This is the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, brought
to you by Living on the Edge. In this podcast,
you'll hear Chip's teaching, unedited and from
beginning to end. Here's Chip Ingram with a message
titled, How to Overcome Loneliness and Isolation.
Loneliness, isolation. Remember when you were
four or five years old, it happened to all of
us at least once. You looked up and your mom
was gone. You were in the mall or the grocery
store and that panic, that feeling that came
over you, that's loneliness. Remember when you
were 8, 9, maybe 10 and you went to a new school?
You walked in and every head in that place turned
toward you and you felt like an outsider. Remember
the first gym class you ever went to in junior
high? That terrible feeling of, are they really
going to make us take showers? Do you remember
when you hit those preteens for some or teens
for others? And they can call it puppy love,
but it wasn't to you. And your heart really got
knit to a person of the opposite sex. And it
was this overwhelming elation. And then do you,
can you remember what it was like when you got
dumped? How lonely, how hurt? It was a hurt like
you've never known. For many, you still know.
And for some of us. It's a memory of being single
and yearning, coming home to an empty apartment
and yearning for a life mate, yearning to eat
dinner with someone. But there's no one there.
And you've been asking God, but so far he hasn't
provided that person. One author wrote, it's
the most desolate word in all human language.
It's capable of hurling the heaviest weights
the heart can endure. It plays no favorites,
yields no mercy, refuses all bargains. Crowds
only make it worse. Activity simply drives it
deeper. Tears fall from our eyes as groans fall
from our lips. But loneliness, that uninvited
guest of the soul, arrives at dusk and stays
for dinner. When's the last time you felt like
that? Was it this week? What era of your life
brings back memories of the deepest sense of
isolation and loneliness? And as you think here,
just in the quiet of this moment, where and when
do you feel the pangs of feeling like you don't
belong, like no one cares, like you're not really
connected right now? One final question. Why?
Why do you think? Breaking down the barrier of
loneliness and isolation is so critical to have
a life that's full, a life of real meaning. Well,
I'd invite you to join with me and we want to
address this together. How to overcome loneliness
and isolation. It's universal. Before we go too
far, we better define what we're talking about
because until loneliness is understood, it overwhelms.
Some of us think that something's wrong with
us, that there's this secret problem we have
and no one really has it like we have it. There's
three concepts when you study the idea of loneliness
that are critical to understand before we find
out what God's answer is. The first is that loneliness
is more than being alone. If you look up the
word in Webster's as I did. If you study and
look at the Hebrew words translated for loneliness,
as you look at the word loneliness in the New
Testament, what you find is that there's a couple
different ideas. One is an aloneness or a privateness.
Jesus went to be alone. It's in a positive context.
They were alone, no problem. But the kind of
loneliness we're talking about is more than being
alone. Webster described it as without involving
others, separate. feelings of lonesomeness, desolate,
a yearning for companionship, unfrequented, to
be separated, to be disconnected. You can be
lonely in a crowd thinking of this group and
praying about what to share. You know, the loneliest
feeling I've ever had in this church, I didn't
know hardly anyone, and there weren't near as
many people then, but there were hundreds of
people this picnic, and they were laughing and
throwing frisbees and having fun and having a
great time, and I'm the new pastor. And I walked
around all these faces that I didn't know. And
I felt like I was in a glass box, like plexiglass,
walking around. And I didn't belong. And I didn't
fit. And I didn't know anyone. And people kind
of came up and gave us sort of smiles and hi.
And I just had this overwhelming feeling like
I just wanted to run out of there. But I couldn't.
I was the pastor. And I talked. And I did little
superficial type stuff. But I didn't know anybody.
I didn't connect with anyone. I was in a huge
crowd where I was supposed to belong. But I didn't.
I remember coming home from that picnic and being
as depressed as I'd been since I'd been here.
