WEBVTT 00:00:01.479 --> 00:00:04.480 Deadlines, flight delays, traffic jams, crying 00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:07.280 babies. What do all these have in common? Well, 00:00:07.339 --> 00:00:09.779 for most of us, these situations cause stress. 00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:13.179 And under stress, our emotions can go astray. 00:00:13.539 --> 00:00:16.679 Today, we'll learn how God can help you stop 00:00:16.679 --> 00:00:22.559 stress before it starts. Stay with me. Welcome 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:25.440 to this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip 00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:28.109 Ingram. The mission of this daily program is 00:00:28.109 --> 00:00:30.629 to intentionally disciple Christians through 00:00:30.629 --> 00:00:32.689 the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. 00:00:32.990 --> 00:00:35.570 Thanks for joining us as we continue our series, 00:00:35.750 --> 00:00:38.850 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. For the past 00:00:38.850 --> 00:00:41.689 several broadcasts, Chip's talked about anger, 00:00:41.869 --> 00:00:44.329 where it comes from, how to control it, and the 00:00:44.329 --> 00:00:46.929 ways we can use it for good. Today, he makes 00:00:46.929 --> 00:00:49.490 the connection between our rage and frustrations 00:00:49.490 --> 00:00:52.429 and stress. But before he gets going, if you 00:00:52.429 --> 00:00:55.070 haven't already, subscribe to our daily podcasts. 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:58.100 With a few simple taps on your phone, you'll 00:00:58.100 --> 00:01:00.380 have access to the full -length version of our 00:01:00.380 --> 00:01:02.979 latest series. And whether you're commuting, 00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:06.280 exercising, or just enjoying your day, you can 00:01:06.280 --> 00:01:08.939 easily download a few programs to listen to anytime. 00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:12.680 So search for Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram 00:01:12.680 --> 00:01:16.700 today on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever 00:01:16.700 --> 00:01:19.859 you listen to podcasts. Okay, here now is Chip 00:01:19.859 --> 00:01:22.719 with his talk, Learning How to Stop Stress Before 00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:27.019 It Starts. Ephesians 4 .26 says, it's the good 00:01:27.019 --> 00:01:29.939 summary of anger in Scripture. Be angry. That's 00:01:29.939 --> 00:01:33.219 a command. Yet, do not sin. Do not let the sun 00:01:33.219 --> 00:01:35.400 go down on your anger, lest you give the devil 00:01:35.400 --> 00:01:38.879 a foothold or an opportunity. So your anger quotient 00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:41.659 talks about the environment that you're in. Certain 00:01:41.659 --> 00:01:44.560 environments raise the possibility of anger. 00:01:45.299 --> 00:01:48.519 Certain perspectives that you have either increase 00:01:48.519 --> 00:01:52.609 or decrease. your relationship with anger, and 00:01:52.609 --> 00:01:55.129 it's all tied into, no matter what your environment 00:01:55.129 --> 00:01:58.769 or perspective, obeying Ephesians 4 .26. I want 00:01:58.769 --> 00:02:01.209 you to circle the E, if you will, and I want 00:02:01.209 --> 00:02:04.769 to talk about your environment. I want to talk 00:02:04.769 --> 00:02:07.269 about the environment that can allow you to be 00:02:07.269 --> 00:02:10.889 either more angry or the environment that can 00:02:10.889 --> 00:02:14.930 cause you to be far less angry. And I want to 00:02:14.930 --> 00:02:18.330 read just a little section. My teammate, I've 00:02:18.330 --> 00:02:20.150 never teamed up and done a book with someone 00:02:20.150 --> 00:02:22.009 before, and it's been kind of fun to get a woman's 00:02:22.009 --> 00:02:24.150 perspective, and especially someone that's worked 00:02:24.150 --> 00:02:26.689 with so many people. She's a practicing psychologist 00:02:26.689 --> 00:02:29.889 and counselor, and she did this experiment. Just 00:02:29.889 --> 00:02:32.469 a couple paragraphs. She said, one day I decided 00:02:32.469 --> 00:02:34.729 to keep a mental log of all the times I felt 00:02:34.729 --> 00:02:37.889 angry. I wanted to know how often I got angry 00:02:37.889 --> 00:02:40.509 and what I got angry about and what triggered 00:02:40.509 --> 00:02:43.680 the anger. I encourage you to try this too. The 00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:46.580 results were surprising and quite humbling. I 00:02:46.580 --> 00:02:49.280 was shocked at how often angry feelings came 00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:52.080 to the surface. Prior to consciously counting 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:55.379 these episodes, I had mistakenly assumed that 00:02:55.379 --> 00:02:58.319 anger was only an occasional visitor to my emotional 00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:02.500 arsenal. I was wrong, very wrong. I had to be 00:03:02.500 --> 00:03:04.740 honest about my feelings of anger, frustration, 00:03:05.099 --> 00:03:09.360 and actual infuriation. I had felt either flits 00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:12.080 or fits of anger at not being able to find my 00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:14.539 favorite socks, running out of milk, the kids 00:03:14.539 --> 00:03:16.919 taking too long to get ready, the slow driver 