WEBVTT 00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:04.559 This is the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, brought 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:07.719 to you by Living on the Edge. In this podcast, 00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:10.539 you'll hear Chip's teaching unedited and from 00:00:10.539 --> 00:00:13.980 beginning to end. Now let's join Chip Ingram 00:00:13.980 --> 00:00:16.859 with today's message titled, Planning, How to 00:00:16.859 --> 00:00:19.780 Strengthen Your Hope. As we get started, I have 00:00:19.780 --> 00:00:23.140 on my wall, and I haven't memorized it, but I 00:00:23.140 --> 00:00:26.219 read it almost every day because left to myself 00:00:26.219 --> 00:00:28.800 and you left to yourself, we all focus on, you 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:31.309 know, what about me, right? You know, my needs, 00:00:31.429 --> 00:00:33.750 my will, my desires, this is what I want to see 00:00:33.750 --> 00:00:39.149 happen. And on my wall is this prayer. It says, 00:00:39.210 --> 00:00:43.090 Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. And 00:00:43.090 --> 00:00:45.909 where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where 00:00:45.909 --> 00:00:48.850 there is sorrow, let me sow joy. Where there's 00:00:48.850 --> 00:00:52.030 injury, let me sow pardon. Where there's darkness, 00:00:52.270 --> 00:00:55.570 let me sow light. Where there's despair, let 00:00:55.570 --> 00:00:59.659 me sow joy. Oh, divine master, grant that I wouldn't 00:00:59.659 --> 00:01:04.140 seek so much to be consoled as to console. To 00:01:04.140 --> 00:01:09.379 be understood as to understand. As to be loved 00:01:09.379 --> 00:01:14.900 as to love. For it's in giving that we receive. 00:01:15.900 --> 00:01:19.799 It's in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it's 00:01:19.799 --> 00:01:22.939 in dying that we're born to eternal life. And 00:01:22.939 --> 00:01:26.900 that's attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. Just, 00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:30.739 I need every single moment to get the paradigm 00:01:30.739 --> 00:01:35.819 shift. You know, this series is about four biblical 00:01:35.819 --> 00:01:39.000 practices that great marriages have in common. 00:01:39.319 --> 00:01:43.019 And the first one is about love. But, you know, 00:01:43.019 --> 00:01:46.540 when Jesus wanted to show his love, what did 00:01:46.540 --> 00:01:51.500 he do? He took up a towel and he got down on 00:01:51.500 --> 00:01:54.859 his knees. And the King of kings and the Lord 00:01:54.859 --> 00:01:58.140 of lords and the Son of God, who has been worshipped 00:01:58.140 --> 00:02:03.500 by myriads of angels from eternity past, bent 00:02:03.500 --> 00:02:06.459 down and he washed the feet of people that were 00:02:06.459 --> 00:02:10.620 too proud to wash their own or anyone else's. 00:02:11.099 --> 00:02:13.680 And not only of the 11 that he knew that would 00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:16.419 be faithful, but he washed the feet of someone 00:02:16.419 --> 00:02:20.080 that he knew was going to betray him. And all 00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:23.439 I can tell you is when God tells us to serve, 00:02:23.580 --> 00:02:26.479 you can't do it, and I can't do it in my power. 00:02:26.659 --> 00:02:28.439 I mean, that's like one of those assignments, 00:02:28.580 --> 00:02:30.960 like this is what you really need to do, and 00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:34.400 unless you come to, I can't, and say, God, but 00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:37.500 you can do this through me. And there's a promise. 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:41.219 Jesus said, give, and it'll be given unto you. 00:02:41.300 --> 00:02:44.500 Good measure. Press down, shaken together, running 00:02:44.500 --> 00:02:48.680 over, back into your lap. For whatever measure 00:02:48.680 --> 00:02:53.289 you give, you'll receive. And it's a process 00:02:53.289 --> 00:02:55.750 and it's a journey, but I think one of the most 00:02:55.750 --> 00:02:59.349 fundamental shifts if you want a great marriage, 00:02:59.550 --> 00:03:03.389 and I mean it starts in your mind, moves to your 00:03:03.389 --> 00:03:06.129 heart, and then has to get into your hands, is 00:03:06.129 --> 00:03:09.129 that this will only be a great marriage not if 00:03:09.129 --> 00:03:12.750 or when my mate changes, but when I begin to 00:03:12.750 --> 00:03:16.409 serve them as an act of worship of serving him 00:03:16.409 --> 00:03:18.909 with the recognition that I don't have the power 00:03:18.909 --> 00:03:22.219 to do that. And as you do that, you know, you 00:03:22.219 --> 00:03:23.759 know, you say, well, I just can't, I don't feel 00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:26.060 it. Here's what happens. It's that classic picture 00:03:26.060 --> 00:03:28.500 is you can stand on the edge of the water and 00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:30.599 say, there's no way. It's the moment when they 00:03:30.599 --> 00:03:32.979 stepped into the water. That's when you get the 00:03:32.979 --> 00:03:36.379 grace. But you know, just like you go into training 00:03:36.379 --> 00:03:41.000 for other things, you know, discipline, God gives 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:44.599 grace through discipline. Discipline is learning 00:03:44.599 --> 00:03:49.400 to do over time what you can't directly do currently. 00:03:50.439 --> 00:03:53.000 I'll never forget my assistant of many years 00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:56.199 ago had never done anything athletic, and we 00:03:56.199 --> 00:03:58.659 were learning this idea of what you can't do 00:03:58.659 --> 00:04:01.699 directly, you can learn to accomplish over time 00:04:01.699 --> 00:04:03.759 when you go into training. So in other words, 00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:06.979 I can't love my wife today directly, but I can 00:04:06.979 --> 00:04:09.680 go into training to build the capacity to be 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:12.020 sensitive to meeting needs, but it takes times 00:04:12.020 --> 00:04:16.120 in training. So I'll never forget, she had a 00:04:16.120 --> 00:04:18.399 friend who was a marathoner. She goes, no, no, 00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:21.199 here's the plan. This is how many hours you sleep. 00:04:21.500 --> 00:04:23.459 And she started walking. Then she did a little 00:04:23.459 --> 00:04:25.420 bit of jogging. It was like six months later. 00:04:25.819 --> 00:04:28.360 And she says, is there any way I could come in 00:04:28.360 --> 00:04:31.560 late on Friday? I said, well, why? What's up? 00:04:31.579 --> 00:04:33.360 She goes, well, my training, I need to run 10 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:37.620 miles Friday morning. I said, all at once? And 00:04:37.620 --> 00:04:40.600 she hadn't said anything. I said, can you do 00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:44.600 that? She goes, yeah. And I said her name. I 00:04:44.600 --> 00:04:47.730 said, you can walk around the block. six months 00:04:47.730 --> 00:04:50.029 ago, how can you run 10 miles? She goes, well, 00:04:50.129 --> 00:04:52.829 this is what we ate, and then I jogged, and then 00:04:52.829 --> 00:04:54.610 it was this, then I got up to one mile, then 00:04:54.610 --> 00:04:58.029 up to two miles, and I have a 10 -mile run, and 00:04:58.029 --> 00:05:03.029 we only have five more weeks. She did 26 .2 miles 00:05:03.029 --> 00:05:08.870 without stopping because she went into training. 00:05:09.410 --> 00:05:12.129 It affected what she ate, how much she slept, 00:05:12.329 --> 00:05:15.029 how she exercised. Here's what I want you to 00:05:15.029 --> 00:05:17.810 understand. There's many things you can't will 00:05:17.810 --> 00:05:22.029 and do today. You have to go, the spiritual disciplines, 00:05:22.209 --> 00:05:25.490 praying, renewing your mind, reading scripture, 00:05:25.790 --> 00:05:28.529 having fellowship from the heart. You go into 00:05:28.529 --> 00:05:31.649 spiritual training and you can actually build 00:05:31.649 --> 00:05:35.470 a capacity to love in ways that you currently 00:05:35.470 --> 00:05:39.899 can't do by willpower. And that's how God dispenses. 00:05:39.899 --> 00:05:42.959 Now, sometimes he gives these flashes of supernatural, 00:05:43.019 --> 00:05:45.879 amazing, you have new eyes and see everything 00:05:45.879 --> 00:05:48.420 different. I mean, I have a handful of friends 00:05:48.420 --> 00:05:50.959 who, that's how they overcame their porn addiction 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:53.120 or their drug addiction and they cried out to 00:05:53.120 --> 00:05:57.980 God and wow. But the great majority was recognized 00:05:57.980 --> 00:06:01.699 as they had a problem getting in a group, putting... 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:04.660 limitations on their phone, giving their passwords 00:06:04.660 --> 00:06:07.040 to someone else, having weekly accountability, 00:06:07.459 --> 00:06:10.279 and they went into training to renew their mind. 