Did you know it's possible to use your anger
for good? Now, that might sound kind of backwards,
but there's actually a way to use the raw power
of that emotion to bring about good in your life
and to those around you. Today, I'll share some
very specific ways where you can turn anger from
a foe to a friend. Don't go away. Thanks for
listening to this edition of Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram. We are an international teaching
and discipleship ministry that motivates Christians
to live like Christians. Today, we're diving
back into our series, Overcoming Emotions That
Destroy, with part two of Chip's talk, Turning
Anger from a Foe to a Friend. Now, if you've
missed any part of this study, catch up at livingontheedge
.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you're
ready, go in your Bible to James chapter one.
We need to figure out the who, the what, the
how, and then finally the when. When should I
deal with the situation? You know, should I do
it now? Right now? I mean, let's get this taken
care of right now. Should I do it later? Or like
in the case of that letter, should I do it never?
At the bottom, we have a continuum of ways to
express anger. And you can just see, you know,
I just wanted to give you this to get, you know,
unhealthy way, get it all out. Healthy, you express
it. The healthy way, you redirect or release.
Unhealthy, you grin and bear it, basically stuff.
Unhealthy way, you explode versus healthy, you
communicate. Discharge, that's, you know, sometimes
there's just little hurts. I mean, it's not worth
having some big thing over someone who said something
that you know they didn't really mean anything
by it, and there's three or four of those things,
and you don't want to make a big deal, and you
realize God doesn't want you to confront people
over every little thing, but you got four or
five of them. You know what I do? I get on the
elliptical for 45 minutes. And you just blow
it out, and you thank God, and they're falling,
and I'm falling. It's not that big a deal. I
know their heart. I know their character. Every
time something happens, you don't have to get
it all. We wouldn't have anything else to do
the whole rest of the day, would we? And so there's
times where if it bugs you, it sticks with you.
It's not resolved. You've prayed about it. You
realize God says, look, confront this, either
in person, when to do it, how to do it. And there's
just a lot of stuff that love covers a multitude
of. Okay. And so you just love them, you forgive
them, but your emotions are all jazzed up. So
take a walk, listen to some music, do something
positive, get a workout, you know, take a bag
and bite it and I don't know. I've seen them
do this stuff on TV. I don't know if it works,
but some different activity. As you think about
turning anger from that wild stallion out of
control to that horse that will do what you say.
I've given you a methodical process. And I'm
gonna say that most all of you, what I've placed
here in front of you now is a summary of how
you can discover your tendencies and walk through
the process of the who, the what, the how, and
the when. And the questions are for you to discover,
do you tend to gravitate towards confrontation?
or not confronting when you're angry? Do you
tend to run from confrontation when you shouldn't,
or do you tend to confront when you shouldn't?
Question, have you ever written an anger letter?
Did you send it? Why or why not? Are you glad
you did or didn't? And then there's a list of
questions here. They're very diagnostic. These
are just kind of for you personally, where you
answer the following questions, kind of about
the when. And you can go through those and you
can just see, you know, yes, no, sometimes. Do
I tend to run from conflict? Do I tend to do
this? Do I tend to do that? And what you'll get
there is a process where all I'm wanting to do
is help you get a little picture of this is how
I tend to deal with this issue because most of
us have never thought about it. And by the way,
it's not please. Some of you, especially little
obsessive, compulsive, down on you, live with
a lot of condemnation, a la stuffers. Don't go
through here and go, oh, gosh, I'm terrible.
Yes, I do that. There's not a right or wrong.
I mean, it's like, do you have blue eyes or brown
eyes? Oh, I got blue eyes. I'm sorry. You know,
it's okay. This is how you are. And this is where
you're at today. And the God who loves you, died
for you, raised from the dead, placed his spirit
in you, and has a home waiting for you, brought
you to a place to say, hey, guess what? I love
you, and I would like you to turn this nemesis
called anger into a friend. And so the only way
you can move forward, you've got to say, where
am I now? This is how I tend to respond. Good,
bad, ugly, indifferent. You're a person. Now
I know how to respond in the future. Does that
make sense? Now, it's one thing for us to come
together and say, okay, anger is a neutral emotion.
