What can turn a normal, rational, ordinarily
nice person into an out -of -control monster
destroying relationships, screaming at children,
spewing threats, and alienating lifelong friends?
Today, we'll discover the source of that devastating
power and how to control it. Stay with me. Welcome
to this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip
Ingram. The mission of this daily program is
to intentionally disciple Christians through
the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Thanks for joining us as we begin our series,
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. In the coming
programs, Chip will explore the powerful emotion
of anger, identifying the factors that trigger
it, and how we should respond when those feelings
bubble to the surface. So if you're ready, grab
your Bible and go to James chapter 1 as Chip
kicks off this series with his message, Rage,
Understanding the Monster Within. What has the
power to transform the tender heart of a loving
mother into a beast of fury as I watched her
sling her 18 -month -old baby into the front
of a dryer and slam the little one down in a
chair? What has the power to turn loving parents
into neck bulging, vein popping, screaming adults
who say the same thing over and over into the
blank stares of their elementary and teenage
kids? What has the power to turn good friends
and passionate lovers into cold, calculated,
critical marriage co -existors who only do what's
absolutely necessary to live under the same roof?
What has the power to turn a festive holiday
family gathering into a gut -twisting, name -calling,
take -sides, no -holes -barred family feud that
never gets resolved? And finally, what has the
power to take a cool, calm, collected, long -time,
conscientious worker into a gun -carrying, floor
-by -floor -by -floor, bullet -spraying murderer?
that no one ever dreamed was even upset as he
expressed the bottled up anger of losing his
job. What has that kind of power that turned
normal human beings, who on most days are good
people to be around, into people that shut down,
into people that leak anger, into people that
explode it? And I would suggest that the first
word you want to write down in your notes, the
answer is our emotions. Our emotions. Designed
as a gift from God, there are times, places,
and circumstances that bring out emotions that
destroy. In fact, it was during a very difficult
time, first book of the New Testament, Jesus'
half -brother would address people who were going
through tremendous pressure. Difficulty. They
were dispersed abroad. They believed in the Messiah.
As a result, many of them lost their homes. They
were cut out of the family business. They were
persecuted. And so James would say, after considering
it all joy, in chapter one, verse 19, my dear
brothers, take note of this. Everyone should
be quick to listen, slow to speak. and slow to
become angry. And then he gives us the purpose
clause. Why? For the anger of man does not bring
about the righteous life that God desires. That
single verse launched a series in my life called
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. The anger of
man, when I'm frustrated, when I'm wounded, when
there's an unmet need, when someone ticks me
off, when someone cuts in front of me in traffic,
when I don't have enough money, when God doesn't
come through, when my expectations aren't fulfilled,
emotions begin to bottle up and we get angry.
And we express it in very, very different ways
that we'll look at. And the great majority of
people don't even know they're angry. And we're
going to talk about... anger and how to deal
with it. We're going to talk about the shame
and the guilt and the other emotions, that those
angry feelings that every human being has that
are normal, but they ruin relationships if you
don't identify what they are, how to deal with
them, and then how to turn that in a way where
God can work in your heart instead of us spewing
or stuffing or leaking out our anger in ways
that destroy our relationship with God and others.
Under pressure, we are all prone to blow a fuse
or burn the house down. This was written to people
under pressure. Some people are prone under pressure,
financial pressure, relational pressure, screaming
kids, you know, you've just done the floor and
now the dog goes over the floor. You just did
the laundry and now there's seven more piles.
You just gave your best shot at work and you
get laid off when someone who hasn't been there
very long gets to stay. You just give a big gift
by faith, and then you find out that 40 % of
your net income goes down the drain in about
three or four months, and you get angry. And
some people blow up, and some people, it's just
like have a short in the wiring. And you know
what? When there's a short in the wiring, you
can't even tell anything's wrong. It's just,
you know, you go out to dinner one night, and
you come back, and your house is in ashes. And
that's what anger does. Have you ever been angry
when you were unfairly treated or someone blamed
you or you were ignored or misunderstood or felt
insignificant or someone made fun of you or you
were given advice? You ever done something, someone
walks up and just tells you, this is how you
ought to do that, and you have this emotion inside
going, you know? You didn't feel safe? You were
given ultimatums? I love the little list because...
