WEBVTT 00:00:11.470 --> 00:00:14.169 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.250 --> 00:00:17.410 For over 30 years as a pastor, I have counseled 00:00:17.410 --> 00:00:20.370 couples. And I will tell you one thing. When 00:00:20.370 --> 00:00:23.230 they lose hope, when they think there's no hope 00:00:23.230 --> 00:00:26.149 for their marriage, their marriage usually ends. 00:00:26.629 --> 00:00:30.109 How do you keep hope alive? How do you build 00:00:30.109 --> 00:00:32.710 hope into your marriage so that it will endure, 00:00:32.990 --> 00:00:35.609 so that it will last, so it gets better and better? 00:00:35.829 --> 00:00:38.369 That's today on Living on the Edge. Stay with 00:00:38.369 --> 00:00:43.640 me. Hope is the oxygen of the soul. Without it, 00:00:43.659 --> 00:00:46.700 marriages suffocate. Today on Living on the Edge, 00:00:46.899 --> 00:00:49.619 Chip Ingram continues our series called Choosing 00:00:49.619 --> 00:00:52.219 Love by revealing the secret to keeping hope 00:00:52.219 --> 00:00:55.420 alive in your relationship. Through Jesus' words 00:00:55.420 --> 00:00:58.740 to his disciples in John chapter 14, we'll discover 00:00:58.740 --> 00:01:02.000 that hope isn't just wishful thinking. It's rooted 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:05.260 in planning. When you fail to plan, you plan 00:01:05.260 --> 00:01:08.310 to fail. Chip will show you practical ways to 00:01:08.310 --> 00:01:10.810 create a roadmap for your marriage that builds 00:01:10.810 --> 00:01:13.150 hope for tomorrow while helping you navigate 00:01:13.150 --> 00:01:16.329 today's challenges. Now let's join Chip Ingram 00:01:16.329 --> 00:01:19.209 with today's message titled, Planning, How to 00:01:19.209 --> 00:01:22.310 Strengthen Your Hope. As we get started, I have 00:01:22.310 --> 00:01:25.689 on my wall, and I haven't memorized it, but I 00:01:25.689 --> 00:01:28.730 read it almost every day because left to myself 00:01:28.730 --> 00:01:31.390 and you left to yourself, we all focus on, you 00:01:31.390 --> 00:01:33.840 know, what about me, right? You know, my needs, 00:01:33.959 --> 00:01:36.299 my will, my desires, this is what I want to see 00:01:36.299 --> 00:01:41.700 happen. And on my wall is this prayer. It says, 00:01:41.739 --> 00:01:45.640 Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. And 00:01:45.640 --> 00:01:48.439 where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where 00:01:48.439 --> 00:01:51.400 there is sorrow, let me sow joy. Where there's 00:01:51.400 --> 00:01:54.579 injury, let me sow pardon. Where there's darkness, 00:01:54.819 --> 00:01:58.099 let me sow light. Where there's despair, let 00:01:58.099 --> 00:02:02.200 me sow joy. Oh, divine master, grant that I wouldn't 00:02:02.200 --> 00:02:06.680 seek so much to be consoled as to console. To 00:02:06.680 --> 00:02:11.919 be understood as to understand. As to be loved 00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:17.439 as to love. For it's in giving that we receive. 00:02:18.439 --> 00:02:22.360 It's in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it's 00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:25.479 in dying that we're born to eternal life. And 00:02:25.479 --> 00:02:29.319 that's attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. You 00:02:29.319 --> 00:02:33.340 know, this series is about four biblical practices 00:02:33.340 --> 00:02:36.699 that great marriages have in common. And the 00:02:36.699 --> 00:02:40.699 first one is about love. And it's a process and 00:02:40.699 --> 00:02:43.460 it's a journey, but I think one of the most fundamental 00:02:43.460 --> 00:02:47.900 shifts, if you want a great marriage, is that 00:02:47.900 --> 00:02:50.879 this will only be a great marriage, not if or 00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:54.699 when my mate changes, but when I begin to serve 00:02:54.699 --> 00:02:58.759 them as an act of worship of serving him. with 00:02:58.759 --> 00:03:00.520 the recognition that I don't have the power to 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:03.659 do that. See, every relationship is either on 00:03:03.659 --> 00:03:06.919 an upward spiral of growth and kindness and love, 00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:10.599 or he did that, so I do this. Well, you know 00:03:10.599 --> 00:03:13.400 what? She said that to me, so I'm not going to 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:16.080 do that. And then pretty soon, you play this 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:21.319 silly game, and you both lose. Love is the foundation 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:26.340 of any relationship, but the oxygen