Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
Would you like to become a more loving person?
I don't mean just trying harder to act more loving,
but actually become from the inside out a person
that just flat out loves people better and more
deeply. Well, if so, stick around. That's today.
What's standing between you and genuine love?
Well, according to Chip Ingram, it's selfishness,
that I -want -my -way mentality we're all born
with. I'm Dave Drewy, and today on Living on
the Edge, Chip continues our series, Choosing
Love, by exposing the root problem behind broken
relationships, pride. But here's the good news.
Research now confirms what Scripture has taught
for thousands of years. Genuine humility fosters
better health, stronger relationships, and even
improved self -esteem. Today, Chip gives us three
radical steps to declare war on selfishness and
attack the root of pride. Well, now here's Chip
Ingram with his lesson, Love Gives. In our study
in Philippians chapter two, follow along I'm
reading in the Phillips translation. He says,
now, if you experience of Christ, if there's
any encouragement and love means anything to
you, if you've known something of the fellowship
of his spirit and all that it means in kindness
and deep sympathy. And then here's the command.
Make my best hope for you or my joy come true.
Live together in harmony. Live together in love
as though you had only one mind and one spirit
before you. So just before you open those notes,
I want you to think about how to become a more
loving person. Choose. to declare war on, write
the word, selfishness. And as usual, when I go
high tech here, my iPad is not working, so I
think I'll go with a little bit less technical
one that you all have. Turn to Philippians chapter
two, if you're not already there, and let me
read for you this command. Philippians chapter
two, we've looked at verses, 1 and 2. Follow
along here in chapter 2 as we read verse 3 and
4. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,
but in humility of mind consider others more
important than yourself. Verse 4, let each of
you look not only on your own interest, but also
on the interest of others. You may be looking
at this and saying, declare war. Aren't you getting
a little radical here? No, no. We're born with
this innate ability to be selfish. In fact, let
me define selfish ambition here. Four words.
I want my way. That's selfish ambition. I want
my way. It's a me first mentality. I want to
be number one. I'm selfish. Now, it's very unpopular
to admit that. But what is hard to see in ourselves,
isn't it easy to see in others? I mean, you get
out on the freeway, are people selfish or what?
I mean, this isn't like out there somewhere either.
Anybody here tried to get out of the parking
lot here? You know, especially 11 o 'clock service?
Now, there are some people, you know, very Christian,
wave you in. And there's some of you that are
still working on it. Let me put it that way.
But we're selfish. But you don't slide out of
being selfish. Even though the living spirit
of Christ lives inside of you and you're born
again and you're part of the kingdom of God,
there's this battle. The Galatians talks about
the spirit wages war against the flesh. This
predisposition toward my way, my stuff is rooted
in your heart and you'll have it until the day
you die. But the spirit of God can give you the
ability. To in humility, look at the second half
of that text. In humility, consider others as
more important than yourself. Humility can be
a very misunderstood word. So I came across a
very, very interesting article. I think of humility
as not thinking too highly of yourself, not thinking
too lowly of yourself, but having an accurate,
sober self -assessment. As one person said, humility
is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is
just thinking less about yourself. They're doing
science now on the benefits of virtues, things
like forgiveness. They've done lots of research
on gratitude. You may have read some of that.
This is an article by a professor at George Fox
University. It's called The Science of Humility.
It says, researchers have developed scales to
measure intellectual humility, relational humility,
cultural humility, and some are now working on
spiritual humility as well. As with forgiveness
and gratitude, humility fosters, this is what
humility delivers. Are you ready for this? Humility
fosters physical and mental and relational health.
Humble people are more grateful and forgiving,
so they enjoy the benefits of those virtues.
They're also, humble people are more generous
and helpful to others. Hey, this is a good one.
They have better romantic relationships. For
some of you, get humble right away, okay? They
have better romantic relationships, have less
anxiety about death, and experience less spiritual
struggle. Those parents who are concerned about
your kids, People that are humble perform better
at school, show more compassion to others, and
even have better self -esteem than less humble
people. So in other words, they're doing scientific
research. And what God has commanded, what delights
our Father, and what Christ modeled amazingly,
is the genuine humility. Not putting yourself
first, but actually considering the needs of
others. It's what we call around here, and you'll
learn more about in this series, it's the I am
second mentality. I mean, it just goes completely
against everything. I am second as I go through
the line. I am second as I drive on the freeway.
