WEBVTT 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:04.559 What can turn a normal, rational, ordinarily 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:07.599 nice person into an out -of -control monster 00:00:07.599 --> 00:00:10.300 destroying relationships, screaming at children, 00:00:10.539 --> 00:00:13.960 spewing threats, and alienating lifelong friends? 00:00:14.359 --> 00:00:17.120 Today, we'll discover the source of that devastating 00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:22.570 power and how to control it. Stay with me. Welcome 00:00:22.570 --> 00:00:25.410 to this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip 00:00:25.410 --> 00:00:27.690 Ingram. The mission of this daily program is 00:00:27.690 --> 00:00:30.210 to intentionally disciple Christians through 00:00:30.210 --> 00:00:32.250 the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. 00:00:32.469 --> 00:00:34.869 Thanks for joining us as we begin our series, 00:00:35.070 --> 00:00:38.189 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. In the coming 00:00:38.189 --> 00:00:40.570 programs, Chip will explore the powerful emotion 00:00:40.570 --> 00:00:43.630 of anger, identifying the factors that trigger 00:00:43.630 --> 00:00:46.070 it, and how we should respond when those feelings 00:00:46.070 --> 00:00:48.770 bubble to the surface. So if you're ready, grab 00:00:48.770 --> 00:00:51.770 your Bible and go to James chapter 1 as Chip 00:00:51.770 --> 00:00:54.490 kicks off this series with his message, Rage, 00:00:54.590 --> 00:00:58.950 Understanding the Monster Within. What has the 00:00:58.950 --> 00:01:02.549 power to transform the tender heart of a loving 00:01:02.549 --> 00:01:06.709 mother into a beast of fury as I watched her 00:01:06.709 --> 00:01:10.730 sling her 18 -month -old baby into the front 00:01:10.730 --> 00:01:14.750 of a dryer and slam the little one down in a 00:01:14.750 --> 00:01:18.609 chair? What has the power to turn loving parents 00:01:18.609 --> 00:01:23.150 into neck bulging, vein popping, screaming adults 00:01:23.150 --> 00:01:27.709 who say the same thing over and over into the 00:01:27.709 --> 00:01:30.489 blank stares of their elementary and teenage 00:01:30.489 --> 00:01:34.189 kids? What has the power to turn good friends 00:01:34.189 --> 00:01:37.230 and passionate lovers into cold, calculated, 00:01:37.450 --> 00:01:41.409 critical marriage co -existors who only do what's 00:01:41.409 --> 00:01:44.430 absolutely necessary to live under the same roof? 00:01:45.390 --> 00:01:47.989 What has the power to turn a festive holiday 00:01:47.989 --> 00:01:51.590 family gathering into a gut -twisting, name -calling, 00:01:51.730 --> 00:01:55.230 take -sides, no -holes -barred family feud that 00:01:55.230 --> 00:01:58.890 never gets resolved? And finally, what has the 00:01:58.890 --> 00:02:02.870 power to take a cool, calm, collected, long -time, 00:02:02.870 --> 00:02:07.030 conscientious worker into a gun -carrying, floor 00:02:07.030 --> 00:02:10.810 -by -floor -by -floor, bullet -spraying murderer? 00:02:12.590 --> 00:02:16.750 that no one ever dreamed was even upset as he 00:02:16.750 --> 00:02:20.530 expressed the bottled up anger of losing his 00:02:20.530 --> 00:02:25.530 job. What has that kind of power that turned 00:02:25.530 --> 00:02:30.409 normal human beings, who on most days are good 00:02:30.409 --> 00:02:33.770 people to be around, into people that shut down, 00:02:34.050 --> 00:02:38.349 into people that leak anger, into people that 00:02:38.349 --> 00:02:41.719 explode it? And I would suggest that the first 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:44.020 word you want to write down in your notes, the 00:02:44.020 --> 00:02:50.240 answer is our emotions. Our emotions. Designed 00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:52.439 as a gift from God, there are times, places, 00:02:52.659 --> 00:02:55.819 and circumstances that bring out emotions that 00:02:55.819 --> 00:02:59.159 destroy. In fact, it was during a very difficult 00:02:59.159 --> 00:03:02.419 time, first book of the New Testament, Jesus' 00:03:02.520 --> 00:03:05.060 half -brother would address people who were going 00:03:05.060 --> 00:03:08.530 through tremendous pressure. Difficulty. They 00:03:08.530 --> 00:03:11.409 were dispersed abroad. They believed in the Messiah. 00:03:11.689 --> 00:03:13.870 As a result, many of them lost their homes. They 00:03:13.870 --> 00:03:15.650 were cut out of the family business. They were 00:03:15.650 --> 00:03:18.750 persecuted. And so James would say, after considering 00:03:18.750 --> 00:03:22.150 it all joy, in chapter one, verse 19, my dear 00:03:22.150 --> 00:03:26.069 brothers, take note of this. Everyone should 00:03:26.069 --> 00:03:30.330 be quick to listen, slow to speak. and slow to 00:03:30.330 --> 00:03:32.389 become angry. And then he gives us the purpose 00:03:32.389 --> 00:03:36.229 clause. Why? For the anger of man does not bring 00:03:36.229 --> 00:03:40.930 about the righteous life that God desires. That 00:03:40.930 --> 00:03:44.389 single verse launched a series in my life called 00:03:44.389 --> 00:03:48.939 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. The anger of 00:03:48.939 --> 00:03:52.180 man, when I'm frustrated, when I'm wounded, when 00:03:52.180 --> 00:03:54.479 there's an unmet need, when someone ticks me 00:03:54.479 --> 00:03:56.500 off, when someone cuts in front of me in traffic, 00:03:56.620 --> 00:03:58.719 when I don't have enough money, when God doesn't 00:03:58.719 --> 00:04:00.979 come through, when my expectations aren't fulfilled, 00:04:01.180 --> 00:04:04.520 emotions begin to bottle up and we get angry. 