Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
There is a place that God created where you can
experience authentic love and connection like
nowhere else on earth. It's a place where loneliness
isn't welcome and meaningful relationships abound.
It's a community where people can be reconnected
to their family. Sound like a place you might
want to go? Stick around. I'll give you directions
on how to get there. God cares about your loneliness.
Jesus understands your pain. He invites you into
relationship with him. But here's the problem
many Christians face. They're positional members
of the church, yet they never truly participate.
They're saved, forgiven, part of the family,
but still lonely. I'm Dave Drury, and today on
Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram reveals the difference
between attending church and actually belonging.
In our series, Experience Breakthrough, we're
discovering how to stop feeling confined by life's
biggest barriers. Last time, we learned that
loneliness is universal. Today, Chip shows us
God's solution, authentic community in the body
of Christ. Well, here's Chip Ingram with today's
message. Let me give you four reasons why you
don't have to be lonely. First, you don't have
to be lonely because God cares about your loneliness.
God knows your deepest feelings of loneliness,
and He cares. Second reason that you don't have
to be lonely and I don't have to be lonely is
Jesus understands your loneliness. Hebrews 4
.15 says that we don't have a high priest that
can't sympathize with our weaknesses. But he,
like us, has been tempted in every way yet without
sin. He understands everything that you feel
in the realm of loneliness. God not only cares,
but Jesus completely understands. Because he
understands, there's a third reason we don't
have to be lonely. The third reason is Jesus
invites you into a relationship with him. Jesus
in Matthew 11, 28 through 30 says, listen to
this, arms open. Come. Come to me, all who are
weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Then notice the offer. Take my yoke upon you
and learn from me. And it's a process, isn't
it? Learn from me. Why do we learn from him?
Notice the two adjectives. I am gentle. The word
means power under control. I'm power under control
and humble of heart. That word means vulnerable,
approachable, nonjudgmental. And you will find
rest for your souls. Have you ever just wondered
what it'd be like to have rest for your soul?
To be clean, to be forgiven, to have the God
of the universe put his arm around you and say,
I love you just how you are. And in ways that
you can take a little at a time, I'll teach you
and love you. and help you become all that I
designed you to be. Notice how it ends. For my
yoke is easy and my burden is light. See, a lot
of us grew up with a view of God and God's got
his arms crossed and he's got his finger out.
You better get with it. There's a lot of rules
to keep. You're not keeping the rules. You better
do this. You better do that. You better do this.
You better do that. And our view of God is so
distorted. The God of the Bible has arms open.
Come. See, it's the offer of relationship. And
he's saying to you, I'm standing at the door
of your life. I don't care where you've been.
I don't care the sin that's so grievous to your
heart and you feel so guilty. I've come. And
when I died on the cross, I paid for it. Come
to me. If you don't have a relationship with
Christ, if you're not 100 % sure that if you
died, because it's going to happen to all of
us sometime somewhere, Jesus is inviting you.
I'd like to solve your loneliness problem. I'd
like to forgive you. The moment you pray and
say, Lord Jesus, come into my life. I believe
when you died on the cross, it was for me and
my sins are forgiven. The moment you pray and
receive him as your savior, the Holy Spirit will
come into your life. The Bible says you'll be
sealed in the spirit. You'll be adopted as one
of his sons or daughters. You'll have power over
sin. You'll still struggle. You'll have freedom
from the penalty of sin. You'll have new relationships.
You will move into a whole new arena. Will it
be easy? Oh, of course not. But is your life
easy now? Mine's not. But you can go through
it with someone. So, well, we've solved it, haven't
we? Aren't you glad you came? Well, we have.
You don't have to be lonely. God cares, right?
He's all -knowing, all -powerful, and He loves
you. Jesus understands your loneliness, so if
you talk to Him at any time, I mean, His heart
will break with your hurt. He invites you into
a relationship if you haven't. And finally, once
you're in relationship with him, you belong to
one another. And so since you belong, everything's
great, right? Gosh, we're done pretty early.
Doesn't work quite like that, does it? See, the
fact of the matter is, there's a lot of us that
belong. We're born again. We know Christ. plexiglass
box around you and you're on the outside looking
in. And in your heart of hearts you don't feel
like anyone really cares. And you don't feel
deeply connected. And it may be true of you that
you know God and it may be true of you that you
belong but you don't feel it. So let me let me
take some time and see if we can't discuss and
discover how Can you experience authentic love
and real connection in the body of Christ? How
does that work? Let me give you a quick picture
that might help you at least register intellectually
with what I'm talking about. Many of us have
had this problem of getting in shape, right?
We all want to be in shape, at least to some.