What brings 00:03:26.340 --> 00:03:29.580 it forward is hope. And I want to teach you now 00:03:29.580 --> 00:03:32.199 the second practices great marriages have in 00:03:32.199 --> 00:03:35.539 common is hope. And if you'll open your Bibles 00:03:35.539 --> 00:03:38.860 to John 14, I want to show you in the midst of 00:03:38.860 --> 00:03:42.680 a desperate, desperate crisis how Jesus is going 00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:47.159 to give his disciples hope and follow along as 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:50.439 we discover how he does it. Peter said to him, 00:03:50.460 --> 00:03:53.560 Lord, why can I not follow you right now? I'll 00:03:53.560 --> 00:03:56.460 lay down my life for you. Jesus answered at the 00:03:56.460 --> 00:03:58.599 end of chapter 13, Will you lay down your life 00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:01.500 for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, a rooster 00:04:01.500 --> 00:04:04.159 will not crow until you deny me three times. 00:04:05.020 --> 00:04:07.159 Then he shifts gears. Do not let your heart be 00:04:07.159 --> 00:04:10.840 troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in me. 00:04:11.340 --> 00:04:14.319 Well, why? In my Father's house there are many 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:17.439 dwelling places. If were not so, I would have 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:21.079 told you. For I go to prepare a place for you. 00:04:21.760 --> 00:04:24.000 If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:27.399 again and receive you to myself. Notice the focus, 00:04:27.579 --> 00:04:32.040 that where I am, there you may be also. Their 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:34.379 greatest fear is abandonment. And he's promising, 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:37.480 I'm going to prepare a place so that we can be 00:04:37.480 --> 00:04:40.399 together. And then he goes on to say, and you 00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:44.040 know the way where I'm going. And Thomas said 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:46.120 to him, Lord, we do not know the way that you 00:04:46.120 --> 00:04:48.699 are going. How do we know the way? And Jesus 00:04:48.699 --> 00:04:50.980 said to him, I am the way. Literally that word 00:04:50.980 --> 00:04:54.399 is road, hadas. I'm the path or I am the way, 00:04:54.519 --> 00:04:57.360 the truth and the life. No one comes to the father 00:04:57.360 --> 00:04:59.899 except through me. If you had known me, you would 00:04:59.899 --> 00:05:02.680 have known my father also. From now on, you know 00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:05.240 him and have seen him. I mean, these are great 00:05:05.240 --> 00:05:06.959 questions. Philip goes, well, you know, maybe 00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:08.800 I've missed something in this three years, but 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:11.079 Lord, show us the father and it'll be enough. 00:05:11.980 --> 00:05:14.620 Jesus said to him, have I been with you so long 00:05:14.620 --> 00:05:17.720 that you still have not come to know the father? 00:05:18.089 --> 00:05:20.589 How can you say, show us the Father? Do you not 00:05:20.589 --> 00:05:23.110 believe that I am in the Father and the Father 00:05:23.110 --> 00:05:26.529 is in me? The words that I say to you, I do not 00:05:26.529 --> 00:05:29.509 speak on my own initiative, but the Father abiding 00:05:29.509 --> 00:05:33.509 in me does his work. Believe me that I am in 00:05:33.509 --> 00:05:36.810 the Father and the Father is in me. Otherwise, 00:05:36.990 --> 00:05:39.810 believe because of the works themselves, speaking 00:05:39.810 --> 00:05:42.810 of all the miracles they've seen. Truly, truly, 00:05:42.850 --> 00:05:45.490 I say to you, he who believes in me, the works 00:05:45.490 --> 00:05:48.000 that I will do. Now listen to this. There's going 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:50.639 to be hope because there's a place. There's going 00:05:50.639 --> 00:05:53.279 to be hope because I'm going to come back for 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:56.220 you. There's going to be hope because you don't 00:05:56.220 --> 00:06:00.579 really get it, but I am, I am God. And so I'm 00:06:00.579 --> 00:06:03.079 going to keep my promises. Then notice he's going 00:06:03.079 --> 00:06:05.879 to say, there's hope because I'm not only not 00:06:05.879 --> 00:06:08.439 going to leave you alone, but I have a mission 00:06:08.439 --> 00:06:11.899 and a purpose for you. I say to you, you will 00:06:11.899 --> 00:06:14.839 also