WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.179 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.259 --> 00:00:16.960 You know, I came across a fascinating statement 00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:19.239 that changed the course of my marriage years 00:00:19.239 --> 00:00:23.100 ago. Here it is. Without a plan, we have no hope. 00:00:23.239 --> 00:00:26.539 Let me tell you, that truth made all the difference 00:00:26.539 --> 00:00:28.899 in the world of my marriage. We're going to learn 00:00:28.899 --> 00:00:31.379 how to increase the hope in your marriage, and 00:00:31.379 --> 00:00:33.460 I'm going to give you some very specific tools 00:00:33.460 --> 00:00:36.140 to help you build the kind of plan that will 00:00:36.140 --> 00:00:38.359 provide deep hope in your marriage. Stay with 00:00:38.359 --> 00:00:43.130 me. Where is your hope? Not just hope in general, 00:00:43.210 --> 00:00:45.609 but hope in your marriage, your family, your 00:00:45.609 --> 00:00:48.490 future together. I'm Dave Drewy, and today on 00:00:48.490 --> 00:00:50.829 Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram continues our 00:00:50.829 --> 00:00:53.630 series called Choosing Love. In this message, 00:00:53.750 --> 00:00:56.250 Chip reveals why planning isn't just practical, 00:00:56.450 --> 00:00:59.549 it's biblical. Jesus told his disciples in John 00:00:59.549 --> 00:01:02.329 chapter 14, I go to prepare a place for you, 00:01:02.409 --> 00:01:05.329 showing us that love makes plans and keeps promises. 00:01:06.189 --> 00:01:08.750 Today you'll discover why hope rises and falls 00:01:08.750 --> 00:01:12.069 based on the promises we keep. Now here's Chip 00:01:12.069 --> 00:01:14.670 Ingram with a message titled, Planning, How to 00:01:14.670 --> 00:01:17.569 Strengthen Your Hope. Where's your hope in your 00:01:17.569 --> 00:01:21.730 marriage? You have to have hope. And the way 00:01:21.730 --> 00:01:25.010 you have hope is you have to have a plan. I mean, 00:01:25.109 --> 00:01:28.250 so can I just give you a couple principles and 00:01:28.250 --> 00:01:30.829 then I want to get real practical. Here's the 00:01:30.829 --> 00:01:33.709 principle. Long -term planning provides hope 00:01:33.709 --> 00:01:36.540 and perspective. to overcome short -term pain 00:01:36.540 --> 00:01:40.200 and challenges. Second, great plans provides 00:01:40.200 --> 00:01:43.579 a specific path and create hope for tomorrow 00:01:43.579 --> 00:01:47.340 and forever. Third principle is hope rises and 00:01:47.340 --> 00:01:50.420 falls with how we keep our promises. The most 00:01:50.420 --> 00:01:53.459 devastating thing we do to one another, and we 00:01:53.459 --> 00:01:55.920 all do it, is when we tell our mates something 00:01:55.920 --> 00:01:58.579 and then we don't follow through. Breaks trust. 00:01:59.340 --> 00:02:02.799 What do we know about Jesus? I would encourage 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:05.439 you, you know, read John chapter 14, and you 00:02:05.439 --> 00:02:08.560 can even read 15 and 16, and every time the word 00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:12.400 I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, underline 00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:14.400 it. And you know what he's saying? I keep my 00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:16.860 promises. Do you see the promises that he makes? 00:02:17.819 --> 00:02:22.219 And so then the application is practical. Number 00:02:22.219 --> 00:02:26.360 one, if you, this is from my Marine father, so 00:02:26.360 --> 00:02:28.620 don't look for this in the Bible, but I heard 00:02:28.620 --> 00:02:30.800 it so much, it's up there in the Bible with me. 00:02:32.150 --> 00:02:36.889 Chip, if you fail to plan, you... It's true. 00:02:37.650 --> 00:02:40.969 And you know, you plan for career, you plan hopefully 00:02:40.969 --> 00:02:43.750 for finances, you plan for so much. Here's my 00:02:43.750 --> 00:02:45.770 question. What's your plan for your marriage? 00:02:46.169 --> 00:02:48.969 What's your plan for your marriage? Because if 00:02:48.969 --> 00:02:52.250 you don't have a plan, then you don't have a 00:02:52.250 --> 00:02:56.530 lot of hope. I cannot tell you. I mean, my wife 00:02:56.530 --> 00:03:00.169 and I, we made a plan. The plan was we would 00:03:00.169 --> 00:03:02.610 have a date every single week. We had a plan. 00:03:02.750 --> 00:03:05.729 What we knew was we were terrible communicators. 00:03:06.150 --> 00:03:08.669 We didn't know how to resolve anger. We didn't 00:03:08.669 --> 00:03:11.930 even know when we were angry. So we had to learn 00:03:11.930 --> 00:03:14.669 when we were angry. So I like right after supper, 00:03:14.849 --> 00:03:17.870 I mean, just 15 minutes. We did it three times 00:03:17.870 --> 00:03:20.789 a week. Okay, honey, this sounds so artificial. 