It's given by God as a gift for self -protection.
It produces many positive things, but it's very
dangerous. It's a wild stallion. It can be a
great servant to us or, I mean, total destruction
in our lives and relationships. But what's the
scripture have to say about it? What's God, I
mean, God help us. Give us clear instruction
from your word about how do I manage my anger,
or I would say even, how do I tame my temper?
Because it is a big issue. A little research
before we jump in. The average man loses his
temper approximately six times a week. The average
woman loses her temper about three times a week.
Men tend to get angry at things, not working,
circumstances. Women tend to get angry more about
relationships. Single people tend to get angry
almost twice as often as those that are married.
Men are more likely to be physical in their anger.
And all of us, listen to this, are twice as likely
to express our anger at home more than at work
or school. That is a wild stallion that needs
to be dealt with. Lord, help us. And so speaking
to a group of people under very intense pressure,
Many of them had lost their homes. Many have
been disowned. Many married someone and now their
mate doesn't believe in the Messiah. They've
just come to Christ. And so their mate has abandoned
them or divorced them. And their life is falling
apart. And James would say, consider it all joy
when you encounter various trials. And then later
he would say to them, if you lack wisdom, ask
God, he'll show you what to do. And then he talks
in that early chapter about how to get perspective
on difficult circumstances. And he promises them
blessedness if they can endure through very,
very difficult times. But he knows there's a
temptation when under pressure to take a shortcut,
to get really angry at yourself, at other people,
at circumstances, and at God. And so we pick
up the story in James 1. And in James 1, verse
19, the half -brother of our Lord says, my dear
brothers, notice the kindness and the warmth.
Take note of this. Everyone should be quick to
listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become
angry. Now notice the purpose clause or the why.
For man's anger does not bring about the righteous
life that God desires. What a statement. My anger
at my mate, my manipulation out of my anger,
my blowing up. my stuffing, my expressing, my
wild stallion out of control does not produce
the righteous life that God requires. It doesn't
fulfill the righteous. It doesn't make relationships
right. Things don't get better when I use anger
out of control. And so he says, guys, one, two,
three, there is a three -step process given by
God to begin to tame the wild stallion of your
anger and mine. Step one is be quick to hear.
The word quick to hear literally is, the word
hear means an eagerness to listen. It doesn't
mean just you hear a word, it means openness,
readiness, availability, and desire to learn
and to hear God's truth, God's word. And this
word to hear, A .T. Robertson in his grammar
says, this word to listen or to hear is not simply
attentive, assertive, clear listening, but it's
listening for a truth from God in the situation
in order to apply it. So he says, we all want
to be quick to hear. Our immediate response,
the first thing in God's anger management plan
to God, others, our circumstances, and our anger
is to be receptive listeners, not reactionary
responders. Most of us, our anger, bam, it just
comes out. He says, no, no, no, no, no, no. Step
one, develop an attitude of reception instead
of reaction. This is really important for fellow
spewers. So easy to be blunt, critical. And by
the way, I think there are Christian and non
-Christian spewers. Non -Christian spewers vomit
their anger. Christian spewers, because that's
not very socially acceptable, we just say blunt,
harsh, uncaring, negative. critical words that
dismiss people's feelings or dismiss their value,
and often quote a verse afterwards to justify
how we have just not treated them well. So don't
always think of spewing as, well, gosh, I don't
scream and yell at people. I mean, when I was
walking out of my house, I didn't scream at my
kids. If someone said, you yelled at your kids,
I didn't. Is this yelling? Annie, make your bed
right now. But listen to the tone of voice. It
was 100 % spew. Ryan, have you done your chores?
It was anger. I need to learn to be receptive
instead of react. As you feel the anger gauge
going up, stop and listen. And here's the key
question to ask. What is this anger telling me?
You're listening to Living on the Edge. We'll
get you back to our series Overcoming Emotions
That Destroy in just a minute. But first, if
this teaching has ministered to you, consider
becoming a monthly partner. Your regular financial
support goes a long way to help us encourage
pastors, create resources and share Jesus with
today's youth. Visit livingontheedge .org today
to learn how to support us. Well, with that,
here again is Chip. Why am I angry? What's going
on inside? If you don't get anything out of this
entire time together, if you could remember that
anger is a secondary emotion and it's not the
problem, it'll change your life. If you can just
keep the image. Every time I start to get angry,
and by the way, I've learned to use the other
words that helps me, because you say to someone,
are you angry? Oh, no, I'm irritated. I'm frustrated.
