WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.179 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.259 --> 00:00:17.660 We all make mistakes in our marriages. We say 00:00:17.660 --> 00:00:21.039 hurtful things. We act in unkind ways. We create 00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:23.899 walls between us and the one we pledge to love. 00:00:24.179 --> 00:00:27.620 Till death do us part. When all that happens, 00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:30.780 how do you resolve failure and restore the peace? 00:00:31.339 --> 00:00:33.020 That's what we're going to talk about today. 00:00:33.140 --> 00:00:37.240 Stay with me. What's something you're ashamed 00:00:37.240 --> 00:00:40.240 of? It's a hard question, but an honest one. 00:00:40.700 --> 00:00:43.000 I'm Dave Drewy, and today on Living on the Edge, 00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:46.159 Chip Ingram reveals why shame keeps us stuck, 00:00:46.299 --> 00:00:49.240 hiding, numbing the pain, or desperately trying 00:00:49.240 --> 00:00:52.159 to compensate. In our series, Choosing Love, 00:00:52.380 --> 00:00:55.659 we've learned to serve, plan, and connect. But 00:00:55.659 --> 00:00:58.020 none of that works if we're carrying unhealed 00:00:58.020 --> 00:01:01.679 shame. Today, Chip takes us to John chapter 21, 00:01:01.840 --> 00:01:04.599 where Jesus restores Peter after his devastating 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:08.000 betrayal. Here's the key. Until you experience 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:11.060 that same restoration, you can't fully forgive 00:01:11.060 --> 00:01:13.780 your mate. Well, now here's Chip Ingram with 00:01:13.780 --> 00:01:17.060 today's message titled, Forgiving, How to Restore 00:01:17.060 --> 00:01:20.819 Your Peace. As we get started, I'm going to ask 00:01:20.819 --> 00:01:25.299 you to answer a question, not out loud for sure 00:01:25.299 --> 00:01:30.000 on this one. But I want you to think honestly 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:33.819 and very deeply. What is something in your past? 00:01:35.150 --> 00:01:40.109 or in your present that you're ashamed of. We 00:01:40.109 --> 00:01:43.430 all have some things like that. We have shame 00:01:43.430 --> 00:01:45.950 for three major reasons, according to the experts. 00:01:46.129 --> 00:01:49.390 One is a theological reason. We all have shame. 00:01:49.989 --> 00:01:52.450 The fall. Remember, after sin, what did Adam 00:01:52.450 --> 00:01:56.670 do? What did Adam and Eve do? They hid. But it 00:01:56.670 --> 00:01:59.390 gets worse because it's not just shame that we 00:01:59.390 --> 00:02:03.959 inherit from the fall, but it's shame. from things 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:08.500 done to us. And isn't it a weird thing? Over 00:02:08.500 --> 00:02:10.439 and over and over, you can tell kids forever 00:02:10.439 --> 00:02:13.439 that, oh, it's not your fault. Kids who go through 00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:17.819 divorce blame themselves. Women and children 00:02:17.819 --> 00:02:22.400 that are abused blame themselves. People that 00:02:22.400 --> 00:02:26.759 are rejected unfairly have shame. And then there's 00:02:26.759 --> 00:02:30.479 the third level of shame. It's things that we 00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:36.830 do. The affair. The addiction, the explosive 00:02:36.830 --> 00:02:40.849 anger, the cheating. When you're the abuser, 00:02:40.990 --> 00:02:45.870 crime, jail, prison, the abortion, the list can 00:02:45.870 --> 00:02:48.750 go on. There's about three natural responses. 00:02:49.069 --> 00:02:53.469 Response number one is to hide. Response number 00:02:53.469 --> 00:02:57.810 two is to numb the pain. And the other is to 00:02:57.810 --> 00:03:01.770 compensate. I'll prove to myself and to others 00:03:01.770 --> 00:03:05.389 somehow. And it can come out in workaholism or 00:03:05.389 --> 00:03:08.129 some way that you're going to prove and somehow 00:03:08.129 --> 00:03:11.469 balance the scales and do good for all the things 00:03:11.469 --> 00:03:13.789 that are hidden inside. And yet, here's what 00:03:13.789 --> 00:03:18.090 I want to tell you. It's one thing to be forgiven. 