WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.160 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:17.280 If it's true that hope is oxygen for the soul, 00:00:17.500 --> 00:00:21.059 joy is the spark of emotional connection. Today, 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:23.460 I want to help you learn how not just to add, 00:00:23.660 --> 00:00:26.679 but to multiply joy in your marriage. It's what 00:00:26.679 --> 00:00:28.480 sustains you. That's what we're going to talk 00:00:28.480 --> 00:00:32.700 about today. Stay with me. Welcome to Living 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:35.179 on the Edge. I'm Dave Drewy. And today, Chip 00:00:35.179 --> 00:00:37.399 Ingram tackles one of marriage's most common 00:00:37.399 --> 00:00:41.329 yet unspoken struggles, disconnection. Not anger, 00:00:41.409 --> 00:00:44.530 not conflict, just distance. In this message, 00:00:44.649 --> 00:00:47.270 Chip takes us to John chapter 15, where Jesus 00:00:47.270 --> 00:00:50.609 uses the metaphor of a vine and branches to teach 00:00:50.609 --> 00:00:52.810 his disciples how to stay connected when he's 00:00:52.810 --> 00:00:55.289 physically absent. The same principle applies 00:00:55.289 --> 00:00:57.710 to marriage. You'll learn why you can't give 00:00:57.710 --> 00:01:00.350 what you don't possess and how abiding in Christ 00:01:00.350 --> 00:01:03.189 becomes the source of love that transforms your 00:01:03.189 --> 00:01:06.090 relationship. Well, now here's Chip with today's 00:01:06.090 --> 00:01:08.829 message, Connecting, How to Multiply Your Joy. 00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:13.340 Let me give you two quick pictures. I'm driving 00:01:13.340 --> 00:01:16.579 in the car with my wife. I've been, in my case, 00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:18.780 I travel quite a bit. So this last year, I think 00:01:18.780 --> 00:01:21.459 in about 14 months, I was in China three times 00:01:21.459 --> 00:01:24.140 and in the Middle East and then some domestic 00:01:24.140 --> 00:01:26.980 travel. And you all probably understand this 00:01:26.980 --> 00:01:29.560 more than others. And I come home and she's had 00:01:29.560 --> 00:01:32.099 a busy life and I've had a busy life and I've 00:01:32.099 --> 00:01:34.420 really missed her and she's missed me. And then 00:01:34.420 --> 00:01:38.319 I come home and it's weird. Okay? I don't know 00:01:38.319 --> 00:01:41.099 how to say it. It's just weird. I love her. She 00:01:41.099 --> 00:01:43.640 loves me. We told each other for like two weeks 00:01:43.640 --> 00:01:45.480 how much we missed each other. And then I come 00:01:45.480 --> 00:01:48.760 home, and then it's like, so how did it go? And 00:01:48.760 --> 00:01:53.200 how do you tell someone, you know, what happened 00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:55.260 over the last two weeks and where you were? And 00:01:55.260 --> 00:01:59.189 then, you know, you're trying to catch up. She 00:01:59.189 --> 00:02:01.569 starts telling me about which grandkids came 00:02:01.569 --> 00:02:04.430 over and what they did and something. And you 00:02:04.430 --> 00:02:07.569 sort of try, but it's just, the word I use is 00:02:07.569 --> 00:02:11.430 you just don't connect. Anybody get that? And 00:02:11.430 --> 00:02:15.169 you're not mad at each other, but you so want 00:02:15.169 --> 00:02:21.770 to be connected, but you're not. And so you try 00:02:21.770 --> 00:02:24.050 to have a conversation. And me, I'm going to 00:02:24.050 --> 00:02:26.310 go like deep, fast, let's get connected now. 00:02:28.310 --> 00:02:31.430 this will be a shock, but it doesn't work. And 00:02:31.430 --> 00:02:34.409 so we've had to learn different ways to sort 00:02:34.409 --> 00:02:37.370 of ease into when one of us has been away and 00:02:37.370 --> 00:02:42.610 reconnect. Another little moment is I've had 00:02:42.610 --> 00:02:45.069 times where they're really, really small. She's 00:02:45.069 --> 00:02:46.610 not done anything wrong, but a little something 00:02:46.610 --> 00:02:48.250 irritated me that I didn't say anything about. 00:02:48.860 --> 00:02:50.900 or I did to her. And then there was another little 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:52.900 something, and then it wasn't big enough to bring 00:02:52.900 --> 00:02:55.199 up. And there's been times where I have been 00:02:55.199 --> 00:02:57.539 driving in the car, and she's been sitting right 00:02:57.539 --> 00:03:00.039 there, and we're kind of talking, but I feel 00:03:00.039 --> 00:03:03.400 disconnected. And I feel like I don't really 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:06.379 want to talk, which scares me, because I know 00:03:06.379 --> 00:03:08.819 that's not, those are beginning signs of not 00:03:08.819 --> 00:03:11.139 good things, right? When you're doing this, instead 00:03:11.139 --> 00:03:13.719 of when you're doing that. And so the question 00:03:13.719 --> 00:03:18.360 is, how do you get connected and how do you stay 00:03:18.360 --> 00:03:21.419 connected? Because we're talking about four biblical 00:03:21.419 --> 00:03:24.439 practices that great marriages have in common. 