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:15.540 So all I'm saying is your potentiality for not 00:06:15.540 --> 00:06:19.319 a good marriage, but a great marriage has little 00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:22.639 or nothing to do today with how your mate is 00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:24.980 acting or not acting or what you want them to 00:06:24.980 --> 00:06:28.620 do or not do. Because if you turn this one in 00:06:28.620 --> 00:06:30.220 and get another one, you're going to have exactly 00:06:30.220 --> 00:06:33.509 the same problems. And the other thing is, is 00:06:33.509 --> 00:06:36.370 this person you'll have to live with that's really 00:06:36.370 --> 00:06:44.209 the biggest problem is you. It's you. I mean, 00:06:44.209 --> 00:06:46.750 I have a fairly healthy self -concept, but I 00:06:46.750 --> 00:06:49.050 can look in the mirror and know the core of my 00:06:49.050 --> 00:06:51.610 life is I'm selfish, I want my own way. Now, 00:06:51.689 --> 00:06:54.629 I can put verses behind it, and I can, believe 00:06:54.629 --> 00:06:57.269 me, I can make it sound sophisticated and very 00:06:57.269 --> 00:06:59.889 Christian. But left to myself, apart from the 00:06:59.889 --> 00:07:02.509 Holy Spirit working powerfully in my life, I 00:07:02.509 --> 00:07:05.649 am really about my needs, my wants, and I get 00:07:05.649 --> 00:07:09.170 frustrated and angry or whatever when that isn't 00:07:09.170 --> 00:07:13.470 delivered apart from the Spirit of the living 00:07:13.470 --> 00:07:17.529 God living in me and me allowing Him progressively 00:07:17.529 --> 00:07:20.290 to have more and more control. And as I give 00:07:20.290 --> 00:07:23.350 Him control, then the fruit of that relationship 00:07:23.350 --> 00:07:26.750 begins to come out in my speech and in my behavior. 00:07:27.819 --> 00:07:31.779 And in my thinking. And that fruit is what? It's 00:07:31.779 --> 00:07:35.899 love. It's joy. It's peace. It's patience. It's 00:07:35.899 --> 00:07:38.819 goodness. It's kindness. It's faithfulness. It's 00:07:38.819 --> 00:07:42.259 gentleness. It's self -control. As I abide. And 00:07:42.259 --> 00:07:46.899 then that is who begins to, by God's power, express. 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:50.160 through the conduit of my personality to my wife, 00:07:50.300 --> 00:07:52.420 and guess what? Her emotional needs are met, 00:07:52.560 --> 00:07:55.980 and her heart feels safe and secure. And then 00:07:55.980 --> 00:07:58.720 this weird thing starts happening. Then she wants 00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:01.000 to treat me that way, which makes me want to 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:03.060 treat her even more that way, which makes her 00:08:03.060 --> 00:08:05.459 want to treat me that way. See, every relationship 00:08:05.459 --> 00:08:09.100 is either on an upward spiral of growth and kindness 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:12.819 and love, or he did that, so I do this. Well, 00:08:12.980 --> 00:08:15.759 you know what? She said that to me, so I'm not 00:08:15.759 --> 00:08:18.560 going to do that. And then pretty soon, you play 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:22.920 this silly game and you both lose. I mean, I've 00:08:22.920 --> 00:08:24.680 been in the ditch in my marriage. I've been in 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:26.560 the darkness in my marriage. I've been where 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:29.959 I didn't love my wife. I didn't even like her. 00:08:31.660 --> 00:08:37.240 I mean, at all. Just angry and hurt and wounded. 00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:42.919 And it was just a choice because I made a commitment 00:08:42.919 --> 00:08:45.830 to God. I said, till death do us part. If there 00:08:45.830 --> 00:08:48.029 was a plan B or if there was an exit door, I 00:08:48.029 --> 00:08:50.309 would have taken it. I'm ashamed to admit that, 00:08:50.370 --> 00:08:53.149 but it's true. But the good thing what I saw 00:08:53.149 --> 00:08:56.929 was when you choose not to take it, then the 00:08:56.929 --> 00:09:00.190 only other option is you got to work this out. 00:09:00.350 --> 00:09:02.210 And if you can't change them, there's only one 00:09:02.210 --> 00:09:05.269 person left in the room, right? And so that's 00:09:05.269 --> 00:09:08.590 when my marriage started to really change. Okay, 00:09:08.750 --> 00:09:12.950 she makes me nuts. I can't change her. God, you 00:09:12.950 --> 00:09:16.289 change me. And she came to the same conclusion. 00:09:17.590 --> 00:09:21.690 Love is the foundation of any relationship. But 00:09:21.690 --> 00:09:26.289 the oxygen, what brings it forward is hope. And 00:09:26.289 --> 00:09:28.610 I want to teach you now, the second practices 00:09:28.610 --> 00:09:32.210 great marriages have in common is hope. And if 00:09:32.210 --> 00:09:34.610 you'll open your Bibles to John 14, I want to 00:09:34.610 --> 00:09:37.750 show you in the midst of a desperate, desperate 00:09:37.750 --> 00:09:41.690 crisis, how Jesus is going to give hope to his 00:09:41.690 --> 00:09:46.179 bride. Remember, there's a great mystery, and 00:09:46.179 --> 00:09:51.120 the great mystery is that there's this marriage, 00:09:51.179 --> 00:09:53.820 and this marriage is between Jesus and his bride, 00:09:54.019 --> 00:09:58.240 the church, and he's gonna model for us exactly 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:03.080 how we can love one another. We're in John chapter 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:10.080 14, and the situation is they've taken the Last 00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:14.960 Supper, they've sung a hymn, He has told them 00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:18.480 a lot about he's going to leave. And think crisis. 00:10:18.759 --> 00:10:22.120 Think you're going to be apart for a long time. 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:25.259 Think of military being deployed. Think of I 00:10:25.259 --> 00:10:28.639 wonder if I ever see you again. Think of the 00:10:28.639 --> 00:10:31.159 worst and most difficult parting. Think someone 00:10:31.159 --> 00:10:33.000 who's told you some very terrible things are 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:34.980 going to happen to them and you don't know how 00:10:34.980 --> 00:10:37.120 it's all going to turn out. What you need more 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:41.580 than anything else is what? You need hope. One 00:10:41.580 --> 00:10:44.460 of the great challenges in marriages is if you 00:10:44.460 --> 00:10:46.399 don't have hope, if you're not looking forward 00:10:46.399 --> 00:10:48.500 to something this week, if you're not looking 00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:50.539 forward to something this month, if you don't 00:10:50.539 --> 00:10:51.980 have a couple things that you're thinking about, 00:10:52.080 --> 00:10:54.200 hey, this year, there's some challenges, there's 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:55.899 ups, there's downs, there's struggles, there's 00:10:55.899 --> 00:10:58.080 kids, there's sickness, there's lack of money, 00:10:58.159 --> 00:11:01.080 but oh, this is coming up. As long as you have 00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:04.299 hope, hope allows you to endure daily struggles 00:11:04.299 --> 00:11:06.559 because there's something that you look forward 00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:09.649 to. And what you're going to find is that Jesus 00:11:09.649 --> 00:11:13.769 is going to give his disciples hope and follow 00:11:13.769 --> 00:11:17.730 along as we discover how he does it. Peter said 00:11:17.730 --> 00:11:20.529 to him, Lord, why can I not follow you right 00:11:20.529 --> 00:11:23.409 now? I'll lay down my life for you. This is a 00:11:23.409 --> 00:11:25.950 good reminder of those of us who make promises 00:11:25.950 --> 00:11:28.870 to God. Jesus answered at the end of chapter 00:11:28.870 --> 00:11:31.809 13, will you lay down your life for me? Truly, 00:11:31.929 --> 00:11:34.070 truly, I say to you, a rooster will not crow 00:11:34.070 --> 00:11:37.830 until you deny me three times. Then he shifts 00:11:37.830 --> 00:11:40.470 gears. Do not let your heart be troubled. Believe 00:11:40.470 --> 00:11:45.009 in God. Believe also in me. Well, why? In my 00:11:45.009 --> 00:11:47.090 Father's house there are many dwelling places. 00:11:47.370 --> 00:11:50.870 If were not so, I would have told you. For I 00:11:50.870 --> 00:11:54.730 go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare 00:11:54.730 --> 00:11:56.950 a place for you, I will come again and receive 00:11:56.950 --> 00:12:00.549 you to myself. Notice the focus. That where I 00:12:00.549 --> 00:12:04.590 am, there you may be also. Their greatest fear 00:12:04.590 --> 00:12:07.210 is abandonment. And he's promising, I'm gonna 00:12:07.210 --> 00:12:11.250 prepare a place so that we can be together. And 00:12:11.250 --> 00:12:13.850 then he goes on to say, and you know the way 00:12:13.850 --> 00:12:16.370 where I'm going. And Thomas said to him, Lord, 00:12:16.429 --> 00:12:18.929 we do not know the way that you are going. How 00:12:18.929 --> 00:12:21.529 do we know the way? And Jesus said to him, I 00:12:21.529 --> 00:12:23.990 am the way. Literally that word is road, hadas. 00:12:24.070 --> 00:12:27.570 I'm the path or I am the way, the truth and the 00:12:27.570 --> 00:12:29.909 life. No one comes to the Father except through 00:12:29.909 --> 00:12:32.110 me. If you had known me, you would have known 00:12:32.110 --> 00:12:35.440 my Father also. From now on, you know him and 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:37.620 have seen him. I mean, these are great questions. 