WEBVTT 00:00:01.379 --> 00:00:04.240 Anger is a secondary emotion. Now what I mean 00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:07.459 by that is your problem is not anger. It's like 00:00:07.459 --> 00:00:10.419 an iceberg. Anger is the tip that reveals something 00:00:10.419 --> 00:00:13.539 deeper inside. Many people spend their whole 00:00:13.539 --> 00:00:16.480 life trying to overcome their anger. It never 00:00:16.480 --> 00:00:19.219 works because it's not the real issue. If you 00:00:19.219 --> 00:00:21.699 want to learn what the real issue is, stay with 00:00:21.699 --> 00:00:28.679 me. Thanks for listening to this edition of Living 00:00:28.679 --> 00:00:32.039 on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We are an international 00:00:32.039 --> 00:00:35.119 teaching and discipleship ministry that encourages 00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:37.640 and equips Christians to live like Christians. 00:00:37.920 --> 00:00:40.380 Well, this program we're picking up in our series, 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:43.399 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy, with the second 00:00:43.399 --> 00:00:45.960 half of Chip's message, Why We All Struggle With 00:00:45.960 --> 00:00:48.659 Anger. But before he gets going, to help you 00:00:48.659 --> 00:00:50.619 continue to get the most out of this series, 00:00:50.820 --> 00:00:53.380 let me encourage you to download Chip's message 00:00:53.380 --> 00:00:56.710 notes. They contain his outline, scripture references, 00:00:56.890 --> 00:00:59.509 and much more. You can get them by going to the 00:00:59.509 --> 00:01:03.530 broadcasts tab at livingontheedge .org. App listeners 00:01:03.530 --> 00:01:07.129 tap fill in notes. All right, without any further 00:01:07.129 --> 00:01:09.209 delay, here's Chip with the remainder of his 00:01:09.209 --> 00:01:13.569 insightful talk. Okay, anger is a secondary emotion. 00:01:13.730 --> 00:01:17.290 We got it. It's an iceberg up here. Underneath, 00:01:17.290 --> 00:01:20.069 you have unmet needs, hurt. There's two more. 00:01:20.209 --> 00:01:24.400 The second, the second reason. that we bolt to 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:28.500 anger is frustration. Frustration is real or 00:01:28.500 --> 00:01:33.120 perceived unmet expectations. The distance between 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:37.540 what you expect to happen and what really happens, 00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:40.700 if it's a little, we call it frustration. If 00:01:40.700 --> 00:01:43.799 you expect this to happen and this is your experience, 00:01:44.060 --> 00:01:47.680 that's anger. If you expect this to happen and 00:01:47.680 --> 00:01:52.439 this happens, you are super ticked off. A lot 00:01:52.439 --> 00:01:54.659 of your anger is built into expectations. And 00:01:54.659 --> 00:01:57.359 by the way, this comes as a surprise. People 00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:01.530 actually cannot read your mind. You have... I 00:02:01.530 --> 00:02:03.870 mean, you have expectations. They're in your 00:02:03.870 --> 00:02:06.950 head. People don't know that they're there. You 00:02:06.950 --> 00:02:09.169 were raised in a certain way, and your expectation 00:02:09.169 --> 00:02:11.590 is things should be clean like this. You have 00:02:11.590 --> 00:02:13.569 expectations of what people should do, what they 00:02:13.569 --> 00:02:15.189 shouldn't do, what they should say, what they 00:02:15.189 --> 00:02:17.009 should never say, how they should drive, how 00:02:17.009 --> 00:02:19.009 they should treat people. And they ought and 00:02:19.009 --> 00:02:21.050 should and always should never do certain things. 00:02:21.169 --> 00:02:24.310 And when people violate those, you get mad. And 00:02:24.310 --> 00:02:28.009 often, you don't know even why you're mad. Proverbs 00:02:28.009 --> 00:02:32.280 14, 29. It says, a patient man has great understanding, 00:02:32.520 --> 00:02:36.759 but a quick -tempered man displays folly. Anger 00:02:36.759 --> 00:02:40.599 is inseparably linked to our expectations. I 00:02:40.599 --> 00:02:44.099 can remember a time... I was in the Philippines, 00:02:44.259 --> 00:02:45.840 we were doing ministry and it was a basketball 00:02:45.840 --> 00:02:47.680 ministry and we were there for three weeks and 00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:49.939 we were out in the boonies. And I mean, like 00:02:49.939 --> 00:02:52.120 the most wonderful thing about every three days, 00:02:52.340 --> 00:02:54.659 you would go into a little room if they had it, 00:02:54.680 --> 00:02:57.020 it would be ice cold water and you got to pour 00:02:57.020 --> 00:02:59.300 it over your head with a bar of soap and you 00:02:59.300 --> 00:03:01.460 would get a bowl of rice. And we played three 00:03:01.460 --> 00:03:04.939 games a day and it was our winter, so it was 00:03:04.939 --> 00:03:07.439 their summer. And so it was like 98 degrees, 00:03:07.659 --> 00:03:10.759 101 % humidity. I mean, you'd lose about 10, 00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:14.050 12 pounds a day in sweat. And so then we got 00:03:14.050 --> 00:03:15.710 back to Manila, and we're ready to head home, 00:03:15.830 --> 00:03:17.469 and they had a coup. They have lots of coups 00:03:17.469 --> 00:03:19.629 in the Philippines, and they shut down all the 00:03:19.629 --> 00:03:23.729 airlines. No one can leave the country. I said, 00:03:23.750 --> 00:03:25.750 no, no, you don't understand. I have a wife and 00:03:25.750 --> 00:03:27.849 three children. And they said, well, maybe in 00:03:27.849 --> 00:03:29.750 three months we'll open this up. I said, you 00:03:29.750 --> 00:03:33.620 really don't understand. I have to get back. 00:03:33.699 --> 00:03:35.319 And I mean, we're praying and praying and praying 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:37.259 and praying and praying. And the president or 00:03:37.259 --> 00:03:38.680 someone says, okay, we're gonna let some of the 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:41.900 people out of the country. We get on a crowded 00:03:41.900 --> 00:03:46.879 plane for 17 hours, no food, no bowl of rice. 