the classic parable, 00:32:07.650 --> 00:32:10.390 you know, the log in your eye, the speck, right? 00:32:11.049 --> 00:32:13.730 Man, it is amazing. When we have stuff inside, 00:32:14.589 --> 00:32:17.349 It is so easy to see in someone else. And the 00:32:17.349 --> 00:32:19.369 person that lives close to you, right? You nag 00:32:19.369 --> 00:32:22.390 and she does that and he does that and he's like 00:32:22.390 --> 00:32:25.230 that. A lot of our anger and a lot of that outward 00:32:25.230 --> 00:32:27.890 focus is because of the big log that we don't 00:32:27.890 --> 00:32:30.970 deal with. And you would be shocked at what would 00:32:30.970 --> 00:32:34.009 happen if you received both God's forgiveness 00:32:34.009 --> 00:32:37.410 and his restoration of how that would allow you. 00:32:37.470 --> 00:32:40.430 Remember what Jesus said to the disciples? Freely 00:32:40.430 --> 00:32:44.950 you've received, freely give. But see, if you 00:32:44.950 --> 00:32:47.589 haven't deeply and fully received, you're pretty 00:32:47.589 --> 00:32:51.130 judgmental. You're pretty high on the truth and 00:32:51.130 --> 00:32:54.430 the judgmental instead of the mercy. I don't 00:32:54.430 --> 00:32:56.769 know if you pray the Lord's Prayer. I pray often 00:32:56.769 --> 00:32:59.789 when I wake up, I kind of go through Psalm 23 00:32:59.789 --> 00:33:02.569 before I get out of bed and I ponder what that 00:33:02.569 --> 00:33:04.970 is. And then I kind of phrase by phrase often 00:33:04.970 --> 00:33:07.349 as I lay there, because I want to, before I get 00:33:07.349 --> 00:33:09.990 bombarded in email or thoughts or problems, I 00:33:09.990 --> 00:33:13.690 want to, our Father, God, you're my Father today. 00:33:14.160 --> 00:33:17.279 You're in heaven. You're a sovereign God. Holy 00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:19.839 God, I want your name to be cherished in my mind, 00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:23.900 in my thoughts. Give me this day what I need, 00:33:24.079 --> 00:33:26.819 not just physically, but the daily bread of truth 00:33:26.819 --> 00:33:30.420 and everything. Forgive me of my sins, please, 00:33:30.519 --> 00:33:34.660 today, as I forgive those who trespass against 00:33:34.660 --> 00:33:38.579 me. Lord, please, you know the meetings, you 00:33:38.579 --> 00:33:42.359 know the places. Guard me and lead me away from 00:33:42.359 --> 00:33:45.200 temptation. And I pray through that. But you 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:48.500 know what's one of the big prayers? You're going 00:33:48.500 --> 00:33:53.380 to forgive as you have been forgiven. You know, 00:33:53.400 --> 00:33:56.200 for some of you, the reason you're so critical 00:33:56.200 --> 00:33:58.740 and you can't resolve conflict in your marriage 00:33:58.740 --> 00:34:05.099 is you got stuff. You're holding on to all kind 00:34:05.099 --> 00:34:10.679 of stuff. You must learn to receive and grant 00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:14.269 forgiveness. as a regular rhythm of your life. 00:34:14.530 --> 00:34:16.869 And if you'll turn on the back of your notes, 00:34:16.989 --> 00:34:22.130 I want to give you a tool, Ephesians 4, 32. You'll 00:34:22.130 --> 00:34:24.329 need to look that up. I highly encourage you 00:34:24.329 --> 00:34:29.230 to memorize it. But be kind to one another, tenderhearted, 00:34:29.489 --> 00:34:35.929 forgiving one another also, just as Christ forgave 00:34:35.929 --> 00:34:40.929 you. Be kind. Here's the key, tenderhearted. 