Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
Let me ask you a question. Do you have memories
that are so painful and difficult that you've
become an expert at actually shoving them down
so you don't have to think about them? Would
you like freedom from that pain? Would you like
to see some real positive results come out of
the suffering in your life? Today I'm going to
share four insights that can transform how you
respond to suffering. That's today. If you only
had 365 days left to live, what would you pass
on to those you love most? Not your money or
possessions, right? It would be wisdom, faith,
and values that would sustain them long after
you're gone. Well, today on Living on the Edge,
Chip Ingram confronts a sobering reality. We've
spent more time planning our financial inheritance
than our spiritual one. He challenges us to intentionally
transfer what matters most, starting with the
hardest lesson of all. Spoiler alert, life is
going to hurt, betray, and test those we love.
The question isn't whether they'll face suffering,
but whether we've equipped them to respond with
faith. And then just after today's message, Chip
will explain a fabulous opportunity to participate
in the match that's available right now. When
you give to Living on the Edge, it'll be doubled
in size and impact. Well, back to the series,
Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever. Transferable
concept number one, and this may sound strange,
but teach them to suffer well. Teach them to
suffer well. We have raised a generation of people,
when they think of suffering, the only concept
they can think of is how to get out of it, how
to limit it, and how to avoid it. Those whom
you love, how will they respond to suffering?
Because they're going to get it, right? Someone's
going to walk out on them. Someone's going to
betray them. Someone's going to talk about them.
Someone's going to steal their money. Someone's
going to talk about them in church. Right? Some
of them are going to get cancer. Some drunk driver's
going to go left to center. Some of them are
going to have a kid that dies prematurely. So
are they prepared? I mean, in your spiritual
will, do you have phase number one? I will teach
them to suffer well. Now I'm going to give some
real practical ways about how to do that. Before
I do, I want to ask you a question. How do you
respond to suffering? How do you respond to injustice?
How are you responding to some things your ex
-mate has done to you? How have you responded
to losing your retirement? How have you responded
to the false accusations that were made about
you at work or at church? How have you responded
to a physical infirmity that just seems unfair
and no matter what you do, you just can't get
your health back? Because here's the deal. Here's
how life works. A disciple is not above his teacher.
And when a disciple is fully trained, Luke 640,
he'll be just like his teacher. And I would like
to say that the way you do this is you write,
learn to suffer well. I went to this seminar
and here's the notes and here's how it works.
But I got news for you. You know how they're
going to respond to their suffering? The way
they watch you. You cannot impart what you don't
possess. Modeling everything we're going to talk
about will be the most powerful means of communication
because far more is caught than is ever taught.
And so I've asked myself, so when I am suffering,
do I blame others? Do I whine? Am I the topic
of conversations? I'm a victim. It's difficult.
He ran out on me. This guy did this to me. I
can't believe this. It's Hollywood's fault. It's
education's fault. It's the president's fault.
It's Congress's fault. Well, now it's the Supreme
Court's fault. Whine, whine, whine. Victim, victim,
victim. Is that how you respond? Or is it denial?
I'm just not going to think about this. I'm not
going to talk about this. I'm just going to bury
it. Or is it anger? Bitterness? Lashing out?
Or is it guilt? You know, some people respond
to suffering. I know I did something terrible.
I'm the most terrible person in the world. It's
all my fault. I mean, you know, there's the whole
cosmos, but it's really all your fault. And then
you live with this guilt and then you pass that
on and your kids or disciples or grandkids or
friends, they suffer in the way they watch you.
And if you're a whiner, they whine. If they feel
guilty, like watch you, they feel guilty. If
you're a blamer and a screamer and a bitterer
and a denier, that's what you're gonna produce.
So as much as we're gonna talk about how to pass
on the things that matter most, there's gonna
be a pretty heavy duty application about asking
a pretty gut level question. is, boy, I need
to suffer well. I need to manage my wealth wisely.
I need to work unto the Lord. I need to make
great decisions, right? I need to be what I want
them to become. Now, that's sobering, but here's
the deal. You can't do it, right? I can't either.
It's impossible. But Christ can do it in you.
And Christ can do it through you. You know, sometimes
we listen to these commands of God and it's like,
God, I can't do that. Yay! I mean, I'm thinking,
now you're on the right track. So I need the
strength of your word. I need the community of
your people. I need to ask. I need to trust.