00:04:06.199 --> 00:04:09.280 And we express it in very, very different ways 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:11.960 that we'll look at. And the great majority of 00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:15.560 people don't even know they're angry. And we're 00:04:15.560 --> 00:04:18.449 going to talk about... anger and how to deal 00:04:18.449 --> 00:04:20.410 with it. We're going to talk about the shame 00:04:20.410 --> 00:04:23.430 and the guilt and the other emotions, that those 00:04:23.430 --> 00:04:26.449 angry feelings that every human being has that 00:04:26.449 --> 00:04:30.069 are normal, but they ruin relationships if you 00:04:30.069 --> 00:04:33.790 don't identify what they are, how to deal with 00:04:33.790 --> 00:04:37.149 them, and then how to turn that in a way where 00:04:37.149 --> 00:04:40.610 God can work in your heart instead of us spewing 00:04:40.610 --> 00:04:43.509 or stuffing or leaking out our anger in ways 00:04:43.509 --> 00:04:45.870 that destroy our relationship with God and others. 00:04:47.229 --> 00:04:50.449 Under pressure, we are all prone to blow a fuse 00:04:50.449 --> 00:04:55.449 or burn the house down. This was written to people 00:04:55.449 --> 00:04:58.930 under pressure. Some people are prone under pressure, 00:04:59.009 --> 00:05:02.089 financial pressure, relational pressure, screaming 00:05:02.089 --> 00:05:04.970 kids, you know, you've just done the floor and 00:05:04.970 --> 00:05:07.370 now the dog goes over the floor. You just did 00:05:07.370 --> 00:05:09.290 the laundry and now there's seven more piles. 00:05:09.490 --> 00:05:11.769 You just gave your best shot at work and you 00:05:11.769 --> 00:05:13.449 get laid off when someone who hasn't been there 00:05:13.449 --> 00:05:17.060 very long gets to stay. You just give a big gift 00:05:17.060 --> 00:05:21.040 by faith, and then you find out that 40 % of 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:23.319 your net income goes down the drain in about 00:05:23.319 --> 00:05:29.300 three or four months, and you get angry. And 00:05:29.300 --> 00:05:32.439 some people blow up, and some people, it's just 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:34.199 like have a short in the wiring. And you know 00:05:34.199 --> 00:05:36.199 what? When there's a short in the wiring, you 00:05:36.199 --> 00:05:38.579 can't even tell anything's wrong. It's just, 00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:39.860 you know, you go out to dinner one night, and 00:05:39.860 --> 00:05:43.990 you come back, and your house is in ashes. And 00:05:43.990 --> 00:05:47.470 that's what anger does. Have you ever been angry 00:05:47.470 --> 00:05:49.949 when you were unfairly treated or someone blamed 00:05:49.949 --> 00:05:53.050 you or you were ignored or misunderstood or felt 00:05:53.050 --> 00:05:55.850 insignificant or someone made fun of you or you 00:05:55.850 --> 00:05:57.509 were given advice? You ever done something, someone 00:05:57.509 --> 00:05:59.189 walks up and just tells you, this is how you 00:05:59.189 --> 00:06:00.970 ought to do that, and you have this emotion inside 00:06:00.970 --> 00:06:06.170 going, you know? You didn't feel safe? You were 00:06:06.170 --> 00:06:09.730 given ultimatums? I love the little list because... 00:06:10.829 --> 00:06:12.970 When we put this together, there's a lady who's 00:06:12.970 --> 00:06:14.850 a psychologist that wrote a couple books for 00:06:14.850 --> 00:06:19.750 InterVarsity, and she listed common reasons why 00:06:19.750 --> 00:06:22.250 all of us feel angry. Let me just zoom through 00:06:22.250 --> 00:06:26.589 them, and just laugh with me in your mind, because 00:06:26.589 --> 00:06:30.610 we don't think we have anger as an issue. These 00:06:30.610 --> 00:06:33.569 are normal things I thought were pretty good. 00:06:34.290 --> 00:06:38.629 She writes, someone cut you off in line. Someone 00:06:38.629 --> 00:06:40.899 misunderstood what you said. Someone ignored 00:06:40.899 --> 00:06:43.560 your feelings. You have a breakup in a relationship. 00:06:43.899 --> 00:06:45.560 You feel trapped, smothered, and controlled. 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:48.360 You feel like a failure. Someone broke your trust. 00:06:48.579 --> 00:06:50.920 You were abused by someone. Someone lied to you. 00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:53.779 You had to wait in a very long checkout line 00:06:53.779 --> 00:06:56.199 at the store. Your kids are not obeying you. 00:06:56.339 --> 00:06:58.240 The waitress is very slow and brought the wrong 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:00.759 food. You stubbed your toe. You find it's too 00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:02.439 late that you're out of toilet paper. That could 00:07:02.439 --> 00:07:06.240 be bad. The line to the public restroom is very, 00:07:06.300 --> 00:07:08.740 very long. Your spouse forgot to call, and they 00:07:08.740 --> 00:07:10.660 were very late. The clothes you wanted to wear 00:07:10.660 --> 00:07:12.639 are still at the laundry in the hamper, and it's 00:07:12.639 --> 00:07:14.899 not washed yet. Your spouse has been unfaithful. 