And you know the fact of the matter is there's
people in this room right now. You had that experience
when you come to church. You know you're a believer,
but you feel like you're walking in a little
glass box. And you get a smile here and a pleasantry
here, but you're not connected. You don't feel
like someone really cares. You don't feel like
you really belong. You don't feel like if something
happened to you, someone would bleed emotionally.
You see, being alone is a lot more than just
not having people around. It's not being relationally
connected in a meaningful way. Well, you might
say, well, you know what? I don't have that problem.
Henry Cloud, in his book, Healings That Change,
says there's eight to ten symptoms of loneliness
that people don't identify with loneliness. But
when we don't feel connected, we cover it up.
He gave a few examples. He said often depression,
feelings of meaninglessness, feelings of badness
or guilt, a sense of distorted thinking, no one
wants to be around me, addictions, fantasy. Excessive
caretaking. Some of the loneliest people take
care of everyone. You know why? Because they
can't stand the fact that no one's really reaching
into their life. And some of us have such distorted
thinking, we don't think anybody wants to. And
when we aren't connected to people, we feel bad
because we assume the reason we're not connected
is there must be something bad about us. If you
feel pangs of loneliness, there's nothing wrong
with you. There's nothing wrong with you. It
means you're human. It means you have legitimate
needs. It means God really wants to care about
you. Loneliness is more than being alone, and
loneliness wears many masks. We cover it up in
a lot of different ways. Some people make a friend
out of a bottle. Some people make a friend out
of a pretend fantasy person. Some people make
out a friend out of ESPN or romance novels. Loneliness
wears many masks. Third thing you need to understand
about loneliness, it's not a unique malady, but
it is a universal reality. It's not something
that only rich people have a problem with or
poor people or outgoing people or shy people
or very intellectual people or average people.
In fact, my favorite quote in my research, Albert
Einstein. You know what Albert Einstein said?
He said, it is a strange phenomenon to be so
universally known. And yet to be so lonely. See,
we think people have it together because they're
famous or wealthy or well -known or popular or
have an outgoing personality or seem to have
friends. Loneliness is a part of what I struggle
with, you struggle with. Every person, every
baby, every old person, every middle -aged person,
every teenager, every black person, every white
person, every Asian person, every Hispanic person,
every person on the earth struggles with this
ache, this sense that they don't matter. That
they're isolated and that they're alone. In fact,
this is the only problem I can find in Scripture
that God alone has chosen not to solve by himself.
You ever think of that? Genesis chapter 1, before
sin entered into mankind, before there was a
problem, perfect environment, here's Adam. It
never rains. Plenty of food. He's never bored.
He can talk to God whenever he wants. But did
you notice there's a problem that God can't solve?
Not that he couldn't if he didn't want to, but
he made you and he made me to have this need
to be connected meaningfully with other people.
And so do you remember what he said when he saw
Adam? It is not good for a man to be alone. See,
loneliness isn't bad. It's not a permanent state,
but it lets you know, it lets me know that life
was meant for community, that life was meant
for relationships, that life was meant for us
to be together. And not in some superficial go
through the motions, but to be together in such
a way that things come out of your heart into
the lives of others and things come out of their
heart into yours in such a way that you matter
and they matter. And God will do a lot of things
for you in your life. He'll minister directly,
directly. He gives grace. He gives his word.
He gives his spirit. But there's some ways where
the only way you experience God's love is not
directly. It will be indirectly. It'll be through
the touch of a person, through the words of a
friend, through the prayers of a group. The question
is, if we all have this need, if you can be lonely
in a crowd, if it wears many masks and we all
struggle with it, how in the world do we overcome
loneliness and isolation? And I'm excited to
tell you that God has a game plan. Let me give
you four reasons why you don't have to be lonely.
First, you don't have to be lonely because God
cares about your loneliness. I mentioned it in
passing. Genesis 2 .18, the Lord God said, it
is not good for the man to be alone. I will make
him a helper suitable for him. That word helper
means corresponding partner. That word helper
is actually used in the Psalms of God. He uses
this word for himself. It means one who will
complete, one who will provide companionship,
someone who will make a team, someone who creates
a place where you belong. God knows your deepest
feelings of loneliness and he cares. He understands
what you think when you lay awake at night with
your hands behind your head. He knows what it's
like when you take a walk on the beach and you
feel like no one really understands. He knows
what it's like to be a single mom or a single
dad and to drop your kids off in visitation and
get back in the car and feel this ache inside.
