WEBVTT 00:00:01.610 --> 00:00:03.810 Do you know someone that needs to tame their 00:00:03.810 --> 00:00:06.410 temper? You have tried to help them overcome 00:00:06.410 --> 00:00:09.070 the cycle of destructive reactions and explosive 00:00:09.070 --> 00:00:11.949 responses, but you just don't know how to help 00:00:11.949 --> 00:00:15.269 them? If you know someone or you yourself have 00:00:15.269 --> 00:00:22.789 an issue with anger, stay with us. Welcome to 00:00:22.789 --> 00:00:25.410 this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip 00:00:25.410 --> 00:00:27.929 Ingram. Our mission is to inspire Christians 00:00:27.929 --> 00:00:31.050 to be genuine followers of Jesus and to empower 00:00:31.050 --> 00:00:33.829 them to be active disciple makers in our world. 00:00:34.229 --> 00:00:36.670 Well, today we're continuing our series, Overcoming 00:00:36.670 --> 00:00:39.590 Emotions That Destroy, as Chip shares a profound 00:00:39.590 --> 00:00:42.350 truth that can actually loosen the grip of anger 00:00:42.350 --> 00:00:45.070 over our lives. So with that, grab your notes 00:00:45.070 --> 00:00:47.729 and Bible as we settle in for Chip's talk, Why 00:00:47.729 --> 00:00:54.009 We All Struggle With Anger. Anger is a secondary 00:00:54.009 --> 00:00:57.950 emotion. why we all struggle with anger. I have 00:00:57.950 --> 00:00:59.670 to start, but I got to tell you a story. It's 00:00:59.670 --> 00:01:03.070 a true story, unfortunately. But I'm studying 00:01:03.070 --> 00:01:05.829 and I'm preaching this material for the first 00:01:05.829 --> 00:01:08.430 time ever. So all week I'm studying, studying, 00:01:08.530 --> 00:01:10.969 studying. It happens to be about a Tuesday night 00:01:10.969 --> 00:01:13.670 and I'm preparing for this. And all I can tell 00:01:13.670 --> 00:01:15.409 you, I won't give you all the details, but have 00:01:15.409 --> 00:01:17.569 you ever had one of those days where you just 00:01:17.569 --> 00:01:20.579 felt beat up? I mean, you know, this phone call 00:01:20.579 --> 00:01:22.579 and this person complains and you get a bad look 00:01:22.579 --> 00:01:24.500 from someone and this was planned and it didn't 00:01:24.500 --> 00:01:27.019 come through and beat up, beat up, beat up. Kind 00:01:27.019 --> 00:01:29.540 of the projects weren't going well. It wasn't 00:01:29.540 --> 00:01:32.219 bad. No one treated me terribly, but I had one 00:01:32.219 --> 00:01:34.599 of those moments inside where I just couldn't 00:01:34.599 --> 00:01:37.319 wait to get home. And at our house, we ate dinner 00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:40.439 at 5 .30 and I just made that a practice that 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:42.819 apart from a very rare exception, we just ate 00:01:42.819 --> 00:01:45.609 together. And but now and then there would be 00:01:45.609 --> 00:01:47.730 something that, you know, a big meeting. And 00:01:47.730 --> 00:01:50.230 so I wouldn't. And so it's about nine o 'clock 00:01:50.230 --> 00:01:52.150 and I'm driving home and I'm thinking, I just 00:01:52.150 --> 00:01:54.469 cannot wait to talk to Teresa. And I don't have 00:01:54.469 --> 00:01:56.950 anything big to say. And I mean, if I was really 00:01:56.950 --> 00:01:59.209 honest, I want I want to walk in the door and 00:01:59.209 --> 00:02:01.609 go, oh, honey, it's so good to see you. How'd 00:02:01.609 --> 00:02:03.909 your day go? Is everything OK? I mean, that's 00:02:03.909 --> 00:02:06.430 really unconsciously. That's sort of what I'm. 00:02:06.719 --> 00:02:10.159 wanting. And then Ryan was sort of a real young 00:02:10.159 --> 00:02:12.639 guy back then. He was about in his senior year 00:02:12.639 --> 00:02:14.699 of high school, and he always wanted to, you 00:02:14.699 --> 00:02:17.120 know, play some ball or talk or goof off. And 00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:20.259 Annie was this little, you know, cute girl, about 00:02:20.259 --> 00:02:23.180 10, 11 years old or so. And so in my mind, I'm 00:02:23.180 --> 00:02:25.000 going to go home, and I'm going to see him. And 00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:28.139 I don't know what happened. I walk in the house. 00:02:28.139 --> 00:02:32.560 It's like 9 30. It's dark. I mean, the whole 00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:33.919 house is dark. I don't know if everybody had 00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:36.340 a... big day, a bad day. And so I'm thinking, 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:38.340 well, Teresa's probably laying in bed quietly 00:02:38.340 --> 00:02:41.000 waiting for me to walk in to say, oh, honey, 00:02:41.139 --> 00:02:45.439 how did your day go? So I walk in. I'm waiting 00:02:45.439 --> 00:02:48.159 for that. And I hear, you know, that rhythmic 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:53.939 breathing. So, okay, plan A doesn't work. I'm 00:02:53.939 --> 00:02:56.120 going to go to plan B. Ryan, I mean, he's 17 00:02:56.120 --> 00:02:57.860 years old. It's 930. Are you kidding me? The 00:02:57.860 --> 00:03:01.860 kid can't be asleep. What? What, did he have 00:03:01.860 --> 00:03:03.939 a hard practice? He's gone. Well, Annie's already 00:03:03.939 --> 00:03:07.159 been gone. All I can tell you is I just bolted 00:03:07.159 --> 00:03:11.599 to anger. And I was mad. You know, I think I 00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:14.020 made some popcorn, got a glass of orange juice, 00:03:14.340 --> 00:03:20.699 45 minutes of ESPN. I worked really hard today, 00:03:20.939 --> 00:03:23.919 kind of bummed out. Now, I didn't know I was 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:28.340 mad. Okay? I just felt something's wrong. I didn't 00:03:28.340 --> 00:03:31.939 know. And I went to bed. And there's some verses 00:03:31.939 --> 00:03:33.520 about going to bed when you don't know you're 00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:37.280 mad. It doesn't get better. It grows. But a disconnect 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:41.340 occurs. Often, you have emotional feelings and 00:03:41.340 --> 00:03:43.719 respond in ways you make no connection. I had 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:46.740 no idea. So I get up the next morning, amazingly, 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:51.379 in a bad mood. Imagine that. So I can still remember. 