WEBVTT 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:04.299 Did you know it's possible to use your anger 00:00:04.299 --> 00:00:06.799 for good? Now, that might sound kind of backwards, 00:00:06.900 --> 00:00:09.660 but there's actually a way to use the raw power 00:00:09.660 --> 00:00:12.199 of that emotion to bring about good in your life 00:00:12.199 --> 00:00:14.640 and to those around you. Today, I'll share some 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:18.059 very specific ways where you can turn anger from 00:00:18.059 --> 00:00:22.699 a foe to a friend. Don't go away. Thanks for 00:00:22.699 --> 00:00:25.339 listening to this edition of Living on the Edge 00:00:25.339 --> 00:00:28.390 with Chip Ingram. We are an international teaching 00:00:28.390 --> 00:00:31.250 and discipleship ministry that motivates Christians 00:00:31.250 --> 00:00:34.049 to live like Christians. Today, we're diving 00:00:34.049 --> 00:00:36.729 back into our series, Overcoming Emotions That 00:00:36.729 --> 00:00:39.570 Destroy, with part two of Chip's talk, Turning 00:00:39.570 --> 00:00:42.770 Anger from a Foe to a Friend. Now, if you've 00:00:42.770 --> 00:00:46.149 missed any part of this study, catch up at livingontheedge 00:00:46.149 --> 00:00:51.109 .org or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you're 00:00:51.109 --> 00:00:53.609 ready, go in your Bible to James chapter one. 00:00:55.030 --> 00:00:58.590 We need to figure out the who, the what, the 00:00:58.590 --> 00:01:01.450 how, and then finally the when. When should I 00:01:01.450 --> 00:01:04.030 deal with the situation? You know, should I do 00:01:04.030 --> 00:01:06.750 it now? Right now? I mean, let's get this taken 00:01:06.750 --> 00:01:09.709 care of right now. Should I do it later? Or like 00:01:09.709 --> 00:01:12.109 in the case of that letter, should I do it never? 00:01:13.569 --> 00:01:15.769 At the bottom, we have a continuum of ways to 00:01:15.769 --> 00:01:18.230 express anger. And you can just see, you know, 00:01:18.230 --> 00:01:20.150 I just wanted to give you this to get, you know, 00:01:20.170 --> 00:01:22.650 unhealthy way, get it all out. Healthy, you express 00:01:22.650 --> 00:01:25.359 it. The healthy way, you redirect or release. 00:01:25.659 --> 00:01:27.760 Unhealthy, you grin and bear it, basically stuff. 00:01:28.359 --> 00:01:31.159 Unhealthy way, you explode versus healthy, you 00:01:31.159 --> 00:01:34.200 communicate. Discharge, that's, you know, sometimes 00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:36.120 there's just little hurts. I mean, it's not worth 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:38.260 having some big thing over someone who said something 00:01:38.260 --> 00:01:40.000 that you know they didn't really mean anything 00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:42.200 by it, and there's three or four of those things, 00:01:42.299 --> 00:01:44.159 and you don't want to make a big deal, and you 00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:45.980 realize God doesn't want you to confront people 00:01:45.980 --> 00:01:48.040 over every little thing, but you got four or 00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:49.840 five of them. You know what I do? I get on the 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:53.450 elliptical for 45 minutes. And you just blow 00:01:53.450 --> 00:01:55.730 it out, and you thank God, and they're falling, 00:01:55.829 --> 00:01:58.010 and I'm falling. It's not that big a deal. I 00:01:58.010 --> 00:02:00.370 know their heart. I know their character. Every 00:02:00.370 --> 00:02:02.730 time something happens, you don't have to get 00:02:02.730 --> 00:02:04.909 it all. We wouldn't have anything else to do 00:02:04.909 --> 00:02:07.969 the whole rest of the day, would we? And so there's 00:02:07.969 --> 00:02:10.229 times where if it bugs you, it sticks with you. 00:02:10.250 --> 00:02:12.210 It's not resolved. You've prayed about it. You 00:02:12.210 --> 00:02:14.389 realize God says, look, confront this, either 00:02:14.389 --> 00:02:17.150 in person, when to do it, how to do it. And there's 00:02:17.150 --> 00:02:19.990 just a lot of stuff that love covers a multitude 00:02:19.990 --> 00:02:24.050 of. Okay. And so you just love them, you forgive 00:02:24.050 --> 00:02:27.729 them, but your emotions are all jazzed up. So 00:02:27.729 --> 00:02:30.430 take a walk, listen to some music, do something 00:02:30.430 --> 00:02:34.110 positive, get a workout, you know, take a bag 00:02:34.110 --> 00:02:37.789 and bite it and I don't know. I've seen them 00:02:37.789 --> 00:02:39.469 do this stuff on TV. I don't know if it works, 00:02:39.530 --> 00:02:43.949 but some different activity. As you think about 00:02:43.949 --> 00:02:47.370 turning anger from that wild stallion out of 00:02:47.370 --> 00:02:49.610 control to that horse that will do what you say. 00:02:49.969 --> 00:02:53.330 I've given you a methodical process. And I'm 00:02:53.330 --> 00:02:55.830 gonna say that most all of you, what I've placed 00:02:55.830 --> 00:02:58.669 here in front of you now is a summary of how 00:02:58.669 --> 00:03:02.229 you can discover your tendencies and walk through 00:03:02.229 --> 00:03:06.550 the process of the who, the what, the how, and 00:03:06.550 --> 00:03:09.330 the when. And the questions are for you to discover, 00:03:09.490 --> 00:03:12.110 do you tend to gravitate towards confrontation? 