Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
For over 30 years as a pastor, I have counseled
couples. And I will tell you one thing. When
they lose hope, when they think there's no hope
for their marriage, their marriage usually ends.
How do you keep hope alive? How do you build
hope into your marriage so that it will endure,
so that it will last, so it gets better and better?
That's today on Living on the Edge. Stay with
me. Hope is the oxygen of the soul. Without it,
marriages suffocate. Today on Living on the Edge,
Chip Ingram continues our series called Choosing
Love by revealing the secret to keeping hope
alive in your relationship. Through Jesus' words
to his disciples in John chapter 14, we'll discover
that hope isn't just wishful thinking. It's rooted
in planning. When you fail to plan, you plan
to fail. Chip will show you practical ways to
create a roadmap for your marriage that builds
hope for tomorrow while helping you navigate
today's challenges. Now let's join Chip Ingram
with today's message titled, Planning, How to
Strengthen Your Hope. As we get started, I have
on my wall, and I haven't memorized it, but I
read it almost every day because left to myself
and you left to yourself, we all focus on, you
know, what about me, right? You know, my needs,
my will, my desires, this is what I want to see
happen. And on my wall is this prayer. It says,
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. And
where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where
there is sorrow, let me sow joy. Where there's
injury, let me sow pardon. Where there's darkness,
let me sow light. Where there's despair, let
me sow joy. Oh, divine master, grant that I wouldn't
seek so much to be consoled as to console. To
be understood as to understand. As to be loved
as to love. For it's in giving that we receive.
It's in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it's
in dying that we're born to eternal life. And
that's attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. You
know, this series is about four biblical practices
that great marriages have in common. And the
first one is about love. And it's a process and
it's a journey, but I think one of the most fundamental
shifts, if you want a great marriage, is that
this will only be a great marriage, not if or
when my mate changes, but when I begin to serve
them as an act of worship of serving him. with
the recognition that I don't have the power to
do that. See, every relationship is either on
an upward spiral of growth and kindness and love,
or he did that, so I do this. Well, you know
what? She said that to me, so I'm not going to
do that. And then pretty soon, you play this
silly game, and you both lose. Love is the foundation
of any relationship, but the oxygen What brings
it forward is hope. And I want to teach you now
the second practices great marriages have in
common is hope. And if you'll open your Bibles
to John 14, I want to show you in the midst of
a desperate, desperate crisis how Jesus is going
to give his disciples hope and follow along as
we discover how he does it. Peter said to him,
Lord, why can I not follow you right now? I'll
lay down my life for you. Jesus answered at the
end of chapter 13, Will you lay down your life
for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, a rooster
will not crow until you deny me three times.
Then he shifts gears. Do not let your heart be
troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in me.
Well, why? In my Father's house there are many
dwelling places. If were not so, I would have
told you. For I go to prepare a place for you.
If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come
again and receive you to myself. Notice the focus,
that where I am, there you may be also. Their
greatest fear is abandonment. And he's promising,
I'm going to prepare a place so that we can be
together. And then he goes on to say, and you
know the way where I'm going. And Thomas said
to him, Lord, we do not know the way that you
are going. How do we know the way? And Jesus
said to him, I am the way. Literally that word
is road, hadas. I'm the path or I am the way,
the truth and the life. No one comes to the father
except through me. If you had known me, you would
have known my father also. From now on, you know
him and have seen him. I mean, these are great
questions. Philip goes, well, you know, maybe
I've missed something in this three years, but
Lord, show us the father and it'll be enough.
Jesus said to him, have I been with you so long
that you still have not come to know the father?
How can you say, show us the Father? Do you not
believe that I am in the Father and the Father
is in me? The words that I say to you, I do not
speak on my own initiative, but the Father abiding
in me does his work. Believe me that I am in
the Father and the Father is in me. Otherwise,
believe because of the works themselves, speaking
of all the miracles they've seen. Truly, truly,
I say to you, he who believes in me, the works
that I will do. Now listen to this. There's going
to be hope because there's a place. There's going
to be hope because I'm going to come back for
you. There's going to be hope because you don't
really get it, but I am, I am God. And so I'm
going to keep my promises. Then notice he's going
to say, there's hope because I'm not only not
going to leave you alone, but I have a mission
and a purpose for you. I say to you, you will
also do greater works than these because I go
to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, that
will I do, so the Father may be glorified in
the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, notice,
I will do it. If you love me, you will keep my
commandments. I will ask the Father, and he will
give you another helper. Speaking of the Holy
Spirit, that he may be with you forever. That
is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot
receive, because it does not see him or abide
in him. or know him, but you know him because
he abides with you and will be, notice it's all
future, and will be in you. I will not leave
you as orphans. I will come to you. After a little
while, the world will no longer see me, but you
will see me. Because I live, you will live also.