00:03:51.500 --> 00:03:53.879 I can picture it right now. I'm coming around 00:03:53.879 --> 00:03:55.719 the corner. As I walk out, Annie's coming out 00:03:55.719 --> 00:03:57.379 of her room, little 11 -year -old. I look in 00:03:57.379 --> 00:03:59.699 there. Annie, make your bed. Dad, I just got 00:03:59.699 --> 00:04:03.020 up. Annie, don't talk back. Make your bed. Honey, 00:04:03.199 --> 00:04:05.219 Aunt Teresa goes, honey, she just got up. Look, 00:04:05.340 --> 00:04:08.699 hey, I'm the father of this house. Then Ryan 00:04:08.699 --> 00:04:10.979 comes up. Hey, Ryan, yeah, you had your quiet 00:04:10.979 --> 00:04:13.539 time yet? Did you do your chores yesterday? Hey, 00:04:13.560 --> 00:04:15.639 Dad, I haven't even brushed my teeth. Hey, son, 00:04:15.819 --> 00:04:18.360 don't talk back to me. And so I walk into the 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:20.519 kitchen. Teresa's doing some stuff for breakfast. 00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:22.839 And so what happened to you? What do you mean 00:04:22.839 --> 00:04:25.000 what happened to me? Well, you just seem really 00:04:25.000 --> 00:04:27.129 out of sorts. Well, you know what? If I'm going 00:04:27.129 --> 00:04:28.629 to get criticized all morning, I'm just going 00:04:28.629 --> 00:04:30.290 to go ahead and go to the office. And literally, 00:04:30.389 --> 00:04:33.129 I walk out the door. Now, I didn't scream. I 00:04:33.129 --> 00:04:35.389 didn't yell. I didn't slam the door. This is 00:04:35.389 --> 00:04:40.649 a Christian anger, all right? So I go, and I 00:04:40.649 --> 00:04:45.290 get in my car, and I slam the door, okay? And 00:04:45.290 --> 00:04:47.350 I start it, and I get ready to pull out, and 00:04:47.350 --> 00:04:49.790 then I'm just thinking. Literally, I'm studying 00:04:49.790 --> 00:04:52.449 all this stuff. Anger is a secondary emotion. 00:04:53.599 --> 00:04:55.899 It's like the red light on the dashboard of your 00:04:55.899 --> 00:04:57.759 soul. It tells you something's wrong under the 00:04:57.759 --> 00:05:01.600 hood. Chip, what are you going to do with this? 00:05:03.339 --> 00:05:05.060 And I'm thinking, I'm going to go get a cup of 00:05:05.060 --> 00:05:12.699 coffee and get out of here. Chip, that's not 00:05:12.699 --> 00:05:14.319 what you're supposed to do, and that's not what 00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:15.680 you're going to tell people this weekend, is 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:20.000 it? No. I literally sat in my car with the car 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:24.209 running for 10 minutes. in this moment of, really, 00:05:24.329 --> 00:05:27.290 what's wrong? Now, especially for men, now I'm 00:05:27.290 --> 00:05:28.769 not going to put you other guys on the hook, 00:05:28.810 --> 00:05:32.050 but at least for me, it's hard for me to admit, 00:05:32.269 --> 00:05:36.490 oh, I feel sad and disappointed because my wife 00:05:36.490 --> 00:05:38.709 wasn't awake and give me the strokes that I really 00:05:38.709 --> 00:05:41.490 wanted. That sounds kind of like a weenie, you 00:05:41.490 --> 00:05:47.939 know? I feel hurt and rejected because my 17 00:05:47.939 --> 00:05:50.680 or 18 -year -old son wasn't awake to hang out 00:05:50.680 --> 00:05:53.699 with me. And I can't think of a good reason to 00:05:53.699 --> 00:05:55.300 be mad at my daughter, but she just says we're 00:05:55.300 --> 00:05:59.680 in the hall at the wrong time. And I sat there 00:05:59.680 --> 00:06:01.079 and I thought, now what am I going to do with 00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:03.540 this? And after 10 minutes, by the grace prompting 00:06:03.540 --> 00:06:07.319 of God, I turned off the car. I went inside. 00:06:07.740 --> 00:06:10.300 Teresa looked at me like, you know, I wonder 00:06:10.300 --> 00:06:14.199 if round two is coming, you know. And I said, 00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:16.500 honey, can I get just a minute with you? She 00:06:16.500 --> 00:06:21.819 goes, sure. I said, I realized I was angry. She 00:06:21.819 --> 00:06:26.180 looked at me like, oh, rocket science. You're 00:06:26.180 --> 00:06:30.139 really coming along here. And I said, honestly, 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:33.040 I came home last night. I really had a hard day 00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:38.540 yesterday. I missed you. And I felt really sad 00:06:38.540 --> 00:06:41.500 and really disappointed. And it doesn't make 00:06:41.500 --> 00:06:43.959 sense. I felt rejected because you were asleep. 00:06:44.459 --> 00:06:46.600 And you didn't do it on purpose. I had these 00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:50.860 expectations, and I had this hurt. And I really 00:06:50.860 --> 00:06:52.620 needed to talk to you, and you weren't here. 00:06:52.759 --> 00:06:57.500 And I didn't know it, but I got mad. But it just 00:06:57.500 --> 00:07:00.120 felt too vulnerable or like there's something 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:02.439 wrong with me to admit that I was really hurt 00:07:02.439 --> 00:07:05.899 and feeling lonely. And I bolted to anger. And 00:07:05.899 --> 00:07:07.800 I went to bed with that. I just realized that 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:10.019 in the car. And then I went to Ryan. I said, 00:07:10.060 --> 00:07:13.019 Ryan, you didn't do anything wrong. I mean, you're 00:07:13.019 --> 00:07:16.459 a great kid. I'm really sorry. And Annie, have 00:07:16.459 --> 00:07:19.740 a great day. Dad just, it's too much to try and 00:07:19.740 --> 00:07:25.519 explain. That changed, literally changed, a process 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:28.860 of the sanctification of the work of the Holy 00:07:28.860 --> 00:07:33.389 Spirit in my life. when I saw anger is