00:03:22.870 --> 00:03:25.789 How did your day go? Superficial. Okay, great. 00:03:25.870 --> 00:03:27.949 How did your day go? Great. What are you concerned 00:03:27.949 --> 00:03:32.129 about? Well, this, this, this. And I shut up. 00:03:32.150 --> 00:03:34.969 You can't fix it. Just shut up. What do you wish? 00:03:35.469 --> 00:03:38.610 Oh, I wish one of our sons would not be so much 00:03:38.610 --> 00:03:41.229 this way. And I'm concerned about our other sons 00:03:41.229 --> 00:03:44.349 dating a girl. I wish I felt better. I've got 00:03:44.349 --> 00:03:47.110 this really situation. And what are you willing 00:03:47.110 --> 00:03:50.770 to do? And in 15 minutes or 20 minutes, I mean, 00:03:50.770 --> 00:03:54.889 we learned to not just bury stuff, but get all 00:03:54.889 --> 00:03:57.129 the things that are weighing us down out on the 00:03:57.129 --> 00:04:02.080 table. In 15 minutes, every other night at least, 00:04:02.280 --> 00:04:04.740 I found that this is the burdens, and she heard 00:04:04.740 --> 00:04:07.060 mine. I mean, she would ask me, how'd your day 00:04:07.060 --> 00:04:10.319 go? It's fine. And she wants to talk, and well, 00:04:10.379 --> 00:04:11.680 I mean, well, how'd it really go? It's fine. 00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:14.719 This church had a lot of meetings. A couple people 00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:16.959 came to Christ. It's great. So what's up? I mean, 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:20.000 you know, and I can't understand why she thinks 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:22.339 we don't communicate, right? I told her. It was 00:04:22.339 --> 00:04:25.180 fine. That's not what she wanted to hear. How 00:04:25.180 --> 00:04:27.939 did you feel about it? What was going on inside? 00:04:28.540 --> 00:04:34.100 You know, right? So we came up with a plan weekly. 00:04:34.420 --> 00:04:37.319 We came up with a plan daily. And then for us, 00:04:37.379 --> 00:04:40.240 when there's friction, guess what goes out the 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:44.000 door? Romance. And now if you have kids, especially 00:04:44.000 --> 00:04:49.680 small ones, it's hard to even find romance. And 00:04:49.680 --> 00:04:52.759 so we plan. We scheduled, you know, got other 00:04:52.759 --> 00:04:54.639 couples, watch our kids. We were super poor. 00:04:54.920 --> 00:04:56.740 We're going to get away for a couple nights at 00:04:56.740 --> 00:04:59.990 least once. Try it twice a year. And sometimes 00:04:59.990 --> 00:05:02.550 you were just holding on by a thread. We only 00:05:02.550 --> 00:05:06.790 got, you know, 62 more days until we can get 00:05:06.790 --> 00:05:11.149 away. But two days away would refresh. Are you 00:05:11.149 --> 00:05:23.069 starting to get it? Hope. So what is your career 00:05:23.069 --> 00:05:28.600 and family and ministry? and future plan for 00:05:28.600 --> 00:05:33.100 the next five, 10, or 15 years. Now, I know when 00:05:33.100 --> 00:05:35.060 I say something like that, you go, oh my gosh. 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:38.540 I mean, that's sort of a long, big deal. Okay, 00:05:38.579 --> 00:05:41.920 here's a tool for transformation. I want to get 00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:43.439 you started. I'm going to give you two tools. 00:05:44.220 --> 00:05:46.480 Here's tool number one. This changed the course 00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:54.800 of my life. It's 34 or 35. Three kids, four. 00:05:55.079 --> 00:05:57.420 Annie had just been born, was maybe 18 months 00:05:57.420 --> 00:06:01.639 old. I've got two 13-, 14 -year -olds, about 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:04.680 a 7 -year -old, and about a 1 -year -old. and 00:06:04.680 --> 00:06:06.680 where I went to seminary, they had a thing called 00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:08.560 LEAD, Leadership Evaluation and Development, 00:06:08.860 --> 00:06:10.959 and they looked at your whole life, and you went 00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:12.879 away with your wife for a week, and they had 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:14.600 a psychologist talk to you, and someone looked 00:06:14.600 --> 00:06:16.920 at your preaching, and people filled out all 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:19.360 these forms about your life, your character, 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:21.980 and they literally had your life, and the goal 00:06:21.980 --> 00:06:24.139 was to take you through this four or five days 00:06:24.139 --> 00:06:27.160 and give you an evaluation of where you're at 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:30.579 and help you see blind spots so that maybe they 00:06:30.579 --> 00:06:34.459 could help you skip 10 years of pain they thought 00:06:34.459 --> 00:06:36.500 maybe you have some potential to make a difference. 