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:49.599 I'm the happiest person you've ever seen in your 00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:52.379 life. I love this. This is great. Can I help 00:03:52.379 --> 00:03:55.719 you serve the water that's warm to other passengers? 00:03:55.879 --> 00:03:58.219 I just wanna help, stewardess. This is awesome. 00:03:58.259 --> 00:04:02.419 I love it, okay? Picture number one. Picture 00:04:02.419 --> 00:04:06.759 number two. I'm with my family, and we were trying 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:09.520 to save money. And so to save money, we had one 00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:14.319 of those very nonstop flights. And so we got 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:18.319 on, and it was on time. And I had three rather 00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:21.800 smaller kids at the time, and they gave us peanuts 00:04:21.800 --> 00:04:26.779 and 7 -Up. And then we waited for an hour and 00:04:26.779 --> 00:04:29.569 a half. We got peanuts and pretzels on the next 00:04:29.569 --> 00:04:33.649 trip. Then we had just peanuts. Then we had pretzels 00:04:33.649 --> 00:04:36.509 and water. And it was about a seven -hour trip. 00:04:37.050 --> 00:04:40.129 It was exactly on time. It was exactly what they 00:04:40.129 --> 00:04:43.470 promised. And I was so ticked off at the end 00:04:43.470 --> 00:04:49.170 of that day. Why? I got something to eat. I had 00:04:49.170 --> 00:04:51.790 a clean seat. It took about four or five hours 00:04:51.790 --> 00:04:56.550 total instead of 16. When I was in the Philippines, 00:04:56.829 --> 00:04:59.709 my expectations were, if I can just get out of 00:04:59.709 --> 00:05:02.689 here, it'll be awesome. Happy camper. When I'm 00:05:02.689 --> 00:05:05.689 in America, I want, they said, a light snack. 00:05:05.990 --> 00:05:09.490 How is peanuts and 7 -Up a light snack? Give 00:05:09.490 --> 00:05:12.389 me a break. I mean, like a little dinky sandwich 00:05:12.389 --> 00:05:15.370 or something. I got three kids, man. They're 00:05:15.370 --> 00:05:17.230 just vomiting all over the back seat. They're 00:05:17.230 --> 00:05:18.889 going crazy. They're fighting with one another. 00:05:19.529 --> 00:05:21.550 Pretzels, peanuts, pretzels, peanuts. Give me 00:05:21.550 --> 00:05:27.240 a break. Right? Expectations. Notice the biblical 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:29.519 example here we have in Naaman. But Naaman became 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:32.740 furious, 2 Kings 5, 11 and 12. Remember him? 00:05:33.879 --> 00:05:36.959 He wanted to be healed. And they said, well, 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:38.819 go to the prophet in Israel. Man, God's doing 00:05:38.819 --> 00:05:42.300 great miraculous things through him. So he comes 00:05:42.300 --> 00:05:43.939 to the prophet, and the prophet tells him to 00:05:43.939 --> 00:05:47.139 go wash in the river. And Naaman's furious and 00:05:47.139 --> 00:05:48.839 went away and said, indeed, I said to myself, 00:05:49.199 --> 00:05:51.339 he will surely come out. These are his expectations. 00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:54.439 Speaking of Elijah, he'll surely come out, stand 00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:57.019 and call on the name of the Lord his God and 00:05:57.019 --> 00:06:00.279 wave his hand over this place and heal the leprosy. 00:06:01.720 --> 00:06:04.160 And then he names a couple of his rivers in his 00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:07.319 hometown. And he said, aren't those waters better 00:06:07.319 --> 00:06:09.300 than any in Israel? Could I not wash in them 00:06:09.300 --> 00:06:15.500 and be clean? So he turned away in a rage. Isn't 00:06:15.500 --> 00:06:18.259 that interesting? He came to the prophet. He 00:06:18.259 --> 00:06:20.519 has expectations. If he does this, there's a 00:06:20.519 --> 00:06:23.079 few little spiritual words, but instead the prophet 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:25.259 goes, tell you what, why don't you go down to 00:06:25.259 --> 00:06:27.879 this river, dip seven times, six won't work, 00:06:28.060 --> 00:06:33.699 and you'll be healed. How many times have you 00:06:33.699 --> 00:06:36.139 told God the way he has to work in your life? 00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:38.860 How many times have your expectations for other 00:06:38.860 --> 00:06:40.980 people about how they have to respond, when they 00:06:40.980 --> 00:06:43.740 have to respond? How many times is life not fair? 