00:03:24.520 --> 00:03:28.099 Biblical practice number one is you, with full 00:03:28.099 --> 00:03:33.060 court press, serve your mate. John 13. You humble 00:03:33.060 --> 00:03:35.740 yourself, find your security in Christ, and you 00:03:35.740 --> 00:03:38.080 serve your mate. The second biblical practice 00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:41.960 is about hope, and you plan. You plan little 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:44.259 times during the week, little times for the month, 00:03:44.500 --> 00:03:48.020 bigger five and 10 years. You plan. God can change 00:03:48.020 --> 00:03:51.659 your plans, but there's hope. This is where we're 00:03:51.659 --> 00:03:53.900 headed. This is what we're gonna do. This is 00:03:53.900 --> 00:03:56.479 what we feel called by God. Here's how we're 00:03:56.479 --> 00:03:59.319 going to build our relationship. And the third 00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:03.400 thing that you see, is connecting. Great marriages 00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:07.080 connect. And it's interesting to me that when 00:04:07.080 --> 00:04:11.039 Jesus with his bride, he serves John 13, then 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:13.939 he gives them the plan of heaven and then what's 00:04:13.939 --> 00:04:16.860 going to happen until he comes back for us or 00:04:16.860 --> 00:04:19.259 until we go to be with him. And then in John 00:04:19.259 --> 00:04:22.319 chapter 15, he asks and answers this question. 00:04:23.019 --> 00:04:25.600 I'm leaving and you're not going to see me. How 00:04:25.600 --> 00:04:28.529 do we stay connected? How do we stay connected? 00:04:28.709 --> 00:04:31.389 How do we keep our love flowing back and forth? 00:04:31.529 --> 00:04:34.430 How do you hear my voice when I'm not here physically 00:04:34.430 --> 00:04:36.829 anymore? How do you get direction from me when 00:04:36.829 --> 00:04:38.709 I'm not here physically anymore? How are you 00:04:38.709 --> 00:04:40.910 gonna feel my love and experience my love? Because 00:04:40.910 --> 00:04:43.410 I'm not here physically anymore. And the answer 00:04:43.410 --> 00:04:46.810 to that is in John chapter 15. So open your Bible, 00:04:46.850 --> 00:04:49.170 if you will. The supper is over. They've sung 00:04:49.170 --> 00:04:53.610 a hymn. And as they've gone out, they are passing 00:04:53.610 --> 00:04:57.600 through a garden. And in John 15, he takes the 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:01.300 opportunity to give them a very clear picture 00:05:01.300 --> 00:05:06.160 from their day about a vine and a branch, and 00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:09.399 he gives them this metaphor, and the entire purpose 00:05:09.399 --> 00:05:13.800 is to teach them. This is how our hearts are 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:17.319 going to stay connected, even though, quote, 00:05:17.399 --> 00:05:21.439 geographically, God the Son and his resurrected 00:05:21.439 --> 00:05:23.240 body will be at the right hand of the Father. 00:05:23.919 --> 00:05:26.379 and all these disciples and all those will come 00:05:26.379 --> 00:05:28.360 after him, including us in the body of Christ, 00:05:28.459 --> 00:05:31.620 will be here on earth. And so this is what he 00:05:31.620 --> 00:05:34.939 says to them and what he says to us. I am the 00:05:34.939 --> 00:05:38.680 true vine, and my father is the vine dresser. 00:05:39.180 --> 00:05:41.240 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit, 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:44.680 he takes away. Literally, it's he lifts up. And 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:47.699 every branch that bears fruit, he prunes it so 00:05:47.699 --> 00:05:50.579 that it bear more fruit. You are already clean 00:05:50.579 --> 00:05:52.379 because of the word which I have spoken to you. 00:05:53.599 --> 00:05:57.699 Command, abide in me. It means continue in, stay 00:05:57.699 --> 00:06:02.480 connected to me and I in you. As the branch cannot 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:04.860 bear fruit unless it abides in the vine, stays 00:06:04.860 --> 00:06:07.420 connected, so neither can you unless you abide 00:06:07.420 --> 00:06:11.220 in me. Repetition, I am the vine, you are the 00:06:11.220 --> 00:06:14.480 branches. He who abides in me and I in him, notice 00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:18.420 two -way street, he bears much fruit. Why? For 00:06:18.420 --> 00:06:23.779 a part from me, you can do nothing. If anyone 00:06:23.779 --> 00:06:26.420 does not abide in me, he's thrown away as a branch 00:06:26.420 --> 00:06:29.160 and dries up and they gather them, cast them 00:06:29.160 --> 00:06:31.939 into the fire and they're burned. By contrast, 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:35.199 if you abide in me and my words abide in you, 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:38.519 you can ask whatever you wish and it will be 00:06:38.519 --> 00:06:42.779 done for you. Verse eight, my father is glorified 00:06:42.779 --> 00:06:45.540 by this that you bear not just fruit, much fruit. 