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:39.299 Philip goes, well, you know, maybe I've missed 00:12:39.299 --> 00:12:41.580 something in this three years, but Lord, show 00:12:41.580 --> 00:12:44.659 us the Father and it'll be enough. Jesus said 00:12:44.659 --> 00:12:47.299 to him, have I been with you so long that you 00:12:47.299 --> 00:12:50.539 still have not come to know the Father? How can 00:12:50.539 --> 00:12:52.980 you say, show us the Father? Do you not believe 00:12:52.980 --> 00:12:55.460 that I am in the Father and the Father is in 00:12:55.460 --> 00:12:58.860 me? The words that I say to you, I do not speak 00:12:58.860 --> 00:13:01.480 on my own initiative, but the Father abiding 00:13:01.480 --> 00:13:05.490 in me does his work. Believe me that I am in 00:13:05.490 --> 00:13:08.769 the Father and the Father is in me. Otherwise, 00:13:08.950 --> 00:13:11.789 believe because of the works themselves, speaking 00:13:11.789 --> 00:13:14.789 of all the miracles they've seen. Truly, truly, 00:13:14.830 --> 00:13:17.470 I say to you, he who believes in me, the works 00:13:17.470 --> 00:13:20.009 that I will do. Now listen to this. There's gonna 00:13:20.009 --> 00:13:22.649 be hope because there's a place. There's gonna 00:13:22.649 --> 00:13:25.429 be hope because I'm gonna come back for you. 00:13:25.610 --> 00:13:28.370 There's gonna be hope because you don't really 00:13:28.370 --> 00:13:32.559 get it, but I am, I am God. And so I'm going 00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:35.200 to keep my promises. Then notice he's going to 00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:37.960 say, there's hope because I'm not only not going 00:13:37.960 --> 00:13:40.759 to leave you alone, but I have a mission and 00:13:40.759 --> 00:13:44.200 a purpose for you. I say to you, you will also 00:13:44.200 --> 00:13:47.000 do greater works than these because I go to the 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.700 Father. Whatever you ask in my name, that will 00:13:49.700 --> 00:13:52.600 I do. So the Father may be glorified in the Son. 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:56.340 If you ask me anything in my name, notice I will 00:13:56.340 --> 00:13:59.080 do it. If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 00:13:59.639 --> 00:14:01.580 I will ask the Father and he will give you another 00:14:01.580 --> 00:14:04.019 helper. Speaking of the Holy Spirit, that he 00:14:04.019 --> 00:14:06.620 may be with you forever. That is the spirit of 00:14:06.620 --> 00:14:09.860 truth whom the world cannot receive because it 00:14:09.860 --> 00:14:14.200 does not see him or abide in him or know him. 00:14:14.259 --> 00:14:16.879 But you know him because he abides with you and 00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:19.759 will be, notice it's all future, and will be 00:14:19.759 --> 00:14:23.179 in you. I will not leave you as orphans. I will 00:14:23.179 --> 00:14:25.539 come to you. After a little while, the world 00:14:25.539 --> 00:14:28.700 will no longer see me, but you will see me. Because 00:14:28.700 --> 00:14:34.120 I live, you will live also. In that day, you 00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:36.960 will know that I am in my Father, and you in 00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:40.159 me, and I in you. He who has my commandments 00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:43.100 and keeps them is the one who loves me. And who 00:14:43.100 --> 00:14:47.340 loves me will be loved of my Father, and I will 00:14:47.340 --> 00:14:50.279 love him. And my Father and I will come to him, 00:14:50.419 --> 00:14:53.700 and I will disclose myself to him. The command 00:14:53.700 --> 00:14:56.740 is do not be afraid. In other words, don't let 00:14:56.740 --> 00:14:59.399 fear or anxiety. He's speaking to his bride. 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:03.039 Men, as we go through this, I want you to be 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:05.320 thinking first and foremost about what your role 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:07.700 is because you're supposed to love your wife 00:15:07.700 --> 00:15:13.639 how? The way Christ loves the church. So first, 00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:17.659 he says to his church, you don't need to be afraid 00:15:17.659 --> 00:15:21.220 and you don't need to be anxious because I'm 00:15:21.220 --> 00:15:23.860 going to take some responsibility for our future. 00:15:25.100 --> 00:15:30.860 It's a man's role. Second, he says, why? Because 00:15:30.860 --> 00:15:32.820 I'm not going to abandon you and I'm not going 00:15:32.820 --> 00:15:36.399 to leave you. A woman's greatest fear is abandonment. 00:15:37.340 --> 00:15:41.059 One of her greatest needs is security. And so 00:15:41.059 --> 00:15:44.000 Jesus says, you don't have to be afraid. You 00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:46.840 don't have to be anxious. Why? I'm going to secure 00:15:46.840 --> 00:15:51.320 a place. You ever wondered why I know some of 00:15:51.320 --> 00:15:54.419 you have had to move around a lot? And for many 00:15:54.419 --> 00:15:58.039 of us as men, I remember we've moved from West 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:01.700 Virginia to Dallas, from Dallas to the West Coast, 00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:03.899 from the West Coast to Atlanta, and from Atlanta 00:16:03.899 --> 00:16:06.940 back. And each time, these are traumatic things 00:16:06.940 --> 00:16:10.840 for my wife. But I remember we were leaving the 00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:13.659 West Coast to go to the East Coast, and most 00:16:13.659 --> 00:16:15.740 of my kids were grown and still had a daughter 00:16:15.740 --> 00:16:18.799 at home. And it was a tiny little house, but 00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:20.980 it's where our kids mostly grew up. And my wife 00:16:20.980 --> 00:16:24.179 actually went through each room and said goodbye 00:16:24.179 --> 00:16:27.039 to the rooms and touched the wall. You know, 00:16:27.059 --> 00:16:28.779 if I didn't know her better, I would think she's 00:16:28.779 --> 00:16:31.539 really having, you know, a little moment here. 00:16:32.460 --> 00:16:37.480 Because see, for me, it's a house. For her, it 00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:41.769 was the place. The unit, it was the security. 00:16:42.090 --> 00:16:45.830 It's what mattered. It was the home that our 00:16:45.830 --> 00:16:49.389 best memories of the transformation of our marriage 00:16:49.389 --> 00:16:52.750 and of our children, where it occurred. And for 00:16:52.750 --> 00:16:55.450 us men, sometimes we're utilitarian. You know, 00:16:55.529 --> 00:16:57.549 it's got four walls. It's got a couple bathrooms. 00:16:58.090 --> 00:17:01.289 It looks good to me. You know, who cares if the 00:17:01.289 --> 00:17:03.750 curtains are this color or that color and the 00:17:03.750 --> 00:17:06.109 furniture doesn't really match or this. It matters 00:17:06.109 --> 00:17:09.539 to her. Because it's an environment. It's the 00:17:09.539 --> 00:17:13.720 nest. It's the place. And isn't it interesting 00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:16.720 that when Jesus leaves the disciples, there is 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:22.380 a place. Not some, you know, mystical floating 00:17:22.380 --> 00:17:25.599 around. There's an actual place. And there's 00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:27.700 a place of dwelling. There's plenty of them. 00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:30.079 They're for you. And I'm going to go prepare 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:32.789 it for you. And I'm going to prepare it for you 00:17:32.789 --> 00:17:35.109 because not only there's a place, there's a relationship. 00:17:35.289 --> 00:17:38.369 And I want you to feel secure and know there's 00:17:38.369 --> 00:17:41.609 hope for the future because I promised to come 00:17:41.609 --> 00:17:45.309 for you and I've prepared a place for you. And 00:17:45.309 --> 00:17:47.829 then he tells them, by the way, there's a strategy 00:17:47.829 --> 00:17:50.609 to get there. We're not just moving. There's 00:17:50.609 --> 00:17:53.670 an actual strategy that you can know how to go 00:17:53.670 --> 00:17:55.609 from where you're at in your anxiety and fear 00:17:55.609 --> 00:17:58.630 to where we're going to be. And often, don't 00:17:58.630 --> 00:18:01.460 we? We memorize verses and quote them, and sometimes 00:18:01.460 --> 00:18:03.980 we get them so in our mind. Okay, I'm the way, 00:18:04.039 --> 00:18:05.900 the truth, and the life. No one comes to the 00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:08.380 Father except by me. I got that down. Jesus is 00:18:08.380 --> 00:18:11.359 the only way. He's truth. You know, this is where 00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:13.960 he reveals his deity. I am the Father, one. We 00:18:13.960 --> 00:18:16.180 get all our theology. Do you understand in the 00:18:16.180 --> 00:18:20.380 context? There were some very scared young men 00:18:20.380 --> 00:18:26.819 who he was telling them, there's hope. It's on 00:18:26.819 --> 00:18:30.470 my word. And I want you to know there's a pathway 00:18:30.470 --> 00:18:34.089 to this hope that you can trust. There's a game 00:18:34.089 --> 00:18:36.730 plan here. It's not like I'm just coming home 00:18:36.730 --> 00:18:38.930 and saying, I got transferred or I'm taking a 00:18:38.930 --> 00:18:41.670 new job and there's not a game plan and a timing. 00:18:41.829 --> 00:18:44.569 And he wanted them to know, how are we going 00:18:44.569 --> 00:18:46.730 to get from point A to point B? And basically 00:18:46.730 --> 00:18:51.809 he said, I'm the way. I'm the path. And then 00:18:51.809 --> 00:18:54.809 the thing about hope is, but what's the purpose? 00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:58.819 why are you leaving and why do we have to relocate? 00:18:59.160 --> 00:19:02.920 And he goes, you will do greater works. And so 00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:05.339 he tells them there's a place. It's rooted in 00:19:05.339 --> 00:19:07.380 a promise. He tells them there's a way to get 00:19:07.380 --> 00:19:10.039 there. And then he tells them, I have a purpose 00:19:10.039 --> 00:19:12.119 for you that everything that you have seen me 00:19:12.119 --> 00:19:15.319 do, you actually are going to do greater works. 