You can call it whatever you want. You're angry,
okay? When I feel that coming on, when I feel
short, when I want to correct something, when
I get it, get it now, and I can just feel this
coming on, wait a second, that's not the problem.
The red light on the dashboard of my car, they
tell me something wrong under the hood. The red
light of anger is just God's gift to me to say,
Chip, there's something going on. And by the
way, sometimes it's a good thing. It's injustice.
It's wrong. You ought to be angry. You ought
to do something about it. So the red light doesn't
mean something's always bad, but it tells you
there's something beneath the issue. So the key
question is, what is under the hood? Step two,
we're to be quick to hear. We need to be slow
to speak. Slow to speak, literally, it's slow
to begin speaking. It's not speaking slowly.
It's a warning against rash, hasty, unrestrained
words that wound others' lives. This is our interim
response. Our initial response is just don't
react. Listen, what's going on? Our interim response
to God, other circumstances, and our anger is
to think before we speak. And this takes practice
and discipline. But listen to why it's so important
from the wisest man who has ever lived, who will
ever live. He says, when words are many, sin
is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is
wise. If you can just keep your mouth shut, sometimes.
Someone said, when we use sharp words, we usually
cut our own throat. And I think they're right.
Proverbs 13, three goes on to say, he who guards
his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly
will come to ruin. And you know what? People
will forgive you, but they don't always forget,
right? Some of you, if we passed a microphone,
my second grade teacher told me I was dumb. I
had a coach that told me, you'll never make it.
My dad always said to me, you're lazy, you're
lazy, you're lazy. Have you forgiven them of
some of those people who said things to you?
Absolutely. You have not forgotten and it marked
you. So we gotta be very, very careful about
what comes out of our mouth. Proverbs 29, 20,
do you see a man who speaks in haste, quickly,
reactionary? There's more hope for a fool than
him. Restrain your tongue. Buy some time. Get
your mind in gear before your tongue gets engaged.
How? You know, part of it is remember the consequences.
And the other is just get practical. You know
you. And so sometimes when you feel anger, just
walk away. Just walk away. I don't mean walk
away. You know what? Will you excuse me right
now? I need to do a little thinking. Or take
a walk. A Thomas Jefferson, I mean, literally,
he would count to 10. He could feel the anger
boiling up. He knows he's about ready to say
something. He'd go, one, two, three, four. But
just to stop himself to think long enough, there's
life and death in the power of the tongue. Is
life about to come out or is death about to come
out? And we are people of habit. You have learned,
some of you, to just blurt out things. You know,
if it's in your mind, you think it ought to come
out your mouth. And God would say, that's probably
not a really good equation. And you're looking
at a person who has had to work very, very, very
hard on that. Because I'm a verbal processor.
Well, that's kind of when I think out loud. But
if I think something, I've just had it come out
of my mouth. And you say, well, how do you ever
break that? Part of my journey has been I made
a commitment that when I said something to someone
or about someone that I knew wasn't the right
thing, no matter how small, I made a commitment
before God that I would go to them and apologize
and make it right, whether they were in the room
or not. And I'm in a lot of meetings, and I'm
with different people, and sometimes leaders,
and sometimes, look, you know, you've got to
be really high D. We've got to cut to the chase.
What's the bottom line? You know, we've got this
person in this situation. He's a great guy, doesn't
have the capacity. The organization has grown
to here. We need to get to here instead of get
to there. You know, great guy, loving, kind.
You know, he's the kind of guy you'd want to
marry your sister, but he can't handle this job.