00:06:44.220 --> 00:06:46.560 You know, I expected my marriage to be trouble 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:50.879 -free. Right? I expected when my kids got to 00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:53.439 be 20 or 22 to 23, 24 years old, and they were 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:55.060 really grown, my major parenting wouldn't be 00:06:55.060 --> 00:06:58.779 done. Right? You know, I expected when I worked 00:06:58.779 --> 00:07:00.839 really hard, trusted God, gave generously, tried 00:07:00.839 --> 00:07:03.160 to stay in shape, I wouldn't be the one to get 00:07:03.160 --> 00:07:07.019 in cancer. But God was in charge, Naaman, go 00:07:07.019 --> 00:07:11.360 do it this way. So much of our anger is this 00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:15.839 distance between what we experience and these 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:19.740 unconscious expectations that we have. Notice 00:07:19.740 --> 00:07:22.620 in 1 Chronicles 15, 29, it happened as the Ark 00:07:22.620 --> 00:07:24.740 of the Covenant of the Lord came to the city 00:07:24.740 --> 00:07:28.240 of David that Michal, Saul's daughter looked 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:30.959 through a window and saw the king whirling and 00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:34.639 playing music, and she despised him in her heart. 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:39.120 Her experience and expectations were, kings always 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:43.740 act this way. His behavior is embarrassing me. 00:07:45.560 --> 00:07:50.540 Therefore, she bolted to anger, and the result, 00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.319 she despised him. What expectations for those 00:07:55.319 --> 00:07:57.680 of you who are married do you have of your mate 00:07:57.680 --> 00:08:00.860 that you just assume are from God and are right 00:08:00.860 --> 00:08:03.180 and are really from your family background and 00:08:03.180 --> 00:08:05.620 origin, that they do things differently than 00:08:05.620 --> 00:08:08.240 you expect and you have this resentment in your 00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:12.480 heart? See, this anger stuff really deals with 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:15.439 deep transformational issues from the inside 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:19.879 out. Let me give you a tool. This is... how to 00:08:19.879 --> 00:08:22.720 communicate your frustration. It's the I desire 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:29.259 versus I demand expectations. And here's what 00:08:29.259 --> 00:08:31.860 happens is when you can change what your expectations 00:08:31.860 --> 00:08:35.860 are, they become a demand. They basically become 00:08:35.860 --> 00:08:39.700 it ought, it should, it always, it never. When 00:08:39.700 --> 00:08:42.820 you hear yourself saying those words, those are 00:08:42.820 --> 00:08:46.480 demands. Life ought to be fair. My kids ought 00:08:46.480 --> 00:08:50.450 to call. My marriage should be fulfilling all 00:08:50.450 --> 00:08:53.570 the time. I ought to make more money. I should 00:08:53.570 --> 00:08:56.769 have been promoted. Ought, should, always, never 00:08:56.769 --> 00:08:59.649 are demand statements. By the way, some of you 00:08:59.649 --> 00:09:01.990 make those on yourself. I ought to be perfect. 00:09:02.169 --> 00:09:04.429 I ought to keep the house clean all the time. 00:09:04.529 --> 00:09:07.110 I should never bloat at work. I should always 00:09:07.110 --> 00:09:12.250 have every project done on time, always. And 00:09:12.250 --> 00:09:15.409 so some of you are mad at yourselves. You know 00:09:15.409 --> 00:09:17.509 what? I got news for you. There's only one Jesus, 00:09:17.509 --> 00:09:20.710 and you ain't it. You're not going to be perfect, 00:09:20.909 --> 00:09:25.350 right? And so you have this anger. What would 00:09:25.350 --> 00:09:27.889 happen? Here's the difference. Here's the tool. 00:09:28.110 --> 00:09:30.610 You start, and I actually have to write these 00:09:30.610 --> 00:09:31.889 down. I have to write everything down. I'm a 00:09:31.889 --> 00:09:35.210 little slow. I desire to have a fulfilling and 00:09:35.210 --> 00:09:38.480 deep marriage, even in a fallen world. I desire 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:41.120 and long to have a deep, wonderful relationship 00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:44.299 with my grown kids, even though now with their 00:09:44.299 --> 00:09:46.679 own kids and lifestyles, they don't respond as 00:09:46.679 --> 00:09:51.759 quickly as I would like. I wish, I desire, I 00:09:51.759 --> 00:09:55.360 long for, Lord, I hope. You see the difference? 00:09:55.659 --> 00:09:58.980 So when you have a desire that doesn't come through, 00:09:59.139 --> 00:10:02.039 you have disappointment. And everyone has disappointment. 00:10:02.259 --> 00:10:05.259 When you make a demand and it doesn't come through, 00:10:05.320 --> 00:10:10.620 you have anger. And so many of your anger issues 00:10:10.620 --> 00:10:14.379 and my anger issues are rooted in unconscious 00:10:14.379 --> 00:10:18.919 expectations that you don't even know that are 00:10:18.919 --> 00:10:24.259 there. Number three, insecurity, real or perceived 00:10:24.259 --> 00:10:29.860 attack on my worth. Often anger is merely an 00:10:29.860 --> 00:10:34.679 evidence of insecurity in my life. The tip of 00:10:34.679 --> 00:10:37.600 the iceberg is anger. It's the red light. flashing 00:10:37.600 --> 00:10:40.720 on the dashboard of my soul. Option number one, 00:10:40.720 --> 00:10:43.840 it may be hurt. The tool is I feel messages. 