00:19:15.460 --> 00:19:17.859 And I want you to believe in me. And if not for 00:19:17.859 --> 00:19:19.980 all of our time and intimacy and relationship, 00:19:20.180 --> 00:19:22.779 at least look back on all those miracles and 00:19:22.779 --> 00:19:26.740 know this is the way. See, he's building a very 00:19:26.740 --> 00:19:29.539 clear pathway so they can know, you know what? 00:19:30.299 --> 00:19:33.019 What's he going to tell them later? In the world, 00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:35.400 you're going to have tribulation, but I've overcome 00:19:35.400 --> 00:19:39.779 the world. My peace at the very end of this chapter, 00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:43.279 I give to you. And all of it is rooted around 00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:47.460 hope. Someone has rightly said, hope is the oxygen 00:19:47.460 --> 00:19:51.490 of the soul. You know, whether you're discouraged 00:19:51.490 --> 00:19:53.470 in your marriage or whether there's seasons, 00:19:53.670 --> 00:19:56.150 I just call it a grind. Anybody have that? You 00:19:56.150 --> 00:19:58.589 know, it's just like you get up, she gets up, 00:19:58.650 --> 00:20:00.490 you do this. If you have kids, you take them 00:20:00.490 --> 00:20:02.809 here. You got this. There's these evenings you're 00:20:02.809 --> 00:20:04.609 supposed to do this. Involved in church, you 00:20:04.609 --> 00:20:07.410 do this over here. Okay, every so many weeks. 00:20:07.509 --> 00:20:10.809 And you just, you're living in the present completely. 00:20:11.990 --> 00:20:14.589 And then when you have some challenges, right? 00:20:14.750 --> 00:20:18.670 You're human. You have some challenges. She says 00:20:18.670 --> 00:20:20.690 a little something. He said he was gonna do this, 00:20:20.690 --> 00:20:22.710 but he didn't do it. You know, one of the kids 00:20:22.710 --> 00:20:24.349 you got a problem with and one of you thinks 00:20:24.349 --> 00:20:25.630 you ought to do this and the other thinks you 00:20:25.630 --> 00:20:26.910 ought to do that and you have a little argument 00:20:26.910 --> 00:20:31.970 about it. If you live only in the now, the grind 00:20:31.970 --> 00:20:39.099 will eat your relationship up. Hope is a picture 00:20:39.099 --> 00:20:42.319 of the future that says that what we're doing 00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:46.220 today is going to produce a better tomorrow and 00:20:46.220 --> 00:20:50.079 enduring the grind of the todays and the struggles 00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:52.440 and the challenges and the little hurt feelings 00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:55.920 and the downtimes and the illnesses and the hurt 00:20:55.920 --> 00:20:59.579 and the kids who are going astray and the people 00:20:59.579 --> 00:21:03.359 that are treating you unfairly. The anchor of 00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:06.259 your soul is there's this hope. And ultimately, 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:09.059 yes, it's heaven. Ultimately, it's Jesus coming 00:21:09.059 --> 00:21:12.200 back. Ultimately, no one has the power to make 00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:16.299 you happy. But if you're a follower of Christ, 00:21:16.519 --> 00:21:21.119 he's told you, I am your living hope. I am your 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:25.640 security. I am the deep well of your life. My 00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:28.160 spirit dwelling inside of you. He will be with 00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:30.539 you and will be... Here's the promise, again, 00:21:30.619 --> 00:21:33.000 future, in you. Did you notice how many times 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:36.019 I said, I will listen to you. I will come again. 00:21:36.380 --> 00:21:38.779 It's all based on this promise of the future. 00:21:39.339 --> 00:21:42.660 In your marriage, you have to build in hope. 00:21:42.819 --> 00:21:45.740 And are you ready for this? This sounds so unspiritual. 00:21:46.019 --> 00:21:48.420 Look at the title of this session, planning. 00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:54.640 Do you realize this is what Jesus is doing? He's 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:57.299 sitting down with his bride and saying, I'm leaving. 00:21:58.519 --> 00:22:01.400 But I want you to know the plan. Here's the plan. 00:22:01.660 --> 00:22:04.380 The plan is there's a future date and a future 00:22:04.380 --> 00:22:06.319 time that you don't know about, and I've got 00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:08.279 an amazing house, and that's where we're going 00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:11.400 to live. And here's the plan. There's an actual 00:22:11.400 --> 00:22:14.599 pathway. It's not I -40. It's not I -75. It's 00:22:14.599 --> 00:22:17.720 me. All you gotta do, I'm the path, I'm the truth, 00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:20.440 I'm the way. All you do, you follow me and you're 00:22:20.440 --> 00:22:23.359 gonna land at the ultimate hopeful place where 00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:26.420 we're gonna be together. No sin, no pain, no 00:22:26.420 --> 00:22:28.839 problems. Everything you've seen, all the miracles 00:22:28.839 --> 00:22:32.680 are normal. And by the way, I have a purpose 00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:35.500 for you. You're going to start doing what I've 00:22:35.500 --> 00:22:38.220 been doing. In fact, later on, these disciples 00:22:38.220 --> 00:22:40.279 don't know it, we're gonna call this the body 00:22:40.279 --> 00:22:43.319 of Christ. We use, that sounds like a religious 00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:50.099 phrase. Think of how did God express his miracles 00:22:50.099 --> 00:22:52.339 and his power when Jesus was walking on the earth? 00:22:53.019 --> 00:22:56.059 This is not a trick question. Jesus walks in 00:22:56.059 --> 00:23:04.460 and he speaks, little girl, arise. He touches 00:23:04.460 --> 00:23:09.440 a person and the leprosy is healed. He teaches 00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:15.359 a multitude. He is in Capernaum. How did he get 00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:23.519 from Capernaum over to Tiberias? He walked. You 00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:25.000 guys are looking at me. I'm making this way too 00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:28.640 hard. Jesus was fully God, but he had a physical 00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:31.920 body, didn't he? And when he did his miracles, 00:23:32.059 --> 00:23:36.740 the Spirit of God, Jesus, God the Son, and God 00:23:36.740 --> 00:23:39.039 the Father are working together, and in his physical 00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:42.880 body, he spoke, he touched. He walked and he 00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:45.099 moved and he accomplished the will of God through 00:23:45.099 --> 00:23:48.779 his body. When he was resurrected and the Holy 00:23:48.779 --> 00:23:51.480 Spirit came and Pentecost and the church was 00:23:51.480 --> 00:23:55.119 born, the spirit of the living God came into 00:23:55.119 --> 00:23:57.700 whosoever would believe and turn from their sin 00:23:57.700 --> 00:24:00.400 and repent and receive Christ. And so the Holy 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:04.740 Spirit, the fullness of the Godhead came to dwell 00:24:04.740 --> 00:24:07.559 inside of you as a follower. And now he says 00:24:07.559 --> 00:24:10.650 the body of Christ is not just. one singular 00:24:10.650 --> 00:24:14.490 physical body. It's whoever the spirit of God 00:24:14.490 --> 00:24:17.750 lives in. So now how does he touch people? How 00:24:17.750 --> 00:24:20.210 does he speak to people? How does he love people? 00:24:20.630 --> 00:24:24.410 It's through us, right? So he's saying, not only 00:24:24.410 --> 00:24:27.509 is there hope about the end, not only do you 00:24:27.509 --> 00:24:30.130 know the path, but I've given you a purpose because 00:24:30.130 --> 00:24:33.369 each and every time where the spirit of God comes 00:24:33.369 --> 00:24:36.970 through the conduit, I kind of see myself like 00:24:36.970 --> 00:24:41.170 a piece of PVC pipe. There's all this grace in 00:24:41.170 --> 00:24:43.049 heaven that's available and the power of the 00:24:43.049 --> 00:24:45.990 Holy Spirit lives in me. And I have to open the 00:24:45.990 --> 00:24:49.170 tap and surrender my life so the Spirit can flow 00:24:49.170 --> 00:24:51.150 through me. But when the Spirit flows through 00:24:51.150 --> 00:24:53.190 me like it flows through any Christians, that's 00:24:53.190 --> 00:24:55.630 open. And when something out of my mouth brings 00:24:55.630 --> 00:24:58.430 healing or when I take something out of my pocket 00:24:58.430 --> 00:25:01.109 and give some money to someone who's hungry or 00:25:01.109 --> 00:25:03.750 when I sit across the table and counsel a couple 00:25:03.750 --> 00:25:06.390 or when I get to share the gospel and the Spirit 00:25:06.390 --> 00:25:08.369 of God uses that and there's life and there's 00:25:08.369 --> 00:25:10.289 healing and there's rest. restoration. All I 00:25:10.289 --> 00:25:15.150 can tell you, it's unbelievable. You've experienced 00:25:15.150 --> 00:25:18.170 it. You've sat across from someone and you heard 00:25:18.170 --> 00:25:20.029 them bow their head and pray to receive Christ. 00:25:20.430 --> 00:25:22.690 You've talked with them for hours and they decided 00:25:22.690 --> 00:25:25.450 not to leave their husband. You saw someone that 00:25:25.450 --> 00:25:27.750 was really hurting, was in a terrible situation, 00:25:28.029 --> 00:25:29.710 was clinically depressed, and you came around 00:25:29.710 --> 00:25:31.490 them and now they're healthy. And what you realized, 00:25:31.630 --> 00:25:36.069 God used me. And what's it do? It gives you hope. 00:25:36.940 --> 00:25:40.400 It reminds you he's real. There's power. It's 00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:44.259 a reality. Where's your hope in your marriage? 