00:34:41.789 --> 00:34:45.789 forgiving each other. How? Just as Christ has 00:34:45.789 --> 00:34:48.889 forgiven you. You know how he forgave you? Exactly 00:34:48.889 --> 00:34:52.449 the same way he forgave Peter. And until that 00:34:52.449 --> 00:34:58.190 happens, you will not release and forgive your 00:34:58.190 --> 00:35:03.030 mate. Dealing with your own guilt and shame under 00:35:03.030 --> 00:35:07.150 practical steps, number four, it says, what do 00:35:07.150 --> 00:35:09.280 you need to do to take... fully forgive your 00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:12.880 mate and put the past behind you, you can write 00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:15.300 this under here, is deal with your own guilt 00:35:15.300 --> 00:35:18.599 and shame. I don't know what that looks like. 00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:21.320 And it might be a tough journey. In many cases, 00:35:21.320 --> 00:35:24.000 it'll require some professional help. Second 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:26.199 is experience God's forgiveness and restoration. 00:35:27.659 --> 00:35:30.340 Only you know where you're at on that. And then 00:35:30.340 --> 00:35:32.719 as you do that, freely give what you've received. 00:35:33.579 --> 00:35:36.880 The reason I don't want to forgive my wife or 00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:41.539 anyone, is I feel like if I forgive them, I'm 00:35:41.539 --> 00:35:43.199 letting them off the hook and I want them to 00:35:43.199 --> 00:35:47.719 pay for what they did to me. At the heart of 00:35:47.719 --> 00:35:50.599 the lack of forgiveness is vengeance. And God 00:35:50.599 --> 00:35:53.239 says, vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the 00:35:53.239 --> 00:35:55.960 Lord. If your enemy's hungry, feed him. If he's 00:35:55.960 --> 00:35:58.059 thirsty, give him a drink. Do not be overcome 00:35:58.059 --> 00:36:00.340 with evil, but overcome evil with good. That's 00:36:00.340 --> 00:36:05.059 the end of Romans 12. And when you can realize, 00:36:05.260 --> 00:36:09.539 oh, ask. Has God given you what you deserve? 00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:14.539 And you think, oh no, he's been merciful. Then 00:36:14.539 --> 00:36:18.679 you can't turn around and do anything but give 00:36:18.679 --> 00:36:22.059 mercy first to your mate and others what they 00:36:22.059 --> 00:36:25.260 don't deserve. The whole book of 1 John is whatever 00:36:25.260 --> 00:36:27.840 is true vertical, if it's not true horizontal, 00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:30.719 then it's really not true vertically. You say 00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:32.420 you love God and hate your neighbor, you're a 00:36:32.420 --> 00:36:39.539 liar and the truth isn't in you. Let me give 00:36:39.539 --> 00:36:43.179 you a very specific game plan to take next steps. 00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:47.219 Notice where it says, is there an issue you need 00:36:47.219 --> 00:36:50.820 to defuse? Because this is unpacking something. 00:36:50.980 --> 00:36:55.780 So this is a D -E -F -U -S -E. And I'm going 00:36:55.780 --> 00:37:01.820 to give you just a little acronym. We've talked 00:37:01.820 --> 00:37:03.880 about the truth. We've talked about the grace. 00:37:03.940 --> 00:37:06.840 We've talked about you reentering this. I just 00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:09.420 want to give you a little step -by -step plan 00:37:09.420 --> 00:37:14.920 that you say, okay, Lord, this is going to be 00:37:14.920 --> 00:37:17.079 hard. It's going to be painful. I'm going to 00:37:17.079 --> 00:37:19.699 have to address some issues. I'll need help. 00:37:21.000 --> 00:37:24.360 I'm going to go through this with my mate because 00:37:24.360 --> 00:37:26.860 I'm not going to let either what I've seen or 00:37:26.860 --> 00:37:29.300 what I've done in the past define me any longer. 00:37:29.739 --> 00:37:31.920 and I will not allow it to ruin my marriage. 