00:07:14.980 --> 00:07:16.839 You ran out of time and weren't able to get things 00:07:16.839 --> 00:07:18.759 done you needed to. You drove all the way across 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:22.459 town to find the store. But it was closed. The 00:07:22.459 --> 00:07:24.540 kids continually and relentlessly demand your 00:07:24.540 --> 00:07:26.620 time. You forgot to do something you were supposed 00:07:26.620 --> 00:07:29.139 to do. You don't have time for yourself. Someone 00:07:29.139 --> 00:07:31.199 said something harsh or insensitive. A stock 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:33.339 clerk was rude. You were in a hurry and you hit 00:07:33.339 --> 00:07:36.019 all the red lights. Your boss doesn't appreciate 00:07:36.019 --> 00:07:39.139 you. Someone tracked dirt into a freshly cleaned 00:07:39.139 --> 00:07:42.139 house. The driver in front of you is going very, 00:07:42.180 --> 00:07:52.290 very, very slow. Someone close to you died. Does 00:07:52.290 --> 00:07:54.389 not all those things happen to every single person 00:07:54.389 --> 00:08:01.910 in this room? My point is, anger is not a good 00:08:01.910 --> 00:08:05.870 emotion or a bad emotion. Let's get God's perspective. 00:08:06.029 --> 00:08:09.829 What exactly is anger? Define it. Anger is neither 00:08:09.829 --> 00:08:13.769 good nor bad. It is a charged, morally neutral, 00:08:13.810 --> 00:08:16.889 emotional response of protective preservation. 00:08:17.930 --> 00:08:22.790 When you're angry, It's a not good or bad, it 00:08:22.790 --> 00:08:26.810 is a God -given, emotionally charged response 00:08:26.810 --> 00:08:32.809 designed to protect someone or something. Let 00:08:32.809 --> 00:08:35.330 me give you a couple examples of how anger can 00:08:35.330 --> 00:08:38.230 be very, very positive. It can be a healthy emotional 00:08:38.230 --> 00:08:41.649 response that motivates us to correct attitudes, 00:08:42.029 --> 00:08:45.450 behaviors, or injustices that we perceive to 00:08:45.450 --> 00:08:48.879 be wrong. Listen to the apostle Paul. He says, 00:08:48.980 --> 00:08:52.179 in your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun 00:08:52.179 --> 00:08:54.779 go down on your anger and do not give the devil 00:08:54.779 --> 00:08:59.419 a foothold. It's a good translation. If you look 00:08:59.419 --> 00:09:02.019 at that in the original text, it's very interesting. 00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:04.620 First of all, it's an imperative. It's a command. 00:09:04.879 --> 00:09:07.159 And the word order goes something like this. 00:09:07.379 --> 00:09:11.200 Be angry. Command. In other words, you get angry. 00:09:12.340 --> 00:09:15.620 Don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your 00:09:15.620 --> 00:09:18.080 anger. Many of us have been taught that anytime 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:20.659 you're angry, you've done something wrong. The 00:09:20.659 --> 00:09:23.820 Bible commands you to be angry. I'll make the 00:09:23.820 --> 00:09:26.500 case that many of us are not nearly angry enough 00:09:26.500 --> 00:09:29.399 at all at the things that we ought to be angry 00:09:29.399 --> 00:09:32.799 about. When we get angry, amazing positive things 00:09:32.799 --> 00:09:35.980 happen. Many, many years ago, Therese and I were 00:09:35.980 --> 00:09:39.139 starting out. We had small kids. We had laundry, 00:09:39.200 --> 00:09:40.720 but we couldn't afford a washer and a dryer. 00:09:41.379 --> 00:09:43.809 And so I was at the laundromat. You know, you 00:09:43.809 --> 00:09:45.929 shove quarters in those things. It never gets 00:09:45.929 --> 00:09:48.549 dry. I think it's a satanic cult that makes these 00:09:48.549 --> 00:09:51.970 dryers someplace. And so, you know, I'm sitting 00:09:51.970 --> 00:09:53.549 there, and I said, you, honey, you go home. I'll 00:09:53.549 --> 00:09:55.269 do it. And so I'm sitting, you know, and you 00:09:55.269 --> 00:09:57.629 know how laundromats are sometimes, like very 00:09:57.629 --> 00:10:01.830 unattractive, dirty, linoleum floor. And so I'm 00:10:01.830 --> 00:10:03.909 there trying to get these things dried, and a 00:10:03.909 --> 00:10:05.669 lady comes in, and she's got about an 18 -month 00:10:05.669 --> 00:10:08.250 -old, and she looks pretty unkept, a little bit 00:10:08.250 --> 00:10:11.460 rough, and like in a bad mood. a series of events 00:10:11.460 --> 00:10:13.179 occurred and a little kid just went around to 00:10:13.179 --> 00:10:15.700 look at something and she went ballistic, went 00:10:15.700 --> 00:10:18.720 over, grabbed that kid's hand and literally slammed 00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:21.659 it into the dryer and then took him and then 00:10:21.659 --> 00:10:24.039 started screaming. And I got up, I was a pastor 00:10:24.039 --> 00:10:27.100 of this small church in Texas at the time, and 00:10:27.100 --> 00:10:30.500 I came this close to hitting a lady in the mouth 00:10:30.500 --> 00:10:34.000 and not feeling guilty