like a 00:07:33.389 --> 00:07:36.509 red light on the dashboard of my car. And what 00:07:36.509 --> 00:07:39.149 I realized is a lot of times what we do is we 00:07:39.149 --> 00:07:42.810 go, oh, wow, the red light's flashing. And so 00:07:42.810 --> 00:07:45.290 we stop the car, get in the trunk, get a hammer 00:07:45.290 --> 00:07:48.069 out, and smash the red light. That'll take care 00:07:48.069 --> 00:07:53.670 of that, right? Instead of when it's on the light 00:07:53.670 --> 00:07:55.490 of the dashboard, what do we know? Something 00:07:55.490 --> 00:08:01.879 under the hood is amiss. Something's wrong. In 00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:04.240 your notes, I tried to lay it out a little more 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:08.439 systematically. It's easier to be angry than 00:08:08.439 --> 00:08:13.819 to face the deeper issues of anger. Anger is 00:08:13.819 --> 00:08:22.220 not the problem. It is the warning light. I came 00:08:22.220 --> 00:08:26.220 across a quote as I worked through this. Then 00:08:26.220 --> 00:08:29.939 Dr. Becca Johnson, she seems to say it. smarter, 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:33.820 clearer, and better. She says, when I was late 00:08:33.820 --> 00:08:36.539 to pick up my son from school, I got mad at the 00:08:36.539 --> 00:08:38.980 clock, the school, the traffic lights, my watch, 00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:42.879 and the stupid school schedule. Before I finally 00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:45.879 realized the real issue, I was embarrassed that 00:08:45.879 --> 00:08:48.080 the school secretary had to call me to come and 00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:50.840 pick up my son. When a client of mine was mad 00:08:50.840 --> 00:08:53.320 at his boss, he realized that the strong underlying 00:08:53.320 --> 00:08:57.259 emotions were really insecurity and fear and 00:08:57.259 --> 00:08:59.980 not anger. When I got mad at the driver who made 00:08:59.980 --> 00:09:03.559 a virtual gesture at me, I later realized that 00:09:03.559 --> 00:09:05.519 the root feeling was guilt because I'd pulled 00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:08.279 out too far in traffic and put him and me in 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:10.960 danger. When I got angry at a colleague for not 00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:13.620 including me on a decision, I discovered really 00:09:13.620 --> 00:09:17.019 my anger was covering my own hurt pride underneath. 00:09:17.620 --> 00:09:20.019 If you and I are honest with ourselves and brave 00:09:20.019 --> 00:09:22.500 enough to peel back the anger, we can discover 00:09:22.500 --> 00:09:26.200 its true motivating force. When people abandon 00:09:26.200 --> 00:09:29.590 us, let us down, when someone doesn't come through, 00:09:29.750 --> 00:09:32.870 when we feel rejected, left out, lonely, sad, 00:09:32.990 --> 00:09:35.889 or sorrowful. We usually cover it up with anger 00:09:35.889 --> 00:09:39.129 because these emotions are so strong, painful, 00:09:39.210 --> 00:09:43.070 and confusing. Anger serves as a more satisfying 00:09:43.070 --> 00:09:47.970 substitute. Anger artificially helps us feel 00:09:47.970 --> 00:09:50.990 in control when we're feeling out of control 00:09:50.990 --> 00:09:56.370 and falsely helps us feel powerful when we feel 00:09:57.220 --> 00:10:00.679 powerless. And then she goes on to highlight 00:10:00.679 --> 00:10:04.659 some common emotions that cover anger. And just 00:10:04.659 --> 00:10:06.679 I'll give you the sort of the quick version again 00:10:06.679 --> 00:10:11.779 so that you'll go, oh. We often cover our anger 00:10:11.779 --> 00:10:15.379 with when what's underneath is hurt, guilt, shame, 00:10:15.539 --> 00:10:17.980 powerlessness, betrayal, insecurity, rejection, 00:10:18.340 --> 00:10:20.879 dashed hopes, feeling trapped, hopelessness, 00:10:20.980 --> 00:10:24.200 helplessness, unmet expectations, envy, jealousy, 00:10:24.500 --> 00:10:27.120 resentment, pride, low self -esteem, failure, 00:10:27.379 --> 00:10:29.259 sense of worthlessness, loneliness, depression, 00:10:29.639 --> 00:10:32.399 worry, anxiety, pressured, stressed out, disappointment, 00:10:32.639 --> 00:10:37.139 remorse, exhaustion, fatigue, and grief. I mean, 00:10:37.139 --> 00:10:40.639 those are real things that every human being 00:10:40.639 --> 00:10:44.279 experiences all the time in life. And what I 00:10:44.279 --> 00:10:46.960 want to suggest is the great majority of the 00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:49.519 time, that's not what comes up on your radar. 00:10:50.360 --> 00:10:53.080 You get angry. Some of you, though, know that 00:10:53.080 --> 00:10:56.320 angry is illegal, so you stuff it. And you don't 00:10:56.320 --> 00:10:58.879 even know that those are the real issues. Some 00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:00.899 of you stuff it for a while because you're a 00:11:00.899 --> 00:11:03.139 Christian and you feel like blowing up is not 00:11:03.139 --> 00:11:06.590 very healthy. Then you blow up. Other people, 00:11:06.610 --> 00:11:09.009 you're eating because you're angry. Some of you 00:11:09.009 --> 00:11:10.789 are taking prescription drugs because you're 00:11:10.789 --> 00:11:12.909 angry. Some of you started off with a social 00:11:12.909 --> 00:11:15.029 glass of wine at night, and now you have to have 00:11:15.029 --> 00:11:19.529 two or three. And you're covering stuff inside 00:11:19.529 --> 00:11:25.610 that God wants to heal and forgive and restore. 00:11:27.169 --> 00:11:30.990 We learned that we spew, we stuff, and we leak. 00:11:31.559 --> 00:11:34.159 But I want to tell you that anger is a secondary 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:37.559 emotion and we all struggle with it. It's the 00:11:37.559 --> 00:11:40.419 tip of the iceberg. There are many, many underlying 00:11:40.419 --> 00:11:44.759 causes of anger. I just read about 25 of them. 00:11:44.899 --> 00:11:47.580 But when you pull them together, you basically 00:11:47.580 --> 00:11:52.659 can come up with about three big categories. 