00:10:44.259 --> 00:10:48.240 Option number two, it might be unmet needs as 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:51.539 a result of unrealistic perceived or real expectations. 00:10:52.080 --> 00:10:57.000 The tool is I desire versus I demand. You're 00:10:57.000 --> 00:10:59.480 listening to Living on the Edge. Before we hear 00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:01.919 the rest of Chip's message, let me remind you 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.639 that we are a listener -supported ministry. Your 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:07.120 financial gifts help us create programs like 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:09.899 this one, develop new resources, and encourage 00:11:09.899 --> 00:11:13.159 pastors globally. Prayerfully consider supporting 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:17.200 us today. Then go to livingontheedge .org to 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:20.620 give a gift. Thanks so much for your help. We'll 00:11:20.620 --> 00:11:24.690 hear again as Chip. The third possibility is 00:11:24.690 --> 00:11:28.190 basically insecurities or real or perceived personal 00:11:28.190 --> 00:11:32.970 attack on my worth. Proverbs 15 .1, a gentle 00:11:32.970 --> 00:11:36.529 answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs 00:11:36.529 --> 00:11:39.529 up anger. What does a harsh word do? What does 00:11:39.529 --> 00:11:42.029 criticism do? What does someone calling you a 00:11:42.029 --> 00:11:43.990 name do? What does someone cutting in front of 00:11:43.990 --> 00:11:46.529 you and making a gesture do? What does someone 00:11:46.529 --> 00:11:49.309 attacking you do? That harsh word, it stirs up 00:11:49.309 --> 00:11:54.440 anger. Why? Because your personhood has been 00:11:54.440 --> 00:11:57.279 attacked. Your value has been attacked. And sometimes 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:59.720 your safety has been attacked and anger is probably 00:11:59.720 --> 00:12:03.539 a very wise and good response. Proverbs 18, 19 00:12:03.539 --> 00:12:06.820 says, an offended brother is more unyielding 00:12:06.820 --> 00:12:10.240 than a fortified city and disputes are like the 00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:15.519 barred gates of a citadel. Why? An offended brother, 00:12:15.639 --> 00:12:18.620 when you attack or when you attack, when your 00:12:18.620 --> 00:12:21.860 personhood, when your security is attacked, I'll 00:12:21.860 --> 00:12:24.820 tell you what, the bars go up. Again, let me 00:12:24.820 --> 00:12:27.539 read a quick overview of this that I think puts 00:12:27.539 --> 00:12:32.059 it more succinctly than I can. When we feel threatened, 00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:34.820 we tend to call a red alert. Unfortunately, we 00:12:34.820 --> 00:12:36.960 usually do it automatically without properly 00:12:36.960 --> 00:12:40.100 assessing the risk. We do it over small, insignificant 00:12:40.100 --> 00:12:43.320 things as well as big, overwhelming issues. Whether 00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:45.919 the impending intruder is a mouse or a monster, 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:48.600 we gear up for action with almost the same intensity. 00:12:48.820 --> 00:12:51.519 We get fuming mad when a stranger flips us off 00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:53.879 on the highway, when our spouse has been unfaithful, 00:12:53.940 --> 00:12:56.100 when the store clerk makes a rude comment, when 00:12:56.100 --> 00:12:57.879 the boss takes credit for all the work that we 00:12:57.879 --> 00:13:00.100 did, when there's a long line at the bank, and 00:13:00.100 --> 00:13:02.539 when we discover our teenager stole some money. 00:13:02.659 --> 00:13:06.139 We need to stop and assess the situation before 00:13:06.139 --> 00:13:10.100 we blast in with heavy artillery. I came to a 00:13:10.100 --> 00:13:12.240 little window, and I've shared this before, and 00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.779 I shared it when we started, is that I believe 00:13:14.779 --> 00:13:19.440 that everybody is desperately insecure. If you 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:22.399 study Genesis chapter 3, you'll find that when 00:13:22.399 --> 00:13:24.960 sin entered the world, a new pattern occurred. 00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:30.500 God calls out, Adam, where are you? Adam's response 00:13:30.500 --> 00:13:35.139 is, I heard you coming, therefore I was afraid. 00:13:35.299 --> 00:13:39.179 Why? Sin had entered, he now sees he's inadequate. 00:13:39.980 --> 00:13:43.460 He's self -conscious for the first time. That 00:13:43.460 --> 00:13:47.580 inadequacy produces fear rooted in shame, therefore 00:13:47.580 --> 00:13:52.580 I hid. Inadequacy or insecurity creates a fear 00:13:52.580 --> 00:13:57.070 of others seeing me as I am, and so I hide. Paul 00:13:57.070 --> 00:13:59.330 Tournier wrote a little book that had a fabulous 00:13:59.330 --> 00:14:01.389 impact on my life called The Strong and the Weak. 00:14:01.389 --> 00:14:03.870 Swiss psychologist, translated from French to 00:14:03.870 --> 00:14:06.629 English. And he interviewed all these people 00:14:06.629 --> 00:14:10.149 in his practice and basically realized that everyone's 00:14:10.149 --> 00:14:11.970 desperately insecure. Some people have strong 00:14:11.970 --> 00:14:14.210 reactions. They power up. They yell. They scream. 