00:03:18.150 --> 00:03:20.830 And I think most of you, I pray all of you, have 00:03:20.830 --> 00:03:23.530 come to the point where whatever you've done 00:03:23.530 --> 00:03:26.199 and whatever you've recognized, you've... come 00:03:26.199 --> 00:03:29.159 to a living God and said, I know I don't measure 00:03:29.159 --> 00:03:31.740 up. I want to trust fully in what Christ did 00:03:31.740 --> 00:03:34.240 on the cross for me and he paid for my sin and 00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:36.580 I've received that free gift and I've invited 00:03:36.580 --> 00:03:40.199 him into my life. But there's a difference between 00:03:40.199 --> 00:03:46.080 being forgiven and being restored. There's a 00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:48.340 lot of people who have been legally forgiven. 00:03:48.719 --> 00:03:52.740 Your sins are forgiven. but you live as a second 00:03:52.740 --> 00:03:55.960 -class citizen or you're numbing yourself or 00:03:55.960 --> 00:03:58.939 you have big walls between you and your mate 00:03:58.939 --> 00:04:02.979 and other people. And it's not an accident that 00:04:02.979 --> 00:04:07.199 when you read John chapter 21, Peter, shortly, 00:04:07.439 --> 00:04:10.599 the day of the resurrection, Jesus did a quick 00:04:10.599 --> 00:04:14.020 one -on -one with him. And he walked in a room 00:04:14.020 --> 00:04:17.199 with Peter and the disciples there. And I'm sure 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:19.939 he looked Peter in the eye. Yes, you betrayed 00:04:19.939 --> 00:04:22.800 me. You did it publicly. You were arrogant. And 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:24.600 I think he got forgiveness, but he didn't get 00:04:24.600 --> 00:04:28.180 restoration. He had this, oh, I understand this 00:04:28.180 --> 00:04:32.060 up here, but my life's a mess. I don't know what 00:04:32.060 --> 00:04:34.079 to do with my life. I don't think I've got anything 00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:36.519 going for me anymore. His shame was never dealt 00:04:36.519 --> 00:04:42.579 with. And in John chapter 21, Jesus sets up a 00:04:42.579 --> 00:04:47.589 unique situation. To help Peter go from being 00:04:47.589 --> 00:04:51.930 simply forgiven to be restored. Because here's 00:04:51.930 --> 00:04:55.750 the thing. You can't forgive and connect with 00:04:55.750 --> 00:04:58.870 other people unless you forgive and get restored 00:04:58.870 --> 00:05:02.389 yourself. So open your Bibles to John chapter 00:05:02.389 --> 00:05:07.250 21. And as you do, let me give you the context. 00:05:10.810 --> 00:05:14.970 Jesus has appeared now twice officially to all 00:05:14.970 --> 00:05:18.750 the disciples. They were commanded to go wait 00:05:18.750 --> 00:05:22.870 for him in Galilee. Think about it. It's familiar. 00:05:23.029 --> 00:05:25.730 It's safe. It's the home to a number of the disciples. 00:05:26.529 --> 00:05:28.970 It's where many of them were called. It's where 00:05:28.970 --> 00:05:31.170 they were called into ministry to follow Jesus. 00:05:31.930 --> 00:05:34.850 Peter, like many of us, is not very good at waiting. 00:05:36.139 --> 00:05:39.040 We know from Luke 24 that he's had an encounter 00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:41.600 with Jesus, and I can't imagine Jesus not forgiving 00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:44.800 him in that moment. But he's still the leader 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:47.500 because he decides that, you know what, I don't 00:05:47.500 --> 00:05:49.759 know what to do with my life, so this is what 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:52.199 we all do. I'm going to default back to what 00:05:52.199 --> 00:05:56.040 I know. Under pressure, we all default back to 00:05:56.040 --> 00:05:58.060 where we're comfortable and what we know. So 00:05:58.060 --> 00:06:01.120 he basically says, I'm going to go fishing. And 00:06:01.120 --> 00:06:03.279 the six other guys, well, if you're going, I 00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:06.879 guess we'll go with you. We pick up the story, 00:06:07.100 --> 00:06:12.740 John 21. Afterward, Jesus appeared again to his 00:06:12.740 --> 00:06:15.819 disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. That's Galilee. 