WEBVTT 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.179 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:17.600 How do you keep love in marriage alive? I mean 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:20.460 the glow after the honeymoon wears off, where 00:00:20.460 --> 00:00:23.760 life settles into those routines and daily demands. 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.359 How do you build a marriage that is fresh and 00:00:27.359 --> 00:00:32.039 really last? That's today. Stay with me. The 00:00:32.039 --> 00:00:35.799 honeymoon is over. The romance has faded. You're 00:00:35.799 --> 00:00:38.380 grinding through routines and wondering if this 00:00:38.380 --> 00:00:41.719 is all there is. Sound familiar? Today on Living 00:00:41.719 --> 00:00:44.560 on the Edge, Chip Ingram shows us how Jesus modeled 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:47.020 the kind of love that keeps marriages alive. 00:00:47.479 --> 00:00:50.979 In John chapter 13, Jesus did something shocking 00:00:50.979 --> 00:00:53.920 the night before his crucifixion. He washed his 00:00:53.920 --> 00:00:57.299 disciples' feet. And in that act, he revealed 00:00:57.299 --> 00:01:00.140 the secret to deepening love in any relationship. 00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:02.799 It's not about feelings. It's about choosing 00:01:02.799 --> 00:01:05.579 to serve when you don't feel like it. Through 00:01:05.579 --> 00:01:08.120 practical biblical principles, Chip will show 00:01:08.120 --> 00:01:10.719 you how to communicate love in ways your spouse 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:14.879 actually receives. Well, here's Chip. The overarching 00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:17.700 theme is how to keep love alive. And I'm going 00:01:17.700 --> 00:01:20.459 to talk about four biblical practices that great 00:01:20.459 --> 00:01:23.560 marriages have in common. One book that if you 00:01:23.560 --> 00:01:26.040 haven't read, it is so worth it. And I'll be 00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:29.000 talking a little bit more about it later is the 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:32.000 five languages of love. And in the introduction, 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:34.859 Gary Chapman talks about being on a plane and 00:01:34.859 --> 00:01:37.379 he sits next to a guy and one thing comes to 00:01:37.379 --> 00:01:38.799 another and he says, what do you do for a living? 00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:40.280 He goes, well, I'm a marriage counseling and 00:01:40.280 --> 00:01:42.219 I do seminars and I write books on marriage. 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:44.739 He said, well, this is my lucky day. And he said, 00:01:44.840 --> 00:01:48.620 you know, I love it like you're in love, but 00:01:48.620 --> 00:01:52.219 does anyone ever keep love alive? I mean, is 00:01:52.219 --> 00:01:56.120 it possible? I mean, do people just say, I guess 00:01:56.120 --> 00:01:58.579 marriages are mostly empty and you just grind 00:01:58.579 --> 00:02:01.719 it out? He said, is there any way to keep love 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:05.040 alive? And of course, Gary Chapman in his book 00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:08.560 talks about that in love, euphoric, over the 00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:15.659 top dissipates. But the need to feel loved never 00:02:15.659 --> 00:02:19.360 goes away. And you and I are living in a day 00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:22.699 and in a culture that basically says the in love 00:02:22.699 --> 00:02:25.180 feeling is what marriage and relationship is 00:02:25.180 --> 00:02:27.300 all about. And if you don't have that all the 00:02:27.300 --> 00:02:29.819 time, you probably married the wrong person or 00:02:29.819 --> 00:02:32.979 you, right? We fall in love, we fall out of love. 00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:35.460 And so what you need to do is find the next person, 00:02:35.539 --> 00:02:38.379 which then you look at the statistics and it 00:02:38.379 --> 00:02:40.439 doesn't work. And the next one after that doesn't 00:02:40.439 --> 00:02:44.680 work. And it's chaos. And I want to go to maybe 00:02:44.680 --> 00:02:48.159 an unusual place. You can open your Bibles. I 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:50.639 want to read a passage. It's Ephesians chapter 00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:55.759 5. And normally what we do is we talk all about, 00:02:55.860 --> 00:02:57.879 you know, it talks about what a woman should 00:02:57.879 --> 00:02:59.699 do and be. And then it talks about what a man 00:02:59.699 --> 00:03:01.800 should do and be. And then it has this little 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:05.039 line at the end that says, oh, but this is really 00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:07.180 about the mystery of Christ in the church. Follow 00:03:07.180 --> 00:03:09.879 along. Ephesians 5. I'll pick it up at verse 00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:13.060 25. Husbands. I mean, you talk about a hard assignment. 