00:06:46.259 --> 00:06:49.180 And so prove or demonstrate that you're my disciples. 00:06:49.859 --> 00:06:52.819 Just as the Father has loved me, I have also 00:06:52.819 --> 00:06:57.279 loved you. Abide in my love. Well, how? Well, 00:06:57.300 --> 00:06:59.019 if you keep my commandments, you will abide in 00:06:59.019 --> 00:07:01.279 my love, just as I kept my Father's commandments 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:05.120 and abide in his love. Purpose clause. Why are 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:08.360 you telling this whole story about vines and 00:07:08.360 --> 00:07:11.779 branches and abiding? Answer, these things I've 00:07:11.779 --> 00:07:15.360 spoken to you so that my joy may be in you and 00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:18.980 that your joy may be made full. This is my commandment, 00:07:18.980 --> 00:07:22.480 that you love one another. How? Just as I loved 00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:25.139 you. Greater love has no one than this, that 00:07:25.139 --> 00:07:27.620 one lay down his life for his friends. You are 00:07:27.620 --> 00:07:30.139 my friends if you do what I command. And then 00:07:30.139 --> 00:07:33.959 this is an amazing, amazing passage. No longer 00:07:33.959 --> 00:07:37.199 do I call you slaves, for a slave does not know 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.100 what his master is doing. But I have called you 00:07:40.100 --> 00:07:43.040 friends for all things I've heard from my father 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.189 I've made known to you. You did not choose me, 00:07:46.230 --> 00:07:48.910 but I chose you, and I appointed you that you 00:07:48.910 --> 00:07:51.610 should go and bear fruit, and your fruit should 00:07:51.610 --> 00:07:54.389 remain, that whatever you ask of the Father in 00:07:54.389 --> 00:07:58.029 my name, he may give to you. And just in case 00:07:58.029 --> 00:08:01.149 you missed the core of this, this I command you, 00:08:01.230 --> 00:08:06.189 that you love one another. Now, we could spend 00:08:06.189 --> 00:08:08.910 an awful lot of time on this passage, and I have 00:08:08.910 --> 00:08:11.730 in the past, and we have a series talking about 00:08:11.730 --> 00:08:14.509 Jesus unfiltered where we go through every chapter 00:08:14.509 --> 00:08:16.930 of John, but let me just give the highlights 00:08:16.930 --> 00:08:20.490 of what this passage teaches. Number one, Jesus 00:08:20.490 --> 00:08:23.490 is the true vine and we are the branches, okay? 00:08:24.889 --> 00:08:27.470 First of all, in other words, I'm the true vine. 00:08:27.569 --> 00:08:32.889 I'm the source of life. I give life. My father 00:08:32.889 --> 00:08:35.990 is sovereignly orchestrating the vine dresser. 00:08:37.110 --> 00:08:40.309 The father positions and prunes us for fruitfulness. 00:08:40.649 --> 00:08:43.389 That little word take away, if you know anything 00:08:43.389 --> 00:08:46.389 in Napa, they have a lot of vines. And when I 00:08:46.389 --> 00:08:48.710 studied this, I did a lot of research about how 00:08:48.710 --> 00:08:51.690 they do it. And if a vine gets on the ground 00:08:51.690 --> 00:08:53.629 and it's not producing any fruit, what they do 00:08:53.629 --> 00:08:55.889 is they have a little pitchfork type thing and 00:08:55.889 --> 00:08:59.250 they lift it up and they reposition it. so it 00:08:59.250 --> 00:09:02.269 can bear fruit. Other times, you get too much 00:09:02.269 --> 00:09:05.169 growth, and the energy doesn't go into the fruit, 00:09:05.230 --> 00:09:08.090 and so they prune it. And it looks pretty painful, 00:09:08.210 --> 00:09:11.789 but it produces a lot of great fruit. Jesus is 00:09:11.789 --> 00:09:14.850 the vine, but God the Father is sovereignly orchestrating, 00:09:14.929 --> 00:09:17.809 positioning, and sometimes repositioning our 00:09:17.809 --> 00:09:20.549 life. Sometimes it feels kind of painful, but 00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:24.450 the whole goal is to produce fruit. And the fruit 00:09:24.450 --> 00:09:26.110 I think he's talking about here is primarily 00:09:26.110 --> 00:09:29.379 first and foremost character. You know, how many 00:09:29.379 --> 00:09:31.940 times did the word love come here? Right? You 00:09:31.940 --> 00:09:34.620 abide, you bear much fruit. Keep my commandments. 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:37.639 Abide in my love as I kept my father's commandments. 