do greater works than these because I go 00:06:14.839 --> 00:06:17.410 to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, that 00:06:17.410 --> 00:06:20.370 will I do, so the Father may be glorified in 00:06:20.370 --> 00:06:23.670 the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, notice, 00:06:23.810 --> 00:06:26.709 I will do it. If you love me, you will keep my 00:06:26.709 --> 00:06:29.129 commandments. I will ask the Father, and he will 00:06:29.129 --> 00:06:31.290 give you another helper. Speaking of the Holy 00:06:31.290 --> 00:06:33.769 Spirit, that he may be with you forever. That 00:06:33.769 --> 00:06:36.470 is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot 00:06:36.470 --> 00:06:39.790 receive, because it does not see him or abide 00:06:39.790 --> 00:06:43.529 in him. or know him, but you know him because 00:06:43.529 --> 00:06:46.209 he abides with you and will be, notice it's all 00:06:46.209 --> 00:06:49.810 future, and will be in you. I will not leave 00:06:49.810 --> 00:06:52.889 you as orphans. I will come to you. After a little 00:06:52.889 --> 00:06:55.230 while, the world will no longer see me, but you 00:06:55.230 --> 00:06:59.670 will see me. Because I live, you will live also. 00:07:00.410 --> 00:07:04.009 In that day, you will know that I am in my Father, 00:07:04.149 --> 00:07:22.490 and you in me, and I in you. The command is do 00:07:22.490 --> 00:07:25.129 not be afraid. In other words, don't let fear 00:07:25.129 --> 00:07:29.370 or anxiety. He's speaking to his bride. Men, 00:07:29.509 --> 00:07:31.410 as we go through this, I want you to be thinking 00:07:31.410 --> 00:07:34.660 first and foremost about what your role is. Because 00:07:34.660 --> 00:07:38.360 you're supposed to love your wife how? The way 00:07:38.360 --> 00:07:43.680 Christ loves the church. So first, he says to 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:46.779 his church, you don't need to be afraid and you 00:07:46.779 --> 00:07:49.920 don't need to be anxious because I'm going to 00:07:49.920 --> 00:07:53.560 take some responsibility for our future. It's 00:07:53.560 --> 00:07:59.100 a man's role. Second, he says, why? Because I'm 00:07:59.100 --> 00:08:00.980 not going to abandon you and I'm not going to 00:08:00.980 --> 00:08:04.459 leave you. A woman's greatest fear is abandonment. 00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:09.120 One of her greatest needs is security. And so 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:12.040 Jesus says, you don't have to be afraid. You 00:08:12.040 --> 00:08:14.860 don't have to be anxious. Why? I'm going to secure 00:08:14.860 --> 00:08:19.759 a place. And isn't it interesting that when Jesus 00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:24.040 leaves the disciples, there is a place, not some, 00:08:24.060 --> 00:08:28.459 you know, mystical floating around. There's an 00:08:28.459 --> 00:08:31.629 actual place. And there's a place of dwelling. 00:08:31.769 --> 00:08:34.090 There's plenty of them. They're for you. And 00:08:34.090 --> 00:08:36.950 I'm going to go prepare it for you. And I'm going 00:08:36.950 --> 00:08:38.750 to prepare it for you because not only there's 00:08:38.750 --> 00:08:41.289 a place, there's a relationship. And I want you 00:08:41.289 --> 00:08:44.049 to feel secure and know there's hope for the 00:08:44.049 --> 00:08:47.649 future because I promised to come for you and 00:08:47.649 --> 00:08:50.970 I've prepared a place for you. And then he tells 00:08:50.970 --> 00:08:53.649 them, by the way, there's a strategy to get there. 00:08:54.090 --> 00:08:56.970 We're not just moving. There's an actual strategy 00:08:56.970 --> 00:08:59.370 that you can know how to go from where you're 00:08:59.370 --> 00:09:01.590 at in your anxiety and fear to where we're going 00:09:01.590 --> 00:09:05.750 to be. And often, don't we memorize verses and 00:09:05.750 --> 00:09:08.070 quote them? And sometimes we get them so in our 00:09:08.070 --> 00:09:09.929 mind. Okay, I'm the way, the truth, and the life. 00:09:10.049 --> 00:09:12.190 No one comes to the Father except by me. I got 00:09:12.190 --> 00:09:15.049 that down. Jesus is the only way. He's truth. 00:09:15.230 --> 00:09:17.629 You know, this is where he reveals his deity. 00:09:17.870 --> 00:09:19.750 I am the Father, one. We get all our theology. 