00:06:16.060 --> 00:06:18.620 It happened in this way. Simon Peter, Thomas, 00:06:18.699 --> 00:06:21.720 called Didymus, Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, 00:06:21.860 --> 00:06:24.199 the sons of Zebedee, James and John, and two 00:06:24.199 --> 00:06:27.139 other disciples were together. I'm going to go 00:06:27.139 --> 00:06:28.839 out and fish, Simon Peter told them, and they 00:06:28.839 --> 00:06:31.240 said, we'll go with you. So they went out and 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:33.920 got into the boat, but that night they caught 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:37.470 nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on 00:06:37.470 --> 00:06:39.569 the shore, but the disciples did not realize 00:06:39.569 --> 00:06:43.029 that it was him. He called out to them, friends, 00:06:43.069 --> 00:06:45.930 have you any fish? Literally the word is lads 00:06:45.930 --> 00:06:50.069 or children. It's a term of affection by someone 00:06:50.069 --> 00:06:54.230 a bit older and a bit wiser. No, they answered. 00:06:54.389 --> 00:06:56.589 He said, throw your net on the right side of 00:06:56.589 --> 00:07:01.889 the boat and you will find some. When they did, 00:07:01.970 --> 00:07:04.209 they were unable to haul in the net because of 00:07:04.209 --> 00:07:07.949 the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom 00:07:07.949 --> 00:07:11.250 Jesus loved, John, said to Peter, It is the Lord. 00:07:11.610 --> 00:07:13.910 And as soon as Peter heard him say, It is the 00:07:13.910 --> 00:07:16.250 Lord, he wrapped his outer garment around him, 00:07:16.269 --> 00:07:18.670 for he had taken it off, and he jumped into the 00:07:18.670 --> 00:07:21.129 water. And the other disciples followed in the 00:07:21.129 --> 00:07:25.129 boat, pulling the full net of fish. For they 00:07:25.129 --> 00:07:27.110 were not far from the shore, about 100 yards. 00:07:27.490 --> 00:07:30.269 When they landed, they saw a fire of burning 00:07:30.269 --> 00:07:34.589 coals with fish on it and some bread. Jesus said 00:07:34.589 --> 00:07:36.610 to them, bring some of the fish that you've caught. 00:07:37.329 --> 00:07:40.009 Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net 00:07:40.009 --> 00:07:44.029 ashore. It was full of large fish, 153. But even 00:07:44.029 --> 00:07:47.189 with so many, the net did not break. Jesus said 00:07:47.189 --> 00:07:50.949 to them, come, have breakfast. None of the disciples 00:07:50.949 --> 00:07:53.329 dared to ask him, who are you? For they knew 00:07:53.329 --> 00:07:56.269 it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, 00:07:56.470 --> 00:07:59.170 gave it to them, did the same with the fish. 00:07:59.589 --> 00:08:02.149 This is now the third time Jesus appeared to 00:08:02.149 --> 00:08:04.750 his disciples after he'd been raised from the 00:08:04.750 --> 00:08:11.310 dead. Now notice, first of all, Peter has gone 00:08:11.310 --> 00:08:14.230 back to where he's comfortable, dealing with 00:08:14.230 --> 00:08:18.389 life the only way he knows how. Jesus picks an 00:08:18.389 --> 00:08:21.569 opportune time. and he's going to have a conversation. 00:08:21.689 --> 00:08:24.170 Notice the conversation doesn't start with, hey, 00:08:24.269 --> 00:08:28.089 let's go deep right now. And by the way, this 00:08:28.089 --> 00:08:31.290 isn't a little betrayal. Remember, this is the 00:08:31.290 --> 00:08:34.029 guy in front of his buddies. Hey, they all might 00:08:34.029 --> 00:08:39.769 desert you, not me. Except instead of betrayal, 00:08:40.169 --> 00:08:44.549 what's he doing? Come and have breakfast. I'm 00:08:44.549 --> 00:08:48.509 for you. All the fear, all the arms crossed, 00:08:48.649 --> 00:08:50.830 all the sense of shame. You don't measure up. 00:08:50.889 --> 00:08:53.269 You're a loser. How could you betray me? It's 00:08:53.269 --> 00:08:58.590 not that. Let's eat some fish. It's conversation. 00:09:00.250 --> 00:09:02.809 And long before they were experts or psychologists, 00:09:02.870 --> 00:09:06.830 Jesus is walking him back through the very journey. 00:09:07.149 --> 00:09:11.370 But this time it's with grace. This time it's 00:09:11.370 --> 00:09:15.879 with, I understand. This time, yes, you're fallen. 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:22.539 Yes, you betrayed me. And yes, I love you. And 00:09:22.539 --> 00:09:27.159 it doesn't define you. But he doesn't stop there. 00:09:27.480 --> 00:09:29.980 Because it's not enough to relive the experience. 