00:03:13.259 --> 00:03:17.099 Love your wives, how? Just as Christ also loved 00:03:17.099 --> 00:03:19.919 the church. Well, how did he do that? And gave 00:03:19.919 --> 00:03:23.620 himself up for her. Why? So he might sanctify 00:03:23.620 --> 00:03:25.979 her, set her apart, having cleansed her by the 00:03:25.979 --> 00:03:28.539 washing of the water with the word. Well, why? 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:32.060 That he might present to himself the church in 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:35.439 all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any 00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:38.879 such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. 00:03:41.569 --> 00:03:44.449 parallel. So husbands ought to love their own 00:03:44.449 --> 00:03:48.030 wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own 00:03:48.030 --> 00:03:51.150 wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his 00:03:51.150 --> 00:03:54.250 own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, 00:03:54.310 --> 00:03:57.870 just as Christ also does the church, because 00:03:57.870 --> 00:04:01.069 we are members of his body. And then he goes 00:04:01.069 --> 00:04:03.990 back and reaches into Genesis, that classic passage, 00:04:04.229 --> 00:04:06.729 for this reason a man shall leave his father 00:04:06.729 --> 00:04:09.120 and mother. and shall be joined to his wife, 00:04:09.300 --> 00:04:12.960 and the two shall become one flesh. Look at verse 00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:18.699 32. This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with 00:04:18.699 --> 00:04:22.180 reference to Christ and the church. In other 00:04:22.180 --> 00:04:25.560 words, there's this model of marriage that's 00:04:25.560 --> 00:04:28.680 a love relationship between Jesus and his church. 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:31.660 And then he kind of brings it back down to everyday 00:04:31.660 --> 00:04:35.230 life. Nevertheless, Each individual among you 00:04:35.230 --> 00:04:37.990 must also love his own wife, even as himself, 00:04:38.310 --> 00:04:41.829 and his wife must also see to it that she respects 00:04:41.829 --> 00:04:46.490 and honors her husband. And I was thinking and 00:04:46.490 --> 00:04:48.649 praying and asking God, you know, Lord, what 00:04:48.649 --> 00:04:52.069 do you want to say to this group of people? And 00:04:52.069 --> 00:04:54.449 that passage kept going over and over and over. 00:04:54.709 --> 00:04:57.610 And what I realized is very rarely do we take 00:04:57.610 --> 00:05:01.250 how Jesus loves the church and use that as our 00:05:01.250 --> 00:05:04.069 model for how we're to love one another. marriage. 00:05:04.529 --> 00:05:07.629 And so what I want you to do now is to open to 00:05:07.629 --> 00:05:13.910 John chapter 13. And this is a time where the 00:05:13.910 --> 00:05:19.949 disciples are being told to go prepare the last 00:05:19.949 --> 00:05:22.250 supper. They don't know it's the last supper. 00:05:22.370 --> 00:05:25.699 It's just Passover. They're Jewish boys. It's 00:05:25.699 --> 00:05:27.899 a very important moment. They're going to reenact 00:05:27.899 --> 00:05:30.079 that moment where God delivered his people and 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:32.620 the blood was put on the doorpost and the lamb 00:05:32.620 --> 00:05:36.360 is going to be killed. And all these things are 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:38.620 going to happen. And Jesus has been telling them 00:05:38.620 --> 00:05:40.959 for some time now that the religious leaders 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.319 are going to kill him. And he sends them on ahead. 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:48.259 And now imagine, the parallel is going to come. 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:49.939 You can look at your notes and you can sort of 00:05:49.939 --> 00:05:52.170 look ahead. But what I want you to get is the 00:05:52.170 --> 00:05:55.449 context and where Jesus was. He sends them on 00:05:55.449 --> 00:05:58.810 ahead and they get to this upper room. And when 00:05:58.810 --> 00:06:01.529 they get to the upper room, we learn the commentary 00:06:01.529 --> 00:06:04.810 is from one of the other gospels on the way there, 00:06:04.870 --> 00:06:06.350 what they were discussing. Does anybody remember? 