Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
What do you do when you're consumed with loneliness?
Where do you go when the feelings of isolation
threaten to choke off your desire to live? Have
you been there? Do you wish there was a way you
could overcome these lonely feelings before they
overcome you? Hey, there's good news. Let's talk
about it today. Loneliness isn't just about being
alone. You can feel utterly isolated in a crowded
room, disconnected even when surrounded by people.
I'm Dave Drewy, and today on Living on the Edge,
Chip Ingram tackles this universal struggle head
on. We're in a powerful series called Experience
Breakthrough, learning how to stop feeling confined
by life's biggest barriers. Today we start with
perhaps the most painful barrier of all. Here's
Chip Ingram with a message titled, How to Overcome
Loneliness and Isolation. Loneliness. Isolation.
Remember when you were four or five years old,
it happened to all of us at least once. You looked
up and your mom was gone. You were in the mall
or the grocery store and that panic, that feeling
that came over you, that's loneliness. Remember
when you were eight, nine, maybe ten and you
went to a new school? You walked in and every
head in that place turned toward you and you
felt like an outsider. Remember the first gym
class you ever went to in junior high? That terrible
feeling of... Are they really going to make us
take showers? Do you remember when you hit those
preteens for some or teens for others and they
can call it puppy love, but it wasn't to you
and your heart really got knit to a person of
the opposite sex and it was this overwhelming
elation? And then do you, can you remember what
it was like when you got dumped? How lonely,
how hurt? It was a hurt like you've never known.
For many, you still know. And for some of us,
It's a memory of being single and yearning, coming
home to an empty apartment and yearning for a
life mate, yearning to eat dinner with someone.
But there's no one there. And you've been asking
God, but so far he hasn't provided that person.
One author wrote, it's the most desolate word
in all human language. It's capable of hurling
the heaviest weights the heart can endure. It
plays no favorites, yields no mercy, refuses
all bargains. Crowds only make it worse. Activity
simply drives it deeper. Tears fall from our
eyes as groans fall from our lips. But loneliness,
that uninvited guest of the soul, arrives at
dusk and stays for dinner. When's the last time
you felt like that? Was it this week? What era
of your life brings back memories of the deepest
sense of isolation and loneliness? And as you
think here, just in the quiet of this moment,
where and when do you feel the pangs of feeling
like you don't belong, like no one cares, like
you're not really connected right now? One final
question. Why? Why do you think? breaking down
the barrier of loneliness and isolation is so
critical to have a life that's full, a life of
real meaning. Well, I'd invite you to join with
me, and we want to address this together, how
to overcome loneliness and isolation. It's universal,
and before... Before we go too far, we better
define what we're talking about because until
loneliness is understood, it overwhelms. Some
of us think that something's wrong with us, that
there's this secret problem we have and no one
really has it like we have it. There's three
concepts when you study the idea of loneliness
that are critical to understand before we find
out what God's answer is. The first is that loneliness
is more than being alone. If you look up the
word in Webster's as I did. If you study and
look at the Hebrew words translated for loneliness,
as you look at the word loneliness in the New
Testament, what you find is that there's a couple
different ideas. One is an aloneness or a privateness.
Jesus went to be alone. It's in a positive context.
They were alone, no problem. But the kind of
loneliness we're talking about is more than being
alone. Webster described it as without involving
others, separate. feelings of lonesomeness, desolate,
a yearning for companionship, unfrequented, to
be separated, to be disconnected. You can be
lonely in a crowd thinking of this group and
praying about what to share. You know, the loneliest
feeling I've ever had in this church, I didn't
know hardly anyone, and there weren't near as
many people then, but there were hundreds of
people this picnic, and they were laughing and
throwing frisbees and having fun and having a
great time, and I'm the new pastor. And I walked
around all these faces that I didn't know. And
I felt like I was in a glass box, like plexiglass,
walking around. And I didn't belong. And I didn't
fit. And I didn't know anyone. And people kind
of came up and gave us sort of smiles and hi.
And I just had this overwhelming feeling like
I just wanted to run out of there. But I couldn't.
I was the pastor. And I was in a huge crowd where
I was supposed to belong, but I didn't. I remember
coming home from that picnic and being as depressed
as I'd been since I'd been here. And you know,
the fact of the matter is there's people in this
room right now. You had that experience when
you come to church. You know, you're a believer,
but you feel like you're walking in a little
glass box and you get a smile here and a pleasantry
here. You're not connected. You don't feel like
someone really cares. You don't feel like you
really belong. You don't feel like if something
happened to you, someone would bleed emotionally.
You see, being alone is a lot more than just
not having people around. It's not being relationally
connected in a meaningful way. Well, you might
say, well, you know what? I don't have that problem.