00:09:30.580 --> 00:09:33.899 Psychologists can do that with us. Only God can 00:09:33.899 --> 00:09:38.440 do what happens next. You're listening to Living 00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:41.039 on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And there's more 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:43.529 coming up in just a moment. If you missed any 00:09:43.529 --> 00:09:45.529 part of today's message, or if you'd like to 00:09:45.529 --> 00:09:47.809 share it with a friend, you can find it anytime 00:09:47.809 --> 00:09:51.710 online at livingontheedge .org. And while you're 00:09:51.710 --> 00:09:54.250 there, you'll also discover a full library of 00:09:54.250 --> 00:09:56.549 Chip's teaching series, small group resources, 00:09:56.750 --> 00:09:59.610 and practical tools to help strengthen your relationships. 00:10:00.169 --> 00:10:03.809 Take advantage of all we have available at livingontheedge 00:10:03.809 --> 00:10:07.809 .org. Well, now back to our message. When they 00:10:07.809 --> 00:10:12.019 finished eating, Jesus said to Peter, Simon, 00:10:12.039 --> 00:10:14.620 son of John, do you truly love me more than these? 00:10:15.840 --> 00:10:19.220 Yes, Lord, he said, you know I love you. Feed 00:10:19.220 --> 00:10:22.559 my lambs. Again, Jesus said, Simon, son of John, 00:10:22.620 --> 00:10:24.700 do you truly love me? And he answered, yes, Lord, 00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:27.980 you know I love you. And Jesus said, you know, 00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:30.799 take care of my sheep. The third time he said 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:33.840 to him, Simon, son of John, do you love me? And 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:35.940 Peter was hurt because he asked him a third time, 00:10:36.039 --> 00:10:39.159 do you love me? And he said, Lord, you know all 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:43.179 things. You know that I love you. And Jesus said, 00:10:43.259 --> 00:10:46.259 feed my sheep. And then he goes on to tell him, 00:10:46.259 --> 00:10:47.879 I tell you the truth, that when you were younger, 00:10:47.940 --> 00:10:50.100 you dressed yourself, you went where you wanted, 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:52.399 but when you were old, you will stretch out your 00:10:52.399 --> 00:10:55.059 hands and someone else will dress you and lead 00:10:55.059 --> 00:10:58.059 you where you do not want to go. And Jesus said 00:10:58.059 --> 00:11:00.120 this to indicate the kind of death in which Peter 00:11:00.120 --> 00:11:04.259 would glorify God. Then don't miss the next line. 00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:09.559 Then he said to him, follow me. Remember the 00:11:09.559 --> 00:11:13.139 last time he said, follow me? Peter, you're back 00:11:13.139 --> 00:11:16.259 on the team. And then how many times did he deny 00:11:16.259 --> 00:11:20.559 him? How many questions does he get? I mean, 00:11:20.620 --> 00:11:24.759 you think it's accidental? Now scholars will 00:11:24.759 --> 00:11:26.840 tell you, and many of you probably heard messages, 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:30.580 it's interesting. The first two times he says, 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:33.519 do you agape me? Do you agape me? Unconditional, 00:11:33.580 --> 00:11:37.059 I mean, full court press, love me unconditionally. 00:11:38.350 --> 00:11:41.889 And Peter answers, you know the facts. I love 00:11:41.889 --> 00:11:45.389 you. Do you love me? And you know, the way you 00:11:45.389 --> 00:11:48.629 claim to be agape? Peter answers, you know the 00:11:48.629 --> 00:11:53.210 facts. And finally, Jesus changes it. Do you 00:11:53.210 --> 00:11:58.230 phileo me? Do you love me like family? You know, 00:11:58.250 --> 00:12:00.529 when you love like family, you mess up in families, 00:12:00.629 --> 00:12:04.169 don't you? Families are where it's safe to mess 00:12:04.169 --> 00:12:07.340 up. Families are where we accept that one another 00:12:07.340 --> 00:12:11.399 are human. He says, do you love me like a brother? 