I am second when I think about my rights in my
marriage. I am second when I think about the
needs with my roommate. I am second when we're
trying to divide something and see who gets the
bigger piece. The article goes on. and says that
humility, this is very important, does not require
self -loathing or self -belittling, but it calls
for us to dial back our normal tendency, are
you ready for this, to overestimate our abilities
and behaviors. Now, I never do that, and you
never do that, but there's some people out there
that overestimate their abilities and their behaviors,
and you know I'm teasing. I love it. He goes,
there's three characteristics of people that
are genuinely humble. Number one, They have a
reasonably accurate view of themselves, neither
too high or neither too low, pretty biblical.
Number two is they care more deeply or have a
concern and notice other people. And then number
three is humble people are teachable. So genuine
humility is rooted in some characteristics, and
according to the scientific study, which actually
is pretty biblical, whether they know it or not,
is that they have a pretty accurate view of themselves.
In other words, I'm not the center of the world.
Are you ready? I'm not the smartest person. in
the room. My opinions aren't always the best.
My perspective of what we ought to do or my decision
isn't necessarily better than others, but it
doesn't mean that I don't have good thoughts
and my decisions and my perspective can be very
valid. So they don't think too high. They don't
think too low. The second one is they really
consider The thoughts, the interests, and the
feelings of others. Humble people are sensitive.
Humble people notice the person that when everyone
gets out and walks out of here, humble people
see the people that no one said hi to. Humble
people notice the needs of other people. Genuinely
humble people, I'm always amazed that, you know,
maybe I'll have a passing conversation with someone
and like a week later, two weeks later, like
get a note or get something in the mail. I was
meeting with someone a long time ago and they
watched me fiddle with trying to recharge. You
know, you got all these rechargers and all this
different stuff. Out of the blue, a week later,
I get a package. There's no name. There's no
note. There's no anything. I don't know what
it is. I open the package and it's one of these
bars that has one, two, three, four, five, where
you can hook in your phone, everything else with
the plug and you plug the thing in. I use it
every day. Humility. Someone didn't say a word,
saw I had a need and addressed the need. And
third, and I think this is big, they're teachable.
They realize that they're on the journey too.
At the heart of not being humble is not, Thinking
lowly of yourself, belittling yourself, condemning
yourself. In fact, the second way to become more
loving is attack the root of the problem. And
then I want you to write in the word pride. Attack
the root of the problem. If you will, right underneath
where you see verse three, circle the world,
empty conceit. Do nothing from selfish ambition
or... Empty conceit. Selfish ambition, selfishness
is what we do. The root of the problem is why
we do it. That's empty conceit. Or I love, write
this word down. I love this phrase. It's an old,
old, old version of King James. Vain glory, empty
glory. You say, well, what's vain glory? What's
empty conceit? Well, a good street name is pride,
but that's sort of... It's kind of a big word.
Let me give you some very specific pictures of
empty conceit. Empty conceit is I'm better. I'm
more important. I'm superior. I'm more intelligent.
My time matters more than yours. My life matters
more than you. I have greater value. I have greater
worth. Now, you may not say that outside in your
head, but our behavior. Our behavior just screams
vain glory. I like the way I said that, glory,
right? It's this, I'm the center of the world
and I can clothe it with all kind of Bible verses.
And I can actually, in a Christian way, do image
management to try and project I'm humble. Which
is that the empty conceit. The idea is I want
everyone to have this amazing opinion of me that
I either want for myself or actually think I
have. You're listening to Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram. We'll hear more from Chip in
just a moment. If today's message is speaking
to your heart, don't keep it to yourself. Share
this teaching with someone who needs to hear
it by visiting livingontheedge .org. While you're
there, be sure to check out all of the other
faith -building resources we have available,
including teaching videos, blogs, and devotionals
from Chip. It's all waiting for you at livingontheedge
.org. Let's continue with Chip's message. I made
a list because this got very convicting and I
thought, oh boy. I made a list of some ways that
when this happens in me, okay, this isn't you,
this is me. When these things happen in me, what
I know is vain glory, empty conceit, pride is
raising its ugly head. And then I'm gonna talk
to you about how to go into training. And did
you notice the violent words I've used? Declare
war, attack. In other words, you've got to get
to the root of the problem. This isn't about,
I think I'm going to try and be more loving and
I'll tell someone I forgive. This is heart stuff,
root stuff. This is stuff that's so deeply in
your psyche and in your soul and mind that you
have to declare war. I refuse in light of what
God's done for me to be a selfish person. I'm
going to attack the root problem. And the root
problem is in my thinking. I become the center
of things even subtly because in my thinking,
I think I'm better or I want to project that
I'm better. In my thinking, my time and my money
and what I do is more important. It's lethal.