00:09:37.879 --> 00:09:40.799 Abide in his love. He's talking about the very 00:09:40.799 --> 00:09:45.120 life of Christ being formed in you. You do understand 00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:49.269 that's the agenda. Jesus didn't come and die 00:09:49.269 --> 00:09:51.370 upon the cross and raise from the dead to make 00:09:51.370 --> 00:09:53.769 you a little bit better moral person who goes 00:09:53.769 --> 00:09:56.110 to religious services and hears someone talk 00:09:56.110 --> 00:09:58.649 once a week and sing a few songs. That is not 00:09:58.649 --> 00:10:04.110 the agenda. Okay? There's a role for that. Jesus... 00:10:04.940 --> 00:10:08.419 came because you were lost and far from God in 00:10:08.419 --> 00:10:10.919 and of yourself and he paid the price for your 00:10:10.919 --> 00:10:13.759 sin and then he rose from the dead and he offers 00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:16.519 as a free gift. He paid for the sins of the whole 00:10:16.519 --> 00:10:19.220 world and whosoever would repent and turn from 00:10:19.220 --> 00:10:22.440 your sin and receive that gift, he takes up residence 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:24.720 in you, takes you out of the kingdom of darkness, 00:10:24.940 --> 00:10:27.240 places you in the kingdom of light. His Holy 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:30.019 Spirit comes in and it seals you. He deposits 00:10:30.019 --> 00:10:32.700 spiritual gifts inside of you. He gives you an 00:10:32.700 --> 00:10:34.940 inheritance. He has a purpose for you. your life 00:10:34.940 --> 00:10:38.259 and his whole goal is to make you more and more 00:10:38.259 --> 00:10:41.759 like himself so that you are the salt of the 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:44.179 earth and the light of the earth so there's little 00:10:44.179 --> 00:10:47.860 Jesus or Christ -like ones everywhere. The word 00:10:47.860 --> 00:10:51.019 Christian was a negative connotation and it started 00:10:51.019 --> 00:10:54.840 in Antioch. It was when the Gentiles came to 00:10:54.840 --> 00:10:58.080 faith and they lived such radical lives, the 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:00.879 only explanation, they're as weird as their founder. 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:04.440 They greet one another with a holy kiss. They 00:11:04.440 --> 00:11:07.360 share their property with one another. They forgive 00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:10.539 their enemies. I mean, we try and kill them off 00:11:10.539 --> 00:11:13.080 and they go arm in arm and sing praises to their 00:11:13.080 --> 00:11:15.120 God. They're idiots. And by the way, they're 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:17.740 cannibals as well. They talk about someone's 00:11:17.740 --> 00:11:21.120 blood and they drink blood. And they're atheists. 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:24.120 They don't worship the emperor. They're little 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:30.279 Christ ones. And that's the goal. And the means 00:11:30.279 --> 00:11:33.100 by which you become more like Christ are certainly 00:11:33.100 --> 00:11:36.139 the raw material of God's word. But the only 00:11:36.139 --> 00:11:37.639 one that can live the Christian life, are you 00:11:37.639 --> 00:11:41.139 ready, is Jesus. But if you have trusted Christ, 00:11:41.240 --> 00:11:43.919 Jesus lives in you. How? By the person of the 00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:49.000 Holy Spirit. So your only real job is to figure 00:11:49.000 --> 00:11:52.659 out how you can stay connected to Jesus so his 00:11:52.659 --> 00:11:56.340 full access can have control in ways where he 00:11:56.340 --> 00:11:59.440 can produce his life through you. Through your 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:02.019 personality, your uniqueness, just the way he 00:12:02.019 --> 00:12:04.820 made you. And Jesus is explaining by way of the 00:12:04.820 --> 00:12:07.759 metaphor of this vine how that works. Our sole 00:12:07.759 --> 00:12:12.220 responsibility is simply to abide. Stay connected. 00:12:13.940 --> 00:12:16.720 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:19.000 Ingram, and there's more coming up in just a 00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:21.519 moment. If you missed any part of today's message 00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:23.840 or if you'd like to share it with a friend, you 00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:26.840 can find it anytime online at livingontheedge 00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:29.799 .org. And while you're there, you'll also discover 00:12:29.799 --> 00:12:32.679 a full library of Chip's teaching series, small 00:12:32.679 --> 00:12:35.379 group resources, and practical tools to help 00:12:35.379 --> 00:12:37.919 strengthen your relationships. Take advantage 00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:41.740 of all we have available at livingontheedge .org. 00:12:42.220 --> 00:12:44.970 We'll now back to our message. How do you stay 00:12:44.970 --> 00:12:46.970 connected to a best friend? Let's get this off 00:12:46.970 --> 00:12:49.169 the theological realm, and I want you to think 00:12:49.169 --> 00:12:52.110 of maybe a buddy, a girlfriend, or if you're 00:12:52.110 --> 00:12:54.350 a guy, a guy, someone that you're really close 00:12:54.350 --> 00:12:57.389 to, that no matter what, you've stayed in touch. 