00:06:07.269 --> 00:06:10.350 Who was the greatest? I mean, after three years 00:06:10.350 --> 00:06:12.569 and you're going to hand over the ministry to 00:06:12.569 --> 00:06:15.129 save the world to a group of guys that have been 00:06:15.129 --> 00:06:17.089 with you. They've seen you raise people from 00:06:17.089 --> 00:06:20.480 the dead. They've seen you. Feed 5 ,000, 4 ,000. 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:22.699 They've seen you walk on water. They've heard 00:06:22.699 --> 00:06:25.540 all your sermons and all your messages. And you 00:06:25.540 --> 00:06:27.980 got like 24 hours with them. And their big argument 00:06:27.980 --> 00:06:30.959 is, we know he's leaving. And so who's going 00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:33.139 to be the top dog now? I mean, who's going to 00:06:33.139 --> 00:06:35.879 get so many stars or stripes, right? So they 00:06:35.879 --> 00:06:39.800 walk in and I think the Lord. created this little 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:42.180 test for them. And when you would walk the dusty 00:06:42.180 --> 00:06:44.279 streets, everyone wore sandals. And when you 00:06:44.279 --> 00:06:46.000 would walk in a room, there would be a large 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:49.019 jar and then probably the lowliest servant in 00:06:49.019 --> 00:06:51.120 the household would be there. And when you came 00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:54.759 in, they would wash your feet off and towel them 00:06:54.759 --> 00:07:00.279 dry. So all 12 of them walk in and no one humbles 00:07:00.279 --> 00:07:04.160 himself because I'm better than that. This is 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:08.120 about me. It's about... I'm more important than 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:12.100 that. That job's too lowly. In other words, they're 00:07:12.100 --> 00:07:14.959 here the last night and their passion and their 00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:19.620 focus is my needs about me and my role and what 00:07:19.620 --> 00:07:24.220 I need and who ought to serve me. Is there like 00:07:24.220 --> 00:07:27.399 a remote sense that any of us have felt that 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:32.560 way in your marriage? So let's find out how does 00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:37.029 he respond? John chapter 13. Pick it up at verse 00:07:37.029 --> 00:07:41.209 one. Now, before the feast of the Passover, don't 00:07:41.209 --> 00:07:44.589 miss this. Jesus, knowing that his hour had come 00:07:44.589 --> 00:07:48.129 and that he would depart out of this world to 00:07:48.129 --> 00:07:51.930 his father and having loved his own who were 00:07:51.930 --> 00:07:56.569 in the world, he loved them to the end. In other 00:07:56.569 --> 00:07:59.569 words, this is gonna be one of his greatest acts 00:07:59.569 --> 00:08:04.339 of love. During the supper, the devil had already 00:08:04.339 --> 00:08:07.199 come into the heart of Judas Iscariot, the son 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:09.980 of Simon, to betray him. Jesus, knowing the father 00:08:09.980 --> 00:08:12.220 had given all things to his hands and that he 00:08:12.220 --> 00:08:14.480 had come forth from the father and was going 00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:18.060 back to God, got up from supper, laid aside his 00:08:18.060 --> 00:08:20.879 garments, taking a towel, he wrapped it around 00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:23.899 or girded himself. He poured water into a basin 00:08:23.899 --> 00:08:26.680 and he began to wash the disciples' feet and 00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:29.139 to wipe them with the towel which he was girded 00:08:29.139 --> 00:08:31.759 around his waist. Then he came to Simon Peter 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:35.919 and he said, Lord, do you wash my feet? Jesus 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:39.240 answered and said to him, what I do, you do not 00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:41.879 realize now, but you will understand hereafter. 