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:15.919 And like brothers and sisters and families, we're 00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:18.019 going to give it our best shot, and there's going 00:12:18.019 --> 00:12:20.139 to be times where we let one another down. But 00:12:20.139 --> 00:12:22.399 when we do as families, you come and you own 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:25.279 your stuff, and you say, I'm so sorry, and it's 00:12:25.279 --> 00:12:29.600 not an end to it. And Peter, interestingly, changes, 00:12:29.659 --> 00:12:34.720 and he says, you know, Gnosko, you know, By way 00:12:34.720 --> 00:12:39.720 of experience. You look into my heart. You know 00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:43.460 my journey. And so his first assignment is, I 00:12:43.460 --> 00:12:46.240 want you, because of what you've now experienced, 00:12:46.580 --> 00:12:51.639 I want you to be vulnerable and tender with people 00:12:51.639 --> 00:12:55.100 that are vulnerable, lambs. I want you to feed 00:12:55.100 --> 00:12:58.100 them. Second time, I want you to take care of 00:12:58.100 --> 00:13:01.419 my sheep. It's leadership. I want you to be responsible. 00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:06.940 And then finally, I want you to feed my sheep. 00:13:07.259 --> 00:13:10.440 I want you to be the kind of leader that I called 00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:13.240 you in the very beginning and that these six 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:15.820 men that are around this fire are looking you 00:13:15.820 --> 00:13:18.279 to be. And I want you to follow me with your 00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:21.379 head up because you're not only forgiven, you're 00:13:21.379 --> 00:13:27.240 restored. And that broken betrayer had to relive 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:33.100 his moment, the worst moment of his life. But 00:13:33.100 --> 00:13:38.139 he received both truth and grace. And it brought 00:13:38.139 --> 00:13:42.460 healing inside. And that's what some of you need. 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:49.720 Notice in your notes the principles. Three principles 00:13:49.720 --> 00:13:53.279 flow out of this passage for us. The first one 00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:57.879 is Jesus meets us where we are. Second thing 00:13:57.879 --> 00:14:00.320 that comes out of this passage is he gently demands 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:04.279 that we face the truth about ourselves. Did you 00:14:04.279 --> 00:14:08.340 notice? I mean, he was as gentle and he had a 00:14:08.340 --> 00:14:12.039 meal and he reminded him. But did you notice? 00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:15.139 It wasn't words of condemnation. They were questions 00:14:15.139 --> 00:14:19.200 of discovery. The third principle that comes 00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:24.720 out of this is that he affirms, Jesus affirms 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:27.860 our value. and our worthiness by commissioning 00:14:27.860 --> 00:14:31.200 us to service. It's one thing to hear words. 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:34.899 It's, I want to use you. He wants to use you. 00:14:36.069 --> 00:14:39.049 your horrendous difficulty, experience, betrayal, 00:14:39.470 --> 00:14:42.710 sin, a lie that you committed, a crime that no 00:14:42.710 --> 00:14:45.110 one knows about. I always wish sometimes, especially 00:14:45.110 --> 00:14:47.250 in church, when people, you know, they look so 00:14:47.250 --> 00:14:49.710 cleaned up on the outside, you know? And I get 00:14:49.710 --> 00:14:51.389 to know them all through the week and I would 00:14:51.389 --> 00:14:53.730 just love like their top five sins without their 00:14:53.730 --> 00:14:56.809 names, like have this huge board behind me and 00:14:56.809 --> 00:14:59.409 like, and all of our sins go up in multi -colors. 00:15:01.210 --> 00:15:06.179 Wouldn't that be cool? And then maybe have, you 00:15:06.179 --> 00:15:09.080 know how they do those visuals where maybe like 00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:11.779 red would come over and it would be the blood 00:15:11.779 --> 00:15:14.740 of Christ and the cross would emerge and it would 00:15:14.740 --> 00:15:17.460 just go down through and cover them. And then 00:15:17.460 --> 00:15:19.200 we would look at each other and say, I guess 00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:22.580 we don't have to pretend anymore. I guess we 00:15:22.580 --> 00:15:25.820 can just be ourselves. I guess we're all now 00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:30.500 saints, children of God, forgiven with wounds 00:15:30.500 --> 00:15:33.919 and scars and pain and difficulty and brokenness. 