We've got to find somebody else. And it can start
sounding very much like the mission is all that
counts and people don't. And then people make
a few little comments and you move on. And then
God is just, don't ever treat people that way,
Chip. And I've had to go to people and say, you
know, excuse me, you know, brother. You know,
you've been here for a while and, you know, I'm
kind of the new guy and things have been going
downhill for a while. We've been reevaluating
and I was in a meeting and these words came out
of my mouth in reference to you as though all
your contribution wasn't valued. And I just want
to tell you, I blew it and I sinned. I asked
God to forgive me. Will you forgive me? I'll
tell you what, you only do a half a dozen of
those. And so I would encourage you, whatever
mechanism you need, the key question you ask
then is, what must I do to prevent a verbal reflex
response? And I don't know what it is for you.
You count to 10. practice whatever you need to
do. A simple way, you might put a little star
or circle in your notes, James 1, 19 and 20,
and memorize it. I cannot tell you, of all the
things, this is a small rabbit trail, I'll try
to make it really small. In terms of transformation
in my life, I don't know if there's anything
that has helped me more than memorizing scripture.
When I was a young Christian, I was around a
group that was really into scripture memory.
I probably did it for the first three years with
terrible motives. I was trying to memorize more
verses than anybody else. You just can't get
the athlete out of me, you know? And it was wrong
motives. But I would find myself praying and
God would bring a verse and it was the answer.
Someone asked me a question, God would bring
a verse. I found myself ready to say something
and God would bring a verse. And then I watched
Jesus under spiritual attack and he didn't say,
excuse me, Satan, I think I need to get back
to the synagogue and look at some of these scrolls.
Okay, Deuteronomy, here's a good one. Thou shall
not tempt the Lord. Can you hang on just one
second? By God, the average Jewish boy had the
entire first five books of the Old Testament,
the Torah, memorized. Most of us watch seven
hours of television a day in our homes. That's
49 hours a week. The average college graduate
reads one book a year. The average high school
graduate, after he graduates, doesn't read another
two or three books the rest of their life. We
have become a soaking in, passive, and all the
research on Alzheimer's, for some that are concerned,
it is when you use your brain and exercise your
brain and learn new things is the greatest prevention
against, you know what? It's true of everything.
You either use it or you lose it. And so I would
just encourage you. The other is, is I think
there's a really false view of how life change
happens. We think trying hard and spiritual activities
bring change. The Bible says, be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. It's thinking.
If you think the same way you think right now,
365 days from now, you can try hard, give it
your best effort, and you'll be basically the
same person. You have to think differently about
God, think differently about you, think differently
about sin, think differently about the future,
think differently about the past. How? The Word.
And you renew your mind in the Word. And so all
I want to say is I think part of this, you can
feel like, oh, you know, I can't do this. It's
a pattern, and it just blurts out of my mouth,
and I'm a spewer. And yes, you can. But I'm just
saying it's hard work. It'll take time. You can
write some things on three by five cards. Dear
God, I desire to learn to get control of my tongue
and speak only as your Holy Spirit prompts me.
Write that down. James 119, on the back of the
card, you write out James 119 and just stick
that in your pocket and read it in the morning
and read it before you go to bed. And you do
that for a month. And I'll tell you what, your
mouth will change because you're reprogramming
your mind. according to the truth. And the spirit
of God takes the truth of God's word and he'll
bring about life change. So number three, quick
to hear, slow to speak. Third, slow to anger.
A couple of different words in the New Testament
for anger. One is, you know, you can almost hear
it. It's thumos. It means an explosion. And the
other is orge. And that's this word here. It's
not so much about outbursts, but it's harboring
anger, resentful feelings, this anger that rolls
around in your soul and your mind and your emotions.
And over time, it builds. He says, be slow to
anger. Be slow. Don't allow that to happen. Ecclesiastes
says, do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
for anger resides in the lap of fools. We had
an immediate response to anger. Be a quick listener.
An interim response is you've got to be slow
to speak. Get a hold of your tongue. The life
-changing response to anger begins when we replace
reaction with reflection. Reflection. You think
it through. And guess where we are? We're right
back to what we've been talking about. You say,
I've got this anger. Reflection. Hmm. What's
underneath the hood? And then as you can see,
we ask the basic questions that we've been talking
about. What root issue, injustice, hurt, frustration,
or insecurity is behind this anger? In other
words, what's going on inside? And we get back
down to what we talked about earlier. And so
you can say to yourself, okay, look, look, right
here it is. Right here it is. Am I hurt? My tool
is an I feel message. Well, am I frustrated?