It destroys relationships. It's unloving. And
so when these things happen in my life, what
I know is pride. Defensiveness. Someone makes
a comment to me immediately. It could be my wife.
It can be in a meeting. It can be one of my kids.
It can be someone I don't know very much. They
say something. We're talking about something.
And I hear myself. I'm defensive. Well, why?
Because I've got to guard. I've got to prove.
I've got to protect. Whatever they've said, that
sort of hit a button inside. Second, making excuses.
It's my pride. I didn't do it wrong. I didn't
mess up. It was them. It was late. It was the
traffic. If they would have done this on time,
I would have had it on time. It's, you name it.
In fact, related to that one is when I hear myself
blaming other people, I know that's pride. In
other words, don't look at me and think it's
my fault. See, humility, you know what humility
does? And it actually gains. It actually gains.
the credibility of people. When you actually
make a mistake, when you're actually late, when
you really blow it, when you don't come through,
it's amazing what happens when you say, you know,
hey, I hope you all will, I just apologize. That
was a deadline. I didn't hit it. I could give
you a number of reasons. None of them really
measure up other than I didn't use my time wisely.
I went down some bad paths in terms of how to
solve this problem. I'd like to ask you guys
to forgive me. You know what normally happens?
Everyone in the room knows they do that too.
But so often we blame, we make excuses. In my
marriage for many years, I remember my wife saying
this. She said it in the presence of a counselor,
so it was very unpleasant. Chip, you always have
to have the last word. Does that ring a bell?
You always have to have the last word. And I
had to go into training to realize why. Because
down deep, I've got to be right. I've got to
declare. And it was all about these insecurities
and this pride. I remember evaluating things,
and especially some of you that are... or if
you have some leadership or strategic views of
things, and the challenge is if you're really
pretty good at it. I remember a number of years
ago, it was probably a decade ago, I would hope
it'd be a little bit more, but honestly, probably
about a decade ago, when I realized, when I evaluated
things, I had this subtle view that when I looked
at all the pieces and I aligned all the pieces,
that my view was the truth. My view, in other
words, I've looked at this, I've looked at this,
I've prayed about it, I've got it all together.
My view of this situation is the truth. And boy,
did I find out either I didn't read the pieces
right or I didn't have all the pieces. And I
had a couple of experiences where I was so wrong.
And now when I have a conversation where I have
to confront someone and it's really difficult
and it's really tender, I try to always preface
it with something like this. Now, I want you
to know that I need to. I need to say a couple
things that will be hard to hear, but here's
what you need to hear first. This is my perspective,
not to be confused with the truth. I don't know
the reality, but what I want you to know and
what I'm responsible, this is my perspective.
I'd like you to take this perspective, and would
you weigh this before God to see what truth is
in it? Do you see the difference? My list is
actually longer. Well, here's one. I was perpetually
late for almost everything for years. You know
the guy that's dashing onto the plane in the
old years before there was all that security
or the person who's rushing in and running out
of the parking lot and coming in two minutes
late or five minutes late. I was late, late,
late, late, late. And I tried hard and it really
bugged my wife. And then I had a breakthrough.
My problem was not being late. My problem wasn't
self -will. My problem wasn't discipline. My
problem was grandiosity. And when I saw that
it was so ugly, I changed. Some of you are saying,
so what exactly is grandiosity? Grandiosity is
thinking whatever you're doing is so important.
And if I can say this kindly, we come here on
a weekend. to adore and give our very best to
the creator of the universe and the savior that
died upon a cross to pay for our sin and rose
from the dead and has given us eternal life.
The grandiosity to come in five, 10, 15, 20 minutes
late. The grandiosity of during a song or during
this time when I'm teaching the very word of
God, you checking your email and having your
phone open is arrogance. It's just arrogance.
And, you know, please, you know, I always hear
pastors say, I don't want you to feel guilty.