I need to take steps. And when you do that, you
can, by the power and the grace of God, suffer
well. And they will watch that it's not you,
but it's the Christ in you empowering you to
do that. And that's really what you want to pass
on, right? Now let's get real practical in terms
of, okay, okay, I got the theology chip. Now
how does this work? I mean, you know, roll up
the sleeves with me. How do you grow through
suffering? Okay, I know I need to do it. I need
to pass this on to kids and disciples, to coworkers,
church members, men's groups. Okay, how do you
do it? Let me give you. you know, four real practical
ways. Number one, teach them to face it, to identify
what they're concerned about. Teach them to face
it. I mean, it sounds so basic. Help them to
identify, and here's the key word, what they're
concerned about. We all tend to repress. We all
tend to avoid. We all tend to deny things that
are difficult. And when we just do, we just push
them down. And all the psychologists will tell
us as we push down hard things. 95 % of all depression
is anger turned inward. A lot of our migraines,
a lot of our stomach problems, a lot of our health
issues are we suffer and I don't wanna face it
and so I push it down. And that's a pattern.
You don't talk about that in things. You don't
share anything. You don't ever, you know, in
other words, anything you say where you're being
honest about where you're struggling, like, hey,
no complaining in this house. Hey, we're gonna
be positive around here. Well, you need to be
positive, but you also need to be honest. Help
them think about it. Help them talk about it.
Help them write it down. One of the most powerful
questions I know, and around our supper table
growing up, and with my wife on a regular basis,
we still do this little exercise. Ask them this
question, what are you concerned about? And then,
by the way, don't fix it, don't interrupt, and
don't tell them, you shouldn't be concerned about
that, everything's gonna be okay, duh. That's
not helpful. The goal is not that you fix it.
What are you concerned about? Oh, nothing. Well,
no, no. I mean, just tell me. I mean, say it's
one of the kids. They're teenagers. What are
you concerned about? I don't know. Well, I mean,
you're in football trials. Are you concerned
you might not make it? Yeah, maybe. Well, how's
it going? Not very good. Well, how come? I dropped
a bunch of passes in practice. Well, how are
you feeling about that? Well, this young kid,
he's only a freshman, man. He was catching them.
What are you concerned about? And they shut up.
What are you concerned about? What else? What
else? What else? I've grown kids now, and they
have little kids, and I'm learning this. There's
this new world. I like to hang out with my boys,
and I've always been able to kind of talk, and
we'd play basketball and do stuff, and then we'd
be sweaty, and we'd sit down and talk. Well,
now they've got these little kids, and every
time I'm around, little kids, little kids, little
kids. I haven't had a meaningful adult conversation
with my sons in like a year and a half. I mean,
you know, a snippet here, a snippet here. And
Therese and I were talking about this, and so
she came up with this plan. I'll have everyone
over for dinner. And then, I don't know, it wasn't
as well planned as I'm going to make this sound.
the girls were kind of doing the dishes and this
and that, and we cleaned things up, and they
were in one room. And somehow, me and two of
my sons ended up in the kitchen around one of
those little counters. And we'd been talking.
It's not like it's always superficial, but I'm
kind of one of those language of love guys. I
want to know what's really going on, you know?
And when we don't get there, I just feel like
we're going through the motions. And so it was
a simple question. I turned to my oldest son.
I said, you know, here in California, you moved
out here a while, who's your best friend? And
I mean, his face just changed. He goes, Dad,
I don't have a best friend. He goes, I've started
this new business. I got two young kids. I got
an awesome wife. He said, Dad, I'm working from
morning to night. I'm putting in all these hours.
And you know, this guy wants to go surfing and
this guy can be kind of spiritual. There's seven
different people, but I don't have a guy named
two good guys that we're real friends, that we
can go deep spiritually, that want to go somewhere
with their life, that want to be committed to
their wife and want to be a good dad. I don't
have that guy here. And then we got down to life.
And then as we talked a little bit, I said to
my other son, who's a pastor, and I said, what's
the biggest challenge you're facing right now?
And he gave me a little, you know, 25 % response.
And then his other brother kind of had to leave.
And there's dynamics always, I think, forever
with brothers. And these guys are close and all
that. And as they left, he started to share.
And I realized he and I got talking. And they
left. I didn't get to say goodbye. And he began
for the next hour to unfold the biggest challenges
in his heart, his ministry. And for an hour,
man, we talked at a level that I haven't talked
to him in a year. We'll hear more from Chip Ingram's
message in just a moment. First, we're inviting
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gift at livingontheedge .org. From a series called
Leaving a Legacy That Lasts Forever. Again, our
Bible teacher, Chip Ingram. Teach them to face
it and identify what they're concerned about.
Second, pray honestly about it. And pray with
them. You need to model this. They can't hear
all your good theologically sanitized, cleaned
up prayers. Oh, Lord, I know that you are in
control and that though it's a car wreck and
they stole our money and we'll be in the hospital
and they canceled our insurance, I just want
to tell you, I just praise the Lord. I just want
to tell you, Lord, that I know you're in, you
know. When's the last time they heard you say,
God, I'm ticked off, and it's unfair, and why?