00:11:53.259 --> 00:11:58.159 We get angry as a result of unmet needs. And 00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:01.080 I'm going to call that hurt. Because that's what 00:12:01.080 --> 00:12:03.360 it feels like. I just feel hurt. I had a need 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:05.700 to talk. I had a need to get connected. I had 00:12:05.700 --> 00:12:08.379 a need for someone to come through for me. I 00:12:08.379 --> 00:12:11.159 had a need to be loved when I was grieving. The 00:12:11.159 --> 00:12:13.799 second is unmet expectations. And we'll look 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:17.120 at each of these individually. And I just call 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:20.379 that frustration. I expected people to be awake. 00:12:21.299 --> 00:12:25.129 I expect a friend to be available. I expect people 00:12:25.129 --> 00:12:28.529 to return my calls. I expect people to do what 00:12:28.529 --> 00:12:31.409 they said they would do. I expect people that 00:12:31.409 --> 00:12:36.070 love me to help me when I have a need, right? 00:12:36.289 --> 00:12:40.909 When they don't, I get mad, and so do you. The 00:12:40.909 --> 00:12:44.370 third underlying cause is insecurity, when we're 00:12:44.370 --> 00:12:48.370 personally attacked or threatened. And so with 00:12:48.370 --> 00:12:50.750 that, what I'd like to do is I'd like to walk 00:12:50.750 --> 00:12:52.590 through each of those, give you some biblical 00:12:52.590 --> 00:12:55.789 examples, and see if we can't. Here's what I'm 00:12:55.789 --> 00:12:58.539 going to ask you to do. I'm going to pray. that 00:12:58.539 --> 00:13:01.759 God begins to help you have an aha experience 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:05.259 so that from now on, when you get angry, you'll 00:13:05.259 --> 00:13:08.840 go, ah, this is a secondary emotion. I have bolted 00:13:08.840 --> 00:13:11.919 to anger. I wonder, is there an unmet need or 00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:14.360 hurt that I need to address? Is it an expectation 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:17.639 issue or was I personally attacked? And I'll 00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:19.639 give you a tool for each one of these and how 00:13:19.639 --> 00:13:22.039 to deal with it so God can use your anger to 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:24.649 help you instead of make you a prisoner. So with 00:13:24.649 --> 00:13:28.250 that, let's look at hurt. Real or perceived unmet 00:13:28.250 --> 00:13:32.110 needs. Notice Proverbs 19 .3. A man's own folly 00:13:32.110 --> 00:13:35.350 ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the 00:13:35.350 --> 00:13:38.629 Lord. Haven't you seen this? People make stupid, 00:13:38.870 --> 00:13:42.730 bad, terrible decisions. You know, they drive 00:13:42.730 --> 00:13:45.929 drunk. They do all kind of crazy stuff. They 00:13:45.929 --> 00:13:48.009 blow up at mates. They don't care about people. 00:13:48.169 --> 00:13:50.529 And then when life falls apart, they shake their 00:13:50.529 --> 00:13:52.669 fist at God. How could you do this to me, God? 00:13:54.509 --> 00:13:57.730 Because it's too scary to admit their own guilt, 00:13:57.809 --> 00:14:02.669 their own lack, their own culpability, and take 00:14:02.669 --> 00:14:05.950 responsibility for their bad behavior. Isn't 00:14:05.950 --> 00:14:09.889 it insightful what Solomon has to say? A man's 00:14:09.889 --> 00:14:13.409 own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages 00:14:13.409 --> 00:14:16.909 against the Lord. Notice Proverbs 27, 4, it says, 00:14:17.049 --> 00:14:21.070 anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who 00:14:21.070 --> 00:14:25.309 can stand before jealousy? So he pictures anger 00:14:25.309 --> 00:14:30.549 as this storm and it's cruel, but he says there's 00:14:30.549 --> 00:14:34.230 something behind it. Jealousy is rooted in hurt. 00:14:35.169 --> 00:14:39.529 Jealousy is the fear of losing someone. The rejection 00:14:39.529 --> 00:14:43.450 we feel when affection or attention or honor 00:14:43.450 --> 00:14:47.509 or money goes to someone else that we think belongs 00:14:47.509 --> 00:14:51.600 to us. And when I feel that, when I feel like, 00:14:51.700 --> 00:14:54.440 well, my kids need to be giving me this attention, 00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:57.740 or I should have got credit for that, and I start 00:14:57.740 --> 00:15:02.100 to get jealous, let me show you that biblically. 00:15:02.139 --> 00:15:07.080 Let's look at a quick picture in Scripture with 00:15:07.080 --> 00:15:10.620 regard to the whole issue of jealousy here. Joseph 00:15:10.620 --> 00:15:13.740 brothers, okay? You know the story. You have 00:15:13.740 --> 00:15:17.879 the youngest son at this point. And Genesis 37 00:15:17.879 --> 00:15:21.039 to 39 is the long story. And we pick it up in 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:22.980 verse four. It says, but when his brothers saw 00:15:22.980 --> 00:15:25.580 that their father loves him more than all his 00:15:25.580 --> 00:15:30.360 brothers, they hated him and could not speak 00:15:30.360 --> 00:15:34.659 peaceably to him. So you have a father who is 00:15:34.659 --> 00:15:37.779 showing partiality. He gets the nice coat. He 00:15:37.779 --> 00:15:40.019 gets the easy job. He gets all the attention. 00:15:40.259 --> 00:15:42.759 You have the other brothers over here, and what 00:15:42.759 --> 00:15:45.940 are they feeling? They feel hurt. They feel rejected. 00:15:46.220 --> 00:15:50.539 This isn't fair. So they go to their father and 00:15:50.539 --> 00:15:53.820 say, you know, Dad, I've been reading a couple 00:15:53.820 --> 00:15:57.149 good books on parenting. And I just really want 00:15:57.149 --> 00:15:59.370 you to know that this type of behavior is going 00:15:59.370 --> 00:16:02.590 to be unhealthy for Joseph, for us, and for you 00:16:02.590 --> 00:16:06.809 as a father. And what I want you to know, what 00:16:06.809 --> 00:16:10.970 do they do? They bolt to anger. And so what they 00:16:10.970 --> 00:16:13.690 do is they, this is what we do. They take their 00:16:13.690 --> 00:16:17.009 anger and their jealousy, that's the root cause, 00:16:17.269 --> 00:16:22.090 out on not the object of it, but on the person 00:16:22.090 --> 00:16:25.370 who's receiving the attention. Isn't that interesting? 