00:37:32.159 --> 00:37:35.699 And by the way, as a child of a World War II 00:37:35.699 --> 00:37:38.619 vet who never dealt with this, I got news for 00:37:38.619 --> 00:37:41.739 you, man. I was one messed up guy for a long 00:37:41.739 --> 00:37:46.480 time. And despite as much I came to Christ as 00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:49.440 a young adult, and as much as I worked really 00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:52.099 hard and renewed my mind, I've had some very 00:37:52.099 --> 00:37:55.099 significant conversations, especially with my 00:37:55.099 --> 00:37:58.829 older boys. who said, hey, Dad, I'm glad you 00:37:58.829 --> 00:38:00.789 made a lot of progress, but I got news for you, 00:38:00.829 --> 00:38:03.809 Dad. You passed on a lot of that stuff, that 00:38:03.809 --> 00:38:06.030 bad stuff that your dad, that he didn't deal 00:38:06.030 --> 00:38:08.909 with, some of your wounds, you passed on to us. 00:38:09.489 --> 00:38:11.309 And we've had some very honest conversations. 00:38:11.590 --> 00:38:14.769 There's a lot on the line, people. There's a 00:38:14.769 --> 00:38:19.480 lot on the line. There's no little boxes that 00:38:19.480 --> 00:38:22.320 get hidden. No more numbness. No more saying, 00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:24.219 I'm not going to engage. I'm not going to let 00:38:24.219 --> 00:38:26.320 my maid in. Oh, I don't want to go to a counselor. 00:38:26.500 --> 00:38:28.559 I don't want to deal with this. It's too painful. 00:38:28.659 --> 00:38:33.940 I'm just going to bury it. Stop it. The God of 00:38:33.940 --> 00:38:36.639 grace brought you here to re -engage in the most 00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:39.780 painful things in your life. And it will be the 00:38:39.780 --> 00:38:43.079 salve of both truth and looking at things and 00:38:43.079 --> 00:38:47.190 facing them honestly. And receiving grace at 00:38:47.190 --> 00:38:49.829 the same time that's the heart behind a new beginning. 00:38:50.130 --> 00:38:53.710 Here's how you do it. D -Fuse. The D stands for 00:38:53.710 --> 00:38:59.250 define the issue clearly. I don't know what yours 00:38:59.250 --> 00:39:02.570 is. Could have been an event. Could be something 00:39:02.570 --> 00:39:05.809 you did. Could be a lie. I don't know what it 00:39:05.809 --> 00:39:10.030 is. But I'm going to take a wild guess that a 00:39:10.030 --> 00:39:11.690 lot of you are not thinking, oh gosh, I wonder 00:39:11.690 --> 00:39:14.650 what that is. I'm thinking it's coming to your 00:39:14.650 --> 00:39:21.340 mind. The E, enter the pain and hurt. Just decide, 00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:25.280 you know. No more denial. No more blaming. No 00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:27.739 more criticizing. No, I don't need that help. 00:39:27.860 --> 00:39:30.599 All that psychology, that counseling stuff. No, 00:39:30.679 --> 00:39:32.980 no, no, no. I'm going to enter the pain. I'm 00:39:32.980 --> 00:39:35.039 going to enter the hurt. I'm going to go back 00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:37.400 to where the coal was burning when it happened. 00:39:37.559 --> 00:39:39.619 I'm going to go back to when I was called, and 00:39:39.619 --> 00:39:41.380 I'm going to go right through that, but this 00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:43.179 time I'm going to go through it with a God who 00:39:43.179 --> 00:39:45.679 loves me, who's paid for it, who cares for me, 00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:52.380 and he's going to give me grace. The F. is ask 00:39:52.380 --> 00:39:57.920 for forgiveness if you haven't. I'm amazed at 00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:01.280 the number of people I meet who have things, 00:40:01.440 --> 00:40:05.420 and some of it is like, I got thrown into a situation. 