And I, you know, I've met with you, and I love
you, and my priority's in order, and this, I
don't get it. I don't get it. When's the last
time they heard you pray the way Job prays? Hey,
tell you what, Lord, come on, right now, let's
argue about it. Man, I've kept myself pure, right
now, right now, God. Or one of the lament psalms.
Why have you forsaken me? Where are you, God?
You've been unfaithful. I'm upset. I'm hurt.
I mean, you hear David pray. He says stuff to
God. You know what? He can handle it. You need
to vent. I mean, reverently. But I'll tell you
what. God is near to those who call upon him.
Psalm 145, 18. To those who call upon him in.
Truth. And when you hurt, bring the pain. When
you're mad, bring the anger. The Lord is near
to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are
crushed in spirit. We play games. We think God
doesn't understand what's going on. You don't
connect with him until the real you shows up
and you lay it all out and your disciples or
your kids or your grandkids need to hear some
prayers like that to know it's legal. And then
God spoke to Job, didn't he? And boy, Job got
a... A lot bigger God. And most of David's Psalms
end with, and yet, oh Lord, when I look back,
you've been faithful and I thank you and I praise
you. And I didn't understand, but I had to share
this. I had to get this out. That's how you learn
to suffer well. Hebrews describes Jesus, who
in his days on earth, with loud groaning and
cries, Calling out to God. When's the last time
you actually wept in the presence of the Lord?
When's the last time you prayed with someone
you cried together? This is very, very important.
Third, help them to share where they're suffering
with someone they trust. As wonderful as you
are, and as wonderful as I am, of course. Sometimes
you're not the right person to help them. Sometimes
it's an area and it's a concern and they need
someone else. And so you need to say, hey, point
them to some mentors that are older or wiser.
I praise God when my kids were teenagers that
there was a youth pastor that was godly that
they would tell stuff to him they'd never tell
to me. There's times where one of my sons had
a mentor in our church and he happened to be
a counselor. And you know what? There were some
issues that he was working through. I kind of
think I know what some of them might be. They're
the kind you're not really excited to share with
your dad. And this guy and he, they'd meet and
drink coffee and talk and share and then go surfing.
I've watched my daughter with godly women involved
in ministry just make connections. What you want
to do is help orchestrate what God's doing, but
you don't have to do it all. So mentors. Second
is peers. And part of that is let them in on
your struggles. I was talking with my son who's
a songwriter and producer, and by God's grace,
he's become extraordinarily successful, and he's
now experiencing Oh, my lands, this person from
American Idol wants to write music for me because
she's a Christian, but I'm already booked, so
I'm working from 7 until 4, and she's going to
fly in for two days, and from 6 until 2 in the
morning, I'm going to write with her. Well, then
this is happening, and this is happening. God,
Dad, what do you do when the blessing of God
is like success? My priority is to get totally
out of whack. I'm exhausted. I've got to build
in some. And when we talked on the phone for
45 minutes about, hey, son, been there and done
that, let me just tell you something. those great
opportunities are not like they're never going
to come around again. It's a faith issue. And
for people that are wired like you and me, Satan
puts the brakes on some people to discourage
him. And for people like us, I don't think the
brakes will work. He just pushes on the gas pedal.
And he gets people like you and me so overloaded
doing really good things that we crash. And then
I shared some crashes. And then finally, there's
times where we need to direct them to a pastor
or a professional counselor. Everybody gets stuck.
And if you've ever been to one, make sure your
kids, grandkids, disciples. When I teach on marriage,
I always try in the first session to let everybody
know in the first year and a half of my marriage,
I had to go to marriage counseling. And then
about five years later, I had to go back again.
I just want to get that out on the table because
somehow they think that if you really love God
and you try really hard, we'd never need outside
help. You need outside help when you're stuck.
I mean, if I'm putting in a window, and I know
a little bit about putting in windows, and I
go down to Home Depot, and I get this, and I
get this, and I get stuck, I don't go, oh, my
gosh. Well, I've got to figure this all out myself.
I'm going to go down and say, hey, you know,
is there someone like with an orange vest that
really knows about windows? Well, buddy, we've
told you all that you know. Look, here's the
name of Anderson Windows. This guy's a pro. Have
him come out to your house. He's got to fix the
thing that you messed up. I try to do windows.
I can't do windows. So am I ashamed to ask an
expert to get help when I'm stuck? Of course
not. Your kids, your disciples, your grandkids,
your friends, they need to know there's a time
where, you know, go to a pastor, go to a professional
counselor. And then finally, help them align
specific scripture with their specific situation.
Now, I'm going to give you some things here,
and a lot of them are not in your notes, so I'll
try and go slow. This is the key in terms of
you want to match what are they going through
with truth. Because it's as you trust the promises
of God. That's what faith is, by the way. And
it's by faith we experience God's grace. And
suffering, imagine suffering is sort of like
this overarching, you know, sort of like rainbow.