00:09:20.169 --> 00:09:23.360 Do you understand in the context? There were 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:27.720 some very scared young men who he was telling 00:09:27.720 --> 00:09:34.340 them, there's hope. It's on my word. And I want 00:09:34.340 --> 00:09:36.639 you to know there's a pathway to this hope that 00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:40.399 you can trust. There's a game plan here. It's 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:42.740 not like I'm just coming home and saying, I got 00:09:42.740 --> 00:09:45.220 transferred or I'm taking a new job and there's 00:09:45.220 --> 00:09:48.250 not a game plan and a timing. He wanted them 00:09:48.250 --> 00:09:50.549 to know, how are we going to get from point A 00:09:50.549 --> 00:09:53.350 to point B? And basically he said, I'm the way. 00:09:54.090 --> 00:09:57.990 I'm the path. And then the thing about hope is, 00:09:58.090 --> 00:10:02.049 but what's the purpose? Why are you leaving and 00:10:02.049 --> 00:10:05.210 why do we have to relocate? And he goes, you 00:10:05.210 --> 00:10:08.940 will do greater works. And so he tells them there's 00:10:08.940 --> 00:10:11.700 a place. It's rooted in a promise. He tells them 00:10:11.700 --> 00:10:13.679 there's a way to get there. And then he tells 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:16.139 them, I have a purpose for you that everything 00:10:16.139 --> 00:10:19.179 that you have seen me do, you actually are going 00:10:19.179 --> 00:10:21.720 to do greater works. And I want you to believe 00:10:21.720 --> 00:10:24.399 in me. And if not for all of our time and intimacy 00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:27.240 and relationship, at least look back on all those 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:30.799 miracles and know this is the way. See, he's 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:34.220 building a very clear pathway so they can know, 00:10:34.299 --> 00:10:36.899 you know what? What's he going to tell them later? 00:10:37.399 --> 00:10:39.059 In the world, you're going to have tribulation, 00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:43.940 but I've overcome the world. My peace at the 00:10:43.940 --> 00:10:46.779 very end of this chapter, I give to you. And 00:10:46.779 --> 00:10:51.159 all of it is rooted around hope. You're listening 00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:53.940 to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip 00:10:53.940 --> 00:10:56.299 will continue today's message in just a moment, 00:10:56.399 --> 00:10:59.440 so stay with us. If today's teaching is resonating 00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:01.399 with you, there's more where this came from. 00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:04.240 The complete series, Choosing Love, is available 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:08.440 right now at livingontheedge .org. You'll also 00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:11.220 find study notes, discussion questions, and resources 00:11:11.220 --> 00:11:13.960 to help you go deeper. Everything is waiting 00:11:13.960 --> 00:11:18.870 for you online at livingontheedge .org. Well, 00:11:18.870 --> 00:11:21.409 now let's continue with Chip's message. Someone 00:11:21.409 --> 00:11:23.990 has rightly said hope is the oxygen of the soul. 00:11:24.990 --> 00:11:29.629 Hope is a picture of the future that says that 00:11:29.629 --> 00:11:32.649 what we're doing today is going to produce a 00:11:32.649 --> 00:11:36.549 better tomorrow. And enduring the grind of the 00:11:36.549 --> 00:11:39.350 todays and the struggles and the challenges and 00:11:39.350 --> 00:11:42.230 the little hurt feelings and the downtimes and 00:11:42.230 --> 00:11:45.110 the illnesses and the hurt and the kids who are 00:11:45.110 --> 00:11:48.870 going astray and the people that are... treating 00:11:48.870 --> 00:11:52.370 you unfairly. The anchor of your soul is there's 00:11:52.370 --> 00:11:54.870 this hope. And ultimately, yes, it's heaven. 00:11:55.230 --> 00:11:57.830 Ultimately, it's Jesus coming back. Ultimately, 00:11:58.009 --> 00:12:01.850 no one has the power to make you happy. But if 00:12:01.850 --> 00:12:04.909 you're a follower of Christ, he's told you, I 00:12:04.909 --> 00:12:09.629 am your living hope. I am your security. I am 00:12:09.629 --> 00:12:13.190 the deep well of your life. Where's your hope 00:12:13.190 --> 00:12:16.639 in your marriage? Is your hope? that someday, 00:12:16.779 --> 00:12:19.139 someway, everything's going to be perfect? Is 00:12:19.139 --> 00:12:21.200 your hope someday she's going to be more affectionate? 