00:40:05.599 --> 00:40:09.000 I feel overwhelmingly guilty. I needed to do, 00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:12.000 I had to do what I did, and yet I feel overwhelmingly 00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.000 guilty. Well, just take it to God and say, I 00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:18.239 didn't sign up for this or this or that, but 00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:21.289 let's just get it clear. Just forgive me and 00:40:21.289 --> 00:40:24.630 cleanse me. David prayed that. He said, God, 00:40:24.670 --> 00:40:26.650 forgive me for the stuff that I don't even know 00:40:26.650 --> 00:40:29.190 about, even for presumptuous sin or stuff in 00:40:29.190 --> 00:40:32.329 my heart. Just once and for all, draw a line 00:40:32.329 --> 00:40:34.949 in the sand and ask God to help you and forgive 00:40:34.949 --> 00:40:38.369 you for anything done or anything done to you 00:40:38.369 --> 00:40:43.590 or any shame that you feel or any acts or acts 00:40:43.590 --> 00:40:49.789 of omission. And then, The you is understand 00:40:49.789 --> 00:40:54.110 the process. I think people get very confused 00:40:54.110 --> 00:40:56.309 about forgiveness, whether it's forgiving someone 00:40:56.309 --> 00:41:00.570 else or even at times how God forgives us. There's 00:41:00.570 --> 00:41:03.369 three phases to forgiveness. There's three tenses 00:41:03.369 --> 00:41:06.690 of the verb. When I'm going to forgive someone, 00:41:07.050 --> 00:41:09.650 it's a choice. By the way, it was a choice. Jesus 00:41:09.650 --> 00:41:12.610 chose to forgive you. It was an event. When he 00:41:12.610 --> 00:41:17.329 died on the cross, he forgave you. God spared 00:41:17.329 --> 00:41:19.230 not his own son, but delivered him up for us 00:41:19.230 --> 00:41:22.170 all. He forgave you when he died on the cross. 00:41:22.409 --> 00:41:25.030 For God so loved the world, he gave his one and 00:41:25.030 --> 00:41:27.389 only son, that whosoever would believe in him 00:41:27.389 --> 00:41:31.829 might not perish, but have eternal life. 1 John 00:41:31.829 --> 00:41:34.110 says he died for us, not only for us, but for 00:41:34.110 --> 00:41:36.829 false prophets. He's died for all people of all 00:41:36.829 --> 00:41:41.349 time. The only question is, will you receive 00:41:41.349 --> 00:41:45.539 it? So forgiveness is, say my wife does something, 00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:48.340 hurts me very deeply, I choose to forgive her. 00:41:48.500 --> 00:41:53.039 That's phase one. Phase two is a process, forgiving. 00:41:55.579 --> 00:41:59.519 Some of you have been betrayed or hurt or had 00:41:59.519 --> 00:42:03.960 horrendous things happen or been abused and you 00:42:03.960 --> 00:42:07.989 forgive, but then there's a flash or there's 00:42:07.989 --> 00:42:10.670 a song or there's an event and it stirs up the 00:42:10.670 --> 00:42:12.829 emotions and it feels like the scab gets pulled 00:42:12.829 --> 00:42:15.250 off and the anger flares up and you feel like, 00:42:15.309 --> 00:42:16.989 well, maybe I haven't forgiven him. No, no, no, 00:42:17.010 --> 00:42:21.889 no. You're in the process. So once you choose 00:42:21.889 --> 00:42:26.329 to forgive, then you start to pray for the person 00:42:26.329 --> 00:42:31.570 who hurt you. It says, bless those, remember 00:42:31.570 --> 00:42:34.690 Jesus? What do you do with your enemies? Bless 00:42:34.690 --> 00:42:38.119 those. who persecute you. Bless and curse not, 00:42:38.260 --> 00:42:41.780 Romans 12. If your enemy hurts you, pray for 00:42:41.780 --> 00:42:44.860 him. All I can tell you is it will release your 00:42:44.860 --> 00:42:51.159 anger and free you. I've been betrayed most painfully 00:42:51.159 --> 00:42:53.539 in ministry situations. Won't go into any of 00:42:53.539 --> 00:42:56.860 the details, but some of you would understand 00:42:56.860 --> 00:43:01.079 when you're so livid. You could do some things 00:43:01.079 --> 00:43:03.699 to a person because it's so unfair and so bad 00:43:03.699 --> 00:43:05.599 that you would regret the rest of your life. 00:43:05.679 --> 00:43:09.639 I've been there. And I don't want to forgive. 00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:14.300 In fact, for a few weeks, I refused to forgive. 