Deadlines, flight delays, traffic jams, crying
babies. What do all these have in common? Well,
for most of us, these situations cause stress.
And under stress, our emotions can go astray.
Today, we'll learn how God can help you stop
stress before it starts. Stay with me. Welcome
to this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip
Ingram. The mission of this daily program is
to intentionally disciple Christians through
the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Thanks for joining us as we continue our series,
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. For the past
several broadcasts, Chip's talked about anger,
where it comes from, how to control it, and the
ways we can use it for good. Today, he makes
the connection between our rage and frustrations
and stress. But before he gets going, if you
haven't already, subscribe to our daily podcasts.
With a few simple taps on your phone, you'll
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So search for Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram
today on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever
you listen to podcasts. Okay, here now is Chip
with his talk, Learning How to Stop Stress Before
It Starts. Ephesians 4 .26 says, it's the good
summary of anger in Scripture. Be angry. That's
a command. Yet, do not sin. Do not let the sun
go down on your anger, lest you give the devil
a foothold or an opportunity. So your anger quotient
talks about the environment that you're in. Certain
environments raise the possibility of anger.
Certain perspectives that you have either increase
or decrease. your relationship with anger, and
it's all tied into, no matter what your environment
or perspective, obeying Ephesians 4 .26. I want
you to circle the E, if you will, and I want
to talk about your environment. I want to talk
about the environment that can allow you to be
either more angry or the environment that can
cause you to be far less angry. And I want to
read just a little section. My teammate, I've
never teamed up and done a book with someone
before, and it's been kind of fun to get a woman's
perspective, and especially someone that's worked
with so many people. She's a practicing psychologist
and counselor, and she did this experiment. Just
a couple paragraphs. She said, one day I decided
to keep a mental log of all the times I felt
angry. I wanted to know how often I got angry
and what I got angry about and what triggered
the anger. I encourage you to try this too. The
results were surprising and quite humbling. I
was shocked at how often angry feelings came
to the surface. Prior to consciously counting
these episodes, I had mistakenly assumed that
anger was only an occasional visitor to my emotional
arsenal. I was wrong, very wrong. I had to be
honest about my feelings of anger, frustration,
and actual infuriation. I had felt either flits
or fits of anger at not being able to find my
favorite socks, running out of milk, the kids
taking too long to get ready, the slow driver
in front of me, the long wait at the pharmacy,
the store that was closed on Monday, having to
put gas in the car, the price of the gas in the
car, the long line in the slow service when I
got gas in the car, the kids leaving their clothes
on the floor again, the computer freezing on
me again, and I was only halfway through the
day. Though some of these feelings could describe
fleeting frustrations, when I was honest, far
too many of them were actual anger. Then came
another humbling lesson. I realized that most
of the day -to -day anger I experienced was all
about small, insignificant stuff that I face
all the time. When I stopped and looked at how
often I got angry and what I got angry about,
I had to admit that it happened too much and
too often. Then I took a further step. I asked,
what is it that contributes to the anger of my
day -to -day life? And the answer was surprisingly
simple. Stress. Stress. The relationship between
stress and anger in my life isn't unusual. The
more pressured, burned out, overwhelmed, or busy
that you become, the more your anger will lie
at the foot of your feet, ready to explode at
any moment. The key to lessening our anger is
our ability to minimize stress. Final line, the
more stress we're under, the more likely it is
that anger will make its appearance. Our goal
is to reduce stress. And so I want to just encourage
you in our time together, I'm going to be really,
really practical, not an outline. I'm not going
to go to all kinds of different texts. I basically
want to give some practical wisdom about how
to reduce stress in your life. I am a type A
personality. I have been a workaholic. I have
been characterized by being driven. And I've
pastored anything from a member, church of about
35 people where 34 of them are related. That
produced a lot of stress to six or 7 ,000 people
coming through the doors every six or seven days
and a very large staff and big budgets and being
totally overwhelmed. And so all I want to know
is I understand what it's like. And I just want
to walk through some very practical ways that
people far wiser than me and many things that
I've experienced that might help you. Number
one, stress reducer is eliminate hurry. John
Ortberg went to teach at a large church in Chicago
and has since gone back to California. But when
he was ready to take that big step, And it was
a big, big, big church. And he was going to be
the teaching pastor with a team of guys. And
he met with Dallas Willard and he said, you know,
you're a wise man in the things of God. You've
written, you know, books on the spiritual disciplines.