In that day, you will know that I am in my Father,
and you in me, and I in you. The command is do
not be afraid. In other words, don't let fear
or anxiety. He's speaking to his bride. Men,
as we go through this, I want you to be thinking
first and foremost about what your role is. Because
you're supposed to love your wife how? The way
Christ loves the church. So first, he says to
his church, you don't need to be afraid and you
don't need to be anxious because I'm going to
take some responsibility for our future. It's
a man's role. Second, he says, why? Because I'm
not going to abandon you and I'm not going to
leave you. A woman's greatest fear is abandonment.
One of her greatest needs is security. And so
Jesus says, you don't have to be afraid. You
don't have to be anxious. Why? I'm going to secure
a place. And isn't it interesting that when Jesus
leaves the disciples, there is a place, not some,
you know, mystical floating around. There's an
actual place. And there's a place of dwelling.
There's plenty of them. They're for you. And
I'm going to go prepare it for you. And I'm going
to prepare it for you because not only there's
a place, there's a relationship. And I want you
to feel secure and know there's hope for the
future because I promised to come for you and
I've prepared a place for you. And then he tells
them, by the way, there's a strategy to get there.
We're not just moving. There's an actual strategy
that you can know how to go from where you're
at in your anxiety and fear to where we're going
to be. And often, don't we memorize verses and
quote them? And sometimes we get them so in our
mind. Okay, I'm the way, the truth, and the life.
No one comes to the Father except by me. I got
that down. Jesus is the only way. He's truth.
You know, this is where he reveals his deity.
I am the Father, one. We get all our theology.
Do you understand in the context? There were
some very scared young men who he was telling
them, there's hope. It's on my word. And I want
you to know there's a pathway to this hope that
you can trust. There's a game plan here. It's
not like I'm just coming home and saying, I got
transferred or I'm taking a new job and there's
not a game plan and a timing. He wanted them
to know, how are we going to get from point A
to point B? And basically he said, I'm the way.
I'm the path. And then the thing about hope is,
but what's the purpose? Why are you leaving and
why do we have to relocate? And he goes, you
will do greater works. And so he tells them there's
a place. It's rooted in a promise. He tells them
there's a way to get there. And then he tells
them, I have a purpose for you that everything
that you have seen me do, you actually are going
to do greater works. And I want you to believe
in me. And if not for all of our time and intimacy
and relationship, at least look back on all those
miracles and know this is the way. See, he's
building a very clear pathway so they can know,
you know what? What's he going to tell them later?
In the world, you're going to have tribulation,
but I've overcome the world. My peace at the
very end of this chapter, I give to you. And
all of it is rooted around hope. You're listening
to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip
will continue today's message in just a moment,
so stay with us. If today's teaching is resonating
with you, there's more where this came from.
The complete series, Choosing Love, is available
right now at livingontheedge .org. You'll also
find study notes, discussion questions, and resources
to help you go deeper. Everything is waiting
for you online at livingontheedge .org. Well,
now let's continue with Chip's message. Someone
has rightly said hope is the oxygen of the soul.
Hope is a picture of the future that says that
what we're doing today is going to produce a
better tomorrow. And enduring the grind of the
todays and the struggles and the challenges and
the little hurt feelings and the downtimes and
the illnesses and the hurt and the kids who are
going astray and the people that are... treating
you unfairly. The anchor of your soul is there's
this hope. And ultimately, yes, it's heaven.
Ultimately, it's Jesus coming back. Ultimately,
no one has the power to make you happy. But if
you're a follower of Christ, he's told you, I
am your living hope. I am your security. I am
the deep well of your life. Where's your hope
in your marriage? Is your hope? that someday,
someway, everything's going to be perfect? Is
your hope someday she's going to be more affectionate?