00:16:26.850 --> 00:16:30.850 They displaced their anger to a safer object. 00:16:33.149 --> 00:16:38.570 Why am I yelling at my kid in the hallway for 00:16:38.570 --> 00:16:42.309 not making his bed? Because I bolted to anger, 00:16:42.429 --> 00:16:45.629 and I'm going to take it out in a safer place. 00:16:47.009 --> 00:16:52.379 Joseph brothers, the lament psalms are... You 00:16:52.379 --> 00:16:54.559 know, sometimes read these with a little less 00:16:54.559 --> 00:16:56.879 sanctified view of how wonderful David and the 00:16:56.879 --> 00:17:00.220 psalmist are. 25 % of all the psalms are someone 00:17:00.220 --> 00:17:04.279 whining and complaining to God. But you know 00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:06.960 why they're so raw? They don't cover up their 00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:10.779 anger. You're listening to Living on the Edge. 00:17:11.339 --> 00:17:13.859 Before we continue today's program, let me ask 00:17:13.859 --> 00:17:16.500 you, is anger devastating your relationships 00:17:16.500 --> 00:17:19.920 with your family, spouse, or coworkers? Join 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:22.259 us after Chip's message to learn more about our 00:17:22.259 --> 00:17:24.799 valuable small group resource for this series. 00:17:25.099 --> 00:17:27.720 Stick around to discover how to confront this 00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:30.960 powerful emotion and harness it for good. But 00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:33.539 for now, here again is Chip to continue today's 00:17:33.539 --> 00:17:36.460 message. David loves God with all of his heart. 00:17:36.539 --> 00:17:39.740 Why have you forsaken me? What's the deal? This 00:17:39.740 --> 00:17:42.220 isn't fair. The enemies are this. You anointed 00:17:42.220 --> 00:17:44.799 me king. I'm hiding in caves. I'm dodging spears. 00:17:44.859 --> 00:17:48.420 I don't get it. I loved you. I risked my life. 00:17:49.259 --> 00:17:51.119 I risked my life and I'm out doing your work 00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:53.059 and I come back and my kids and wife and everyone, 00:17:53.099 --> 00:17:54.859 they've been taken away and now I gotta go fight. 00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:58.400 Where are you, God? I'm depressed. Why does my 00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:02.099 soul, why does my soul, where is the living God? 00:18:02.990 --> 00:18:06.329 And he pours out his lament. And when he's really 00:18:06.329 --> 00:18:09.289 honest with his emotions in almost every lament 00:18:09.289 --> 00:18:13.789 psalm, yet thou are enthroned on high, oh God. 00:18:14.009 --> 00:18:17.049 You are the faithful one. And he'll get perspective 00:18:17.049 --> 00:18:18.769 and he'll look back. You're the one that delivered 00:18:18.769 --> 00:18:20.890 us. You're the one who's done this. You're the 00:18:20.890 --> 00:18:23.390 one who's done this. But he takes the raw emotions 00:18:23.390 --> 00:18:26.349 of his anger and he gets down to what the real 00:18:26.349 --> 00:18:29.190 issues are. And then he gets back and gets God's 00:18:29.190 --> 00:18:31.349 perspective. And then he responds differently. 00:18:32.750 --> 00:18:35.309 Some of us don't feel like it's safe to share 00:18:35.309 --> 00:18:38.930 with God our anger and our hurts and our frustrations. 00:18:40.009 --> 00:18:42.890 My favorite passage in this one is Psalm 73. 00:18:42.930 --> 00:18:46.849 I was so bummed out. I was so mad at God and 00:18:46.849 --> 00:18:49.089 life. And I had made a commitment in college 00:18:49.089 --> 00:18:50.990 after becoming a Christian to be sexually pure. 00:18:51.849 --> 00:18:53.650 I decided I was going to walk with God. And that 00:18:53.650 --> 00:18:55.390 commitment meant that I ended up breaking up 00:18:55.390 --> 00:18:58.849 with a girlfriend. But I loved her. And I thought 00:18:58.849 --> 00:19:01.009 she was going to be my wife. And I was playing 00:19:01.009 --> 00:19:03.049 college basketball. And for a year and a half 00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:05.309 after every college game, she would be at the 00:19:05.309 --> 00:19:07.730 top of the stairs waiting for me. And we had 00:19:07.730 --> 00:19:10.869 broken up. And time went on. It was about four 00:19:10.869 --> 00:19:12.650 months later. And I prayed, you know, God would 00:19:12.650 --> 00:19:14.450 change your heart. We'd get back together and 00:19:14.450 --> 00:19:16.849 all that good stuff. And I came out of the locker 00:19:16.849 --> 00:19:19.210 room, hair wet. And she's at the top of the stairs. 00:19:19.289 --> 00:19:21.430 And it was like, yes, thank you, Lord. Thank 00:19:21.430 --> 00:19:25.769 you, thank you, yes. You know, and I get to the 00:19:25.769 --> 00:19:27.809 top of the stairs, and she kind of looks at me, 00:19:27.910 --> 00:19:30.789 and then one of the other guards on the team 00:19:30.789 --> 00:19:32.549 walks by, and the two of them walk out the door. 00:19:34.970 --> 00:19:39.329 And I mean, from that doorway to my dorm room, 00:19:39.450 --> 00:19:44.450 I was enraged. God, thank you. I really appreciate 00:19:44.450 --> 00:19:46.750 how you treat your servants. I'm really glad 00:19:46.750 --> 00:19:49.710 for how you bless them. I'm doing life. the way 00:19:49.710 --> 00:19:52.410 you say, and this is what I get. And I mean, 00:19:52.430 --> 00:19:55.230 I was just ready to can it. If this is what you 00:19:55.230 --> 00:19:57.109 get for following you with all your heart for 00:19:57.109 --> 00:19:58.589 staying pure, well, I'll tell you what, God, 00:19:58.670 --> 00:20:00.710 and some of you, haven't you felt that? You know, 00:20:00.750 --> 00:20:03.329 my finances are in order and now