00:03:13.379 --> 00:03:16.180 or not confronting when you're angry? Do you 00:03:16.180 --> 00:03:18.939 tend to run from confrontation when you shouldn't, 00:03:18.939 --> 00:03:21.139 or do you tend to confront when you shouldn't? 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:24.520 Question, have you ever written an anger letter? 00:03:24.599 --> 00:03:27.180 Did you send it? Why or why not? Are you glad 00:03:27.180 --> 00:03:30.240 you did or didn't? And then there's a list of 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:32.300 questions here. They're very diagnostic. These 00:03:32.300 --> 00:03:34.419 are just kind of for you personally, where you 00:03:34.419 --> 00:03:36.360 answer the following questions, kind of about 00:03:36.360 --> 00:03:38.889 the when. And you can go through those and you 00:03:38.889 --> 00:03:41.189 can just see, you know, yes, no, sometimes. Do 00:03:41.189 --> 00:03:43.189 I tend to run from conflict? Do I tend to do 00:03:43.189 --> 00:03:45.310 this? Do I tend to do that? And what you'll get 00:03:45.310 --> 00:03:48.270 there is a process where all I'm wanting to do 00:03:48.270 --> 00:03:51.310 is help you get a little picture of this is how 00:03:51.310 --> 00:03:54.710 I tend to deal with this issue because most of 00:03:54.710 --> 00:03:57.210 us have never thought about it. And by the way, 00:03:57.270 --> 00:04:00.050 it's not please. Some of you, especially little 00:04:00.050 --> 00:04:02.830 obsessive, compulsive, down on you, live with 00:04:02.830 --> 00:04:05.960 a lot of condemnation, a la stuffers. Don't go 00:04:05.960 --> 00:04:07.979 through here and go, oh, gosh, I'm terrible. 00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:11.240 Yes, I do that. There's not a right or wrong. 00:04:12.840 --> 00:04:15.419 I mean, it's like, do you have blue eyes or brown 00:04:15.419 --> 00:04:18.379 eyes? Oh, I got blue eyes. I'm sorry. You know, 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:23.490 it's okay. This is how you are. And this is where 00:04:23.490 --> 00:04:26.230 you're at today. And the God who loves you, died 00:04:26.230 --> 00:04:28.910 for you, raised from the dead, placed his spirit 00:04:28.910 --> 00:04:31.290 in you, and has a home waiting for you, brought 00:04:31.290 --> 00:04:33.790 you to a place to say, hey, guess what? I love 00:04:33.790 --> 00:04:36.750 you, and I would like you to turn this nemesis 00:04:36.750 --> 00:04:40.829 called anger into a friend. And so the only way 00:04:40.829 --> 00:04:42.829 you can move forward, you've got to say, where 00:04:42.829 --> 00:04:45.970 am I now? This is how I tend to respond. Good, 00:04:46.089 --> 00:04:48.870 bad, ugly, indifferent. You're a person. Now 00:04:48.870 --> 00:04:51.230 I know how to respond in the future. Does that 00:04:51.230 --> 00:04:55.040 make sense? Now, it's one thing for us to come 00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:57.579 together and say, okay, anger is a neutral emotion. 00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:01.680 It's given by God as a gift for self -protection. 00:05:02.120 --> 00:05:04.459 It produces many positive things, but it's very 00:05:04.459 --> 00:05:07.600 dangerous. It's a wild stallion. It can be a 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:11.579 great servant to us or, I mean, total destruction 00:05:11.579 --> 00:05:14.759 in our lives and relationships. But what's the 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:17.779 scripture have to say about it? What's God, I 00:05:17.779 --> 00:05:21.569 mean, God help us. Give us clear instruction 00:05:21.569 --> 00:05:25.069 from your word about how do I manage my anger, 00:05:25.129 --> 00:05:27.689 or I would say even, how do I tame my temper? 00:05:28.269 --> 00:05:31.089 Because it is a big issue. A little research 00:05:31.089 --> 00:05:33.290 before we jump in. The average man loses his 00:05:33.290 --> 00:05:36.610 temper approximately six times a week. The average 00:05:36.610 --> 00:05:39.230 woman loses her temper about three times a week. 00:05:40.430 --> 00:05:43.670 Men tend to get angry at things, not working, 00:05:43.829 --> 00:05:46.529 circumstances. Women tend to get angry more about 00:05:46.529 --> 00:05:49.350 relationships. Single people tend to get angry 00:05:49.350 --> 00:05:51.709 almost twice as often as those that are married. 00:05:51.990 --> 00:05:54.949 Men are more likely to be physical in their anger. 00:05:55.029 --> 00:05:58.170 And all of us, listen to this, are twice as likely 00:05:58.170 --> 00:06:01.529 to express our anger at home more than at work 00:06:01.529 --> 00:06:07.029 or school. That is a wild stallion that needs 00:06:07.029 --> 00:06:13.089 to be dealt with. Lord, help us. And so speaking 00:06:13.089 --> 00:06:15.689 to a group of people under very intense pressure, 00:06:16.300 --> 00:06:18.879 Many of them had lost their homes. Many have 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:22.699 been disowned. Many married someone and now their 00:06:22.699 --> 00:06:25.100 mate doesn't believe in the Messiah. They've 00:06:25.100 --> 00:06:27.759 just come to Christ. And so their mate has abandoned 00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:30.600 them or divorced them. And their life is falling 00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:33.420 apart. And James would say, consider it all joy 00:06:33.420 --> 00:06:35.740 when you encounter various trials. And then later 00:06:35.740 --> 00:06:37.800 he would say to them, if you lack wisdom, ask 00:06:37.800 --> 00:06:40.399 