What piece of advice could you give me as I take
my family into all this responsibility and all
this pressure and all that I'm going to face?
And he said, you know, I got my pen out and he
said, I'm just, I'm going to take lots of notes.
And this is Dallas Willard and he's going to,
and he just, he leaned back. And he looked at
me and he said, ruthlessly eliminate hurry from
your life. And I said, okay, yeah, okay, good.
So, no, he said, that's it. Ruthlessly eliminate
hurry from your life. Speed and godliness are
incompatible. Speed and peace are incompatible.
Hurry and loving others is incompatible. Hearing
God's voice and hurry are incompatible. Ruthlessly
eliminate hurry from your life. And I heard that
at a time when our church was going through some
significant growth, a capital campaign, a building
campaign. Someone mistakenly took a couple of
the messages and stuck them on a local radio
station and then some other station, put it on
some other station, and that started down the
road. And to say that I was under pressure and
living a hurried life would be an understatement.
And I think there's times in our life where God
will give us a message. that is so for us that
the entire trajectory of our future can be changed
if we'll just obey that one word for us in that
moment. And I remember thinking to myself, and
then Ortberg is a tremendous teacher. If you've
never read any of his books, I just highly recommend
them. And so I remember deciding I'm going to
ruthlessly eliminate hurry from my life. I mean,
I was the guy, you know, the plane door. It's
leaving. One more person's getting on. Ingram
gets on. Okay, sits down. Briefcase. Got to do
some work. You know, I mean, doing this, you
know, getting to a meeting one minute just before
it starts because you can't be late, but got
to do five things just before you get there.
Multitasking all the time, you know, talking
on the phone, answering email on the computer,
and three other things if I could. And he gave
some practical ways to do it. And so I went into
training. I literally went into training. I took
some of the suggestions. Number one, for two
years, I drove in the right -hand lane of the
freeway. I mean, it was just, I'm just going
to drive in the right -hand lane. I'm not going
to be in a hurry. I'm not going to count how
many cars go by in the toll lane. If I get in
this lane right here, I think, let's see, one,
two, three, four, the yellow car got in with
me, and oh, man, I should have picked that line.
You know what that tells you about your mindset?
You must be really, really important. You must
be so important that you have to get wherever
you're going that matters so much more than everybody
else. What I realized, my hurry was rooted in
arrogance. and what he called grandiosity. My
being overextended was rooted in my grandiosity.
For all the right reasons, doing really pretty
significant things for God, I had come to believe
unconsciously, it wasn't willfully, that I'd
become indispensable. I had to be everywhere
and do everything, and I had to hurry, and the
more of it I could do, the more God would be
pleased. You're listening to Living on the Edge.
Before we continue today's program, let me ask
you, is anger devastating your relationships
with your family, spouse, or coworkers? Join
us after Chip's message to learn more about our
valuable small group resource for this series.
Stick around to discover how to confront this
powerful emotion and harness it for good. But
for now, here again is Chip to continue today's
message. I also went into the discipline of when
I went to the grocery line of going, to the longest
line instead of the shortest one. It's painful.
But then I just, hey, how you doing? Good. So
you shop here often? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.
You? No, I just come. My wife sends me for stuff,
and I pick up what I can remember. It's usually
the wrong brand or something. So do you live
around here? You know what happened? I started
relating to people again. Pretty soon the knots
in my stomach when I was driving because I always
had to, you know, I could tell you when you get
off this ramp, if you go in the left -hand lane
for the first two and a half miles, then if you
go to the right -hand lane because the exit comes
this way, then you get back in the right -hand
lane, then you can, I mean, I was always in a
hurry. And I began to slow, slow down, slow down,
slow down. And it's really amazing just the quality
of life. I did something weird. I always tried
to figure out how. Let's see, they say you have
to be there. This was before 9 -11. You had to
be there like an hour before flights. And so
I would just, I mean, everything was down to
the wire. And then I decided, you know something?