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:41.139 Two big things happened. The man who did our 00:06:41.139 --> 00:06:43.839 interview was one of my mentors, and he looked 00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:45.920 at Teresa and said, you haven't told anybody 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:49.040 about your past life, have you? No, I hide it. 00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:52.600 But she said, I have a problem. What's that? 00:06:53.040 --> 00:06:54.920 Well, my little boy is like six or seven years 00:06:54.920 --> 00:06:57.779 old, and we have a picture of Chip and I in our 00:06:57.779 --> 00:07:00.459 marriage, and Eric and Jason are in the picture. 00:07:00.920 --> 00:07:03.350 I mean, they were like... Four and a half, five 00:07:03.350 --> 00:07:06.730 years old. You know, dressed up little boys carrying 00:07:06.730 --> 00:07:09.529 the rings and things. And so our six or seven 00:07:09.529 --> 00:07:11.589 year old says, Mommy, how come Eric and Jason 00:07:11.589 --> 00:07:13.089 got to be in the wedding picture and I didn't? 00:07:15.689 --> 00:07:18.269 Well, a little moment of truth. That's a real 00:07:18.269 --> 00:07:23.009 tricky one, right? She was ashamed. She was ashamed 00:07:23.009 --> 00:07:25.589 that she was told where we went to school that 00:07:25.589 --> 00:07:27.350 God would never use your life. She was told she 00:07:27.350 --> 00:07:29.230 was a second class citizen. She lived with guilt. 00:07:29.290 --> 00:07:31.720 She lived with shame. She married a guy. She 00:07:31.720 --> 00:07:33.560 wasn't a Christian. He runs off with another 00:07:33.560 --> 00:07:36.879 woman. She told me I would have committed suicide 00:07:36.879 --> 00:07:38.860 if I didn't have those babies. My whole life 00:07:38.860 --> 00:07:44.240 was in that man. I felt worthless. And he said, 00:07:44.279 --> 00:07:46.980 you don't understand. You are a trophy of God's 00:07:46.980 --> 00:07:51.420 grace. Look at how God has restored you and redeemed 00:07:51.420 --> 00:07:52.959 you. Are you ready for this? You know what you 00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:55.519 do with trophies? You take trophies and you put 00:07:55.519 --> 00:07:57.959 them up on the mantle. And you put them on the 00:07:57.959 --> 00:08:00.689 mantle so people can see. this is what God did. 00:08:01.389 --> 00:08:04.490 And we came home from that and she shared with 00:08:04.490 --> 00:08:06.629 my seven -year -old boy why he wasn't in the 00:08:06.629 --> 00:08:09.589 wedding picture. Shortly afterwards, we were 00:08:09.589 --> 00:08:12.629 called to a church in Santa Cruz and my wife 00:08:12.629 --> 00:08:15.350 is a, I mean, you would not know it now, but 00:08:15.350 --> 00:08:17.269 I mean, was not just an introvert, but super 00:08:17.269 --> 00:08:19.569 shy and getting in front of people was not her 00:08:19.569 --> 00:08:21.970 thing. And we're flying on the plane. She said, 00:08:21.990 --> 00:08:23.629 I want to share my testimony with the church. 00:08:24.509 --> 00:08:28.120 I said, what? And, you know, we went from a fairly 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:29.600 small church, and for us it was a pretty good 00:08:29.600 --> 00:08:32.200 -sized church, 800 or 900 people. And they had 00:08:32.200 --> 00:08:34.299 a Sunday morning and Sunday night. And I said, 00:08:34.340 --> 00:08:36.379 well, my first message is Sunday morning. You 00:08:36.379 --> 00:08:38.960 want to do Sunday night? She goes, yeah. And 00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:43.299 she got up and told her story. Fifty women lined 00:08:43.299 --> 00:08:45.340 up. If you know anything about Santa Cruz, it's 00:08:45.340 --> 00:08:51.019 drugs, new age, wacky world, broken people. I 00:08:51.019 --> 00:08:54.220 mean, just. And God just put us in the perfect 00:08:54.220 --> 00:08:56.720 place in the world because two very deeply broken 00:08:56.720 --> 00:08:59.179 people went to a place filled with broken people. 00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:02.120 And when she shared her story, they finally said, 00:09:02.220 --> 00:09:06.759 maybe there's hope for me. You're listening to 00:09:06.759 --> 00:09:09.559 Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and there's 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:12.019 more coming up in just a moment. If you missed 00:09:12.019 --> 00:09:14.059 any part of today's message, or if you'd like 00:09:14.059 --> 00:09:16.440 to share it with a friend, you can find it anytime 00:09:16.440 --> 00:09:20.360 online at livingontheedge .org. And while you're 00:09:20.360 --> 00:09:22.899 there, you'll also discover a full library of 00:09:22.899 --> 00:09:25.200 Chip's teaching series, small group resources, 00:09:25.399 --> 00:09:28.259 and practical tools to help strengthen your relationships. 