at all. I mean, I got 00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:35.620 up, I got in her face, I said, man, let me tell 00:10:35.620 --> 00:10:37.519 you something. You touched that child again, 00:10:37.659 --> 00:10:42.070 so help me God. And I'm a pastor. I will knock 00:10:42.070 --> 00:10:45.370 your lights out. And, you know, I'm not sure 00:10:45.370 --> 00:10:46.730 that was the right thing to do, but it seemed 00:10:46.730 --> 00:10:50.789 like the right thing at the time. And, you know, 00:10:50.809 --> 00:10:52.070 and then, you know, what are you going to do? 00:10:52.649 --> 00:10:54.370 And, you know, sometimes things happen, they 00:10:54.370 --> 00:10:57.710 bother you. I couldn't get over this one. Couldn't 00:10:57.710 --> 00:11:01.009 sleep that night. Next day, I just, I couldn't 00:11:01.009 --> 00:11:02.970 get over it. I thought, and then it was, well, 00:11:02.970 --> 00:11:04.730 I need to do something. Where's that kid and 00:11:04.730 --> 00:11:07.169 what's going on? And then I just realized and 00:11:07.169 --> 00:11:09.029 did some research. And so I went down to the... 00:11:09.259 --> 00:11:11.460 I go to a government building, they send me here 00:11:11.460 --> 00:11:12.840 to send me here to send me here to send me here. 00:11:12.919 --> 00:11:14.500 So I end up in the child welfare department. 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:17.259 And I find out in our town, it's a really big 00:11:17.259 --> 00:11:19.600 problem. And they don't have enough foster parents. 00:11:20.039 --> 00:11:22.480 And we got all kind of kids that just because 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.220 of sort of where we were and how it was, really 00:11:25.220 --> 00:11:29.000 bad situation. And I said, well, what's anybody 00:11:29.000 --> 00:11:31.279 doing about it? Well, we have a committee. I 00:11:31.279 --> 00:11:33.820 mean, this is a town of 4 ,000. Things are not 00:11:33.820 --> 00:11:36.639 running real well. Can you just kind of picture 00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:39.480 what the committees are like? All right, Bob, 00:11:39.720 --> 00:11:42.779 let's bring this meeting to order. Okay, Ethel, 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:46.299 you know, and a lot of kids, you know. I mean, 00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:49.919 it was unbelievable. So I go to a meeting, and, 00:11:50.019 --> 00:11:52.159 you know, this is so classic. So I went to my 00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:54.799 first child welfare board meeting thinking, one, 00:11:54.980 --> 00:11:57.299 what's going on here? I find out the extent of 00:11:57.299 --> 00:12:00.059 the problem, and I left the chairman. That was 00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:02.419 weird. It was kind of like, well, what about 00:12:02.419 --> 00:12:03.639 this? What about this? What about that? Well, 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:05.759 you don't know. Are you interested? Yeah. So 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:09.159 literally, one by one, I purposefully found some 00:12:09.159 --> 00:12:12.000 committed Christians, and we filled that board 00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:16.519 because I got mad. I couldn't sleep at night 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:18.279 with the images of that little kid, and I wondered 00:12:18.279 --> 00:12:20.899 how many little kids are like that. And I got 00:12:20.899 --> 00:12:23.480 so angry, I couldn't sleep. And the stomach acid 00:12:23.480 --> 00:12:25.299 in my gut, and I thought, I got to do something. 00:12:25.379 --> 00:12:27.179 I got to do something. I don't know what. And 00:12:27.179 --> 00:12:32.289 what I can tell you is because I got angry, We 00:12:32.289 --> 00:12:33.889 ended up partnering with all the churches in 00:12:33.889 --> 00:12:35.950 that little community. And we took turns every 00:12:35.950 --> 00:12:38.389 Sunday talking about what size clothes we need, 00:12:38.529 --> 00:12:41.309 what families, how many kids. And each church 00:12:41.309 --> 00:12:43.649 took a turn. And then we began to take care of 00:12:43.649 --> 00:12:45.730 these kids. And then we raised some money, put 00:12:45.730 --> 00:12:49.250 some things together, and we built a home from 00:12:49.250 --> 00:12:51.490 the Child Welfare Board. And we put it right 00:12:51.490 --> 00:12:53.889 next to that government building. And we created 00:12:53.889 --> 00:12:57.409 a safe... place for those kids, because one guy 00:12:57.409 --> 00:13:01.110 saw a little kid slammed into a dryer and got 00:13:01.110 --> 00:13:06.169 mad. Anger's not a bad thing. You're listening 00:13:06.169 --> 00:13:08.529 to Living on the Edge, and Chip will be back 00:13:08.529 --> 00:13:11.429 in just a minute to finish today's talk. But 00:13:11.429 --> 00:13:13.309 quickly, I want to remind you that this program 00:13:13.309 --> 00:13:16.129 is only possible because of the generosity of 00:13:16.129 --> 00:13:18.750 listeners like you. So if you'd like to support 00:13:18.750 --> 00:13:23.210 us, go to livingontheedge .org. That's livingontheedge 00:13:23.210 --> 00:13:27.250 .org. Thanks for doing whatever God leads you 00:13:27.250 --> 00:13:30.090 to do. Let's rejoin Chip now for the remainder 00:13:30.090 --> 00:13:33.990 of his message. Jesus got angry at the money 00:13:33.990 --> 00:13:36.970 changers and he did something. Moses got angry 00:13:36.970 --> 00:13:39.250 when he saw the people sin and he did something. 