God, he'll show you what to do. And then he talks 00:06:40.399 --> 00:06:42.300 in that early chapter about how to get perspective 00:06:42.300 --> 00:06:45.160 on difficult circumstances. And he promises them 00:06:45.160 --> 00:06:48.379 blessedness if they can endure through very, 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:50.920 very difficult times. But he knows there's a 00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:54.600 temptation when under pressure to take a shortcut, 00:06:54.759 --> 00:06:59.259 to get really angry at yourself, at other people, 00:06:59.360 --> 00:07:03.019 at circumstances, and at God. And so we pick 00:07:03.019 --> 00:07:08.040 up the story in James 1. And in James 1, verse 00:07:08.040 --> 00:07:11.480 19, the half -brother of our Lord says, my dear 00:07:11.480 --> 00:07:13.519 brothers, notice the kindness and the warmth. 00:07:13.790 --> 00:07:17.750 Take note of this. Everyone should be quick to 00:07:17.750 --> 00:07:21.529 listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. 00:07:22.529 --> 00:07:26.290 Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become 00:07:26.290 --> 00:07:28.810 angry. Now notice the purpose clause or the why. 00:07:29.430 --> 00:07:33.329 For man's anger does not bring about the righteous 00:07:33.329 --> 00:07:37.769 life that God desires. What a statement. My anger 00:07:37.769 --> 00:07:40.709 at my mate, my manipulation out of my anger, 00:07:40.810 --> 00:07:45.660 my blowing up. my stuffing, my expressing, my 00:07:45.660 --> 00:07:49.120 wild stallion out of control does not produce 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:52.259 the righteous life that God requires. It doesn't 00:07:52.259 --> 00:07:54.420 fulfill the righteous. It doesn't make relationships 00:07:54.420 --> 00:07:57.680 right. Things don't get better when I use anger 00:07:57.680 --> 00:08:02.079 out of control. And so he says, guys, one, two, 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:06.120 three, there is a three -step process given by 00:08:06.120 --> 00:08:10.079 God to begin to tame the wild stallion of your 00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:13.689 anger and mine. Step one is be quick to hear. 00:08:14.370 --> 00:08:17.970 The word quick to hear literally is, the word 00:08:17.970 --> 00:08:21.089 hear means an eagerness to listen. It doesn't 00:08:21.089 --> 00:08:23.089 mean just you hear a word, it means openness, 00:08:23.370 --> 00:08:27.050 readiness, availability, and desire to learn 00:08:27.050 --> 00:08:31.850 and to hear God's truth, God's word. And this 00:08:31.850 --> 00:08:34.470 word to hear, A .T. Robertson in his grammar 00:08:34.470 --> 00:08:37.889 says, this word to listen or to hear is not simply 00:08:37.889 --> 00:08:40.990 attentive, assertive, clear listening, but it's 00:08:40.990 --> 00:08:43.690 listening for a truth from God in the situation 00:08:43.690 --> 00:08:47.710 in order to apply it. So he says, we all want 00:08:47.710 --> 00:08:51.009 to be quick to hear. Our immediate response, 00:08:51.450 --> 00:08:54.830 the first thing in God's anger management plan 00:08:54.830 --> 00:08:58.490 to God, others, our circumstances, and our anger 00:08:58.490 --> 00:09:01.649 is to be receptive listeners, not reactionary 00:09:01.649 --> 00:09:05.789 responders. Most of us, our anger, bam, it just 00:09:05.789 --> 00:09:09.769 comes out. He says, no, no, no, no, no, no. Step 00:09:09.769 --> 00:09:12.169 one, develop an attitude of reception instead 00:09:12.169 --> 00:09:15.789 of reaction. This is really important for fellow 00:09:15.789 --> 00:09:20.889 spewers. So easy to be blunt, critical. And by 00:09:20.889 --> 00:09:23.710 the way, I think there are Christian and non 00:09:23.710 --> 00:09:27.009 -Christian spewers. Non -Christian spewers vomit 00:09:27.009 --> 00:09:30.809 their anger. Christian spewers, because that's 00:09:30.809 --> 00:09:34.750 not very socially acceptable, we just say blunt, 00:09:34.929 --> 00:09:39.730 harsh, uncaring, negative. critical words that 00:09:39.730 --> 00:09:42.029 dismiss people's feelings or dismiss their value, 00:09:42.149 --> 00:09:46.370 and often quote a verse afterwards to justify 00:09:46.370 --> 00:09:50.470 how we have just not treated them well. So don't 00:09:50.470 --> 00:09:52.649 always think of spewing as, well, gosh, I don't 00:09:52.649 --> 00:09:54.710 scream and yell at people. I mean, when I was 00:09:54.710 --> 00:09:56.570 walking out of my house, I didn't scream at my 00:09:56.570 --> 00:09:58.009 kids. If someone said, you yelled at your kids, 00:09:58.090 --> 00:10:01.110 I didn't. Is this yelling? Annie, make your bed 00:10:01.110 --> 00:10:05.009 right now. But listen to the tone of voice. It 00:10:05.009 --> 00:10:07.980 was 100 % spew. Ryan, have you done your chores? 