00:14:14.330 --> 00:14:15.830 They tell you how many people report to them, 00:14:15.909 --> 00:14:17.769 how much money they make, where they live, where 00:14:17.769 --> 00:14:20.450 their zip code is, what they drive. And they 00:14:20.450 --> 00:14:22.879 do that to keep a distance, and it works. Other 00:14:22.879 --> 00:14:25.200 people feel desperately insecure, and they use 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:27.559 weak reactions. They look at the floor. They're 00:14:27.559 --> 00:14:30.320 shy. They withdraw. They tell you all their problems. 00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:32.860 They're like a victim. And after you hear the 00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:35.580 sad story the seventh time, you kind of see them 00:14:35.580 --> 00:14:37.059 in church and say, I think I'll use the other 00:14:37.059 --> 00:14:43.159 hallway. Both keep people at a distance. When 00:14:43.159 --> 00:14:45.820 I discovered, you know what, Ingram? You're going 00:14:45.820 --> 00:14:48.139 to be insecure the rest of your life. Your only 00:14:48.139 --> 00:14:51.950 security is in Christ. It removes the threat. 00:14:52.110 --> 00:14:55.210 Why should I care if someone I don't know flips 00:14:55.210 --> 00:15:00.190 me off in the highway? I mean, who's this guy? 00:15:01.789 --> 00:15:06.350 My angry response when my security is threatened 00:15:06.350 --> 00:15:09.110 tells me a lot more about the level of insecurity 00:15:09.110 --> 00:15:11.669 I have than the stupidity of the driver that 00:15:11.669 --> 00:15:14.669 just did that. When someone says a harsh word 00:15:14.669 --> 00:15:16.830 and my immediate reaction, hey, what'd you say? 00:15:18.289 --> 00:15:21.039 Where's that coming from? Why am I bolting to 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:23.679 anger? It's because I feel exposed. When they 00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:27.159 criticize my project, why do I get so defensive? 00:15:27.820 --> 00:15:30.620 Well, because it's really an attack on me. Do 00:15:30.620 --> 00:15:36.759 you get it? Notice in scripture here, we've got 00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:39.220 a couple good examples of both Saul and the Jewish 00:15:39.220 --> 00:15:42.559 leaders. You know the story, right? David has 00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:47.000 now killed Goliath. Saul has put him over the 00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:50.399 army and we can pick up the story. So David went 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:53.000 wherever Saul sent him and he behaved wisely 00:15:53.000 --> 00:15:55.539 and Saul sent him out, men of war. He was accepted 00:15:55.539 --> 00:15:58.139 in the sight of all the people and also Saul's 00:15:58.139 --> 00:16:00.460 servants. And it happened that as they were coming 00:16:00.460 --> 00:16:02.620 home, that David was returning and they began 00:16:02.620 --> 00:16:05.820 to sing this song. Saul has slain his thousands 00:16:05.820 --> 00:16:09.539 and David his 10 ,000s. And Saul hears this. 00:16:10.029 --> 00:16:12.649 And instead of saying, wow, I must be a great 00:16:12.649 --> 00:16:15.309 delegator. I'm really looking to build a legacy. 00:16:15.450 --> 00:16:18.230 I'm empowering other people. And the goal, it's 00:16:18.230 --> 00:16:21.190 God's Israel. We are making real progress. He's 00:16:21.190 --> 00:16:24.389 threatened. He thinks, uh -oh, I'm the king. 00:16:24.809 --> 00:16:27.950 And it says, then Saul was very angry and the 00:16:27.950 --> 00:16:31.029 saying displeased him. They have ascribed to 00:16:31.029 --> 00:16:34.710 David 10 ,000 and to me 1 ,000. Now what more 00:16:34.710 --> 00:16:38.730 can he have but the kingdom? There's a very insecure 00:16:38.730 --> 00:16:43.159 man. at the success of other people. The same 00:16:43.159 --> 00:16:45.559 thing happens in the religious leaders. You pick 00:16:45.559 --> 00:16:47.320 up the story in Acts 5, and through the hands 00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:49.139 of the apostles, signs and wonders are being 00:16:49.139 --> 00:16:51.720 done. They're done with one accord on Solomon's 00:16:51.720 --> 00:16:54.279 porch, yet none of the rest dared join them, 00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:56.559 but the people esteemed them highly. And the 00:16:56.559 --> 00:16:58.720 believers were increasing, and the Lord added 00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:01.220 to the multitudes of men and women, so that they 00:17:01.220 --> 00:17:03.080 brought the sick into the streets and laid them 00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:06.039 on beds and couches, and even in the least of 00:17:06.039 --> 00:17:08.299 Peter's shadow passing by might fall on some 00:17:08.299 --> 00:17:10.579 of them. And so the multitudes gathered from 00:17:10.579 --> 00:17:12.839 the surrounding cities of Jerusalem, and they 00:17:12.839 --> 00:17:14.640 brought the sick and those who were tormented 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:16.720 by unclean spirits and they were all healed. 