00:09:28.840 --> 00:09:32.460 Take advantage of all we have available at livingontheedge 00:09:32.460 --> 00:09:36.440 .org. Well, now back to our message. So there's 00:09:36.440 --> 00:09:39.049 hope. There's not just hope when everything's 00:09:39.049 --> 00:09:41.690 okay. There's hope when you share your brokenness. 00:09:41.830 --> 00:09:44.429 The second thing that happened at that, that 00:09:44.429 --> 00:09:48.350 was critical, is I was given an assignment. And 00:09:48.350 --> 00:09:51.529 I was told to do this. I want you to go home 00:09:51.529 --> 00:09:54.009 and I want you to write out, I want you to add 00:09:54.009 --> 00:09:58.870 10 years to everyone's age. So, okay, I'll be 00:09:58.870 --> 00:10:04.789 44. Oh, wow, Eric and Jason will be 22. Ryan 00:10:04.789 --> 00:10:09.509 will be 17. Annie will be like 11. And then he 00:10:09.509 --> 00:10:12.450 says, now I want you to think about this is where 00:10:12.450 --> 00:10:15.549 you're at. I want you to visualize. You now have 00:10:15.549 --> 00:10:18.950 two kids that I thought, if they're going to 00:10:18.950 --> 00:10:23.450 go to college, I'm putting like $50 a month away. 00:10:24.429 --> 00:10:28.230 You know, they're doing really well, but they've 00:10:28.230 --> 00:10:30.330 got some issues in their life I need to address. 00:10:30.950 --> 00:10:33.980 My little boy. He's going to be 17. That's going 00:10:33.980 --> 00:10:37.279 to make him like a junior or a senior. And while 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:40.440 10 years from now, I will be this. This is Teresa 00:10:40.440 --> 00:10:46.419 and I. And we literally, it just grabbed me. 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:50.159 And I realized, I'm living so much in every single 00:10:50.159 --> 00:10:54.460 day. I'm not living in a way. that is realizing, 00:10:54.639 --> 00:10:57.080 where do I want to be in 10 years? Where does 00:10:57.080 --> 00:10:59.419 God want me to be in 10 years? Where do I want 00:10:59.419 --> 00:11:01.659 my marriage to be in 10 years? It was one of 00:11:01.659 --> 00:11:04.700 the biggest aha moments of my whole life. I literally, 00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:07.600 are you, you know what I did? I made a plan. 00:11:08.519 --> 00:11:11.360 I made a plan for my older boys. What am I going 00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:15.460 to do between, you know, like 12 and 22? What 00:11:15.460 --> 00:11:17.820 is it I want them to know? What kind of time? 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:19.759 What kind of experiences? What am I going to 00:11:19.759 --> 00:11:23.120 do with my son who's 11 or 7 and is going to 00:11:23.120 --> 00:11:25.360 be 17? And what are the things I learned from 00:11:25.360 --> 00:11:29.320 my older boys? And where should we be? This is 00:11:29.320 --> 00:11:30.820 where we're at in our marriage. This was a season 00:11:30.820 --> 00:11:33.580 where we actually got along. The church was growing. 00:11:33.799 --> 00:11:36.700 It was a good season. Wow, what have we done? 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:38.860 Where do I want our marriage to be in 10 years? 00:11:39.320 --> 00:11:43.419 I would tell you it'll change the course of your 00:11:43.419 --> 00:11:47.179 life. If you would write down, add 10 years to 00:11:47.179 --> 00:11:50.100 everyone in your family and start asking yourself 00:11:50.100 --> 00:11:54.419 those questions, I will tell you, because left 00:11:54.419 --> 00:11:58.500 to yourself, and here's the thing, you think 00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:01.980 you don't have enough time. The number one addiction 00:12:01.980 --> 00:12:06.649 in America is technology. You have time to read, 00:12:06.710 --> 00:12:08.690 you have time to think, you have time to exercise, 00:12:08.769 --> 00:12:10.809 you have time to build relationships where you 00:12:10.809 --> 00:12:13.129 can stick your face in this phone and you can 00:12:13.129 --> 00:12:15.370 escape and you can watch movies and you can play 00:12:15.370 --> 00:12:18.269 video games and for some of you, secretly log 00:12:18.269 --> 00:12:23.129 on to porn and you can waste your life or you 00:12:23.129 --> 00:12:26.370 can come up with a plan and you can ask for help 00:12:26.370 --> 00:12:32.090 and you can start being a servant and I will 00:12:32.090 --> 00:12:38.460 tell you, your... life will be so different than 00:12:38.460 --> 00:12:44.200 everybody else's. And here's the thing that this 00:12:44.200 --> 00:12:47.480 thing and all that media does. It just keeps 00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:49.940 telling you, you don't measure up. You don't 00:12:49.940 --> 00:12:52.399 look right. You don't have the right stuff. And 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:55.259 if only you had, or if only you could, or if 00:12:55.259 --> 00:12:58.700 only you were. And so it's all negative messages. 