00:03:16.919 --> 00:03:19.039 in front of me, the long wait at the pharmacy, 00:03:19.259 --> 00:03:21.800 the store that was closed on Monday, having to 00:03:21.800 --> 00:03:24.520 put gas in the car, the price of the gas in the 00:03:24.520 --> 00:03:27.199 car, the long line in the slow service when I 00:03:27.199 --> 00:03:29.740 got gas in the car, the kids leaving their clothes 00:03:29.740 --> 00:03:32.840 on the floor again, the computer freezing on 00:03:32.840 --> 00:03:35.580 me again, and I was only halfway through the 00:03:35.580 --> 00:03:38.080 day. Though some of these feelings could describe 00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:42.639 fleeting frustrations, when I was honest, far 00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:47.240 too many of them were actual anger. Then came 00:03:47.240 --> 00:03:49.939 another humbling lesson. I realized that most 00:03:49.939 --> 00:03:53.000 of the day -to -day anger I experienced was all 00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:57.280 about small, insignificant stuff that I face 00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:00.099 all the time. When I stopped and looked at how 00:04:00.099 --> 00:04:02.460 often I got angry and what I got angry about, 00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:05.740 I had to admit that it happened too much and 00:04:05.740 --> 00:04:10.800 too often. Then I took a further step. I asked, 00:04:10.900 --> 00:04:14.139 what is it that contributes to the anger of my 00:04:14.139 --> 00:04:17.620 day -to -day life? And the answer was surprisingly 00:04:17.620 --> 00:04:24.639 simple. Stress. Stress. The relationship between 00:04:24.639 --> 00:04:27.579 stress and anger in my life isn't unusual. The 00:04:27.579 --> 00:04:30.379 more pressured, burned out, overwhelmed, or busy 00:04:30.379 --> 00:04:35.670 that you become, the more your anger will lie 00:04:35.670 --> 00:04:39.250 at the foot of your feet, ready to explode at 00:04:39.250 --> 00:04:43.129 any moment. The key to lessening our anger is 00:04:43.129 --> 00:04:48.610 our ability to minimize stress. Final line, the 00:04:48.610 --> 00:04:51.209 more stress we're under, the more likely it is 00:04:51.209 --> 00:04:54.750 that anger will make its appearance. Our goal 00:04:54.750 --> 00:04:59.040 is to reduce stress. And so I want to just encourage 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:01.620 you in our time together, I'm going to be really, 00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:04.399 really practical, not an outline. I'm not going 00:05:04.399 --> 00:05:07.060 to go to all kinds of different texts. I basically 00:05:07.060 --> 00:05:09.519 want to give some practical wisdom about how 00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:16.180 to reduce stress in your life. I am a type A 00:05:16.180 --> 00:05:21.800 personality. I have been a workaholic. I have 00:05:21.800 --> 00:05:25.399 been characterized by being driven. And I've 00:05:25.399 --> 00:05:28.019 pastored anything from a member, church of about 00:05:28.019 --> 00:05:33.279 35 people where 34 of them are related. That 00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:37.259 produced a lot of stress to six or 7 ,000 people 00:05:37.259 --> 00:05:39.199 coming through the doors every six or seven days 00:05:39.199 --> 00:05:41.800 and a very large staff and big budgets and being 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:44.540 totally overwhelmed. And so all I want to know 00:05:44.540 --> 00:05:47.199 is I understand what it's like. And I just want 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:50.579 to walk through some very practical ways that 00:05:50.579 --> 00:05:53.699 people far wiser than me and many things that 00:05:53.699 --> 00:05:56.319 I've experienced that might help you. Number 00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:01.259 one, stress reducer is eliminate hurry. John 00:06:01.259 --> 00:06:03.579 Ortberg went to teach at a large church in Chicago 00:06:03.579 --> 00:06:06.240 and has since gone back to California. But when 00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:08.639 he was ready to take that big step, And it was 00:06:08.639 --> 00:06:10.980 a big, big, big church. And he was going to be 00:06:10.980 --> 00:06:13.600 the teaching pastor with a team of guys. And 00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:15.660 he met with Dallas Willard and he said, you know, 00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:17.879 you're a wise man in the things of God. You've 00:06:17.879 --> 00:06:19.779 written, you know, books on the spiritual disciplines. 00:06:20.139 --> 00:06:23.379 What piece of advice could you give me as I take 00:06:23.379 --> 00:06:26.160 my family into all this responsibility and all 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:28.420 this pressure and all that I'm going to face? 00:06:29.579 --> 00:06:31.620 And he said, you know, I got my pen out and he 00:06:31.620 --> 00:06:33.379 said, I'm just, I'm going to take lots of notes. 00:06:33.439 --> 00:06:35.500 And this is Dallas Willard and he's going to, 00:06:35.500 --> 00:06:38.230 and he just, he leaned back. And he looked at 00:06:38.230 --> 00:06:43.009 me and he said, ruthlessly eliminate hurry from 00:06:43.009 --> 00:06:47.209 your life. And I said, okay, yeah, okay, good. 00:06:49.550 --> 00:06:57.430 So, no, he said, that's it. Ruthlessly eliminate 00:06:57.430 --> 00:07:05.329 hurry from your life. Speed and godliness are 00:07:05.329 --> 00:07:12.779 incompatible. Speed and peace are incompatible. 