Sometimes the doctors say get in shape. It motivates
us. And other times around Christmas, someone
buys us, you know, one of those little coupons
to go to a gym or to a spa. Or sometimes we get
motivated and buy. But whatever it is, whether
someone else bought it or you bought it, you
can sign up to go to one of the area gyms or
one of the spas. Or you can even buy a treadmill
and put it in one of the back bedrooms. And the
moment you sign up for the gym or for the spa,
what? your problem with getting in shape is solved.
Isn't it? All the machines that you need to get
in shape are available. And when you go there,
they'll talk about nutrition and they'll talk
about habits and they'll talk about lifestyle
and they'll even pinch you and tell you your
body weight, fat, and all that stuff, right?
And they'll tell you which exercises you're in.
Now, help me with this. However, If you sign
on the dotted line and you're a member of the
spa or the gym, you have positional membership,
but you never go. How in shape do you get? Zippo.
Nada. Flaborine. Right? High cholesterol. It's
the same in the body of Christ. You can be a
positional member. You're saved. You know Christ.
You're forgiven. You're in the family. You belong
to other believers. But a positional member is
very different than a practicing member. A participating
member. There are very few benefits. It's like
the kid who might live in your house, and this
isn't hopefully happening anywhere. It's like
living in a house and all the fun's around the
dining room table and people are eating and laughing
and having fun and giving high fives and even
having a good few healthy arguments. You can
live in that house, but if you stay in your room
all the time, you don't get it. See, I believe
it is the state of scores of people in this room
and all over the world. People are positional
members, but you know, They're not practicing
members. And until you are a participating member
of the body of Christ, guess what? You're lonely.
Are you lonely because God doesn't care? Nope.
Are you lonely because Jesus doesn't understand
your pain? Nope. Are you lonely because he hasn't
invited you into relationship with him to solve
the problem? Nope. Are you lonely because no
one cares, there's no place to belong? Nope.
What are you lonely? You're lonely for two reasons.
One, I believe you have a distorted view of the
church. And two, you have a distorted view of
relationships. And so in the time remaining,
here's what I want to do. I want to help you
break out of your loneliness and isolation by
rethinking your view of the church and by revising
your approach to relationships. First, rethinking
your view of the church. Many people think of
the church as an institution. It's buildings.
It's programs. It's structure. It's this idea
of them. In fact, when I meet you out at the
mall or when I'm running around, when you tell
me I go to your church, you're telling me that
you think church is a them and you're a we. So
you don't feel a part. The church is not an institution.
The church is a community. Community is where
you have involvement, sharing, relationships,
and connection. See, the church is not an event
to attend. Like, I'm going to the theater. It's
Saturday night or Sunday morning. Let's go to
the church. It's a place to attend. Hope the
music's good. Hope Chip has a good day, you know.
I'm going to the church, an event. That's not
the church. The church is a place to belong.
It's a family. It's us. It's in relationships.
And until you rethink how you think about the
church, you're going to be lonely. And there's
steak dinners spiritually on the table and starving
people, and that doesn't make sense to God. You're
listening to Living on the Edge. More from Chip
Ingram in just a moment. But first, if today's
teaching is resonating with you, don't keep it
to yourself. You can easily share this message
with friends and family by visiting livingontheedge
.org. There you'll find not only today's program,
but an entire collection of biblical resources
designed to help you experience breakthrough
in every area of life. It's all available at
livingontheedge .org. Let's continue with Chip's
message. Look at the early church, Acts chapter
2. Just listen to it. Just listen to it and you
tell me. You tell me if this sounds like an institution
or an event to come to, to schedule in your planner.
Or if this sounds more like life and relationships
and involvement. Early church, they devoted themselves
to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship and
to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone
was filled with awe and many wonders and miraculous
signs were done by the apostles. All the believers
were together and had everything in common. Koinonia,
sharing, relationship, involvement. selling their
possessions and goods they gave to anyone as
they had need. That means they at least knew
each other's names, didn't it? They cared about
one another. They got out of their comfort zone.
It wasn't any easier for them than it is for
us. Every day they continued to meet together
in the temple courts. They had large group worship,
temple courts. They had instruction. They had
celebration. They had worship. But in temple
courts or on a Saturday night or a Sunday morning,
you can't experience all God wants for the church.
This is one function. But notice what happens
after the temple courts. And they did it daily.
Every day they continued to meet together in
the temple courts. They broke bread. They had
meals together. Shared the Lord's Supper where?
In homes and ate together with glad and sincere
hearts. You're kidding. You mean small groups
isn't a new method that someone made up to help
churches grow? No. No. You mean meeting at home,
sharing meals isn't something that some seminar
group came up with? No. It's actually right from
the beginning. See, it's real life relationships.
You worship here. You learn here. But life doesn't
take on meaning until you sit down over a coffee
table or you sit down around a fire at the beach
or you go have some fun together and you look
into someone else's eyes and those eyes say,
you matter. Tell me your story. Tell me your
struggle. Tell me where you're frustrated. Let
us pray for you about the relationship that's
not working in your life. Let's pray for your
boss. Let's hang in there with your sick kid.