00:12:59.019 --> 00:13:02.240 And here's the thing. Some of you are like type 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:07.549 A, highly focused. wired like me. And some of 00:13:07.549 --> 00:13:09.870 us have gone after some of those things. And 00:13:09.870 --> 00:13:11.929 here's the thing. If you get them in your hand, 00:13:12.149 --> 00:13:13.809 you're going to look at it. It's going to be 00:13:13.809 --> 00:13:15.830 like, remember the rainbow into the pot of gold? 00:13:15.929 --> 00:13:19.190 And you'll look at it and you'll go, as one guy 00:13:19.190 --> 00:13:25.250 told me recently, he said, this is it? I mean, 00:13:25.250 --> 00:13:30.610 this? I mean, I built a company, did $67 million 00:13:30.610 --> 00:13:34.000 last year. I found the beautiful wife. I have 00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:40.639 three kids. This is it. This is as empty. I mean, 00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:47.259 they promised I'm in shape. It's a Marine. I 00:13:47.259 --> 00:13:49.899 am. I've got what everyone in the world says 00:13:49.899 --> 00:13:52.000 will make you happy. And he says, I looked inside 00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:55.139 of that and there, it was a black hole of emptiness. 00:13:56.840 --> 00:13:59.039 And then he had to be driving in the car and 00:13:59.039 --> 00:14:03.330 heard a series about heaven and life. that happened 00:14:03.330 --> 00:14:06.490 to be from living on the edge, God spoke to him 00:14:06.490 --> 00:14:09.690 and he pulled off 101 in California and cried 00:14:09.690 --> 00:14:12.470 like a baby and received Christ. And that was 00:14:12.470 --> 00:14:15.909 the beginning of a completely new life. And what 00:14:15.909 --> 00:14:18.809 I like about him, he went about it like a Marine. 00:14:20.389 --> 00:14:25.429 His poor wife. He said it was bait and switch. 00:14:25.490 --> 00:14:29.230 It really was. He said two years in, he goes, 00:14:29.269 --> 00:14:32.980 my life, my friends, my habits. He said, I learned 00:14:32.980 --> 00:14:34.799 God's word is important. I learned prayer was 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:37.080 important. A good Bible teaching church is important. 00:14:37.299 --> 00:14:39.259 I got in a small group with my pastor, another 00:14:39.259 --> 00:14:42.500 guy and another guy. Man, my addictions, I addressed. 00:14:43.100 --> 00:14:45.399 She says, two years, we're having dinner. And 00:14:45.399 --> 00:14:47.799 she looked at me and she goes, I don't think 00:14:47.799 --> 00:14:51.019 I even know you anymore. And he said, privately, 00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:54.840 I'm thinking, yes. And yet what she was saying 00:14:54.840 --> 00:14:57.980 was, I married this person. We partied together 00:14:57.980 --> 00:15:02.759 and this was our world. who is this guy? Now, 00:15:02.779 --> 00:15:04.679 you're a great father and you're treating me 00:15:04.679 --> 00:15:08.000 in ways I don't really understand. Kind but weird. 00:15:08.860 --> 00:15:12.500 You're doing things I've never seen you do. And 00:15:12.500 --> 00:15:18.679 here's my point. You got to have a plan. Add 00:15:18.679 --> 00:15:23.960 10 years and then ask yourself, who do you want 00:15:23.960 --> 00:15:26.200 that person to be? What do you want that marriage 00:15:26.200 --> 00:15:29.669 to look like? The second, this is a real practical 00:15:29.669 --> 00:15:31.610 thing because it's like, oh, that's a great big 00:15:31.610 --> 00:15:35.769 picture. Structure. Some of us are very spontaneous. 00:15:35.809 --> 00:15:39.529 Some are very detail -oriented. If you don't 00:15:39.529 --> 00:15:42.990 structure for outcomes, your life will be filled 00:15:42.990 --> 00:15:45.169 with good intentions where you start and fail, 00:15:45.330 --> 00:15:48.950 start and fail, start and fail. In planning as 00:15:48.950 --> 00:15:52.350 a couple, I mean, this week, I mean, I'm gonna 00:15:52.350 --> 00:15:55.110 get down to some real basic things. This is just 00:15:55.110 --> 00:15:58.559 a suggestion. Some of you are great planners, 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:01.179 way better than me. You have way better ways 00:16:01.179 --> 00:16:03.799 to do this. But for those of you that are sitting 00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:07.940 here thinking, we don't plan. We just react. 