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:20.879 Hurry and loving others is incompatible. Hearing 00:07:20.879 --> 00:07:27.379 God's voice and hurry are incompatible. Ruthlessly 00:07:27.379 --> 00:07:34.120 eliminate hurry from your life. And I heard that 00:07:34.120 --> 00:07:35.899 at a time when our church was going through some 00:07:35.899 --> 00:07:38.620 significant growth, a capital campaign, a building 00:07:38.620 --> 00:07:41.860 campaign. Someone mistakenly took a couple of 00:07:41.860 --> 00:07:43.660 the messages and stuck them on a local radio 00:07:43.660 --> 00:07:46.279 station and then some other station, put it on 00:07:46.279 --> 00:07:48.439 some other station, and that started down the 00:07:48.439 --> 00:07:53.079 road. And to say that I was under pressure and 00:07:53.079 --> 00:07:55.360 living a hurried life would be an understatement. 00:07:56.779 --> 00:07:59.139 And I think there's times in our life where God 00:07:59.139 --> 00:08:03.870 will give us a message. that is so for us that 00:08:03.870 --> 00:08:07.509 the entire trajectory of our future can be changed 00:08:07.509 --> 00:08:11.410 if we'll just obey that one word for us in that 00:08:11.410 --> 00:08:14.550 moment. And I remember thinking to myself, and 00:08:14.550 --> 00:08:17.149 then Ortberg is a tremendous teacher. If you've 00:08:17.149 --> 00:08:19.189 never read any of his books, I just highly recommend 00:08:19.189 --> 00:08:26.569 them. And so I remember deciding I'm going to 00:08:26.569 --> 00:08:30.899 ruthlessly eliminate hurry from my life. I mean, 00:08:30.899 --> 00:08:33.340 I was the guy, you know, the plane door. It's 00:08:33.340 --> 00:08:36.080 leaving. One more person's getting on. Ingram 00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:38.779 gets on. Okay, sits down. Briefcase. Got to do 00:08:38.779 --> 00:08:40.940 some work. You know, I mean, doing this, you 00:08:40.940 --> 00:08:43.539 know, getting to a meeting one minute just before 00:08:43.539 --> 00:08:45.139 it starts because you can't be late, but got 00:08:45.139 --> 00:08:46.700 to do five things just before you get there. 00:08:47.519 --> 00:08:49.279 Multitasking all the time, you know, talking 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:51.480 on the phone, answering email on the computer, 00:08:51.559 --> 00:08:57.450 and three other things if I could. And he gave 00:08:57.450 --> 00:09:00.490 some practical ways to do it. And so I went into 00:09:00.490 --> 00:09:04.169 training. I literally went into training. I took 00:09:04.169 --> 00:09:06.590 some of the suggestions. Number one, for two 00:09:06.590 --> 00:09:08.649 years, I drove in the right -hand lane of the 00:09:08.649 --> 00:09:16.070 freeway. I mean, it was just, I'm just going 00:09:16.070 --> 00:09:20.830 to drive in the right -hand lane. I'm not going 00:09:20.830 --> 00:09:23.539 to be in a hurry. I'm not going to count how 00:09:23.539 --> 00:09:26.440 many cars go by in the toll lane. If I get in 00:09:26.440 --> 00:09:27.980 this lane right here, I think, let's see, one, 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:29.639 two, three, four, the yellow car got in with 00:09:29.639 --> 00:09:32.379 me, and oh, man, I should have picked that line. 00:09:33.700 --> 00:09:35.379 You know what that tells you about your mindset? 00:09:36.139 --> 00:09:40.480 You must be really, really important. You must 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:42.419 be so important that you have to get wherever 00:09:42.419 --> 00:09:44.980 you're going that matters so much more than everybody 00:09:44.980 --> 00:09:48.559 else. What I realized, my hurry was rooted in 00:09:48.559 --> 00:09:54.120 arrogance. and what he called grandiosity. My 00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:57.080 being overextended was rooted in my grandiosity. 00:09:57.899 --> 00:10:00.960 For all the right reasons, doing really pretty 00:10:00.960 --> 00:10:03.500 significant things for God, I had come to believe 00:10:03.500 --> 00:10:05.820 unconsciously, it wasn't willfully, that I'd 00:10:05.820 --> 00:10:08.200 become indispensable. I had to be everywhere 00:10:08.200 --> 00:10:10.080 and do everything, and I had to hurry, and the 00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:12.279 more of it I could do, the more God would be 00:10:12.279 --> 00:10:16.240 pleased. You're listening to Living on the Edge. 00:10:16.889 --> 00:10:19.289 Before we continue today's program, let me ask 00:10:19.289 --> 00:10:21.950 you, is anger devastating your relationships 00:10:21.950 --> 00:10:25.389 with your family, spouse, or coworkers? Join 00:10:25.389 --> 00:10:27.730 us after Chip's message to learn more about our 00:10:27.730 --> 00:10:30.269 valuable small group resource for this series. 00:10:30.549 --> 00:10:33.169 Stick around to discover how to confront this 00:10:33.169 --> 00:10:36.429 powerful emotion and harness it for good. But 00:10:36.429 --> 00:10:38.990 for now, here again is Chip to continue today's 00:10:38.990 --> 00:10:43.029 message. I also went into the discipline of when 00:10:43.029 --> 00:10:46.419 I went to the grocery line of going, to the longest 00:10:46.419 --> 00:10:50.379 line instead of the shortest one. It's painful. 00:10:52.399 --> 00:10:57.379 But then I just, hey, how you doing? Good. So 00:10:57.379 --> 00:11:00.779 you shop here often? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. 