00:12:57.509 --> 00:12:59.870 I mean, maybe even when you're far apart, it's 00:12:59.870 --> 00:13:01.990 like three minutes and you reconnect. How do 00:13:01.990 --> 00:13:04.169 you stay connected like that? What do you do? 00:13:05.029 --> 00:13:07.450 Why is it? You have a common heart, you have 00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:10.429 common values, you stay in touch, you communicate, 00:13:10.730 --> 00:13:13.340 you share your heart. They're the person that 00:13:13.340 --> 00:13:15.360 you can share what's really going on, where you're 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:17.320 afraid, where you blew it, maybe a big mistake. 00:13:18.179 --> 00:13:21.379 See, what God is saying is, that's what I want 00:13:21.379 --> 00:13:24.519 with you. I want you to stay connected to me. 00:13:25.019 --> 00:13:27.299 I don't want you over here thinking that I need 00:13:27.299 --> 00:13:29.600 to do certain things to try to earn God's favor. 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.419 I want you to understand that if you would allow 00:13:33.419 --> 00:13:38.399 your heart and my word to reconnect, and if you 00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:41.500 would keep your mind renewed so that you begin 00:13:41.500 --> 00:13:44.740 to, Take in your mind and your heart exactly 00:13:44.740 --> 00:13:49.019 what the truth is, that that truth, as you ponder 00:13:49.019 --> 00:13:51.100 it and think about it and put it into practice, 00:13:51.220 --> 00:13:54.200 would actually do what? It would set you free. 00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:59.559 Free to be who I made you to be. Free from addictions, 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:02.220 free from pleasing people, free from codependency, 00:14:02.279 --> 00:14:04.779 free from getting your identity in work or looks 00:14:04.779 --> 00:14:08.940 or money or accomplishments. Free to be my son 00:14:08.940 --> 00:14:13.389 or my daughter. See, that's the agenda. And he 00:14:13.389 --> 00:14:16.149 says, I want you to stay connected. The consequences 00:14:16.149 --> 00:14:19.049 of the results of being connected are access 00:14:19.049 --> 00:14:22.210 with vivid answers to prayer. Did you notice 00:14:22.210 --> 00:14:25.690 that? When you're connected to him and he's connected 00:14:25.690 --> 00:14:28.889 to you, your desires start aligning to his desires 00:14:28.889 --> 00:14:31.190 and you can ask whatever you want because what 00:14:31.190 --> 00:14:33.789 you're gonna want is what he wants. The second 00:14:33.789 --> 00:14:36.029 thing is fruitfulness, an extraordinary life 00:14:36.029 --> 00:14:38.669 with extraordinary impact. You just become one 00:14:38.669 --> 00:14:40.549 of those people. Don't we all have people like 00:14:40.549 --> 00:14:42.870 that? Like, she's like the most loving person 00:14:42.870 --> 00:14:47.190 in the world. He's like, I mean, someday, somehow, 00:14:47.350 --> 00:14:49.889 someway, I would want to be a dad like him or 00:14:49.889 --> 00:14:51.830 a friend like him. Don't we all have some people 00:14:51.830 --> 00:14:54.570 like that? That's just the life of Christ that's 00:14:54.570 --> 00:14:57.350 been manifested. The third thing is that love. 00:14:57.529 --> 00:15:00.990 It results in heartfelt obedience. When you're 00:15:00.990 --> 00:15:02.850 connected, I don't know about you, there's a 00:15:02.850 --> 00:15:08.429 little verse in 1 John. 1 John says, and his 00:15:08.429 --> 00:15:11.070 commandments aren't grievous unto us. Has anyone 00:15:11.070 --> 00:15:14.309 ever read that one? I read that for years and 00:15:14.309 --> 00:15:16.190 I thought, they may not be grievous to you, but 00:15:16.190 --> 00:15:20.470 they're very grievous to me. I'm just being honest. 00:15:20.649 --> 00:15:23.690 It's like, I mean, at the time I was single, 00:15:23.730 --> 00:15:27.289 no sex before marriage, that's grievous. I'm 00:15:27.289 --> 00:15:29.129 supposed to be in your word, that's grievous. 