He knows what it's like to be a teenager or a
young person or a single person with this deep
craving desire to be connected. And you're praying
and it seems like nothing's happening. He cares
about your loneliness. And can I suggest, He
wants to solve it. Perfectly in this life? Never.
It's not a perfect world. But He wants to move
in. He cares. And He's all -knowing and He's
all -powerful. And if He cares, then He can do
something about it. Second reason that you don't
have to be lonely and I don't have to be lonely
is Jesus understands your loneliness. Mark 15.
Verse 34, it says, and at the ninth hour, Jesus
cried out in a loud voice. He's on the cross.
Very end of the Gospels, end of his life. Eloi,
Eloi, lama sabachthani, which means, my God,
my God, why have you forsaken me? Now, there's
some major theology going on here. If you ever
wondered why Jesus said that, let me explain
it. Before the foundations of the earth, God
created you as a relational being. Before the
foundations of the earth, he knew. That sin would
enter the world and cause a division, a breakdown
in relationship between God and man. Before the
foundations of the earth, the Godhead, the triunity,
God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit,
they had a council meeting. And they decided
that God the Son would come and take on human
flesh and be fully God, fully man, and live a
perfect life on the earth so you would understand,
so I would understand. what God's love is like,
what his holiness is like, how he feels and how
he thinks and how much you matter. And then at
the end of his life, he would be the ultimate
payment, totally sin free. He would hang on a
cross and he would absorb the just wrath of God
and the full penalty of your sin and my sin as
our substitute, our sin offering. You might jot
down 2 Corinthians 5, 21. It explains that. And
as he hung on the cross, And God the Father willfully
allowed his son to be the sacrifice who did nothing
to deserve it, but took on your sin, my sin,
the penalty and the guilt of it. And God poured
out his wrath and placed that sin as a payment
on Christ. When sin came upon the son, the father
turned his head and turned away. And relationship
was broken between a holy God and in that instantaneous
moment when the son took on sin. And that's why
Jesus prayed, my God, my God, we don't understand
the pain there. We can't fathom the pain. You
think you've been lonely? You think you've been
abandoned? You think you've been let down? Jesus
understands. He was abandoned, righteously so,
by the Father. Where are the 12 disciples? They
abandoned him. He came to his own, the Jews,
and what? They received him not. They abandoned
him. Jesus understands what it's like to be low.
Hebrews 4 .15 says that we don't have a high
priest that can't sympathize with our weaknesses.
But he, like us, has been tempted in every way
yet without sin. He understands what it's like
to be frustrated in marriage and be lonely. Because
he was married? No, because he was fully human
and knows that ache. He understands what it's
like to be unfulfilled. To feel like on the outside
looking in. He understands everything that you
feel in the realm of loneliness. God not only
cares, but Jesus completely understands. Because
he understands, there's a third reason we don't
have to be lonely. The third reason is Jesus
invites you into a relationship with him. This
is a great passage. This passage is so different
than all about what I learned of God growing
up. Jesus in Matthew 11, 28 through 30 says,
listen to this, arms open. Come, come to me.
all who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest. Doesn't loneliness make you feel that
way sometimes? Don't you just feel weighed down?
Isn't it amazing that when you feel connected
with people, you feel like you can charge through
a wall no matter what? But when you feel isolated
and lonely, I don't know about you, but I've
got no motivation. I just feel like I can't make
it. So what's Jesus say? Come. You feel weary?