00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:11.659 We just respond. Oh, kids need shoes. And by 00:16:11.659 --> 00:16:14.500 the way, if you're like most, the women feel 00:16:14.500 --> 00:16:16.940 a greater responsibility, and they're always 00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:18.879 feeling like, what are we going to do? What are 00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:21.100 we going to do? And they feel like we don't lead 00:16:21.100 --> 00:16:25.549 well when we don't plan. One of the things that 00:16:25.549 --> 00:16:28.049 helped us, I don't know how it works in your 00:16:28.049 --> 00:16:30.970 world, but in my world, usually I get a paycheck 00:16:30.970 --> 00:16:33.309 every two weeks. Some people it's once a month, 00:16:33.389 --> 00:16:35.490 some people once a week. I get a paycheck every 00:16:35.490 --> 00:16:39.429 two weeks and have for whenever. We have a, it 00:16:39.429 --> 00:16:41.149 doesn't have to be blue, we have a blue folder. 00:16:42.269 --> 00:16:44.610 Every bill that comes in goes into that blue 00:16:44.610 --> 00:16:46.570 folder. Even the ones that we pay online, we 00:16:46.570 --> 00:16:49.289 print it out, goes into that blue folder. Every 00:16:49.289 --> 00:16:53.440 two weeks, I sit down with my wife. we have a 00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:58.059 checkbook. And we will, she'll take the part 00:16:58.059 --> 00:16:59.860 that you subtract and I'll take the part where 00:16:59.860 --> 00:17:02.139 we write the checks. And a lot of them, of course, 00:17:02.139 --> 00:17:04.480 we pay online and I'll write on the bill and 00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:06.900 she'll say, okay, I'll do that online. And we 00:17:06.900 --> 00:17:10.420 go through every two weeks and we do our finances 00:17:10.420 --> 00:17:12.880 together. Here's what you need to learn about 00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:15.660 money. Money is never about money. Money is about 00:17:15.660 --> 00:17:21.279 values and priorities. Every two weeks, For 35 00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:24.779 years, we've had a discussion about what matters. 00:17:24.859 --> 00:17:27.440 And a lot of times it was, well, we paid our 00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:31.700 bills and now we have $136 to make it through 00:17:31.700 --> 00:17:34.119 to the next two weeks. So we're going to put 00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:37.420 $78 in the grocery envelope. We're going to put 00:17:37.420 --> 00:17:40.359 $20 in recreation. And we're going to put $16 00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:42.140 in for gas when you could buy gas for cheap. 00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:44.619 And when the money's out of those envelopes, 00:17:44.619 --> 00:17:47.220 we're done. And we're going to stay in the black. 00:17:48.269 --> 00:17:50.650 And then it was like, okay, well, Eric needs 00:17:50.650 --> 00:17:53.630 shoes and Annie needs this. What should we buy 00:17:53.630 --> 00:17:59.250 when? And okay, let's, the habit is more important 00:17:59.250 --> 00:18:01.769 than the amount, so we're gonna save $50 a paycheck. 00:18:01.930 --> 00:18:05.609 That was our big savings plan. And it became 00:18:05.609 --> 00:18:09.910 a habit. The second thing is now we've made those, 00:18:10.009 --> 00:18:13.529 then we open our calendars and we look at, well, 00:18:13.549 --> 00:18:15.490 okay, what's coming up the rest of this month 00:18:15.490 --> 00:18:20.380 and next month? proactive in creating a life 00:18:20.380 --> 00:18:22.720 that you look forward to something this week. 00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:25.759 You look forward to a great time together away. 00:18:25.960 --> 00:18:28.940 You look forward to sitting down and having a 00:18:28.940 --> 00:18:31.680 plan that it may take time, but we can get out 00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:35.200 of debt. Final comment, if you are in a situation, 00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:38.240 I wrote this at the bottom, of crisis of debt 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:42.299 or counseling or in -laws or addiction, get outside 00:18:42.299 --> 00:18:45.920 help. Get outside help. Pay for whatever it takes. 00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:50.720 I had to. And here's the thing. If this reoccurring 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:53.819 problem or conflict in your sex life, in your 00:18:53.819 --> 00:18:58.299 finances, debt issues, in -laws, resolving conflict, 00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:01.099 you're smart people. If you could have solved 00:19:01.099 --> 00:19:03.519 it on your own, you would have solved it by now. 00:19:04.339 --> 00:19:09.400 Right? You get outside help. Let me encourage 00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:14.759 you to do that. This is Living on the Edge with 00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:17.619 Chip Ingram and a series called Choosing Love. 00:19:17.940 --> 00:19:20.940 Today, Chip gave us game -changing advice. If 00:19:20.940 --> 00:19:24.019 you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Chip will 00:19:24.019 --> 00:19:26.279 be back with one more thought in just a moment. 