00:11:01.139 --> 00:11:04.519 You? No, I just come. My wife sends me for stuff, 00:11:04.580 --> 00:11:06.940 and I pick up what I can remember. It's usually 00:11:06.940 --> 00:11:09.340 the wrong brand or something. So do you live 00:11:09.340 --> 00:11:12.460 around here? You know what happened? I started 00:11:12.460 --> 00:11:16.120 relating to people again. Pretty soon the knots 00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:18.700 in my stomach when I was driving because I always 00:11:18.700 --> 00:11:20.740 had to, you know, I could tell you when you get 00:11:20.740 --> 00:11:22.580 off this ramp, if you go in the left -hand lane 00:11:22.580 --> 00:11:24.899 for the first two and a half miles, then if you 00:11:24.899 --> 00:11:26.539 go to the right -hand lane because the exit comes 00:11:26.539 --> 00:11:28.179 this way, then you get back in the right -hand 00:11:28.179 --> 00:11:30.740 lane, then you can, I mean, I was always in a 00:11:30.740 --> 00:11:37.519 hurry. And I began to slow, slow down, slow down, 00:11:37.620 --> 00:11:42.309 slow down. And it's really amazing just the quality 00:11:42.309 --> 00:11:45.289 of life. I did something weird. I always tried 00:11:45.289 --> 00:11:47.889 to figure out how. Let's see, they say you have 00:11:47.889 --> 00:11:49.789 to be there. This was before 9 -11. You had to 00:11:49.789 --> 00:11:52.710 be there like an hour before flights. And so 00:11:52.710 --> 00:11:55.169 I would just, I mean, everything was down to 00:11:55.169 --> 00:11:56.750 the wire. And then I decided, you know something? 00:11:56.909 --> 00:11:58.909 I think I'm going to get there an hour and a 00:11:58.909 --> 00:12:03.309 half early, sometimes two hours. And I'm going 00:12:03.309 --> 00:12:05.570 to get there early, and I happen to like a very 00:12:05.570 --> 00:12:08.769 good cup of coffee. I'm going to get a very good 00:12:08.769 --> 00:12:11.899 cup of coffee. I'm going to put my feet up. I'm 00:12:11.899 --> 00:12:13.700 going to think about what's going on. I think 00:12:13.700 --> 00:12:14.899 I'm going to spend a little time writing in my 00:12:14.899 --> 00:12:17.480 journal. I'm going to thank God for some of the 00:12:17.480 --> 00:12:19.340 people in my life, maybe return a few calls. 00:12:19.639 --> 00:12:21.700 I think I'm going to call some people while I 00:12:21.700 --> 00:12:24.440 wait. Have you ever just opened your phone and 00:12:24.440 --> 00:12:25.919 just thought, I wonder who haven't I talked to 00:12:25.919 --> 00:12:30.840 lately? Not for no reason. Bob, Tampa. Probably 00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:34.899 get a voicemail. That's okay. Hey, Bob. Beep. 00:12:35.080 --> 00:12:37.519 This is Chip. You know what? I'm sitting in the 00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:40.240 airport in Dallas. And I just want to remind 00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:42.919 you, God loves you, Bob. And you remember two 00:12:42.919 --> 00:12:44.960 years ago when we had that little meeting, you 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:48.220 came to my mind today. I love you. You are a 00:12:48.220 --> 00:12:51.779 friend like few I've ever had. And I hope you're 00:12:51.779 --> 00:12:55.360 doing well today. God bless you. And I just started 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:59.100 doing some spontaneous, non -urgent, not having 00:12:59.100 --> 00:13:02.620 to get it done, eliminating hurry from my life. 00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:06.539 Now, do I have some regression now and then? 00:13:06.600 --> 00:13:13.529 You bet. But I still get to airports early. I 00:13:13.529 --> 00:13:16.230 don't always drive in the right -hand lane all 00:13:16.230 --> 00:13:20.470 the time. But for a period of time, I just got 00:13:20.470 --> 00:13:23.970 that I -gotta -get -there attitude out of me, 00:13:24.049 --> 00:13:28.129 and it made a huge difference. I read a poem 00:13:28.129 --> 00:13:34.750 that many of you will recognize, and it was about 00:13:34.750 --> 00:13:38.029 that classic slow -me -down lord. And then after 00:13:38.029 --> 00:13:40.909 it, there were some observations that we made. 00:13:41.309 --> 00:13:43.409 When I'm in a hurry, I don't notice the flowers 00:13:43.409 --> 00:13:47.210 blooming alongside the road. When I'm in a hurry, 00:13:47.269 --> 00:13:49.549 there seems to be more irritating drivers on 00:13:49.549 --> 00:13:52.110 the road than normal. When I'm in a hurry, I 00:13:52.110 --> 00:13:54.029 don't strike up friendly conversations with those 00:13:54.029 --> 00:13:56.909 around me. When I'm in a hurry, I avoid people, 00:13:57.009 --> 00:14:00.230 places, and things that take time. and energy 00:14:00.230 --> 00:14:03.649 and effort. When I'm in a hurry, I pretend not 00:14:03.649 --> 00:14:06.070 to see the person behind me in line who only 00:14:06.070 --> 00:14:08.870 has a few items when I have a cart full of groceries. 00:14:09.370 --> 00:14:11.690 When I'm in a hurry, my heart pounds, my muscles 00:14:11.690 --> 00:14:14.529 are tense, my mind races. When I'm in a hurry, 00:14:14.590 --> 00:14:17.429 I rush through the day, and I rush by people. 