Feel burdened? Feel like the weight of the world's
on you? Come to me. I'll give you rest. Then
notice the offer. Take my yoke upon you and learn
from me. It says you've got a big load to pull
in life. Would you like me to have a yoke and
allow you to be hooked here and me to be hooked
here? And would you like to go through life with
me since I know all things, since I have unlimited
resources, since I love you unconditionally,
since I want to care about you and fulfill the
deepest desires that I've placed in your heart?
He says, come, take my yoke. And it's a process,
isn't it? Learn from me. Why do we learn from
him? Notice the two adjectives. I am gentle.
The word means power under control. I'm power
under control and humble of heart. That word
means vulnerable, approachable, nonjudgmental.
And you will find rest for your souls. Do you
ever think maybe it's time to quit hustling and
bustling and trying to impress people and look
this way and get this way and get this and gain
this and earn that and have this and do this
and hope your kids have this? Have you ever just
wondered what it'd be like to have rest for your
soul? To be clean? To be forgiven? To have the
God of the universe put his arm around you and
say, I love you just how you are? And in ways
that you can take a little at a time, I'll teach
you and love you and help you become all that
I designed you to be. Notice how it ends. For
my yoke is easy and my burden is light. See,
a lot of us grew up with a view of God and God's
got his arms crossed and he's got his finger
out. You better get with it. There's a lot of
rules to keep. You're not keeping the rules.
You better do this. You better do that. You better
do this. You better do that. And our view of
God is so distorted. The God of the Bible has
arms open. Come. Do you have to surrender? Sure.
Do you have to let up on your own agenda? Sure.
But let me ask you, how are you doing running
your life? Filled with anxiety? Struggling in
relationships? No matter how much you get or
how much I get, it never satisfies us? Wouldn't
it be wise to come? And I don't know how this
works, but even as I'm talking, a little light
goes on inside your heart. The Holy Spirit's
moving all throughout this room. And a little
light's going on in some of you because he brought
you here just for today because he wants to have
a connection, a relationship. See, it's the offer
of relationship. And he's saying to you, I'm
standing at the door of your life. I don't care
where you've been. I don't care what you've done.
I don't care who you've hurt. I don't care the
sin that's so grievous to your heart and you
feel so guilty. I've come. And when I died on
the cross, I paid for it. Come to me. If you
don't have a relationship with Christ, if you're
not 100 % sure that if you died, because it's
going to happen to all of us sometime, somewhere.
Jesus is inviting you. I'd like to solve your
loneliness problem. I'd like to forgive you.
The moment you pray and say, Lord Jesus, come
into my life. I believe when you died on the
cross, it was for me and my sins are forgiven.
The moment you pray and receive him as your savior,
the Holy Spirit will come into your life. He'll
take up dwelling place. The Bible says you'll
be sealed in the spirit. You'll be adopted as
one of his sons or daughters. You'll have power
over sin. You'll still struggle. You'll have
freedom from the penalty of sin. You'll have
new relationships. You will move into a whole
new arena. Will it be easy? Oh, of course not.
Live a holy, pure life in a fallen world with
the flesh and the enemy? Of course it won't be
easy. But is your life easy now? Mine's not.
But you can go through it with someone. Look
at 1 John. I want you to see this relationship
between being in relationship with God and therefore
in relationship with other believers. By the
way, that's the theme of the book of 1 John.
The apostle writes, that which was from the beginning,
which we have heard, which we have seen with
our eyes, speaking of Christ, which we have looked
at and our hands have touched. He's saying this
is real. This we proclaim concerning the word
of life. The life appeared, Jesus. We have seen
it and testify it. And we proclaim to you the
eternal life which was with the Father and has
appeared to us. The gospel. Great. Now get the
next two verses. We proclaim to you that we have
seen and we have heard. Notice the purpose clause.
So that you also may have fellowship with us.
I would have expected him to say what? So you
can have fellowship with God. He doesn't say
that. So you, we've proclaimed it. When we share
the gospel, it's so people can have fellowship
with us. Our fellowship is with the Father and
with his Son, Christ Jesus. We write this to
make our joy complete. Do you get that? Once
you're related to God, you are now organically
related to other believers all over the world.