00:15:29.350 --> 00:15:32.850 I'm not very disciplined. I mean, it wasn't until 00:15:32.850 --> 00:15:37.269 I experienced the heart of God And understood 00:15:37.269 --> 00:15:40.690 the goodness of God. And really grasped the grace 00:15:40.690 --> 00:15:45.340 of God. That I realized that. Every single command 00:15:45.340 --> 00:15:49.700 in Scripture is designed to keep me on a path 00:15:49.700 --> 00:15:53.379 so that I get the very best, the very best decision, 00:15:53.580 --> 00:15:56.240 the very best friends, the very best mate, the 00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:59.139 very best job, the very best future. All of a 00:15:59.139 --> 00:16:01.299 sudden, I got this word picture of, imagine, 00:16:01.440 --> 00:16:03.600 you know, like there's this kind of sort of beautiful 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:06.399 house up on this high mountain, and there's all 00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:09.159 these windy roads, right? And on the roads, you 00:16:09.159 --> 00:16:10.860 know, there's drop -offs of a thousand feet, 00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:14.899 but there's guardrails. And you're in this car 00:16:14.899 --> 00:16:17.100 and this car is your life and there's a lot of 00:16:17.100 --> 00:16:19.679 twists and turns. And you know what? If you go 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:21.879 over the side, you're in trouble. You know what 00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:25.500 the guardrails are? God's commandments. So they're 00:16:25.500 --> 00:16:27.840 not grievous. It's like, you know what? It's 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:32.179 like, I don't want you to get AIDS. Like, I don't 00:16:32.179 --> 00:16:34.000 want you to have the memories of seven or eight 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:36.620 other partners to take into your marriage. It's 00:16:36.620 --> 00:16:39.600 like, I don't want you to experience the loneliness 00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:42.820 and the emptiness of greed dominating your life 00:16:42.820 --> 00:16:45.440 and accumulating things only to find out that 00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:47.220 what you've done is alienated people that really 00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.840 matter. I don't want you to be old and lonely 00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:52.500 and have mortgaged relationships and have kids 00:16:52.500 --> 00:16:54.899 that are grown that don't even like you. And 00:16:54.899 --> 00:16:58.500 so I have commands, and if you'll obey the commands, 00:16:59.500 --> 00:17:01.139 See, they're not grievous because what they do 00:17:01.139 --> 00:17:03.519 is they allow you, don't you do this with your 00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:06.279 kids? I mean, you give them all kind of grievous 00:17:06.279 --> 00:17:08.819 commands like don't touch the stove, don't run 00:17:08.819 --> 00:17:11.039 into the street. Why are you so restrictive, 00:17:11.180 --> 00:17:14.220 right? How come I can't play with the gun, Dad? 00:17:16.680 --> 00:17:21.000 You just, what kind of parent are you? And why? 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:24.700 Because you want the very best for your kids. 00:17:25.779 --> 00:17:28.160 Sometimes the commands are hard to swallow, and 00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:32.220 so we by faith have to say, you know, Lord, the 00:17:32.220 --> 00:17:34.680 whole world is telling me that this is really 00:17:34.680 --> 00:17:37.619 a good thing, and you say it's not. So I'm going 00:17:37.619 --> 00:17:41.440 to trust you. And what you'll find as time goes 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:45.319 on is that God's ways are not our ways, but they're 00:17:45.319 --> 00:17:48.619 way, way better. Final thing he says that is 00:17:48.619 --> 00:17:51.579 the result of this abiding is intimacy, and it 00:17:51.579 --> 00:17:56.240 results in supernatural joy. Isn't it interesting 00:17:56.240 --> 00:17:58.980 that in John 13, he serves them to demonstrate 00:17:58.980 --> 00:18:03.619 and they experience love. In John 14, he gives 00:18:03.619 --> 00:18:06.200 them the long -term plan and the intermediate 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:09.680 plan and what to do next. And planning produces 00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:12.420 hope. They know, you know what? We're not left 00:18:12.420 --> 00:18:15.599 alone. And now the reason he wants them connected 00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:18.720 is he wants them to experience not just joy. 00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:22.849 What's it say? Verse 11. These things I've written 00:18:22.849 --> 00:18:27.809 unto you that my joy might be in you and that 00:18:27.809 --> 00:18:31.390 your joy might be made full. See, the joy of 00:18:31.390 --> 00:18:33.869 the Lord is your strength, but that comes when 00:18:33.869 --> 00:18:37.289 you're connected and abiding in him. And in this 00:18:37.289 --> 00:18:39.410 passage, he's going to tell us exactly how to 00:18:39.410 --> 00:18:42.349 do that. So with that, let's go from sort of 00:18:42.349 --> 00:18:45.049 the teaching to the principles. Principle number 00:18:45.049 --> 00:18:47.670 one is you can impart what you do not possess. 