look what's 00:20:03.329 --> 00:20:04.869 happening and this and that and people are getting 00:20:04.869 --> 00:20:06.970 bailed out and this and that. And I did this 00:20:06.970 --> 00:20:09.230 and what happened? And my husband or my wife 00:20:09.230 --> 00:20:10.970 or one of my kids, someone walked out on them. 00:20:11.069 --> 00:20:12.910 And you know, I was faithful and I came in on 00:20:12.910 --> 00:20:15.269 time and now they're downsizing and I get ripped 00:20:15.269 --> 00:20:18.130 up, right? And I remember that night saying, 00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:21.509 God, This isn't fair. And I was angry and I opened 00:20:21.509 --> 00:20:28.970 Psalm 73. And I read Psalm 73 and it says, my 00:20:28.970 --> 00:20:31.390 heart was embittered. I was like a beast before 00:20:31.390 --> 00:20:34.630 you. I was ready to give up the Christian life. 00:20:34.730 --> 00:20:36.450 I looked at the arrogant and the evil and the 00:20:36.450 --> 00:20:38.470 pride as their necklace and they don't have any 00:20:38.470 --> 00:20:40.470 pain and everything goes great for them. Yet, 00:20:40.490 --> 00:20:43.609 when I came to the sanctuary of the Lord, I perceived 00:20:43.609 --> 00:20:49.180 their end. Then I got perspective. Their life 00:20:49.180 --> 00:20:53.000 is like a vapor. God, in a moment, can pull out 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:55.599 the rug and all they have is gone and they have 00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:58.440 no future. As for me, the nearness of God is 00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:01.700 my good. I've made the Lord God my refuge. My 00:21:01.700 --> 00:21:04.500 heart and my flesh may fail, but you're the strength 00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:08.539 of my heart and my portion forever. And all I 00:21:08.539 --> 00:21:11.900 want you to see is that underneath your anger 00:21:11.900 --> 00:21:16.900 often, it really is. hurt. And the tool is what 00:21:16.900 --> 00:21:21.160 I call a I feel message. I shared that Teresa 00:21:21.160 --> 00:21:22.640 and I had a lot of struggles, and we went to 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:24.980 counseling, and we paid a lot of money to give 00:21:24.980 --> 00:21:28.680 you a lot of help later. And we didn't know how. 00:21:28.980 --> 00:21:32.380 So when she got angry, she closed down, she stuffed, 00:21:32.599 --> 00:21:35.759 and I leaked. It's not a good combination. And 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:37.539 so we went to this counselor, and he realized 00:21:37.539 --> 00:21:40.630 you guys can't You know, you can't resolve anger. 00:21:40.730 --> 00:21:42.470 And when you do, you attack each other, which 00:21:42.470 --> 00:21:45.009 is not good either. And so, and we did it in 00:21:45.009 --> 00:21:48.009 real godly ways. I mean, you know, we weren't 00:21:48.009 --> 00:21:49.829 throwers and shouters and screamers and cussers. 00:21:49.910 --> 00:21:52.109 We just, but you know what? It just tore us apart. 00:21:52.609 --> 00:21:55.210 And so on a three by five card, he wrote, I feel 00:21:55.210 --> 00:21:58.109 dash when you dash. And we put that three by 00:21:58.109 --> 00:22:00.490 five card on the refrigerator and he taught us, 00:22:00.529 --> 00:22:04.349 this is how you communicate your hurt or your 00:22:04.349 --> 00:22:07.160 anger. And it goes something like this. I feel 00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:09.660 hurt when you pay more attention to the kids 00:22:09.660 --> 00:22:14.900 than me. I feel disappointed when you don't come 00:22:14.900 --> 00:22:19.359 home for supper and don't call. I feel rejected 00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:23.140 when I want to be physically close to you and 00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:27.980 you shut down emotionally. I feel angry when 00:22:27.980 --> 00:22:34.099 you shout and yell when we talk about a sensitive 00:22:34.099 --> 00:22:39.200 issue. And for two years, that was on our refrigerator. 00:22:40.500 --> 00:22:44.779 And we learned to say I feel messages to one 00:22:44.779 --> 00:22:47.559 another. And God really used it. And he used 00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:51.720 it in an amazing, amazing way. And I would like 00:22:51.720 --> 00:22:55.619 you to think about who might need to hear an 00:22:55.619 --> 00:22:59.920 I feel message from you. When's the last time 00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:03.759 you really got angry with someone or something? 00:23:04.829 --> 00:23:08.250 And as a result of our time already, you realize 00:23:08.250 --> 00:23:11.049 you kind of stuffed it or you sort of spewed 00:23:11.049 --> 00:23:15.009 and that really didn't work very well. Or you 00:23:15.009 --> 00:23:17.930 find yourself joking about the same thing, you 00:23:17.930 --> 00:23:21.069 know, a little sarcasm, little barbs. And I'd 00:23:21.069 --> 00:23:23.029 just like you to think about what would it be 00:23:23.029 --> 00:23:27.190 like? What's the real issue? What's behind it? 00:23:27.210 --> 00:23:30.970 What really bugs you? Why are you mad? Okay, 00:23:31.069 --> 00:23:34.180 the red light, it's anger. But what's underneath 00:23:34.180 --> 00:23:39.019 that? Who hasn't come through for you? Which 00:23:39.019 --> 00:23:40.799 one of those grandkids after helping him go through 00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:42.900 college doesn't write, doesn't call, and you 00:23:42.900 --> 00:23:45.660 realize, you know, I'm just ticked off. I'm just 00:23:45.660 --> 00:23:50.539 mad. Who at work? You know, you've helped them 00:23:50.539 --> 00:23:52.619 get to where they are and they've made some progress 00:23:52.619 --> 00:23:55.240 and it's like, hey, you know, it's like you don't 00:23:55.240 --> 00:23:58.980 exist anymore. Who's one of your friends that, 00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:02.259 you know, used to hang out with a lot and now, 00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:04.420 you know, You know, there's sort