And have you picked this up yet? Have you figured
this out about life? That joy is not a target
or a thing that you can try to achieve, but that
joy is a byproduct of relationships, period.
You know, you ought to write that down, and if
you learn that, it'll transform how you live
life. See, there's a lot of people that think
success will bring them joy, and then they're
successful and it's empty. They think getting
something, earning something, achieving something,
being something, dressing a certain way, having
a certain house, driving a certain car, they
think it'll bring them joy. And what happens?
It's like the old cat chasing its tail. You bite
into it only to find out it certainly wasn't
what you expected. See, joy is a byproduct of
relationships with one another and with God.
So, well, we've solved it, haven't we? Aren't
you glad you came? Well, we have. You don't have
to be lonely. God cares, right? He's all -knowing,
all -powerful, and He loves you. Jesus understands
your loneliness, so if you talk to Him at any
time, I mean, His heart will break with your
hurt. He invites you into a relationship if you
haven't. And finally, once you're in relationship
with Him, you belong to one another. And so since
you belong, everything's great, right? Gosh,
we're done pretty early. Doesn't work quite like
that, does it? See, the fact of the matter is,
there's a lot of us that belong. We're born again.
We know Christ. But your experience in the body
of Christ is like you live your life feeling
like there's a plexiglass box around you and
you're on the outside looking in. And in your
heart of hearts, you don't feel like anyone really
cares. And you don't feel deeply connected. And
it may be true of you that you know God, and
it may be true of you that you belong, but you
don't feel it. So let me take some time and see
if we can't discuss and discover how can you
experience authentic love and real connection
in the body of Christ. How does that work? Let
me give you a quick picture that might help you
at least register intellectually with what I'm
talking about. Many of us have had this problem
of getting in shape, right? We all want to be
in shape, at least to some. Sometimes the doctors
say get in shape and it motivates us. And other
times around Christmas someone buys us, you know,
one of those little coupons to go to a gym or
to a spa. Sometimes we get motivated and buy.
But whatever it is, whether someone else bought
it or you bought it, you can sign up to go to
one of the area gyms or one of the spas. Or you
can even buy a treadmill and put it in one of
the back bedrooms. And the moment you sign up
for the gym or for the spa, what? Your problem
with getting in shape is solved. Isn't it? All
the machines that you need to get in shape are
available. And when you go there, they'll talk
about nutrition and they'll talk about habits
and they'll talk about lifestyle. And they'll
even pinch you and tell you your body weight,
fat. Dup, dup, dup and all that stuff, right?
And they'll tell you which exercises you're in.
Now, help me with this. However, if you sign
on the dotted line and you're a member of the
spa or the gym, you have positional membership,
but you never go. in shape do you get? Zippo.
Nada. Flavorine. Right? High cholesterol. It's
the same in the body of Christ. You can be a
positional member. You're saved. You know Christ.
You're forgiven. You're in the family. You belong
to other believers. But a positional member is
very different than a... practicing member. A
participating member. There are very few benefits.
It's like the kid who might live in your house,
and this isn't hopefully happening anywhere,
but it's like living in a house and all the fun's
around the dining room table and people are eating
and laughing and having fun and giving high fives
and even having a good few healthy arguments.
You can live in that house, but if you stay in
your room all the time, you don't get it. See,
I believe it is the state, of scores of people
in this room and all over the world. People are
positional members, but you know, they're not
practicing members. And until you are a participating
member of the body of Christ, guess what? You're
lonely. Are you lonely because God doesn't care?
Nope. Are you lonely because Jesus doesn't understand
your pain? Nope. Are you lonely because he hasn't
invited you into a relationship with him to solve
a problem? Nope. Are you lonely because no one
cares, there's no place to belong? Nope. What
are you lonely? You're lonely for two reasons.
One, I believe you have a distorted view of the
church. And two, you have a distorted view of
relationships. And so in the time remaining,
here's what I want to do. I want to help you
break out of your loneliness and isolation by
rethinking your view of the church and... By
revising your approach to relationships. First,
rethinking your view of the church. Many people
think of the church as an institution. It's buildings.