00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:52.039 See, is your hope that someday, someway, everything's 00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:54.839 going to be perfect? Is your hope someday she's 00:25:54.839 --> 00:25:57.109 going to be more affectionate? Is your hope someday 00:25:57.109 --> 00:25:58.970 we can really have a nice house and when all 00:25:58.970 --> 00:26:00.750 that happens, everything's going to be wonderful? 00:26:01.009 --> 00:26:02.910 Is your hope is that when we can finally move 00:26:02.910 --> 00:26:05.430 closer to my parents so my immediate family will 00:26:05.430 --> 00:26:07.529 make me feel better? Is your hope that someone 00:26:07.529 --> 00:26:10.150 will no longer ever have to be deployed and then 00:26:10.150 --> 00:26:12.329 somehow life will really be wonderful? Is your 00:26:12.329 --> 00:26:14.769 hope that when we can have children, then life 00:26:14.769 --> 00:26:16.890 is really going to happen? Is your hope somehow 00:26:16.890 --> 00:26:19.450 if I, you know, make some career moves, then 00:26:19.450 --> 00:26:21.329 we'll make more money and then everything's going 00:26:21.329 --> 00:26:23.609 to be okay? Is my hope, do you understand every 00:26:23.609 --> 00:26:26.740 single one of those is circumstantial? And every 00:26:26.740 --> 00:26:28.859 single one of those can happen tomorrow. And 00:26:28.859 --> 00:26:31.440 here's what I can tell you about you and me and 00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:34.519 our fallen nature. Give you 30 days and your 00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:38.700 hope will be on something else. Just a little 00:26:38.700 --> 00:26:43.539 bit bigger house. And wishing you didn't have 00:26:43.539 --> 00:26:51.359 so many kids. And what Jesus is telling us is, 00:26:53.099 --> 00:26:55.720 There's going to be challenges. It's part of 00:26:55.720 --> 00:27:00.039 living in a fallen world. First, it's this attitude 00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:03.920 of serving your mate that makes no sense. And 00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:06.519 you keep doing it when it works. You keep doing 00:27:06.519 --> 00:27:08.799 it when it doesn't work. And you do it as an 00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:14.380 act of worship to God. And over time, a transformation 00:27:14.380 --> 00:27:16.960 happens in you. You become more and more like 00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:19.849 Jesus. And all I can tell you is that when someone 00:27:19.849 --> 00:27:22.930 becomes more and more like Jesus, she's more 00:27:22.930 --> 00:27:25.589 and more attractive, or he is more and more attractive. 00:27:27.509 --> 00:27:32.349 My wife's really attractive. She's very kind. 00:27:32.430 --> 00:27:34.829 She's very loving. She's very other -centered. 00:27:34.930 --> 00:27:39.130 That was not how she always used to be. And I 00:27:39.130 --> 00:27:41.549 spent most of my energy picking apart what I 00:27:41.549 --> 00:27:44.470 didn't like about her instead of the 90 % that 00:27:44.470 --> 00:27:48.299 I did like about her. And God wants you to know 00:27:48.299 --> 00:27:50.720 that serving is the first step, but you have 00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:53.460 to have hope. And the way you have hope is you 00:27:53.460 --> 00:27:58.019 have to have a plan. I mean, so can I just give 00:27:58.019 --> 00:28:00.240 you a couple principles, and then I want to get 00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:03.220 real practical. Here's the principle. I mean, 00:28:03.240 --> 00:28:05.940 this is from Jesus. Long -term planning provides 00:28:05.940 --> 00:28:09.019 hope and perspective to overcome short -term 00:28:09.019 --> 00:28:12.339 pain and challenges. Now, just tell me, am I 00:28:12.339 --> 00:28:15.150 just reading too much into that? Does he give 00:28:15.150 --> 00:28:18.230 them a long -term plan or what? Hey, here's the 00:28:18.230 --> 00:28:20.089 long -term plan. You're gonna be with me forever. 00:28:21.269 --> 00:28:25.450 I got your back. I'm coming back. No matter what 00:28:25.450 --> 00:28:28.710 happens, how bad, how hard, I'm coming back and 00:28:28.710 --> 00:28:31.589 there's a place for you. Long -term plan gives 00:28:31.589 --> 00:28:36.569 you perspective and hope to overcome short -term 00:28:36.569 --> 00:28:39.970 pain and challenges. Second, great plans provides 00:28:39.970 --> 00:28:43.380 a specific path. and create hope for tomorrow 00:28:43.380 --> 00:28:46.740 and forever. Great plans don't just say, hey, 00:28:46.779 --> 00:28:48.859 someday, someway. He could have said, okay, guys, 00:28:48.980 --> 00:28:50.440 I'm going to go to the cross a little bit later. 00:28:50.559 --> 00:28:52.119 I'm going to go prepare a place for you. Ready? 00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:58.019 Break. See you someday, someway, somehow. No, 00:28:58.039 --> 00:29:00.480 no, a great plan is, yeah, that's the long -term 00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:03.579 plan, but here's where you are today. There's 00:29:03.579 --> 00:29:06.740 a specific path. There's specific things we're 00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:08.640 going to do. Literally, there's mile markers 00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:10.779 that we're going to look at that are going to 00:29:10.779 --> 00:29:13.119 move us forward so we can see we're making progress. 00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:17.019 Third principle is hope rises and falls with 00:29:17.019 --> 00:29:21.400 how we keep our promises. The most devastating 00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:25.299 thing we do to one another, and we all do it, 00:29:25.339 --> 00:29:27.480 is when we tell our mates something and then 00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:32.819 we don't follow through. Breaks trust. What do 00:29:32.819 --> 00:29:36.500 we know about Jesus? I would encourage you, you 00:29:36.500 --> 00:29:38.799 know, if you read John chapter 14, and you can 00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:41.799 even read 15 and 16, and every time the word 00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:45.680 I will, I will, I will, I will, I will underline 00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:48.819 it. And you know what he's saying? I will. I 00:29:48.819 --> 00:29:53.059 keep my promises. I'm preparing a place. And 00:29:53.059 --> 00:29:57.720 did you get the why? See, I meet a lot of Christians 00:29:57.720 --> 00:30:00.519 that believe God loves them. I don't think they 00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:05.960 really believe he likes them. And oh yeah, he 00:30:05.960 --> 00:30:07.539 loves me, but I need to do this and I need to 00:30:07.539 --> 00:30:08.980 do this and I need to do this and I know I don't 00:30:08.980 --> 00:30:12.039 measure up. Do you realize that just you sitting 00:30:12.039 --> 00:30:15.460 wherever you're at, whatever level of maturity 00:30:15.460 --> 00:30:19.599 with all your issues, that if Jesus walked through 00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:23.759 those doors in his resurrected body and sat down 00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:25.880 with you, he said, do you want coffee or do you 00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:28.619 want tea? And you would sit across from you and 00:30:28.619 --> 00:30:32.299 he would just be delighted to hang out. And so, 00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:37.559 Do you see the promises that he makes? And so 00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:42.680 then the application is practical. Number one, 00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:47.539 if you, this is from my Marine father, so don't 00:30:47.539 --> 00:30:49.839 look for this in the Bible, but I heard it so 00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:53.460 much, it's up there in the Bible with me. Chip, 00:30:53.640 --> 00:30:59.000 if you fail to plan, you... Does every person 00:30:59.000 --> 00:31:03.869 know that one? It's true. And you know, you plan 00:31:03.869 --> 00:31:06.289 for career, you plan hopefully for finances, 00:31:06.509 --> 00:31:09.289 you plan for so much. Here's my question. What's 00:31:09.289 --> 00:31:12.549 your plan for your marriage? What's your plan 00:31:12.549 --> 00:31:15.690 for your marriage? I mean, if I said, okay, hey, 00:31:15.730 --> 00:31:19.089 hey, you're the husband, right? Bridegroom, there's 00:31:19.089 --> 00:31:21.470 a bride. Okay, guys over here, all you ladies 00:31:21.470 --> 00:31:24.269 over there. All right, one by one, line up. Tell 00:31:24.269 --> 00:31:27.509 me your plan. What's the game plan? Intimacy 00:31:27.509 --> 00:31:31.170 plan, future plan, kids plan, intellectual growth 00:31:31.170 --> 00:31:34.380 plan. Spiritual growth plan. Future of your kids, 00:31:34.460 --> 00:31:35.660 do you want them to go to college? Do you think 00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:36.900 they need to go to college? Do you need to plan 00:31:36.900 --> 00:31:39.559 for that? What's your financial plan? If you're 00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:43.460 looking at me like, duh, we got a problem. Because 00:31:43.460 --> 00:31:47.559 if you don't have a plan, then you don't have 00:31:47.559 --> 00:31:51.819 a lot of hope. Because planning, you know what 00:31:51.819 --> 00:31:55.009 the word planning is about? Planning. is the 00:31:55.009 --> 00:31:58.049 presumption that there will be a future and that 00:31:58.049 --> 00:32:00.589 you're doing some things today and you're looking 00:32:00.589 --> 00:32:03.410 into the future and saying, these are the important 00:32:03.410 --> 00:32:06.329 things that we are going to do and they're things 00:32:06.329 --> 00:32:09.829 that you look forward to. Planning is sort of 00:32:09.829 --> 00:32:13.190 a thread that takes hope and the hope pulls you, 00:32:13.250 --> 00:32:17.289 but it pulls you because there's a plan. I cannot 00:32:17.289 --> 00:32:20.859 tell you, I mean, my wife and I, argued, struggled. 