00:12:21.500 --> 00:12:23.440 Is your hope someday we can really have a nice 00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:25.480 house and when all that happens, everything's 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:27.659 going to be wonderful? Is your hope somehow if 00:12:27.659 --> 00:12:30.120 I, you know, make some career moves, then we'll 00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:31.879 make more money and then everything's going to 00:12:31.879 --> 00:12:34.019 be okay? Is my hope, do you understand every 00:12:34.019 --> 00:12:36.570 single one of those is circumstantial? And every 00:12:36.570 --> 00:12:38.669 single one of those can happen tomorrow. And 00:12:38.669 --> 00:12:41.210 here's what I can tell you about you and me and 00:12:41.210 --> 00:12:44.250 our fallen nature. Give you 30 days and your 00:12:44.250 --> 00:12:47.389 hope will be on something else. Just a little 00:12:47.389 --> 00:12:50.129 bit bigger house. And wishing you didn't have 00:12:50.129 --> 00:12:57.789 so many kids. And what Jesus is telling us is 00:12:57.789 --> 00:13:02.190 there's going to be challenges. It's part of 00:13:02.190 --> 00:13:06.450 living in a fallen world. First, it's this attitude 00:13:06.450 --> 00:13:10.289 of serving your mate that makes no sense. And 00:13:10.289 --> 00:13:12.870 you keep doing it when it works. You keep doing 00:13:12.870 --> 00:13:15.110 it when it doesn't work. And you do it as an 00:13:15.110 --> 00:13:20.649 act of worship to God. And over time, a transformation 00:13:20.649 --> 00:13:23.169 happens in you. You become more and more like 00:13:23.169 --> 00:13:26.029 Jesus. And all I can tell you is that when someone 00:13:26.029 --> 00:13:29.049 becomes more and more like Jesus, she's more 00:13:29.049 --> 00:13:31.669 and more attractive. Or he is more and more attractive. 00:13:33.710 --> 00:13:38.470 My wife's really attractive. She's very kind. 00:13:38.509 --> 00:13:40.850 She's very loving. She's very other -centered. 00:13:40.929 --> 00:13:45.110 That was not how she always used to be. And I 00:13:45.110 --> 00:13:47.490 spent most of my energy picking apart what I 00:13:47.490 --> 00:13:50.389 didn't like about her instead of the 90 % that 00:13:50.389 --> 00:13:54.169 I did like about her. And God wants you to know 00:13:54.169 --> 00:13:56.549 that serving is the first step, but you have 00:13:56.549 --> 00:13:59.309 to have hope. And the way you have hope is you 00:13:59.309 --> 00:14:03.779 have to have a plan. I mean, so can I just give 00:14:03.779 --> 00:14:05.960 you a couple principles, and then I want to get 00:14:05.960 --> 00:14:08.919 real practical. Here's the principle. I mean, 00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:11.620 this is from Jesus. Long -term planning provides 00:14:11.620 --> 00:14:14.659 hope and perspective to overcome short -term 00:14:14.659 --> 00:14:17.960 pain and challenges. Now, just tell me, am I 00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:20.759 just reading too much into that? Does he give 00:14:20.759 --> 00:14:23.779 them a long -term plan or what? Hey, here's the 00:14:23.779 --> 00:14:25.600 long -term plan. You're going to be with me forever. 00:14:26.860 --> 00:14:30.919 I got your back. I'm coming back. No matter what 00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:34.120 happens, how bad, how hard, I'm coming back and 00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:36.980 there's a place for you. Long -term plan gives 00:14:36.980 --> 00:14:41.899 you perspective and hope to overcome short -term 00:14:41.899 --> 00:14:45.259 pain and challenges. Second, great plans provides 00:14:45.259 --> 00:14:48.620 a specific path and create hope for tomorrow 00:14:48.620 --> 00:14:51.980 and forever. Great plans don't just say, hey, 00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:54.080 someday, someway, he could have said, okay, guys, 00:14:54.179 --> 00:14:55.620 I'm gonna go to the cross a little bit later. 00:14:55.679 --> 00:14:57.299 I'm gonna go prepare a place for you. Ready? 00:14:57.899 --> 00:15:01.639 Break. See you someday, someway, somehow. No, 00:15:01.639 --> 00:15:04.080 no, a great plan is, yeah, that's the long -term 00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:07.139 plan, but here's where you are today. There's 00:15:07.139 --> 00:15:10.259 a specific path. There's specific things we're 00:15:10.259 --> 00:15:12.740 gonna do. Literally, there's mile markers that 00:15:12.740 --> 00:15:15.000 we're gonna look at that are gonna move us forward 00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:18.600 so we can see we're making progress. Third principle 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:21.039 is hope rises and falls with how we keep our 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:24.799 promises. The most devastating thing we do to 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:28.750 one another and we all do it, is when we tell 00:15:28.750 --> 00:15:30.370 our mates something and then we don't follow 00:15:30.370 --> 00:15:34.750 through. Breaks trust. What do we know about 00:15:34.750 --> 00:15:38.309 Jesus? I would encourage you, you know, if you 00:15:38.309 --> 00:15:41.029 read John chapter 14, and you can even read 15 00:15:41.029 --> 00:15:44.509 and 16, and every time the word, I will, I will, 00:15:44.590 --> 00:15:47.870 I will, I will, I will, underline it. And you 00:15:47.870 --> 00:15:50.870 know what he's saying? I will. I keep my promises. 