I think I'm going to get there an hour and a
half early, sometimes two hours. And I'm going
to get there early, and I happen to like a very
good cup of coffee. I'm going to get a very good
cup of coffee. I'm going to put my feet up. I'm
going to think about what's going on. I think
I'm going to spend a little time writing in my
journal. I'm going to thank God for some of the
people in my life, maybe return a few calls.
I think I'm going to call some people while I
wait. Have you ever just opened your phone and
just thought, I wonder who haven't I talked to
lately? Not for no reason. Bob, Tampa. Probably
get a voicemail. That's okay. Hey, Bob. Beep.
This is Chip. You know what? I'm sitting in the
airport in Dallas. And I just want to remind
you, God loves you, Bob. And you remember two
years ago when we had that little meeting, you
came to my mind today. I love you. You are a
friend like few I've ever had. And I hope you're
doing well today. God bless you. And I just started
doing some spontaneous, non -urgent, not having
to get it done, eliminating hurry from my life.
Now, do I have some regression now and then?
You bet. But I still get to airports early. I
don't always drive in the right -hand lane all
the time. But for a period of time, I just got
that I -gotta -get -there attitude out of me,
and it made a huge difference. I read a poem
that many of you will recognize, and it was about
that classic slow -me -down lord. And then after
it, there were some observations that we made.
When I'm in a hurry, I don't notice the flowers
blooming alongside the road. When I'm in a hurry,
there seems to be more irritating drivers on
the road than normal. When I'm in a hurry, I
don't strike up friendly conversations with those
around me. When I'm in a hurry, I avoid people,
places, and things that take time. and energy
and effort. When I'm in a hurry, I pretend not
to see the person behind me in line who only
has a few items when I have a cart full of groceries.
When I'm in a hurry, my heart pounds, my muscles
are tense, my mind races. When I'm in a hurry,
I rush through the day, and I rush by people.
When I'm in a hurry, I don't ask people how they
really are, or if I do, I don't stick around
to hear the answer. When I'm in a hurry, my devotional
life is a task to get done instead of a time
to treasure. When I'm in a hurry, I'm abrupt
with people. When I'm in a hurry, it feels like
life is a race to be run. When I'm in a hurry,
I get angry more easily and more often. When
I'm not in a hurry, I enjoy my food more. When
I'm not in a hurry, I smile more and just feel
calmer. When I'm not in a hurry, life seems to
be a lot more enjoyable and less stressful. When
I'm not in a hurry, I'll ask about others, about
themselves, how they're doing, and I actually
like hearing what they have to say. When I'm
not in a hurry, my times in prayer are more meaningful.
When I'm not in a hurry, I think I'm actually
a nicer person, more thoughtful, and kinder to
others. And when I'm not in a hurry, I'm more
patient, loving, understanding, and tolerant.
When I'm not in a hurry, things just don't bother
me as much. See, we can talk about anger and
the A, B, C, D, and it's a secondary emotion,
but your AQ, your anger quotient, will be determined
by your E, environment, plus your P, perspective,
times your willingness to obey, Ephesians 4 .26.
So eliminate hurry. Second is downsize your expectations.
Most of us try to do too much too soon. And we
feel overwhelmed and it puts us under pressure.
And because our expectations are so high and
we're under pressure, then anger bubbles out.
Most dramatic experience ever. And this is not
sort of my biography, but I just want to tell
you how life really works. I think sometimes
people get up and they come to a place like this.
And so people think you're way smarter than you
are, way more holy than you are. And all of us
are exactly the same, ordinary people with regular
ups and downs. And in seminary, I had a conviction
that my wife should be home with our kids. And
that was a really important conviction because
that meant I needed to support us and go to school
full time, which was really hard. And so I would
get up at about 4 .30 in the morning and study
Greek until 7, catch a carpool. And in the carpool,
I'd go to work, it's called at work, went to
seminary from 7 until about 4 .30. And I would
either read or be in class 100 % of the time,
come home, play with the kids, eat dinner, go
to work at 6 .30, get home at 11, do it again.