00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:12.720 It was anger. I need to learn to be receptive 00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:18.399 instead of react. As you feel the anger gauge 00:10:18.399 --> 00:10:23.039 going up, stop and listen. And here's the key 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:27.059 question to ask. What is this anger telling me? 00:10:28.360 --> 00:10:31.360 You're listening to Living on the Edge. We'll 00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:33.620 get you back to our series Overcoming Emotions 00:10:33.620 --> 00:10:36.580 That Destroy in just a minute. But first, if 00:10:36.580 --> 00:10:38.980 this teaching has ministered to you, consider 00:10:38.980 --> 00:10:41.940 becoming a monthly partner. Your regular financial 00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:44.500 support goes a long way to help us encourage 00:10:44.500 --> 00:10:47.899 pastors, create resources and share Jesus with 00:10:47.899 --> 00:10:51.720 today's youth. Visit livingontheedge .org today 00:10:51.720 --> 00:10:54.679 to learn how to support us. Well, with that, 00:10:54.679 --> 00:11:00.299 here again is Chip. Why am I angry? What's going 00:11:00.299 --> 00:11:05.159 on inside? If you don't get anything out of this 00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:09.000 entire time together, if you could remember that 00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:12.080 anger is a secondary emotion and it's not the 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:15.659 problem, it'll change your life. If you can just 00:11:15.659 --> 00:11:18.139 keep the image. Every time I start to get angry, 00:11:18.320 --> 00:11:20.759 and by the way, I've learned to use the other 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:23.080 words that helps me, because you say to someone, 00:11:23.139 --> 00:11:25.940 are you angry? Oh, no, I'm irritated. I'm frustrated. 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:30.059 You can call it whatever you want. You're angry, 00:11:30.279 --> 00:11:34.470 okay? When I feel that coming on, when I feel 00:11:34.470 --> 00:11:36.669 short, when I want to correct something, when 00:11:36.669 --> 00:11:38.529 I get it, get it now, and I can just feel this 00:11:38.529 --> 00:11:43.269 coming on, wait a second, that's not the problem. 00:11:43.470 --> 00:11:47.929 The red light on the dashboard of my car, they 00:11:47.929 --> 00:11:50.669 tell me something wrong under the hood. The red 00:11:50.669 --> 00:11:53.389 light of anger is just God's gift to me to say, 00:11:53.429 --> 00:11:55.730 Chip, there's something going on. And by the 00:11:55.730 --> 00:11:58.250 way, sometimes it's a good thing. It's injustice. 00:11:58.470 --> 00:12:01.110 It's wrong. You ought to be angry. You ought 00:12:01.110 --> 00:12:03.710 to do something about it. So the red light doesn't 00:12:03.710 --> 00:12:05.610 mean something's always bad, but it tells you 00:12:05.610 --> 00:12:08.850 there's something beneath the issue. So the key 00:12:08.850 --> 00:12:14.629 question is, what is under the hood? Step two, 00:12:14.769 --> 00:12:17.269 we're to be quick to hear. We need to be slow 00:12:17.269 --> 00:12:23.350 to speak. Slow to speak, literally, it's slow 00:12:23.350 --> 00:12:27.990 to begin speaking. It's not speaking slowly. 00:12:29.409 --> 00:12:33.370 It's a warning against rash, hasty, unrestrained 00:12:33.370 --> 00:12:39.110 words that wound others' lives. This is our interim 00:12:39.110 --> 00:12:41.409 response. Our initial response is just don't 00:12:41.409 --> 00:12:44.850 react. Listen, what's going on? Our interim response 00:12:44.850 --> 00:12:48.149 to God, other circumstances, and our anger is 00:12:48.149 --> 00:12:50.769 to think before we speak. And this takes practice 00:12:50.769 --> 00:12:54.350 and discipline. But listen to why it's so important 00:12:54.350 --> 00:12:57.389 from the wisest man who has ever lived, who will 00:12:57.389 --> 00:13:00.529 ever live. He says, when words are many, sin 00:13:00.529 --> 00:13:04.029 is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is 00:13:04.029 --> 00:13:11.090 wise. If you can just keep your mouth shut, sometimes. 00:13:12.289 --> 00:13:14.970 Someone said, when we use sharp words, we usually 00:13:14.970 --> 00:13:18.289 cut our own throat. And I think they're right. 00:13:19.790 --> 00:13:22.289 Proverbs 13, three goes on to say, he who guards 00:13:22.289 --> 00:13:25.690 his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly 00:13:25.690 --> 00:13:29.289 will come to ruin. And you know what? People 00:13:29.289 --> 00:13:31.110 will forgive you, but they don't always forget, 00:13:31.309 --> 00:13:35.830 right? Some of you, if we passed a microphone, 00:13:35.950 --> 00:13:39.169 my second grade teacher told me I was dumb. I 00:13:39.169 --> 00:13:41.250 had a coach that told me, you'll never make it. 00:13:41.529 --> 00:13:44.370 My dad always said to me, you're lazy, you're 00:13:44.370 --> 00:13:47.049 lazy, you're lazy. Have you forgiven them of 00:13:47.049 --> 00:13:48.529 some of those people who said things to you? 00:13:48.590 --> 00:13:51.309 Absolutely. You have not forgotten and it marked 00:13:51.309 --> 00:13:54.769 you. So we gotta be very, very careful about 00:13:54.769 --> 00:13:57.330 what comes out of our mouth. Proverbs 29, 20, 00:13:57.450 --> 00:14:00.049 do you see a man who speaks in haste, quickly, 00:14:00.190 --> 00:14:02.750 reactionary? There's more hope for a fool than 00:14:02.750 --> 00:14:08.049 him. Restrain your tongue. Buy some time. Get 00:14:08.049 --> 00:14:11.509 your mind in gear before your tongue gets engaged. 00:14:12.350 --> 00:14:16.309 How? You know, part of it is remember the consequences. 