00:15:51.950 --> 00:15:55.409 I'm preparing a place. And did you get the why? 00:15:56.590 --> 00:15:58.889 See, I meet a lot of Christians that believe 00:15:58.889 --> 00:16:01.669 God loves them. I don't think they really believe 00:16:01.669 --> 00:16:04.769 he likes them. And oh yeah, he loves me, but 00:16:04.769 --> 00:16:06.250 I need to do this and I need to do this and I 00:16:06.250 --> 00:16:07.610 need to do this and I know I don't measure up. 00:16:07.830 --> 00:16:11.330 Do you realize that just you sitting wherever 00:16:11.330 --> 00:16:14.289 you're at, whatever level of maturity, with all 00:16:14.289 --> 00:16:18.029 your issues, that if Jesus walked through those 00:16:18.029 --> 00:16:22.100 doors in his resurrected body, and sat down with 00:16:22.100 --> 00:16:24.100 you and said, do you want coffee or do you want 00:16:24.100 --> 00:16:27.080 tea? And you would sit across from you and he 00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:30.360 would just be delighted to hang out. And so, 00:16:30.379 --> 00:16:35.480 do you see the promises that he makes? And so 00:16:35.480 --> 00:16:40.519 then the application is practical. Number one, 00:16:41.620 --> 00:16:45.360 if you, this is from my Marine father, so don't 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:47.620 look for this in the Bible, but I heard it so 00:16:47.620 --> 00:16:51.690 much, it's up there in the Bible with me. Chip, 00:16:51.690 --> 00:16:56.690 if you fail to plan, you... Does every person 00:16:56.690 --> 00:17:01.529 know that one? It's true. And you know, you plan 00:17:01.529 --> 00:17:03.929 for career, you plan hopefully for finances, 00:17:04.130 --> 00:17:06.890 you plan for so much. Here's my question. What's 00:17:06.890 --> 00:17:10.109 your plan for your marriage? What's your plan 00:17:10.109 --> 00:17:13.349 for your marriage? Because if you don't have 00:17:13.349 --> 00:17:19.529 a plan, then you don't have a lot of hope. Because 00:17:19.529 --> 00:17:21.730 planning, you know what the word planning is 00:17:21.730 --> 00:17:25.269 about? Planning is the presumption that there 00:17:25.269 --> 00:17:27.789 will be a future and that you're doing some things 00:17:27.789 --> 00:17:30.470 today and you're looking into the future and 00:17:30.470 --> 00:17:33.269 saying, these are the important things that we 00:17:33.269 --> 00:17:35.470 are going to do and they're things that you look 00:17:35.470 --> 00:17:39.529 forward to. Planning is sort of a thread that 00:17:39.529 --> 00:17:42.789 takes hope and the hope pulls you, but it pulls 00:17:42.789 --> 00:17:46.410 you because there's a plan. I cannot tell you, 00:17:46.490 --> 00:17:49.890 I mean, my wife and I, argued, struggled. You 00:17:49.890 --> 00:17:52.089 know, we did the, you know, roll in bed, you 00:17:52.089 --> 00:17:57.170 know, face the other wall. And we made a plan. 00:17:58.109 --> 00:18:00.289 The plan was we would have a date every single 00:18:00.289 --> 00:18:03.769 week. It would be on Friday before breakfast. 00:18:03.970 --> 00:18:06.130 We would eat and we would spend about three hours 00:18:06.130 --> 00:18:07.950 together. We would take a walk. We would do whatever. 00:18:08.130 --> 00:18:10.769 But during that three or four hour block, she 00:18:10.769 --> 00:18:14.619 knew she had me. No phone, no interruptions, 00:18:14.619 --> 00:18:16.940 and anything and everything that was building 00:18:16.940 --> 00:18:20.140 up in her heart, she knew I'm only six days away 00:18:20.140 --> 00:18:24.640 from unloading. And what it gave me was six days 00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:26.660 of her not unloading a little every day causing 00:18:26.660 --> 00:18:31.299 conflict. And it wasn't like it was just conflict 00:18:31.299 --> 00:18:35.200 resolution. We had a plan. What we knew was we 00:18:35.200 --> 00:18:38.160 were terrible communicators. We didn't know how 00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:40.539 to resolve anger. We didn't even know when we 00:18:40.539 --> 00:18:42.869 were angry. We had to have a counselor teach 00:18:42.869 --> 00:18:45.890 us, when you're like this, okay, she's passive 00:18:45.890 --> 00:18:48.289 aggressive and she buries her anger and you verbalize 00:18:48.289 --> 00:18:51.829 your anger. Oh, so that's why you do this, she 00:18:51.829 --> 00:18:56.029 does, oh, okay. So we had to learn when we were 00:18:56.029 --> 00:18:59.450 angry. So I like right after supper, I mean, 00:18:59.470 --> 00:19:01.890 just 15 minutes. We did it three times a week. 00:19:02.609 --> 00:19:07.069 Okay, honey, this sounds so artificial. How did 00:19:07.069 --> 00:19:09.650 your day go? Superficial, okay, great. How did 00:19:09.650 --> 00:19:11.829 your day go? Great. What are you concerned about? 