00:08:42.240 --> 00:08:45.039 Peter said to him, never shall you wash my feet. 00:08:45.299 --> 00:08:47.740 And Jesus answered, if I do not wash your feet, 00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:50.480 you have no part with me. And then Simon Peter 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:53.799 said, Lord, then wash not only my feet, but also 00:08:53.799 --> 00:08:56.580 my hands and my head. And Jesus said to him, 00:08:56.600 --> 00:08:59.139 he who has bathed needs only to wash his feet. 00:08:59.500 --> 00:09:02.500 but is completely clean, and you are clean, but 00:09:02.500 --> 00:09:05.639 not all of you. For he knew the one betraying 00:09:05.639 --> 00:09:08.580 him, and for this reason he said, not all of 00:09:08.580 --> 00:09:11.440 you are clean. So when he had washed their feet, 00:09:11.720 --> 00:09:15.139 taken his garment, reclined at the table again, 00:09:15.419 --> 00:09:19.299 he said to them, do you know what I have done 00:09:19.299 --> 00:09:23.139 to you? You call me teacher and Lord, and you 00:09:23.139 --> 00:09:26.799 are right, for so I am. If I then, the teacher, 00:09:27.340 --> 00:09:30.899 and the Lord washed your feet, you also ought 00:09:30.899 --> 00:09:34.759 to wash one another's feet. I gave you an example 00:09:34.759 --> 00:09:38.419 that you also should do as I did to you. And 00:09:38.419 --> 00:09:40.820 then we get this moment. Truly, truly, I say 00:09:40.820 --> 00:09:44.139 to you, a slave is not greater than his master, 00:09:44.299 --> 00:09:47.179 nor is the one who is sent greater than the one 00:09:47.179 --> 00:09:50.360 who sent him. If you know these things, you are 00:09:50.360 --> 00:09:55.039 blessed if you do them. Let me skip over because 00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:58.850 he's now gonna, talk about his going and Judas 00:09:58.850 --> 00:10:01.950 is going to get up. And at the end of this supper, 00:10:02.029 --> 00:10:05.870 if you skip all the way to verse 34, he says 00:10:05.870 --> 00:10:09.990 to them, 33 for context, little children, I'm 00:10:09.990 --> 00:10:12.610 with you a little while longer. You'll seek me, 00:10:12.710 --> 00:10:17.210 as I said to the Jews. Now I say to you, where 00:10:17.210 --> 00:10:20.250 I'm going, you cannot come. A new commandment 00:10:20.250 --> 00:10:23.210 I give to you, that you love one another even 00:10:23.210 --> 00:10:26.769 as I have loved you. that you also should love 00:10:26.769 --> 00:10:29.929 one another. How did he just love them? He served 00:10:29.929 --> 00:10:33.470 them. Who deserved to be the head and who chose 00:10:33.470 --> 00:10:36.269 to be the servant? Who should have been offended 00:10:36.269 --> 00:10:39.539 and who chose to humble himself? who knew, was 00:10:39.539 --> 00:10:42.360 secure enough to know where he came from and 00:10:42.360 --> 00:10:44.860 where he was going and didn't have to have their 00:10:44.860 --> 00:10:48.019 approval. And so being secure and knowing his 00:10:48.019 --> 00:10:50.679 role, he could love them and he's going to love 00:10:50.679 --> 00:10:53.480 them to the end. And now what he says to them, 00:10:53.539 --> 00:10:55.720 this new commandment, I don't want you just to 00:10:55.720 --> 00:10:58.220 love. I want you to love each other the way I 00:10:58.220 --> 00:11:00.740 loved you. Now look at verse 35 in your Bible. 00:11:00.759 --> 00:11:03.940 Notice the impact. By this, all men will know 00:11:03.940 --> 00:11:07.559 that you are my disciples. Why? By how you love 00:11:07.559 --> 00:11:10.620 one another. Because you love one another the 00:11:10.620 --> 00:11:12.980 way I love you. That's the teaching of Jesus. 00:11:13.519 --> 00:11:15.879 His motive, what was his motive in serving him? 00:11:15.960 --> 00:11:19.960 Love. His action, he washes their feet. Did you 00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:23.080 notice that just because you love someone, it 00:11:23.080 --> 00:11:25.539 doesn't always work? That some of them accepted 00:11:25.539 --> 00:11:27.940 it readily and some of them couldn't accept it. 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:33.159 Why couldn't Peter accept it? Some people are 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:36.679 very uncomfortable receiving. Some people from 00:11:36.679 --> 00:11:39.960 family of origins believe down deep in their 00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:42.360 heart, almost below the conscious level, I'm 00:11:42.360 --> 00:11:45.259 unworthy, I'm unlovable. And when you seek to 00:11:45.259 --> 00:11:48.120 love them and care for them and speak words of 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:52.179 life, it's like BBs off of a tank. Here's a hard 00:11:52.179 --> 00:11:54.360 time in marriage. When you're trying your very, 00:11:54.419 --> 00:11:57.200 very best, right? And you're thinking you're 00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:58.860 really loving the other person and you're trying 00:11:58.860 --> 00:12:00.940 really hard and it gets worse instead of better. 