of that unwritten 00:24:04.420 --> 00:24:06.099 rule. If you're a really close friend and you 00:24:06.099 --> 00:24:08.339 call, you get a call back the same day, and now 00:24:08.339 --> 00:24:10.440 it's like four days or five days, and you don't 00:24:10.440 --> 00:24:12.119 even get a call. You get an email. Hey, I got 00:24:12.119 --> 00:24:15.180 your call. Thanks. I'm busy. And there's just 00:24:15.180 --> 00:24:16.940 something that's happening inside. You understand 00:24:16.940 --> 00:24:18.279 what I'm saying? There's something happening 00:24:18.279 --> 00:24:19.740 inside, and it's not like you're going to go, 00:24:19.779 --> 00:24:21.819 hey, I'd like to really confront you about our 00:24:21.819 --> 00:24:25.079 relationship right now, okay? Coffee shop, just 00:24:25.079 --> 00:24:27.380 you and me, man -o to man -o, woman -o to woman 00:24:27.380 --> 00:24:31.549 -o, all right? You are not responding to my email 00:24:31.549 --> 00:24:33.950 in a timely manner, and I feel deeply hurt. I 00:24:33.950 --> 00:24:37.109 don't think we're going to go there. But what 00:24:37.109 --> 00:24:39.009 it would be like to have some time together and 00:24:39.009 --> 00:24:41.430 say, hey, could we get a cup of coffee? And just, 00:24:41.509 --> 00:24:43.670 you know, say, you know, I sense a little drift 00:24:43.670 --> 00:24:46.609 in our relationship. And this may sound silly, 00:24:46.769 --> 00:24:50.970 but I feel hurt after all that we've been through 00:24:50.970 --> 00:24:54.049 when I call and I don't get a response for three 00:24:54.049 --> 00:24:55.690 or four days. Could I just share that with you 00:24:55.690 --> 00:24:59.240 as a brother? See, you're attacking the issue, 00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:03.140 not the person. And I will tell you, when you 00:25:03.140 --> 00:25:05.019 hold that inside, you know what? You get resentment 00:25:05.019 --> 00:25:07.559 toward the person. And then some of us, you know 00:25:07.559 --> 00:25:11.819 what? I won't call him back. When he calls me, 00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:14.700 I'll give him an email. And we start these silly 00:25:14.700 --> 00:25:18.779 games. And God wants you to know he wants to 00:25:18.779 --> 00:25:22.460 use your anger for your good. Anger is a secondary 00:25:22.460 --> 00:25:27.140 emotion. One of the primary causes is hurt. We 00:25:27.140 --> 00:25:29.460 see it from Joseph's brothers. We see it throughout 00:25:29.460 --> 00:25:32.140 the Psalms. And I want you to just stop right 00:25:32.140 --> 00:25:36.220 now, okay? Close your eyes. I'm going to ask 00:25:36.220 --> 00:25:38.240 a question and let's just a quick little exercise. 00:25:39.059 --> 00:25:42.180 Father, right now, I ask you to bring to mind 00:25:42.180 --> 00:25:47.059 a person or a situation in the lives of the people 00:25:47.059 --> 00:25:51.819 in this room where they have been hurt. And I'd 00:25:51.819 --> 00:25:55.200 like you to right now just practice. visualize 00:25:55.200 --> 00:25:58.119 in your mind what it would look like. And it 00:25:58.119 --> 00:25:59.819 might be a phone call because they're too far 00:25:59.819 --> 00:26:03.180 away. But what would it look like just to say, 00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:10.240 I feel hurt. I feel left out. I feel wounded. 00:26:10.339 --> 00:26:15.619 I felt disappointed when you didn't invite me 00:26:15.619 --> 00:26:18.519 to the wedding. When you fill it in. You got 00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:23.019 it? And Father, I pray that you would grant us 00:26:23.019 --> 00:26:27.839 the grace and the courage to not bolt to anger, 00:26:27.940 --> 00:26:31.079 but to realize that we're human. And as humans, 00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:34.859 we get wounded and hurt. And we don't want the 00:26:34.859 --> 00:26:37.299 wounds to fester. And we don't want resentment 00:26:37.299 --> 00:26:41.220 or bitterness or anger to cause a root of bitterness 00:26:41.220 --> 00:26:44.339 and many be defiled. Help us to have the courage 00:26:44.339 --> 00:26:50.220 to deliver a loving, kind, I feel message. to 00:26:50.220 --> 00:26:52.440 get the issue on the table, and to speak the 00:26:52.440 --> 00:26:59.940 truth in love. In Jesus' name, amen. This is 00:26:59.940 --> 00:27:02.740 Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've 00:27:02.740 --> 00:27:04.559 been listening to part one of Chip's message, 00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:07.299 Why We All Struggle with Anger, from our series, 00:27:07.460 --> 00:27:10.420 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. Chip will be 00:27:10.420 --> 00:27:12.460 back shortly to share some helpful application 00:27:12.460 --> 00:27:15.500 for us to think about. Have you ever been told 00:27:15.500 --> 00:27:18.500 you have an anger problem? Has your temper damaged 00:27:18.500 --> 00:27:21.380 or ruined a meaningful relationship? Are the 00:27:21.380 --> 00:27:23.900 frustrations of daily life weighing you down? 00:27:24.259 --> 00:27:27.180 Well, let's be honest. Everyone struggles to 00:27:27.180 --> 00:27:30.079 control this powerful emotion at times. In this 00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.019 series, Chip reveals the common ways anger manifests 00:27:33.019 --> 00:27:36.680 and shares practical biblical solutions to rein 00:27:36.680 --> 00:27:39.700 it in before it destroys you and your most treasured 00:27:39.700 --> 00:27:42.559 relationships. Don't miss How to Be, as Jesus 00:27:42.559 --> 00:27:46.180 said, angry without sinning. Well, Chip's back 00:27:46.180 --> 00:27:48.160 in studio with me now. And Chip, you know, this 00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:50.720 series really speaks to all of us because, you 00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:52.859 know, no one's exempt from losing their temper 00:27:52.859 --> 00:27:56.099 or becoming angry, but some of us handle it better 00:27:56.099 --> 00:27:58.420 than others. So what would you say to that person 00:27:58.420 --> 00:28:00.819 who's concerned about their anger, but hasn't 00:28:00.819 --> 00:28:03.279 had the courage to call it what it really is? 00:28:03.799 --> 00:28:07.980 Well, Dave, the problem with anger. is that most 00:28:07.980 --> 00:28:11.500 of us try and hide it. I mean, we have been brainwashed 00:28:11.500 --> 00:28:15.119 into thinking that anger is bad, anger is a sin, 00:28:15.299 --> 00:28:18.660 and we've experienced unrighteous anger toward 00:28:18.660 --> 00:28:20.900 us that has caused us to say, I don't want to 00:28:20.900 --> 00:28:23.339 go there, and I feel bad when I do go there. 