Well, I need to shift it from I demand to a.
I desire for expectations. Am I feeling threatened?
Well, who's firing the darts? Is there something
I need to learn? And you go right back to our
last session. That's why I wanted to do this
one next. Then you're really right back to A,
B, C, D. Quick to hear, okay, I wanna listen,
respond. Slow to speak, I'm gonna stop stuff
coming out of my mouth. And then I'm gonna be
slow to anger. I'm not gonna, I'm gonna say,
okay, anger is a symptom. A, I'm going to acknowledge
that I'm angry. B, I'm going to backtrack to
the primary emotion. C, I'm going to consider
the cause of it. And then D, determine the right
response. Do I speak or not speak? Do I do it
in person? Do I do it in letter? Is it something
that needs to be addressed or something I just
need to let go of and release to God? Isn't it
amazing how Scripture just very clearly lines
out, here's how to address that wild stallion.
And really what that passage is in James 1, 19
and 20, written to a group of people, you talk
about an economic downtime, pressure. And basically
he said, look, here's the spiritual bit in the
wild stallion of anger in your life to bring
it under control so your anger serves you instead
of severs relationships with people that you
love. You're listening to Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram. And the message you just heard,
turning anger from a foe to a friend, is from
our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy.
Chip will join us in studio to share some insights
from today's talk in just a minute. Anger has
always been seen as a wrong, unhealthy feeling.
But what if I told you that this emotion is a
signal of a deeper problem we need to be aware
of? And if channeled correctly, anger could actually
be used for good. Well, in this 10 -part series,
Chip uncovers the root of anger in our lives
and explains how we can turn our most intense
frustrations into a valuable asset. So if you're
desperate to better understand this emotion and
have control over it, you're not going to want
to miss a single program. Well, our Bible teacher,
Chip Ingram, is with me in studio now to share
a quick word. Chip? Thanks so much, Dave. I want
to ask you something really important. Would
you choose to become a financial partner with
us? Now, I'm not using that language to disguise
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part of discipling new Christians and encouraging
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.S. So will you? Ask God what part He would give
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He shows you. If all of us do our part, however
God leads, it'll be exactly what we need to fulfill
exactly what God wants us to do. I want to thank
you in advance for whatever God leads you to
do, and thank you. Thanks so much for being a
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to livingontheedge .org or call us at 888 -333
-6003. That's 888 -333 -6003 or visit livingontheedge
.org. App listeners tap donate. Well, with that,
here again is Chip. As we close today's program,
I wish we could sit down over a cup of coffee.
And I could look you in the eye and just say,
okay, the last two broadcasts have been super
practical. And if there's any step you can take
to get help, go to the website livingontheedge
.org and just download the notes. I've gone through
multiple questions that help you identify the
when, the how, the what to deal with anger. Second,
I outlined a very clear... four -step process
called the ABCDs of anger that will give you
a pattern, something simple to begin to deal
with the issues in your heart and your life.
A. Acknowledge you're angry. That's big for some
of us. B, backtrack to the primary emotion. Is
it hurt, frustration, or insecurity? C, consider
the real cause, and then D, determine how to
respond. Should I do it now? Should I do it later?
Should I do it in writing? Should I do it over
the phone? There's a lot of specifics here. Go
to the website, livingontheedge .org, download
this, look it over, pray over it. God wants to
help you, okay? This is the deal. He really wants
to help you. He wants to help this anger issue
become your friend, a tool, a light on the dashboard
that you can know something's not right, you
can address it, and you can grow. A -B -C -D
of anger. Go get it and grow. Thanks, Chip. And
if you want to go back and study those points
Chip just reviewed, go to livingontheedge .org
and download his message notes. Now, this is
a great tool available for every program. It
has Chip's outline, all of the scripture he references,
and a few key fill -ins to help you remember
what you're learning. Find them by visiting livingontheedge
.org. Under the Broadcasts tab, app listeners
just tap Fill in Notes. Well, until next time,
this is Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening
to this edition of Living on the Edge.