00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:19.850 And the other is just get practical. You know 00:14:19.850 --> 00:14:24.490 you. And so sometimes when you feel anger, just 00:14:24.490 --> 00:14:28.350 walk away. Just walk away. I don't mean walk 00:14:28.350 --> 00:14:30.730 away. You know what? Will you excuse me right 00:14:30.730 --> 00:14:34.029 now? I need to do a little thinking. Or take 00:14:34.029 --> 00:14:36.750 a walk. A Thomas Jefferson, I mean, literally, 00:14:36.830 --> 00:14:39.029 he would count to 10. He could feel the anger 00:14:39.029 --> 00:14:40.909 boiling up. He knows he's about ready to say 00:14:40.909 --> 00:14:45.169 something. He'd go, one, two, three, four. But 00:14:45.169 --> 00:14:51.049 just to stop himself to think long enough, there's 00:14:51.049 --> 00:14:53.590 life and death in the power of the tongue. Is 00:14:53.590 --> 00:14:56.649 life about to come out or is death about to come 00:14:56.649 --> 00:15:03.799 out? And we are people of habit. You have learned, 00:15:03.899 --> 00:15:07.240 some of you, to just blurt out things. You know, 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:09.960 if it's in your mind, you think it ought to come 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:12.159 out your mouth. And God would say, that's probably 00:15:12.159 --> 00:15:15.039 not a really good equation. And you're looking 00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:17.519 at a person who has had to work very, very, very 00:15:17.519 --> 00:15:20.279 hard on that. Because I'm a verbal processor. 00:15:21.259 --> 00:15:23.639 Well, that's kind of when I think out loud. But 00:15:23.639 --> 00:15:26.720 if I think something, I've just had it come out 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:29.580 of my mouth. And you say, well, how do you ever 00:15:29.580 --> 00:15:35.120 break that? Part of my journey has been I made 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:38.059 a commitment that when I said something to someone 00:15:38.059 --> 00:15:41.200 or about someone that I knew wasn't the right 00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:44.460 thing, no matter how small, I made a commitment 00:15:44.460 --> 00:15:47.299 before God that I would go to them and apologize 00:15:47.299 --> 00:15:49.580 and make it right, whether they were in the room 00:15:49.580 --> 00:15:52.409 or not. And I'm in a lot of meetings, and I'm 00:15:52.409 --> 00:15:54.190 with different people, and sometimes leaders, 00:15:54.309 --> 00:15:56.110 and sometimes, look, you know, you've got to 00:15:56.110 --> 00:15:57.929 be really high D. We've got to cut to the chase. 00:15:58.029 --> 00:16:00.129 What's the bottom line? You know, we've got this 00:16:00.129 --> 00:16:02.409 person in this situation. He's a great guy, doesn't 00:16:02.409 --> 00:16:04.049 have the capacity. The organization has grown 00:16:04.049 --> 00:16:05.629 to here. We need to get to here instead of get 00:16:05.629 --> 00:16:08.909 to there. You know, great guy, loving, kind. 00:16:09.269 --> 00:16:10.490 You know, he's the kind of guy you'd want to 00:16:10.490 --> 00:16:13.129 marry your sister, but he can't handle this job. 00:16:13.990 --> 00:16:16.250 We've got to find somebody else. And it can start 00:16:16.250 --> 00:16:18.470 sounding very much like the mission is all that 00:16:18.470 --> 00:16:20.169 counts and people don't. And then people make 00:16:20.169 --> 00:16:22.990 a few little comments and you move on. And then 00:16:22.990 --> 00:16:25.129 God is just, don't ever treat people that way, 00:16:25.149 --> 00:16:27.889 Chip. And I've had to go to people and say, you 00:16:27.889 --> 00:16:30.250 know, excuse me, you know, brother. You know, 00:16:30.269 --> 00:16:31.990 you've been here for a while and, you know, I'm 00:16:31.990 --> 00:16:33.450 kind of the new guy and things have been going 00:16:33.450 --> 00:16:35.370 downhill for a while. We've been reevaluating 00:16:35.370 --> 00:16:38.129 and I was in a meeting and these words came out 00:16:38.129 --> 00:16:41.129 of my mouth in reference to you as though all 00:16:41.129 --> 00:16:43.529 your contribution wasn't valued. And I just want 00:16:43.529 --> 00:16:46.029 to tell you, I blew it and I sinned. I asked 00:16:46.029 --> 00:16:48.870 God to forgive me. Will you forgive me? I'll 00:16:48.870 --> 00:16:50.509 tell you what, you only do a half a dozen of 00:16:50.509 --> 00:16:53.710 those. And so I would encourage you, whatever 00:16:53.710 --> 00:16:57.009 mechanism you need, the key question you ask 00:16:57.009 --> 00:16:59.789 then is, what must I do to prevent a verbal reflex 00:16:59.789 --> 00:17:02.490 response? And I don't know what it is for you. 00:17:02.549 --> 00:17:07.380 You count to 10. practice whatever you need to 00:17:07.380 --> 00:17:09.960 do. A simple way, you might put a little star 00:17:09.960 --> 00:17:13.880 or circle in your notes, James 1, 19 and 20, 00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:17.079 and memorize it. I cannot tell you, of all the 00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:19.160 things, this is a small rabbit trail, I'll try 00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:22.359 to make it really small. In terms of transformation 00:17:22.359 --> 00:17:25.099 in my life, I don't know if there's anything 00:17:25.099 --> 00:17:27.119 that has helped me more than memorizing scripture. 00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:30.160 When I was a young Christian, I was around a 00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:31.660 group that was really into scripture memory. 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:34.319 I probably did it for the first three years with 00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:37.230 terrible motives. I was trying to memorize more 00:17:37.230 --> 00:17:39.609 verses than anybody else. You just can't get 00:17:39.609 --> 00:17:42.470 the athlete out of me, you know? And it was wrong 00:17:42.470 --> 00:17:44.529 motives. But I would find myself praying and 00:17:44.529 --> 00:17:46.089 God would bring a verse and it was the answer. 