When we put this together, there's a lady who's
a psychologist that wrote a couple books for
InterVarsity, and she listed common reasons why
all of us feel angry. Let me just zoom through
them, and just laugh with me in your mind, because
we don't think we have anger as an issue. These
are normal things I thought were pretty good.
She writes, someone cut you off in line. Someone
misunderstood what you said. Someone ignored
your feelings. You have a breakup in a relationship.
You feel trapped, smothered, and controlled.
You feel like a failure. Someone broke your trust.
You were abused by someone. Someone lied to you.
You had to wait in a very long checkout line
at the store. Your kids are not obeying you.
The waitress is very slow and brought the wrong
food. You stubbed your toe. You find it's too
late that you're out of toilet paper. That could
be bad. The line to the public restroom is very,
very long. Your spouse forgot to call, and they
were very late. The clothes you wanted to wear
are still at the laundry in the hamper, and it's
not washed yet. Your spouse has been unfaithful.
You ran out of time and weren't able to get things
done you needed to. You drove all the way across
town to find the store. But it was closed. The
kids continually and relentlessly demand your
time. You forgot to do something you were supposed
to do. You don't have time for yourself. Someone
said something harsh or insensitive. A stock
clerk was rude. You were in a hurry and you hit
all the red lights. Your boss doesn't appreciate
you. Someone tracked dirt into a freshly cleaned
house. The driver in front of you is going very,
very, very slow. Someone close to you died. Does
not all those things happen to every single person
in this room? My point is, anger is not a good
emotion or a bad emotion. Let's get God's perspective.
What exactly is anger? Define it. Anger is neither
good nor bad. It is a charged, morally neutral,
emotional response of protective preservation.
When you're angry, It's a not good or bad, it
is a God -given, emotionally charged response
designed to protect someone or something. Let
me give you a couple examples of how anger can
be very, very positive. It can be a healthy emotional
response that motivates us to correct attitudes,
behaviors, or injustices that we perceive to
be wrong. Listen to the apostle Paul. He says,
in your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun
go down on your anger and do not give the devil
a foothold. It's a good translation. If you look
at that in the original text, it's very interesting.
First of all, it's an imperative. It's a command.
And the word order goes something like this.
Be angry. Command. In other words, you get angry.
Don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your
anger. Many of us have been taught that anytime
you're angry, you've done something wrong. The
Bible commands you to be angry. I'll make the
case that many of us are not nearly angry enough
at all at the things that we ought to be angry
about. When we get angry, amazing positive things
happen. Many, many years ago, Therese and I were
starting out. We had small kids. We had laundry,
but we couldn't afford a washer and a dryer.
And so I was at the laundromat. You know, you
shove quarters in those things. It never gets
dry. I think it's a satanic cult that makes these
dryers someplace. And so, you know, I'm sitting
there, and I said, you, honey, you go home. I'll
do it. And so I'm sitting, you know, and you
know how laundromats are sometimes, like very
unattractive, dirty, linoleum floor. And so I'm
there trying to get these things dried, and a
lady comes in, and she's got about an 18 -month
-old, and she looks pretty unkept, a little bit
rough, and like in a bad mood. a series of events
occurred and a little kid just went around to
look at something and she went ballistic, went
over, grabbed that kid's hand and literally slammed
it into the dryer and then took him and then
started screaming. And I got up, I was a pastor
of this small church in Texas at the time, and
I came this close to hitting a lady in the mouth
and not feeling guilty at all. I mean, I got
up, I got in her face, I said, man, let me tell
you something. You touched that child again,
so help me God. And I'm a pastor. I will knock
your lights out. And, you know, I'm not sure
that was the right thing to do, but it seemed
like the right thing at the time. And, you know,
and then, you know, what are you going to do?