00:43:14.860 --> 00:43:18.179 I'm not letting them off the hook. And then I 00:43:18.179 --> 00:43:20.619 came to the realization, so would you like me 00:43:20.619 --> 00:43:24.139 to not let you off the hook? No? Well, then read 00:43:24.139 --> 00:43:25.659 the Lord's Prayer a little more carefully, Chip. 00:43:26.759 --> 00:43:28.679 Because if you don't forgive them, I don't forgive 00:43:28.679 --> 00:43:32.940 you. Okay, so it's a choice. By the way, you 00:43:32.940 --> 00:43:35.559 don't have to feel it. You choose it. I choose. 00:43:35.639 --> 00:43:38.139 I would write it down. Here's the date. Well, 00:43:38.159 --> 00:43:41.059 then my emotions, forgiveness is an act of the 00:43:41.059 --> 00:43:44.199 will, but your emotions are a process. And so 00:43:44.199 --> 00:43:46.360 then I begin to pray for this person. Lord, help 00:43:46.360 --> 00:43:49.619 him see what a jerk he is. Lord, I pray that 00:43:49.619 --> 00:43:52.219 you'd help him to see what he did, how bad it 00:43:52.219 --> 00:43:54.579 was, and that he would publicly say it and come 00:43:54.579 --> 00:43:56.989 back and apologize to me. Those were my early 00:43:56.989 --> 00:44:00.909 prayers. And the Lord said, well, that's really 00:44:00.909 --> 00:44:04.289 not the blessing that I have in mind. And reluctantly, 00:44:04.309 --> 00:44:07.670 I'm talking a two -year process. And so now I'm, 00:44:07.789 --> 00:44:14.550 Lord, would you bless his marriage? Okay, would 00:44:14.550 --> 00:44:17.570 you bless his marriage? Would you help his children? 00:44:18.409 --> 00:44:20.210 He happened to be someone that was in ministry. 00:44:20.349 --> 00:44:23.650 Lord, oh gosh, this is painful. Would you bless 00:44:23.650 --> 00:44:27.679 the work of his hands? would you cause good to 00:44:27.679 --> 00:44:30.699 come to him? And all I can tell you is every 00:44:30.699 --> 00:44:32.760 time I took the Lord's Supper, I made a vow, 00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:34.659 and I don't make many vows at all before God. 00:44:34.820 --> 00:44:37.179 I will never take the Lord's Supper until I go 00:44:37.179 --> 00:44:39.860 through again the process of blessing and calling 00:44:39.860 --> 00:44:42.039 down your goodness upon this person who did this 00:44:42.039 --> 00:44:44.940 to me. And little by little by little, you know 00:44:44.940 --> 00:44:47.739 what changed? My emotions. And then it was about 00:44:47.739 --> 00:44:51.000 a year in, someone came and just was from another 00:44:51.000 --> 00:44:53.440 town and visited this person and said, oh, hey, 00:44:53.619 --> 00:44:55.500 did you hear about so -and -so? And told me something 00:44:55.500 --> 00:44:58.780 good about him. So being the semi -hypocritical 00:44:58.780 --> 00:45:01.400 pastor that I am, I smiled and said, oh, wow, 00:45:01.559 --> 00:45:04.280 that's great. My insides were, that is such a 00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:09.119 bummer. God is answering my prayer. Down deep, 00:45:09.159 --> 00:45:10.840 I don't want him to answer my prayer. I want 00:45:10.840 --> 00:45:13.679 him to get what he deserves. See, I still had 00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:17.360 the payback. So I'm forgive choice. Forgiving 00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:20.659 is the emotional journey. I kept praying. Every 00:45:20.659 --> 00:45:23.179 Lord's Supper and every time he came to mind 00:45:23.179 --> 00:45:26.059 or, you know, when I'd have a, I call it a flashback. 00:45:26.179 --> 00:45:29.760 I mean, I had anger fantasies. I had images of 00:45:29.760 --> 00:45:31.360 different things I was going to do to embarrass 00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:33.440 him and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You 00:45:33.440 --> 00:45:34.820 know, and every time this would come, I would 00:45:34.820 --> 00:45:37.360 start praying for him. And it was about right 00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:39.440 around two years, someone came in again, had 00:45:39.440 --> 00:45:41.920 visited where he was ministering and said something 00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:45.320 good about him and what the blessing of God on 00:45:45.320 --> 00:45:47.980 his life and how well something was going. And 00:45:47.980 --> 00:45:50.159 before I could even think, my immediate reaction 00:45:50.159 --> 00:45:57.340 was joy. I was grateful. Phase one, forgive, 00:45:57.559 --> 00:46:00.519 willful choice, an event on a certain day and 00:46:00.519 --> 00:46:05.139 time. Phase two, forgiving, a process and a journey. 