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:03.639 That's when you have these really scary moments 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:07.139 like, I don't think this can ever work. I don't 00:12:07.139 --> 00:12:09.539 think this can ever work. And I want you to know 00:12:09.539 --> 00:12:12.179 there's hope, and it can. And we're going to 00:12:12.179 --> 00:12:14.940 learn from this passage the beginning of how 00:12:14.940 --> 00:12:19.049 to restore your passion. You're listening to 00:12:19.049 --> 00:12:21.690 Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip will 00:12:21.690 --> 00:12:24.169 continue today's message in just a moment, so 00:12:24.169 --> 00:12:26.870 stay with us. If today's teaching is resonating 00:12:26.870 --> 00:12:28.789 with you, there's more where this came from. 00:12:28.990 --> 00:12:31.570 The complete series, Choosing Love, is available 00:12:31.570 --> 00:12:35.690 right now at livingontheedge .org. You'll also 00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:38.409 find study notes, discussion questions, and resources 00:12:38.409 --> 00:12:41.070 to help you go deeper. Everything is waiting 00:12:41.070 --> 00:12:45.889 for you online at livingontheedge .org. Well, 00:12:45.889 --> 00:12:48.669 now let's continue with Chip's message. The principles 00:12:48.669 --> 00:12:51.289 out of this passage to identify, to deepen your 00:12:51.289 --> 00:12:55.330 love, number one is love is not a feeling. Jot 00:12:55.330 --> 00:12:58.750 that down. Love is not a feeling. Romantic, emotional 00:12:58.750 --> 00:13:02.509 feelings are good. Just don't confuse them with 00:13:02.509 --> 00:13:07.669 love. Definition of love, I've kind of just taken 00:13:07.669 --> 00:13:10.470 what the scriptures teach and packaged it together. 00:13:10.549 --> 00:13:13.970 Love is giving another person what they need 00:13:13.970 --> 00:13:18.629 the most. when they deserve it the least at great 00:13:18.629 --> 00:13:22.450 personal cost. And if you would just pause for 00:13:22.450 --> 00:13:25.090 a moment and think in your mind, what happened 00:13:25.090 --> 00:13:30.350 at the cross? What did God the Son do? He gave 00:13:30.350 --> 00:13:33.250 us what we needed the most, forgiveness. When 00:13:33.250 --> 00:13:35.450 we deserved it the least, we were his enemies. 00:13:35.549 --> 00:13:38.370 We were hostile to him at great personal cost. 00:13:38.850 --> 00:13:41.049 And what did the Father do? He gave the Son. 00:13:41.590 --> 00:13:44.590 And that's our model. And by the way, it's... 00:13:44.830 --> 00:13:47.549 It's the supernatural power of God in us to do 00:13:47.549 --> 00:13:50.009 that. I can't do that on my own and you can't 00:13:50.009 --> 00:13:54.110 do that on your own. Notice also, love is serving. 00:13:55.730 --> 00:13:58.309 And if you redefine love in your marriage, it's 00:13:58.309 --> 00:14:01.610 putting the needs of your mate above your own. 00:14:02.409 --> 00:14:06.289 You might jot down Philippians chapter two, verses 00:14:06.289 --> 00:14:10.379 three and four. Paul is talking about what it 00:14:10.379 --> 00:14:12.259 really looks like to love and he says, do nothing 00:14:12.259 --> 00:14:16.080 from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility 00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:20.320 of mind, consider others more important than 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:23.299 yourself. Do not look only on your own interests, 00:14:23.399 --> 00:14:28.000 but also on the interests of others. Third principle 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:32.240 here is that love must be received. Ask yourself, 00:14:32.580 --> 00:14:35.399 sometimes when you're hurt and you're resentful 00:14:35.399 --> 00:14:37.240 of your mate and they try and do something kind, 00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:40.000 what do you do? You want to make them pay, right? 00:14:41.019 --> 00:14:44.100 I'm not going to receive it right now. You know, 00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:45.700 they try and be a little affectionate or they 00:14:45.700 --> 00:14:48.360 say something kind. I'm not ready to make up 00:14:48.360 --> 00:14:52.220 right now. I'm going to twist that old knife, 00:14:52.299 --> 00:14:56.639 you know. I read the passage, the two become 00:14:56.639 --> 00:14:59.940 one. There's no such thing as a winner and a 00:14:59.940 --> 00:15:03.490 loser. It's either win -win or lose -lose. Every 00:15:03.490 --> 00:15:06.230 interaction, every conversation, every fight, 00:15:06.330 --> 00:15:09.129 every disagreement, every big issue, it's either 00:15:09.129 --> 00:15:11.370 a win -win or it's a lose -lose. Man, you can 00:15:11.370 --> 00:15:14.269 feel better for like 15 minutes, like, I got 00:15:14.269 --> 00:15:16.870 my way, or she better do that, or he's finally, 00:15:17.129 --> 00:15:19.649 and guess what? One of them, when resentment 00:15:19.649 --> 00:15:23.269 or hurt or woundedness happens in one person 00:15:23.269 --> 00:15:26.230 because the other, quote, thinks they won, I'll 00:15:26.230 --> 00:15:28.090 tell you what, you just so exceed the discord. 