00:14:17.990 --> 00:14:20.429 When I'm in a hurry, I don't ask people how they 00:14:20.429 --> 00:14:23.809 really are, or if I do, I don't stick around 00:14:23.809 --> 00:14:28.100 to hear the answer. When I'm in a hurry, my devotional 00:14:28.100 --> 00:14:31.220 life is a task to get done instead of a time 00:14:31.220 --> 00:14:33.799 to treasure. When I'm in a hurry, I'm abrupt 00:14:33.799 --> 00:14:36.240 with people. When I'm in a hurry, it feels like 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:39.700 life is a race to be run. When I'm in a hurry, 00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:43.679 I get angry more easily and more often. When 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:47.740 I'm not in a hurry, I enjoy my food more. When 00:14:47.740 --> 00:14:51.100 I'm not in a hurry, I smile more and just feel 00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:54.220 calmer. When I'm not in a hurry, life seems to 00:14:54.220 --> 00:14:57.340 be a lot more enjoyable and less stressful. When 00:14:57.340 --> 00:15:00.259 I'm not in a hurry, I'll ask about others, about 00:15:00.259 --> 00:15:03.179 themselves, how they're doing, and I actually 00:15:03.179 --> 00:15:05.639 like hearing what they have to say. When I'm 00:15:05.639 --> 00:15:08.419 not in a hurry, my times in prayer are more meaningful. 00:15:08.980 --> 00:15:11.620 When I'm not in a hurry, I think I'm actually 00:15:11.620 --> 00:15:14.179 a nicer person, more thoughtful, and kinder to 00:15:14.179 --> 00:15:16.940 others. And when I'm not in a hurry, I'm more 00:15:16.940 --> 00:15:20.039 patient, loving, understanding, and tolerant. 00:15:20.970 --> 00:15:23.970 When I'm not in a hurry, things just don't bother 00:15:23.970 --> 00:15:28.350 me as much. See, we can talk about anger and 00:15:28.350 --> 00:15:30.929 the A, B, C, D, and it's a secondary emotion, 00:15:31.210 --> 00:15:35.269 but your AQ, your anger quotient, will be determined 00:15:35.269 --> 00:15:38.529 by your E, environment, plus your P, perspective, 00:15:38.889 --> 00:15:42.389 times your willingness to obey, Ephesians 4 .26. 00:15:42.889 --> 00:15:46.610 So eliminate hurry. Second is downsize your expectations. 00:15:47.730 --> 00:15:51.860 Most of us try to do too much too soon. And we 00:15:51.860 --> 00:15:54.059 feel overwhelmed and it puts us under pressure. 00:15:54.179 --> 00:15:56.740 And because our expectations are so high and 00:15:56.740 --> 00:15:59.000 we're under pressure, then anger bubbles out. 00:15:59.899 --> 00:16:03.259 Most dramatic experience ever. And this is not 00:16:03.259 --> 00:16:05.919 sort of my biography, but I just want to tell 00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:07.480 you how life really works. I think sometimes 00:16:07.480 --> 00:16:09.960 people get up and they come to a place like this. 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:12.840 And so people think you're way smarter than you 00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:15.879 are, way more holy than you are. And all of us 00:16:15.879 --> 00:16:18.440 are exactly the same, ordinary people with regular 00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:22.409 ups and downs. And in seminary, I had a conviction 00:16:22.409 --> 00:16:25.009 that my wife should be home with our kids. And 00:16:25.009 --> 00:16:27.070 that was a really important conviction because 00:16:27.070 --> 00:16:29.710 that meant I needed to support us and go to school 00:16:29.710 --> 00:16:32.970 full time, which was really hard. And so I would 00:16:32.970 --> 00:16:35.009 get up at about 4 .30 in the morning and study 00:16:35.009 --> 00:16:38.190 Greek until 7, catch a carpool. And in the carpool, 00:16:38.230 --> 00:16:40.549 I'd go to work, it's called at work, went to 00:16:40.549 --> 00:16:44.549 seminary from 7 until about 4 .30. And I would 00:16:44.549 --> 00:16:46.769 either read or be in class 100 % of the time, 00:16:46.809 --> 00:16:49.049 come home, play with the kids, eat dinner, go 00:16:49.049 --> 00:16:51.269 to work at 6 .30, get home at 11, do it again. 00:16:51.710 --> 00:16:55.649 So I was under lots of pressure. And where I 00:16:55.649 --> 00:16:57.529 went to school, they wanted three years of Greek 00:16:57.529 --> 00:16:59.909 and two years of Hebrew. And it wasn't always 00:16:59.909 --> 00:17:01.889 that it was so hard, but it was just so much 00:17:01.889 --> 00:17:05.279 to do. And I remember a guy that became a great 00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:07.400 mentor and a friend for the last 25 years was 00:17:07.400 --> 00:17:09.660 Howard Hendricks and actually went to school 00:17:09.660 --> 00:17:12.339 to be around him. And I'll never forget one day 00:17:12.339 --> 00:17:14.359 he had a group of us together and, you know, 00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:16.640 we were kind of whining about our lives and, 00:17:16.700 --> 00:17:19.759 you know, demands. And he has this funny, you 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:23.059 know, the problem, don't you? You know, no, prof, 00:17:23.180 --> 00:17:25.579 what's the problem? The problem is you guys don't 00:17:25.579 --> 00:17:29.079 get enough C's. What do you mean? You don't get 00:17:29.079 --> 00:17:31.599 enough C's. He had this funny way of, you know. 00:17:32.350 --> 00:17:38.190 Always doing like this with his nose. And C's, 00:17:38.289 --> 00:17:40.650 what do you mean? Yeah, you're a bunch of smart 00:17:40.650 --> 00:17:42.490 guys here. You came from schools where you're 00:17:42.490 --> 00:17:44.250 smart guys and you think getting A's is where 00:17:44.250 --> 00:17:46.450 it's at. I got news for you guys. God doesn't 00:17:46.450 --> 00:17:49.109 care whether you get A's. Secondly, no one's 00:17:49.109 --> 00:17:50.849 gonna look at your resume whether you got A's 00:17:50.849 --> 00:17:54.089 or not. You're competitive, driven, carnal guys. 00:17:54.490 --> 00:17:57.490 Get some C's, love your wives, have some fun, 00:17:57.630 --> 00:18:02.220 you know? And so I was involved in ministry and 00:18:02.220 --> 00:18:05.079 I was involved in working. And it was like someone 00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:08.599 just took the expectations and said, and I wasn't 00:18:08.599 --> 00:18:11.160 probably near as smart as a lot of guys, but 00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:12.859 I was always like, I always was one of those 00:18:12.859 --> 00:18:14.019 students that could figure out what was gonna 00:18:14.019 --> 00:18:16.839 be on the test. So I always got really good grades. 