00:32:21.019 --> 00:32:23.099 You know, we did the, you know, roll in bed, 00:32:23.299 --> 00:32:28.460 you know, face the other wall. And we made a 00:32:28.460 --> 00:32:31.619 plan. The plan was we would have a date every 00:32:31.619 --> 00:32:35.359 single week. It would be on Friday, be for breakfast. 00:32:35.579 --> 00:32:37.720 We would eat and we would spend about three hours 00:32:37.720 --> 00:32:39.559 together. We would take a walk. We would do whatever. 00:32:39.740 --> 00:32:42.420 But during that three or four hour block, she 00:32:42.420 --> 00:32:46.319 knew she had me. No phone, no interruptions, 00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:48.660 and anything and everything that was building 00:32:48.660 --> 00:32:51.900 up in her heart, she knew I'm only six days away 00:32:51.900 --> 00:32:56.440 from unloading. And what it gave me was six days 00:32:56.440 --> 00:32:58.500 of her not unloading a little every day causing 00:32:58.500 --> 00:33:03.180 conflict. And it wasn't like it was just conflict 00:33:03.180 --> 00:33:07.119 resolution. We had a plan. What we knew was we 00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:10.119 were terrible communicators. We didn't know how 00:33:10.119 --> 00:33:12.559 to resolve anger. We didn't even know when we 00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:14.890 were angry. We had to have a counselor teach 00:33:14.890 --> 00:33:17.930 us, when you're like this, okay, she's passive 00:33:17.930 --> 00:33:20.369 aggressive and she buries her anger and you verbalize 00:33:20.369 --> 00:33:23.950 your anger. Oh, so that's why you do this, she 00:33:23.950 --> 00:33:28.190 does, oh, okay. So we had to learn when we were 00:33:28.190 --> 00:33:31.650 angry. So I like right after supper, I mean, 00:33:31.670 --> 00:33:34.109 just 15 minutes. We did it three times a week. 00:33:34.809 --> 00:33:39.349 Okay, honey, this sounds so artificial. How did 00:33:39.349 --> 00:33:41.970 your day go? Superficial, okay, great. How did 00:33:41.970 --> 00:33:44.180 your day go? Great. What are you concerned about? 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:48.339 Well, this, this, this. And I shut up. You can't 00:33:48.339 --> 00:33:52.039 fix it. Just shut up. What do you wish? Oh, I 00:33:52.039 --> 00:33:54.680 wish one of our sons would not be so much this 00:33:54.680 --> 00:33:57.440 way. And I'm concerned about our other sons dating 00:33:57.440 --> 00:34:00.079 a girl. You know, I wish I felt better. I've 00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:02.660 got, you know, this really situation. And what 00:34:02.660 --> 00:34:05.119 are you willing to do? And in 15 minutes or 20 00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:08.880 minutes, I mean, we learned to not just bury 00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:11.820 stuff. but get all the things that are weighing 00:34:11.820 --> 00:34:16.260 us down out on the table. And then a question 00:34:16.260 --> 00:34:18.219 that you didn't have to do anything. What are 00:34:18.219 --> 00:34:21.980 you willing to do? And what happened is in 15 00:34:21.980 --> 00:34:25.500 minutes, every other night at least, I found 00:34:25.500 --> 00:34:27.360 that this is the burdens and she heard mine. 00:34:28.019 --> 00:34:29.579 I mean, she would ask me, how'd your day go? 00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:32.840 It's fine. And she wants to talk. And well, I 00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:35.440 mean, well, how'd it really go? It's fine. This 00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:37.179 church had a lot of meetings. A couple of people 00:34:37.179 --> 00:34:39.340 came to Christ. It's great. So what's up? I mean. 00:34:39.980 --> 00:34:42.699 And I can't understand why she thinks we don't 00:34:42.699 --> 00:34:44.900 communicate, right? I told her. It was fine. 00:34:45.579 --> 00:34:47.900 That's not what she wanted to hear. How did you 00:34:47.900 --> 00:34:51.079 feel about it? What was going on inside? You 00:34:51.079 --> 00:34:56.840 know, right? So we came up with a plan weekly. 00:34:57.139 --> 00:34:59.980 We came up with a plan daily. And then for us, 00:35:00.119 --> 00:35:02.960 when there's friction, guess what goes out the 00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:06.719 door? Romance. And now if you have kids, especially 00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:12.400 small ones, It's hard to even find romance. And 00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:15.480 so we plan, we scheduled, you know, got other 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:17.360 couples, watch our kids, we were super poor. 00:35:17.559 --> 00:35:19.619 We're gonna get away for a couple nights at least 00:35:19.619 --> 00:35:23.000 once, try it twice a year. And sometimes you 00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:25.679 were just holding on by a thread. We only got, 00:35:25.820 --> 00:35:29.739 you know, 62 more days until we can get away. 00:35:30.219 --> 00:35:34.460 But two days away would refresh. Are you starting 00:35:34.460 --> 00:35:46.190 to get it? Hope. So, what is your career and 00:35:46.190 --> 00:35:51.670 family and ministry and future plan for the next 00:35:51.670 --> 00:35:56.590 5, 10, or 15 years? Now, I know when I say something 00:35:56.590 --> 00:35:59.150 like that, you go, oh my gosh. I mean, that's 00:35:59.150 --> 00:36:02.690 sort of a long, big deal. Okay, here's a tool 00:36:02.690 --> 00:36:05.050 for transformation. I want to get you started. 00:36:05.090 --> 00:36:07.539 I'm going to give you two tools. Here's tool 00:36:07.539 --> 00:36:09.920 number one. This changed the course of my life. 00:36:10.139 --> 00:36:18.500 It's 34 or 35, three kids, four. Annie had just 00:36:18.500 --> 00:36:21.739 been born, was maybe 18 months old. I've got 00:36:21.739 --> 00:36:25.219 two 13, 14 -year -olds, about a seven -year -old, 00:36:25.239 --> 00:36:28.150 and about a one -year -old. And where I went 00:36:28.150 --> 00:36:30.110 to seminary, they had a thing called LEAD, Leadership 00:36:30.110 --> 00:36:32.670 Evaluation and Development. And they looked at 00:36:32.670 --> 00:36:34.269 your whole life. And you went away with your 00:36:34.269 --> 00:36:36.170 wife for a week. And they had a psychologist 00:36:36.170 --> 00:36:37.869 talk to you. And someone looked at your preaching. 00:36:38.050 --> 00:36:40.949 And people filled out all these forms about your 00:36:40.949 --> 00:36:43.369 life, your character. And they literally had 00:36:43.369 --> 00:36:45.670 your life. And the goal was to take you through 00:36:45.670 --> 00:36:48.610 this four or five days and give you an evaluation 00:36:48.610 --> 00:36:51.809 of where you're at and help you see blind spots 00:36:51.809 --> 00:36:54.929 so that maybe they could help you skip 10 years 00:36:54.929 --> 00:36:58.349 of pain. they thought maybe you have some potential 00:36:58.349 --> 00:37:01.070 to make a difference. Two big things happened. 00:37:02.489 --> 00:37:05.389 The man who did our interview was one of my mentors 00:37:05.389 --> 00:37:08.210 and he looked at Teresa and said, you haven't 00:37:08.210 --> 00:37:10.070 told anybody about your past life, have you? 00:37:10.869 --> 00:37:14.630 No, I hide it. But she said, I have a problem. 00:37:14.809 --> 00:37:17.190 What's that? Well, my little boy is like six 00:37:17.190 --> 00:37:19.969 or seven years old and we have a picture of Chip 00:37:19.969 --> 00:37:22.349 and I in our marriage and Eric and Jason are 00:37:22.349 --> 00:37:25.639 in the picture. I mean, they were like... Four 00:37:25.639 --> 00:37:28.280 and a half, five years old. You know, dressed 00:37:28.280 --> 00:37:30.219 up little boys carrying the rings and things. 00:37:30.619 --> 00:37:33.059 And so our six or seven year old says, Mommy, 00:37:33.159 --> 00:37:34.980 how come Eric and Jason got to be in the wedding 00:37:34.980 --> 00:37:39.559 picture and I didn't? Well, a little moment of 00:37:39.559 --> 00:37:43.179 truth. That's a real tricky one, right? She was 00:37:43.179 --> 00:37:47.500 ashamed. She was ashamed that she was told where 00:37:47.500 --> 00:37:49.139 we went to school that God would never use your 00:37:49.139 --> 00:37:51.119 life. She was told she was a second class citizen. 00:37:51.239 --> 00:37:53.650 She lived with guilt. She lived with shame. She 00:37:53.650 --> 00:37:55.690 married a guy. She wasn't a Christian. He runs 00:37:55.690 --> 00:37:59.090 off with another woman. She told me I would have 00:37:59.090 --> 00:38:00.730 committed suicide if I didn't have those babies. 00:38:00.909 --> 00:38:04.670 My whole life was in that man. I felt worthless. 00:38:06.250 --> 00:38:08.789 And he said, you don't understand. You are a 00:38:08.789 --> 00:38:13.110 trophy of God's grace. Look at how God has restored 00:38:13.110 --> 00:38:14.989 you and redeemed you. Are you ready for this? 00:38:15.130 --> 00:38:17.230 You know what you do with trophies? You take 00:38:17.230 --> 00:38:20.090 trophies and you put them up on the mantle. And 00:38:20.090 --> 00:38:22.050 you put them on the mantle so people can see. 00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:25.420 this is what God did. And we came home from that 00:38:25.420 --> 00:38:28.400 and she shared with my seven -year -old boy why 00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:31.719 he wasn't in the wedding picture. Shortly afterwards, 00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:34.360 we were called to a church in Santa Cruz and 00:38:34.360 --> 00:38:37.840 my wife is a, I mean, you would not know it now, 00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:40.019 but I mean, was not just an introvert, but super 00:38:40.019 --> 00:38:42.300 shy and getting in front of people was not her 00:38:42.300 --> 00:38:44.679 thing. And we're flying on the plane. She said, 00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:46.360 I want to share my testimony with the church. 