00:15:28.750 --> 00:15:32.740 Believe me, it'll pop up later. And so, Well, 00:15:32.779 --> 00:15:35.940 then how do you do this? Did you notice even 00:15:35.940 --> 00:15:40.600 that love is unconditional? You might jot that 00:15:40.600 --> 00:15:45.840 down. So then what are the practical implications? 00:15:47.139 --> 00:15:50.019 Practical implication number one is that love 00:15:50.019 --> 00:15:54.720 is a choice. It's not insincere to do actions 00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:57.580 and say words of kindness and serve and help 00:15:57.580 --> 00:16:00.759 your mate when you don't feel like it. Love is 00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:03.950 a choice. Don't confuse that with giving the 00:16:03.950 --> 00:16:06.389 person their way all the time, but I mean serving 00:16:06.389 --> 00:16:10.429 and loving and caring. It's a choice. Second 00:16:10.429 --> 00:16:13.250 implication is love meets the needs of the one 00:16:13.250 --> 00:16:16.429 loved. You know, Jesus could have come in and 00:16:16.429 --> 00:16:19.889 just not even noticed that their feet were dirty. 00:16:21.049 --> 00:16:23.850 So you gotta love people in a way that makes 00:16:23.850 --> 00:16:26.049 sense to them. You have to observe what are the 00:16:26.049 --> 00:16:31.379 needs, what's going on in their life. That was 00:16:31.379 --> 00:16:34.480 my biggest, biggest challenge in our marriage 00:16:34.480 --> 00:16:38.580 was I was loving my wife in ways that it was 00:16:38.580 --> 00:16:41.460 like I spoke German and she spoke French and 00:16:41.460 --> 00:16:44.340 I was trying hard and she was trying hard. And 00:16:44.340 --> 00:16:46.559 I mean, we were just completely missing each 00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:51.759 other. And it was so frustrating. Another implication 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:54.639 is love requires extreme humility and security. 00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:59.960 Did you notice? I mean, This is God the Son humbling 00:16:59.960 --> 00:17:06.079 himself, bending down, washing feet. The tool 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:08.339 for transformation I want to give you is we're 00:17:08.339 --> 00:17:11.839 going to learn the five languages of love, and 00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:14.019 I'm going to tell you it'll be the beginning 00:17:14.019 --> 00:17:17.079 of a new day. I'll give you the picture of this 00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:22.859 is how this works. So one of my love languages 00:17:22.859 --> 00:17:26.779 are words that affirm. And another love language 00:17:26.779 --> 00:17:31.559 of mine is physical touch. And probably after 00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:35.079 that is quality time. And by God's grace, that's 00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:37.500 quality time is probably her number two and my 00:17:37.500 --> 00:17:39.980 number two. And so early in our marriage, I think 00:17:39.980 --> 00:17:42.640 I'm loving my wife. And so I'm telling her, you 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:45.420 look beautiful. I love you, verbal. I care for 00:17:45.420 --> 00:17:48.079 you. You're wonderful. And by the way, she doesn't 00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:50.819 say that to me. I'm an extrovert. She's an introvert. 00:17:50.859 --> 00:17:52.920 She doesn't say a lot. There's times we get in 00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:55.660 the car and we're driving for 30 minutes. I grew 00:17:55.660 --> 00:17:58.500 up in a family where you didn't take turns, you 00:17:58.500 --> 00:18:01.259 just interrupted one another. She came and visited 00:18:01.259 --> 00:18:03.200 my family, and it was like, these people are 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:06.539 crazy. She didn't get a word in edgewise. Well, 00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:12.099 we're a verbal family. Hers, I mean, you hear 00:18:12.099 --> 00:18:16.019 a pin drop at supper, you know? And so we're 00:18:16.019 --> 00:18:18.440 driving in the car for like 30 minutes. And so 00:18:18.440 --> 00:18:21.420 being the man and having bizarre thoughts, I 00:18:21.420 --> 00:18:23.019 think, I wonder how long, I'm not going to say 00:18:23.019 --> 00:18:25.299 anything and see how long it takes her to say 00:18:25.299 --> 00:18:28.319 something to me. You know, so, okay, you know, 00:18:28.339 --> 00:18:32.440 and, you know, it's 10 minutes, 22 minutes. And 00:18:32.440 --> 00:18:34.240 we're getting ready to be where we're supposed 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:36.000 to be. And, you know, she's looking out the window. 