Is your hope someday we can really have a nice
house and when all that happens, everything's
going to be wonderful? Is your hope somehow if
I, you know, make some career moves, then we'll
make more money and then everything's going to
be okay? Is my hope, do you understand every
single one of those is circumstantial? And every
single one of those can happen tomorrow. And
here's what I can tell you about you and me and
our fallen nature. Give you 30 days and your
hope will be on something else. Just a little
bit bigger house. And wishing you didn't have
so many kids. And what Jesus is telling us is
there's going to be challenges. It's part of
living in a fallen world. First, it's this attitude
of serving your mate that makes no sense. And
you keep doing it when it works. You keep doing
it when it doesn't work. And you do it as an
act of worship to God. And over time, a transformation
happens in you. You become more and more like
Jesus. And all I can tell you is that when someone
becomes more and more like Jesus, she's more
and more attractive. Or he is more and more attractive.
My wife's really attractive. She's very kind.
She's very loving. She's very other -centered.
That was not how she always used to be. And I
spent most of my energy picking apart what I
didn't like about her instead of the 90 % that
I did like about her. And God wants you to know
that serving is the first step, but you have
to have hope. And the way you have hope is you
have to have a plan. I mean, so can I just give
you a couple principles, and then I want to get
real practical. Here's the principle. I mean,
this is from Jesus. Long -term planning provides
hope and perspective to overcome short -term
pain and challenges. Now, just tell me, am I
just reading too much into that? Does he give
them a long -term plan or what? Hey, here's the
long -term plan. You're going to be with me forever.
I got your back. I'm coming back. No matter what
happens, how bad, how hard, I'm coming back and
there's a place for you. Long -term plan gives
you perspective and hope to overcome short -term
pain and challenges. Second, great plans provides
a specific path and create hope for tomorrow
and forever. Great plans don't just say, hey,
someday, someway, he could have said, okay, guys,
I'm gonna go to the cross a little bit later.
I'm gonna go prepare a place for you. Ready?
Break. See you someday, someway, somehow. No,
no, a great plan is, yeah, that's the long -term
plan, but here's where you are today. There's
a specific path. There's specific things we're
gonna do. Literally, there's mile markers that
we're gonna look at that are gonna move us forward
so we can see we're making progress. Third principle
is hope rises and falls with how we keep our
promises. The most devastating thing we do to
one another and we all do it, is when we tell
our mates something and then we don't follow
through. Breaks trust. What do we know about
Jesus? I would encourage you, you know, if you
read John chapter 14, and you can even read 15
and 16, and every time the word, I will, I will,
I will, I will, I will, underline it. And you
know what he's saying? I will. I keep my promises.
I'm preparing a place. And did you get the why?
See, I meet a lot of Christians that believe
God loves them. I don't think they really believe
he likes them. And oh yeah, he loves me, but
I need to do this and I need to do this and I
need to do this and I know I don't measure up.
Do you realize that just you sitting wherever
you're at, whatever level of maturity, with all
your issues, that if Jesus walked through those
doors in his resurrected body, and sat down with
you and said, do you want coffee or do you want
tea? And you would sit across from you and he
would just be delighted to hang out. And so,
do you see the promises that he makes? And so
then the application is practical. Number one,
if you, this is from my Marine father, so don't
look for this in the Bible, but I heard it so
much, it's up there in the Bible with me. Chip,
if you fail to plan, you... Does every person
know that one? It's true. And you know, you plan
for career, you plan hopefully for finances,
you plan for so much. Here's my question. What's
your plan for your marriage? What's your plan
for your marriage? Because if you don't have
a plan, then you don't have a lot of hope. Because
planning, you know what the word planning is
about? Planning is the presumption that there
will be a future and that you're doing some things
today and you're looking into the future and
saying, these are the important things that we
are going to do and they're things that you look
forward to. Planning is sort of a thread that
takes hope and the hope pulls you, but it pulls
you because there's a plan. I cannot tell you,
I mean, my wife and I, argued, struggled. You
know, we did the, you know, roll in bed, you
know, face the other wall. And we made a plan.
The plan was we would have a date every single
week. It would be on Friday before breakfast.
We would eat and we would spend about three hours
together. We would take a walk. We would do whatever.
But during that three or four hour block, she
knew she had me. No phone, no interruptions,
and anything and everything that was building
up in her heart, she knew I'm only six days away
from unloading. And what it gave me was six days
of her not unloading a little every day causing
conflict. And it wasn't like it was just conflict
resolution. We had a plan. What we knew was we
were terrible communicators. We didn't know how
to resolve anger. We didn't even know when we
were angry. We had to have a counselor teach
us, when you're like this, okay, she's passive
aggressive and she buries her anger and you verbalize
your anger. Oh, so that's why you do this, she
does, oh, okay. So we had to learn when we were
angry. So I like right after supper, I mean,
just 15 minutes. We did it three times a week.