00:19:12.930 --> 00:19:15.970 Well, this, this, this. And I shut up. You can't 00:19:15.970 --> 00:19:19.609 fix it. Just shut up. What do you wish? Oh, I 00:19:19.609 --> 00:19:22.220 wish one of our sons would not. be so much this 00:19:22.220 --> 00:19:24.940 way. And I'm concerned about our other sons dating 00:19:24.940 --> 00:19:27.380 a girl, you know, you know, I wish I felt better. 00:19:27.420 --> 00:19:29.660 I've got, you know, this really situation and 00:19:29.660 --> 00:19:32.079 what are you willing to do? And in 15 minutes 00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:35.960 or 20 minutes, I mean, we learned to not just 00:19:35.960 --> 00:19:39.180 bury stuff, but get all the things that are weighing 00:19:39.180 --> 00:19:42.799 us down out on the table. And, and then you, 00:19:42.859 --> 00:19:44.819 a question that you didn't have to do anything. 00:19:44.940 --> 00:19:47.480 What are you willing to do? And what I, what 00:19:47.480 --> 00:19:51.190 happened is I, in 15 minutes, every, Other night, 00:19:51.190 --> 00:19:53.890 at least, I found that this is the burdens and 00:19:53.890 --> 00:19:56.430 she heard mine. I mean, she would ask me, how'd 00:19:56.430 --> 00:19:59.630 your day go? It's fine. And she wants to talk. 00:19:59.650 --> 00:20:01.049 And well, I mean, well, how'd it really go? It's 00:20:01.049 --> 00:20:04.069 fine. This church had a lot of meetings. A couple 00:20:04.069 --> 00:20:05.890 of people came to Christ. It's great. So what's 00:20:05.890 --> 00:20:08.750 up? I mean, you know, and I can't understand 00:20:08.750 --> 00:20:10.730 why she thinks we don't communicate, right? I 00:20:10.730 --> 00:20:13.670 told her it was fine. That's not what she wanted 00:20:13.670 --> 00:20:16.490 to hear. How did you feel about it? What was 00:20:16.490 --> 00:20:22.349 going on inside? You know, right? This is Living 00:20:22.349 --> 00:20:25.430 on the Edge with Chip Ingram, wrapping up a powerful 00:20:25.430 --> 00:20:28.509 week in our series called Choosing Love, a daily 00:20:28.509 --> 00:20:31.809 decision that changes everything. Chip will return 00:20:31.809 --> 00:20:34.829 with final thoughts shortly. To share today's 00:20:34.829 --> 00:20:37.430 teaching with your spouse or a friend, go online 00:20:37.430 --> 00:20:41.880 to livingontheedge .org. Now if you've been challenged 00:20:41.880 --> 00:20:44.220 this week about planning and building hope in 00:20:44.220 --> 00:20:46.440 your marriage, you'll want a copy of Chip's newest 00:20:46.440 --> 00:20:49.900 book, I Choose Love. Chip pulls back the curtain 00:20:49.900 --> 00:20:52.799 on his own marriage, the struggles, the breakthroughs, 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:55.400 the hard -won lessons about communication and 00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:58.140 hope. This book gives you the practical roadmap 00:20:58.140 --> 00:21:00.940 you need, how to schedule meaningful connection 00:21:00.940 --> 00:21:04.029 time. What questions to ask each other and how 00:21:04.029 --> 00:21:07.430 to turn conflict into progress. Real strategies 00:21:07.430 --> 00:21:11.450 from real experience. Get your copy at livingontheedge 00:21:11.450 --> 00:21:15.069 .org. Well, here's something powerful. Marriages 00:21:15.069 --> 00:21:17.730 on the brink of divorce are finding hope through 00:21:17.730 --> 00:21:20.630 Living on the Edge. Couples who couldn't communicate 00:21:20.630 --> 00:21:23.809 are learning to connect. Husbands and wives ready 00:21:23.809 --> 00:21:26.829 to give up are discovering practical tools that 00:21:26.829 --> 00:21:29.930 rebuild intimacy. This happens because biblical 00:21:29.930 --> 00:21:32.210 teaching reaches them right when they need it 00:21:32.210 --> 00:21:35.190 most. Your support makes that possible. When 00:21:35.190 --> 00:21:37.410 you partner financially with Living on the Edge, 00:21:37.529 --> 00:21:40.069 you're giving hope to marriages that desperately 00:21:40.069 --> 00:21:43.450 need it. Will you help today? We've made it easy 00:21:43.450 --> 00:21:46.990 to give online at livingontheedge .org or send 00:21:46.990 --> 00:21:49.849 your gift through the mail to Living on the