00:18:16.900 --> 00:18:18.700 I'm just kind of street smart, but I'm not like 00:18:18.700 --> 00:18:21.299 super academic. And I said, okay, this is a great 00:18:21.299 --> 00:18:23.619 class. Zillion hours, I've got to read all these 00:18:23.619 --> 00:18:26.079 books. I'm supposed to have all these, let's 00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:29.539 see, 2 ,000 words memorized and all this, and 00:18:29.539 --> 00:18:32.059 that's worth 10 % of my grade. And when I get 00:18:32.059 --> 00:18:34.700 out, a computer has all those words somewhere. 00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:41.579 So, okay, 10%, that gets me from 100 to a 90. 00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:44.940 I'm not going to do that. And then this other 00:18:44.940 --> 00:18:46.359 thing, you're supposed to read this, this, this, 00:18:46.420 --> 00:18:48.799 and that. Well, I want to learn to do the exegetical 00:18:48.799 --> 00:18:50.539 work, this, this, this. That's what will help 00:18:50.539 --> 00:18:52.420 me be the man God wants me to be. I'm not doing 00:18:52.420 --> 00:18:56.000 that. That's only 5%. And so I started to go 00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:57.900 the last couple years, and I would go to a professor 00:18:57.900 --> 00:19:00.180 and say, I just want you to know I'm not sloughing 00:19:00.180 --> 00:19:03.200 off. It's not that I don't care about you. It's 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:04.700 not that I don't think what you're doing is important. 00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.059 It's that all these words are in a book. When 00:19:08.059 --> 00:19:11.180 you do the little quizzes on the vocabulary, 00:19:11.559 --> 00:19:15.940 I won't do well. I'm not even going to try. I'm 00:19:15.940 --> 00:19:20.319 starting your class with a B, okay? And I just 00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:24.000 bought myself seven hours a week, and it'll probably 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:27.759 make me a better dad, a way better husband. And 00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:31.000 I just went through my classes. Now, you know 00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:33.500 what? As crazy as prof was, even after doing 00:19:33.500 --> 00:19:36.500 that, most all of us, we just got Bs and As anyway. 00:19:37.779 --> 00:19:41.589 But it was just that, what? Who is putting the 00:19:41.589 --> 00:19:44.170 invisible gun to your head that says your house 00:19:44.170 --> 00:19:48.349 has to be absolutely spotless all the time? Who's 00:19:48.349 --> 00:19:50.250 putting the invisible gun to your head that says 00:19:50.250 --> 00:19:53.089 you always have to return every call the same 00:19:53.089 --> 00:19:55.690 day or that this new thing, beep, beep, beep, 00:19:55.710 --> 00:19:58.509 an email comes, oh, oh my gosh, I gotta return 00:19:58.509 --> 00:20:03.990 the, I mean, who made these rules? I didn't get 00:20:03.990 --> 00:20:05.829 that, it's been seven minutes and they haven't 00:20:05.829 --> 00:20:09.289 returned my email yet. Why, if I'm doing something 00:20:09.289 --> 00:20:12.910 over here that's the will of God, how does someone 00:20:12.910 --> 00:20:15.190 electronically shoot something through a satellite 00:20:15.190 --> 00:20:19.009 that says it's now the most important thing in 00:20:19.009 --> 00:20:23.210 my life? Where do we start doing that? If I didn't 00:20:23.210 --> 00:20:26.430 know better, that would be stupid. That would 00:20:26.430 --> 00:20:29.170 just be stupid. And then we get so overwhelmed. 00:20:29.390 --> 00:20:31.210 I've done this. Have you ever done this? You 00:20:31.210 --> 00:20:33.210 know, like you get sort of those, they're not 00:20:33.210 --> 00:20:35.619 quite spam. You know, they're like from Harry 00:20:35.619 --> 00:20:38.099 and David's and different people. You order some 00:20:38.099 --> 00:20:40.319 stuff now and then. Or Delta Airlines is telling 00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:42.619 me, you know, new fares. Have you ever felt like 00:20:42.619 --> 00:20:45.099 you're so overwhelmed that you want to feel like 00:20:45.099 --> 00:20:46.920 you've accomplished something? And I sit at my 00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:50.039 computer, delete that one. Delete that. Have 00:20:50.039 --> 00:20:52.480 you ever done that? You know, like the day is 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:54.640 going so overwhelmed. And I feel like I've done 00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:56.259 this. Harry and David, that one's gone. Delta 00:20:56.259 --> 00:20:58.339 Airlines, that's gone. Those three advertisements 00:20:58.339 --> 00:21:02.720 gone. Boy, do I feel good about myself. Is this 