Okay, honey, this sounds so artificial. How did
your day go? Superficial, okay, great. How did
your day go? Great. What are you concerned about?
Well, this, this, this. And I shut up. You can't
fix it. Just shut up. What do you wish? Oh, I
wish one of our sons would not. be so much this
way. And I'm concerned about our other sons dating
a girl, you know, you know, I wish I felt better.
I've got, you know, this really situation and
what are you willing to do? And in 15 minutes
or 20 minutes, I mean, we learned to not just
bury stuff, but get all the things that are weighing
us down out on the table. And, and then you,
a question that you didn't have to do anything.
What are you willing to do? And what I, what
happened is I, in 15 minutes, every, Other night,
at least, I found that this is the burdens and
she heard mine. I mean, she would ask me, how'd
your day go? It's fine. And she wants to talk.
And well, I mean, well, how'd it really go? It's
fine. This church had a lot of meetings. A couple
of people came to Christ. It's great. So what's
up? I mean, you know, and I can't understand
why she thinks we don't communicate, right? I
told her it was fine. That's not what she wanted
to hear. How did you feel about it? What was
going on inside? You know, right? This is Living
on the Edge with Chip Ingram, wrapping up a powerful
week in our series called Choosing Love, a daily
decision that changes everything. Chip will return
with final thoughts shortly. To share today's
teaching with your spouse or a friend, go online
to livingontheedge .org. Now if you've been challenged
this week about planning and building hope in
your marriage, you'll want a copy of Chip's newest
book, I Choose Love. Chip pulls back the curtain
on his own marriage, the struggles, the breakthroughs,
the hard -won lessons about communication and
hope. This book gives you the practical roadmap
you need, how to schedule meaningful connection
time. What questions to ask each other and how
to turn conflict into progress. Real strategies
from real experience. Get your copy at livingontheedge
.org. Well, here's something powerful. Marriages
on the brink of divorce are finding hope through
Living on the Edge. Couples who couldn't communicate
are learning to connect. Husbands and wives ready
to give up are discovering practical tools that
rebuild intimacy. This happens because biblical
teaching reaches them right when they need it
most. Your support makes that possible. When
you partner financially with Living on the Edge,
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P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia, 30024. You
can also call us and give over the phone at 888
- 333 -6003. Well, now here's Chip. As we close
today's program, you might have been thinking
initially, now how is this really going to help
me in my marriage? I mean, Chip, you're talking
about Jesus in John chapter 14 and him speaking
to a group of disciples. Well, let's pause for
just a moment. Who has had the greatest love
for his bride than anyone in the world? It's
the Lord Jesus. And the very last thing he did.
before he left, was first to serve them. And
then second, he provided a plan. I know that
doesn't sound like, wow, so romantic. I would
love to have a plan. But it's a long -term plan.
It's learning how to have a plan, not just for
this week or this month, but what are we going
to do for the next three to five years? What's
our plan for the next 10 years? And you don't
have to have a lot of spreadsheets and be super
detailed, but it is in the practice of planning
that sets expectations, that says, to your mate.
This is going to work. This is how we're going
to make it work. That's why I wanted to teach
you. Jesus models for us what we need to give
our mates. Now, for some of you, you are planners
and you love to plan and you want to plan out
the weeks and the months and you get calendars
out. And there's others of you that are very
spontaneous and love is about the moment and
enjoying the right now. I happen to be more of
the last category, and I happen to marry a planner.
And what I found early in my marriage and then
in the big times when we really struggled, what
I didn't provide for her was clarity, a plan.
What we're going through right now, how does
that fit into the longer term? How are we going
to get over this hump? You know, maybe you have
a new child or a third child, or maybe you've
relocated, or in my case, we started a new ministry.
What I failed to do early in my marriage was
to do what Jesus did with his disciples. think
through what was coming up, where the challenges
were going to be, and come up with a plan that
made for special time together, that our marriage
was a priority, that we would work through things
together, where we set expectations. Now, in
our next broadcast, I'm going to get super specific
about the practical implications, and then I'm
going to give you a tool that we have used for
decades in our marriage that has allowed us to
endure, and then endure, and then endure in the
midst of some really challenging times, and it's
given us hope. It's so worth it. We're going
to learn to plan in order to plant hope in the
hearts of those we love. I'm Dave Drewy, and
that's all our time for today. We'll see you
next time for part two of our lesson called Planning,
How to Strengthen Your Hope. Join us Monday for
Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced
and sponsored by Living on the Edge.