00:18:37.189 --> 00:18:41.509 You know, like that. And then, in the nick of 00:18:41.509 --> 00:18:45.190 time, she says this. I'll never forget it. She 00:18:45.190 --> 00:18:47.829 turns to me and she goes, isn't it wonderful 00:18:47.829 --> 00:18:50.069 just to be with a person that you love and not 00:18:50.069 --> 00:18:55.450 have to say a word? You know, on this drive, 00:18:55.549 --> 00:18:58.630 I've just looked at the hills and the animals, 00:18:58.750 --> 00:19:04.859 and it's been so beautiful. Thank you. I'm so 00:19:04.859 --> 00:19:08.180 glad I didn't say something on that one, you 00:19:08.180 --> 00:19:12.259 know. And so I would say things like that, and 00:19:12.259 --> 00:19:16.200 it meant nothing. And on another occasion, I 00:19:16.200 --> 00:19:17.720 thought, you know, I'm working really hard, and 00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:20.619 I wasn't real detail -oriented, to say the least. 00:19:20.819 --> 00:19:23.960 And we're in seminary, and so I go and get some 00:19:23.960 --> 00:19:27.779 flowers for her, you know. I played a lot of 00:19:27.779 --> 00:19:29.680 pickup basketball, and I would lose track of 00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:31.500 time, and I kept coming home late, and we'd always 00:19:31.500 --> 00:19:34.240 argue about it. I was trying to make up for it, 00:19:34.259 --> 00:19:37.039 you know, so I bring these flowers or something, 00:19:37.099 --> 00:19:40.740 and she, what? She takes more like that. She 00:19:40.740 --> 00:19:44.039 goes, what are you doing? Well, you don't like 00:19:44.039 --> 00:19:46.900 flowers? Chip, we only have $10 in our checking 00:19:46.900 --> 00:19:49.119 account. How much do those cost? Just a little 00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:53.460 bit more than $10. So here's what I want you 00:19:53.460 --> 00:19:56.460 to get. I'm trying to express my love in ways 00:19:56.460 --> 00:20:02.430 that are not communicating, all right? And so 00:20:02.430 --> 00:20:05.809 on her side, she, I mean, we're in marriage counseling, 00:20:05.970 --> 00:20:09.630 okay? We're trying. So she, I mean, cooks these 00:20:09.630 --> 00:20:11.970 great meals and the house is always beautiful. 00:20:12.089 --> 00:20:14.730 And I mean, she takes care of everything. I mean, 00:20:14.769 --> 00:20:20.109 just because one of her love languages is acts 00:20:20.109 --> 00:20:23.049 of service. So she's saying, I love you with 00:20:23.049 --> 00:20:25.069 a great meal. I'm saying, you know what? I'll 00:20:25.069 --> 00:20:27.250 eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Hug me 00:20:27.250 --> 00:20:29.549 like this and say, you're awesome, Chip, and 00:20:29.549 --> 00:20:31.150 you're handsome, and I think you're brilliant, 00:20:31.269 --> 00:20:34.349 and you look so sexy tonight, and you know, there's 00:20:34.349 --> 00:20:37.410 my love language, right? And you know, oh, the 00:20:37.410 --> 00:20:39.230 house looks really clean. You know, it is a wonderful 00:20:39.230 --> 00:20:42.289 meal, okay? You know, and so she's feeling like 00:20:42.289 --> 00:20:45.650 I'm rejecting her love. Now, guys, I'm going 00:20:45.650 --> 00:20:48.990 to skip ahead, all right? Because here, there's 00:20:48.990 --> 00:20:52.950 some real breakthroughs. As I learned to love 00:20:52.950 --> 00:20:56.549 her in a way that made sense to her, and she 00:20:56.549 --> 00:20:59.769 learned what my love language was, then what 00:20:59.769 --> 00:21:02.750 happens is you kind of get enough gas in the 00:21:02.750 --> 00:21:06.369 emotional tank to work on those things that some 00:21:06.369 --> 00:21:09.089 of them take a long time. There's fundamentals 00:21:09.089 --> 00:21:11.730 and skills, and you have to practice and practice 00:21:11.730 --> 00:21:13.450 and practice, and then you put it all together. 00:21:13.710 --> 00:21:18.980 It's a process. You're listening to Living on 00:21:18.980 --> 00:21:21.599 the Edge with Chip Ingram and powerful teaching 00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:24.519 about serving your way to deeper love in marriage. 00:21:24.799 --> 00:21:27.140 Chip will share more thoughts in just a moment. 00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:30.000 To revisit or share this message, head on over 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:33.700 to livingontheedge .org. If today's teaching 00:21:33.700 --> 00:21:35.880 stirred your heart about learning to love through 00:21:35.880 --> 00:21:38.660 serving, you need Chip's book, I Choose Love. 00:21:39.109 --> 00:21:41.470 This timely resource unpacks the revolutionary 00:21:41.470 --> 00:21:44.390 truth that love isn't something that happens 00:21:44.390 --> 00:21:47.170 to you. It's something you choose to do. Chip 00:21:47.170 --> 00:21:50.309 shows how Agape Love transforms marriages by 00:21:50.309 --> 00:21:52.809 giving what's needed most when it's deserved 00:21:52.809 --> 00:21:55.950 least at great personal cost. You'll discover 