So I was under lots of pressure. And where I
went to school, they wanted three years of Greek
and two years of Hebrew. And it wasn't always
that it was so hard, but it was just so much
to do. And I remember a guy that became a great
mentor and a friend for the last 25 years was
Howard Hendricks and actually went to school
to be around him. And I'll never forget one day
he had a group of us together and, you know,
we were kind of whining about our lives and,
you know, demands. And he has this funny, you
know, the problem, don't you? You know, no, prof,
what's the problem? The problem is you guys don't
get enough C's. What do you mean? You don't get
enough C's. He had this funny way of, you know.
Always doing like this with his nose. And C's,
what do you mean? Yeah, you're a bunch of smart
guys here. You came from schools where you're
smart guys and you think getting A's is where
it's at. I got news for you guys. God doesn't
care whether you get A's. Secondly, no one's
gonna look at your resume whether you got A's
or not. You're competitive, driven, carnal guys.
Get some C's, love your wives, have some fun,
you know? And so I was involved in ministry and
I was involved in working. And it was like someone
just took the expectations and said, and I wasn't
probably near as smart as a lot of guys, but
I was always like, I always was one of those
students that could figure out what was gonna
be on the test. So I always got really good grades.
I'm just kind of street smart, but I'm not like
super academic. And I said, okay, this is a great
class. Zillion hours, I've got to read all these
books. I'm supposed to have all these, let's
see, 2 ,000 words memorized and all this, and
that's worth 10 % of my grade. And when I get
out, a computer has all those words somewhere.
So, okay, 10%, that gets me from 100 to a 90.
I'm not going to do that. And then this other
thing, you're supposed to read this, this, this,
and that. Well, I want to learn to do the exegetical
work, this, this, this. That's what will help
me be the man God wants me to be. I'm not doing
that. That's only 5%. And so I started to go
the last couple years, and I would go to a professor
and say, I just want you to know I'm not sloughing
off. It's not that I don't care about you. It's
not that I don't think what you're doing is important.
It's that all these words are in a book. When
you do the little quizzes on the vocabulary,
I won't do well. I'm not even going to try. I'm
starting your class with a B, okay? And I just
bought myself seven hours a week, and it'll probably
make me a better dad, a way better husband. And
I just went through my classes. Now, you know
what? As crazy as prof was, even after doing
that, most all of us, we just got Bs and As anyway.
But it was just that, what? Who is putting the
invisible gun to your head that says your house
has to be absolutely spotless all the time? Who's
putting the invisible gun to your head that says
you always have to return every call the same
day or that this new thing, beep, beep, beep,
an email comes, oh, oh my gosh, I gotta return
the, I mean, who made these rules? I didn't get
that, it's been seven minutes and they haven't
returned my email yet. Why, if I'm doing something
over here that's the will of God, how does someone
electronically shoot something through a satellite
that says it's now the most important thing in
my life? Where do we start doing that? If I didn't
know better, that would be stupid. That would
just be stupid. And then we get so overwhelmed.
I've done this. Have you ever done this? You
know, like you get sort of those, they're not
quite spam. You know, they're like from Harry
and David's and different people. You order some
stuff now and then. Or Delta Airlines is telling
me, you know, new fares. Have you ever felt like
you're so overwhelmed that you want to feel like
you've accomplished something? And I sit at my
computer, delete that one. Delete that. Have
you ever done that? You know, like the day is
going so overwhelmed. And I feel like I've done
this. Harry and David, that one's gone. Delta
Airlines, that's gone. Those three advertisements
gone. Boy, do I feel good about myself. Is this
nuts? Anyway, three, learn to say no. I was privileged
to get some mentoring from Chuck Swindoll. And
as the radio was growing every year, they'd have
this dinner and we'd get a chance. And somehow
I got to sit next to him. And every year for
about seven or eight years, he literally took
me for about a half hour, put his arm around
me and basically gave me that, now, young man,
here's what you need to remember. And it was
amazing. And so I remember one year he said,
one of the greatest things you'll ever have to
learn, learn to say no kindly, artfully, and
with excellence. And he said, it will save you
so much. I mean, people need to know you would
love to, but the answer is no. And I thought,
wow, you know, that is, you know, I didn't really
understand what he meant. And then there was
a certain book that I thought would be really
important. And, you know, we were friends. And
so I... I called him or wrote him and asked him
if he would endorse the book. And I got the nicest,
most excellent, kindest letter. I mean, I felt
like when I got done reading that letter, I was
next to Cynthia, maybe the second or third most
important person in Chuck Swindoll's life. Wow.