00:19:26.740 --> 00:19:29.109 Did today's message hit home? then you'll need 00:19:29.109 --> 00:19:32.109 Chip's book, I Choose Love. This book reveals 00:19:32.109 --> 00:19:34.930 a life -changing truth. Love isn't just something 00:19:34.930 --> 00:19:37.289 that happens to you. It's something you can choose. 00:19:37.789 --> 00:19:40.910 Drawing from Philippians chapter 2, Chip unpacks 00:19:40.910 --> 00:19:43.750 the biblical concept of agape love, the kind 00:19:43.750 --> 00:19:46.809 of love God has for people. It's a love characterized 00:19:46.809 --> 00:19:50.089 not by feelings or emotions, but by sacrifice 00:19:50.089 --> 00:19:52.470 and putting others' best interests at heart. 00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:55.819 When you understand and apply this biblical love, 00:19:55.980 --> 00:19:58.660 it transforms every relationship in your life, 00:19:58.799 --> 00:20:01.720 including your marriage. If you long to experience 00:20:01.720 --> 00:20:11.279 the love of God and discover practical ways You 00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:13.059 know, this teaching ministry reaches millions 00:20:13.059 --> 00:20:15.819 because listeners like you invest in biblical 00:20:15.819 --> 00:20:19.039 truth that transforms lives. When you give to 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:20.980 Living on the Edge, you're helping people you've 00:20:20.980 --> 00:20:23.640 never even met to strengthen their faith, relationships, 00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:27.000 and hope. Would you partner with us today? Give 00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:30.480 online at livingontheedge .org. On our mobile 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:33.099 app, just click on the heart icon and follow 00:20:33.099 --> 00:20:35.599 the simple instructions. You can also call us 00:20:35.599 --> 00:20:40.920 right now at 888 -333 -6003. Also check out our 00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:42.720 new feature on the Living on the Edge podcast. 00:20:42.859 --> 00:20:46.180 We call it the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, presenting 00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:48.680 each of Chip's sermons unedited from beginning 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:51.619 to end. You'll find these episodes when you subscribe 00:20:51.619 --> 00:20:54.880 to the Living on the Edge podcast. Well, now 00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:58.220 here's Chip. As we close today's program, I want 00:20:58.220 --> 00:21:01.519 to focus in on one specific thing that I shared. 00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:05.089 But before I do, I want to go immediately. to 00:21:05.089 --> 00:21:07.150 that group of people that I ended the teaching 00:21:07.150 --> 00:21:10.609 time with. I said, if you're in crisis, if you've 00:21:10.609 --> 00:21:13.970 lost hope, if you're hurting, if you're contemplating 00:21:13.970 --> 00:21:17.289 divorce, if you feel like there is no hope, let 00:21:17.289 --> 00:21:19.849 me encourage you in your crisis, get help right 00:21:19.849 --> 00:21:22.950 now. Go to a trusted godly friend, to a Christian 00:21:22.950 --> 00:21:26.509 counselor, to your pastor, but don't let it go. 00:21:26.710 --> 00:21:29.029 Don't think it's going to get better on its own. 00:21:29.609 --> 00:21:31.549 Now, for those that don't feel like you're in 00:21:31.549 --> 00:21:34.170 crisis, but you want a deeper marriage or you 00:21:34.170 --> 00:21:36.500 feel like there's a little bit of a drift. Let 00:21:36.500 --> 00:21:39.920 me tell you this. Long -term planning provides 00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:44.099 hope and perspective to overcome the short -term 00:21:44.099 --> 00:21:46.799 pain and challenges. You know, there's a lot 00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:48.720 of ups and downs in life, and we're going to 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:50.819 have them, right? Financially, relationally, 00:21:50.839 --> 00:21:54.200 within laws, in our sex life. I mean, in our 00:21:54.200 --> 00:21:57.319 marriages, we're going to have all kind of bumps 00:21:57.319 --> 00:22:00.279 and bruises and barriers. And what I've learned 00:22:00.279 --> 00:22:03.000 after all these years, when you first get some 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:05.849 of these, you think, oh, my. The world's falling 00:22:05.849 --> 00:22:08.630 apart and what's wrong? And this marriage isn't 00:22:08.630 --> 00:22:11.430 working or I'm a terrible person or am I falling 00:22:11.430 --> 00:22:15.309 out of love? And we've been so overwhelmed with 00:22:15.309 --> 00:22:19.289 media thinking that ooey gooey feelings and this 00:22:19.289 --> 00:22:22.390 romantic, you know, Hallmark type relationship 00:22:22.390 --> 00:22:25.990 is supposed to be every day in every way that 00:22:25.990 --> 00:22:29.289 we begin to put our marriages under a microscope. 