00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:39.539 And what if God actually causes his power to 00:15:39.539 --> 00:15:42.120 be perfected out of our brokenness and out of 00:15:42.120 --> 00:15:45.620 our hurt and out of our failure? Because that's 00:15:45.620 --> 00:15:48.659 where he takes us and puts us on the mantle of 00:15:48.659 --> 00:15:54.519 his grace. Practical implications, and this gets 00:15:54.519 --> 00:15:58.259 to your marriage, is that you can't forgive your 00:15:58.259 --> 00:16:01.340 mate until you've received both forgiveness and 00:16:01.340 --> 00:16:05.279 restoration. There's something I don't know about 00:16:05.279 --> 00:16:08.100 the human psyche. When you got unresolved issues 00:16:08.100 --> 00:16:14.580 in you, when it's the classic parable, the log 00:16:14.580 --> 00:16:18.080 in your eye, the speck, right? Man, it is amazing. 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:22.110 When we have stuff inside. It is so easy to see 00:16:22.110 --> 00:16:23.830 in someone else. And the person that lives close 00:16:23.830 --> 00:16:26.909 to you, right, you nag and she does that and 00:16:26.909 --> 00:16:29.370 he does that and he's like that. A lot of our 00:16:29.370 --> 00:16:32.029 anger and a lot of that outward focus is because 00:16:32.029 --> 00:16:35.350 of the big log that we don't deal with. And you 00:16:35.350 --> 00:16:38.370 would be shocked at what would happen if you 00:16:38.370 --> 00:16:40.669 received both God's forgiveness and his restoration 00:16:40.669 --> 00:16:43.750 of how that would allow you. Remember what Jesus 00:16:43.750 --> 00:16:46.649 said to the disciples? Freely you've received, 00:16:46.789 --> 00:16:51.370 freely give. But see, if you haven't deeply and 00:16:51.370 --> 00:16:55.070 fully received, you're pretty judgmental. You're 00:16:55.070 --> 00:16:57.809 pretty high on the truth and the judgmental instead 00:16:57.809 --> 00:17:00.789 of the mercy. I don't know if you pray the Lord's 00:17:00.789 --> 00:17:04.289 Prayer. I pray often when I wake up, I kind of 00:17:04.289 --> 00:17:06.849 go through Psalm 23 before I get out of bed and 00:17:06.849 --> 00:17:09.529 I ponder what that is. And then I kind of phrase 00:17:09.529 --> 00:17:11.630 by phrase often as I lay there, because I want 00:17:11.630 --> 00:17:14.410 to, before I get bombarded in email or thoughts 00:17:14.410 --> 00:17:18.309 or problems, I want to, our Father. God, you're 00:17:18.309 --> 00:17:21.150 my Father today. You're in heaven. You're a sovereign 00:17:21.150 --> 00:17:24.569 God. Holy God, I want your name to be cherished 00:17:24.569 --> 00:17:28.009 in my mind and my thoughts. Give me this day 00:17:28.009 --> 00:17:31.529 what I need, not just physically, but the daily 00:17:31.529 --> 00:17:34.670 bread of truth and everything. Forgive me of 00:17:34.670 --> 00:17:39.130 my sins, please, today as I forgive those who 00:17:39.130 --> 00:17:43.250 trespass against me. Lord, please, you know the 00:17:43.250 --> 00:17:46.700 meetings, you know the places. Guard me and lead 00:17:46.700 --> 00:17:50.099 me away from temptation. And I pray through that. 00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:53.660 But you know what's one of the big prayers? You're 00:17:53.660 --> 00:17:58.500 going to forgive as you have been forgiven. You 00:17:58.500 --> 00:18:01.400 know, for some of you, the reason you're so critical 00:18:01.400 --> 00:18:03.940 and you can't resolve conflict in your marriage 00:18:03.940 --> 00:18:10.279 is you got stuff. You're holding on to all kind 00:18:10.279 --> 00:18:15.819 of stuff. You must learn to receive and grant 00:18:15.819 --> 00:18:19.400 forgiveness as a regular rhythm of your life. 00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:22.259 And if you turn on the back of your notes, I 00:18:22.259 --> 00:18:27.220 want to give you a tool, Ephesians 4, 32. You'll 00:18:27.220 --> 00:18:29.400 need to look that up. I highly encourage you 00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:34.299 to memorize it. But be kind to one another, tenderhearted, 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:40.960 forgiving one another also, just as Christ forgave 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:45.880 you. Be kind. Here's the key, tenderhearted, 00:18:46.180 --> 00:18:50.759 forgiving each other. How? Just as Christ has 00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:53.599 forgiven you. You know how he forgave you? Exactly 00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:57.400 the same way he forgave Peter. And until that 00:18:57.400 --> 00:19:03.099 happens, you will not release and forgive your 00:19:03.099 --> 00:19:07.940 mate. Dealing with your own guilt and shame under 00:19:07.940 --> 00:19:12.019 practical steps, number four, it says, what do 00:19:12.019 --> 00:19:14.369 you need to do to take, fully forgive your mate 00:19:14.369 --> 00:19:17.930 and put the past behind you, you can write this 00:19:17.930 --> 00:19:20.490 under here, is deal with your own guilt and shame. 