No. I mean, it was just like, Chip, I appreciate
you so much and what you've done. And if I glance
this, this is going to have a great impact. I'm
so excited. In our times together and, you know,
our board and the priorities, they've just limited
what I can do. I would love to do it, but I just
can't. Learn to say no kindly. Don't take stuff
on in church. Don't do stuff for friends. Don't
let guilt drive you to get your schedule because
under stress, when you're doing stuff you don't
feel really called to do, you get resentment
and you're going to have more anger. This is
Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And you've
been listening to part one of Chip's message,
Learning How to Stop Stress Before It Starts,
from our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy.
Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful
application for us to think about. Have you ever
been told you have an anger problem? Has your
temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship?
Are the frustrations of daily life weighing you
down? Well, let's be honest. Everyone struggles
to control this powerful emotion at times. In
this series, Chip reveals the common ways anger
manifests and shares practical biblical solutions
to rein it in before it destroys you and your
most treasured relationships. Don't miss how
to be, as Jesus said, angry without sinning.
Well, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is back
in studio with a quick word. Thanks so much,
Dave. There are few things that will impact your
life, your family, your marriage, all your relationships,
what happens at work, than how you handle your
emotions. More specifically, the emotion of anger
or the guilt, the shame, the devastation, all
the things that surround anger when it's not
properly understood or properly responded to.
And so all I can say is that I don't know where
you can invest your time in the next few months.
But let me encourage you that overcoming emotions
that destroy you and your relationships would
be a great place to really invest. Let me just
help you think this through. For some of you,
you've been thinking, we need to launch a Bible
study or the next small group series for our
small group at church or for our men or women's
group or our Sunday school class. We ought to
get this. Be thinking outside the box. This isn't
just for you. God wants to use you as an ambassador.
Imagine the people in your network, if they understood
anger, begin to use it for good instead of evil,
the good that would happen in your homes, your
churches, and your community. Act today. Thanks,
Chip. Well, to get your hands on this valuable
resource, visit livingontheedge .org. Dig into
this study with a group of friends and uncover
how anger may be impacting you and what you can
do to harness it to grow spiritually, emotionally,
and relationally. Get your hands on the overcoming
emotions that destroy small group today by going
to livingontheedge .org or by calling 888 -333
-6003. App listeners tap special offers. With
that, here again is Chip. As we close today's
program, there's one very simple question. that
I need to ask you. In fact, you need to ask yourself,
which of the three things that create stress
in your life do you need to address? I talked
about ruthlessly eliminate hurry, downsize your
expectations, learn to say no. So which one of
those, if I just, you know, we're sitting together
and, you know, over a cup of coffee, you know,
and I said, okay, which one of those for you
would it be? What would you say? I will tell
you, first and foremost, you will see your life
change. If you ruthlessly eliminate hurry from
your life, of all the things, especially if you're
a type A personality, high -pressure job. And
the other one was that hit me was downsizing
expectations. If you're perfectionistic and you
want to do things really well, you keep pushing
and you put all this pressure on yourself thinking,
you know, it's like got to be an A plus all the
time. And just a couple weeks ago, I was speaking
at a place and they wanted all these notes and
they wanted them, you know, a week or two in
advance. And I was in the middle of teaching
a series. And I remember feeling all this pressure
and stress. And then just as I prayed, God said,
so do you have to have notes every time you preach?
And I remember thinking, well, gosh, Paul didn't
have PowerPoint. He did okay, you know. And so
I just told my assistant, would you just let
him know that, you know, I'll have some notes
because they were done, but, you know, I'm just
not going to have any PowerPoint. And it was
like the whole world got lighter and better.
What do you need just to say it's okay to let
something go? You don't have to do everything
perfect every time and see if that stress doesn't
come down and with it the anger. God bless you.
Give it a try. 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333
-6003 or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners
tap donate. And thanks for doing whatever the
Lord leads you to do. Well, coming up on the
next edition of Living on the Edge, we'll continue
Chip's series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy.
So I hope you'll join us. But until then, I'm
Dave Drewy. Thanks for listening.