00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:54.599 We must abide in him to have his love to give 00:18:54.599 --> 00:19:00.579 to our mate. Right? I mean, I don't get up and 00:19:00.579 --> 00:19:02.980 read a couple chapters or three chapters or a 00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:05.000 small book or a little paragraph of the Bible 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:07.680 in the morning and go, wow, man, two chapters 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:09.640 a day keeps the devil away. Glad I got that done. 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:13.599 Okay, let me think. I'm going to set my watch. 00:19:13.779 --> 00:19:15.619 I prayed for seven minutes yesterday. I'm going 00:19:15.619 --> 00:19:17.660 to go for nine today. Someday I'm going to pray 00:19:17.660 --> 00:19:20.859 for 23 minutes. Is that how you sit with a best 00:19:20.859 --> 00:19:24.599 friend? I opened the Bible because God wants 00:19:24.599 --> 00:19:28.019 me to see myself. He wants to feed my soul. He 00:19:28.019 --> 00:19:31.920 wants to renew my mind. And are you ready? Conversation 00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:34.519 is about two things, right? Listening and talking. 00:19:36.460 --> 00:19:40.240 This is God speaking to you and to me. This is 00:19:40.240 --> 00:19:43.000 our lips speaking to him. And sitting quietly, 00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:45.559 very, very often the Holy Spirit will take his 00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:48.240 word or something he wants to say to you if you're 00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:51.619 open and strongly impress upon you so you can 00:19:51.619 --> 00:19:54.079 stay connected to him. And it can be, sometimes 00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:56.700 it's just a little thing, like a little prompting. 00:19:56.700 --> 00:19:58.779 I want you to give so -and -so a call. That's 00:19:58.779 --> 00:20:00.859 out of the blue. And you call them and you find 00:20:00.859 --> 00:20:02.900 out they're really struggling. Or, you know, 00:20:03.019 --> 00:20:05.220 in my case, sometimes it's a little prompting 00:20:05.220 --> 00:20:07.519 that, remember yesterday when you guys were doing 00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:10.039 this and doing that? Yeah. Did you realize you 00:20:10.039 --> 00:20:13.990 hurt Teresa's feelings? Huh? You need to apologize 00:20:13.990 --> 00:20:19.710 here. Are you sure? Right? And, you know, it's 00:20:19.710 --> 00:20:22.289 amazing. When God asks you to do something that 00:20:22.289 --> 00:20:24.230 you're kind of uncomfortable, that's very helpful 00:20:24.230 --> 00:20:26.589 to another person, that will embarrass you, there's 00:20:26.589 --> 00:20:28.049 a good chance it's the Holy Spirit. It's not 00:20:28.049 --> 00:20:34.170 you. Right? And so my point is, as you stay connected, 00:20:34.309 --> 00:20:38.779 as you're in his word, as you talk to him from 00:20:38.779 --> 00:20:41.640 the heart, as you have some guy friends if you're 00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:44.220 a guy and some girlfriends if you're a gal, and 00:20:44.220 --> 00:20:45.660 if you have some couples if you're a couple, 00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:48.400 that you build into one another's life so that 00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:51.180 Jesus living in them, right? Faith is as much 00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:56.859 caught as taught. And as you abide, then you 00:20:56.859 --> 00:20:59.980 have this capacity because you're receiving his 00:20:59.980 --> 00:21:05.269 love to give it away. This is Living on the Edge 00:21:05.269 --> 00:21:08.049 with Chip Ingram, and we're continuing our series, 00:21:08.230 --> 00:21:11.190 Choosing Love. Today, Chip revealed a powerful 00:21:11.190 --> 00:21:14.269 truth. To love your spouse well, you must first 00:21:14.269 --> 00:21:17.329 abide in Christ. Chip will be back with more 00:21:17.329 --> 00:21:20.190 in just a moment. If you're inspired by today's 00:21:20.190 --> 00:21:22.670 teaching about biblical love, Chip's book, I 00:21:22.670 --> 00:21:25.670 Choose Love, takes you even deeper. In it, Chip 00:21:25.670 --> 00:21:29.049 explores what the Bible calls agape love. This 00:21:29.049 --> 00:21:31.789 isn't love based on feelings or romance, but 00:21:31.789 --> 00:21:34.890 love characterized by sacrifice and putting others' 00:21:35.049 --> 00:21:38.029 best interests first. Drawing from Philippians 00:21:38.029 --> 00:21:41.589 chapter 2, Chip shows how agape love gives, serves, 00:21:41.910 --> 00:21:45.170 obeys, and cares. When you choose this kind of 00:21:45.170 --> 00:21:48.089 love, it transforms every relationship in your 00:21:48.089 --> 00:21:51.450 life. I Choose Love offers practical help to 00:21:51.450 --> 00:21:54.289 discover and apply this transformative love