And, you know, sometimes things happen, they
bother you. I couldn't get over this one. Couldn't
sleep that night. Next day, I just, I couldn't
get over it. I thought, and then it was, well,
I need to do something. Where's that kid and
what's going on? And then I just realized and
did some research. And so I went down to the...
I go to a government building, they send me here
to send me here to send me here to send me here.
So I end up in the child welfare department.
And I find out in our town, it's a really big
problem. And they don't have enough foster parents.
And we got all kind of kids that just because
of sort of where we were and how it was, really
bad situation. And I said, well, what's anybody
doing about it? Well, we have a committee. I
mean, this is a town of 4 ,000. Things are not
running real well. Can you just kind of picture
what the committees are like? All right, Bob,
let's bring this meeting to order. Okay, Ethel,
you know, and a lot of kids, you know. I mean,
it was unbelievable. So I go to a meeting, and,
you know, this is so classic. So I went to my
first child welfare board meeting thinking, one,
what's going on here? I find out the extent of
the problem, and I left the chairman. That was
weird. It was kind of like, well, what about
this? What about this? What about that? Well,
you don't know. Are you interested? Yeah. So
literally, one by one, I purposefully found some
committed Christians, and we filled that board
because I got mad. I couldn't sleep at night
with the images of that little kid, and I wondered
how many little kids are like that. And I got
so angry, I couldn't sleep. And the stomach acid
in my gut, and I thought, I got to do something.
I got to do something. I don't know what. And
what I can tell you is because I got angry, We
ended up partnering with all the churches in
that little community. And we took turns every
Sunday talking about what size clothes we need,
what families, how many kids. And each church
took a turn. And then we began to take care of
these kids. And then we raised some money, put
some things together, and we built a home from
the Child Welfare Board. And we put it right
next to that government building. And we created
a safe... place for those kids, because one guy
saw a little kid slammed into a dryer and got
mad. Anger's not a bad thing. You're listening
to Living on the Edge, and Chip will be back
in just a minute to finish today's talk. But
quickly, I want to remind you that this program
is only possible because of the generosity of
listeners like you. So if you'd like to support
us, go to livingontheedge .org. That's livingontheedge
.org. Thanks for doing whatever God leads you
to do. Let's rejoin Chip now for the remainder
of his message. Jesus got angry at the money
changers and he did something. Moses got angry
when he saw the people sin and he did something.
David got angry and he said, what in the world's
going on? Who is that big uncircumcised giant
talking about my God that way? And he got angry
and he did something. I want to suggest to you,
anger can be a very positive emotion. What makes
you angry? When's the last time you got so ticked
off about injustice or something wrong that you
said, you know what, I'm going to do something
about it? See, but if you unconsciously believe
that when you're angry, oh, that must be like
sin, you will undermine the very emotion God
gave you for him to move you to do something
significant. We were in Chicago at a pastor's
conference and we were talking about overcoming
emotions that destroy and talking about the book.
And a guy called in, he goes, well, you know,
I don't know what to do with my emotions. And
basically he tells the story and he says, well,
you know, my wife's having an affair and I found
out about it and I'm angry. And his assumption
was, that's a bad thing. And he said, I confronted
her and she won't break off the relationship
and I just don't know what to do. What do I do
with these emotions? I'm really upset and I know
they can't be pleasing God. I said, dude, you
ought to be really angry. I mean, really mad.
And you ought to set some clear boundaries and
you ought to confront the situation. And since
you both go to church and you both claim to be
Christians, you need to get your church involved
and your anger ought to have these kind of set
of principles and rules to help her learn to
repent. Doesn't mean you don't love her. But
he was playing a game where she kept doing whatever,
and, you know, I guess I'm the bad guy because
I'm angry because my wife is unfaithful to me.
Give me a break. That's not only bad theology.
That's not helping her. However, anger is not
only a positive emotion, but it can be, if unchecked,
it can have amazing negative consequences and
pitfalls. It can be an unhealthy and destructive
emotional response to protect us from real or
perceived hurt, frustration, or personal attack.
You go through and you listen to the smartest
man who's ever lived, the wisest man who's ever
lived, and he talks about the issue of anger.