00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:09.890 nuts? Anyway, three, learn to say no. I was privileged 00:21:09.890 --> 00:21:13.109 to get some mentoring from Chuck Swindoll. And 00:21:13.109 --> 00:21:16.329 as the radio was growing every year, they'd have 00:21:16.329 --> 00:21:19.170 this dinner and we'd get a chance. And somehow 00:21:19.170 --> 00:21:20.869 I got to sit next to him. And every year for 00:21:20.869 --> 00:21:22.910 about seven or eight years, he literally took 00:21:22.910 --> 00:21:24.809 me for about a half hour, put his arm around 00:21:24.809 --> 00:21:27.170 me and basically gave me that, now, young man, 00:21:27.309 --> 00:21:29.509 here's what you need to remember. And it was 00:21:29.509 --> 00:21:33.049 amazing. And so I remember one year he said, 00:21:33.369 --> 00:21:35.009 one of the greatest things you'll ever have to 00:21:35.009 --> 00:21:42.509 learn, learn to say no kindly, artfully, and 00:21:42.509 --> 00:21:46.410 with excellence. And he said, it will save you 00:21:46.410 --> 00:21:48.569 so much. I mean, people need to know you would 00:21:48.569 --> 00:21:52.130 love to, but the answer is no. And I thought, 00:21:52.210 --> 00:21:54.950 wow, you know, that is, you know, I didn't really 00:21:54.950 --> 00:21:56.910 understand what he meant. And then there was 00:21:56.910 --> 00:21:58.990 a certain book that I thought would be really 00:21:58.990 --> 00:22:00.829 important. And, you know, we were friends. And 00:22:00.829 --> 00:22:04.359 so I... I called him or wrote him and asked him 00:22:04.359 --> 00:22:07.680 if he would endorse the book. And I got the nicest, 00:22:07.859 --> 00:22:12.380 most excellent, kindest letter. I mean, I felt 00:22:12.380 --> 00:22:15.099 like when I got done reading that letter, I was 00:22:15.099 --> 00:22:18.980 next to Cynthia, maybe the second or third most 00:22:18.980 --> 00:22:22.500 important person in Chuck Swindoll's life. Wow. 00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:29.609 No. I mean, it was just like, Chip, I appreciate 00:22:29.609 --> 00:22:31.970 you so much and what you've done. And if I glance 00:22:31.970 --> 00:22:34.549 this, this is going to have a great impact. I'm 00:22:34.549 --> 00:22:39.230 so excited. In our times together and, you know, 00:22:39.250 --> 00:22:41.309 our board and the priorities, they've just limited 00:22:41.309 --> 00:22:44.410 what I can do. I would love to do it, but I just 00:22:44.410 --> 00:22:50.160 can't. Learn to say no kindly. Don't take stuff 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:53.599 on in church. Don't do stuff for friends. Don't 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:56.579 let guilt drive you to get your schedule because 00:22:56.579 --> 00:22:59.440 under stress, when you're doing stuff you don't 00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:01.640 feel really called to do, you get resentment 00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:07.220 and you're going to have more anger. This is 00:23:07.220 --> 00:23:10.089 Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And you've 00:23:10.089 --> 00:23:11.809 been listening to part one of Chip's message, 00:23:11.990 --> 00:23:14.690 Learning How to Stop Stress Before It Starts, 00:23:14.690 --> 00:23:17.650 from our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. 00:23:18.069 --> 00:23:20.309 Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful 00:23:20.309 --> 00:23:23.150 application for us to think about. Have you ever 00:23:23.150 --> 00:23:25.809 been told you have an anger problem? Has your 00:23:25.809 --> 00:23:28.549 temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship? 00:23:28.950 --> 00:23:31.750 Are the frustrations of daily life weighing you 00:23:31.750 --> 00:23:35.059 down? Well, let's be honest. Everyone struggles 00:23:35.059 --> 00:23:38.079 to control this powerful emotion at times. In 00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:40.700 this series, Chip reveals the common ways anger 00:23:40.700 --> 00:23:43.980 manifests and shares practical biblical solutions 00:23:43.980 --> 00:23:46.980 to rein it in before it destroys you and your 00:23:46.980 --> 00:23:49.759 most treasured relationships. Don't miss how 00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:52.920 to be, as Jesus said, angry without sinning. 00:23:53.339 --> 00:23:55.680 Well, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is back 00:23:55.680 --> 00:23:58.960 in studio with a quick word. Thanks so much, 00:23:58.980 --> 00:24:02.309 Dave. There are few things that will impact your 00:24:02.309 --> 00:24:05.730 life, your family, your marriage, all your relationships, 00:24:06.029 --> 00:24:09.190 what happens at work, than how you handle your 00:24:09.190 --> 00:24:12.809 emotions. More specifically, the emotion of anger 00:24:12.809 --> 00:24:16.190 or the guilt, the shame, the devastation, all 00:24:16.190 --> 00:24:19.250 the things that surround anger when it's not 00:24:19.250 --> 00:24:22.529 properly understood or properly responded to. 00:24:22.769 --> 00:24:26.150 And so all I can say is that I don't know where 00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:28.029 you can invest your time in the next few months. 