00:22:29.369 --> 00:22:33.140 And instead of realizing. These are normal things, 00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:36.259 and our long -term hope is we've made a vow before 00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:39.599 God, and so we need to have a plan. We need to 00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:41.660 have a plan that says, this is what we're going 00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:43.980 to do this week. We need to have a plan with 00:22:43.980 --> 00:22:46.460 our money. We need to have a plan for when we're 00:22:46.460 --> 00:22:49.000 going to get away as a couple. We need to have 00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:52.119 a plan for how are we going to raise our children. 00:22:52.519 --> 00:22:54.839 Now, when I say all that, I don't mean that as 00:22:54.839 --> 00:22:58.339 some big, overwhelming thing that you get it 00:22:58.339 --> 00:23:01.400 all done tomorrow. What I want you to know, though, 00:23:01.559 --> 00:23:05.079 is you have to pause. You have to meet at least 00:23:05.079 --> 00:23:08.539 once a week and really talk about what's coming 00:23:08.539 --> 00:23:11.799 up, what are the concerns that you have, how 00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:14.660 each of you are going to address them. You got 00:23:14.660 --> 00:23:17.359 to be on the same page with common goals and 00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:20.940 a mutual commitment, because if you aren't, you'll 00:23:20.940 --> 00:23:24.039 start to go your own separate ways. And then 00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:26.720 about once a quarter minimum, you know, even 00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:29.839 if it's an afternoon or just one night away, 00:23:29.940 --> 00:23:33.299 to get together as a couple and do a little, 00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:36.240 where are we at? How are things really going? 00:23:37.269 --> 00:23:39.630 pausing, getting out the calendar. Teresa and 00:23:39.630 --> 00:23:43.250 I do this about once a month, sometime once every 00:23:43.250 --> 00:23:45.549 six weeks and say, let's just look at the next 00:23:45.549 --> 00:23:48.450 six months. And we just line out all the different 00:23:48.450 --> 00:23:50.869 things that are coming up. And we don't necessarily 00:23:50.869 --> 00:23:53.829 make a huge bunch of decisions, but all of a 00:23:53.829 --> 00:23:55.930 sudden it's like, oh, wow, if you're going to 00:23:55.930 --> 00:23:57.869 do that, I didn't realize you were traveling. 00:23:57.970 --> 00:23:59.630 Well, what about, you know, one of the kids' 00:23:59.730 --> 00:24:02.089 birthdays or one of our, you know, grown children 00:24:02.089 --> 00:24:04.549 have a big anniversary or all of a sudden you're 00:24:04.549 --> 00:24:07.259 talking about what's going to happen over the 00:24:07.259 --> 00:24:10.460 next six months, those kind of conversations 00:24:10.460 --> 00:24:13.880 that provide perspective. And then for some of 00:24:13.880 --> 00:24:16.019 you, you just need some hope. You need to know 00:24:16.019 --> 00:24:19.400 90 days from now or 40 days from now, you're 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:21.299 going to have that special three or four days 00:24:21.299 --> 00:24:25.059 away or a weekend or something positive. We all 00:24:25.059 --> 00:24:27.779 need those carrots out in front of us that a 00:24:27.779 --> 00:24:30.500 good plan says, you know what? We're going to 00:24:30.500 --> 00:24:32.880 need a break. That's when we're going to get 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:35.200 it, and we can make it through this hard season 00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:38.660 until we get there. Let me encourage you. Planning 00:24:38.660 --> 00:24:42.119 is how you strengthen your hope. Ready to learn 00:24:42.119 --> 00:24:44.920 how to multiply the joy in your marriage? I'm 00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:47.660 Dave Drewy. Join us tomorrow as Chip Ingram continues 00:24:47.660 --> 00:24:51.000 our series, Choosing Love, right here on Living 00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:56.740 on the Edge. Today's program is produced and 00:24:56.740 --> 00:24:58.619 sponsored by Living on the Edge.