00:46:05.219 --> 00:46:07.760 Every time your emotions go up and down, when 00:46:07.760 --> 00:46:11.539 you feel anger and the things come back up. Phase 00:46:11.539 --> 00:46:18.739 three, forgiven. You actually can rejoice that 00:46:18.739 --> 00:46:22.679 the person who hurt you is doing well. Because 00:46:22.679 --> 00:46:24.820 ultimately, isn't that what God wants for everyone? 00:46:24.940 --> 00:46:31.980 Restoration. Some of you need to remember that's 00:46:31.980 --> 00:46:35.059 how it works with you. So you've asked God to 00:46:35.059 --> 00:46:38.500 forgive you and you have emotional times where 00:46:38.500 --> 00:46:41.780 you feel overwhelmed and guilty and you still 00:46:41.780 --> 00:46:44.039 struggle. Guess what? Then you just reverse it. 00:46:44.199 --> 00:46:47.340 And so God, thank you. Thank you that you forgive 00:46:47.340 --> 00:46:49.659 me. Thank you as far as the East is from the 00:46:49.659 --> 00:46:52.880 West. I may be bringing this up in my mind, but 00:46:52.880 --> 00:46:55.949 it's not in your mind. And you sow gratitude 00:46:55.949 --> 00:46:59.429 and you pray and you ask. And so you begin to 00:46:59.429 --> 00:47:01.610 do for yourself exactly what we do with someone 00:47:01.610 --> 00:47:05.650 who would hurt you. And so D is define it clearly. 00:47:06.670 --> 00:47:11.309 E is enter the pain and the hurt. F is ask forgiveness. 00:47:12.909 --> 00:47:17.010 F is just forgive. U is understand the process. 00:47:17.530 --> 00:47:21.280 And then now we shift to... our horizontal relationships. 00:47:21.599 --> 00:47:26.800 The S is set things right between you. Okay, 00:47:26.820 --> 00:47:28.780 now this was a lot of personal work up to now. 00:47:30.820 --> 00:47:35.059 Some of you have issues in your relationship 00:47:35.059 --> 00:47:37.539 that are unresolved and you have not forgiven 00:47:37.539 --> 00:47:40.179 your husband or you've not forgiven your mate. 00:47:40.800 --> 00:47:44.139 Okay? Now a lot of it has to do with all this, 00:47:44.199 --> 00:47:47.639 but here's the S. Set things right between you. 00:47:49.130 --> 00:47:55.150 Own your responsibility. If I told you how many 00:47:55.150 --> 00:47:57.769 times in my mind, yes, we have a disagreement, 00:47:57.869 --> 00:48:01.849 we have a problem, but it's 90 % Teresa's fault 00:48:01.849 --> 00:48:06.690 and 10 % mine. And when she changes, then things 00:48:06.690 --> 00:48:12.409 will be fine. There's a lot of things, right? 00:48:13.190 --> 00:48:16.550 Matthew 5, 23 and 24 says, if therefore you come, 00:48:17.019 --> 00:48:19.800 before the altar to give your offering. And there 00:48:19.800 --> 00:48:21.699 remember, your brother has something against 00:48:21.699 --> 00:48:24.539 you. Leave your offering at the altar. First 00:48:24.539 --> 00:48:27.019 go and be reconciled to your brother. Then return 00:48:27.019 --> 00:48:30.940 and make your offering. In other words, being 00:48:30.940 --> 00:48:33.880 right is far less important than a right relationship. 00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:37.440 If you're convinced that it's 90 % his fault 00:48:37.440 --> 00:48:40.119 and 10 % yours, and you know there's a conflict, 00:48:40.750 --> 00:48:45.050 You go and own your 10%. Honey, I am so sorry 00:48:45.050 --> 00:48:47.750 that when you did this, I responded in this way. 00:48:48.050 --> 00:48:51.409 You go own your 10 % because it causes the beginning 00:48:51.409 --> 00:48:56.210 to start. So you own your part. And then are 00:48:56.210 --> 00:49:00.070 you ready? This is a bit odd. Confess. These 00:49:00.070 --> 00:49:05.530 are, I was wrong. When's the last time your mate 00:49:05.530 --> 00:49:09.570 heard that? I want to own my part. I was wrong. 