00:38:47.219 --> 00:38:50.849 I said, what? And, you know, we went from a fairly 00:38:50.849 --> 00:38:52.329 small church, and for us it was a pretty good 00:38:52.329 --> 00:38:54.929 -sized church, 800 or 900 people. And they had 00:38:54.929 --> 00:38:57.030 a Sunday morning and Sunday night. And I said, 00:38:57.070 --> 00:38:59.170 well, my first message is Sunday morning. You 00:38:59.170 --> 00:39:01.690 want to do Sunday night? She goes, yeah. And 00:39:01.690 --> 00:39:06.030 she got up and told her story. Fifty women lined 00:39:06.030 --> 00:39:08.090 up. If you know anything about Santa Cruz, it's 00:39:08.090 --> 00:39:13.750 drugs, new age, wacky world, broken people. I 00:39:13.750 --> 00:39:16.940 mean, just. And God just put us in the perfect 00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:19.460 place in the world because two very deeply broken 00:39:19.460 --> 00:39:21.880 people went to a place filled with broken people. 00:39:22.059 --> 00:39:24.860 And when she shared her story, they finally said, 00:39:24.920 --> 00:39:30.440 maybe there's hope for me. And so there's hope. 00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:33.000 There's not just hope when everything's okay. 00:39:33.159 --> 00:39:35.400 There's hope when you share your brokenness. 00:39:35.539 --> 00:39:38.340 The second thing that happened at that that was 00:39:38.340 --> 00:39:42.239 critical is I was given an assignment. And I 00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:45.380 was told to do this. I want you to go home and 00:39:45.380 --> 00:39:48.039 I want you to write out, I want you to add 10 00:39:48.039 --> 00:39:53.000 years to everyone's age. So, okay, I'll be 44. 00:39:54.579 --> 00:39:58.579 Oh, wow, Eric and Jason will be 22. Ryan will 00:39:58.579 --> 00:40:03.320 be 17. Annie will be like 11. And then he says, 00:40:03.380 --> 00:40:06.340 now I want you to think about this is where you're 00:40:06.340 --> 00:40:09.440 at. I want you to visualize you now have two 00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:12.800 kids that I thought. If they're going to go to 00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:18.599 college, I'm putting like $50 a month away. You 00:40:18.599 --> 00:40:21.840 know, they're doing really well, but they've 00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:23.920 got some issues in their life I need to address. 00:40:24.519 --> 00:40:27.599 My little boy, he's going to be 17. That's going 00:40:27.599 --> 00:40:30.900 to make him like a junior or a senior. And while 00:40:30.900 --> 00:40:34.059 10 years from now, I will be this. This is Teresa 00:40:34.059 --> 00:40:40.079 and I. And we literally, it just grabbed me and 00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:43.750 I realized. I'm living so much in every single 00:40:43.750 --> 00:40:48.010 day. I'm not living in a way that is realizing 00:40:48.010 --> 00:40:50.650 where do I want to be in 10 years? Where does 00:40:50.650 --> 00:40:52.989 God want me to be in 10 years? Where do I want 00:40:52.989 --> 00:40:55.210 my marriage to be in 10 years? It was one of 00:40:55.210 --> 00:40:58.269 the biggest aha moments of my whole life. I literally, 00:40:58.449 --> 00:41:01.130 are you, you know what I did? I made a plan. 00:41:02.030 --> 00:41:04.909 I made a plan for my older boys. What am I going 00:41:04.909 --> 00:41:09.000 to do between, you know, like 12 and 22? What 00:41:09.000 --> 00:41:11.360 is it I want them to know? What kind of time? 00:41:11.380 --> 00:41:13.300 What kind of experiences? What am I going to 00:41:13.300 --> 00:41:16.639 do with my son who's 11 or 7 and is going to 00:41:16.639 --> 00:41:18.880 be 17? And what are the things I learned from 00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:22.820 my older boys? And where should we be? This is 00:41:22.820 --> 00:41:24.320 where we're at in our marriage. This was a season 00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:27.079 where we actually got along. The church was growing. 00:41:27.300 --> 00:41:30.199 It was a good season. Wow, what have we done? 00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:32.340 Where do I want our marriage to be in 10 years? 00:41:32.820 --> 00:41:36.900 I would tell you it'll change the course of your 00:41:36.900 --> 00:41:40.639 life. If you would write down, add 10 years to 00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:43.559 everyone in your family and start asking yourself 00:41:43.559 --> 00:41:47.860 those questions, I will tell you, because left 00:41:47.860 --> 00:41:51.940 to yourself, and here's the thing, you think 00:41:51.940 --> 00:41:55.420 you don't have enough time. The number one addiction 00:41:55.420 --> 00:42:00.050 in America is technology. You have time to read. 00:42:00.090 --> 00:42:02.070 You have time to think. You have time to exercise. 00:42:02.190 --> 00:42:04.210 You have time to build relationships. Or you 00:42:04.210 --> 00:42:06.550 can stick your face in this phone and you can 00:42:06.550 --> 00:42:08.789 escape and you can watch movies and you can play 00:42:08.789 --> 00:42:11.670 video games. And for some of you, secretly log 00:42:11.670 --> 00:42:16.530 on to porn. And you can waste your life. Or you 00:42:16.530 --> 00:42:19.550 can come up with a plan. And you can ask for 00:42:19.550 --> 00:42:25.130 help. And you can start being a servant. And 00:42:25.130 --> 00:42:30.909 I will tell you, your... life will be so different 00:42:30.909 --> 00:42:36.949 than everybody else's. And here's the thing that 00:42:36.949 --> 00:42:40.829 this thing and all that media does. It just keeps 00:42:40.829 --> 00:42:43.289 telling you, you don't measure up. You don't 00:42:43.289 --> 00:42:45.750 look right. You don't have the right stuff. And 00:42:45.750 --> 00:42:48.590 if only you had, or if only you could, or if 00:42:48.590 --> 00:42:52.030 only you were. And so it's all negative messages. 00:42:52.349 --> 00:42:55.570 And here's the thing. Some of you are like type 00:42:55.570 --> 00:43:00.860 A, highly focused. wired like me. And some of 00:43:00.860 --> 00:43:03.179 us have gone after some of those things. And 00:43:03.179 --> 00:43:05.239 here's the thing. If you get them in your hand, 00:43:05.500 --> 00:43:07.099 you're going to look at it. It's going to be 00:43:07.099 --> 00:43:09.139 like, remember the rainbow into the pot of gold? 00:43:09.239 --> 00:43:12.480 And you'll look at it and you'll go, as one guy 00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:18.539 told me recently, he said, this is it? I mean, 00:43:18.539 --> 00:43:23.860 this? I mean, I built a company, did $67 million 00:43:23.860 --> 00:43:27.280 last year. I found the beautiful wife. I have 00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:33.900 three kids. This is it? This is as empty? I mean, 00:43:33.900 --> 00:43:40.539 they promised. I'm in shape. It's a Marine. I 00:43:40.539 --> 00:43:43.139 am. I've got what everyone in the world says 00:43:43.139 --> 00:43:45.219 will make you happy. And he says, I looked inside 00:43:45.219 --> 00:43:48.340 of that, and it was a black hole of emptiness. 00:43:50.059 --> 00:43:52.239 And then he had to be driving in the car and 00:43:52.239 --> 00:43:56.550 heard a series about heaven and life. that happened 00:43:56.550 --> 00:43:59.710 to be from living on the edge, God spoke to him 00:43:59.710 --> 00:44:02.889 and he pulled off 101 in California and cried 00:44:02.889 --> 00:44:05.670 like a baby and received Christ. And that was 00:44:05.670 --> 00:44:09.090 the beginning of a completely new life. And what 00:44:09.090 --> 00:44:11.989 I like about him, he went about it like a Marine. 00:44:13.570 --> 00:44:18.590 His poor wife. He said it was bait and switch. 00:44:18.769 --> 00:44:22.389 It really was. He said two years in, he goes, 00:44:22.429 --> 00:44:26.110 my life, my friends, my habits. He said, I learned 00:44:26.110 --> 00:44:27.949 God's word is important. I learned prayer was 00:44:27.949 --> 00:44:30.210 important. A good Bible teaching church is important. 00:44:30.429 --> 00:44:32.389 I got in a small group with my pastor, another 00:44:32.389 --> 00:44:35.630 guy and another guy. Man, my addictions, I addressed. 00:44:36.269 --> 00:44:38.530 She says, two years, we're having dinner. And 00:44:38.530 --> 00:44:40.909 she looked at me and she goes, I don't think 00:44:40.909 --> 00:44:44.130 I even know you anymore. And he said, privately, 00:44:44.210 --> 00:44:47.949 I'm thinking, yes. And yet what she was saying 00:44:47.949 --> 00:44:51.050 was, I married this person. We partied together 00:44:51.050 --> 00:44:55.840 and this was our world. who is this guy? Now, 00:44:55.860 --> 00:44:57.739 you're a great father and you're treating me 00:44:57.739 --> 00:45:01.079 in ways I don't really understand. Kind but weird. 00:45:01.960 --> 00:45:05.559 You're doing things I've never seen you do. And 00:45:05.559 --> 00:45:11.659 here's my point. You got to have a plan. Add 00:45:11.659 --> 00:45:17.019 10 years and then ask yourself, who do you want 00:45:17.019 --> 00:45:19.239 that person to be? What do you want that marriage 00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:22.699 to look like? The second, this is a real practical 00:45:22.699 --> 00:45:24.639 thing because it's like, oh, that's a great big 00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:28.800 picture. Structure. Some of us are very spontaneous. 00:45:29.000 --> 00:45:32.539 Some are very detail -oriented. If you don't 00:45:32.539 --> 00:45:36.000 structure for outcomes, your life will be filled 00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:38.159 with good intentions where you start and fail, 00:45:38.340 --> 00:45:41.960 start and fail, start and fail. In planning as 00:45:41.960 --> 00:45:45.420 a couple, I mean, this week, I mean, I want to 00:45:45.420 --> 00:45:48.099 get down to some real basic things. This is just 00:45:48.099 --> 00:45:51.539 a suggestion. Some of you are great planners, 00:45:51.619 --> 00:45:54.139 way better than me. You have way better ways 00:45:54.139 --> 00:45:56.780 to do this. But for those of you that are sitting 00:45:56.780 --> 00:46:00.920 here thinking, we don't plan. We just react. 