Actually, I want you to feel guilty. If you're
guilty, guilt's a really good thing. If there's
genuine sorrow, you repent and you realize, oh,
I never thought of it that way. I'm not saying
you thought of it intentionally. I'm just telling
you what it is. If this was a U2 concert, this
place would be packed two hours and people would
rush to get in. When you buy tickets to a movie,
you don't go a half hour late. See, we have a
consumer mindset. There is a grandiosity and
an arrogance. And it needs to be changed. And
so notice point number three is choose to practice
humility daily by putting others' needs and interests
ahead of your own. Don't consider just your own
interests, although the passage is clear, take
them into account, but consider the interests
of others as more important than your own. Where
are we going to go to eat? Where would you like
to go to eat? Maybe this person has to get to
work. It's as important or more important than
you. What would happen? What would happen if
we declared war on selfishness? If we said, I'm
going to attack the root of this problem, which
is really my own pride, this empty conceit, this
vainglory, and then this week I'm going to go
into training. And I'm going to choose very specifically
in little, little things that will grow into
bigger and bigger things. I'm going to choose
in my money to be generous. I'm going to choose
in my time to be generous. And we'll talk about
exactly how very specifically to put that in
practice. Ask yourself, where does my money go?
Loving toward God and others or me? Where does
my time go? Toward God and others or me? Where
does my energy go? Father, I pray now as there
are many, many, many relationships that are fractured
and it will require only one person to admit
at the heart of it regardless of the other person
that pride and selfishness and arrogance is at
the core and a repentance before you and then
the next steps of asking forgiveness and restitution
and even reconciliation in some cases where it's
possible. So, Lord, would you bring to mind in
this room the people that need to get a call,
a lunch, a coffee, a text, a letter, a note of
apology so that we could love others the way
you've loved us. This is Living on the Edge with
Chip Ingram, and we're in our series called Choosing
Love. Today, Chip challenged us with three radical
steps. Declare war on selfishness, attack the
root of pride, and practice humility daily by
putting others first. Chip will be back with
some final thoughts in just a moment. If you're
ready to turn today's challenge into lasting
change, Chip's newest book, I Choose Love, gives
you the practical roadmap you need. It doesn't
just tell you what to do. It shows you how to
do it. You'll learn to recognize the subtle ways
pride and selfishness sabotage your relationships.
You'll discover practical exercises to develop
genuine humility. And you'll see how choosing
agape love, the sacrificial, others -focused
love of God, transforms even your most difficult
relationships. I Choose Love addresses the real
issues we all face. The tendency to need the
last word, the subtle belief that our perspective
is the truth, the grandiosity that shows up in
small ways like chronic lateness. Chip gets brutally
honest about his own struggles, and he shows
you the path forward. If you're tired of broken
relationships and ready to experience love that
actually works, get your copy of I Choose Love
today. Visit livingontheedge .org. And friend,
this Bible teaching program is reaching you and
countless others because of the faithful giving
of listeners just like you. When you give to
Living on the Edge, you're multiplying this message
of transformative love around the world. Would
you join us? Visit livingontheedge .org to give,
or just call us at 888 -333 -6003. Well, now
here's Chip with a final thought. Before we do
anything else in this broadcast, I want to pause.
I just prayed, and now I want to talk to you
very honestly and sincerely about your life.
You know, the fact of the matter is, is that
you need to ask and I need to ask, so where does
your money go? And what actions really indicate
that you love God and you love other people?
I mean, where does your time go? And this is
not about me in any way seeking to poke around
or make you feel guilty. This is about you and
me as brother and sisters in Christ coming before
the throne of God and saying, love isn't just
a feeling. Love chooses to serve. It chooses
to give. It chooses to get out of our comfort
zone. It's the platinum rule. Love says, this
is what God has done in us. And something inside
of us, the Spirit of the living God, compels
us to release our time and our money and our
energy to meet the needs of other people. And
so I'd like you, you know, if you're driving,
don't do this. But if you're not driving, would
you just open your palms upward and say, Lord,
it's your money, it's your time, it's your gifts,
it's your talents. Would you bring to my mind
just today? Who could I extend money and time
and energy and love to? And Lord, would you help
me see first and foremost under the roof where
I live, my roommate or my husband, my wife, my
kids, would you help me to be an other -centered
follower of Jesus? And then watch how the Spirit
of God will work in you and through you. Ready
to see humility in action? I'm Dave Drewy. Join
us tomorrow as Chip Ingram unpacks what it means
to truly serve on Living on the Edge. Today's
program is produced and sponsored by Living on
the Edge.