00:49:10.079 --> 00:49:14.159 And the third phase, will you forgive me? And 00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:17.079 here's the response. The response is not your 00:49:17.079 --> 00:49:19.579 eyes going to the left or the right, your eyes 00:49:19.579 --> 00:49:22.420 looking down, your eyes wondering. Here's the 00:49:22.420 --> 00:49:25.699 response. You look them right in the eye and 00:49:25.699 --> 00:49:30.119 you say, yes, I forgive you. And it's a choice. 00:49:30.800 --> 00:49:34.659 And it may take your emotions a while to process 00:49:34.659 --> 00:49:39.329 that. But you set things right. You own your 00:49:39.329 --> 00:49:42.210 responsibility. You confess I was wrong. You 00:49:42.210 --> 00:49:44.949 ask for forgiveness. And then the E is establish 00:49:44.949 --> 00:49:47.590 a specific game plan of action to move forward. 00:49:49.210 --> 00:49:53.949 Okay, one of the other questions was, it just 00:49:53.949 --> 00:49:56.150 described how Teresa and I spent the first few 00:49:56.150 --> 00:49:58.550 years of our marriage. Big disagreement, you 00:49:58.550 --> 00:50:00.929 have an argument, and then you don't say anything 00:50:00.929 --> 00:50:04.010 for two or three or four days, and then you just 00:50:04.010 --> 00:50:06.539 pretend it didn't happen. And then you move on. 00:50:06.579 --> 00:50:08.460 And you know what you do? You just plant little 00:50:08.460 --> 00:50:10.619 seeds and you push them down into your soul. 00:50:11.500 --> 00:50:13.500 And it builds what's called a root of bitterness. 00:50:14.860 --> 00:50:18.239 And then you don't say anything, but the last 00:50:18.239 --> 00:50:20.139 thing in the world you ever want to do is make 00:50:20.139 --> 00:50:23.059 love with that person. Because your heart is 00:50:23.059 --> 00:50:26.280 getting hard. And you go through the motions. 00:50:26.920 --> 00:50:30.500 But your emotions, you know, the tenderness, 00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:34.570 the connection, the joy. Because, you know what? 00:50:35.150 --> 00:50:38.869 Think of thin little layers. Unresolved conflict. 00:50:39.090 --> 00:50:41.449 Thin little layer of resentment. Thin little 00:50:41.449 --> 00:50:44.130 layer. Thin little layer. Thin little layer. 00:50:44.269 --> 00:50:46.809 Thin little layer. You don't forgive. You don't 00:50:46.809 --> 00:50:48.949 set things right. Thin little layer. You know 00:50:48.949 --> 00:50:53.510 what it's called? Calcification. And then pretty 00:50:53.510 --> 00:50:56.230 soon, you know, Jesus said there's only one reason 00:50:56.230 --> 00:50:57.969 why people get a divorce according to Jesus. 00:50:59.510 --> 00:51:02.050 Moses gave the certificate of divorce because 00:51:02.050 --> 00:51:08.489 of the hardness of your heart. This topic on 00:51:08.489 --> 00:51:10.110 the front of your notes, if you turn it over, 00:51:10.269 --> 00:51:13.409 it says four biblical practices great marriages 00:51:13.409 --> 00:51:15.730 have in common. And we've talked about serving 00:51:15.730 --> 00:51:18.409 and planning. We've talked about connecting, 00:51:18.650 --> 00:51:23.170 forgiving, and notice why? It's restoring your 00:51:23.170 --> 00:51:27.400 peace. You don't have peace when there's unresolved 00:51:27.400 --> 00:51:29.539 conflict in your heart towards your mate. And 00:51:29.539 --> 00:51:31.300 you don't have peace when there's unresolved 00:51:31.300 --> 00:51:33.780 conflict with you and God. And you don't have 00:51:33.780 --> 00:51:36.340 peace when you have unresolved conflict in your 00:51:36.340 --> 00:51:40.699 own life. And so all those things come together. 00:51:41.599 --> 00:51:44.940 Great marriages practice forgiving in a rhythm. 