00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:19.299 God's doing this miraculous thing as he bursts 00:17:19.299 --> 00:17:22.079 the church and here's religious leaders and they 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.279 saw what they did to Jesus. They have all this 00:17:24.279 --> 00:17:27.200 scripture and instead of saying, wow, I guess 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:30.019 we were wrong. He must be the Messiah. I mean, 00:17:30.039 --> 00:17:32.539 this is pretty heavy duty stuff. Everyone's healed. 00:17:32.700 --> 00:17:35.859 Demons are flying out. What's their response? 00:17:36.599 --> 00:17:38.880 Then the high priest rose up and all those that 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:41.720 were with him. which is the sect of the Sadducees, 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:45.279 and they were filled with indignation. And they 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:47.759 laid their hands on the apostles and put them 00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:52.819 in the common prison. And I just want to suggest 00:17:52.819 --> 00:17:55.779 to you that when your reaction is very strong, 00:17:55.940 --> 00:17:59.880 very defensive, when you respond to criticism 00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:02.819 in a way that, and you may stuff it strongly, 00:18:03.079 --> 00:18:05.900 you may spew it, or you may find yourself leaking 00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:10.710 it out, what if? What if you said, wait a second, 00:18:10.829 --> 00:18:13.549 does this person's opinion really matter that 00:18:13.549 --> 00:18:17.369 much? Am I going to give this person's view of 00:18:17.369 --> 00:18:21.769 me an overriding power to determine who I am 00:18:21.769 --> 00:18:27.410 instead of who God says I am? So much of our 00:18:27.410 --> 00:18:30.839 anger is not just hurt. and not just frustration, 00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:33.960 but we're basically insecure people. And when 00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:36.599 our security or our self -worth gets attacked, 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:39.819 we bolt to anger because I will tell you, it's 00:18:39.819 --> 00:18:44.859 threatening, isn't it? The tool here is the kind 00:18:44.859 --> 00:18:47.500 of ask yourself question, why am I feeling threatened? 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:50.839 And here's the little questions, you know, it's 00:18:50.839 --> 00:18:53.700 a process, but you ask yourself, what is being 00:18:53.700 --> 00:18:58.039 attacked? Who is attacking me? Is the threat 00:18:58.039 --> 00:19:02.539 menial? or meaningful, and whose approval am 00:19:02.539 --> 00:19:05.700 I seeking? And, you know, you just start asking 00:19:05.700 --> 00:19:07.099 that, and you realize, you know, that's a fellow 00:19:07.099 --> 00:19:09.220 employee. He's been here two months. He's rude. 00:19:10.180 --> 00:19:13.420 He's got a big ego. He criticized me. I wanted 00:19:13.420 --> 00:19:15.180 to punch his lights out. I mean, that was my 00:19:15.180 --> 00:19:17.420 initial reaction, but he's really big, so I think 00:19:17.420 --> 00:19:19.200 I'll not go there, and it would not be a very 00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:20.579 good testimony. But you have these thoughts, 00:19:20.700 --> 00:19:23.140 you know, and then you just realize, this is 00:19:23.140 --> 00:19:27.359 silly. I don't need that person's approval. I 00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:29.799 got criticized. She criticized me in the car. 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:32.380 You know what? We've been married 27 years. I 00:19:32.380 --> 00:19:34.559 think I can find where we're supposed to go. 00:19:34.680 --> 00:19:38.180 I got a GPS. I can see where the little spaces 00:19:38.180 --> 00:19:40.099 are. There's one over there. There's one over 00:19:40.099 --> 00:19:44.099 there. Why do you get so angry? Woman, I can 00:19:44.099 --> 00:19:47.640 tell you I can find empty parking spots. You 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:50.740 understand? Zip it. Here's some duct tape, you 00:19:50.740 --> 00:19:54.170 know? Ask yourself, guys, what is it about that 00:19:54.170 --> 00:19:56.349 that makes you so angry? It has nothing to do 00:19:56.349 --> 00:20:00.309 with parking spots. It's my ego is being threatened 00:20:00.309 --> 00:20:03.910 and somehow I'm being made to feel by that comment 00:20:03.910 --> 00:20:07.190 that I'm not smart enough to figure it out. Right? 00:20:07.289 --> 00:20:12.190 Now, there's two applications here, ladies. And 00:20:12.190 --> 00:20:14.910 the other application is guys. You know what? 00:20:15.049 --> 00:20:18.769 Thanks, son. I'll get a little help. Right? See. 00:20:19.470 --> 00:20:22.750 When you can begin to understand that defensiveness, 00:20:22.789 --> 00:20:25.190 that bolt to anger, how many of you have had 00:20:25.190 --> 00:20:27.269 arguments like that? I mean, great morning with 00:20:27.269 --> 00:20:30.150 the Lord on your way to church, and over a parking 00:20:30.150 --> 00:20:32.130 lot, I mean, the Spirit of God leaves the room, 00:20:32.210 --> 00:20:38.049 right? In summary, the first step in overcoming 00:20:38.049 --> 00:20:40.170 the destructive power of anger, and write this 00:20:40.170 --> 00:20:42.970 word, is the courage to look below the surface. 