00:17:46.529 --> 00:17:48.170 Someone asked me a question, God would bring 00:17:48.170 --> 00:17:50.250 a verse. I found myself ready to say something 00:17:50.250 --> 00:17:52.450 and God would bring a verse. And then I watched 00:17:52.450 --> 00:17:54.589 Jesus under spiritual attack and he didn't say, 00:17:54.650 --> 00:17:57.390 excuse me, Satan, I think I need to get back 00:17:57.390 --> 00:17:59.250 to the synagogue and look at some of these scrolls. 00:17:59.849 --> 00:18:02.829 Okay, Deuteronomy, here's a good one. Thou shall 00:18:02.829 --> 00:18:05.779 not tempt the Lord. Can you hang on just one 00:18:05.779 --> 00:18:10.579 second? By God, the average Jewish boy had the 00:18:10.579 --> 00:18:14.680 entire first five books of the Old Testament, 00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:18.920 the Torah, memorized. Most of us watch seven 00:18:18.920 --> 00:18:23.140 hours of television a day in our homes. That's 00:18:23.140 --> 00:18:26.660 49 hours a week. The average college graduate 00:18:26.660 --> 00:18:31.609 reads one book a year. The average high school 00:18:31.609 --> 00:18:33.869 graduate, after he graduates, doesn't read another 00:18:33.869 --> 00:18:37.329 two or three books the rest of their life. We 00:18:37.329 --> 00:18:41.789 have become a soaking in, passive, and all the 00:18:41.789 --> 00:18:44.150 research on Alzheimer's, for some that are concerned, 00:18:44.329 --> 00:18:47.289 it is when you use your brain and exercise your 00:18:47.289 --> 00:18:49.829 brain and learn new things is the greatest prevention 00:18:49.829 --> 00:18:52.349 against, you know what? It's true of everything. 00:18:52.470 --> 00:18:56.180 You either use it or you lose it. And so I would 00:18:56.180 --> 00:18:58.319 just encourage you. The other is, is I think 00:18:58.319 --> 00:19:00.859 there's a really false view of how life change 00:19:00.859 --> 00:19:03.980 happens. We think trying hard and spiritual activities 00:19:03.980 --> 00:19:06.559 bring change. The Bible says, be transformed 00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:08.619 by the renewing of your mind. It's thinking. 00:19:09.660 --> 00:19:13.119 If you think the same way you think right now, 00:19:13.299 --> 00:19:17.160 365 days from now, you can try hard, give it 00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:18.859 your best effort, and you'll be basically the 00:19:18.859 --> 00:19:21.839 same person. You have to think differently about 00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:24.579 God, think differently about you, think differently 00:19:24.579 --> 00:19:26.619 about sin, think differently about the future, 00:19:26.700 --> 00:19:29.200 think differently about the past. How? The Word. 00:19:30.220 --> 00:19:33.140 And you renew your mind in the Word. And so all 00:19:33.140 --> 00:19:35.299 I want to say is I think part of this, you can 00:19:35.299 --> 00:19:38.259 feel like, oh, you know, I can't do this. It's 00:19:38.259 --> 00:19:40.140 a pattern, and it just blurts out of my mouth, 00:19:40.220 --> 00:19:43.680 and I'm a spewer. And yes, you can. But I'm just 00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:46.759 saying it's hard work. It'll take time. You can 00:19:46.759 --> 00:19:49.140 write some things on three by five cards. Dear 00:19:49.140 --> 00:19:53.079 God, I desire to learn to get control of my tongue 00:19:53.079 --> 00:19:56.359 and speak only as your Holy Spirit prompts me. 00:19:56.420 --> 00:19:59.099 Write that down. James 119, on the back of the 00:19:59.099 --> 00:20:01.579 card, you write out James 119 and just stick 00:20:01.579 --> 00:20:03.099 that in your pocket and read it in the morning 00:20:03.099 --> 00:20:05.220 and read it before you go to bed. And you do 00:20:05.220 --> 00:20:07.519 that for a month. And I'll tell you what, your 00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:11.400 mouth will change because you're reprogramming 00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:14.940 your mind. according to the truth. And the spirit 00:20:14.940 --> 00:20:17.440 of God takes the truth of God's word and he'll 00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:23.299 bring about life change. So number three, quick 00:20:23.299 --> 00:20:28.140 to hear, slow to speak. Third, slow to anger. 00:20:30.339 --> 00:20:32.640 A couple of different words in the New Testament 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:34.799 for anger. One is, you know, you can almost hear 00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:37.539 it. It's thumos. It means an explosion. And the 00:20:37.539 --> 00:20:41.140 other is orge. And that's this word here. It's 00:20:41.140 --> 00:20:44.099 not so much about outbursts, but it's harboring 00:20:44.099 --> 00:20:48.599 anger, resentful feelings, this anger that rolls 00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:51.599 around in your soul and your mind and your emotions. 00:20:51.619 --> 00:20:54.460 And over time, it builds. He says, be slow to 00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:59.480 anger. Be slow. Don't allow that to happen. Ecclesiastes 00:20:59.480 --> 00:21:01.960 says, do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, 00:21:02.019 --> 00:21:06.079 for anger resides in the lap of fools. We had 00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:08.279 an immediate response to anger. Be a quick listener. 