00:13:39.570 --> 00:13:42.450 David got angry and he said, what in the world's 00:13:42.450 --> 00:13:45.990 going on? Who is that big uncircumcised giant 00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:48.870 talking about my God that way? And he got angry 00:13:48.870 --> 00:13:51.639 and he did something. I want to suggest to you, 00:13:51.720 --> 00:13:56.899 anger can be a very positive emotion. What makes 00:13:56.899 --> 00:14:00.480 you angry? When's the last time you got so ticked 00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:03.960 off about injustice or something wrong that you 00:14:03.960 --> 00:14:05.159 said, you know what, I'm going to do something 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:08.259 about it? See, but if you unconsciously believe 00:14:08.259 --> 00:14:12.379 that when you're angry, oh, that must be like 00:14:12.379 --> 00:14:16.320 sin, you will undermine the very emotion God 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:18.879 gave you for him to move you to do something 00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:21.669 significant. We were in Chicago at a pastor's 00:14:21.669 --> 00:14:24.169 conference and we were talking about overcoming 00:14:24.169 --> 00:14:26.330 emotions that destroy and talking about the book. 00:14:26.450 --> 00:14:28.429 And a guy called in, he goes, well, you know, 00:14:28.450 --> 00:14:30.289 I don't know what to do with my emotions. And 00:14:30.289 --> 00:14:33.190 basically he tells the story and he says, well, 00:14:33.250 --> 00:14:34.850 you know, my wife's having an affair and I found 00:14:34.850 --> 00:14:37.590 out about it and I'm angry. And his assumption 00:14:37.590 --> 00:14:41.250 was, that's a bad thing. And he said, I confronted 00:14:41.250 --> 00:14:44.230 her and she won't break off the relationship 00:14:44.230 --> 00:14:45.769 and I just don't know what to do. What do I do 00:14:45.769 --> 00:14:48.210 with these emotions? I'm really upset and I know 00:14:48.210 --> 00:14:50.690 they can't be pleasing God. I said, dude, you 00:14:50.690 --> 00:14:54.169 ought to be really angry. I mean, really mad. 00:14:54.289 --> 00:14:56.190 And you ought to set some clear boundaries and 00:14:56.190 --> 00:14:58.549 you ought to confront the situation. And since 00:14:58.549 --> 00:15:00.070 you both go to church and you both claim to be 00:15:00.070 --> 00:15:01.610 Christians, you need to get your church involved 00:15:01.610 --> 00:15:05.269 and your anger ought to have these kind of set 00:15:05.269 --> 00:15:07.809 of principles and rules to help her learn to 00:15:07.809 --> 00:15:12.570 repent. Doesn't mean you don't love her. But 00:15:12.570 --> 00:15:14.929 he was playing a game where she kept doing whatever, 00:15:15.129 --> 00:15:17.309 and, you know, I guess I'm the bad guy because 00:15:17.309 --> 00:15:19.710 I'm angry because my wife is unfaithful to me. 00:15:19.789 --> 00:15:23.730 Give me a break. That's not only bad theology. 00:15:24.549 --> 00:15:30.769 That's not helping her. However, anger is not 00:15:30.769 --> 00:15:35.309 only a positive emotion, but it can be, if unchecked, 00:15:35.309 --> 00:15:40.649 it can have amazing negative consequences and 00:15:40.649 --> 00:15:43.419 pitfalls. It can be an unhealthy and destructive 00:15:43.419 --> 00:15:46.639 emotional response to protect us from real or 00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:50.340 perceived hurt, frustration, or personal attack. 00:15:50.659 --> 00:15:53.120 You go through and you listen to the smartest 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:56.279 man who's ever lived, the wisest man who's ever 00:15:56.279 --> 00:15:59.240 lived, and he talks about the issue of anger. 00:15:59.720 --> 00:16:04.419 Proverbs 19 .19. A hot -tempered man must pay 00:16:04.419 --> 00:16:07.299 the penalty. If you rescue him, you will have 00:16:07.299 --> 00:16:09.980 to do it again. When people learn to deal with 00:16:09.980 --> 00:16:12.460 their anger in unhealthy ways, it becomes a pattern. 00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:16.539 It becomes ingrained. Notice what he says in 00:16:16.539 --> 00:16:19.700 Proverbs 22, 24. Do not make friends with a hot 00:16:19.700 --> 00:16:23.399 -tempered man. Do not associate with one easily 00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:25.840 angered. Not only does it become a pattern in 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:27.940 their life, but you catch it. It's contagious. 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:33.039 My dad had a very big anger problem. I will tell 00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:36.620 you what, kids learn how to deal with their anger 00:16:36.620 --> 00:16:39.279 by watching their moms, their dads, their coaches, 00:16:39.340 --> 00:16:43.039 and significant others. Third, notice Proverbs 00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:46.960 29, 22, an angry man stirs up dissension and 00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:54.080 a hot -tempered one commits many sins. Anger 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:58.200 splits apart great relationships, great marriages, 00:16:58.500 --> 00:17:02.059 great friendships, great churches, great ministries, 00:17:02.059 --> 00:17:05.579 and great workplaces. Angry people stir up dissension. 