in 00:21:54.289 --> 00:21:57.289 all your relationships. Get your copy today by 00:21:57.289 --> 00:22:01.410 going online to livingontheedge .org. Friend, 00:22:01.490 --> 00:22:03.730 this teaching ministry exists because listeners 00:22:03.730 --> 00:22:07.069 like you invest in biblical truth. When you give 00:22:07.069 --> 00:22:09.049 to Living on the Edge, you're helping couples 00:22:09.049 --> 00:22:11.670 across the globe discover the secret to lasting 00:22:11.670 --> 00:22:14.289 connection through the unfailing truth of God's 00:22:14.289 --> 00:22:17.720 Word. Will you partner with us? Visit livingontheedge 00:22:17.720 --> 00:22:23.960 .org to give or call us at 888 -333 -6003. And 00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:25.900 in case you haven't heard, we've added something 00:22:25.900 --> 00:22:28.740 new to the Living on the Edge podcast, a feature 00:22:28.740 --> 00:22:32.200 called the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast. Now you 00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:34.799 can hear Chip's complete unedited sermons as 00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:37.380 they were originally preached. Just subscribe 00:22:37.380 --> 00:22:40.220 to the Living on the Edge podcast on your favorite 00:22:40.220 --> 00:22:43.359 podcast app. Well, now here's Chip with a final 00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:46.890 thought. As we close today's program, we're launching 00:22:46.890 --> 00:22:50.069 into the third practice that Jesus did with his 00:22:50.069 --> 00:22:53.549 disciples that caused love to be fresh and alive. 00:22:53.869 --> 00:22:56.250 And he's modeling for us what he does with his 00:22:56.250 --> 00:22:59.089 bride is what we need to do for one another in 00:22:59.089 --> 00:23:02.910 our marriages. First he served, then he planned. 00:23:03.109 --> 00:23:06.009 And third now he says, I want you to be connected. 00:23:06.269 --> 00:23:09.009 And he gives this very classic passage in John 00:23:09.009 --> 00:23:12.150 15 about the vine and abiding and connecting. 00:23:12.970 --> 00:23:15.269 And what I want you to know is that you cannot 00:23:15.269 --> 00:23:18.859 impart to your mate what you don't possess. The 00:23:18.859 --> 00:23:21.480 most important thing that I have done in my marriage, 00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:24.380 that Teresa has done in our marriage, is spending 00:23:24.380 --> 00:23:28.259 time with God and being connected to Him so that 00:23:28.259 --> 00:23:30.700 we can give the kind of love that we don't have 00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:33.720 to give to one another. It's supernatural. It's 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:36.460 a love that's patient and kind and understanding. 00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:39.420 And it's not perfect. I have my ups. I have my 00:23:39.420 --> 00:23:42.839 downs. But what I want you to know is that connecting 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:46.589 is what brings joy. We've been bombarded by the 00:23:46.589 --> 00:23:49.490 idea that happiness and self -fulfillment is 00:23:49.490 --> 00:23:51.990 what makes life wonderful. And the fact of the 00:23:51.990 --> 00:23:55.470 matter, it's in great, deep relationships where 00:23:55.470 --> 00:23:58.549 happiness is not the goal, but there's a byproduct. 00:23:58.789 --> 00:24:02.430 And the byproduct is joy. It's a sense of connection. 00:24:02.789 --> 00:24:05.009 And what he wanted to say to his disciples was, 00:24:05.109 --> 00:24:08.509 here's how you stay connected. I've given you 00:24:08.509 --> 00:24:10.670 only the first principle here today, that you 00:24:10.670 --> 00:24:13.710 can't impart what you don't possess. But next 00:24:13.710 --> 00:24:15.569 time, I'll share the principle of connection, 00:24:15.849 --> 00:24:19.329 that connection is built on communication. And 00:24:19.329 --> 00:24:21.349 then I'm going to help you understand that joy 00:24:21.349 --> 00:24:25.369 overflows as you learn to connect. And I will 00:24:25.369 --> 00:24:28.990 share with you a tool. I mean, a tool that Teresa 00:24:28.990 --> 00:24:32.289 and I have used for over 35 years that literally 00:24:32.289 --> 00:24:35.269 rescued our marriage. And that no matter where 00:24:35.269 --> 00:24:38.109 we're at, we know we can do this tool and we 00:24:38.109 --> 00:24:41.299 get reconnected. I'll see you next time. What 00:24:41.299 --> 00:24:43.539 practical steps keep you connected to Christ 00:24:43.539 --> 00:24:46.880 and your spouse? I'm Dave Drewy. Don't miss tomorrow's 00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:49.599 teaching as Chip Ingram continues choosing love 00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:56.180 here on Living on the Edge. Today's program is 00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:58.660 produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.