00:46:01.179 --> 00:46:04.619 We just respond. Oh, kids need shoes. And by 00:46:04.619 --> 00:46:07.460 the way, if you're like most, the women feel 00:46:07.460 --> 00:46:09.880 a greater responsibility, and they're always 00:46:09.880 --> 00:46:11.820 feeling like, what are we going to do? What are 00:46:11.820 --> 00:46:14.039 we going to do? And they feel like we don't lead 00:46:14.039 --> 00:46:18.500 well when we don't plan. One of the things that 00:46:18.500 --> 00:46:20.980 helped us, I don't know how it works in your 00:46:20.980 --> 00:46:23.900 world, but in my world, usually I get a paycheck 00:46:23.900 --> 00:46:26.219 every two weeks. Some people it's once a month, 00:46:26.300 --> 00:46:28.400 some people once a week. I get a paycheck every 00:46:28.400 --> 00:46:32.340 two weeks and have for whenever. We have a, it 00:46:32.340 --> 00:46:34.039 doesn't have to be blue, we have a blue folder. 00:46:35.159 --> 00:46:37.500 Every bill that comes in goes into that blue 00:46:37.500 --> 00:46:39.460 folder. Even the ones that we pay online, we 00:46:39.460 --> 00:46:42.179 print it out, goes into that blue folder. Every 00:46:42.179 --> 00:46:46.340 two weeks, I sit down with my wife. We have a 00:46:46.340 --> 00:46:51.300 checkbook. and she'll take the part that you 00:46:51.300 --> 00:46:52.980 subtract, and I'll take the part where we write 00:46:52.980 --> 00:46:55.139 the checks. And a lot of them, of course, we 00:46:55.139 --> 00:46:57.679 pay online, and I'll write on the bill, and she'll 00:46:57.679 --> 00:47:00.260 say, okay, I'll do that online. And we go through 00:47:00.260 --> 00:47:03.699 every two weeks, and we do our finances together. 00:47:04.260 --> 00:47:06.820 Here's what you need to learn about money. Money 00:47:06.820 --> 00:47:09.099 is never about money. Money is about values and 00:47:09.099 --> 00:47:15.239 priorities. Every two weeks for 35 years, we've 00:47:15.239 --> 00:47:18.349 had a discussion about, What matters? And a lot 00:47:18.349 --> 00:47:20.789 of times it was, well, we paid our bills and 00:47:20.789 --> 00:47:24.869 now we have $136 to make it through to the next 00:47:24.869 --> 00:47:28.869 two weeks. So we're going to put $78 in the grocery 00:47:28.869 --> 00:47:31.269 envelope. We're going to put $20 in recreation. 00:47:31.750 --> 00:47:34.090 And we're going to put $16 in for gas when you 00:47:34.090 --> 00:47:36.610 could buy gas for cheap. And when the money's 00:47:36.610 --> 00:47:39.230 out of those envelopes, we're done. And we're 00:47:39.230 --> 00:47:41.949 going to stay in the black. And then it was like, 00:47:42.030 --> 00:47:45.139 okay, well. Eric needs shoes and Annie needs 00:47:45.139 --> 00:47:49.940 this. What should we buy when? And, okay, let's, 00:47:49.940 --> 00:47:52.380 the habit is more important than the amount, 00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:54.940 so we're going to save $50 a paycheck. That was 00:47:54.940 --> 00:47:58.699 our big savings plan. And it became a habit. 00:47:59.900 --> 00:48:03.139 The second thing is now we've made those. Then 00:48:03.139 --> 00:48:06.420 we open our calendars and we look at, well, okay, 00:48:06.480 --> 00:48:08.860 what's coming up the rest of this month and next 00:48:08.860 --> 00:48:12.460 month? And we just, we talk about it. Well, you 00:48:12.460 --> 00:48:14.340 know, we got a birthday here where I'm supposed 00:48:14.340 --> 00:48:16.900 to teach here and we're supposed to do that. 00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:19.280 Well, this couple asked us to do that. So what 00:48:19.280 --> 00:48:23.059 are we doing? We're planning our life together. 00:48:24.039 --> 00:48:26.199 Do you realize how many of your arguments are 00:48:26.199 --> 00:48:28.380 about one of you does the checkbook or one of 00:48:28.380 --> 00:48:30.099 you does it online? You don't know where things 00:48:30.099 --> 00:48:32.539 are at. Your conversations about money are called 00:48:32.539 --> 00:48:35.489 arguments. Your conversations about calendar 00:48:35.489 --> 00:48:37.909 are called conflict. Well, why did you do that? 00:48:37.969 --> 00:48:39.369 Why didn't you tell me that? Well, I don't want 00:48:39.369 --> 00:48:41.230 to do that. Well, you always do that. You play 00:48:41.230 --> 00:48:42.909 golf. We didn't play golf. I just went out with 00:48:42.909 --> 00:48:44.789 the girls and I'm sick and tired of you always 00:48:44.789 --> 00:48:46.710 taking our money. Well, you said we were going 00:48:46.710 --> 00:48:49.050 to stay on a budget. We make plans and you never 00:48:49.050 --> 00:48:50.849 stick with them. Does this sound remotely familiar? 00:48:52.230 --> 00:48:59.230 Why? Because I lived them all. Structure. Every 00:48:59.230 --> 00:49:02.969 two weeks, this is how much money we have. Visibility, 00:49:02.969 --> 00:49:05.269 transparency. What are we going to do with it? 00:49:06.269 --> 00:49:08.409 Here's our calendar. At the beginning of every 00:49:08.409 --> 00:49:10.670 week, I mean, we've done this so long, it's informal 00:49:10.670 --> 00:49:13.329 now. Often it'll be over a cup of coffee. So 00:49:13.329 --> 00:49:15.949 what do you have coming up this week? And she'll 00:49:15.949 --> 00:49:19.130 just walk through her week. Tell me all the major 00:49:19.130 --> 00:49:20.829 things coming. Oh, Annie's going to come over 00:49:20.829 --> 00:49:22.750 with the kids in the afternoon. I'm going to 00:49:22.750 --> 00:49:25.369 do this. Well, I've got to travel Tuesday and 00:49:25.369 --> 00:49:28.150 Wednesday and I'll be back. So that kind of messes 00:49:28.150 --> 00:49:30.250 up with our date night. When do you want to do 00:49:30.250 --> 00:49:38.250 that? And it can just... Hope for the long term. 00:49:39.269 --> 00:49:42.909 Hope once a quarter. Hope with your finances 00:49:42.909 --> 00:49:45.730 because you do it together. I am telling you, 00:49:45.789 --> 00:49:50.730 you can be proactive in creating a life that 00:49:50.730 --> 00:49:53.219 you look forward to something this week. You 00:49:53.219 --> 00:49:56.260 look forward to a great time together away. You 00:49:56.260 --> 00:49:58.980 look forward to sitting down and having a plan 00:49:58.980 --> 00:50:01.579 that it may take time, but we can get out of 00:50:01.579 --> 00:50:05.000 debt. Final comment. If you are in a situation, 00:50:05.219 --> 00:50:08.019 I wrote this at the bottom, of crisis of debt 00:50:08.019 --> 00:50:12.079 or counseling or in -laws or addiction, get outside 00:50:12.079 --> 00:50:15.699 help. Get outside help. Pay for whatever it takes. 00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:20.480 I had to. And here's the thing. If this reoccurring 00:50:20.840 --> 00:50:23.579 problem or conflict in your sex life, in your 00:50:23.579 --> 00:50:28.019 finances, debt issues, in -laws, resolving conflict. 00:50:28.380 --> 00:50:30.840 You're smart people. If you could have solved 00:50:30.840 --> 00:50:33.260 it on your own, you would have solved it by now. 00:50:34.059 --> 00:50:40.159 Right? You get outside help. Let me encourage 00:50:40.159 --> 00:50:45.559 you to do that. This is Living on the Edge with 00:50:45.559 --> 00:50:48.480 Chip Ingram, and we're in our series called Choosing 00:50:48.480 --> 00:50:51.269 Love. If you're ready to turn today's challenge 00:50:51.269 --> 00:50:54.710 into lasting change, Chip's newest book, I Choose 00:50:54.710 --> 00:50:57.570 Love, gives you the practical roadmap you need. 00:50:57.869 --> 00:51:00.670 It doesn't just tell you what to do. It shows 00:51:00.670 --> 00:51:03.550 you how to do it. You'll learn to recognize the 00:51:03.550 --> 00:51:06.429 subtle ways pride and selfishness sabotage your 00:51:06.429 --> 00:51:09.289 relationships. You'll discover practical exercises 00:51:09.289 --> 00:51:12.559 to develop genuine humility. And you'll see how 00:51:12.559 --> 00:51:15.480 choosing agape love, the sacrificial, others 00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:18.519 -focused love of God, transforms even your most 00:51:18.519 --> 00:51:21.659 difficult relationships. I Choose Love addresses 00:51:21.659 --> 00:51:24.699 the real issues we all face. The tendency to 00:51:24.699 --> 00:51:27.059 need the last word. The subtle belief that our 00:51:27.059 --> 00:51:29.960 perspective is the truth. The grandiosity that 00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:32.579 shows up in small ways like chronic lateness. 00:51:33.260 --> 00:51:35.659 Chip gets brutally honest about his own struggles, 00:51:35.760 --> 00:51:38.599 and he shows you the path forward. If you're 00:51:38.599 --> 00:51:41.280 tired of broken relationships and ready to experience 00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:44.539 love that actually works, get your copy of I 00:51:44.539 --> 00:51:48.760 Choose Love today. Visit livingontheedge .org. 00:51:49.039 --> 00:51:51.719 And friend, this Bible teaching program is reaching 00:51:51.719 --> 00:51:54.300 you and countless others because of the faithful 00:51:54.300 --> 00:51:57.219 giving of listeners just like you. When you give 00:51:57.219 --> 00:51:59.460 to Living on the Edge, you're multiplying this 00:51:59.460 --> 00:52:02.340 message of transformative love around the world. 00:52:03.099 --> 00:52:06.139 Would you join us? Visit livingontheedge .org 00:52:06.139 --> 00:52:12.239 to give or just call us at 888 -333 -6003. Well, 00:52:12.239 --> 00:52:14.699 that wraps up today's episode. Don't miss the 00:52:14.699 --> 00:52:17.219 next Bible teaching message coming up here on 00:52:17.219 --> 00:52:23.519 the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast. Today's program 00:52:23.519 --> 00:52:26.300 is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.