00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:26.039 So we mask it with things like, well, I'm just 00:28:26.039 --> 00:28:28.420 really frustrated right now, or we have some 00:28:28.420 --> 00:28:30.740 spiritual language, or we blame other people. 00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:33.460 There's very few people that you'll hear say, 00:28:33.559 --> 00:28:37.220 you know what? I'm really angry right now. And 00:28:37.220 --> 00:28:39.799 I wonder what that means and what is God saying 00:28:39.799 --> 00:28:43.420 to me and how do I deal with it? The power is 00:28:43.420 --> 00:28:46.200 in getting these things on the table in a safe 00:28:46.200 --> 00:28:48.859 environment. Anger destroys your relationship 00:28:48.859 --> 00:28:52.720 with God. Anger cuts you off from people. Anger 00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:55.640 causes you to stuff stuff. And the high percentage 00:28:55.640 --> 00:28:58.579 of people that are depressed are around unresolved 00:28:58.579 --> 00:29:01.279 anger issues. And so we've put this in the format 00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:03.859 of a book. But the format that has been most 00:29:03.859 --> 00:29:06.710 powerful is in a small group, Dave. I actually 00:29:06.710 --> 00:29:09.150 lead this small group. We have a study guide 00:29:09.150 --> 00:29:11.549 where people can follow along and then process 00:29:11.549 --> 00:29:14.109 some issues. And then in a safe environment, 00:29:14.369 --> 00:29:17.630 we have just heard amazing feedback of people 00:29:17.630 --> 00:29:21.269 actually seeing that anger is something God uses 00:29:21.269 --> 00:29:23.970 to change them instead of something that cuts 00:29:23.970 --> 00:29:26.210 them off from God and others. So I really encourage 00:29:26.210 --> 00:29:28.690 people to get on the journey with us and let 00:29:28.690 --> 00:29:32.009 us help you overcome emotions that destroy. Thanks, 00:29:32.009 --> 00:29:34.150 Chip. Well, to get your hands on this valuable 00:29:34.150 --> 00:29:37.970 resource, visit livingontheedge .org. Dig into 00:29:37.970 --> 00:29:40.269 this study with a group of friends and uncover 00:29:40.269 --> 00:29:43.029 how anger may be impacting you and what you can 00:29:43.029 --> 00:29:45.549 do to harness it to grow spiritually, emotionally, 00:29:45.849 --> 00:29:48.940 and relationally. Get your hands on the overcoming 00:29:48.940 --> 00:29:52.359 emotions that destroy small group today by going 00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:57.000 to livingontheedge .org or by calling 888 -333 00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:02.039 -6003. App listeners tap special offers. Well, 00:30:02.059 --> 00:30:04.960 here again is Chip to share a final word. In 00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:09.500 today's program, the big idea, I mean. The whopper 00:30:09.500 --> 00:30:12.500 is that anger is a secondary emotion. You do 00:30:12.500 --> 00:30:14.900 not have an anger problem. Anger is the tip of 00:30:14.900 --> 00:30:17.579 the iceberg. Underneath of it, there are three 00:30:17.579 --> 00:30:19.599 major reasons. There may be more, but there's 00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:21.880 three major reasons. And we dealt with the first 00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:25.599 one. We talked about unmet needs or when we're 00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:28.920 hurt. The second is unmet expectations. And the 00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:31.460 third is a basic insecurity issue. And we'll 00:30:31.460 --> 00:30:33.890 deal with that in our next broadcast. But when 00:30:33.890 --> 00:30:36.710 you have unmet needs, you get wounded or you 00:30:36.710 --> 00:30:40.269 get hurt. And so the tool is to say an I feel 00:30:40.269 --> 00:30:43.029 message. What we tend to do is we get into oughts 00:30:43.029 --> 00:30:45.410 and shoulds and demands and arguments. And I 00:30:45.410 --> 00:30:47.809 talked about the I feel message. Here's your 00:30:47.809 --> 00:30:51.329 application for today. Who in your world, who 00:30:51.329 --> 00:30:54.450 in your relational network, a mate, a child, 00:30:54.650 --> 00:30:59.220 a boss, a friend? Who needs to hear, I feel hurt, 00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:02.460 I feel frustrated, I felt offended when you, 00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:05.740 and you actually do an I feel message. You might 00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:07.799 get with a friend and practice a little bit, 00:31:07.900 --> 00:31:10.740 but I will tell you when you can begin to get 00:31:10.740 --> 00:31:13.460 your hurts and wounds on the table without attacking 00:31:13.460 --> 00:31:17.579 people, God is going to heal relationships. Are 00:31:17.579 --> 00:31:20.440 you ready? Are you willing? Give that person 00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:24.119 an I feel message sometime this week. Great challenge, 00:31:24.259 --> 00:31:26.599 Chip. Well, coming up on the next edition of 00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:28.819 Living on the Edge, we'll continue Chip's series, 00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:31.920 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. So I hope you'll 00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:34.960 join us. But until then, I'm Dave Drewy. Thanks 00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:35.420 for listening.