Edge, 00:21:49.950 --> 00:21:55.769 P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia, 30024. You 00:21:55.769 --> 00:21:58.250 can also call us and give over the phone at 888 00:21:58.250 --> 00:22:04.410 - 333 -6003. Well, now here's Chip. As we close 00:22:04.410 --> 00:22:06.730 today's program, you might have been thinking 00:22:06.730 --> 00:22:10.069 initially, now how is this really going to help 00:22:10.069 --> 00:22:13.109 me in my marriage? I mean, Chip, you're talking 00:22:13.109 --> 00:22:16.789 about Jesus in John chapter 14 and him speaking 00:22:16.789 --> 00:22:19.470 to a group of disciples. Well, let's pause for 00:22:19.470 --> 00:22:22.509 just a moment. Who has had the greatest love 00:22:22.509 --> 00:22:25.619 for his bride than anyone in the world? It's 00:22:25.619 --> 00:22:28.480 the Lord Jesus. And the very last thing he did. 00:22:28.809 --> 00:22:31.630 before he left, was first to serve them. And 00:22:31.630 --> 00:22:34.430 then second, he provided a plan. I know that 00:22:34.430 --> 00:22:37.289 doesn't sound like, wow, so romantic. I would 00:22:37.289 --> 00:22:40.690 love to have a plan. But it's a long -term plan. 00:22:41.170 --> 00:22:43.269 It's learning how to have a plan, not just for 00:22:43.269 --> 00:22:45.569 this week or this month, but what are we going 00:22:45.569 --> 00:22:47.829 to do for the next three to five years? What's 00:22:47.829 --> 00:22:50.170 our plan for the next 10 years? And you don't 00:22:50.170 --> 00:22:52.269 have to have a lot of spreadsheets and be super 00:22:52.269 --> 00:22:55.230 detailed, but it is in the practice of planning 00:22:55.230 --> 00:22:58.589 that sets expectations, that says, to your mate. 00:22:58.789 --> 00:23:01.569 This is going to work. This is how we're going 00:23:01.569 --> 00:23:04.170 to make it work. That's why I wanted to teach 00:23:04.170 --> 00:23:08.230 you. Jesus models for us what we need to give 00:23:08.230 --> 00:23:11.509 our mates. Now, for some of you, you are planners 00:23:11.509 --> 00:23:14.210 and you love to plan and you want to plan out 00:23:14.210 --> 00:23:16.690 the weeks and the months and you get calendars 00:23:16.690 --> 00:23:18.809 out. And there's others of you that are very 00:23:18.809 --> 00:23:21.970 spontaneous and love is about the moment and 00:23:21.970 --> 00:23:25.420 enjoying the right now. I happen to be more of 00:23:25.420 --> 00:23:28.640 the last category, and I happen to marry a planner. 00:23:28.859 --> 00:23:32.079 And what I found early in my marriage and then 00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:35.160 in the big times when we really struggled, what 00:23:35.160 --> 00:23:39.180 I didn't provide for her was clarity, a plan. 00:23:39.930 --> 00:23:41.789 What we're going through right now, how does 00:23:41.789 --> 00:23:44.849 that fit into the longer term? How are we going 00:23:44.849 --> 00:23:47.890 to get over this hump? You know, maybe you have 00:23:47.890 --> 00:23:50.309 a new child or a third child, or maybe you've 00:23:50.309 --> 00:23:53.650 relocated, or in my case, we started a new ministry. 00:23:54.170 --> 00:23:57.069 What I failed to do early in my marriage was 00:23:57.069 --> 00:24:00.509 to do what Jesus did with his disciples. think 00:24:00.509 --> 00:24:03.170 through what was coming up, where the challenges 00:24:03.170 --> 00:24:06.309 were going to be, and come up with a plan that 00:24:06.309 --> 00:24:09.549 made for special time together, that our marriage 00:24:09.549 --> 00:24:12.430 was a priority, that we would work through things 00:24:12.430 --> 00:24:15.930 together, where we set expectations. Now, in 00:24:15.930 --> 00:24:18.849 our next broadcast, I'm going to get super specific 00:24:18.849 --> 00:24:21.710 about the practical implications, and then I'm 00:24:21.710 --> 00:24:24.170 going to give you a tool that we have used for 00:24:24.170 --> 00:24:27.150 decades in our marriage that has allowed us to 00:24:27.150 --> 00:24:31.190 endure, and then endure, and then endure in the 00:24:31.190 --> 00:24:33.930 midst of some really challenging times, and it's 00:24:33.930 --> 00:24:36.789 given us hope. It's so worth it. We're going 00:24:36.789 --> 00:24:39.549 to learn to plan in order to plant hope in the 00:24:39.549 --> 00:24:42.650 hearts of those we love. I'm Dave Drewy, and 00:24:42.650 --> 00:24:44.589 that's all our time for today. We'll see you 00:24:44.589 --> 00:24:47.210 next time for part two of our lesson called Planning, 00:24:47.390 --> 00:24:50.529 How to Strengthen Your Hope. Join us Monday for 00:24:50.529 --> 00:24:56.460 Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced 00:24:56.460 --> 00:24:58.619 and sponsored by Living on the Edge.