00:24:28.599 --> 00:24:31.460 But let me encourage you that overcoming emotions 00:24:31.460 --> 00:24:34.759 that destroy you and your relationships would 00:24:34.759 --> 00:24:37.599 be a great place to really invest. Let me just 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:39.880 help you think this through. For some of you, 00:24:39.900 --> 00:24:42.099 you've been thinking, we need to launch a Bible 00:24:42.099 --> 00:24:44.380 study or the next small group series for our 00:24:44.380 --> 00:24:47.180 small group at church or for our men or women's 00:24:47.180 --> 00:24:49.779 group or our Sunday school class. We ought to 00:24:49.779 --> 00:24:53.880 get this. Be thinking outside the box. This isn't 00:24:53.880 --> 00:24:57.079 just for you. God wants to use you as an ambassador. 00:24:57.819 --> 00:25:00.440 Imagine the people in your network, if they understood 00:25:00.440 --> 00:25:03.359 anger, begin to use it for good instead of evil, 00:25:03.460 --> 00:25:06.039 the good that would happen in your homes, your 00:25:06.039 --> 00:25:09.519 churches, and your community. Act today. Thanks, 00:25:09.539 --> 00:25:11.660 Chip. Well, to get your hands on this valuable 00:25:11.660 --> 00:25:15.480 resource, visit livingontheedge .org. Dig into 00:25:15.480 --> 00:25:17.759 this study with a group of friends and uncover 00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:20.539 how anger may be impacting you and what you can 00:25:20.539 --> 00:25:23.059 do to harness it to grow spiritually, emotionally, 00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:26.460 and relationally. Get your hands on the overcoming 00:25:26.460 --> 00:25:29.880 emotions that destroy small group today by going 00:25:29.880 --> 00:25:34.480 to livingontheedge .org or by calling 888 -333 00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:39.519 -6003. App listeners tap special offers. With 00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:42.839 that, here again is Chip. As we close today's 00:25:42.839 --> 00:25:46.420 program, there's one very simple question. that 00:25:46.420 --> 00:25:48.799 I need to ask you. In fact, you need to ask yourself, 00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:51.900 which of the three things that create stress 00:25:51.900 --> 00:25:54.799 in your life do you need to address? I talked 00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:58.380 about ruthlessly eliminate hurry, downsize your 00:25:58.380 --> 00:26:01.980 expectations, learn to say no. So which one of 00:26:01.980 --> 00:26:03.400 those, if I just, you know, we're sitting together 00:26:03.400 --> 00:26:05.500 and, you know, over a cup of coffee, you know, 00:26:05.500 --> 00:26:07.000 and I said, okay, which one of those for you 00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:09.819 would it be? What would you say? I will tell 00:26:09.819 --> 00:26:12.359 you, first and foremost, you will see your life 00:26:12.359 --> 00:26:16.079 change. If you ruthlessly eliminate hurry from 00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:18.579 your life, of all the things, especially if you're 00:26:18.579 --> 00:26:21.740 a type A personality, high -pressure job. And 00:26:21.740 --> 00:26:23.980 the other one was that hit me was downsizing 00:26:23.980 --> 00:26:26.599 expectations. If you're perfectionistic and you 00:26:26.599 --> 00:26:29.240 want to do things really well, you keep pushing 00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:31.259 and you put all this pressure on yourself thinking, 00:26:31.420 --> 00:26:33.660 you know, it's like got to be an A plus all the 00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:36.180 time. And just a couple weeks ago, I was speaking 00:26:36.180 --> 00:26:38.319 at a place and they wanted all these notes and 00:26:38.319 --> 00:26:40.920 they wanted them, you know, a week or two in 00:26:40.920 --> 00:26:42.440 advance. And I was in the middle of teaching 00:26:42.440 --> 00:26:44.740 a series. And I remember feeling all this pressure 00:26:44.740 --> 00:26:47.799 and stress. And then just as I prayed, God said, 00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:50.539 so do you have to have notes every time you preach? 00:26:51.079 --> 00:26:53.720 And I remember thinking, well, gosh, Paul didn't 00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:56.960 have PowerPoint. He did okay, you know. And so 00:26:56.960 --> 00:26:58.539 I just told my assistant, would you just let 00:26:58.539 --> 00:27:01.059 him know that, you know, I'll have some notes 00:27:01.059 --> 00:27:03.740 because they were done, but, you know, I'm just 00:27:03.740 --> 00:27:05.759 not going to have any PowerPoint. And it was 00:27:05.759 --> 00:27:07.920 like the whole world got lighter and better. 00:27:08.259 --> 00:27:11.640 What do you need just to say it's okay to let 00:27:11.640 --> 00:27:13.920 something go? You don't have to do everything 00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:17.960 perfect every time and see if that stress doesn't 00:27:17.960 --> 00:27:21.140 come down and with it the anger. God bless you. 00:27:21.180 --> 00:27:47.019 Give it a try. 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 00:27:47.019 --> 00:27:53.200 -6003 or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners 00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:56.019 tap donate. And thanks for doing whatever the 00:27:56.019 --> 00:27:58.619 Lord leads you to do. Well, coming up on the 00:27:58.619 --> 00:28:01.160 next edition of Living on the Edge, we'll continue 00:28:01.160 --> 00:28:03.900 Chip's series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. 00:28:04.140 --> 00:28:07.160 So I hope you'll join us. But until then, I'm 00:28:07.160 --> 00:28:08.700 Dave Drewy. Thanks for listening.