It's programs. It's structure. It's this idea
of them. In fact, when I meet you out at the
mall or when I'm running around, when you tell
me I go to your church, you're telling me that
you think church is a them and you're a we. So
you don't feel a part. The church is not an institution.
The church is a community. Community is where
you have involvement, sharing, relationships,
and connection. See, the church is not an event
to attend. Like, I'm going to the theater. It's
Saturday night or Sunday morning. Let's go to
the church. It's a place to attend. Hope the
music's good. Hope Chip has a good day, you know.
I'm going to the church, an event. That's not
the church. The church is a place to belong.
It's a family. It's us. It's in relationships.
And until you rethink how you think about the
church, you're going to be lonely. And there's
steak dinners spiritually on the table and starving
people, and that doesn't make sense to God. Look
at the early church, Acts chapter 2. Just listen
to it. Just listen to it, and you tell me. You
tell me if this sounds like an institution or
an event to come to, to schedule in your planner.
Or if this sounds more like life and relationships
and involvement. Early church, they devoted themselves
to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship and
to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone
was filled with awe and many wonders and miraculous
signs were done by the apostles. All the believers
were together and had everything in... Common,
koinonia, sharing, relationship, involvement.
Selling their possessions and goods they gave
to anyone as they had need. That means they at
least knew each other's names, didn't it? They
cared about one another. They got out of their
comfort zone. It wasn't any easier for them than
it is for us. Every day they continued to meet
together in the temple courts. They had large
group worship, temple courts. They had instruction.
They had celebration. They had worship. But in
temple courts or on a Saturday night or a Sunday
morning, you can't experience all God wants for
the church. This is one function. But notice
what happens after the temple courts. And they
did it daily. Every day they continued to meet
together in the temple courts. They broke bread.
They had meals together. Shared the Lord's Supper
where? in homes, and ate together with glad and
sincere hearts. You're kidding. You mean small
groups isn't a new method that someone made up
to help churches grow? No. No. You mean meeting
in homes, sharing meals, isn't something that
some seminar group came up with? No. It's actually
right from the beginning. See, it's real life
relationships. You worship here. You learn here.
But life doesn't take on meaning until you sit
down over a coffee table or you sit down around
a fire at the beach or you go have some fun together
and you look into someone else's eyes and those
eyes say, you matter. Tell me your story. Tell
me your struggle. Tell me where you're frustrated.
Let us pray for you about the relationship that's
not working in your life. Let's pray for your
boss. Let's hang in there with your sick kid.
Notice what happens when the church operates
this way. Verse 47, they're praising God and
enjoying the favor of all the people, believers
and unbelievers, and the Lord added to their
number daily those who are being saved. Everybody
needs somebody that cares about you as you. And
I know, I know. But Chip, I don't do relationships
well. I tried one of those groups you're talking
about in a church, and you should have seen the
wacko who led that group. Or I shared something
in one of those groups, and then I heard about
it from someone else two weeks later. I've been
burned. I've been hurt. I've been rejected. I've
been abandoned. No one really cares about me.
No one would really want to enter into a relationship
with me. So I've learned to keep acting in a
way that makes that true. What you're saying
sounds great, Chip. And with all these people
here, when we laugh together, it seems, yeah.
But when they play that last song and you walk
out the doors, I feel like I'm alone again. How
do you do relationships where you can start to
break down these barriers and get connected in
the body of Christ? Suggestion number one, realize
your need. As long as it's an option, you won't
do it. It's our pride that makes us think, you
know, I don't really need other people. No, you
just need to keep lying to yourself. There's
no Lone Rangers. The Bible is clear that attachment
is essential. Life was made, listen, life was
made for relationships. It can't even be just
you and God. He didn't design it that way. Realize
your need. Two, move toward others. Now, it's
great when people move toward you. But for some
of us, you see, we walk in and here's how we
all think. See, you look happy. You look smiling.