Henry Cloud, in his book, Healings That Change,
says there's eight to ten symptoms. of loneliness
that people don't identify with loneliness. But
when we don't feel connected, we cover it up.
He gave a few examples. He said often depression,
feelings of meaninglessness, feelings of badness
or guilt, a sense of distorted thinking, no one
wants to be around me, addictions, fantasy, excessive
caretaking. Some of the loneliest people take
care of everyone. You know why? Because they
can't stand the fact that no one's really reaching
into their life. And some of us have such distorted
thinking, we don't think anybody wants to. And
when we aren't connected to people, we feel bad
because we assume the reason we're not connected
is there must be something bad about us. If you
feel pangs of loneliness, there's nothing wrong
with you. There's nothing wrong with you. It
means you're human. It means you have legitimate
needs. It means God really wants to care about
you. Loneliness is more than being alone and
loneliness wears many masks. We cover it up in
a lot of different ways. Some people make a friend
out of a bottle. Some people make a friend out
of a pretend fantasy person. Some people make
out a friend out of ESPN or romance novels. Loneliness
wears many masks. Third thing you need to understand
about loneliness, it's not a unique malady, but
it is a universal reality. It's not something
that only rich people have a problem with or
poor people or outgoing people or shy people
or very intellectual people or average people.
In fact, my favorite quote in my research, Albert
Einstein. You know what Albert Einstein said?
He said, it is a strange phenomenon to be so
universally known. And yet to be so lonely. See,
we think people have it together because they're
famous or wealthy or well -known or popular or
have an outgoing personality or seem to have
friends. Loneliness is a part of what I struggle
with, you struggle with. Every person on the
earth struggles with this ache, this sense that
they don't matter. That they're isolated and
that they're alone. In fact, this is the only
problem I can find in Scripture that God alone
has chosen not to solve by himself. You ever
think of that? Genesis chapter 1, before sin
entered into mankind, before there was a problem,
perfect environment, here's Adam. It never rains.
Plenty of food. He's never bored. He can talk
to God whenever he wants. But did you notice
there's a problem that God can't solve? Not that
he couldn't if he didn't want to, but he made
you and he made me to have this need to be connected
meaningfully with other people. And so do you
remember what he said when he saw Adam? It is
not good for a man to be alone. See, loneliness
isn't bad. It's not a permanent state, but it
lets you know, it lets me know that life was
meant for community, that life was meant for
relationships, that life was meant for us to
be together. And not in some superficial go through
the motions, but to be together in such a way
that things come out of your heart into the lives
of others and things come out of their heart
into yours in such a way that you matter and
they matter. And God will do a lot of things
for you in your life. He'll minister directly,
directly. He gives grace. He gives his word.
He gives his spirit. But there's some ways where
the only way you experience God's love is not
directly. It will be indirectly. It'll be through
the touch of a person, through the words of a
friend, through the prayers of a group. You're
listening to Living on the Edge. More from Chip
Ingram in just a moment. But first, if today's
teaching is resonating with you, don't keep it
to yourself. You can easily share this message
with friends and family by visiting livingontheedge
.org. There you'll find not only today's program,
but an entire collection of biblical resources
designed to help you experience breakthrough
in every area of life. It's all available at
livingontheedge .org. Well, let's continue with
Chip's message. The question is, if we all have
this need, if you can be lonely in a crowd, if
it wears many masks and we all struggle with
it, how in the world do we overcome loneliness
and isolation? And I'm excited to tell you that
God has a game plan. Let me give you four reasons
why you don't have to be lonely. First, you don't
have to be lonely because God cares about your
loneliness. I mentioned it in passing. Genesis
2 .18, the Lord God said, it is not good for
the man to be alone. I will make him a helper
suitable for him. That word helper means corresponding
partner. That word helper is actually used in
the Psalms of God. He uses this word for himself.
It means one who will complete, one who will
provide companionship, someone who will make
a team, someone who creates a place where you
belong. God knows your deepest feelings of loneliness
and he cares. He understands what you think when
you lay awake at night with your hands behind
your head. He knows what it's like when you take
a walk on the beach and you feel like no one
really understands. He knows what it's like to
be a single mom or a single dad and to drop your
kids off in visitation and get back in the car
and feel this ache inside. He knows what it's
like to be a teenager or a young person or a
single person with this deep craving desire to
be connected. And you're praying and it seems
like nothing's happening. He cares about your
loneliness. And can I suggest he wants to solve
it. Perfectly in this life? Never. It's not a
perfect world. But he wants to move in. He cares.
And he's all -knowing and he's all -powerful.