Notice what happens when the church operates
this way. Verse 47, they're praising God and
enjoying the favor of all the people, believers
and unbelievers, and the Lord added to their
number daily those who are being saved. Everybody
needs somebody. That cares about you as you.
And I know, I know. But Chip, I don't do relationships
well. I tried one of those groups you're talking
about in a church. And you should have seen the
wacko who led that group. Or I shared something
in one of those groups and then I heard about
it from someone else two weeks later. I've been
burned. I've been hurt. I've been rejected. I've
been abandoned. No one really cares about me.
No one would really want to enter into a relationship
with me. So I've learned to keep acting in a
way that makes that true. What you're saying
sounds great, Chip. And with all these people
here, when we laugh together, it seems, yeah.
But when they play that last song and you walk
out the doors, I feel like I'm alone again. How
do you do relationships? Where you can start
to break down these barriers and get connected
in the body of Christ. Suggestion number one,
realize your need. As long as it's an option,
you won't do it. It's our pride that makes us
think, you know, I don't really need other people.
No, you just need to keep lying to yourself.
There's no lone rangers. The Bible is clear that
attachment is essential. Life was made. Listen,
life was made for relationships. It can't even
be just you and God. He didn't design it that
way. Realize your need. Two, move toward others.
Now, it's great when people move toward you.
But for some of us, you see, we walk in and here's
how we all think. See, you look happy. You look
smiling. When everyone gets up and introduces
and says hi, you know, I look around the room
and everyone's got it together. And you're probably
in a group and you're probably in a ministry
and life's probably going great for you. But
it's not for me. What you don't understand is
65 to 70 % of all the people that you think that
about, it's not true. They're struggling just
like you are. They don't have it together. They're
hurting and they're struggling. They need you
to walk across an aisle, make a phone call, extend
a hand, smile and say, how are you doing? And
you're saying, well, no one's ever done that
to me in this church. They haven't. And I've
counted 52 weeks. No one's done that. Of course,
you haven't done that to anyone else, have you?
You got to move toward others. Scary? You bet.
Can't be any worse than loneliness. Number three,
be vulnerable. The word vulnerability literally
means be open to attack. See, when I meet someone
that either looks like they have it all together
or projects they have it all together, you know
what I've learned over the years? One, I'm too
intimidated. I don't want to get around them.
And two, I've been around the block to know they're
either faking it or they're lying. So I don't
want to be around them either. Right? Now, are
you attracted to people that really, man, they
really got it. I'm not. But the moment someone
shares a hurt, the moment someone shares a struggle,
the moment someone peels a little bit of the
mask off and lets me know what's going on inside,
I'm immediately attracted to them. You know why?
Because, oh, good, they're like me. Insecure,
struggling, temptation, all kind of problems.
And I need help with them. And I don't know,
I just feel comfortable. Is it scary? Yes, but
be vulnerable. Do it wisely. Open up a little
at a time. Make sure how people respond. Don't
do it with everyone. But take some steps. Fourth,
channel distorted thinking. No one likes you.
They'll abandon you. It'll be just like last
time. You keep those running and you're right.
Nothing will change. Challenge those. Fifth,
take risks. Step out. Extend a hand. Join a group.
Reach out to someone. Take a risk. Sixth, be
empathetic. Identify with others' hurts. If you
can get other -centered and listen, listen, listen.
Start, I have never found a person who's a great
listener that doesn't have tons of friends. You
know why? Who do people love to talk about more
than anyone else in the whole world? Ourselves.
Do you realize what great friends you can have
and say, where are you from? Well, do you have
any children? What part of the country? How's
that going? What's the biggest struggle you have
in work? Boy, that must be very difficult. How
do you manage that? You just keep asking questions
and listen, listen, listen. You know what? They
walk away thinking, man, what a nice guy. Right?
And then out of sheer politeness, they might
try something like, you know, I've been talking
for 20 minutes. How are you? And where are you
from? And you're thinking, this works. I love
it. Finally, pray. Trust God. Pray, pray, pray.
Every time you come to a crossroads and you think,
I want to take a step toward this person, I'm
afraid, I'm afraid, I can't do it. And God will
say, that's right, you can't, but I can with
you. Okay, I'll do it. Pray, pray, pray. Trust
God. How does connecting occur? The first, smile.
It's amazing. Just when you smile at someone.
Two, extend a hand. Hi, my name is. I've been
coming so -and -so. Three, for three minutes,
I want you to talk with someone you don't know.
You know what we do, those of us who feel connected?
We come here, smile, think everyone's okay. And,
you know, I think, great, Marty, how you doing?