00:21:08.599 --> 00:21:10.880 An interim response is you've got to be slow 00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:13.160 to speak. Get a hold of your tongue. The life 00:21:13.160 --> 00:21:16.380 -changing response to anger begins when we replace 00:21:16.380 --> 00:21:22.440 reaction with reflection. Reflection. You think 00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:25.460 it through. And guess where we are? We're right 00:21:25.460 --> 00:21:28.579 back to what we've been talking about. You say, 00:21:28.700 --> 00:21:33.200 I've got this anger. Reflection. Hmm. What's 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:36.170 underneath the hood? And then as you can see, 00:21:36.269 --> 00:21:39.349 we ask the basic questions that we've been talking 00:21:39.349 --> 00:21:43.910 about. What root issue, injustice, hurt, frustration, 00:21:44.049 --> 00:21:47.950 or insecurity is behind this anger? In other 00:21:47.950 --> 00:21:50.269 words, what's going on inside? And we get back 00:21:50.269 --> 00:21:52.509 down to what we talked about earlier. And so 00:21:52.509 --> 00:21:54.410 you can say to yourself, okay, look, look, right 00:21:54.410 --> 00:21:58.210 here it is. Right here it is. Am I hurt? My tool 00:21:58.210 --> 00:22:00.910 is an I feel message. Well, am I frustrated? 00:22:01.190 --> 00:22:04.049 Well, I need to shift it from I demand to a. 00:22:04.250 --> 00:22:07.150 I desire for expectations. Am I feeling threatened? 00:22:07.529 --> 00:22:10.250 Well, who's firing the darts? Is there something 00:22:10.250 --> 00:22:12.670 I need to learn? And you go right back to our 00:22:12.670 --> 00:22:14.349 last session. That's why I wanted to do this 00:22:14.349 --> 00:22:17.210 one next. Then you're really right back to A, 00:22:17.390 --> 00:22:21.589 B, C, D. Quick to hear, okay, I wanna listen, 00:22:21.750 --> 00:22:25.269 respond. Slow to speak, I'm gonna stop stuff 00:22:25.269 --> 00:22:27.509 coming out of my mouth. And then I'm gonna be 00:22:27.509 --> 00:22:30.589 slow to anger. I'm not gonna, I'm gonna say, 00:22:30.710 --> 00:22:34.549 okay, anger is a symptom. A, I'm going to acknowledge 00:22:34.549 --> 00:22:37.109 that I'm angry. B, I'm going to backtrack to 00:22:37.109 --> 00:22:39.970 the primary emotion. C, I'm going to consider 00:22:39.970 --> 00:22:43.349 the cause of it. And then D, determine the right 00:22:43.349 --> 00:22:47.430 response. Do I speak or not speak? Do I do it 00:22:47.430 --> 00:22:50.230 in person? Do I do it in letter? Is it something 00:22:50.230 --> 00:22:52.809 that needs to be addressed or something I just 00:22:52.809 --> 00:22:55.609 need to let go of and release to God? Isn't it 00:22:55.609 --> 00:22:58.710 amazing how Scripture just very clearly lines 00:22:58.710 --> 00:23:02.829 out, here's how to address that wild stallion. 00:23:03.130 --> 00:23:05.789 And really what that passage is in James 1, 19 00:23:05.789 --> 00:23:08.150 and 20, written to a group of people, you talk 00:23:08.150 --> 00:23:13.109 about an economic downtime, pressure. And basically 00:23:13.109 --> 00:23:15.529 he said, look, here's the spiritual bit in the 00:23:15.529 --> 00:23:19.289 wild stallion of anger in your life to bring 00:23:19.289 --> 00:23:23.329 it under control so your anger serves you instead 00:23:23.329 --> 00:23:25.390 of severs relationships with people that you 00:23:25.390 --> 00:23:31.259 love. You're listening to Living on the Edge 00:23:31.259 --> 00:23:34.240 with Chip Ingram. And the message you just heard, 00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:37.279 turning anger from a foe to a friend, is from 00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:39.839 our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. 00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.880 Chip will join us in studio to share some insights 00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:46.140 from today's talk in just a minute. Anger has 00:23:46.140 --> 00:23:49.140 always been seen as a wrong, unhealthy feeling. 00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:52.200 But what if I told you that this emotion is a 00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:54.740 signal of a deeper problem we need to be aware 00:23:54.740 --> 00:23:57.799 of? And if channeled correctly, anger could actually 00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:00.859 be used for good. Well, in this 10 -part series, 00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:03.559 Chip uncovers the root of anger in our lives 00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:05.980 and explains how we can turn our most intense 00:24:05.980 --> 00:24:09.859 frustrations into a valuable asset. So if you're 00:24:09.859 --> 00:24:12.299 desperate to better understand this emotion and 00:24:12.299 --> 00:24:14.240 have control over it, you're not going to want 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:17.670 to miss a single program. Well, our Bible teacher, 00:24:17.829 --> 00:24:19.970 Chip Ingram, is with me in studio now to share 00:24:19.970 --> 00:24:23.690 a quick word. Chip? Thanks so much, Dave. I want 00:24:23.690 --> 00:24:26.609 to ask you something really important. Would 00:24:26.609 --> 00:24:29.450 you choose to become a financial partner with 