00:19:21.809 --> 00:19:23.970 I don't know what that looks like. And it might 00:19:23.970 --> 00:19:26.569 be a tough journey. In many cases, it'll require 00:19:26.569 --> 00:19:29.390 some professional help. Second is experience 00:19:29.390 --> 00:19:33.250 God's forgiveness and restoration. Only you know 00:19:33.250 --> 00:19:35.769 where you're at on that. And then as you do that, 00:19:35.849 --> 00:19:39.190 freely give what you've received. The reason 00:19:39.190 --> 00:19:42.930 I don't want to forgive my wife or anyone is 00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:46.650 I feel like if I forgive them, I'm letting them 00:19:46.650 --> 00:19:48.509 off the hook and I want them to pay for what 00:19:48.509 --> 00:19:53.329 they did to me. At the heart of the lack of forgiveness 00:19:53.329 --> 00:19:56.549 is vengeance. And God says, vengeance is mine. 00:19:56.650 --> 00:19:59.589 I will repay, says the Lord. If your enemy's 00:19:59.589 --> 00:20:01.269 hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him a 00:20:01.269 --> 00:20:03.690 drink. Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome 00:20:03.690 --> 00:20:05.789 evil with good. That's the end of Romans 12. 00:20:07.309 --> 00:20:13.130 And when you can realize, oh, ask, has God given 00:20:13.130 --> 00:20:17.490 you what you deserve? And you think, oh no, he's 00:20:17.490 --> 00:20:21.089 been merciful. Then you can't turn around and 00:20:21.089 --> 00:20:24.609 do anything but give mercy first to your mate 00:20:24.609 --> 00:20:30.680 and others what they don't deserve. This is Living 00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:33.759 on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today we heard 00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:36.660 how Jesus didn't just forgive Peter. He walked 00:20:36.660 --> 00:20:39.359 him through complete restoration, affirming his 00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:41.819 value and commissioning him back to service. 00:20:42.180 --> 00:20:44.799 Chip will share one final thought in just a moment. 00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:47.839 And speaking of restoration, Chip's newest book, 00:20:48.039 --> 00:20:50.720 I Choose Love, addresses the heart of what we 00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:53.960 discussed today. This biblical love from Philippians 00:20:53.960 --> 00:20:57.119 2 frees you to extend genuine forgiveness and 00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:00.299 mercy to others. It's the kind of love that transforms 00:21:00.299 --> 00:21:03.819 your ability to restore relationships. If you're 00:21:03.819 --> 00:21:06.460 ready to move beyond shallow definitions of love 00:21:06.460 --> 00:21:09.359 and experience the depth of biblical agape love, 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.720 order I Choose Love today by going to our website, 00:21:13.000 --> 00:21:17.210 livingontheedge .org. You know, messages like 00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:19.710 today's reach millions of people because partners 00:21:19.710 --> 00:21:22.789 like you invest in life -changing biblical teaching. 00:21:23.069 --> 00:21:25.950 Your support helps people break free from shame 00:21:25.950 --> 00:21:28.569 and experience the restoration that transforms 00:21:28.569 --> 00:21:31.490 marriages. Will you join us in this mission? 