I know Marty. Hey, Sue, how's it going? I know
Sue. Hey, Gordon. Hey, man, how's it going? Tell
me about it. And so we all, we know each other.
We talk to each other. And all the people who
are not connected walk in, walk out, walk in
for three minutes. Don't talk to anybody you
know. Fourth, help out. The quickest way to get
connected is people are desperate for help. You
want help in the kitchen? I'll help out. Need
help with those kids? I'll help out. Hey, shaking
hands, giving out bulletins? I'll help out. You
need help putting these chairs up? I'll help
out. What happens? You forge relationships. The
summary to lick, loneliness, you got to write
in the word, belong. You got to belong. You see,
it's these informal steps plus formal strategies
that will produce a connected community of love.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
Today, Chip gave us practical, actionable steps
to move from isolation into genuine community.
It starts with something as simple as a smile,
a handshake, three minutes of conversation with
someone new. Chip will be back in just a moment
with one final challenge. As we continue this
series on experiencing breakthrough, you might
be realizing you need to build a stronger spiritual
foundation. That's exactly why we're offering
Chip's free online devotional, Psalms of Hope.
Here's what makes this resource different. Chip
doesn't just explain the Psalms to you. He teaches
you how to study them for yourself. Each day
for 10 days, you'll spend 10 minutes learning
from Chip, then 10 minutes applying what you've
learned through prayer and meditation. You'll
journey through Psalm 1, Psalm 15, and Psalm
23, passages that speak directly to finding stability,
experiencing God's presence, and building authentic
relationships. This isn't about adding another
obligation to your schedule. It's about creating
a daily rhythm of connecting with God that can
transform your entire life. And it's completely
free, online at livingontheedge .org. Just search
for Psalms of Hope. Now, creating resources like
this takes financial investment. When you give
to Living on the Edge, you're not just supporting
a radio program. You're helping people around
the world discover what it means to truly walk
with God. If this ministry is making a difference
in your life, please consider giving today. Visit
livingontheedge .org to give or write to Living
on the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia,
30024. You can also call 888 - Don't miss the
Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, a new feature on
the Living on the Edge podcast. Every sermon,
complete and unedited, now available alongside
our daily broadcasts. Subscribe to the Living
on the Edge podcast today. Well, now here's Chip
with a final thought. As we wrap up today's program,
I'd like to ask you a personal question. Do you
feel loved? Are you in an authentic community?
Do you struggle with loneliness? And if so, are
you really willing to let God love you? Are you
willing to let Him cause a breakthrough? You
know, there's a lot of us in our times of loneliness.
We cry out to God. We feel depressed. We feel
discouraged. And God says He wants to have us
experience authentic love and connection with
His family. But it's not all His job. We have
a part. So let me ask you some penetrating questions,
and then I want to review some of those steps
about how to build authentic relationships. But
the first question is, how do you view the church?
Is it just something where you show up and say,
yeah, I'm putting in my time, and you go now
and then? Or are you like some of us, are you
in that season where you've given up on the institutional
church? You know, you've seen the hypocrisy,
you've done the nine yards, and you said, forget
church. I want to tell you something. There are
some churches that are not doing it well. I'm
a pastor. I can say that. I admit that. But you've
got to know God has great churches out there.
He's got a great church near you where people
are authentic, but you've got to go look. The
second thing is it's not an event. It's a family
that you belong to, and that means that, you
know, people are going to have their struggles,
but guess what? You have your struggles, so be
a little kinder. Have a little more tolerance
with people in the church when they blow it.
Because you're going to blow it too. Now let's
talk about your part. How do you build authentic
relationships? I went over these and I went pretty
quickly. So if you have a pen or pencil, you
might want to jot these down. And then I'm going
to ask you, once you jot these down, I want you
to pick one point and put it into action today.
See, that's the key to experiencing God's grace.
It's not knowing more, it's obeying. So how do
you build authentic relationships? Number one,
realize your need. Remember that one? Really
accept you have a need for this. Number two,
move toward others. Don't wait for a friend to
come into your life. Go find someone and be a
friend to them. Number three, this is tough,
be vulnerable. You will get about as deep with
others as you are willing to let them get with
you. Take the first step. Share a little more
significantly what's really going on. Number
four, challenge your distorted thinking. No one
likes me. I'm not worth anything. That's not
true. When that comes up in your mind, you say,
that's not true. That's not true. You challenge
it. Number five, take risks. Yeah, that's you.
Take some risks. Number six, be empathetic. You
start listening, listening, listening to others,
and you'll find everybody wants to be around
you. And finally, number seven, trust God. Ask
him for a friend. Pray, pray, pray. He'll answer.
Feel stuck in a spiritual rut? I'm Dave Drewy,
inviting you to discover how to break free tomorrow
on Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced
and sponsored by Living on the Edge.