But underneath of it, there may be four or five,
maybe far more. There's different reasons we
suffer. And if I suffer for this reason, here's
the passage that I want, okay? Are you tracking
with me? So let me give you just four or five
examples. First, let's say I have a negative
circumstances or a trial. Okay, the economy goes
down. I had money, whether it's in retirement
or for college education, and it's gone. Here's
the passage, James chapter 1, verses 2 to 4.
Consider it all joy when you encounter various
trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces
endurance. Let endurance have its perfect result
that you might be lacking in nothing. So it's
external circumstances. Okay, choose to have
this kind of attitude. Realize there's a process
God's going to take you through. Or second, how
about refining your character? You know, you
haven't done anything wrong. You're suffering.
It doesn't make sense. But you sense you're really
growing. Romans chapter 5, verses 1 to 5. Therefore,
having justified by faith, we have peace with
God. And we exalt in hope of the glory of God.
And we exalt not only in this, but in our what?
Tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces
about perseverance and perseverance, proven character.
Proven character produces hope and hope produces
love as the Holy Spirit is poured into our life.
There's certain times you're suffering because
you're so precious in God's eyes that he's allowing
a process of drawing you in intimacy and suffering.
So you respond in gratitude of God's work. A
third time you suffer is spiritual opposition.
I mean, man, you're making tracks for God. You're
sharing your faith. You've taken a new step of
faith. You're getting in the Bible. You're taking
a risk. You're saying, God, I'm going to do some
stuff with my time and my money. And you are
doing some things that is exposing the darkness.
Well, Ephesians chapter 6, 10 through 18 teaches
you how to deal with that kind of difficulty
and suffering in spiritual warfare. Or sometimes
what is persecution? You know, you stood up for
Christ and, man, you're getting all this flack
on a college campus or you're getting all this
flack at work or you lose your job because, you
know, you're a doctor and you won't do the abortion
or you're a legal person and you won't lie about
something in a situation. The passage, 2 Timothy
3 .12. The promises for all those who desire
to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be
persecuted. And then finally, there's times where
you're suffering because, like me, You make some
bad choices, right? Or you just sin. You know,
you say what you shouldn't have said. You thought
what you shouldn't have thought. You did what
you knew was wrong. And then there's consequences.
And then you want to go to Romans chapter 6,
where it talks about presenting your members.
And then 1 Corinthians 10, 13, where no temptation
has taken you, but such is common to man. But
God will, with the temptation, provide a way
of escape that you might be able to endure it.
So what you want to do is begin to coach the
kids, coach the disciple, coach the grandkid,
coach the lady, coach the guy. What you want
to pass on is, here is suffering. There's at
least five different reasons, maybe more. And
here's the promise you can hang on to. And here's
the truth to apply, very specifically. Life message,
very simple. Suffering is normal. That's what
you want them to get. That's the message. When
they're suffering, they want to say, oh, this
is normal. It's not fun, but it's normal. It
will be experienced by all. It will either make
or break those we love. And so teach them to
suffer well. This is Living on the Edge with
Chip Ingram. Chip is presenting a practical teaching
series called Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever.
If today's message inspired you to learn more
about guiding your children and grandchildren,
it'll point you to a highly practical resource
called Effective Parenting in a Defective World.
This study guide includes a code to stream Chip's
video teaching online, plus MP3s of the complete
series. You'll find all the details at livingontheedge
.org. Well, Chip, parenting is not for the faint
of heart. And these days, grandparents often
find themselves in roles they've never expected.
as a guiding light for their grandkids. Thanks
so much, Dave. You know, I hear from grandparents
all the time that are actually heartbroken. Their
grandkids grew up in the church or maybe even
Christian school. They're now in college or they've
graduated, starting their careers, and their
face seems literally fading from the picture.
Or I hear grandparents all the time who say,
I don't get it. They grew up in church, but now
they're living with their boyfriend or girlfriend,
or they've changed their sexual identity. And
I feel hopeless. I'm praying, but I don't know
what to do. I don't know how to have a spiritual
conversation. And then they meet us at Living
on the Edge. And at Living on the Edge, we've
become the bridge. Grandparents are listening.
And we've been teaching them how to engage around
today's questions with biblical answers and finding
ways to really connect, to build a bridge to
their grandkids, to talk their language, and
to really listen. When you support this match,
you're equipping the older generation to pass
the baton of faith to the younger. Your gift
today, are you ready? It secures tomorrow's impact.
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Or just visit livingontheedge .org. So what's
the purpose of our career? To chase a paycheck?
I'm Dave Drewy, inviting you to hear Chip Ingram's
answer Thursday on Living on the Edge.