00:21:31.609 --> 00:21:33.809 Support this work today by giving a donation 00:21:33.809 --> 00:21:38.109 online at livingontheedge .org or write to Living 00:21:38.109 --> 00:21:42.109 on the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia 00:21:42.109 --> 00:21:50.059 30024. You can also call 888 -333 -6003. Don't 00:21:50.059 --> 00:21:52.880 miss the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, a new feature 00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:55.940 on the Living on the Edge podcast. Every sermon, 00:21:56.019 --> 00:21:59.119 complete and unedited, now available alongside 00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:02.400 our daily broadcasts. Subscribe to the Living 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:05.779 on the Edge podcast today. Well, now here's Chip. 00:22:05.960 --> 00:22:08.720 Before we go any farther in today's broadcast, 00:22:09.099 --> 00:22:13.049 I want to pause. I want to talk to those of you 00:22:13.049 --> 00:22:17.470 who feel exactly the way that I ended this teaching 00:22:17.470 --> 00:22:21.309 time with. Ashamed, you won't let people in, 00:22:21.470 --> 00:22:24.589 you failed. I'm speaking to those of you that 00:22:24.589 --> 00:22:27.950 are in a crisis in your marriage. One of you 00:22:27.950 --> 00:22:30.789 has been caught with pornography, or you've had 00:22:30.789 --> 00:22:35.700 an affair, or you've lied to your mate. And shame 00:22:35.700 --> 00:22:39.240 and all the emotions and the betrayal and the 00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:42.099 hurt. And if you could turn back the clock, you 00:22:42.099 --> 00:22:44.779 would do it in a minute. And you're so sorry, 00:22:44.819 --> 00:22:47.779 but you feel so stuck. You feel like there's 00:22:47.779 --> 00:22:53.240 no hope. I want to remind you that Peter felt 00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:57.359 exactly that same way. That Jesus is modeling, 00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:00.619 this is how you treat the people that you love. 00:23:01.450 --> 00:23:03.789 You don't gloss it over. You don't pretend it 00:23:03.789 --> 00:23:07.289 didn't happen. You walk back through that process, 00:23:07.349 --> 00:23:11.069 but you walk it through with grace, with understanding, 00:23:11.410 --> 00:23:15.569 with forgiveness. You need to fully and completely 00:23:15.569 --> 00:23:18.470 receive that yourself. If you're the one that 00:23:18.470 --> 00:23:21.170 blew it big time, let me encourage you, go to 00:23:21.170 --> 00:23:24.170 your pastor, go to a really good Christian counselor, 00:23:24.289 --> 00:23:27.109 and walk through and work through this process. 00:23:28.359 --> 00:23:32.059 The Bible is filled and history is filled and 00:23:32.059 --> 00:23:36.380 my ministry of over 35 years is filled. with 00:23:36.380 --> 00:23:40.420 people who blew it in such big ways, but who 00:23:40.420 --> 00:23:43.660 received God's forgiveness. And he actually took 00:23:43.660 --> 00:23:46.920 their mistake. And in his grace and kindness, 00:23:47.000 --> 00:23:49.819 literally has the power over a journey that you'll 00:23:49.819 --> 00:23:53.119 walk through to bring healing, to bring restoration. 00:23:53.420 --> 00:23:56.259 And you will actually find yourself in the years 00:23:56.259 --> 00:24:00.119 to come being a conduit of life and of grace 00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:03.000 to those who feel like there's no hope for them. 00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:05.799 Could I encourage you in this moment, cry out 00:24:05.799 --> 00:24:10.180 to God, ask for his help, allow your mate in, 00:24:10.359 --> 00:24:13.839 get the help that you need, do the hard work 00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:17.759 that it will require. But understand this, your 00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:22.680 mistake cannot define you. Failure is never final 00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:26.000 because we live with a God of unconditional love 00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:29.299 and grace that is beyond anything you can imagine. 00:24:29.799 --> 00:24:32.700 Don't give up. In our next broadcast, I'll give 00:24:32.700 --> 00:24:36.339 you some very, very practical and specific steps 00:24:36.339 --> 00:24:39.660 to go through this process. Till then, God bless 00:24:39.660 --> 00:24:42.619 you and keep pressing ahead. I'm Dave Drewy, 00:24:42.619 --> 00:24:44.579 and we'll see you again tomorrow as we continue 00:24:44.579 --> 00:24:46.900 learning the powerful difference between forgiveness 00:24:46.900 --> 00:24:50.420 and restoration. That's tomorrow on Living on 00:24:50.420 --> 00:24:56.180 the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today's program is 00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:58.660 produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.