00:20:43.769 --> 00:20:47.950 I had the aha moment of my life, and it changed 00:20:47.950 --> 00:20:51.880 my life. When I realize sitting for 10 minutes 00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:55.380 in a car, the problem's not anger. I'm hurt. 00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:57.779 Since then, I've learned, you know, it's not 00:20:57.779 --> 00:21:01.180 hurt. I'm frustrated. I had expectations of when 00:21:01.180 --> 00:21:03.680 this would be done or what people would do or 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:05.920 what I expected of myself. And you know something? 00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:09.000 I'm not hitting those. Now, sometimes I just 00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:11.920 need to accept that, confess my sin, plan better. 00:21:12.039 --> 00:21:13.779 And other times it's, you know, it's a fallen 00:21:13.779 --> 00:21:16.420 world. Everyone gave it their best shot. This 00:21:16.420 --> 00:21:19.250 is just where we're at. And finally, I just have 00:21:19.250 --> 00:21:22.069 to accept a lot of the anger I have is people 00:21:22.069 --> 00:21:24.569 attack my personhood, and I'm either going to 00:21:24.569 --> 00:21:27.150 respond in defensiveness and anger and in like 00:21:27.150 --> 00:21:29.869 manner, or I'm going to ask a few questions like, 00:21:29.910 --> 00:21:32.549 who's being attacked? What are they really attacking? 00:21:32.829 --> 00:21:36.670 Is this really worth dealing with? And do they 00:21:36.670 --> 00:21:40.539 really have the power to define who I am? Anger 00:21:40.539 --> 00:21:43.160 is the light on the dashboard. Anger is our way 00:21:43.160 --> 00:21:45.619 of protecting ourselves from painful, hard -to 00:21:45.619 --> 00:21:47.859 -deal -with hurts, frustrations, and insecurities. 00:21:49.059 --> 00:21:53.359 Anger has many faces, and despite its power for 00:21:53.359 --> 00:21:56.319 good, it will destroy unless we, and this is 00:21:56.319 --> 00:21:58.859 what we're going to look at next time, we call 00:21:58.859 --> 00:22:03.140 it the ABCDs. You know, I want to give you a 00:22:03.140 --> 00:22:07.200 very clean process to look under the hood. It 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:09.660 will be acknowledge your anger, backtrack to 00:22:09.660 --> 00:22:12.940 the first emotion, consider the real cause, and 00:22:12.940 --> 00:22:20.059 then to determine how to rightly respond. You're 00:22:20.059 --> 00:22:22.500 listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:25.559 And the message you just heard, why we all struggle 00:22:25.559 --> 00:22:28.819 with anger, is from our series, Overcoming Emotions 00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:31.759 That Destroy. Chip will join us in studio to 00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:34.000 share some insights from today's talk in just 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:37.700 a minute. Anger has always been seen as a wrong, 00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:40.839 unhealthy feeling. But what if I told you that 00:22:40.839 --> 00:22:43.420 this emotion is a signal of a deeper problem 00:22:43.420 --> 00:22:45.980 we need to be aware of? And if channeled correctly, 00:22:46.380 --> 00:22:49.380 anger could actually be used for good. Well, 00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:52.019 in this 10 -part series, Chip uncovers the root 00:22:52.019 --> 00:22:54.559 of anger in our lives and explains how we can 00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:57.720 turn our most intense frustrations into a valuable 00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:00.779 asset. So if you're desperate to better understand 00:23:00.779 --> 00:23:03.339 this emotion and have control over it, you're 00:23:03.339 --> 00:23:06.759 not going to want to miss a single program. Chip's 00:23:06.759 --> 00:23:09.079 back in studio with me now with a quick word 00:23:09.079 --> 00:23:11.920 for all of you. I'll be right back to talk about 00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.779 today's message. But before I do, I want to give 00:23:14.779 --> 00:23:16.940 you a picture that I got to witness as a young 00:23:16.940 --> 00:23:19.700 pastor. There was a man there who was a master 00:23:19.700 --> 00:23:22.720 craftsman. I mean, he was a cabinetmaker. par 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:25.740 excellence. And I remember watching him literally 00:23:25.740 --> 00:23:29.960 painstakingly with a piece of wood, use a lathe, 00:23:29.960 --> 00:23:32.279 and little by little by little by little, he 00:23:32.279 --> 00:23:34.299 did all these things that I couldn't figure out 00:23:34.299 --> 00:23:36.700 what was happening. And then, you know, all those 00:23:36.700 --> 00:23:39.839 little moments led to this absolutely beautiful 00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:43.079 piece of cabinetry or furniture. And, you know, 00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:44.940 sometimes we think little things don't matter, 00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:47.740 even calling them little things. And one of the, 00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:49.799 quote, little things that is the backbone of 00:23:49.799 --> 00:23:52.380 living on the edge are those people who support. 