00:24:29.450 --> 00:24:32.029 us? Now, I'm not using that language to disguise 00:24:32.029 --> 00:24:34.730 the fact that I'm asking you to give or trying 00:24:34.730 --> 00:24:37.799 to be fancy or asking for money. But when you 00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:40.279 invest in this ministry, it's more accurately 00:24:40.279 --> 00:24:43.160 saying, yes, I will partner with you. Yes, I'll 00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:45.559 go to work with you. Yes, I want to be on this 00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:48.319 mission with you. When you give, you become a 00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:50.859 part of all that we do, a part of the hundreds 00:24:50.859 --> 00:24:53.700 of thousands of people hearing God's word, a 00:24:53.700 --> 00:24:55.980 part of discipling new Christians and encouraging 00:24:55.980 --> 00:24:58.660 persecuted Christians in China and the Middle 00:24:58.660 --> 00:25:01.440 East. It's a part of supplying teaching and training 00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:04.140 and resources to pastors right here in the U 00:25:04.140 --> 00:25:08.059 .S. So will you? Ask God what part He would give 00:25:08.059 --> 00:25:10.380 you in all of this, and then just do whatever 00:25:10.380 --> 00:25:13.640 He shows you. If all of us do our part, however 00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:17.259 God leads, it'll be exactly what we need to fulfill 00:25:17.259 --> 00:25:20.259 exactly what God wants us to do. I want to thank 00:25:20.259 --> 00:25:22.220 you in advance for whatever God leads you to 00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:24.880 do, and thank you. Thanks so much for being a 00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:27.480 partner. Thanks, Chip. We believe helping Christians 00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:30.339 really live like Christians will radically change 00:25:30.339 --> 00:25:32.789 the world we're living in. So if you'd like to 00:25:32.789 --> 00:25:35.069 join us in that mission, we'd love to have you 00:25:35.069 --> 00:25:37.630 on our team. To become a monthly partner, go 00:25:37.630 --> 00:25:42.069 to livingontheedge .org or call us at 888 -333 00:25:42.069 --> 00:25:49.869 -6003. That's 888 -333 -6003 or visit livingontheedge 00:25:49.869 --> 00:25:54.829 .org. App listeners tap donate. Well, with that, 00:25:54.849 --> 00:25:58.250 here again is Chip. As we close today's program, 00:25:58.569 --> 00:26:00.690 I wish we could sit down over a cup of coffee. 00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:02.539 And I could look you in the eye and just say, 00:26:02.579 --> 00:26:05.640 okay, the last two broadcasts have been super 00:26:05.640 --> 00:26:08.900 practical. And if there's any step you can take 00:26:08.900 --> 00:26:11.579 to get help, go to the website livingontheedge 00:26:11.579 --> 00:26:15.119 .org and just download the notes. I've gone through 00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:18.339 multiple questions that help you identify the 00:26:18.339 --> 00:26:21.980 when, the how, the what to deal with anger. Second, 00:26:22.140 --> 00:26:25.130 I outlined a very clear... four -step process 00:26:25.130 --> 00:26:29.029 called the ABCDs of anger that will give you 00:26:29.029 --> 00:26:31.509 a pattern, something simple to begin to deal 00:26:31.509 --> 00:26:33.769 with the issues in your heart and your life. 00:26:33.849 --> 00:26:37.170 A. Acknowledge you're angry. That's big for some 00:26:37.170 --> 00:26:41.150 of us. B, backtrack to the primary emotion. Is 00:26:41.150 --> 00:26:45.190 it hurt, frustration, or insecurity? C, consider 00:26:45.190 --> 00:26:48.390 the real cause, and then D, determine how to 00:26:48.390 --> 00:26:51.009 respond. Should I do it now? Should I do it later? 00:26:51.170 --> 00:26:52.789 Should I do it in writing? Should I do it over 00:26:52.789 --> 00:26:55.750 the phone? There's a lot of specifics here. Go 00:26:55.750 --> 00:26:59.049 to the website, livingontheedge .org, download 00:26:59.049 --> 00:27:02.900 this, look it over, pray over it. God wants to 00:27:02.900 --> 00:27:05.420 help you, okay? This is the deal. He really wants 00:27:05.420 --> 00:27:08.119 to help you. He wants to help this anger issue 00:27:08.119 --> 00:27:11.740 become your friend, a tool, a light on the dashboard 00:27:11.740 --> 00:27:14.759 that you can know something's not right, you 00:27:14.759 --> 00:27:18.980 can address it, and you can grow. A -B -C -D 00:27:18.980 --> 00:27:23.079 of anger. Go get it and grow. Thanks, Chip. And 00:27:23.079 --> 00:27:25.019 if you want to go back and study those points 00:27:25.019 --> 00:27:28.420 Chip just reviewed, go to livingontheedge .org 00:27:28.420 --> 00:27:31.160 and download his message notes. Now, this is 00:27:31.160 --> 00:27:34.220 a great tool available for every program. It 00:27:34.220 --> 00:27:36.920 has Chip's outline, all of the scripture he references, 00:27:37.099 --> 00:27:39.460 and a few key fill -ins to help you remember 00:27:39.460 --> 00:27:43.000 what you're learning. Find them by visiting livingontheedge 00:27:43.000 --> 00:27:46.539 .org. Under the Broadcasts tab, app listeners 00:27:46.539 --> 00:27:50.210 just tap Fill in Notes. Well, until next time, 00:27:50.250 --> 00:27:52.190 this is Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening 00:27:52.190 --> 00:27:54.609 to this edition of Living on the Edge.