And if he cares, then he can do something about
it. Second reason that you don't have to be lonely
and I don't have to be lonely is Jesus understands
your loneliness. Mark 15. Verse 34, it says,
and at the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud
voice. He's on the cross. Very end of the Gospels,
end of his life. Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani,
which means, my God, my God, why have you forsaken
me? Now, there's some major theology going on
here. If you ever wondered why Jesus said that,
let me explain it. Before the foundations of
the earth, God created you as a relational being.
Before the foundations of the earth, he knew.
That sin would enter the world and cause a division,
a breakdown in relationship between God and man.
Before the foundations of the earth, the Godhead,
the triunity, God the Father, God the Son, God
the Holy Spirit, they had a council meeting.
And they decided that God the Son would come
and take on human flesh and be fully God, fully
man, and live a perfect life on the earth so
you would understand, so I would understand.
What God's love is like, what His holiness is
like, how He feels and how He thinks and how
much you matter. And then at the end of His life,
He would be the ultimate payment. Totally sin
free, He would hang on a cross and He would absorb
the just wrath of God and the full penalty of
your sin and my sin as our substitute, our sin
offering. You might jot down 2 Corinthians 5,
21. It explains that. And as He hung on the cross,
And God the Father willfully allowed his son
to be the sacrifice who did nothing to deserve
it, but took on your sin, my sin, the penalty
and the guilt of it. And God poured out his wrath
and placed that sin as a payment on Christ. When
sin came upon the son, the father turned his
head and turned away. And relationship was broken
between a holy God and in that instantaneous
moment when the son took on sin. And that's why
Jesus prayed, my God, my God, we don't understand
the pain there. We can't fathom the pain. You
think you've been lonely? You think you've been
abandoned? You think you've been let down? Jesus
understands he was abandoned, righteously so,
by the Father. Where are the 12 disciples? They
abandoned him. He came to his own, the Jews,
and what? They received him not. They abandoned
him. Jesus understands what it's like to be low.
Hebrews 4 .15 says that we don't have a high
priest that can't sympathize with our weaknesses,
but he, like us, has been tempted in every way
yet without sin. He understands what it's like
to be frustrated in marriage and be lonely. Because
he was married? No, because he was fully human
and knows that ache. He understands what it's
like to be unfulfilled, to feel like on the outside
looking in. He understands everything that you
feel in the realm of loneliness. God not only
cares, but Jesus completely understands. Because
he understands, there's a third reason we don't
have to be lonely. The third reason is Jesus
invites you into a relationship with him. This
is a great passage. This passage is so different
than all about what I learned of God growing
up. Jesus in Matthew 11, 28 through 30 says,
listen to this, arms open. Come, come to me.
all who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest. Doesn't loneliness make you feel that
way sometimes? Don't you just feel weighed down?
Isn't it amazing that when you feel connected
with people, you feel like you can charge through
a wall no matter what? But when you feel isolated
and lonely, I don't know about you, but I've
got no motivation. I just feel like I can't make
it. So what's Jesus say? Come. You feel weary?
Feel burdened? Feel like the weight of the world's
on you? Come to me. I'll give you rest. Then
notice the offer. Take my yoke upon you and learn
from me. Says you got a big load to pull in life.
Would you like me to have a yoke and allow you
to be hooked here and me to be hooked here? And
would you like to go through life with me since
I know all things, since I have unlimited resources,
since I love you unconditionally, since I want
to care about you and fulfill the deepest desires
that I've placed in your heart? He says, come,
take my yoke. And it's a process, isn't it? Learn
from me. Why do we learn from him? Notice the
two adjectives. I am gentle. The word means power
under control. I'm power under control and humble
of heart. That word means vulnerable, approachable,
nonjudgmental. And you will find rest for your
souls. Do you ever think maybe it's time to quit
hustling and bustling and trying to impress people
and look this way and get this way and get this
and gain this and earn that and have this and
do this and hope your kids have this? Have you
ever just wondered what it'd be like to have
rest for your soul, to be clean, to be forgiven,
to have the God of the universe put his arm around
you and say, I love you just how you are? And
in ways that you can take a little at a time,
I'll teach you and love you and help you become
all that I designed you to be. Notice how it
ends. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
See, a lot of us grew up with a view of God and
God's got his arms crossed and he's got his finger
out. You better get with it. There's a lot of
rules to keep. You're not keeping the rules.
You better do this. You better do that. You better
do this. You better do that. And our view of
God is so distorted. The God of the Bible has
arms open. Come. Do you have to surrender? Sure.
Do you have to let up on your own agenda? Sure.