00:23:52.779 --> 00:23:54.980 the ministry monthly. You know, I don't know 00:23:54.980 --> 00:23:57.299 if you are a current supporter or you've been 00:23:57.299 --> 00:23:59.700 praying about being a supporter, but let me tell 00:23:59.700 --> 00:24:02.339 you this. When you give monthly, it provides 00:24:02.339 --> 00:24:05.319 the bedrock and the consistency and the stability 00:24:05.319 --> 00:24:07.839 of all that we do here at Living on the Edge. 00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:10.619 So I want to thank you, monthly partners, for 00:24:10.619 --> 00:24:13.140 all that you do. And I would like you, if you're 00:24:13.140 --> 00:24:15.339 not a supporter, would you prayerfully today 00:24:15.339 --> 00:24:18.099 ask God, do you want me to support Living on 00:24:18.099 --> 00:24:20.099 the Edge? Do you want me to help Christians live 00:24:20.099 --> 00:24:22.470 like Christians? And if so, would you like me 00:24:22.470 --> 00:24:25.569 to do it on a regular monthly basis? And by the 00:24:25.569 --> 00:24:27.670 way, thanks in advance for whatever God leads 00:24:27.670 --> 00:24:30.890 you to do. Thanks, Chip. As you prayerfully consider 00:24:30.890 --> 00:24:33.460 your role with this ministry, I want to remind 00:24:33.460 --> 00:24:36.299 you that every gift is significant, no matter 00:24:36.299 --> 00:24:39.019 the amount. When you partner with Living on the 00:24:39.019 --> 00:24:41.619 Edge, you support and multiply the ministry work 00:24:41.619 --> 00:24:44.799 we're doing all over the globe. Set up your monthly 00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:48.519 gift today by going to livingontheedge .org or 00:24:48.519 --> 00:24:56.000 by calling 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 -6003 00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:00.859 or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners 00:25:00.859 --> 00:25:04.859 tap donate. Well, here again is Chip. As we close 00:25:04.859 --> 00:25:07.640 today's program, I want to do a quick review, 00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:11.500 and then let's leave with one very specific application. 00:25:12.180 --> 00:25:15.960 Number one, anger is a secondary emotion. It 00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:19.920 is not the issue. Second, there are three primary 00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:24.519 reasons why we get angry. First is hurt. Second 00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:27.799 is frustration. And third is insecurity. Now, 00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:30.740 I gave very specific tools. to help you kind 00:25:30.740 --> 00:25:33.079 of look under the surface with each one of those. 00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:36.920 Here's all I want you to do today. Anytime you 00:25:36.920 --> 00:25:39.859 get angry, I mean, down to little frustrations, 00:25:39.859 --> 00:25:42.819 driving home from work, a red light, too much 00:25:42.819 --> 00:25:44.579 noise, one of the kids screams, I don't know, 00:25:44.599 --> 00:25:46.339 you know, someone tells something you know it's 00:25:46.339 --> 00:25:49.940 not true. Anytime you begin to feel angry feelings, 00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:53.660 I want you to ask the question, why am I angry? 00:25:54.099 --> 00:25:57.339 Did someone hurt me? Well, maybe or maybe not. 00:25:57.460 --> 00:26:00.779 Is it a blocked goal? So is it frustration? Or 00:26:00.779 --> 00:26:03.420 was it personal attack, insecurity? Just get 00:26:03.420 --> 00:26:05.960 your arms around one of those three things and 00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:09.000 let's take some baby steps together about acknowledging 00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:12.200 that we are angry, get to the root cause, and 00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:14.839 God will begin to help you deal with anger in 00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:18.460 a very powerful way. Good word, Chip. As we close, 00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:20.619 do you want to deepen your connection to God 00:26:20.619 --> 00:26:23.380 amid your busy life? Then take Chip with you 00:26:23.380 --> 00:26:26.740 by subscribing to our daily podcast. With a few 00:26:26.740 --> 00:26:29.039 simple taps on your phone, you can access the 00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:32.079 full length versions of our latest series. And 00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:34.359 if you're always on the go, download a handful 00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:37.220 and listen to them at your own pace. Let us help 00:26:37.220 --> 00:26:39.940 you grow your faith. Search for Living on the 00:26:39.940 --> 00:26:43.480 Edge with Chip Ingram today on Apple Podcasts, 00:26:43.480 --> 00:26:46.000 Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. 00:26:46.619 --> 00:26:49.839 For Chip and the entire team, this is Dave Drewing, 00:26:49.839 --> 00:26:51.880 thanking you for listening to this edition of 00:26:51.880 --> 00:26:54.299 Living on the Edge, and I hope you'll join us 00:26:54.299 --> 00:26:55.059 again next time.