When everyone gets up and introduces and says
hi, you know, I look around the room and everyone's
got it together. And you're probably in a group
and you're probably in a ministry and life's
probably going great for you. But it's not for
me. What you don't understand is 65 to 70 % of
all the people that you think that about, it's
not true. They're struggling just like you are.
They don't have it together. They're hurting
and they're struggling. They need you to walk
across an aisle, make a phone call, extend a
hand, smile and say, how are you doing? And you're
saying, well, no one's ever done that to me in
this church. They haven't. And I've counted 52
weeks. No one's done that. Of course, you haven't
done that to anyone else, have you? You got to
move toward others. Scary? You bet. Can't be
any worse than loneliness. Number three, be vulnerable.
The word vulnerability literally means be open
to attack. See, when I meet someone that either
looks like they have it all together or projects
they have it all together, you know what I've
learned over the years? One, I'm too intimidated.
I don't want to get around them. And two, I've
been around the block to know they're either
faking it or they're lying. So I don't want to
be around them either. Right? Now, are you attracted
to people that really, man, I'm not. But the
moment someone shares a hurt, the moment someone
shares a struggle, the moment someone peels a
little bit of the mask off and lets me know what's
going on inside, I'm immediately attracted to
them. You know why? Because, oh good, they're
like me. Insecure, struggling, temptation, all
kind of problems. And I need help with them.
And I don't know, I just feel comfortable. Is
it scary? Yes, but be vulnerable. Do it wisely.
Open up. A little at a time. Make sure how people
respond. Don't do it with everyone. But take
some steps. Fourth, channel distorted thinking.
No one likes you. They'll abandon you. It'll
be just like last time. You keep those running
and you're right. Nothing will change. Challenge
those. Fifth, take risks. Step out. Extend a
hand. Join a group. Reach out to someone. Take
a risk. Six, be empathetic. Identify with others'
hurts. If you can get other -centered and listen,
listen, listen. Start, I have never found a person
who's a great listener that doesn't have tons
of friends. You know why? Who do people love
to talk about more than anyone else in the whole
world? Ourselves. Do you realize what great friends
you can have and say, where are you from? Well,
do you have any children? What part of the country?
How's that going? What's the biggest struggle
you have in work? Boy, that must be very difficult.
How do you manage that? You just keep asking
questions and listen, listen, listen. You know
what? They walk away thinking, man, what a nice
guy. Right? And then out of sheer politeness,
they might try something like, you know, I've
been talking for 20 minutes. How are you? And
where are you from? And you're thinking, this
works. I love it. Finally, pray. Trust God. Pray,
pray, pray. Every time you come to a crossroads
and you think, I want to take a step toward this
person. I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I can't do it.
And God will say, that's right, you can't, but
I can with you. Okay, I'll do it. Pray, pray,
pray. Trust God. How does connecting occur? The
first, smile. It's amazing. Just when you smile
at someone. Two, extend a hand. Hi, my name is.
I've been coming so -and -so. Three, for three
minutes, I want you to talk with someone you
don't know. You know what we do, those of us
who feel connected? We come here, smile, think
everyone's okay. And, you know, I think, great,
Marty, how you doing? I know Marty. Hey, Sue,
how's it going? I know Sue. Hey, Gordon. Hey,
man, how's it going? Tell me about... And so
we know each other, we talk to each other, and
all the people are not connected. Walk in, walk
out, walk in for three minutes. Don't talk to
anybody you know. Fourth, help out. The quickest
way to get connected is people are desperate
for help. You want help in the kitchen? I'll
help out. Need help with those kids? I'll help
out. Hey, shaking hands, giving out bulletins?
I'll help out. You need help putting these chairs
up? I'll help out. What happens? You forge relationships.
The summary to lick loneliness, you got to write
in the word, belong. You got to belong. You see,
it's these informal steps plus formal strategies
that will produce a connected community of love.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
As we continue this series on experiencing breakthrough,
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