But let me ask you, how are you doing running
your life? Filled with anxiety? Struggling in
relationships? No matter how much you get or
how much I get, it never satisfies us? Wouldn't
it be wise to come? And I don't know how this
works, but even as I'm talking, a little light
goes on inside your heart. The Holy Spirit's
moving all throughout this room. And a little
light's going on in some of you because he brought
you here just for today because he wants to have
a connection, a relationship. See, it's the offer
of relationship. And he's saying to you, I'm
standing at the door of your life. I don't care
where you've been. I don't care what you've done.
I don't care who you've hurt. I don't care the
sin that's so grievous to your heart and you
feel so guilty. I've come. And when I died on
the cross, I paid for it. Come to me. If you
don't have a relationship with Christ, if you're
not 100 % sure that if you died, because it's
going to happen to all of us sometime, somewhere.
Jesus is inviting you. I'd like to solve your
loneliness problem. I'd like to forgive you.
The moment you pray and say, Lord Jesus, come
into my life. I believe when you died on the
cross, it was for me and my sins are forgiven.
The moment you pray and receive him as your savior,
the Holy Spirit will come into your life. He'll
take up dwelling place. The Bible says you'll
be sealed in the spirit. You'll be adopted as
one of his sons or daughters. You'll have power
over sin. You'll still struggle. You'll have
freedom from the penalty of sin. You'll have
new relationships. You will move into a whole
new arena. Will it be easy? Oh, of course not.
Live a holy, pure life in a fallen world with
the flesh and the enemy? Of course it won't be
easy. But is your life easy now? Mine's not.
But you can go through it with someone. Look
at 1 John. I want you to see this relationship
between being in relationship with God and therefore
in relationship with other believers. By the
way, that's the theme of the book of 1 John.
The apostle writes, that which was from the beginning,
which we have heard, which we have seen with
our eyes, speaking of Christ, which we have looked
at and our hands have touched. He's saying this
is real. This we proclaim concerning the word
of life. The life appeared, Jesus. We have seen
it and testify it. And we proclaim to you the
eternal life which was with the Father and has
appeared to us. The Gospel. Great. Now get the
next two verses. We proclaim to you that we have
seen and we have heard. Notice the purpose clause.
So that you also may have fellowship with us.
I would have expected him to say what? So you
can have fellowship with God. He doesn't say
that. So you, we've proclaimed it. When we share
the gospel, it's so people can have fellowship
with us. Our fellowship is with the Father and
with His Son, Christ Jesus. We write this to
make our joy complete. Do you get that? Once
you're related to God, you are now organically
related to other believers all over the world.
And have you picked this up yet? Have you figured
this out about life? that joy is not a target
or a thing that you can try to achieve, but that
joy is a byproduct of relationships, period.
You know, you ought to write that down, and if
you learn that, it'll transform how you live
life. See, there's a lot of people that think
success will bring them joy, and then they're
successful and it's empty. They think getting
something, earning something, achieving something,
being something, dressing a certain way, having
a certain house, driving a certain car. They
think it'll bring them joy, and what happens?
It's like the old cat chasing its tail. You bite
into it only to find out it certainly wasn't
what you expected. See, joy is a byproduct of
relationships with one another and with God.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
and we're in our series called Experience Breakthrough.
Chip will share one more thought in just a moment,
so stay with us. If you're looking for practical
ways to deepen your relationship with God, let
me point you to a helpful resource. It's chips
-free, 10 -day devotional called Psalms of Hope.
These ancient psalms address exactly what we're
talking about in this series. How to find stability
when life feels chaotic. How to stay connected
to God when you feel alone. And how to discover
genuine community in a world that often feels
isolating. Access Psalms of Hope completely free
at livingontheedge .org. Just search for Psalms
of Hope and begin your journey today. Now, every
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end. You can find these episodes right alongside
our regular broadcasts on your podcast app. Just
search for Living on the Edge. Well, now here's
Chip with more on overcoming loneliness. Before
we go any farther, if you prayed with me today,
I want you to do a couple things right now. If
you're driving, obviously do this when you get
home. But first, tell the best Christian you
know that I just prayed to receive Christ as
my Savior today. And then second, I want you
to go to the internet at livingontheedge .org.
That's one long word, livingontheedge .org. That's
our website. You're going to find a wealth of
information. We're going to give you the beginning
steps of how to grow in your relationship with
Christ. If you don't have internet access, you
can call 1 -888 -333 -6003. And finally, please
let me know if you made that decision today.
It is an amazing encouragement to all of us here
at Living on the Edge to hear your story. You
can email it to us or even give us a call on
the phone at 1 -888 -333 -6003 and tell us what's
going on in your life. We want to hear how God
is working in you. God's solution to loneliness
might surprise you. I'm Dave Drewy, inviting
you to discover the answer tomorrow on Living
on the Edge. Today's program is produced and
sponsored by Living on the Edge.