00:51:45.139 --> 00:51:48.360 You practice it with you and your father. You 00:51:48.360 --> 00:51:50.920 practice it in your own journey, in your own 00:51:50.920 --> 00:51:53.159 heart and life. And you practice it with your 00:51:53.159 --> 00:51:56.780 mate. I'd like you to think about just in your 00:51:56.780 --> 00:51:59.139 marriage relationship, is there anything that 00:51:59.139 --> 00:52:02.420 you need to make right with your mate? Just pause 00:52:02.420 --> 00:52:07.000 quietly. And if not, great. Just say, Lord, is 00:52:07.000 --> 00:52:12.920 there anything I just need to tell her or tell 00:52:12.920 --> 00:52:17.280 him? I'm sorry. I was wrong. It could be little. 00:52:17.340 --> 00:52:22.869 It could be big. If it's a super heavy, heavy 00:52:22.869 --> 00:52:25.110 thing, get some counsel before you talk with 00:52:25.110 --> 00:52:29.050 your mate. Dropping bombs without a game plan 00:52:29.050 --> 00:52:34.510 is not a good plan. Lord, thank you that you 00:52:34.510 --> 00:52:38.750 will heal everything in our hearts personally 00:52:38.750 --> 00:52:43.110 and in our marriages. Lord, together we covenant 00:52:43.110 --> 00:52:47.530 before you to have marriages that reflect Jesus 00:52:47.530 --> 00:52:52.559 and the church. We're asking you now for the 00:52:52.559 --> 00:52:57.280 courage to face hard things. We ask for the faith 00:52:57.280 --> 00:52:59.619 to believe that you love us as much as you do. 00:53:01.300 --> 00:53:05.699 And God, we ask for the grace to treat our mates 00:53:05.699 --> 00:53:11.340 the way that you've treated us. This is Living 00:53:11.340 --> 00:53:13.900 on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and we're in our 00:53:13.900 --> 00:53:16.980 series called Choosing Love. If you're ready 00:53:16.980 --> 00:53:19.460 to turn today's challenge into lasting change, 00:53:19.920 --> 00:53:22.579 Chip's newest book, I Choose Love, gives you 00:53:22.579 --> 00:53:25.519 the practical roadmap you need. It doesn't just 00:53:25.519 --> 00:53:28.500 tell you what to do. It shows you how to do it. 00:53:28.579 --> 00:53:31.260 You'll learn to recognize the subtle ways pride 00:53:31.260 --> 00:53:33.639 and selfishness sabotage your relationships. 00:53:33.980 --> 00:53:37.019 You'll discover practical exercises to develop 00:53:37.019 --> 00:53:39.670 genuine humility. And you'll see how choosing 00:53:39.670 --> 00:53:42.750 agape love, the sacrificial, others -focused 00:53:42.750 --> 00:53:45.730 love of God, transforms even your most difficult 00:53:45.730 --> 00:53:49.030 relationships. I Choose Love addresses the real 00:53:49.030 --> 00:53:51.750 issues we all face. The tendency to need the 00:53:51.750 --> 00:53:54.210 last word. The subtle belief that our perspective 00:53:54.210 --> 00:53:57.369 is the truth. The grandiosity that shows up in 00:53:57.369 --> 00:54:00.769 small ways like chronic lateness. Chip gets brutally 00:54:00.769 --> 00:54:03.250 honest about his own struggles, and he shows 00:54:03.250 --> 00:54:06.150 you the path forward. If you're tired of broken 00:54:06.150 --> 00:54:08.849 relationships and ready to experience love that 00:54:08.849 --> 00:54:12.050 actually works, get your copy of I Choose Love 00:54:12.050 --> 00:54:16.550 today. Visit livingontheedge .org. And friend, 00:54:16.670 --> 00:54:18.929 this Bible teaching program is reaching you and 00:54:18.929 --> 00:54:21.389 countless others because of the faithful giving 00:54:21.389 --> 00:54:24.150 of listeners just like you. When you give to 00:54:24.150 --> 00:54:26.550 Living on the Edge, you're multiplying this message 00:54:26.550 --> 00:54:30.059 of transformative love around the world. Would 00:54:30.059 --> 00:54:33.320 you join us? Visit livingontheedge .org to give 00:54:33.320 --> 00:54:39.159 or just call us at 888 -333 -6003. Well, that 00:54:39.159 --> 00:54:41.699 wraps up today's episode. Don't miss the next 00:54:41.699 --> 00:54:44.079 Bible teaching message coming up here on the 00:54:44.079 --> 00:54:50.639 Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast. Today's program is 00:54:50.639 --> 00:54:53.039 produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.