00:21:55.950 --> 00:21:58.789 practical ways to speak your spouse's love language 00:21:58.789 --> 00:22:02.190 and serve in ways that actually connect. Order 00:22:02.190 --> 00:22:05.730 your copy of I Choose Love by going online to 00:22:05.730 --> 00:22:09.220 livingontheedge .org. It's exciting to think 00:22:09.220 --> 00:22:11.279 how marriages are being restored through the 00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:13.579 biblical teaching of Living on the Edge. This 00:22:13.579 --> 00:22:16.440 ministry reaches families worldwide with practical 00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:20.000 truth that rebuilds relationships. And your partnership 00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:22.660 makes this impact possible. When you support 00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:24.680 Living on the Edge, you're investing in marriages, 00:22:24.960 --> 00:22:28.059 families, and the next generation. Would you 00:22:28.059 --> 00:22:31.259 join us? To give, visit livingontheedge .org 00:22:31.259 --> 00:22:34.619 or mail your gift to Living on the Edge, P .O. 00:22:34.619 --> 00:22:40.519 Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia. You can also call 00:22:40.519 --> 00:22:45.819 888 -333 -6003. Also check out our new feature 00:22:45.819 --> 00:22:48.299 on the Living on the Edge podcast. We call it 00:22:48.299 --> 00:22:51.339 the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, presenting each 00:22:51.339 --> 00:22:53.900 of Chip's sermons unedited from beginning to 00:22:53.900 --> 00:22:57.079 end. Just subscribe to the Living on the Edge 00:22:57.079 --> 00:23:00.309 podcast. Well, now here's Chip with some final 00:23:00.309 --> 00:23:03.049 thoughts. As we wrap up the first program of 00:23:03.049 --> 00:23:06.069 the series, I hope you heard a few things that 00:23:06.069 --> 00:23:09.130 you begin to think to yourself, oh, that's how 00:23:09.130 --> 00:23:13.150 Jesus did it. Jesus connected. Jesus really loved 00:23:13.150 --> 00:23:16.230 in John chapter 13. What are some things that 00:23:16.230 --> 00:23:18.710 I can glean, that you can glean out of that? 00:23:19.069 --> 00:23:21.769 Here's what I want you to know. I've never taught 00:23:21.769 --> 00:23:24.750 a mentoring or coaching series quite like this. 00:23:24.910 --> 00:23:27.950 And what I've done in each one of these is I've 00:23:27.950 --> 00:23:30.390 I've taken the way that Jesus deepened his love 00:23:30.390 --> 00:23:33.190 with his disciples because he's our model. And 00:23:33.190 --> 00:23:35.349 when we do that in our marriage relationships, 00:23:35.650 --> 00:23:38.369 I'm telling you, great things happen. And so 00:23:38.369 --> 00:23:40.490 when he wanted to deepen his love, what you see 00:23:40.490 --> 00:23:44.269 in John 13, it was his very last act. He serves. 00:23:44.569 --> 00:23:46.730 And so in each one of these messages, I'll give 00:23:46.730 --> 00:23:48.769 the teaching. Then I'll give the principles. 00:23:49.029 --> 00:23:51.369 And then most of you are going to be most excited 00:23:51.369 --> 00:23:53.890 for our next broadcast because I'll give the 00:23:53.890 --> 00:23:57.240 practical implications. And then each time, I 00:23:57.240 --> 00:24:00.960 will give you a very specific tool. I mean, something 00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:05.740 practical to do to serve your mate in a way that 00:24:05.740 --> 00:24:08.089 here's what I will guarantee. It will deepen 00:24:08.089 --> 00:24:10.630 your love because it will be a tool that allow 00:24:10.630 --> 00:24:14.410 you to do what Jesus did for his disciples. So 00:24:14.410 --> 00:24:16.230 I don't know what you have going on for the next 00:24:16.230 --> 00:24:18.670 couple of weeks, but let me encourage you. Stay 00:24:18.670 --> 00:24:22.569 with me. Let's join together and learn to love 00:24:22.569 --> 00:24:26.569 our mates in ways that provide deep, lasting, 00:24:26.650 --> 00:24:29.630 rich relationships. Because it's more than just 00:24:29.630 --> 00:24:32.880 about us and our happiness. Our marriages are 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:35.559 God's billboard to the world. It's the picture 00:24:35.559 --> 00:24:38.640 of Jesus and the church. So join me for the next 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:41.220 couple of weeks and let's grow together. Can 00:24:41.220 --> 00:24:43.420 you really learn to love when you don't feel 00:24:43.420 --> 00:24:46.299 like it? I'm Dave Drewy, inviting you to join 00:24:46.299 --> 00:24:48.759 us as Chip Ingram continues teaching on the love 00:24:48.759 --> 00:24:55.559 languages. Tomorrow on Living on the Edge. Today's 00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:58.099 program is produced and sponsored by Living on 00:24:58.099 --> 00:24:58.619 the Edge.