Proverbs 19 .19. A hot -tempered man must pay
the penalty. If you rescue him, you will have
to do it again. When people learn to deal with
their anger in unhealthy ways, it becomes a pattern.
It becomes ingrained. Notice what he says in
Proverbs 22, 24. Do not make friends with a hot
-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily
angered. Not only does it become a pattern in
their life, but you catch it. It's contagious.
My dad had a very big anger problem. I will tell
you what, kids learn how to deal with their anger
by watching their moms, their dads, their coaches,
and significant others. Third, notice Proverbs
29, 22, an angry man stirs up dissension and
a hot -tempered one commits many sins. Anger
splits apart great relationships, great marriages,
great friendships, great churches, great ministries,
and great workplaces. Angry people stir up dissension.
And then notice the last line. A hot -tempered
one commits many sin. When I'm angry, out of
control when you're angry, out of control. And
when I say out of control, I don't mean you're
necessarily spewing it out. You may be pushing
it all down. Some of the angriest people in the
world, you can't see. It's like an iceberg. 90
% of it is under the water. It's during those
times we do some of the most foolish, foolish
things that cause some of the direst consequences
in our entire life. I put a list of questions
to consider. Okay, just kind of lean back and
listen on this one. Have you ever done something
you wished you hadn't when you're angry? Anybody?
Yeah. Have you ever said something you wish you
could take back when you're angry? Ooh, yeah,
yeah. Have you ever made a bad decision when
you're angry? A decision that you look back and
you say, potentially, I mean, just potentially,
that is the dumbest thing I've ever, ever done.
But in anger, you know, it's like, hey. You can
take this job and shove it. I don't care. Then
you go home, tell your wife or your husband,
what happened? I quit my job today. I'm not getting
treated like that anymore. Great. So how are
we going to pay bills? I don't know. So you got
another job? No, I don't have another job. What
were you thinking? Well, I just got tired of
the way he's treating me. Okay. See, we do really
silly. really unwise, say painful, hurtful things?
Have you ever ruined a friendship, a marriage,
a family relationship, or a ministry relationship
because of anger? Have you ever seen a person
hurt because of someone's anger physically, emotionally,
or psychologically? My point I'm trying to make
is without exception, we all struggle with angry
feelings at times, and those angry feelings have
done more than their share of damage in our relationships
with other people. And if you're like me, you
nodded that you have done some really stupid,
foolish, painful things when you're angry, here's
what I wanna tell you. Tonight, we just wanna
get on the same page and there's hope. Let me
give you a little overview of where we're gonna
go and what we're gonna do and there is hope
to deal. We're gonna help you understand your
anger from God's perspective. We're gonna help
you discover how you tend to express your anger.
We're gonna help you know when it's healthy.
when it's unhealthy. We're gonna help you discover
what is God's purpose for anger, the positive
and how to deal with the negative. We're gonna
learn some very specific techniques to learn
to share your anger in a healthy way that gets
the issue on the table without attacking the
person. For some of you, you're gonna realize
you've been angry a long, long time and the depression
that you've experienced for maybe months or years
is really an anger issue. For some of you, like
I just talked to a guy recently, he's exploded
in remorse, exploded in remorse. He could never
figure out what was going on and why. And so
what happened is he's got all these relationships
where people keep their distance. Because what
anger does, it works. When you explode and spew
on people, you're not a safe person to be around.
And you can come back in tears and tell them
how sorry you are. And they keep giving you another
chance and another chance. I've met elders in
churches. I've met people that everyone looks
up to with such esteem, and they're godly here,
godly here, godly here, godly here, godly here,
and they've got this little window of unresolved
anger, and it's a besetting sin, and they don't
understand why, and they don't understand how
to change. I will tell you, we're going to walk
through a journey together where the truth will
set you free if you're willing to be really open.
and really hear God's voice. This is Living on
the Edge with Chip Ingram. And you've been listening
to part one of Chip's message, Rage, Understanding
the Monster Within, from our series, Overcoming
Emotions That Destroy. Chip will be back shortly
to share some helpful application for us to think
about. Have you ever been told you have an anger
problem? Has your temper damaged or ruined a
meaningful relationship? Are the frustrations
of daily life weighing you down? Well, let's
be honest. Everyone struggles to control this
powerful emotion at times. In this series, Chip
reveals the common ways anger manifests and shares
practical, biblical solutions to rein it in before
it destroys you and your most treasured relationships.