00:17:06.900 --> 00:17:11.740 And then notice the last line. A hot -tempered 00:17:11.740 --> 00:17:15.940 one commits many sin. When I'm angry, out of 00:17:15.940 --> 00:17:18.599 control when you're angry, out of control. And 00:17:18.599 --> 00:17:20.519 when I say out of control, I don't mean you're 00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:22.839 necessarily spewing it out. You may be pushing 00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:25.980 it all down. Some of the angriest people in the 00:17:25.980 --> 00:17:29.180 world, you can't see. It's like an iceberg. 90 00:17:29.180 --> 00:17:32.460 % of it is under the water. It's during those 00:17:32.460 --> 00:17:35.619 times we do some of the most foolish, foolish 00:17:35.619 --> 00:17:39.920 things that cause some of the direst consequences 00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:43.119 in our entire life. I put a list of questions 00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:45.799 to consider. Okay, just kind of lean back and 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:48.119 listen on this one. Have you ever done something 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:51.059 you wished you hadn't when you're angry? Anybody? 00:17:52.519 --> 00:17:54.900 Yeah. Have you ever said something you wish you 00:17:54.900 --> 00:17:57.660 could take back when you're angry? Ooh, yeah, 00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:00.059 yeah. Have you ever made a bad decision when 00:18:00.059 --> 00:18:02.740 you're angry? A decision that you look back and 00:18:02.740 --> 00:18:06.400 you say, potentially, I mean, just potentially, 00:18:06.440 --> 00:18:08.500 that is the dumbest thing I've ever, ever done. 00:18:09.460 --> 00:18:11.920 But in anger, you know, it's like, hey. You can 00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:20.240 take this job and shove it. I don't care. Then 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:21.819 you go home, tell your wife or your husband, 00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:25.220 what happened? I quit my job today. I'm not getting 00:18:25.220 --> 00:18:27.259 treated like that anymore. Great. So how are 00:18:27.259 --> 00:18:30.079 we going to pay bills? I don't know. So you got 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:32.880 another job? No, I don't have another job. What 00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:35.579 were you thinking? Well, I just got tired of 00:18:35.579 --> 00:18:40.480 the way he's treating me. Okay. See, we do really 00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:44.589 silly. really unwise, say painful, hurtful things? 00:18:46.130 --> 00:18:48.269 Have you ever ruined a friendship, a marriage, 00:18:48.329 --> 00:18:50.329 a family relationship, or a ministry relationship 00:18:50.329 --> 00:18:54.230 because of anger? Have you ever seen a person 00:18:54.230 --> 00:18:56.430 hurt because of someone's anger physically, emotionally, 00:18:56.710 --> 00:18:59.349 or psychologically? My point I'm trying to make 00:18:59.349 --> 00:19:02.369 is without exception, we all struggle with angry 00:19:02.369 --> 00:19:05.450 feelings at times, and those angry feelings have 00:19:05.450 --> 00:19:08.750 done more than their share of damage in our relationships 00:19:08.750 --> 00:19:13.640 with other people. And if you're like me, you 00:19:13.640 --> 00:19:16.759 nodded that you have done some really stupid, 00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:19.980 foolish, painful things when you're angry, here's 00:19:19.980 --> 00:19:21.799 what I wanna tell you. Tonight, we just wanna 00:19:21.799 --> 00:19:25.119 get on the same page and there's hope. Let me 00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:26.579 give you a little overview of where we're gonna 00:19:26.579 --> 00:19:28.500 go and what we're gonna do and there is hope 00:19:28.500 --> 00:19:31.380 to deal. We're gonna help you understand your 00:19:31.380 --> 00:19:33.980 anger from God's perspective. We're gonna help 00:19:33.980 --> 00:19:38.640 you discover how you tend to express your anger. 00:19:38.839 --> 00:19:40.640 We're gonna help you know when it's healthy. 00:19:41.150 --> 00:19:43.529 when it's unhealthy. We're gonna help you discover 00:19:43.529 --> 00:19:46.609 what is God's purpose for anger, the positive 00:19:46.609 --> 00:19:48.650 and how to deal with the negative. We're gonna 00:19:48.650 --> 00:19:51.529 learn some very specific techniques to learn 00:19:51.529 --> 00:19:54.329 to share your anger in a healthy way that gets 00:19:54.329 --> 00:19:56.990 the issue on the table without attacking the 00:19:56.990 --> 00:19:59.809 person. For some of you, you're gonna realize 00:19:59.809 --> 00:20:03.150 you've been angry a long, long time and the depression 00:20:03.150 --> 00:20:05.730 that you've experienced for maybe months or years 00:20:05.730 --> 00:20:09.569 is really an anger issue. For some of you, like 00:20:09.569 --> 00:20:12.690 I just talked to a guy recently, he's exploded 00:20:12.690 --> 00:20:15.890 in remorse, exploded in remorse. He could never 00:20:15.890 --> 00:20:19.509 figure out what was going on and why. And so 00:20:19.509 --> 00:20:21.329 what happened is he's got all these relationships 00:20:21.329 --> 00:20:24.230 where people keep their distance. Because what 00:20:24.230 --> 00:20:26.309 anger does, it works. When you explode and spew 00:20:26.309 --> 00:20:28.789 on people, you're not a safe person to be around. 00:20:29.609 --> 00:20:31.730 And you can come back in tears and tell them 00:20:31.730 --> 00:20:33.910 how sorry you are. And they keep giving you another 00:20:33.910 --> 00:20:37.859 chance and another chance. I've met elders in 00:20:37.859 --> 00:20:39.920 churches. I've met people that everyone looks 00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:42.759 up to with such esteem, and they're godly here, 00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:45.579 godly here, godly here, godly here, godly here, 00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:48.099 and they've got this little window of unresolved 00:20:48.099 --> 00:20:52.200 anger, and it's a besetting sin, and they don't 00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:54.460 understand why, and they don't understand how 00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:59.059 to change. I will tell you, we're going to walk 00:20:59.059 --> 00:21:01.539 through a journey together where the truth will 00:21:01.539 --> 00:21:04.039 set you free if you're willing to be really open. 00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:11.599 and really hear God's voice. This is Living on 00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:14.440 the Edge with Chip Ingram. And you've been listening 00:21:14.440 --> 00:21:17.119 to part one of Chip's message, Rage, Understanding 00:21:17.119 --> 00:21:20.180 the Monster Within, from our series, Overcoming 00:21:20.180 --> 00:21:23.220 Emotions That Destroy. Chip will be back shortly 00:21:23.220 --> 00:21:25.660 to share some helpful application for us to think 00:21:25.660 --> 00:21:28.539 about. Have you ever been told you have an anger 00:21:28.539 --> 00:21:31.690 problem? Has your temper damaged or ruined a 00:21:31.690 --> 00:21:34.190 meaningful relationship? Are the frustrations 00:21:34.190 --> 00:21:37.289 of daily life weighing you down? Well, let's 00:21:37.289 --> 00:21:39.910 be honest. Everyone struggles to control this 00:21:39.910 --> 00:21:42.890 powerful emotion at times. In this series, Chip 00:21:42.890 --> 00:21:46.170 reveals the common ways anger manifests and shares 00:21:46.170 --> 00:21:49.470 practical, biblical solutions to rein it in before 00:21:49.470 --> 00:21:52.250 it destroys you and your most treasured relationships. 00:21:52.769 --> 00:21:56.309 Don't miss How to Be, as Jesus said, angry without 00:21:56.309 --> 00:21:59.519 sinning. Chip's back in studio with me now. And 00:21:59.519 --> 00:22:01.900 Chip, you're just diving into this teaching focused 00:22:01.900 --> 00:22:05.380 on anger and how destructive it can be. Take 00:22:05.380 --> 00:22:06.940 a minute, if you wouldn't, share why you think 00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:08.980 this is such an important topic and what our 00:22:08.980 --> 00:22:11.960 listeners can learn from this series. Well, Dave, 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:14.619 I actually taught this series a number of years 00:22:14.619 --> 00:22:18.259 ago, and later it became a book. And it's been 00:22:18.259 --> 00:22:20.559 greatly used with people that are going through 00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:23.609 very, very challenging times. And the reason 00:22:23.609 --> 00:22:26.329 I wanted to re -air this right now, Dave, is 00:22:26.329 --> 00:22:30.009 anger is at an all -time high. And whether that's 00:22:30.009 --> 00:22:33.089 that deep burning resentment or whether it's 00:22:33.089 --> 00:22:36.349 what you see people posting or the anger inside 00:22:36.349 --> 00:22:40.049 of families or in churches or workplaces, I mean, 00:22:40.069 --> 00:22:43.930 we live in a world that is so polarized and anger 00:22:43.930 --> 00:22:47.049 is one of the most destructive emotions. But 00:22:47.049 --> 00:22:49.869 it doesn't have to be that way. By the way, what 00:22:49.869 --> 00:22:51.569 people are going to learn in this series is that 00:22:51.569 --> 00:22:54.509 we all have anger issues. Dave, we tend to think 00:22:54.509 --> 00:22:57.170 it's those people that blow up. They really have 00:22:57.170 --> 00:22:59.569 anger issues. People are going to learn that 00:22:59.569 --> 00:23:02.690 some of us stuff our anger. Others, we leak our 00:23:02.690 --> 00:23:05.450 anger. And that we can actually learn that anger 00:23:05.450 --> 00:23:07.549 is like the sort of the light on the dashboard 00:23:07.549 --> 00:23:10.769 of your car. When you find yourself feeling and 00:23:10.769 --> 00:23:13.670 getting angry, God actually wants you to say, 00:23:13.730 --> 00:23:16.210 oh, there's something underneath the hood that 00:23:16.210 --> 00:23:18.720 I