Don't miss How to Be, as Jesus said, angry without
sinning. Chip's back in studio with me now. And
Chip, you're just diving into this teaching focused
on anger and how destructive it can be. Take
a minute, if you wouldn't, share why you think
this is such an important topic and what our
listeners can learn from this series. Well, Dave,
I actually taught this series a number of years
ago, and later it became a book. And it's been
greatly used with people that are going through
very, very challenging times. And the reason
I wanted to re -air this right now, Dave, is
anger is at an all -time high. And whether that's
that deep burning resentment or whether it's
what you see people posting or the anger inside
of families or in churches or workplaces, I mean,
we live in a world that is so polarized and anger
is one of the most destructive emotions. But
it doesn't have to be that way. By the way, what
people are going to learn in this series is that
we all have anger issues. Dave, we tend to think
it's those people that blow up. They really have
anger issues. People are going to learn that
some of us stuff our anger. Others, we leak our
anger. And that we can actually learn that anger
is like the sort of the light on the dashboard
of your car. When you find yourself feeling and
getting angry, God actually wants you to say,
oh, there's something underneath the hood that
I need to address. And then I can tell you that
anger can become your best friend. We're going
to learn how to resolve anger. We're going to
learn how to take some of those explosive times
or those things that are happening inside that
make people depressed and flip them around and
learn to deal with anger God's way. I don't know
if there's a time in my entire adult life where
I see people need to learn to deal with these
emotions that can destroy like right now. So
I cannot wait to share this with our listeners.
Thanks, Chip. Well, I hope you'll join us for
every part of this series. And to help you get
the absolute most out of Chip's teaching, let
me encourage you to get his message notes. They
include his outline, the verses he references,
and some key fill -ins to help you remember what
you hear. Download them under the Broadcasts
tab at livingontheedge .org. App listeners, tap
Fill in Notes. Well, with that, here's Chip to
share a few final thoughts for us to think about.
As we close today's program, I finished it asking
a number of diagnostic questions pretty rapidly.
And this whole series really unearthed some issues
that a lot of us think, well, I don't have any
anger issues. But let me review, okay? Just kind
of lean back a little bit. Have you ever done
something when you were angry that you wished
you hadn't done? I mean, that kind of gets most
all of us, doesn't it? Or let me ask you this.
Have you ever made a bad decision when you're
angry? Or have you ever seen a friendship or
a marriage, a family relationship, or maybe something
in ministry literally fall apart? because of
anger. And sometimes it doesn't mean you blew
up. Sometimes you got angry and you stuffed something
inside and you didn't call it anger, but you
just knew, I don't want to be around them anymore.
And you pulled away or they pulled away. Here's
what I've got to tell you. If we're going to
make some real progress here, go to livingontheedge
.org and just go to where the message notes are.
This is the first part of Overcoming Emotions
That Destroy. Read those questions over. And
maybe with a friend or with a mate, just, Read
them over out loud over a cup of coffee in the
next couple of days and say, so what do you think?
You think there's any anger issues in our lives?
And I will tell you, I think God will begin to
reveal some things that will really help you.
As we close, I want to thank each of you who
makes this program possible through your generous
giving. 100 % of your gifts go directly to the
ministry to help Christians live like Christians.
Now, if you found this teaching helpful but aren't
yet on the team, consider doing that today. Sending
a gift is easy. Go to livingontheedge .org or
call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 -6003
or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners
tap donate. And let me thank you in advance for
doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. Well,
join us next time as Chip continues his series,
Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. Until then,
I'm Dave Drewy, thanking you for listening to
this edition of Living on the Edge.