need to address. And then I can tell you that 00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:21.539 anger can become your best friend. We're going 00:23:21.539 --> 00:23:24.279 to learn how to resolve anger. We're going to 00:23:24.279 --> 00:23:26.880 learn how to take some of those explosive times 00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:28.859 or those things that are happening inside that 00:23:28.859 --> 00:23:31.920 make people depressed and flip them around and 00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:35.240 learn to deal with anger God's way. I don't know 00:23:35.240 --> 00:23:38.220 if there's a time in my entire adult life where 00:23:38.220 --> 00:23:40.480 I see people need to learn to deal with these 00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:43.500 emotions that can destroy like right now. So 00:23:43.500 --> 00:23:45.500 I cannot wait to share this with our listeners. 00:23:46.039 --> 00:23:48.180 Thanks, Chip. Well, I hope you'll join us for 00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:50.579 every part of this series. And to help you get 00:23:50.579 --> 00:23:53.180 the absolute most out of Chip's teaching, let 00:23:53.180 --> 00:23:55.880 me encourage you to get his message notes. They 00:23:55.880 --> 00:23:58.220 include his outline, the verses he references, 00:23:58.279 --> 00:24:00.900 and some key fill -ins to help you remember what 00:24:00.900 --> 00:24:03.619 you hear. Download them under the Broadcasts 00:24:03.619 --> 00:24:07.279 tab at livingontheedge .org. App listeners, tap 00:24:07.279 --> 00:24:10.359 Fill in Notes. Well, with that, here's Chip to 00:24:10.359 --> 00:24:12.500 share a few final thoughts for us to think about. 00:24:13.099 --> 00:24:16.599 As we close today's program, I finished it asking 00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:19.119 a number of diagnostic questions pretty rapidly. 00:24:19.339 --> 00:24:22.779 And this whole series really unearthed some issues 00:24:22.779 --> 00:24:24.900 that a lot of us think, well, I don't have any 00:24:24.900 --> 00:24:28.359 anger issues. But let me review, okay? Just kind 00:24:28.359 --> 00:24:31.099 of lean back a little bit. Have you ever done 00:24:31.099 --> 00:24:34.140 something when you were angry that you wished 00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:37.349 you hadn't done? I mean, that kind of gets most 00:24:37.349 --> 00:24:39.269 all of us, doesn't it? Or let me ask you this. 00:24:39.349 --> 00:24:41.509 Have you ever made a bad decision when you're 00:24:41.509 --> 00:24:44.309 angry? Or have you ever seen a friendship or 00:24:44.309 --> 00:24:47.410 a marriage, a family relationship, or maybe something 00:24:47.410 --> 00:24:50.329 in ministry literally fall apart? because of 00:24:50.329 --> 00:24:52.230 anger. And sometimes it doesn't mean you blew 00:24:52.230 --> 00:24:55.869 up. Sometimes you got angry and you stuffed something 00:24:55.869 --> 00:24:58.470 inside and you didn't call it anger, but you 00:24:58.470 --> 00:25:00.049 just knew, I don't want to be around them anymore. 00:25:00.230 --> 00:25:03.490 And you pulled away or they pulled away. Here's 00:25:03.490 --> 00:25:05.230 what I've got to tell you. If we're going to 00:25:05.230 --> 00:25:08.069 make some real progress here, go to livingontheedge 00:25:08.069 --> 00:25:11.390 .org and just go to where the message notes are. 00:25:11.549 --> 00:25:13.970 This is the first part of Overcoming Emotions 00:25:13.970 --> 00:25:16.829 That Destroy. Read those questions over. And 00:25:16.829 --> 00:25:19.789 maybe with a friend or with a mate, just, Read 00:25:19.789 --> 00:25:21.869 them over out loud over a cup of coffee in the 00:25:21.869 --> 00:25:23.730 next couple of days and say, so what do you think? 00:25:23.829 --> 00:25:26.150 You think there's any anger issues in our lives? 00:25:26.269 --> 00:25:28.809 And I will tell you, I think God will begin to 00:25:28.809 --> 00:25:31.069 reveal some things that will really help you. 00:25:31.529 --> 00:25:34.170 As we close, I want to thank each of you who 00:25:34.170 --> 00:25:36.589 makes this program possible through your generous 00:25:36.589 --> 00:25:40.210 giving. 100 % of your gifts go directly to the 00:25:40.210 --> 00:25:42.849 ministry to help Christians live like Christians. 00:25:43.509 --> 00:25:45.609 Now, if you found this teaching helpful but aren't 00:25:45.609 --> 00:25:48.660 yet on the team, consider doing that today. Sending 00:25:48.660 --> 00:25:52.460 a gift is easy. Go to livingontheedge .org or 00:25:52.460 --> 00:26:00.000 call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 -6003 00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.559 or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners 00:26:04.559 --> 00:26:07.660 tap donate. And let me thank you in advance for 00:26:07.660 --> 00:26:10.500 doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. Well, 00:26:10.519 --> 00:26:12.720 join us next time as Chip continues his series, 00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:15.920 Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. Until then, 00:26:16.059 --> 00:26:18.119 I'm Dave Drewy, thanking you for listening to 00:26:18.119 --> 00:26:20.339 this edition of Living on the Edge.